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radiorenjun · 4 years

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I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: vii, viii

"What? They can't just break up like that!" you gaped, shaking Renjun's shoulder lightly to exaggerate your point. Renjun rolled his eyes before clicking his tongue, "oh come on, you didn't see that coming? Their relationship was bound to end at some point, y/n."

You were both binge watching the ninth season of The Big Bang Theory at your house, originally planning to study and do chemistry homework together, but being the procrastinator you were, you ended up getting distracted. Hence, why the two of you are sitting on your bed watching one of the most heartbreaking episodes on The Big Bang Theory while munching on some pizza,

“But they were so cute together! My Shelamy heart can’t take this, Injun!” you shook your best friend aggressively as you continue to whine, ignoring the sighing boy who was contemplating on why he was even friends with you in the first place. “He even got a ring for her, if that isn’t the cutest thing ever then I don’t know what is,” you groaned, collapsing on your bed as the thought of someone giving you a wedding ring made your heart flutter.

“Always the hopeless romantic,” Renjun sighs, running a hand down his face as if to say ‘I’m so done right now’. “Disgusting,” he teased, letting out a soft grunt once he felt you throw a pillow at the back of his head. “Shut up, nerd. You still have to find your soulmate, why not let your magnificent best friend mourn over the fact that she’s gonna be single for the rest of her life and let a girl dream?” you joked, earning a dark glare from Renjun.

Ouch, why did that hurt? It was your own joke after all.

“Don’t say that you sadist. You need to stop making jokes bout the bad things in life, that’s not very healthy.” Renjun lectured, his hand coming up to pinch your cheek hard. You frowned, pulling his hand away from you as you chuckled nervously. “You know me, Jun. Humor is a coping mechanism for everything. I’m mad at you when you mock me for simping over Timothée Chalamet when he starred on Little Women? I use sarcastic humor as a revenge.”

“I feel frustrated for failing that test because the damn substitute teacher wouldn’t believe me that I didn’t skip school instead of spending the whole day in the infirmary with a twisted ankle, watching Goblin with the nurse? I use sardonic humor to snap back at said teacher.”

“I get sad for accepting the fact that I am going to be single for the rest of my life? I use dark humor to cope with it instead of curling up in a ball and eat ice cream for the rest of my life and get Type 2 Diabetes.” you shrugged shamelessly as Renjun gaped at you, rubbing his temples to slowly process on your words. “Okay, firstly,” he started.

“One, Timothée Chalamet in that movie was desperately simping over a girl who clearly didn’t deserve him. Come on, tell me you didn’t get annoyed when he keep saying the l word at Jo despite her spilling her feelings out and rejecting him countless of times.” Renjun inhaled, his eyes boring widely into yours, his words speaking nothing but facts. “I get that but-” you started before the older boy cut you off, “I’m not done yet.”

“Secondly, that substitute teacher wasn’t even a teacher. She was an ear raping machine, no one liked her. Also, I gotta admit spending a whole school day watching the Goblin arguing with The Grim Reaper instead of spending excruciating hours writing your wrist off and trying not to snooze in the middle of Mr. Lee’s math lecture would’ve been the most luxurious thing a student could ever ask for”. And I am pissed off you got injured and left me there in class, suffering all by myself.” he laughed, flicking you on the forehead teasingly.

“Lastly, if you want to say something bout Jaemin, you know you could’ve just say so instead of sugar coating it.” Renjun sucked in his lips, smacking you with the pillow you threw at him previously, mentally preparing himself to comfort you knowing that you’re bout to go on another rant of how much you missed Jaemin. But if it helps you feel better and take another small step to moving on, then he’ll listen to you rant til his brain implodes.

You frowned, letting out a soft chuckle. “You know me too well, Jun.” you felt tears lining up your eyes, you leaned your head up, trying to blink the tears away. “It’s not helping when he’s literally next door. Or in the same school as I am, or in the same planet.” you leaned back to lay on your back on the mattress, your pillow hugged tightly to your chest as you let out a heavy, frustrated sigh.

Renjun patted your knee, silently urging you to continue to let out your thoughts. You couldn’t advert your gaze away from your ceiling, “He used to be so sweet before this whole soulmate ordeal,” you began with a sniffle. “Honestly, middle school was one of the best eras of my life. When me and Jaemin were just clowns on crack playing Five Nights At Freddy’s and goofing off, it still makes my heart flutter when I think bout the memorable moments we shared in middle school.” you closed your eyes as a flood of memories clouded your mind.

7th grade, an iconic year for your friendship. “Y/N!” Jaemin called out from the other side of the classroom, causing you to turn to him in the middle of your little gossip session with your friends. “You wanna play truth or dare with us?” he asked with a sweet smile, a few of your classmates gathering to the back of the class to sit down in a circle. You nodded in excitement, ditching your friends in hopes you get a spicy dare.

You sat in between Lia and Jeno, rubbing your hands together as you waited your turn to either give or receive a truth or dare. “Jaemin! Truth or dare?” a boy whose name you can’t recall asked with a mischievous smile. Jaemin rolled his eyes before answering “dare” with a bold, cocky smirk, eyes practically challenging his classmate to give him an extreme dare. The boy stopped to contemplate before turning to him with a cheeky chesire grin.

“Since you’re so close to Y/n, why don’t you sit on her lap?” the boy snarled, causing your classmates to let out whistles and soft “ooo”s around you. You raised a brow, “wait a second, that’s not fair. This is his dare not mine, why am I the one being sat on.” you whined as Jaemin tried to hide his flustered expression of sitting on his best friend’s lap. “Well, it’s a dare either way, he’s gotta do it whether he wants to or not.” he stuck his tongue out at you as you hissed back.

“Fine.” you mumbled as Jaemin laughed and tried to conceal his flustered expression and sat on your lap idly, his hands in between his legs as you try to restrain yourself from wrapping your arms around his waist and making things even more awkward than it already is. “What’s the big deal? You wanted me to sit on her lap, why are you so shocked?” Jaemin laughed as a few of your classmates just stared at the two of you in disbelief.

“How are you not uncomfortable with a guy sitting on top of your lap?” your friend asked from across the group circle. You shrugged, raising your brow as Jaemin lets out a laugh, shrugging in response as well. “Is it wrong for a person to sit on their best friend’s lap?” Jaemin asked with a raise of his brow, a teasing smile evident on his face as your friend struggled to find the words to say next.

“I must admit, you are quite heavy. I don’t think my legs are going to last long with your heavy, tall giraffe-like body.” you laughed, causing Jaemin to turn his head back at you with a glare, letting out a small sinister smile. ”That sounds like a ‘you’ problem, y/n. Suffer.” he spoke in a bittersweet tone.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that you had Mr. Na Jaemin sitting on your lap? For how long? All because of a dare?” Renjun paused, rubbing his temples to process this whole information. He knew Jaemin was a shameless and rather affectionately touchy boy, but he didn’t know that he was willing to accept such a gutsy dare. Yet again, this is you, he’s talking bout. The person who kept going for two years despite being rejected and gossiped left and right.

You shrugged, sitting up on the bed. “I was like, 11 years old. What do you want me to do, Huang? Born to be the family disgrace.” you grinned proudly, wiggling your brows as you placed a hand under your chin to pose dramatically. “You shouldn’t be proud of that. Weird flex but okay,” Renjun sighed heavily, raising a bottle of coke to his lips.

You inhaled as you began to spill another memorable moment from your childhood.

If there was one thing you and Jaemin had in common, it was that you both have absolutely no shame when flaring your dramatics.

It was 5th grade, you assume, when you and Jaemin had your first indirect kiss. It was a disturbingly iconic moment for the two of you, considering years after the incident you two kept doing it as if it were a part of your daily routine. You were at that age where kids around you were starting to take notice bout the soulmate concept. Teachers began explaining how the soulmate system worked during science class, causing you to involuntarily look at Jaemin from time to time to catch his disgusted expressions.

Often, snickering at the boy sitting in front of you who was gagging and mimicking the teacher as she explains. Sticking his tongue out in disgust when they started explaining the left tattoo concept. Jaemin sighed heavily, his hand stretching out to grab the water bottle on his table. His finger raised to push the lid off with a small pop, drinking without hesitation.

Jaemin looked down as he closed the lid and his brows furrowed at the oh-so-familiar name label on the lid of said water bottle. Written on the pink label with a sailor moon picture on the side was Y/N L/N. Jaemin almost threw up when he turned to you slowly, making you look up from your notes to give him a questioning nod at his horrified expression.

The little boy raised the water bottle to show you your little sailor moon label, making you raise your brow questioningly, as if to say, ‘what’s wrong with my sailor moon label?’

Crud, he forgot you were using the same water bottles your parents got you when you were both shopping at the thrift store.

Your eyes widened in realization when Jaemin pointed at himself and your bottle, trying not to scream in terror and get a scolding from your strict science teacher. ‘Did you,’ you mouthed, pointing an accusitory finger at the boy sitting in distress in front of you. ‘Drink from my,’ you continued, using your other hand to point dramatically at yourself then to your bottle that was still in his hands. ’My bottle?’ you asked with wide terrified eyes.

Jaemin practically gulped nervously, nodding in response. You both took a moment just staring into each other’s terrified expression, before mouthing ‘what the heck?!’ or ‘oh crud’ repeatedly, as to not gain your teacher’s attention.’You drank from my water bottle, Jaemin?!’ you mouthed, rubbing your hands against your face in distress. ‘How am i suppose to drink now?’ you whined, facepalming now that Jaemin had placed your water bottle back on your desk.

‘How am I suppose to live now knowing your spit is basically in my body? ‘ Jaemin shudders in response, grabbing his throat with disgust laced across his face. ‘Gross, I have your germs in my mouth.’ he stuck his tongue out in disgust, fake gagging as you rolled your eyes.

Renjun just gave you an incredulous look, his mouth gaping open, trying to decide whether to laugh or shake his head profusely. “Gosh, you two were born to be so dramatic. Seriously, while other people are having a mental breakdown over doing algebra, you two were in the back of the class making lovey-dovey faces because you two had your first indirect kiss.” Renjun laughed, clapping his hands as he howled back in laughter.

You sat up and whined, smacking your best friend with the pillow you were hugging earlier, causing him to laugh even more.”Oh god, I wish I came here sooner to witness that.” he wheezed, dodging your hits with his forearms as you continued to smack him on the face, chanting “shut up, Huang!” repeatedly in shame.

“I couldn’t drink from that bottle for months! It was my favorite bottle, too! The fact that Jaemin brings that bottle to school everyday was just traumatizing for the both of us! Instant trauma,” you groaned, leaning back dramatically against the mattress. Renjun laughed, smacking you with a pillow. “How did that even happen?” he asked incredulously.

“Some kid decided it would be funny to switch our bottles.” you pouted, stretching your arms across the bed like a starfish. “Did you two do anything bout it?” Renjun asked, his brows raising in amusement, practically eating your hilarious story up like it was a tub of candy. You sighed, looking away for a moment before mumbling under your breath.

“Jaemin said we should’ve replace the water in his water bottle with tap water from the bathroom, but I didn’t want to risk the guy getting a tummy ache so I spat in his drink instead.“

Renjun howled with laughter, a hand coming to hold his stomach as he leaned his head back laughing. “Why would you- Oh my god, this is gold. I can’t-” he wheezed, tears lining his vision as his tummy started to ache from laughing so hard. “Shut up! I was like, nine years old at the time. At that exact moment I felt no remorse for my actions whatsoever but now that I said it, it makes me feel even worse!” you whine, your feet kicking Renjun off the bed.

He landed on your carpet floor with a loud thud, his laughter subsiding into giggles. “That’s the chaotic energy everyone in this generation wants to have, holy shit, why wasn’t this documented ? This could’ve gone down as one of the most iconic moments in history. Honestly, whoever that kid who switched your bottle was, he’s that hero that doesn’t even need a cape.” he jokes, sitting up to earn a death glare from you.

Oh, if looks could kill, right now.

“Whatever, you sadist. Enjoying your time as you watch me suffer in despair.” you swung your arm over your eyes dramatically, feeling the mattress sink, assuming that Renjun had climbed onto the bed once again. “Come on, tell me another one. I promise I won’t laugh,” Renjun raised his pinkie finger with a soft smile. You raised your brow at him with your lips in a frown, causing Renjun to shrug innocently, “too much.”

You inhaled, your mind delving deep into the loving memories you had with Jaemin throughout your life. Your heart clenched at the next story you were bout to tell, the memory making your heart wanting to reach out for his even more. “Well, there was this one time-”

Ninth grade. Senior year of middle school. The previous day, you danced under the rain as Jaemin watched you from under the bus stop, hiding for shelter as you jumped around the empty cold streets. The fresh smell of rain hitting your nostrils as water made your clothes clung to your skin. Unfortunately for you, the next day you immediately got sick with a fever.

Receiving countless of text messages saying either ‘I told you so’ or ‘lucky bitch, you get to miss our physics test’ from Jaemin. You were shivering under the layers of blankets and hoodies you were wearing, stirring awake every hour due to how cold or thirsty you felt, tossing and turning every now and then. You turned when you heard your bedroom door opening, wondering who it was considering both your parents were busy at work at this hour.

Your eyes widened to see Jaemin, a coat hanging over his arm as he closed the door, and a plastic bag filled with delicious warm soup that you could smell from a mile away. “I can’t believe you left me to suffer all alone in school, I swear you purposely didn’t listen to me because you didn’t want to do that boring test.” Jaemin whined, a pout evident on his lips.

“Nana!” you exclaimed in a giddish tone, making grabby hands at him. Jaemin chuckled as he walked closer to your bed, sitting on the corner of your bed beside you, leaning his back against the headboard. He lays his coat on the chair behind your study desk, putting the plastic bag of food on your lap when you sat up. “Eat up. The sooner you get better, the sooner I can hug you to death for leaving me today.” He jokes.

You smiled, opening the plastic container inside to smell the scrumptious soup inside. “Chicken noodle soup, your favourite.” he spoke in a soft tone, smiling lightly at you. You grinned, grabbing the plastic spoon that came with it. “What? No soda on the side?” you grinned cheekily, earning a soft pinch to your cheek by your best friend. “Don’t you dare make song references in front of me as if you didn’t listen to me bout dancing under the rain yesterday, look where it got you now.” he tuts, shaking his head in a motherly manner.

“Geez, sorry, mom.” you teased, beginning to consuming your soup. “You’re sweating a lot, that’s a good sign.” Jaemin pushed a strand of hair away from your face and tucked it behind your ear, the sudden action causing you to pause from your eating for a brief moment, before shrugging it off. “I’ll probably feel be back to normal in a day or two.” you shrugged, gulping down a spoon full of soup.

“You’re gonna need to change, take your hoodie off.” Jaemin exclaimed, pulling your almost finished soup away from you. You let out a loud, “huh?” in response, your eyes widening at his sudden statement, trying to see if he was joking but no, Jaemin was dead ass serious.

“Take your hoodie off.” Jaemin ordered. “Jaemin!” you exclaimed, pulling your blankets up to your chin, protecting yourself from him. “You’re not gona get any better with wet stinky clothes on you, Y/N.” Jaemin rolled his eyes, walking over to your closet to grab a really baggy shirt of yours, tossing the big fabric over your face. You sat up and pulled the shirt off of your face to see Jaemin strip the white hoodie he was wearing over his body.

Your eyes caught the black shirt he was wearing underneathe had tugged up along with his hoodie, exposing his toned stomach to prove the results of how much time he spent working out at the gym with Jeno recently.

You squeaked at the action, looking away with a small blush tinting your cheeks. “Jaemin, what are you-” you flushed, taking the risk of looking at Jaemin again with a flustered expression to see your best friend standing in front of you with his white hoodie clutched in his hands. “Change your clothes, you’re gonna get even more sick if you lay there with wet clothes. You ran out of hoodies, use mine, instead.” he spoke sternly.

“Jaemin, I don’t think that that’s really necessary-” you let out a small squeak when Jaemin’s face came close to yours, his hand laying on your forehead and the other laying on his own. “You’re fever’s getting even worse. Change clothes and finish your soup while I get a warm towel ready, Y/n” He spoke, turning to leave your room, shutting the door behind him, unaware of how red your face must’ve been at the sudden contact.

You felt your heart beat increase at the actions that had happen before you, Jaemin’s hoodie resting on your lap, his strong cologne filling your senses, causing you to flush red even more as you tugged your wet sweaty clothes off and changed into the shirt and hoodie Jaemin picked out for you. You bit your lip when you could practically feel his scent engulf your whole being, your face becoming more red.

Did he always smell this nice?

The fresh smell of cinnamon and comfort was the only thing you could say to describe the indescribable scent of your best friend. You felt your heart flutter at the thought of constantly wearing his hoodie, but your thoughts were quickly interrupted when Jaemin came into your room with a bucket filled with warm water and a towel in hand.

“Lay down, y/n” he ordered, sitting on the bed beside you as you sunk down on the bed, pulling your bed sheets up to your nose so he wouldn’t see how red your face is. Jaemin didn’t think much of it when he dipped the water in the warm water, squeezing the water out to leave the towel warm and soaked, laying the warm towel on your forehead.

“You really didn’t have to do this, you know.” you bit your lip, sighing at the contact of his fingertips grazing against your skin as he layed the towel gently on your forehead. “I know, but you’ll probably die here if I don’t,” he chuckles. dipping the towel again once it got cold, squeezing the water out before placing it back on your forehead. “Does that mean you care bout me, Na Jaemin?” you smirked. “That’s quite embarrassing.” you teased.

Jaemin rolled his eyes softly at you, pinching your cheeks before cooping your nose. “There’s nothing embarrassing for a guy to care for his girl.” he commented simply. It felt like an arrow of pure adoration had struck through your heart. Well, that comment backfired. Wait, what does he mean by ‘his girl’?

“I’m your girl?” you spoke after a moment of hesitation, feeling your heart race against your ribcage once again. Jaemin chuckled, flicking your forehead teasingly, “not like that, you cheeseball.” he grinned, booping your nose once again before removing the towel from your forehead.

“Get some sleep, I’ll be right here when you need me. That is, unless your parents kick me out for staying too long.” he giggles, carressing your hair with his calloused fingers. “They’ll never kick you out, you live literally next door, Nana.” you giggled, nuzzling against his touch. Jaemin chuckled, putting the towel into the bucket before leaning in to give you a sweet kiss on your forehead.

Your eyes widened at the sudden act of affection, causing Jaemin to grin shyly. “You just look adorable, right now.” he mumbles under his breath before standing up and walking towards the door. “Go to sleep! I’ll be watching TV if you need me!” Jaemin exclaimed before closing the door with a soft click.

I don’t know bout you, but you knew you couldn’t sleep after his sudden display of affection.

You didn’t even realize tears were slowly streaming down your face until you let out a soft sob, Renjun’s figure coming close to comfort you. You felt Renjun’s arm wrap around your back, his hand coming up to your head to lean it against his shoulder. You sniffled, trying to swallow the sob that’s waiting to erupt from your mouth.

It was like day one all over again, with you crying your eyes out and Renjun comforting you by your side with food and movies. You shut your eyes tight once you felt that familiar burning sensation on your wrist, your heart aching and stinging against your chest. Renjun noticed your pained expression, his hand quickly yet gently coming up to see your left wrist, his eyes widening at the sight. “I’ll get you an ice pack, okay?” Renjun asked worriedly, carressing your soulmate mark as if it would soothe the burning sensation.

You nodded, crying even more as Renjun quickly bolted out your room, his footsteps echoing down the halls. You sniffled, trying to wipe the tears away with your palms, but like an endless waterfall, it never stopped. Nor did the pain in your heart.

Renjun came back with a sympathetic expression plastered on his face, coming up to you and gently placing the frozen packet of peas he found in your freezer on your glowing red tattoo. Renjun softly shushing you and caressing the back of your hair, his own heart aching to see his best friend like this. He couldn’t count the many times you had cried to him bout Jaemin since the dinner with your parents.

The countless amount of times he would press a cold surface onto your left burning wrist.

The countless times you would rant how your heart was begging for Jaemin’s stupid presence.

The countless times he wanted to punch Jaemin for not showing a single ounce of guilt and for how oblivious the younger boy is to how much he had been inflicting your pain.

You fell asleep in Renjun’s hold, the pain on your wrist subsiding into a dull ache, your heart beat in your ears.

Jaemin practically dragged his bag on the floor as he entered the room. His mood decreasing as the seconds go by, his eyes dark with exhaustion and pain. Lately, he hasn’t been focusing properly on the tasks in front of him, his mind was always somewhere else when Coach was discussing strategies for next week’s game.

He was always spacing out to the sound of his own heart beating in his ears, his eyes setting on a certain object in the corner of the room he was in, his body freezing in place as his whole head was in a haze. He’s gotten a countless amount of scolding for spacing out in the middle of practice, the endless amount of times Coach would get a student to hold a volley ball from the storage closet, ready to hit him with whenever he spaces out during practice matches.

Today, he was on his breaking point, he recently failed his History test, then got another scolding from Coach. Hell, he was called to the office in the middle of class, the Coach’s heavy frown never bringing ease to his now tense figure.

Jaemin collapsed on his bed with a soft thud, trying to keep his breath under control as his Coach’s words echoed in his head, his head buried into the soft fabric of his pillow. He tried to keep his mind from overthinking Coach Kim’s words adding into his stress.

“Na Jaemin, recently, I’ve become aware of how much you’ve been a little... distracted, lately. I’m sorry to say but as Captain of the whole team, you need to be on full focus for the game. If you can’t do that then I’m afraid someone else will.”

Jaemin gripped his pillow tightly, his breathing deepen as he tries to calm himself, his heart beat increasing. He squeezed his eyes tight, the look of disappointment in his team’s expression was all he could think bout for the rest of the day. His heart feeling heavy in his chest.

“I know, I know, this seems too far but, we can’t afford to lose the school winning streak all because of our captain spacing out because of who knows what! I know I sound delirious for saying this, but we can’t risk this.”

Jaemin remembered the heavy feeling of promising his Coach that he will get his problems sorted out right away so it wouldn’t interfere in the way of winning the game. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if the endless hard work he puts into playing football the past two years went to waste when the position he trained so hard to earn was taken away just like that.

Jaemin sniffled, sitting up as he tries to shake those thoughts away. His eyes blurring slightly at his Coach’s words repeating themselves inside of his head. He stood up, stretching his arms out to release the tension in his muscles, as he tries to delve into a more positive state of mind. His eyes closing in concentration.

‘Don’t think so negatively, Jaemin. You can do this, just stay focused at the task at hand and worry bout this weird pain after the game.’

Jaemin unconsciously walked towards his window, an exhausted groan eliciting from his mouth. ‘You’ve got this !’ he thought with determination, calming his thoughts as a content smile stretched across his face. Jaemin opened his eyes slowly, his bunny smile immediately dissipated into a deep frown, his eyes widen slightly at the sight from the window across his.

You were with Renjun on your bed, doing what looks like cuddling in each other’s warm embrace. You were sitting in between Renjun’s legs, your back facing Jaemin, making him unable to see your expression. Your head was leaning against Renjun’s shoulder, his hand coming up to caress the back of your head. Jaemin’s eyes never left your figure being in such an intimate position with Renjun.

Jaemin felt his own blood boiling, his previously sour mood returning in an instant, his heart beating in his ears as his eyes stared daggers into Renjun’s head. He watched as Renjun’s eyes gaze contently to your figure laying comfortably on his, his fists clenching even more at the sight. That is, until Jaemin snapped out of it with a shake of his head.

What was wrong with him?

Why was he feeling so angry bout seeing you cuddling with someone like that?

Yet again, when was the last time you cuddled him like that. Jaemin pulled his curtains to cover the sight across him, walking to the bed, running a hand through his hair. before leaning back to lay down on his mattress with his back facing his white sheets.

Jaemin sighed as he got lost in his own thoughts once again. When was the last time he cuddled you? Or held your hand? His head turned to the side, eyes scanning the picture frames he hung up on the walls of his room, stopping at the picture you took on your trip to Busan during winter back in 7th grade.

In the picture, you had Jaemin wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a gentle embrace. Your smile wide and your expression filled with laughter as Jaemin's happy one focused on the camera. Your eyes weren't on the camera, though, they were on him.

Cheeks and noses warm and red from the cold snow, clothes stained with the snow you played with to make snow angels and snowmen, your smile so wide, Jaemin could almost hear your bright laughter from the picture itself. As if he was reliving in that exact moment.

When did you stop smiling like that?

Jaemin realised he never noticed how forced your smiles became, how you use humor to mask every single emotion, how no matter how tired you are, you always manage to joke bout the littlest things to make him crack a smile.

"Why are you sad?" Jaemin asked as he drove you home one day, you glanced up at him with exhaustion glossing over your pupils, showing how pained you were for a split second, before you crack into a loving eye smile.

"I'm not sad, silly. I'm just tired of Mrs. Lee getting up in my ass yelling at my ear as if she was begging for my head to explode and have blood erupting out of my neck like a distorted volcano pms-ing." you joked, causing Jaemin to let out a soft laugh.

"You have the weirdest thoughts, I swear." he shook his head, his eyes glancing at you for a split second before returning to the road. "You're not normal yourself, Nana. We're all clowns in this generation, don't act like its a weird thing." you laughed, smacking his shoulder lightly.

Jaemin raised his brow at you, "me? A clown? You're practically born in a circus." he chuckled. "Says the person who says 'wow' every five seconds for the simplest of things. Post Malone basically wrote that song off of you, you should sue." you giggled, causing him to giggle.

"I am praying to God so that he could add at least add more braincells into that silly head of yours." Jaemin laughed. "God made me to be a clown, I must live on with my purpose, Nana." you added with a wink. "And a simp, too." you giggled.

Jaemin rolled his eyes at the memory, smiling at your terrible attempt at flirting. But his smile turned into a concerned expression once he remembers how pained your eyes looked at the time. As if you were holding pent up frustration, pain and emotion behind the humor.

Since when did you try to hide everything with humor? And when did he start to be one of those people who believed that you were okay behind that bright exterior? He was your soulmate for-

Wait, a second. Your soulmate? Why was he addressing himself like this? So what if he's your soulmate? It doesn't give him the right to barge into your personal problems. You didn't want to do anything with him after that dinner party, so why would he bother to think bout you when you were probably moving on with Renjun?

Jaemin licked his lips bitterly, his brows furrowed in frustration. A hand coming up to rub his face in distress, what was wrong with him these days?

Jaemin's thoughts went to how your body slumped weakly in Renjun's embrace, his eyes glancing down at your figure in a protective manner, his hand caressing your soft hair to soothe and comfort you. Jaemin knew how this would lull you to sleep in an instant, send you in a cuddly haze in people's arms.

Why did he know this?

Because he was the first one to experience it first hand, why should Renjun experience such an endearing moment? Why should Renjun see how vulnerable you are when it comes to-

Jaemin winced as the familiar pain in his chest resurfaced, his wrist aching again. He closed his eyes, 'not this again,' he thought to himself. Jaemin leaned over his drawer, his heart aching heavily against his chest as he opened the drawer to pull out a couple of pain killers

Tags: @lixseu @morks-watermelon @cherrystay @candiednickles @12am-musings @lowkeyviv @btm-taeyong @d-nghyck @gothmingguk @luvlyjaemin @cowward @smileyyuta

Couldn't tag: @/uncovermenow666 @/cakelyn

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parkertech · 4 years

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Tattoos & Tears - CHAPTER 1

a/n: on everybody's 18th birthday, they get a tattoo of their soulmate written on their wrist. for you, it's your best friend who you thought you got over. who even has a girlfriend of his own.

warnings: swearing

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It had been exactly a month since the trip to Europe. You spent the entire week by yourself, isolating yourself from Peter. You didn't want to, but after seeing him kiss MJ on the bridge, seeing your crush since the 7th grade kiss another girl, your heart shattered. He sent countless texts, but you ignored them all. If you even thought about him, the tears came out like a waterfall and the aching in your chest became stronger.

By the time the week was almost over, you realized something. Despite the jealousy, insecurity, and overall terrible feelings you felt, you realized Peter was happy with MJ. And all you wanted for him was to be happy. So, you sucked it up, and shoved your feelings down.

You came back to school happier than ever. You convinced yourself Peter was just a crush that didn't work out. To your surprise, life was easier like that. When you were introduced to MJ, you found out you had a lot more in common than you thought. You didn't feel a ping of jealousy when Peter and MJ kissed or hugged or showed any sort of PDA. You just rolled your eyes playfully and complained about them being cute.

Eventually, even Ned had his own girlfriend—Betty Brant. Betty joined you and MJ, and all of you became a trio. Everything was perfect.

And everything brought you to right now. You were walking to your house with Betty and MJ, you being in between them, chatting about the usual. Until Betty brought it up.

"Wait...isn't it your birthday soon, Y/N?" She said a little shocked. Your eyes widened along with MJ's.

"Holy shit you're right! I have only a week left!"

"And then you get to find out who your soulmate is!" Everyone's 18th birthday, was their famous day. Not only because you became basically an adult and almost graduated high school, but it was also because your tattoo would come. It would reveal the love of your life.

"Who do you think it could be?" MJ spoke up. You shrugged your shoulders while thinking.

"Maybe Aiden in Physics?" Betty sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. "What? I think he's cute and has potential! Plus we went on a few dates that weren't half bad."

"Oh please, Aiden? We all know who it really is, Y/N." She gave you an obvious look, and you just shook your head with a confused expression. "Brad Davis!" It was your turn to roll your eyes.

"What, you don't think he's cute?" MJ asked a little shocked.

"It's not that! I just...I don't know..." Okay, you had a tiny crush on Brad. But you never admitted it. Because he kind of became a player after the blip. Every girl found him hot, and leeched onto him. Which kind of started his reputation. You didn't want to be one of those girls, but you couldn't help it with his soft hair and gentle, yet mischievous smile. Not to mention, his muscles....

"Oh, please! You do know! It's gonna be him, I bet $100!" Betty exclaims.

"Well then I bet $100 it's Aiden. Just to compete." MJ counters. You giggled at the both of them as they finalized their bet. All three of you eventually made it to your apartment, and said your last goodbyes. You rushed to your room and spent a few hours on your phone, before getting to the more important things. In the middle of your homework, you heard a tapping at your window. You knew it was Peter before you even saw his familiar, bright smile behind the window. You hopped off your bed with a matching one, and opened the window for him.

"Whatcha doin' here, Spidey?" Peter didn't go to your window often, since usually at this time he'd be with MJ.

"MJ's at a peaceful protest and I'm bored out of my mind." He replied matter-of-factly. You rolled your eyes before moving aside and letting him climb in your room. He dropped his backpack on the floor before leaning over your bed and landing face first into the mattress. You chuckled a little before doing the same thing. He then fixed himself so he was on his back, and you turned so you were on his side.

"Someone's getting old in a few days!" Peter said sing-songy. You groaned before burying your face into your blanket at the mention of your special day.

"I knowww! God, I'm not ready." He chuckled at your response.

"Whoever your soulmate is, if he hurts you even once, I'm kicking his ass." Peter said firmly. You raised your eyebrows at him, a little surprised at his word choice and confidence.

"Whoa, who knew Peter Parker had the balls to want to actually kick someone's ass?" Peter just gave you an unimpressed look.

"Shut uuup! I'd totally be able to. I can stop criminals, for fucks sake." He countered. You scoff at him before sitting up.

"Speaking of my birthday, of course I'm gonna have a party, and it's mandatory that you come." Peter rolled his eyes while you put on a puppy face you know he couldn't resist. It always worked, whether it was asking for your favorite candy from Delmar's, or help with homework.

"Y/N...you know how I feel about parties..." Peter started. But you interrupted him.

"Nu uh! You're going! It's a necessity! No refunds, nada!" Peter realized there was no out on this, which caused him to groan a little. You sat there, expectantly waiting on an answer. Peter dragged it out, creating more suspense.

"Fine...only because it's you though." You squealed and gave him a bone crushing hug. Peter found himself hugging you back, and hiding his face in your neck. He could smell your perfume, and almost took a good amount of air to get a better smell. But that was weird. That's what weirdos do.

The rest of the night was spent watching Star Wars movies, cracking jokes, and Peter's constant complaining about your party. You constantly reassured him you'd make sure he would have a fun time, but that didn't stop him from dreading the event. Your fun ended when he got a text from MJ saying that she was back from her protest and wanted him to spend the night. Peter sighed a little loudly, which snapped your attention from the movie to him.

"What's wrong?" You asked in slight concern.

"MJ's back. I gotta go..." Peter felt a little guilty honestly. He barely spent time with you like this, and you were always so understanding. He didn't want to leave. Tomorrow was always another day, but this is his girlfriend. Everyone knows how the girlfriend feels about the girl best friend. But MJ wasn't like that, right?

"Oh, okay..." You didn't mean to sound so sad, but you knew how rare this was just as much as Peter.

Then a weird ache came back in your chest. You cleared your throat, holding your heart while Peter furrowed his eyebrows at you.

"You okay over there?" You nodded and waved him off despite how much it seemed to knot up.

"Yeah, I think it's just heartburn or something." You felt your cheeks flushing and grabbed the cold glass of water on your bedside table and took a big gulp. Peter kept eyeing you in confusion, but nonetheless kept packing up his things and opened your window.

"Okay, well...see you in History tomorrow?" He asked as his leg was resting on your carpet and the fire escape.

"Yeah, you're acting like we don't go to the same school, stupid!" You both shared a little laugh, and then you felt a weird wave in your stomach. Your face fell a little, but not enough to be noticed. You both exchanged one last goodbye before Peter was heading down your fire escape back to his house, where MJ was waiting.

On his way home, Peter felt a weird tugging at his heart. He found himself missing you, more than usual. It was probably because you two didn't spend after school hours with each other in a while. Right? Right.

You on the other hand, were wondering why your body was reacting that way to Peter. It's how you used to react to him when you had feelings for him. But you didn't anymore. You didn't. Have. Feelings. For Peter Parker. Even if you did, he's in love with MJ. And you can't do that to MJ. So there it is. Problem solved.

Letting out a long heavy sigh from your thoughts, you changed from your school clothes and put on a hoodie with some sweatpants. You turned off your bedside lamp before getting in your bed, pulling up the blanket to the middle of your ears. Your thoughts were still on how you reacted to Peter today. But you said it yourself. You got over him.

Peter is nothing more than a friend.

But there was a tiny voice that you tried to silence at the back of your mind.

Are you saying it because it's true, or saying it to convince yourself?

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moonlightcrossfire · 5 years

Text

HOW I GOT MYSELF TOGETHER ?

HOW I DECIDED TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER?

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 16

Hey guys! I know it's been a quite while I haven't posted anything here, it's just I've been through extreme moment of indecisiveness and doubt with plenty plenty plenty of breakdowns, hesitation and fear.

Fear of what? Of not being able to get myself together and make everything move through the correct path. If you're a huge procrastinator, a reluctant soul that has that hidden glow that's afraid to step outside, hope this helps you and be your sign to get your shit together.

Don't you ever get that feeling in your insides that makes you feel strange? Makes you feel there's something wrong? Or most likely, can it be a sign that'll push you to change your life?

I got that feeling that twirled my insides and let guilt build through me and sneak into my blood, it was screaming that I was wasting my time and indeed I was. Then, I automatically smiled and I felt clips of my future self flashing in front of my eyes, I realised back then that I didn't want to be that girl who spends her day in her sweatpants watching TikToks or scrolling through Instagram watching people reach places when I know I can reach the same places, does it make sense?

PSA: Sweatpants will always be the greatest piece of clothing ever made for women.

When I got that vibe, I knew my energy wouldn't lie to me. My mood changed real quick, from depressed and doubtful to someone who's sure of what she wants to do and where does she want to reach.

In a night full of stars, here's how I decided to change the way I lived:

1. Wake up early everyday, even on weekends.

All those who know me know that I run to my bed as soon as the clock says 9:00 PM, sometimes 8:30. They'd be like, "What makes you go to bed so damn early?" "The night is still in its beginning, at its finest, why would you want to sleep now?" Etc etc.. and my answer would be that I'm exhausted or I don't like staying up late, boring answers I know, it's just the way it is. However, it's been scientifically proven that sleeping early and waking up early increase your life's longevity, and sleeping for less than six hours will make you susceptible to illnesses. The health benefits of sleeping early are endless, do your research! The point is, waking up early doesn't only have you ready the day with positive energy but it makes you more organised if you're a busy person occupied with school, career, hobbies or interests. Take advantage of sleeping early!

2. To Do lists are your new best friends.

The best timings to write your to-do lists are either before you go to bed or after you wake up. To Do lists are known for keeping you on track, it helps you plan your day and accomplish things you postponed to go out with your friends or ignoring what you gotta do to finish another episode of your favourite show and end up forgetting what you have to do. Get a journal or a planner and take it EVERYWHERE you go, jot down reminders, appointments, chores, anything that won't make you forget your duties. By doing that, you'll feel responsibility has grown to be a part of your existence, neatness and organisation as well. Personally, in my To Do list I writ down tasks that I believe I can finish in a day. For example, doing homework, writing a new chapter for the new project I'm writing, make character maps, take pictures for my VSCO, write excerpts to post on MoonlightCrossfire, etc etc. When I write my first to do list I tried my hardest not to procrastinate, it was quite difficult not to procrastinate but I accomplished 70% of what I wouldn't have done if I was on my phone all the time. So, start writing your first To Do list right now!

3. Read affirmations, pray, set goals.

I've heard that reading affirmation boosts your mood to a certain extent. I believe it's what law of attraction is about. For who doesn't know what Law of Attraction is, it's the law which uses the power of the mind to translate our thoughts and turn them into reality. Specifically talking, if you think positively, the positive things will come to life. Reading affirmations such as calling yourself beautiful or believing you can do whatever you want to do or striving to love yourself more and being grateful for whatever God has given to you will make you see thing from a bright perspective. Try calling yourself beautiful in front of the mirror, our conscience will hug you and warmth will contaminate your skin.

Praying for a beautiful day or a better life or a respectful job or a happier self by means making your relationship with God a genuine relationship even if you aren't religious will turn your tables. Whenever you get the chance to pray, do it for yourself before anyone else.

Setting goals whether they're near goals or future ones will make you feel more stimulated by clinging more to them as passion eventually strengthens, that's when you know that you should never give up on things you find your peace of mind into and unleashes your true self to.

4. Focus on your education.

I'm an average student, my grades are like rollercoaster, I reach high highs and get unfortunate grades, it's pretty normal. I maintain a good score by giving my best to subjects I love and find myself flexible in studying such as literary subjects, as for scientific subjects however I don't mind a passing grade. When you study the subjects you love and feel like shining in them, you'll study them with so much effort yet so relaxed because you are aware of your abilities in these subjects. On the other hand, the subjects that you feel like you study them for the sake of passing, you need to build a mentality that you know passing these classes will bring you closer to achieve your dreams. You have to know that the path to reach your dream life will be full of thorns and and barriers to reach the sunshine and butterflies.

5. Eating healthy + moving more.

Sleeping early isn't enough for a drastic life change if you sleep with a mouth full of chocolate or a bag of chips or a burger. I'm NOT saying you should kill your evil cravings, but try to do a little bit of swapping. Pinterest is full of recipes and swaps that will statist your craving and at the same time revives you instead of slowly killing you. I've realised that a little bit late and I felt something blocking my throats that I won't eat as much McDonald's as I used to, but we have to let go of things that makes us happy sometimes. (McDonald's is the love of my life :/) Healthy food isn't as bad as people make it look like, we convince ourselves that they're not flavourful to run back to fast food and satisfactory foods.

If you're a lazy person like I am that moves from a couch to another and considers it a workout, you might want to read this. Doing chores will have move automatically and as you move you are helping your body become more flexible, you burn calories and you feel lightweight. At school or work or stuff, try to walk as much as you can, it keeps you alive.

Last but foremost, when I write my to do list, I write a water tracking list that makes sure I drink 8-10 cups of water a day. Water is your life saviour, it keeps you hydrated, helps you lose weight, keeps you in the bathroom so you won't get involved with bullshit and drama + it clears your skin. Who said detox water isn't recommended as well? Water with lemon and mint is my favourite water detox combination, you can add pomegranates too!

6. Limit distractions and use of electronics.

Your series can wait, your friends can wait, your lover can wait, your family can wait but your future doesn't wait for you. Why? Because you chase your future, it is not your future that chases you. It is preferable to limit the use of electronics while working or studying. I'm teaching myself to get used to not be on my phone a lot, I'm teaching myself to focus without looking at my phone and surrender to surf social media, I'm teaching myself to resist it. You should learn resistance, too. Try to use your electronics when you're 100% done with all your tasks on your to do list, you won't have anything to carry on your shoulder and you can check your friends' posts and stories or watch some celebrity tea.

7. DON'T KILL THE VIBE, CREATE PLAYLISTS!

Ever since I downloaded Spotify I made different playlists for different moods and I honestly love them all and vibe to them with my heart like I can't explain how I am passionate about my music taste. The fact that people make fun of the music I listen to because I don't listen to what they're used to listen to, not because the music I listen to makes me superior, it's just a matter of taste. When you listen to music you love, your happiness hormones boost your body, mind and soul. When your body, mind and soul are full, your creativity becomes limitless. I listen to music pretty much all the time specially when I'm writing, it gets me in the mood and I get so inspired by the stories every song holds. If you're a lover of music, you're forever young.

To sum up this blogpost, planning your life out and finding yourself and getting your shit together are major keys to reach your purpose. It will make your life much easier, enjoyable, satisfactory and pleasurable. Who doesn't want that? Then, learn to live your life the way you want to live it. They say you only live once, right? Live by this motto.

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