#((it's just that dorian is unused to the change and has run off; probably overwhelmed by everything around him))

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"I thought I saw Erika dancing with Father!" June smiled delightedly as she and Callahan returned from the dance floor themselves, June leaning down to kiss her granddaughter's blonde locks, saying softly, "I hope you had fun out there."

"Perhaps I'll get a chance to dance with you, June?" August asked with a small smile, at which his daughter squeezed his shoulder, saying, "Maybe this evening-it looks like the band is taking a bit of a break for now, and the other dancers are relaxing a little. But tonight after dinner, I'd love to dance with you again."

"Maybe I could steal a dance from my grandson too?" Josephine asked with a little smile, turning to look at Randall, whom smiled back rather shyly, saying, "I-I'd be honored...Grandmother."

Gosh, it was so strange to say-to think, he was sitting beside his mother's mother, his grandmother! A woman he felt like he knew, on account of the portraits he'd seen, the recipes he cooked and baked from notes written in her hand, the afghans and blankets made by her that he'd held and admired...it was surreal, in a way, to finally be acquainted with someone he'd never met, yet felt as if he'd known all his life.

[daihell]

Home Chapter 8

It’s been a long time since Elden had been to Ostwick. It may have been his home, but he has very few fond memories of the place. He never really wanted to go back there, but it looks like he’ll have to one last time. At least Dorian will be at his side. He'll need the support when he is forced to face his family. Read more AO3

Content Warning: mentions of childhood physical and verbal abuse in the third section.

They were sitting at a table outside a small cafe, reaching across to each other so they could hold hands while they spoke. They’d already finished their breakfast, but they were so caught up they’d lost track of the time. Dorian was leaning on his elbow, distracted by the way the bright morning sunlight played across Elden’s hair, the slight curls ruffled by a gentle breeze.

“What is it?” Elden asked, squeezing his hand gently. There was a knowing glint in Elden’s eye however and suddenly Dorian wished there wasn’t a table between them so he could pull him closer. “Is there a reason you’re smiling at me like that?”

“What can I say, I’m feeling sentimental,” Dorian replied. He hadn’t even realized he’d been smiling to be honest, but then Elden was as smiling back and it was quite the sight. “I love you.”

Elden’s slight blush at that was glorious, especially with the way his face lit up, his smile growing even wider as if he couldn’t have been happier than he was in this moment.

“And I love you,” Elden replied with what must have been all the affection in the world.

Dorian couldn’t help but be caught up in the moment, unable to look away from those gorgeous eyes. There had been a time not long ago when all of this would have been so overwhelming, perhaps even terrifying, when Dorian couldn’t even call what they had ‘love’ for fear that giving it a name would spell its end. It could still be overwhelming at times, the past was a hard thing to shake, but more than anything he loved Elden and would do anything to make him feel the way Elden made him feel. When someone came by to clear away their dishes they were pulled out of their moment, smiling sheepishly at each other.

“Let’s get out of here,” Elden said and Dorian was all too eager to follow.

They were walking aimlessly, hand in hand, just enjoying their morning. Elden seemed mostly back to his old self today, more composed and relaxed, no longer threatening to fall apart at any moment. Dorian couldn’t help but be proud of him. He’d faced his past and hopefully now he’d be able to find some peace. Elden brought their hands up, placing a kiss to Dorian’s knuckles as they walked and Dorian couldn’t help but smile fondly at him.

“I have an idea,” Elden said, glancing over at him.

“Oh?”

“Growing up, Dez got fed up with our mother and we ended up running away from home,” Elden began.

“Well, you certainly have my attention, starting off a story like that. I had no idea you were such a rebel.”

“It was all Dez, I assure you,” Elden said, chuckling. “I was just along for the ride.”

“And where did you end up going? I can’t imagine you mother was particularly pleased about this whole situation.”

“Since the Tourney is such a big thing here,” Elden explained. “There are training camps all over the Free Marches that kids can go to in order to learn under warriors who had competed in the past. Usually they were retired, but it was still fairly prestigious. To be honest, mother is such a big fan of the Tourney that she probably would have jumped at the idea to send us there, but we didn’t want to take the chance that she might say no so we simply left. She was furious, of course, but there was no way she could drag us home without causing a scene so she let us stay.”

“That seems like quite the gamble.”

“I suppose, but we were both being smothered at home,” Elden said, looking down as he remembered that unpleasant time.  “We needed to get away.”

“That’s definitely something I can understand,” Dorian said, bumping Elden’s shoulder with his own and squeezing his fingers. Elden smiled at him and it was nice to have that back. “So, what, we’re going to go pay one of these camps a visit?” “Even better,” Elden said with a grin. “The kids all gather to compete in sort of a junior league nearby. There should be one happening this afternoon. I know it isn’t the real thing, but do you want to go watch?” “I would love to,” Dorian said. “Just as long as you point out all the events you participated in. I want all the details.”

Dorian sat behind Elden on the horse, arms wrapped around his waist as they meandered down the path. It was a pleasant afternoon and Dorian tightened his grip on Elden. This was what he had hoped this trip would be like; just the two of them, exploring the good parts of Elden’s childhood, seeing the way his face lit up as he reminisced. And having a pleasant ride along the countryside, seeing the landscape and wondering if this had been a place Elden might have played, climbing trees or playing games with his sister. And as they rode, Elden shared more of his past.

“Being at the camp was-- it was amazing, honestly,” he said, sounding adorably excited. “I was free from my parents’ control for the first time. It was so liberating. Well, honestly it was a bit overwhelming. I made friends, though, and I enjoyed the lessons. It’s why I ended up becoming a Champion for the Inquisition after all. I loved it here so much.”

It was so nice to see Elden remembering happy memories for once. And Dorian was so glad that he had had this place, that he was able to find joy and safety here after seeing everything he had to endure.

When they arrived, they dismounted and left the horse with a stable hand and headed off to see the festivities. Hand in hand, Dorian watching the excitement on Elden’s face more than the actual surroundings. Elden was overjoyed, explaining the different attractions. Spending a day wandering around, watching events and talking, hearing Elden laugh, something he hadn’t heard nearly enough in recent days, made Dorian reflect that this must have been the perfect day.

“I love you, amatus,” he said, overcome with emotion, placing a kiss on Elden’s hand.

Elden smiled radiantly at him, placing a quick kiss to his cheek. They couldn't help but seek out some solitude, to steal some time alone. There were plenty of structures, smaller buildings that housed the children staying there or held supplies, and bigger ones that served as classrooms among other things. They ended up wandering behind the tiered seating behind a currently unused ring. They walked slowly, no real path in mind, just enjoying each other’s presence, talking and laughing quietly. Dorian was about ready to pull Elden close when he heard someone call out to them.

“Well, well, well! Look who it is.”

It was disturbing what just hearing that voice did to Elden. His entire body language changed, stiffening up as his expression twisted into a mask of fear, looking as if he was near ready to bolt, sending Dorian a panicked look. Dorian stepped close, hand on Elden’s back, and he seemed to compose himself. Dorian could still feel him trembling ever so slightly and he tried to ask Elden what was wrong, but he shook his head.

“If it isn’t my little brother,” a man said as he came around into view. Ah. Brother. Dorian still didn’t exactly know what the deal was between them, but if it could make Elden appear like this-- “I heard you were in town but fancy meeting you all the way out here!” “What are you doing here?” Elden demanded, voice sounding surprisingly hard.

“Oh, you know, I work for the city guard now. Thought I’d come out here to see if there’s anyone we could recruit.”

Well wasn’t that repellant. “I had no idea Ostwick was so desperate that the city guards had to hire children.”

“Ah, you must be the Magister, right? I thought you people would be all for that sort of thing.”

“His name is Dorian,” Elden said and he sounded so furious. He took a small step forward, almost as if he was putting himself between Dorian and his brother, but Dorian stepped up with him, refusing to let him stand alone.

“All right then, Dorian, I’m Matheus,” he said, stance casual as if he hadn’t noticed the hostility. Truth be told, Dorian could definitely see the family resemblance. He looked a lot like Elden’s mother; blond hair, freckles, the works, although his build was much leaner. Elden was at least a head taller than him as well.

“Pleasure, I’m sure,” Dorian replied distractedly, trying to catch Elden’s eye. His first instinct was to start hurling fireballs, but he figured it would be best to wait until Elden gave him a signal. If only he would look at him.

“And I gotta hand it to ya little brother. I didn’t think you had it in you.” Matheus raised his eyebrows suggestively and Dorian just arched an eyebrow.

“What?” Elden said, sounding almost horrified.

“No offense,” Matheus said, raising a placating hand. “I only meant that you ended up doing pretty well for yourself. After mom and dad couldn’t marry you off--”

“That’s not why I’m with Dorian,” Elden said. He looked so tense, trembling in either rage or fear. Perhaps both.

“Whatever you say,” Matheus said with a smug grin and Dorian just wanted to get Elden out of here as soon as possible.

“I am quite the catch and as much as I’d love to stand around and talk about me, we should really get going,” Dorian said, stepping forward. “We were just about to leave, actually. We’re in a bit of a rush, you see.”

“Oh sure, hopefully we’ll get to catch up later.”

“Quite,” Dorian said, trying to keep the disdain out of his voice.

“Oh come on, lighten up, you two. No need to look so grim, we’re practically at a festival, remember? Although Elden never has been able to take a joke, isn’t that right? Always so serious.”

He reached out to Elden and Dorian didn’t even care what he was planning to do. He grabbed his wrist before he got anywhere close, holding it firmly, but Elden still recoiled.

“Quite the reflexes, you’ve got there,” Matheus said, looking up at him warily. “And the grip.”

“Yes, well, fighting a war tends to do that.”

“Right, well, if you’ll let me go I guess I’ll head out?”

“With pleasure,” Dorian said, standing fully between him and Elden as he released him. Matheus gave them both a confused look, but nonetheless turned to leave.

Dorian didn’t turn back to Elden until Matheus vanished around a corner. When he did, however, Elden was already walking away in the other direction. He entered a nearby storage shed and Dorian trotted after him. Inside it was mostly empty, the majority of the supplies currently in use, but what was there cast odd shadows across the floor from the flickering torchlight. He found Elden, arm raised and resting against the wall, hand balled into a fist. His head was bowed, obscured behind his arm, but Dorian didn’t need to see his expression to read him, to see the tension and barely contained panic in every part of him, to practically feel the self loathing in the slight trembling of his shoulders.

“Could-- could you leave me alone for a moment?” Elden asked, flinching at the way his voice wavered slightly.

That gave Dorian pause. Elden had never asked him to leave before. Sure, he would deflect and try to convince him everything was fine even when it clearly wasn’t, but Elden had never asked him to go.

“Not a chance,” Dorian said. He wanted to approach, to grab Elden and pull him close, hold him as tightly as he could until the trembling stopped. He didn’t exactly understand what was happening, but Elden was upset and honestly that was all he needed to know in this moment. Dorian closed the door behind him, emphasizing his determination to remain.

“Dorian please,” Elden said, sounding desperate as he finally turned to face him, his arm falling to his side like he had no energy left. His hand was still held in a tight fist and his eyes were on the floor, unable to meet his, and Dorian didn’t like that at all. “I can't do this. Not now.”

“That’s fine, but I’m still not leaving.”

“I never wanted you to see me like this. I'm not strong enough. I never will be. I'm nothing.”

“You know that's not true.”

“Do I?” Elden demanded, sounding almost frantic. “I thought I'd changed, I thought I'd gotten better, but being back here, seeing my brother again, I feel like I did when I was a child. I'm still the same person, aren't I? All this time has gone by and I haven’t changed at all. I hate this hold he still has over me. I’m so pathetic. I've fought dragons and gods but he’s still able to reduce me to this--”

Elden wavered and dropped to the ground, curling tightly in on himself as he covered his face, trying to smother the sob that escaped him, shaking uncontrollably. Dorian’s chest felt painfully tight at the sight and he decided to damn all caution and dropped down beside him, somehow managing to haul Elden into his lap so he could hold him close, barely aware that he was speaking, trying to sooth Elden any way he knew how as he sobbed, the dam finally opening.

It was heartbreaking and infuriating and Dorian once again contemplated burning the entire city down. He squeezed Elden tightly, wishing there was something, anything he could do. Elden had done so much, become so strong, and the fact that this place was making him feel weak when he was the strongest man Dorian knew--  

It was a long time until Elden quieted. They rearranged, Dorian leaning back against the wall with Elden curled against his chest. Elden felt limp in his arms and Dorian kissed his temple and just hugged him close. Elden brought his hand up to rub against Dorian’s and they just sat like that for a time.

“Is this what it was like for you?” Elden asked suddenly, voice rough from strain. He took a fist-full of Dorian’s robes and was just clinging to him as if he was afraid he might fall without him here. His left arm was pressed tightly against his chest as if he was in pain.

“What?”

“When you went back to Tevinter. Did it hurt?”

“I suppose it did hurt, in a way,” Dorian said. He ran his fingers through Elden’s hair and just pulled him closer.

“And I made you go through it alone. Maker, Dorian, I’m so sorry,” Elden said, finally raising his tear-streaked face and it broke Dorian’s heart to see him like this.

“Nonsense,” Dorian said. He wiped Elden’s cheek before pulling him close again until his head rested on Dorian’s shoulder. “I was the one who forbade you from accompanying me.”

“I should have gone anyway, I should have--”

“We are both remarkably stubborn, amatus. You can’t blame yourself for my pigheadedness. Besides, you were with me, in a way. You gave me the strength to get through all of it.”

“I’m sorry,” Elden said, voice muffled against Dorian.

“None of that, now,” Dorian replied, continuing to stroke his fingers through his hair. “It’s not your fault. And I wish you could see how incredibly brave you are just for returning here.”

“I’m not, not at all. I’m afraid of my own brother, I can’t even stand against him on my own.”

“Elden, you just did.”

Elden laughed bitterly. “That wasn't-- I would have let him walk all over me, it was only the fear of him turning on you that made me say anything at all. And even then you had to protect me.”

“Tell me about him.”

“My brother-- he has a temper.”

“I see,” Dorian said, feeling his own anger rising. “And what exactly does he do with this temper?”

“My mother thought I was too soft. She didn’t care when my brother started pushing me around. She thought it would be good for me. Even when he-- when he slipped up and bruised or broke something not covered by clothing, mother would simply call for a healer and warn him to be more careful next time.”

“Maker, Elden,” Dorian whispered, holding him all the tighter.

His own eyes stung with tears even as he glanced at the door, desperately wanting to go hunt that man down. Instead, he kissed Elden’s forehead. He looked so vulnerable, and the thought that Elden had suffered at the hands of another, his own brother even, made Dorian’s blood boil. It was heartbreaking and none of them deserved this man in their lives.

“I hate how easily I’m reduced to this. I’m more trouble than I’m worth, Dorian, why do you even--”

“Stop it,” Dorian said as gently as he could. “You are worth so much. Just to me alone, you are worth more than you’ll ever truly be able to grasp.”

Elden looked so small, curled in on himself as he was, and he kept his gaze down as if he were ashamed. Dorian’s chest twisted painfully seeing him this way and he would have given anything to reassure him, to prove to him how good, how important and wonderful Elden truly was. These old wounds, the things he endured in his youth, none of it diminished him in any way. How could it? If anything it simply proved just how strong he was. Of course Elden would brush all reassurances away though. All Dorian could do was hold him tightly until his trembling stopped, wishing desperately that he could ease even a small amount of the pain Elden felt.