#( because she is so - hypocritical. during this stage. her own inner dialogue doesn't make sense. she's a contradiction )

[lausticzt-a]

why laura has so much distain for the survey corps ;

a lot of it came about during the five years after her reassignment into the MPs. rather, it was heightened by seeing it through the eyes of Nile, and the other MPs. humanity losing capable soldiers to go outside the wall without anything to show ; the arrogance in following a man's dream ; like they'd all been brainwashed, told they were doing something right for humanity, and dying for it. all of them were insane-

( oh, but she was no better, which is why she'd found a home with them ; a place she felt truly herself,, and the bonds she shared with others real -- for someone with her background, it seemed an impossible reality )

it had grown from her own grief into that of a full fledged Military Solider.

Remain in the walls, because there was no true freedom in the world; not out there, not in here. But they had a chance to keep humanity safe if they put focus inside the walls, as the MPs did ( as they should be doing ; for most are corrupt, only in it for their own gain and wealth no different then the government ) . shield it, not use it as a spear. all her years with them felt blinded, childish ( she had to grow up. there were no heroes, no reason to fight ; it didn't matter. the titans had shown that the day they broke through wall maria. their strength should be inside. to protect it when it happened again. prepare for it, right here, inside the walls, where capable soldiers could protect them -- don't anger the titans any more )

she's no different with the garrison ; though there is more control to dictate. the survey corps was wild, untameable. the garrison take most of the brunt from her, because it's impossible to keep the survey corps in one place, the factions less likely to collaborate -- for tensions were always high, and their goals greatly differed when it came to the actions they took.

Oh, but before it all, was blame, directed in her own grief, and her own weaknesses. she condemned herself, and so, she condemned them too. The survey corp was strong. she was strong. but so many were injured, so many died, after their expedition ; they couldn't have been prepared for the attack on wall maria. she too, had been weak. rendered useless. unable to protect anyone as she had done time and time again. but she blundered, by trying to find peace in a life she must have wanted. she lost her husband, being protected ( she hated it, hated it so, so much) and, couldn't even protect her unborn child -- that, for her,, was what truly broke her. for stories of mother's sacrificing themselves for their children were known. why did she survive, and they didn't ( they were pure, and good, and so different then her ). why did she ever settle down in the first place. she couldn't do anything, and that weakness festered. the trauma of having to go through labour after the death made her a complete mess.

And she is so easily conversed into putting her hate on the survey corp. because she feels so, so small ; and so childish in the thought of where were they when humanity needed them the most. it's unrealistic, but seeing them come back with barely any progress, barely any able soldiers, just worsened it. because the garrison were incompetent. how many ran. how many couldn't face a titan. she wanted to change that the moment she spoke with Nile. I like to think that conversation was like a complete opposite Erwin speech, because who was really to blame? titans? or the fact that resources and personal were put on scouting the outside walls, when the inside needed everything humanity could give them.

her views are distorted, conflicted, hypocritical, and unrealistic. but she's traumatized in a way she never thought possible ; and, she'd lost. a failure. that her parents were the ones to get her immediate treatment, and keep her alive throughout the entire process. after everything she'd done, through the fighting, and that ferocious spirit, she'd lost. she saw herself as a complete failure for following that path. because it ended up with her back here, damaged, traumatised, and having the burden of heavy loss weighing on her. a fools dream, to think she could ever have a happy life.

It's complete projection, basically. She aligned the survey corp with her own afflictions, and rejects it along with her old self. She takes back her last surname, and her parents destroy any legal evidence of her marriage. no one knows she was married, or was with child (now,, with everlasting damage. unable to have kids of her own). then, the influence of being an MP (despite how independent her views and true feelings are) just made her distrusting, and petty, at the survey corps.