#(You're doing such a fantabulous job today!!)

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: eating disorder

idk if this is the right place to ask, but do you have any advice or resources for trying not to be self loathing or convincing yourself that it's okay to eat? I don't think i have an eating disorder by diagnosable standards, but I often have issues with eating and body image. and I know I shouldnt hate myself for not looking how I want and I would never ever judge anyone else on their appearance, it's just one of those stupid internalized things where it's perfectly fine for everyone else *but* you. and no matter how much I logically know my brain is being stupid and I need to eat to live and it's okay to not have a "perfect" body, I still cant help how I feel, and I hate that I hate myself and punish myself for something so arbitrary and superficial.. I try to push it away but it's been getting harder again lately and I don't know how to make it better and I hate feeling this way. I want to love myself but even body neutrality is hard right now.. thank you for reading and any help offered

Ahoy there Anon,

I'm so sorry that you've been going through eating issues- it's such a painful thing to struggle with not liking your body, and not feeling like it deserves to be nourished. Even though you don't have a diagnosis, your thoughts and feelings about yourself and eating are completely valid- not having a diagnosis (or feeling like you won’t meet the criteria for one)!will never make what you're going through any less real, or any less valid!

I feel a lot of the same things, especially as I'm working through recovery. I promise, you're not alone in feeling this way- even if the thoughts are terrifying, and loud, and always seem to focus only on you. You’re working so hard to fight them, and I’m so proud of you.

Something I like to do when the self-loathing voice is loud (other than distractions, which I love both using and recommending!) is finding what’s causing it. When I feel myself starting to spiral, and when I feel my brain telling me that something’s wrong with my body, it’s almost always coming from another place of stress- like an essay I’m currently working on, or a big deadline I’m getting ready for. Once I can find the real source of what’s putting so much pressure on my brain- and what’s making me want to revert to old behaviors that brought me relief- it makes the disordered thoughts seem weaker.

Finding out what the real self-loathing source is can be pretty difficult sometimes- especially if the thoughts are the kind that give you a hard time focusing on anything else. If mine are too mean to work around, that’s when I’ll make use of distracting myself- it can be a text or call to someone you know, or something as simple as taking note of everything your body is feeling instead of your brain. Being able to focus on “my head is laying on a soft pillow” or “the tea I’m drinking is warm, and tastes nice” helps me feel more grounded, and makes me focus on what my body can do instead of how it looks to me. (It also helps me take my mind off of a mistake I made, if that's what triggered the onslaught!)

For convincing myself that it's okay to eat, something that helps me out on difficult days is giving myself something comforting to touch while I'm eating. This can be something as big as a blanket, or something as small as a bracelet that I'm wearing- anything that helps to associate a positive sensation with eating.

If these don't work for you, don't worry! That's okay! Everyone's struggles are different, and everyone has different needs too. This is a general list of coping strategies for disordered eating- you're allowed to use whatever techniques and resources work best for you!

You’re so worthy of everything good in the world, and I can't even begin to say how happy I am that you're here.

Thank you for being with us today, Anon, and thank you for bringing so much good into the world. I hope this helped you- you're working so hard to beat this, and I believe in you. We're here if you ever want to reach out again- even if it's just for some extra support!

-Mod Nova 💫

[roanniom]

Hello sweetie! I absolutely adore the art asks, may I please ask:

The Last Supper: Are you religious at all?

American Gothic: Would you like to lead a simple and happy life? Or do you prefer adventure?

Christina’s World: Is there anything you long for?

I hope you're having a fantabulous day today sunbeam! 🌷💫🥰

My perfect and lovely E, my day is fabulous now that I’m talking to you <3

The Last Supper: Are you religious at all? I’m more spiritual than actually religious in that I don’t practice anything in a very organized way, at least not any more. My parents have different religions (which everyone always thinks is crazy but it was a totally chill and normal upbringing and there was literally zero conflict lol) but technically I was raised Muslim. I happen to be a lot more spiritual than most of my friends who grew up actively christian or going to church all the time, and I think it helped that my parents made the focus of religion very positive and “do unto others” rather than something to be afraid of or something to give you shame. I used to fast for Ramadan and celebrate the holidays and I used to be a bit more conservative in my clothing, but now I pick and choose a bit more how I practice (read: I love showing cleavage and honestly I think god would be like “yass the confidence)

American Gothic: Would you like to lead a simple and happy life? Or do you prefer adventure? I prefer adventure. I have a bunch of friends who are living the more traditional life. My two best friends from high school both bought houses with their significant others already, one is married and the other is engaged, and they all have very standard “Jobs.” Meanwhile I’m out here pursuing a creative future. The idea of a simple more traditional life just doesn’t appeal to me much. Lol give me pain but make it interesting!!!

Christina’s World: Is there anything you long for? Right now I’m riding the lonely+horny train. So yeah. I long for affection. I long for attention. I focused a bit too much on grad school and work in the past and now being all alone in pandemic times I feel like my priorities were waaay off. I used to go out and get attention from guys and flirt and mess around but these days that isn’t possible and the sheer lack of ANY potential romance is seriously soul crushing. But that’s why I’ve got fanfic. It’s not the same but its the best substitute I could ask for to be able to write Charlie ruining beautiful lingerie he bought for you or Clyde fucking you on a blanket during a midnight picnic or Sackler distracting you from work and making you scream. 

Thanks for asking and I hope you are having the absolute best day possible, love <3

[bellatrixobsessed1]

hi! if i recall correctly, you said the fishbone and the firelily is your first multi-chapter fic? or your attempt to complete one? well, either way, just wanted to let you know you're doing a FANTABULOUS job!!! i'm totally loving your story! each chapter is so awesome and i love how you write each character. thank you for such a great story!

It’s my first one with such a big word count per chapter. :P Though I do have a great many uncompleted chapter fics (whoops) I have a good number that have been finished as well.

Thank you very much though, I must say all of your comments in the tags (as well as @seyaryminamoto‘s and all of the likes and reblogs from everone else) have been doing a good job at keeping me motivated lol. I’m having a lot of fun with this one. It’s also one of the first fics that I actually have an tiny semblance of an outline for as opposed to literally typing it as I go lmao. 

Though I am gonna take a small break from it today to type some Christmas Sokkla. :3

Thank you again, and you’re welcome!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

seeking advice, reassurance, support. Tw// abuse of all kind.

hello. I have yet to know how to frame how I feel. I was abused when I was a child and I have never received help. instead, I was forced into gifted programs and other things that felt like more pressure was put on me rather than acknowledgement of who I am and what happened to me. I feel like its catching up to me now and I am afraid of how spiraled my mind feels. I chose to take my healing in my own hands and do “the work” to clear my consciousness of the negative things that happened to me and it worked for a little while. until I was left with myself and realized I still could not relate or find any sort of understanding from anyone around me. I felt preyed on, and it always felt like it was my fault. I would ask myself what am I doing that isn’t allowing me to just be and have people around me that is okay with who i am. I am afraid of my mind now. I am afraid of how my mind is triggered when I see children. I used to be the person who protected and I was always looked at sideways because I chose to treat them like my own and make sure they get the direction they deserve. to be spoken to like they are the best, give them what I never had. and I was always looked at sideways for that. Ive internalized it at this point. the weight of guilt and shame that I held for myself wherever I go for what happened to me, it now feels like its bleeding into how I feel about children in general. I don’t understand how it got this bad but I was hoping I could find some sort of .. reassurance that my thoughts are not me? i don’t know. but my mind seems to be working against me and i don’t know what to do. every time I try to apply myself there seems to be this crippling thought in my head that won’t move. theres this thought that says I am just as bad as my abuser(s) because of these horrible intrusive thoughts that creep up in my mind. I try to distract myself but my anger gets the best of me, I move to quickly and am back where I started. I know I have to seek professional help but I really don’t know how to hold trust or the feeling that anyone cares. my mind is stuck and i can’t think. just intrusive.

Thank you for listening and for the support you all provide. it is so appreciated.

Ahoy there Anon,

I'm so sorry that you were never treated with the same care and affection that you always strive to give. You never deserved the pain you had to fight through for your entire childhood, much less the pressure of having to live up to high standards.

What happened to you was real, and the trauma you're going through is so valid. I'm sorry you haven't gotten to hear those words yet, and that you haven't gotten the support system you deserve.

I know everything that your mind is doing right now must be terrifying to go through, especially by yourself. Intrusive thoughts are awful things that come and go, without any choice or decision of yours.

Your intrusive thoughts are never you. And they can never, ever come close to being you.

Your intrusive thoughts will also never mean that you're like your abusers, or even that you'll become an abuser. Your anger is valid, your frustration is valid, and having those feelings doesn't make you a bad or abusive person in any way- I promise. What your intrusive thoughts say to you is never your fault.

This article talks a bit more about intrusive thoughts, and gives general techniques for how to cope with and handle them.

Feeling comfortable enough to tell anyone what's going on is a daunting step on its own- and trusting a professional with the most vulnerable part of you is something that can be horribly isolating, especially when it feels like nobody will even care. You can take each and every step of this at your own pace, and share as much (or as little!) as you feel comfortable sharing. Your trust is something that you can give as much or as little of as you'd like.

This blog post helps walk you through telling someone trusted about your trauma. And for when (only when!) you feel ready to look for a professional, this article will help you pick one that's best suited for you.

I'm so sorry for all the pressure that was put on you, Anon. I want you to know that there is never, ever any pressure here or in your healing process- you can reach out at your own pace, and share only when you feel ready to. We're always here if you need any extra support, or just a listening ear- you deserve the same kindness and patience that you strive to give others! I hope you're having as gentle of a week as possible, and getting plenty of rest this December- you're such a gift to the world.

-Mod Nova 💫