#( ❦ → snapchat. ) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nininikki · 2 years

Text

𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐋: e. jaeger x black fem!reader

❦ summary! — you hated him. god, you hated him so so much, and were just desperate to move on. or were you? (part two to pretty when you cry, which can be read here.)

❦ warnings! — nsfw! toxic relationships, lots of angst, alcohol consumption, some oral sex (f!receiving), choking, fingering, finger sucking, unprotected penetrative sex (piv, wrap it up!!), clit slapping, dacryphilia, squirting, cum play, cum eating, cheating, smoking, eren’s still so toxic and reader’s still so stuck :(

❦ author’s note! — love you all so much. pls enjoy.

❦ word count! — 4.6k

two months after you’d left him, when the bags under your eyes began to weigh a little lighter, and breathing felt more natural and less like a chore, your friends dragged you to a party.

“oh, come on pleaseeeeee!” they implored, “you’ve been sulking over that bitch for, like, ever.” they’d wrapped their familiar, welcoming arms around you and sank the empty promise of a good time into your veins.

that’s how your regretful, deluded brain had chosen to see it in hindsight, anyway. in the moment though, they had been right. if it hadn’t been for work or classes or the occasional food run, fresh air and daylight would be foreign concepts to you.

the first couple of weeks after, you’d done whatever possible to erase the memory of him from your life. blocked him on everything; his number, email, instagram, snapchat, hell, even the pinterest you forced him to make however many months ago. anything with his name attached to it had been thrown out to die in the cemetery of your mind.

except, it hadn’t. even after you had blocked him on everything, set fire to his stupid hoodies, and given away almost every gift he’d ever gotten you, the constant and aching agony that blackened your heart was there to stay.

“yeah, you’re right.” you told your friends, gliding the tips of your fingers over your chest where that sick, familiar aching lay. “i guess i’ll go.”

***

so there you were, skin tingling with nerves as you take in the slosh of more “punch” being poured into your cup.

“didn’t you miss this?” your friend crooned, wrapping her arms around you and sitting her chin on your shoulder.

with a relaxed giggle, you nodded and threw your entire cup back in a few quick gulps, letting the familiar feel of the alcohol warm the blood beneath your skin.

i did miss this, you realized. you missed dancing without a care in the world. you missed being surrounded by crushes of people who were just as drunk and ecstatic as you were. you missed dancing to music so loud you could feel it in your veins. but as dearly as you missed those things, your very being still ached for…

you washed the thought away with another drink.

***

“so, you gon’ talk to me here or do i need to make a text now number?”

a voice you’d be able to make out in a crowd of people. a voice you’d hear even if you went deaf. a voice you’d deluded yourself into thinking you would never hear again.

why were you so stupid? why’d you deny your friend’s offer to accompany you when you said you had to go pee? why had you insisted that you’d be fine? why did you assume he wouldn’t be at this fucking party anyway?

you stood outside the rickety bathroom door, hands trembling and damp from the wash. wondering if you should bolt down the hallway, strangle him with your bare hands, or do something…unthinkable.

unthinkable as in an idea so preposterous that it couldn’t even be fully perceived. or maybe for a second it had been, but the utter insanity of it was enough for you to squash it.

“what do you want?” you rasped.

“what do i want?” he scoffed in your direction as though you were in the wrong. as though he hadn’t taken your pride and dignity and self respect and your ability to want anyone that wasn’t him. as though he hadn’t left you with nothing and the thought of him wanting more from you scared you shitless.

scared you shitless because you knew that with the right pushes and presses under the right spots, your spine would bow just the right way and you’d be weak for him again. although, what’s to say you had ever stopped?

he reduced the space between you to almost nothing, timidly taking one of your hands in his. “i wanna talk to y—”

“there’s nothing for you to say.”

“five minutes. that’s all i’m askin’.”

you rolled your eyes so hard they nearly fell from their sockets, and gave him a go ahead gesture. but his stupid eyes went all soft, and he insisted, “alone?”

***

“okay, we’re alone. you got five minutes. what do you want?” you made your voice as convincingly stern as possible, despite the faint tremble that hid beneath.

“well,” the stranger’s bed sank under the weight of his body, and he motioned for you to sit next to him, to level yourself with him, but you only kissed your teeth. “i miss you.”

you cut him off with a scoff. “bullshit.”

“it’s the truth!” his tone was by no means loud, but the conviction in it made it all the more startling. “look, these last two months, all i could think about was you and how shitty i was and how good you were to me and, god, you didn’t deserve that.” in the dim lighting of the room, his eyes shone with that familiar, please baby, i’m sorry, look. you couldn’t tell how fabricated it was, whether it was because of that dim lighting, or your bad habit of not ever doubting a thing he said.

he continued, getting off the bed and walking over to where you stood. he towered over you in that way he always did. looking down at you with those low green eyes that were undoubtedly embedded with sin and some sort of aphrodisiac.

he took your hands in his and squeezed tight. “i just need you to know that i’m sorry.”

you snatched your hands from his grasp. “sorry won’t cut it, eren.” so used to accepting his apologies, the foreign words cut deep into your tongue. “i mean, shit, how do you even expect me to believe you?”

“you’re saying you don’t believe me?”

“no, i’m just saying you picked the worst fucking time to start being honest with me!” beneath the pain that decayed your heart a little more each day was something you didn’t know was there until that very moment. rage. “i mean, so what, you didn’t have your usual easy lay for two months. boo-fucking-hoo!”

eren took on a more defensive stance, pointing his stupid finger in your face and stating matter-of-factly, “it’s not like that and you fucking know it.”

“shut up, eren!” a voice that wasn’t yours erupted from your throat, sure to leave it sore for days. “i don’t care if you felt a little sad for two months, alright. you don’t get to tell me how sad it made you that you fucked me over!” rage. rage felt so fucking good and scratched at itches you didn’t even know existed until you had screamed your throat raw. “you can’t just come back into my life with your shitty apologies thinking everything’ll go back to normal. newsflash, eren: it fucking won’t!

and that’s when it happened, the switch. from the please baby, i’m sorry eyes grew something darker. not quite anger, but so noticeably different from the softness he once held in them. “oh, yeah? why’s that?”

challenge. that was what bloomed so fervently in his gaze. it made loathing pump blood through your veins the way your heart normally would. “because i fucking hate you!”

then, he took you by the nape of your neck and kissed you. kissed you like you hadn’t just confessed your absolute and undying hate for him. like he took the words you intended to have the harshest effect possible and only heard, “fuck me stupid, eren!”

because judging by the way his lips moved in that languid, familiar, tantalizing way against yours, he was about to do just that.

your brain shrieked, stop him, stop him, stop him, but the parts of you he was touching ached for otherwise. the firm hand caged around your neck—shit, he knew you loved it when he did that—and his other snaking around your waist.

“don’t lie to me, baby.” eren whispered, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and pulling your faces impossibly closer together.

it was true, though. you did hate him. you hated how he touched you, the way he knew how to kiss you just right; just the way you craved. you hated how he’d palm over those spots on your body that made it impossible to say no. you hated how good it made you feel. you hated how out of all the people on this earth, eren fucking jaeger had to be the one that satisfied the noxious, carnal desire that lay deep within you.

“what makes you think i’m lying?” you asked between wanton rasps. you let out a low, animalistic sound when his erection poked your lower stomach, and your question seemed to answer itself.

except it didn’t, because you did hate him. but you didn’t hate this. you hated everything that came after. when sometime after the perfect part of your cycle, eren would do some small, trivial—to him at least—thing to remind you of how un-worth it you were.

eren picked you up by the backs of your knees, and you had no trouble wrapping your legs around his waist. “come on, let me show you how bad i missed you.” he grabbed you by the jaw, prying your mouth open a little so he could kiss you sloppier. if he weren’t holding you in his arms, you would’ve melted into a puddle of arousal on the floor, because—despite your adamant hatred—you were so fucking wet.

and it was all because of him. this man you claimed to hate so much. but really and truly, you d—

“shit, baby,” eren held your legs open as you writhed on the bed beneath him, that same challenge in his eyes as rich as before. “you get this fuckin’ wet for somebody you hate so much?” he spread your thick, sopping lips apart with his skilled fingers before he placed another hungry kiss on your clit.

“glad you know that i—” you cut yourself off with a pleasure-drunk hiccup, more focused on the feeling of your poor, neglected hole leaking with your arousal and clenching around nothing. eren absolutely knew what he was doing, sucking and kissing on your clit until you were so dizzy it gave you a headache. he always loved doing that, watching you fall apart against his sinful ministrations. “hate you—ngh—so much.”

eren dropped his mouth dangerously low, not stopping until he was almost right where you wanted him. he probed his fingers against your yearning hole, but only so he could gather your slick on them and suck them into his mouth. “we both know you don’t mean that shit.”

“but i…” then, finally, you could feel yourself stretch around one of his fingers, and then another. a stretch so delicious you found yourself screaming out in pleasure. eren always knew what to do with his fingers. every fondle and knead and squeeze and pinch would always be followed by some pornographic sound. just because eren always knew what to do to you.

“you what?” he asked, voice low and smooth. just as your brain began to piece the words together, his fingers prodded against that tender, spongy spot inside of you. if you had any dignity left to lose, you’d have been humiliated by the sounds you were making. you’d have found it in you to finish your sentence. but, you didn’t, so…

“more, more, more, eren, please.” you squirmed, whether it was under the firm hold of turquoise gaze or the infuriatingly perfect motions of his fingers, you didn’t know.

in a haste, just as your orgasm had begun to hurdle toward your already fucked out body, he’d taken his fingers away. you could hear the sound of his belt clanging to the hardwood floor, and felt shame at the anticipation puddling in your stomach. “you want more?”

eren’s hands, damp and gently calloused, wasted no time pushing your knees up to your chest. like a fish to bait, your blurred vision caught sight of his dick: erect, flushed an angry red, and milky spurts of precum dribbling at the bulbous mushroom tip.

you’d barely had time to process before he was pushing the head in, a moan singing from his lips with every inch he advanced. eren ran one of his hands through your braids, coursing it lower until his thumb rested at your clit. “missed this,” he sighed, content and pleasure threaded through his features. “missed feeling you squeeze ‘round me like that.”

eren pulled out so enticingly slow, until only the tip was in, before pushing back in—just as slowly—and burying himself to the hilt. you fucking loved it, the slowness. like pleasure being spread across as warm and thick as softened butter.

and eren could tell. just like he could tell everything else about you. you could see his eyes fill with something sinister and the network of veins in his neck start to throb. “since when do you like it slow, huh?” you pressed your eyes shut, almost trying to think about it for a moment before wondering, why does he care? “somebody else been fucking you like this?”

oh. your already agape mouth formed around a giggle at the thought of eren being jealous. jealous of some hypothetical person that you’d be fucking in his stead. maybe there was such a thing as misplaced anger.

a harsh slap landed on your clit. oh, shit, he’s serious, your brain ran that one thought on a staticky loop. you were torn between wanting to moan out at the contact or slap him right back. “answer me, baby.” his pace sped up in the blink of an eye, practically trying to fuck an response out of you.

“what does it—shit—what does it matter?” you mewled, and eren’s lips turned down in a feigned pout.

he pulled you up by the nape of your neck so his lips were slightly level with your ear. “‘cause you’re mine.”

how devastatingly inconvenient those words were, but sickeningly saccharine nonetheless. because for so long you had ached to be his. to be more than just the girl he liked but couldn’t date for whatever stupid reason. so it came as no surprise when the words had you clenching pathetically around him and letting tiny whimpers slip through your lips as the tip of his dick began kissing your cervix.

a tear slipped from your eye, and then three more followed, glossing your face in tangible desperation that you could tell eren got weak for. “see, baby, you don’t hate me,” he cooed, grabbing you by the face to kiss the tears off your cheeks. “or you wouldn’t be letting me fuck you like this.”

he wasn’t right, was he? you did hate him. you didn’t have much of a choice, did you? someway, somehow, you had to spare yourself that nauseating heartache, the spine-crushing betrayal, the hazy heroin of his manipulation. hating him kept you safe, whereas loving him would soon kill you.

his brow furrowed in that way that always told you he was close, and so were you. a few more lazy thrusts and you’d be putty in his hands, just as he had probably intended. “tell me,” eren grunted, “tell me—ngh, shit—that you’ll never do that again.”

eren’s thrusts came to a screeching halt, and he tilted your chin up so that your gazes met. your vision was hazy and streaked by tears, like a windshield after a rainstorm. but even still, you could see the seriousness in his face, because you knew what he meant. “do” hiccup. “what?” you feigned ignorance.

“leave me. promise you’ll stay.” something about his words, his entire demeanor had changed. something in his eyes lay on the outskirts of vulnerability, and it was so utterly unlike him that it took you aback.

“i…” can’t promise you that, eren. you were about to say, but he gave a shallow thrust, subtly reminding you of the leverage he had. and he didn’t stop, either. not until you were shuddering with the onslaught of pleasure and teetering on the edge of your release. did you plan to stay with him? fuck no. did you wanna cum? “i promise, eren.”

and just like that, he was fucking you the way you needed, pressing a chaste kiss on your lips before pushing you on your back. all it took was a couple more thrusts and you were gushing around him. limbs going weak and numb as you messily drenched the sheets.

eren followed soon after, hurriedly pulling out and clumsily stroking his cock until warm, thick spurts of cum shot out over your pussy. but he wasn’t done. as if you weren’t overstimulated enough, he brought his mouth down over you. drunkenly running the tip of his tongue over your throbbing cunt, collecting the cum he’d just spilled there.

with a guttural, carnal grunt, eren connected your lips in one last kiss, parting his lips to let the filthy mixture of saliva and cum stream out of his mouth and into yours.

there’s a beat of silence as you let it pass down your throat. and eren kisses you again, softly murmuring into your mouth, “i missed you.”

***

“bitch, where were you?” your friends asked once

you’d located her in the crowds of people. “yeah, i was about to, like, call someone or something.”

you grabbed the drink one of them had outstretched towards you and took a meaningless sip. “there was, like, a holdup by the bathroom.” which could technically be considered the truth, but only if you didn’t think about it.

eren had suspected nothing when you jumped back into your clothes and notified him that you were going to pee. he didn’t suspect that while you did actually need to pee, you wouldn’t be returning to him. he didn’t suspect the possibility of you lying when you’d promised to stay, and you’d be gone before he got the chance.

“but, anyway, do you guys wanna go get something to eat?” you slurred, changing the conversation.

“yeah, i’m starving,” your friend agreed, wrapping her arms and you and your other friend’s neck and heading you all to the exit. “no cute guys here, anyway!”

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

you had always know armin was rich, but god, it still shocked you sometimes. seriously, who rented out an entire ballroom for their twenty-first birthday? the whole scene bathed in elegance. diamond chandeliers sprinkled you and the area in a delightful glimmer; something akin to being under a starry night sky. full-service caterers swarmed the place like bees in fancy uniforms, balancing shiny trays on the tips of their fingers and greeting you with an, “evening, miss. would you care for an hors d’oeuvre?”

you clutched your gift between your fingers, chewing on a cranberry crostini as you looked around for armin. around you floated many familiar faces. some people you and armin went to high school with, and that was about as far as the recognition went. other than a select few mutual friends that attended your university, the attendance was mostly of armin’s yale friends. despite being the majority, they stuck out like sore thumbs.

your name fell off a well-known, sparkling voice. you turned around to see the birthday boy in question, striding towards you with a hardly touched glass of champagne in his hands and blush sprouting along his cheeks. “i’m so glad you could make it!” he beamed, swathing you in a congenial hug. “as beautiful as ever, too.” he pulled away, giving you a thorough once over.

“god, i could say the same for you.” you returned. and it was true. the boyish, baby-blue gleam in his eyes had never left, and his usual mop of hair—still that enchanting color of gold—was coiffed into a neater do. “happy birthday, by the way.” you wrapped him in another hug, then showcased the gift bag in your hands.

“thank you!” armin smiled in delighted surprise, as if handing him a gift at his birthday party was the most shocking thing ever. his gaze flitted over your shoulder, and he waved to someone coming in behind you. “more people to talk to, y’know how that goes. but, uh, help yourself to anything. and thanks again for coming.”

***

about an hour later, after you had sang happy birthday to armin, finished your third glass of champagne, and flirted with too many yale guys to count, you were sitting at the bar and letting a slice of cake melt in your mouth.

from behind you, you’d heard armin conversing with someone quite jovially, bubbles of laughter floating from where they stood directly to your ears. foolishly, you snuck an intrigued glance over your shoulder.

armin with his arm wrapped cozily around none other than eren. eren, who had a tipsy tint crawling up his neck. eren, who had a peal of laughter rolling off his tongue. eren, who looked just as sickeningly good as he did the last time you saw him.

should you have eavesdropped? well, was it even considered eavesdropping if they were in a public place, talking as loud as their throats would allow them? no, right?

“and how are things going?” armin inquired. “with mikasa, i mean.”

“pretty okay, actually. there’s this promise ring she’s been hinting at for a while, so... ”

armin patted eren encouragingly on the shoulder. “promise ring, eh? that’s amazing. how long’s it been? like, seven months, right?”

eren cleared his throat. “nine months, actually.”

***

before you could listen any more, you’d ducked out of the party and headed for the little convenience store across the street. you needed cigarettes. you didn’t smoke cigarettes, but smoking in a dark alley looked way more intimidating and way less pathetic than crying.

so, there you were, leaning against the ballroom building with the bottom of your dress clutched between your fingers. a cigarette dangling from your lips, but only in decoration.

nine months. that didn’t make any sense. if you and eren slept together eight months ago, but he had started dating mikasa nine months ago, then that’d mean… no. not possible. if someone had finally gotten him to settle down, what sense would it make for him to… eren wouldn’t ev—

you cut off your own thoughts with a scoff, because of course he would. he would and he could and he very well might have cheated on mikasa with you, and now here you were, standing in a cold dark alley and having the conscience he so awfully lacked.

“hey, stranger.”

you didn’t need to look up from the bleak concrete where you stared to know what the source of the noise was. “what do you want?”

eren scoffed, and you could feel his shadow blocking the sliver of moonlight that shone through the alley. “how come you always ask me that?”

you moved your lips to say, i do not, but stopped short. maybe it was force of habit, but how could it not be? for so long, all eren could be bothered to do was take, take, take from you with reckless abandon. “‘cause,” you answered with no intention of finishing that sentence.

“‘cause what?” you could feel his gaze slide down to your pinched lips. “are you gonna light that?”

you only had it in you to shrug.

“how do you know armin?” eren asked, a little too confident for your liking. as if you two were in some sort of exclusive relationship and he had every right to know, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

you plucked the cigarette from your mouth and stomped it into the ground as if it had actually been used. “how do you?”

he moved to stand in front of you and that sliver of moon shone on his face like a spotlight. “we’ve been best friends since, like, god, i don’t know. the day we were born.” then he pointed an expectant gaze at you.

“we were in high school together.”

“‘s a shame my folks put me in private school. i could’ve met you sooner.”

“and put me through even more hell?” you half joked, “i’m fine with that i got, but thanks.”

hurt briefly graced his features. “i never really got the chance to apologize. last time we talked…uh…”

your mind regurgitated the pornographic memory of him spitting his cum into your mouth, eliciting a scoff. “you have a girlfriend, eren. you should be apologizing to her.”

“don’t act like you give a shit.” eren’s face went unserious. “mikasa was fucking awful to you.”

he was right. sooooo fucking right. why were you up here vouching for her? practically begging her boyfriend to respect her? because it was the right thing to do? or because you just hated eren so much you’d take any side but his? “so? you didn’t care enough to not date her. and she’s still…” you tried to think of something kind to say but fell short. “you’re getting her a promise ring, for fuck’s sake.”

saying the words made your tongue shrivel up and die in your mouth. eren had never gotten you a promise ring. hell, every time he promised you something it had been a lie. but whatever. you contemplated taking a cigarette out from your carton and smoking it for real.

“that isn’t what i want.” eren sighed. “mikasa, she’s…nice and funny and pretty and all that, but…i don’t know. i just…” he smoothly took a cigarette from your carton and put it between his lips, burning it with his lighter before taking a long drag. “it’s not real with her.”

“and what we had was real?” you coughed an incredulous scoff. what had been real about the countless mornings you’d spent icing down tear-bagged eyes? and not feeling whole whenever he wasn’t around? and losing yourself in him with each passing day?

“to me.” eren murmured.

you had began to feel like the cigarette you’d just discarded: weak and useless and burning—theoretically—with fury. “then why, eren?”

“why, what?”

“why’d you string me along that whole time? why’d you keep fucking me over with mikasa? why wasn’t i good enough for you to date me? why’d you cheat on your girlfriend and why am i the only one who cares? why do you keep…” the words that once rolled off your tongue as fluidly as marbles suddenly fell back down your throat and almost choked you to death. it took you a second to register that it was a sob. “why do you keep doing this to me?”

you could feel his arms wrap around you, in some futile attempt at making you feel better. would the rest of your life be like this? all roads leading back to eren? even after you’d married and had children? even after you were old and grey?

you blinked up at him, eyes streaked with tears, unsure of what more to say. a droplet of water landed at the corner of your mouth. not warm enough to be a tear, but as bleak and desolate as though it had been one. rain.

“i’m…sorry.” eren murmured. through the haze of tears, you could see him shrugging his suit jacket off his shoulders, placing it around yours shortly after. then, he brushed a kiss against your cheek, and he may as well have punched you square in the face.

with each passing second, the rain began to pour a bit harder. “i should go.” your words were like the food that catapulted out of one’s throat after a successful heimlich maneuver: seemingly inconsequential but so very life altering.

you’d walked away from him that night with only his suit jacket on your back and the remnants of his kiss stinging your cheek like a bruise.

#nikki writes ✶#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #attack on titan x black reader #eren yaeger x reader #eren jaeger smut #eren jaeger #eren x you #college!au #smut

141 notes · View notes