#(Anyways... Denial posting go! Losing battle initiated!)

[bluesclves]

I saw a video where someone (I forgot who, it might've been jstoobs or straw-hat-goofy on tiktok) said how the three mcu Disney+ miniseries shows represent three different types of love. They said that wandavision is about romantic love, fatws/caatws represents brotherly/platonic love, and loki represents self-love.

I disagree; I think each show takes a commonly used trope about love and subverts it.

Wandavision is about learning to accept the loss of a loved one. The usual trope for losing a loved one is that it's not something you can move past on your own; in typical media, a new love interest or friend comes in and helps lift the grieving person out of their downward spiral. Instead, wandavision shows Wanda in serious denial, but she ultimately pulls herself out of her grief and recognizes that she is enough on her own, she can be strong despite her loss, and while she initially dragged an entire town into her grief with her, she ultimately releases them and resolves to accept her grief on her own, and move past it on her own.

Captain America and The Winter Soldier: I know sambucky is a hot topic right now, but I feel that there really is something in this show between Sam and Bucky. This show takes the quite common trope of two men in a strong friendship forged through battle/conflict and, in my opinion, takes it that one step further. "Just friends" don't do couples counseling exercises together, you feel me? They started out as two dudes with a mutual friend, but I think they've become closer to each other through this show than either one of them ever was with Steve. I think the expectation with their dynamic was for it to be a buddy-cop sorta show, but instead we got a really wholesome relationship (whether you see it as platonic or romantic) where they explicitly trust and care about each other, shown in how they easily share personal spaces and information with each other and in how they check in on each other when they can tell one is in an uncomfortable situation.

[This is your spoiler warning for episodes 1-5 of Loki, hit j to skip the rest of this post]

Loki (2021), is by far my favorite of these subverted tropes. I think we're all well-acquainted with TV's nasty habit of pushing every male & female protagonist duo together into a hetero (or hetero-passing) relationship. We know that Loki & Sylvie are not going to be a couple; the director has said that there won't be any (explicit) romance between them. Any hints have, at best, been het-baiting (oh how the tables have turned!) And now with episode 5, we've seen a male-presenting and female-presenting protagonist duo confirm their lack of romantic feelings, but continuing with their strong desire to be close and be friends who support each other. It's showing how you really can just have a man and a woman be close friends without having a romance subplot forced onto them. (And with that confirmation from them, Mobius's accusations flung at Loki in episode four sound even more suspiciously like a jealous man with a crush, and paired with that long-ass hug loki & mobius had in episode 5??? 👀 draw your own conclusions y'all.) I've seen so many TV shows where female protagonists are shoved into a relationship with the male protagonist, whether they have chemistry or not. And I've seen so many shows where, if the relationship doesn't work out, things either become weird between them, or they just don't bother to be close anymore (almost like society dictates that men and women should only spend time together if they're 'getting something' out of it). It's so nice and refreshing to see that subverted here, so Loki & Sylvie can just be close without having to be 'together'.

Anyways, that's my take on these three shows. I'm looking forward to this next phase of marvel content, it seems like they're finally diversifying their casts and writers and directors, which I really hope will lead to more diversified and interesting stories.

[inkstainedhandsandcoffee]

Headcanons about my Radiant OC Ruairi:

Why? Because I’m bored and it’s a good warm up for something I’m rewriting about Von Teppes later. Because Tumblr, this Ammit of a website, ate the last one before I could post it.

Yaga:

If they were to meet, it would likely be because Ruairi aka Magpie would be trying to steal Yaga’s cauldron. Honestly I can hardly imagine Ruairi without this headcanon somewhat involved, because it’s something he would absolutely want to have for himself.

I think because of that, Ruairi and Yaga would have a Wild E. Coyote and Road Runner kind of relationship for a while, (don’t ask me who is the coyote and who is the road runner, they switch it up every interaction.) that would slowly evolve into a mentor/student type of relationship the moment Yaga realizes that Ruairi isn’t just some crazy low life; he’s just half-feral, trapped in a losing battle with kleptomania, and hasn’t had anyone to guide him since he was ten.

Dragunov:

I could see Dart getting caught up in one of Magpie’s heists. He can’t stand Ruairi, not in the slightest, alter-ego or not. He might have more sympathy for him if he found out about Ruairi’s infection, but Dragunov’ll never like Ruairi. He’s just too irritating of a person, especially when it comes to Inquisitors.

Ruairi’s long standing belief that the Inquisition is full of prissy elitists, combined with his criminal ways and constant jabs at the Inquisition doesn’t help change Dart’s opinion either. While Ruairi may dial it down if he really got to know Dart, he’s never going to completely stop making fun of the Inquisition.

Sometimes I think about writing a fic about Magpie working with Dragunov as his informant/partner as the duo try to bust the Domitor’s operation together.

“What’s the difference between the Inquisition and a cactus? In the Inquisition, the pricks are on the inside.” -Ruairi

King Herkles:

Oh boy, breaking into the royal palace would be one hell of an adventure for Ruairi and that would be a post in of itself, but for now let’s focus on Ruairi and King Herkles interactions.

In a place as high security as Bome, Ruairi’s criminal persona Magpie wouldn’t work too well in general, and casing the palace like it was any other robbery would draw far too much attention, so I think his best bet would be to go undercover at the palace as a servant.

While I know even then it would be unlikely for them to meet, (Ruairi would want to keep a low profile anyway) if Seth can meet the king by crash landing in his pool while riding a Nemesis all by chance then so can Ruairi.

So let’s say King Herkles notices a young man joins his servants’ ranks. Great! Someone young enough to understand slang and memes and poor enough to know which ones the common people use. He could help Herkles figure out how to cool, right?

Yes and no. After getting over the initial shock of being dragged into the role of Meme Consultant ™, he would be conflicted about whether to use his new position for good or evil.

“Ruairi, what’s a thot? I heard some kids talking about it earlier. Does it mean something cool?”

“.......It’s short for thoughtful person.”

Melie:

I consider Ruairi Melie’s foil for a reason; both have hard to control infections, both became looked down upon and outcasted because of their infections; the difference is Ruairi gave up trying to prevent his infection from defining him, Melie never did.

If Ruairi was part of Melie’s arc, Melie would push him to do better and in turn (perhaps inadvertently) Ruairi would push Melie to do better.

Seeing Ruairi treat himself like a lost cause would undoubtedly force memories of her time in the Vicqueens to resurface as well as test and strengthen Melie’s resolve. She’s likely going to take Ruairi’s resignation personally and might even project her some of her own struggles on him.

Whereas seeing Melie fight him on how he deals with his infection as well as her relationship with the others would spark some hope in Ruairi that maybe he can be more than his infection again. He doesn’t like it one bit though. That hope opens him up to rejection and failure again, and by god he’s going to do whatever he can to stomp it out. Spoiler: he couldn’t stomp it out.

While I don’t think he’d join the gang, (and if he did, it would be with reluctance and he’d probably be denial for a little bit on his reasons why he joined.) he’d likely meet up with them every once in a while and help them out. (And if that help was a tiny bit illegal, they didn’t need to know that).

[chasmfriend]

What do you do with accumulated pain? How do you handle being in the world, making mistakes, hurting, and being hurt?

Every character in Oathbringer is trying to find ways of dealing with pain. Some are avoidant, some crushed under shame and guilt, some functioning through dark depression, and some figuring out how to take the next step and move on. Seeing their journeys, their missteps and their triumphs, was my favorite part of reading this book.

I promised a post to balance against my negative reactions to Oathbringer. Here are the things I truly loved about that storming book (very long) after the break.

As I’ve dealt with my own issues of denial and avoidance, and slowly learned to face things rather than run from them and pretend they don’t exist, I have eased off of Shallan. I used to resent her for not taking more positive steps, for feeding her unwillingness to come to terms with her past. But she made some strides forward.

Her fracturing of her self was concerning, but I loved it. I was so glad her deep issues weren’t all wrapped up nicely after WoR. She thinks she is all of her personas, and even though they might be based on aspects of her, they are still all covers. They help her hide and deflect. She has not yet embraced the scared little girl she actually is. She may not for some time yet. Shallan has a rough road ahead of her.

I’ve criticized her interactions with Wit, though I think what he did and said were generally perfect. He spoke many cutting and necessary truths. Shallan won’t be able to absorb all of it, though it will set her in the right direction.

“It’s not really her fault, but she’s still worthless.”

Shallan’s self-loathing, even while in the same breath saying that she didn’t cause her brokenness, hit me hard. She doesn’t let many people see how deeply she rejects herself. That quote above is said with “sneering.” She thinks she should have been better, somehow.

Wit stepped over to Shallan, then quietly folded his arms around her. She trembled, then twisted, burying her face in his shirt.

“You’re not a monster, Shallan,” Wit whispered.

Wit understands. He knows what she fears and what she needs to hear.

“Your other minds take over,” he whispered, “because they look so much more appealing. You’ll never control them until you’re confident in returning to the one who birthed them. Until you accept being you.”

How can she be “confident in returning to the one who birthed them”? Only if she likes that person. Only if she is comfortable with who that person is.

“For in you, I see a woman more wonderful than any of the lies.”

The flawed but genuine person is always better than the ‘perfect’ cover. The painful truth is better than a beautiful lie. You can love and connect to a real person. You cannot love a cover. Shallan has not learned this yet; she thinks her covers are actually more valuable than her true self.

“The longer you live, the more you fail.”

Let’s talk about failure. Let’s talk about Kaladin, and Teft, and Elhokar, and Renarin.

Kaladin, for all his limitations, really shines in Oathbringer. He hasn’t escaped his depression, but he hasn’t let that stop him from becoming a capable Radiant. He went to Hearthstone a changed man, assertive and confident, but still Kaladin. He gets set in his own thinking. He misunderstands. For example, he believes that Laral needs to be saved from Roshone, and is sure she is mistaken when she doesn’t agree with him. He has grown, but retains his stubborn overprotectiveness and idealism.

After Elhokar, Kaladin is reeling. This loss is the failure he feared. He had been so determined to protect Elhokar, to save Dalinar’s Tien.

“Kaladin’s not well,” she said.

“I have to be well,” Kaladin said, his voice hoarse as he climbed back to his feet.

And then:

“I survived Bridge Four,” Kaladin growled. “I’m strong enough to survive this.”

This reaction is so different from how he’s responded before. He’s trying to be better. We see more of his familiar struggle with his demons in his POV:

You’re just looking for something to latch on to. Something to feel.

Because the darkness was coming.

It fed off the pain of defeat, the agony of losing men he’d tried to protect. [...]

Get out, Kaladin thought, squeezing his eyes shut. Get out, get out, get out!

It would continue until numbness seemed preferable. Then that numbness would claim him and make it hard to do anything at all. It would become a sinking, inescapable void from within which everything looked washed out. Dead. [...]

Were these his only two options? Pain or oblivion?

Fight it.

From Adolin’s perspective, those first two quotes, Kaladin is plenty strong and capable. Inside his own head, Kaladin is fighting something incredibly tough, and barely keeping himself from losing. He is precariously balanced against a darkness that will overwhelm him if he doesn’t work every moment to keep it at bay, and it’s only a matter of time before it consumes him. That is the hopelessness of trying to battle against depression.

You would think that I would want every success for Kaladin, You’d think I’d be cheering him on to victory at every step. Yet I am so, so glad he didn’t say the Fourth Ideal. Let me see if I can explain.

In Kaladin’s perspective, failure is inevitable. He might not say that he’s cursed, though part of him still believes it. In spite of that, he has an idealist streak: he pushes himself to be perfect. To protect people. To save everyone. (That type of all-or-nothing goal is part of why failure is inevitable for him, but I won’t go into that too deeply here. One initial “failure” made him want to prevent anything like that from ever happening again, but that wasn’t in his control (stupid free agency) and that failure spurred him into guilt and more idealism, and so on...)

Everyone says I will swear the Fourth Ideal soon, and in so doing, earn my armor. I simply don’t think that I can. Am I not supposed to want to help people?

--From drawer 10-12, sapphire

The Third Ideal meant standing up for anyone, if needed, But who decided what was “right”? Which side was he supposed to protect?

The Fourth Ideal was unknown to him, but the closer he drew to it, the more frightened he became.

The Fourth Ideal is something particularly difficult for those who want to protect others. I don’t have a guess about specifics, but it seems to be something related to...self-preservation?

You know what you need to do.

“I...can’t,” Kaladin finally whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I can’t lose him, but...oh, Almighty...I can’t save him.”

He couldn’t say those Words.

He wasn’t strong enough.

And later:

Storms, he could be down on himself sometimes. Was that the flaw that had prevented him from speaking the Words of the Fourth Ideal?

He knew the Words. He also knew he couldn’t say them and mean them.

Kaladin is sincere about his commitments. Combined with how deeply he feels his failures, how familiar the sense of not meeting some standard is to him, makes these moments of him not yet able to swear the next Ideal feel more like a triumph than a failure. When you’re not ready for the next step, it’s fine. Not being ready is not exactly a failure anyway. Kaladin accepts where he is. He’ll keep moving forward, and when he can meet the challenge of the Fourth Ideal, he will say the Words. That time is not yet.

I thought I’d be ready to talk about Elhokar, but I guess that’s a challenge I’m not ready to take on yet. Another time.

Shallan fears her value and makes up for it by creating aspects she believes are better than her true self. Kaladin fears he won’t be good enough but consistently tries to prove his worth, at great risk and often against impossible odds. I’d argue that no one feels more worthless than Teft does.

Teft doesn’t believe in his worth. He doesn’t deflect the pain through denial or repeatedly try to prove himself. He has completely despaired.

You’re already a shame to the crew, Teft, and you know it, he thought. You’re a godless waste of spit.

Oh, Teft. So focused on his weaknesses that he doesn’t see anything else. He sees his pain and his addiction, and nothing else.

He doesn’t admit his capable command, his support of the crew, or his determination to face the truth, even when it hurts. He doesn’t give himself any credit for what he does right.

I want to mention how wonderful Bridge Four is. When they find Teft in the firemoss den, they express anger not at Teft but at the den keeper. Rock wants to beat the guy with his own torn-off limbs, Kaladin insults him as he pays Teft’s debts. They show only care for Teft.

Storms, they were good men. Better friends than he deserved. They were all growing into something grand, while Teft…Teft just stayed on the ground, looking up.

And all he can think of is that he doesn’t deserve it. He keeps shooing away the spren who lingers by him, waiting for him to take the next step.

“Can you see it, Teft?” the spren whispered. “Can you feel the Words?”

“I’m broken.”

“Who isn’t? Life breaks us, Teft. Then we fill the cracks with something stronger.”

“I make myself sick.”

“Teft,” she said, a glowing apparition in the darkness, “that’s what the Words are about.”

And then he says the Third Ideal, swearing in his self-loathing to protect himself. Of all the journeys in this book, Teft’s is maybe the most human. He hasn’t conquered his demons, hasn’t yet discovered his worth. He’s taken a small and very difficult step towards something better. He isn’t healed. He doesn’t see his own value or love himself. But he’s started the journey.

And this is already really long and I still need to talk about Renarin. I’ve been saving him because I have so much to say about that boy...I’ll give him his own post soon.

[nvya-s]

#in all seriousness #there is something I wonder about #in regard to lance in s3 #and this makes me think i'm right... (on /post/159621437167/yaxxm-source-there-is-no-way-to-joke-about-this) I cannot not ask lol, what is it that you wonder about?

Ever since Allura’s VA confirmed she’d be piloting a lion in S3 I’ve thought about the possibility that it’s not Shiro’s absence that causes her to step in. Granted, this is probably just me in serious denial over the strong likelihood of Shiro being MIA for the remainder of the series. But I wonder.

I think the staff (especially the show runners) kind of like to stoke the fire. They know we know things historically don’t look good for Shiro... and they play that up. (The initial S2 teaser really made a lot of people think we were gonna lose Shiro then -- and that was done entirely on purpose). They’ve also emphasized time and time again that they don’t feel restricted into moving the story in a certain way just because of the source material.

So what I’m saying is this may be another red herring. So just for the sake of argument let’s say the team manages to get Shiro back just before the end of S3. Keith is still left in a ‘leadership’ role during his absence - making decisions in battle etc. - but doesn’t actually shift to pilot Black. So maybe they just don’t form Voltron for a few episodes (in theory there could be a brief period of respite between the time they defeat Zarkon and Lotor builds up his own following within the Empire). So this seems feasible to me. 

Meanwhile, there have also been various comments about Lance’s antics and insecurities having bigger and bigger consequences, to the point it’s something they all have to deal with. So what if Lance screws up something badly enough that he’s out of commission for some time (injured badly, taken hostage, whatever) and Allura is actually temporarily stepping in for him. That still places her in Blue, nodding to the original series, but avoids a true lion swap. (Which, while I love the idea of leader!Keith, the lion swap still kind of rubs me weird because of the way they’ve set up the lion-bonds in VLD). 

But of course, at some point the whole ‘will Shiro die or not’ shtick is going to get real old. And I think it’s still more likely Shiro is legit gone and we’re going to see the full shift (I imagine this may be why they implied Alfor piloted both Red and Yellow - to show us pilots can change lions)... and basing predictions on teasers released by staff is questionable at best... but anyways. 

I just wonder...

[lostandfoundstories]

Why I Say Soda Instead of Pop

It was a day that should’ve been like any other. I woke up, and I went to school. Being 8th grade, the only thing at the front of my mind was plotting the ways I could sneak note-passing or doing homework during SSR, or self-selected-reading time (book love), which we did for the first fifteen minutes of each school day no matter what class you were in. Lucky for me, or unlucky depending on how many rules you’re willing to break, I had algebra 1 first period in 8th grade. I always had homework assigned daily that I would wait till SSR to do. Classmates next to me would be reading Harry Potter: The Half-Blood Prince, and I would be unassumingly trying to find out what X equals in y=2x+3 behind an open The 5th Wave standing up to block my work. I was caught a few times, but no real punishment came from it. My teacher wanted to begin class just as much as any other teacher whose class-time is being eaten up by SSR.

I went through a day of linear equations, Civil War battles, rock cycles, spanish conjugations, and learning an arranged Lady Gaga medley for the end-of-the-year orchestra Pops concert. I’m waiting to be picked up by my dad; I’m ready to go home and play Destiny on my PS4 or jam to pop-punk and screamo music, like All Time Low, We Came As Romans, or Falling In Reverse like any 8th grader. But, I get home and everyone’s there already. My mom’s not cleaning like she should be on a weekday; my sister’s not at a friend’s house or working; and my dad doesn’t go to his office to work on whatever else he has to work on, on top of his day-job. They’re all at the dining room table like it’s the Last Meal. They’re gathered around. Sooner or later I hear the words that come with anything like this: “Aaron, come sit down.” Of course, I tentatively sit down. I don’t do drugs or drink or anything like that. I was still a virgin (and still am for that matter). But in that moment, I feel like I’m waiting for them to say something like, “Aaron, we found this in your bedroom” [pointing to used condoms or a big bottle of vodka]. However, nothing like that was said even though sometimes I wish it had. 

    “Aaron, you know Olivia [my sister] recently came back from Oregon.”

    “Yeah…?”

    “She was in a town she thinks we’d really like. As you know, she really wants to move there. She says there’s nature everywhere, people are friendly, it’s smaller than Grand Rapids, but not terribly small. They have a bus system-”

    “Cool.”

    “Well…-”

    I knew what was going to happen. This was going to be a giant-ass “Well.” 

    “Well, you know Olivia is only 19. She feels passionately about this city, Eugene, and Oregon in general. She strongly believes we’d love it, and we’ve been wanting to get out of Michigan forever. You always hear us complaining about the snow and jobs. So… we’re going to be moving with her as an entire family.”

    “Okay.”

    “We don’t know when yet. We’re going to start getting the ball moving by hiring realtors and what not. Don’t post about it on Facebook yet till it’s official and confirmed that we’re moving on a specific date. Okay? Did you get all of that?”

    “Okay.”

    I went up to my room, and messaged some of my immediate friends. The first being my crush I’ve had for the last two years and have gotten rejected by at least three times. After that, I wrote a post on Facebook, hid my family through the handy “custom audience” button, and saw the comments, messages, and “sad reacts” flood my notification feed.

    Nothing was the same after that. I could no longer talk to my best friends as if we would walk across the graduation stage together; I could no longer talk to my best friends as if we would even walk the halls of the giant high school that we had planned 8 years for together. I was sort of numb. I didn’t cry. I didn’t punch a hole in the wall. I didn’t necessarily blame anyone or completely reject the idea and outright refuse orally, Instead, I was over the moon. A week after my secret announcement and messages, I had my first girlfriend last more than 48 hours, and it was no girlfriend off of Tinder or from recess. It was the girl I had my sights on since the beginning of 7th grade when she transferred from another school district. Real feelings or not, she eventually sent a bunch of message about her feelings for me too over the school year. I had a puppy-love and nothing connected. I had the false idea that it’d be a happily-ever-after. I completely forgot that I’m moving within the year. Instead of those thoughts and ideas, I just started fantasizing about my first kiss with her and first time holding hands with someone romantically. 

    These ideas went on for the rest of the school year or few months. It wasn’t until the end-of-the-year field trip we take annually that’s complete fun. We went to Cedar Point, or the biggest amusement park in the U.S.. It was, and still is, the best day of my life. I met Josh Dun, drummer of Twenty One Pilots coincidentally, I hugged my now-ex girlfriend for what seemed like hours, and I held her hand for the first time while on a roller coaster. I thought we might kiss, but me being the introvert I was and still am, every time the thought came to initiate it, it was replaced with a loud “NO WAY JOSE.” I would wait for her. 

    It never came.

    Instead, the trip ended. We were on the bus heading home (it was a 4-hour ride). It was then that I got the infamous text. Yes, text. We were on the bus. She was like 10 rows ahead of me. It was then that she said something vague like, “We’re done.” I replied with, “What? What’s done?” I don’t know if I knew and was unconsciously oblivious and purposefully ignorant, or if I was just plain dumb. After my reply, she made it plain and clear: “We’re breaking up.” I would later learn that she had planned it all along. And we had even sort of talked about it previously, but I was just so oblivious and in a fairy-tale. She/We planned this to be a 3-month fling right before I moved. We weren’t going to do long-distance, which I wouldn’t have done anyways. I had just completely forgotten subconsciously that I’m moving 2400 miles away. It was then that everything hit like a brick. For the rest of the ride home, I cried under my best friend’s blanket that he let me borrow. Also, the things I said about it being a fling, I know that now in 2019. I didn’t know that right then. I had the usual thoughts of, “what did I do wrong?!”. 

I go through the first month of the summer doing packing and last-minute arrangements for moving. My family has sold the house and signed off on it. We have a date. We have to be out by June 30th. I see my closest friends for the last time. I cry (not in front of them). I have no idea what to expect. I know nothing about Oregon besides rain and trees. You’d think I would’ve researched it a bit more, but I was in a fairy-tale and then shock/denial immediately after. I had no time. 

    One thing, however, that’s stuck with me is how much pop I drank. We didn’t buy groceries because we’d be moving and we didn’t want anything to go to waste. So, we constantly ate out buying sandwiches and pop. Now, I say pop because that’s what it always had been to me growing up in Michigan/the Midwest. The first seven years on the east-side near Detroit or near the “thumb”. The second seven years on the west-side near Lake Michigan. The pop vs. soda debate hadn’t happened, or at least I hadn’t heard of it. I didn’t even know the word soda existed. So on I went, drinking a lot of pop and eating a surprising amount of BLT’s. 

    Finally, on June 30th, we pack the car with the bare essentials, like toiletries and snacks that didn’t go on the moving truck (we hired a driver for). We make the three-day road trip with hotel stops along the way to sleep. Finally, we arrive in Eugene, Oregon on July 3rd, 2016. 

I don’t know what to make of it. I just know that I miss my ex-girlfriend (we were on speaking terms again and I sort of began realizing that it was a kind-of fling). So what do I do? I begin catching up on America's Got Talent episodes that I missed while moving and packing. We order pizza since our stuff hasn’t arrived, and we’re too tired to go grocery shopping. We order 2 medium-sized Domino’s pizzas and a pop. 

Life goes on. I get through the following months with my family since we know absolutely no one in Oregon. We go on hikes, we decorate and unpack, and we discover the staple grocery stores like Fred Meyer, Grocery Outlet, and Winco (none of which exist in Michigan). We discovered coffee places like Dutch Bros., which didn’t impress us. We were happy to find that Eugene had many Starbucks places, which we still stick to. 

It comes to September. I’m at Freshman orientation in the noisy gymnasium. My knees are shaking and I’m on the verge of tears. However, an ecstatic teacher with in-between wavy/curly hair like mine comes out and introduces himself as Mr. Kostechka. He announces his poetry club and everything else blocks out. Poetry. Poetry was my escape during 8th grade both before and during the moving process. I was like every other emo middle schooler, but I still wanted to take it places and everyone who would read it complimented me whether genuinely or not. So, I find out when and where, and I cling onto it. I don’t have many friends, and the friends I do have I end up losing around January. I’m a wandering ghost lost in the socialness of high school. I don’t have my friends who I sat with for 3 years straight. The only thing keeping me going is poetry club once a week. 

At home, we’ve finally bought groceries like any other family. We’ve finally established ourselves and we have roots. My dad has his day-job, and my mom is finding new clients to clean for like in Michigan when she cleaned other’s houses by herself for under-the-table money. They’re waiting for me to bring home friends, but I haven’t yet. It’s still just, “how’s school going?” and the usual reply of “fine.” They’re not worried because I do have all A’s, and I still snuggle with my mom every night, falling asleep to BBC Earth, Masterchef, and America’s Got Talent, all shows we watch together before I go in my own bed (Right now we’re watching Stranger Things together). 

However, the shift happens in Geometry at my table group. Somehow, the pop vs soda debate comes up, and it’s at the peak of popularity. Everyone in my group says it’s soda, and I still call it pop. Still, even then it feels weird. I refuse to stand-down. We agree to disagree. But throughout the following weeks, I slowly start saying soda, and it feels much more natural. I learn that it’s a midwest and east-coast thing to call it pop and a west-coast thing to call it soda. That’s all it is. It’s just one more thing that I’ve given up since moving to Oregon. It’s not a bad thing though. As I’ve said, saying soda felt much more natural.

Just like switching to soda felt more natural, over the three years that I’ve lived here now, many things have felt more natural. I’m comfortable here. I still miss my friends in Michigan of course, but I don’t miss them with every waking moment. I’ve made a strong group of friends here: Maggie, Jozie, Andrea, Alison, Petra, Ada, and Melody. I have teachers, like Mr and Ms. K, Ms. Taylor, Ms. Downey, Ms. Chylek, Ms. Lawless, and Mr. Sheaffer, I consider friends and even best friends. I’ve developed my emo middle-school poetry and writing a lot. I went through what I consider a real relationship with kissing and more, many more conversations, dates, and a real break-up. I’ve grown more in these three years of Oregon than I did in the fourteen years in Michigan. That might just have to do with my age, but the truth still stands. I’ve also learned that I like Oregon and west-coast culture a lot more. Let me explain.

Just like they say soda here and pop in Michigan, other things are different culturally. In Oregon, strangers will say hi to you at a supermarket or on a bus even if you’ll never see them again; teachers will be your friend and sort of tear down barriers that always existed for almost every teacher in Michigan. Of course I’m not going to hang out with my teachers outside of class and play the newest Call of Duty together or watch the newest season of Stranger Things while I’m a student, but I can talk to them after-class and even in-class and say personal things. I can make jokes that might get me detention in Michigan. My teachers can make jokes that might get them fired in Michigan. I can send my teachers this paper. I can show them my emo poetry. I can write out all of my thoughts and feelings and not hold back. I can talk about my genuine excitement for the symphony in a week, rather than hold back and say “I’m happy it’s Friday” out of embarrassment. I can easily develop a friendly yet professional relationship with my teachers. I don’t know if it’s just a North thing, a high school thing, or a West-coast thing, but I like it.

Not only could I let go of pop, but I could also let go of embarrassment and social awkwardness that held me back a lot in middle school. Now, I’m still an introvert, don’t get me wrong. But, I’m an introvert in a healthy way. I can go to get-togethers/parties, have random outings, see a symphony on my own, play in a symphony on my own, solo, join a poetry club, join the Youth STEM Equity Club, join Mock Trial, etc. But I still sometimes need a night-in where I don’t want to talk to or see anybody, and I just want to read and/or write. 

That is why I say soda instead of pop

[alyssamanson5]

How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills?

In order to overcome your addiction to painkillers or opiate based medications you are probably going to have to the following things.

First, you need to admit to yourself fully that you have a serious problem, and that you cannot fix this problem by yourself. If you question this then you should, of course, simply quit by yourself and move on with your life. If you are finding that impossible to do then that should bring you back to the original problem: You need help and you cannot solve your own problem.

After trying for weeks, months, or even years to self regulate and control your opiate intake, at some point you will want to recognize that you are fighting a losing battle.

And it is a losing battle. Tolerance will adjust for the true opiate addict to the point that they are constantly increasing their dose while getting less and less of the effect that they truly want.

The fantasy in the mind of the addict is that if they only had enough opiates supplied to them, and if the rest of the obstacles in their life would just magically disappear, then they could finally be happy while continuing to self medicate. What they fail to realize is that many of their problems in life are a result of the addiction itself, and that getting high doesn’t really make them happy.

Getting high on opiates may give instant pleasure, but that is not the same thing as deriving real happiness. The idea that drugs could make you happy is false, because the instant pleasure is always going to fade at some point and you will be left “unhappy.” Taking more and more of the drug can fix this temporarily, but at some point you have to return to baseline.

In other words, if you get “high” on opiate pills for one day out of every month, that is likely to feel pleasurable to you because the other 29 days you are just “normal.” But if you abuse opiates every single day, then getting “high” just becomes your new normal, and there is nothing special about it any more. It is no longer a party, nor is it even a reward any more. It stops being fun because you do it every day just to avoid feeling sick. The party is over.

We stay stuck in denial when are telling ourselves that we have to live this way, that we have to keep medicating with opiates in order to function in life, and that this is the only way that we can ever really be “happy.” That is denial.

The truth is, any opiate addict can go to treatment and figure out how to live a clean and sober life just by surrendering and following a recovery program. Sound simple? It is fairly straightforward, and thus we could call it simple. But it is by no means easy to pull off. The problem is much more than just acute opiate withdrawal trying to suck us back into our addictive behaviors.

If the opiate addict surrenders and goes into rehab, they will likely help the person get through the pain and discomfort of withdrawal by giving them certain medications. If you have access to this path then I strongly urge you to ask for help, go to rehab, and go through a medical detox. This is the scary part, at least initially–getting through the physical withdrawal symptoms that make people feel as if they have the flu.

But once you get through the initial withdrawal symptoms, you have the rest of your life to deal with. And the opiate addict will quickly realize that they were not only medicating their physical pain when they abused opiates, but they were in fact also medicating their emotional pain.

And everyone has emotional pain. Some of us more than others, sure. But everyone deals with some amount of stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, and so on. We all have our share of negative emotions.

And if you abuse opiates for a period of time, what you are really doing is medicating those negative emotions in a way that you do not really have to deal with them and process them like “normal” people do. Instead, when you are feeling sad or mad or whatever the negativity may be for you at the time, you simply self medicate with opiates and you numb that particular form of emotional discomfort.

And therefore, when the struggling opiate addict finally decides to get clean, they are suddenly overwhelmed in those early days of their recovery by the weight of negative emotions crashing down on them.

This is the case whether or not anything particularly bad is happening. Life has ups and downs, and every day has at least a tiny bit of “drama” to deal with. The opiate addict is used to medicating all of those unwanted feelings away, and suddenly they have to relearn how to process those emotions and deal with them in a responsible way. It’s tough.

But even though it is difficult, it can certainly be done. And you will have help. If you choose to go to a rehab center, you will have quite a bit of help. Not only will they help you through the physical withdrawal symptoms, they will also help you to start learning how you can deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions without resorting to drugs or alcohol.

You will also get a lot of support from your peers–the people in rehab along side of you that are all trying to achieve the same goal of recovery, just as you are. This kind of kinship can be especially powerful in early recovery because it also allows you to identify with other people. We need other people in early recovery. It is important to realize, and accept, that we cannot do it alone. The true addict needs help in order to recover successfully.

Now you may be worrying about what is going to happen in your world when you are clean and sober and living your day to day life after rehab. You may be worrying about how exactly you will manage physical pain in the future. I can assure you that this is not an impossible obstacle, and that many addicts with very serious chronic pain conditions have been able to recover from opiate addiction without living in constant pain and misery. But in order to reach that ideal you have to be open minded. If you want to stay stuck in denial then it is easy to argue that your pain is impossible to manage without opiates and therefore you just need to keep yourself stuck in addiction forever–but this doesn’t really serve you well, nor is it the truth.

The truth is that an opiate addiction is a losing battle anyway, and the way out involves going to treatment, getting professional help, and then exploring your options for pain management with a team that includes your doctor as well as a substance abuse therapy team. In that way you can find a solution that allows you to live a life of freedom from chemicals.

In short–go to rehab if you want to start your journey to a life of freedom from painkillers. That is the best step that you could take in order to begin the journey to recovery.

The post How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills? appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from http://www.spiritualriver.com/drug-addiction/painkillers/how-can-i-overcome-my-addiction-to-pain-pills/

[haileyjayden3]

How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills?

In order to overcome your addiction to painkillers or opiate based medications you are probably going to have to the following things.

First, you need to admit to yourself fully that you have a serious problem, and that you cannot fix this problem by yourself. If you question this then you should, of course, simply quit by yourself and move on with your life. If you are finding that impossible to do then that should bring you back to the original problem: You need help and you cannot solve your own problem.

After trying for weeks, months, or even years to self regulate and control your opiate intake, at some point you will want to recognize that you are fighting a losing battle.

And it is a losing battle. Tolerance will adjust for the true opiate addict to the point that they are constantly increasing their dose while getting less and less of the effect that they truly want.

The fantasy in the mind of the addict is that if they only had enough opiates supplied to them, and if the rest of the obstacles in their life would just magically disappear, then they could finally be happy while continuing to self medicate. What they fail to realize is that many of their problems in life are a result of the addiction itself, and that getting high doesn’t really make them happy.

Getting high on opiates may give instant pleasure, but that is not the same thing as deriving real happiness. The idea that drugs could make you happy is false, because the instant pleasure is always going to fade at some point and you will be left “unhappy.” Taking more and more of the drug can fix this temporarily, but at some point you have to return to baseline.

In other words, if you get “high” on opiate pills for one day out of every month, that is likely to feel pleasurable to you because the other 29 days you are just “normal.” But if you abuse opiates every single day, then getting “high” just becomes your new normal, and there is nothing special about it any more. It is no longer a party, nor is it even a reward any more. It stops being fun because you do it every day just to avoid feeling sick. The party is over.

We stay stuck in denial when are telling ourselves that we have to live this way, that we have to keep medicating with opiates in order to function in life, and that this is the only way that we can ever really be “happy.” That is denial.

The truth is, any opiate addict can go to treatment and figure out how to live a clean and sober life just by surrendering and following a recovery program. Sound simple? It is fairly straightforward, and thus we could call it simple. But it is by no means easy to pull off. The problem is much more than just acute opiate withdrawal trying to suck us back into our addictive behaviors.

If the opiate addict surrenders and goes into rehab, they will likely help the person get through the pain and discomfort of withdrawal by giving them certain medications. If you have access to this path then I strongly urge you to ask for help, go to rehab, and go through a medical detox. This is the scary part, at least initially–getting through the physical withdrawal symptoms that make people feel as if they have the flu.

But once you get through the initial withdrawal symptoms, you have the rest of your life to deal with. And the opiate addict will quickly realize that they were not only medicating their physical pain when they abused opiates, but they were in fact also medicating their emotional pain.

And everyone has emotional pain. Some of us more than others, sure. But everyone deals with some amount of stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, and so on. We all have our share of negative emotions.

And if you abuse opiates for a period of time, what you are really doing is medicating those negative emotions in a way that you do not really have to deal with them and process them like “normal” people do. Instead, when you are feeling sad or mad or whatever the negativity may be for you at the time, you simply self medicate with opiates and you numb that particular form of emotional discomfort.

And therefore, when the struggling opiate addict finally decides to get clean, they are suddenly overwhelmed in those early days of their recovery by the weight of negative emotions crashing down on them.

This is the case whether or not anything particularly bad is happening. Life has ups and downs, and every day has at least a tiny bit of “drama” to deal with. The opiate addict is used to medicating all of those unwanted feelings away, and suddenly they have to relearn how to process those emotions and deal with them in a responsible way. It’s tough.

But even though it is difficult, it can certainly be done. And you will have help. If you choose to go to a rehab center, you will have quite a bit of help. Not only will they help you through the physical withdrawal symptoms, they will also help you to start learning how you can deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions without resorting to drugs or alcohol.

You will also get a lot of support from your peers–the people in rehab along side of you that are all trying to achieve the same goal of recovery, just as you are. This kind of kinship can be especially powerful in early recovery because it also allows you to identify with other people. We need other people in early recovery. It is important to realize, and accept, that we cannot do it alone. The true addict needs help in order to recover successfully.

Now you may be worrying about what is going to happen in your world when you are clean and sober and living your day to day life after rehab. You may be worrying about how exactly you will manage physical pain in the future. I can assure you that this is not an impossible obstacle, and that many addicts with very serious chronic pain conditions have been able to recover from opiate addiction without living in constant pain and misery. But in order to reach that ideal you have to be open minded. If you want to stay stuck in denial then it is easy to argue that your pain is impossible to manage without opiates and therefore you just need to keep yourself stuck in addiction forever–but this doesn’t really serve you well, nor is it the truth.

The truth is that an opiate addiction is a losing battle anyway, and the way out involves going to treatment, getting professional help, and then exploring your options for pain management with a team that includes your doctor as well as a substance abuse therapy team. In that way you can find a solution that allows you to live a life of freedom from chemicals.

In short–go to rehab if you want to start your journey to a life of freedom from painkillers. That is the best step that you could take in order to begin the journey to recovery.

The post How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills? appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from http://www.spiritualriver.com/drug-addiction/painkillers/how-can-i-overcome-my-addiction-to-pain-pills/

[jaylazoey]

How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills?

In order to overcome your addiction to painkillers or opiate based medications you are probably going to have to the following things.

First, you need to admit to yourself fully that you have a serious problem, and that you cannot fix this problem by yourself. If you question this then you should, of course, simply quit by yourself and move on with your life. If you are finding that impossible to do then that should bring you back to the original problem: You need help and you cannot solve your own problem.

After trying for weeks, months, or even years to self regulate and control your opiate intake, at some point you will want to recognize that you are fighting a losing battle.

And it is a losing battle. Tolerance will adjust for the true opiate addict to the point that they are constantly increasing their dose while getting less and less of the effect that they truly want.

The fantasy in the mind of the addict is that if they only had enough opiates supplied to them, and if the rest of the obstacles in their life would just magically disappear, then they could finally be happy while continuing to self medicate. What they fail to realize is that many of their problems in life are a result of the addiction itself, and that getting high doesn’t really make them happy.

Getting high on opiates may give instant pleasure, but that is not the same thing as deriving real happiness. The idea that drugs could make you happy is false, because the instant pleasure is always going to fade at some point and you will be left “unhappy.” Taking more and more of the drug can fix this temporarily, but at some point you have to return to baseline.

In other words, if you get “high” on opiate pills for one day out of every month, that is likely to feel pleasurable to you because the other 29 days you are just “normal.” But if you abuse opiates every single day, then getting “high” just becomes your new normal, and there is nothing special about it any more. It is no longer a party, nor is it even a reward any more. It stops being fun because you do it every day just to avoid feeling sick. The party is over.

We stay stuck in denial when are telling ourselves that we have to live this way, that we have to keep medicating with opiates in order to function in life, and that this is the only way that we can ever really be “happy.” That is denial.

The truth is, any opiate addict can go to treatment and figure out how to live a clean and sober life just by surrendering and following a recovery program. Sound simple? It is fairly straightforward, and thus we could call it simple. But it is by no means easy to pull off. The problem is much more than just acute opiate withdrawal trying to suck us back into our addictive behaviors.

If the opiate addict surrenders and goes into rehab, they will likely help the person get through the pain and discomfort of withdrawal by giving them certain medications. If you have access to this path then I strongly urge you to ask for help, go to rehab, and go through a medical detox. This is the scary part, at least initially–getting through the physical withdrawal symptoms that make people feel as if they have the flu.

But once you get through the initial withdrawal symptoms, you have the rest of your life to deal with. And the opiate addict will quickly realize that they were not only medicating their physical pain when they abused opiates, but they were in fact also medicating their emotional pain.

And everyone has emotional pain. Some of us more than others, sure. But everyone deals with some amount of stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, and so on. We all have our share of negative emotions.

And if you abuse opiates for a period of time, what you are really doing is medicating those negative emotions in a way that you do not really have to deal with them and process them like “normal” people do. Instead, when you are feeling sad or mad or whatever the negativity may be for you at the time, you simply self medicate with opiates and you numb that particular form of emotional discomfort.

And therefore, when the struggling opiate addict finally decides to get clean, they are suddenly overwhelmed in those early days of their recovery by the weight of negative emotions crashing down on them.

This is the case whether or not anything particularly bad is happening. Life has ups and downs, and every day has at least a tiny bit of “drama” to deal with. The opiate addict is used to medicating all of those unwanted feelings away, and suddenly they have to relearn how to process those emotions and deal with them in a responsible way. It’s tough.

But even though it is difficult, it can certainly be done. And you will have help. If you choose to go to a rehab center, you will have quite a bit of help. Not only will they help you through the physical withdrawal symptoms, they will also help you to start learning how you can deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions without resorting to drugs or alcohol.

You will also get a lot of support from your peers–the people in rehab along side of you that are all trying to achieve the same goal of recovery, just as you are. This kind of kinship can be especially powerful in early recovery because it also allows you to identify with other people. We need other people in early recovery. It is important to realize, and accept, that we cannot do it alone. The true addict needs help in order to recover successfully.

Now you may be worrying about what is going to happen in your world when you are clean and sober and living your day to day life after rehab. You may be worrying about how exactly you will manage physical pain in the future. I can assure you that this is not an impossible obstacle, and that many addicts with very serious chronic pain conditions have been able to recover from opiate addiction without living in constant pain and misery. But in order to reach that ideal you have to be open minded. If you want to stay stuck in denial then it is easy to argue that your pain is impossible to manage without opiates and therefore you just need to keep yourself stuck in addiction forever–but this doesn’t really serve you well, nor is it the truth.

The truth is that an opiate addiction is a losing battle anyway, and the way out involves going to treatment, getting professional help, and then exploring your options for pain management with a team that includes your doctor as well as a substance abuse therapy team. In that way you can find a solution that allows you to live a life of freedom from chemicals.

In short–go to rehab if you want to start your journey to a life of freedom from painkillers. That is the best step that you could take in order to begin the journey to recovery.

The post How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills? appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241844 http://www.spiritualriver.com/drug-addiction/painkillers/how-can-i-overcome-my-addiction-to-pain-pills/

[alexdmorgan30]

How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills?

In order to overcome your addiction to painkillers or opiate based medications you are probably going to have to the following things.

First, you need to admit to yourself fully that you have a serious problem, and that you cannot fix this problem by yourself. If you question this then you should, of course, simply quit by yourself and move on with your life. If you are finding that impossible to do then that should bring you back to the original problem: You need help and you cannot solve your own problem.

After trying for weeks, months, or even years to self regulate and control your opiate intake, at some point you will want to recognize that you are fighting a losing battle.

And it is a losing battle. Tolerance will adjust for the true opiate addict to the point that they are constantly increasing their dose while getting less and less of the effect that they truly want.

The fantasy in the mind of the addict is that if they only had enough opiates supplied to them, and if the rest of the obstacles in their life would just magically disappear, then they could finally be happy while continuing to self medicate. What they fail to realize is that many of their problems in life are a result of the addiction itself, and that getting high doesn’t really make them happy.

Getting high on opiates may give instant pleasure, but that is not the same thing as deriving real happiness. The idea that drugs could make you happy is false, because the instant pleasure is always going to fade at some point and you will be left “unhappy.” Taking more and more of the drug can fix this temporarily, but at some point you have to return to baseline.

In other words, if you get “high” on opiate pills for one day out of every month, that is likely to feel pleasurable to you because the other 29 days you are just “normal.” But if you abuse opiates every single day, then getting “high” just becomes your new normal, and there is nothing special about it any more. It is no longer a party, nor is it even a reward any more. It stops being fun because you do it every day just to avoid feeling sick. The party is over.

We stay stuck in denial when are telling ourselves that we have to live this way, that we have to keep medicating with opiates in order to function in life, and that this is the only way that we can ever really be “happy.” That is denial.

The truth is, any opiate addict can go to treatment and figure out how to live a clean and sober life just by surrendering and following a recovery program. Sound simple? It is fairly straightforward, and thus we could call it simple. But it is by no means easy to pull off. The problem is much more than just acute opiate withdrawal trying to suck us back into our addictive behaviors.

If the opiate addict surrenders and goes into rehab, they will likely help the person get through the pain and discomfort of withdrawal by giving them certain medications. If you have access to this path then I strongly urge you to ask for help, go to rehab, and go through a medical detox. This is the scary part, at least initially–getting through the physical withdrawal symptoms that make people feel as if they have the flu.

But once you get through the initial withdrawal symptoms, you have the rest of your life to deal with. And the opiate addict will quickly realize that they were not only medicating their physical pain when they abused opiates, but they were in fact also medicating their emotional pain.

And everyone has emotional pain. Some of us more than others, sure. But everyone deals with some amount of stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, and so on. We all have our share of negative emotions.

And if you abuse opiates for a period of time, what you are really doing is medicating those negative emotions in a way that you do not really have to deal with them and process them like “normal” people do. Instead, when you are feeling sad or mad or whatever the negativity may be for you at the time, you simply self medicate with opiates and you numb that particular form of emotional discomfort.

And therefore, when the struggling opiate addict finally decides to get clean, they are suddenly overwhelmed in those early days of their recovery by the weight of negative emotions crashing down on them.

This is the case whether or not anything particularly bad is happening. Life has ups and downs, and every day has at least a tiny bit of “drama” to deal with. The opiate addict is used to medicating all of those unwanted feelings away, and suddenly they have to relearn how to process those emotions and deal with them in a responsible way. It’s tough.

But even though it is difficult, it can certainly be done. And you will have help. If you choose to go to a rehab center, you will have quite a bit of help. Not only will they help you through the physical withdrawal symptoms, they will also help you to start learning how you can deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions without resorting to drugs or alcohol.

You will also get a lot of support from your peers–the people in rehab along side of you that are all trying to achieve the same goal of recovery, just as you are. This kind of kinship can be especially powerful in early recovery because it also allows you to identify with other people. We need other people in early recovery. It is important to realize, and accept, that we cannot do it alone. The true addict needs help in order to recover successfully.

Now you may be worrying about what is going to happen in your world when you are clean and sober and living your day to day life after rehab. You may be worrying about how exactly you will manage physical pain in the future. I can assure you that this is not an impossible obstacle, and that many addicts with very serious chronic pain conditions have been able to recover from opiate addiction without living in constant pain and misery. But in order to reach that ideal you have to be open minded. If you want to stay stuck in denial then it is easy to argue that your pain is impossible to manage without opiates and therefore you just need to keep yourself stuck in addiction forever–but this doesn’t really serve you well, nor is it the truth.

The truth is that an opiate addiction is a losing battle anyway, and the way out involves going to treatment, getting professional help, and then exploring your options for pain management with a team that includes your doctor as well as a substance abuse therapy team. In that way you can find a solution that allows you to live a life of freedom from chemicals.

In short–go to rehab if you want to start your journey to a life of freedom from painkillers. That is the best step that you could take in order to begin the journey to recovery.

The post How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills? appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 http://ift.tt/2Du0Nkv

[pitz182]

How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills?

In order to overcome your addiction to painkillers or opiate based medications you are probably going to have to the following things.

First, you need to admit to yourself fully that you have a serious problem, and that you cannot fix this problem by yourself. If you question this then you should, of course, simply quit by yourself and move on with your life. If you are finding that impossible to do then that should bring you back to the original problem: You need help and you cannot solve your own problem.

After trying for weeks, months, or even years to self regulate and control your opiate intake, at some point you will want to recognize that you are fighting a losing battle.

And it is a losing battle. Tolerance will adjust for the true opiate addict to the point that they are constantly increasing their dose while getting less and less of the effect that they truly want.

The fantasy in the mind of the addict is that if they only had enough opiates supplied to them, and if the rest of the obstacles in their life would just magically disappear, then they could finally be happy while continuing to self medicate. What they fail to realize is that many of their problems in life are a result of the addiction itself, and that getting high doesn’t really make them happy.

Getting high on opiates may give instant pleasure, but that is not the same thing as deriving real happiness. The idea that drugs could make you happy is false, because the instant pleasure is always going to fade at some point and you will be left “unhappy.” Taking more and more of the drug can fix this temporarily, but at some point you have to return to baseline.

In other words, if you get “high” on opiate pills for one day out of every month, that is likely to feel pleasurable to you because the other 29 days you are just “normal.” But if you abuse opiates every single day, then getting “high” just becomes your new normal, and there is nothing special about it any more. It is no longer a party, nor is it even a reward any more. It stops being fun because you do it every day just to avoid feeling sick. The party is over.

We stay stuck in denial when are telling ourselves that we have to live this way, that we have to keep medicating with opiates in order to function in life, and that this is the only way that we can ever really be “happy.” That is denial.

The truth is, any opiate addict can go to treatment and figure out how to live a clean and sober life just by surrendering and following a recovery program. Sound simple? It is fairly straightforward, and thus we could call it simple. But it is by no means easy to pull off. The problem is much more than just acute opiate withdrawal trying to suck us back into our addictive behaviors.

If the opiate addict surrenders and goes into rehab, they will likely help the person get through the pain and discomfort of withdrawal by giving them certain medications. If you have access to this path then I strongly urge you to ask for help, go to rehab, and go through a medical detox. This is the scary part, at least initially–getting through the physical withdrawal symptoms that make people feel as if they have the flu.

But once you get through the initial withdrawal symptoms, you have the rest of your life to deal with. And the opiate addict will quickly realize that they were not only medicating their physical pain when they abused opiates, but they were in fact also medicating their emotional pain.

And everyone has emotional pain. Some of us more than others, sure. But everyone deals with some amount of stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, and so on. We all have our share of negative emotions.

And if you abuse opiates for a period of time, what you are really doing is medicating those negative emotions in a way that you do not really have to deal with them and process them like “normal” people do. Instead, when you are feeling sad or mad or whatever the negativity may be for you at the time, you simply self medicate with opiates and you numb that particular form of emotional discomfort.

And therefore, when the struggling opiate addict finally decides to get clean, they are suddenly overwhelmed in those early days of their recovery by the weight of negative emotions crashing down on them.

This is the case whether or not anything particularly bad is happening. Life has ups and downs, and every day has at least a tiny bit of “drama” to deal with. The opiate addict is used to medicating all of those unwanted feelings away, and suddenly they have to relearn how to process those emotions and deal with them in a responsible way. It’s tough.

But even though it is difficult, it can certainly be done. And you will have help. If you choose to go to a rehab center, you will have quite a bit of help. Not only will they help you through the physical withdrawal symptoms, they will also help you to start learning how you can deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions without resorting to drugs or alcohol.

You will also get a lot of support from your peers–the people in rehab along side of you that are all trying to achieve the same goal of recovery, just as you are. This kind of kinship can be especially powerful in early recovery because it also allows you to identify with other people. We need other people in early recovery. It is important to realize, and accept, that we cannot do it alone. The true addict needs help in order to recover successfully.

Now you may be worrying about what is going to happen in your world when you are clean and sober and living your day to day life after rehab. You may be worrying about how exactly you will manage physical pain in the future. I can assure you that this is not an impossible obstacle, and that many addicts with very serious chronic pain conditions have been able to recover from opiate addiction without living in constant pain and misery. But in order to reach that ideal you have to be open minded. If you want to stay stuck in denial then it is easy to argue that your pain is impossible to manage without opiates and therefore you just need to keep yourself stuck in addiction forever–but this doesn’t really serve you well, nor is it the truth.

The truth is that an opiate addiction is a losing battle anyway, and the way out involves going to treatment, getting professional help, and then exploring your options for pain management with a team that includes your doctor as well as a substance abuse therapy team. In that way you can find a solution that allows you to live a life of freedom from chemicals.

In short–go to rehab if you want to start your journey to a life of freedom from painkillers. That is the best step that you could take in order to begin the journey to recovery.

The post How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills? appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

[roberrtnelson]

How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills?

In order to overcome your addiction to painkillers or opiate based medications you are probably going to have to the following things.

First, you need to admit to yourself fully that you have a serious problem, and that you cannot fix this problem by yourself. If you question this then you should, of course, simply quit by yourself and move on with your life. If you are finding that impossible to do then that should bring you back to the original problem: You need help and you cannot solve your own problem.

After trying for weeks, months, or even years to self regulate and control your opiate intake, at some point you will want to recognize that you are fighting a losing battle.

And it is a losing battle. Tolerance will adjust for the true opiate addict to the point that they are constantly increasing their dose while getting less and less of the effect that they truly want.

The fantasy in the mind of the addict is that if they only had enough opiates supplied to them, and if the rest of the obstacles in their life would just magically disappear, then they could finally be happy while continuing to self medicate. What they fail to realize is that many of their problems in life are a result of the addiction itself, and that getting high doesn’t really make them happy.

Getting high on opiates may give instant pleasure, but that is not the same thing as deriving real happiness. The idea that drugs could make you happy is false, because the instant pleasure is always going to fade at some point and you will be left “unhappy.” Taking more and more of the drug can fix this temporarily, but at some point you have to return to baseline.

In other words, if you get “high” on opiate pills for one day out of every month, that is likely to feel pleasurable to you because the other 29 days you are just “normal.” But if you abuse opiates every single day, then getting “high” just becomes your new normal, and there is nothing special about it any more. It is no longer a party, nor is it even a reward any more. It stops being fun because you do it every day just to avoid feeling sick. The party is over.

We stay stuck in denial when are telling ourselves that we have to live this way, that we have to keep medicating with opiates in order to function in life, and that this is the only way that we can ever really be “happy.” That is denial.

The truth is, any opiate addict can go to treatment and figure out how to live a clean and sober life just by surrendering and following a recovery program. Sound simple? It is fairly straightforward, and thus we could call it simple. But it is by no means easy to pull off. The problem is much more than just acute opiate withdrawal trying to suck us back into our addictive behaviors.

If the opiate addict surrenders and goes into rehab, they will likely help the person get through the pain and discomfort of withdrawal by giving them certain medications. If you have access to this path then I strongly urge you to ask for help, go to rehab, and go through a medical detox. This is the scary part, at least initially–getting through the physical withdrawal symptoms that make people feel as if they have the flu.

But once you get through the initial withdrawal symptoms, you have the rest of your life to deal with. And the opiate addict will quickly realize that they were not only medicating their physical pain when they abused opiates, but they were in fact also medicating their emotional pain.

And everyone has emotional pain. Some of us more than others, sure. But everyone deals with some amount of stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, and so on. We all have our share of negative emotions.

And if you abuse opiates for a period of time, what you are really doing is medicating those negative emotions in a way that you do not really have to deal with them and process them like “normal” people do. Instead, when you are feeling sad or mad or whatever the negativity may be for you at the time, you simply self medicate with opiates and you numb that particular form of emotional discomfort.

And therefore, when the struggling opiate addict finally decides to get clean, they are suddenly overwhelmed in those early days of their recovery by the weight of negative emotions crashing down on them.

This is the case whether or not anything particularly bad is happening. Life has ups and downs, and every day has at least a tiny bit of “drama” to deal with. The opiate addict is used to medicating all of those unwanted feelings away, and suddenly they have to relearn how to process those emotions and deal with them in a responsible way. It’s tough.

But even though it is difficult, it can certainly be done. And you will have help. If you choose to go to a rehab center, you will have quite a bit of help. Not only will they help you through the physical withdrawal symptoms, they will also help you to start learning how you can deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions without resorting to drugs or alcohol.

You will also get a lot of support from your peers–the people in rehab along side of you that are all trying to achieve the same goal of recovery, just as you are. This kind of kinship can be especially powerful in early recovery because it also allows you to identify with other people. We need other people in early recovery. It is important to realize, and accept, that we cannot do it alone. The true addict needs help in order to recover successfully.

Now you may be worrying about what is going to happen in your world when you are clean and sober and living your day to day life after rehab. You may be worrying about how exactly you will manage physical pain in the future. I can assure you that this is not an impossible obstacle, and that many addicts with very serious chronic pain conditions have been able to recover from opiate addiction without living in constant pain and misery. But in order to reach that ideal you have to be open minded. If you want to stay stuck in denial then it is easy to argue that your pain is impossible to manage without opiates and therefore you just need to keep yourself stuck in addiction forever–but this doesn’t really serve you well, nor is it the truth.

The truth is that an opiate addiction is a losing battle anyway, and the way out involves going to treatment, getting professional help, and then exploring your options for pain management with a team that includes your doctor as well as a substance abuse therapy team. In that way you can find a solution that allows you to live a life of freedom from chemicals.

In short–go to rehab if you want to start your journey to a life of freedom from painkillers. That is the best step that you could take in order to begin the journey to recovery.

The post How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills? appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

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[journalingthisjourney]

How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills?

In order to overcome your addiction to painkillers or opiate based medications you are probably going to have to the following things.

First, you need to admit to yourself fully that you have a serious problem, and that you cannot fix this problem by yourself. If you question this then you should, of course, simply quit by yourself and move on with your life. If you are finding that impossible to do then that should bring you back to the original problem: You need help and you cannot solve your own problem.

After trying for weeks, months, or even years to self regulate and control your opiate intake, at some point you will want to recognize that you are fighting a losing battle.

And it is a losing battle. Tolerance will adjust for the true opiate addict to the point that they are constantly increasing their dose while getting less and less of the effect that they truly want.

The fantasy in the mind of the addict is that if they only had enough opiates supplied to them, and if the rest of the obstacles in their life would just magically disappear, then they could finally be happy while continuing to self medicate. What they fail to realize is that many of their problems in life are a result of the addiction itself, and that getting high doesn’t really make them happy.

Getting high on opiates may give instant pleasure, but that is not the same thing as deriving real happiness. The idea that drugs could make you happy is false, because the instant pleasure is always going to fade at some point and you will be left “unhappy.” Taking more and more of the drug can fix this temporarily, but at some point you have to return to baseline.

In other words, if you get “high” on opiate pills for one day out of every month, that is likely to feel pleasurable to you because the other 29 days you are just “normal.” But if you abuse opiates every single day, then getting “high” just becomes your new normal, and there is nothing special about it any more. It is no longer a party, nor is it even a reward any more. It stops being fun because you do it every day just to avoid feeling sick. The party is over.

We stay stuck in denial when are telling ourselves that we have to live this way, that we have to keep medicating with opiates in order to function in life, and that this is the only way that we can ever really be “happy.” That is denial.

The truth is, any opiate addict can go to treatment and figure out how to live a clean and sober life just by surrendering and following a recovery program. Sound simple? It is fairly straightforward, and thus we could call it simple. But it is by no means easy to pull off. The problem is much more than just acute opiate withdrawal trying to suck us back into our addictive behaviors.

If the opiate addict surrenders and goes into rehab, they will likely help the person get through the pain and discomfort of withdrawal by giving them certain medications. If you have access to this path then I strongly urge you to ask for help, go to rehab, and go through a medical detox. This is the scary part, at least initially–getting through the physical withdrawal symptoms that make people feel as if they have the flu.

But once you get through the initial withdrawal symptoms, you have the rest of your life to deal with. And the opiate addict will quickly realize that they were not only medicating their physical pain when they abused opiates, but they were in fact also medicating their emotional pain.

And everyone has emotional pain. Some of us more than others, sure. But everyone deals with some amount of stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, and so on. We all have our share of negative emotions.

And if you abuse opiates for a period of time, what you are really doing is medicating those negative emotions in a way that you do not really have to deal with them and process them like “normal” people do. Instead, when you are feeling sad or mad or whatever the negativity may be for you at the time, you simply self medicate with opiates and you numb that particular form of emotional discomfort.

And therefore, when the struggling opiate addict finally decides to get clean, they are suddenly overwhelmed in those early days of their recovery by the weight of negative emotions crashing down on them.

This is the case whether or not anything particularly bad is happening. Life has ups and downs, and every day has at least a tiny bit of “drama” to deal with. The opiate addict is used to medicating all of those unwanted feelings away, and suddenly they have to relearn how to process those emotions and deal with them in a responsible way. It’s tough.

But even though it is difficult, it can certainly be done. And you will have help. If you choose to go to a rehab center, you will have quite a bit of help. Not only will they help you through the physical withdrawal symptoms, they will also help you to start learning how you can deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions without resorting to drugs or alcohol.

You will also get a lot of support from your peers–the people in rehab along side of you that are all trying to achieve the same goal of recovery, just as you are. This kind of kinship can be especially powerful in early recovery because it also allows you to identify with other people. We need other people in early recovery. It is important to realize, and accept, that we cannot do it alone. The true addict needs help in order to recover successfully.

Now you may be worrying about what is going to happen in your world when you are clean and sober and living your day to day life after rehab. You may be worrying about how exactly you will manage physical pain in the future. I can assure you that this is not an impossible obstacle, and that many addicts with very serious chronic pain conditions have been able to recover from opiate addiction without living in constant pain and misery. But in order to reach that ideal you have to be open minded. If you want to stay stuck in denial then it is easy to argue that your pain is impossible to manage without opiates and therefore you just need to keep yourself stuck in addiction forever–but this doesn’t really serve you well, nor is it the truth.

The truth is that an opiate addiction is a losing battle anyway, and the way out involves going to treatment, getting professional help, and then exploring your options for pain management with a team that includes your doctor as well as a substance abuse therapy team. In that way you can find a solution that allows you to live a life of freedom from chemicals.

In short–go to rehab if you want to start your journey to a life of freedom from painkillers. That is the best step that you could take in order to begin the journey to recovery.

The post How Can I Overcome My Addiction to Pain Pills? appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.