#((im going to delete myself now by e))
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i hate being stressed about like. things that are actually stressful. normally i could be like "all is well 😌it will be ok no matter what" or whatever but i genuinely cant do that here. if i dont get this sorted out im genuinely fucked
#i dont know how much ive said here but im going to try and be as vague as possible so i dont like. accidentally dox myself or w/e#but anyways i got a VERY GOOD tuition scholarship outside of my college. i go to one of the cheaper schools in the area i go to school in#so it covers all of it#awesome right?#SHOULD BE. if my college didnt fucking DELETE the form somehow. fucking hello.#the scholarship emailed them. and then they DELETED IT.#and ON TOP OF THAT!#i had extra bullshit fees unpaid i had no idea about.#so i was almost not even cleared for move in.#that got fixed. but now i have to call fifty billion people and fix this problem#so i can. go to school and not go into debt#plus. ok. the scholarships i get from school are genuinely pretty good. but they split it up b/w room and board and tuition#so i need to see if they can move stuff around somehow bc i shouldnt need the tuition money anymore#and between that money from school. the other scholarships i get from school. the outside scholarships i have.#AND THE ONE THAT WOULD COVER MY TUITION.#i could go to school for basically free and not go into insane debt.#which is awesome. but if i cant get this one thing figured out! i cant!#and i move in IN TWO WEEKS. SO I HAVE NOT THAT LONG TO FIX THIS. YAYY#anyways fucking wish me luck im going to be calling a lot of people tomorrow. and next week.#thank u for the complaining sesh tumblr dot com blog that is my diary.#it should be ok it should work out but jesus christ its going to be bad if it doesnt.#personal
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#delete later#i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks#one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so#anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many#im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also#more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but#the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless#so fun#im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna#relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment#so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did#with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager#hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back?#fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream#also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what#is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy#one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t#for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ#i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda#think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun#we'll see!
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#ANYWAY LET ME COOK. im not a good chef but i can at least cook an egg lemme see what i got...
This is leagues ahead of Jo as per Substitute Father so I'm sure you'll do great <3 NOT TO SET THE BAR LOW... Arakawa POV part of that was sooooooo cute but I am of course VERY MUCH LOOKING FORWARD regardless of what you've got in the oven :] I think it's funny we always end up with roughly the same concepts but I just shoehorn RGGJo into it instead
DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THOUGH WITH HOW THE MARKETING FOR YLAD KEPT HAMMERING IN THE SON THING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER... BUT THE SCENE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT IS FUNNY and honestly half of the things Westerners [<- counting myself just this once] find funny in RGG apparently aren't intentional so what's one more
Substitute Father haunts me since i really don't like it but i also know that One (1) person really enjoyed it so i don't want to delete it SOOO the most i can do at this point is try to write something better as an apology and try to forget.. and hopefully let arakawa FPOV in a better fic..
BUT YEAH LMAO they really werent subtle bout it in retrospect.... teehee..
#snap chats#i dont like saying hate but I Do Hate a lot of things i make and i do go back to delete a sum of them#even if its like. Fine or whatever i'll just become overburdened with shame or embarrassment and i'll want it gone#i wanted to delete that fic before you saw it so im sorry you happened upon it#i wouldve deleted it sometime later but. then i saw people like it and i know i always go Aw Man when i cant find a thing anymore so..#here's to.trying to do better. even if i have no faith in my ability to write#its why i do comics and w/e..... less thinking involved... it comes easier to me...#if i sit here thinking about it anymore ill give myself an Actual Real Stroke LMAO so moving on#funny we have similar ideas :) idk what you have in mind but still lmao..... small world.. or something like that..#in any case... crying at the specification that This Once you're a westerner#sorry to sully you with such a heinous title 😩 no one likes it tbf...#i try to find comedy in like. Everything but maybe that is a Westerner thing who's to say not me#it's how i cope.... speaking of tho i checked my blood pressure Correctly this time :) it as 150 ☠️ sooo i MIGHT die...#we can only hope right LMAOO my chest hurt a lil.... oh noo here it comes...#jk i have to stare at this google doc for another two hours and do nothing as i feel ineptitude overcome me#also it's my sister's birthday :) it just became my sister's birthday as i was typing this LMAO#ok im done now bye
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GEISS WHAT TOME IT IS
Time to PROBABALY FUCKING PISS MYSELF OVER SALLY FACE CUZ I SUCK AT DEALING WITH HORROR
I have light tho so maybe I won't be as fucked over
I'm hi key so glad I'm making these posts cuz I don't remember what the fuck happened last night
-IM NOT A GIRL
-wrf is wrong with miss rosenberg girly pop get help that's dark
-mr Addison family is dead! Dude I don't fucking care he's suspicious as hell
Watch this turn into nothing hes prolly just a fucking dude idc tho hea sus
-Oh FUCK DID SHE JUST FUCKING DIE WHAY THE HELL
WHAT THE FYCK WAS THAT
What the FUCK FUCK
HUH ?!
-bro my bracelet is like a little tight and I had it pressed under my leg and it fucking imprinted sals name on my arm lmaoo
-MEGAN LORE?
-okay wait this might be a stretch- Megan has a cross necklace and ik Travis is like super christian(ive seen him with a cross necklacein fanart i dont think its on his canon sprite tho?); and ik Kenneth is the one who sh0t sal but what reason would he have to be involved here idk I just wanna get down all my thoughts even tho most aren't righg
-nvm rhe necklace is in the building apparently im dumb
-Wait actually sal hasn't started school yet has he? So he wouldn't know travis anyway
-idfk
-having the light on makes this game so much easier go play
-IM NOT DOING DRUGSS
-"I just want you to know ghat I understand what it's like to be afraid. To hide away from the world" rahehhehe sal ur 15 u shouldn't have to be offering advice to an adult I wanna be sals friend so bad it's unreasonable
-I d o n t. L I k e m r a d d I s o n
-PLEASE LARRY LOOKS SO GOOFY I LOVE HIM
-"Holy fuck knuckles" jnfjdjdjd
-oh pleasant so I'm assuming Megan's mom was a cheater
-is Megan's Dad the one who killed them ??
-yea okay I'm a fucking dumbass I just want to try to connect everything even if it doesn't work I'm low-key tempted to just delete that paragraph about the necklace but shh it's fine
-GUYS WTF IS THIS
YEAH SAL SHES DOIN GREAT
-oh a noose!
-VIDEO GAMES
-feel like this game is foreshadowing 4 sure
-like there's no way this is just here for some reason
-dam devourerers of God is sick name bro almost makes me hope this is foreshadowing
-j i m
-the way chapter 2 faded out like that is sus this is foreshadowing for sure
-GREG
-oh okay so this is just real fucking life then?
-well that makes me scared about the devorous of God thing especially cuz the circle things I keep seeing
-this is ominous bro
-this game is underestimating how much of a dumbass I am wtf is happening I'm walking in circles
-made it back to the circle rock
What.
Why did it restart
Gyys I'm too dumb for this
Circle rock again
Help I'm in the dark now had to turn off my lights what do I dooo I'm so bad at this
it restarted avajn fml
I sent out a post as a cry for help but I might just have to look up a tutorial
FUCK IT. I'm going to sleep.
Goodnighttt I made like nooo fucking progress despite playing for two hours
@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow
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I made dinner for my boyfriend, his roommate, and myself! Daiya gluten free Alfredo w mushrooms sauteed in organic olive oil w garlic and onion powder. Yay! But I forgot my boyfriend doesn't like mushrooms. He says there are maggots in them. Ooopsy, so I picking out his mushrooms now. Then bon appetit!
Today I organized my area of belongings in his apartment. Organized and cleaned bed, did two loads of laundry. Took out trash twice and did the dishes!
My boyfriend rode his e bike today and used public transportation, im impressed and proud of him. He's been playful and upbeat. I also organized some of his many cords and put them in tote bag.
See im not useless! I am in a good mood. I've been connecting with different females on Tumblr in a friendly manner, it makes my life more bubbly!
I do however wonder why real life friend alix hasn't texted me. I tried calling her once and texting her once. We were supposed to do a self love photoshoot together. Is that sophisticated? Not exactly, but sounds fun!
Alix if you can hear me, hiya! I miss you.
Today I am wearing my green fairy shirt. the fairy honestly reminds me of one of my mutuals lol. I remember back in the day when I told her I had OCD and hyper fixate on people's blogs, she was very kind to me and said something like, "im glad my blog is a comfort to you" . Thank you for being my mutual again @fieldsarebreathing 🧚!
her photography is so elegant and dreamy, dark and often earthy. It's gorgeous! I want to post more of her photography on here but difficult to find.
Waiting for my bf to get out shower so we can eat~~~~
White clean sheet, beige clean pillow cases. I made a TikTok complaining about how a friend said I looked like Courtney love. I got mostly positive feedback. My bf was like omg why u lifting ur shirt up? For a minute I really thought he was angry with me. I almost deleted it. From now on I'm going to be modest (which is more sophisticated hopefully) and keep my tummy covered in photos....even though he was just joking around and bein playful.
I remember when I was a strict Christian I would avoid mirrors and tell myself constantly "it's what's on the inside that counts"
Anyway time to eat with boyfriend! TTYL 🐾
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I actually deleted it because I realized you hadn't tagged it and I try to pick less fights out the aether like that for the sake of being nice and not hopping on the backs of random people. I did not notice you being Black until you've said so just now. Since you've presumably tagged me for a reason, we can go ahead and discuss the matter.
For context I had said something like:
No trans people have gendered privilege, it's just also racist when you talk about how much society loves Black trans men
Obviously, you are not racist towards Black trans men and I would not call you racist towards Black trans men knowing that you are. I'm also not going to tell you to be angry when White people do this in regards to Black people, although full disclosure I'm not going to stop calling them racist myself.
On the other hand, it's still a lot of other things besides racist to Black men. I could have just as easily referred to any other category of person whose marginalization makes it extra awful to powerjacket them because they happen to use he/him pronouns. Male privilege for trans men simply isn't a thing, just as it isn't for trans women. The idea that one can simply identify into it is weird and people don't bring up their other competing marginalization for nothing.
I dislike when people are dicks to me and then immediately get all polite when I turn out to be a trans woman rather than a trans man like they assumed. That happened just today, ironically. So to be absolutely clear, you and your opinions on transfeminism do still suck, but I made an error deserving of addressing and I apologize for it.
ig im the only one who reads the bio of people they wanna publically disagree with lmao sloppy work & still weird how bad you wanna bring race into this as a whitey. i wouldve ignored u if u didnt do that. but w/e.
still, im "powerjacketing" black trans men by asserting we have male privilege? craaazy stuff. do i rlly have to tell you - a white trans woman - how people can be privileged in some aspects and oppressed in others? (unless you think these privileges/oppressions "cancel out" in which case LMAO)
trans men arent just like, he/him women/females or w/e you wanna call us. we're men. and a lot of us live our lives that way, socially & medically, and absorb & perpetuate society's ideas about gender as a part of our self-conceptualisation. we just men! men who dont have cis privilege (n in my case white privilege) but men none the less! we gotta actually reckon with that n do work to not perpetuate the (trans)misogyny that we're capable of & can benefit from.
& dont worry. im not gonna tiptoe round the fact youre a trans women when i think youre wrong n part of a half-baked & deeply transmisogynistic movement.
#not even gonns touch on how different male privilege is for trans men#compared to ''male privilege'' for trans women#tbh my identity has a lot more nuance than being a man but i let people assume im one in every day life#bc i dont mind#the nuance is me and my lover's business#transandrophobia#.txt
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Hey man can you delete the zoophile cat post, its kinda weird and not the troll responce you think of it as.
I walk into a huge respected art gallery ive saved up all my money and im so excited to see a beautiful painting or maybe a glicee print i turn the corner and fall to my knees ripping the hair out of my head eyes red spraying tears because a famous well respected artist just TROLLED me so hard with her ZOOPHILIA PRANK i go home and my kids no longer make eye contact my wife puts her leg out and trips me i try to drink away the pain but the baby has already drank all my pabst this is my life now after the cat photos i kill myself by closing the laz-e-boy recliner on my head
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are you going to come back?
((I keep telling myself im going to, but im not sure. Im especially unhappy with how this blog was written and how it looks at the moment, bc theres a lot of things id Want to change before getting back into rp here, but I have no energy or motivation to do so 😔 my art block from last year is Still ongoing, im still deeply fixated on other fandoms, and VERY recently I had an epiphany of some kind and haven't been able to stop paying attention to the news, bc anxieties about what's happening in Gaza/the West Bank, Sudan, and Chile, and not to mention this next American presidential election, have me reassessing my priorities in life, ykwim?))
((Im still around technically, i wont be deleting this blog or anything, im just in kind of a tough spot, mentally+emotionally+physically, and that makes it hard to get reinvested in something like this.))
((There's also the factor of... feeling rather restricted in this community. It's not any particular person or group of ppls fault, people are entitled to feel however they want around fictional subjects and themes, but i know that the types of things that i like to write and rp are dark and mature, and this fandom [despite the Nature of the show itself and the topics it covers] tends to attract a lot of very aggressive, very judgemental people -- as im sure youre all aware 😂 i found some friends here, but even still, a lot of the time i know i Can't get into the kind of stuff i ACTUALLY want to write, because most of the ppl in this community would [at least, way back when,] assume that That kind of writing means I'm a bad, dangerous person who wants to engage with those themes in real life 🙃. Which isn't to say anyone is Wrong for avoiding me if darker themes trigger them, by all means PLEASE block me for your sanity if thats what you have to do!! but when most all of those Exact Themes are LITERALLY, graphically present in the show, now, it's like. Idk man whats going on! Why are you here! if sexually abusive relationships bother these fans so much, then Why are they in THIS fandom of all places instead of somewhere tangibly Safer for their sanity, yk???))
(( i don't know. Maybe im just a brat, but ive always felt a little put out by the Hazbin community online. Its extremely self policing and isolating trying to find people i can feel comfortable talk to about my ideas, so ive kind of... given up and moved on, found a nice group of Freaks to be perverted about the Avatar sequel instead lmao))
((So... idk. I guess we'll see. But im very sorry it may have been wishful thinking when i said id come back. I really, truly meant it at the time -- things just changed 💔, both in me And in the community. And maybe theyll change again, idk!but i Do know there's people in this overarching Hazbin Tumblr RP community who don't like me very much (which is Okay), and I don't want to force myself to walk on eggshells anymore -- so I'm won't💪😎))
((I adored my time here while i was active, whuch it why i wont delete it -- i go back to re read threads all the time! -- but unless there's a group of sexual weirdos developing that i could fall in with AND I can find a way to balance this with the rest of my life, im still gonna be on this indefinite hiatus 💀👍 sorry))
((Btw -- Palestinians are in desperate need of e-SIMs to keep in touch with their loved ones and to organize humanitarian aid within the Gaza strip itself -- if any of you have a few spare dollars, please consider getting involved. I know the news is very quiet rn, especially if you're in America like me, but let me make this very clear; We are. kind of sort of Already IN World War Three. Russia and China and the global south are finally starting to hold the west accountable and the west is failing a shitting its pants about it Spectacularly. The world order is literally shifting. There's not one, but SEVERAL major international conflicts brewing right now, as America is sliding into fascism at break neck speed bc Genocide Joe is finally realizing he's probably not going to get re-elected [on account of all the genocide] on TOP of finally seeing the tangible effects of climate change. South America and Australia are on FIRE. Like NEVER before.))
((Never Again is Now. We could be going over the temperature "tipping point" of the planet BY 2030. now is NOT the time to be wallowing in escapism, no matter how much we desperately need/want it. If there is EVER a time to get involved with the real world and to take a step back from the internet and high stress fandom bullshit, it is NOW. No matter what Side of these issues you stand on, EVERYONE needs to be voting, everyone needs to be paying attention.))
(( if you can't afford esims [no shame, i often can't either, money is tight everywhere], then at the very least get This website open in your tabs. It generates revenue with free Daily clicks, the proceeds of which are all sent to UN organizations -- particularly UNRWA, which is VITAL to maintain not only getting aid INTO Gaza, but also retaining Palestinians legal right to return to their land -- without UNRWA, Isreal can begin to LEGALLY, haphazardly "deport" Palestinians, which would take YEARS to reverse through future court proceedings. Do your part, it only takes a few seconds a day 💪🌱))
((Alright, thats all! Sorry if you wanted a short sweet answer, but ive actually been ruminating on all of this, so thank you for this ask, for giving me a chance to talk about it all. Im happy to see this community thriving in the wake of Season 1, even if im not joining in myself -- you all keep up the great work, and keep having fun with it ❤ let it empower you to explore the value of Charlie's message and think of ways to impliment it in your daily life And on the world at large‼))
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im trying really really hard to be a good partner to ben these past few months w/ this post-wedding depression or whatever (we dk if its even the wedding anymore at this point vc its been like 3 months like. what is the reason) and i think i am doing a good job hon estly but like im finding it so so hard the longer it goes on, the longer it goes on the more i am finding myself having hours-long crying fits bc i dont know what to do or how to fix it or w/e & it's really really stressing me out so much now. these past few weeks ive just felt like garbage most off the time (not helped by this month-long period from HELL) and i was pretty decent at taking the good days as they came + dealing with the bad days when they came for sept/oct but three months into this ride tbh im feeling absolutely fraught and desperate waiting for something to change long-term and. yeah i will probably delete this bc when he wakes up im sure its not going to be a winner to read i just had to get it out somewhere
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ok so like 2 of my mutuals made posts about their lore so. fuck it here’s lumi lore that no one asked for
i had a gacha phase when i was like 12, posted it all on a now-deleted instagram account
i used to frequently get into arguments in youtube comments and on discord servers when i was 10-12 and how i wasn’t banned from this one animation memer’s server whom i wont say the name of for simply being annoying as fuck is beyond me
i work at coles. before that i worked at mcdonalds. i am very nonverbal why did i choose to work in customer service i cant fucking speak
when i was 6 i was genuinely convinced i was the reincarnated fairy princess of another world
i used to roleplay on roblox when i was 10-12 before all the good rp games fucking died
i was obsessed with collecting dolls as a child and in recent months have fallen back into that
i played crush crush at the very young age of 12
i played yandere simulator at the even younger age of 11
nightcore phase i never quite grew out of
i have ocs that i never draw and never talk about and wonder why no one asks me about them or talks to me about them
and holy shit do my ocs have l o r e
ive dyed my hair pink 3 times
i also go by the name stardust but no one calls me that so. yeah
i actually have zero connection to the name lumi at all and regret naming myself that but its kinda what everyone knows me as and my url so im just used to it
i cant think of a better name anyway and stardust is my online only nickname
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CROWMATICAS DRAG RACE EPISODE 1; TALENT SHOW!
images are just outfits keep in mind
(THE QUEENS BEGIN TO ARRIVE IN THE WERKROOM)
AMANDA CANNON:
Walk this plank, walk all of this plank~ (she giggles)
I'm Amanda cannon, I'm 26 from Boston, Massachusetts. I'm your designated pirate, and I will be going overboard!
WICKED WICCAN:
I cast a spell on you, and now? You're mine. (He smirks)
I'm wicked wiccan I'm 27 from Jersey City, New Jersey.
My style is kinda weird sexy alt boy who may be bad, but makes you wanna be bad with him.
(Amanda gasps) oh wow you're like- tryna fuck, huh?
(he nods) it'd be a pleasure~
(she giggles)
BLOODY MARIE:
bloody marie, bloody marie (she pauses) guess I came early! (She said in a thick French accent)
I'm bloody marie, I'm 32 and originally from France, but now I live in Little Rock, Arkansas. My name is bloody marie because I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror.
MERYL STRIP:
Nevada? I hardly know a' (she said in a fake jersey accent)
I'm meryl strip, 42, from Las Vegas Nevada. I do burlesque, so that's why I went with the name. I'm very show girl, pageant, slutty. You'll see.
VICTORIA LAPSE:
(she shook her boobs and made a sexy face) I'm winning, I'm winning, I'm winning! Oh- I lost it. (She pouts)
I'm Victoria lapse, and I'm your favorite lapse in judgement. I'm a runway girl, and I usually have something extravagant on. I'm 22, and I'm from New York city!
(the others gasped)
MERYL STRIP: that's Victoria lapse, shes like THE it girl.
MAYA KENNEDIE: nothing bad ever happened to the Kennedie's! (With an E)
Hi guys! I'm Maya Kennedie, I'm 29, and I come from the lovely town of Los Angeles, California, my style is pageantry and I've won several titles. These girls don't hold a candle to me.
KITTY GIRL: Meow.
I'm kitty girl, I'm from Maine, and I do drag and stream online, I'm 19, and I am very inspired by Lolita fashion!
VERGA METAMORPHOSIS:
(belt singing) IM ALMOST THERE! ALMOST THERE!
I'm Verga and I...... disapprove of your behavior. I'm a weird girl from Seattle, washington and I do what I call conceptual drag. Others just call it bad! I'm 34, and I think this footage should be deleted.
MIRAGE FANTINA CALHOON:
sorry I didn't notice you there, I was stalking my prey.
I'm Mirage Calhoon, originally from Florida, but I prefer if you pretend walt Disney manufactured me. I'm 30 on the dot. No more, no less.
CROW MATICA:
hello queens, it's me you're host, Crow Matica. Tonight's challenge will be a talent show!
(Victoria does a baton drill)
(Wiccan swallows a sword)
(Maya does a ballet number)
(Mirage does flips)
(Verga does a ribbon dance)
(kitty does a song performance)
(Amanda does knife throwing)
(Meryl does burlesque)
(Marie plays the piano)
Alright.... I've made my decision.
Marie, Amanda, Meryl, and Verga, stay here. Everyone else you're safe. Marie, Verga, You're safe. Amanda and Meryl, you're lypsyncing for the win.
-the duo perform to bark like you want it-
Amanda does great
Meryl does amazing
*CONGRATULATIONS MERYL STRIP YOU'RE THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE.*
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Ok no this is gonna sound cheesy as hell but. Im unattractive by every conventional way and it bothered me a bit when I was little right which is. Fine. I remember actively putting on more powder on my face when going to school hoping it’d cover up some of the spots and shit(it didn’t I just looked fucking stupid).
In 11-12 grade which was during the pandemic I got a BIT more confident bc of the hair, the long hair helped. But I HATED how I was fat as fuck with the double chin and the horrible skin (which is a consequence of my own actions)
Cut to college and just. Man, I’d worked out a decent bit before college so I’d lost a bit of weight but I wasn’t quite there yet. That combined w my sudden change in schedule, the overwhelming amount of sudden unhealthy food l gained back the weight, I got dark circles, my schedules were all over the place (are) (worse)
It didn’t help that my friends here are like. Z. Mk. They’re like. The Standard. Plus parsons kids IN GENERAL dress rlly well and are well kept. So Yknow. Everytime I go out or am on campus I get that way too familiar feeling of being stared at like everyone’s looking and laughing behind my back I know it sounds cringe asf but man it it’s not fun. And like. On top of that,
I’m just. Not Capable of socialising. I can’t talk to people I can’t make friends like that— I sometimes wish we had a mini pandemic again because the pandemic helped me SO MUCH with finding friends I made more friends in like 6 months of pandemic than I did E V E R and now that they knew I was fun I could hang out w them and they’d not mind the bad social skills much bc they knew me from online.
I wake up and I look in the mirror and like. The reflection PHYSICALLY disgusts me I don’t WANT to look at myself— I actively avoided taking pictures during the niagara trip because I just. I hate pictures of myself— I DELETED my dating profiles because I can’t stand my pictures being out there. It’s SO BAD why do I look like that it’s kit even just skin or whatever it’s just. It’s everything, head, chin, eyes, nose I look like a fucking. I look so bad if I look at myself too long I just, I just get angry and sad.
Dylan was showing me footage of mysekf on camera from when he filmed me for his assignment and I genuinely got a little nauseous 😭 (although this might’ve been because i hadn’t eaten food like. At all)
If I eat the Normal amount of food I feel bad bc I think it’s too much and I feel horrible and fat as fuck and actively avoid having too many calories
I wish.
I wish I didn’t look like this
I might find the whole REDACTED aspect interesting not just because It makes BAGS of money but also because. Man the. The validation sounds like it would be nice to have, strangers on the internet aren’t obligated to be nice to me like friends and family, is there an opinion more honest than that? Funnily enough I’ll probably suck at that too considering how bad I look
Makeup is my last resort if it doesn’t work I’ll just come to terms with being ugly and stupid and try and be good at something else
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i know this is guilt trippy but i really dont care right now i am in the er again over this
if you really do mean that you wont talk to me ever ever again, if you mean that i hope you know that will be the reason i get even worse i was only okay last time you cut me off beacuse i had wrestling i feel like i have nothing now i will never get better by you forcing me out of your life and i will continue to obsess over this and harass you and repeat th e same mistakes i did and hurt myself ive already hurt myself so many times over this. if youre fine with that which you obviously are ypure obviously just gonna replace me and not talk to me and be best friwnds with a 14 year old now then okay have a nice life ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
the only thing i even have to comfort me is the fact we sawe eachother and you touching me and shit and its making me wanna kms im not happy abojt anything else
when i go to south carolina i swear i am going to go ask to get my stuff back unless you talk to me by then and actually talk and also delete any fucking pictures of me forever if youregonna be like that then im not.doimg this witjout being upset n@placeholdery @placeholdery @placeholdery @placeholdery @placeholdery
everything you said to me was a lie
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《Ok, fablolus bob was Like That, but how did it ACTUALLY GO?》
youtube
(Clears throat) well, time for the deep voice i guess. Considering im doing this from a burialgoods video... so.
Slaneesh
So, lets put ourselves in her situation.
Infinite pronouns. Vaguely feminine body. The literal physical manifestation of everything NSFW ever, regardless if that term means "hentai" or not. The concept of overdose made manifest...
And a mortal just told you that you dont exist because "cogito ergo sum" or some shit. I do however have a... "transcript" of what happened
(Recorder playing)
Slaneesh:...ok but seriously, i LITERALLY saw you pull out a child from soup, throw it on the ground, and saw that thing grow to a full fledged space marine in FIFTEEN. FUCKING. SECONDS. I have nurgle right here-
Nurgle: hi
Slaneesh:- and he checked seven times. And considering seven is HIS number i think we gotta give it to you: you are THIS CLOSE to do stuff none of us coul-
Fabius: n... o...
Slaneesh:... cu- h- i mean, come again?
Fabius: th...er...e... a...r...e... no... g- g...o...d...s...
Slaneesh:...ok. i say we... i cant believe im saying this- i say we stop this.
Khorne: WHAT
Slaneesh: listen. Whatever the fuck is this mon'k- i mean human doing is WAY outside of our scope. He survived my "extend Planck Instant to infinity" thing with literally just some fucking ibuprofen. I think-
Fabius: you... dont... think... you're just... an overgrown... s...t... orm...
Slaneesh: oh great the mic was on this entire- ok. Listen here you overglorified nurse. Usually Khorne is the angry one but I think its my turn now-
Khorne: THATS... NOT HOW IT FUCKING WORKS BUT FUCK YOU I GUESS YOU DESERVE IT...
Slaneesh:... "fuck me yourself coward" jokes aside: you literally "fucked around and found out" at the Laer temple, and I watched. You modified space marines to the point that even the lightest brezze was the most arousing thing since the discovery of "meat-beating", and I watched. You fucking cloned horus in such a way that all it was left to effectively make a second horus was our boons and i. fucking. watched.-
Tzeentch: did he clone horus? Or did he just bring him to life? Then again how do we kn-
Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP TZEENTCH.
Slaneesh: (scoffs in "this fucking waste of tentacles i swear") anyways. The point is NOT our "existence" or "powerscaling". The point is: i wanted to congratulate myself for your work. There is only ONE dude on Anathema's side who can do what you do, and the only human thing left of him is how he thinks. So-
Fabius: you... are just... a phenomenon... i think... therefore... i am... you dont think... therefore... you... aren't... (faints)
Slaneesh: ok fuck this, im dEFINETIVELY not high enough to deal with this and i didnt put anything in my orifices to at least TRY and be presentable. I wanted to pull off that Quaestor shit i perfected and it turned out to be a shouting match against the galaxy's most annoying fuck ever. At least Anathema is more polite and logical with his "thing"
Khorne: WAIT, IT WAS A FUCKING SHOUTING MATCH THIS ENTIRE TIME?
Slaneesh: a
Nurgle: kid, it was a figure of speech. Close that darn recorder and lets go back to work. I am worried isha tried to "ku'gath" herself (again) while i was here.
Khorne: OH OK. BUT STILL, IF IT WAS A FUCKING SHOUTING MATCH I COULD HAVE JUST TOLD HIM TO FUCK HIMSELF
Slaneesh: yeah...
Khorne: (noises of giving a planet deleting friendly back pat to slaneesh) YOU KNOW WHAT? YOURE FUCKING RIGHT YOU [the friendliest barrage of insults ever]! BUT SERIOUSLY NEXT MORTAL THAT DOES THIS IM BRINGING MY CHAINSWORD
Slannesh: yeah. Guess youre right
(Recorder stops)
I rest my fucking case lmao
#warhammer 40k#so basically#fabius bile#looked at the chaos gods and said “nuh uh” while mega dying of death²#this confuses#slaneesh#who proceeds to give khorne a few more square kilometers of kingdom#also#khorne#was like 😃 while delivering an endless barrage of swearing#Youtube
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okay but the furrow in his brows im literally going to suck him off
FKMNJHJINJFBJNFJ MEEEE
Anonymous asked: OH MY GOF HE PROBABLY TOOK A FRONT CAMERA SELFIE AFTER BEING LIKE 😐 accidentally posted that on main story IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF LET ME SEE IT
I CANOTKJNJIKFMNHIJFKO
Anonymous asked: I cannot explain it, but somehow his face, even behind his phone, is the sexiest hes ever looked?! like his jaw and his hair and the way you can see the lines around his eyes since he's pulling a facial expression, DO YOU GET ME
no like iM STILL FERAL
Anonymous asked: His hand is huge. I need you right now to hold your phone like this and notice the distance between your pointer finger and your camera.
IM SHAKING..............
Anonymous asked: when he said he works out to one direction i didn’t think he meant THIS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I KNOWKJFHJNFHIJK
Anonymous asked: You know how people who go to the gym record themselves doing certain reps to later check their form or whatnot. Harry is a person that goes to the gym. that’s it
REALLLL ONE OF MY CO WORKERS WELL HE JUST LEFT LAST WEEK IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE ITS SO CIRNGEEEEE
Anonymous asked: AND HIS LITTLE FROWN MY BOY WAS FO👏CUSED👏 SNAPING THE PIC
IM FUCKIGN OSBESSED WITH HIM
Anonymous asked: HELP FUCKING ME I JUST SAW THE DELETED STORY FUCKING DUCKS I MISS EVERYTHING IM GOING TO D*E
NOOOOOOOO
Anonymous asked: harry said i’ll give you big balls (in the background)
KFJNBHUJINFBHUIJKO
Anonymous asked: WOW. WOW. WOW. DID HE ACTUALLY JUST DO THAT 😵💫😵💫😵💫
YES HE FUCKIGN DID
Anonymous asked: i’m so 👀🧎🏽♀️🤖🧼😵💫🫡😭✨����🍅📝🦋 right now. ya know?
REALLLLLLLLL
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it is such a good thing that i finished my fic earlier today lol
#am suddenly feeling very discouraged about certain things#which really fucking sucks#bc its about something i was really happy with and now im just like :/ well.#so its kind of just like welp guess ill go fuck myself then 🙃#and its making me not want to write rn#so yeah very glad i finished earlier otherwise that would suck big time bc im not gonna have time to write tomorrow either#n e wayyyyys#i need to get out of my head about it#i dont like doing this on here but im kind of uspet about it a little and idk who to talk to so hi tumblr lol.#i should definitely delete this later tho oof
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