#(I love shattered but I guess I wish it were a little more dark gritty serious and a little less 'remember when'

[smileyobrien]

VOYAGER WEEK – DAY 4: Time Travel

Chakotay in 7.11 "Shattered"

[heythatpenguinhere]

As the Dust Clears

*Hey hey everyone! It’s been a hot minute since I created an Eleteo fanfic for you all so here you go! My mind has been stuck in my home of Puerto Rico which is being ravaged by earthquakes constantly lately. In those feels, I ended up creating this little angsty piece. Keep PR in your prayers and may they be resilient and strong as well <3 

The night before was an ordinary night really. There was nothing to indicate that the peace that Avalor City carried usually would be shattered. Maybe the night was too quiet, maybe the animals weren’t chirping as usual, maybe the air too cool… Or maybe there was just no real way of having predicted things to come regardless…

-

“Oh come on! That wasn’t fair!”

The royal family of Avalor and friends sat in a large room. Each of them was clad in their best pajamas and sleep attire as occasional shouts and laughter trickled out of the room. The royal game night was in full swing with a heated round of charades going on. 

Groans from the opposing team were heard as the Crown Princess herself took a playful bow from the front of the room. 

“Who let Elena and Mateo be put on a team together anyhow?” Naomi exclaimed, chin landing on her hand. 

The two in question made eye contact and winked almost simultaneous, doing nothing to deny anything. Everyone knew that the two were as close as friends could get. Their bond was forged over the years and continued to grow as they worked closely mastering magic and beyond. It seemed they were so in tune with each other that they could often read each other’s minds some said. In a game of charades, this proved to be a lethal combination that cemented their team’s victory and quickly. 

The mood in the room was warm and peaceful however, even with the friendly competition between games. Hot chocolate mugs clanked and the aroma of warm pastries wafted through as well; it was a peaceful night for all in attendance and even the palace staff assisting. 

When it came time to retire for the evening, slight yawns were heard and eyelids began to droop. Everyone slowly began to drift off to their rooms or homes to settle in for a good night’s sleep. The Crown Princess and Royal Wizard walked together along with the youngest princess, who slept soundly while piggy backed on her sister’s back.

“I don’t mind carrying her if you need it Elena.” Mateo said as they walked through the halls to their rooms. He knew very well she was capable of doing so, but still wanted to offer his assistance. 

Elena made a dismissive noise before looking over at him, “Nah I’ve got this. Isa is still light enough for me to handle, though I’m not sure for how much longer honestly.” She said and chuckled as her sister in question snored. 

Mateo admired the princess as she walked tall and confidently even with her sister clinging to her back. Elena was a strong individual both inside and out. He loved that about her and how she made others around her stronger. Her hair was currently down and loose in waves that fell to her lower back. It was rare the times that she had it down, but for the nights she would and that let Mateo have the guilty pleasure of admiring it from afar when he could. Elena was just a stunning person in general he thought. 

He accompanied her as she dropped Isa in her room and made her way to her own royal quarters. The whole way back the two joked and remincised over the evening had with loved ones. They laughed and playfully shoved or poked at each other, comfortable enough with each other for touches to be passed between the two easily. When they finally reached Elena’s large door, the princess smiled. 

“Well this is me. Tonight was a great time! I’m really glad you could join us Mateo.” She said, her eyes beaming at her friend. 

Mateo’s heart clenched the same way it often did when she looked at him. The heartfelt look on her face told how genuine her words were and never left any doubt. Her smile was one of his favorite things about her; It always made Mateo smile also. 

“It really was. I’m glad I could be there too.” He said and the two kept locked eyes for a while in a peaceful bliss before a yawn from Elena broke the silence. 

“And that’s your cue to get some rest.” Mateo joked as Elena blushed from the volume of the yawn. 

“Alright, I guess I’ll call it a night. Goodnight Mateo, sweet dreams.” Elena said as she began to walk through the door and stopped to look back at her dear friend. 

Mateo stood there with a soft smile, “Goodnight and sweet dreams Elena.” And as he walked back to his room, he couldn’t help but think how lucky he was to have her in his life. 

-

The movements began slow at first. Slight creaks in the floor, Books settling in bookshelves, frames tapping against walls, vases trembling. Then it all came at once. 

Mateo was nearly thrown from his bed as the violent shaking began. His eyes shot open, awake with alarm, as all around him his room quaked. Looking around he was in shock as things began to fall and tumble and the roar of the land shaking was heard. He spotted his desk with his Tamborita on it and dove under, grabbing the tamborita and then holding onto the legs of the desk as the shaking continued. Sounds of windows breaking and stone rumbling under pressure echoed in the royal wizard’s suite and all Mateo could do was watch and wait. 

The sound of someone screaming however caught his attention. It was a young girl’s voice and Mateo found himself moving from under cover against his own wishes. Running while the floor shook and the palace trembled was terrifying and a feat he would never forget. Cracks appeared in the walls and some places were beginning to break down as he tried to step on solid ground each time. Mateo had to dodge as a piece of the ceiling fell down in the hall, erupting in a burst of dust. 

Royal guards had flooded the end of the hallway leading toward the outside of the palace, seemingly beginning to try and help navigate palace staff and personnel out safely. Mateo spotted a very familiar guard holding onto an older woman so she wouldn’t fall as the shaking continued. 

“Gabe!” He yelled as he reached the group of people frantically running outside. 

Gabe’s eyes were wide with fear, face pale, and as Mateo looked around at the people gathering he couldn’t catch sight of the royal family. His stomach sank. Gabe seeming to realize what Mateo was thinking and instantly began scanning around as well, but Mateo’s mind was set the second he couldn’t see a familiar set of brown eyes.

He could still hear Gabe calling his name as the dust settled, the shaking stopped, and Mateo de Alva ran back into the palace halls. 

-

Dust was everywhere and darkness as well when Elena finally opened her eyes. She was lying on the ground somewhere that was hard and gritty. She could feel jagged pieces of rocks under her palms as she tried to place where she was but couldn’t; her vision was limited in the fog. She had somehow landed on the floor on her stomach and as she attempted to get up, she found she couldn’t; something large and heavy had her pinned down in her spot. Elena groaned before attempting to push off the floor yet again with more strength. The weight would not budge or even shift over her. 

She groaned again before collapsing back into her spot, accepting that she wouldn’t be able to push herself out. The dust was clearing a little and she could just barely make out a room with cracked floors and walls caved in. Suddenly the events from earlier came to mind as she recalled the horrible shaking that had occured. 

“Elena!” A shaken voice yelled from behind her. 

“Isa! Isa are you okay?!” Elena shouted instantly recognizing her sister and trying to shift to look around better. 

A pair of feet came into her view and soon her little sister’s dusty face was visible to her. 

Her sister gasped. “E-Elena, you’re trapped!” 

“I’ll be alright, are you hurt?” She asked as Isa quickly shook her head. 

She let out a sigh of relief; Elena couldn’t help but feel relieved that her sister was okay. She could however sense Isabel’s fear and see the tears welling in her eyes.

“Hey, everything is going to be okay, alright? I’ll get out of here in no time.” She said trying to sound as positive as possible. 

Isabel crouched down closer to her sister, “What are we going to do?” 

Elena looked around at the damaged room and wondered the same thing. 

-

Mateo’s feet wouldn’t stop. He was carefully rushing through the corridors he had grown to know so well in search of the royal family. His thoughts were threatening to consume him as every scenario of what could have happened to them played out. The damages around him did little to ease his nerves as well, but he shook them off and focused on his goal. 

As he ran, he casted spells left and right that lifted broken walls or columns out of his way. He jumped over pieces of stone and made sure to take caution and not step on any broken glass or pottery. 

To Mateo’s relief, he ran into Fransisco and Luisa in one of the halls. 

“Mateo! Oh mijo I am so glad you’re okay!” Luisa exclaimed lunging at him with a tight hug. 

Francisco had his arm tightly around Luisa and appeared to be shaken up still, but spoke up. 

“Have you seen the girls?” He asked looking deep into Mateo’s eyes for some kind of reassurance that his family was safe. 

Mateo shook his head sadly, making Francisco take a step back and Luisa cover her mouth in fear. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll find them I promise.” He said looking at both of them with equal fear. 

-

“Okay so what does it look like?” Elena asked as Isabel was surveying the room and the object that had fallen on her sister. 

“The room is a mess, I can’t see the door… It looks like one of the stone pillars broke off a-and landed on you…” She said, her eyes connecting with the stone object over her sister. 

“I don’t feel any pain though, so it must be lodged by something. If it wasn’t, I’d have probably been well… crushed…” Elena said realizing just how close to death she might have come and shivering. 

“How are we going to get out of here Elena? You need help!” Isa said and Elena could hear her pacing in the room beside her. 

Elena wiggled a little more, annoyed with the lack of movement she had. There had to be something they could do… 

Her thoughts soon turned to everyone one else. If the quake had caused damage to the fortified castle, she could only imagine what it did to the rest of the city... Terror began to crawl it’s way up her throat as she began to wonder if her grandparents were okay, if her friends were okay, if the staff was okay, and if Mateo was okay…  She felt like she had failed them. She was their soon-to-be queen and she hadn’t been able to protect them from this…

“Help! Help! We’re in here!” Isabel began to scream, cupping her hands around her mouth to yell as loud as she could. 

Elena soon joined in as well. With every scream, she tried to exert her magic to help them but her fear and emotions were too messy to settle on one thing. After the wind began to pick up in the room, she abandoned her efforts with magic. The room felt like it was closing in on her and a shifting of the stone above her told her she wasn’t just imagining it; the stone had sunk on her a bit further during the process. 

-

“Elena! Isabel! Elena!!” Mateo yelled in all the doors he ran past and passageways making his way to their rooms. 

The hall to the sister’s rooms was heavily clouded in dust and fog making it hard for Mateo to see too far in. He was blinded feeling his way through when he remembered a spell. Hitting his Tamborita with renewed strength he blasted the dusty fog away and the hall was fully cleared out. 

“Help!” He heard several muffled voices cry out. 

From behind a crumpled doorway and wall, came the cries of the two princesses he knew. 

Jumping over beams and rocks, he made his way to the room’s entrance and banged his hands on what was left of the door. 

“Elena! Isabel! Is that you? Are you alright?!” He screamed. 

“Mateo!” He heard a voice yell out with relief. 

Footsteps raced to the door and he could feel someone bang against it. 

“Mateo! Elena and I are stuck in my room! We can’t get out and Elena is trapped under a pillar!” Isabel yelled frantically. 

Mateo’s eyes grew wider, “Elena is trapped?! Is she hurt?” He exclaimed. 

The thought of the princess trapped under a massive stone and gasping for air terrified Mateo to the bone. Elena could take care of herself, but what if this was something out of her control… and his this time? 

“She says she’s fine, but I think the rock is slipping. Please hurry!” Isabel yelled against the door. 

Mateo took a step back and tried to take a deep breath; he knew he had to calm himself to help them. He had to focus all his efforts on Elena and Isabel. He couldn’t afford to give precious time to fear; he was going to have to be brave. Elena had told him once that he was braver than he thought and it had been hard to believe then, imagine now? 

He shook his head of the doubts and fears and aimed his Tamborita. After telling Isa to stand back, he closed his eyes and envisioned the right spell and soon the lodged door was blown back with the sound of the Tamborita being hit. Dust clouded for a moment before Mateo was able to make out the opening to the room. 

Isabel stood by the opening, covered here and there with dust and debris, but otherwise unharmed. Mateo’s eyes began to scan for Elena though instantly and soon enough they landed on her. Laying under a large stone pillar was where he found her... Elena’s face screamed of relief as she noticed him and within seconds he was dropped on the floor in front of her. 

“Took you long enough.” Elena said with a teasing tone. 

Mateo was taken aback at her ability to joke even in the midst of the situation she was in. He didn’t miss though the strain in her voice that showed she was in discomfort and slightly out of breath. In other words, Elena was in more trouble than she let on.

Mateo shook his head, “Really Elena?” He said with a raised eyebrow. Try as he might to appear as casual as she did, he was horribly worried. 

Elena too knew what that look meant; it was the look he gave her every time she planned to do something impulsive and reckless. It meant he was slightly questioning her sanity, but he was also very worried. In fact, Elena could practically feel the fear coming off of Mateo in waves. She figured her situation didn’t look the most positive, but seeing as Mateo was clearly afraid for her made her wonder if she should be a bit more serious. 

An apologetic look took over her and Mateo melted. He couldn’t ever stay upset or mad at her and he knew this very well, especially in this moment where she was so helpless in front of him. His arm moved out of his own control and soon his hand was settled cupping her face gently; determination was written on his face. 

“Elena, I will get you out of this I promise.” He said confidently. 

The princess was lost for words at her friend. He was looking at her so intensely and yet holding her with such care that she couldn’t help but mold into his touch, believing every single word he said. He looked so strong in that moment and she found that she loved when he would subconsciously let go of his doubts and step into himself. She also would be lying if she said it wasn’t attractive even, but now wasn’t really the time for those kinds of thoughts...

“I know you will. I’ve never doubted you mi amigo.” She said back closing her eyes as she leaned further into his hand. 

With a final soft squeeze of her cheek, Mateo let go and stood up with renewed purpose. He had a princess to save but more so, he had his dearest friend to help. 

He grew closer to the pillar over Elena to get an idea of how big it was and if anything else was on top of it. Scanning the rubble, he noticed that the pillar was quite large and looked pretty heavy. All the other debris seemed to have fallen around and on top of it, adding to the weight of the pillar. He swallowed deeply know that this was going to take a lot of concentration on his part to be able to life the weight magically and not disturb any other rubble that he cannot see. 

“It looks bad right?” Elena asked still not having an exact idea as to what was surrounding her. 

Mateo grimaced. It didn’t look good, in fact it looked difficult. How in the world did she manage to get stuck in this situation while Isabel was perfectly safe. How did all the debris end up on her?

“I know what you’re thinking Mateo but I had to. If I hadn’t pushed Isa out of the way, she’d have been crushed…” Elena said giving more clarity. 

He could hear Isabel behind him choke back a sob and couldn’t help but notice how quiet the youngest princess was being. Elena had risked her life to save her sister without a second thought. 

“I know you had to. Now let’s just worry about getting you out. Did you try your magic on it?” He quickly countered to get the dark thoughts of what could have happened out of his mind. 

Isabel sniffled before answering, “I think she tried but it didn’t help…” 

Elena nodded her in confirmation, “I don’t think I can really focus my emotions too well under here if I’m honest.” 

Her voice was becoming more strained and he noticed a slight twitch of her eye; Elena was in pain and there was no more time to waste. 

“Okay Elena I’m going to need you to be still while I cast the spell but as soon as you can move you need to get out of the way, alright?” He said readying his tamborita yet again. 

Elena nodded and he turned to Isabel. “Keep an eye on the pillar and over debris for me please? I don’t want to miss anything.”

Isabel nodded as well looking worried. 

Pointing towards the large pillar specifically, Mateo took a deep breath and focused; he couldn’t miss or hit Elena. Elena was looking straight at him with a slight smile. She was encouraging him even now and putting on a brave face. 

With an audible noise, the pillar began to glow an orange hue. The noise of rocks moving and pieces shifting was heard as it very slowly began to move upwards. Mateo scrunched his eyes to focus all his energy. Slowly but sure the pillar lifted until Elena could finally move. Just as instructed, at the first chance she had she rolled from underneath the pillar and landed on her back just as the pillar came back down. 

Mateo hunched forward on his knees, breathing in deeply as he watched Elena breathing just as heavily on the ground. Isabel came barreling towards her sister and gave her a hug. 

“It’s okay. Everything is okay now.” He heard Elena repeat as she stroked her hair. 

Mateo couldn’t help but be overwhelmed in relief. Elena was okay. She would continue to live and grow and become the most amazing queen that existed. She would continue to blow them all away.

Tears started to flow down his face as he slowly began to wipe them away. Elena was smiling at her sister, but frowned when she noticed Mateo’s tears. 

“Mateo, what’s wrong?” She asked, instantly worried for his own wellbeing. 

He smiled through the tears, “Nothing is wrong. I’m just so, so glad you’re safe.” 

-

The royal family and council sat in the courtyard as they were read the reports of the damage from the earthquake. No life had been lost miraculously and damages to buildings and roads could be fixed with time. The sighs of relief were passed around all those present as relief swept over the crowds. 

Elena currently lay with her head in Mateo’s lap, exhausted, as she was overlooked by a medic. After they had made their way out of the crumbled room, Mateo had insisted on carrying her out to where the others were meeting. The sight of the crown princess covered in dust in someone’s arms had been a scare to most. She had suffered some heavy bruising on her back, but everyone was reassured she would be okay with rest. Her family hugged her carefully in tears.

She now watched as other people hugged each other and were reunited with their own friends/family. Her people were alright and they would continue to be okay; they were resilient and brave and she knew they would help each other rebuild and grow. She turned her face towards her family and relished in the fact that they were altogether and unharmed. She would take a near death moment anytime to ensure their safety and didn’t regret her choice earlier in saving her sister’s life. Isabel sat with some of her friends as she recounted the story of what had happened to them in the castle. 

“What are you thinking about mi amiga?” Mateo said looking down at her. 

Her caramel eyes met his emerald. Boy was she thankful that he was safe as well. For a moment under that rubble she had wondered if he had been injured or was trapped somewhere himself. But he had acted in bravery to ensure those around him were safe and she owed him her life for it. She could feel the magic within her stir and fluctuate at her thoughts over her friend. He had shown up yet again, not that it surprised her. Mateo was always with her it seemed especially in the difficult times. He was a strong piece of her life and she didn’t know what she’d do without him.

“I’m thinking about how grateful I am everyone is okay. And I’m thinking about how especially grateful I am for you.” She said openly, feeling the need to share her heart with him. 

Mateo blushed heavily, a bright red that trailed over his nose and cheeks, before nervously scratching his neck. “I-I couldn’t just leave you there and do nothing you know that.” 

She smirked as his bashfulness. “You’d have missed me too much otherwise.” She joked. 

Mateo thought on her playful words. Life without Elena in it, is not a life he wanted to have to live through at all. Just picturing the absence of her in even the smallest things was causing his heart pain. He knew for a fact that he wanted to be with her in life however long he could and whatever way she wanted him.

He smiled back at her wholeheartedly before whispering for only them to hear, “Oh, you have no idea just how much I’d miss you.”

[freedom-shamrock]

Subtle Valse Musette - Chapter 5

Also on AO3 Chp 1   Chp 2   Chp 3   Chp 4   Chp 5   Chp 6 Marichat May day # 28 - hostage situation

 This chapter includes intimidation, sass, a non graphic fight scene, and the phrase "moth fucker."

Initially, the only thing Marinette was aware of, was how dry her mouth felt.  After a couple of moments licking her lips and not finding any improvement she realized she couldn't move much.  She let out a groan of annoyance, and it echoed in the dark. She blinked her gritty eyes, wishing she could rub them, and tried to take stock of her situation.  

She appeared to be tied to a chair, and it wasn't a nice comfortable chair, but firm wood. She could still feel her feet and hands, but they were starting to get a little prickly.  Her neck was stiff from her head lolling to the side and she rocked it a bit to try to ease the muscles. The room was dark and disturbingly quiet. She tried to remember what had happened, where she'd been before whatever this was had happened.  She recalled her morning clearly. Breakfast at the dining hall, her history of textiles class. She wasn't sure about lunch. Was today the day of her big meeting with Mr. Agreste? Had she even made it? If she missed it, she was going to beat the crap out of whoever was responsible.

She took a deep breath to push down the panic rising in her chest.  She'd obviously been abducted or captured by someone. She pushed her ear against her shoulder, relieved to feel her miraculous stones safely where they belonged.  She had to assume Tikki was hiding, biding her time until they had a good chance. She was clever in a bind and would be on hand to help Marinette when the right moment presented.

There was a mechanical shushing noise, and a low purple light came on around the edges of the room, letting her get a better feel for the size of the place.  The room filled with an eerie fluttering sound. "Are you quite awake over there, Ms. Dupain-Cheng?" a man's voice asked. It was cold and haughty, and while it reminded her rather eerily of Adrien's father, she knew this voice.  She'd heard it when she and Chat Noir faced the akuma face of Hawk Moth at the Eiffel Tower during their first mission.

"What?"  She looked up and flinched.  Hawk Moth stood before her. A vision of gray and purple.  Instead of a simple domino mask like Ladybug, Chat, and Rena, he wore full face coif armor, and the effect was disturbing.  "Who are you? Where am I?" She was freaked out, but as someone who had faced akumas and horrible situations for years, she hadn't frozen in fear, unable to consider her options.

He grinned, which only made him look creepier.  "Surely you know the answer to that question," he drawled.

His entertainment at her expense brought up a rage that shoved aside her initial fear.  She glared at him. "I think you underestimate the strange costumes I've seen. You could be Hawk Moth's latest fashion disaster.  You're giving off the vibe of a badly managed sex dungeon refugee with a butterfly fetish. I guess there's a chance you're Hawk Moth himself.  But seriously, have you seen some of the things the more artsy theaters do?"  She'd helped design and create more than a few artsy theater costumes.  She shuddered, remembering burlap and sequins. "I'm kind of leaning in the butterfly kink direction at the moment, so you should probably clarify."

He scowled at her.  "I'm not sure you realize the precarious nature of your position, Ms. Dupain-Cheng."  His cool voice held a warning.

"Obviously."  She channeled Chloe Bourgeois and rolled her eyes.  "I just woke up in a dark room, tied to a hard chair, with no memory beyond lunch.  I'm kind of missing some critical information here."

Even with the mask, she could see his jaw clench.  "So instead of asking like a civilized human, you thought an attitude would help?"

She cocked one eyebrow.  "Have you not looked at yourself in a mirror in that getup?"  She closed her eyes and sighed. "I was trying to speak in a way a butterfly fucker would understand."  She paused. "No judgement, by the way. You do you. Or do your creepy flock of butterflies.  Whatever works."

His eyes were narrowed and angry.  "I am Hawk Moth. My akuma obey my commands; I do not have relations with them."

"Sure."  She intentionally sounded unconvinced.  "Are you going to akumatize me then?" she asked.  "Send me out to fail to retrieve the miraculous, only to be cured by Chat Noir and Ladybug?"  She shrugged, as much as was possible with her bindings. "Have at it. The sooner you slap me in one of your hideous costumes, the sooner I can get back to my day."  She was pretty sure it wouldn't work, but it was worth a try.

He turned his back on her for a moment before poking at something in his pocket.  A television screen on an arm slid out of the wall nearest her. "Please do enjoy the news."

It was a recorded broadcast from earlier in the day.  Nadja Chamack reported live at the Eiffel Tower as a large cloud of black and purple butterflies coalesced into the shape of Hawk Moth's head.  "Heroes of Paris," the mockery of a human face spoke with that same cold haughtiness. "You will all provide me your miraculous within the next two hours.  I'm through with your games. Chat Noir, I advise you to talk sense into your companions if you ever wish to see your darling friend Marinette again. Ladybug, there will be no negotiation. Your time starts now."

So he didn't realize he had Ladybug; that was promising.  How did Hawk Moth even know that Marinette knew Chat? Alya was the only person she'd told.  It didn't make sense. She decided to stretch out on a limb. "Uh, Hawk Man," she called, looking at him as he gazed out his butterfly-leaded window.  She saw his back tense. "I think you got some bad intel."

"Hawk Moth , not Hawk Man," he snapped.

"Fine, Hawk Moth fucker," she amended.

He whipped his head around to glare at her.

"I'm not friends with Chat Noir," she explained.  "I mean, I'd love to be, don't get me wrong. He is my favorite hero, and that guy can fill out a cat suit, if you know what I mean."  She figured it helped sell the lie because her Kit-cat was hot as hell and she was not blind to that.

"He's rescued you several times," Hawk Moth pointed out, unconvinced.

She rolled her eyes again.  "Yeah. Along with most of Paris.  And to be fair, you akumatized most of my classmates, so I have had a bit more need of being rescued than the average Parisian."

His eyes narrowed.  "You're working on hero themed designs for Paris' greatest fashion house."

The press release had made her abruptly popular at school, mostly with classmates who thought she could get them an in with the elusive Gabriel Agreste.  "Yeah. Lots of designers have done the same."

Hawk Moth took two steps closer.  "You got Chat Noir's approval on the first set of designs."

It was true, but now that he was mentioning it, she recalled meeting with Mr. Agreste.  It was hazy, but there. He'd been the only person she'd given that detail to, thinking it would lend her designs credibility.  "That's true, but it still doesn't mean we're friends. It's not hard to put out a call for one of the heroes. The Ladyblog has a whole section dedicated to such requests."  She shook her head. "I'm not nearly as high a bargaining chip as you think I am."

"So you're telling me you're worthless?" he asked in a low voice that dripped danger.  He gave a little tug on his cane, separating it into a sabre and sheath.

"I'm not worthless," she corrected.  This was definitely not the direction she wanted things to go while she was still tied up.  "But I'm not this… what did you call me? Darling friend?" She shook her head again. She felt sudden warmth in her hands.  Her bonds had come slightly loose, and something was nudging her fingers. She'd never been so relieved to feel Tikki's touch.

The leaded glass shattered, shards scattering across the floor as Chat Noir crashed through the window feet first.  His arc brought his heels into a perfect collision with Hawk Moth's shoulder, throwing the older man across the room, his sabre sliding well out of reach.  Chat snarled, sounding considerably more feral than she'd ever seen him, even as Ladybug. He seemed bigger, too.

Marinette pulled her hands free while Tikki magiced knots on her feet.  By the time she was free, Chat had somehow managed to pin Hawk Moth to the floor, roaring into the villain's face.  He was definitely bigger, with longer shaggier hair. The spikes on his tail whistled as it lashed through the air, a visual representation of his anger.  

"Easy Chat Noir," Carapace called as he leaped through the window, closely followed by Rena Rouge.  "You've caught him. No need to do more." His voice was gentle, but his green and gold eyes held concern.

Chat Growled at his ally.

"Stick with the plan Chat," Rena reminded, moving toward Marinette.  "Are you okay? Let's get you out of here," she suggested.

Marinette dodged the hand her best friend's alter ego held out and approached Chat Noir.  "I'm okay, Kit-cat," she said quietly. "You've saved me."

He looked up at her, his pupils a tighter slit than she was used to, and his mouth set in a grimace to accommodate very sharp teeth.  What had happened to him?

Hawk Moth screamed below him and Marinette realized Chat was digging his claws into the man's shoulders, piercing the hideous suit and the flesh beneath it.

She reached out to brush her fingers along Chat's jaw.  "It's okay. I'm safe." When and how did he get a transformation upgrade?  She could see that he was still her Chaton, but wow. He'd gone from overgrown house cat to a panther, bordering on terrifying.  "Let me help you."

He let out a slow breath and nodded.  With that, the tension she felt coming off the rest of the team dropped noticeably.  They weren't used to this Chat either.

She looked down at Hawk Moth, critically assessing him the same way she would search for an akumatized item.  She reached down and plucked off the butterfly brooch at his neck. It immediately transformed into a button pin, and a wave of purple light washed over Hawk Moth to reveal Gabriel Agreste, Chat's claws still buried in his shoulders.

Chat Noir lowered his face to the other man's and let out a roar that shook the room, sending the shards of glass tinkling and scattering.

"Kit-cat?" Marinette said quietly.  "Let the horrible man go." She was half surprised when he obeyed.

Chat straightened up and rubbed his cheek against hers, filling the room with a rumble that rivaled most cars in volume.

Rena came over with the ropes that had previously bound Marinette to a chair, and tied Mr. Agreste's feet together.  "In a perfect world, I'd want the A team here for this," she said, standing up but not getting too much closer to Marinette or Chat.  "But we haven't been able to reach Ladybug all evening, and Chat's clearly in no condition to meet with the police or the press." She looked conflicted, and Marinette was pretty sure she wanted to bring her friend home safe.

"Chat, can you bring Marinette home?" Carapace asked slowly, stepping into Chat's field of vision.  "I kind of think you two have some stuff to talk about."

Marinette frowned at that ominous statement.  "What do you mean?" she asked.

Chat growled at Carapace, who simply raised his eyebrows.  "Do not go there, dude," he chastised, before looking at Marinette.  "It's his business to tell you." He gestured to the broken window with one green gloved hand.  "The police are on their way, dude. If you can get her home safely, I suggest you do that now. She's probably hungry and tired."

"Mari… Marinette?" Rena said quickly.  "Before you go to bed, try to jot down anything you can remember from today so you'll have it for the investigation.  One of us will be by with the name and contact information of a good trauma therapist tomorrow. Tonight, just do what feels safe and comforting, okay?"

Marinette nodded, feeling bad for her friend, being forced to split her focus between her job as a superhero and her role as Marinette's bestie.  "Thank you." She looked at each of them in turn. "For saving me and for taking down Hawk Moth."

Carapace shook his head.  "We were totally backup. You and Chat mostly took care of it yourselves.  And we appreciate the help." He winced. "Ladybug might kill us later, but you're safe.  Paris is safe, and that's the really important stuff."

Marinette glanced back at Gabriel.  "Someone should go see Adrien," she said.  "He's an old friend of mine, and… I'm worried how he'll handle this."  She didn't like thinking about that. "Tell him he can come to me or my parents if he needs anything."  Chat purred again, pressing his face to hers.

"I'll go see him when we're done with the police," Carapace said.  

Chat scooped Marinette up.  "Home."

"Yes please."  She felt her adrenaline crashing and let herself sag against him.

This started as a 30 minute speed write, but I hit the 5 minute warning timer and realized the only way to finish it properly was to take the time to do so. And I wasn't able to wrap it up until this morning.

One more chapter to come on this story, probably tomorrow (hoping to wrap up both remaining Marichat May stories tomorrow).

[emily-echolls]

A Breaking Point

Summary: The universe finally makes an attempt to get Emily off her bullshit via an emergency room trip. Words: 3,616 Trigger Warnings: Blood, suicidal thoughts, drug use, Emily’s usual fucked up mind state tbqh

 She’d been walking to her Advanced Psychology class, wondering why she was bothering, wishing the abdomen pain she’d been doing her level best to ignore would just go away, cursing Ethan Anderson to hell and back for not giving her the painkillers she’d been self medicating with. Then-

Dizziness and the ground rushing towards her. The distant implication of pain.

Oh my god-!

Someone call Professor Echolls-

No, 911! Call 911! She’s bleeding everywhere-

Pressure on the side of her face and something hot trickling down her neck. A flash of scattered images. Flashing red and blue lights. Words spoke in a familiar, official tone that made something inside her go cold with remembering-

Adult female collapsed on the scene, unresponsive. Head wound from the fall, possible concussion and- Jesus Christ she’s burning up. Does anyone know who she is? Emily? Emily can you hear me? ...Get the gurney ready.

It was too much like the last time. But she hadn’t done anything wrong.

1, 2, 3- Multiple hands lifting her and setting her gently down again. Holy hell she’s light- what’s she weigh- 90 pounds? Someone lifting the hem of her sweatshirt and letting out a low whistle. -give up the damn ghost. You can see her ribs.

Rocking, hairpin turns, impersonal hands on her wrist, forehead, neck. The cool voices of people who had seen far too many emergencies to show any kind of panic. She could tell they were speaking to her, but she couldn’t focus on their words. She caught snatches of words and phrases; Staunch the bleeding- her blood pressure is dangerously low already- get an IV started immediately-

The same sick, nauseated feeling she'd been having all week, a stinging pain on her temple, and wetness coating her face and neck. She didn't know where she was, but it felt as if her body did. It was screaming in a desperate sort of panic and telling her what it knew of what came next; the pain of having her stomach pumped, her father’s hand clutching hers as he slept, thin sheets on hard mattresses, the silent sobs wracking her pained body as she stared into the wonderfully brilliant sunset outside her hospital room. The horrified realization she was still alive despite how desperately she didn’t want to be.

“No!” Gasping in panic, she threw open her heavy eyelids and wrenched away from the faceless people around her, fighting to sit up despite the hands that pushed her back down. She didn’t need to be here- she hadn’t done it. Her broken down, fucked up brain had been a thorny, twisted mess of self harm urges and impulsive thoughts, but she hadn’t done any of it. The goddamn acrobatics she’d been doing to avoid hurting herself had been more exhausting than anything. She’d spent more time in public  than she had in the past year and a half- she’d gone to Julian Lowell’s frat house in the middle of the night, for Christ’s sake. It wasn’t fucking fair.

“I didn’t do anything!” She snarled, lashing out towards the next EMT that tried to touch her and nearly toppling off the gurney she’d been placed on.

She was kitten weak. She realized it as she fearful blows she attempted to land on the paramedic glanced off all but harmlessly. Whatever was wrong with her, it was sapping every spare bit of strength she had. With a muttered curse as Emily attempted to do some damage with her nails at least, her wrists were seized with little effort in strong glove covered hands and slipped into sheepskin lined restraints. It was if her actions had no effect at all. They didn’t care if the body was willing to be treated or not- they were going to heal it one way or another. Whether she liked it or not, she was going to the hospital, and that meant they were going to call her sister- if no one had already.

Making a noise of wordless despair, she fell back against the gurney, the waiting blackness swallowing her again before she could do anything else.

“I didn’t do anything…”

“This is Emilia Echolls. Admitted two days ago after she collapsed; she required ten sutures to her right temple, done with no issues. No concussion. Medical history revealed she was diagnosed a year ago with Lupus which has thus far gone untreated. Restrained due to violence displayed towards first responders and a history of depression and suicidal tendencies. Blood analysis found multiple unprescribed painkillers along with high doses of her normal antidepressants- we’re pretty sure she was self medicating. Came in with an acute kidney infection that looks as if it’s gone septic. We’ve been administering nutrients intravenously, along with several different medications to keep her fever down. She’s been mostly unconscious since she was brought in two days ago. This is her sister Elisha Macdonald- her emergency contact and power of attorney. We-”

“I didn’t...”

Funny, Emily hadn’t made the conscious decision to speak.

A moment of tense silence, a hand tightening in her own, then Elisha’s weary voice;

“She’s said a few things since I got here but she’s still- I’m sorry doctors, but do you have any idea when she’s going to wake up? I just got back from my honeymoon and I’m wondering if I need to call the rest of our family to come down in case anything happens.”

“We’re just keeping her sedated for now. We weren’t optimistic initially, but she seems to be responding well to this round of antibiotics, and we’ve narrowed down the source of infection. I think she’s got a long road ahead of her as far as recovery goes, and she really has got to start getting treated for her illness, but I don’t think she’s in any sort of immediate danger at this point. If they’re able though, she should be waking up in the next day or so- I’m sure she’d love to see them.”

Elisha’s laugh was a sad, weary thing. “No, she wouldn’t. But thank you.”

.

When she had woken up after her suicide attempt, she’d been in agony- the sun had been setting and she’d been surrounded by her sleeping family. This time she was so drugged she could barely lift her hand, but she was blessedly pain free. Outside her small window was full dark, and it was only Elisha watching her warily as she blinked her way to consciousness. At least the gritty eyes and acute misery were the same.

“Emily?”

Emily glanced at her sister, her mind slowly churning its way to awareness and understanding. As soon as she did, and the neutral walls, beeping monitors, and sterile surroundings pieced itself together in her brain, her breathing hitched. She struggled to recall why she was here, vaguely remembered her fall and the ambulance ride. Panic made her breathing hitch slightly and she looked away.

“Why the fuck am I here?” she croaked without preamble, attempting to lift her hand to rip the nasal cannula out of her nose only to be stopped short by the restraints still on her wrist. “And what the fuck is this shit?”

Elisha reached out, no doubt intending to lay a soothing hand on her somewhere, and Emily cringed as far back into the bed as she could. People didn’t touch her- a byproduct of a fearsome reputation and the alienation of people she loved. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had done more than brush by her on the street. Laying in a hospital bed having PTSD flashbacks of suicide watch- she didn’t know how she’d react to being touched but was sure it’d be negative. Elisha’s hand fell back against her lap with a soft thump that seemed aggressively loud in the silence that descended on them.

“Get these fucking things off me.”

Elisha’s face hardened and she sat back in her chair, shaking her head and directing her gaze away from Emily. She looked like shit- puffy faced and rumpled. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a messy bun that looked as if it had been slept in, and the bags under her eyes spoke to worrying instead of sleeping.  After a few moments she turned back to her sister with an expression that Emily had long ago learned meant Elisha was absolutely furious. “No.”

“Oh fuck you Lisha,” Emily snarled, tugging futilely against the soft cuffs on her wrists and ankles in something akin to panic. Even that small effort made her head spin and the not quite dissipated pain in her torso flair. “I shouldn’t even be here. I didn’t do anything.”

“Didn’t do-?! Oh!” Elisha stood up, going towards the door to her room and shutting it carefully before marching back over to her sister’s bed. “No Emilia- you didn’t do anything.When you were admitted you were dehydrated and malnourished- so you weren’t eating or drinking enough water, from the bags under your eyes I’d guess you haven’t been sleeping either- you weren’t getting treatment for Lupus. So you’re right. You haven’t done anything. Not one damn thing to take care of yourself- you might not have ‘done anything’ actively, but you’ve been passively killing yourself for an entire goddamn year Emily.”

Sighing in something that was close to defeat, Elisha sat back down in her chair and looked at her, at once searching and fed up. “When were you going to tell us? Or were you ever going to?”

Emily felt as if she were frozen, rooted to her hospital bed. The monitor next her beating in warning as her heart raced. Lupus. It was ice down her spine. Logically she had known what Elisha being there when she woke up had to mean. Still there was no more effective way her sister could have found to shatter her entire world than speaking that word.

Because this was everything she had been avoiding. If Elisha knew everyone knew. If she knew then it was a matter of time before her mother started calling her every week with magazine articles like ‘all natural remedies and diets to help autoimmune diseases’ and ‘five ways to fight depression’, Elizabeth would start looking at her like she had at the festival constantly- like she felt guilty for not understanding her fucked up life. They would forbid her from living on her own, before long the word would get out and there would be the acquaintances she barely knew offering her condolences, what she passed for ‘friends’ treating her like she was made of glass. Dozens of doctor’s appointments, her therapist and the questions Emily had no answers for, and everyone hovering too close while Emily sucked up their time and energy and resented them for their care- because she was fucking broken and couldn’t even love her family right. Exactly like before.

“Emily? Emily calm down, it’s alright.” Elisha’s face swam in front of her face as she leaned over, putting a warm hand on either side of Emily’s face in a would-be soothing way. Emily could remember her doing the same thing when she was little and wordlessly crying over some small childhood drama, her small fingers wiping away her tears. It was kind and familiar and she just couldn’t take that right now. She jerked as far away from her as she could in her limited bindings, a ragged breath tearing it’s way past her lips. The panic that had started when she woke up was starting to take over her rationality.

“Have you told anyone else yet?” She demanded, subconsciously yanking against the restraints again as she tried to make her breathing even out. Every part of her brain was screaming at her to do whatever possible to get away from this conversation- and she was conveniently all but chained to her hospital bed. It was some fucked up kind of fate.

“Not yet.” Elisha said hesitantly, still looking as if she wanted nothing more than to calm her somehow- like her hands were itching to touch her. It was enough to make Emily want to scream. Take these off and get the fuck out. Stop looking at me, stop touching me, stop caring. Finally ive up on me so I can die in peace and not feel so goddamn guilty about it. Please, please, please.

The ragged breath that Emily let out was something closer to a sob. “Then don’t. Please. Just don’t. I don’t want anyone else to know. I’ll do whatever you want Lish, please. I don’t- fuck. I don’t want to live under a goddamn microscope again okay? I didn’t do anything to warrant that- I haven’t done anything to myself. I haven’t been going to my therapy appointments or anything I know but- I’ll start going again. I promise. Just please. I’m literally begging you Lish. Don’t tell anyone else. I can’t do that again Lish, I can’t.”

It wasn’t fair to put on her, and Emily knew it. It was the same kind of selfish shit she’d been pulling her entire life, she just didn’t seem to be able to stop. She was a plague. A goddamn black hole that ruined everything it touched and sucked the life out of everyone who got to close to her bullshit, and no one understood why she pushed them away. She wanted to cling to people just as badly as any other lonely person- but seeing the effect she had on people was worse than dying alone. People hating her for being an asshole was easier to deal with than them resenting her for showing her underbelly and clinging to them.

“Emily…” Elisha’s voice was heartbreakingly tender. It made Emily’s skin crawl. Like she’d flayed herself open and been thanked for her effort. “Emily I can’t do that. You know I can’t do that.”

Emily knew.

That didn’t make it any better.

“Then leave.” she hissed viciously, bunching her hands in the thin bedding that covered her legs.

 Closing her eyes against the stinging threat of tears, she turned away from Elisha as much as she could in the confines of her restraints, ignoring all Elisha’s attempts at conversation until she heard the sound of her sister, crying as she left the room.

Maybe the agony was the same as the first time after all.

Emily’s sleep was abruptly ended by the sound of sensible heels clicking across the room, and the smell of sunflowers and marigolds.

Oh no, no please. I can’t do this. Not after last night. Please.

“Hello, darling.” A slight dip in the bed as a generous frame sat itself by her feet, ignoring the chair waiting at her bedside. The machine that monitored her pulse beeped in warning once again as her heart attempted to pound itself out of her rib cage. She’d thought seeing Elisha was hard, but this? This was so much worse.

“Your sister called me. It’s been a long time. I’ve missed you- I’ve been worried about you.” A hand came out to rest on her knee and Emily jerked away with a bitten off curse, her breath coming out ragged as a gasp.

“Join the fucking club.” She snapped viciously, giving the restraints a hard tug that she’d learned by now was completely useless. She’d attempted to get several different nurses to remove the damn things after Elisha left, but none would. Her sister had convinced them she was a danger to herself.

The morning light was blinding as she opened her eyes, Dr. Dubois’s plump frame and dark hair surrounded by a halo of light that made her look serene and ethereal. It was a stark contrast to the wretched fight or flight reflex that was singing through Emily’s veins. If she could have chewed her own arm off to get out of that room, she would have.

“Oh, I’ve been in that club.” The doctor’s voice was mild, but there was something behind that. Some gentle emotion Emily had no right to. “I’ve been in that club since you were seven years old Emily, one measly year of you avoiding me doesn’t change that. I’ve almost said to hell with confidentiality and called your parents so many times... I- well. When Elisha called me I was happy to hear you were only in the hospital. I’m so sorry to hear about your health, darling.”

Swallowing thickly, Emily looked at the woman who had been until last year one of her sole confidants. She looked different- her hair was shorter, a little grayer, and her eyes were bright with emotion. Without her permission, the tears that she had been biting back and forcing down for the last few months came rushing down her face, undeterrable. “I- I didn’t do it, you know. I didn’t do this to myself.”

The older woman’s face was a gentle as Elisha’s had been as she sighed. “I know darling, I know. But just because you haven’t been self harming doesn’t mean you haven’t been hurting yourself in other ways. You’re a smart woman Emily. I know you know you’re not well right now, you’re just like a cat that hides when it’s hurt and then hisses when someone who wants to help gets too close. It makes things harder on you.”

Dr. Dubois seized a tissue off the end table next to the bed and reached out slowly, giving Emily the option to tell her to stop before dabbing at the tears that Emily couldn’t wipe away, restraind as she was. She was grateful for the help, even if being touched killed her in a way she couldn’t quite explain. “Do you remember what you said to me? The first session we ever had? You said ‘I want to be happy’.”

It was stupid. A stupid innocent, naive thing Emily had said when she was too young and green to know that depression wasn’t the flu- and that taking a pill didn’t make it go away. But she could remember being so small, sitting on a leather couch she had practically grown up on, arms crossed and terrified that this woman and her parents were going to throw her out like a defective toy. She’d gone from fearing that to wishing they had- and she couldn’t remember when she’d started hating herself so goddamn much or if she’d just come out of the womb wishing she’d never taken her first breath.

A small sob broke past Emily’s mouth without her permission, then another, and before long her shoulders were shaking with the force of them. She’d cried plenty since her diagnosis, but she’d never actually grieved. Somehow she’d convinced herself that she’d accepted her fate, but it wasn’t true- she’d just pretended and faked it to herself so it was alright that she wasn’t trying to fight for her own life- so she didn’t have to share it with anyone. Then she’d pushed and shoved everyone away so they hated her, so she didn’t have to feel guilty that she was letting Lupus kill her without a fuss- because there was no one to leave behind. It wasn’t being suicidal if it was just the way things were- or so she’d managed to believe.

“I told you that was the first step, but I was simplifying things. Sometimes it’s hard to even want to be happy, when happiness seems too hard and succumbing to misery so easy.” Dr. Dubois continued. “Sometimes the first step is just admit you need help, and then let people help you.”

Now she was crying harder than she had in months; furious, boiling hot tears spilling down her cheeks faster than Dr. Dubois could wipe them away. Her breath was uneven and her shoulders were shaking with the force of the cries that forced their way past her clenched teeth. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that she’d fought her entire goddamn life just to want to live, it wasn’t fair that she probably would never get to use her degree to help other kids like her, it wasn’t fair she was laying in a hospital bed right now, it wasn’t fair that she was sick, it wasn’t fucking fair she was probably going to die young.

Dr. Dubois scooted up the bed until she could pull her up from her reclined position and let her rest her head against her shoulder, crooning softly as she wrapped her arms around Emily’s bony frame. “There you are, let it out.”

They stayed in that position for some immeasurable amount of time, while Emily cried herself dry and wailed apologies, and half formed explanations of her actions, and cursed the universe that had made her sick in both body and mind but refused to just kill her properly. Dr. Dubois for her part listened quietly, humming soothingly as she rubbed Emily’s back. After a while, she pulled back, stuffy nosed and puffy eyed, and somehow feeling more tired than she’d felt in the entire year of having Lupus.

“I don’t know how much harder things can get before I can’t deal with it anymore.” She sniffed wearily. It was too exhausting now to pretend to be okay.

“I know darling, I know. All we can do is take things one day at a time.”

Over the course of the next few hours, Dr. Dubois called Elisha back in the room, the three of them discussing treatments and medicine changes. Inpatient care was discussed and quickly decided against- so long as Emily and Elisha found somewhere for her to stay that wasn’t by herself and resumed her therapy appointments. (”And this time if you miss more that one a month, I’m calling Elisha and consequences be damned.” Dr. Dubois had warned her grimly.) The therapist spoke with some doctor or another, throwing around words like Lexapro, Zoloft, and Luvox, then left with a quick goodbye and a desire to see her soon.

Emily was left in an awkward silence with Elisha hovering awkwardly near the door. The energy in the room was exhausted, bitter, and more than a little hostile- from both sides. Elisha was still calling her family any minute now. Emily was still furious about it. Between them were words Emily couldn’t take back, Elisha’s misplaced guilt over the state of her little sister’s mind, and permeating everything that coincidental phone call almost six years ago in May that had accidentally saved Emily’s life- the one that neither would apologize for.

After what might have been thirty seconds and might have been fifteen minutes Emily sighed, scooting to the side and patting the mattress next to her. She supposed after a year of hiding away, it was her turn to reach out. “Come here and tell me about your honeymoon. Is Dennis Macdonald just as big of a fucking idiot in Europe as he is in America?”

It wasn’t enough, that was for goddamn sure. The damage Emily had done wasn’t one that could be healed by any number of gestures. Maybe it couldn’t be healed at all. But it was more of an effort than she had made in a year, and for the moment Elisha seemed willing to pretend with her that things might be alright. She perched herself carefully on the edge of Emily’s bed, and Emily extended her hand, letting her seize it between her own. “You leave my sweet husband alone, you. It was amazing.”

For now, it was enough.

[reincarnatedasacupcake]

Art by Sam Davies

Books will save the day... or is that love?

In this month of love, why can't it be both? Let's find books that do away with prejudices. Let's have interracial/inter-species love stories. Let's do away with old, poisonous, harmful tropes that reach out of the books we love and hurt people in real time.

Let books set an example. Let us do better.

Let books save the day

So, with that said, here is what I read this month:

Shadow and Bone (The Grisha #1)

by Leigh Bardugo

385 Pages (8:55 Hours)

Surrounded by enemies, the once-great nation of Ravka has been torn in two by the Shadow Fold, a swath of near impenetrable darkness crawling with monsters who feast on human flesh. Now its fate may rest on the shoulders of one lonely refugee.

Alina Starkov has never been good at anything. But when her regiment is attacked on the Fold and her best friend is brutally injured, Alina reveals a dormant power that saves his life—a power that could be the key to setting her war-ravaged country free. Wrenched from everything she knows, Alina is whisked away to the royal court to be trained as a member of the Grisha, the magical elite led by the mysterious Darkling.

Yet nothing in this lavish world is what it seems. With darkness looming and an entire kingdom depending on her untamed power, Alina will have to confront the secrets of the Grisha . . . and the secrets of her heart.

This is a prequel series to the Six of Crows books. I was so caught up in the World when I read them, I jumped on a chance to hear more about the World and understand more about the Grisha's and their powers. I wasn't disappointed. I loved everything about this book and can't wait to read the rest of the series. 

Late Eclipses (October Daye #4)

by Seanan McGuire

372 Pages

October "Toby" Daye, changeling knight in the service of Duke Sylvester Torquill, finds the delicate balance of her life shattered when she learns that an old friend is in dire trouble. Lily, Lady of the Tea Gardens, has been struck down by a mysterious, seemingly impossible illness, leaving her fiefdom undefended. Struggling to find a way to save Lily and her subjects, Toby must confront her own past as an enemy she thought was gone forever raises her head once more: Oleander de Merelands, one of the two people responsible for her fourteen-year exile.

Time is growing short and the stakes are getting higher, for the Queen of the Mists has her own agenda. With everything on the line, Toby will have to take the ultimate risk to save herself and the people she loves most—because if she can't find the missing pieces of the puzzle in time, Toby will be forced to make the one choice she never thought she'd have to face again...

This book gave me more feelings about the characters than any of the other books combined. I was not expecting the twists and turns that were in this. More and more of Toby's missing past is revealed and the mystery behind it is slowing beginning to unravel. This is seriously the hardest book series to find. I'm having to order each book individually and then waiting patiently (or not so patiently) for it to arrive. Sadly, it's not something i can do very often, so I have to wait even longer than I want to. Oh well, at least it's very much worth the wait.

Rise of the Governor (The Walking Dead #1)

by Robert Kirkman & Jay Bonansinga

308 Pages

In the Walking Dead universe, there is no greater villain than The Governor. The despot who runs the walled-off town of Woodbury, he has his own sick sense of justice: whether it’s forcing prisoners to battle zombies in an arena for the townspeople’s amusement, or chopping off the appendages of those who cross him. The Governor was voted “Villain of the Year” by Wizard magazine the year he debuted, and his story arc was the most controversial in the history of the Walking Dead comic book series. Now, for the first time, fans of The Walking Dead will discover how The Governor became the man he is, and what drove him to such extremes.

I found this whole series in a Little Free Library months ago, but the first one was missing! After searching everywhere for it, I found it in the same LFL (guess someone read it and returned it) Lucky for me, I was the one who found it. I love The Walking Dead and had been wishing for something else with that edge to it, so I happy lost myself in the first book. It was okay. Not great, just okay. Although the story had that grittiness to it, it had a few rape/torturous moments that seriously made me want to put down the book. Then they tried to justify them by making him feel bad. Not really helpful for those poor women. There were a few other things that bothered me about it as well; it was weirdly preachy, which the show has been good about not being. Also, they kept using the term zombie, which I know is a word that the show hasn't used on purpose, so that always broke me out of the story when I saw it. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to read the rest of them or put them back in the LFL when the person who took the first one can get to the rest.

Grimm's Fairy Tales

by Jacob Grimm & Wilhelm Grimm

518 Pages

The Brothers Grimm The Grimm brothers were early 19th century writers best known for their fairy tales coming from Scandinavian, Icelandic and Germanic origins. By 1807 there was a growing interest in German folk tales. The Grim brothers were academics who invited friends to their home and asked them to relate stories they had heard. They soon published their first collection of tales and from there several more volumes followed. Included in this collection are Hansel and Gretel, Briar Rose, The Fisherman and His Wife, Rapunzel, The Frog Prince, Little Red Riding Hood, Rumpelstiltshin, Tom Thumb and many more. These stories are a delight to read and will rekindle up many childhood memories as they are reread.

I'll admit, reading Grimm is easier than reading Anderson, which I think is saying something when it comes to traditional fairy tales. The stories are a little more coherent is a weird way. I know these are all stories that have been passed down and then collected by the Brothers, but I find it interesting how much they overlap. So many have similar themes; You better know that if you're a King and set weird tasks for the hand of your daughter, that some fool you don't like is going to find a way to win her. Or if you're a good man and find yourself in a death-defying situation that isn't going your way, you can always trick some other poor fool to take your place (and ultimate death). The youngest son is always the purest and will do whatever he can to save the day and will be richly rewarded for it while elder brothers are always lazy thieves who usually die. Always be nice to fairies and dwarves, because they will repay you either way

Crown of Midnight (Throne of Glass #2)

by Sarah J. Maas

418 Pages (12:01 Hours)

From the throne of glass rules a king with a fist of iron and a soul as black as pitch. Assassin Celaena Sardothien won a brutal contest to become his Champion. Yet Celaena is far from loyal to the crown. She hides her secret vigilantly; she knows that the man she serves is bent on evil.

Keeping up the deadly charade becomes increasingly difficult when Celaena realizes she is not the only one seeking justice. As she tries to untangle the mysteries buried deep within the glass castle, her closest relationships suffer. It seems no one is above questioning her allegiances—not the Crown Prince Dorian; not Chaol, the Captain of the Guard; not even her best friend, Nehemia, a foreign princess with a rebel heart.

Then one terrible night, the secrets they have all been keeping lead to an unspeakable tragedy. As Celaena's world shatters, she will be forced to give up the very thing most precious to her and decide once and for all where her true loyalties lie... and whom she is ultimately willing to fight for.

I really like this series, but I'm sad that they fridged one of my favorite characters half way through the story. Boo to this trope... boo I say. The rest of the story was great, and had some wonderful twists and turns, but that really put a damper on it for me. I still want to read the rest of the books and see what is to come for all the other characters that I still like.

Marked in Flesh (The Others #4)

by Anne Bishop

489 Pages

In the fourth in the "stunningly original" (Kirkus Reviews) New York Times bestselling series, the Others will need to decide how much humanity they're willing to tolerate--both within themselves and their community...

Since the Others allied themselves with the cassandra sangue, the fragile yet powerful human blood prophets who were being exploited by their own kind, the dynamic between humans and Others has changed. Some, such as Simon Wolfgard, wolf shifter and leader of the Lakeside Courtyard, and blood prophet Meg Corbyn see the closer companionship as beneficial. 

But not everyone is convinced. A group of radical humans is seeking to usurp land through a series of violent attacks on the Others. What they don't realize is that there are older and more dangerous forces than shifters and vampires protecting the land--and those forces are willing to do whatever is necessary to safeguard what is theirs....

I have been waiting a year for this book to come out in paperback and I was there in the bookstore that day trying to get my hands on a copy. I din't even finish the other book that I was reading before getting into this one and my god, was it good. It was worth the wait of a year and I think the next one will be too, although I really want to read it NOW. Through the other books, there has been a tenuous line between the Others and the humans and you never know which way the line is going to go or if it's going to break completely. This book breaks that line and it is incredibly difficult to put down the book when it does. It's also amazing to read about during such I time of fear and hate in the real world. perhaps this should be a lesson to us all?

The Crown Conspiracy (The Riyria Revelations #1) by Michael J. Sullivan

296 Pages THEY KILLED THE KING. THEY PINNED IT ON TWO MEN. THEY CHOSE POORLY. The Crown Conspiracy is book one of the multi-book saga: The Riyria Revelations. The series is told through six novels conceived as a single epic tale. Across the entire chronicle, mysteries build, characters evolve, and plots thicken, but each is self-contained and can be read independent of one another. In the first episode, the reader is introduced to Royce Melborn, a skilled thief, and his mercenary partner, Hadrian Blackwater, who make a profitable living carrying out dangerous assignments for conspiring nobles until they become the unwitting scapegoats in the murder of the king. Sentenced to death, they have only one way out...and so begins this epic tale of treachery and adventure, sword fighting and magic, myth and legend. Theft of Swords��was my RBA pick for this month. Little did I know when I picked up this 681 Page monstrosity, that it was actually a compilation and 2 books in one. Now I don't mind reading 2 books at all, but I hate that Goodreads will only count it as one. Sadness... Anyway, I decided to keep it on my RBA list as 1 book, but with each book under it. That way i still get to count is as 2 and will read the other one at another time. I first came across this series when Audible gave me some free short stories about the characters that I really enjoyed listening to. I put the actual series on my to-read list and later found out that Adam owned them. Awesome! They are fun and silly in an action movie sort of way, you know, without dimension and full of plot holes, but still super fun. Glass Sword (Red Queen #2) by Victoria Aveyard

448 Pages (14:39 Hours) If there's one thing Mare Barrow knows, it's that she's different. Mare Barrow's blood is red—the color of common folk—but her Silver ability, the power to control lightning, has turned her into a weapon that the royal court tries to control. The crown calls her an impossibility, a fake, but as she makes her escape from Maven, the prince—the friend—who betrayed her, Mare uncovers something startling: She is not the only one of her kind. Pursued by Maven, now a vindictive king, Mare sets out to find and recruit other Red-and-Silver fighters to join in the struggle against her oppressors. But Mare finds herself on a deadly path, at risk of becoming exactly the kind of monster she is trying to defeat. Will she shatter under the weight of the lives that are the cost of rebellion? Or have treachery and betrayal hardened her forever? The electrifying next installment in the Red Queen series escalates the struggle between the growing rebel army and the blood-segregated world they've always known—and pits Mare against the darkness that has grown in her soul. I'm also really enjoying this series and find it so interesting to see rebellion grow out of injustice. As in all these books the main character must become what she hates in their quest to free her people. I always enjoy the struggle of such a character as they have to decide what is too much before they too fall too far over the edge. Do you need to be a monster to stop a monster or can you save yourself before it's too late?

Books that I am currently reading

Vision of the Future (Star Wars: The Hand of Thrawn #2)

by Timothy Zahn

71 of 694 Pages

Bone Shop (Marla Mason #0.1)

by T.A. Pratt

115 of 244

Tower Lord (Raven's Shadow #2)

by Anthony Ryan

342 of 602 Pages (24:39 Hours) A Thousand Nights (A Thousand Nights #1) by E.K. Johnston217 of 352 Pages Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea (Extraordinary Voyages #6) by Jules Verne 50 of 394 Pages