#('OK I KNOW This timeframe pops up in head again sometimes But')

[koushirouizumi]

(DigiAdvs ramble under 'read more')

Me, sitting straight back up: Wait...

Jan 23~25th was around anniversary timeline of Young Me's O.C. Site...

[kyun-toast]

[MONSTA X] Changkyun - Happy Without Me

word count: 3.8k warnings: alcohol, suggestions of smoking, swearing, suggestions of sex summary: I don't think about you sometimes 'Cause I think about you all the time a/n: I’ve been listening to the All About Luv album a lot recently and Happy Without Me hit a little different the other day. I hope you don’t notice how I slacked off near the end 💜

“Yerim what are you wearing for tonight? I wanna look cute but not like ‘I’ve put effort in’ kinda cute, you know? Like I’m always this cute.”

Yerim laughed as she replied, “You’d look hot wearing a bin bag so shut up and let me know what drinks you want. It’s ‘bring your own booze’ so I was gonna run to the store for extra before we go.”

“Umm, vodka? Tequila? Maybe rum? I’m getting smashed tonight and you’re all going to carry me home, just letting you know.” Soobin winked and blew kisses at the both of you with a coy smile on her face, as some form of ‘thank you in advance’ for the troubles that you would be going through later that night. As much pain she put the both of you through, it was hard not to love her.

“Yeah, you say that as if that’s not what happens every week, you psycho.”

You smiled from the comfort of your sofa as you witnessed the two of your best friends bicker. You were never really one for parties, but you decided to let yourself go after an unfortunate night maybe five? six months ago. You thought that you could vent your frustrations into your notes app and be done with it, but your friends took pity and introduced you to another option. One where you could numb your mind with alcohol and crashing bass, and you figured that it was somewhat more enjoyable than cry-writing shitty poetry on a Friday night. Notes app therapy was now a thing of the past.

Changkyun had become such an integral part of your life that you couldn’t help yourself from unconsciously replaying memories that you had attempted to bury. A simple look at the most irrelevant objects would have him running through your mind before you could even stop yourself. Oh, we bought this mug together. You were surprised he hadn’t taken it with him when he left. It was his favourite mug to drink whiskey out of. Speaking of whiskey, you needed a drink. It had only taken days for him to make himself at home at the forefront of your thoughts but how long was it going to take to rid of him?

As much as you tried to keep those thoughts at bay, no amount of alcohol could ever stop them from crashing back over you whenever you saw that little smiley face appear at the top of your Instagram feed.

imnameim. When had he posted a story? You hadn’t seen the pink circle earlier. Would it be too early to look at it now? You couldn’t risk tapping on it only to see that it had been posted 12 seconds ago, just like you had done the other day. And the day before. And the day before that. Should you just make a burner account? No, that’s too far, we’re not going there today, bitch... Maybe tomorrow.

You hated how much power that tattoo face held over you, looking straight into your eyes - almost mockingly. Oh, did I look like a smiley face to you six months ago? Well, I’m a sad face now and that’s all you’re ever going to see.

“Y/N! Hey! You’re going to stare a hole into your phone.” Soobin clapped in your face, trying to get your attention. You looked up, softening your expression to meet Yerim’s eyes.

“Soobin was asking what you’re going to wear tonight.” Yerim said.

“I don’t know, probably that top I got yesterday?” you shrugged, unbothered by your friends’ question. You weren’t going to parties to impress anyone; you were going to drink the last of your braincells away.

“Y/N, ‘that top’ you got yesterday is a free t-shirt you got from the Domino’s pop-up stall on campus. I’m not letting you do this again.” Yerim dead panned.

“OK and...?” You met both of their concerned faces only to have them grab each of your arms.

“Come on. Up. That’s it.” You made unintelligible noises as they dragged you up off the sofa and into your closet. The thoughts about Changkyun’s story were left on the sofa as your mind was now filling with an excited buzz. “You act like you hate this, but I know you love getting trashed with us, Y/N.” Yerim laughed and you knew it too.

-

Changkyun lay in Jae-in’s bed, with her nestled in his chest as he looked up at the ceiling and sighed. Being careful not to wake her, he slowly squeezed his arm out from under her head to lay on his stomach to scroll through Instagram.

He had posted a story over an hour ago, half hoping that you’d see it – a cover of Dean’s Instagram. How ironic.

He shook his head at how pathetic his efforts seemed, whispering to himself, “What the hell are you doing?” He refreshed his feed for the last time to see that you had posted a video of the three of you dancing to a song in your walk-in closet. Probably drunk. Upon re-watching the video on loop for the third time, he concluded that you were most definitely drunk.

Seeing you having fun like this had him torn between being happy for you, moving on with your life and probably on to other men too. Being attractive plus the endless number of parties you went to now was just the perfect recipe. You were bound to have found someone.

And this is where the hatred washed over him. He despised it. Hated seeing you have fun without him, moving on as if he had never existed. Was it that easy for you to just forget? It seemed unfair that he was still struggling to keep you off his mind while you were out having the time of your life, letting your followers know of that fact too.

Deep down, he knew that he wasn’t happy for you at all. He was just trying to kid himself into thinking that he was. Be mature and everything. That was what both of you had agreed to be when your relationship came to an end. After days of what could probably be called a verbal equivalent of a nuclear war, the two of you had given up.

Crying, shouting, complete silence, you had done it all and there was no end in sight. On day three of radio silence, you felt as if you could do without speaking to Changkyun at all. When you brought it up, he admitted he felt the same. Exhaustion making both of you devoid of any emotion, you agreed to disagree and act like the fight had never happened. You were tired and wanted nothing more to do with it. Or each other. Thinking of yourselves as somewhat grown, you decided to be civil since you were in the same circle of friends, not wanting to burden them with any of your problems.

With so many things left unsaid and ties still loose, there was no way that you could just cut clean. But you never so much as bumped into each other since.

You hadn’t blocked each other though, as you both felt that it was some sign of weakness. Yeah, I’m tough enough to keep them on my socials. They don’t bother me. Not at all. But in the small hours of the morning, you were on each other’s profiles, hoping for a glimpse of what they were up to. Wondering if he had finished that song he was working on. If you were eating well. If he was really seeing Jae-in seriously. If you were well and truly happy.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

Y/N’s doing just fine for themselves, everyone can see that.

“Did you finish that essay?”

No, that’s too random.

“I think about you all the time.”

Shut up Changkyun.

Though you had both agreed to be ‘friends’, there was no easy way in going about messaging one another when you had fought so explosively. Changkyun also felt that he had missed the right timeframe for him to salvage whatever there was left of the relationship. Whether it be platonic or romantic. No matter how much he wanted to message you, his pride falsely masked as maturity stopped him from ever doing more than wish for you to call him and say that everything was going to be ok. That you can start over.

“Do you wanna go to Minhyuk’s house party?” Jae-in’s voice was heavy with sleep, squinting her eyes at the bright screen of her phone. Changkyun was startled from his thoughts, not realising that she had been woken up by a text.

“House party…?” Changkyun was dubious.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to, it’s just that we don’t ever do anything besides fuck, and I thought we could do with a change of scenery.”

“I mean yeah it’s just that we’ve never hung out with other people before. Like together.”

He had met Jae-in at a bar a few months ago. Holed up in his studio after the breakup, Changkyun got to channelling his anger into working on his music until his course mate Minhyuk persuaded him out for drinks. Minhyuk had flirted with the girls from the table over to get them to join in on the pity party. Jae-in had seated herself next to Changkyun and a few drinks later, they had quickly bonded over their childhood obsession with Death Note to which she followed up with an invitation to watch it at her place. Who was Kyun to reject? With all this pent-up energy to spare, music wasn’t quite cutting it.  

“I doubt anyone will care that we arrived together.” Jae-in shrugged. “Let’s go.”

-

“Yeah, I invited Jae-in and I think Changkyun might come with her too.” Minhyuk stated nonchalantly over the phone. You choked on your wine and thanked God that the music in your room was loud enough to cover the unnatural sound you had just made. “Y/N, is that ok? I should have asked you befo-”

“No, I don’t care.” You replied a little too quickly, “It’s been months and we broke up on good terms anyway, remember?”

“MINNIE! I MISS YOU!” Soobin drunkenly shouted across the room as Yerim held her back from throwing herself at the phone.

“I MISS YOUR FACE TOO, BINNIE! I’LL SEE YOU LATER!” Minhyuk chuckled as he didn’t hesitate to match her volume through the phone.

“Ugh, you two make me sick”, Yerim rolled her eyes, “You literally saw each other this morning. Just get together already.”

As Soobin and Minhyuk continued to chat, engulfed in their own little world, you reached to grab another drink. If Minhyuk’s predictions were right, you were going to need something stronger than wine to get you through the night.

-

Stepping into Minhyuk’s apartment, Changkyun could feel the bass rumble underneath his feet already.

“Hey! You made it! I thought you guys weren’t going to come, it’s so late! But we have drinks and snacks in the kitchen. Oh, and Jae-in, the bathrooms just through the hallway on the right…” Minhyuk’s voice trailed off into the loud music. Changkyun followed behind Jae-in as his friend gave the newcomer a guided tour of his place.

Though he was familiar with the apartment, it felt a little weird for him to walk through it with someone else by his side. A pack of cards strewn over the floor jogged his memory back to a particularly warm night in June. With the sun just beginning to rise, you both stood below Minhyuk’s balcony at 4am. You shouted,

“HEY MINHYUK, WE’RE GOING TO PLAY UNO AT YOUR PLACE, D’YOU WANNA JOIN?”

“THOUGHT WE’D ASK IN CASE YOU’D FEEL LEFT OUT.” Changkyun added. You both snickered as Minhyuk opened his window to shout back at you, regretting that he had ever given you two the spare keys to his apartment.

“ARE YOU REALLY INVITING ME TO PLAY CARDS MY OWN HOUSE RIGHT NOW?!” Birds fluttered away startled, as a neighbouring window flashed on a light in annoyance. Your shouting combined could never top the sheer volume of Minhyuk’s voice. Changkyun grabbed your hand as you ran into the building laughing before the neighbour could join in on the screaming match.

With classes finished for the year, you had what felt like an infinite amount of time on your hands. Kyun smiled to himself as he was reminded of those summer nights that he had spent with you. Stargazing, pillow talking, daydreaming on repeat.

“Yeah, so you can get to the outdoor space through the living room but I’m giving you special access to my little balcony through my room because you’re uh, Changkyun’s friend.” Minhyuk grinned as he ended his tour.

Upon entering the actual party in the lounge, Changkyun stopped in his tracks at the sight of you on the other side of the room. For a moment, the smoke in the room seemed to clear as his eyes trained on you throw your head back in laughter at Yerim’s animated storytelling. Hearing your voice so crystal clear made his heart swell with something that he couldn’t quite put into words. Half a year had passed since he had last seen you, sat broken on the floor of your apartment, explaining that it would be best to part ways. You had looked so drained of emotion then; it was such a stark contrast to what he was seeing now. He stood frozen, heart beating hard against his chest like a hammer.

“Kyun! Why are you so late?” Wonho, another friend of Kyun’s appeared out of nowhere with a bottle of tequila in his hand. “You gotta catch up on the drinks now, come on, open your mouth.” Wonho went to grab his face with one hand as he proceeded to try and pour some alcohol into his mouth jokingly. Changkyun chuckled as he play-fought with Wonho only to stop midway when he noticed Jae-in smiling at the sight.

“Oh, this is my friend Jae-in.” Kyun straightened up and brushed off his clothes.

Wonho went to shake her hand as Minhyuk snuck up behind him.

"Yeah, friend.” He giggled as he raised his brows suggestively and left as quickly as he appeared shouting, “Binnie! Where are you? We gotta go make those s’mores you wanted!”

Changkyun rolled his eyes and smiled as he guided Jae-in to the nearest table of drinks and set to introducing her to the rest of his friends, hoping that you wouldn’t notice him.

-

At this point, the three of you were beyond gone. Soobin had already passed out with a s’more in her hand as Minhyuk hauled her over his shoulder to put her to sleep in the guest room.

“And she.. she was telling me to sythensi.. she was telling me thynsenise, no, synsi.. she wanted me to synthesise, there we go, snythi…” Yerim tripped over words, dead set on getting her pronunciation right while Hyungwon sat and nodded with his signature painful smile on his face. She was determined, hand on his shoulder with a grip that let him know he wasn’t going anywhere until she had finished her story.

As for you? You were sat next to Yerim, a vacant smile on your face as you struggled to keep your eyes open. Day drinking followed up with a house party in the evening really wasn’t the best idea for the lightweights that you are but there you were, listening to your friend repeat the same sentence over and over again. An urgent voice in your head piped up, letting you know that you should probably go for a breath of fresh air.

“Yerim, hey, Yerim, I’m.. going for some air… stay with Hyungwon okay? Hyungwon, call me if anything happens?” You stood up, struggling to find your balance and teetered across the room to get to Minhyuk’s balcony.

The thing about you is that you are one of those blessed people that can sober up as quickly as they get smashed. You felt refreshed, taking in a deep breath as if to cleanse your alcohol ridden bloodstreams with the cool evening air. Your head still spun a little but as long as you kept your eyes anchored on the moon, you’d be fine in no time.

As much as your body needed a break from the party, it wasn’t the greatest timing for your mental state. Once you had assumed that Changkyun wasn’t coming to the party, you let go of the anxiety holding you back from enjoying yourself. You had been overstimulated from the alcohol, music, and people, not giving yourself a chance to think about anything else. But once those factors were gone, it was just you, alone with your drunken thoughts on a balcony looking up at the moon. And just like that, those suppressed memories regarding a certain boy couldn’t help but unpack themselves from your unconscious. Oh man, this was going to be such a good cry.

-

Changkyun was beginning to feel a little too tipsy for his liking. Though he was having a great time, it felt as if he wasn’t entirely present at the scene, like he was watching and laughing along through a TV screen. He slipped away from the kitchen island to get a breather.

“Oh shit, sorry, I didn’t realise anyone was here.” He apologised, going to close the door of Minhyuk’s balcony to a figure hunched over the railing. You looked up from your hands at him and tried to focus on the blurry face.

His movements faltered when your eyes met, door still open. Just one look at you was enough for that knock back into reality Changkyun had needed. God were you a sight for sore eyes. He drank up the way your cheeks and nose were flushed pink, how your eyes were glossy in the moonlight, eyelashes thick with tears, and the way the softly coloured city lights behind you framed your face. With the night air stained with your perfume and the sounds of muted traffic perfecting the scene, he had never felt so in the present until now. He wanted this moment to last a lifetime.

“Changkyun?” You replied, as you wiped your eyes clear of the tears blurring your vision. You could tell that voice apart anywhere, you only questioned in the slight chance that you were just hallucinating, going insane.

“Are you ok? I can leave if you want, I-” He began hurriedly, knowing that you hated having anyone see you cry.

“I’m fine.” You sniffed.

“Bad day?” He asked softly, bringing himself to stand next to you, looking over at the cityscape.

“Yeah, something like that.” You replied, letting out a small laugh as you wiped the last of the tears from your face. 

Tension hung so thick in the air you could feel it weigh down on your shoulders. Changkyun hated that you, the person he had once shared the deepest parts of his mind with, was someone he was now so uncomfortable with.

You both stood there awhile, looking out at the blinking lights of the cityscape. As quiet as it was, you could almost hear the sound of your brains whirring, going back and forth over whether or not you should say something to break the silence. Changkyun had spent months thinking of questions he wanted to ask you for when this moment came, but the alcohol and nerves fogged up his mind. All he could think of doing was holding you in his arms, hoping for you to be able to feel his apologies, sincerity and promises through the beating of his chest.

A heavy pressing in your lungs only intensified, as you thought about how the present situation had become the outcome of those few perfect years. You regulated your breathing, trying to break down the lump from coming up in your throat, on the verge of tears again. Thinking back, you realised that you probably could have been a little more understanding, could have softened your sharp words, could have opened your heart up some more to allow for Changkyun to do so in return. These thoughts and emotions bubbled up inside your chest to spill out of your mouth before you even knew what you wanted to say.

“Changkyun, I-”

“I found a really nice place for nights like this. Y/N.” he cut across with an anxious tremble in his voice. He could feel the apology ready to tumble from your lips, he had to stop you from apologising for things that you really didn’t need to. He hated that your heart was so big and so loving that you were willing to start trying to mend this relationship first. But he hated himself more for not having the courage to try to be even half as loving as you are.

He continued, still looking out over the balcony, worried that he’d start to tear up if he met your eyes again, “you can see the stars so clearly, it’s insane.”

You turned to him, tears welling in your eyes again. Despite having cut each other from your lives for what felt like a lifetime, it broke you how he could still read you like his favourite book.

“Can we go? Y/N? I’ve waited so long to show you.”

Hot tears fell down your cheeks again as Changkyun noticed and turned to you, pulling you into his chest as you cried out the mess of emotions you had amassed. 

The person you had wanted to talk about your breakup with Changkyun the most, was so ironically Changkyun. He’d know how to calm you down, how to sort out your problems with ice cream in bed like any other issue you were facing. But what were you supposed to do when you had cut the one who understood you the most so bluntly from your life? Who were you supposed to turn to when you wanted to talk about that?

Your cries pierced into his heart deeper with every second that passed, feeling the hurt in your voice in the deepest parts of his soul. He replied by holding you tighter, and you could feel all those things he left unsaid that day you left in the warmth of his chest.

“We don’t have to rush,” He whispered into your hair, “I have all the time in the world for you. Let it out.”

He brought a hand up from your shoulders hesitantly, feeling almost undeserving of comforting you after the pain he had caused you. But to you, his hand stroking your hair was where you found your solace.

So, there you stood, in each other’s arms having poured out your hearts to one another without having said a single word. But you both knew that you felt every single one.

[nightswithkookmin]

With the grammy bomb im more than certain that there is a strain between jikook. They do interact but in a way that is so aloof. Their habitual gravitating towards one another doesnt happen anymore. And im talking about all the recent stuff from october onwards. Jk purposefully rear towards other members and i find jimin to be only open towards namjoon. All of his other interactions on cam are to make sure that everything is fine between him and others. And jk purposefully ignores or avoids jimin and doesnt have that unrestrainable affection towards him anymore. I say all this as a longtime jikook supporter. Honestly even if they had their 'fighting' periods i have never seen jk this dismissive. At least jimin isnt as affected as before. I dont understand how no supporter is admitting the obvious distance of jk.

Why are you being mean to me though😭

Please read my blogs. I think I have talked about this topic several times now.

May be I spoke 'too soon' before the loud moments that make these things obvious to most but still, I've addressed it nonetheless.

I feel if I respond to this, I'd just be repeating myself over and over at this point and frankly it gets boring for the people that read me- I think. Lol. I mean, once I start I never shut up. Lmho. So sorry in advance.

I agree with everything you've said, as well as all the observations you've made. I'm with you on it. Except, you made no definitive conclusions I could agree on, rebut, or share an opinion on. There is a strain on their relationship..... therefore? Lol.

I don't mean this in a rude way. I just don't think it's enough to point that out without drawing conclusions- unless you are simply taking notes of those moments? Or are you concluding that the strain is a sign Jikook are fighting, having problems or that they have broken up?

Not every tension between Jikook is a bad thing if you ask me or even as a result of them having issues in their relationship. This is something I keep regurgitating in my blogs. Not to say they don't have issues, they do. Hell, I get dragged by my roots on these streets for saying they fight, or even break up sometimes like any real couple would. They are real and they have real couple's problems sometimes too like any regular joe.

I'm glad you pointed out though, that Jimin doesn't seem as affected by JK's 'dismissive' attitude as before. Shouldn't that tell you that is a sign there is nothing wrong with their relationship this time around? Jikook is not one sided. JK isn't the only party to their relationship, neither is Jimin. They have an equal and sometimes opposite reaction to each other. One person's attitude or change in attitude tends to produce a ripple effect on the other. In my opinion.

If JK were to be 'dismissive' at all, it would emotionally and physically impact Jimin and he would have a reaction to it like he did in run 106. Compared to this, he didn't seem at all affected by JK's 'attitude' just as you've pointed out.

As I said a while ago, I honestly don't think or believe they are fighting or that they are broken up either- not to me anyway. Lol. I mean you could still pretty much see the intimacy between them in that footage. Jikook don't need to engage in skinship or overt and loud interactions to show they are intimate. And most times their overt and loud skinship and interactions are devoid of intimacy. That's the thing about intimacy, you can't fake it or hide it.

Jimin turning towards JK in his fit of excitement is a sign of intimacy between them regardless of whether he actually hugged JK or not. Then later on the couch, you could see him yearning for JK.

There were three people in that room- may be more if you count staff and yet JK was the only one Jimin seemed to want an answer from.

He was the one Jimin was emotionally inclined towards. The one who's comfort and affection he sought after- bless his heart, he hit his head on some solid rock knees and everything trying to pursue his need for physical closeness and affection from JK. If they were broken up or fighting, he wouldn't go to JK for his emotional needs.

He could try and 'interact' with JK, do the fanservice bit with him but he wouldn't go to him with his emotional needs- that would be inappropriate and unfair to JK. Jimin is an emotionally intelligent guy and he has a lot of thoughts and consideration for people's feelings and he is well aware of his limits and just how much he can push or get away with.

And I cite his Log with JK, where he announced he had started developing feelings for JK and then turned to JK to ask if he was ok with him saying that much on camera.

Thus, if he is emotionally 'gravitating' towards JK then it's indication there is a level of intimacy and a mutual understanding between them that JK fulfills an emotional need and ought to fulfill that emotional need for him.

And yes, I agree. Him hesitating when he wanted to hug JK is a sign there is something stressing their dynamics which is something I pointed out when that Grammy reaction video first came out. I knew something was stressing their dynamic but I couldn't figure out what because it was a very short video with not much going on in there.

The behind the scenes however, chilee. Lol.

I mean if you consider the fact JK went from moving a distance to console Jimin when he was crying on stage during the October ON:E concert, and you look at all the moments we've had from their overt flirting in 2021 season's greetings, the sexual innuendos in the BE behind scenes video, JK sniffing Jimin's hair in the Be unboxing video to that moment on the couch when Jimin hit his head on JK's knees- that shit look like it hurt. Damn. JK what is your knees made of! Lmho.

I am uncomfortable discussing a Jikook era or phase when it's on going on. I like to simply take note of certain moments and discuss them in post by reconstructing the timeline to place content in its rightful timeframe.

I can only share with you my working theory on such moments and for the most part, like I said previously I feel Jikook- especially JK is having issues with the company. Perhaps because the company stumbled on something they weren't supposed to see.

As for Jikook's personal development, I think we all saw this development coming, didn't we? After JM's birthday fiasco? I think I hypothesized at the time that whoever was in the 'wrong' in that situation would come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda in the aftermath. And with that whole GCF Tokyo reference, signing his name to JK's name at the pop up, the stealing looks at JK during interviews, checking him out left right left, trying to make Jk 'jealous' with RM at the Be press con red carpet, it's not hard to figure out who did what in that birthday situation.

I plan on writing a blog on this very topic, because I've received quite a few Asks about my thoughts on JK outing Jimin, military service and others that I find intriguing and want to discuss but I also want to discuss Vminkook dynamics, Jikook boundaries and I don't know which one to get into first. When I'm torn between options I end up not making a choice at all. Lol.

All I can say in regards to Jikook and their on going 'situation' is that- I love it. Lol. I love their dynamics, I love where they are at in their love journey, I love where they are heading. Jikook is just beautiful in every sense of the word.

I love what JK is doing. I love where he has gotten my bias to- which is confronting himself and figuring out what he wants from their relationship. Because, honestly you can't have your cake and eat it. It just doesn't work that way.

What you are seeing is just JK asserting himself against Jimin I'm afraid. It's the push and pull thingy all over again.

I keep talking about 'the boy in love with Jungkook' being a facade and persona Jimin hides behind to love JK and most people don't understand.

JK's persona is not the boy in love with Jimin. It's the boy cold and shy who rejects Jimin- well at least that was the persona he had in their early dynamics around debut.

He has since shed that persona and the bold, fearless, assertive JK we see on the screens is him choosing to unapologetically express his love and feelings for Jimin. And jimin enjoys that.

But you take a look at Jimin, and you don't see that drastic change in his persona or the way he expresses himself with JK- I mean let's call a spade a spade.

Do I think Jimin loves JK? Absolutely. Do I think he is being authentic in the way that he expresses those feelings to JK on camera? Only to an extent.

It's obvious who Jimin is to JK or even the way he expresses himself and his love for JK is slightly different off camera than the persona we see on our screens. For one, clearly JK is not used to seeing Jimin prioritize others over him or be overly affectionate with others besides him. I mean it's been seven years. Ten, if you count the periods before. You'd think JK would get used to JM doing skinship with others or showing affection for the others especially since they've lived together over half of the time and yet here we are, frying pans away from the apocalypse whenever any member breaths near Jimin. Damn JK. Lmho.

Do I think his persona is slightly exaggerated? Yes. But I also think JM downplays his love for Jk with his 'Mr I'm available' personality, his Kumbaya attitude, and his I'm just a nice guy on the block character, which often leads to people questioning whether or not he treats JK different from the group. Don't get me wrong JK does this too.

Jimin loves JK. But at this point the question is is he expressing that love in the way that meets JK's emotional needs? Is he allowing JK to love him and express the love he feels for him in the way that makes him happy?

I think that's what the birthday fiasco is all about.

If you don't want JK openly showing and expressing his love for you in a way that he wants to and in a way that holds meaning to him and makes him feel fulfilled as well in the relationship then what is the point of him holding on to the glass closet?

Two can play that game. Lol.

It's JK's needs above the groups and I feel he is putting it right up there next to JM's needs because they are both valid.

You should have seen JK's face when Jimin decided tell the truth about his location on September 1st in that BB press interview.

I remember pointing out that when JM started that narration with the first person pronoun he was going for a well curated narrative perhaps one the group had agreed on prior to avoid confirming his location on the JK's birthday like they had tried to do during the VLive but dropped that and went with the honest truth the moment he started talking about being with Jk and using 'we' instead of 'I' in his speech.

I'm glad the interviewer from his Weverse magazine interview confirmed and pointed out this tell or habit of Jimin when he speaks,

"When he’s talking, Jimin often starts his sentence with phrases like, “I just,” “it just,” “they just …” But then he immediately goes on to open up about his feelings, always providing a sincere response."

At least now we know for sure he wasn't lying about his location- for all those who called him a liar.

Anywho, my point is it makes JK happy when Jimin expresses his love and feelings for him. But it also makes him happy when he is able to show the world just how much JM means to him.

He didn't get those tattoos for nothing. He didn't do the GCFs for nothing. He didn't nibble on his ear in front of thousands of people for nothing- had he posted for Jimin on his birthday, given how he hadn't done that for anyone in a year, it wouldn't have been for nothing either. In my opinion.

When I tell y'all Jimin is gonna wake up one day with JK's ring on his finger and he wouldn't know what hit him. Chilee. Lmho.

Listen, JK is in love LOVE with Jimin. It's my opinion and I'm gonna treat it as fact because I believe it- if you disagree keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear it. Lol.

That boy is in love with my bias. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing. Lol.

Seriously though, JK loves Jimin and he loves expressing those feelings for him. He goes overboard sometimes with it to the point it's borderline outing but we don't talk about that. Lol.

He's progressed through out the years from hiding his feelings for Jimin, whispering I love you's to JM when he thinks JM is alseep, slipping matching plasters onto his finger, all the way to Rosebowl.

If you ask me, he wants to be Jimin's equal in every sense of the word and as much as he loves to be at the recieving end of JM's affections, he enjoys being at the giving end.

And if JM has the cover of 'the boy in love with the Maknae' and it works perfectly for him not just as a persona but the perfect excuse for loving Jk then you gotta wonder what cover JK equally has for loving JM the way that he does. He has none. His every move is questioned by members, by staff, by fans- why do you film Jimin so much, why not put Tae in there for clicks, why are you constantly with Jimin and other invasive questions like that.

Jimin gets away with a lot of things than JK because of his personality and his persona. People would question the things JK does most of the time while dismissing the things Jimin does as either fanservice or as flowing from his personality. Whereas JK cannot get away with those same things.

We paint JK as Jeonlous and possessive but we forget most times he acts that way so Jimin doesn't have to. Jimin has said he doesn't share his friends and yet somehow we think he is ok with sharing his boyfriend with 5 other members or those 5 members with his boyfriend- this is code, let it sink in.

There is a lot of boundaries he instills there and it's equally an expression of possessiveness. Yet it's so subtle you might not even notice.

Jk makes Jimin look cool. He takes the fall so Jimin doesn't have to. When JK takes a step back that's when you see how whipped JM is- the neediness, the clinginess- PJMs give me a break. *rolling my eyes. It needs to be said. I love Jimin too but shit, it is what is. Lol.

I think it's gonna take a while for Jk to open back up to Jimin, to get in the space where he feels safe expressing himself with Jimin the way that he was doing before Jimin's birthday.

It doesn't mean he hates Jimin or doesn't love him or doesn't want him or doesn't care. But I think Jimin needs to step up to show he is on the same page as JK because JK is all about reciprocity. He ain't about to do the one sided unrequited nonsense. Lol.

Honestly all this is part of Jikook's dynamics. This not the first time Jk's closed himself off. The last time he did it was because they had gone through a nasty breakup- I said what I said. In my opinion nonetheless. Lol.

In the aftermath of it, he was expressing similar behavior. In Suga's Birthday Vlive this year for example, when Jimin was clinging to him and had his hands on his leg he didn't take the bait either- man was it frustrating to watch. Lol. But you could see JM wanted that physical connection with him. Did you see his smug face when Jimin was all over him?

I think he is just going through a phase where he needs reassurance of Jimin's love. Jimin is a big guy and he knows his man best and I think he knows exactly what he needs to do to get him to come around. Lol.

I mean he flew all the way from Paris to see him on his birthday didn't he?

I think we have to leave them to it. Just observe them. I hate commenting on a phase like this especially when it's on going. I'd rather talk about it after it's ended and a new phase has begun for them.

Part of supporting Jikook is knowing when to give them privacy and room to just unfold their story and be human. They are a living breathing love story after all.

Jk isn't being distant. He is just not interacting with JM the way we are used to seeing him do. But I feel that's part Bighit asking them to cool off and part him just wanting reassurance from Jimin.

At this point, I want to ask why you want people to acknowledge JK is closed off? To what end? I don't think anyone is denying that they are going through this phase- well the Kumbaya tradshippers are but why do you want me to acknowledge this fact? I already pointed out that there is something stressfing their dynamics.

They have their own personal stuff going on but I don't think it's much of an issue and at the same time they seem to be having issues with their company- You have to take all of that into consideration to see how that affects their dynamics as well.

You have to be aware of the timeline too. Because content is not released in chronological order, it may seem like a rollercoaster ride when in actual sense all of this may have happened with a specific time frame.

When it comes to Jikook always assume they are much closer than you think. Jikook is fine, I believe. Just take mental notes of these things for posterity. I wouldn't be worried about them.

As usual, this has been my opinion. Don't take it too seriously. Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

[xbladekitkat85]

Do You Remember Now?

Summary: It's Peter's birthday and everyone is planning on a surprise when he wakes up. Except there's a huge problem. Peter's gone missing.

Word count: 4k+

Warnings: Descriptions of violence, swearing, ANGST, mentions of dealing with grief.

A/N: I haven't really written angst before so I don't know how hard it's going to hit. I did tear up at one part while typing so maybe it's a bit heavy???

Peter's disappearance happened when everyone least expected it. It was the morning of his birthday, and all the heroes of the universe were going to be there. It would have been the first reunion in over 5 years where everyone was available to come, Asgardians and Guardians as well. Everyone was going to sneak into Peter's room to wake him up with a collective shout of "SURPRISE!" and pop an unnecessary amount of party poppers all over the room.

Tony peeked inside first to make sure that Peter was still asleep before beckoning everyone inside. But he felt a cold draft flowing from the crack between the door and the doorframe that shouldn't have been possible due to the picture windows.

He entered the room to find the window cut open and various items belonging to Peter scattered on the floor. There was no sign of Peter himself and the excited feeling that Tony had all morning quickly twisted into something he had felt only when Pepper had been taken years ago by Killian.

It was the feeling of debilitating fear.

Tony felt a wave of nausea hit him as various scenarios all ran through his head, each with Peter hurt, scared, or possibly even dead.

Pepper was the first to notice Tony hadn't come to get everyone. He came out of Peter's room after a few minutes more of waiting. But he wasn't acting like the excited father he was only moments before.

"Tony, what's wrong?" She asked, feeling anxiety building up with each second of silence.

Tony turned to look at everyone with a haunted look in his eyes. Pepper recognized it as the same expression he had when he had returned from space after fighting Thanos. Something was horribly wrong, and it had to do with Peter.

"Tony, talk to me. What's happening." Pepper asked gently despite the worry she felt.

"Peter's not there." He whispered hoarsely and turned to look at her. "Pep, we can't lose him again."

Morgan, Carter and Harley had heard what Tony said and they all felt a sharp stab of fear and worry. Morgan felt tears burning in her eyes, and buried her face in Carter's shoulder for a moment to compose herself. Carter held her close and stroked her hair while Harley walked into Peter's room to see it for himself.

Harley looked around the entire space. He checked the closet, the hammock near the ceiling, and the bathroom adjacent to Peter's room to no avail.

"FRIDAY, show me the tower's security activity from 11pm last night up until dad opened Peter's door." Harley requested.

But to everyone's shock, there was no familiar response of, "Sure thing boss." from the speakers throughout the tower.

FRIDAY was out of commission. That meant that somebody had been able to shut down an AI made by Tony Stark, which is no easy feat. This meant someone skilled was behind it and most likely planned the kidnapping with extreme scrutiny.

Nothing about the situation was remotely close to how everyone thought this day was going to go.

"We need to get Friday back online ASAP." Morgan shakily said. "If we are able to access the security cameras, there's a chance we might be able to find a clue."

Carter glanced at Morgan and saw the pain and worry in her eyes, and gently took her hand and squeezed it to reassure her. She squeezed it back to acknowledge his presence.

"Morgan, Harley, and Carter, come with me to my lab. Nat, you reach out to any contacts who may know something. Carol, this is a long shot, but I want you to ask off world allies if they have any clues as well." Tony ordered. "Everyone else start looking around the tower for clues of any sort. If you see anything remotely suspicious, make a note of it."

*Time skip*

Nobody had been able to find a trace of a clue regarding Peter's whereabouts.

Not any of Tony's extensive connections had an idea. Natasha's contacts hadn't heard any chatter about a kidnapping or hostage. Carol came up empty from every person she had asked but that wasn't unexpected.

Morgan had been back to school and Carter was supportive whenever she needed reassurance. But after a month of no news, or leads, she was starting to lose the little hope she had left. Peter would promise her before every mission, that he would come home safe and sound. But this time he hadn't come home. She didn't even know where he had gone.

Harley became fixated on building tracking devices, scanners, homing beacons, anything that could help find his brother. Harley had promised to always help Peter if he was in a pinch, regardless of how annoying he could be sometimes.

Tony had shut himself in his lab to fix FRIDAY and go through everything he could think of that could offer some sort of sign, a clue, a word, literally anything to bring Peter back home. He had invented time travel to bring him back so why couldn't he do something as simple as finding a clue? Peter would probably point out an error in his work that would solve his problem but now that wasn't possible.

Pepper busied herself by concentrating on running Stark Industries. Whenever she got the chance, she would drag Tony and Harley out of their labs to eat meals with her. God knows those two would forget to eat if nobody reminded them that food and water was an essential part of living. Peter would usually take care of that but since his disappearance, she took up the job.

Everyone felt a piece of their family was missing. But nobody said his name out loud, even though everyone thought about him.

It just hurt too much to hear his name knowing that by now he was likely dead. That he was never coming home.

And time would continue to pass, as the pain of losing Peter would too.

Until one day, on a mission, everything changed.

*6 months after Peter's disappearance*

HYDRA had suddenly resurfaced with no warnings whatsoever.

They had set off Tony's alert system designed to warn of threats, and a group immediately suited up. Having HYDRA stirring up trouble was never a good sign, especially since they were supposed to be gone. But as the saying goes, "Cut one head off, two more take it's place."

The team that had gone to check out the threat consisted of the original 6 Avengers as well as Harley, Bucky, Kate, and Wanda. Upon arriving at the location that had set off the alarm, they noticed that another group of people were there as well. One person among them in particular stood out to the OG Avengers. Before anyone could make a move, all the Avengers were suddenly knocked down, and tied up so they couldn't move.

"Hey, I found these guys lurking around. Who are they?" An unfamiliar voice asked.

"Yo-Yo, you can let them go. We're friends. Well, at least most of us are, those three I haven't met. It's alright."

All the OG 6 Avengers felt a cold shock run through their bodies. That voice belonged to someone they thought was dead since the Battle of New York.

"Agent Coulson?" Tony asked in shock.

"It's former Director actually and yes, I'm alive." Coulson replied, as everyone was untied by Yo-Yo.

"There's no way." Natasha said as she stood up. "Fury would have said something sooner. And when were you Director of SHIELD?"

"I'm sorry, Nat, but he meant to keep it a secret from all of you. Me being resurrected." Coulson said with regret in his voice. "Said that if you knew, it would have distracted you from your goal."

"Steve, who is this guy?" Bucky asked in confusion.

Coulson's eyes widened in a very comical way when he noticed who had just spoken.

"Sergeant Barnes. It's an honor to meet you." He said, holding out a hand to shake.

Bucky took Coulson's hand to shake and noticed that his hand was not a real hand.

"Your hand... It's mechanical isn't it?" Bucky asked curiously.

"How much has happened with you since we last saw each other?" Steve asked.

"A lot. And we'll talk about it later after we take care of this HYDRA base. I assume that's why you're all here." Coulson said, gesturing to the other group.

"Yes, well, let's introduce the new members of our teams and then make a plan." Steve said.

Coulson informed his team of the change of plans. Everyone on Coulson's team met up for introductions.

"Daisy Johnson, aka Quake. She has the ability to manipulate natural vibrations as well as generate concussive blasts of vibrating air. Elena "Yo-Yo" Rodriguez. She is able to travel at superhuman speeds within the timeframe of a beat of her heart before she bounces back. Hence the nickname, Yo-Yo. Melinda May, expert martial artist, pilot and empath. Mack, Deke, and FitzSimmons are on the Bus right now. You'll meet them later."

Everyone on Tony's side acknowledged their names and took note of their abilities and powers.

"Ok, for the new faces on our side, we have Barnes, the Winter Soldier, who you already know, Wanda, she's got telekinesis and can read minds, Kate, she's Clint's protege, slash eventual replacement and Harley, my oldest kid, who built his own suit." Tony said, introducing the group.

Daisy leaned over to Yo-Yo.

"Tony Stark has kids?" She whispered.

"How the hell would I know?" She responded. "I'm not the former groupie member here."

Daisy glared half heartedly at her.

"I said it was one time!"

"Not my fault you got drunk and told me that story." She shot back.

"Hey, focus we're not here to argue." May interrupted. "We have a mission."

Everyone quickly formed a plan and they all entered the base.

Yo-Yo ran through the halls to assess the amount of security as well as any potentially dangerous weapons. When she was done, she gave the report to Coulson and Tony so they could split their team accordingly.

"May, Harley, Kate, Captain Rogers, Wanda, and I will be one group. Daisy, Yo-Yo, Nat, Clint, Sergeant Barnes, and Tony will be the other. " Coulson explained. "Dr. Banner will be here on comms just in case. I've synced the signal our comms travel on so we're on the same channel. We're going to be split up, so only call for help if necessary. We have about equal amounts of power on each side, so take advantage of every opportunity if need be. Let's go."

Everyone nodded and headed off with their respective groups to raid the base.

(A/N Tony's team will be written in bold and Coulson's team in regular text to avoid unnecessary writing)

Wanda lead the group through the hallways, with May taking out the first few guards easily. Coulson shot ICER bullets at the ones May couldn't focus on while Harley made sure every guard was unconscious. Cap and Kate ran ahead to scout out the next few corridors and the rest of the group quickly followed.

Daisy knocked down the first wave of guards and Yo-Yo tied all of them up while Nat, Clint, Tony and Bucky advanced deeper into the building. A group of guards wielding batons and handguns immediately appeared in their path, blocking the way. Clint shot arrows into the walls that released smoke to obscure the soldiers vision and aim. Tony took advantage of their disorientated state and used heat signature seeking taser blasts to knock them out.

Cap almost got a punch to the face while he rounded a corner but he leaned to the side, barley avoiding it. Kate quickly rushed in and used the man's momentum to flip him over her shoulder into the wall while Cap recovered and punched another soldier trying to attack Kate from behind.

"Thanks." She said, a bit out of breath.

"No problem. Incoming from both sides, get ready." He replied, standing nearly back to back with Kate.

"You got it, Cap." She said, readying her bow.

He threw his shield at the closest guard while Kate shot multiple electric arrows at the hallway in front of her, effectively creating a bolt of electricity that hit multiple targets. They quickly rotated in sync and they repeated the same attacks as before, with Cap taking out the last of the soldiers in his way and Kate knocking out hers.

Tony watched Yo-Yo as she sped forward to scout the next hallway. He couldn't help but think of Pietro Maximoff, and how similar their powers seemed to be. Of course, Yo-Yo bounced back while Pietro didn't. He just kept going forward and never looked back.

Before he could even blink she had returned to the group.

"There's about a dozen guards outside a set of reinforced double doors." She said. "They're guarding something important."

"That's why we're here though. HYDRA has some weapon or something they plan on using, right?" Daisy asked. "Why else would they have resurfaced?"

"It's never a good sign when there's that much security outside an already pretty secure door." Clint added.

"They couldn't have possibly made anything more dangerous than supersoldiers." Bucky muttered.

"I wouldn't put it past HYDRA to find a way to do it." Nat said. "We got to make a plan. We can't just charge in."

Coulson's group had reached the end of the last hallway on their side. There wasn't anything at all to take as evidence or to destroy.

"It can't just be a dead end." Coulson said in disbelief. "There's gotta be a secret door or something at least."

Harley snorted at his complaint.

"I mean that's would I would have done." Kate said thoughtfully. "There wasn't anything of importance on our side of the base. So it makes sense that there's something we're missing."

Cap walked forward and proceeded to rap his knuckles on the wall.

"Whatcha doing there Cap?" Harley joked. "Hoping the secret door will open if you politely knock?"

Cap had moved to the left wall and knocked on it as well.

"He's checking to see if any of the walls sound more hollow than the others." May interjected. "It's a smart idea. It could reveal a hidden room or passage that isn't visible to the naked eye."

Wanda turned to Harley with a raised brow.

"Hey, can't you scan through walls with your suit? That would make this go a lot faster." She asked sarcastically.

Harley froze and everyone turned to look at him.

"Yeah, that would have made this a lot easier." Coulson said wryly.

"I'll get on it." Harley said sheepishly.

He scanned all the walls around them and eventually started walking in another direction.

"This way. There's a room further this way that I can't see through with the scanner. It seems to be lined with lead, which means x-ray scanners won't do the job. Whatever we need to find must be there." He said.

Everyone quickly followed Harley's lead as he walked down the halls, eventually leading them to where the other group had gathered in front of heavy looking doors. The soldiers that had presumably been standing guard were incapacitated on the floor.

(End of bold/regular text switches)

The entire group was preparing to enter the room they stood in front of. Whatever HYDRA had been working on had to be here. Nowhere else in the building had anything significant and this was the final stop.

The door had a keypad that required a passcode as well as a biometric scan. Of course, they could try using the guards to try to pass the retinal scan but there wasn't any guarantee they had access.  Of course, they had to deal with the code as well. Maybe physical force would work.

Tony scanned the door's material and found that it was capable of taking the strongest hit from his and Harley's suit combined.

"All right, does anyone else have any brilliant ideas on how to enter this room?" He asked "I don't have enough firepower for this door."

Coulson turned to Daisy and nodded his head.

"Do your thing." He said.

She rolled her eyes and approached the keypad to the door and forced the device to open, revealing circuit boards and wires.

"What is she doing?" Harley asked in confusion. "I thought she could blast through stuff?"

Daisy took out a small tablet and hooked it to the keypad, quickly typing out code and breaking through the security.

"You're lucky I still carry a tablet, Coulson. We would have been in trouble otherwise."

Tony was impressed and slightly scared of how fast she broke through HYDRA's mainframe of security. He made a mental note to update his security system as well as FRIDAY's firewalls.

After a couple minutes of rapid typing, the door opened with a hiss of cold air.

"Remind me to change all my passwords on my social media." Harley said to his suit's AI.

"All right, lets see what HYDRA has been working on." Coulson announced. "Prepare yourselves for anything."

They walked into the room and immediately, everyone noticed the change of temperature compared to the rest of the base.

FRIDAY informed Tony that it was 10 degrees in the room and understandably, everyone was shivering.

Tony walked a bit further and then stopped suddenly. He felt his blood run colder than the room itself.

Coulson had said to be prepared for anything but he clearly didn't have this in mind of the things he needed to steel himself for.

"Oh my god." Kate whispered. "Is it?"

"Peter?" Harley asked in disbelief.

Tony's son was in the corner of the room, curled up in the fetal position, and unresponsive to the world around him.

"FRIDAY, scan for any vital signs." Tony asked desperately.

"He's got a pulse, but I believe he may be in a comatose state. He is also dehydrated and malnourished."

Coulson's team didn't know who this Peter was, but they knew based on everyone else's reaction that he was someone who had been missing for a long time.

"FitzSimmons, do you read me?" Coulson said into his earpiece.

"Yes sir, what's wrong?" Jemma's voice replied.

"We need you to set up the medbay immediately. Get an IV drip sufficient for dehydration as well as malnutrition." Coulson ordered. "We also need heat lamps, if you got any."

"Right away sir." She replied.

Steve picked Peter up and everyone followed him out of the base, back to safety.

*Time skip to returning to New York*

Morgan had been in the middle of a meeting for student council when her watch buzzed. Although it wasn't unusual for that to happen, this time it was buzzing in a pattern that meant there was an emergency that she could not ignore.

"May I be excused to go to the bathroom?" She asked the teacher, who nodded her approval.

She grabbed the hall pass and made her way to the bathroom and checked to see what the message was.

The message was from Harley and what he had sent broken down the walls of composure she had been building for 6 months.

Morgan, we found Peter. We're almost back to the tower and mom's picking you and Carter up. We'll tell you more when you get here.

She sank to the floor and started to sob.

How was this possible?

Where had he been?

How was he alive?

Was he still alive?

More and more questions ran through her head and she finally calmed down enough to exit the bathroom without looking like she had just had a breakdown. When she walked back into the classroom she was handed a summons to leave early.

She arrived at the attendance office and Carter was already there, waiting for her with Pepper by his side.

They all hugged for a good long while and they all cried a bit before Happy started to drive to the tower to meet up with everyone.

"Mom? Is he alive?" Morgan asked hoarsely.

She was silent for a bit before replying.

"He's alive but he's in a coma of sorts."

"Do we know why?" Carter asked.

"Dad said it was extensive exposure to frigid temperatures and that the spider DNA caused him to hibernate because of it." She answered.

"Do we know when he's supposed to wake up?" Carter questioned.

"I don't know honey." Pepper said honestly. "We have to hope for the best."

Morgan felt her heart sink in her chest as they pulled into the parking garage.

Everyone got out as soon as the car was parked and rushed to the elevator.

"FRIDAY, take us to the medbay where Peter is." Pepper said.

"Right away miss." She replied.

They made it to the medbay in record time and rushed to Peter's bedside, where he was still asleep.

Morgan almost didn't recognize that it was Peter in the bed.

His face was unnaturally pale and gaunt and he had lost weight, his frame looking thinner and weaker because of it. His hair was longer than she had ever seen it before and was tangled in knots. He had multiple bruises scattered around his body that should have been healed.

Tony and Harley walked into the room soon after and Morgan hugged them both extra tightly as she let out months worth of fear and anxiety in the form of tears.

"Shhhh, Maguna, it's ok, he's home." Tony whispered. "Breathe, you have to breathe."

"I thought he was dead." She sobbed into his chest.

"I know, but he's here now, everything's going to be ok." Tony reassured her gently.

Carter and Pepper joined in the hug and they all comforted each other.

Peter was finally home, where he belonged.

And he was about to wake up from his slumber.

"Hello?" a voice said, cracking in the middle of the word. "Where 'm I?"

Harley turned his head towards Peter so fast he almost gave himself whiplash.

"He's awake!" He said.

Everyone let go from the hug to gather around Peter's bed.

"Peter, are you ok? How do you feel?" Carter asked.

Peter turned to look at Carter.

"Who're you?" He asked confusedly.

Peter looked at all the people standing by his bed.

"Who are you guys?" He asked. "What am I doing here?"

Everyone's hearts collectively sank at his question.

Peter didn't remember anyone in this room. He couldn't recall his family. What had HYDRA done to him?

"Peter, we're your family." Morgan explained shakily. "I'm Morgan, your little sister. That's Harley, your brother, Carter, my boyfriend. That's mom and dad over there. Don't you remember at all?"

Morgan's voice broke as she asked him that question.

Peter looked at everyone's faces, one by one, trying his best to remember them but he couldn't. His memories were blank with a capital 'B'.

"Maybe photos or videos might help?" Carter offered weakly.

"FRIDAY pull up video footage from the folder, Family Shenanigans."

FRIDAY displayed footage from the timeframe that the Avengers were playing pool in the rec room.

Tony was on a team with Carter and Harley and Morgan were on the other. Peter and Pepper were watching them play from the side.

"Come on Harley, you can do better than that!" Tony teased as he put chalk on his cue stick. "Morgan's been carrying your team the whole game."

"No way, I've hit at least half of our balls in the pockets!" Harley protested, even though he knew he was spouting bullshit.

"I've done two behind the back shots and made them, how many have you done?" Morgan piped in, absolutely decimating Harley, the Roast King himself.

Everyone burst out laughing at her comeback and Tony immediately fell to the floor from laughter and pounded his fist on the ground.

Morgan had never seen her dad laugh so hard at something, let alone everyone else, including Natasha, who usually never let more than a chuckle out when she found something hilarious.

"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON ANYWAY?!" Harley yelled at her over all the laughter.

"That's my sister!"  Peter said proudly, with tears of laughter in his eyes.

Friday played other videos taken during random moments, as well as displaying photos. Everyone took turns explaining what had happened that day and why it was special. Peter asked questions here and there and everyone answered patiently and with extra detail to help.

Eventually, they had gone through the entire folder and Morgan glanced at Peter to see if there was a flicker of recognition at all.

"Do you remember now?" She asked him softly.

Peter had tears in his eyes as he answered.

"I'm so sorry." He said.

Morgan wanted to scream her heart out. He still didn't remember his family. She didn't know if he ever would.

"I've been gone so long, and HYDRA erased my memories. But you guys were able to find me before they could finish the job for good." He said, finishing what he had wanted to say. "I do remember you guys. I can't believe I ever forgot how much everyone here means to me."

Pepper let out a gasp as she nearly tackled him in a hug. Everyone felt a huge weight lift from their shoulders as Peter laughed weakly at everyone's faces.

"Peter, don't you ever scare us like that again!" Harley scolded with tears running down his face.

"That was a shitty thing to do, seriously." Carter said, annoyed but mostly relieved that Peter was back.

"Peter, never forget how much we love you." Tony said, wiping a tear away from his cheek.

"I can't believe you're back." Morgan said, smiling despite the fact she was still crying a bit.

"I'm here, and I won't be leaving you guys like that again." Peter replied. "I mean, I'm bedridden at the moment anyway."

Everyone groaned at his joke before a group hug formed around Peter.

Everything was as it should always have been.

A/N: Here's a little fun fact about this chapter, the part where Morgan roasts Harley is based on something that happened within my family a couple years ago. In my family's version, I was on a team with my cousin and my dad and another cousin were on the other team. The dialogue is basically word for word what happened. I roasted my cousin, and my everyone started laughing, and my dad literally fell to the floor and was pounding his fist on the ground.

Taglist: @frostedgiant

Send an ask if you would like to be tagged in future fics!

[levyfiles]

Last week the @skepticbeliever-bookclub prompted us to post a selection of our favourite shyan fics so there’d be a nice little way to highlight all the hidden gems of favourites we might already recognise and love while sharing a few we might never have found otherwise. Last December I posted a little list of some of my favourites so I figured I’d dust off that list with a few new additions of particular favourites I treasure. 

Be All My Sins Remembered by spoopyy

Summary:  In every lifetime, they find each other.

Review: This fic manages to take you on a long journey through what feels like a series of AUs and they all weave in and out of the wealth of their relationship with some vivid descriptions of the historical settings their journey takes them through. As someone who grew up reading Anne Rice’s epics through historical events, this fic is right up my alley. A vampire Shane passing through the wave of human society’s climb searching for a reincarnated Ryan again and again, trying to hold on to him and keep him through great tragedies and timeframes that just don’t let them be together. This was one of the first fics I read when I was only a lurker and to be quite honest, I need to give this one a nice re-read, maybe for the book club which would be loads of fun. Either way, 10/10. Would be Hurt in the heart again.

Perfect Fit by @beaniegara

Summary:  There’s a legend that says anyone able to take all of statue Shane’s cock will summon the god to the mortal realm. Given the statue’s excessive size, no one has ever succeeded to prove or disprove the story. Until Ryan that is.

Review: Listen. You wanna talk actual fandom legends. This fic is one of them and it pulls out all the stops on being delicious and evocative. Also features one of my favourite incarnations of size queen bergara. Good stuff and you’re really rooting for Ryan in this lol.

a prize for rotten judgement  by sarcasticfishes

Summary: “You’d drive each other crazy. You sit together at your office all day, and then you’d be commuting home together, eating dinner together, watching TV together, going to bed — well, not together, but you get it, right?”

It doesn’t sound so awful to Shane. There are worse people he could be spending all his hours with than Ryan Bergara.

Review: The moment I happened to glance at the notes of this and saw that Fie’s secondary title for this would have been Ryan and Shane move to the Suburbs, I about lost it with excitement. Primarily because the show this references is one of my favourite comedies and that is one of my all-time favourite episodes. Let me tell you though, even if the reference is lost on you, this story is so much gold rolled into a heart-gripping tale of two best friends who spend every waking moment together taking the plunge to share a home and they were roommates oh my god they were roommates. Shane is pining and you’ll pine right along with him as you’ll yell and holler for him to stop being so damn real and full of doubt. It really is worth every gasp of pain and all the more for the execution but the delivery will leave you in delight. Certainly had me yelling at the author. This fic is gonna be one of my timeless favourites; I knew it the moment I began.

Everything’s Weird and We’re Always in Danger by beethechange

Summary: Ryan perches on the edge of the bed, an indistinct shape that Shane can only just make out in the dark, so he turns the lamp back on. He wants to see Ryan’s face, wants to know that he is alright. Ryan’s cheeks are damp, his hands fisted in the hideous flowered duvet.

“It won’t go away,” Ryan says miserably. “I’ve been like this since we got here, basically, and it won’t fucking—”

“Ah,” Shane says. “Well, you know, sometimes fear��adrenaline…they can affect people. Physically.” He waves his hands indistinctly crotchward. “It’s a, a scientifically known phenomenon.” Shane feels a little better staying in the realm of scientifically known phenomena.

Review: Word of advice. You see a fic is authored by beethechange, run don’t walk because you’re absolutely always going to be treated to the best of banter, the best of prose, chemistry, organic execution and feels right up the bottom end of your heart. This fic, this changed everything I thought I knew I wanted out of a bed-sharing fic. It’s got a little bit of two treats here. You got a sex-pollen-esque situation mixed with bed-sharing and holy fucking damn that is more than you think you deserve, but read this because you do deserve the best of the best. The build up, the dialogue, the surprisingly hilarity of it, the hotness woah, and The Aftermath. When you think you know what you’re in for, you’re wrong and you’re most pleasantly surprised. Get this fic in your life and honestly? while you’re at it, you could do a clean sweep of every fic in her list of works and while my less than adequate reading time management may still be short on some of her most well-recommended pieces, I have an adamant faith that Bee doesn’t disappoint. Go get y’all juice.

Maelstrom by thewindupbird

Summary:  Here’s the thing about driving halfway across the country to see someone. You can’t really deny, after that, that you’re pretty much head over heels for them.

Review: Listen. One morning on a day off, I just laid in bed and read this– all 40k+ words– while lying there clutching my pillows, hurting and loving every moment of it. The descriptions of Americana, the slow steady metronome rhythm of Ryan’s feelings as frightened and helpless as they feel when you’re relating deeply to them juxtaposed with the deep-seated struggle of understanding what it is to be with someone you love so much but your mental health is burning quiet holes in your ability to express it in a way that can be understand. Ryan’s fierce determination, breaking through the silence of their non communication is really Everything to me in this fic. i think I really left my heart in the scene in Shane’s parents kitchen. That finished me. Read this fic and understand the deep relief you get when you’ve finished a fight with someone you fiercely care about and they understand you and you understand them and it’s OK; it’s gonna be all right. Augh.

5 times Shane had to overrule Ryan’s “No Homo” + 1 time he didn’t have to by ghoulboyboos

Summary: There was only one thing that would truly drive him up the wall with Ryan, much more than any debate about ghosts ever could: Ryan’s consistent twitches of “no homo” when any sort of physical contract between them happened.

Review: I have such a soft special spot in my heart for this fic particularly because Lud manages to examine a trope I tend to avoid in such a sweet and honest way I couldn’t not love this fic. The story takes a painstaking and very real look at the “no homo” issue as it weaved through the journey that was early days Ryan and Shane. Shane’s reaction to in this and how he communicates with Ryan has such a very heartfelt and once again, real quality to it. I get in my feelings all over again about how far they’ve come and what it meant for Ryan to have Shane there. Lud really nails this piece and it’s a classic in my eyes.

A Burial on Box Hill by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: The Celtics believed that the yew flower symbolized both immortality and death. Meanwhile, for centuries, the buxus flower was seen as a symbol for safe passage into the afterlife.

Or,Shane and Ryan were never the same after investigating the Black Forest of Germany alone.

Review: Let me just quote my bookmark comment here. Usually I flee from tragedy like a cat spotting a cucumber but the brevity and the prose dragged me in and now I’m a functioning mess. Bless this fic. Oh my god it’s short and reads like one of those quick horror stories you’ll read to your friends just as the scary stories are transitioning from the urban legends to the ones that feel real. Big warning for main character death but still read it if you appreciate a good story told.

Body Farming by shiphitsthefan

Summary: Failed suppressants and a surprise heat: the worst of cliches, and here Ryan stands, living the trope on location with the alpha he’s hopelessly in love with. Even worse, they’re spending the night in the famous Bell Witch Cave, completely alone and with no way to contact the outside world.

Ryan knows he can survive and keep his preheat a secret, as long as Shane will stop being so protective and concerned. After all, it’s not like Shane wants to bond with him.

Right?

Review: Now judging from the reactions of many people I’ve spoken to, big heavy ABO kink is not popular here but guys, GUYS. This one. Let this one in I promise it is not what you think it is. The dynamic is organic and the worst side of the trope is subverted in all the best ways and lord help us, the smut is hot, like swelteringly smoking. It’ll stay with you.

Believer by cellard00rs

Summary:  Some demons and otherworldly creatures love climbing up the power ladder. Shane is not one of these. He likes where he is (thank you very much) and has no interest in moving up. All he wants is to give his friend Ryan a nice birthday gift. So, naturally, everything goes to hell.

Review: This fic is another fandom legend. When I think demon!Shane. It’s this and one other one that always pops right into my mind. This was my first exposure to the bureaucracy meets the supernatural!Shane trope and I was sold from the get-go. The Shane in this fic is everything I imagine a demon!Shane is and his ginger care for Ryan, the concept of their bond and how even though Shane is a demon and responsible for keeping the supernatural a firm secret from Ryan and the rest of the world, his skepticism is relayed through his status as a demon. I want to talk more about it but I think so much of the enjoyment comes from the surprises as the plot unfurls.

hey boy, take a look at me by weakspots

Summary: Ryan is 27, for Christ’s sake, and he’s not exactly hideous, so there’s really no reason to spend his money on a dude — a dude — whose face he’ll never see but whose livestreams he’s been jerking off to for roughly 4 months now. He should be going out and partying and fucking random chicks. Or a guy, whatever, just to get it out of his system and confirm to himself that he really is 100% straight.

Because he is. This is morbid curiosity, if anything.

Review: I’ve been a long-time fan of this universe and it was a universe I didn’t know I needed until this author gave it to us. We or rather me, a desperate audience, just devoured this with every update. Not only is it hot, but it has the delicious intrigue of secret identity, anonymous stuff and a LOT of blush-worthy prose therein. This version of Shane makes me thrive but the titillating nature of straight-identifying!Ryan being bowled over by the turn of events that leads him to his world tilting into the gravity of a camboy just--you Have to read this one!

Heartbeat by quackers

Summary:  So the guy Ryan sits next to at work is a vampire. That’s no big deal, right?

Review: I could talk your literal ear off about this fic. Vampires, man. I love the trope; you don’t know me as a person if you don’t know this at least. And this fic kept me fed all damn year. It was a readable garden. If there is one thing I can guarantee about quackers’ work, it’s that their world-building is a festival of detail. The realms and alternate universes they work with while still managing to keep Shane and Ryan’s voices so familiar and real is a talent not attributed to your everyday author. This fic propelled me into wanting to write more and more because quackers makes stories so much fun! Reading their work is, to me, not unlike the feeling I got when I was younger and finding series that speak to my need to escape this crummy existence, made me want to believe in fun spicy things like a vampire that lived through centuries, cynical but still searching, navigating a world where people are still people, adjusting to differences and prejudices, finding comfort in a guy that understands that and more. I’ve talked about this fic in more than a few different posts so I’d just be reiterating a lot of things I loved about the more historical aspects of Shane’s journey, the way Ryan is so firmly curious and inventive in ways to connect with Shane. Look, even if vampires aren’t your thing, I can promise that if you visit quackers list of work, you will find something for your supernatural-lovin’ palate that speaks to a gentler side of your own curiosity about monsters and the jocks that love them. lol.

I’ll Crawl Home by carrieonfighting

Summary:  “Shane was almost unnerved by how quickly he’d settled into this body, this name, this life - his friendship with Ryan was the most time he’d spent with any human before, and yet the man fascinated him.”

Review: This is the second fic I think of when someone says the words ‘demon!Shane’ to me because ohhhh my word, this fic is a masterpiece. I really am hard-pressed to find anything better than the feeling I get when I think of demon!Shane headcanons interwoven with the irl Buzzfeed reality and the idea of the Ryan as we know him being protected and watched and loved so deeply by a demon that found him so long ago and wanted nothing but to protect him. I feel an almost vicious glee reliving that moment when Ryan and Shane are on goatman’s bridge and man, I just really love canonical fic mixed with a slight twist. The writing in this makes it work so well with lines that still haunt my heart and soul like “Ryan liked popcorn. So did the demon. Genuinely, not just out of a desire to please the human – he liked the way it crunched between his vessel’s teeth. There were some aspects of taking a corporeal form that were… nice; laughing, coffee, feeling warm. Ryan made him laugh.” FUCK! The beautiful agony of it, watching the demon fall in love with Ryan through the eyes of his vessel. Just stark with pain and unspoken, well-written angst and pain with a perfect ending, I wouldn’t change for anything. I love this for us as a fandom and will always love that author crafted this piece and shared it with us. (Also every time I hear Work Song by Hozier, I think of this fic again and sigh).

[sportymama]

If I had a dime for every time I thought our lives would be ordinary, I’d be a wealthy woman! Instead, gratefully and thankfully I am rich beyond measure in a million other ways that money and possessions can’t come close to buying. Living an ordinary life..this just isn’t in the works for us.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of visitors, with more on the way over the next two weeks, which we love. It’s fun to be a ���tourist” in the place you live. There is something about sharing your dreams with people that is so magical. Giving them a glimpse as to the WHY we do, and act, and live the way we do. As adventurers and joy seekers my hubs and I relish these sweet moments to bring people to off-the-beaten-path places that we have known and loved for so long here in Costa Rica. We love sharing why this place is so special to us, and the decisions and (many)prayers that went into this and making it our home. We love sharing the obstacles that God put in front of us, the wait, and the right path that He finally put us on to get here. We are thankful for the friends and visionaries that we met over ten years ago, who we’ve stayed in touch with, and continued to inspire us on this journey. 

Costa Rica isn’t for everyone, and we fully understand that. The way of life here is  S L O W (unless you’re driving) and rides on a timeframe that most people don’t roll on. A slow-roll vacation is one thing, but living by that day to day is a whole different experience. Thankfully my hubs and I are very patient and don’t get overly-excited when things aren’t in our time frame. It’s just part of life here. The water goes out, and the electricity goes out, sometimes during the hottest times of the year. Things break quickly, but it’s not always easy to fix them or have them repaired quickly. There are bugs. (have I mentioned that on a few past blogs HAHA) Some days the language barrier can be hard, although I can speak and understand Spanish pretty well (and am still learning and taking classes) there are times that it’s rough. Living on the beach, things rust and just quit working that you wouldn’t suspect. Phones and computers die quickly due to salt air. Growth is slow, and in fact, the village where we reside in is the same as it was ten years ago on our first visit. In fact, it has gotten smaller. It was these types of things we LOVED about it and why we fell in love with it. However, there are days that I just feel out of sorts, weary and this day happened to be one of those days.

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After a wildly-fun week with our daughter and her roommate visiting, going to some incredible places, playing tour guide, and driving the milage of a drive from here to Belize, I was ready for a quiet night at home on Saturday. My daughter and I drove into the city to take a tanned, sleep-deprived CW to the airport. I have to admit, I was a little….tired myself (a lot), unraveled and on the fray already. After leaving the airport we got onto the highway, to make the 90 min- 2-hour drive home. There was a lot of traffic as per the usual for a weekend. Then I could feel it. The air in our SUV started to feel “off” and a little warm. I looked at my temperature gauge and noticed that was rising towards the H! Hmm. I pulled to the side, which was a flat-out act of playing Frogger, and I turned the A/C off. When we left our beach town yesterday it was 91 degrees F (with a real feel of 109) IT WAS A LITTLE TOASTY! I thought…in all of my mechanical wisdom (none) that maybe using the air in such heat, the car needed a rest. I surely did! Once I shut the air off and sat for 30 seconds, the temp went down. “OK..good!” I said to my youngest Cub who was riding shotgun. We merged back into traffic, passed a tollbooth, paid our colones, and I looked at the gauge again…it was now all the way to the H. Hmmm! That means HOT! Which we were coincidentally, with no A/C, 100 degrees of sun on us, in the middle of the highway, just out of the city. I pulled back off onto the side of the road and shut the car off. I took a 30-second “Jesus take the Wheel” moment and texted my hubs who is in the States. THIS POOR MAN! This Saint of a husband of mine. What is he possibly going to do? What he did is what he does so well; calmly, coach me through a couple of different things. By the grace of God, we had water in the car. As surfers, we carry it as our after-saltwater rinse. I popped the hood, added some water where needed, but could tell the radiator was much too hot to open, and went to turn the car back on. Nope. Still overheating. I climbed back into the car and looked at my daughter. I said, “well….hmmm.” I got back out and stood in front of my open hood as cars raced by coming out of the tolls like racehorses on a track. Semi trucks were whizzing by and honking their horns. Tourist vans and shuttles screaming by, jocking for their position into two lanes after the width of the tolls. I stood staring at a steaming engine and for a brief second felt very vulnerable the helpless. We were far (12-15K) from the next gas station that I could tell on Google, but had mountains to climb to get there. I got back into the car to check on my daughter; I said: “Aren’t you happy that I don’t panic?” Which is true, but to be completely honest, inside I was feeling a slight tinge of alarm and dismay. I was in a “mother’s protection mode” but under the shield I felt a heave of my chest and was spinning a million things around in my head. Things that were coming into play; no mechanic, in a fair amount of traffic, the sun getting lower in the sky, which was great for the heat factor, but meant that sunset would be coming, leaving us not only in the dark on the road, but to drive (if we could) back home in the dark (worst thing ever) and EVEN if someone stopped, thinking about our vulnerability, being two gringas stranded, and the language barrier to explain the situation. I stood outside the car and whispered, “God. God in all of your power and mercy and saving, I NEED a miracle right now. Right this very moment, because honestly, I do not know what I am going to do.” 

Within 5 minutes of that whisper, a car pulled up. I was a little nervous because I couldn’t quite see who was in the car. I couldn’t tell who was getting out. Up walks this young guy followed by his sweet wife and baby. He said “You OK? I know you. From the gas estacion en Jaco. I work there, and I recognize you on the side of the road.” WHAT!? I was completely dumbfounded at this point, staring at this guy. And he says again “remember me? I know you from Jaco.” The miracle. I snap back together and say “YES! Oh my gosh, yes, I remember you, of course!” This young guy, from Jaco, 100K away, where we frequently get gas, and now will be THE ONLY PLACE we ever get gas, just happens to be driving back from San Jose with his wife and baby son and they recognize me. Sweaty, hair in a top-knot, baking on the side of the road, in a maze of cars, looking like a hot mess, they recognize me? The miracle. 

He starts peeking and poking around in my car and asks for mas agua. I pull out the few remaining bottles we have that are half-full, he wets the radiator and slowly starts to work the cap off. At this point, we were completely out of water. As this is happening another car pulls up, and an older man and his wife walk up. He brings out of his vehicle two big jugs of water. The miracle. The two men converse back and forth and look into the engine. They get the cap off and fill it with water. It was DRY, and the fan is not working. Nothing to cool the engine. The older gentleman pulls out a knife and starts to cut wires. I look at my daughter and smile as she’s Snapchatting this to her world fan base. and say, “is this really happening right now?” I ask the younger of the two guys if this is his amigo? “No” he replies, with a shake of his head. Just a random man and his wife. Good people. This older gentleman is slicing and splicing car wires and sparking wires off of the battery, all in an effort to get the fan running. He definitely knew what he was doing. Then he says “broken.” Ok, well there it is….. He splices wires back together and pulls out some electrical tape to secure them. Meanwhile, behind us, pull up two semi-truck drivers to add to our roadside party mix. They got out to share some conversation. They were great at blocking the oncoming traffic for us out of the hustle of the toll booths. Finally, the young man says “OK it’s holding a bit of water, but leaking. Please drive in front of me to the next gas station, so I know you get there safely.” I offer to pay them, and they would not accept the money.

The Cub and I hop into the car, the gauge is reading in the normal range, and we take off for the next gas station where we pull in, and the guy and his sweet wife and baby hop out, he pops the hood and fills the radiator again. This continues at EVERY gas station until we hit Jaco around 6 pm. (We left San Jose and the airport at 2:30p!!) Once in Jaco, he says “I can follow you to Esterillos if you like.” I knew at this point I was close enough to get home without running out of water. I was holding back tears. I could not believe the genuine, sweet gift that these people were to my daughter and me when we were in such great need. A random act of kindness from complete strangers. Once again I pulled money from my wallet and offered it to them. The only way I could think of besides my continued words of gratitude in my fragmented Spanglish, to repay them. I said, “Please, you saved me today! You were an answer to a prayer.” His sweet wife looked at me and shook her head no and said: “We do this for you de nuestro corazón because we love you.” (We do this for you from our heart because we love you)

Queue the tears. QUEUE. THE. TEARS!

The sweet guy asks if I have a phone and he puts his cell number into my phone. He says,  to please let him know if I need help explaining to a mechanic what’s wrong with the car (because as far as my Spanish goes I missed the Automobile Engine Course to explain) By the time my daughter and I got home, he had already texted me to see if we made it safely. The miracle. 

When we got home, our kids were waiting with our dog which they had kept all day. What a sight for my eyes. I was so happy to be back home. I FaceTimed with my hubs to fill him in. I laughed and cried a little over the story and sequence of events that played out. Laughing because nothing is ever ordinary and crying because of the enormity of graciousness, helpfulness, and love that I felt from complete strangers.

Number 5-million of WHY we love living here. The people. The kindness. Given, taken and shared. I try and talk to everyone, everywhere, even when I pull into the gas station and greet the attendant. Yes, I can be busy. I can be on my phone. I can be fidgeting with my radio controls, but I always think about people, because they MATTER. Maybe they aren’t having the best day. Maybe (doubtfully) I am the only gringa that decided to pull up and TALK that particular day.  I always share a smile. They are entirely free, and people LOVE receiving them. Thankfully, yesterday that came back to me. 

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38

The Miracle of a Gas Station If I had a dime for every time I thought our lives would be ordinary, I'd be a wealthy woman!

[levyfiles]

helloooo!!!! since you are my fave blog about shyan content, i must ask: what are your favorite fics???

AHhh! I–OK well, Lately I’ve been finding more and more fics that fill my heart right up with every gorgeous headcanon there is, but If we’re talking all-time favourites, I have finally compiled a List from the moment I started reading shyan fic in 2018 of fics that have ruined my life; all of them here in no particular order.

Be All My Sins Remembered by spoopyy

Summary: In every lifetime, they find each other.

Review: This fic manages to take you on a long journey through what feels like a series of AUs and they all weave in and out of the wealth of their relationship with some vivid descriptions of the historical settings their journey takes them through. As someone who grew up reading Anne Rice’s epics through historical events, this fic is right up my alley. A vampire Shane passing through the wave of human society’s climb searching for a reincarnated Ryan again and again, trying to hold on to him and keep him through great tragedies and timeframes that just don’t let them be together. This was one of the first fics I read when I was only a lurker and to be quite honest, I need to give this one a nice re-read, maybe for the book club which would be loads of fun. Either way, 10/10. Would be Hurt in the heart again.

Perfect Fit by @beaniegara

Summary: There’s a legend that says anyone able to take all of statue Shane’s cock will summon the god to the mortal realm. Given the statue’s excessive size, no one has ever succeeded to prove or disprove the story.Until Ryan that is.

Review: Listen. You wanna talk actual fandom legends. This fic is one of them and it pulls out all the stops on being delicious and evocative. Also features one of my favourite incarnations of size queen bergara. Good stuff and you’re really rooting for Ryan in this lol. 

Everything’s Weird and We’re Always in Danger by the beethechange

Summary: Ryan perches on the edge of the bed, an indistinct shape that Shane can only just make out in the dark, so he turns the lamp back on. He wants to see Ryan’s face, wants to know that he is alright. Ryan’s cheeks are damp, his hands fisted in the hideous flowered duvet.

“It won’t go away,” Ryan says miserably. “I’ve been like this since we got here, basically, and it won’t fucking—”

“Ah,” Shane says. “Well, you know, sometimes fear…adrenaline…they can affect people. Physically.” He waves his hands indistinctly crotchward. “It’s a, a scientifically known phenomenon.” Shane feels a little better staying in the realm of scientifically known phenomena.

Review: Word of advice. You see a fic is authored by beethechange, run don’t walk because you’re absolutely always going to be treated to the best of banter, the best of prose, chemistry, organic execution and feels right up the bottom end of your heart. This fic, this changed everything I thought I knew I wanted out of a bed-sharing fic. It’s got a little bit of two treats here. You got a sex-pollen-esque situation mixed with bed-sharing and holy fucking damn that is more than you think you deserve, but read this because you do deserve the best of the best. The build up, the dialogue, the surprisingly hilarity of it, the hotness woah, and The Aftermath. When you think you know what you’re in for, you’re wrong and you’re most pleasantly surprised. Get this fic in your life and honestly? while you’re at it, you could do a clean sweep of every fic in her list of works and while my less than adequate reading time management may still be short on some of her most well-recommended pieces, I have an adamant faith that Bee doesn’t disappoint. Go get y’all juice.

Maelstrom by thewindupbird

Summary: Here’s the thing about driving halfway across the country to see someone. You can’t really deny, after that, that you’re pretty much head over heels for them.

Review: Listen. One morning on a day off, I just laid in bed and read this– all 40k+ words– while lying there clutching my pillows, hurting and loving every moment of it. The descriptions of Americana, the slow steady metronome rhythm of Ryan’s feelings as frightened and helpless as they feel when you’re relating deeply to them juxtaposed with the deep-seated struggle of understanding what it is to be with someone you love so much but your mental health is burning quiet holes in your ability to express it in a way that can be understand. Ryan’s fierce determination, breaking through the silence of their non communication is really Everything to me in this fic. i think I really left my heart in the scene in Shane’s parents kitchen. That finished me. Read this fic and understand the deep relief you get when you’ve finished a fight with someone you fiercely care about and they understand you and you understand them and it’s OK; it’s gonna be all right. Augh. 

A Burial on Box Hill by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: The Celtics believed that the yew flower symbolized both immortality and death. Meanwhile, for centuries, the buxus flower was seen as a symbol for safe passage into the afterlife.

Or,Shane and Ryan were never the same after investigating the Black Forest of Germany alone.

Review: Let me just quote my bookmark comment here. Usually I flee from tragedy like a cat spotting a cucumber but the brevity and the prose dragged me in and now I’m a functioning mess. Bless this fic. Oh my god it’s short and reads like one of those quick horror stories you’ll read to your friends just as the scary stories are transitioning from the urban legends to the ones that feel real. Big warning for main character death but still read it if you appreciate a good story told.

Body Farming by shiphitsthefan

Summary: Failed suppressants and a surprise heat: the worst of cliches, and here Ryan stands, living the trope on location with the alpha he’s hopelessly in love with. Even worse, they’re spending the night in the famous Bell Witch Cave, completely alone and with no way to contact the outside world.

Ryan knows he can survive and keep his preheat a secret, as long as Shane will stop being so protective and concerned. After all, it’s not like Shane wants to bond with him.

Right?

Review: Now judging from the reactions of many people I’ve spoken to, big heavy ABO kink is not popular here but guys, GUYS. This one. Let this one in I promise it is not what you think it is. The dynamic is organic and the worst side of the trope is subverted in all the best ways and lord help us, the smut is hot, like swelteringly smoking. It’ll stay with you. 

Believer by cellard00rs

Summary: Some demons and otherworldly creatures love climbing up the power ladder. Shane is not one of these. He likes where he is (thank you very much) and has no interest in moving up. All he wants is to give his friend Ryan a nice birthday gift. So, naturally, everything goes to hell.

Review: This fic is another fandom legend. When I think demon!Shane. It’s this and one other one that always pops right into my mind. This was my first exposure to the bureaucracy meets the supernatural!Shane trope and I was sold from the get-go. The Shane in this fic is everything I imagine a demon!Shane is and his ginger care for Ryan, the concept of their bond and how even though Shane is a demon and responsible for keeping the supernatural a firm secret from Ryan and the rest of the world, his skepticism is relayed through his status as a demon. I want to talk more about it but I think so much of the enjoyment comes from the surprises as the plot unfurls. 

Heartbeat by quackers

Summary: So the guy Ryan sits next to at work is a vampire. That’s no big deal, right?

Review: I could talk your literal ear off about this fic. Vampires, man. I love the trope; you don’t know me as a person if you don’t know this at least. And this fic kept me fed all damn year. It was a readable garden. If there is one thing I can guarantee about quackers’ work, it’s that their world-building is a festival of detail. The realms and alternate universes they work with while still managing to keep Shane and Ryan’s voices so familiar and real is a talent not attributed to your everyday author. This fic propelled me into wanting to write more and more because quackers makes stories so much fun! Reading their work is, to me, not unlike the feeling I got when I was younger and finding series that speak to my need to escape this crummy existence, made me want to believe in fun spicy things like a vampire that lived through centuries, cynical but still searching, navigating a world where people are still people, adjusting to differences and prejudices, finding comfort in a guy that understands that and more. I’ve talked about this fic in more than a few different posts so I’d just be reiterating a lot of things I loved about the more historical aspects of Shane’s journey, the way Ryan is so firmly curious and inventive in ways to connect with Shane. Look, even if vampires aren’t your thing, I can promise that if you visit quackers list of work, you will find something for your supernatural-lovin’ palate that speaks to a gentler side of your own curiosity about monsters and the jocks that love them. lol.

I’ll Crawl Home by carrieonfighting

Summary: “Shane was almost unnerved by how quickly he’d settled into this body, this name, this life - his friendship with Ryan was the most time he’d spent with any human before, and yet the man fascinated him.”

Review: This is the second fic I think of when someone says the words ‘demon!Shane’ to me because ohhhh my word, this fic is a masterpiece. I really am hard pressed to find anything better than the feeling I get when I think of demon!Shane headcanons interwoven with the irl Buzzfeed reality and the idea of the Ryan as we know him being protected and watched and loved so deeply by a demon that found him so long ago and wanted nothing but to protect him. I feel an almost vicious glee reliving that moment when Ryan and Shane are on goatman’s bridge and man, I just really love canonical fic mixed with a slight twist. The writing in this makes it work so well with lines that still haunt my heart and soul like “Ryan liked popcorn. So did the demon. Genuinely, not just out of a desire to please the human – he liked the way it crunched between his vessel’s teeth. There were some aspects of taking a corporeal form that were…nice; laughing, coffee, feeling warm. Ryan made him laugh.” FUCK! The beautiful agony of it, watching the demon fall in love with Ryan through the eyes of his vessel. Just stark with pain and unspoken, well-written angst and pain with a perfect ending, I wouldn’t change for anything. I love this for us as a fandom and will always love that author crafted this piece and shared it with us. (Also every time I hear Work Song by Hozier, I think of this fic again and sigh).

Like I said at the beginning, thanks to @skepticbeliever-bookclub I’ve been discovering and re-discovering some fics I hadn’t had the chance to read and or have never even heard of before and my bookmarks list is growing with each new week. So if you get through this list and need more in your life, here you go. Every fic in my bookmarks deserves the community’s attention. If I can just make one special request of you guys? If you do happen to click any of these and enjoy what you read, please take the time and tell the author what you loved about it. It really changes the game out here for fanworks and fan-creators like you wouldn’t even believe and the people who shared these works with us worked hard to make the stories what they are and put a great deal of emotional investment in sharing it. Share more than your silence in return. 

Hope you find something you like here, nonnybabe..