#( ♪ just you & your queue tonight. ♪ ) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jeonbunnie · 5 years

Text

space

pairing: reader x jeongguk

summary: all boyfriend!jeongguk wants is to be by your side, but honeslty? you just need some space.

genre: fluff, sight angst

soundtrack: nasa by ariana grande

content/warnings: established relationship; anxiety mention; implied sex; swf; not much else jeongguk is just soft and needy, just worry about catching feelings lol

words: 4.8k

♪ I’d rather be alone tonight. You can say “I love you” through the phone tonight ♪

[8:03pm] Jeongguk: ok so I know we’re not talking right now…

[8:03pm] Jeongguk: but I miss u 🥺

[8:05pm] Jeongguk: and I’m bored.

You look down at your phone and shake your head. You just started to settle down for the night, after a relaxing hot shower. You put on your silk PJ’s, gathered all the junk food you could ever need, and started up the Netflix queue. Everything was going according to plan. You flopped down on your bed, finally, blissfully alone, when the text tone of your phone went off. All you wanted was a little peace and quiet. A little time to yourself. So why was your boyfriend blowing up your phone when you specifically asked him not to?

[8:10pm] You: Jeongguk…is2g…it’s been like five minutes

[8:10pm] Jeongguk: It’s actually been over 2 hours and I’m dyinggg

Tonight was supposed to be all about you taking time for yourself. You loved Jeongguk with all your heart, but after a week of introductions the introvert in you was dying for some personal time. You put your phone on vibrate, started watching a rom-com and tried your best to ignore the ever-present buzzing. You didn’t even make it through the title sequence before you had to glance at the mini screen.

[8:10pm] Jeongguk: are you really gonna leave me on read all night?!

[8:11pm] You: ???

[8:11pm] You: What did I say at the beginning of the night

[8:11pm] Jeongguk: you said that you needed space, you didn’t say that i couldn’t text you 🥴

You chucked your phone down on the bed. Leave it to Jeongguk to find the loophole in your agreement.

Ever since the two of you made it official, Jeongguk has been really good about letting you into his world. He spent the past week formally introducing you to his inner circle. You expected him to be more anxious, knowing he had the tendency to be shy at introductions, but it was actually you who turned out to be a nervous wreck. It wasn’t meeting his family that had you so worked up. Parents loved you. It was easy for you to turn on the charm and be the sweet young lady they hoped and prayed their son would find. That wasn’t the issue. No, you were more concerned about meeting his friends.

Because they weren’t just his friends; they were family. Jeongguk always said his favorite thing about his friend group was how close they all were.

You wanted to win them over. All six of them. They had to like you. You were so worried about making a good impression, like it was all on you to set the mood. The night before the meetup you couldn’t sleep, running laps in your mind of all the possible outcomes.

What if they hated you and told Jeongguk to break up with you? Or worse, what if you hated them? And then Jeongguk started resenting you for not being able to get along with his best friends? You spent the whole night with your heart in your throat, impending doom. But all that built-up pressure was for nothing.

It was easy for you to fall in love with his friends. You warmed up to Hoseok first, who instead of shaking your hand, instantly wrapped you up in a welcoming hug. Namjoon seemed suave and a little bit intimidating with his intellect, but once the conversation opened up you realized he was just a big sweet nerd. Chemistry came easy with Taehyung and Jimin who (to Jeongguk’s embarrassment) entertained you with stories of how lovestruck your boyfriend was in your early days of dating. Jin kept up the humor, alternating between lovingly roasting you and Jeongguk’s relationship, and dissing his fellow companions. Even Yoongi—who was mostly quiet during the evening—won you over when he pulled you aside after dinner, and let you know how happy you’ve made Jeongguk since you’ve been together.

The night went completely opposite of your expectations. Jeongguk was surprisingly smooth in conversation, and played the part of a good host and boyfriend. He squeezed your hand when you tensed up and sent encouraging smiles your way to keep you calm. It couldn’t have gone any better.

You passed the test, but playing the part of the perfect girlfriend drained you of your energy. By the end of it all you were exhausted. Any other time you’d loved to have him come up and spend the night. But after everything, you needed a minute to be by yourself.

After dinner, when you and Jeongguk walked up to your apartment, you let him know that tonight, you needed to be alone. When the sun rose you’d be all his again, but for the rest of the night the only voice you wanted to hear was your own. And Jeongguk understood that. Or at least he said he did; with him blowing up your phone all night, now you weren’t so sure…

But it didn’t matter. Tonight, you were determined to be anti social and self-indulge. Ignoring the flash on your phone, you reached for the remote and put on a movie. A paranormal romance. Something you’d be too embarrassed to watch in theaters, but in private, you could satisfy your guilty pleasures.

Things were starting to heat up, the werewolf had just figured out the main character was his soulmate when you got another text.

[8:45pm] Jeongguk: can I call u?

Jeongguk was going crazy without you by his side. When you told him that you wanted some time to yourself at the beginning of the night he understood. Really. For anyone, meeting the family of your significant other is completely nerve-wracking, and he made you go through that twice. First with his parents, then with his best friends. Of course you’d want a little time away after. He could understand that.

But he didn’t feel the same way.

The nights’ interaction made you want space but for Jeongguk it was the exact opposite. Seeing you around his friends and family, fitting in, laughing, it stirred some feelings up in him. The two of you had only been dating for 3 months, the future with you was miles away but he could see it. What it would be like to have you around. Always. How well you fit into his life. If anything tonight’s success only made him want you more.

When the night ended and all had said their goodbyes, the only person he wanted by his side was you.

He wanted to spend the whole night with you, preferably in bed, showing you just how much you meant to him. But you pulled away.

He tried to be good about it. He knew it wasn’t personal but God, Jeongguk had never wanted anyone so bad. Kissing you goodnight and walking away was unbearable but he did it. For you. It wasn’t until he got home that the missing kicked it in. He had gotten used to having you around him so much that that week that not having you by his side felt tangible.

By the time he got back home, it was dark outside, but not late enough to clock in for bed. He checked his phone as soon as he got in the door. There were a couple of messages from his friends.

[7:03pm] Namjoon Hyung: Hey, I really liked (Y/n), you should bring her around more often.

[7:18pm] Jiminie: Your girlfriends’ cute. Does (Y/n) have like a sister or something? Tell her to hook me up.

[7:22pm] Yoongi Hyung: I like her…Don’t fuck it up.

Nothing from you though. Which made sense. But the thought still caused a pang in his heart.

Jeongguk shook his head and made his way past the kitchen. He shouldn’t miss you. Hell, he spent the entire day with you. He couldn’t possibly miss you. But somehow he did. He wondered what his friends would say if they knew. He could practically hear them teasing him. Suddenly he was grateful his friends weren’t around to see him sulk. He could almost hear the laughter. Man, you are so whipped!

Truthfully, he was, but he’d never admit it. He’d do anything for you, though. Telling himself to suck it up, Jeongguk turned into his bedroom and resolved to leave you alone. He tried distracting himself, taking a hot shower to wind down his nerves. But all the while he could only think about you. The look in your eyes as you watched him talk earlier, gaze soft and adoring. How you spent the evening pressed against his side, in his lap. Your touch… fuck. Suddenly he was craving you in a whole different way.

Jeongguk stayed in the shower, letting the water runoff him until his thoughts of you seemed to calm. When the water ran cold he dried off and slipped into a white-T and grey sweats before making his way over to the bed.

He lied down on top of the sheets and checked his phone. Still nothing.

You said you wanted to be alone…but that didn’t mean he couldn’t check up on you. I mean, a good boyfriend would check up on his girlfriend right?

It was selfish and he knew it but he still couldn’t stop himself. He sent you a text. Then two. Then three.

Once he started he couldn’t stop. He could sense you growing more and more annoyed by your replies, even miles away. He didn’t care. Talking to you even when you were frustrated with him was better than not talking at all. But it wasn’t enough.

He needed more. He needed to hear the sound of your voice.

So before he could talk himself out of it, he sent you a text asking if it was okay to call.

[8:45pm] You: 😑

[8:45pm] Jeongguk: just 5 minutes!? then I promise I’ll leave u alone

He half expects you to block him at this point, but you don’t. The line barely gives one full ring. Jeongguk picks up before you can change your mind.

“Hello?”

“Hi Jeongguk,” You say. He can hear the annoyance in your voice then but it doesn’t even phase him, he still loves the way you say his name.

“Sooo what part of ‘I need to be alone tonight, don’t you understand?”

“Technically, you are alone.”

“You and I have very different definitions of what it means to spend time alone.”

Jeongguk shrugs his shoulders even though you can’t see it. “What do you mean? We’re both totally alone right now. In separate houses, in separate beds…” His voice deepens on the other line. “You could be curled up in my arms right now. But you’re not. Now if you’re having second thoughts, I could be over there in like 20?”

Jeongguk is already doing the mental calculation to figure out the fastest route to your place. He’d have to speed but he’d definitely make it there in time.

“Nice try. As tempting as that sounds, I really don’t wanna be in your arms tonight. This is ‘me’ time.”

Jeongguk sighs, flopping back onto his bed to stare up and the ceiling, his imagination getting the best of him. “Me time, huh? That sounds nice.”

“Jeongguk…” You say, your voice a warning. You know him too well, already catching on to where this conversation is headed.

Jeongguk already knows he’s pushing it but he can’t help but ask. “What are you wearing right now?”

“Hmmm,” you hum. “Wouldn’t you like to know…”

“Indulge me. Please?” He can hardly keep the whine out of his voice.

It’s quiet for a minute, and Jeongguk thinks you’ve hung up, but you give in to the fantasy anyways. “Since you asked so nicely…I’m wearing a black silk pajama shirt.”

Jeongguk sits up in bed then, mind racing. “And nothing else?”

“Almost. I’m wearing a black thong, too.”

Jeongguk groans. He can already picture it. You lying in bed, wrapped up in the smooth glossy material. The thought was entirely too inviting. He should be there right now, curled in bed with you spooning, among other things…He throws his head back and looks up at the ceiling, trying to fight the massive hard-on he’s getting. “You’re cruel.”

On the other line, you giggle. “Hey, you started it. Don’t stay up all night thinking about it too hard. I’ll talk to you later. ”

“What? You’re sucha tease. This conversation is not over.”

“Jeongguk, we are not having phone sex right now.”

Jeongguk bits his lip, thinking about it. “We could. Why not?”

“Because! I’m hanging up.”

“Nononono! Don’t hang up. I’ll be good, I promise. We could just chill on the phone. And be alone. Together.”

“Jeongguk–”

“You won’t even know I’m there. I’ll be quiet. We could watch that movie.”

“Um no, this is my movie, go find your own. Your five minutes are up.”

“No, don’t hang up!”

“Why not?” You groaned. “We have nothing to talk about.”

“I have something to say.”

Silence. “Ok, fine. What?”

“I miss you.”

Jeongguks cheesing so hard he doesn’t even notice when you hang up.

Half an hour later, you’re already over the movie. The romance is cringey not dreamy, you missed the first half of things so you have no idea what’s going on, and you can’t really pay attention when your thoughts are all over the place.

You missed him too. But you needed a break.

You were absolutely in love with him and it was freaking you out.

To be fair, if you had to fall for anyone, you’re happy it was Jeongguk. You adored your boyfriend. Jeongguk was kind and thoughtful, and when he held your hand, it really did feel like everything was right in the world.

But it was all becoming a bit overwhelming.

Everyone seems to think that the first time you fall in love, you lose yourself. Like it’s some cosmic phenomenon and the second you enter into a relationship, you’re bound together. The stars align and the world slows, growing softer somehow, and then, like magic—you become one. Your language changes. Now it’s we, us, ours. All that’s left is sweet kisses, tender smiles, and life becomes one big love song.

You used to think all that was bullshit. You were never the type of girl who needed her life to revolve around a guy. You’ve always been independent and you enjoyed your time alone. Uninterrupted solitude.

If anyone else asked for time with you when you already put down boundaries, you wouldn’t have paid them any attention.

But not with Jeongguk. You rolled your eyes when he asked you to call but you still pressed his number in your contacts, even when he was getting on your nerves because you could never really deny him.

You’d do anything for him. Even if it meant sacrificing a bit of your personal time. That small fact made you see the change in yourself. You never cared about someone this much, and the presence of your anxiety tonight just made you realize how much deeper you were falling, deeper than ever before.

Bottom line, you were entirely in your feelings, and until you figured them all out you were better off being alone.

Suddenly the last thing you wanted to do was watch a romance movie. You took off the film and put on your favorite TV show: Grey’s Anatomy.

Okay, so technically it could still be considered a romance. But at least this was a little more down to earth and grounded in real-life situations. You had your head in the clouds enough as it was and you desperately needed to summon your inner Christina Yang right now.

You watched as she talked down her best friend Merideth Grey from her usual emotional crisis and wished more than anything that you had that kind of strength. Dr. Yang was smart and sensible. She wasn’t easily swayed and didn’t lose herself to her emotions all the time. That was what you needed to be. Sensible.

You shifted in bed, lying on your side to glance outside your window. Tonight the moon was bright and full, a round ball of light setting the clear midnight sky aglow with a halo. Smiled at the sight, then caught yourself and turned away. God, I’m turning into such a sap!

Jeongguk is being weird and needy and he knows it.

He texts you again. It’s not fair, he knows you specifically ask for the night off. But some part of him can’t help but think that he’s done something wrong. Something to make you want time away. Being with you was so easy. Like the two of you were destined to be together. Like you were made from the same star. And you’ve always been on the same page. Until now.

He tried keeping himself occupied playing overwatch for a little but his heart wasn’t in it and he kept dying. He wasn’t thinking about the game; he was thinking about you.

At the beginning of the night he was on an emotional high. He had his girl and his guys together, he thought it went perfect. And you sounded good on the phone; that is until you hung up on him… He must have done something wrong, right?

While Jeongguk waits for your reply he texts Jin knowing the elder will give it to him straight.

[9:42pm] Jeongguk: did I fuck up tonight?

[9:45pm] Jin: What do you mean?

[9:46pm] Jin: like at dinner, did i mess up? Did (Y/n) seem okay to you?

[9:50pm] Jin: How would I know? She’s your girlfriend. Shouldn’t you ask her?

Deep down, Jeongguk knows Jin is right. But it doesn’t make him feel any better about bothering you. Jeongguk waits, staring at the text bubble and three little dots. All the while, imagining what could have gone wrong.

Then the bubbles stop. Jeongguk hold the phone so close to his face he can see the light reflect off his nose as he waits for your reply.

It never comes.

So he calls you. Again, nothing. Part of him knows this phone call is crossing a line, but right now his emotions are overruling his better judgment. And now he’s really freaking out. Cuz if he’s done something to ruin this, or hurt your feelings he’ll never forgive himself. He has to know if you’re okay.

Determined to stop your-lovely-dovey-bitch-disease from spreading, you got off the bed and went into the kitchen to restock on snacks. You didn’t know how to deal with your feelings but you could eat through them.

You raid your fridge, looking for something salty and sweet. You’re torn between salt and vinegar chips or cookies and cream ice cream but you end up with neither, settling for a combination of both desires–salty-sweet kettle corn.

When you get back, you flop down on your bed, only to be alerted by the ping of your text tone again. On the screen you can see you’ve missed one call and there’s a text hovering over your lockscreen.

[9:42pm] Jeongguk: are you mad at me?

What? No, you thought. Sure the constant texting was annoying but. Why would he think that?

Then it dawned on you.

Oh. You didn’t need to apologize for wanting space. But you needed to apologize for your shitty communication skills.

You hung up on him. Of course he thought something was wrong.

You couldn’t ignore him. You had to fix this. So you break down, breaking your solitary vow for the night. You facetime him.

“You called me?”

“Yeah. Is everything okay?”

Jeongguk is so close enough to the camera you could make out every detail on his handsome face. Having grown out his black hair, his bangs hang low, almost concealing his dark brown eyes but you still catch the intensity in his gaze. Your eyes drop down to his mouth and the beauty mark just under his bottom lip. You loved kissing him there.

Your so focused on his mouth, it takes you a minute to see how worried he looks.

“Sorry I missed your call,” you say adjusting the phone in your hands. “I was stuffing my face in the kitchen. I’m not mad at you.”

Jeongguk frowns, looking doubtful. “You’re not?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? Cuz I kind of feel like You’ve been avoiding me ever since we left the restaurant.”

“No silly, I just need some time to myself.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just–It’s nothing, really. I just need time away when I’m in a relationship… Actually all time, really. ”

“Did I do something?”

“What? No of course not, Guk. It’s not like that. I love you. So, so much. And sometimes the feeling just builds up and I get–gosh how do I say this exhausted? No that’s not right. It’s like, my chest feels tight and and I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach–”

That makes him laugh. “Are you–are you telling me that I make you lovesick?

“Don’t laugh!”

You thought about it. Could you be lovesick?

Something was different about you. You’re softer now. You day dreamed more, mostly about Jeongguk. You drew hearts in your notebooks and swooned and sighed at his every gesture, the way his nose crinkled when he laughed, how the tips of his ear turned pink when he was saying something honest.

What sensible girl stays up all night staring at the moon and thinking about her boyfriend? Who were you kidding? You weren’t Christina Yang; You were Merideth Grey. All passion and love. Completely moonstruck.

You Dr. Yang’s lines from earlier. ‘He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.’

Except, Jeongguk was the sun. Everything about him radiated light and warmth. It wasn’t sucha bad thing that you found yourself drawing closer and closer to him–you just didn’t want to get lost in his gravity. You were terrified of being eclipsed by love.

You didn’t mean to hang up on him like that. Not really. It was more instinct than anything. Your hand slipped. Not because you were upset with him.

Nothing was wrong, the opposite actually. Jeongguk was being Jeongguk. Sweet and funny and so damn cute.

“Maybe you do make me lovesick.”

“No… Yes?” You say, voice going up an octave.

Jeongguk clutches his chest and winces, feigning wounding. “Ouch.”

You shrug. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. You make me feel a lot of things, Jeon Jeongguk. It’s just…I don’t always know how to handle it. I don’t know. I get anxiety dude!”

At this, Jeongguk pauses. He pouts and your heart gives a little kick. “Wait, what? I didn’t know that.”

You smile, despite yourself. “I know. I’m pretty good at hiding it, but sometimes I really do get anxious. For the most part, I can get through it. But by the end of tonight, I was just so drained.”

You look down, playing with a string on your duvet. “It’s like, I have this social battery, right? And when It’s full I can hang out and have fun. But when it’s low I gotta get by myself and recharge. When I get like that I just need a minute to decompress. I just wanna be alone.”

Whenever things were starting to be too much for you, like the world itself was tilting on its axis, you knew it was time to spend some time alone and recenter.

Your eyes wander back to Jeongguk. “Does that make me sound totally crazy?”

He shakes his head. “No, I get it.”

“That coupled with meeting everyone tonight–”

You hesitate because so damn embarrassing, but fuck it. You’re being honest right?

“This thing we have, it’s really good. I’ve never done this before. Never met anyone’s parents or friends… .”

Your voice trails off. You can’t get the rest out. Can’t tell him that you’ve never felt like this before, with anyone. Can’t tell him that you’ve dated guys, and caught feelings, but not like this. You’ve never felt anything for anyone the way you do for Jeongguk; that cosmic love shift, it was happening. And it terrified you.

You don’t say this. You don’t even think you could form the words. So instead you look at him, with all these feelings. Hoping that somehow he’ll be able to understand. That he’ll know.

Somehow even through the phone he does. Jeongguk nods, expression growing tender. “It’s real for me, too.”

“Promise me something. Next time you get anxious, tell me. And I’ll do my best to make it better okay?”

“Okay,” You say. You feel silly for not saying anything sooner. But you did feel better talking to him. You knew next time you’d have no problem letting him know how you feel.

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. For listening, I guess. I feel a lot better now.”

“Good. You can talk to me. I’m always gonna be here for you.”

For some reason, hearing that makes you tear up a little. You quickly wipe any evidence away with the back of your hand.

“Are you crying?”

“What can I say, I’m a big baby. Sorry your girlfriend is an emotional wreck.”

“You’re an emotional wreck? I’m the one who called you 15 times tonight. If anyone’s unstable in this relationship, I think it’s me.”

You laugh.

“Seriously though, if you don’t stop crying, I’m gonna start crying and then we’ll both be a mess–wait what is that sound?”

Your gaze flickered to the tv in your room. “Oh um, I was watching Grey’s Anatomy… they’re hooking up in the supply closet.”

“See. That could be us, but you playin’.”

“Jeongguk. Shut uppp. You’re being so annoying. I’m gonna hang up,” You threatened, even though you were laughing as well.

“That’s what you were doing? Baby, if you were that horny you could’ve just called me.”

“I was not horny! And this wasn’t my first choice okay? I was watching another movie. But my boyfriend kept texting me.” You say, with fake indignation.

“Oh yeah? He sounds like an asshole. You should break up with him.”

“Jeongguk, you may be a lot of things: annoying, clingy—someone who has no concept of what the word personal space actually means—but you are not an asshole.’’ You laugh and watch as his whole body relaxes into the bed beneath him.

“Good to know.” He arches an eyebrow, and raises his chin, the ghost of a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. “So…about that love sickness? You must really like me, huh?”

“I take it back. Total asshole.”

Jeongguk just laughs.

“Yeah,” you say. And then, a little softer, “I really like you.”

“Hey,” he says, his voice all breathy.

“I love you.”

You don’t hesitate. “I love you, too.”

“I wish I was there right now. So I could hold you.”

You smile. “Me too. It’s okay, distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Fuck distance,” Jeogguk rasps. “I like being near you.”

He stops. “Sorry, that was me being needy. Space is important to you, I get that now. Do you still want to be alone? Or can I keep your company on the phone?”

You smile.

“Actually, I have a better idea. You still want to come over?”

This time, Jeongguk hangs up on you.

It seems like only minutes later Jeongguk shows up outside your apartment.

He pulls you in tight for a hug and the first thing he says is ‘I missed you’.

You missed him too.

You spend the rest of the night curled up in bed together watching that paranormal romance movie. It actually wasn’t that bad.

Still, you wondered about the impression you made on his friends. Later, you ask him.

“How’d I do?”

“You never had anything to worry about.” Jeongguk says, “I knew they would love you, because I love you.”

You melt. Maybe you were still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, but hearing Jeon Jeongguk say he loves you never gets old. Your heart soars every time he speaks the words.

So when Jeongguk leans in to close the gap between you, you don’t pull away. You let his arms wrap around you and bring you closer. When Jeongguk kisses you like this, you forget all the background noise. All the crazy thoughts in your head that made you question yourself just a few hours earlier. When he kisses you, you’re not nervous, or searching for a means to calm yourself. Any insecurities you have fade away. All that matters is his soft lips on yours, the way his palm cups your cheek as he deepens the kiss, making you see stars. You feel safe and warm and totally loved. You could stay like this forever, lost in this universe, feeling galaxies swirl inside you.

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