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jjacob · 4 years ago

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all i want for christmas is you

❝ the school had started to take notice of you. lee juyeon, however, had always noticed. ❞

PAIRING ▸ lee juyeon x fem!reader (ft. best friend!lee minho)

GENRES ▸ fluff, high school au, sports au, best friends to lovers au

WARNINGS ▸ mild profanity but !! lots of !! fluff !!

SUMMARY ▸ the bet was simple: find a date to the winter ball. the only problem was that juyeon didn’t want just any girl. he wanted you.

PLAYLIST ▸ all i want for christmas is you by mariah carey

WORD COUNT ▸ 5055 words

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ merry christmas! this is a gift for addy @honeyju the biggest juyeon simp ik !! ily addy i am excited/scared/not emotionally ready to read the minho one which ! btw y’all should read here bc our stories are loosely connected! also disclaimer: i know jack shit ab football but i tried

LEE JUYEON TENDED TO REGRET HALF THE THINGS HE SAID SOMETIMES.

In eighth grade, Juyeon’s sense of humor was largely self-deprecating and consisted of saying he wanted to die at the slightest inconvenience. But, with his spectacular timing, he let the joke slip in front of a teacher once and froze up upon seeing her concerned expression. Juyeon later received a note from the counselor’s office and had to convince them that he was perfectly fine.

In tenth grade, Juyeon had grown past his phase of dark humor and moved onto high school football. He made the cut for the team the previous year, and managed to make it on the varsity team by the time he was a sophomore. In the beginning of the season, they asked who wanted to be captain the next year, and Juyeon boldly declared that he did. Thus, he was ridiculed and sentenced to pick up balls and clean up the gym after every practice from then on.

Now, as a high school junior in the varsity football team, Juyeon had screwed himself over by making a stupid bet with his best friend, Lee Minho.

Lee Minho was, in short, a conniving bastard. Juyeon never should have trusted him and gone along with his antics. The mere thought of what he had gotten himself into was enough to send his heart into overdrive.

The bet sounded simple enough: find a date to the Winter Ball.

Of course, it was easier said than done, but Juyeon was a star athlete and had girls sliding in his DMs left and right. He could easily find a date if he wanted to, and, honestly, Juyeon only needed to send a few texts and he would probably be secured for the dance. The problem was, however, that Juyeon only wanted you.

Minho was well aware of Juyeon’s pitiful, unrequited love towards you. It was probably the reason he suggested the bet; his best friend either wanted to see him miserable or see him score a chance with you. Either way, Juyeon wasn’t sure his heart was ready to shoot his shot.

Juyeon had crushed on you ever since you sat next to him in the seventh grade and let him borrow your pencil. It was such a silly start to his admiration for you, but his feelings grew stronger when the both of you actually became friends. You were so bright when you laughed, so sweet when you spoke, and so adorable when you smiled. Juyeon had never felt this way about anyone else and always got butterflies when he saw you. Juyeon was never one to chase after girls but he would find himself constantly thinking about what you were up to and having several internal dilemmas over whether he should ask you to hang out or not.

Five years later and Juyeon still harbored feelings for you. Now, they had matured into something deeper, but you still racked his brain nevertheless. It didn’t help that you had a major glow-up in high school and were probably the most beautiful person Juyeon had ever seen.

The school started to take notice of you.

Juyeon, on the other hand, had always noticed.

“Are you sure we can finish a medium before practice?” Minho asked Juyeon, setting a box of pizza on the table in front of him. “Also, I saw Y/N by the gym earlier.”

Juyeon perked up. “Y/N?”

“Yeah,” Minho replied, grabbing a slice of pepperoni pizza for himself. “You know what day it is, right?”

Minho took a bite out of his pizza, observing Juyeon with a raised brow. His best friend was on the baseball team but treating themselves to pizza had become a monthly ritual. Despite being on different teams, he was closer to Minho than his football teammates.

“Thursday?”

“And that means?”

Right.

Juyeon had formulated an elaborate plan to ask you out during the football game today, but, of course, it all depended on whether their team won or not. It would have been kind of ridiculous to propose after a loss. On the bright side, he knew he could count on the fact that you’d actually be present considering you were a cheerleader.

But what if you already had a date? You surely hadn’t mentioned it to him or posted about it on social media, so he was riding on an assumption that you haven’t been asked. That was bizarre to Juyeon, though, because you were the prettiest person he had ever seen. However, it was true that you were gradually getting popular, and that made Juyeon a touch nervous.

“I ask her out tomorrow,” Juyeon breathed out. “Am I ready for this?”

Minho scoffed lightly. “Are you ever?”

Juyeon frowned at his best friend, scrunching up his nose at his distasteful comment. “What about you? Have you gotten a date?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

Juyeon sighed. That was probably all he would get out of Lee Minho today. Once Minho set his mind on something, he carried it out diligently until the end. Juyeon honestly had no idea who he wanted to bring since Minho didn’t like talking about girls he was interested in, but he supposed it wasn’t that big of a deal as long as his best friend was happy.

It wasn’t like Juyeon was never going to hear about his friend’s endeavors. After all, he did pick up on Minho’s slow descent from an apathetic individual to a whipped ball of fluff. If Juyeon mentioned that to his best friend, however, he would probably be ridiculed for consistently being whipped for you since the seventh grade.

Juyeon nearly jumped out of his seat at the sound of his ringer going off. He scrambled to pull his phone out of his pocket, ignoring Minho’s teasing smirk at the sight of his frazzled self.

y/n: hey :) i’m gonna drop off some gingerbread cookies my mom made after practice so lmk when i can come over

Juyeon must have saved a country in a past life for this kind of luck.

juyeon: i love your mom’s cookies. you can come over whenever you’d like

y/n: how about we walk home together after practice?

juyeon: sounds good to me

Now, the pizza was starting to make his mouth water, but if you were walking home with him, Juyeon was ready to drop it and run to see you even though he loved pizza. But Juyeon loved you more than he loved pizza, and he believed that was true love.

“She made me cookies,” Juyeon announced.

“She made you cookies,” Minho repeated, leaning forward in surprise.

“Well, her mom did, but yeah.”

Minho turned his attention back to his pizza. “So this is about your mommy kink again.”

“I don’t have a fucking mommy—why would you say that?” Juyeon cried out, kicking his friend’s shin under the table.

“You don’t? Last time I checked, she was making dinner in the kitchen when I came over yesterday.”

“I’m talking about the kink!”

Yet, even a silly back-and-forth with Minho couldn’t get Juyeon down from his high over you. He was still processing the fact that you were going to walk home with him and, if Juyeon played his cards right, maybe he could get a feel of how comfortable you would be if he asked you out during the game tomorrow.

Minho snickered. “You look happy.”

Juyeon couldn’t even mask his lovesick smile and flushed cheeks. He folded his arms on the table in front of him and buried his face in them, his head spinning at the thought of you.

“Shut up, Minho.”

The only problem with you being on the cheerleading team was that you were extremely distracting.

Juyeon was the star quarterback and frankly, it was kind of pathetic that the one thing that kicked him in the ass was seeing you in the knee socks and pom-poms. It didn’t help that you were a flyer so Juyeon’s stomach pitted with anxiety whenever he saw you being thrown up and whenever he heard a scream coming from the direction of the cheerleaders.

Today was different, though. Juyeon could care less about the screams and falls from the corner of the field. All he could think about was you and how he was going to ask you out. If his plan was going to work, it was going to draw a lot of attention and be quite embarrassing if it failed.

All of his confidence got knocked down with a single sweep when he saw someone asked you to the dance.

One of the cheerleaders broke into a fit of giggles at the sight, clasping a hand over her mouth. “Oh my god!”

You were frozen stiff, an awkward smile on your face as the guy walked onto the field with a sign and about a dozen roses. Juyeon could feel his heart sinking to the ground with each step the guy took, with each second his smile grew brighter.

“Is he seriously confessing during practice?” Sohn Youngjae asked, brows furrowed as he rested his arm on Juyeon’s shoulder. “That’s real brave.”

“What’s his deal doing it here? He isn’t even on the team,” Juyeon said, coming off more bitter than he had expected.

Younghoon scoffed. “It’s a bold move. He must be confident that Y/N’s going to say yes.”

Juyeon squared his shoulders. He was conflicted with the swell of anger and deflation of you possibly being taken, but nevertheless, all he could do was watch helplessly as you were being asked out. From where they were on the field, Juyeon couldn’t hear much, but he could see your reactions quite well. The wolf-whistles and cheers were pissing him off, but he was fixed on you.

He turned to look towards Minho, who was practicing on the field adjacent to theirs. His best friend met his gaze immediately like they had some form of exclusive telepathic communication. Minho nodded towards you and raised a brow, as if nudging Juyeon to go interrupt them. That, however, was something he was far too cowardly to bring himself to do.

Your voice resounded clearer than Juyeon had expected.

“I’m really sorry,” you apologized sincerely, ducking your head and keeping your hands entwined behind you. “I’m not interested, but I do appreciate the gesture.”

Juyeon felt a weight lift off of his chest. He wasn’t sure if he should’ve felt relieved that you shot him down or nervous that you rejected an attractive, confident guy who clearly liked you. However, he soon had no time to mull over that when the guy’s reaction was getting more aggressive than crestfallen.

“Y/N, I asked you out in front of all these people,” he said with a distasteful laugh. “Are you seriously rejecting me right now?”

“Sorry, I just don’t want to go with you,” you replied firmly, voice dropping as you became more conscious of your surroundings. “I’m sorry it had to be public but you didn’t really give me a choice.”

For a split second, Juyeon wondered how he could still hear you when you were practically muttering at this point, and then he realized that he started walking to you without even realizing. His feet carried him unknowingly, hand balled at his side and eyes stony and trained on the guy.

“You could’ve just accepted it and told me later that you didn’t want to go with me,” he said with a scoff. “It’s like you enjoy humiliating others publicly.”

Your teammates rushed forward to argue and fend him off while you opened your mouth to protest, but Juyeon was faster, moving in front of you so he was head-to-head with the guy.

“She said she’s not interested,” he said with a threatening undertone, wondering where he managed to muster up the courage to be this assertive.

You were visibly shocked by Juyeon’s actions, and he couldn’t even blame you because he was equally just as surprised as you were. Yet, all he could do was glare daggers down at the other guy with steely eyes and frown until he backed off.

“Thanks,” you said softly once the guy had left.

Juyeon was flustered by all the girls giggling behind you but was amazed by how cool and collected you remained despite that. He turned to you, eyes softening and shoulders relaxing. He knew he was getting an earful about this from his teammates after practice and most definitely from Minho as well.

“No problem,” Juyeon replied, cheeks red. “He was bothering you. I couldn’t just ignore it.”

“That was really sweet of you, Juyeon.” You bit back a smile and suggested, “Meet you at the front gates after practice?”

“See you then.”

Even though Juyeon could’ve spent the rest of practice talking to you, he sprinted back as fast as he could because his cheeks were only getting redder as the cheerleaders gushed about what he did for you. He could hear their gossip and whispering even as he was running back to his team. Juyeon was positive he wouldn’t escape the embarrassment, though, because Lee Jaehyun was smirking at him when he got back.

“You’re blushing, dude.”

Juyeon shoved him.

There was a universal law that was newly decreed. It read: Lee Minho shall never text, call, or speak to Lee Juyeon whenever Y/N was around.

The reason for that being the fact that Juyeon was easily embarrassed and Minho’s texts were not helping his case. He felt it was rude enough to check his phone while he was walking with you, but every time he saw a notification flash, his eyes widened with sheer distress over Minho’s texts.

minho: like three people asked me if you and y/n are fucking bc of what you pulled during practice today

minho: wait are y’all fucking and just not telling me

minho: i knew it was sus that she was coming over to your house

juyeon: fake news!! stop making me feel shy :(

Juyeon decided he had enough Lee Minho for today and turned off his phone.

“That was honestly the coolest thing I’ve ever seen you do,” you gushed to Juyeon as you walked home with him, fingers looped around the straps of your backpack. “Way cooler than you punting footballs.”

“No need to flatter me,” Juyeon replied coolly but his shy smile and red-tipped ears said otherwise. “That guy was being unnecessarily aggressive.”

“His proposal was out of nowhere!” you exclaimed. “I don’t get what he expected me to do.”

Juyeon smiled through the pain. Lord, give me strength, he prayed to whatever divine power was out there.

“Are you not interested in having a date to the dance then?” Juyeon asked, looking down at you curiously.

You paused for a moment and Juyeon thought his heart would stop in anticipation for your answer. Come to think of it, he had never seen you go to a school dance with a date before. You were always with your friend group. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary to see you stick with them, but Juyeon was hoping he could change that.

“Well,” you started, “if the right person asked me then I wouldn’t be opposed.”

Juyeon couldn’t exactly read your smile but it made him want to faint. The rest of the walk back home was spent talking about school and football, but Juyeon couldn’t get your answer to his question out of his head. He even walked past his house because his head was so full of you, resulting in you needing to stop him and tell him that they had already reached his place.

“Y/N! It’s so good to see you!” Juyeon’s mom chirped with a good-natured smile. “How has your mom been?”

Juyeon’s eyes widened upon the realization that they never stopped by at your place first to get the cookies. He opened his mouth to interject but you went on to answer.

“She’s been great, Mrs. Lee,” you replied, smiling just as big, and pulled out a box of cookies from your bag. “She wanted me to give these to you.”

“That’s so sweet! Give her my thanks,” his mom replied and opened the door wider once she accepted the cookies. “Come in for some tea, will you?”

Juyeon was practically frozen at the doorway while you were taking off your shoes and walking inside. If you had the cookies with you this entire time, then why didn’t you just give them to him to take home himself? Unless you were worried about the courtesy, it was a bit out of your way to take the time to walk home with Juyeon to deliver them.

“Juyeon, what are you doing out there?” his mom asked. “Come inside. It’s cold.”

“Right.”

Having you over at his house wasn’t exactly the sparkly fantasy that Juyeon thought it would be.

He was getting quite jealous of your mom hogging all of your attention. It wasn’t like you and Juyeon drifted apart during high school, so he wasn’t sure why his mom had to pull you away from him and have her own conversation with you. The worst part was that Juyeon couldn’t even join in on the conversation. He had no idea what they were even talking about.

That is, until his mom brought up the dance.

“Do you have a date, Y/N?” Juyeon’s mom asked.

“I don’t,” she replied. “I usually just go with my friends.”

“You’re so pretty, though,” Mrs. Lee tutted. “I’m sure someone must’ve asked you out.”

“Actually, someone asked me today,” you said. There was a moment of silence as you looked over at Juyeon while his gaze bore into yours. For a moment, you were struggling for what to say, mouthing words that weren’t being processed. Juyeon rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly once you regained your composure. “Juyeon actually helped me out.”

Mrs. Lee straightened up. “My son did?” She looked amused as she turned to Juyeon.

“Yeah,” you answered, grinning. “He was really cool.”

Juyeon blushed darkly once their eyes were on him. “W-what? I couldn’t ignore it. I wasn’t even doing that much. I was just helping out. You know, being a decent person,” he rambled and stood up. “Anyways, isn’t it getting late? Mom, Y/N has to go home soon and it’s gonna be pitch black outside if you keep her here.”

“Oh, you’re right.” Mrs. Lee frowned as she peered out the window. “Juyeon, you walk her home then.”

“What?” he sputtered out, looking between you and his mom before he caved, muttering, “I’ll go get my jacket.”

After an exchange of goodbyes, you had stepped out of the house and waited while Juyeon was slipping his shoes on. There was a moment of struggle where he had tied his laces too tight and couldn’t get the shoe on but he managed to slip it on after a few seconds of internal screaming. Juyeon zipped up his jacket the moment he stepped outside, the brisk coldness making his goosebumps rise.

“You really don’t have to walk me back,” you told Juyeon. “It’s cold outside.”

“It’s really late,” Juyeon replied, rubbing his hands together in hopes that the friction would provide some heat. “You shouldn’t be walking home by yourself, and I really don’t mind.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled, ducking your face. “For this, for what you did during practice—everything.”

Juyeon was glad that you weren’t looking at him because his mouth was opening and closing over and over again like a fish. He was also thankful for the fact that he could blame the dust of pink across his cheeks on the cold winter bite. Unfortunately, you lived close by so Juyeon didn’t have time to come up with a cool response and he didn’t want to leave things like this. There was a good vibe going on and he was upset that he couldn’t act upon it; when it came to you, Lee Juyeon was a coward.

“Um, we’re here so…” Juyeon trailed off when he turned to you, sort of thrown off by how beautiful you looked with your windswept hair and flushed cheeks. Dazed, he reached forward and moved a strand of your hair out of your face. “It’s good I walked you home and you’re not like, lost or… something—I’ll shut up now.”

You laughed, and it was an octave higher as if you were rattled from him touching your hair. “Ah, yes, a few streets down can be a harrowing trek.”

Juyeon laughed with you before his eyes settled on you. Your hands were crossed, rubbing your arms that were prickled with goosebumps. A wave of guilt washed through Juyeon and led him to strip his jacket off immediately. He ignored the piercing chill and put his jacket around your shoulders, making sure they covered your bare arms.

“My house is right here,” you argued. “You’re going to be cold.”

“Keep it on. I have something to tell you after the game,” Juyeon said firmly. It was his second burst of courage for you today and he was a little too amped up for his own good. “If you don’t like it then give me back my jacket tomorrow.”

Before you could respond, Juyeon turned on his heel and bolted home, the biggest grin across his face because he was head-over-heels for you.

Juyeon had never been so nervous in his life.

The game was underway, Juyeon’s leg bouncing as he eyeballed the scoreboard. His team was strong in the first two quarters, cutting it close by the third, but now they were neck-to-neck. They had ended with a tie and now they decided to go into overtime for the sake of choosing a winner for the game. It was a sudden death round so whoever scored first would win the game. Juyeon, however, found it difficult to concentrate.

Especially with Lee Minho breathing down his back.

“Are you ready?” his best friend asked.

“Yes—well, no, but I don’t really have a choice.”

“That’s true.”

“I already made the sign and told the team and everything,” Juyeon whined. “I really screwed myself over, Minho.”

Minho pushed at the back of his head. “Dude, I’m talking about the game.”

“Oh, that—that’s fine,” Juyeon stammered. “Fifteen minutes—we just have to win, and then I have to ask out the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”

“You could chicken out,” Minho suggested, “but that also comes with me never letting you live it down.”

“You see, I kind of already implied that I’m going to tell her something important.”

“You did?” Minho’s voice was somewhere between shocked and impressed.

“Shit, I gotta go,” Juyeon muttered, pushing himself off the bench. “Keep the poster safe for me!”

“Good luck, champ!”

Juyeon, sweaty and bangs sticking to his forehead, had to ignore every distraction and think about winning the game before his stomach threw itself into a pool of anxiety over asking you out. He got in a huddle with his team in the remaining fifteen seconds they had before they had to get in formation and lowered the facemask of his helmet. It was up to this one last play to determine whether they would win the game or not.

“Just like we practiced, alright?” Juyeon told them. “Double-wing power pass. We get them to bite thinking it’s a run play and then open up a passing lane.”

“Alright, let’s go,” Jaehyun cheered, and the rest of them put in their mouth guards and lowered their facemasks.

Juyeon took a shaky breath as he got in formation at the line of scrimmage. His heart was racing but he wasn’t sure it was about the game. Nevertheless, he steeled his nerves and held his ground. The whistle blew and the crowd was silent, observing the tension on the field carefully.

“Silver-80! Silver-80! Hut! Hut! Hike!” Juyeon yelled, and the center, Sangyeon, snapped the ball to him.

Juyeon faked a handoff to Jaehyun, the fullback, and spun around, rolling to his right. Changmin sped up in front of Juyeon to defend him. A smile tugged at Juyeon’s lips. Their plan was working just as he intended, but there was a problem: they couldn’t open up a passing lane for the running backs like he thought they would. The play was too rushed, so it wasn’t ever a guarantee.

So Juyeon had to do what he would normally deem crazy.

He spun at the sight of the other team coming to tackle him and skirted around the field, belting down the field. He dodged past another linebacker that tried to body him. His primary motivation was that he didn’t want a concussion before he confessed to you, but he assumed it was okay to admit that to himself as long as he didn’t throw the game.

Juyeon felt a hand grab him but he pushed forward, running across the goal line and into the end zone. He threw the ball down and cried out in joy as he scored a touchdown. The whistle blew and the scoreboard flipped. They won.

He did it.

Juyeon’s team ran to him, cheering at the top of their lungs. He was lifted up on Jaehyun and Younghoon’s shoulders, grinning happily before his heart sunk back down. The cheerleaders ran to the field, cheering and tossing their pom poms up. The crowd was roaring. Juyeon was realizing that he had to do the scariest thing that a heterosexual teenage boy ever had to experience.

“Jaehyun, Jaehyun,” Juyeon tapped his shoulder quickly. “We have no time. I have to do it now.”

“Oh shit.”

Jaehyun and Younghoon dropped Juyeon onto the turf. Juyeon winced at the sudden impact, gathering himself back to his feet and hoping you didn’t witness that. Jaehyun gave him a half-assed apology and pushed him forward to run and get his poster and flowers from Minho. Jaehyun then grabbed Changmin by the shoulders, urging him to go to the announcer’s booth.

Juyeon sprinted over to Minho, waving his hands dramatically. “Give, give, give,” he demanded amongst all the cheering.

Minho didn’t waste any time and pushed the poster and bouquet into Juyeon’s hands. “Break a leg, tiger.”

“Trust me, I nearly did.”

Juyeon jogged back onto the field, cheeks hot and head a little dizzy for what was about to come. He didn’t even tell his mom he was going to ask you out and she had to watch her son ask his best friend out to the dance. This was probably going to be a moment of utter humiliation but once Juyeon saw you in your high ponytail with a bright smile on your face, all that fear faded away and it was just you and him.

More importantly, you were wearing his jacket over your uniform and Juyeon felt like he was going to combust from the cuteness.

“Guys, guys,” Jaehyun called to the team. “Surround Juyeon. Make sure Y/N doesn’t see him.”

Juyeon’s heart was beating a hundred miles per second. He was glad he was running on the adrenaline from winning the game because otherwise, he would be cowering in fear and sweating buckets right now.

“Everyone, listen up!” Changmin spoke over the intercom. “First of all, the football team scored a major dub today—ow! Sunwoo, cut it out—alright, I’ll get to it!” Changmin broke from the mic and started bickering with Sunwoo.

There was a pause, and Juyeon was surprised to hear Minho’s voice fill the speakers, “Anyways, my buddy and our star quarterback, Juyeon, has something to say for a special someone.”

The crowd fell silent, a couple cheers and wolf-whistles as it was pretty obvious that a confession was about to happen.

“This is so fucking fluffy,” Sunwoo mumbled.

“Shut up, Sunwoo,” Juyeon replied, nudging him with his elbow.

The football team moved out of the way so that they weren’t huddled around Juyeon anymore. Juyeon’s breath caught in his throat as he walked forward to the middle of the field, holding up his sign, reading: Will you be my sunshine?

“Y/N,” he called out loudly, “honestly this confession is long overdue, but will you go to Winter Ball with me tonight and be my sunshine?”

The crowd started cheering and whistling again, and Juyeon wanted to die. She hadn’t even given him her answer yet and everyone was acting like she had agreed and they eloped. The cheerleaders pushed Y/N forward and she approached Juyeon, looking like a deer in headlights.

Juyeon took another shaky breath and continued, “I’ve been in love with you for so long so it would be an honor if I could take you to the dance,” he said and his voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you.”

You bit your lip but that wasn’t enough to contain the happiness that showed on your face. You zipped up Juyeon’s jacket and threw yourself into his arms. Everyone practically exploded but Juyeon was sure his heartbeat was louder. He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face into your shoulder.

Was this what people called a Christmas miracle?

“Oh shit!” Changmin screamed over the intercom. (“Shut up, they’re having a moment,” Minho’s faint voice was picked up in the background).

“Oh my god, you just made me the happiest man alive,” he mumbled.

You pulled back and reached forward to move his damp bangs off of his forehead. “Took you long enough.”

“Wait, did you—did you like me?” Juyeon choked out.

You laughed and cupped his face in your hands. There was a shaky inhale and exhale of breaths when his lips brushed against yours, and Juyeon closed the distance, kissing you like he was starved of your touch. His hold tightened on you as you melted into him, and then you both pulled away, smiling and dazed and lovesick.

You giggled. “Does that answer your question?”

“Yes,” he breathed out, grinning as he brushed his nose against yours.

Juyeon could care less about all the presents and holiday cheer because he had you and you were all he wanted.

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hannya-writes · 4 years ago

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Hihihi! I know it's kinda crazy and I just found your acc but I was LITERALLY thinking about a Marvel-SVU crossover and found yoooooou. I mean... The algorithm lead me to you. It's ✨ Destiny ✨ haha So I was wondering if you could write something Marvel-SVU kinda with Carisi x reader (i don't know if you watch agents of shield) where reader has to go UC for Shield and falls in love with him and he finds out she's Shield etc. I don't know if I'm making any sense rn I'm just really happy I found you. And now I sound creepy but it's already too late and I'm sending this.

Dear @lapaquerette : I do not watch Agents of shield, but I did my best! I swear I did! 😭 you totally made sense! But I feel like there's part of this story that are not so good, anyways~ let's get to the story!!

Title: Don't Tell anyone

Fandom: MCU and Law and order SVU

Pairing: Sonny Caruso x Reader

Other characters: no, I think no

Category: romance

Warnings: this doesn't have a happy ending bc I'm bad writing those! This is long I think.

Author's note: for a moment I thought of making this a serie, but my head couldn't stand it! I don't feel like I can picture Carisi in the right way so probably he's going to be very OOC. Also I'm not supper proud of this because I literally did what I wanted with the time line, Captain America: Winter Soldier happens in 2016 however Caruso es ADA in 2020 if I'm not wrong but in this case the events of winter soldier happen in 2020. Also there's like 2 years of difference btw WS and Civil War, and I tried my best! To make everything fit, but you know, you can kick my ass in comments.

• • •

The mission was supposed to last just a couple of days. Y/n had to pose as an assistant to the Junior ADA's why did they need assistance she didn't know, but when Nick fury assigned her there she just didn't dared to ask.

"Find out what's going on there" he had said as if it was a life or dead situation.

Pepto. That's what happened. High expectations was the other thing happening. The Junior ADA's where being pressed, running towards death case by case.

It was boring, the first two days Y/n had played "who's the jerk of the room?" She had found more than one, stress made that to people. Who cares about cordiality when they had to put people in jail? The answer was Dominic "Sonny" Carisi.

Sonny never yelled or snapped at people, he always asked nicely about papers, he said "Good Morning" and "thank you". He was a gentleman, a knight in a shiny armor. He made funny jokes even when he was struggling with a case.

Y/n had felt a weird desire to help him after just one encounter. The puppy eyes, she reasoned. After that day when he was in court she appeared there, sat and suddenly the people being cross-examined poured the truth without control or bursted in fit of rage confessing everything. She wasn't making something bad, she was helping, which she was supposed to do. No one was going to link her to those incidents. No one knew what she could do.

— copies, now — one of ADA's order her and she almost pushed the asshole and told him to do it himself, it was only a copy machine, he only had to push a button! However, Y/n was a trained spy, she had control over every muscle in her face to not make a disgusted expression at the tall and skinny man. 63 ways to kill him appeared in her head in a second.

— Sure thing — she said in a gently tone, entertaining her mind in the more horrible ways to deal with Tommy.

Tommy Parish, a bully in and out of court, linked to the Irish Mafia. He thought he was a big fish, prepotent but surprisingly brilliant. He was like a weasel. He wasn't that important. Shield wasn't interested by his night activities. They thought there was something else, something more important. Y/n didn't think so. The more interesting thing there was...

— Oh, Sorry didn't meant to...— Sonny said as he almost hit Y/n with the door.

— my fault, I was standing here like a creep — she took the guilt with a sheepish smile.

— A penny for your thoughts — he said as he walked outside and Y/n instinctively followed, as she usually followed after director Nick Fury,

— I think I'm being punished — she said while walking aimlessly, if Sonny had walked in the male restroom she would have probably followed him blindly.

— punish? For what? Did Tommy said something mean to you again? — the blond man sounded concerned and for Y/n it was refreshing, people around her tended to be more defensive around her than being worried about her well being.

— no! I think Tommy is warming up to me — Y/n said proudly — it's my umm... Dad, he send me to live here and I think is because he is mad at me —

There was a small silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

— why would he be mad? You are amazing! — Sonny sounded so positive and brilliant, he always seemed to have that aura around him, even in the worst cases. Y/n noticed it, and worried her when he started to lose his shine.

— in my last job, I made a mistake and people got hurt — the confession was sincere. She wasn't lying, she was omitting that those people didn't just "got hurt", they died. She had killed them.

— You are human, humans make mistakes — he said stopping in front of an embellished door. — talk later? — he asked and Y/n nodded with a smile.

•••

After a month everything still was normal. No conspicuous action, no weird people. Y/n wondered why was she there? Was she really being punished by Fury? She had made a mistake, she had chose to save a person, she couldn't know that the objective was going to detonate the whole place. She couldn't read every single thought, her brain would melt if she even tried.

— Sorry, I need to... — said Sonny pointing at the copy machine, y/n blushed for being caught spacing out, again for the 4 time in a week

— I'm so sorry, allow me — y/n extended a hand offering to make the copy for Carisi.

— don't worry, I can push a button — he said making her smile and feel weird.

— please Mr. Carisi, let me be of help — she offered tilting her head a little bit, Sonny found that little action distracting and cute enough to give her the papers he needed to copy.

He saw her move, she was so elegant even just making copies.

— thank you — he told her sighing exhausted.

— don't worry Mr. Carisi, I'll do this, get it in a folder and get it back to you, why don't you go rest your eyes a bit? — she asked with a smile, noticing his tired demeanor

— I'll do it, if you start calling me Sonny — he negotiated and she laughed whole heartedly — come on, everytime you call me Mr. Carisi I feel like you are talking to my father —

— fine, you got yourself a deal — she offered her hand and he took her in his bigger one. Sonny felt asleep with the sound of the copy machine working.

— Sonny, Sonny — Y/n soft voice took him out of dreamland, he found out in that moment that his Nickname sounded awesome from Y/n lips.

•••

From Sonny's eyes y/n was an amazing woman who was able to help everyone with their tasks, she made copies, keep archives ordered, got everything for everyone. She made time to know all of the junior's ADA's of "her room", she served coffee when needed, got them food, kept clean clothes for them just in case. She was like a mother. Sometimes she even helped them found the info they needed. She made all of that and made it with a polite smile. She had been there for like a year and their interactions where short, but he was head over heels for her.

Why? Because she got a great sense of humor, she was nice, smart, sassy when needed, had an excellent memory, she made the best black coffee he had ever tasted. She never got nervous no matter the circumstances. He didn't understand how or why was she assigned to be the "mother hen" of 7 ADA's, but he was thankful. Some days became better the moment she gave him a smile and he imagined that smile was just for him.

Sonny pinched the bridge of his nose in pain. It was past midnight and he was still in his office, working on papers. Practicing his opening statement.

— the truth... The truth....— he repeated trying to remember the next point of the speach. He grunted frustrated.

— Sonny? — the sudden voice made the attorney jump and Y/n laughed.

— Geez, doll! — he exclaimed surprised — You should use a bell — added more awake than before.

— doll? — Y/n questioned rising an eyebrow, Sonny turned red.

— Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect you — he quickly apologized.

— you didn't, I actually like it — she admitted — I'll allow it — added in a solemn voice — with a condition councilor, only in private I don't need more gossips going around—

After saying those words, Y/n knew that she was digging her own grave. She liked Sonny.

•••

Y/n looked at her phone horrified. Nick had send her and encrypted message. Which was resumed to: You are free of SHIELD, live the life of Y/n Veith. The life he had created for her, an identity that couldn't be connected to the Spy agency. Y/n Y/l/n had died in what they called something like the purge of Hydra. He didn't needed her. He had died. Captain america had basically destroyed the corrupted SHIELD. This was her life now. She was what? a secretary? An assistant?

She should had fail with SHIELD, she should had been there with Fury, protecting him. But she didn't. She pretended nothing happened and followed his last order to her: live like Y/n Veith.

She went with the flow. Acted like everything was just fine, made a routine, followed it to the last point. Untill one day out of the blue she broke down crying in Sonny's office. He was her friend.

— what happened? — he asked on the other side of the desk, surprised that in the middle of his speech, y/n started crying. The case was difficult, a father died to protect his daughter. The teenager girl had been raped and her father was killed by the rapist. It was way more complicated but, that were the facts.

— sorry, sorry — she said cleaning her face with her hands, Sonny approached and offered her a handkerchief that she took hesitantly. — I lost, I lost him — she stuttered.

Sonny kneeled by her side, took the handkerchief and cleaned her beautiful face.

— I'm so sorry, doll — he said even if he didn't understand, Y/n felt his consternation.

— my father died — she said with a soft voice — my house burned down — she added and Sonny understood, her father adopted her, he had saved her and then lost it all. The case had hit too close to her.

— Come on, we had enough of this case — he decided getting up, taking her hands to get her to stand — I'll take you home — he said and she smiled with sadness.

— I don't want to go to my department — she confessed getting up and Sonny gave her a soothing smile.

— We can go to my place — he offered without a second intention, she nodded and they walked away from the office, Sonny ordered an Uber.

Outside of One Hogan place with a heavy heart, y/n leaned against Sonny and he hugged her while waiting for their ride, and during the ride.

Y/n fell asleep without nightmares for the first time in the 6 months after the dead of Nick. Sonny by her side, over the covers and behind a "wall" of pillows fell asleep with the image of a peaceful Y/n.

•••

Three months later, Y/n entered Sonny's little office, she said a "sorry to interrupt", the blond man stopped writing and turned to her eagerly, he tried to suppress his desire to look into her eyes but he wasn't that good at that.

He hadn't seen her in more than 14 days thanks to his overflow of cases and her being stole by homicides DA, who had discovered she was very good in investing.

She muttered a "what?" In mockery, as if the distance and time hadn't even happened and added a "I got you a donut!". A donut that he had craved since morning but wasn't able to get. He sighed a laugh, sometimes it was as if she could read his mind.

— you are life saver, doll— he sighed in relief taking the donut from her hand.

— Should I get you some coffee? — she asked with that caring tone that made him feel special.

— I would love that — he accepted as she merrily went to the coffee machine and poured him a cup and then a glass of water.

Sonny wondered about where did those pretty and elegant glasses came from, have they always been there? She left a bag in the table and walked back to him. He pretended to be working but it was hard to act when she was walking towards him with that dark red pencil skirt that hug perfectly the curb of her hips, the black blouse making contrast, hanging a bit loose over her torso.

— thanks doll — he said when she put the coffee and water in a corner of the desk, he looked at her with a smile — water? — he asked with a joking tone, y/n nodded

— yes, sir — she said in the same joking mood — I took an account of the caffeine you ingest by day, this could be dangerous for your health, so for every cup of caffeine, one of water — she explained with as much confidence as a lawyer making an opening statement.

— are you worried about me? — he was almost flirting, she blushed even if they sometimes flirted a bit.

— I worry about all of you — she pointed out and gave a mischievous smile that made Sonny blush.

— thank you, doll — he quipped with a smile, she smiled back and walked away to Parish desk, the man sat there looked down to his papers as Y/n put a bagel by his hand.

Sonny noticed how Tommy's ears got as read as a tomato and turned to look at her with adoration, the same look the other ADA's got everytime she was near. He had seen how things slowly changed with Y/n presence, at first they were rude, condescending, then they realized that she was excellent in her work. She had saved all of them more than once with little actions.

Y/n had a charming aura and some men in the office had asked her out, Tommy included, but she always turned them down, with an excellent excuse. "I'm seeing someone".

Carisi wondered who. Who was she dating?

•••

— Coffee — she announced as she took a folder and put it carefully away.

Sonny smiled and suddenly thought of Y/n lie about she seeing someone. She had never tell him about her boyfriend, he thought of all of those slice of life moments they had, the banters they have, the many times she had helped him. The times she would stay in his apartment so she wouldn't be alone.

Was he the person she was seeing?

— do you have plans for tonight? — he asked abruptly and Y/n looked at him surprised.

— I got a date with my bed, but I can reschedule — she offered with a smile, she could rest later, she had to enjoy every moment with Sonny.

— do it, I'll take you to a wonderful place — He said with all of his confidence, she giggled — after work? — she nodded contently.

— It's a deal — she said before walking away with a big smile in her face.

Sonny felt stupidly happy. It was him. She was dating him unofficially.

•••

That night Y/n tried to look as perfect as was possible in work clothes, she had refreshed herself, use a little more of make up. She was excited, she really liked Sonny and had wanted to go on a date with him, no work talk, no solving ways to state a question. She wanted to know him in a more personal way.

They sat in a table of a nice looking bar, a decent one. It wasn't pretentious, they actually served food and not just greasy fast food. She had told him distorted versions of stories with her "family and friends", (since she couldn't talk about her real life and training) like that time her father had taught her how to use a gun for her homework and she discovered she had weak fingers.

She heard about his time as a Police officer, a detective nonetheless! Sargent Benson seemed to be a very empathic person, Detective Tutuola was definitely a funny man, Amanda was for him like one more of his sisters. And Sonny discovered that she was adopted by a man called Nick, Nick Veith he guessed, since he thought that was her real last name.

She had two "adopted" sister and a brother: Maria, Natalie and Clinton. Maria was righteous, Nat was smart and sassy, Clint was funny and sometimes really annoying. Sonny thought he would get along easily with them.

They laughed between stories, they were getting fun untill Y/n felt there was something wrong. Something was about to happen. Something bad.

— Something wrong? — Y/n barely registered Sonny's voice before jumping over him yelling a "get down". A telekinetic wake made the other around people fall to the ground just in time as a rain of bullets came from the broken windows.

Sonny heard the glass breaking, people screaming in panic. Saw the bullets fly over him and the bottles in the bar breaking in slow motion. He had never experienced anything like that. The light weight of Y/n over him. And his monkey mind thought about how right that felt.

There was a "clank" from a gas' bomb, then a flash and a cloud of white smoke. People stood up and started running.

— Y/n — Sonny pulled her to see her face, he thought she would be scared, paralyzed from fear. However, when he saw her face there was no fear, she seemed confused, puzzled. — come on, we have to move —

Y/n was thinking the same, but she didn't know what was the right move: defend everyone there using her not-so-human powers? Run away and pretend to be a delicate woman, scared of the situation?

— doll? — Sonny sounded worried and in almost panic, a switch turned as boots hit the floor of the bar.

— Stay behind me — Y/n said with confidence getting up, feeling the presence of 8 people surrounding them, circling them. — and... — she looked at Sonny worried — don't get scared — she pleaded softly.

— Y/n Y/l/n surrender yourself — someone yelled and the woman felt her skin crawl, she hadn't hear her name in more than a year. It sounded good.

— is this about the accords? — She thought, aware of the Sokovia accords and what they proposed. She hadn't signed them. No one was supposed to know about her, her powers, she hadn't expected the government to notice her.

Nat? Clint? Maybe Maria had told them.

— That's right, put your hands in the air — the man ordered in a shout. Y/n closed her eyes and closed her hand in a thigh fist, making the fog disappear.

— Sorry, I can't do that— she confessed pushing the man with telekinesis. — I'm not a weapon you can use —

A new row of bullets flew towards Y/n and Sonny. A bright green light appeared in her eyes and all of the bullets stopped in the air, traces of the same light that made Y/n shine seemed to contain the little bullets like tendrills, the bullets turned in the air pointing at the squadron that was attacking her

— Y/n, no! — Sonny made her react, the tendrills disappeared and the bullets fell useless to the ground as the woman turned to see the Attorney.

— Sonny, sonny — she stuttered worried— no, no, no, no, I would never hurt them, I'm not a monster, I'm not! — she said almost in panic,not because of the attack but for the ideas Sonny could get.

Sonny saw the green and now red light form an eyes over Y/n, then monsters from nightmares formed from the light, monsters like dogs, with skulls covering the hideous animals with blood dripping from their snouts, bodies wet with a black substance. The animals roared and jumped to defend them.

Y/n saw fear in Sonny's eyes. She recognized it, a bright tendril started to form in the exact point of her heart, the fear taking form in her presence. Her hand squished the light over her chest, stopping something else to form.

He didn't know what to say. Carisi knew about the avengers, the new york incident had affected his work, he had saw everything about "ultron", he was informed about Tony Stark and the avengers every move. But he didn't know what was he supposed to say? "Sign the accords" was what he wanted to say. It was selfish for him to ask that, he couldn't do it.

— doll, you're not a monster— he finally found his own voice to say that. — but you have to go —

— Sonny, I... — the ADA put a strand of hair behind Y/n ear taking her by surprise.

— If you don't mind, I'll like to kiss you — he said making her blink in disbelief.

— yes please...— she said and Carisi smiled brightly, his large hand caressed her cheek and softly leave a tender kiss in her soft lips. It barely lasted more than a second. When Carisi opened up his eyes, everything was back to normal. Like a couple of minutes ago, right before the shooting.

In the table was a note: "Don't tell anyone" he recognized Y/n writing. He wondered if everything had been a dream, a hallucination. A part of him told him that no, that couldn't be his imagination. Y/n had left.

#law and order special victims unit #marvel fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #reader insert #marvel #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #sonny x reader #sonny carisi x y/n #sonny carisi x you #ada sonny carisi #requested #law and order svu

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unfortunatelysirius · 6 years ago

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! DEAR BROTHER, HOW I HATE THEE /// BUCKY BARNES x READER

╰❂╮ prompt ╰❂╮ You’re Tony Stark’s secretary, and also his sister, but there’s this one thing you can’t let him find out: your crush on the newest addition to the Avengers team, James Buchanan Barnes. ╰❂╮ author’s note ╰❂╮ I’m finally getting around to trying out new fandoms. Hope you guys like this; if you do, pls tell me, because I feel like it’s garbage and I’m sorry if it sucks D: Love you guys btw! Send some positivity my way pls, I’m going through some shitty times with rlly toxic people and it’s a struggle to get out of friendships with people you’ve known since childhood. AS ANOTHER SIDE NOTE, if you want tagged in future Avengers imagines, shoot me a message or just comment bc yoooo, I’ll totally do it. And rememberrrr, my inbox is open! And I’m always looking for fresh ideas for my imagines :))) ╰❂╮ warnings ╰❂╮ Swearing, Fluff ╰❂╮ word count ╰❂╮ 3869

If there was one thing you absolutely hated about your brother—not counting his oversized ego—it’d be his habit of meddling in your affairs. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t hide secrets from Anthony Stark. It just didn’t work that way, especially with all the security cameras and the blabber-mouthed Avengers that littered the Tower.

But there was this one secret that, if gotten out, and if exposed to the male members of the team, you’d probably move to Alaska.

You had the biggest, fattest, most obviously obvious crush on the Avengers’ new recruit, Bucky Barnes.

Truth be told, if it were up to you, you wouldn’t be enduring the phases of a crush. You didn’t want to be infatuated with someone who probably cared more for succulents than they did for you. The butterflies, the stomach cramps, the anxiety, the sweaty palms; you were certain Bucky noticed your behavior around him, and he probably found it uncomfortable, and it most certainly made him avoid you, but what were you supposed to do? Stay rooted in your office all day? That was not a plan you felt obligated to disclose—especially not to your crazy-ass brother. If it was up to Tony, he would have locked you in your office by now; if he ever caught you, his puny little sister, attempting to join in on field combat again, he’d probably have a heart attack. And Pepper would have your head.

Well, maybe not. Pepper liked you. But that was liable to change if you killed her boyfriend. And Tony would turn you into Rapunzel if you kept trying to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent when you were a freakin’ secretary.

That’s one reason why you couldn’t share your latest fancy with your brother. With all the history of Bucky being the Winter Soldier, and you always getting into trouble that’d always wind up with you sustaining some sort of injury, he’d worry himself into early sickness. You told Tony everything, only starting with the trend of raw honesty after Tony revealed that he had cameras out in the hall from your room and basically knew everything you’d ever done wrong, but this was just something he’d try and sabotage in any possible way he could.

However, that didn’t mean you couldn’t tell other people. It just had to be outside of hearing range for the Tower. That’s what had you and Wanda Maximoff at a café around the corner from Stark Tower. A populated place that was nowhere near Tony and his rampant, exaggerative mind.

“Oh my gosh, Wanda,” you groaned into the table, barely managing to thank the waitress as she deposited your and Wanda’s coffees and blueberry muffins in between the two of you. You peeked up, giving Wanda your best I’m-dying eyes, fit with half-slanted eyelids and creased corners. “He’s just so handsome… I can’t be normal around him. Like, how do you be normal around cute boys?”

Wanda pursed her lips. She had taken a dainty sip of her mocha latte through your rant, and was only just putting it down when you turned your pleading gaze to her. “Well,” she said slowly, “I do not think I am the best person to approach with this information. Neither Natasha. Do you have any secretary friends you can talk to about this?”

Your eyes turned withering. You regarded your coffee and muffin as irrelevant, pausing only for a moment to take in the delectable blueberries bursting out of the muffin-skin, before you raised your head to its full height. “You and Natasha are the only people I talk to,” you said. You sounded whiney, but you were freaking out about this, so honestly, you didn’t care. You jutted out your bottom lip, thinking a pout could win her over, and evoke from her advice. “Please?”

A pause. Then Wanda finally sighed. “If you really want a relationship out of this, then you should approach him with your feelings,” she told you. “Feelings are no good when they stay just that: feelings.”

“That’s true,” you said. You took a bite out of your muffin, nearly turning into goo at the scrumptious taste. “He’s just so… stoic. And he hardly smiles, or laughs. Sometimes I don’t know if he wants to kill me, feels nothing for me, or finds me likable. I mean, I hope it’s the latter, but let’s face it; the only person he truly likes in that tower is Steve, and on rare occasions, he even enjoys Natasha’s company. I’m just… a background nuisance.”

“No, you are not.” Wanda shook her head at you. She took her hands from her coffee cup, moving them out so she could place them on your own hands. She gave you a stern, motherly look. “You must get to know him better. Try your hand at being his friend, and then, see where the road takes you. You will do nothing for yourself if you continue to mope.”

You nodded frantically. “Yeah, yeah—that’s a great idea—but, wait…” You sighed. “What do I do about Tony?”

Wanda rolled her eyes. “Pay him no mind,” she said, pulling away a hand to wave it dismissively in the air. “You’re a grown woman. He does not own you. Unless you are a product of Stark Industries, and you are no human, but a robot in disguise. Are you?”

“No…”

“There you have it, then. Talk to Bucky, and see where he stands.” She leaned back in the booth seat, taking a long sip of her coffee. You proceeded to do the same.

Maybe she was right… You did need to start getting to know Bucky better. And you needed to stop letting Tony influence and dictate your life. After all, Bucky was only a man, and if he was as truly stoic as you thought he was, then your feelings would be one-sided and Tony would get his wish: you, single forever, an eternal bachelorette.

You were making breakfast in the kitchen Tony had on the Avengers floor (as well as the floor you stayed in, when you weren’t at your apartment in the city), clad in Hello Kitty pajamas, when you had your first encounter of the week with Bucky. You were humming to an old 80’s song, stirring pasta, and there came a deep, throaty chuckle, then his husky voice as he said, “Is that Billie Jean?”

You jumped, a sharp squeak leaving you. A flush lit you up from head to toe, and if it wasn’t Bucky—if it was another Avenger, someone you were comfortable enough around to be yourself—you might have broken into a fit of, “Oh my god, oh my god”’s. However, just your luck, it was Bucky who graced you with his presence, seeing you in your pajamas, watching you as you jammed out to imaginary Michael Jackson records. This was downright embarrassing.

You slowly turned to look at him. You fought back the even redder shade of blush that was struggling its way up your throat, choosing (from a multitude of other embarrassing ways to act around Bucky) to smile nervously and teeter-tot on your heels. If the symptoms of your crush were going to burn you alive, you might as well smile through the death and destruction. Bucky began to look expectant when you merely stood there and smiled at him, which made you remember you hadn’t yet replied to him. “Oh, u-um, yeah!” you said, through such a high pitch, that you internally face-palmed. Way to give yourself away, dumbass. “I was just…”

“Dancing?” Bucky raised an eyebrow. A smirk was beginning to twitch at his lips, fighting to make its debut appearance. “That’s a bit of a safety hazard when cooking, doll.”

Doll? Did he just call me doll? That deep-red shade you were trying to fight off your face… You were now a goner to your body’s dysfunctions. You flushed deeply, and your smile turned into a clumsy line that revealed just how much strength you had in the face of a handsome, well-mannered man, meaning zero. “There’s a reason why Tony keeps me locked up in the office all day,” you said, with an unsure laugh. “He says I make a habit of hurting myself when I’m alone. Apparently, I’m a trouble magnet!”

Bucky’s eyebrows raised, and he no longer tried hiding his smirk. He looked amused. “Clearly,” he murmured.

“Well, uh—” You stopped talking. You really didn’t know where you were heading with that. The curious look on his face, though, made you take a deep breath and say, “Shouldn’t you be at training?”

Bucky’s eyes turned wide, and his smirk disappeared. He put a nervous hand on his neck, scratching at it—like this was a question he really didn’t want to answer. “Well, uh—” he parroted, looking just as jumpy as you had felt when you, too, had uttered the words. “I just wanted—I, well… I thought you might want some company.”

You blinked. You hadn’t expected that. “Well… I could always use someone to talk to while I cook.” Your expression considerably brighter, you turned back to your pasta—which had almost burned while you were busy talking to Bucky.

A loud scrapping sound told you Bucky had sat down, and the prickling sensation on your neck told you that he was staring. After about three minutes of you moving the pasta off the burner and putting together a marinara sauce, you decided to say something. You said over your shoulder, “So, you like Michael Jackson?”

Bucky said, “Yes.” A simple answer.

“I do too,” you replied, a smile on your face as you put the marinara sauce in a pan to heat. You turned to him. “Would you want to eat with me?” At the startled expression on his face, you backtracked, a sense of panic welling up in you— “Wait, uh—only if you want to—”

“Sure,” said Bucky, reverting you back to your normal, albeit fidgety, state. “Pasta’s nice.”

“Oh.” You blinked. You weren’t expecting that answer. “Okay, cool!” The raised eyebrow he shot you at the amount of pent-up excitement in your tone made you feel a tad bit abashed, but what did that matter—you were having dinner with James Buchanan Barnes.

You couldn’t stop smiling all throughout dinner, so distracted by your conversations with Bucky (and the astonishing fact that he was smiling and laughing with you, two elements of a human’s behavioral personality, which he apparently lacked, that caused you to think he disliked you) that you forgot one teeny, tiny detail about Stark Tower…

Tony cornered you the next morning, nearly sloshing your coffee all down your shirt in his haste to get to you. “You couldn’t have picked a worse person to deflower you, huh?”

You stopped walking. What the hell? “Did you really just say ‘deflower’? What are you—fifty?”

“Better than being in my 90s,” Tony said snidely, an obvious reference you weren’t automatically getting, before grabbing your arm. He ignored your look of annoyance and pulled you to in front of him. “That tin-armed hand-me-down is still in the works about becoming normal, Y/N/N. One little snap, and you could be killed. You understand that?”

“What—are you talking about Bucky?” At Tony’s deadpan expression, you had to let out a sigh; of course he saw. Of course! He had cameras in every stinkin’ crevice of this damned Tower. “Tony… there’s nothing going on between us.” Well, you wished there was, but he didn’t need to know that. “And besides, Bucky is a person. Stop talking about him like he isn’t.”

Tony rubbed a hand over his face in exasperation. “Bucky is a person… He’s got you brainwashed, or infatuated, because all I see is a man who murdered our damn parents, Y/N.”

You pushed him off of you. “That wasn’t him,” you snapped. “He wasn’t in control of himself. If you want to blame anyone, blame Hydra. Stop being a dickhead about it.”

Tony’s eyes darkened. He went to say something, but he must have thought better of it because he merely shook his head, then briskly walked back down the hallway. When you got to your office, you couldn’t help the long, angry screech that left you in the safety of your personal four walls; if there was anyone who could frustrate you most in this world, it was your brother.

Taking long and well-thought measures to avoid someone usually resulted in you avoiding other people, too. Which included all of the Avengers. It wasn’t that much of a surprise when a knock on your office door sounded before Natasha was waltzing right in, a look of pure anger on her face.

“Why are you avoiding us?” she said brusquely, barely paying your deer-in-headlights expression any attention as she plopped down on the meeting chair placed in front of your desk.

“I’m avoiding Tony.”

Natasha breathed out a scoff, then began to laugh. “He lives here, Y/N. How exactly did you think you were going to avoid him? Avoid us?”

She had got you there. Your expression fell into a thin line teetering on the edge of shame, barely concealing your embarrassment. “I know… but he—”

Natasha threw up a dismissive hand. “Whatever he did to you, it can’t be bad enough a reason for you to avoid everyone and lock yourself up in this tiny little prison you call an ‘office.’” She snorted. “Barnes is worried.”

You were beginning to look away, not able to meet Natasha’s eyes while she was busy chastising you, but her final words caught your attention. You immediately turned to look at her. “Wait—what?”

There was that meddling look that Tony was always giving you. Befit with a raised brow and hollowed-out cheeks, Natasha smirked. “Barnes. He’s worried about you. He’s the one who asked me to come check on you. He said Tony probably locked you up to keep you out of trouble.”

Wow. I didn’t think Bucky cared enough to do that. Maybe there was a lot of things you didn’t know about Bucky. You pursed your lips, then said—“You can tell him I’m fine.”

Natasha got this look on her face, before she was tilting her face towards the door leading to your office. “Why don’t you tell him yourself?”

Before you could ask what she meant by that, the door to your office was pushing open, and Bucky stuck his head out from between the frame. His frown seemed bashful, and he didn’t meet your gaze head-on. “Hey, doll. Can I come in?”

Doll. Again. You ignored Natasha’s knowing stare when you replied, “Oh, y-yeah—of course.”

“Guess I’ll be off,” Natasha said loudly, rising from the office chair. She sent you a wink. “I’ll get Tony to lay off with the brotherly love.” She smirked.

You waved her off awkwardly, biting hard on your lip as she passed Bucky and shot him a wicked, cheeky grin. Bucky mumbled a few choice words, shoving at her shoulder; he certainly seemed embarrassed by whatever implications were in her expression.

When Bucky was out of the door’s range, and Natasha’s clacking heels were no longer heard above the ventilation, the two of you sat in a still, awkward silence. You were twiddling with your fingers, and Bucky was staring at his feet, both of you too introverted and shy to really speak the first words. However, in the midst of your frantic thoughts (Oh God, what do I say, what do I do, is he mad at me? Did I do something wrong?) you didn’t notice Bucky look up from his boots, or see him sink into the same chair that Natasha had only been occupying moments before. He looked at you for a long moment, and only when the hair-raising feeling that accompanied people’s centered gazes intensified did you finally look up.

“Oh,” you said dumbly. “Hi.”

Bucky’s lips twitched. The barest hint of a smile crawled onto his lips. “Hi.”

You didn’t know what to say. Neither did Bucky, it seemed. This was extremely awkward, and you wondered why Natasha had to leave when she knew the two of you were the quietest members of the Tower; conversations were difficult to uphold when Bucky was silent most of the time and simplistic in his rare answers, and you always stopped before you could begin when it came to speaking.

However, you must have misjudged Bucky for being defiant in his silence. He slowly crossed his arms, continuing to stare into your eyes, before saying, “Did Tony do something?”

Your mouth fell agape before you were gathering your senses. Don’t be such an open book, idiot. “He said some things I didn’t like,” you said finally. “So we’re not on speaking terms, at the moment.”

Bucky’s face brightened, then dulled. Like he was wanting a different answer. Like he knew exactly what you were talking about. “Ah,” he said. “Does the word ‘deflower’ really bother you that much?”

Oh, shit. Did he—? “Wait.” Your reply was slow, calculated. “Did you overhear our conversation?”

Bucky nodded.

You sighed. Well, he must think I’m obsessed with him or something, defending him like I’m his girlfriend. “Tony’s… an asshole. I’m sorry he said the things he did.” There, that sounded friendly enough. You didn’t want to come off as a fangirl.

Bucky just shook his head, looking determined. And like he didn’t really care about Tony, and his wonderful way with words. Bucky leaned forward, propping his crossed arms on your desk. He was close enough for you to smell his cologne, and close enough that your gaze immediately flickered towards his lips. “You said there’s nothing going on between us… What if I said there is something?”

This conversation was heading in a direction you were not anticipating. Your jaw fell open again, eyes going wide with shock. “W-What?”

Bucky stared at you. He seemed less confident now, with your expression of bewilderment so blatant. He started leaning back into his chair. “I’m sorry—was that too forward?”

Now, you were dubious. Why wasn’t he referencing all the fangirl moments you’d have around him? Was he just oblivious? Since it appeared like he was embarrassed, for lack of a better word, you began to push forward in your seat; you latched a hand around his flesh arm. “N-No!” you shouted, before quieting, a blush on your face. “No… I just didn’t expect you to think that way about me, is all.”

Bucky was the one to look dubious now. “I thought I was obvious about it.”

“No, if anyone was obvious, it was me.” You laughed and shook your head. “Always giggling around you, and stuttering. And don’t get me started on the blushing. It’s like you’ve turned me into a schoolgirl again.”

Bucky’s handsome face lit up with a smile. Not a smirk—a smile. It made your stomach do flips. “I guess I just didn’t think someone like you would like someone like me. I’m surprised… I even came up here. I was actually going to your office to ask you out on a date when… you and your brother talked, but when you said there was nothing going on, I just thought… And then you were avoiding Stark, which made me think maybe, you were lying, and maybe his words made you more angry than I thought.”

That was the most Bucky had ever said to you. Maybe even around anyone in this Tower, including Steve—which made you feel smug inside. You smiled at him, and reached out a hand to lay gently on his jaw. “Well, you’re here now,” you told him softly.

He smiled back at you. “Yeah. I am.” He cupped the back of your neck with his human hand and pulled you into a swooping kiss.

You were shocked—completely shocked—by the amount of butterflies that lit up in your belly at the sensation of Bucky’s lips on yours. You thought the movies and books were lying when they said kissing was like a Fourth of July show. He tasted like coffee—black, no creamer and no sugar, the same way you liked your own coffee—and he smelled even more heavenly, making you nestle closer as the grip tightened on the hair at your nape. His lips grew harder against your own, moving passionately (as though both were pieces to the same puzzle) and it made you feel light, like you were airborne, the way he tasted and felt.

So caught in this amazing feeling, you didn’t hear the door open. But you did hear the outraged noises that left whoever it was that barged in.

“What the hell, Y/N?! Does this look like nothing to you?” your brother yelped, seeming completely bewildered by the sight of you and Bucky locked in a kiss.

You pulled away, wracked with a sense of smugness at the deprived sound that left Bucky’s throat. You gave him a soft smile before moving your chair sideways to take a peek at the door. Tony was there, mouth fully popped open, pointing a finger between you and Bucky, like he was in utter disbelief; you were sure in that empty brain of his, he was praying for this to be nothing but a vicious nightmare, his greatest worries coming true.

How sad it’d be when he woke up tomorrow morning to find that this was a reality, a reality not going anywhere anytime soon.

You left your hand on top of Bucky’s as you said, “You know, Tony, it’s kind of rude to barge into a room without knocking first.”

Tony spluttered, and gaped, raising an angry finger. Similar to how he acted when you called him a dickhead. “I’ll have you know—”

“You own this place, you can do anything you want, you’re the great Tony Stark—blah, blah, blah.” You caught the amused smirk on Bucky’s face. And a startled look. He was probably confused about your banter with Tony; you could be talkative to people you really cared about, but the shyness came out in front of strangers and groups. You threw Tony a frown. “Listen, Tony—I get that you think you have some sort of sibling protection rules you live religiously by, but let’s be a little bit more lenient about my dating life… Okay? Okay. Now please—get out and go gossip to the Avengers about me. I know you really want to.”

An outraged look appeared on Tony’s face. “Don’t think this is over!” he said angrily, before he was sweeping out of your office; there wasn’t a doubt in your mind that he was heading to the Avengers to mope and ask for advice on how to sabotage your relationship.

You sighed, looking back at Bucky. He was already looking at you, and he was smirking. “Dating, huh?” he said, sounding pleased.

You swatted at him playfully; now that you knew he didn’t hate you, it was much easier to be comfortable with him. “Oh, shut up and kiss me.”

And he did.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #avengers x reader #avengers #marvel #mcu #wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #black widow #winter soldier #tony stark #tony stark x reader #buckybarnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader

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scifiphan · 6 years ago

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do you have any tips for writers? your fic is beautifully written xx

i suck at advice but here are a few things i’ve learnt (and am still learning)

1. take your time! i feel like this is the one thing i’ve learnt lately (im currently a month late to updating my fic) bc if you try and force something out chances are it’s not gonna be ur best work. writing should come naturally and if ur forcing it,,, just close the tab and come back when ur ready. it might be in an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, but i can’t stress this enough: don’t force a wip

2. don’t compare yourself to others. i know this one can be hard! trust me! been there done that (and even now i sometimes struggle). if you’re not getting the reads ur expecting but you see other writers gain thousands, don’t blame yourself! you’re no less talented as a writer just bc u have fewer reads. it can be frustrating, seeing people ignore your work just bc ur not the most popular but don’t value your talent on that. you are talented!!!

3. feedback can be sparse but it doesn’t mean no one likes your fic. okay this one kinda ties in with the above point but it is very very important, especially if ur writing dnp fic. the phandom is,,,, kinda shite at leaving comments/writing tags/reblogging posts. idk why but,,, it is. seeing 1 comment left on ur fic compared to maybe the 15 you were hoping for sucks! (especially if ur compare urself to authors who get more feedback. don’t do that!!) but that 1 comment is important!! cherish every comment you get bc even if it’s not many, those few shouldn't be disregarded.

4. you don’t have to write chronologically! what i mean by this is that, you know how u start a fic, write the middle of it, and end a fic? well you dont have to write it in a linear form. i personally tend to write an entire fic’s dialogue and then go back to write prose or sometimes write the ending before the beggining.

i feel like this tip is also very valuable with essays and exams. write what comes to u! skip over a hard part bc u will know what to write when the time is right

5. this next one is probs gonna be uhhhh an unpopular opinion but you don’t need a beta if you don’t want a beta. honestly, i get the perks to having one but i feel like every fandom has a different relationship with betas. some fandoms u wont see a fic without one and others dont even know what a beta is. that observation is like irrelevant to this tip but what i’m saying is,,, if you trust your ability at proof reading and if you enjoy your fic then ! not having a beta is okay!! have faith in urself if you dont want one!

6. be comfortable in your own style. i feel like this is the only tip that ties in w/ how u said my fic is beautifully written (thank u btw you and by embracing it, and allowing ur style to naturally grow,,, ur gonna create something beautiful

7. last one! (kinda ties in with the above). READ!!! the biggest way to grow was a writer is not only write but read!! read fic, read novels, read anything that interests you! by doing so you can learn and get inspired and like,,, i feel like as a writer you gotta read (maybe that’s why ive been struggling to write lately,,, i havent had time to read)

idk if these r helpful and these r probs too long but there’s 7 tips and tricks from this hot mess of my mind

#anon #ask

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notesofarichlycolorednight · 7 years ago

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Hi,pal! I'm loving "It's the perfect story"! However, the subject I'm talking about doesn't directly to the fic. By what I know, people don't hate Silena because she was the spy,it's more like they think her being seduced/manipulated into doing it is detracting to her character. Many posts say that's very insulting to teen girls, or her cause should be something like "her cabin was being disrespected"(out of character IMO, but I'll talk about it later)...

Continuation. Or “the demigods were being mistreated by the gods”(not a bad one,but Silena didn’t really feel the worst of the gods IMO. Not like Luke, Chris or Tori in the fic). People are entitled to their opinions, but I disagree. About the “disrespected cabin stuff”,Silena is defensive in a blunt, straightforward way when it happens. Examples: how she wanted to fight the Huntresses when they said love was worthless;or when people were surprised by her magic knowledge,and she looked offended.

Cont. Besides, those behaviors show that Silena can be quite passionate and proud, what probably made her vulnerable to manipulation(her romantic nature didn’t help). Besides, Silena herself thought she was saving lives. I believe Luke’s words would sound truer to her if she cared about him than from a dispassionate perspective. Besides, if Luke managed to lure Percy to near death with a friendly smile and soda,despite Percy’s instincts saying no,I believe he could do it to Silena…

Cont. By what I read, your only issue was the age. However, I think that was something like “death of the author” in canon,as she didn’t get one. In fact, I rather like the idea of Silena being an older camper,including than Charles(if 18 years old girls date boys in their 20’s…),both in canon and in your fic. In your fic,it could make her Tori ’ s peer. In canon,it’d fit the whole “role model” stuff we had going on HoO.

what’s up dude! thanks, i’m glad to hear you’re enjoying it!

that’s how i interpreted it when i read the books (or how i remember interpreting it, at least, i haven’t read the series in a while) like, being the spy meant she was a traitor, which is also a comment abt her character (i.e., may she’s not the greatest person–for the lack of a better word–bc she was a traitor). when clarisses declares she’s a hero, i assumed it was supposed to be juxtaposed to her being a traitor. which is a roundabout way to say that the ultimate end is the same, whereas the perspective is different? but i can see where others are coming from–that the campers would be more mad bc of the fact that she was easily manipulated by luke, rather than her being the spy

i guess i can see where ppl are coming from regarding it being an insult to teen girls (i’d really like to see those posts tho, bc i actually haven’t seen anyone talk abt that–i somehow manage to avoid discourse like we’re two opposing magnets, my d-list x-men power), bc it plays off the stereotype that teen girls are so boy crazy, they’re easily manipulated by any good-looking guy that smiles in their direction. it doesn’t help that she’s a child of aphrodite. and what i mean by that is, i think, ppl often water down what aphrodite is the goddess of. when ppl say, “she’s the goddess of love and beauty” ppl often think she’s the goddess of, “being vain and romantic/sexual love” (not true btw, fite me, i will gladly jump into that discourse)

but anyway, back to my main point, i can see how it may play off a teen girl stereotype (rick is good at doing that sometimes, which isn’t entirely his fault, bc like i said abt toxic masculinity, it’s so ingrained in our society, it’s hard to unlearn and we often fall into those stereotypes if we’re not fully aware of them and consciously thinking about them), but i also don’t entirely agree with that argument, either

now i could be wrong, esp since i haven’t read any of this discourse, so i haven’t read ppl’s reasoning or arguments, but it sounds very surface-level White Feminism™ and what i mean by that is that there are more grey areas to this argument, okay, so put away your pitchforks and put out your torches and, i mean, also that this argument is coming from ppl who want to seem like they’re woke, but then turn around and continue to do or say things that are insidiously bigoted

like i said, i can see how it plays into a stereotype, but if we’re going by rick’s canon (which we totally don’t have to, but for this argument’s sake we are) she’s young and impressionable, luke is handsome and charming–if another young person were in her position, we’d probably see the same thing. young ppl are easy to manipulate, they just are. they’re still learning abt the world, and how it works, and that maybe not everyone has good intentions. not to mention they’re still trying to find themselves, and they look to peers, mentors, and ppl who are respected (for whatever reason) for cues to how they should act and think. it’s like trying on clothes or taste-testing foods–they’re trying out opinions. if they don’t like the “taste” of an opinion, then they learn, grow, and change. some ppl instantly connect with an opinion (which could be bigoted or not) and not explore further, or could be sheltered and just not have the opportunity to experience anything else.

the opinion here: the gods are bad. the person she’s looking to for guidance: luke. plain and simple

and, as you say anon, percy even fell for luke’s charms (despite the warning signs!! and percy is most def Not Straight, so luke was also using that fact against percy as well, whether rick luke knew it or not). so, ya know, there ya go

now, i think rick chose a child of aphrodite, and a girl, bc he thought he was turning a trope on its head–you’d never expect (from the stereotype of what aphrodite stands for) silena to be a spy, to work for kronos of all ppl titans. do you see what i mean? i think he was going for an elle woods effect–except in the polar opposite direction. the ends is the same, where this girl who is often underestimated (like elle) turns out to do something no one expected of her (in silena’s case, being the spy, which takes a lot of guts, nerve, and smarts–the opposite of what ppl expect from aphrodite, based on a reductive stereotype)

and that’s where the real issue lies, not that she was a teen girl, but rather some of the decisions the author made under wrong assumptions

i agree that the alternatives aren’t as sincere or make as much sense. silena didn’t experience a whole lot of strife regarding her mom or the gods in general, so she’d have no reason to hate them as luke does–she’d have no reason to be the spy for luke if he were to simply use that argument to get her to kronos’s side. and maybe she would’ve joined kronos under “her cabin was being disrespected,” however, it was’t being disrespected by the gods themselves, right? not like the minor gods, not like nemesis or hecate. the disrespect comes more from the ppl around her–the ppl who assume the wrong things abt aphrodite when they hear the words “love” and “beauty.” so that alternative reason doesn’t hold a lot of water if you really think abt it

i also agree with you: that her passion and pride made her more easily manipulated, and also that luke’s words would mean more coming from a more passionate and personal perspective. luke fed her lines that played into her character (like how kronos fed luke lines that played into his hatred for the gods). if she felt passionate abt helping save ppl (and it’s coming from someone she likes, someone she looks up to), then she’d be the spy for sure. if she had a crush on luke, more for him to use against her, right? that’s just how it goes sometimes, ya know? her crush are her rose-colored glasses, add that on top of “you’d be saving lives” and, well, luke’s got her wrapped around kronos’s finger

yeah, the age thing is a big sticking point for me, just bc based on the timeline of things, she’s several years younger than luke (which make his kiss, in my story, really gross). if beckendorf was going to college during tlo, he was probably at the least 18, and silena was probably around the same age. by this time, luke is 23, so that means that she’s abt 5 years younger? is five years a huge deal between older ppl (like mid- to late-twenties and beyond)? not at all. but with younger ppl (teens and early twenties), it’s a HUGE gap in age, and a HUGE deal.

but like you say, i think rick is hitting that point of “death of the author” (esp with more recent events…btw, jason is totally alive and well, and if you think or try to tell me differently, then you can meet me in a denny’s parking lot at 3am), so we can totes not follow canon and age both silena and beckendorf up. not to mention, there’s no specific age that ppl go to college (just in general most ppl starting college are from 17-20) so it’s completely fine for beckendorf to be going to college at 22, 23. and a 2 yr age difference (regarding beckendorf at 20, dating silena at 18) is totes better than a 5 yr difference for sure

i really like tori and silena being peers, and i if i had been more comfortable breaking canon (and knew what i know now, then), it would’ve been fun to write (but eeeyyy, it’s fun to think abt, so there may be headcanons in your future regarding this). finally, you’re right, i think it would make “silena as a role model” so much more powerful if she had been/was older in canon

thanks for sending these in! i had a lot of fun talking and thinking abt all the points you brought up/made, and i hope to continue this discussion, if you want!

#oh god for shame! i do not even know your name #notesofananonymousnight #asked and answered #silena beauregard #pjo meta #washingdad writes

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thedeviljudges · 7 years ago

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shame shame it is my name ive been going through your harringrove tag all day and im just. completely fucked. choo choo the harringrove train has left the station you have a one way ticket to hell please enjoy the ride with some fine literature that will make you wish you had your very own cuddlebuddy while crying like a bitchbaby. please have some patience, i will be back shortly to tell you all about how you and these soft trashboys ruined my life! 1/10

SO FIRST YES YOU GOT ME INTO ZIAM. I can’t remember when but dear god ive been here for a long, long, looooong time. also can i please cry about your fics. because. i feel like they dont get enough love and im just!!! every time you write because your writing is just so?? idk?? im like “ah, noel wrote this. i CAN FEEL IT BECAUSE I GOT PUNCHED IN THE FEELS” and im gonna be superembarrassing but like i love you dude. you’re so fucking talented and it saddens me that all the work you put into ziam fics and drabbles never got the attention they deserved. like MIDNIGHT LIGHT. how freaking cute was that im just seriously Im gonna die ok i love it so much oh my goood the beginning when they met and Liam just replied with “okay” IM JUST. its so stupid cause there wasnt a lot of interaction between them at first but i just LOVED it?? like well done this made me feel like a 13yo also i love the way you describe it when liam smiles like i can see it happening in front of me and i get why zayn melts and falls for him every time. i have so much love for that fic you dont understand. am i gonna yell about my favorite ziam fics wHY YES I AM. We’re dreamers in castles made of sand (also i really like your titles btw) blew me away. I got chills and it didnt go the way i expected it to go, the usual boy has sex with a prostitute, catches feelings& saves them. i love that you didnt let that happen. Liam saved himself and im just so happy! caring and supporting zayn was amazing to see but the fact that liam did it on his own and THEN CAME BACK im weak i love it so much. ive already told you i love the under the rose universe. i cant even pick a favorite moment im just in awe of this entire serie. listen. i love liam and veronica with everything that i am and i would die for them. also. Vanilla sweet universe is just everything ok jfc.

okay. okay so i had to sit on this all day because i just. you’ve overwhelmed me, for real, lmao. like, i don’t really cry over messages, but this one? kinda got me good.

(and also, idk if you meant to send more, but i did only get the 6/10 so that’s what i’m replying to!!)

first off, lmaooo you’re hilarious as fuck. this message? as good as the one you sent the other day. i’ve reread it a few times, and i laugh at it each one.

but okayyy ok ok. i wasn’t expecting this lovefest, but i s2g, this is the sweetest. you’re not embarrassing, trust me!! i always love to know what people think of my fics. call me greedy, i guess, but i genuinely love to hear back from people, even if it is negative.

although uhhhhh, i love you???? like damn???? i mean, no lie. there’s definitely a few fics of mine from ziam that i wish took off more. i got comments on ao3 here and there and asks from time to time, but how i found out people liked my stuff was either through recs or casual discussions mutuals would send me because they just so happened upon it. i hate being that bitch that /wants/ to hear feedback because it sounds selfish, but like, some of those longer fics were so draining, and sometimes i got the feeling that me (and a few others tbqh) were just placeholder authors??? we were ~there for filler fics until…. well uh, lmao, other ones could finally put out.

ok. midnight light…. is one that i forgot about because lmao, that’s not one i’ve heard anyone ever talk about actually?? it might’ve gotten a few comments, but omfg. you saying that is really surprising???? i actually did love that one. kinda felt bad i didn’t make it longer or whatever, but it just made sense. i’m so glad you liked it, though!! but it’s definitely not stupid!!! that’s so wild that it makes you feel that way bc i get that way with fic too and omfg. i didn’t know people did about my stuff?? fuck. you’re way too kind.

ALSO LIAM’S SMILE. i tried to include that a lot because liam really does have the most beautiful smile. it’s so bashful and looks so genuinely happy and adorable and ahhhh.

about the dreamers fic…. gah. i love the concept i did with that, but when i look at it, honestly??? my writing is terrible???? omfg. i cringe at my old writing, i swear. but i think that fic is the most popular one. dunno why, but i’m so glad you liked the ending!! i don’t even think it was intentional to try to do something different. in all honesty, i don’t even know how i came up with the ending, lmao.

really, i’m just gonna keep thanking you over and over and over again.

fic titles… i love coming up with fic titles, and i’ll have you know that most of them are just song lyrics. i usually go for the most unusual lines in songs because they seem the most fitting? and what’s crazy is that when i hear it, i know immediately whether it’s a title or not. idk if that’s intuition, but to me, all fics are like children, and when you hear the title, you just know??? ok now who’s the embarrassing one, lmao.

under the rose - is my weakness, my soft spot. all born outta me trying to prove something to rude ass people tbh, lmao. wrote it out of spite even though i knew it wouldn’t be popular, and i just remember back in 2013 when ppl thought i was crazy as hell for loving veronica so much, and IM STILL GLAD i’m not alone in that.

vanilla sweet was also sorta born outta spite?? just in the sense that it didn’t have to be stereotypical abo that was written in the time (ie dubcon or more).

honestly, i can’t even believe you like all of these??? these were incredible messages to get, babe. like i said, you did make me tear up, and idk why you decided to stick around with my boring, bitchy ass tbh. i feel like is scare a lot of people off real damn quick, but i appreciate it so much. i really fucking do, and you’ve totally made more than just my day and night. i’ll legit be thinking about these for awhile now. fuck, i’ve talked your ear off too and yet i could wrote another 10 pages, i bet.

literally, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this and for giving my fics a chance. it really means the world to me, even after all this time. i appreciate it so much.

#Anonymous #answered #x #im an incoherent mess right now and i didn't even type out everything i wanted couldve or shouldve #but my gratitude is through the fucking roof right now and no amount of thank yous is enough

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herotheshiro · 4 years ago

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ok so i’m gonna actually write out a post instead of reblogging and commenting bc i expect to go a little longer than i have patience for via tagging. EDIT: ok yes this did end up becoming a monster of a post. i apologize to those who actually try to read this/manage to read the entire thing

so this manga is called will you marry me again if i am reborn, it’s abt a couple who meet when they are 5yo and 9yo respectively (if i remember correctly, i just know their age diff is 4 yrs) and they basically have feelings for each other from day one so they get engaged at 26 and 30yo (synopsis basically of ch 1 lol). the manga consists of basically one-shots covering both the mains’ experiences growing up together and the experiences of the fam/friends around them. (i say one-shots bc the “story” usually gets resolved in 1 ch, there technically is a linear plot connecting the chapters but the main meat of the ch is usually not covering that plot specifically but rather talking abt things that come up due to that plot. this makes more sense if you actually have read the manga)

classic me decided to look this up on a whim despite having schoolwork to do after seeing it while going through my IG saved (i had seen this manga at least a yr or so ago but never looked it up) and damn ngl i was expecting it to be a one-shot but nah it’s 4 volumes and ongoing .......

at face value, i do like this manga ... the main couple is sweet and i’m weak to cute scenes, the women in this manga are badass and physically and emotionally wrecking havoc (not in a bad way, just like in a headstrong way) while the men weep (not like in an abuse way, just like they’re uselessly crying abt stuff), and i think the way the manga covers the history of this family/related ppl is interesting (i.e., it’s not a completely linear way, like 1 ch is this person. now the next ch is their mother. now the next ch is their father, etc etc). this manga does take place in japan in the 40s though, so note some social things still remain despite the switching of stereotypical gender roles (e.g., everyone is married at 25-30yo. like i kept getting caught up on this one like ‘why the fuck is every character married. like chill, you don’t gotta be married--oh wait nm i forgot back then ppl tended to get married p fast/early’).

on that note. probably my biggest complaint with this manga though is (spoiler) the pairing of chizuru and toyokichi. who have an age gap of 7yo and 32yo (AT STORY INTRODUCTION. thankfully they don’t get together/are really romantically involved until later but hold on let me say what i want to say first before i go into that). that’s right, what i thought was a joke premise (‘a pathetic man like you is still single rn? well i’ll let you marry me once i become of age if you’re still alone’) was NOT actually a joke bc later chapters reveal that they did get together as adults. which is FUCKED UP !!! like sure i feel like there are het couples irl who have huge ass age gaps and these relationships are for the most part accepted (or tolerated) then in the 40s and even now but that is so fucking weird that this man 25 yrs a girl’s senior still for whatever cursed reason married the girl in the end. (like legit. when the girl said that statement above, the man was like ‘damn i’d be committing a borderline CRIME if i did that’. not in a romanticized way though, like he was weirded out and that is so damn sad that i feel the need to clarify that. i have read too much shit and unfortunately some ppl do like that) 1. i don’t understand why ppl need to pair up all of their mains/introduced characters so bad. like... if needed it’s ok to introduce a side character who doesn’t get much focus. you don’t need to pair everyone up ages be damned; 2. the acceptance of such shit ... idk. i’m not saying older generations are all necessarily fine with such age gaps but also idk if maybe that shit just flies with older ppl and it’s not a big problem (i say that bc the adults in the story don’t really seem to be saying much abt it). then again, i haven’t seen what their getting together story is yet (we’ve only been seeing them together as they are in present time aka as adults) so idk if maybe ppl were against it but they still got together but man. that shit rubs me the wrong way.

as of right now, the ongoing story is focusing on the effect of ww2 on the mains’ and their families. tbh i was kind of surprised at how this story turned into a war story; i mean it’s to be expected if your story is in the 40s, i think most stories around the world that take place in the 40s HAVE to talk abt ww2 bc it’s not really something that can be glossed over easily since it really did impact daily life so much. but also i didn’t expect it ... i don’t really enjoy reading war stories, not only are they sad to read sometimes but also i feel like sometimes it’s glamorized to some degree. i don’t feel like this manga glamorizes it but i’m gonna be real i’m always kind of uncomfortable bc i’m used to hearing/reading abt nationalistic depictions (aka “hell yea go [insert native country], we are the best and fuck everyone else. also look at our causalities, we deserve to fight the other side for doing this to us”) and i never know if the author is suddenly gonna go in that direction. based on what’s been presented i don’t think it’s gonna veer in that direction but yeah.

otherwise, i think this manga is a cute read. it’s well-written enough that i kept going despite the hiccup covered 2 paragraphs ago, and i think emotional parts are handled relatively well. i think the characters are enticing for the most part, however i do feel that characters get paired up too fast (or the implication that they’re gonna get paired up). i understand that many of the characters’ stories are really only covered in 1 ch so you gotta just pair them up quickly, but for example the burned eye girl and the ex-yakuza ... i wish they hadn’t INTRODUCED the burned eye girl as being romantically interested in the latter even if it is true esp since their story is ongoing and wasn’t just limited to 1-2 chapters. like i get there’s history and we’re looking at “present day” where she’s head over heels for him but like ... idk. i’ve never been a huge fan of stories where it’s basically stated outright ppl have feelings for one another, like tangent but that’s why i didn’t really like j*son x p*per from the HoO series (i never finished this series btw lol. i think i only read up to h*ouse of h*des and even then i’m unsure if i even finished that book) bc they were basically introduced AS a couple and i’m like bro i barely know these characters, let me figure them out first before i pair them together. yes they took a break for a bit bc j*son literally lost his memory but all of their interactions from early on were then romantic to some degree as a result and i’m like bro. (on the other hand, that’s why i liked h*zel x fr*nk better. yes i believe fr*nk was introduced as having a crush on h*zel but i feel like their early development was relatively separate. also i’m censoring everything bc i don’t want the risk of pj0 ppl coming at me) i’ve also only been reading BL recently so i’m like ‘damn ok too many het pairings and not enough lgbtq content’; i mean it’s the 40s but also gay ppl weren’t invented afterwards or anything lol (that’s sarcasm. supposed to be a reference to that one tumblr post i saw where they’re like ‘we can’t have black ppl in this period piece’ ‘what, were black ppl not invented yet?’)

next paragraph despite same point bc these paragraphs are literally becoming walls. but while i think it’s cute, i prob won’t be actively following. i feel like it’s pretty standard fare for genres/topics like this despite the more unconventional storytelling. it’s relatively well done but there’s not really much new grounds being covered with this story so i don’t feel particularly inclined to pay strong attention. now that i’m at the end of this review, i’d just like to say godDAMNIT (spoiler) kenji died, and the irony hurts that kenji was like ‘kind ppl like you will die in war’ but then he ended up dying bc of his own kindness towards toyokichi ... i mean i knew he was gonna die, that’s just how the story was going but also damn it ... also if main guy’s older bro doesn’t personally meet main girl’s older bro in the story ... wtf. everything is pointing towards that happening

#reading #bruh i'm literally clocked in on a work shift rn. and i spent time reading this manga instead of doing schoolwork #prob will be posting now and then with more reviews but now that school has started again ... i really shouldn't

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