#(......I feel screwed. Because it's not even at the 'everything's too complex' stage)

[comicaurora]

Hi Red, you mentioned a few days ago that you’ve honed your style to your own liking so I was wondering how you think your style has changed over time?

Re reading the comic the only thing I can concretely nail down as different from the very start with my limited knowledge of art is the lines seem a lot thinner in the early pages?

So anyway I thought I’d just ask you yourself how your art is different, did you change it consciously or did it just evolve as you got your eye in or something? Why did you change if it was deliberate etc

Thanks!

As a side note btw holy crap the newest pages are beautiful, it’s just struck me again how amazing every single one seems to be with magical effects and backgrounds and the rain over everything dude they’re so good

Good question! Tbh it's a good sign if the change isn't horrendously visible to anyone but me.

The lines are definitely thinner early on, and that's both a stylistic change and a result of the fact that I was less confident. Drawing several hundred pages will really get the muscle memory going, so now I'm less hesitant about the lineart stage, but early on I was thinking a lot harder about relatively simple parts of the visuals. Foreground poses, hair, fabric. It took me a lot more thought to get those looking good. The lines are thinner, less confident and a little more sketchy.

Could've easily thrown some building silhouettes in the background, drawn actual figures instead of the black mass of vaguely head-shaped things, etc - but nope. I was too busy figuring out how to make Vash's hair look. The backgrounds were pretty darn unpolished. They do their job, but at the time I wasn't really sure how to shade natural environments in ways that implied texturing. Even the way I was shading the foreground figures was pretty basic and unpolished, and I occasionally screwed it up - I hadn't quite refined my order of operations, so sometimes I'd miss regions with the paint bucket and just. not notice because of all the everything else I was focusing on.

Relatively simple visual concepts were taking me a lot longer because I hadn't yet worked out how to do them, so I had to figure them out on the fly. Erin's lightning bubble took a whole workday just trying to figure out how to strike the right glow balance that communicated "dome shield" without fully obscuring him behind the light. It's always a lot harder to draw something for the first time, and this comic has so much stuff in it that I was dealing with a lot of firsts in those first few chapters.

That also meant I had less time or focus to spend on cleanup, so sometimes shading would be a bit intermittent - like the barrel in this shot that hurts my soul.

I did figure out some foliage-shading shortcuts during the sentinel fight - layering rough-edged cel-shading produced the illusion of sunlight on leaves without having to hand-draw the darn things - but the science of making forest backgrounds look like Not Ass was still difficult for me. I really didn't like hand-drawing fully-lined trees for the background of shots, but I wasn't yet sure what the alternatives were.

When I did Falst's intro arc, however, I had a ton of forested backgrounds, and that gave me a lot of practice very fast at refining the forest background stuff and experimenting with the use of filtered sunlight and particle effects, and I finally found a shortcut I liked for drawing tree trunks.

By this chapter I was starting to feel good about how it looked. The colors balanced better, light and shadow felt integrated into the scene, I was getting a feel for the use of soft-edged glow and particle effects, and I wasn't struggling to make the shots feel coherent. Even the sentinel fight, which I'm overall surprisingly happy with, feels a little overly bright to me in hindsight - I would've shaded under the trees a little more aggressively if I were coloring it now.

When we hit Zuurith I had to start drawing very complex urban environments, but I used some of the tricks I'd learned for drawing forests to make things easier - simple color-block silhouettes for background shapes coupled with more detailed foreground elements for things I couldn't justify making featureless color blobs. If they were in the same plane as the detailed foreground characters, they had to be just as detailed. It was a pain in the butt, but the rest of my style had gotten intuitive enough for me that I could afford to spend more time playing with that. If I were still struggling to draw every foreground character pose, I wouldn't have had the brain bandwidth to get creative with the backgrounds.

It wasn't really an intentional thing. I started the comic doing as good a job as I could, because I really wanted this to work. I was familiar with the medium of digital illustration, I'd been doing large numbers of chibi illustrations for the channel for years, and I had some of the process down to a science. But parts of it were new and unfamiliar, and that meant I needed practice and a chance to refine what I was doing into a more efficient form. In the process, things got smoother and looked more consistent, because I was developing techniques to do certain effects that I could then rely on going forward.

When I had to draw the Paladin Archive as a background, I used a mix of techniques I'd had a chance to test and refine on previous pages. The glowing dust mote and sunbeam effects from Gleicann's forest made the archive feel dusty and helped add depth. The occasional painstakingly hand-drawn background shelf was an acceptable price to pay, because for most of the bookshelves I'd figured out a pretty quick and efficient brush trick to draw a large row of color-scattered rectangles, skew them, duplicate and blur them sideways, and use that to create a serviceable illusion of three-dimensional rows of books of various sizes.

Anyway, yeah. If the change isn't super jarring that's good news for me, because the process of improving my style has been complicated but very rewarding, and my only frustration with the process has been retroactively seeing everything I'd be able to do better now.

[meteorherd]

top 5 sonic characters?

OOOH OKAY this list changes pretty frequently i think! just based on who im thinking about the most at the moment. the only one thats consistent is 1 <3

1) KNUCKLES obviously like if no one knows that at this point…i have failed. but like ughhhh i am obsessed with his lore and implications of it and how he gradually warms up to the other characters. i also LOVE when his interest in archaeology is brought up. i actually DO like that he's gullible, i think its an important part of his character and an indicator of how he grew up and sonic x is probably the best portrayal of him that shows he can be too trusting but that doesnt mean hes stupid at ALL. i love how so much of his character has to do with overcoming miscommunication and letting himself be vulnerable and finally realizing that he deserves to have friends. sa2 knuckles is probably one of my favorite knuckles because he's in that awkward stage of not quite being friends with the others yet and not knowing what to do about it and its so so interesting to me how he's trying so hard to fit in yet act like he doesn't care about fitting in. i feel like theres so much complexity to his character thats often overlooked. i also think knuckles and amy is one of the most underrated friendships in the franchise but thats a whole other thing <3

2) UM i have been thinking about tails a lot recently actually so him <3 i am a very team sonic kinda guy/gal so i love thinking about how different/similar they all are. i think idw tails might be one of my favorite portrayals of him tbh, i love when he isnt just shoved to the side in plotlines. some things i really love whenever theyre brought up in portrayals of him is when its mentioned that he was bullied for his two tails growing up and thats why hes initially pretty shy and unsure of himself, and when his hero worship of sonic kinda falters over the years once he becomes more comfortable with being his brother and realizes Oh actually this is just some guy. and i also love when his patience clashes with sonic's impatience i think its so fun when they butt heads a little. also hes only 8 and he fucking airplane. thats so awesome.

3) TANGLE. she is just. absolutely everything i could want in a girl sonic character which there are a sore lack of in canon and i am sooo so glad she exists. i tend to love characters who are silly and screw up a lot and are aware they screw up a lot but still keep on going no matter what so she means everything to me i love her so so so much. <3 i love that jewel and whisper both ground her in separate ways, but shes not stupid because she needs grounding. shes patient when it comes to people she cares about. i hate when people call her an attempt to make a "girl sonic" because shes sooo much more than that. also [points] lesbian

4) HMMM shadow but i am so incredibly picky with his characterization. shadow from sa2 through 06 was the best shadow (i also liked him in archie sonic and sonic x ohh my god the part in the sa2 arc in sonic x where he teared up while talking about how everything he loved was taken from him destroyed me </3). im not a fan of anything post 06 for him really especially since sega's so adamant that "team dark arent friends" its so stupid like shut up i hate you. his identity + memory issues in particular always fascinated me and i think its really cool whenever he tries to define who he is in a world that doesnt have any clear answers for him (its a really cool parallel to knuckles as well since hes also given the role of guardian but learns he can have other things to define his life by. too bad sega hates making them interact properly)

5) amy perhaps…she is so important. in my head there's a lot more focus given to how she feels like she's not good enough/cant keep up with the others because she's the only Normal character surrounded by her friends who all have powers. and i think thats why she goes out of her way to help as many people as she can even when it gets her in trouble. it couldve been suuuch an interesting thing to explore tbh…it was introuced in sa1 and then it just kinda flip flops from there depending on her portrayal. honestly the easiest way to characterize amy is to just pick and choose what you like from each portrayal of her because sega is juuust. so notoriously inconsistent with writing her because shes just the "token girl." that being said she has some pretty awesome moments in the comics <3

OKAY im putting tikal in her own section also because. i am just embarrassed putting her in the top 5 even though i adore her and shes genuinely one of my favorite characters in general HDKJFHJKGJK because she barely has any canon content. im just absolutely obsessed with the potential of her and also shes a tragic 14 year old ghost girl with a link to an all powerful god im kind of obsessed with that. i think tikal couldve been such an interesting antagonist in sa1 because her backstory + her link with chaos who IS an antagonist for sa1 was the perfect setup. maybe i'll explain my idea/rewrite for that another day heehee but yes i love tikal im her number one fan forever and always <3 unless someone else is too in which case we are both her number one fan forever and always

[impala666]

The One With Mrs. Bing Part Four (It’s All Alright)

 Last Part (Part Three) Series Masterlist  

It was the next day and it was into the early evening, but as you made your way from the store to the coffee house the city was already dark. When you walked into Central Perk you saw Monica and Phoebe talking about something while Rachel sat at the counter with a notepad and a pen. After you hung up your jacket by the door you noticed Joey and Ross sitting over on the couch. “Hey, Rach,” you greeted her as you walked over to the counter. “Hey, Y/N/N. How was work?” She asked as she got up from her stool and walked back around to get whatever you were about to order. 

“It was okay, you know. As okay a job can be when you work with people all day everyday. But at least I’m surrounded by things that I love.” You answered as you received the drink that you ordered. 

“Oh, believe me, I get it on the whole working with and for people, but as for the thing I love. You can only love coffee so much when you don’t get to drink it.” Rachel told you which made you smile for the first time in a while since the whole thing with Joey lying to you about Ross kissing your mom never left your mind. “Oh, Pheebs, you’re on.” Rachel told her as she led Phoebe over to the stage to introduce her. 

“...Oh come on! Just try to not picture her pregnant that’s all.” Joey said to Ross as he held up a picture for him to look at. But considering that was what you heard when you walked in on the tail end of their conversation, they had you a little confused. You weren’t totally sure if you wanted to know what they were talking about, though. 

“Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.” Rachel announced, as she left the stage Joey noticed that you had made it back from work and were actually sitting near him. Last night you had slept on the pull out bed, and whenever you actually talked to him you answered with a single word, or you told him that you didn’t know what you were feeling so you didn’t want to say anything yet. But to Joey, it was killing him to not have you talking back to him. 

However, for Ross this was his first time seeing you since he told you what he did. “Hey, Y/N,” he cautiously greeted you with a shy smile on his face. 

“Ross,” you neutrally greeted him. You had no expression on your face, so to Ross it was hard to tell what you were feeling. 

“Oh so you are mad.” Ross mumbled to himself, but slightly hoping you would hear it. 

“I’m getting over it.” You mumbled under your breath like he did, and a little smile came on your face when you made eye contact with him and he had the same smile on his face when he realized that the both of you were going to be just fine. 

“Does that mean you aren’t mad at me anymore?” Joey asked, perking up in his seat just the smallest bit. 

“I’m still kind of mad at you, now watch Phoebe.” You told him quickly before quickly looking away from him again. 

“Hi, um I’d like to start with a song that’s about a man that I recently met, that has become very important to me. 

“You don’t have to be awake to be my man. Long as you have brain waves I’ll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day, there’s something I have got to say...Okay, thank you very much. I’m going to take a short break.” Phoebe abruptly stopped when she noticed Monica slowly inching her way to the store, and Phoebe in a rush to follow her knocked the microphone stand down to the ground as she rushed her way out the door to beat Monica. While your eyes were glued to the door wondering what happened, you saw your brother walk through the doors as he watched two of his friends race out of the building.

“What the hell was that?” He asked, looking at only you and Joey. But when Ross tried to answer, Chandler was having none of it. “I believe I was talking to Y/N and Joey. All right there, mother kisser?” Chandler brought up as his mad face came back. Joey couldn’t help but burst into laughter, repeating what Chandler had just said. While couldn’t control the slight cringe on your face for how cold Chandler was being to one of his friends. Ross glared to Joey who just kept laughing. 

“I’ll shut up,” Joey told Ross. Immediately becoming serious. 

“That’s probably for the best,” you joked but slightly jabbed. Sitting forward and lightly tapping him on his knee. As you looked at your boyfriend you just saw his serious face drop to slightly sad and a little hurt at what you said. But that was less of your worries right now when you saw Ross get up from the couch and walk over to Chandler to talk to him more. 

“Chandler, can I just say something? I know you’re still mad at me, but I just want to say there were two people that night.” Ross spoke. “Okay? There were two sets of lips.” After he spoke that, you weren’t sure if it was going to help or not. 

“Yes, well I expect this from her, okay? She’s always been a Freudian nightmare.” Now, you weren’t a huge fan of your mom either, but you couldn’t help but think that the way Chandler tried to defend the situation was a little harsh. 

“ Well, if she always behaves like this why don’t you say something to her?” Ross couldn’t help but ask. That was always the difference between you and your brother; you never had any problems telling your parents what you and think and actually tried to have a conversation with them sometimes. Whereas, Chandler was concerned, he just always chose to see your parents as evil people. You would admit that they had screwed you and Chandler up quite a bit, but you would at least like to have them in your lives a little bit. It’s not like you had another set of parents waiting to welcome you with open arms.

“It’s complicated. It’s complex. It..Hey you kissed my mom!” Chandler yelled again when he was starting to get uncomfortable like he was getting backed into a wall. Which caused everyone in the coffee house to look over at the group of you. 

“We’re rehearsing a Greek Play,” Ross brushed them off which made you roll your eyes. 

“That’s very funny, are we done now?” Chandler asked as he tried to take a seat next to you. 

“No. You’re not gonna talk to her? You’re not gonna tell her how you feel?” Ross asked him.  

“That would be a no. Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn’t mean you know her. Trust me you can’t talk to her.” Chandler was just starting to grow tired and irritated from this conversation. He did not want to talk about his mom of all people. 

“‘You’ can’t? Or you can’t?” Ross asked him while pointing his finger at Chandler. “Okay, that’s my finger.” Ross chuckled when Chandler grabbed his finger and squeezed it way too tight. “Okay, that’s my knee.” Ross sank to his knee when Chandler pushed his finger harder. “Still doing the play.” He told the onlookers again. When he started groaning when Chandler pressed again you couldn’t help but get to your feet and walk over to them. Chandler was taking this way too far.

“Chandler, knock it off.” You whispered loudly at him as you placed a hand on the arm that held Ross’s finger.

“Oh, so you’re okay with mom and him kissing now?” Chandler looked down at you.

“No, of course not. But you and I both know that it’s nothing new for her, and Ross is right maybe it’s time we both called her on it. On all of it.” You were a little scared to bring this up to him, but she wasn’t going to change unless the two of you told her. 

“Oh come on, not you too. I thought you moved in with me to get away from her because you were on my side.” Chandler complained now turning his anger on you as he let go of Ross’s finger.

“Oh come on, Chandler. That’s not why and you know that.” You couldn’t believe how much of a baby he was being right now.

“You know what, whatever.” Chandler rolled his eyes, deciding that if none of you were going to see things his way, then he was just going to walk away. So that’s what he did, he just rolled his eyes and walked out of the coffee shop. Leaving you there with Ross and Joey just feeling frustrated. When were you the older sibling all of a sudden?

*******

It was a little bit later in the day and you were at the apartment with Chandler while your mom came to say goodbye before she left again. “Before I go downstairs I just wanted to drop off a few copies of my book for your friends. Anything either of you want from Lisbon?” Your mom asked the both of you before she said her final goodbyes to the both of you. 

“No,no. Just knowing you’re going to be there is enough.” Chandler joked, which earned him a light hit in the arm from you. 

“All right. Well, be good.” She said looking at the both of you. “And Y/N I know we left off on not the best terms, but I am so proud of you for how hard you’re working for everything.” You couldn’t really believe the words coming out of her mouth. You thought she had just wanted you out of the house, but maybe she just wanted you to find your own way. And little did your family knew, that Chandler was going to be so much help with that. 

“Thanks, mom.” You smiled, feeling so touched. You didn’t know your mother could make you feel that way. 

“I love you,” she said as she reached up to place a motherly kiss Chandler’s cheek, “and I love you.” She said again as she placed another kiss on your cheek. But it seemed that when your mom opened the door to leave, Chandler just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“You kissed my best Ross!” He yelled, but when he noticed you looking at him like he was crazy he realized the mistake he made. “Or something to that effect.” You nodded at him once he finally realized that what he said was weird. 

“Okay,” your mom started as she closed the door again and made her way back into the living area where the two of you were. “Look, it was stupid.”

“Really stupid.” Chandler added.

“Really really stupid.” You couldn’t help but also add.

“Really stupid and I don’t even know how it happened.” Your mom said honestly to you both with a shrug. “I’m sorry, honey, and I promise it will never happen again. Are we all okay, now?”

“Yeah,” both you and Chandler said with a slight nod and a shrug. “No,” the both of you decided at the end.

You weren’t sure how long the three of you had been at it. But you and mom were finally able to talk about what happened and about you leaving and everything, which then caused Chandler to add to the fact to her that all of your lives she had never acted in a way an appropriate mom would. But finally, as the three of you walked to the door and all you wanted to do was find and talk to Joey. “You okay, kiddos?” Your mom asked when all of you were in the hallway, you smiled slightly over at Ross when you noticed him across the hall. 

“I’m okay.” You told her with a small smile as she placed both of her hands on each side of your face and pecked you on the forehead.

“Yeah, I”m okay.” Chandler also smiled his answer down at her. 

“Alright, be good.” She kissed his cheek again. “And watch out for your sister, alright?”

“Oh, I know. She’s just too wild.” Chandler joked with your mom as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you couldn’t help but smile mockingly. 

“Fly safe.” You told her as Chandler and you started following your mom down the hall, but all of you stopped when you all saw Ross awkwardly standing in the hallway. 

“Mrs. Bing.” Ross greeted her, not really looking her in the eye.

“Mr. Geller.” Your mom repeated before turning back to the two of you and winking to you for the progress that she was already making before she finally left. 

“Have you seen Joey?” You asked Ross as he knocked on Monica’s door. You just wanted to see him after giving him the cold shoulder, that you think you have gotten over. Plus you wanted to leave Ross and Chandler alone after the hellish week they both had. 

“Yeah, I think he’s downstairs somewhere.” Ross let you know. You smiled at him.

“Thanks, I’ll go find him.” You looked from Ross and to your big brother before you patted him on the back lightly and then made your way down the stairs to find Joey.

When you had found him, Joey was standing on the steps to the entrance of the apartment building. When Joey turned around to see who was walking out the door, he smiled when he saw it was you. You didn’t say anything right away, you just walked up to him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders and brought him into a hug. “Hi,” you said. Your voice muffled from hiding your face in his shoulder. 

“Hey.” Joey smiled to himself as he rubbed your lower back. “So you talked to your mom? He felt you nod against his shoulder. “How’d it go?”

“Long.” You answered with a long sigh as you stepped back but when you felt Joey take both of your hand you smiled as you looked up into his eyes. “But I wanted to come find you and tell you that I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one who lied to you,” Joey chuckled smiling down at you. 

“I just felt bad for being mad at you, sometimes you’re too cute to be mad at. But sometimes I can’t help it. But if you lie to me again I will kill you.” You told him as you placed a kiss on his lips.

“I love you.” Joey told you before he kissed you again. If you didn’t know better, Joey would look like he was drunk based from the look he was giving you, but you knew that it was because he was beyond happy. 

“I love you, too.” After kissing a little bit more. Joey had asked if you wanted to go to bed, and you couldn’t say no to that, so Joey opened the apartment building door for you and ushered you inside before grabbing your hand a quickly dragging you up the stairs. 

[qqueenofhades]

I was already distressed about the political and social situation in the US, and then this happens. Are there any examples of societies that fought back against fascism and won, without civil or international war breaking out? Surely there must be some success stories in history. How did other societies overcome fascism, are there lessons to be applied to our current situation? Please tell me we're not doomed, because I have no hope for the future.

Sigh.

Okay.

I’ve been through... a lot of the stages of grief by now. That is, rageposting on tumblr, venting to my friends via text, drinking, crying while drinking, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, feeling the crushing weight of certainty that we’re all screwed and nothing matters, crying while talking to my sister, crying generally, lying in bed some more, and am currently still in bed while writing this, but am struggling to put on my internet historian aunt hat and offer some comfort to the stricken masses.

First off: This is bad. I’m not even going to pretend this isn’t bad. We all knew RBG had cancer again, but it was pretty fixed in our minds that she would somehow manage to hang on until after the election. 45 days before the biggest presidential election of all time, in the middle of this year, when names including Ted “Zodiac Killer” Cruz and Tom “Time for Roe vs. Wade to go, block federal funding from being used to teach about slavery, send in the military to crush the BLM protesters” Cotton have already been floated as some of her possible replacements? With Trump and McConnell determined to work as fast as possible to steal this seat as brazenly as they can, because they are literal fascists who don’t care about their own example (Merrick Garland was nominated in FEBRUARY of an election year and McConnell held it up for being “too close to the election?”)

Ugh. Anyone who doesn’t get that this is bad or acting like people are overreacting doesn’t get what’s at stake. And when, as we’ve said before and are saying again now, the future of everyone who isn’t a white straight rich Republican man in this country depends on an 87-year-old woman with cancer for the fourth time? Something’s wrong here. RBG’s death did not have to leave us in this total existential panic, and oh yeah, maybe this could have ALL BEEN AVOIDED AND WE COULD HAVE ALSO HAD THREE (3) NEW LIBERAL JUSTICES SECURING PROGRESSIVE LEGISLATION FOR A GENERATION IF SOME OF YOU HAD JUST FUCKING VOTED FOR HILLARY CLINTON IN TWO THOUSAND AND FUCKING SIXTEEN.

(Why yes I am still mad about that, I will be bitter until the end of time that we were consigned to four years and counting of this completely avoidable nightmare because of apathy, misogyny, and Leftist Moral Purity TM, but we’re talking about the future and what can still be done here, not what’s in the past.)

Anyway. Here’s the bright side, which admittedly sucks right now, but it’s been the answer all long:

VOTE.

You have to fucking vote, and you have to fucking vote for Biden/Harris. Everything that we’ve been talking about is no longer a hypothetical; it’s happening right now. This is not just some Awful Worst Case scenario, and it’s not somehow being spouted by privileged white liberals ignoring the struggles of the masses. (Viz: that awful fucking text post with its simpering self-righteousness: “are you punching nazis or just telling oppressed people to vote blue?” I hate that text post with a fiery passion and it’s the exact kind of morally holier than thou leftist propaganda that wouldn’t surprise me if it was generated by a troll farm in Krasnoyarsk.) My dad is disabled and lives on Social Security. Trump’s second-term plan to end the payroll tax takes SSID out by mid-2021, so... I guess that’s my dad fucked then. I’m a gay woman with long-term mental illness, no healthcare, no savings, no current job, and a lot of student debt. My sister has complex health problems and relies intensely on publicly funded healthcare programs. All my family have underlying conditions that would put them at worse risk for COVID (age, asthma, immune issues.) These are just the people IN MY HOUSEHOLD who would be at risk from a second Trump presidency. It says NOTHING about my friends, about all the people far less fortunate than us, and everyone else who IS ALREADY DYING as this nation lurches into full-blown fascism. That is real. It is happening.

Here’s the good news and what you can do:

Democrats are fired up and mad as hell, and they’ve already donated $31 million between the announcement of RBG’s death last night and today, and that number is climbing every second.

You can help by donating to Get Mitch or Die Trying, which splits your donation 13 ways between the Democrats challenging the most vulnerable Republican seats in the Senate. That also has raised EIGHT MILLION BUCKS in the less-than-twenty-four hours.

You can donate RIGHT NOW to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, vote if your state offers early voting, request your mail-in ballot, or hound everyone you know to ensure that they’re registered.

You can call your US Senators (look up who they are for your state, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE REPUBLICAN OR YOU LIVE IN A SWING STATE OR ARE UP FOR RE-ELECTION IN 2020) and phone the Capitol switchboard at 202-224-3121 to voice your insistence that they respect RBG’s last wishes and refuse to vote on any Trump nominee until after January 2021.

The other good-ish news is that I woke up to an email from the Biden campaign this morning about how they’re well aware of this and they’re already on it. BUT WE CANNOT COUNT ON EITHER THEM OR THE SENATE DEMOCRATS TO BE ABLE TO STOP IT. Because Joe Biden is not president and the Senate Democrats do not have a majority, if the Republicans manage to rush a nominee and a vote and all 52 GOP senators vote for that nominee, hey presto, tyranny by majority, a SECOND stolen Supreme Court seat, and a 6-3 hard conservative majority for the next generation. Even if Roberts or Gorsuch sometimes defect on procedural grounds, Kagan, Sotomayor, and Breyer (who is also 82 and thus ALSO might soon be replaceable, thus resulting in an EVEN WORSE ideological swing) would be outnumbered on everything. This is terrible. I’m not even gonna pretend it wouldn’t be.

BUT:

If Joe Biden is elected with a Democratic Senate and House, IT MATTERS. It gets us off the fascism track, it gives us the ability to make progressive law and have it enacted without going to die in Mitch McConnell’s Kill Stack, it gives Biden the executive authority to nominate liberal judges and change Trump’s worst outrages on day 1, it stands as a huge example of a nation managing to reject fascism by democratic process, and while yes, we’d still have a terribly rigged Supreme Court, Democrats would control all the other branches of government and be able to put safeguards in place. The other option is outright fascism and the end of American democracy for good. This may sound alarmist. It’s not. It’s literally what the situation has ended up as, as all of us who were begging people to vote for HRC in 2016 saw coming all along.

So yes. That’s what you need to do, and what WE need to do. We need to make as much goddamn noise as possible, protest, contact elected representatives, make sure everybody pulls their weight and ferociously fights the promised attempt to ram through a new justice before Election Day, all that. But even if that does happen, THEN WE NEED TO FUCKING DONATE, ORGANIZE, AND VOTE FOR JOE BIDEN AND DEMOCRATS UP AND DOWN THE BALLOT. ALL OF US. NO EXCUSES. NO MORE TWITTER LEFTIST ECHO CHAMBERS. NO MORE. THEN, EVEN WITH A RIGGED SUPREME COURT, WE WILL ALL BE SAFER ON NOVEMBER 4TH AND CAN TRY TO FIX WHAT’S BROKEN.

The stakes are just too high to do anything else.

May her memory be a blessing, and a revolution.

[sepublic]

G1 Starscream Ramblings

           The interesting thing to me about G1 Starscream, specifically the one from the cartoon is… He very much gives me ‘young upstart vibes’, the hot-headed rookie that’s fresh into war, just graduated, and is eager to fight and prove himself. Especially with his line about how ‘his time will come’, I get the vibe that Starscream sees Megatron as almost being outdated hardware, some crankety old-timer whose come and gone and outlived his prime (eventually literally as of the movie), which fits with how Megs was around since the beginning and founded the Decepticons from the start.

           And it’s this disrespectful, irreverent attitude, that constant questioning because he lacks experience and assumes it’s way simpler and easier than it actually is… It all just (star)screams new, fresh recruit who thinks he’s all that, wide-eyed and idealized and thinking he can take on the entire world, instead of being a battle-hardened veteran who’s been humbled and is more prone to the realities of war and its complexities. It’d play into Starscream being so power-hungry, wanting instant gratification and glory, and always being impatient about this sort of thing without really thinking things through, he’s an impulsive brat.

           Maybe he’s even the Cybertronian equivalent to a rich brat who got where he did thanks to his family’s high-end connections, and so there’s always that judging from more experienced soldiers about how Starscream is clearly operating on a lot of privilege, wearing shoes multiple sizes too big for him, and generally making a fool of himself as he parades around, treating the whole situation like an opportunity for fame and adulation, like he’s some celebrity indulging in the fun, and not a general and a commander who has to keep fighting for the cause, make the right and mature calls, all that.

           Because it’s worth noting that a lot of times in G1, he ends up acting out-of-line and doing costly maneuvers that hinder the Decepticons- Most notably, trying to bury the Autobots and accidentally awakening them in the process. And it’s this eagerness to get into fighting and prove himself that leads to Starscream short-sightedly wanting to focus on attacking the Autobots because they’re right there, picking a fight- When Megatron, who is older and more level-headed, has to steer this brash new kid in the right direction, set him on track with the proper agenda and mission. Maybe whip him into shape a bit, and this could all play into Megs’ patience because Starscream is just a dumb kid, so he’s willing to give him some more doubt- Give Starscream some time to actually cool down and taste reality and he’ll surely fall into line.

           He’s like some kid who grew up on military propaganda and bought into a bit too well, saw himself too much in those glamorous posters and manufactured, idealized images; So he’s pretty disappointed that it doesn’t turn out the way he expected it to. Starscream is like that popular kid in high school who always had a clique trailing behind him, and he kind of took it for granted how much he meant to these people because clearly their worlds revolve around him, which makes him all the more blindsided when he turns for help and his ‘friends’ immediately abandon him at the drop of a hat.

          All of Starscream’s ‘friends’ and social situations were blatantly manufactured and brought up by somebody else, but he thinks it was all him so he’s in for a real shock when Starscream is by himself- And people don’t immediately fall in line at his beck and call, so he falters. He’s out of his environment, just graduated all of his usual tricks don’t work, try as he might to stubbornly reapply them like a hammer with anything that looks remotely nail-shaped. It’s this kind of idiotic hypocrisy that makes Starscream not realize that people who do put up with him only do so because they have to, and/or they’re opportunistically kissing up to his façade the way he does with others. Starscream’s grandiose imagination and outlandish, fantasy ‘ideas’ straight out of fiction and films that clearly don’t work in real life, clearly need to be reined in.

           I also like to think that similar to that comparison I made earlier, he DOES have connections- Maybe it’s a Team Rocket situation, where the character is incompetent… But they had a parent who the leader greatly respected, and so they begrudgingly put up with their kid’s foolish antics and incompetent failures out of respect for that posthumous minion’s last wishes. Kind of like Hopper from A Bug’s Life really wanting to kill his brother, but because his mother explicitly told him NOT to on her deathbed, he kind of has to force himself not to because he still feels beholden to her- But there’s certainly no warmth on his end just because that person he respects, was fond of this dude he hates.

           It could factor into Megatron constantly tolerating Starscream as a thorn in his side… And really, Starscream seems to be even more of an idiot at times than Megatron, what with Megatron going into a spiel that one time about how Starscream lost because he lacked strategy. Perhaps Starscream is, like, SUPER skilled in combat, a beast and a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield; And if he’s doing so well and he’s so strong, then surely this means he’s fit to be leader, because obviously the Decepticon who’s the best fighter should lead, right? It’s a gross oversimplification of a narrow-minded worldview… And I imagine Starscream also somewhat got where he was because of privilege, so he kind of takes a lot of things for granted here about how the Decepticon faction works and its hierarchy and rules.

          Perhaps Starscream being an utter beast in combat contributes to Megatron keeping him around- He IS useful, he just needs some proper guidance and a good head to productively channel that ability. He’s confusing fighting ability with actual tactical leadership and charisma, but beyond that, Starscream clearly knows how to get out of a scrape, and has no reservations about playing dirty to add to his already potent combat skills as-is. So Megatron still has some hopes for Starscream, while sternly warning him not to make him regret his decision in further tolerating his nonsense- Because Megatron likes to think he’s a forgive and forget kind of guy, but only to people who justify themselves in his eyes as being strong and powerful, traits he actually respects.

          Maybe Megatron even sees a little bit of his young self in Starscream, and so there’s that hope for a pay-off; That if he just gives Starscream a chance and proper guidance, that if the kid has someone who can set him on the right track and help him figure things out- Then he can really live up to his potential! Because that’s what Starscream is- Potential. Raw, untapped potential, clumsily thrown about and unrefined… But it’s there and Megatron would hate to make a waste of it, especially since this whole conflict is about resources; Even the hedonistic Decepticons have to be mindful of how they use things, how efficient they are.

           Of course, having his constant patience and mercy, his tolerating, waiting in eternal hope for his investment into Starscream to finally pay off… Megatron is tired of giving him second chances, tired of how ungrateful this brat is, and how his failures keep adding up. So when Starscream straight-up throws him out to die, coupled with his reformatting into Galvatron… And Galvatron’s had about enough of this, he’s done and sick and tired of Starscream’s antics. After having people put up with him for so long, Starscream really begins to overestimate just how important and useful he is to them, that eventually he’ll reach a point where his negatives outweigh his positives, but he never considers this and believes he’ll always be allowed back into the fold after each betrayal…

          Literally everything about Starscream’s coronation yells in-over-his-head kid who really has to compensate for his lack of leadership and respect from others by playing up the adulation and the glamour, but… If he HAD been given a chance to actually lead, his reckless impatience and short-sightedness would’ve definitely led the Decepticons to ruin, and someone would’ve had to stage a coup. Even Starscream’s use in combat would stop paying off for him as he becomes too much of a liability.

          And it’s this inexperienced, clearly insecure demeanor that makes Starscream impatiently yell at the Constructicons to get to the point. He really can’t make up his mind and stick to it, so even though he has this music being played in the first place, Starscream just as quickly regrets and finds it annoying because he’s not particularly deliberate nor thoughtful about what he does. He knows what others think of them, that they don’t respect nor take him seriously, and it gets to his head and makes him irrationally angry because he doesn’t know to handle this, he expected this to be so much easier, to be as simple and done as THIS. Starscream really isn’t equipped to handle actually navigating around people from a charismatic standpoint and earning their trust, especially given his history as backstabber who has no concept of loyalty and bonds because he’s arrogant enough to think he can do it all on his own.

          And when faced with genuine adversity and reality, as we see… Starscream very immaturely fumbles and trips, and then defaults to begging and pleading because he hasn’t built up much of a spine, and he’s still an idealistic kid who clearly hasn’t built himself up and his fortitude all that well. He’s promising with snot dribbling down his nose that he won’t screw up this time, please give him a second chance he didn’t MEAN it, he seriously did not expect nor consider the consequences of his actions, nor how they could backfire and blow up in his face.

          Starscream is an upper-class snob who doesn’t really get it, he’s eager for approval because he’s young but also clearly selfish and ungrateful about it, because he’s always entitled to that thing and so when it DOES come around, it both means a lot, but also it’s about time, he was waiting for so long just to get the bare minimum he was owed, don’t pat yourself on the back for doing what you’re already meant to. And when things go wrong, Starscream blunders and starts to doubt himself because he was pampered, privileged, and sheltered, constantly told he was amazing- And so he doesn’t actually know how to handle failure and was always used to things coming easily to him on a silver platter, while having someone else to clean up the mess for him and protect him from the consequences. Starscream doesn’t appreciate the actual work that it takes for things, he’s basically spoiled and out of his environment in this military setting where nobody is having it.

           Of course, when Starscream IS spared and recovers, he then silently fumes because he totally would’ve succeeded had THIS happened, or if this other person hadn’t screwed up- And then he fails to learn any of his lessons and keeps trying to take over and take charge, because obviously he knows better and he thinks all of his ideas are the best in the world. When faced with past failures, he doesn’t learn he just denies them as soon as they’re not being shoved in his face anymore, like a child who wet the bedsheets and is now frantically hiding them. He has no real clue nor idea about what he’s doing, but as soon as it’s over he again takes for granted the safety net that his fellow Decepticons begrudgingly provide, and wants again continues to test their patience and resources.

           So, when Galvatron DOES come around and kill Starscream- The Decepticons are clearly elated, and if we’re being real here… They were all probably thinking of ways to assassinate or depose Starscream, or at least play to his ego so he could remain a figurehead who occasionally goes out into battle doing the one thing he’s good at, while his oh-so-loyal lieutenants do the dirty, unglamorous work of actually being a tactician and leader for hm. Starscream wants all of the power and fame, but like- NONE of the actual work and responsibility, that’s too much for him to actually work on so he just stamps his foot frustratedly when others don’t treat him with the respect he deserves, because he DOES recognize his own potential and expects other to revere Starscream for what he could be, VS what he actually currently is… And because he’s so caught up in the idea of what he thinks he’ll inevitably be, he never works on his current self so he can actually get to that point.

           Like I said- Galvatron killing him saved the Decepticons a LOT of much-needed stress and headaches. It got that young brat and upstart out of the way so they could all get to business and not have to deal with his nonsense anymore, because he ain’t getting any deader! There was some hesitation about what COULD be lost if they did away with him, but now he’s gone and so all they can do is just reap the benefits of Starscream’s death! It’s almost relieving- Like YEAH, we were prepared on how to handle this… But then Galvatron came and made things so much easier, he got this off our hands and he’s clearly bold and decisive and knows what he’s doing, taking out Starscream made him VERY popular, in addition to basically being Megatron with a new coat of paint;

           Up until his lava-bath fried his circuits… And then Galvatron basically became the Decepticon Leader Starscream that everybody feared, ironically enough. And then it was Cyclonus who had to do the job of looking after this dude, who was less a reckless young upstart and more like a senile old veteran gone mad and blindly waving his cane around; And then complications get worse when Starscream somehow returns as a GHOST, because why not? Sure, let’s go with that, we already have Galvatron seemingly saving us from Starscream, only to become the new one… Let’s compare him with the original and see what happens, why not? There must’ve been a lot of collective groans of exhaustion at each and every new development.

          The Decepticons must be so exasperated, it really feels like they’ve been on a downward slope, outlived their prime and golden age since the Battle of Autobot City… Yet despite Megatron’s failures they remember him fondly because he did a lot of other things right, was otherwise charismatic, and seemed pretty close to actually winning, all things considered. And so the Decepticons are too caught up in their delusional nostalgia and what-ifs, the way Starscream is about his own future, to really remember that Megatron kind of screwed them over with that risky, costly maneuver that clearly didn’t pay off.

[notyourdayrdream]

Summer’s Almost Over (So Come Spend it with Me)

Day Thirteen, Side A: Wry

(read it here on AO3)

A/N: this is the second part to yesterday’s chapter, so it would make more sense if you read that one first!

Blaine was getting the feeling Kurt wouldn’t call.

The hours ticked by; eight, nine, ten, eleven. He did everything to distract himself, from looking through his song journal to facetiming Leslie and wishing her grandmother a happy birthday in person. He showered and was about to tuck his knees under himself and accept his fate when his phone rang. It scared the shit out of him.

He scrambled to find it, of course he left it on the kitchen island. He nearly tripped over his feet, and in the whole spectacle he missed the call.

“Shit.” Blaine dialed back almost immediately, pacing back and forth his apartment as he waited for the line to pick up. “Hey, sorry I missed your call, my phone was…Kurt?”

The other end was muffled on the other end, the sound of moving fabric pressed its way into Blaine’s ear. “Yeah?”

“Are you crying?” Blaine asked, pulling on a pair of dark jeans. He always felt so underdressed around Kurt. He grabbed his keys and slipped out of his apartment.

Kurt sniffed. “Yeah. I’m outside the complex. On the steps.” Blaine nodded to himself and took the stairs two at a time.

He was there when Blaine opened the door, slim body leaning against the rusted railing. Blaine had to admit he looked gorgeous; light skinny jeans and a brown bomber jacket. But he didn’t give himself too long to indulge when Kurt turned around and his eyes were puffy.

“Hey,” he said, eyes a mix of surprise and relief. This was the first time Blaine had ever seen him nervous. “I, um. Hey, Blaine.”

“I’m guessing this meant it went bad?” Blaine asked, mainly to make him smile.

Kurt gave a wry smile, his nose scrunching up. “You could say that.”

“C’mon.” Blaine wrapped his arm around Kurt’s and led them down the street. “Let’s go out.” Kurt followed him and they walked in comfortable silence. He wondered if this was what having a boyfriend was like.

It had to be twelve thirty when Blaine opened the creaky doors to a twenty-four hour diner a few blocks away. The linoleum floors were chipped and the neon sign had been broken long before Blaine moved into the neighborhood. It was empty save for an old man, who read a newspaper with a date of 1969.

As he and Kurt slid into opposite ends of a booth with cracked pleather seats, a woman in an off white uniform came up to them with a notepad and pencil.

“Well if it isn’t Blaine Warbler,” she smiled with her eyes instead of her mouth. “And a friend!”

“Hello, Ms. Donna,” Blaine said, blushing from the nickname. “This is Kurt, he’s a friend of mine.” Kurt waved hello and went back to peering at the menu.

“It’s so nice to meet you! You know, Blaine doesn’t ever bring people here with him.”

“Is that so?” Kurt smiles at Donna and then at Blaine, mirth dancing the blue ocean of his eyes.

Blaine blurted, “How’s your granddaughter?” As he moved to kick Kurt under the table. He missed terribly and stubbed his toe on wood.

“She’s just lovely, she misses you.” Donna smiled and placed a hand the color of black coffee atop his. Her touch was warm and papery. “You’ll be back for piano lessons soon, right?”

“Of course! I’m out of school for the summer, so tell Destiny I can’t wait to see her.” He knew the girl had a little crush on him, and he just didn’t have the heart to tell her he liked boys. He thought it was sweet.

She smiled and jerked, as if remembering she was at work. “Now tell me what you two would like,” she said, pulling her short pencil from his wispy gray curls.

They ordered coffee and a water, and Donna winked at Blaine as obviously as possible on her way to the bar. He didn’t know how much more red his face could get.

“She’s nice,” Kurt said, taking his coffee with a ‘thank you’ after Donna placed their drinks on the table. “I didn’t know you played piano.”

Blaine shook two sugar packets, enough to make his drink just sweet enough. Kurt, on the other hand, poured at least for packaged creamers into his, until the drink was the color of caramel. “Yeah, it’s the first instrument I learned to play.” The only one his dad said was acceptable for an Anderson to learn. It was classy and gave you the right kind of character. Blaine still didn’t know if he played it out of spite or not.

Kurt’s eyes went wide. “First? You can play more?”

Blaine went over the list in his head. Once he learned piano and violin, the other ones fell into place. But he didn’t want to brag, so he just said, “Just a few more.” And kept the brag humble.

He tried to move on and get the subject off him.

“So how was your date?”

To his horror, Kurt’s nose scrunched up like he was trying not to cry. He looked up at the ceiling for a moment and then back down, his eyes glassy when he did. “Could we not talk about that right now?”

Blaine’s eyebrows knitted together. He reached out for Kurt’s hand. “Yeah, of course.” Even if he wanted to know who hurt him so badly, he didn’t want to pry.

Kurt’s lips turned up; a half smile, half gratitude. He blew his nose on a scratchy napkin. After a moment, he smirked and said, “So, I’m the first person you’ve brought here?”

Blaine felt the blood rush to his face. Something about being with Kurt made that happen more frequently. “Shut up,” he said in feigned indignation, more embarrassed than anything. Kurt laughed, deep and unabashed and absolutely gorgeous. Blaine couldn’t help but laugh too.

Blaine also couldn’t help but think of it as a coincidence when the older man slid fifty cents into the crackling jukebox to play “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You�� by Frankie Valli, and they way Kurt’s eyes traced the outline of his lips when he thought he wasn’t looking.

The sky was dark blue and stormy by the time they exited the diner. It wasn’t close at all to sunrise, but Blaine liked to imagine the sun peeking out from the horizon.

Kurt tapped his shoulder and handed him an earbud. He looked happier now, his date hopefully forgotten. Blaine popped the earbud in and relaxed his shoulders when the soft melody of a Motown flooded his senses.

“So what’re your plans now that you’ve graduated?” Blaine asked. It was a silly question, sort of like something a parent would ask. But it had occurred to him he didn’t actually know Kurt too well.

Kurt sighed. “I actually don’t know anymore.” He jogged to make the pedestrian cross signal countdown. He grabbed Blaine’s wrist to pull him forward, who was mercilessly dragged behind. Stupid short legs.

He continued once they made it to the other side of the street. He hadn’t let go of Blaine’s wrist, and it occurred to him that he didn’t want him to. “My friend, Rachel, she’s on her Broadway run as Fanny Brice,” he smiled fondly, as if remembering a distant memory. “She’s brilliant. Meanwhile I’m playing Peter Pan and Prince Eric at preschools and nursing homes.”

“I just don’t know if this thing I put my whole life into is something I want anymore.” Blaine had noticed that Kurt had this amazing talent of not sounding bitter or jealous, even when he had every right to be. “Do you ever feel like that?”

He thought about it for a moment while the song ended. “All the time,” Blaine admitted for the first time out loud. “I’m good at singing and acting, I always have been. I was in show choir because it was safe. Now it just feels stagnant.” He had been doing the same thing since high school. Singing, dancing around a stage, being one of the few gay men in his classes able to play ‘manly’ roles. Because he could hide. Blaine was so tired of hiding.

“What if I want to be a teacher, or a doctor or something?” He exclaimed. It was an exaggeration, but still. He wasn’t only a theatre nerd. He didn’t have to only be that.

Kurt laughed. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. A New York Never, but there was nobody on the quiet suburban streets anyway. He turned so they were facing each other, and once again his face was filled with this anxiety Blaine couldn’t pinpoint. “You’re full of surprises, Blaine Warbler.” Blaine met his eyes, and instead of backing away, he stared right back. “You’re a wonder.”

They walked the rest of the way home in silence, hands swinging slightly between them.

“I had a lot of fun,” Kurt said, wrapping his earbud wires around his phone. He and Blaine stood on opposite ends of the door to their complex. “Thanks for getting me out of my funk.”

“It was my pleasure,” Blaine offered lamely. His pleasure? What was he, an eighteenth century gentleman? “I mean, it was no big deal. I’ll see you later, okay?” He held back a yawn and opened the door to the dark foyer.

“Wait!” Kurt cried, a lot too loud for the two of them. He was rocking on his heels. He was nervous?

“I um, liked doing this with you, and I was wondering…God, why is this so hard?” He cut himself off abruptly. It was sort of freaking Blaine out to see him like that, but he was more confused than anything.

“Kurt—”

“Would you like to go out again sometime?” He blurted, eyes screwed shut. “At a place a bit fancier than a diner?”

Oh.

“Yes, Blaine breathed out way too quickly. “I mean, if you’d want to.”

“Really?” Kurt asked, as if there was a possibility he’d say no. His eyes lit up. “That’s cool. I’ll text you or something.” He tried to cover up his excitement by biting his lip, to no avail.

“Yeah, yeah,” Blaine nodded until he gave himself whiplash. “Well, goodnight.” He moved to shut the door. Oh the embarrassing celebration dance he was going to do when he got upstairs.

“Blaine?” Kurt called out again, a chuckle at the edge of his words. “Could you hold the door?” He pointed, and of course. Only Blaine would be living in the same complex as his crush.

[makeste]

literally just a giant post of Bakugou faces.

today, 4/20 (actually it is very much still only 4/19 over here, but to heck with it, we’re getting an early start dammit), is Bakugou Katsuki’s birthday. and as someone who loves Bakugou and who also hasn’t found much worth rejoicing about in April 2020 in general, it’s important to me to celebrate the shit out of this day. but these are strange times and I am le tired, and so what my tired brain ended up arriving at was “just do a post about how much you love his stupid face.”

so these are my favorite Bakugou faces. I stopped after Kacchan vs. Deku because this post was already like 100k words (slight exaggeration) with like 40,000 faces (slight), and because this already took forever and the next 130-something chapters were only going to have about one fifth as many good faces compared to the first 120, even though there are some good ones there still to be sure. but anyway, so there are no spoilers here. 

happy birthday Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s angsty side profile with his hair covering his eyes.

why I like it: he scured.

lol but seriously. because up until this point he’s just been a complete asshole. even after he gets grabbed by sludgeman, he’s all “AS IF I’D LET THIS MUDMAN TAKE MY BODY FOR HIMSELF”, and he’s all feral-looking, and at first you’re like “eh he’ll be fine.” but then along comes this panel to serve as our narrator saying “he was not fine.” because he really is not. and on the page before this too, you can see how tired and desperate his struggles are starting to get. and absolutely no one is trying to help him. and he’s fighting, he’s straining, but he can’t. fucking. breathe.

and then this panel. and he’s just a kid. he looks so very, very young here, like this is the youngest he looks throughout the entire series except for in his flashbacks, and it’s because all the pride and bluster and anger are stripped away and he’s just a boy underneath it and he’s scared. “you looked like you needed saving.” exactly. exactly. and for Katsuki to actually ask for help is so rare. so you know that when he does ask (and he absolutely was begging for someone to come help him even though he couldn’t vocalize it. credit to Horikoshi for conveying all of that emotion in a single panel), he really, really needs it. thankfully there was one person watching who finally snapped himself out of that “a hero’s bound to come along soon” mindset that had everyone else gripped, and realized that he needed to be that hero.

why I like it: because he’s humiliated and fairly shaken up and also the most handsome he’s looked up until this point, but most of all he’s just chewing his lip and being all “god fucking dammit did fucking Deku really just save me, fuck my life, why is the universe fucking dumb.” like even after this hugely traumatizing experience, he’s incredibly resilient to the point where after he calms down, his lingering emotions are mainly just “smdh this is a new level of irritated even for me.” he is so brave and thickheaded and tough and absurdly, ridiculously petty jesus christ.

why I like it: like the old man said. his face just screams “I’m a rotten thief.”

there’s so much personality in this one expression. and then it’s juxtaposed against proto!Katsuki who I really desperately just want to punch in the face. just. my son my be a dick, but by god he’s an honest dick.

why I like it: baby?? cute baby??? mine?? my baby?!?

he’s just like. “I got it all figured out. gosh I’m so good at life.” that is the face of a child who has never encountered a single difficulty in his very young existence. everything is easy and he expects to be good at everything and he always is and he’s so, so pleased with himself. with a kid that little you really don’t want to go and shatter their dreams just yet, but maybe someone should have taken him down just a peg or two before it all got out of hand. alas. he was so cute that nobody wanted to and I can’t even blame them because he’s just that fucking cute, though.

why I like it: this is a very underrated panel which I think most people probably don’t even recall. it’s from chapter 11 just after he loses to Deku and Iida, and specifically right after Momo just completely lays into him and explains in vivid detail exactly how stupid every single one of his decisions was lmao. and it’s like he’s just had his eyes opened. he talks about her speech later, too, so it clearly had an impact.

there is no pride here at all. initially when I was reading this, I thought he was still shell-shocked. but looking back at it, and knowing what I do now about his unexpected willingness to accept criticism (something I certainly wouldn’t have expected during my first readthrough of this chapter), I think this is also a genuine “!” face as he realizes that she’s completely fucking right. YOU DONE GOOFED SON. but it’s okay because he learned from it!

also look how big his eyes are. when they get all wide like that. it’s so rare that I have to appreciate each and every time it happens. also he has no right to have such thick eyelashes. goddammit.

why I like it: because he’s strongest at his moment of weakness! because he’s upset but he learned from it! because he is such a strikingly human character with such complex emotions and there’s such a lovely mix of them on display here and that shit is my weakness! because this is when I signed the adoption papers (well, had them finalized after I initially obtained them after the “you looked like you needed saving” face in chapter 1, at least)!! because he always cries in front of Deku and doesn’t get embarrassed, but then he does get embarrassed if anyone else shows up! because his emotions around Deku are so raw and out of control! because the intensity of them is as compelling as it is confusing! but mostly because someone showing fierce determination while simultaneously showing intense vulnerability is basically the cheat code to unlocking my heart, and also the best thing anyone can ever draw in a shounen manga. thank you I’ll take infinity of them.

why I like it: because half of 1-A saw this face and instantly thought “fuck that’s hot” and then went “!! oh fuck me” but it was too late! that’s right kids. even knowing firsthand what a trashpile he can be, you’re still not immune to his charms. that confidence, though.

why I like it: the face of a boy who has just realized that holy shit, there are other people in his class. nothing gets past him. his reflexes are too fast.

why I like it: the slow motion (this is such a cool moment even if it’s at his expense lol), and the fact that this is such a weird and totally unique expression, and yet he somehow almost manages to make it look good. actually he does make it look good, let’s be real. of course, this was back when Horikoshi had more time to roll up his sleeves and really get into the art. look at all that shading goddamn.

why I like it: he cares!! he has feelings!! he has concern about someone other than him omfg whaaaaaat.

he’s so unsettled by what he just heard about Todoroki. the guy who was so strong and cool turned out to have an absolutely horrifying shounen protagonist past that he never let on about. honestly this scene is one of the reasons why I’m so strongly in favor of not interpreting Katsuki’s parents as abusive; because I just really like the character arc of him actually having a pretty good childhood, all things considered, but still having all these problems. because sometimes people actually do have everything going for them and yet they still screw up, because people are only human and sometimes you can fuck up (or be fucked up) even on easy mode! and if that happens it doesn’t mean you’re any more to blame, or more worthy of derision or scorn, or that you already had your chance so screw you, or any of that! anyway so that’s just such an interesting and relatively rare thing to explore and so I like it.

anyway. so just, the idea of him thinking of Todoroki as someone who had it made all his life, only to realize that’s not actually the case at all and that he’s actually the privileged one in comparison, just makes for a really great character-building moment. it’s a really big wake up call for him, especially given that he’s so often just wrapped up in himself and his own concerns still at this stage of the game. and it’s a moment that has a lasting impact on him and that he doesn’t forget, and it helps contribute to him starting to learn more empathy.

why I like it: my child is rabid please help.

but he’s so happy to have Ochako prove to be such an unexpectedly worthwhile opponent. she was sneaky and she nearly got him and he only just made it out by the skin of his teeth and fuck yes, that was awesome. he was really ready to throw down some more with her and it was gonna be the highlight of his fucking day. I just love seeing him acknowledge other people’s strength, because we know the value he places on being strong. so that’s a ton of respect from him, and Ochako fucking earned it, and this is just a great moment.

why I like it: just casually spittin facts and launching ships. nothing to see here move along.

why I like it: for everyone reblogging that one scene of shoujou!Bakugou from the anime over and over again, I just want to remind you all that as great as that scene is, we shouldn’t forget that in the manga he can be effortlessly handsome without even trying.

why I like it: as I said above.

why I like it: another one of the infamous “haah!?” faces. whenever he does these that one raised-eyebrow eye always goes so wide, and even though he’s trying to look like a pissed off thug it always makes him look surprisingly young instead.

also I’m not crazy for seriously wondering if Horikoshi’s art peaked all the way back in the sports festival arc though, right?? you honestly can’t find a bad panel even if you specifically go out and look for them.

why I like it: babyyyy.

I still don’t get how anyone could watch this scene and not get that he was way more upset than he was actually angry. he looks like he’s about to cry honestly.

why I like it: MY PRECIOUS SON’S ANGELIC SLEEPING FACE. all tuckered out. he’s had a hard day.

but seriously when you smooth out all of the >:O it is amazing how young he actually looks though. this one panel is shaded in such a way that you can see that he still has baby fat in his cheeks!! he’s just a little boy! HE IS A LITTLE CHILD LIKE THE REST OF THEM AND YOU MADE HIM PARTICIPATE IN THESE HUNGER GAMES AND HE KICKED ASS AND THEN GOT SAD AND YOU MADE HIM SLEEP AND CHAINED HIM TO A POST WHEN HE WOKE UP ANGRY AND TRYING TO BITE PEOPLE. anyways what a whirlwind of events huh.

why I like it: this child is literally trembling. he has been shaken to his very core. also for real though how did Jeanist even do that. anyways great internship or greatest internship.

why I like it: this is from chapter 60, right after he basically declares war on Deku and says he’ll crush him during final exams. then he turns around and is just like AND LET’S NOT FORGET THIS ASSHOLE HERE!!! and his eyes are practically bulging out and Todoroki just has his trademark “!!!” totally blank stare. this panel fully kills me guys.

why I like it: how was he THE CUTEST CHILD WHO EVER LIVED?? look at his little fists?! I can’t even deal with this???

why I like it: I actually like this one even more than the more iconic “the strongest heroes always win in the end” panel right below it, because in this panel you can more clearly see that he was crying quite a lot (he was only six!!), but it seems to me that it was more because of the unfairness of it than because he was hurt. even though he was hurt. but these jerks bumped into him and then acted like it was his fault, and it was two against one and he was much younger than them and IT’S JUST ROUGH YOU GUYS! LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU’RE SIX! but he’s a little tough guy though so he scrubs the tears away in this very clumsy and boyish fashion because HE WON ANYWAY SO TAKE THAT! he is so little but already so determined.

why I like it: his eyes are just so intense all the time. even when it’s not an intense moment at all. also the dot shading here is so cool.

why I like it: okay so technically it’s the back of his head and not his face. but I feel like the fact that Kacchan was twitching and flinching and shaking too doesn’t get enough attention in this scene. he and Todo were both wigging out here and I love it. during the third light novel he also gets freaked out by the whole Disney Channel “we were telling a ghost story but now it seems like the story has come to life” plot that goes on at one point, just fyi. Kacchan is absolutely that kid who will refuse to watch scary movies just because “they’re dumb” and definitely NOT because he is scared, how fucking dare you sir.

why I like it: because this is the first of many scenes in this arc and the next arc in which he is freaking out but doing an excellent job of covering it up with his natural ferocity. he and Shouto have just come across one of their classmates’ arms lying in the middle of the path being chewed on by a villain in a straitjacket. his first reaction is to ask Shouto which of their classmates had been out on the path in front of them. he has immediately put two and two together, and he is immediately ready to throw hands with this dude, rules or no rules. but you can see the shading over his eyes though, and I think that -- along with the sweat visible on his face -- is a huge indicator of how horrifying this actually is to him.

why I like it: because this blank “processing...” expression that he sometimes gets when a lot of people are talking at once and he’s not really sure but he is pretty sure that he doesn’t like where this is heading, is my favorite.

why I like it: because even now it’s still ambiguous just what exactly was the prevailing emotion in these eyes and this expression, and the prevailing sentiment behind the “stay back.” I happen to think it was fear! not the same overwhelming, helpless fear as the 14-year-old who was caught up in the sludge, but a very on-edge, controlled-panic fear of a 16-year-old who’s trying to remain in control because he’s a hero in training now. and I think the “stay back” is the “stay back” of a boy who knows the look in that other boy’s eyes, and knows that it’s no use this time. it’s not protective, and it’s not hostile or defensive either. it’s just... resigned. don’t do it, Deku. that could have been the last thing he ever said to him, and it was measured and brave even through his fear and I love him so much.

why I like it: this is one which has to be viewed in juxtaposition with the panel immediately above it lol. Tomura looks like he could literally stare a man to death with those crazy eyes, and Kacchan is comparison just looks so ridiculously young and small and out of his league. but he doesn’t crack. but his eyes are super wide and even the shadows underneath them are stressed almost to their breaking point. like I’m screwed I’m screwed I’m so goddamn fucking screwed oh shit. my baby, guh. this was such a fucking scary experience though for real??

why I like it: same deal as above lol. this whole situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and here he’s just probing for more information while simultaneously trying to buy himself more time to think of a miracle plan. there really isn’t much chance of him getting out of here unscathed at this point (or at least there wouldn’t have been if the heroes hadn’t shown up), but I don’t think he’s letting himself think about that yet. but I’m sure it’s there at the back of his mind all the same.

why I like it: this is my favorite Bakugou face ever. SO MANY EMOTIONS. All Might came to save him! his hero!! he beat the bad guys (or so they think for that brief moment anyway) and it’s all okay now! he was alone but now he’s not anymore and All Might is there! and he is relieved, and he actually lets his guard down to show it for just a split second! his lip is trembling! I don’t think he even realizes for a moment, and then he does, and he immediately goes all tough guy again and the moment is gone! but while it’s there! it’s so much! I have never so badly wanted to hug a fictional character in my life.

why I like it: don’t you think this person could one day inspire thousands of others. do you see this courage in those eyes. the way he pushes past fear and panic and fatigue. don’t think, don’t doubt. just win.

why I like it: by now you have probably detected a pattern of me liking all of the Kamino faces because he was going through so many emotions that for once the walls just couldn’t keep up. he always looks so much younger when he’s not making >: faces. everything just smooths out. I also like that Horikoshi never makes his expressions symmetrical; he almost always has one eye wider than the other, eyebrows doing different things, stuff like that.

also this is when he sees All Might’s true form for the first time, and you can just see it hit him like a punch to the gut. All Might weakened; All Might weakened because of him; All Might might lose (!?!); All Might might die???? Katsuki’s entire world is falling apart in an instant, and in this moment he’s just a little boy.

why I like it: it beginsss. the angstening.

he’s not even resisting the hand guiding him. none of his usual unruliness or general aura of barely-checked rage. he just looks tired. and completely lost in his own thoughts. which as we now know were not good. I cannot fucking believe we had to wait another 25 chapters after this to finally get this kid a damn hug.

why I like it: because Bakugou Mitsuki is fulfilling my (and dating sim!Momo’s) lifelong dream of ruffling Bakugou Katsuki’s (spiky yet fluffy!!) hair. and all he can do is just chew his lip and halfheartedly glare at her all “mooooooOOOOmmm.” he doesn’t even really look pissed off here (because it’s hard to be mad when someone is talking about how worried they were about you and how relieved they are that you’re safe now, especially when that someone is your mom who isn’t normally the type to be so open about this kind of stuff at all), just begrudgingly grumpy. and I swear to god his bottom lip is made of fucking rubber the way he moves it around, just look at it.

why I like it: those eyelashes though!?!? [grabs Katsuki by the shoulders and shakes him roughly] WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO PRETTY.

why I like it: this is right after he found out he flunked the license exam, and you can see how upset he is. obviously we now know that shortly thereafter he went and had a complete meltdown. and buddy if you keep grinding your teeth like that, your dentist is also going to have a meltdown.

and yet again Horikoshi manages to strike this uncanny balance between making him look pissed off and making him look like he’s trying very, very hard not to cry. he just failed, again. it’s like the whole world is screaming at him over and over again that he’s not hero material at all.

why I like it: because he drags Deku out to the middle of nowhere and is all “I know you have All Might’s power and we’re gonna fight”, and Deku protests, and you expect Kacchan’s reaction to be just about anything other than what it actually is. this is as close to pleading as Katsuki is ever going to get. he may not be drowning in sludge but he is still desperate.

why I like it: this may be the best Katsuki that Horikoshi has ever drawn.

why I like it: super ultra mega unpopular opinion: I like this panel even more than THE PANEL!! that follows shortly after it. I am a sucker for when Horikoshi does this thing where he shows Katsuki’s face from a side profile, and his eyes are covered by his hair so you can’t see his full expression, but you know it is something vulnerable because he only ever does this when Katsuki is trying to hide his vulnerability. I could make a whole separate post just about these hair-covering-eyes faces lol. but out of all of them this is my absolute favorite. I can hear Okamoto’s voice acting in my head just looking at it.

why I like it: because it is THE PANEL. he finally broke completely; he let the walls fall away; he couldn’t hide it any longer. he’s so unbelievably torn up about this; he hates himself for it and feels like a failure; he’s lost and doesn’t have the faintest idea how to find his path again. he ended the Symbol of Peace. he was weak and wrong, and Deku was strong and right, and he can’t even hate Deku for it anymore, he just wants to understand what it is that he keeps doing wrong, why it is that he keeps failing.

why I like it: it’s, uuuuuh, angst.

lol it’s funny because at the beginning of the series, it was always Deku who was always crying at the drop of a hat. and to be fair this is still true. but Katsuki also cries way more than I would ever expect a rival character in a shounen manga to cry. and specifically he has cried every single time he’s had a dramatic and overly emotional altercation like this with Deku (and that’s three separate times now). is it because he’s always felt like he has less to hide around Deku? or because his Deku Emotions are so much more intense and volatile than his other emotions? at any rate, whatever it is, if this happens one more time (and I guarantee you it will too because A Certain Someone still hasn’t officially made an apology yet) he will officially lose all authority to ever call Deku out for being a crybaby again. meanwhile poor All Might will just be beside himself. I’m sorry dude, both of your children are just like this, you just gotta deal with it and accept their feelings.

why I like it: HE FINALLY GOT HIS HUG, BLESS.

and more hair covering his eyes! and chewing of the lip! and his head is bowed so much here, he fully allowed himself to be pulled into this hug and to accept this gesture of comfort for once in his life, just for a moment! after everything he was feeling, everything he was beating himself up over, All Might comes and tells him it’s not your fault. and there’s still so much guilt there, but he needs to hear this so badly that he accepts it all the same. meanwhile he is also CRYING AGAIN!? because this was the chapter where Horikoshi said “I am going to put all of the angst and cathartic conflict resolution into a single fight and it’s going to be the best thing ever” and it really was. do you even understand how much I love this. do you??

why I like it: OH GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THIS, THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE KATSUKI HAIR-COVERING-EYES PANEL.

oh no. he’s ruffling his own spiky fluffy hair. he’s tired and he’s beat up (and whose fault is that lmao) and he’s learning all kinds of new things about himself today. he’s got basically nothing left in the tank, but for the first time in ages he has his path laid out in front of him again and he knows the way to start moving forward. he has been absolved of his guilt, the guilt which was eating a hole away inside of him. and all of a sudden he realizes -- it occurs to him -- hey, All Might finally admitted it, he really did give his power to Deku. but it’s still a secret though, isn’t it? it’s important, isn’t it? and so he tells them, hey, look, I get it, I won’t say anything, you don’t have to worry. it’s partially gratitude -- he owes so much to All Might and it’s ridiculous, that’s a fucking debt right there, and this is the least and only thing he can offer right now in return -- and it’s partially just... the right thing to do. like, common sense. honorable and shit. and it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. but just, let them know.

I love his side profile so much and I love his hair and his ear and the scuffs on his face and his beaten up hand and his hunched up shoulders and him being soft and trying not to show how soft he’s being and he is precious.

BONUS:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HANDS IN POCKETS GRUMPY TRIANGLE EYES ROVING FERAL HOG SON, I LOVE YOU.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Stormlight Archive Character Thoughts - Moash

This is a follow-up to my previous post on Words of Radiance, and traces Moash’s arc in Oathbringer and Rhythm of War. So, Rhythm of War spoilers!

Moash realizes almost immediately that he’s made the wrong decision, both in terms of what he’s thrown away and who he’s given his trust and loyalty to. He misses Rock’s stew. He misses the companionship of Bridge 4. Graves isn’t as “refined” as he seemed on first acquaintance and doesn’t have any strength of character when the chips are down - a constant reminder, by contrast, of Kaladin, who showed determination and leadership under the worst possible circumstances. Moash hates himself, and is miserable at the thought of the trust and friendship he’s thrown away:

Moash sagged, patch in his fingers. He should throw that thing into the fire.

Storms. He should throw himself into the fire.

(It’s a storming campfire, Mo, you’re not going to be pulling a Maedhros here. You’d just get some burns and make a mess.)

And then the Fused show up and his companions are suddenly dead in an instant. His Shardplate and Shardblade are useless to him. Everything he still had remaining from his choice is gone. And what he has left is his training, from Kaladin. Kaldin’s all over the page here; through the whole fight, Moash is thinking about what he learned from him. And he uses that training to kill a Fused. And then he identifies himself as Bridge Four.

(I think this is part of the reason the hatred for Moash is so strong. Every chapter in this 5-chapter mini-arc ends with a moment that could be the starting point for Moash to turn around, to make better choices. We’re constantly being reminded that the possibility is there, the potential is there. And he never does.)

At this precise point, I think there’s actually a chance that Moash would have made his way back to Bridge Four if the Fused had left him there in the Frostlands, but instead they carry him off to Alethkar. (He’s still thinking about Kaladin. The Kaladin-obsession doesn’t come out of nowhere in ROW, it’s here all along.) He’s also still regretting his choice to betray Bridge Four, and despising himself for it. (Well, Bridge Four had been a special case [in being a place where he found acceptance], and he’d failed that test. And I threw it all away. Why do I always do that?) But he’s not seeing it as a wrong decision, something where his regret can push him to change, to do better. He’s seeing it as a fundamental characteristic of who he is.

The next stage of his downward spiral is generalizing from “I’m just screwed-up and unfixable” to “Humans are just screwed-up and unfixable.) He’s doing it even before he encounters Highlord Paladar: Why must we always take some precious, Guff, and find ourselves hating it? As if by being being pure, it reminds us of just how little we deserve it. But the attitude calcifies with the realization that Alethi social hierarchies have survived even occupation and enslavement: He wasn’t broken. All of them were broken. Alethi society - lighteyed and dark. Maybe all of humankind.

This is not, at its heart, a political realization. It’s personal and emotional: when you’ve already decided you’re an inherently broken, contemptible person, it’s soothing to have company by deciding that, at least, so is everyone else. At this point, he’s still willing for Kaladin to be a rare exception. By Rhythm of War, that’s no longer the case - he needs Kaladin to validate his choice to give up by doing the same thing. (As another deep irony of Moash’s arc - seriously, he’s the dark mirror to so many people - Teft is also deeply self-loathing and self-sabotaging, but lets people help him out of that, keeps fighting, and refuses to let that be the end of his journey. Moash simply accepts it as who he is, and then - to disperse the guilt - as who everyone is. Likewise, it’s the dark mirror of Dalinar’s Always the next step. You can do wrong, and then accept there’s no other path and that’s who you are now, as Moash does, or you can choose to keep trying, to grow, to be better.)

And so Moash accepts his friend being beaten as just the way the world works. He sees injustice. He doesn’t try to stop it, because to him it’s inevitable. But underneath this numb acceptance, he still hates himself for it, and volunteers for hard labour. This continues to be a habit for him, into Rhythm of War; even when Odium is keeping back his emotions, it remains a way to express the self-loathing he can no longer consciously acknowledge.

Moash’s days pulling the sledge are the seed of his later actions in other ways, too. It felt good to be told what to do. Not to have to think, not to have to choose, and to be able to tell himself - or be told, it feels like this is the moment Odium starts talking to him - that his betrayal (which he’s now moved to eliding simply as what happened at the Shattered Plains) wasn’t his fault. (The thought I was pushed into it is an obvious lie - he jumped at the chance to be part of the assassination.) And turning away from independent though to blind obedience, and from remorse to rejection of guilt or resposibility, is the path Moash ultimately takes when he joins Odium and gives up his emotions.

And I think this is also why he resists the mistreatment of the singers who Kaladin helped - as long as he can tell himself that the Singers/Fused are better than humans, he can obey them without having to think. Seeing them beat their own people, in a way that specifically reminds him of the treatment of Bridge Four, breaks through that; he has to stop it, lest the whole mental barrier, the decision to regard the Fused as morally superior, come tumbling down. It’s positive action, but in service to his ability to maintain longer-term apathy and inaction. And that apathy and surrender to the idea of the Fused as superior is then strong enough to survive even the realization that they’re treating him exactly like a bridgeman again.

By the last chapter in Moash’s Oathbringer Part 2 mini-arc, Odium is very clearly talking to him, urging him to give up the guilt he still feels over betraying Kaladin, to tell himself that it’s not his fault; a voice that Moash gives in to. He asks the Fused for vengeance, but it’s all wrapped up in this need to not feel guilt, the need to either deflect blame or to justify his actions to himself; and killing Elhokar doesn’t make him feel any better.

I don’t think the Bridge Four salute he gave Kaladin after killing Elhokar was villainous gloating. I think, in a twisted way, it was sincere - he’d talked himself into thinking that Elhokar’s death, that vengeance, was something Kaladin would want (or at least, should want) as well, but couldn’t bring himself to countenance - so Moash did it for him. For both of them. Roshone likewise, in ROW.

So in summary, Moash’s motivations, choices, and non-choices in the Oathbringer mini-arc are the foundation for all his later actions. 1) Renouncing responsibility. He goes from feeling guilty about his betrayal of Bridge 4 and about throwing away the chance they represented; to regarding the choice as inevitable because he’s fundamentally broken; to regarding all humanity as fundamentally broken, so what he did wasn’t anything unusual; to telling himself (or accepting Odium’s telling) that it wasn’t his fault and he was pushed into it, whuch is patently false; to giving up his emotions to Odium entirely so he doesn’t have to feel guilt. 2) Renouncing choice. From ‘Rhythm of Work’ (Chapter 48) onwards, Moash enjoys being told what to do, not having to think, not having to make decisions; this is what produces his killing of Jezrien, which he does without even caring about it. It’s likely founded in the middle part of his guilt-to-rationalization spiral, the belief that making bad choices is just who he is (therefore it’s better if someone else makes them for him). And it drives his entire arc in Rhythm of War, where he flees from Renarin’s vision of the good person he could still choose to be, and desperately needs Kaladin to make the same choice he did - giving up - so that he can tell himself it’s the only choice possible.

This is particularly striking because I would sum of the key themes of Oathbringer as responsibility and redemption (Dalinar, obviously; Szeth, starting on the path of thinking for himself and being responsible for his choices; Elhokar, recognizing his failures and seeking to do better; Teft, letting himself rise from the morass of self-hatred to become a Radiant) and one of the key themes of Rhythm of War as choice (Maya’s “WE CHOSE” and Kaladin’s vision of Tien both reinforcing that volition is important, and one shouldn’t deny a person’s choice of self-sacrifice by treating them as just a victim; similiarly, the common people in Urithiru choosing to support Kaladin; Venli choosing to confess her actions, do better, reveal herself as a Radiant, and return to her people, despite her fear; and Kaladin’s choice to keep trying, keep fighting, in the face of despair and hopeless odds). Moash is the counterpoint to both these themes - the anti-Radiant.

The final thing I’m going for in this essay is to emphasize that, to me, Moash is a complex and interesting character whose arc has excellent resonances with many other characters’ arcs. I could be happy with an ending in which he is redeemed, unlikely as that appears (my favoured starting point is are Taravodium - whose personality is very different from Rayse - seeing him as too much of a flat villain for T’s purposes, and casting him off; meaning that Moash would have his emotions and guilt back in full force, and be blind on top of that, and have to decide what to do with himself). I could be happy with an ending in which he isn’t redeemed - as noted, his arc is a dark inverse not only of many other characters’, but of the central themes of the books, and could well continue on that path. But it can be frustratingly simplistic to see the character only discussed in the form of a one-line meme.

[puckbuddies]

You set off fireworks in my mind

Mat Barzal x reader

3166 words

Warnings: swear words probably and the reader is drinking alcohol. I think this fic is pretty gender neutral but if it isn’t, please tell me so I can edit it to be :)

Your first contact with the hockey world was actually in a random grocery store in New York. You were just going about your day, trying to find the cookies your roommate had asked you to get when a guy practically fell in your shopping cart. The guy, accompanied by his friend who at this point was almost in tears from laughing too hard, introduced himself as Anthony Beauvillier when you helped him get of the ground. Having lived in New York for a couple of years, you recognized him as a hockey players and made a joking comment about his clumsiness which set his friend that you didn’t recognize off again. After making sure that he wasn’t hurt, you stayed to talk for a bit longer.

Your talk had been cut short by your roommate calling to complain that the cookies took too long. You had left the store with Anthony’s phone number and a funny story to tell your friends.

From that day on, you talked to Anthony frequently. You figured out your campus was pretty close to his apartment complex so he often asked you to take care of his apartment when he was on a road trip. You couldn’t complain as it gave you a quiet place to study when your roommate had friends over.

A couple of weeks after meeting him, you were officially introduced to the rest of the team during an aftergame bar visit. It took about the whole night to convince everyone you weren’t actually dating, rather just friends.

You usually just hung out with Anthony separately from the team. You spend most of your evenings in your room writing papers and stressing over tests so it was sometimes difficult to make it to any games. You mostly saw each other during lunch breaks in between your classes and after his morning practice. 

At first it was just you two, but after a while Mat Barzal joined in on your almost weekly tradition. You met Mat when you met the rest of the team and he seemed like a nice guy. Meeting him for lunch when he didn’t have any alcohol to give him some liquid courage was a little awkward at first. It wasn’t like you didn’t get along, it was just different. You didn’t really know him yet and weren’t the biggest fan of small talk. Fortunately, Tito was there to think of topics to include you both in the conversation.

The first time you hung out with Mat specifically was in Vancouver. You had went back to your hometown for the summer break deciding you wanted to see your parents again. You were tanning in your back garden when you got an Instagram dm from Mat asking you if you wanted to join him and some friends at their lake house. While you were surprised, you did agree to go. You didn’t really consider Mat a friend back then seeing as you only talked when Tito was also present but you didn’t have a good reason not to go. So you went, and it was fun. You met some of Mat’s hockey friends that he trained with in the offseason and you saw a different side to him.

He looked so relaxed, leaning on the paddle board you were sitting on. That was the first time you really talked to Mat. You got to know him a lot better that summer. Now that you realised you lived about twenty minutes form where he was residing, he invited you to more gatherings with his friends.

Coming back to New York after that summer was nice. You got to see Anthony again after about three months and you now had a genuine friendship with Mat as well. You went to more team outings and were slowly being accepted in the group.

It was a couple of months later when things started to get a little weird. Lately, the lines of your relationship with Mat were blurring. Instead of playing it cool, Mat had started to become a little flirty. You on the other hand had opted to ignore his comments. You had a feeling Mat knew you were avoiding the topic but didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, so he stayed quiet. The comments stopped after a while when he realised you weren’t going to react to them.

It wasn’t like you didn’t like Mat. You weren’t blind and could obviously see that he was attractive. You got along great and shared a lot of interests. It was just the fact that he was a hockey player.

You knew about the reputation these guys seemed to have and while you didn’t believe Mat to be the type to cheat on his significant other, you couldn’t be one hundred percent sure. Besides that, you weren’t too keen on having a boyfriend who was only in New York half of the time.

It would be the smartest decision to just stay friends. Imagine if you ever broke up. It would cause a tension in the group and you would lose a lot of friends.

But there was a part of your brain that didn’t agree. It was the part of your brain that didn’t believe in rational thoughts. The part that made your heartbeat speed up whenever Mat came too close to you making the scent of his cologne a little too strong. The part that still wanted him to hug you at random times in the day.

Now, one year after you spent your summer with Mat, you were back in Vancouver. This time for a festival you had never even heard of. Apparently, it would be a mix of country and pop and while you couldn’t exactly picture how much you were going to enjoy the music, you weren’t going to pass up the opportunity. Tito was going to be there, as well as Mat and some of their other hockey friends that you had also met last year, and you invited some of your friends from high school. While you had no idea who was in the line-up, you were very excited for the upcoming week.

You arrived the night before the festival started to try and get settled in for the next day. Setting up your tent in the dark was proving to be harder that you thought but luckily, you had enough help from your friends.

When all of the tents were set up, your group settled around the campfire that Josty had ever so nicely started for you. You couldn’t have asked for a better night. Seeing your friends for the first time in however long gave you a burst of energy. For the first time in a while, you felt completely de-stressed. Sitting around a fire, drinking cheap beer with the people you loved was everything you needed at that moment.

Well, maybe everything but a little heat. You thought you’d hidden your goosebumps quite well but apparently you weren’t very good at being subtle. You had no idea when Mat had noticed but after a couple of minutes you felt him shift next to you. Your cheeks lit up when you felt the soft material of his jumper being pulled over your head. Not having the energy to fight it, you decided to just ignore the butterflies in your stomach. You were drunk and cold and those felt like perfect excuses to you.

When you woke up the next day and went over what happened the night before, you made a pact with yourself. You were going to have to figure out your feelings for Mat and if you wanted to do this properly, you couldn’t leave anything to chance. Seeing as your feelings seemed to increase to double their size when you were drunk, you had to stay sober for the rest of the festival.

If for some reason the butterflies in your stomach still appeared in the following week -which you convinced yourself they wouldn’t-, it would be clear to you that you would have to face Mat and tell him the truth. You had no idea if Mat even still felt any attraction to you. He definitely did at one point, but after you ignored every single one of his advances, it was very likely he had already moved on anyways.

But you had no reason to worry about any of that, because you didn’t have feelings.

You went through the first day of the festival totally convinced you were fine. The only time you felt your heartbeat pick up was when Mat gave you a hug as he came out of his tent in the morning.

Throughout the day, Mat was mostly distracted by his friends that had come along while you were pulled in a different direction by your own friends. You got a couple of weird looks when you announced that you wouldn’t be drinking anymore but in the end, no one questioned you.

The next day was when you realised you were screwed. Mat had realised he hadn’t talked to you basically at all the day before and made an effort to stay by your side. You assured him you were fine hanging out with some of the girls but he was having none of it. Mat was stubborn and you didn’t want to be suspicious by pushing him away so you let him pull you into his side.

At this point, you were mostly just annoyed with yourself. Deep down, you had always know you had feelings for Mat, you just didn’t want to admit it. Maybe you were insecure and thought you didn’t have a chance with him. Maybe you just didn’t want to risk your friendship.

But you seriously couldn’t even last two days?

You had tried so hard to convince yourself that your feelings for Mat were just drunken whims but you couldn’t escape the truth anymore.

So you made your mind up. Honouring the promise you made to yourself, the next day, you would tell Mat how you felt, you just had to find the right way to go about it.

You saw your chance right before everyone was about to head to the main stage to watch what was apparently going to be the best performance of the festival. People were tired from the night before so the atmosphere was calmer than it had been up until this point.

“Mat can you come help me with something?” You hoped your voice didn’t betray how nervous you felt and you hoped your question came across casual enough to not attract the attention of Mat’s friends.

With a quick yeah sure, you and Mat were on your way to a quiet spot to talk.

“What’s up, you seem kind of nervous.”

Straight to the point. You kind of hoped you could ease yourself into this conversation but alas.

“No um, I’m fine. I just have a question.”

Mat looked at you expectantly and you almost got distracted by how cute he looked at that moment.

“I wanted to thank you for inviting me. I’m having a lot of fun seeing everyone again.”

Daring to look up at Mat, you saw that he was smiling up at you from where he was seated but there was still a hint of uncertainty in his eyes.

“Well, the music could be better but it’s not the worst.” You were full on stalling at this point. You stopped for a moment and took a deep breath to hopefully continue the rest of your speech in one piece nut you found you couldn’t. nerves completely took over your body and you felt like you couldn’t talk at all.

Mat saw this and pulled you to him.

“Y/n what’s up?” he said it so gentle that it almost brought tears to your eyes. You took one last deep breath and decided to go for it. Now or never. “Mat I li-“.

But you couldn’t finish your sentence. Not because of your nerves this time, but because Dante Fabbro had just rounded the corner and was calling for you to join the group. Cursing yourself for ruining your chance you stepped away from Mat. You send him a smile and assured him you could talk about it later. Mat didn’t look convinced but you were already on your way to the rest of the group, your body practically shaking from how close you had been.

The universe decided that today just wasn’t your day. You tried to get Mat alone again, but with no success. The music was too loud and the field too crowded and have a decent conversation.

At least Mat seemed to be having fun. He was screaming along to the music, balancing on Tito’s shoulders. They were definitely too drunk to be doing that but you just let them have their fun knowing better than anyone how stressful the previous season had been for them.

The next day you woke up in good spirits. You absolutely had to tell Mat how you felt by the end of the day. But just like the previous day, it was hard to get him alone. You had never really noticed how Mat liked to be surrounded by his friends at all times but it annoyed you to no ends. At one point, you even stared at him for about three minutes trying to send him the telepathic message you needed to talk to him.

By dinnertime, you were absolutely done waiting. Having lost all your patience for being subtle, you practically dragged him away to your tent. Your action was accompanied by hollers from your friends that you tried your hardest to ignore.

“Woah what is happening right now?”. It was said in between laughs. The look on Mat’s face told you he was amused but you could tell he had no idea what was happening.

“Nothing. I just want to talk to you but no one is giving me the chance.”

You felt yourself blushing due to the heat in the tent but also due to the reaction your friends gave you and you absolutely hated it.

“So you had to be all dramatic and drag me away? They’re going to think were hooking up right now.”

You laughed a little uncomfortably at that, absolutely not needing that thought in your head right now. Like you did during your conversation the day before, you took a deep breath while trying to figure out how you were going to explain yourself.

Before you could say something however, you were once again interrupted.

“Ayo are you guys having sex?”

You recognized Tito’s voice this time and could actually scream. Pulling the zipped of your tent open, you stuck your head outside to give him an annoyed look.

“No you idiot, you think I’m going to have sex in a tent that is most definitely not meant for two people while it’s 90 degrees outside.” You didn’t even realise you had denied having sex because of the weather and not because it was with Mat.

Tito put his hands up defensively and backed away towards the group. Fortunately, they couldn’t see your tent from where they were sitting.

Mat could sense you were annoyed and tried to calm you down. You however, were so close to tears and could not handle having him this close to you. you shook his hands of your body and sat down on your mattress.

“I’m so sorry Mat, you can just go back.” You didn’t think you had ever felt so defeated in your life.

“You think I’m leaving you right now? You’re obviously upset, just tell me what’s going on.”

When instead of answering him, you just pulled your head down in between your arms he continued with “Please tell me what’s up.”

It took a while but when you looked up again, there was no sign of tears. Instead you were smiling. Shaking your head you informed Mat that it wasn’t the right moment and assured him that you would be fine on your own.

He left with a sad sigh and you were left by yourself in the tent. You had no idea what he would tell the group but you hoped he would shut down any rumours surrounding you two.

You didn’t join the group when they initially left for the stage, needing some more time to yourself. Assuring your friends you were fine and just had a little headache, they left you with your thoughts. Deciding once again that your chances were ruined for the night, you reached for a drink. Just one, to clear your mind.

You felt really sad, just sitting on the ground in front of your tent by yourself and so after thirty minutes, you decided to go enjoy the music anyways.

When you found the group after texting Tito asking for a location, you immediately regretted your decision. People were giving you looks of pity and you wondered if anyone had figured you out yet. At this point, you couldn’t care less.

You ignored the looks you were given and tried to put up a reassuring smile. You didn’t know it you succeeded in fooling anyone but no one commented so you were satisfied.

It took you a minute, but you did end up enjoying yourself in the end. You had to admit the music was growing on you even though you had never heard any of the songs being played.

You opened your eyes to Mat staring at you a couple of times but you went straight back to dancing. You really couldn’t handle being interrupted anymore.

It appeared your luck had run out however, as Mat joined made his way over to you after making eye contact another time.

Just as he was about to speak, loud bangs came from your left. You both let out a tiny scream being caught unaware by the noise. The bangs ended up being fireworks to signify the end of the show.

You turned back towards Mat and were almost entranced by how he looked in the flashing lights. Deciding that it was really now of never, you moved closer to Mat. Stepping close enough to feel his breath on your face, you whispered “Stop me if you don’t want this.”

Mat looked confused at what your said but you didn’t hear a no and so you pushed a little further until you reached his mouth. Pressing your lips to his more forceful you felt Mat’s hands at your waist pulling you even closer. You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling into the kiss, feeling so relieved that he hadn’t pulled away.

Kissing Mat felt like nothing you’d ever felt before. The fireworks, how loud they might’ve been, faded away until you could only focus on the feeling Mat gave you now that you were finally kissing him.

You knew he would probably want an explanation later but at this moment, you did not care. 

[neokad]

Touhou VI: The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil - or my first journey into a bullet hell game

Touhou is that one pew pew game series with cute anime gals, right?

Source: https://pixiv.kurocore.com/illust/54033795

Just like what I think are many people, that’s pretty much all I knew about the franchise as a whole! And to be honest, for a long long time, I was AFRAID of going any closer to anything Touhou-related! Because of them being bullet hecks, they seemed like the most frustrating and unfun games I could possibly be playing! But then... time passed... Fast forward to somewhere in 2020: I was watching the biyearly Games Done Quick event, and one of the first runs showcased during it was none other than Touhou Luna Nights! But while the speedrun itself was very impressive, the thing that really captivated me was well... everything else! Even though this was only a Metroidvania fangame, IT LOOKED LIKE SO MUCH FUN! The graphics, the special effects, the mechanics... everything just seemed like a dream!  In spite of that, I only picked the game up and played it about a year later, thanks to a Steam sale! And to keep things short, I ADORED it. It was a bit too short, but everything else was spot on, and even better than I thought it would be from what I saw at GDQ! But that’s sadly a review for another time :(  Because I literally fell in love in this game, well... I thought “screw it, I’ve been morbidly curious for years now, let’s actually try a freakin’ Touhou game!” 

And so, after some research I’ve learned that the sixth game - the first one released on Windows PCs! - was the one that served as inspiration for Luna Nights as a whole - its characters, music, stage aesthetics and more! It just seemed natural to settle with this one~

How did it go? What did I think about it? Well, that’s why we’re here: those are my thoughts about Touhou VI: the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil.

Now for a pointless history lesson: as I said earlier, Touhou 6 was the very first game published for Windows PCs, all the way back in 2002! The five previous games were actually exclusive to a Japan-only machine, the NEC PC-98, a line that prevailed strongly in Japan before Microsoft conquered the world. As such, it’s really the first game that’s still relatively accessible today, as PC-98 emulation is... not really a stable thing yet -_- So even though this wasn’t quite true, it’s as if I started my journey into Touhou with the original! And once I started playing, I was honestly surprised at one thing once I hit the title screen: this game actually has lots of options to make the experience easier or harder!

I know that being able to change your starting lives, starting bombs, choose your overall difficulty and such isn’t groundbreaking at all, but honestly? I didn’t expect things to be so customisable in a bullet heck game series - a genre that’s known for being merciless to players! I did decide to go on Normal to have the “intended” experience, but things aren’t as daunting as you may think!

This game also allows you to play as not only Reimu, the poster character of the franchise, but also Marisa! Both of these girls also boasts two different weapons each, with their own strengths, weaknesses and bomb attacks! Again, I genuinely did not expect so much breathing room even though looking back... I feel like I should have : P

Once I actually started playing the game itself, there’s yet another thing that surprised me: the difficulty curve... it’s... manageable??

Now granted, I’m a person that plays a *lot* of games, and on top of that, I play lots of action games as well, games that require quick reaction times, good pattern reading and so on so forth. So there’s a chance my judgement on the game’s difficulty might be wrong or biased... but to me? Embodiment of Scarlet Devil actually has a good difficulty curve! The first stage of the game has many enemies that can shoot many bullets, but they’re slow, predictable and relatively easy to avoid because you have lots of space to maneuver around! On that same train of thought, Rumia, the first stage’s boss, certainly doubles down on the number of bullets she can throw at you. But, their patterns are once again pretty slow and predictable, making things much more comfortable at the start of your adventure!

But hold on a minute here, how does this game actually plays? Well, this is where I need to let out a horrifying truth:

Touhou is actually really, REALLY fun.

At first it does seem like a pretty standard shooter: you shoot at things, dodge bullets, collect power ups to boost your weapon’s strength, and make sure you don’t die too much in order to reach the final boss in good shape. However, what I ended up loving about Touhou are its many, many mechanics that spice things up beautifully! The first one I wanna focus on is “Grazing” and it’s actually pretty simple: if you do your best to get close to a bullet or a laser without touching it with your (very small!) hitbox, you graze that bullet! Not only will a satisfying sound effect play out each time you graze something, you will also gain points each time you do this maneuver, making it essential for a high score, and especially, to gain extra lives faster!  Secondly, there’s bombing! I am totally repeating myself here, but while each character has a different kind of bomb to their disposal, they each function in relatively the same way: you get to launch a strong attack against your opponents, get invincibility frames, and on top of that, get rid of any bullets that are currently on the screen! I love bombs in this game because they create a great balance: you can totally use them for offensive purposes, buuuut they also serve as a great defensive clutch if you just find things too difficult at the moment.  Bombs even have two extra layers to them! When you will get hit and lose a life (and believe me, you will) your bombs will get refilled back to three, urging you to not hoard them too much even if you’d prefer to save them for a tougher part. Because if you die, you might just “waste” bombs in a way! However, here’s an advanced kicker: if you manage to hit the bomb button just as you are hit by a projectile (8 frames within death I think!) you not only are able to save yourself from losing a life, you also won’t lose a bomb at all, either! This is a very difficult trick, but a very cool and potentially important one if you plan things out in the heat of battle ^^

Then there’s a mechanic that, to my knowledge, got introduced in EOSD: the POC, as in Point Of Collection! Now, as you destroy the many enemies after Reimu or Marisa, they naturally drop many power ups and point icons, and because there’s many of these you’re bound to miss them. However, this is where the POC comes in: if you are at full weapon power, you will earn the ability to collect every icon on the screen! This makes sense and is actually very smart, because most players - myself included - tend to hug the bottom of the screen as bullets are more scarce and slower here. BUT reaching that POC close to the top of the screen is a great way to incentivise players to risk things in order to get a massive amount of points and gain extra lives way faster! And finally, as soon as you do reach that max power, the game will automatically wipe every single projectile off the screen, so it’s even possible to time when you’ll get your final power boost to make things easier on yourself!

All of those mechanics together make Touhou EOSD a pure joy to play! It’s simple on the surface but has such interesting mechanics and risk-reward elements that can push you out of your comfort zone, but never forces you to! And sure enough, I got addicted~

Even though I did say that the game had a good curve and started off not too difficult, it does not mean that your journey will be easy: even early game bosses such as Cirno and Meiling took me lots of practice to get consistent at, by studying their patterns and testing out which strategies worked the best for survival. And eventually, even Patchouli and Sayaka’s stages will test you out with lots of predictable-yet-deadly bullets to test out your screen reading skills and even reflexes.

Touhou may be more accessible than I thought, but do not be mistaken: on Normal, this game will still challenge you, and I absolutely love it for that <3 

Another thing that helps this game out is - please pretend to be surprised - the music. Touhou has always been known for bringing some very good tunes all around, but besides Luna Nights’s incredible soundtrack, I actually never got to listen to any of them besides Bad Apple and one fanime opening my bestie sent me one year ago. And well... it’s true!

The game uses some very artificial, even out-of-tune instruments for its music, but strangely enough, it REALLY works! It gives the music a very nostalgic, warm feeling that’s hard to describe, but it works so well at making those songs catchy as all heck! It also helps that the compositions themselves are pretty strong and surprisingly complex for its genre, too! I would pick a favourite theme to show off, but the soundtrack’s just really consistent and good all around!

Sadly, I mostly cannot say the same for the game’s presentation. This game is a PC app from 2002 and it sadly somewhat shows. I’ll even bring a special mention to the in-game portraits, which are hilariously HORRIBLE! Thankfully dedicated fans have made a patch to improve the game’s visuals so that they’re more in line with later titles, but at base it’s really not the prettiest gem visually...

...except for the spell cards, the bosses’s strongest attacks, which are genuinely gorgeous multicolored motives that will struck you in awe before you are inevitably destroyed by them, it’s great! My favourite is the one you get from Meiling’s mid stage encounter, pictured above!

Before wrapping up this long, long post, I do wanna add this: the game will unfortunately only give you the good ending only by playing on Normal and above, and only if you beat the game without using any continues. This is called a 1CC, or 1 Credit Clear. Even if I don’t think the bad ending’s actually that unsatisfactory, I did want to get better at the game! So I practiced for many hours a day for a couple of weeks, memorized each boss’s patterns, learned where to graze, when to optimally reach the POC to get as many points as possible... this game pushed me to get better with an incentive, a reward waiting at the end, on top of the satisfaction of simply cheesing what used to be so difficult at some point and... well, I think this is the proof of a well-crafted game right there. After many failed attempts, I finally managed to 1CC this game (pictures below!!) and it was, genuinely, one of the most satisfying moments in my gaming life <3 

So... yeah. I might be a Touhou fan now. Welp.

Touhou VI: The Embodiment of Scarlet Devil was such a pleasant surprise for me: I expected a game I’d find somewhat boring at best and frustrating at worst, but I ended up having a very, very good time, and honestly? It’s not as hard as you’d think it is! You can beat a Touhou game, so long as you are interested in practicing and getting better, and I promise it’ll feel rewarding in the best of ways <3

I just wanna say thank you to Luna Nights and Team Ladybug, because without them, I would have never been curious and then surprised by how cool this game is. Thank you <3 

And many thanks to you, the reading, for staying until the end! Thank you for reading!

[rhmg-au]

Prequel part 1.

Thinking of some endings for the final confrontation, would try to get them out once I complete the prequel first.

This AU belongs to @rhmg-au . Please follow them, reblog their art, give them fanart, support them in any way possible, etc.

TW: Torture, blood, gore, restraints

(Mod Swanno: Edited with the read more option due to length and content!)

Eyes fluttered rapidly in the dark, the aching pain ran rampant throughout his entire body, the tears in his uniform exposing his skin to the coldness in the room from the lack of heat inside. Two figures seem to be in front of him, chatting with one another.

He let out an involuntary groan of pain, causing the two to turn to them. They look familiar.

“Awake already, Price? Thought you’d be knocked out for at least for few more hours.”

At that statement, the memories flooded back to him, as if he was in the sea in the middle of a big storm, only he was alone on a boat, the lighting and crashing waves wanting to throw him off the only thing keeping him from drowning.

The fighting, the snapping, the discovery.

———

A knock was heard on his door, he was in one of the rooms made for soldiers who needed to rest after a tiring mission or just stay for a break from their duties. His mind was wandering in its own little world, trying to think of ways to get rid of that monster he calls his general, he’s not noble anymore, after what he witnessed him doing to a Toppat, though he is a criminal, it was still so cruel to strip him of his memories and forcefully turn them to their side, and how it was carried out was…too brutal to watch or even hear for that matter. How could he live with himself after such a heinous act?

Those thoughts were carried to the back of his mind when that sound caused by a hand repeatedly hitting the door from the other side to get someone else’s attention inside.

“Rupert? May I come in?”

It’s him, it’s time to play the role of the actor again.

“You may, general.”

Galeforce entered the room as soon as the request to come inside was approved by the soldier, closing it behind him. His smile looked so normal that no one would ever guess that he did so many terrible acts behind that mask.

“What is it you need, sir?” Rupert asked, straightening his posture, and making sure to wipe his face clean from any form of an expression full of hatred. He cannot reveal his true feelings towards the man, or anyone for that matter. They can be loyalists to him, blinded by their duties to ever consider siding with him. No one is safe to talk to about his issues.

“Are you…actually loyal to the government, Mr. Price? I was informed by Dr. V that you were acting quite strange these past few days, and she has a suspicion that you’re a traitor.”

These words caught Rupert off-guard. They knew? How…how could they know? He thought he hid it so well, concealed it from everyone, how, just how?! Did someone snitch on him? “I, I am loyal sir. I was just thinking about my next missions those past days is all.” He was praying that he would buy it, he couldn’t risk to be found out of his resent. He knew it wouldn’t be anything but bad.

“Then tell me…do you know about the latest piece of technology we developed?” What was that supposed to mean? Naively, he shook his head, realizing too late that he made a crucial mistake by doing that.

Galeforce’s smile contorted into a smirk, one that is full of malice. That never meant good, at all. “A device that allows us to know who is lying by just hearing their words and their tone. Think of it like a lie detector, but a better version.” He took out the little gadget, the design was rather basic, just a square shaped piece of metal with antennas sticking out, a screen was visible with lines rapidly going up and down. Such a simple yet complex device. And it’ll be used for an occasion like this. “It’s still in the alpha stages, consider yourself honoured since you’re the first one we’re using to test it.” He took a good look at the lines. “And would you look at that, judging by the way the lines are moving, it detected that you’re lying.”

“No, no sir, are you sure it’s just a misinterpretation? An error?” Rupert knew that he was screwed, yet he still tries to deny it. Anything to get him out of this situation. Anything.

“Sorry to say, Price, but Dr. V told me these lines represent when someone is lying. It is no bug for sure.”

That was the answer he was dreading to hear.

“Now, do you remember what happens to those who are traitors? Or, for you, a potential traitor? You have quite the disdain for me, and that leads to backstabbing.” Galeforce pocketed the device, that grin turning sadistic now.

There was nothing left to hide. He saw through his facade, and now he has the information that he harbours distaste for him.

“You really think I would let something like that slide? What you did was absolute torture! How could you consider yourself to be human after what’d you done?! He may have been a Toppat, but you didn’t have to go to the extreme! What the hell is wrong with you?! Did you even think about how the Toppats feel?! That you took away someone who was so valuable to them, both personally and usefully, did you ever consider that?! Tell me, was there a time you even felt some sympathy?!” He couldn’t contain his rage anymore, he had to snap. It was in there for too long for him to ever hold it back, he may hate the Toppat Clan, but even he couldn’t deny that what Galeforce did crossed the line.

Galeforce didn’t responded, instead he took a step forward. Then another one. His face blank, showing no emotion, no care, no concern, no astonishment, no happiness, only apathy. Before he eventually leapt out and attacked him, like a wild animal would when it sees potential prey.

Rupert didn’t hesitate to fight back, both of them knocked to the ground. He raised his hand to counteract the opposing one ready to strike, catching it in time before it could land a hit on his face. Immediately afterwards, he caught the other hand that threatened to finish what the other arm wanted to begin.

“You could’ve been a valuable soldier here, had you not raise this hatred inside of you.” Galeforce taunted, ripping his hand out of his grasp and grabbed his hair that still stuck out from his hat, pushing his head forward.

“What was I supposed to do? Watch you turn someone into a relentless slaughtering puppet to do your dirty work? That isn’t how anything should go!” Rupert gave him a hard punch, directly on the nose. He wasn’t sure if he broke it, but blood poured out from the openings, a good indicator to confirm his suspicions.

Galeforce didn’t get knocked out, though the sudden punch to the face disoriented him for a few seconds, giving the resentful soldier enough time to rip himself out of his grasp and push him off, making a break for it to the door.

He didn’t make it, because of course he didn’t.

He was yanked back by his uniform, the grasp so tight and so harsh that he felt the cloth made to create this suit tear, and before he knew it, he was thrown against the wall, black starting to tease around the edges of his eyes from how hard his head hit the concrete.

“It’s the least I could do, trust me, I would do much worse.” Blood dripped down from his nose, staining the floor with the crimson substance.

“I don’t need to see them to know you’re a horrible person. I’ll beat the shit out of you and I’ll expose you and your heinous deeds.” Rupert shakily got up, it was rather hard when you’re close to blacking out from a strong hit on the head, but it was manageable.

“Still being cocky as ever? That’s biggest downside to you, always so certain you can do everything no matter how impossible it may seem. How cute.” Galeforce’s smirk increased in size as he approached him, taking him by the neck and lifted him off the ground, feet barely touching the floor. The soldier threw his hands onto the wrist of the general, suffocation is very likely if he was not released soon.

“It’s…not impossible…to get you…dismissed…” With his windpipe blocked, air couldn’t get inside to his lungs, affecting his breathing and speaking abilities.

“Dismissed? Why, so many ridiculous ideas run through your mind these past few days huh?” Galeforce released his grip on Rupert, letting him fall to the floor gasping for breath for a moment.

“They’re…logical…not ridicu…lous…” Regaining his strength albeit a bit slowly, he threw his fist at the general, aiming for his chest. The sleeve on the arm of his clenched hand was caught, yanking him to his feet so violently that another tear was made in his uniform, as well as causing pain to his arm due to how hard it was pulled, almost out of its socket. It took all of his willpower and gritting his teeth to not scream from the pain travelling up the limb.

“You must be forgetting that I’m a general, the public believes me as a good-intentioned nobleman who brings criminals to justice. Nothing can ever convince them otherwise.” Galeforce brought his face close to the soldier’s, letting him see that wicked grin close up, which only succeeded in letting his glare darken. He took ahold of his arm, tightening the grip instantly, as an attempt to prevent escape.

“Not if I get evidence, your acts are inhumane, no one deserves a fate like that.” Rupert spat, bringing his knee up and kicking him right in the stomach, using all of his strength in that one blow.

This action caused Galeforce to stumble back, releasing his grip on his arm in the process. Taking this opportunity, the soldier opened up the door, running out of the room. He needed to get out of here, now.

The attempt at escape didn’t work, as the general caught up with him easily, sending him crashing to the floor as he felt a heavy weight fall onto his body, He looked up, the black around his eyes more prominent.

Before his irises could see who was there, even though he already knew who, a fist collided with his head, causing the void in his eyes to finally take over.

The last thing he remembered before blacking out were these words:

“Really thought you could get away? Now, you’ll face the consequences.”

———

Everything was made clear now.

“What is this place?” His voice sounded weak, probably from the lack of water. “Are you going to robotize me like Green? Is that it?”

“No, something much worse. But now that you mentioned it, it would be a great idea. For now though, we have something else planned.” Galeforce answered, that grin so sinister it might as well be considered taking a spot on the most evil smiles list, if one was created that is.

“I would like to turn you into walking weapon, but I still need to monitor Green for the time being. Consider yourself lucky.” Dr. V added, sharing the same smirk as the one on Galeforce.

Rupert tried to throw a fist in either of their faces, but when he did, his hand never moved. Instead, he was greeted with the coldness of a metal cuff holding his hand down on one of the arms of the chair he was sitting in. It’s likely his other wrist was also in the same state as his left one. Though it should’ve been expected, it still shocked him. He was being restrained.

“Oh, I forgot to mention that you aren’t going to be able to leave. You’ll spend the rest of your days here rotting away while we make you realize just how stupid you are to doubt my acts of protection.” Galeforce informed, as if the feeling of the bindings on his wrists weren’t made clear to him enough.

“Protection?! You call that protection?! You hurt someone beyond the point of acceptance and you call that protection?! What the hell is wrong with you?!” Despite his throat hurting after such an outburst, Rupert called him out on that statement of absurdity. Still thinking he’s a hero after everything? Even criminals don’t deserve that happening to them.

“It’s for the greater good. Besides, would you want a cyborg to be roaming free with those crooks?”

“He’s still human!”

“Criminals aren’t humans if they don’t have morals.”

“And you aren’t human if you feel no sympathy for them! Think about the hardships they went through that forced them to turn to crime and we never noticed! If anything, it’s the government’s fault!”

“…Dr. V, do your work.”

“Yes, sir.”

The blonde took out a pair of surgical scissors from her lab coat, walking over to the soldier, who is now struggling in the cuffs that held him in a one spot.

“Let’s begin the lesson, shall we?” Dr. V said, holding the surgical scissors over his face for a moment before snipping a part of his skin with them, blood immediately dripping out from where she made the cut.

Rupert grounded his teeth together, not wanting to give either of them the satisfaction of hearing him in such pain. He knew it would only bring more trouble if he gave them the reaction they wanted to hear, so no screaming. Just endure the pain all enough for something else to occur that causes them to leave. Like boredom or duties.

When no strong reaction came from the soldier, Dr. V dug the blades of the scissors deeper into his flesh, sliding it along slowly and painfully, intending to stop at his cheek if no signs of a scream comes soon. This was only the beginning. The next stages are much, much worse.

Despite the fiery pain growing inside of him from the scissors digging into his skin, Rupert still didn’t give them what they wanted out of him. His teeth were gritted so tightly together to suppress it the best he could. Blood started to leak into his mouth, that metallic taste made clear from the get go. He has to stay strong, this wasn’t the worse thing that happened to him. Seeing Dave getting fired and him going missing were much worse than experiencing torture…

Nothing, no reaction. “You’re stronger than you look. Impressive, but not too impressive.” The doctor pocketed the now bloodied scissors back into her lab coat, the remains of the crimson substance staining the white colour of the garment. She then took out a scalpel, this time instead of his face, she targeted his arm, plunging the sharp edge of the blade onto his shoulder.

The soldier bit down on his bottom lip as to let his teeth rest from the pressure they were under from grinding against each other for so long. Blood slipped out from the bottom lip due to how hard he was biting down on it, the metallic taste more prominent now.

Dr. V’s face contorted into frustration. “Don’t bother trying to hide your pain.” She advised, taking the scalpel out from his shoulder, that crimson substance affecting colour of the metal to make this surgical tool, now just like the scissors sitting inside of her lab coat. She clenched her hand into a fist and made it collide with his cheek, the one that isn’t soaking with blood from the cut. The force in the punch was hard, bound to create a bruise.

Rupert felt his head snap to the side momentarily, causing him to quickly look back to the woman in front of him. “How do you call this revenge if you only really want the Toppats?”

“Anyone who sides with Toppat Clan is called revenge.” Dr. V answered, making an incision on both of his wrists as he spoke, acting and speaking nonchalant about it. “I told you, masking your pain would make things worse. Cooperate with us.”

“You just need to give him a little push in the right direction. As I said before, he’s as stubborn as Green when he was a Toppat.” Galeforce said, his first words in a while.

“And how do you suppose we shove him where we want him to go?”

“Allow me to handle it. I’ve known him for quite a while now.”

The general stood in front of Rupert after Dr. V backed away. He leaned in close to him, whispering something in his ear, his breath causing a shiver to run down his spine. Surprisingly, his eyes widened at what was said, horror written all over his expression.

“Y-you, no you couldn’t-”

“Don’t worry, I trust him enough. But if I find out he’s been going behind my back…”

“Don’t you fucking hurt him! It’s me who you’re mad at, so just do whatever the hell you want with me but leave him alone!”

“I will take action if that’s the case, and what can you do in your current state?”

“This.” Rupert lifted his legs up and slammed them into Galeforce’s chest, the general taking a few steps back due to the impact. Man that hurt…

He looked up after a few seconds, Dr. V coming by his side to check if he had any injuries, pocketing the scalpel beforehand. “Chain his legs too. I’m not letting this happen a second time.” He checked his belt and took a pair of handcuffs from them, handing them out to her.

Dr. V nodded hastily, snatching the restraints quickly and cuffed the soldier’s ankles to the legs of the chair, despite his trashing interrupting some of the progress. “There we go.”

“Someone will find me here, and you’ll regret all of your actions.” Rupert promised, the glare so dark you could probably see a shadow brooding across his face. He’d struggled for a little bit more before giving up, the burning pain playing a part in why he stopped.

“You are in basement of lab, no one knows of this.” Dr. V said, immediately crushing any hope that he may have. Green most likely doesn’t know of this too. “Let’s continue now, shall we?”

Before she could pull out the blood covered scalpel however, Dr. V was stopped by the sound of beeping. “One sec.” She took out the communicator she brought down here, in case of the event someone made a call to her while they were doing what they were doing.

“Hello, this is Dr. Vinschpinsilstien speaking, how could I be of service?”

Rupert saw this as an opportunity, an opportunity to get outside help. It doesn’t matter who it is, the Twins, Victoria, Hayden, Charles or even Green, he can get out of here if he just yells at the communicator. He hated asking for assistance for anything, if he had to be honest, but at this moment, he needed help, he can’t escape by himself.

He was about to shout, to scream, to cause a scene to get the attention of whoever is there, but at the last second, his mouth was harshly covered by Galeforce, both hands were on him to block out his cries for help. Still, he called out anyway, muffled by the hands on his mouth, barely creating any noise.

“…Ah yes, I will be at the lab Green, just come along and I’ll attend to you.” The line cut off soon after Dr. V finished her call with the cyborg.

The opportunity passed…gone.

Galeforce released his hands from Rupert’s mouth as soon as the call was finished, allowing him to take in deep breaths and finally talk properly. “I’ll…I’ll scream down here and…Green will hear me. It doesn’t matter that he’s rewired, he will notice that something’s wrong with me down here.”

“And that is why you shouldn’t speak so soon.” Dr. V said, taking a piece of cloth out from her lab coat, using it as a gag as she wrapped it around his mouth, muffling his words once again. As soon as she finished tying the knot, she and Galeforce left for the door, opening it up to reveal stairs, his only way to freedom if he can get out from this stupid chair. Light temporarily pouring into the room as it was opened up, but soon it was closed, denying any  light from projecting itself into the room, leaving him in the darkness again.

What now?

———

Every passing day was torturous.

Literally.

Beating after beating, his blood spilling out from his system, eventually creating blood stains on the floor, chair and his uniform. The smell of the dried up crimson substance still lingered.

Any cry for help was muffled from the gag, guaranteeing that no one could ever find him here while Galeforce and Dr. V continued to teach him the lesson.

Every gash, every bruise, he even got some broken bones some days.

Whenever they went away, he cried and cried to himself, tears mixing in with the dried blood that stains his face. His spirit breaking down everyday. He still held onto hope, but it seems his grasp on it is fading away slowly.

“Someone…please…find me…I can’t hold out for much longer…”

[curiosityjams]

re: iz*one

first of all, i wanted to say i didn’t plan on writing something about the disbandment. the past few months have been incredibly rough on my mental state to the point where i feel as if i’ve lost all sense of self. shit has been so rough for me, their disbandment being confirmed made that even worse for me. however, i realized i need to learn how to be okay with like...being open about my own emotions in a time of uncertainty and writing them out helps me in a way even if a lot of those emotions i’d rather keep private. i’ve also been going thru a time where i’m currently reevaluating this past year and everything i’ve done/felt in the past few yrs (2.5 of those years being izone’s run), so i thought i’d write something about the disbandment and what iz*one means to me, esp during this point in my life. i’d write more about what led me to this point, but if i did, i’d end up writing a whole novel, so i’m just going to keep this as short as possible.

also if this is a jumbled mess, i’m sorry!!!!

since we’re here to talk about the inevitable, i just wanted to say that i’ve probably had a harder time accepting them being gone than i thought. i knew they were gonna disband eventually bc lol produce group, but also, knowing what happened with the voting scandal and the panasonic, it makes it even worse for me. i hate that they didn’t even bother to handle their disbandment in a way that wasn’t complete horseshit. i hate how the pandora screwed everything up. i hate how we didn’t even get a proper goodbye from the girls. i knew that this was going to happen, but i fucking hate how it all turned out. i can’t say i’m 100% happy with the ending and honestly, don’t think i’ll ever be able to fully accept that they’re no longer a group. 

that said, i’m not here to vent.

while i’m obviously upset that they’re gone, the fact that they were ever a group to begin with--i’ll forever be grateful. i avoided getting into them for the longest time because of my own trauma from being involved in the 48 fandom (smth i’ll talk about at a later time bc it’s a lot), but the moment i decided to watch their “up” performance and actually give them a chance beyond looping la vie en rose, that’s when i fell in love. i fell in love with the music. i fell in love with the visuals. i fell in love with the bond between the girls. most of all, i fell in love with the fact that during a weird transitional period in my 20s, i found a group that gave me the closure i needed in a time where it felt like the world was against me while also giving me the strength i need to move on. 

while we’re on that topic, let’s talk about kwon eunbi.

as you already know from my url, eunbi is obviously my bias. she’s the leader of the group, under the company my ult group, lovelyz, is also in, and THE absolute all-rounder. she’s extremely talented, super fucking funny, a babe of THE highest order, and the best single mom you could ever ask for. every time i watch a video of iz*one’s or look at any of their pics, i’m always in absolute awe of her. while i love all of the girls (j-line has a very special place in my heart bc of my time in 48 fandom) and do consider the entire group to be one full of bias wreckers, it’s eunbi that instantly caught my eye and the one i’m incredibly proud to call my ult.

“now, drea, why is it that you’re taking so much time with talking about how special this group and that girl are to you?” well, it’s mainly because that eunbi and i are the same age (both 95-liners, but i’m older by 2 months) that i’m so drawn to not only her, but the group as well. yeah, it’s normal to be drawn to members born in your birth year, but for me and esp in this case, it’s far more complex than it seems.

around the time i got into the group, i was (still am) going thru a quarter life crisis. i had just finished my a.a., was a few months away from turning 24, and had pretty much decided i was going to take an indefinite hiatus from twitter due to the amount of harm its done to my mental health over 10 years. i felt like shit knowing that so many people my age were living their lives, getting married, having kids, etc all that shit while i felt as if i was frozen in time and like i could never accomplish any of those things because according to society, my time was up. as a woman on the autism spectrum, i never felt like anything i did was enough and knowing that even after years of trauma, the feeling that if i don’t have my entire life sorted out by 24/25 scared the living shit out of me. knowing that a panini happened made those feelings even worse. 

i know it’s weird to like...feel so many emotions over this esp since 23-25 is young and starting your career out at that age is normal. that said, knowing how eunbi was already in a group prior to joining iz*one that ended up disbanding months after they debuted, the road she took to get to where she is now, and the fact that she’s 25/26 and will get so many chances to start over is what gives me hope after such a shit year. i can finally get to where i want to be, i’ll graduate from university, i’ll hopefully get a job that will earn me enough money to move out of my mom’s house, i’ll find love, etc who the fuck knows what’s going to happen? i hate that after years of hating myself and being afraid of getting older because people often have this mentality that you should abandon all sense of yourself once you hit your mid 20s, it’s taken me THIS long to actually start accepting myself for who i am and living my life for myself, but i’m excited to see where the fuck life takes me after years of self-hatred, trauma, and trying too hard to please ppl that don’t give a shit. seeing eunbi just have a fucking blast on stage, take care of her members, and overall be the amazing person she is gave me the strength i desperately needed to actually get to the path i want to be on as someone that’s a few years away from turning 30.

as i said earlier, i’m not ready to just outright accept iz*one being gone. i’ll probably spend the entire month of may just watching their content since there’s still a shitton of stuff i have yet to watch and i’m lowkey embarrassed that as a fan, i’m admitting this, but also: there’s no time limit. i can always watch that video at another time, i’ll like that pic later, etc. i wish iz*one was one of those things that had no time limit because i’ll always cherish them, but in the 2.5 years of their existance, i achieved some big things and survived a pandemic. i left twitter, got closure in chapters i needed closure in, finished my a.a., etc among many other things during that time and it’s partly because of iz*one that i’ve pushed myself to do all of those things. it’s hard esp since it’s easier to just write smth like this on tumblr than actually do it, but the girls and their music were part of the reason why 2020 wasn’t a complete dumpster fire for me. 

most of all, i wanted to write this because i wanted to shout-out the amazing folks at @izonetwork​. i joined super late in the game, but the convos i’ve had, the laughs we’ve had on discord/among us, etc i’ll never forget it. meeting all of you was one of THE highlights of an otherwise shitty year and i’ll always credit you as one of the reasons why i wasn’t completely emotionally distant during such a dark time. all of you keep me grounded and i’m forever grateful. super honored to call you guys my friends. <3

so yeah, thank you iz*one. thank you, eunbi, sakura, hyewon, yena, chaeyeon, chaewon, minju, nako, hitomi, yuri, yujin, and wonyoung. i don’t speak korean or japanese, but know i’m eternally grateful for all the joy, strength and bops you gave me in the past 2.5 years. i’m even more grateful for the friends i’ve met thru my own fandom of the group. i’m excited to see what every single one of you does next regardless of what it may be. 

now if you’ll excuse me, i have to go catch up on all the enozis i’ve missed. 

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

[despair-ninja-everything-agency]

Land of The Unnamed: A Concept

Believe it or not, rebrowsing Beksiński's artwork inspired me to think of an FFXIV raid based on his artworks (the paintings more so than the photographies or the photoshops). Given that, beside Edda's story, I don't see straight up horror elements borderlining eldritch beings (Sky Pirate raids came close with Void Ark and its Giger aesthetic) so I kinda want to think of something a little different.

Elaborations under the cut:

The Concept

The concept of the raid itself is a bit different than the traditional 24-man alliance or 8-man normal raids in that it's more like the 4-man dungeon run instead but with more miniboss or, alternatively, zero boss dungeon but with significantly strong "trashes" than the traditional 3 boss per dungeon and a more open world feeling environment. However, there's a duty closer to a trial but with a more dynamic environment than the usual circular stage most trials tend to have, naturally with a more complex mechanic as well. As of now, I can't decide whether to make the dungeon section and the trial section into one continuous duty or making them separate but I'm leaning toward the former since doing the latter would make it too similar to a normal dungeon and/or trial duty.

The amount of duties in this raid will be 6 duties, twice as much as an alliance raid line but half the amount of a normal raid line.

While player can do it with other players with the Duty Finder, it's also possible to do it like a Trust or Squadron in that it's with NPCs instead of other players.

In lieu to the story I would elaborate below, the questline would render the player unable to return to the rest of the open world areas. In exchange, there would be some sort of hub areas within the world of the questline where you can do non-combat sidequests, gather stuff, uncovering mysteries from puzzles or riddles, rest, buy stuff, etc. So you still have something to do in the areas while not having to worry about stuff like buying potions or crafting armors and weapons.

In the same vein, given what will happen to the player in the story, there would be some sort of interface screw in that player can't see anything but darkness and their surrounding is "seen" with literal echoes (think of a bat's echolocation).

The Story

In an ambiguous timeframe, the Warrior of Light suddenly gets transported into an unknown world alien to them. Worse still, Hydaelyn's blessings somehow wont reach them there, leaving them without the protection of the Crystal. While roaming, they met with 3 other people who are similarly trapped in there, 2 in which are not a species the WoL familiar with (one is a burly Roegadyn-like man and another a small goblin-sized boy) and one is a Midlander Hyur girl... at least that's what she looks like but she reveals she doesn't know what a Hyur is.

So the four of you tries to find a way to get out of there, searching high and low and occasionally slain the horrific creatures they meet if they feel they threaten them.

It is then discovered that one of them has to sacrifice 3 of their senses to escape the alien world they're in. Neither want to do so, including the WoL. However, the first trial renders the WoL deaf, leading to them becoming the unwitting sacrifice. Along the way, they start to lose their sense of sight and sense of touch (the "Hyur" girl helps them when they lost the former) each from the subsequent trials. Despite that, there's no exit in sight. The group become frustrated - the WoL moreso since their loss seems like it's for naught - until they met a mysterious man under the moniker of Bezimienny who leads them to a building filled with impossible maze-like structure despite from the outside it's nothing but a thin and tall structure. In the greedy and/or desparate attempt of escaping, the other three unknowingly (or knowingly?) left the WoL alone in their disabilities. However, the managed to get out despite it. How did they managed to get out depends on if you have DRK job unlocked or not (not necessarily having to equip the job).

If you have DRK job unlocked, the WoL's heart seems to resonate into one direction which is getting stronger and stronger until they mentally hear Fray's voice in their head. He helps them using another means to identify their surrounding (the aforementioned literal echo, representated by an red outline of Fray spamming Unleash and creates red circles centered from him that outlines the room they're in) and they exploit it to lead them to the exit.

If not, while it's not stated, the WoL implied to have simply stumbled into a field filled with grave stones. The maddening voices in their head (presumably from the dead corpses in the graves) almost drive them crazy but due to them standing their ground, they finally can "see" their surrounding (again, the aformentioned literal echo. This time only the echo outlines coming from the WoL themselves without Fray initiating it). They use it to their advantage and finally able to get out of the maze.

After that, a mysterious voice cryptically congratulates them. At the same time, the WoL finally regain their lost sense back. When asked what happened to the other three companion, it is revealed that they're separated and lost within the maze, doomed to never escape it and slowly turned into the denizen of the nameless land (WoL don't seem to be purturbed because they left them to fend themselves in the maze while having lost 3 of their most crucial senses). The voice then task them with one last trial: climb up the waterfall flowing from a frame held by the one holding the frame. Despite the difficulty, they manage to do it and finally returns to their world with seemingly no time has passed since they went to the alien world.

(Finer details, like the background of the 3 companions beside that they're not from Hydaelyn or any world of FFXIV, will not be discussed for now. Just the general story)

The Creatures

(Oh boy, I saved several Beksiński paintings just for this. All paintings courtesy of Zdzisław Beksiński himself)

I could say every creatures ever existed in Beksiński's art appear here but several special mentions. Firstly, the first boss.

The idea of losing senses came when I'm thinking of this dude as a boss. In the following cutscene after his defeat, he blows his trumpet again very loudly and WoL have an unfortunate position of being right in front of him, rendering them permanently deaf (well, not permanently per say but you get the idea).

Another is this dude(s).

They're either a trial boss or an end dungeon boss. Their gimmick is that while in the first phase and last phase they attack as one entity, the phases in between has them separated (though some may still clumped together) and fight the party members individually. The ghost faces also don't come out until the last half of the fight.

Then there's this little guy.

Undoubtly a "trash" mob, with several of them scattered through the dungeons either in small groups or just by itself.

I could list everything in his paintings but I figured it would be to exhaustive to list.

The Drawback

I'm very aware this is not without drawbacks. One thing for sure is that the locked area system would be pain in the ass especially if you want to do something else (that is not within the locked area, they can only do so much) while waiting for duty to pop up. Another is that the proposed 4-man raid system would be no different from normal dungeon run and the first 3 ARR primals' 4-man trial.

Lastly, the matter of copyright even if this can be circumvented by not making it too obvious to be a carbon copy of Beksiński's work.

If you read it till this far, then thank you for reading. The idea is just a burst of inspiration (not helped it's originally very WoL!Cole centric), so it's not very fleshed out. But regardless, I might want to expand on this if I had more to say.

[dotthings]

After 15.07 ended I had to sit there crying for about ten minutes, marinating in my Dean feelings. So that’s how things are going here.

[[MORE]]

Dean sure is drinking a lot. Oh sweetie. Sure he’s fine. He’s just fine. Perfectly fine. It’s not just Cas weighing on him but Cas is gone yet still out there. But away from him, and he’s feeling alienated from Cas, and Dean’s got this existential crisis about the meaning of his whole life, and he’s just not fine.

Domestic Sam and Eileen cooking together in the bunker kitchen and acting like they’ve been married for 15 years or so I CAN’T EVEN. Those moments of domesticity are important to give this story texture. It’s never going to be all about cooking in the bunker kitchen being adorable but these are complex characters with layers and whole lives and soft marshmallow centers underneath their harsh, monster-hunting shells and I LOVE IT.

Dean likes Eileen (and she made bacon, thus winning a thousand points) and the only point during these scenes Dean showed really any lightening of his burdens was seeing Sam and Eileen together and teasing Sam about her. He just wants Sam to be happy, and Sam is worried about Dean, and oh my heart *squishes them*. “That’s progress, right?” Sam tells Eileen all hopeful, because Dean went out on a hunt. Oh Sam, honey, Sam you know better than that but you want Dean to be okay as much as Dean is posturing to be okay so you’re trying to roll with it. Dean fleeing from his life into a hunt isn’t really a good sign though.

When Dean finds Lee, it’s the first time all season we’ve seen him all the way through happy. I’m not sure I’ve seen Dean look that kind of happy well...ever. My heart is SHATTERING HERE. It’s like this is the Dean that could be, if circumstances had been less brutal, if the monsters, and heaven, and hell, and God himself, had been less brutal, if his mom hadn’t died when he was four, if John had been well...not the way John was to him, and even with all that, the capability is still in Dean, that sense of joy in being alive, in being open.

This ep is kind of underscoring how important different kinds of relationships are. No matter how much I love the relationships of Team Free Will, none of them can be all the things for each other, even if it’s three instead of just two. Eileen and Sam’s rapport shows it in this ep and Dean’s rapport with Lee shows it. It doesn’t mean Cas and Sam are less important to Dean. And I think Dean and Cas really belong together and are suited, if they can climb over being their own worst enemies, and Sam and Dean are Sam and Dean, but Dean and Lee have their own thing too and it BREAKING MY HEART SEEING THIS.

Oooh Eileen makes her move and Sam seems interested and—-LOLOLOL Cas cockblocks Saileen.

Sam is so damn pissy about Cas not getting back to him I am loving it.

“Yeah, I got better.” This should be a crest on a stone shield over the bunker door at this point, everyone in it died at one point or another...but then they got better.

Cas IMMEDIATELY demanding “Where’s Dean?”

He’s so put out that Dean isn’t there akdlfjkl;asjg;lahf even though Cas doesn’t want to talk to him right now. WHERE’S DEAN. The song of the Castiel.

Dean assuming that Lee probably died after they lost touch because “I mean that’s how this usually ends” is the most hunter most sad thing ever.

But no he didn’t die, he retired and bought a bar, he’s living Dean’s Rocky’s Bar dream and everything hurts.

So Eileen realizes that whatever Sergei is planning to do about Sam’s God bullet wound is a bad idea, while Sam and Cas jump right in because they just want to get Chuck and of course it goes badly. This is peak Team Free Will dumbassery. Eileen is such a reasonable, sensible voice here but it doesn’t stop them.

Cas finally calls Dean on purpose because Sam is hurt, I mean nothing brings bickering husbands together like mutual worry over one of their kids. Also Cas is so distressed about Sam, maybe he wants Dean there, it’s almost not quite a flip on Dean praying to Cas needing Cas there personally when he’s scared for Sam.

“If you don’t help me tonight I will find you and burn you alive.” Fierce Cas protecting Sam. I’m all tingly.

So Dean asks Lee “who’s going to kill the bad guys”

“Somebody else” says Lee.

At first, Lee’s ideas about retirement sound like not a completely terrible idea, there is more to life than hunting, and maybe Dean should have the chance to explore that. Oh and it sounds like this friendship with Lee was something Dean had while Sam was an Stanford and I have so many thoughts on that, those years are left unfilled in by canon, we can only surmise and piece together. The idea that Dean was fully lonely the entire time, completely lost without his brother...maybe not so much. Much as it was also hard on Dean having Sam leave him and John behind so completely and I’m sure it hurt. But here’s the thing, they spent years apart, and both had their lives, and this look into a friendship from Dean’s past, while Sam had Jess...interesting. Again, gee it’s like more than one relationship in people’s lives matter.

Eileen looking after Sam who is suffering from a wound “down to his very soul.” Eileen’s worried little face. Cas’s worried face.

Okay okay I knew Lee could turn out to be evil, I knew that, I still shouted NOOOOOOOO. Figured ahead of time this ep could go one of three ways. 1. Djinn dream and Lee wasn’t real 2. Lee is real but good 3. Lee is real and was a friend but turns out to be a betrayer or a monster or dies (ooh fun times we went with a triumvirute on number 3)

I was actually getting annoyed at Cas for trusting Sergei in the first place but then Cas, the tactician, the smart ruthless angel, is holding a captive over Sergei. He knew Sergei might screw them over all along and was prepared.

Eileen pinning Sergei angrily up against the wall by his throat, threatening him for Sam’s sake. SAM THIS ONE IS A KEEPER.

Also Eileen reminds me a lot of Cas. They can both be soft but have this ruthless streak, this warrior fury that comes out.

Oh welp here we go, Lee let the darkness eat his heart. He wasn’t turned into a monster, and he doesn’t do it for greed, it just...ate him up, all he wanted, after his trauma, was some peace but there are costs too high and he gave up what was good about him to get some minor good fortune, his dream bar.

“If evil like that exists int he world, guys like you and me, we aren’t ever going to win”

“No one’s innocent”

“Are we owed a little happiness”

“Good or bad, the world doesn’t care. No one cares, Dean.”

So while Dean is facing this existential abyss about whether anything he’s done, all the trauma he’s gone through, had any meaning, because he found out God was outright manipulating events around him his whole life, on purpose, for entertainment, there’s his old friend, someone Dean clearly connected strongly with and cares about, spilling his own abyss out onto the table in front of Dean and the abyss in Lee is a lot darker and danker and rotted than Dean’s, and Dean’s the one who has to contend with actual freakin’ GOD screwing him over, personally, his whole life.

“Well I do.”

This is probably where I started crying during the episode, because of Dean. Because of all the trauma, all the losses, all the unimaginable horrors he’s faced, including his own inner demons, and he never gave up and he never lost his caring for the world and for others. He often doesn’t care much about himself but he never stopped CARING. And his spirit and his heart are as fierce and butt-kicking as his monster-fighting and hand-to-hand combat skills (I so enjoyed this bamf Dean fight scene) and that is why I love Dean SO SO MUCH.

*pauses to cry again*

“I am you. That woke up and saw the world was broken.” But Lee doesn’t know that Dean knows the world is broken. He knows eactly how broken the world is, how literally broken, that it’s just one of Chuck’s many drafts, and how uncaring Chuck the creator really is. It doesn’t get more world-breaking than that, and Dean knows, and IT DIDN’T BREAK DEAN. Lee’s projecting, he just can’t understand how someone who is like him, who’s witnessed horrors like what he’s witnessed, isn’t broken the way Lee is. But Dean is Dean, he isn’t Lee.

“Why do you care so much Dean?”

“Because someone has to.”

Oh hey because I haven’t made this post painful enough yet with Dean analysis, let’s take a look back at 2.20 What Is and What Should Never Be (transcript courtesy of superwiki)

“All of them. Everyone that you saved, everyone Sammy and I saved. They're all dead. And there's this woman, that's haunting me. I don't know why. I don't know what the connection is, not yet anyway. It's like my old life is, is coming after me or something. Like it like it doesn't want me to be happy. Course I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball but... "So go hunt the Djinn. He put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right?" But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? (begins to cry while talking) What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad?”

But Dean is way past this, he’s gone through that stage of questioning and come out the other side. He tells Lee nobody owes him anything. He isn’t owed a reward. He just cares because he does and that’s...well, that’s kind of how life is. As fans, we talk about what our favorites deserve, and of course they deserve some peace and happiness. But that’s not always how it works...still they can keep hoping and we can keep hoping for them. The story isn’t over.

Whereas Lee, when he asked those questions about “why us, why do we have to be the heroes” came out the other side completely broken and corrupt.

The way Dean’s eyes went dead inside when he had to stab Lee. Like a light went out in Dean as Lee died. The contrast between that and his light-hearted pure joy at seeing his old friend again. JUST STAB ME TOO OKAY

Oh my goodness Dean’s return to the bunker and that awkward awkward face to face with Cas and neither of them seems angry any more even but there’s so so much negative space between them and Dean seems like he wants to maybe bridge the gulf but now Cas shuts Dean out, cuts him off, and walks out of the room, a flip on what Dean was doing in eps 1-3 to Cas. And the STARING oh my god the staring. Despite their problems, despite everything, Dean and Cas have a powerful bond and bonds don’t have to be trouble free and perfect to be good ones. They’re going to fix this, if they can climb over their walls and their issues and find their joy together. Because they are both worth it. They are also similar. No matter what’s been thrown at them, how much suffering, how much trauma. Cas, like Dean, keeps getting back up, and hasn’t lost his caring. “Too much heart was always Castiel’s problem” and it’s actually Dean’s problem too and by problem, for them on this, we actually mean great big asset.

Both of them, Cas last week, and Dean this week, undergo something separately that shows them why they have to get back into the fight, and not run away from everything (or each other, I think, that’s tacit). “If I stay here nothing changes” Cas said in 15.06. Cas was able to prove to himself, for himself, that he could save people, that he wasn’t an entire failure, and Dean went through an experience in 15.07 that jolted him to connect with his own sense of caring again, to feel the meaning in who he is and what he does, and how much he cares. Despite Chuck’s nonsense, he still cares about everything, so much it hurts.

[anythingandeverything1d]

Falling (part 2)

 Part 1: https://anythingandeverything1d.tumblr.com/post/615981743290400768/falling

You looked at your watch, the concert was in a few hours and you instantly ran upstairs to get ready, fighting back the logic your brain warned you about and following your heart. You tore your closet open looking for the perfect outfit, but for what occasion. For the first time in months you softly smiled and let yourself think about the possibility of Harry. The nights that you missed so much, his soft hair in your fingers, his dimples, the way he kissed you, the way he laughed and told horrible jokes, all of it. “Ughhh” you moaned leaning back against the wall. “What am I getting myself into?”

30 minutes later and you had thrown almost every article of clothing you owned onto your bedroom floor. You had decided on black skinny jeans, a white crop top, and your hair had been thrown into a half bun (one of Harry’s favorite looks on you) “ugh what have I actually become” you mumbled to yourself while putting on some hot pink lip gloss and grabbing your jacket off the door. You grabbed the envelope with the tickets and opened the door revealing your friend. She looked you up and down with a suspicious glance. 

“Where are you going?”

“Uhh nowhere...”

“Nowhere?”

“Yep, I better get going..” She grabbed your wrist and stopped you. “You're going nowhere looking like that? Really? You expect me to believe that...” You glanced at the envelope quickly and nodded trying to continue out the door. “Whats this?” She took the envelope from your hand and peered inside. “Oh my god. You are not. Theres no way you are going to Harry’s concert..”

“I need to. Okay. I need to know. I need closure.” You ranted on a quick explanation of seeing him at the gas station and the note on the back of the ticket and sighed. “You don't understand...I need to go. I need to move on.”

“Fine then we are going together. There’s no way Im letting you make a stupid rash decision when he bats those eyes and smiles at you. Nope. If you're doing this, we are doing it together.” And with that you smiled, grabbed her hand and pulled her to the car. 

Harry’s POV:

Harry was pacing the dressing room. His mind was moving a million miles a minute but yet everything was focused on one thing. You. He was sweating, so nervous about what the night would bring. He had specifically chosen the pink suit you had picked out for him so long ago. Paired with the black button down he wore on your first date. He picked the outfit specifically for you tonight and he hoped it would work. Of course he hadn’t ever stopped thinking of you, but seeing you at the gas station had sealed the deal. He needed you back in his life. Even as a friend. He knew he had screwed up. It had only been a few months without you but he was crumbling slowly. He was the one who fucked everything up. He hadn’t been present in the relationship for a while. He had dragged you along for the journey. He would leave and not call or text. And then there was Sarah. He never wanted to cheat but after drinking too much it had happened and of course you had been there to see it happen. Sarah was great and Harry had flirted for a while...but there wasn’t a spark. There wasn't anything that was there when you were in his life. He knew the moment you said goodbye that he had ruined the best thing in his life. He got lucky his show was in town tonight and even more lucky that you still lived in the same apartment complex. He left the tickets and passes but had no idea if you would even show up. He just prayed. “Please (y/n)...please come...I need you..” he mumbled with his head down.

“What?” Mitch asked walking in.

“Nothing.” Harry said looking up. 

“Well 20 minutes till showtime.” 

“Okay. Hey is there anyone backstage looking for me or anyone using a backstage pass left in my name?” Harry asked anxiously.

“No. Not that I know of anyone. Who are you expecting Styles..a girl?” He wiggled his eyebrows and laughed as Clare, Sarah, and Adam walked in.

“Oh what’s going on. What are we teasing Harry about now?” Clare asked.

“A girl.” Mitch answered. 

“Shut up guys.” Harry mumbled looking at Sarah. She had agreed friends was better and he was glad because he felt nothing but that. It was still a little awkward though. “Let’s just go. It’ll be great right? We can do this.”

Your POV:

You and your friend has pushed up to the front where the seats were and you were shaking you were so nervous. Of course everyone acknowledged you as you walked in so it took forever to find your seats but luckily the lights were dimming as you sat down. Smoke rolled off the stage and everyone cheered. You stood up slowly feeling a little light headed. You looked up and he was there. His head down. His pink suit. Hair pushed back in a wave and a small smile in the corner of his mouth. It was too much. You pushed back a few rows to where you were no longer visible and sat down collecting yourself. You just listened to the music. He was amazing. His album was amazing...of course you already knew that because you had listened the moment it was released. He really was a super star. You were proud too because he had waited for this moment for years. 

Towards the end of the concert Harry had begun searching the crowd with his eyes. Scanning row by row until he found you. His green eyes locked on yours. His mouth slight parted and his breathing was heavy from the last song. He curved his mouth up into a smile, his eyes never leaving yours. “There’s a song I’ve been working on. I decided tonight to play it. I hope you all enjoy, Ive worked hard on it.” He nodded to the band behind him and the music started.

“I’m in my bed. And you're not here. And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands. Forget what I said. Its not what I meant. And I can't take it back. I can't unpack the baggage you left.” His eyes never strayed from yours. You knew what was happening. There were a few songs on the album about you, but this was different. Your eyes clouded with tears and you couldn't breathe. “What am I now, What am I now, What if I’m someone I don't want around. I’m falling again, I’m falling again, I’m falling.” Harry broke eye contact and looked down. Pouring himself into the words of the songs. You sat on the floor and put your head between your legs trying to breathe. Your friend was rubbing your back. Harry got to the end of the song “What if I’m down? What if I’m out? What if I’m someone you won't talk about? Im falling again, Im falling again, I’m falling.” And with that he bowed and ran off stage. The crowd of people slowly began clearing and you were able to breathe a little better. 

“Want to go home now?” your friend asked still slightly concerned at how pale your face was. You shook your head and stood up, pulling the backstage pass out. You ran to the guard and showed him before following him back. It was only a minute before you saw the pink suit. It stood out in a crowd very easily.

“Harry Edward Styles!” you shout, tears already forming in your eyes. He turns quickly and looks at you slightly stunned, and you continue forward pointing a finger at him. “What the hell was that?” You asked. He looked unsure of what to say. Finally he looked at you and sighed.

“That was my new song. What else would it be?” He sarcastically replied.

You didn’t know what else to say. You just stared at him, your nostrils flaring and his eyes intently watching your every move. Your friend came forward and grabbed your hand. “Come on (y/n), you don't need this.” She gently pulled you towards the door. 

“No.” His hand went out and grabbed your other wrist. “We need to talk.” He looked you in the eyes. “Thats why you're here right? Why else would you come?” His tone was harsh and you had no idea why. You looked at him and then at your friend. Your head was spinning again and you felt like you needed to sit down. You reached for the floor and felt yourself falling . “(y/n)!” Harry’s voice now very concerned shouted. Your eyes fluttered close and you hit the floor. 

Harry’s POV:

Harry didn’t know why he was being mean. He felt angry that you came back just to attack the song he had written about her. That he had poured so much energy and emotion into. When you had looked at him, he saw a slight fear in your eyes. You were scared of him and he didn’t want that. He saw you reach for the floor and your eyes close. He knew this, you were fainting. It was something that had happened a few time in the past. Scared him to death very time. This was no exception. He tried to catch your head and cushion the fall. You had hit the floor and he had immediately pulled you onto his lap and rocked you slowly. “(y/n) wake up...youre okay. Just please open your eyes...” He touched his forehead to yours and breathed slowly.

“This is your fault Styles.” your friend remarked kneeling next to him. “You overwhelmed her. You shouldn’t have even given her tickets. You nearly killed her two months ago. You don't even deserve the chance to speak to her.”

“(y/n)...open your eyes. You’re okay.” Harry ignored your friends comments and hummed softly, his eyes closed and his head against yours. 

Your POV:

Your eyes slowly opened and you heard a low and soft humming. Your head was pounding and you were acutely aware of arms wrapped tightly around you. You looked up and saw anxious green eyes staring into yours. Harry let out a shaky deep breath and moved his head back. You awkwardly climbed out of his arms and attempted to stand. You wobbled a bit and he immediately grabbed on and steadied you. You looked at your friend who was watching Harry very closely. “(y/n) can we please talk...alone.” he mumbled looking at your friend. You nodded your head, earning a sigh of relief from him. You looked at your friend telling her it was okay and let Harry pull you into his dressing room. He sat you on the couch and stood in front of you, running his fingers through his hair. “I don't even know where to start...”

“How about at the part where you left these tickets on my porch..” you grumbled watching him.

“I needed you here. I couldn’t get you out of my head after the gas station. It’s been so long...theres so much I’ve wanted to tell you but I couldn't because you blocked my calls.”

“Yeah because you cheated on me Harry. After 5 years?! You broke everything we had built together. All for some random girl?” You were annoyed but when you looked at him tears were falling down his cheeks and that made you sad. You didn’t want him to be upset. He had taken the jacket off and thrown it on a chair in the corner.

“I know....I know I ruined everything. It wasn't supposed to happen, it was a dumb mistake and I will forever regret it. The minute I saw you...I knew. I knew I had ruined the best thing in my life. There was never anything between me and her it was always just a drunk mistake. When you said goodbye I nearly lost it. I knew I would never love anyone but you. I haven't even looked a girl since that night. You're the only one I ever needed. I am so so so very sorry.I know I can’t take anything back but I need you. I can’t let you go, not again.” Your eyes were tearing up again and he reached up to wipe them away. His fingers rubbed my jaw and he leaned closer. You were suddenly very aware of him, his smell, everything. You leaned closer breathing faster and his lips cautiously met yours. You gave in. You fell against him and his hand pulled you unbearably close. He kissed you in a way that made you drown in him. He made the kiss deeper, adding more force and biting down on your lip. You moaned, opening your lips more allowing his tongue inside of your mouth. You sat up and ran your fingers through his hair, playing with the curls at the base of his neck while he trailed fingers up your back. If you died right now, you would be content. This moment was everything your body had been aching for the past two months. You grabbed the buttons on his shirt and went to pull it off. He pushed you back onto the cushions of the couch, your legs wrapped tightly around his waist. “Fuck I missed you (y/n).” He breathed into your ear before biting the soft skin on your neck. Yikes that was going to bruise for sure...

“I missed you too Harry” you managed before turning his head and bringing his lips back to yours. He kissed you like his life depended on it. Like there was nothing else he needed but you. You matched his energy. He had your shirt pulled almost over your head when there was a knock at the door and in walked a girl. She looked familiar..the hair... Harry looked up, his cheeks bright red. You sat up, pulling your shirt down and looking from her to Harry. 

“Sarah.” Harry managed while trying to catch his breath. “Is everything okay?” He looked anxious. 

You looked at her again and it hit you. “Sarah?” You looked at Harry again with pain in your eyes. 

“(y/n)....wait. It’s, It’s not what you think..” He grabbed your hand as you stood up. 

“She’s in your band?” You were crying again. Sarah was uncomfortable and moving towards the door. 

“Im going to go...I’ll catch you later Harry.” she left closing you back in the room with Harry. You turned toward him. 

“Really?” You said again looking at him.

“Like I said before, she was a mistake. I was drunk, she was drunk and that's all there is. There is absolutely nothing between us. I swear.” He stood up and walked towards you again. “(y/n), love, theres nothing between me and her. Its strictly work related.”

“Did you kiss her after we broke up? Did the two of you...” You asked staring at him. 

He looked down and shifted uncomfortably, giving you your answer. You wanted an answer though. “Harry. Did. You. Have. Sex. With. Her.”

“She kissed me...we...we just.... The next morning. But I swear I broke it off after that. I told her the truth. There was no feeling. There was nothing. You're all I could think of. I promise on my mums life there is nothing between us. There never will be.” Harry grabbed your hand and pulled you into his arms. He held you while you cried, rubbing your back. 

“I can't do this right now Harry. I really can’t. I...I need to go.” You pushed him away and walked to the door. Turning one last time you looked at him, his eyes shining with tears and you left. 

---------------

What do you guys think?? Part 3?? Let me know! xoxo

[razieltwelve]

First 7 Win Draft! (MTG Arena)

In Magic: The Gathering, I’ve generally been better at constructed than draft. However, with the way MTG Arena is structured, getting better at draft was something I wanted to do.

So, over the past couple of months, I’ve been saving coins and even using gems to do drafts to try to improve. The first month was pretty awful. I’m not going to lie. The fact that I was also rare-drafting to help fill out my collection didn’t help either. It was also a way of mitigating my losses since I tended to be awful, so at least I’d walk away with some rare cards even if I bombed out. And there were most definitely drafts where I bombed out.

But I kept at it, and I started studying more. I read draft guides; I looked at tier lists; I practiced on Draftsim; and I watched a lot of more skilled drafters in action. I found the videos by Nizzahon Magic to be especially useful since he talks a lot about why he drafts the things he does or makes the plays he does, and I felt we had a similar approach to the game in general.

I also had to get used to the different rhythm of draft. When you’re playing constructed, just killing everything is an option because you can build a deck with enough removal to do that. In draft, you’ll basically never have more than a few pieces of removal, so you have to use them sparingly. Likewise, your threat density in draft is so much thinner than in constructed, so you have to be much more aware of how you manage your creatures. That 2/1 or 1/3 isn’t something you can throw away, and you’ve got to really shepherd your fliers and other evasion critters because they might be the only way you can get damage through later.

Today, I finally managed to get to 7 wins in premier Zendikar draft. 7 wins is special because once you get to 7 wins, the draft ends, and you get the highest level of rewards possible. I’ve never done it before. I’ve gone 6-3 a couple of times, but each time I stumbled on the final match. Not this time.

But let me set the stage...

I started off by doing a Theros quick draft since I wanted to get some drafting in, but I didn’t want to spend any gems. After drafting what I felt was a very solid deck with plenty of playable and more removal than I ever thought possible, I proceeded to go 2-3 after getting horribly mana screwed twice and getting run over by someone with a playset of Iroas’s Blessing and the sort of hyper aggressive B/R deck that you dream of drafting. Seriously, that deck was incredible. Looking at my deck, I thought it would go at least 4-3, but it just wasn’t to be.

I was a little bit aggravated by that, but at the same time, I was also very happy with the deck that I drafted. I thought it was super solid. I just didn’t get much help from the shuffler, and I ran into the equivalent of a rocket-propelled freight train. So I thought... why not give premier draft a go? My recent drafting attempts had managed to garner me a decent quantity of gems, and I had a good feeling about it since I feel I’ve got a better grasp of Zendikar draft than Theros.

So I paid up my 1500 gems and gave it a go. Of course, since I’m me, I decided I’d do some rare-drafting as well. 

The first pack wasn’t bad. I opened a Haggra Mauling for a super easy first pick that was also a rare that I wanted. I also picked up some nice playable like Shepherd of Heroes and Malakir Rebirth although I hadn’t settled yet on a colour to pair with black. About halfway through the pack, it became clear to me that black was relatively open since I was able to load up on plenty of mid-range (in quality) stuff to help round out the pack. I also dipped into red after Roil Eruption and Cinderclasm came by while white only had a few playables, but nothing as good as those two cards except the angel.

Pack two began with me picking the Mankindi Throne (yes, I know it’s draft garbage, but I needed it for my collection...) and finding out that red was getting cut by somebody else. I was a bit surprised since the Roil Eruption and Cinderclasm had gotten to me late in pack one, so I’d assumed red wasn’t taken, but I got nothing out of red from pack two. With red cut, I switched fully to white, which seemed to open up as a Canyon Jerboa and Felidar Retreat made their way to me mid-pack. At that point, I was questioning the sanity of some of my fellow drafters because I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Felidar Retreat go pick 7 before. That card is completely nuts and requires basically no commitment from your deck other than you have some plains in it. 

Despite only committing properly to white in pack two, I was extremely relieved to be able to pick up some solid playables for it. I even managed to snag a second Shepherd of Heroes, which had me feeling even better about my decision to switch from red to white.

Pack three began with some more good luck. I opened a Squad Commander for an easy pick, and there were suddenly some clerics available to help fill out the party sub-theme I had going. I grabbed a couple, and I must have sent a strong enough signal because a Cleric of Life’s Bond wheeled and made it’s way into my deck. I didn’t have enough for a full on cleric deck, but I had enough clerics + incidental life gain that I thought I could make it work. If nothing else, I did need a two drop to fill out my curve. Getting a Mankindi Stampede in pack three was great too, and I was pretty certain that, at most, only one other person was drafting white because I was getting some goodies in the mid-to-late pack that I wouldn’t be getting if more people were in white.

My deck ended up being a BW mid-range deck that used clerics and a party-sub-theme to get through the early game and put on some aggression before landfall stuff (e.g., Prowling Felidar, Dreadwurm, Canyon Jerboa, and Felidar Retreat) combined with my fliers stabilised and took control of the game.

It did not start well.

In fairly short order, I was 2-2 with my two losses being just brutal and my two wins being close fought. At that point, I was already consoling myself with the fact I’d managed to snag quite a few rare cards during the draft, and at least I’d get some gems back (albeit not many) for winning twice. I told myself that I just had to focus on getting one more win since three wins gets you most of your investment back.

That fifth game was extremely close. It basically came down to me surviving an onslaught of aggression and trading creatures until I finally managed to slam Felidar Retreat onto a basically empty board. Felidar Retreat then did what it does best, and I basically out-valued my opponent the rest of the way.

From there, I played three more close games. Seriously, the games were tight, and I don’t think I’ve ever played better in a a draft. I won all but one of them with barely any life left after always going second (I think I only went first once the whole time), and there were a stack of complex decisions to make about how to use the removal I had and about when to trade and when to just take damage. The only easy game I had was the one in which my opponent got stuck on three mana, and I drew like a boss to just run over them with Canyon Jerboa shenanigans.

The last two games were nerve-wracking. In the game for my sixth win, I was up against this white-green party build. The early game was basically me getting punched in the face over and over again as they curved out like a champ and used three copies of Practiced Tactics to blow me out. After the second one, I thought, there’s no way they can have a third... and they did.

The pivotal moment in the game came when they went in to attack with their entire team, and I was able to engineer a situation that resulted in my team trading for theirs thanks to a Practiced Tactics of my own on a key creature. With the board clear, I was able to find my fliers, and they soared over for the win.

In the game for my seventh win, I was again on the back foot early. I went second, and the opponent was playing this awesome three colour landfall build with a party sub-theme. I was knocked down to 10 life in a real hurry as his landfall creatures outclassed mine, and I couldn’t find good spots to trade. I even got stuck on four mana for a bit. Finally, though, I found a Shepherd of Heroes and Felidar Retreat to stabilise with the lands to make them work. Unfortunately, they had a Territorial Scythecat, a Canyon Jerboa, and a bunch of creatures on their side with a Seagte Banneret threatening to pump their team. 

The game stalled out, but the biggest moment came when I could have played a spell on my turn but elected not to because I wanted to bluff a trick after showing him a combat trick earlier. I didn’t have anything, but the game was so close that I felt sure they wouldn’t attack into five open mana with three cards in my hand.

They played Mind Drain. In my hand were two cards that I didn’t super need... and my one copy of Mankindi Stampede. If I had played a spell, I would have been forced to discard it since I’d be left with only two cards in hand. Instead, I got to keep it, and I was able to gradually add to my board even as he forced through damage using Angelheart Protector to make his gigantic Scythecat indestructible. 

Since they weren’t in blue (they were running BWG), I knew that if I could just get enough creatures on the board, then my Stampede would win me the game. Unfortunately, I stopped drawing lands, so I couldn’t keep using Felidar Retreat to go wide, but I did draw a few creatures. However, they were drawing plenty of creatures themselves, and that Scythecat just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

At this point, with the board basically stalled out, I had a slight edge since I had the only flier on the board. I was slowly but surely chipping away at their life total, but then they made their move. They had played a Tajuru Blightblade earlier, but they’d kept it back to dissuade my reasonably large Prowling Felidar from cracking back at them. That’s when they drew a Taunting Arbormage.

I knew exactly what they were thinking. The kicked Taunting Arbormage would force everything to block the Blightblade, so that when they swung with the rest of their team, I wouldn’t be able to block, and I’d be dead.

There was just one problem: I was holding my Practiced Tactics in hand.

I blew up the Blightblade and started assigning blockers. The end result was me being alive and them without any blockers left to stop my counter swing for lethal. Once the dust cleared, they conceded, and I had my seventh win.

I might have done a little dance around the room when I realised that I’d finally gotten it.

7-2. 

Not bad. And the six packs I got as part of the prize? Solid hits on all of them.

Best night on Arena ever.