#( && texts. )

[astramachina]

super low effort costume for last night's Halloween party! 😅 in my defense I didn't know whether or not I'd be able to actually attend until like. three days prior.

we then played the new Observation Duty because it felt appropriate. we didn't win a single round. there were nine of us.

[mad3lyncline]

𝑻𝑬𝑿𝑻𝑺 𝑭𝑹𝑶𝑴 𝑴𝒀 𝑭𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑳𝒀 𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑷 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑻 . starters from a variety of real texts that have cursed my family group chat .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i didn't see that [ name ] is holding his junk until after i sent the pic

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] just ate some fig newtons , the extra long ones

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] fuck yeah , go give that beer your dick !

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] maybe he'll let you down quicker if you give him an open mouth kiss

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] you'll want to keep the gondola operator alive but everyone else is dispensable

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] we have parked our lard asses under displays for souvenirs and we are both NOT MOVING .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] no more mountains you've lost your mountain privileges

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] we still have our sense of humor , but [ name ] may lose theirs at any moment .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] we are safe . we think . no need to worry . i don't think .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] it's funny now , but i can feel myself getting a bit cranky .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i'm really sick with icantgotowork disease 🦠 it's rough

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] have you guys gotten diarrhea yet ?

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i hear [ name's ] ex is writing a diss track

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] okay getting food bird pooped on me

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i just ate a cake that said 'happy birthday baby jesus'

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] the autism is strong today

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] there will be no butt cakes and please take me off this thread

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i'll start growing my pubes !

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] [ name ] is making us celebrate president's day with a cake

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] my favorite thing is explaining slang that mom will absolutely hate

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] their old dog looked like a cigarette

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] yeah it's really hard being really good looking all the time

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i'm about to be that asshole that brings their leftovers on a plane

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i have to focus on one weird thing a day or i'll die

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] congrats bunghole i'm proud of you 🥰

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] just so you know : penis .

[cyberneticnightmares]

seeing nowhere near enough willry shenanigans in 70s conversation pits like come on y'all

shit writes/draws itself

[chandlerjulyfm]

➝ cj + eva

cj: hey there, sorry to bother you. cj: my name is cj, i don't think you have my number and i definitely had to go through the staff directory to find yours BUT cj: were you still interested in working out together?

@anderseva

[vitalphenomena]

@freekzout // [older] funke

[ sms: 💖 ] Milk

[anderseva]

texts 💬 danneva

EVA: hey, convict. so much for that date, huh? [not delivered] EVA: missing a date with me is torture, but are you okay? are you playing nice with whoever you're stuck with? [not delivered] EVA: i know you said you're only a Sylvester by name, whatever that means, but one of your sisters is here. Joni, i think? she's okay, or she was the last time i saw her. [not delivered] @dannyssylvester

[greengideon]

Gideon: You given much thought about Thankgiving this year yet? Gideon: Want me to set a plate for you at my place? @aurorabaystarter

[liamalexanderr]

liam: do you still like pancakes ?

@dahliayoung

[puckjake]

texts 💬 fuckerman

JAKE: Flores, please tell me you're good? Is the shop good? I need both of you in one piece because I'm gonna need some new ink to relax my mind after this. And in case I need to remind you, you already confessed your love for me online a few days ago so don't try to take it back now, but I love you too. How about tattoos, drinks, and...I can't say chicks since I'm back with Bree but we can find a lil mamacita for you once all of this is over, okay? [delivered] @daniflorespsu

[psusantana]

texts 💬 julopez

SAN: i don't know where you are, but please tell me you're okay and not being too grouchy with people? [delivered] SAN: we're already going through hell, they don't need your sour mood ruining it too [not delivered] SAN: i'm sure you still need to vent but we can do it after this, okay? just take some deep breaths and you'll be okay until we're out of this lockdown [not delivered] @rileyjulypsu

[giselle-archive]

text message ⇆ santana & giselle

Giselle: i'm glad you liked that playlist, and i'll take that appreciation whenever you feel like giving it to me. though, that goes against our 'taking it slow' agenda so... Giselle: anyways, there's something i need to tell you, and you're not going to like it, but i need you to promise me that you won't spiral. @limalatina

[astramachina]

you ever read a fic so good for the first time in ages that you go into a fugue state.

[jiakim]

jia: hello! this is jia kim from blue harbor elementary. i tried to call you earlier to let you know that your son is missing his backpack. please, call me at your earliest convenience.

@fromharbor

[cyberneticnightmares]

ayo has anyone ever been insane enough to make a willry specific fan song. like not even a shippy one just like. About Them, yknow what i mean?

[mad3lyncline]

𝑻𝑬𝑿𝑻𝑺 𝑭𝑹𝑶𝑴 𝑴𝒀 𝑭𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑳𝒀 𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑷 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑻 – 𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑻 𝑻𝑾𝑶 . more starters from a variety of real texts that have cursed my family group chat . adjust pronouns as necessary !

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i want you all to know that i just pooped .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] [ name ] is loving swim lessons , all the instructors wear thongs lol

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] that's fucking insane lmao

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] make sure you tell him no dick slapping anyone this year

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] alexa play slipping through my fingers by abba 😭

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] they basically went ' sometimes it be like that , don't take too much advil ' so i'm fucked .

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] [ name ] wants us to call him michael jackson from now on

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i feel nothing

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i told a few of my teachers in high school that i was your sister and their eyes would glaze over like they were remembering 'nam

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i think i like sports now

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] did you just have a stroke

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i don't want anything to do with [ name ] 's ass

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] both a solid case for gun control AND the only way i'd consider golf exciting

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] this is worse than the day i found out santa wasn't real

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] bro ur 0 for 2 and the first time i didn't even know what i was doing

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] ur ass is grass

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] what a dapper young lad

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] was everyone's cats glad to see them ?

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] mom's mad at me lmao

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] i know way too much about the titanic and way too little about social interaction

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] he would put on the scream costume and construct my earliest traumatic formative memories

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] imagine if you were literate

[ 𝒔𝒎𝒔 📲 ] this thread has taken a turn for the worse