#((and this ain't even scratching the surface of jttw))

[marshalforgotten]

📖 Rai would like to hear a story :3

Song or Story?

"Ha! Alright. I will tell you a particularly entertaining one, involving a group of fellows who went on a certain journey in a very specific direction."

"So our story begins with this renowned and holy Buddhist named Tripitaka who is travelling with four companions. One is a dragon disguised as a horse. The other three are celestial monsters- a pig, a monkey and a fish creature. The monkey is an especially rash individual, with a vast amount of powers at his disposal. In fact, he was so mischievous that he managed to piss off all three of China's major religions. Anyway, they are traveling westward when suddenly they hear the screams of a hundred or so people. Curious, the monkey scouts ahead to find a vast city where Buddhists are being enslaved and forced to pull a cart by Taoists."

"Shape-shifting into one of the Taoists, he asks where he can beg for food, only to be greeted with laughter and the information that in this kingdom the king himself follows the Tao. He gathers that twenty years ago there was a long drought that no Buddhist prayer seemed to alleviate. Then there came three immortals, goat-strength, deer-strength and tiger-strength. With their prayers they ended the people's suffering, in turn the court retaliated by destroying the Buddhists' temples and enslaving their monks for their apparent incompetence. Learning this, the disguised monkey made up a story about how he came to the city because his relative became a Buddhist monk there. The Taoists let him speak to the ones they had and after he laughed at the poor souls, they explain to him that the city enslave any Buddhist who passes by. Additionally, the three immortals swooned the king over by arranging the construction of a massive temple where they could pray and make offerings so that he lives for ten thousand years or so. The ruler liked the idea so much that he essentially, allows them to do whatever they want."

"The disguised monkey questions why they do not run away and they point out that their faces are placed on wanted posters in every province as a preemptive measure and though they rather perish then live like this, they keep getting saved and visited by many gods in their dreams. Apparently they kept telling them to stay alive, because a great monk was going to rescue them, bringing with him the great sage, equal to heaven. Now for context: Those gods knew the monkey and he was the great sage they were referring to."

"So with this responsibility brought to light monkey heads back to the Taoists, claiming to be related to all the monks he spoke with and that he would take the entire group and go. Naturally, the other religious leaders do not fall for it, so the monkey swiftly kills them out of annoyance prompting the Buddhists to rightfully throw a cow. Attempting to relax them, he explains that he is the great sage. However I jest you not, the monks told him that their gods stated he was 'an ugly, hairy beast with terrifying fangs'. So after some grumbling he said 'you are right. I am not the great sage. I am his servant and he is RIGHT BEHIND YOU!' So while their backs were turned he swiftly transformed into his true self and scared them."

"After throwing the cart full of stones aside, monkey tells the monks to scatter and gives them each a strand of his hair to change into a guardian spirit for protection. Most leave but a few stay behind to help monkey and the rest of his traveling companions. Speaking of them they all meet up and the remaining Buddhists lead travelers to the last, surviving monastery for the night."

"Monkey however was a very restless spirit and opted to investigate the giant Taoist temple those three immortals built, while his human companion slept. He finds them praying in said building and notices some particularly enticing food offerings. Unable to resist, he decides the place should be wrecked with company and invites his pig and fish friend to help trick their adversaries."

"The three, mischievous creatures whip up a whirlwind in the middle of the temple, causing the Taoists to take it as a sign that they needed to rest. Once they were gone they shape-shifted into three of their statues, as the pig literally disposed of the originals down the toilet. After taking on a proper disguise, they partook in the feast."

"Unfortunately, their revelry was soon interrupted, by a Taoist who returned because he forgot something. Seeing the place ransacked, hearing breathing and realizing the offerings had been eaten the man panics and slips on a lychee causing the pig to burst out laughing. The Taoists goes to the three immortals and after observing the place's condition, they conclude that their prayers must have summoned the three pure ones down from heaven and they should request for holy water or golden elixir for the king."

"Monkey then speaks up as a statue and claims they were summoned by their amazing prayer, but they just recently came from a party in heaven and had no such things on them. However the three immortals are insistent, so monkey promised that they would get some. However, they would need to bring a huge container and leave the room. After some time, they are left with a big cistern and revert to their true forms briefly. The pig questions where they would get the holy water..." The baboon then snorts.

"Then monkey starts peeing in it."

"So the travelling trio accumulate a considerable amount of 'holy water', which the immortals admit does not taste good. Then once they realize they have been deceived, monkey promptly grabs his companions, escapes the temple aaand slips back into the monastery undetected to rest for the night."

"You would think this would be the end of it, but the next day brought even more chaos. Tripitaka, being the ever law-abiding citizen that he is brought his traveling papers to the king so they could pass by, as was their custom. Naturally monkey and the others go with him, to ensure he is not enslaved. The king would have thrown him in chains immediately, but his advisor told him privately that they came from a very far away place and must have gone through many, many demons to get to this point. Thoroughly warned, the king was about to approve the documents..."

"Until the three immortals burst in to tell the guards to apprehend these miscreants for vandalizing their temple. Monkey of course lies, declaring that they are new in town, so they could not possibly know anything about this city and even if they did mess up the place how could the three immortals not stop them? This confuses the king enough, to where he cannot tell who is in the right or wrong. Luckily, an opportunity arises in the form of a servant who comes to report a drought in one of their provinces and that the people requested the immortals fix it. This gives the king an idea to make it into a competition of sorts. Whoever makes it rain, will not get in trouble. Thus did they start their games."

"Once they arrived at the troubled province, tiger-strength gets onto a podium and claims that striking his tablet fives times will surely summon the gods to create a storm. To prevent this from happening, monkey duplicates himself and slips up into the clouds. Now remember when I said he was notorious throughout China's three, major religions? Well, that reputation did him some favors. Because with each minor god summoned to help out with the storm, monkey intimidates them to convince these deities to help them out instead. In turn, they all summoned a giant storm only when Tripitaka got up to pray on the podium."

"The king was convinced, but the Taoists claim that it must have been their summoning that worked and that the gods and dragons were merely delayed. So they convince the fickle ruler to do another contest, which was to see who can meditate on top of a giant tower the longest."

"This presents a problem for monkey, because while he can do many things sitting still was not his strong suit. Fortunately, Tripitaka was capable of meditating for years on end. Monkey flies him up there and he begins the competition with goat-strength immortal. Deer-strength however decides to cheat to help his fellow Taoist and summons a bed bug to bite Tripitaka. Monkey sees his distress, removes the insect, scratches his little human friend on the head, then he becomes a centipede and bites goat-strength immortal on the face. He flings himself off the tower in surprise and Tripitaka wins."

"You think this would be enough, but the three immortals insisted on another challenge. This time a 'clairvoyance' test. They instruct the king to put something in a chest, so he has his wife place in some elegant clothing. But monkey being the trickster that he is transforms into a bug, sneaks in the box and morphs the clothing into ragged attire. When it comes time to guess, the Taoists assess the elegant clothes while Tripitaka at the insistence of monkey guesses the worn-down ones. Everyone including the king becomes shocked, when the Buddhist's prediction turns out to be true. This happens a few more times with the simian still successfully pulling the same trick, until the immortals finally suggest one. Final. Competition."

"You see, the three immortals were not simply called that as an empty title. They could survive having their heads cut off, their hearts removed and being boiled in oil. If the monk could survive that, they would finally accept the loss. Unfortunately for those idiots, they were dealing with monkey... a creature who happened to be one who thrilled at testing the limits of his own immortality. He even demanded to go first, the silly fruit-for-brain~"

"The king has an execution site prepared. They tie monkey up aaand cut off his head. But there is no blood and the simian yells for his head to return. Deer-strength fearing him had two spirit servants hold down it down to keep it from returning. Little did he know after two more times of calling it, monkey would simply get up, break the ropes and grow a new one. The king is so impressed that he offers to fill their papers at that moment, but monkey insisted that it was the three immortals turn to try. So tiger-strength goes through the same process, calls his head back, but monkey has one of his hairs transform into a dog and throw the freshly-chopped thing into the moat. Unable to grow a new one the Taoist dies and reverts to his true form, a tiger."

"Deer-strength enraged by this, demands that they do the heart removal and monkey was glad to do so, because he was experiencing a mild stomach ache and needed to clean out his organs. After a self-imposed disembowlment, monkey comes out fine. When the Taoist tries it though the simian transforms one of his hairs into an eagle to devour the heart. So the fool dies and reverts into a deer. Goat-strength demands the boiling in oil trial and monkey was all too eager to moisturize his skin."

"The test starts off well, with monkey thoroughly enjoying himself. However when he sees the pig whispering to his fish companion he assumes he's being laughed at and decides to prank them. So he turns into a tack, disappears into the oil and is instantly declared dead as his companions are captured. Tripitaka requests a moment to grieve his lost disciple and gives monkey a beautiful eulogy, but the swine ruins the moment by calling him an ignorant, deep-fried horse-wrangler. The simian is so pissed that he turns back, just to yell at him. Then I jest you not, when an officer exclaimed that he could not possibly be alive, but instead some ghost monkey was so offended he got out of the pot, dried himself off, put his clothes back on then killed him for insinuating he might be dead."

"Now the king was by this point quite set to simply give them their papers and let them leave, but monkey insisted that they must be fair. So goat-strength gets into the tub and the simian notices it is not heating up at all. He assess that a cold dragon must be keeping it from reaching a boiling point, contacts the northern dragon king cause they have history and gets the cold dragon arrested. The oil heats up and goat-strength dies, turning into- you guessed it, a goat."

"The king is distraught over all his immortals dying, but monkey points out that they were actually all demons in disguise and likely planning to overthrow him. This comforted the king, so he releases his strict policies on Buddhism and the companions are free to continue their journey."

"Ooof, I have not talked this much in a while. Pardon my many words. That is simply one of my favorite stories out of a certain book."