#((i've had to do a lot of rethinking of my diet; i've learned a lot since i got my diagnosis))

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"Ah, a little hot water and makeup remover can go a long way," Beau chuckled-while there was no particular rush to get it off (as Mrs. Gracey was off tending to something else and wasn't likely to return to her boudoir just yet, nor go looking for her son), he still wished to be thorough, and so he got to work, sitting the pair down with a couple of washcloths and a bowl of hot water, alternating between the water and a few dabs of makeup remover to clean them up.

"Randall was very well-behaved about getting cleaned up-if very, very apologetic," the majordomo continued, remembering soothing the boy as he profusely apologized (and asked him not to tell his mother, which Beau promised to do), before saying, "Dorian, on the other hand, was a bit fussier-he wanted to play at being a clown a little longer."

At this, Dorian didn't deny it, instead smiling bashfully, saying, "For my birthday that year, Beau bought me a small makeup kit that would allow me to properly be a clown-which I immediately shared with Randall, of course, we took turns making each other up before doing tricks on the lawn, trying to do all the pratfalls and handstands and other bits of physical comedy, like at the circus...I remember Mother looking a bit sour at that gift."

"Yes, she did not approve," Beau admitted with a small sigh-neither Gracey parent seemed to approve of anything the head butler gave their son as a gift-whether it was because he was encouraging him to be anything but a straight-laced heir or because they were bitter that Dorian liked Beau's gifts (which were more tailored to his actual interests) more than others, Beau could never decide. At any rate, their silent disapproval never stopped him, and Dorian was glad for it-at least someone paid attention to him.

[weanda]

Dear Tumblr,

Why do you determined me? Have you considered what that means to me at all?

I started my blog a year and a half ago. It was about ME! My life, my love, my struggles, my family, my school, my friends, my pain, my fun, roses and chocolate, fasting and training, my challenges, the holidays, traveling, principle and kisses. I have written many times about my spiritual world, how bad and how good is. I wrote about my pain and my happiness. Everything that motivates and inspires me and everything I fear and feel anxious about.

Of course, over time, I wrote more about my diet and workouts. Because sport is my main hobby right now. Is that a very bad thing for you!? I didn’t post many pictures, mostly I wrote. Even if there was a picture on my blog, it was colorful and cheerful with positivevibe. Motivated me.

In 2020, there were barely a few entries. As it was, I had my New Year's resolutions. A few sentences about fasting and running, because running this year is the most important to me. Turns off and teaches me a lot. I wrote about my dream and my workplace relationships. About anxiety and solutions. Everything ...that eventually led to me being determinated… oh, but, why?

Yes. I have ED. Yes, I woud like to lose some weight to being confident and happy. Yes, I have been in contact with many people like me through my blog, simply because none of us wanted to be lonely. We help each other get through difficult moments, but that doesn't mean we're pushing each other into the hell. On the contrary, we are guiding each other in the healthiest way possible! 🌸

I have never shared information with other tumblr users that would have intentionally endangered their health. I've never shared thinspiration pictures, slogans, quotes, tips, pictures, etc. I have never encouraged or supported anyone to live a life like mine! I never wanted anyone as bad as I went through so far in my life: depression, anxiety, eating disorder, low self-esteem, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, etc. and no longer do or want to do that!

Do you think that by removing my blog, I will cease to exist? NO! Do you think if a system message sends me an email with an emergency number, I will immediately call and recover from my mental illness? NO! Do you think interrupting communication with my friends, you are interrupting the connection between the outside world and me? NO! Do you think if you delete me, you will delete the ED community from tumblr? Of course, NO!

So Tumblr, please leave me alone! This blog belongs to my self-expression. By deleting me, I can't read my posts again and I can't learn from my mistakes again and I can't rethink some important things. By deleting me, you've taken away a lot of memories, feelings and kindness from me! I would like to find my penpal friends, ask how they are, and write posts that will help me get past the day's events. To remember the good and write the less good for myself.

PLEASE_LET_ME_LIVE!

Thank you!

(anno 2020)