#( i'd say the ''literally sleeping together'' post is where he first started developing feelings )

[erabundus]

anonymous &&. said... Ren when was the moment you realized that you started to feel something for Kazuha?

it's  a  harder  question  to  answer  than  it  should  be  —  for  a  multitude  of  reasons.  though  some  time  has  passed,  these  emotions  still  ache  fresh  and  raw  as  they  always  have.  (  a  wound  on  his  nonexistent  heart.  )  they  confuse  him,  both  in  their  complexity  and  the  intensity  that  only  seems  to  grow.  he's  never  experienced  anything  of  the  sort  before;  centuries  of  detached  observation  has  only  afforded  the  wanderer  an  understanding  he  now  knows  to  be  terribly  SHALLOW.  likely  not  helping  matters  is  how  fiercely  he  rejected  their  mere  existence.  he  has  no  interest  in  forming  bonds  he  knows  will  only  end  in  TRAGEDY  —  much  less  one  that  would  leave  him  so  disgustingly  vulnerable.  he  may  have  given  up  his  efforts  to  strip  himself  of  emotion,  but  avoiding  these  feelings  is  a  decision  based  in  pure  pragmatism.  frankly,  it  still  terrifies  him  how  easily  kazuha  could  be  used  against  him.

❝  it's  hard  to  say.  ❞   ren  confesses  honestly.   ❝  i  was  in  denial  for  a  long  time.  ❞  he  was  repulsed  by  the  very  idea  —  HATING  HIMSELF  for  desiring  anything  from  this  person  he  had  brought  nothing  but  misery  to.  what  right  did  he  have,  to  hold  such  tender  feelings?  (  to  drink  in  every  touch,  every  soft  word  like  the  finest  of  spirits?  )  he  didn't  want  to  love  kazuha.  he  wanted  to  ensure  the  human  lived  a  fulfilling  life;  it  was  the  only  thing  he  could  do,  if  he  wouldn't  simply  end  him  as  penance  for  his  sins.  their relationship  simply  became  more  complicated  along  the  way  —  the  wanderer  started  to  YEARN,  as  he  always  did  for  that  which  he  could  never  have.

he  never  expected  kazuha  to  reciprocate.  frankly,  ren  had  resigned  himself  to  BURYING  those  messy  feelings  down  in  some  dark,  suffocating  place  while  he  watched  over  him  from  afar.  the  human just  had  a  way  of  drawing  him  in.  they  are  two  halves  of  the  same  whole,  after  all.  (  soulmates,  connected  by  a  red  string  in  a  manner  he  would  have  once  scoffed  at.  )  perhaps  they  were  always  destined  to  have  their  fates  intertwined.  perhaps  they  were  always  destined  to  fall  in  love  the  moment  they  met  —  like  MAGNETS,  drawn  together  the  instant  they  enter  each  other's  proximity.  it's  a  train  of  thought  a  bit  too  whimsical  for  the  wanderer's  usual  dour  fare,  but  he  supposes  kazuha  has  a strange  way  of  INFLUENCING him  to  think  in  a  manner  more  befitting  the  poet.

he's  glad  that  he  loves  him.  even  if  he  doesn't  understand  it  —  even  if  he  still  feels  undeserving  of  it. kazuha's heart is his most precious treasure.

❝  i  think ...  ❞   the  wanderer  begins  tentatively.  ❝  when  i  realized  he  made  me  feel  comfortable  enough  to  sleep.  ❞  a  hand  raises,  delicate fingers  curling  (  unconsciously  )  over  the  spot  where  a  heart  would  reside.  ❝  or  when  he  gave  me  a  scarf.  ❞  such  a  strange  choice  of  gift  —  at  least  for  a  puppet,  who  could  brave  the  COLD  better  than  any  human.  when  the  seasons  turn  cool  again,  he'll  ask  kazuha  to  wear  it so it may take on his scent ... that is, after all, its true appeal.

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here to say let's do this!! I mean I'll still post asks about SaL and Malex, especially after episodes, and probably will do ths same with 911 if a particular episode hive me those feels, but I'd love to rave about a show whose writing actually is good. It may take me a bit longer between asks, my brain varies between watch mode and read mode and they can't play together. So in the same spirit as you I started watching at S2 with the idea "the buddie thing can't be real". TBC shortly.

SaL anon (part 2) So far 911 has been the perfect blend of humor and serious because that's exactly what the characters are (I'm surprisingly like them all. But in terms of Buddie this is what I've observed: 1. bff's hours after macho standoff (friends, okay) 2. Buck SQUEALS in delight and goes all soft eyes after finding out his bff is a single dad (not really the bff reaction I'd expect) 3. Buck teary-eye smiles when Eddie reunites with Chris (screams "beautiful family, will join soon").

SaL anon (sorry for all the asks, part 3) 4. Buck raves to Maddie about how great Eddie is and what a good dad he is and she jokes about his new boyfriend (writers this an actual trope, they end up boyfriends) 5. Eddie gives the not my type speech while he and Buck don't have an inch between them and keep that proximity (OH COME ON) 6. Buck gets Carla to help Eddie (aka coparenting). Maybe you could argue the dialogue is "just friends", but it's delivery and the body language are CHOICES.

Yay! So excited for this! I love this show so much because it is such a great blend of really funny moments, and really touching moments, and some exciting/stressful moments, and occasionally heartbreaking moments but, much like our beloved Sleeping at Last, there is always this underlying current of hope running throughout the show and it really hits with the found family vibes. It’s not often a show can pull of such a large ensemble cast where they are all such great and likable characters (I love every single one of them SO MUCH) and also explore all their stories pretty equally. 

My brain will absolutely not allow me to watch things out of order or skip episodes so I just always assume everyone starts at the beginning so thanks for letting me know where you are! I know a lot of people didn’t like season 1 but I love it for the development of who these characters are but honestly, it was simultaneously easier/more painful watching season 1 through the post-season 4 lens so whatever order you watch it in, things will hit differently knowing what comes later which can actually be kind of fun! 

Okay, Buddie!! 1) literally the fastest enemies to wanna be lovers BFFs ever. I was dreading watching that part again because of the secondhand embarrassment (Buck, babes. What are you doing?) but when I did I checked the timestamp and it’s like??? not even halfway through one episode? But I love that they didn’t drag it out, which is something the show does a lot. Sometimes with a less favorable result for things that maybe should take a little more time or we would like to see more of, but like, they didn’t spend a half or whole season with them hating each other which is much appreciated.

2) Okay, but season 1 has Buck holding on average like, a baby/child per episode. He has so many interactions with kids and he’s SO GOOD with them. So when Eddie comes along and he says “I love kids!” he means it, and we’ve seen it Funny thing though...After he meets Christopher, we see a lot less of him with other kids, and a lot more of him with Eddie’s kid. 

3)WHY DID THEY DO THIS?! He is just looking at them SO SOFT and there is literally no reason for him to be there! They didn’t drive to work together, why was Buck driving Eddie home? Literally two episodes in and it’s already “if no Buddie, why this?” Just let Buck be part of their family!

4) I love hate to break it to you but Maddie making the “boy crush” comment about Eddie is the first of several times someone implies either that Buck and Eddie are a couple/interested in each other, or that Buck is not straight and he....does not ever refute anyone about any of it, ever. Choices!! The amount of tropey stuff for them is bananas. 

5) Listen that whole episode is amazing (the opening with Eddie and Chris is so precious it hurts) but that scene!!! That scene is something else. Buck probing into Eddie’s relationship status and why he doesn’t date, bumping shoulders/arms multiple times while talking about how those girls aren’t their type and looking at each other Like That, Eddie teasing Buck back about his dating life, AND THEN it leads to the scene of Buck again, taking Eddie to his family when they go to the hospital together. And when Eddie motions for Buck to stay behind Buck has his back and comes along. AND THEN, Buck clears everything with Bobby and the Chief so that Eddie doesn’t have to worry about it. 😭😭😭 Everyone hanging out with Chris was so much fun! But that episode is the first one that really made me feel like I was going insane.

6) Buck literally listens to what it is that Eddie actually needs help with, not with parenting Christopher (which comes up later with other people in Eddie’s life), but in navigating the red tape in getting access to programs and assistance for Christopher. And Buck provides just that in Carla (who was also in season 1 which is where Buck knows her from), so that Eddie can focus more on being there and spending time with Chris and not trying to navigate purposefully difficult paperwork and systems. 

“Maybe you could argue the dialogue is "just friends", but it's delivery and the body language are CHOICES.” There are so many choices, from the dialogue to the delivery and acting to the directing (which can affect all those things) and framing of shots, to the way things are edited together and the music choices over them. It is going to blow your mind and I’m so excited to flail with you about it whenever you want!!

[mishavacado]

SPN has so much spinoff potential and so much canon to work with, it's such a waste that none of it's getting used. This post is just all of my spinoff ideas, I'll apologize in advance because it is VERY long.

Wayward Sisters, obviously. There are so many possible storylines to work with, so many stories to tell. I'd really love to see some Charlie, Eileen, or Krissy Chambers cameos. I think that Charlie and Claire would get along really well (just read this post). Rowena is another character that I think could easily be worked into the canon. She could teach the girls all kinds of magic and be the fun wine aunt that spoils the girls on their birthdays. I don't think that Claire would like her very much, but, Rowena and Alex would probably get along just fine. How much I need this in my life: 1000000000000000000000000/10 when I heard that this idea had been tossed out I was so angry. Why doesn't this exist?

Men of Letters prequel that's mostly set in the bunker. This show could really expand on the canon lore and give us some more background on the Men of Letters, as well as any other similar/rival organizations that were around before the main show's time. The Men of Letters have so much story potential for a spin-off; corrupt leadership, new monsters, other organizations, expanding the MoL to outside the U.S. Episodes could be in a monster-of-the-week (MOTW) format, starting and ending with the Man of Letters the case is assigned to making notes in his journal or case file or talking about the case, as well as the overall season arcs. Episodes would be titled by their case number, i.e S1 E1 Case No. 1925-4, etc How much I need this in my life: 1000000/10, the supernatural/historical drama combo would be absolutely stunning.

A series focusing on all of the alternate timelines and universes, both the ones mentioned in the main show and ones just randomly created for an episode. There are infinite possibilities. Each episode would be in a MOTW format, but with different versions of Sam and Dean. The HunterCorp universe, Jared and Jensen from the French Mistake, a universe where their names are switched, a universe where Dean went to college and was the one with the demon blood powers, a universe where they drive a Mustang instead of the Impala, a universe where Sam isn't scared of clowns. I could go on, but I'm going to stop myself here. How much I need this in my life: 9/10 I think it would be pretty funny, but it's not my best idea.

A Bobby and Rufus spin-off where they talk about cases they worked on together or with other hunters, but the stories are told similarly to Tall Tales. It's the same story but told from different points of view depending on who's talking. I wish we'd gotten to see more of Bobby and Rufus because I think those two are hilarious and really think that this could be funny, even if it was just a web series with twenty-minute episodes. How much I need this in my life: 10/10, I love Bobby and Rufus and I think that they have a lot of interesting hunting stories to tell.

GHOSTFACERS GHOSTFACERS GHOSTFACERS. How much I need this in my life: 100000000000000000000000/10, I love the Ghostfacers. That's my whole idea.

A Jack-centric show that's almost a political drama. Jack is the ruler of heaven and is constantly being manipulated by angels, demons, and Death herself. He just wants to make an afterlife paradise, but power-hungry angels won't leave him alone. Remember that Jack is very young and trusting by nature, so there is a lot of potential for disaster if he gets goaded into doing something, like making new universes or ending existing ones. Cas is a main character and he does his best to protect Jack, but he has to be careful to not seem overprotective/like another manipulator or Jack won't trust him either. I have no idea if I'm making any sense, but shoutout to me if I am. For some reason, I've always thought that heaven would be an interesting setting for a spin-off, and those angels are pretty similar to power-hungry politicians. How much I need this in my life: 800/10, I would totally watch this.

A very short series that just destroys the canon finale. Twelve episodes, detailing the storylines that were ignored or destroyed by Carry On. E1: Rescuing Cas from the Empty and he and Dean have a long talk about their ~feelings~. They kiss, and for the first time, Dean’s mind is free of doubt about whether or not anyone could ever love all of him. E2: Eileen returns. She says nothing when she sees Dean and Cas holding hands, just raises her eyebrow and smiles knowingly. Some excellent movie night content. E3: 1 year later. Sam and Eileen’s wedding. Dean and Cas aren’t legally married, but their matching gold rings are very prominently shown. It isn’t mentioned. The wedding is almost canceled because of the rain, but with a wave of Jack’s hand the clouds disappear and the birds start to sing. E4: Sam and Eileen have moved out of the Bunker. Cas finally convinces Dean to downsize, so they find a little house in Lawrence and settle down. Cas works as a special ed teacher. Dean works as a mechanic. Miracle loves the backyard but makes sure to stay away from the beehives in the back corner. E5: Sam and Eileen’s twins, Mary and Maura, are born. Dean and Cas love their nieces, and Jack loves them too. He doesn’t know what to call himself, so they settle on Uncle and call it good. E6: Deaths. They all die old. Cas’s vessel has aged, but he can’t die, so when Dean finally passes away in his sleep, Cas scatters his ashes in the woods and disappears, ascending to heaven, to spend eternity with Dean. The closing scene is a dark screen, with the whoosh of wings and a soft “Hello, Dean.” OK. That was a long one. My apologies. How much I need this in my life: 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10. I would reach nerdvana thirty seconds into episode one.

Another spinoff of that idea is just...Dean and Cas living a normal life. Short episodes. Cas goes to the grocery store. Dean drags Cas to a horror movie fan convention. Cas meets a roomba. How much I need this in my life: I can’t type enough zeroes to express it.

Campbell prequel that focuses on Mary and her childhood. Mary being raised as a hunter but not being allowed on hunts. Mary rushing home to finish her chemistry homework so she can help her dad track a nest of vampires moving east. Mary missing her prom to help Samuel on a hunt. Mary trying to keep her real life secret from John, a man she knows loves the parts of her he knows about. Mary always being an outsider, the kindest and most beautiful girl in her class, but so slow to trust and quick to speak that everyone is afraid to be her friend. Mary is a character that has the potential a lot more development, for twelve seasons she’s the burning martyr in every Winchester’s imagined paradise. She deserves more. How much I need this in my life: 11/10, Mary isn’t my favorite character but I would die for her.

Gabriel spin-off. That’s it, that’s the idea. How much I need this in my life: 10000000/10, Gabriel is a character that we don’t know a lot about so there are so many possible directions for a story about him to go.

Show set in the SPN universe that doesn’t really interact with the main show’s canon. It’s about two cops in the 30s that become hunters by accident. After investigating the apparent suicide of a hunter in their small town, they become enthralled by her library, filled with books about ghosts and vampires. They pour over her journals on their own time, fascinated by what they’re reading. They get to know the hunter through her writings, her accounts of her hunts and travels. Eventually, a nest of vampires settles in the town and the two put their newfound knowledge to the test. This show would just be based on canon lore, there wouldn’t be any mention of the Winchesters or other main characters, although a few MoL team-ups is definitely a possibility. The two become quite a team, tracking werewolf backs on bulletin boards in their basements and hoarding rock salt. How much I need this in my life: 89/10, I think this could be really interesting and I am a sucker for historical hunters.

Speaking of historical hunters-Samuel Colt prequel. Cowboys, vampires, cowpires. Hunting in the wild west, galloping across the prairie chasing a pack of werewolves. This show could also tell us a lot about how different types of monsters spread across the U.S. Ghosts will go anywhere people go, but what about vampires? Shapeshifters? Ghouls? What was it like to hunt without technology to help with research? The hunters in this series would be the authors of the journals that modern hunters use every day. They’re the ones that tested tracking and trapping methods. Again, no idea if this is making sense, but I think that a supernatural western would be really awesome and would expand/substantiate the canon lore. How much I need this in my life: 1000000000000000000000000000000/10, I love cowboys and I love Supernatural. This is literally the best thing that could ever happen to me.

Crowley. I want to know more about him. A series that tells us all about Fergus Roderick MacLeod, starting with when he was born in Scotland and ending with his death in All Along the Watchtower. We know that Rowena was his mother, that he was a tailor, that he sold his soul for an extra three inches ~down there~, and that he was a terrible dad. I want to know more about his childhood, about the people he made deals with, about how he became king of the crossroads and of Hell. Crowley was a very interesting character that was abused by the story. I want to know more about him. How much I need this in my life: 10000000000000000000000000000000000000/10, I really do love Crowley and I would watch this a thousand times over.

Final idea: MOTW only. No season arc, no overall storyline. New hunters every episode, from all different times, from over the world. All kinds of monsters. One episode in Victorian England, the next in 1990s Los Angeles. Very few recurring characters, if any. The recurring characters would be the Bobby Singers of the world; the lore guys that you call when you need help. Each new character has their own style, own car, own music, own personality. The show could have some a m a z i n g guest stars because they’d only appear in a few episodes. There are so many possibilities for episodes, even if they weren’t full length. How much I need this in my life: 100000/10, I love MOTW episodes and would really like to get to know the characters. It would be very easy to write one-off fanfics for this show, and also very easy to introduce this show’s characters into Supernatural’s canon.

You made it to the end!!!!!!!! That’s all I have for now. Sorry for writing so much, I just can’t stop thinking about SPN and all of the wasted stories.

[nomattertheoceans]

Speaking of the rain... I really liked the feysand apocalyptic au and i would looove a follow up...i know u said u dont plan on updating it but maybe talk about it a little where you wanted it to go? Or like a time jump further into the future hehe

If not that's fine just thought I'd drop by❤

Ooooooh Nonnie thank you so much for this ask!!! First of all because it made me realize that I never put this fic in my masterlist, so that reminded me to add it there ^^ But also because I loved writing this AU so i’m so glad you’re interested!!!

Indeed, I don’t plan on updating it because it would require actually doing some world-building, and deciding what I want to do with the other characters apart from Rhys and Feyre. I have a lot of original projects in mind (that I also don’t mind talking about, by the way ^^), plus I also plan on finishing Staying Afloat, so I don’t think I would find the time to develop this fic the way I would like to. But it was really fun to write. I’m honestly rather happy with the way the one-shot turned out in any case! I do think it was easier to write for me because one of my most developed originals is a post apocalyptic story, so I’m more familiar with the genre, which made it easier to write than other styles.

Anyway!! I’m gonna put my thoughts under a cut because I have no idea how long it’s going to get hahaha

So the idea I had would be for the two groups (the Archeron sister on one side, Rhys, Cassian and Rhys’ little sister (who would be like, 11 or 12 at the time, also her name is Lyra because it’s what i called her in I made you a promise)) to join and travel together.

For what happens directly after the scene I published, I figured it would be Feyre convincing her sisters to follow Rhys to where his group is hiding. It would be harder to convince Nesta to follow Rhys (I figured she would finally relent because Feyre would be like “I’m going there and if you don’t come you’ll starve to death” ladjflkajlfaj just some sister shit, you know xD), but Elain would be willing to go because in this universe she’s a nurse so she wouldn’t want to imagine a little girl suffering if she could help.

Then they would reach Cassian and Lyra, and what follows would be basically Elain doing some gross medic stuff, a LOT of pain and of crying little girl x) I had this idea in my head of Feyre and Rhys talking, like, she can see he’s distraught so she tries to reassure him by saying something like “your sister is strong. She’ll make it.” and he answers like “she shouldn’t have to be that strong” you know, some classic apocalyptic stuff hahahahaha

So anyway, after this they would all head out to try and get to Velaris together, because of course they would be stronger as a group than separately (plus maybe Lyra would still need medical attention at first) and what follows would be all of them growing closer and Feysand falling in love, as well as Nesta and Feyre starting to have a better relationship, and the sisters growing close to Lyra, too, somehow in a “older sister” kind of way! And obviously, Cassian and Feyre being buddies immediately because their friendship gives me life, okay.

I honestly don’t have a lot of ideas as to what I wanted to do with characters other than Feysand apart from these largely underdeveloped ideas.

The big question I had to and didn’t solve, was whether or not it was true that Velaris was a safe haven. I like both possibilities of this, because both could create tension for the story. So it’s basically Schrödinger's plotpoint lmaoooo is Velaris just a pointless dream? Is it an actual safe haven they can hope to reach? Who knows? I certainly don’t lmao

So anyway, here below I just put all the notes I had for random scenes between Feysand (again, they were the center of the ideas I had so that’s why I have much more for them than any other characters). Those ideas are mostly in chronological order as to when it would have happened in the story. I literally copy-pasted this from my document, so it gives you a pretty clear idea of the complete mess that are my outlines in general  ( @staticpetrichor​ loves my outlines cause they make her laugh lmao they really are a true reflection of the mess going on in my mind at any given time)

They're on the road, one of them is standing guard and the other comes to see them, cliché (but cute so who cares) post-ap dialogue ensues: "you should be sleeping." "I couldn't, so I figured I'd keep you company." Then they talk quietly about their life and what they did before. Feyre tells him about how she loved painting. Maybe she thinks again about how his eyes remind her of the sky (but she doesn’t say anything because we love some good emotional unavailability lmao)

They find a small lake or a river or something and everybody goes in to bathe and have fun, Rhys looks at Feyre stripping down to her t-shirt, bra, panties, and he's like "fuck me up she's so gorgeous” ajldkfjladjlfa he’s so smitten already

This one is a weird idea but lmao I don't care, also this would be an actual problem in a post ap world sooooo I’m valid: Feyre has like the worst bra, it's really old and it's not a sports bra, it's like a classic one that doesn't really fit her anymore (she probably lost like a size because of hunger). And Rhys knows this because she's complained to him a couple of times about her back hurting (big boobs problem lmao can relate). And at one point they're in another city and he finds this sports shop and he finds a sports bar that should fit her, so he gifts it to her. And like at first she's acting as if he's being weird (like she's teasing him about staring at her breasts so much) but really she's glad. And then she's like "okay I'm gonna try it on but don't look" so she does, but then she looks up and watches him, his back turned away, and she's like overwhelmed with feelings (AS YOU ARE) so she tells him to turn around and she's showing off the sports bra, like they tease and flirt and stuff, and they almost kiss then but someone interrupts them lmao

They start having sex at some point, it's like raw and hot like "without feelings" *looks at the camera*, they convince themselves that they don't care about the other that way, and it's just physical. But really it's only because this world is so brutal and dangerous that they're both scared of caring too much and losing the other.

This goes on for a while, they grow closer without realizing it, they're always standing close together and talking at night and touching each other casually. They think they're being very subtle, but really everybody around them know what's going on lmao

Later on, they all settle in an abandoned building for a few days (because Reasons lmao it’s not important I just love this idea) and Rhys spends a lot of time alone and Feyre wonders where he is. And then like the second or third night, Feyre is still awake when Rhys comes in and he's like "follow me, I want to show you something" in a very excited voice, like his leg is fidgeting with anticipation and he looks like a little kid and Feyre smiles, she's really puzzled as to what's going on but she follows him. It turns out he found like a good mattress on their first night when he was exploring, and then he spent the next days cleaning the room and looking for pretty blankets (that one was hard and he's embarrassed that they're all so mismatched), and he lit up some candles. And he's like all embarrassed and blushing because he tells her he doesn't want to assume anything is gonna happen, he just wanted to do something nice for her. But Feyre is like "shut up" and she kisses him and then they make love in the makeshift bed and its romantic as hell. ALSO I need this quote to happen: "When I'm with you I forget to be scared."

[elsaclack]

This is really random but I saw a fic of yours about Amy being sick (I think the prompt was "Amy yells at the Vulture") but I can't find the full piece anywhere. Is it on AO3 anywhere? I love your writing and I completely understand if you just didn't want it out anymore. Just thought I'd ask! :)

i thought it was but i just went and searched my entire work history (including all 70+ chapters of those god-forsaken oneshot collections) and i couldn’t find it anywhere!! i guess i forgot to cross-post it back when i first wrote it, and it got lost when i deleted the original elsaclack. but i just scoured my docs list and found it buried in a random folder so i’ll repost it here and add it to the newest one-shot collection on ao3 :)

fun fact: this was written almost exactly 2 years ago!!! meaning that my writing skills have developed considerably since i actually wrote this. aka please don’t judge me if this seems like a sudden regression haha

also i wanna tag @phil-the-stone-art bc we actually developed the concept of The List together so she’s at least 35% responsible for this fic lmao

under the cut!

Amy Santiago does not get sick, thank you very much. She prides herself on her meticulous nightly hygienic rituals, on the cabinet full of multivitamins and minerals she takes on a daily basis in her bathroom, on the rigorous workout routine and diet she keeps herself on each week to maintain perfect health. She lives her life by a very tight plan (laid out in checklists and carefully organized in color-coded binders) that simply does not afford her any extra time to be sick.

Which is why, when she wakes up one Tuesday morning with a head stuffed full of cotton and violent shivers rolling down her spine, she gets up to start her usual routine in spite of the fact that she feels like she hasn’t actually slept in three weeks. Jake’s still snoring on the other side of the bed, another hour away from getting up to haphazardly dress in whatever flannel he can find lying on her bedroom floor that doesn’t smell too dirty, and he doesn’t even stir at the sound of her shuffling footsteps or running nose.

She drags herself into the bathroom, shuts the door, and flicks the lights on. Her reflection honestly makes her jump back an inch or two; she’s never seen her skin quite so pale, or bruises beneath her eyes quite so dark, or her lips quite so visibly dry and cracked. She reaches out to grip the edges of her sink and realizes that her arms and hands are trembling, and when she leans a bit more weight onto them she notes that her knees are quaking beneath her.

All in all, not a great start to the day.

She presses on, though, ignoring her running nose and congested head and general exhaustion. The shower helps a little, but not much.

When she shuts the water off, she hears Jake moving around in her bedroom, and her heart skips a beat. She hadn’t even realized she’d been in the shower that long. “Jake?” She calls as she wraps a towel around herself. Her voice is coarse and rough.

“Hey,” he knocks lightly at the door. “You okay?”

“Yeah - yeah, could you, um…there’s a binder out on the dining room table, should say something on the cover about that case I was working on last night -” she clears her throat and winces at the sharp pain that responds “- could you grab it and put it in my bag?”

“Sure,” he’s quiet for a moment and Amy’s left to gently rub at her temples with the heels of her hands. “Are you sure you’re okay? You sound awful.”

“I’m…I’m fine.”

But she’s not. Her knees are still quaking and vertigo has suddenly set in and she’s swaying, reaching out to grab the tiled edge of her shower. Her hand slips against the wet surface and she falls forward, shoulder banging painfully into the tiles.

The door swings open and Jake bursts inside in a panic. “Ames? Oh my God!” She suddenly realizes that she’d sunk down to a crouching position upon falling. He kneels next to her, gently pulling her away from the shower and letting her lean heavily into him. Her head falls against his shoulder, forehead pressed to the crook of his neck, and she hears him tut. “You’re burning up, babe,” he says quietly.

“I’m fine,” her voice fails half-way through and she ends up finishing in an unconvincing whisper.

“You’re not going to work today,” he tells her.

“But -”

“You almost fainted just now, Amy. You’re staying home sick today.”

She tries to argue but he pulls her up off the ground, keeping his touch firm and steady should gravity leave her again, and her voice completely dies on the way out of the bathroom. He lets her whisper weak arguments as he steers her gently toward the bed, humming and nodding along as he pulls fresh sweatpants up her legs and eases one of his academy shirts over her head. He pushes back on her good shoulder with just enough force that she lays down and pulls the comforter up to her chin. Her eyelids flutter closed when he presses a kiss against her forehead.

“I’ll tell Captain Holt where you are,” he says quietly. His hand finds hers against the mattress, fingers twisting through hers. “Get some sleep, okay?”

She’s asleep before he even gets out the front door.

A few hours later she’s roused by the sound of her phone vibrating on her bedside table. Sunlight streams in through her window and she squints, disoriented, fumbling around with semi-numb fingers for her phone.

From: Jake PeraltaHow u feelin? Miss u at work. Charles says he’ll bring u goat soup later lol

It hurts to even swallow, and Amy has to work really hard to keep from whining at the splitting headache igniting behind her right eye.

To: Jake PeraltaFeel like garbage. I haev a headache. Im afraid to get out of bed for meds. Miss u too

She waits five minutes for him to respond, and when her phone remains motionless, she closes her eyes and lets it fall against her chest.

Precisely twenty minutes after that, she hears her front door open. It closes again and she hears footsteps crossing her living room and it only just hits her that someone is in her apartment when those footsteps cross the threshold of her bedroom.

“Hey, hey, don’t get out of bed,” Jake says soothingly. Amy falls back against her pillow from her struggling half-sitting up position as Jake drops a plastic grocery bag at the foot of her bed and perches on the edge of the mattress beside her. He replaces her phone back on her bedside table with one hand and smooths his other palm over her forehead (and she only just then realizes that she’s sweating) and grimaces. “You’re still burning up,” he says, running his fingers through her hair just above her forehead.

“I’m fine,” she whispers, and the words slip out between two wet coughs.

He frowns and gently scratches his short nails against her scalp. “I brought Advil,” he says, casting an absent glance over his shoulder at the bag he brought in, “and stuff to make soup. It’s the recipe for Nana’s matzoh ball soup.” She raises her eyebrows beneath his palm and he grins down at her. “Don’t tell Charles, but it’s literally the best soup you’ll ever have and it’ll cure your dumb cold in twenty minutes or less.”

“Promise?”

He leans down and pecks a kiss against her forehead. “Promise,” he says when he leans away. “I’m gonna go make some and bring it in here and you’ll be back on your feet before the end of the day. Peralta Guarantee.” He winks.

She sinks down into the mattress as much as she can when he stands up, opening her eyes only when he comes back in with two Advil tablets and a glass half-full of water. Within minutes she begins hearing pots and pans knock around in her kitchen, and through her cloudy mind she registers that her stomach is rumbling in irritation.

“Alright,” he announces from her doorway. Her eyes split open and he’s carefully balancing the soup bowl on top of her dresser. “I’ll help you sit up, don’t move.”

He pulls her up with one hand and waits until she’s sitting up steadily before hurriedly stacking her pillows up behind her. She breathes a sigh of relief when she leans back, not realizing just how much of a strain sitting up is until that moment. He hurries back to where the soup is still steaming and carefully brings it over to her, the tip of his tongue appearing at the corner of his mouth for how hard he has to concentrate on not spilling any.

He nestles it in her lap, and she smiles, because he looks so proud of himself and he’s really so adorable.

Jake stays with her until she finishes the whole bowl and then he takes her dishes from her and quickly rinses them out in her sink.

“I’ll be back after work to check on you and to finish cleaning that, okay?” He calls from her doorway.

She hums hoarsely and fades out of consciousness.

An hour later, Amy wakes up feeling half-human. Her head and throat still hurt and she still can’t breathe out of her nose, but her brain doesn’t feel quite so fried and her limbs don’t feel quite so weak anymore.

Jake was right - the soup really did help.

Not as much as Nyquil would, but…still.

She kicks the comforter off and moves to sit up, and her phone suddenly falls into her lap from her chest. She pauses, staring at it, trying to remember when it ended up back there. She has no new calls or texts, but when she unlocks the screen, there’s a new note pulled up.

Things i want t odo to jake in bed

Amy feels flames engulf her face that have absolutely nothing to do with her fever. The list has twelve items on it, each one raunchier and riddled with more spelling errors than the last, and by the time she gets to the end of the note she’s covering her face in embarrassment. She’s got just the vaguest memory of typing it (and it’s really more of a dream of a memory than anything else), but none of it will solidify into more than just faint snapshots in her head.

But the more she rereads it, the more heat begins building in her body - heat from the mental images, heat from the germs ravaging her body, heat from the thick comforter still draped over her legs.

She has got to go get some Nyquil.

Santiago Determination blazes through her as she drags herself out of bed, shoulders set and jaw clenched as she pulls one of Jake’s hoodies over her frame and slides her feet into her rarely-worn flip-flops. Part of her feels guilty, knowing that if Jake was the one home sick she’d insist on him texting her anything he needs so that he would stay in bed and recover faster, but she brushes it off as she grabs her purse.

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?

She blames her scattered brain on the matzoh ball soup later. She blames her compromised detective skills and her lack of attention to detail and her general disorientation on the soup. Because under normal circumstances, no matter how sick she truly is, she would definitely have noticed the Vulture browsing the low aisles of the bodega around the corner from her house immediately upon walking through the front doors.

But as it is, she doesn’t, which means that he gets a visual on her before she’s even aware of being spotted.

She’s so busy perusing the medicine section toward the back that she doesn’t notice him stalking around the shelves, doesn’t feel him peeking around the Doctor Scholl’s cardboard display, doesn’t hear him mutter at a mother and daughter to get out of his way as he follows her ambling walk down the aisle. She isn’t aware of the danger until he’s basically on top of her.

“Yo, Santiago,” he says, his voice low and curdling. She winces and turns slowly, and he’s leaned against the shelves to her left, leering down at her. A handcart hangs between them; it’s full of at least thirty boxes of condoms, she realizes when she glances down. Her stomach shifts unpleasantly. “You look homeless.”

“Get out of the way,” she whispers hoarsely.

“Aw, what’s the matter? Peralta got you screaming so hard every night you lost your voice?”

Heat bursts through her cheeks and she glances back, meeting the scandalized look on that same mother’s face with an apologetic grimace. “Shut up.” She snaps as fiercely as she can.

He smirks, because her voice only comes in bursts. “Damn, you really let yourself go, didn’t you?” His eyes rove her body and she’s suddenly very keenly aware of the fact that she’s not wearing any underwear beneath her sweatpants. She can feel her face blossoming.

“Whatever.” She turns away quickly and digs her phone out of her purse, cursing when she hears the Vulture following her down the aisle. She dials Jake’s number quickly, and he answers after just two rings.

“Hey, is everything oka-”

“I need you go come to the bodega by my apartment,” she whispers. She can feel her hand trembling again and she curses whatever part of her thought it would be a good idea to do this on her own.

“Wait, what? Why are you -”

“I thought I could walk over here and get what I needed without you, but -” she winces at the sound of the Vulture’s laugh, loud and obnoxious behind her. “But I ran into someone and I need you to come save me.”

“Santiago, look - they do make extra-small condoms! Should I put a whole box in for you and Peralta or is that too many?”

She hears a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. “Is that the Vulture?” He asks quietly.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Do not faint.”

“I’m doing my best, but please hurry.”

Amy starts pacing up and down the aisles, doing her best to block the Vulture out. He trails along behind her, alternating between making lewd sexual innuendos about random items on the shelves they pass (“Everything’s a sex toy if you try hard enough,” while pointing out a plastic broom) and insulting her general appearance (“Y’know, you were much sexier before Peralta dragged you down to his level of ugliness. Just make sure your ass doesn’t get as fat as his”). It’s around the time they make it back to the medicine aisle that he turns to making fun of Jake himself.

“I still can’t believe you’re with that loser,” he laughs as Amy finally swipes a bottle of Nyquil off a lower shelf. She stands up slowly, gripping the shelves above her firmly, as a wave of vertigo hits her once again. “You’re hot as shit usually - not right now, obviously - I bet you could sleep with any guy you want.”

She clenches her jaw and tries to calculate how long it’s been since she hung up with Jake.

“I bet the sex is really boring, too,” the Vulture continues. “I bet it’s all missionary and full of, like, eye-contact and shit. I bet he tells you he loves you because you don’t make fun of his tiny weiner.”

“Okay, y’know what?” She snaps, and suddenly her voice is half back. “First of all, there’s nothing wrong with missionary if you do it right. Secondly, you’re full of crap if you really think eye-contact is boring. Third, you’re right, he does tell me he loves me, because he actually loves me, you sexist pig. And fourth, he’s not tiny.”

“Whatever. He’s a joke, just like you, and I bet the sex sucks and you’re both so bad at it that you can’t even tell that it sucks.”

She knows people are staring, but her brain just isn’t functioning right. She yanks her phone out of her purse and quickly scrolls over to her list. “Jake’s the best sex I’ve ever had, okay? In fact, he’s so good that I made a list!” She shoves her phone in his face and scrolls quickly, grinning in manic triumph at the dumbfounded look on his face. “I made a list of all the things I want to do with him because he’s so unbelievably good. You wish you were as good as him.”

He is, for once, speechless. Amy locks her phone and steps back, smug grin on her face. The Vulture’s eyes flicker to something over her shoulder and she sees the spark of recognition in his face; when she turns, she feels her stomach drop down to her toes.

Jake’s standing at the end of the aisle, looking just as dumbstruck as the Vulture. She gasps, and the sound comes out like a ragged squeak. His mouth is hanging open but his brows draw together at the sound.

“Ja- Jake,” she says hoarsely.

This seems to snap him out of his stupor. His mouth snaps closed and he immediately begins striding down the aisle toward her and there’s something new in his eyes - smug and barely-contained glee, maybe - when he throws his arm around her shoulders. “Hi, honey,” he says, laying a kiss against her temple and pulling the bottle of Nyquil from her grasp. “Let’s get you back in bed.”

“Yeah, well, you’re both a couple of losers!” The Vulture shouts after them. Jake twists around and flashes his middle finger at him and grins into Amy’s hair at the sound of his splutters. “I’m buying thirty-five boxes of condoms!”

“You’re amazing.” Jake murmurs once they’re outside of the store. “But next time, just call me instead of trying to go get stuff on your own. I really don’t mind doing it for you. That’s what boyfriends are for.”

She sinks into the passenger’s seat of his car and sighs in relief; her body is already aching from the exertion of just a lap around the bodega. She feels Jake slide in on the driver’s side, feels the engine roar to life beneath her and the air conditioner tickle across her face. The car lurches a little when he puts it in drive and then his free hand finds hers and interlaces their fingers.

“I’m sorry about…that.” She whispers once he’s pulled away from the curb.

“It’s fine, but I really mean it about calling me next time, okay? ‘Specially since you almost fainted this morning and everything, like, what would’ve happened if you’d fallen and hit your head and they took you to the hospital? They would’ve called Manny and it would’ve taken him three hours to get here and -”

“Wait, no, they’d call you,” she interrupts. “Manny’s not my emergency contact anymore. You are.”

He turns his head toward her and stares.

“I changed it two years ago, Peralta. Way before we started dating. I just figured, y’know, since you’re my partner and everything, you’d be able to get there the fastest. And, besides, that’s not even what I was talking about. I meant…the stuff I said to the Vulture. The list.”

“Oh,” he shrugs. “I don’t really care. The guy’s an ass. I could hear him yelling all the way from the front doors. Besides, you weren’t lying.”

He squeezes her hand a few times in quick succession and she snorts. “So you’re…not mad? About any of it?”

“I’m more curious than anything else. Do I get to look at the list, too? Or is that just between you and the Vulture?”

“I can’t stand you.”

She does let him see it once they’re back to her place. He reads each item carefully three times over without ever saying a word, and then stands and grabs his laptop and a notepad off of her dining room table. When she asks what he’s doing, he responds with a muttered “research” and then promptly tells her to finish her soup.

The night passes in a haze that has nothing to do with the cold or the soup or the medicine, and the next morning she wakes to the sounds of Jake’s congested voice explaining through chest-rumbling coughs that neither he nor Amy would be making it into work that day.