#(DISCLAIMER: i don't even actually want this shit. i am literally just trying to prove a point.)

[something-about-sunflowers]

And if I said my one wish from season 2 was to see Jim stab Ed (serious goose style, with full - real life - 'being stabbed' consequences). What then. What if I tagged Ed when I said it. Should be fine, right? Not like you're ONLY allowed to post worshipful simpering praise of the characters in the tags, right?

Better yet, I want Izzy to cut something off of Ed and shove it down his throat and THEN let Lucius toss Ed overboard in the middle of the night.

Is this the kind of shit yall wanna see in the Edward Teach tag? Cause we can play that fucking game. BELIEVE me, we can play that fucking game.

[slamminslamminmcgill]

Ok ok ok. You mentioned how you wanted to snort coke off of lalos dick…. Can you write a Drabble about that cuz omg- 🫣🫣

yes bc i am insane 🖤 disclaimer: coke dick is not a myth but i refuse to believe lalo gets it (i also have never done cocaine lul)

warning: intox (cocaine)

“Are you serious? How have you not tried it before?”

Lalo asked that with the same incredulity as if you had just said you’d never eaten an apple before. To him, cocaine and other Schedule II narcotics were normal, boring even. That makes sense. You’d imagine that handling literal bricks of it day in and day out would desensitize you. But he had to know that you were far from the only person that had never tried coke. Most people hadn't.

"I don't know, man! I'd never even seen coke before I met you! Isn't it dangerous?" You asked.

Lalo shrugged. "It can be, yeah, but you just gotta know what you're doing." He walked over to his dresser and cracked open a drawer, rifling through it as he talked to you. "You gotta know how to dose it, how to handle it, and how to stop doing it once you start. That last one's important." He pulled out a locked box and set it on the dresser.

"Right, yeah. I guess that makes sense." You rationalized. Lalo seemed to know what he was doing. This was his career, no, his whole life. He must know how to handle it. You thought of his younger cousin, Tuco, who seemed to snort anything he could get his hands on. Lalo certainly had better self-control than that.

"Most importantly though," Lalo unlocked the box and pulled something out. He turned around to show you what it was: a tiny bag of white powder. Unsurprising. “You gotta know your stuff’s legit. A lot of shitty dealers will cut it or try to sell you something else entirely. I don’t sell anything I wouldn’t snort, and I don’t snort anything I don’t sell. It's a matter of integrity.” He tossed you the 8-ball so you could examine it.

You squished the tiny bag, pressing the powder between your fingertips, the texture obfuscated through the plastic. The way it moved reminded you of powdered sugar. It's funny how something so insidious can seem so benign up close. "Question," you asked, your eyes glued to the baggie.

"Shoot." Lalo replied.

"It's a stupid question."

"I bet it is," Lalo chuckled, enamored by your relative innocence, "Go for it, chiquito."

You led the bag away from your face so you could see your boyfriend. "Is coke dick real? Like you can't get hard when you do it?"

Lalo was stunned. "I've... never had that problem. Where did you hear about that?"

Good question. Where the hell did you hear about that? A junkie friend? The internet? It felt like multiple sources had contributed to this theory. "I dunno, actually. Guess it's just a myth."

"Oh, it definitely is." Lalo strode towards you until you were close enough for him to pull your body against his. Keeping one hand on your waist, he used your momentary distraction to pluck the 8-ball from your fingers. "Want me to prove it to y-?"

"Yes." You said with literally no hesitation, not even letting him finish his sentence. You may have been naïve, but you weren't stupid. Any chance for your man to whip it out was a chance you were going to take.

"Oh, wow, someone's eager, huh? Good boy." He cracked open the tiny bag and stuck his pinky in, scooping the product up with his fingernail. "So, I'm guessing you know what a line is, right? Well, this is called a bump." He held it up to his nostril and snorted it, the powder disappearing into his sinuses. Once he did, his head flew back and he groaned. "Mierda, está bien... (Shit, that's good.)" When he looked at you again, you could see that his brown eyes were almost entirely black, irises being swallowed by his pupils. He nudged you off him so he could unbuckle his belt.

You watched him like a research scientist trying to document the effects of the substance. His hands were trembling as he pulled his belt off. He held the baggie in his teeth to keep his hands free while he undressed. He kept sniffling like he was trying to suck up every molecule left behind. His brow was furrowed. His teeth were clenched. You'd never seen him like this. He looked unhinged. You couldn't tell if your body's growing arousal was from fear or desire. Plus, you weren't sure if you were supposed to talk, but you couldn't bear the silence. "It looks... intense..."

"It is, it is." Lalo laughed as he tugged his boxer briefs down. Now that he had a hand to spare, he took the bag out of his mouth and stroked himself. His cock was already at half-mast before he even touched it, and it didn't take long for him to get the rest up. "You want some? You're gonna love it."

You knew he meant the coke, but your eyes were somewhere else. Your gaze was locked on the bulging veins in both his hand and his cock. Coke dick really was just a myth. You'd have what he was having. "Yeah... yeah, gimme some..."

Lalo sneered and put his hand on your shoulder. "Then get on your fucking knees." He growled and pushed you down before you could do it yourself.

You dropped to your knees on the plush bedroom carpet. You went to grab onto him, but he swatted your hand away as he continued to pump himself.

“No, no. Watch me. I’m gonna give you a line, okay?” Lalo’s voice was eerily nurturing. It usually was when he talked to you, but you expected the coke to change that somehow. He took his hand off himself to open the bag, scooped some out, and placed a pretty sizable bump on his shaft. He hastily poked it into a line. “You know how to snort something, right? Just hold one nostril and sniff. It's not hard. It'll hit you hard, though, so just be ready."

As Lalo held himself steady, you leaned in, poking one nostril shut, and snorted the whole line as quickly as you could. He wasn't kidding. It did hit you hard. It hit you upside the head like a heavyweight champion, and you recoiled just so. You pulled off dry-heaving as it hit you, still holding his dick like a lifeline. When you remembered where you were and what you were doing, one thing, one solitary goal became your purpose, and all your other worries melted away.

Cock.

Cooooock...

Ever the desperate slut, you latched your mouth onto him, slurping up whatever trace of the drug that was stuck to his skin. Though honestly, he was a drug in and of himself. And you were a junkie. You were a junkie who'd do anything to get a hit.

Lalo knew that. He knew how easy you were. He knew you'd do anything for him, so he gladly took advantage of that. He laughed and clenched your hair in his fist as you serviced him.

"Good boy."

[risingsouls]

[The DragonBall fan boys have to be the grossest fan boys, and that's beating hentai fan boys. Under the cut because. Good fucking grief it's gross. If you're an actual Goku fan, i suggest avoiding this one. Goku isn't my favorite character, but I like him, and this made me want to tear off my own limbs and eat them.]

[So I'm absolutely not surprised that this kind of garbage is created and spewed by this fucking fandom, but this once again proves the fan boys of this series want to project SO HARD onto the characters to live out their gross little fantasies with fictional characters. Which you know. Fine. But theyre doing it this time by tearing a character to ABSOLUTE SHREDS to do it. So they come up with this. That somehow, the most loyal and probably borderline asexual (demisexual maybe? His libido isnt fucking high guys thats obvious and he isnt a damn horn dog) character bangs all the "attractive" women, leaves his wife--who yes is written like shit but is attractive as well and he fucking LOVES HER as the fan boys and writers of at least Super conveniently forget--and has...a couple more kids with three different women? Like this is so fucking nasty I don't know where to BEGIN.

Like...fuck. the art is nasty and hyper-sexualizes at least Vados with big tiddies and her nipples showing through her wedding dress in one image.

Then there's the fucking ChiChi abuse. And you know. I'm not the biggest fan of how ChiChi is written, and I know this is a staple for the fan boys. Toriyama and Toyotaro really just made her a walking, awful stereotype like they've done with Bulma. But good grief. The "artist" first of all is wishy washy with her with this...fucking weird idea of ChiChi being okay with Goku shacking up with Vados, and serving them in bed? Like there is so much wrong with that from the obvious to like some gross societal ideas that once a woman reaches a certain age she's only worthwhile in a servile role. Unless they look like Bulma that is, who abuses the dragonballs to maintain her youth a d appearance BUT you get me. And despite that, the artist still has Beerus kill her for some reason? Because of course. And then the picture they have of her above the milk jar that I imagine is supposed to be her urn (even though I'm pretty sure a Hakai leaves nothing behind but why am I even trying to find a shred of something that is potentially accurate to the lore in this, when this is already steaming hot garbage and the lore is inconsistent anyway) is of her being angry. Like...fucking God. The idea that Goku doesn't love ChiChi is atrocious and flat out wrong, and he would NEVER select a picture like that to honor her. But I guess at this point who fucking cares because he's brought his hot angel mommy into their marriage home, so who cares about a little more disrespect, right? And that's not mentioning how the rest of his family is just a-okay with this.

I don't even know what to say about Heles and the Zeno baby. Like....wtf. you were fully into this Vados idea but now he's having a kid with Heles who he....literally never talked to. I'm not sure he ever really saw her.

I'm honestly a little surprised Bulma isn't somehow included in this atrocity. I say a little because she's probably not because that would mean taking their king Vegeta's wife from him and we can't have that. Also like...what does it say about the fan boys' masculinity when they want to make their Shonen anime into a literal, raunchy soap opera rather than a series about overpowered warriors fighting evil? Idk but that's not very manly....🙄🙄🙄 (disclaimer: I don't actually care about that kind of thing and men can absolutely enjoys soap operas; I only bring it up because they care about their very fragile masculinity being challenged). I mean these are probably the same people that whine and bitch about the filler in Z that's by and large actually not bad but stan everything Super has to offer, even the absolutely trash filler.

This pervasive shit is what makes it so hard to be a fan of this series, especially as a girl who grew into a woman watching this series since she was 6. And like yeah. Sure. Toriyama wasn't writing this shit for us. The target audience was boys. But damn. I know Toriyama and apparently Toyotaro are a lost cause on the sexist front, but it would be really nice if the fans didn't take their sexism and dial it up to 9000.]

[boilingheart]

i know its not quite the same scenario as navy seal, but ive highkey avoided ever talking about or publicly enjoying poly pirates content for the same kind of reason, but instead bc it involves shipping jay and chip.

like. yes, i know many people (including the jerboys) interpret them as having a more sibling-esque bond. I fully acknowledge it and I can even agree w it!* but i hate how it has been made that any other interpretation is not only wrong but also bad.

idk man like. i just hate how it feels like enjoying any dynamic of poly-pirates outside of fnc is wrong-- bc at that point, what is the point?

*i personally tend to see the two as very close, but the specifics of whether that closeness is platonic/familial or romantic depends on interpretation (whether of the individual, author, etc). they're two people who've found connection and safety in each other and also enjoy ribbing the other for jokes- what specific type of connection that is can vary for me, yknow? the type isnt the Core of their dynamic to me

(sorry the asterisk part got so long i just want to properly explain myself and dump a bit fjkdsjf)

Oh yeah, I'm 1000% with you on this. I mentioned navyseal cause that's my personal guilty pleasure that I am highkey obsessed with but had to keep it on the downlow after twitter decided it was just as bad as inc*st apparently (as someone who is very very deeply uncomfortable and revolted by that type of stuff in genuine, that shit pissed me off!!!), but this absolutely applies to Chip and Jay and polypirates as a whole. Hell, when I first started the show and didn't really have much fandom influence in my first 30 something episodes I was actually way more of a poly enjoyer

Anyways, as a whole I do sincerely think Chip and Jay work better as a platonic bond, I like this interpretation of their relationship better than romantic, but that doesn't necessarily make the ship bad or wrong you know? Literally ditto to everything you said in your asterisk I couldn't word it better myself.

Like bruh it really felt like these characters are stuck being bitchless fr LOL that whole twitter debacle made it feel like the only CORRECT ships were fnc and pistolwhip (as if fnc doesn't Also have some of the same dynamics listed in navyseal and chip/jay!! (although im certainly keeping my mouth shut further on that since people have started gunning to convince people fnc is a Bad Boring Ship, Actually, and it's better platonic (unrelated to the wlw vs mlm take that just happened there, big disclaimer (I spend too much time on twitter can u tell... there's so many shipwars there for no reason...))) anyways yeah there was just too many people trying to police these ships and instead of just being NORMAL and saying "oh X isn't my cup of tea I enjoy a familial/platonic bond between them instead" they start bending over backwards to prove that ACTUALLY it's PROBLEMATIC, SEE? And sourcing the boys' opinions on it doesn't Wholly matter to ships (unless it's in regards to boundaries, in which it Absolutely Matters) cause Bizly regularly dunks on fnc and that hasn't changed anything

This got very long winded sorry LOL I've been holding onto this irritation for a while now, it's one of the reasons why I'm trying to move away from twitter and come back to tumblr tbh. It is simply fandom culture to ship, and while I love fnc to absolute death as my main ship here, it's nice to explore some variety yk? navyseal has CRAZY potential cause of their parallels and their journey of self discovery and how much they deeply care for each other, polypirates is just a lot of fun altogether cause of all their personalities and that shared strong bond, then you have swordfish, fish² and chips, caspian/chip, marshall john/gillion, like, multishipping is FUN dude. Unless it's GENUINELY problematic or Actual Proshipping like twitter Claimed, I don't see the big idea. There is such thing as "Don't like, don't read". There is such thing as muting/blocking words and curating your own experience. You don't have to put down others because their enjoyment of something clashes with your personal interpretation of it. It's fandom bro!!!