#( . im dyslexic so sorry if it's a mess that's all i can manage rn

[hcndmaid-old]

incoming from anonymous :  I have been wondering, and I know you would know the best: does Sabé have romantic feelings for Padmé?

thank you so much for the anon, and i’m flattered you think so !??!! of course it’s always up to everyone’s individual interpretation, but i think canon material from QUEEN’S SHADOW and new VADER comics backs up my own portrayal that YES. padmé is sabé’s first and true love. i have written a small novel below but i can’t begin to do the reasons justice. a summery of below is : read queen’s shadow. women are multidimensional and romance is complicated. they are both happy. they are both vulnerable. this is allowed. so below - if you dare - are some very messy essie takes on why this is & why it’s never pursued :

PERSONALS. DO NOT. INTERACT. DO NOT. REBLOG. 

links to the quotes from the book are HERE , and HERE, if you don’t mind spoilers. i think it’s so deliberate that the language is so deeply romantic in an almost fairy tale sense of a noble character’s dedication to their one true love - it’s as if padmé is her soulmate, but sabé is not hers in return ( it’s very clearly anakin and there’s no problem in that being so ! ) i’m not bitter because there are so many reasons why these two could have but didn’t approach romance, and they are all very mature and complex reasons worthy of these two women’s fates. i could write a 5000 word essay on how deeply entwined the handmaiden and the queen are, but i conclude that sabé never acts on early romantic feelings because of the kind of person padmé is; she pours herself out to a world that doesn’t deserve it. the guilt padmé already feels at sending tsabin to her potential death even after their time as handmaidens is over, is immense. to approach padmé romantically would be demanding more of that heart that’s been just as traumatised by war as hers has (the movies & show downplay what the book doth not.) she won’t do it. there is a tragic sense that tsabin doesn’t feel?? worthy?? her identity is all over the place. 

 tsabin would feel so intensely guilty about taking any more love than padmé’s already given -  because they both know padmé could be the death of her and padmé tries to avoid it all the time, and sabé can’t put the guilt of killing her best friend AND her potential lover on a woman that’s trying to pull the galaxy out of the gutter. there’s also a lot to be said about their identities being so linked, their childhood together, the life in constant danger, the different lives they lead, etc,etc... sabé is content to stay close by her side, and as multidimensional female characters - they find their own lives!!  wow !! who knew women could do that !! they’ll never be apart... and when they finally, tragically are, tsabin dedicates every waking moment from the end of queen’s shadow through to meeting vader himself to find out what the hell killed padmé, because she’s calling bullshit on her just magically passing away in her youth. if that is not the behaviour of a woman who was in love with naberrie than idk what is.

i believe it was very deliberate on e.k johnson’s part not to shy away from romantic feelings from tsabin BECAUSE WE’RE TIRED OF STORIES WHERE A WOMAN LOVING A WOMAN SO DEEPLY IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. it’s a story of star crossed lovers, but it’s women. and it’s allowed. it’s valid. it’s deeply sad, but it’s beautiful and complicated. also note how i haven’t mentioned padmé’s romantic feelings? because tbh, i’m not sure if they’re there! this love should not take away from her romance with anakin or impact her friendship with sabé. neither should be villanized for favour of the other.that’s nasty behaviour and the last thing tsabin wants. i think she believes their affair to be reckless - but the world takes everything else from padmé. she wants her friend to be happy, to love and be free. that requires someone who doesn’t see the ‘queen amidala’ sabé knows so well. sabé is still guilty of seeing padme as an untouchable leader, the identity of amidala that haunts padmé her whole life. anakin sees a woman who he loves first and foremost. that’s beautiful, and i believe tsabin would see that and be so grateful to him for that. she has no idea he will be the death of her. she never learns it either.

when tsabin professes this love, it’s with captain tonra, who is her romantic partner in the novel and from then on. she has to be honest: there will always be someone whose life she will protect with her own, but that doesn’t mean the two women can’t exist in their delicate state of almost in love AND lead full and exciting lives of their own. that doesn’t mean she can’t develop as deep a love for captain tonra. IT’S LAYERED. IT’S COMPLICATED. LIKE REAL HEARTS ARE. tsabin in my portrayal must have this conversation with any serious lover ; they must understand her choice. if they don’t, they can scoot. they aren’t emotionally mature enough to handle it. if they are? they will see underneath that hard-as-nails calculating, cool and badass exterior, to find a gentle, vulnerable woman who’s job as a 14 year old was to put aside self importance and become a sacrifice. she is capable of love, and worthy of love.

one last thing - i would love to see a romance between two women written just as well and seen through to the end. i would love two women having a happy ending. it’s not this story, but it could be. me and one padmé ( the beloved @genitrice ) are working one out and nothing warms my heart more. in canon? it’s just not the time tbh. so yes, i think it’s very deliberately intended that sabé is/was/always will be in love with padmé - but it goes beyond romance. it’s the deepest love, untouchable, unconditional, and such a treasure to explore.

there’s so much more i could say but uuuuuh.... that’s all folks ! also im crying.