#(I have one more post and then we'll be right back to our scheduled programming!)

[lucent-nargacuga]

Is it just me, or am I a little tired?

That's no surprise coming from you, Celesta Knight!

Oh, Casey!

...

You can feel it too, right?

...

Now that you say it... I can feel it.

Huh.

I suppose we went a little too far this year...

No, it was pretty normal.

...

Well, I'm going to get some sleep. I'll see you when I wake up.

Goodnight, Celesta Knight. Have fun!

...

Well, since she's going to sleep... I might as well, too.

Tootles!

[bronx-bomber87]

Evening all :) This is the second to last ep of s2. Unreal. I LOVE this episode. For so many reasons. I think its underrated which tends to be some of my fav moments and eps with them. Love this one for couple reasons. One of them being we’re re-tapping into why Tim is the best T.O. for Lucy. Little more look into Tim’s growing feelings for her. Also their continual growth as friends and their deepening bond. I love them so much. Like I said already this ep is underrated and one of my favs and you’ll see why. Let’s get started on this goodie.

2x19 The Q Word

We start off with Lucy's alarm going off for her shift. She turns it off saying how she doesn’t want to work today. (Me either girl...) We see she has a special guest with her. Heh. It's Emmett. Dude still fine as hell. Guess she finally took him up on his offer. Damn girl proud of you cashing that card in haha Way to come back into the dating world.

He tells her to be few minutes late continues on to say ‘Bradford's chill’ LMFAO Not even a little and definitely not with training Lucy. You'll experience that soon enough and see how wrong you are sir. Lucy tells him she’s in the final stretch of her training. Just 30 more days and she’ll be free. (Like you really wanna be free of Tim…we'll let you believe that though.) She is excited to be free of the mind games, Tim tests and being chewed out in public. I can’t blame her there even though it molded her into who she is now as a cop.

Emmett jumps on the chance about making her late after her probation. Lucy has to basically say down boy LOL It’s honestly really nice to see how happy she is. Like I said in the last ep with Tim. With not being Lucy level happy. In this case not Tim level happy or comfortable but nice to see none the less. She clearly has allowed herself to not let Caleb drag her down as much anymore. That's a massive victory for her. Should be noted and appreciated.

Can truly appreciate the relationships they had prior and what they had to give to them before they’re together. Lucy NEEDED someone like this post-Caleb. Needed a sweet goober. I am thankful for the role Emmett played in that. Helping her start to move past Caleb and the damage he inflicted. Her commitment issues showing themselves hard when she asks him to play it cool if they run into each other. To keep them on the DL. Also I don’t blame her she’s in the home stretch of this. Wants to do a final focused push to complete her training as well.

We get to roll call. Grey announces today is the rookies one year mark in the program. He tells them congratulations on not washing out. Tim can’t help himself and poke the bear. Saying ‘We’ll see’ that shit eating grin of his and heart eyes I can not. How proud he is of her projecting off him.

Excuse me sir you’re doing a work flirt right in front of everyone. Look at the way he’s looking at her when he says it. A blind person could read his intentions. Her reaction is perfection. Like she can’t believe he’s doing their banter unabashedly in front of roll call… for all to see LOL Our marriage scene of the episode please enjoy.

Grey says this is the start of their 30 day push. To remind them they’re not there just yet. That they shouldn’t be celebrating until they cross the finish line. Pretty much a foreshadowing for Lucy in this ep. All of them but mainly Lucy and the SL her and Tim have in this one.

Immediately following roll call we join them in their shop. Lucy mentions it’s weird they haven’t had any calls yet. Tim puts on his T.O. hat and barks ‘Crime doesn’t have a schedule boot.’ Lucy just smiles his T.O. company line having no effect on her. Tim notices it right away and asks ‘What she’s so happy about?’ Lucy plays it off says nothing. Can’t she just smile? Tim doesn’t let it go. (Wonder who he learned that from?)

Tells her she’s been doing it a lot lately is all...Lucy bites back she didn’t know being happy was an impediment to being a good cop. Tim remarks he’s just surprised she hasn’t talked his ear off about whatever it is. Tim Bradford speak for he actually wants her to. Whether he likes it or not he’s come to enjoy her sharing things with him. When she doesn't he gets antsy like in this scene. Questions what's going on with her.

Tim acts like he can’t stand how chatty she is. When really he can’t handle it when she isn’t sharing stuff with him. Doesn’t want to feel left out in her life. Especially since she "granted" him re-access to it in 2x17. (He always had it she just had to remind of that fact) Lucy doesn’t budge on any info. So Tim starts taking shots in the dark. Asking random questions. 'Did she rescue a kitten?' 'Adopt a star?' LMFAO Timothy what? Haha god I love this man.

Lucy tells him what early s1 Tim would’ve been thrilled to hear. That her personal life is none of his business. He smiles and says there’s hope for her yet. Ok Tim I’m sure that’s EXACTLY what you want. Smh. My god these two. Do they even realize how much flirting just went down in that interaction? The banter, the looks, the cute little smiles. Look at them in those last two gifs above. As transparent as glass. These idiots I love them so much.

If you needed to see their chemistry in one glorious shot. This is it. What a beautiful shot of these two. How the sun shines mostly on her is lovely nod to them as characters. They're checking in with one another silently as they hear a ‘shots fired’ call come over the radio. Processing the severity of the call together. The lighting is beautiful, the looks glorious, that silent communication ever present. I adore it.

They can hear how amped up the rookie on the radio is. Tim attaches them to the pursuit. Harper and Nolan attach themselves as well. Jackson hears his friends panicked voice. Tells Angela they we’re in the academy together. He the follows suit of the other two. Such an intense drive to where Chris and his T.O. are in pursuit.

Sadly Chris disobeys his T.O. to stay in cover while backup arrives. This kid has something to prove and leaves cover. His T.O. shouting at him to stay back. Unfortunately he’s shot instantly in the chest multiple times by their assailant. The guy takes off leaving Harper/Nolan to chase him as they arrive on scene. Tim and Lucy show up after all the chaos has ensued. Tim pulls Martinez Chris’s T.O. to the side. Says he’s going to need to talk to him since he was a witness to the shooting. Jackson decides to ride with Chris easing Martinez to go talk with Tim.

Tim then does what he does best. Deescalates the situation. This man is trying to justify himself to Tim. Tells him how he taught Chris better than that. That he’s made mistakes before but not like this. Tim is incredible in this moment. This scene shows us how good Tim is at his job. How important he knows training rookies is to T.O.’s Why Martinez is panicking like he is. Feels like he failed this kid and is spiraling.

Tim uses that common bond to get through to an emotionally heightened officer. He's coming off his rookie being shot. He's not seeing straight and blaming himself. So Tim calms him down using logic and listening to get the statement from him. The empathy and understanding that follow are a skill that was sharpened by a certain rookie of his. (So damn proud) He's trying to relay to him this wasn’t his fault. He doesn't need to defend himself to him.

I love how he relates to Martinez in this moment. All the while he is looking at Lucy. His words carrying extra weight to them. Almost like he's telling himself this as well as his fellow T.O.. This is hitting closer to home for him than he'd like. His look says so very much to anyone who is watching closely. Eric crushing it per usual saying so much with so little. The depth of how much he cares for her at this point. The man was gone for her long before they got together. (He just hasn’t been clued in yet about that fact.)

The way his eyes dart over to her while he’s comforting Martinez. What happened to this man is Tim’s greatest fear on the job. Not preparing Lucy enough and she gets hurt as a result. If he could only realize how much he’s already impacted her. She would not have survived 2x11 if not for his training of her. 'The Cop Eyes' he instilled in her to drop that ring for him.

She had the grit and determination all her own to survive no doubt. That 'No quit' paired with his training is why she made it. If you wanted to see Tim’s PTSD in action it’s this next portion. That deep fear of losing her the way he almost did back in 2x11. This next entire scene is screaming that PTSD from that. This moment a stark reminder for him that he could lose her just as quickly on the job due to a mistake. That it would be his fault. Again.

Some may think Tim is too harsh here. He’s being a dick etc. That’s not what I see here at all. I see a man in emotional panic. A spiral really. Talking to Martinez shook him more than he’s leading on. Watching his biggest fear happen to someone else is triggering his PTSD more than he'd like. We all know even with Lucy’s forgiving him how he’s still haunted by her almost death. Tim is still learning how channel his emotions. Lucy has opened a floodgate of having them and he hasn’t learned to control them just yet.

I can relate so very much. When you’ve repressed feelings for so long, then allow them to the surface they can be overwhelming. The anxiety of drowning in those emotions comes out in one of two ways. Anger or a complete shut down. For Tim anger is an old friend of his. He can’t seem to tamp down how this situation is making him feel.

Nor does he know how to deal with why it is. So he sees a small mistake she makes and lashes out. His current anxiety is manifesting into anger right now. His fear taking a life of it's own. Losing it on her over something he wouldn't necessarily been happy about but not to this current level of anger.

He is panicking because after the final 30 days elapses he won’t be by her side to protect her anymore. Its a harsh reality he isn't handling too well right now. Rios being shot bringing that into sharp focus. That this could happen to her without him there to guide her. So naturally he’s going to be hard on her especially in this moment. His way of controlling it and his emotions. He just watched a rookie get fatally shot and carted off to hospital due to a small error in judgement.

All those emotions and all that panic are coming through in spades in this moment. Tim isn’t handling his emotions about potentially losing her well. It more than shows in this scene. If he was trying to hold his emotional cards close to his chest about Lucy in this scene he failed miserably. It comes out when he asks her if she wants to end up like Rios? Showing his hand so much in this scene emotionally.

Now Emmett making the mistake of trying to intervene bites him in the ass badly. It’s bad for a couple reasons. The road to hell is paved with good intentions as they say. Reason one it was a terrible idea. Don’t get between Tim and his person. Emmett caught an emotionally exposed Tim and ran into an actual buzz saw doing this. Today was the WRONG day to interfere with him. Not gonna lie I do love Tim going all alpha on him. Saying she’s HIS boot. Destroying Emmett completely asking if 'He's got it? Before walking away.

Second reason it was not his best idea. Lucy. I adore her telling Emmett she didn’t need him to save her. Damn right you don’t. She is capable of defending herself especially with Tim. That's one of her super powers really. It was more embarrassing for Lucy he tried to step in to "protect" her. Not only that but mess with her work dynamic with Tim. She asked him to be cool at work and he wasn’t. Lucy makes sure he knows that before she takes off herself. She isn't a damsel in distress and lets him know. Leaving Emmett stunned.

Nolan and Harper get a finger print ID off the ditched car they pursued. They’re gearing up to break into Serj Derain's. Tim knows Lucy is shaken up for multiple reasons. Her friend Chris being shot, Him chewing her out and her mini fight with Emmett. He is always thinking of her first even when he doesn’t even realize he’s doing so. It's second nature at this point. He does this by resetting her mentally before they walk in the door of this man's house.

Saying how they already lost one cop today. She’s not going to be another. He refuses to lose Lucy by her potentially losing focus in this moment. This man just knows her like the back of his hand. It always floors me. Knows innately she needs these words of focus. That her mind is elsewhere and he needs it shifted back to the task at hand. The continuous proof of why he was the perfect T.O. for her. Tim reading her emotional state and directing her emotions. This is his version of taking care of her. By telling Lucy exactly what she needs to hear before they start this.

Her look of understanding after he dispenses his words of wisdom to her is perfection. Complete understanding of what he's saying and doing for her in this moment. ❤️ Everything this man does for her has her best interests at heart and ultimately to protect her. (Just like she does for him) It’s a beautiful thing to watch honestly. The two way support these two have for one another. This is an underrated moment for them. I wanted to expound on it. It shows that bond they have.

That even though they’re closer than they used to be with how she can sass him from time to time when it comes down to it that instant respect she has for Tim and his guidance. It is evident in this scene. His wisdom is guiding her right now emotionally and she knows it. That when he is serious like this she takes notice and listens immediately. She would follow him into hell if he asked her to.

They get inside with no issues. He isn’t home and the house is cleared. They’re searching his home office. Lucy asks Tim what they’re looking for? He tells her anything that can tell them where he is. It’s then Tim runs across some disturbing info. Confidential Police files on the Derian’s. Makes sense why nothing has stuck to them now. Someone’s been leaking info to the Armenian mob. A dirty cop in their midst…

We rejoin them in their shop. Lucy asks if they can talk about earlier? So much has happened today he’s not sure what she means. Lucy says about Emmett. Tim is immediately defensive. Tells her nothing to say about it. He tried to tell him how to do his job. On today of all days. Tim says he doesn’t care if he’s her BF. Lucy instantly cuts him off and corrects him. Says he’s not. (ahhh Lucy your commitment issues are showing again my dear) Tells Tim he’s a little dead to her right now anyway. I’m sure in the back of Tim’s mind that gives him a little peace.

Then comes one of the best parts of the episode for them. In not so many words this scene is Tim revealing something. Showing Lucy he cares about her in the most Tim way possible. He voices in a much kinder way his fears from earlier in the ep. That yes she’s only 30 days from the finish line. What scares him is when she crosses it he won’t be there to keep her from washing out anymore. 'Or worse...' The way she looks at him when he says this *heart clutch* Tim Bradford speak for I don’t want to lose you.

He solidifies it by reinforcing yeah he’s going to be tough on her. That is a straight fact. Then rolls a compliment into it as well. (How far we’ve come. *wipes tear*) Tells Lucy he’s only doing that because he KNOWS she can handle it. No one one knows her better than he does. No one will ever look out for her best interests better than he will. Or will prepare her the way he can. He only has 30 days left with her. Tim is going to make her as sharp as possible. So he can let her go when the time comes. Only way he will have peace of mind is if he does it this way.

Lucy’s reactions says it all. Beaming a little as she explains how sweet it is. She knows how he struggles with his emotions. That he tends to show them through actions rather than words. The fact that he told her this means so much. Tim in a roundabout way, told her he cares so much for her he’s afraid losing her after they're no longer riding together. That he can't protect her anymore after that. So he’s going to do everything in his power to safeguard her from this jobs worst moments and possibilities like today.

She makes sure he knows how 'oddly sweet' she finds his words. Tim is trying to bite back a smile above. That sunshine of hers seeping in just a little bit more. Trying to be a grump and be like 'That's not what I meant' when that's exactly what he meant. Revealing more cracks in that emotional wall of his. God I love it so Much.

Lucy continues on and says he’s not the one she’s mad at right now. That’s she’s used to Tim. Then he does something S1 Tim would be appalled at. Gives her advice on her personal life. Doing it not to please her or get her to stop talking. But because he genuinely cares about her. Giving me all the feels in this one. My shipper heart may implode.

Tells her Emmett is a fireman. So naturally they’re idiots LOL He makes Lucy smile in a way only he can. Tim forges on saying they mean well and Emmett is a 'not bad fireman'. Tells her not to write him off just yet. That he meant well by it. Look at our boy. I’m legit beaming with pride as I write this. How far this man has come in 2 seasons hell just this season alone. Leaps and bounds all due to the the sunshine human to his right.

Lucy being herself can’t help but rib him about this. That the reason he’s giving her this advice is cause they’re friends. Honestly yeah. At this point they are. S1 finale was the start of the friends foundation but they weren't there yet. It was the beginning of that deeper bond of theirs and we’re nearing the end of s2. All that foundation has now been laid. The fruits of it are they are friends now.

Best part of this section Is he doesn’t even deny it really. He scoffs a little af first (denial isn’t just a river in Egypt Tim) but concedes at the end. The light in his eyes and the crooked smile. You know this man is happy to be considered her friend. Her confidant. Once again Eric saying so god damn much with so little. I’ll never be over how good he is with that. Like ever. Could go on for miles and miles but I won’t do that to you all haha That wraps up their scenes together in this one. SO much good content thought. Oh my lord.

Sadly Chris passes away and Jackson is distraught. Lucy being there for Jackson is so sweet. Taking care of her business with Emmett but putting him first. I love their friendship. I do admire he came over to apologize and say he was wrong. Saying she’s the strongest woman he knows. That the last thing she needs is a protector. Well you as her protector yes. sorry Emmett lol That role is not meant to be yours. She has her fierce protector already. Tim is that but her emotional protector first and foremost. I mean he would smash a dude's face in for her LOL but she doesn't need that. That's it for this one. Such a good episode for them I can not.

~~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

Longer than normal cause the entire episode is so good. The Chenford would’ve been enough but the ep being so good on top of it I’m happy.

Angela seeing Smitty’s cam footage LOL he’s such an idiot and we all love him haha sadly how she finds out Erin Cole is a dirty cop though. Or one of them…

The whole SL with Chris, Derians and Armstrong it’s so solid and stressful to watch baha his SL was shocking when I watched it the first time. Watching this squeaky clean cop fall from grace and become a dirty cop. Tragic af but compelling as hell.

Rewatching it through the eyes of knowing you can see how much he was giving away in his scenes. So sad the ending for Cole. Debt erasure is a huge motivator for most it’s truly so sad.

Watching John and Grace continue to fall apart sucks. I truly liked them more so than him and Bailey TBH. Their chemistry was evident.

Harper thanking John for all his help in getting her kid back. That she wouldn’t be here if not for him. The impact he had. Such growth for her. Since day one she has marched toward growth and where she is now. I adore her arc and how far she has come in this moment. Such an overall amazing episode. Hell of an ep before the finale.

Thank you all for the continued support through likes/comment and reblogs. Means more than I can ever say. Our next ep is the finale. Woo. I’ll see you all then :)

[halfagone]

Oooo different anon but

Please do share you spreadsheets tricks! I only use spreadsheets if I have to make a table (because somehow it's easier to copy paste it from there instead of making one in documents...) but it seems like a such an useful tool that I don't have motivation to learn how to use :/

Hello! And I'll try my best! Some of these may seem more basic, but they can do absolute wonders for organization. Now this is a long post, with screenshots!, so buckle up your seatbelts.

All screenshots will be from Google Sheets. I do have and use Excel on occasion, and some of these items can be found on that program as well, although it may be placed elsewhere. Please note, too, that all examples are done on a PC device. For mobile phones or tablets, some of these keyboard shortcuts might not work the same and may require a little more finagling to get right.

I'll start with making something called a "Header Row". Basically it's how you name your columns so you know what should be in each.

This is just an example spreadsheet, but it'll work lol. (If you don't know how to highlight those four cells, select A1, hold Shift key and use the Right Arrow key [->] until you have highlighted all the results you want for your Header Row.)

From here, you go to View on the panel and select/hover over Freeze, where you can then select "1 row". This should freeze your selected row. So no matter how far down you scroll, or how much information you have recorded, you'll always know what's supposed to be listed there.

Next we have something called "Conditional Formatting". This can be really useful if for filtering data. In this example, I changed the spreadsheet to have various cells with "Yes" or "No", to show what it can do.

---

Once you've selected the cells/rows/columns you want, choose Format, then Conditional Formatting.

From there, it should give you a panel on the right side of your screen that looks a little something like this:

You can do a lot with this! You can even adjust the range here if you realize you picked the wrong ones or changed your mind for any other reason. But to format it, you need to choose the rule. Here is some examples that they offer you:

In this case, I am going to choose the Text Contains rule. From there, I pick what the text should say. I even get to pick and choose my colors. So at the end it'll look like this:

My spreadsheet will reflect this rule as well.

You can also add as many rules as you want! Just use that "+ Add another rule" at the bottom there and repeat the process.

---

Now this next one is among my personal favorites: Dropdown menus!

This can also cover something called "Data validation", but I won't bore you with that explanation just yet.

Go back to that Insert tab and you'll see Dropdown further down the list. (Smart Chip functions in a very similar way, but it's works better for collaborative projects or scheduling needs.) We'll get to Checkbox in the next round.

When you click on Dropdown, you'll get this window:

Much like with Conditional Formatting, Dropdown allows you to customize what your options are and how they're colored. I'll use some basic examples for you to get an idea.

And of course you can add or delete as many options as you need.

So when we go back to our spreadsheet, it'll look a little something like this:

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Checkbox is fairly simple, and doesn't allow much for customization. But if you go back to the Insert tab and click on that option, you can get a little something like this:

A nice little checklist if you need it!

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A simple trick to filling more cells is actually fairly easy. You see that little blue dot on the bottom right corner?

If you're using a formula, you can just double click that dot and it'll usually just fill in all the cells for you! And if you're not using a formula, dragging works just fine. You can also use the Insert Row/Column/Cell option by right clicking with your mouse, or referring to the Insert tab on the top panel.

---

If you want to make your cells/rows/columns stand out a little more, might I recommend Borders?

They give you a lot of options for what it'll look like. For this example, I'll use the fourth option of the first row. That'll make it look a little something like this:

And hmm... I don't like how they're leaning to the left. Let's fix that too.

And maybe a few more cosmetic changes...

And BOOM! It already looks a lot different! At just a glance now you can tell what goes where based on colors alone! You can also customize colors if you don't like the basic ones, but I think I'll leave that mystery to you. ;)

I hope this gave you a good head's start! And don't worry if it feels overwhelming at first. I know I forgot a lot of tricks and tips (and a good number of keyboard shortcuts) when I went a long time between using spreadsheets. You're free to refer to this guide any time you want or need to, and if you have questions, I'll try my best to help!

Classes have always taught me this: never feel embarrassed to look something up. There are websites like Github or Stack Overflow for paid professionals to get help and advice. We should be allowed to do the same.

Now that I have sufficiently buried you in information, I hope you have a wonderful new year!

[maryellencarter]

So I've been tussling with how to write this post for some time now.

Uh, the background good news first? I appear to have worked almost an entire pay period and also March is a three paycheck month, so I'm making some very solid progress on getting caught up on my bills, and it seems like this might even continue. I know I tend to be more optimistic than is usually warranted, but 70 hours in my time clock when working all my scheduled hours would put me at 72 is pretty damn impressive, especially compared to how I've been doing for a really long time.

So then I was poking around and trying to figure out what one even does with disposable income. I've been going to a knitting group at a local yarn shop recently (I forget if I mentioned here but a friend was able to get me some KN95 masks and some helpful information about transmission rates so I can socialize safely again! This is probably a big factor in me being less depressed and more worky again also), but I don't really enjoy owning yarn I don't have A Plan for, so right now I've got a cable sweater for Leia, a fancy silk lace scarf, a puffy hexagon blanket, and a crochet baby blanket going, and I just really don't want any more yarn until I finish with one or two of these projects.

Recently, though, as y'all have probably seen, there was an announcement going around about the American Girl doll brand announcing a pair of 1999-themed Historical Character dolls. Because Tumblr is the "we are getting old" website at this point, there were Noises. (They have a Pizza Hut "Book-It" reading program playset. I have never been smacked in the face with nostalgia so hard in my entire life.)

As some of y'all may also remember, I used to have a whole collection of American Girl dolls and furniture and whatnot, because I was trying to do the whole "believe you can be safe and stable now and have the things you were never allowed to have as a kid" thing with a reasonable part of the money I'd inherited from my then recently deceased grandmother (a lovely human being, and by extreme genetic good luck the relative I take after physically, so that I don't have to deal with the whole "growing up to look exactly like my abuser" thing that some people have to suffer through). Then the 2016 election happened, I had a horrible depressive spiral, was unable to work, sold 90% of my collection to pay the rent, eventually became homeless anyway, and lost the other 10% by trusting the wrong person to keep my stuff safe when I had no other options.

ANYWAY! Not the point. The point is that I started poking my nose back into the American Girl website, and then the wiki in order to try to figure out what all I'd missed, and I'm kind of being like "hey, I could hypothetically afford some of this stuff again now".

(I personally find it hilarious that the brand is trying to walk a line between "Addressing trans and nonbinary identities in our helpful book on puberty for preteens? Sure, we'll do that, we're progressive! Also did you say Harry Potter collaboration? That's a license to basically print money from customers who are nostalgic for the same era we were most popular in, let's do this", which is exactly the kind of seesawing I expect from Disney -- who owns American Girl via Mattel.)

So *anyway*, and this is the part of this post I'm really struggling with: I also used to be heavily involved in the part of the American Girl adult collectors fandom that describes itself as "queer-friendly and socially conscious". That part of the fandom runs the wiki (which is an extremely useful and well-constructed resource). I don't know who-all from those days may still follow me on Tumblr, and I'm actually not looking to cause drama, just sort of thinking out loud as I so often do on the tunglrs, but after five years away from the fandom and having poked my nose back in, I'm running into a royal shitton of memories (and a little new information) that's making me go "Holy fuck, this place was *incredibly* toxic, no wonder I got utterly burned out on trying to interact with the dolls and items the way they demanded everybody should. No wonder I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells to even say anything or post a picture related to this fandom."

So. Let's be real. I'm saying "the way they demanded". It's one person, backed up by other mods who don't create their own separate demands. This particular section of the fandom is ruled with an iron fist by one self-described Angry Black Woman who... the very kindest way I can find to describe it is, she's a walking talking demonstration of how you cannot create a single safe space that's safe for everyone. I made a post several years ago that went a little bit viral, where I pointed out that being uncomfortable with a very verbally aggressive black authority figure can actually be because of the "very verbally aggressive authority figure" part, say if you're a survivor of emotional abuse *koff koff*, and doesn't have to mean you're "uncomfortable with black anger" Because You're Racist. That post was a direct reaction to multiple instances of seeing this person tell people "you're pushing back against me being verbally abusive, that's a racist action on your part".

That's the kindest, most nonconfrontational way I can come up with to talk about the situation. Less tactfully, after going to look over the forum rules for this subsection of the fandom -- hoping to realize I'd just been an extremely sensitive tortellini at the time and they weren't that bad, because I know I was an extremely sensitive tortellini in other matters -- in actual fact, I've been reminded very loudly that these rules are a 13k essay on topics such as You Must Be Okay With Verbal/Emotional Abuse If It's Directed At You By People Of Color, All Cultures Of Color Are Closed Cultures Now (So Don't You Dare Put This Black Doll's Clothes On Any Other Doll), and the real kicker for me, Only Selected Queer Identities Are Suitable For Public Discussion (subsection We're Redefining Queerness To Exclude Polyamory, new since I was last here, with sub-subsection Oops We Didn't Mean To Exclude Asexuals Only Those Icky Cishets, and fun guessing game Are We Excluding Aromantics Or Did We Just Forget They Exist, Ask And See If You Get Banned).

I... genuinely didn't mean to go on that long. But this is exactly why I'm making this post. Because I have a *lot* of trauma from trying to figure out what's actually racist or offensive and what's not, while being in a community where anything the main mod doesn't like can suddenly be declared an offense against social justice, and if you ever step on her toes, you're likely to be relegated to the ranks of the damned (aka the white Christian mommybloggers who own more than six white dolls or less than 50% dolls of color). And as probably all of you know, I do a lot of thinking out loud about trauma. Which is a PROBLEM, because this person definitely still follows me here (I don't know who else from the fandom does), and Tumblr blocks don't keep people from seeing your posts, only interacting with them.

So. Uh. There's probably going to be... more of this. I'm making this post now because I'm almost done sewing a doll skirt, I want to show it off here, and I'm also having a really nasty anxiety attack over how this person is definitely going to metaphorically rip it to shreds in the dedicated forum thread for mocking homemade doll clothes (mostly from Etsy) that don't live up to her exacting standards of Historically Accurate Doll Costuming. (The skirt is gathered instead of using 1800s-style "cartridge pleats"! The horror!)

Yeah. So. Um. I guess... if you follow me from when I was last in AG doll fandom, here's where I stand, at least right now. I'm not going to name any names, but you likely know who I'm talking about. I'm not going to go after anybody or cause trouble on their blog, but I'm not going to pull any punches when I'm talking about the ways they and their policies have made me feel unsafe in the fandom. And I'm not going to follow their byzantine rules based on the concept that a single doll can only have one ethnicity and one backstory. A doll, in its essence, is a shapeshifter the way a character actor is a shapeshifter, and not all of us want to create 50+ fixed individual characters that can't wear each other's clothes.

If you can't live with any of that, feel free to go commiserate with each other. I'm not planning to go back to the forum, so don't worry that I'll see anything you say there. (I'm not even planning to publish the rules publicly, since they're not viewable when logged out, although they are a trip and a half to read without the context of the dramas that shaped them.)

If you're scared what will happen to your standing in the fandom if you like my posts or keep following me, though... maybe that's a place to start thinking.

[soyezheureux]

i just woke up and suddenly remembered one of my friends from the community service program back in college.

as i recall, twas about a year before the service program started that i first met and got acquainted with her. of course the goal was to get to know all the members better while we were finalizing all the ideas and plans during the program.

the funny thing is, the person i mentioned in this post is from the same faculty as my best friend (who's also a member of my gang and i meet regularly). you could say it's kinda "the world's narrow" (but it's narrow anyway) hahaha.

i remember asking my best friend about this person on a few occasions coz i got the impression that she was cold and seemed fierce. my friend had a similar take. he said she's easily offended, speaks firmly without caring about the feelings of others as long as she's right, and is sometimes quite cruel.

darn! i was a bit worried at first coz we were in the same division. inevitably, i had to interact with her for a longer period of time than the other members. but in the end, i decided to keep it as it was and just try not to upset her HAHAHAHAHAH. just a heads up, i'm a pacifist and try to avoid drama 😎🤘🏻

at last, the service program began. we, 20 students who are basically Javanese islanders (regardless of bloodline or tribe), have to go to one of the islands in eastern Indonesia, Maluku. we were split into two groups: the ship and the plane team. the ship team left almost a week earlier coz yeah... they got to visit more islands in Indonesia (fun fact: the ship and its route are exactly the same as the ship i used during my 2024 new year's vacation trip to Sulawesi hahaha). the girl in this story and i were on the airplane team. we left one day before the ship team's schedule to reach our final destination of Maluku.

at this point, i'm starting to see another side of this girl and it's so lovely! i mean, she's not that bad??? over time, i've also started to feel less worried. but i still don't dare to joke too much with her coz i've to keep my image to look “safe” in her eyes HAHAHAHAHA. remember, i'll still be dealing with her more than i will with the other members.

one day, i got a schedule to teach at one of the elementary schools together with her. i've to admit, i panicked a little and felt like i was in a bit of a "i'm dead!" moment (i'm sorryyyy ✌🏻). but i came to realize that i had made a mistake and gone overboard. bruh.. my teaching partner that day was super excellent!!!

i think she was a different person than the one i had met when we were with other members hahaha. even without her knowing afterwards, i always wished we had the same schedule coz i enjoyed it. we even go out together to walk around, buy food/drinks or look for daily necessities, and we'll just walk aimlessly just to talk to each other personally (honestly it's more like she's confiding in me coz at that time she was annoyed at one of our members hahahaha).

just so you know, my friend's relatively small especially when compared to me. picture a wall clock 🕐: i'm the minute hand, she's the hour hand. i realized this when we walked side by side and gave her a side hug, she was so small. i wondered, is her fierceness a self protection mechanism for her small body? hahaha ✌🏻

OH! one thing i should mention (coz i know there will be people who disagree with this kinda behavior) is that i gave her a side hug coz she looked really sad at the time. i mean, i'm not good at comforting someone with words. so, i just gave her a side hug and a light pat on the shoulder to cheer her up. after all, at that time i still had the girlfriend i loved the most even though our relationship ended a year later 😎 (dang, out of topic!). i've come to realize that i've managed to maintain my image as a "safe zone" for her hehehe

oh, a funny thing happened! this happened when the program was over and i went to her boarding house to complete our responsibility of writing a report. at the time, we were sitting next to each other and she saw that i had just sent her a file via WhatsApp. then i locked my phone and continued writing something on paper. she saw everything clearly and then said, "you know, i was annoyed with you several times coz every time i chatted with you, the information that you were 'online' suddenly disappeared. but strangely, you still replied to my chat. i thought you had just finished it on purpose. read my chat, then replied an hour later coz you still don't wanna discuss this report."

bruuhhhh??? it wasn't my attitude that annoyed her, but that silly WhatsApp feature??? HAHAHAHAHA

and yeah, that's how our friendship started. it's ended once the community service program wrapped up the semester after that. we (i mean, all the members too) focused on our respective theses and graduated from college. sadly, we haven't had any personal contact since then hahahahaha

[umichenginabroad]

First week of research: complete!

Week 3

Hey hey hey this is Emily reporting live from Spain with some more updates! I'll be talking about how research has been going so far, transportation, and other miscellaneous happenings as well. That being said, let's get intooooo it!

Please let this be a normal field trip!

Seatbelts, everyone!

So as I mentioned in previous posts, we had a two week Intro to Research course before actually starting our research projects. That was pretty much the foundation of everything we needed to know, along with familiarizing ourselves with a new day-to-day structure. This all took place at the engineering campus, but for research we have to be at the Gipuzkoa Science and Technology Park which is about 40 ish minutes away from our hotel by bus (IF the bus is on time). For the most part, we haven't had much trouble with the public transportation here in San Sebastian. Once we got bus cards, it's just a simple swipe and we're on our way to the downtown in an instant. Very very unfortunately though, the bus we have to take for research is notorious for being late because the driver hits too many curbs and has to fill out a form each time they do :'(. In these moments I reminisce about the M-bus and how I took for granted my favs: bbaits and comm north shoutout!! At least the bus always keeps us on our toes and makes for an interesting ride:

The bus driver had some of us help to move this car that stalled out in the roundabout...

Workin' 9 to 5!

Alright, let's get into the main topic of today: research! As the song snippet implies, we really do work a tried and true 9 to 5 (sometimes we get to a leave a little earlier or stay later). I don't mind it, I like having a solid schedule and knowing what I have to get done in a day. Our program has a range of different engineering majors, such as biomedical (me!), mechanical, electrical, comp sci, etc. and there are three groups of us each under our own professors. For my group, we have four people including myself, along with two PIs and a PhD student since we're currently working on two projects at the same time. Throughout the day we have brief meetings with them to show any progress that we've made, have discussions/analysis talks, and then go over the next tasks. I think we're pretty lucky because we have the biggest group out of the other two, and we get three rooms to ourselves (biomedical instrumentation lab, photonics lab, and cell culture lab). Nobody's got it better than we do. Overall, I really enjoy everyone I work with and what we accomplished this week! Looking forward to testing out more of the equipment such as the 3D printers and microscopes :).

On the left is Ricardo bringing the clurb to the photo lab, on the right is Diego prioritizing maximum comfort while hard at work

Happy Hour!

After lab what I've been doing is going back and...napping. Ok ok that hasn't been every single day but I need a little bit of a recharge before I go out and do anything else. Lately I walk around the beach or go to a bakery/coffee shop to get a sweet treat, or with the rest of my friends we'll terrace or get 2 for 1 pizza (so worth). The guys in our group taught us how to play the spanish card game Brisca, which is actually kind of similar to Euchre in some ways (flashbacks to the 280 Euchre project...makes me shiver thinking about it). Take a look at some highlights from this week below!

This is from one of my walks near the water! The scenery in this area was super cool to see.

My friends and I eating hotdogs (Miss Patatas on top!) and then absolutely DEVOURING some basque cheesecake.

and last but not least, this is Meteor! He's our lab mascot which we think was won at Dave and Busters?

Till next time!

Emily Dobao

Biomedical Engineering

IPE San Sebastian, Spain

June 9th, 2024

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Forty-Five

Table of Content or Part Forty-Four

Read HERE on Wattpad

Words: 3.1K

Warning(s): Explicit language, sexual situations, mentions of drug abuse

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Five days detoxing at Doc's house+rehab+therapy=road to recovery=out of the woods. It's the magical equation I swore up and down wouldn't end in "Error."

The few dishes on the counter shatter into the floor once Nikki roughly sits me on it, his fingers digging into my thighs that wrap securely around him, our tongues twisting as we tug and pull at each other's clothes.

I get his pants undone as he pulls the towel from around my body, taking a handful of my soaking wet hair in his hand and tugging my head back to leave bites and bruises up and down my neck, causing me to hum in pleasure while my core pulses with anticipation to be filled by him.

Moving myself to the edge of the counter, spreading my legs as he runs his fist up and down his length a few times, I take heavy breaths, a wash of shame coming over me for a moment because this is the complete opposite of what we were instructed to do. 

But fuck the "no contact" rule. 

I've barely had any contact with him the past few months because he's been stoned or drunk. Telling me to practically ignore and avoid him for 30 days straight is like waving a loaded syringe in an addict's face before sitting it down in front of them and leaving them alone after telling them "okay I know it's right there and it's the one thing you struggle most to control yourself around, but don't even look at it."

Fuck that, and Nikki. And I refuse to walk around my own house anymore and not do the latter of those two.

The indescribable feeling of him pushing into me has my head tipping back , and my eyes closing as the both of us let out content sighs. 

I put my weight on one of my hands that rests on the counter beside me, the other hand wrapped around the back of Nikki's neck, as he moves in and out of me ferociously and I meet him thrust for thrust.

Let's take a step back and catch up on how he and I had gotten to that point.

Eight Days Earlier

"You two can detox at my place, check into rehab, come out when you're better and we'll go from there." Doc explains to Nikki and Tansy as they both sit on our couch.

"W-What about the press? Or my mom?" Tansy asks him nervously, fumbling with the tag on the throw blanket she's enveloped in.

"You let me deal with your mom and the media, alright?" Doc assures her. 

"Surely your mom won't be pissed at you for getting help, Tans." I try to tell her and she rubs her lips together.

"People will know I have a problem if I got to rehab." She points out. "It'll make me look bad."

"Having to cover your entire body with makeup to hide the discoloration of your skin and the track marks, looks bad, Tansy. Screw what people think. At least you're admitting you need help." I say and she doesn't reply, just looking at Nikki to gauge his reaction to all of this.

He looks pissed, but too tired and defeated to give a shit enough to argue with me anymore about it.

"What's the point of rehab if I'm just gonna end up kicking it at Doc's place?" Nikki asks me and I let out a breath.

"Because rehab will teach you coping mechanisms that Doc can't, Nikki. It won't take that long for you to get out if you just try your best at it." I reply and he scoffs. 

"So, what, you're babysitting me at Doc's until I'm done throwing up, shitting myself, and having hot and cold flashes and then shipping me off for a few weeks?" He cuts his dead eyes at me and Doc and I exchange looks.

"Well, it depends on how quickly you adjust to rehab and make a turn around, as to how soon you can get out...so it might be more than a few weeks." Doc informs him. "And Bob has already scheduled you and Viv an appointment with a marriage therapist."

"Well if I'm spending more than three weeks in rehab there's no point in working on our marriage." 

"The program you'll be in includes this particular therapist who's currently working on creating a schedule for Vivian to come visit you often and you two have your sessions bi-weekly." Doc states and Nikki rolls his jaw, looking at me.

"Is this what you really want? Your husband gone for weeks on end until some quack gives me a certificate and a gold star because I went 'X' amount of time without shooting up?" He harshly questions me and I rub my lips together.

I think of the reasons Nikki didn't spend more than three days in rehab the first time he went, was because A.) He refused to believe in a higher power, and B.) He didn't go to rehab because he knew he had a problem and wanted to get better, he went to rehab to appease the people around him because he felt we were twisting his arm until he gave up and cried "mercy" a.k.a "fine I'll go, just as long as you shut the fuck up and get off my back about it."

I look at him for a moment, studying his knotted hair, his yellow skin, his shot eyes, his weak appearance, before saying:

"I'd rather you hate me for a little while for getting you help, instead of waking up and trying to convince myself to continue to live in a world with no Nikki Sixx in it."

"We're not indestructible, Nikki." Tansy adds softly, knowing very well she and he both need help.

He doesn't say anything else.

She had Doc and I convinced she wanted help...but truth be told Nikki actually went to rehab while Tansy had Duff come get her from Doc's house.

She knew she had a severe problem, but the only time Tansy would "clean up" was when she gave her veins a break, out of fear of completely losing them, and was muscling smack. She would fall back on pills and lots of booze, then when some of her veins would start reviving themselves back from their smaller size, she would start up again.

I can't even say how much money she and her mother were paying people to keep quiet to the media. 

Nobody could know perfect Tansy Lyn, Playboy's Barbie Doll, was so broken inside that she repeatedly destroyed her body, let it rebuild, and wrecked it again. 

It must have been a punch in the face to her mom when Tansy came clean in '88 and admitted she had struggled with addiction and was going into rehab...and an even harder punch in the face when she came back in into the spotlight in 1989, dropping her stage name "Tansy Lyn" and dawning "Tansalyn Rose" after marrying Axl, and practically confessed every grimy detail of her obsession with hard drugs and alcohol since 1981, and why she started them to cope with what was happening behind the scenes of the brutal modeling industry. 

In 1990, her vision-come-to-life, "I Won't Just Smile", was born. It started as a campaign to raise awareness against sexual abuse, exploitation, and coercion in all corners of the modelling industry, then stemmed into an organization that offered free services to victims of addiction and abuse, from rehab to post-assault counseling and everything in between.

Years of Diane's hard work to create her daughter's untouchable persona, completely shattered.

I was just thrilled Tansy had turned her struggles around and used them to help others, but first, she would have to face a handful of overdoses, one of which nearly killed her, have a section of her liver cut out, and have a temporary pace-maker.

All of it just made Axl more strict about drugs. Not just for the sake of the band and the fans, but he was afraid some members of Guns in particular would pull Tansy back into the merry-go-round of addiction after she got clean.

"You're telling me I can't stay with him and Tansy?" I ask Doc harshly in a whisper once the four of us get to his house.

"You won't want to stay, Viv. I'm telling you, they're gonna pull out all the stops to get you to cave and get them some smack because they'll be in so much pain. I don't want you to see them like that and I don't want you to compromise their recovery." He explains.

"You think I would do that?!"

"I know you would if it came down to it." He states and I roll my jaw. "This isn't just little flu symptoms and some body aches. They will feel like they are going to die, they will look like they are going to die and I cannot trust you not to give in." His brutal honesty. "You'll be able to see them in about a week, they'll be better by then and then we can look at the next step. Got it?"

I just glare at him.

"Go kiss 'em 'bye' and fuck off." He says next, waving his hand at me dismissively as he goes to my car to grab Nikki's bag and his car to grab Tansy's.

I step back into the living room to tell them 'bye' but stop myself, deciding it's better to let Doc deal with Nikki's pissed off temper when he discovers I won't be staying with them.

Grabbing my car keys from the table by the door, I head the house.

When I get back to our house, I check the machine that's blinking a light to signal a missed call.

I go to the kitchen and get a glass of water as Slash's voice slurs through the speaker.

"H-Hey, Viv, um...uh...we..." I chuckle at his incoherent mumbling and step to the phone to call him back as another message starts playing where his left off.

"Viv," It's Duff. "Call us back as soon as you can."

I furrow my brows a little, about to dial them back until yet another message comes on.

"Viv, we got signed!" Steven's screaming has me dropping my water and the phone, joy coursing through the soles of my feet up to my hair, and I'm running around and screaming along with his recorded message loudly blaring his own excitement.

I run back to the phone and pick it up, dialing their apartment.

"We got signed!" Steven's voice is shouting at me before the phone even rings a single ring.

"When?! How?! By who?!" I say back.

"We'll tell you over dinner because guess who got $7,500 cash advances?! The same mother fuckers who've been stealing from strippers to get by, that's who!" He exclaims.

"Yeah, don't ever tell people you guys did that!" I say in the same tone. "Lemme change and I'll be over there, okay?"

"Okay." He replies, and I can just hear his smile through the phone.

I hang up and give one last scream of happiness before sprinting to get changed and leave.

Tom Zutaut, the same man responsible for giving Mötley Crüe their shot, had given the same shot to Guns N' Roses.

They had signed to Geffen Records, and although that was their second goal--the first was getting a band together--they knew the main goal was to release their first album, and hopefully, have it a success.

Before I can even knock on the door, it's swinging open and Steven's like a puppy, jumping around, waiting on me by the door.

I hug him tightly, trying to keep myself from crying with immense relief that they're one step closer--a giant step closer--to their dream.

When we pull away from each other, Duff holds his hand up for me to give him a high-five and I do, his fingers locking with my hand to pull me into a hug and I'm sandwiched between him and Steven momentarily.

A flash catches my eye and we pull away from each other to see a girl with short, blonde hair, that I've never seen before, holding a camera.

"That's gonna be a good one." She tells us, smiling at Duff as the Polaroid deposits.

Mandy Brixx, member of the punk band, Lotus Lame and The Lame Flames, was a cute girl with bleach blonde hair, beautiful brown eyes and a captivating smile...and was also Duff's first wife.

Mandy wasn't perfect, but she didn't disown Duff after he told her he had gotten me pregnant.

Even though he didn't cheat on her with me, and they had been broken up for about six months when he and I got involved, I know it hurt her knowing he had hooked up with the woman she was sure she didn't have to worry about when they dated. They ended up getting back together in 1988 and got married the same year.

They divorced two years later because something just "changed" and neither of them were happy, but I've always respected her because she was really good to Monroe.

His second wife, however, was crazier than a run over dog because she was always on something.

The last time I saw her in 1993, she had said something crass and rude to Tansy and before Tansy could reply, I was asking Linda, "were you born a cunt or does the crack just bring it out of you?"

She swung on me and I swung back. Except when I throw a punch, I make sure it lands.

Maybe she would've actually hit me if her equilibrium weren't as fried as her brain.

I would've kicked her ass if Duff and Matt Sorum hadn't pulled me off of her.

I hope she got her shit together after they divorced in 1995.

I guess bass players and crack-head models go hand-in-hand...

"Viv, this is my girlfriend, Mandy." Duff introduces me. "Mandy, this is my best friend, Viv."

"Hi, it's good to finally meet you." Mandy tells me with a gentle smile and I extend my hand to her.

"You, too." I reply as she takes my hand in her's, my eyes subtly flickering to Duff now that he's standing beside her, silently asking him when the hell he was going to tell me about his girlfriend.

"I'll tell you later." He mouths to me where she can't see and I just keep smiling as she strikes up conversation with me.

Once we get to the Rainbow, Steven and I are a few steps in front of Duff and Mandy, the blonde drummer letting out a little sigh.

"What is it?" I ask, nudging him.

"Just worried about Tansy." He admits, and I raise my brows. "It's not like that, Viv, I swear." He promises. "She's a cool person, is all. I wish she was here to celebrate this with us."

"I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear about it when you're allowed to go visit her in rehab." I remind him. "Where's the guys?" I ask next as we step into the Rainbow.

"Slash is hanging out with this chick he met a couple weeks ago, Izzy's with his girl friend and I don't know where Axl is." He tells me and I nod. "So it's just a double date for us tonight." He grins widely, winking at me slickly.

After hours of just goofing off, talking, eating and demonstrating our celebration of Guns' stepping stone, Mandy's calling it a night.

"I'll call you later, Duff." She says to him as she grabs her jacket and he stands up to let her scoot out of the booth.

"Sounds good, babe." He replies, kissing her cheek.

"It was really nice to meet you." She tells me.

"It was nice to meet you, too." I reply.

"Bye." She smiles one last time at Duff, waving to Steven before leaving.

"When did you me--"

"Viv, lemme out." Steven interrupts me and I furrow my brows.

"What?"

"Lemme out, there's a hot girl at the bar and she just waved me over. I wanna get laid. Lemme out." He pleads and I roll my eyes and scoot out so he can stand up.

He does so, heading straight to the bar to try his luck with a beautiful brunette.

And then there were two.

"You were saying?" Duff chuckles out when Steven's gone and I smile a little.

"When did you and Mandy meet?" I ask him and he lets out a breath of cigarette smoke.

"Uh, a month ago, maybe? She gave me her number and I went back and forth with myself until I convinced myself to call her." He explains. "We spent the weekend together so I guess we get along pretty good. She's a great girl."

"She seems nice." I tell him, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, she is." He agrees, taking another drag of his cigarette.

I take a sip of my water and sit in the silence that falls over us before noticing he's staring at me.

"What?" I ask him.

"You wanna go somewhere with me?" He offers, putting his cigarette out.

"Where?"

"C'mon." He stands up, nodding to the door.

"But Steven--"

"--Is about to go mess around with that girl in the bathroom. He's not gonna be mad if we leave him." He adds. "C'mon, you'll like where we go."

"If you say so." I shrug.

He pays the bill and the two of us head back to their apartment so he can get his car.

I know I should have been at home by the phone, waiting for a call from Doc or Nikki or Tansy, but it was pointless to sit at home and worry when I couldn't do anything about it anyway.

When we get to where we're going, Duff is parking his car in the lot of an abandoned building, and I glance around to see there's not much traffic around us.

"Is this the part where you murder me?" I ask him and he busts out in laughter, shaking his head.

"This is where Mandy and her band rehearses." He explains.

"Why're we here?"

"I picked her up here the other day and noticed something you might like." He gets out the car and opens his trunk, pulling out a shopping bag.

"Duff..." I say, uneasy as we approach the rusted door.

"Shh, I got it." He digs in his jacket pocket and plucks out a worn key, unlocking the dead bolt and the door knob.

I follow him inside, and he switches on a light switch, only one light beam in the ceiling comes on, and in the large, dim room, I see a large mirrored wall, sleek but worn out wood floors, and I turn to see Duff holding out a brand new pair of pointe shoes to me.

I wasn't going to tell him I'd gone so long without dancing that I'd have to work my way back up to dancing on pointe, because he'd spent money for the shoes and they looked to be around my size and I didn't want to know how observant he had to be to estimate my shoe size in terms of ballet...so I did something I was really good at doing at that time in my life.

I kept myself from crying.

I knew Duff was going to be a constant encourager in my life when he held those shoes out to me and so easily, so confidently, said:

"You've supported and helped me get into my groove of things to start accomplishing my dream. Now, I'm helping you get back into your's."

[anthonycharlestabone]

Having trouble viewing? View in Browser Tuesday, October 31, 2017 TOP OF THE MORNING Welcome to Fox News First. Not signed up yet? Click here. Happy Halloween … Developing now, Tuesday, Oct. 31, 2017: No mention of Russian collusion by special counsel Mueller, but are more charges coming? Ingraham Angle Exclusive: White House Chief of Staff John Kelly talks Mueller, Gold Star families and more Analysis: Hillary Clinton should be worried Facebook, Google and Twitter face grilling on Capitol Hill PROGRAMMING NOTE: Don't miss Shannon Bream's exclusive interview with Vice President Mike Pence on "Fox News @ Night" tonight at 11 p.m ET!   THE LEAD STORY: Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort and his associate Rick Gates have pleaded not guilty after being indicted on 12 counts as part of special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation into Russian meddling and potential collusion with Trump campaign officials in the 2016 presidential election. But perhaps most noteworthy is that the 31-page indictment makes no mention of Trump or Russia or "collusion" ... The charges brought against Manafort and Gates focus on alleged actions before the two had any association with the Trump campaign. According to the indictment, between at least 2006 and 2015, Manafort and Gates acted as unregistered agents of the Government of Ukraine and laundered the money through scores of the United States and foreign corporations, partnerships and bank accounts in order to hide Ukraine payments from U.S. authorities. Perhaps the closest Mueller's investigators come to a collusion case is the guilty plea by former campaign adviser George Papadopoulos. However, Papadopoulos, who has been described by Trump campaign officials as a low-level volunteer, was not charged with having improper communications with Russians but rather with lying to FBI agents. Are more charges coming from Mueller's team? Judge Andrew Napolitano says Manafort indictment is the "first of many dominoes to fall". Legal scholar Alan Dershowitz says charges are part of an effort to gather evidence on higher-level members of the Trump campaign and administration, including President Donald Trump himself. Fox News Opinion: John Fund: Manafort is a small fish in Mueller's net (but he raises a lot of questions) Hannity: Is this all that Mueller has? If it is, it's pathetic Who is George Papadopoulos? INGRAHAM ANGLE EXCLUSIVE: In a wide-ranging interview on Fox News' "The Ingraham Angle," White House chief of staff John Kelly said the administration believes the law should run its course in special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation before jumping to conclusions ... Kelly also made no apologies for his defense of Trump against Rep. Frederica Wilson. Trump, GOP lawmakers: Manafort charges no relation to campaign, alleged 'collusion' Lindsey Graham: There 'will be holy hell to pay' if Trump fires Mueller Mueller's Russia investigation: What you should know MAYBE HILLARY AND COMPANY SHOULD BRACE FOR RUSSIA COLLUSION CHARGES: Fox News legal analyst Gregg Jarrett believes that while a case against President Trump is weak, there may be evidence of Russian collusion facing Hillary Clinton and her campaign ... "It is against the law for the Clinton campaign and the Democratic National Committee to funnel millions of dollars to a British spy and to Russian sources in order to obtain the infamous and discredited Trump 'dossier,'" he writes in his latest column. "Damning new evidence appears to show that Clinton used her office as Secretary of State to confer benefits to Russia in exchange for millions of dollars in donations to her foundation and cash to her husband," Jarrett continues. "Secret recordings, intercepted emails, financial records, and eyewitness accounts allegedly show that Russian nuclear officials enriched the Clintons at the very time Hillary presided over a governing body which unanimously approved the sale of one-fifth of America’s uranium supply to Russia. If this proves to be a corrupt "pay-to-play" scheme, it would constitute a myriad of crimes ..." TECH COMPANIES ON THE HOT SEAT: Major tech companies will face the first of two days of grilling on Capitol Hill today when they testify before Congress on Russian activity on their platforms during the 2016 election ... Facebook General Counsel Colin Stretch is scheduled to testify in front of the Senate judiciary subcommittee on crime and terrorism this afternoon, alongside the general counsels for Twitter Inc. and Alphabet Inc.’s Google. Twitter and Google also have found evidence of Russian activity on their platforms during the 2016 U.S. presidential election period. Facebook Inc. estimates that about 126 million people may have seen content posted by Russian-backed accounts over more than two years that sought to disrupt American society, the social-media giant plans to tell congressional investigators, according to a prepared copy of the remarks obtained by The Wall Street Journal.   ABOUT LAST NIGHT WHAT IS AMERICA? "The people took their power back on Election Day, and the establishment is mad as hell. Let's face it, they don't really like the American people, not very much at least. This show is going to be about all of this and certainly the political, the legal and the cultural battles of the day, but something more: how all of that affects your life and that of your families." – Laura Ingraham, in her opening monologue during the premiere of "The Ingraham Angle," explaining to viewers what her show will be about. WATCH GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF RUSSIA: "I think they're getting to the bottom of some of these facts. I don't think all of these facts are leading where the Democrats wanted. But that's part of the reason why we have investigations and that's why we follow the facts." – Sen. Mike Lee, on "Fox News @ Night," discussing the pace of the various congressional investigations on alleged Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election. WATCH   MINDING YOUR BUSINESS Are Amazon, Facebook, Google too big for current regulatory rules? Mnuchin, Cohn field New York GOP concerns in late night call ahead of tax reform final plan. Obama Foundation summit: Prince Harry, Chobani founder among attendees.   NEW IN FOX NEWS OPINION Hey, Trump fans: Manafort indictment means your hero isn't perfect (and that's OK). JFK files release -- The dangerous threat behind the documents we still can't see. Democratic women in the Senate were all for these tax reform principles until Trump proposed them.   HOLLYWOOD SQUARED House of Cards ending amid Kevin Spacey sexual harassment claim. Bryan Cranston: 'F--- you' to anyone who wants Trump to fail. Harvey Weinstein reportedly sees himself as a martyr for social change.    DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? Spooky Halloween cocktails that are perfect for parties. Pre-Halloween warning: FDA warns about too much black licorice. Mysterious rock art uncovered in caves on uninhabited Caribbean island.   STAY TUNED On Fox News: Fox & Friends, 6 a.m. ET: Former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski gives his perspective on Paul Manafort's indictment in the Mueller investigation; Republican candidate for governor Ed Gillespie talks about the Virginia race; a look at how the creator of "Dilbert" predicted President Trump's historic win; plus, our annual Halloween costume parade. Your World with Neil Cavuto, 4 p.m. ET: Home Depot co-founder Ken Langone gives his take on whether the GOP will get tax reform done before the end of the year. Hannity, 9 p.m. ET: Radio host and author Mark Levin joins Sean for a deep look into Washington and the media's attempts to take down President Trump. Fox News @ Night, 11 p.m. ET: Vice President Mike Pence sits down with Shannon Bream for an exclusive interview on the Mueller indictment, tax reform and more! On Fox Business: Mornings with Maria, 6 a.m. ET: Former congressman Jason Chaffetz and Alan Dershowitz take on the fallout from special counsel Mueller's indictments; Rep. Peter Roskam, chairman of the House Ways and Means Subcommittee on Tax Policy, sounds off on the latest in the quest for tax reform. Varney & Co., 9 a.m. ET: Senate Judiciary Chair Chuck Grassley sounds off on the Mueller Russia investigation. Lou Dobbs Tonight, 7 p.m. ET: Rep. Jim Jordan weighs in on what could be next in the Mueller Russia investigation. On Fox News Radio: The Brian Kilmeade Show, 9 a.m. ET to Noon ET: The Mueller indictment will be the main hot topic of the day with the following guests: former congressman Allen West, former federal prosecutor Sidney Powell, and Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton.   #OnThisDay 1999: EgyptAir Flight 990, bound from New York to Cairo, crashes off the Massachusetts coast, killing all 217 people aboard. 1984: Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi is assassinated by two Sikh security guards. 1975: The Queen single "Bohemian Rhapsody" is released in the United Kingdom by EMI Records.   Thank you for joining us on Fox News First! Enjoy your Tuesday and we'll see you in your inbox first thing Wednesday morning. Unsubscribe | Contact Us ©2017 Fox News Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved. 1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY, 10036. Privacy Policy.

[mokatechgq-blog]

Ars staff members uncovered: our home office setups We'll demonstrate to you our own on the off chance that you demonstrate to us yours.

What's your home office setup like? Regardless of what number of work areas with PCs we've all found in our lives, it generally a touch of energizing and voyeuristic to investigate another person's life to perceive how they set up their workspace. Here at Ars, there's a really various range with regards to our own home office setups, some of which you may have as of now observed from our latest Ars Technicast post.

Since the analysts on that post have invested some energy investigating what they see on our work areas so far, we thought it is pleasant to let some different Ars staff members in on the good times. Underneath, you can see the home office setups for various staff members and givers, alongside short portrayals of what they have running. We don't generally work at our work areas—and a few of us don't have work areas—however when we do, this is the thing that they resemble.

Lee Aylward: Lead Programmer

This goliath work area has stayed with me for a long time and through five moves. It has heaps of space for tablets, drinks, and the incidental feline. After I started telecommuting, I immediately understood that I required a more agreeable seat, so on Ken's proposal I grabbed an Aeron. The 30" LCD is another expansion, and I cherish how well it functions with the little 11" Macbook Air. There is a Windows PC tucked under the work area for gaming and sporadic IE testing. A couple of other critical things: bobble head Spock, smaller than expected Tom Servo, and renegade mythical beast.

Aurich Lawson: Creative Director

While my MacBook Air is propped up by a straightforward cardboard box (despite the fact that I some of the time troll Craigslist to search for something more pleasant), I for the most part do the vast majority of my genuine work in the more strong ViewSonic screen. I have 2TB of outside capacity connected to my WiFi switch and portable PC, alongside an arrangement of speakers. My printer/scanner is holed up behind my screen. My work area is normally semi-disrupted, and I have a variety of devices adjacent—an auto tablet charger, a compact advanced recorder, an old iPod nano that I've been intending to offer. The recognitions over the work areas are my better half's (left) and mine (right). They are student degrees (however our Master's degrees are above, not imagined). And keeping in mind that I may not be a large portion of the rebel that Capt. Benjamin Sisko was, I keep two balls around my work area to hurl around when I get exhausted.

Iljitsch van Beijnum: Ars Contributor

Having moved as of late, I haven't had the opportunity to cover my work space under a heap of rubble at this time, and my IBM Model M is still away. So it's quite recently the basics: a MacBook Pro, a MacBook Air, a pot of tea, a sound nibble. Normally the 23" Dell screen is all I require, yet I can open up the portable PCs in the event that I require more screen land. I as of late abandoned my six-year-old Mighty Mouse's scrollball, so now I have the enchantment trackpad for looking over, swiping, and squeezing, however despite everything I wind up going after the mouse consistently. The little speaker under the screen has bluetooth—everything is better with bluetooth all things considered—however so far I've for the most part been utilizing it wired, not at all like the mouse, trackpad, and console. Goodness, and once you attempt a roundabout mousepad, there's no backpedaling.

Jon Brodkin: Senior IT Reporter

There's no space for an "office" in my one-room townhouse, however I get by with a work area I purchased in school for $45 and have tucked toward the side of my lounge. It has quite recently enough space for a Core i7 Mac smaller than normal (256GB SSD, 750GB turning plate, and 16GB of RAM), a 3TB outside drive, SIP telephone, call recording gadget, and evidently a smooth. 16GB of RAM is extravagant for running virtual machines, and I have a Windows 7 segment that can be gotten to either from Boot Camp or in Parallels.

The two screens are delightful, yet they make the space feel cramped, so I'm investigating extending the workspace or simply purchasing a greater work area. (Refresh: This article enlivened me to go purchase somewhat table/plate that can fit under my work area and hold my console.) Not envisioned is my copier/faxer/scanner/printer, and a MacBook Air that goes down remotely to the Mountain Lion Server introduced on the smaller than usual. Also, yes, that is tape over the webcam. What occurs at Jon's work area remains at Jon's work area.

Chris Foresman: Ars Contributor

My workstation is intended to augment working space in my little corner of the home office I share with my sweetheart and her child. The work area is an extra to IKEA's Expedit stockpiling rack; the mix keeps running about $120. The seat is additionally an IKEA plan that cost $89.

Since I'm the kind of individual that normally has roughly 647 activities in different phases of advance, it doesn't generally look as clean as I'd like. Be that as it may, abundant capacity given by the eight extensive segments of the Expedit rack makes it simple to keep the wreckage avoided general view. The huge work area surface is more than I requirement for my 11" MacBook Air, however it has a lot of space for amplifiers for podcasting, books I'm perusing or utilizing for research, heaps of photographs, and materials for visual computerization ventures. There's additionally huge amounts of room underneath the work area, so I utilize some fundamental archive stockpiling boxes to keep ventures I've put on hold inside simple reach.

The most vital component of my workstation, nonetheless, is that I'm found sufficiently close to the workplace way to close and bolt it when I need to dig in and Get Things Done.

Megan Geuss: Staff Editor

I get a kick out of the chance to surmise that the scattered wreckage you see here is on account of everything else that I do on the PC is recently so damn sorted out, and I don't have room schedule-wise to keep my IRL space clean. Lamentably, the case might be that I'm quite recently chaotic constantly. I require two rulers (who doesn't?) and you'll see my MacBook charging calmly next to my PC desktop for crisis discharge circumstances that may happen in my home office. You'll additionally see the edge of a Kindle Fire behind that towel. The octopus guarding my tower is quite great at what he does (yet despite everything I utilize against infection programming).

Eric Bangeman: Managing Editor

Here you see Eric Bangeman's 2008 "Harpertown" Mac Pro that accompanies two 3.0GHz quad-center Xeon processors, 10GB of DDR2 RAM, an ATI Radeon HD 2600 XT and an ATI Radeon HD 5770. The machine keeps running with a 480GB OWC Mercury Extreme Pro SSD within, and in addition two 2TB Western Digital Black drives running at 7200rpm. Eric embellishes this look with three screens: a 30" Apple Cinema Display running off one of the design cards, and a couple of 23" Apple LCDs off the other. What's more, when he's giving his hair a chance to down for a trek to the nearby Panera, he brings his trusty 11" MacBook Air. Très chic!

Cesar Torres: Social Editor

I like moderation in my work process and in my home style, so my work setup is planned to be perfect and streamlined. I utilize a Crate and Barrel work area in polished white, on which I utilize a 2011 iMac and a Blue Snowball mouthpiece for podcasting. Indeed, even the mic is white. Underneath my work area I run an outside drive for all my sight and sound. I utilize a rack underneath the work area for it, so I can keep the surface of the work area mess free. I do my reinforcements remotely utilizing Time Capsule. At whatever point I utilize note pads, pens or books on the work area, I try to put them away when I am done, with a specific end goal to keep the work area spotless and moderate.

Ryan Paul: Open Source Editor

I work at a tallness customizable work area that enables me to exchange amongst sitting and standing positions for the duration of the day. I regularly utilize two PCs without a moment's delay, a MacBook Air associated with a 27-inch Thunderbolt show and a PC tower that runs Ubuntu. I utilize Synergy to share enter gadgets between the two frameworks. The left-hand screen is mounted on an articulating arm with the goal that I can swing it out over my work area.

Diminish Bright: Microsoft Editor

I have a custom-fabricated, L-formed work area coordinated into the custom-manufactured bookshelf that spreads one mass of my office. On the work area I have an old Aiwa NSX 999 across the board greetings fi that is generously broken, yet at the same time has an utilitarian speaker and volume dial, three Dell UltraSharp U2410 24" screens, a Dell AT102W console, a Logitech Performance Mouse MX, a 13-port USB center point, a wired Xbox 360 controller, a Sennheiser PC 150 headset, a couple of Webcams (one Logitech QuickCam Orbit AF, one Logitech HD Pro Webcam C920), a 64GB third era iPod touch, a no-name 20-in-1 memory card peruser, a USB infrared collector for a remote control, and a more established model 1TB Western Digital MyBook. These things are altogether associated with a self-constructed full tower PC. This is outstanding for being housed in a SilverStone Fortress FT02 case, which puts the motherboard's back board connectors on the highest point of the PC, enabling me to connect things to without moving the framework far from the divider.

Notwithstanding this, my work area regularly likewise contains a Lenovo X300 portable workstation, a mid 2008-era MacBook Pro, and for as long as couple of months, a Samsung Series 7 Slate on which I've been trying Windows 8. The Slate is matched to a Microsoft Bluetooth Mobile Keyboard 5000 and a Microsoft Arc Touch Mouse. There's likewise a Polycom SoundPoint IP 320 Desktop IP Telephone.

The seat is an old, rather shoddy office seat that should be supplanted with something more agreeable.

Be that as it may, the most vital thing of all is the thing that I call the stroking stage. The little stage on the left with the blue-green cover is a Kitt-In Box from The Refined Feline. Tragically ceased, these are feline beds that rush to a work area, giving my feline Millie some place to rest other than on my console.

Jacqui Cheng: Senior Apple Editor

When I'm really working in my home office, I utilize a 27" 3.06GHz Core 2 Duo iMac that was discharged in 2009. Within, it has 4GB of RAM and a 1TB hard drive—this thing was a survey machine when it was first acquired, so it's a quite standard model. When I'm not at my work area—or notwithstanding when I am—I additionally utilize a 11" Core i7 MacBook Air from mid-2011. Furthermore, obviously I generally have my third-gen iPad and iPhone 4 convenient for OS, application, and different other testing purposes.