#((HE'S MASKING TO HELL AND BACK AND HELPING SELL THE CONSPIRACY TO THE GOD DAMN GRIGORI))

[hellaciousfaith]

Jonathan Thulin - Masquerade

[dwestfieldblog]

Q ONAN IN THE AEON OF HORUS

Insanity is contagious in the Aeon of Horus. Hope you all had a happy and healthy Sirius day on 23rd... I wasn’t going to write another screed until late September but I might well be trapped on the festering cesspool prison island of guinea pigs in three weeks time where the oven ready Boris variant runs wild, and will have very limited access, if any, to the matrix. And I needed to rant off as catharsis on current popular topics. Arf arf arf and fnord as well.

Climate report Doom...fires, floods, earthquakes, hurricanes on the rise, watch the Texans and Arabs and all those aligned with oil continue to deny global warming in the sweating face of the evidence.  The tyranny of the driller killers has been disabling those with clean solar power ideas and the mass use of limitless superconductive  energy for decades, while they work out how ‘to put a metre between us and the sun’. Blame greed. Perhaps they think Bezos will have enough rockets for them to plunder other worlds and leave the future desert of earth behind. Climate change deniers usually have the same mind set as those who are anti vaxxers, it seems to be a typical item on their lists of dislike. Right alongside all the other bollocks and twaddle they don’t believe in, despite the enduring and building testimonies of the majority of professionals.

‘To prevent yourselves doing and seeing and coming into contact with this, that and the other...lock yourselves up in a monastery where you’ll be safe. Immunity...it teaches us how not to be affected by the countless vicissitudes of life; not how to avoid them by running away...The philosopher adapts himself to the exigencies of life, not the exigencies of life to himself.’ The Initiate in the New World by his pupil. Book two of a fascinating trilogy. Hello Cecil Jones.

America...the gurning evil one (‘I love the poorly educated’)  doesn’t seem to be back in the White House quite yet, Q Onan and the boys can’t seem to get their insurrection up. Been there eh? White guys just take the blue tablet and avoid getting redpilled.  ‘We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men evolved differently, that they are born with certain mutable characteristics, and that among these are life and the pursuit of pleasure.’ Yuval Noah Harari-Sapiens.

However, the Onan boys have exported their rabid drivel abroad...A shameful group of wannabe prophets in London a couple of weeks ago were spewing dire craziness and waves of silliness dearly wishing to become important and individualised particles by being observed and applauded. One of their brilliant ideas is that the Great Reset, New World Order of children’s adrenochrome drinking liberal reptiles will be a QUOTE’ An authoritarian socialist government run by powerful capitalists.’ UNQUOTE. Howls of derisive laughter turning into the growl of a wolf with a curled top lip and my left eye twitching for a blackout minute. When sentience returned, I was fairly sure there is no way in this lifetime of me attaining Satori while consumed by this spite. Fear and self loathing in England part 23. To attempt to counter...

Putting the con into conspiracy theories... 1. IF the vaccine is; (A. A poison to cull the overpopulated millions, that would mean that every single decent doctor and nurse in the world is in on it and not one of them is spilling the beans. Neither scenario seems plausible in any way, therefore the first premise appears to be excrement. If Covid doesn’t exist and the x rays are ALL faked (showing the difference between pneumonia, cancer and covid lungs, that also aggressively suggests a high level of implausibility. If you truly believe medical professionals are mostly freemasons and/or serving the Illuminati in the name of genocide etc, you are just a MORON. A DUNGHEADED IDIOT.

As God tweeted last month; It’s always the really dumb who make life hard for the moderately dumb.’

Drug companies and politicians have always been deeply corrupt, some would say with great justification, evil.  Their foul business is as usual. But every nurse working a 16 hour shift in intensive care, do you honestly think they are doing it for the kicks to kill, for the (ha) money or to serve the Devil? Again, if Covid IS real but only the plebs are getting the bad vaccine and the here today gone tomorrow (unless they are Putin types) omnipotent holy world leaders are getting the good stuff...again this would be mighty hard to cover up. And it isn’t only the old, obese and those with ‘underlying health problems’ who are dying, teens and workers are too. No government wants to wreck its economy (apart from Brexit England) by murdering its workers, students and quarantining hundreds of thousands.

If the vaccine is a shot of death and the toll rises twice higher than it already is, governments will know that nobody will believe them the next time round when a new virus mutates...which is not good for mass control. (That said, I feel a deep grim certitude that step by blatant step, totalitarianism is coming to democracies as they realise the only way to dominate the drone masses is to do as China and Russia do.) But ‘why am I drifting into negativity’ eh?

And IF folk think the vaccine is a brain control agent by which we can be spied upon and controlled by our puppet masters via the ubiquitous spooky G5 masts, then the science of how the jab’s ingredients work (And could not possibly be activated with sound waves) should be explained in primary schools so the kids can go home and teach their elders with crayon. At the same time, the anti maskers need to watch videos (with their eyes held open (a la Clockwork Orange) of droplets in breath, the distance they travel without protection, the length of time they hang in the air and in what concentration. Humans react well to moving pictures, it might help. Yes that is dripping with rancid sarcasm. And as for those ranting that wearing masks causes illness, tell that to all the healthcare professionals of the last 100plus years who wore masks most of every bloody day, not just a couple of years. Did they all die of lung problems? I don’t have the actual statistics and I am damn sure you don’t either, so shut up and sit down. As Bill Hicks would say...

‘YOU SEE, IT MAKES NO SENSE’.

Beautiful to see so many holy men in the main religions, priests, rabbis, imans and pujari telling their flock to refuse the vaccine because it will (deep choking breath) make them impotent, gay and/or that it has cows blood and human foetuses in it. For the 23rd time, your shepherds will lead you to butchers again. Very spiritual blokes. Are any women as full of manure as this? Well actually...

One talking blonde cow on the London stage mooed about the vaccine being created by Bill ‘I think it makes sense to believe in God’ Gates, with the patent 060606, so was clearly ‘satanic’. Brilliant detective work and a rational conclusion. Except Bill didn’t formulate the vaccine and the patent was for an entirely different shot with an ACTUAL micro chip to measure if work had been completed and pay wages with Bitcoin. (Which, granted is creepy as fk, but nothing to do with Beelzebub or covid, unless you are going to bang on about none being able to buy or sell without the mark of the beast. So the antichrist is a protestant eh? I saw a video last year of an American ‘Christian’ woman blogger saying Bill was the devil, because of ‘the GATES of hell.’ That’s what we are up against and sidestepping the fk away from.

Those not vaccinated are walking time bomb laboratories of new variants.  Making their own beliefs real as they will be able to say ‘See, told you the vaccine doesn’t work’. Listen to the doctors and nurses begging you.

Once yet again with even more feeling...These demonstrations of hogwash moonshine bullshit theories, mixed in with a fine blend of ahem, ‘patriotism’ are ripping the country apart. On one side the increasingly corrupt English government and their lies and on the other, the deranged and deluded with their falsehoods. An empty vessel makes the most noise and both sides are ripening the fields for populism.

Using the enemy’s own strength against them, well known to Judo black belt KGB pretty boy Putin...widening and deepening internal divisions in democracies, using the basic mistrust of half the people against their governments and encouraging it...works like a charm in times of stress/ fear/ anger. Just let them do most of the work and their own momentum will destroy them...at very least weaken them for the kill. Britain, America, Europe  et al, you are being suckered and you bloody well deserve it for being so thick.

(Sidebar...By the way...Congratulations on 100 glorious years of Chinese communism and now all in the Middle Kingdom are being told, taught, trained, ORDERED to think just like Winnie the Pooh. Perfect unspoiled socialist paradise where millions wonder (as they do in most other places) ‘will there be any hunny for me?’ Unlikely...Communism doesn’t really work that way... another self righteous scam by those who seek power and to maintain their privilege. So the stick makes you keep plodding on for the promised carrot until all you believe in is the stick because it hurts and pain is real. (To greatly paraphrase Sir Terry Prachett, may he remain creative wherever he is.)  )       

Or...The Bilderbergers met a couple of years ago, discussed overpopulation and a threefold plan of how to deal with it...Release an airborne virus in several countries; allow it to spread for a year, Allow fear to rise. Use algorithms to predict the percentage of the obedient and those who will suspect conspiracy. When the vaccine is ‘found’ it will calm the believers for a while and enflame the rebels all the more who will look for ways to make it fit their own schemes of disbelief. This will cause a degree of expected demonstrations and rebellion...which will have the effect of enabling governments to create and quickly pass new laws on freedoms, including peaceful demonstration, to ‘protect’ the law abiding masses that need to believe all is for their own good.

The B boys talked about phased genocide, vaccines, drugs, supplies of medical equipment, government tenders to similar friends, knowing they will survive, and be well positioned to financially ride out the deaths and bankruptcies of lesser protected groups. Who they will then be able to buy out with ease and thus expand. The goldrush thrill of disaster capitalism! When all of this is (temporarily?) over, food and energy resources will be a little less stretched and/or  stricter controlling laws will be in place and democracies will be far easier to control . A sadistic lack of empathy from the richest sociopaths.

There doesn’t need to be anything weird in the vaccines now, people’s minds are doing the paranoid job in their imagination, either with fear or with anger. The rich will remain rich empowering themselves with their inhuman business as usual. Populists will appear to take the side of the people as long as they are rewarded with money and power...and are allowed to join the club. All ethics and morals sacrificed for the temporary glory of pretend immortality.

This was written very quickly over a period of a couple of nights but at least it is a page shorter than usual eh? J I have to concentrate on booking tests (150 pounds in England for a PCR test is RIP OFF. Bastards. The outrageous weight of my suitcase with all my cds and books plus some pants and socks, the forlorn hope of getting a free seat or at least cheap for one of my guitars. The fear I might not be allowed back in to where I am now because the UK still seems to be Boris covid red. And Brexit and being a tourist again. Love the way the brexiteers are pissed off they will have to pay a few Euros to enter Europe as a third country citizen. The Tories voted yes to this idea in 2016 and you voted to become a third country you idiots. So now, you get to stand for a looong time in a longer queue with all the brown people you so disparage. In your nostalgic pride for something which will never be again, you have relegated England to the status of a failed state and voted for the worst government in my lifetime. You should be ashamed but you will just double down.  Disgusting.

Anyway, late summer ‘holidays’ ahoy.  Stay sane and in rude health...hope to see you again, spreading my cosmic rays of great happiness, comfort and joy. Outside of the insanity, keep visualising...Female male left right brain...Yin and yang let’s do our thang...

Y=01=FIRE...WANDS...ADENINE

H=00=WATER...CUPS...THYMINE

V=11=AIR...SWORDS...CYSTOSINE

H=10=EARTH...DISCS...GUANINE

[aion-rsa]

Wynonna Earp Season 4 Episode 8 Review: Hell Raisin’ Good Time

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This Wynonna Earp review contains spoilers.

Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 8

Oh, to be a fly on the (probably Zoom) wall of the Wynona Earp writers’ room during the brainstorm session about which Halloween costumes each character should wear in this autumnal holiday-themed installment! Reader, they nailed it. Wynonna dresses as feminist hero Britney Spears (compliment of Waverly for both bringing the costume together and knowing that Wynonna would be into it), and Wonder Woman. Doc is bisexual icon Freddie Mercury. And Waverly… well, Waverly is a ladybug and then an angel. It’s all beyond perfect, and epitomizes just how much fun this slasher episode of Wynonna Earp truly is. (Barring the sob story Varun Saranga is strapped with selling, but we’ll get back to that later…) Two episodes, and Wynonna Earp Season 4B continues to be… just an incredibly good time? There is a time and place for Important Television, and Wynonna Earp sometimes ducks into that intersection, but I don’t think we talk enough as a culture about the importance of fun, especially in such dark and draining times. I didn’t know how much I needed more unabashedly fun TV until Wynonna Earp came back into our lives, welcoming us all back to the party. And, friends, more than a year into this pandemic, we are all overdue for a party.

This series has had Buffy the Vampire Slayer in its narrative DNA since the beginning, but never is it more apparent than in these delightful supernatural problem-of-the-week episodes. Last week, it was a love virus. This week, it’s a homicidal scarecrow with the head of a pumpkin, the hands of Freddy Krueger, and the focus of an Olympic athlete. Rotten Jack is his name and he’s been a rural myth in the town of Purgatory since the Earps were little kids, spending Halloween trying to avoid their abusive father. It says a lot about this town and the Earp family that an active supernatural killer on the loose is enough of a regular occurrence that literal angel Waverly attempts to eschew the responsibility of tracking him down because she has plans to hang out with her sister. But it’s hard to judge a grown woman so unabashedly wearing a ladybug costume, especially when she is so devoted to hr big sister. Maybe it’s low-hanging fruit for a reviewer and fan who is best friends with her own sister, but, for all of the other amazing relationships on this show, Wynonna Earp has always had the sibling bond between Wynonna and Waverly at its heart and it’s touching to see that, even when these two can’t remember their own names, they remember the love they have for one another.

Yes, that’s right. Waverly and Wynonna straight-up lose their memories. Wynonna may be able to remember whiskey, but she has no idea what Peacemaker is for. This is all thanks to Casey, who you may remember as Wynonna’s half-demon cellmate in “Look At Them Beans.” When Wynonna and Waverly go to Casey’s trailer, per Jeremy’s BBD instructions, in order to pick up “the extractor,” a necessary item for capturing Rotten Jack, Casey freaks out. He’s gone full conspiracy theorist off-the-grid-er since we last saw him (which, fair enough), and doesn’t want anything to do with BBD. He runs away from The Sisters Earp, leading them into the amnesia-inducing fog that apparently surrounds all of the Ghost River Triangle. What follows is basically a delightful excuse for Melanie Scrofano and Dominique Provost-Chalkley to get silly as Wynonna and Waverly traipse around town, in search of a Halloween party, with no idea that demons or vampires are even a thing or that they are supposed to be all that stands between Rotten Jack and the people of Purgatory.

Meanwhile, Amon has graduated from morally-ambiguous antagonist to straight-up villain. And I’m not just saying that because he tries to use the fact that he had sex with Wynonna to manipulate Doc into doing what he wants. (It doesn’t work.) In an effort to make some serious cash, Amon sets up a betting pool livestream around the identities of Rotten Jack’s victims, pivoting to auctioning off the chance to kill the Earp sisters when the opportunity presents itself. I wish this turn had a bit more nuance—I’ve never really been sure of who Amon is as a character or what Wynonna Earp was trying to do with him—but his commitment to villainy does provide structure for the rest of our characters to rail against. It gives Jeremy a chance to team up with Doc to save Wynonna and Waverly, and gives Doc a few instances to reiterate his commitment to the Earp sisters both through his actions and his words. He and Wynonna may not have worked things out, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t the love of his life.

Jeremy and Robin’s tragic backstory knocked this episode down a half-star for me. While I understand the necessity of recasting a role from time to time, I am 100% of the opinion that I would rather the series act as if they are the same human rather than come up with a face-tearing backstory that is both unnecessarily gruesome and too silly even for this show. We already suspend disbelief when it comes to the existence of vampires, demons, demon-hunters, angels, and Cupids on this show; what’s a little recasting amongst friends? Then again, I have always been willing to lean into a recast. Maybe it’s because I am a Doctor Who fan?

That being said, I am also very invested in the angst when it comes to Jeremy and Robin’s ongoing love story. They obviously still share a connection, even if Robin can’t remember their dating history and currently has a boyfriend who is not Jeremy. I am torn between the pull of the amnesia romance trope and the fact that Jeremy is basically slipping drugs into his ex/co-workers’ support group coffee. On the one hand, my fanfic-reading heart loves a good pining amnesiac exes-to-lovers story; on the other hand, it is deeply problematic that Jeremy isn’t giving Robin the option of taking the serum. Robin is an amnesiac; he’s not a child. (Not that you should drug your children’s coffee, either.)

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Additional thoughts.

Taking bets: do we think Amon is dead or will we see him again?

Everyone loves Doc, and it makes total logical sense.

Wynonna’s “walk of shame” look works better than it has any right to.

R.I.P., random Purgatory residents killed by Rotten Jack. I’m not sure what the town’s population looks like at this point, but the loss of three residents ain’t nothing.

“Can you just let me petty.”

“Are you late for school?” “Whore school?” The line delivery here.

“You’re supposed to be the nice one.”

“They say it’s hilarious, but you’ll never look at Dame Judi Dench again.”

“I already wear a mask everyday.” Still not clear on the logistics of Robin’s new face, but I honestly hope the show never tries to explain it.

Code Orange… for Halloween?

“I just want to go trick or treating.” It’s super interesting that, when Waverly and Wynonna lose their memories, it’s Wynonna who loves Halloween and Waverly who hates it. Presumably, this is how they really feel about the holiday.

Justin Kelly, aka the first Robin, is now on a show called Hudson & Rex, which seems to be a show about a cop and his police dog. (The new Robin is played by Jim Watson.)

“I think your boyfriend might be a cokehead.”

“p.s. Dance like no one’s watching.” Casey’s letter to “Wins and Waves.” <3

“I’m not a hero. A fuck up.” “You can be both.” I love how they just slipped the thesis statement for this show into the dialogue of this episode and hoped nobody would notice.

“Love is the absolute of fear.” “Love has always lightened the load.” If Doc ever needs a side hustle, he should consider motivational life coach. But, really, we need to talk about how sweet talk is one of Doc’s legit superpowers. Between his pep talk to Cleo last week and his pep talk to Casey this week, he’s on a roll.

“She’s my most important thing.” “Gross.”

“You were the best sister I ever had.” “How do I know?” “I know.”

Was this episode the best Wonder Woman movie of 2021? Yes or yep?

Doc helping Waverly off the stage?

“Oh my god, I had sex with Eiman.”

“You’re hilarious. We can’t even get the popcorn machine to work.”

This mind fog is spreading? This isn’t going to be good for the cat cafe…

S’mores!

“You are and have always been my hero.” “It’s easy when you know exactly what you’re fighting for.”

“Mind if I steal her for a minute?” “A minute? Woman, you better make her happy for the rest of her damned life.” Nicole didn’t get a lot of screen this episode, but boy does she make the most of it.

 Rotten Jack is played by Kelsey Andries, an actor and stunt performer. She does a very good and creepy job bringing this supernatural horror to life.

The post Wynonna Earp Season 4 Episode 8 Review: Hell Raisin’ Good Time appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[fionatlux]

Episode 1 / Episode 2 / Episode 3

STILL STAR-CROSSED, EPISODE 4

[The one where there is bickering, glorious bickering!]

The Juliet Shrine, Casa Capulet

[The vial of fake-death potion is prominently displayed. How it got there from Rosaline’s bodice, or exactly how much of the fake-death plan is now known, is unclear.]

[A kitty! Kitty, no!]

THE CAT: Kitty yes!

[Noooooo!]

Casa Capulet

[Capulet is, understandably, pretty jumpy.]

A HOUSEMAID: Someone here to see you, my lord!

CAPULET: Who?

A HOUSEMAID: I don’t know, it’s not like the whole point of announcing visitors is to announce their identity or anything.

  The Courtyard, Casa Capulet

BENVOLIO [last week]: I promised to marry the woman; for the love of God do not ask me to spend time with her!

BENVOLIO [this week]: May I have permission to take your niece on a date? So we can get to know each other? 

  Some Pretty Respectable-Looking Street, Verona

ROSALINE: My uncle actually fell for that?

BENVOLIO: I’m persuasive.

ROSALINE: Ready to solve crime so we don’t have to marry?

BENVOLIO: It’s like you know me already!

  BENVOLIO: I have a lead on Flaming Arrow Dude! It’s in a brothel. You can wait outside, Capulet.

ROSALINE: Seriously? A brothel?

BENVOLIO: If you want to know a man’s secrets, you have to go where he spills them, if you know what I mean.

ROSALINE [gloriously disdainful]: Seriously???

  ROSALINE: Well, I’m going in, are you coming with?

BENVOLIO: Your delicate lady sensibilities will be shocked, but as you wish.

[He said it! He actually said it! Well, they didn’t get to spend much time together in the first couple of episodes, so I guess they’re making up for lost shipping time now.]

  The Brothel

[Rosaline is shocked, but not for quite the reason Benvolio anticipated.]

ROSALINE: People actually pay for this?

  The Palace

ESCALUS: Buddy! It is so good to see you!

HIS FRIEND: That’s New Venetian Ambassador Buddy to you now, and I have to tell you that the Doge is not super happy you let his brother die in the street.

ISABELLA: Technically, he died in a nice guest bedroom, but we take your point.

ESCALUS: No need to worry! Everything is under control!

EVERYTHING: *is in no way under control*

  The Brothel

STELLA THE KINDLY PROSTITUTE: Hey, B. Hey, B.’s fiancée.

BENVOLIO: Well, this is awkward.

ROSALINE: Hi?

STELLA THE KINDLY PROSTITUTE: Yep, I know the girl you want to talk to, she’ll be out in a minute. Seriously, I know that guy, it will only be a minute.

ROSALINE: Do you also sell burn ointment? Because damn.

  A Cat Funeral, Casa Capulet

LADY CAPULET: Why would my daughter poison herself?

THE NURSE: That way madness lies! I really think you should let this go.

LADY CAPULET: Nope, it must be Rosaline’s fault! *exits in a swirl of black lace*

ZOMBIE KITTY: *leaps from the grave*

THE NURSE: Holy Saint Francis!

  Back at the Brothel

[Flaming Arrow Guy—whose name is Truccio—and some other dude named Grammio, vaguely associated with House Capulet—were paid to graffiti the statue of Juliet back in Episode 1. Stella and her colleague cannot believe how much they got paid to spill the absolute minimum of information.]

  Casa Capulet

LADY CAPULET: Livia, have you seen your sister?

LIVIA: She’s out on a date. Can I take a message?

LADY CAPULET: Never mind, I’m going to visit the Secret Sickroom.

  The Secret Sickroom

LADY CAPULET: Hello, handsome.

PARIS: Well hello there.

  The Mean Streets of Verona

[Benvolio and Rosaline are still bickering. Rosaline does Glorious Disdain beautifully and often.]

ROSALINE: Nice drawing of Grammio. You could be a sketch artist for the police, if we had any.

BENVOLIO: Tavern time!

  Maison Montague

[The courtyard is full of luggage!]

MONTAGUE: The hell?

LADY M: Hello, brother! I am back from foreign parts to take charge of our family!

MONTAGUE: I had it under control!

LADY M: And that Benvolio needs some feminine guidance, if you know what I mean.

[Ew.]

  Six Taverns Later

ROSALINE & BENVOLIO: *bicker over the artistic merits of his drawing*

[Their bickering is thoroughly enjoyable. Be petty, you two! Be as petty as possible!]

A HELPFUL BARMAID: Oh, you’re looking for Grammio? Yeah, he’s in here every night.

BENVOLIO: See, my drawing is accurate!

THE HELPFUL BARMAID: Also the man has a five-inch scar on his face, it’s kind of hard to mistake him.

ROSALINE: Nooooo, I have curfew!

BENVOLIO: I’ll walk you home!

ROSALINE: Nah, this is Capulet turf. I’m good. You, on the other hand, should be worried.

[She leaves. The other drinkers eye Benvolio. He, seizing the chance for one last petty gesture, steals the rest of her beer.]

  The New Ambassador’s Room, The Palace

ISABELLA: Oops. Didn’t mean to interrupt your bro brunch. I’ll just come back later, shall I? *wink*

ESCALUS: You do that.

THE NEW AMBASSADOR: *wink*

THE NEW AMBASSADOR: So the Doge is pretty mad about his brother’s death. Money ain’t gonna do it. I bet he would find your sister…persuasive, though.

ESCALUS: *FACEPUNCH*

[Finally, you did something right!]

  Elsewhere in The Palace, Later

ISABELLA: You punched the ambassador? Are you out of your goddamn mind?

ESCALUS: He wanted to whore you out to the Doge!

ISABELLA: …oh. Ew.

  An Abandoned House

[Softly, “Once Upon a December” begins to play in the background as Rosaline takes the opportunity to visit her family home. The house is in remarkably good shape and unransacked, despite the fact that she just tore a couple of boards off an open door to get in. Unsurprisingly, Benvolio has tailed her.]

ROSALINE: Who do you think actually pays the price for this feud? Dying is easy, young man; living is harder.

[This scene is actually really sad.]

  Friar Laurence’s Confessional

THE NURSE: I saw a cat rise from the dead! There’s some guy in our secret basement! I fear conspiracy!

FRIAR LAURENCE [ominously]: Tell me more!

  Isabella’s Room, The Palace

ISABELLA: Lady M! I am so happy to see you! TELL ME WHAT TO DO ABOUT VENICE.

LADY M: Go forth and be manipulative!

ISABELLA: I like the sound of that!

  The Secret Sickroom, Casa Capulet

PARIS: I sure feel bad about Juliet. If only I knew something—anything—about the night she died!

LIVIA: My sister was the witness at her wedding and knew all about it!

PARIS: That incriminating piece of information makes me feel so much better!

[Liviaaaaaa.]

  The Back Streets of Verona

BENVOLIO: Hey, I recognize that dude from my own drawing! God, I’m good. Hey, you! I want a word!

[Chase scene! Scuffle! Rosaline, walking home, notices. They fight! Suddenly, a masked and hooded figure appears and stabs Grammio! Benvolio and the masked figure duel! B. slashes his opponent in the arm, but the masked person vanishes! Benvolio reaches for the dagger still stuck in Grammio.]

A PASSERBY: *gasp*

BENVOLIO: oh shit. I’ve been framed! Run, Capulet!

ROSALINE: Oh, this is not good.

  The Palace

SOME GUY: And so, Benvolio Montague clearly left his crest and his sword at the scene of the crime and is super guilty!

ROSALINE: Nope, I’m a witness! It was the same person who’s been terrorizing the city!

ESCALUS: Your word doesn’t count, you’re his fiancée.

ROSALINE: I thought you needed this betrothal? For the greater good?

ESCALUS: Your word still doesn’t count.

ROSALINE: Fine. I’m leaving.

ESCALUS: You’re not going anywhere. Have a seat, there’s a murderer on the loose.

ROSALINE: No shit. Enjoy my glorious disdain.

  The Brothel

BENVOLIO: Look, I know you already turned me down, but things are really bad and I love you! Run away with me?

STELLA: Oh, honey. Ok, I guess?

 Back at the Palace

THE PASSERBY: I saw the whole thing! Benvolio had run him right through!

ROSALINE: ok but did you actually see him do it?

ESCALUS: The counsel for the defense will be silent!

ROSALINE: This is what happens when you don’t have a formal criminal justice system and your unilateral monarch goes bonkers out of jealousy even though this whole betrothal situation is of his making.

MONTAGUE: Look, I think my nephew is useless, but even he wouldn’t kill a Capulet at this point! You made it very clear what the consequences would be and he’s not that stupid!

ROSALINE: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with Lord Montague.

MONTAGUE: But, since you obviously don’t care about things like due process, if you execute Benvolio I will honor our agreement and marry Lady Rosaline myself!

ROSALINE: …

ROSALINE: There are no words.

 A Corridor, The Palace

LADY M: Despite what I said earlier, Benvolio is obviously a liability. The best cure for a diseased limb is to cut it off! Doesn’t anybody know where our nephew is?

  The Brothel

BENVOLIO: Why is this place being raided as we speak? I said I loved you! We were going to run away together! To… well, somewhere. To do… something, I guess?

STELLA THE PERFIDIOUS PROSTITUTE: Babycakes, you’re a customer. You all love me, and I need the reward money.

BENVOLIO: Fair enough. I am clearly devastated that literally nobody loves me, but I cannot argue with your logic.

  The Streets of Verona

BENVOLIO: Friar Laurence! I need sanctuary!

FRIAR LAURENCE: You’re out of luck, kid. I’m skipping town and you should too. There are larger forces at work!

BENVOLIO: Conspiracy? Who? What? Where? How? Why?

FRIAR LAURENCE: I have said too much already. Police, ho! Help!

BENVOLIO: Seriously?!

  The Palace

ISABELLA: Send me to Venice!

ESCALUS: Fine, but don’t squander your virtue for politics!

ISABELLA: I’m a princess, what do you think my virtue is for if not for politics? Trust me, I have a plan!

  Maison Montague

LADY M: I can’t believe our brothel-snatch plan failed!

MONTAGUE: Damn, you’ve gotten scary while you were away. By the way, how’s your husband?

LADY M: In the game of Scotland… you win or you die!

  The Secret Sickroom, Casa Capulet

LADY CAPULET: How’s the arm?

PARIS: I think I got blood on the upholstery again, but I’ll live. Benvolio, however, is toast.

LADY CAPULET: EXCELLENT.

 The Room Formerly Known as Juliet’s Room, Casa Capulet

ROSALINE: I sure hope nothing else happens today because I am EXHAUSTED.

BENVOLIO: I need you to run away with me to find Friar Laurence and worm the truth out of him! It’s our only chance!

BENVOLIO: Also you’re literally the only person I know who isn’t trying to frame me for murder, and my ego needs to know that somebody is willing to run away with me, even if it is to solve crime and not for romantic purposes.

ROSALINE: …

ROSALINE: Yeah, okay. Let me leave a note for my sister and we are out of here. 

LADY CAPULET: *finds the note and hides it*

LADY CAPULET: Oh noes! Rosaline has been kidnapped by that Montague!

LIVIA: OH HELL NO. Nobody kidnaps my sister and gets away with it!

[DUN DUN DUN.]

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