#'we have to point the problematic things because mainstream audiences are too stupid to tell right from wrong and are easily tricked'

[autumnmobile12]

When people say, 'You can't ship that! Those characters have never met!'

Those characters have never met.

...and???

...

I found a tiktok the other day where a bunch of people in the comments were going on about how stupid it was that people were shipping X with Y because those characters never met in canon or only shared one interaction in canon and how '...the fandom is unfortunately like that.'

So here's the thing:

My sister and I used to play a game where we would come up with ships based on names pulled from a hat and judging what random pairings came out of it. Didn't matter the fandom, didn't matter the characters. (Except age gaps that were too wide for comfort and underage-adult ships.) The crazier the better, and we came up with some pretty weird but wholesome ones. My sister also has an entire fic of one-shots featuring Soul Eater rare-pairs that are so rare, they are unicorns in that fandom.

Crossover ships (platonic or romantic or otherwise) are my jam.

One of my favorite ships is a crossover ship. Shizuo Heiwajima (Durarara!!) and Adult!Mai Taniyama (Ghost Hunt) sure as hell have never met, I’m pretty certain I’m the only one here, but I didn't let that stop me.

I've shipped Seras (Hellsing) and Lenore (Castlevania Netflix). No particular reason, I just like it.

The cast of D. Gray Man is so diverse and insane that you can put any two characters together and you'll get either an interesting ship, an interesting conversation, or at the very least, a very entertaining argument.

The My Hero Academia fandom likes to write fanfiction where Mirko and Hawks are besties. Those characters never talk in canon. They share maybe one or two scenes together and they don't directly interact. It's just vibes.

And 'just vibes' is pretty much the entire essence behind some ships.

The Castlevania Netflix fandom loves Trephacard so much that I once saw a post here on Tumblr where someone admitted they legitimately forgot it wasn't a canon ship. Alucard and Trevor interact quite a bit, sure, but the point still stands. It's fanon, people love it, deal with it.

The Harry Potter Drapple ship was a thing. (Or maybe it's still a thing, I don't know, I'm not in the Harry Potter fandom.) So don't tell me I can't ship X with Y because they've never met in canon when there is a literal person x inanimate object ship floating around the internet.

I. Don't. Care that X and Y never met. Maybe they have some niche thing in common was worth exploring. Maybe they have similar personalities. Maybe they're total opposites and that was the appeal. Maybe I just woke up and felt like it. The whole point of fanfiction is that does not have to be canon-compliant. Did you expect a word for word document of the source material?

X and Y have certainly never met. But what if they did? Is that not what fanfiction is for?

We're here to have fun, express ourselves, and maybe work through personal issues we got going on in private.

Personally, after coming from some smaller fandoms that primarily work with only one or two ships and nobody mixes it up, I like the variety of a multi-ship fandom. Or no ships at all. It’s nice to also avoid the drama when you don't feel like reading the shipping material.

At the end of the day, don't go shaming/harassing people for shipping what they like, whether it's a mainstream ship or a rare-pair that's so rare it's got an audience of one. If it's a ship you don't like or find problematic, just don't read it. Go find something you do like. (Trust me, there's a part of the Black Butler fandom I stay far away from.)

Let people like what they like, let people be weird, let people build their ships from scratch if they want.

Tag everything properly.

Have fun.

Or Reepicheep will pay you a visit.

And to anyone who says, 'You can't ship that, those characters have never met.'

[casyawn]

i feel like we forget that a fandom lens is just one way to engage with media and while it can be fun and rewarding, it can also be somewhat limiting, and it's really out of touch with how most people interact with stories. this is why when i'm deep in a fandom i like to watch random youtubers (especially ones with small/unknown channels who are maybe not super media-savvy) react and review the material. after endless tumblr arguments about whether or not a show 'romanticizes abuse' or 'promotes incest', hearing Jake from Youtube's extremely normal opinions about blorbo is like pushing a reset button for my brain

[cutiepie-keith-blog]

Lance, sweetie, what have they done to you

So how about that finale huh?

Yeeeeaah, wasn’t that… Something.

-----

But, okay, real talk here… Given the state of the fandom, I feel like I need to add my two cents to the situation. Which situation you may ask? 

The Voltron Cast queerbaiting its audience with its characters? The terrible way they handled the villain’s overarching narratives? No. None of that here.

I’m talking about the finale. That trainwreck to end that dumpster of a final season. That absolute worm-infested cabbage mulch that brought a pickaxe to keep digging when they hit rock bottom. But forget about cinematography or allegories because there’s already dozens of other blogs that tore it to bits and explaining how it’s a disgrace to the sacred art of animation and serialization.

Instead, I’m ranting about how they mistreated my favourite character, Lance McClain.

So how did the Voltron staff do him dirty? Let’s see… Which one of these options sounds the most plausible…?

Killing off his chances for a character arc

Problematic stereotyping

Retconning CANON LORE to accommodate this sloppily written finale

All of the above

Did you choose 4? Congratulations! Here’s your prize:

-----

Part 1: “Character arc? What’s a character arc? Is that a sauce?”

Ugh, it’s like the showrunners didn’t even CARE about writing Lance’s development. Season one and two were brilliant because they offered a set-up for his internal growth from a self-depreciating goof to confident marksman. 

I guess the writers never heard of following through, though, huh!! 

A constant from season 1 was style over substance when it came to Lance, and each time a new season dropped we all waited for something - ANYTHING - that would show us that he had grown; that we were witnessing the development of a fully realized character.

But no. Lance is just comic relief! He’s funny! Look at him failing to flirt! Hahaha! It’s funny because he’s stupid!

But he’s really not! And we all know this! Lance has been shown time and time again that he is a competent character... That’s why it’s so painful to watch his importance be relegated to that of a side-character. ESPECIALLY after his motivations were so clearly established.

In episode one, what did Lance say to establish his motivation? 

“I’d love to explore the cosmos! There’s a whole new world out there!” 

He, THE Lance that wanted nothing more than to explore the great wide galaxy and live free-spiritedly… You’re telling me THAT Lance would give all of that up to separate from the rest of his team (who up to this point he regarded very clearly as family) to live a quiet life?? You’re telling me that the Space Paladin, Lance McClain - after saving the universe - would drop every relationship he made with his team… To be a FARMER??

And oh yeah, he’s Cuban and they made the Cuban boy a farmer.

-----

Part 2: They made the Cuban boy a farmer

AKA the ‘Look how WOKE you are now, Netflix’ second half because the whole Lance becomes a farmer thing comes a bit later.

Gather ‘round the dumpster fire, children, and let’s just take a moment to remember how PROBLEMATIC it is that they made the CUBAN boy a farmer...! Oh, Voltron showrunners, you absolute uneducated walnuts! The way they did it was so forced, too, and it made Lion King (2019) look sincere; So let’s start at the beginning...

In the original series, Lance was a one note ‘prince charming’ that existed as the pretty boy that would end up with the main girl, Allura, so you can only imagine the sheer, utter EUPHORIA I felt when I saw the first hints, the traces, the signs of a 3 dimensional character from him.

And then Allura...! My Queen! They gave her a personality too! So how could I not love them being a canon couple!

I’ll tell ya how. They killed off Allura, that’s what. And let’s ignore that one tiny detail that the only main character chose to kill was Allura, the BLACK PRINCESS because that’s a whole other rodeo that I ain’t ready to play clown in just yet. 

And what happened to our soggy cardboard cutout of Lance do when forced to deal with grief??

Well to start, the death of his alien girlfriend suddenly made him an alien too so?? Okay?? Are all the rules of the universe worthless now?? Because according to the rules that the showrunners set with Keith being half-galra, you can’t change SPECIES. 

There’s being artistically adventurous on one hand and then there’s throwing whatever shred of artistry out the window. 

OH HO HO BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! (And spoiler alert! This is the part where Netflix making Lance a farmer kicks in)

Now we all know Netflix is a company that is well known for being progressive in the film industry because of how they cast minorities in their original films and series, and they’ve made it clear time and time again that they support LGBTQ+ community. 

Hey Netflix, REAL progressive of you to play right into the stereotype of (Here it is) MAKING THE CUBAN BOY A FARMER. With Takashi Shirogane, japanese fans of the original series had a new strong leader to look up to. And what’s more was that they showed him marrying his husband in the finale!

And Lance? Out of heartbreak and sudden alien-ness, he abandoned all his dreams to explore the universe to become a farmer in some throwaway planet. 

All the other fans from Central America (e.g. that’s ME) now get to see a once in a million chance of mainstream representation not as something to look up to, but as another disappointment perpetuation the steel wheel of assumption.

-----

IN CONCLUSION: UGH

Good riddance to this show. 

I will never forgive the V:LD staff for ruining NOT ONLY my favorite show, but my favorite character in all of fiction. 

*mic drop*

[jinjojess]

As I was tagging the last reblog I was thinking of adding a playful "meet me in the pit workshop" joke but it occurred to me that… I have actually encountered someone similar to these folks in the wild during my MFA program. Not exactly the same, but a related phenomenon.

(Cut for length, don’t worry there’s a tl;dr at the end)

My degree was a 2 year fiction writing one, and every semester you had to take mandatory lit courses as well as a workshop course. For those of you who aren't familiar, a workshop is generally run like so:

person/people submit a piece to the class to be read and then critiqued the following lesson

during the crit phase, everyone in the room except the author discusses the work: what worked, what didn't, how they felt about it, etc.

the writer cannot say anything until the very end of the critique; it's usually encouraged that they only answer any direct questions and/or reply with "Thank you for your comments."

writer reworks the piece according to whatever input they deemed helpful and resubmit again later to repeat the process

As you can imagine, it's a VERY good way to thicken your skin and learn to tell helpful critique from stupid nonsense (i.e., the guy who insisted you always needed more talking animals). My first workshop in undergrad started off with a girl calling my opening paragraph "so pretentious [she] wanted to slit [her] wrists more than continue". I'm still grateful to her to this day, because hot damn was that what I needed to hear.

Anyway, by the time I got to grad school, all the people in my year were already workshop veterans, and so we were generally polite in our feedback, even if it was firmly critical.

Then, in my second year, we got an influx of new people, along with some…unique personalities, one of which was a girl clearly raised on YT film critics (and maybe fanfic sporking, but I suspect that might've been before her time).

When my friend TK submitted a story about a Latina sex worker conflicted over whether or not to marry her white boyfriend because of her complicated feelings regarding her work and heritage, this girl ripped into it. Nothing in this story was salvageable. It was misogynistic, it was tropey, it was racist, it was too idealistic, the characters were all horrible people. (In reality I wouldn't say it did any of those things, thanks in most part to the degree of nuance my friend gave the protagonist and the focus on her relatable human struggles regarding work vs love life vs public image vs personal community etc.) The story was stupid and Bad the writer should feel ashamed.

Understandably everyone was a bit ??? at this read, and even the eccentric professor known for tough love asked her to tone it back a bit, but we treated her critiques as valid like all the others. TK was kind of shell-shocked for a bit after, choosing instead to work on a different story of hers.

When the time came around for the hyper-critic girl to submit, we were pretty intrigued to see what she thought great work would look like. If TK's story was entry-level schlock, then this girl must have some serious avant-garde ideas about narrative. My buddy J, who exclusively wrote in meta-textual symbolism, was particularly excited.

Here's the synopsis of hyper-critic girl's story:

White Anglo-American girl is told she cannot date white Italian-American boy because he's new to the neighborhood. They sneak out and go on a date to a 50s-style candy shop, after which girl decides she's in love and will see the boy again no matter what.

Cue ??? from all of us Part II.

We were pretty gracious in our feedback, since no one wanted to be That Guy and sink to her level, but we did bring up the distinct lack of…oh, racial minorities, queer people, realistic tensions or conflicts, and anything new or unique.

What we discovered was that she had panicked when it was her time on the chopping block, and had resorted to writing the safest thing possible. Ironically, her story in all its blandness was more offensive to good writing than TK's could ever hope to be. (Not to mention pretty exclusionary to anyone but the most mainstream of audiences.)

In the end, her writing improved a lot after that (she had a weird dud about intra-family melodrama that had the depth of a soap opera, but following that one she started coming up with much better stuff) and she got way better at giving thoughtful critique.

Obviously this isn't a 1:1 comparison with the purity types, but it strikes me as similar because I see a lot of "writing advice" on Tumblr centering on this idea that you should only address the safest of topics or risk doing A Bad Thing. If you try to include anything but the most mainstream of ideas or subjects, then it must be 100% perfect or else it will be the sole downfall of society. It explains the viciousness aimed at works that do try to be more inclusive, while leaving other things that don't try alone. This paralyzing fear of feedback is where the Every Ending Must Be Happy people come from, since tragedy and pathos will often take a more delicate, deft touch and they’re terrified of being written off as edgy or cynical.

Basically the only rule of writing is that you can write whatever you want, just do it well. Not everyone will like it, and that's okay. You will write things that can be interpreted in a problematic way, and that's just an occupational hazard. Despite what purity types think, a writer cannot control what a reader will take away from their work. 

So here’s the point: treat all feedback like you're in a workshop. The stuff you can use, use, and don't be intimidated into sanding off everything that makes your writing unique and interesting. Sometimes the weirdo telling you that you need to eliminate children from your stories or include more talking snakes has no idea what they’re talking about either.

[abumblebeeat221b]

Sherlock and the Female Gaze

If anyone asked me to point them to the most revolutionary piece of media ever created I’d probably show them Doctor Who (because guys - nothing beats a show that is basically Sherlock Holmes in space and keeps reinventing itself every other year).

But the second thing would be Sherlock. Not Doyle’s original, not the Rathbone, Granada, Soviet, new Russian adaptations (even though they are dear to me). Just 13 episodes of a TV show that was only ever meant to win some obscure film award in Eastern Europe and became a success over night instead.

The fandom that does its research has spent seven years trying to pinpoint its secret and the only thing we can agree on are three little words: it looks pretty.

On a more serious note: it is probably the first thing which made male eye-candy unashamedly mainstream. It is the millennial version of Pride and Prejudice, of Mr. Darcy, only that this time society doesn’t expect the story to bore our boyfriends to death.

And I’m not even sure that was something Mofftiss and Co were aiming for.

You see. It is a truth universally acknowledged that men have no idea what women like. They confuse it with male power fantasies ALL THE TIME because that’s what the media tells them we are day dreaming about. They are shocked to learn that we think Loki to be the sexually most appealing hero villain in the Avangers, that we consider Rodger from the original 101 Dalmatians to be perfect boyfriend material, that yes, we’d happily choose a dog loving, kind individual (with great hair) over most more manly super heroes out there.

And Sherlock ticks all the right boxes for women to find him attractive, while most guys wouldn’t think that lanky nerd to be much of a competition for them.

The cherry on our metaphorical fandom-cake is that Sherlock  is pretty much the first thing produced for a main stream audience I know of* which treats its leading male character as if he was a woman in order to cater to the female gaze (because the lgbqt+ community was not the only reason why the name Cumberbatch has showed up on most versions of the sexiest men alive lists since 2010/11).

Women look at Sherlock and think ‘sexy’ because we’ve been conditioned by the media to recognise this is what ‘sexy’ looks like.

And this my friends is where the magic happens.

You want the list? Here have the list:

A well-tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men. And let me tell you Sherlock wearing suits doesn’t look like a coincidence from over here.

The coat. It’s like a cape. Only way cooler.

The buttons which deserve their own award™. We all know the story behind the coat™, but I’m not aware of the official one explaining why Sherlock couldn’t buy the purple shirt of sex™ in a bigger size (lucky us he didn’t). On a sidenote: too small dress sizes and strained buttons are exactly what actresses are expected to wear in front of the camera.

The white sheet of possibilities. Sherlock Holmes visits Buckingham palace wearing nothing but a sheet BECAUSE THE SCRIPT SAYS SO and I can’t be the only one feeling reminded of the long standing tradition of women having to take off their clothes for very important plot reasons™. Two series later, Moffat does it again, and while IMHO Sherlock should have kept his hospital gown on in His Last Vow, I’m aware that is a pretty problematic™ thing to say given how it belongs to the most beloved (i.e. gifed and photoshopped) bits of that episode. (While at the same time, apart from Irene Adler, we have no idea what the Sherlock ladies wear underneath).

The cheekbones. Oh. The. Cheekbones. It is shocking exactly no one that Carrie Fisher was asked to lose weight every time she played Princess Leia (yes, also that one). Benedict Cumberbatch lost weight for series 2, then went to play the villain in Star Trek: Into Darkness, came back to series 3 having to lose those muscles and some weight - which goes against the *typical* male beauty standards in the industry, just saying. (NB: I’m pretty sure he did it again for TAB and series 4, but series 2 and series 3 are the only instances I’m aware of him mentioning it).

The weapons of a woman. When was the last time the male hero was allowed to lose? James Bond gets the girl because he is the best agent out there. It’s always the best knight who slays the dragon and saves the princess. I agree today personality matters - but that just means that now he needs to slay the dragon AND be charismatic on the top of it.

Heroes aren’t damsels in distress, they don’t get favours because of their looks and smiles, they don’t rely on other people or need emotional support. They are lone wolves, strong and self-efficient in every possible sense of the word and they have more than just their muscles to show for it.

Not in Sherlock.

Odds (*literally odds*) are Sherlock wouldn’t have survived the first episode without John.

Here we have someone who manipulates Molly (and clients alike) using his charm to get what he wants. Sherlock relies on his social network all the time, his adventures are about showing us how being the Cleverest™, the Best™ does not equal success.

He gets saved, beaten and drugged by Irene Adler, and just in case we’d still have some illusions left, the script for that scene describes the leading male character with the words ‘weak as a kitten’. I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

In the same episode he wins a fight because of pepper spray.

He relies on his brother’s help to beat Moriarty. He shoots Magnussen because even Mycroft’s long arm doesn’t end up being long enough. The only reason he makes it out of that mess alive is his freaking sister he isn’t even aware of.

The point is. Sherlock is right when he points out the obvious: he is no hero, but a mess who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high. Yes, he is phenomenally good at what he does. But he also needs an assistant, someone who takes some part of the responsibilities off his not-so-bulky shoulders and helps him to win those victories.

The fairytale of the high-functioning sociopath. For some baffling reason, sometime between now and the dark middle ages humankind decided that European culture only ever allows men to seek companionship when somehow sex (or bragging about sex) is involved.

This is why “being friendzoned” is the worst that can happen to the modern man™. This is why they honestly don’t get the concept of just friends™. To a good deal of them female friends are like unicorns in that they don’t exist. To them the age old “if I’m not getting sex out of it then why should I bother?” argument works on both sides: “if you are not getting sex out of it then why should you care?”.

(Before you spam my inbox yes, I know Scrubs exists, I’m more than just familiar with House MD *laughs uncomfortably for ten years*. But. For every single piece of media that happens to get it right there are 10 AU remakes of Fifty Shades of Grey being published).

Now. What on Earth does this have to do with Sherlock?

NOTHING.  We see Sherlock having more healthy relationships in every single episode (yes even that one) than Bond will have in a lifetime. And no matter how much Sherlock insists on being a sociopath, the hero in this story has friends, imperfect friends, and whether he likes it or not they do care about him. And he cares about them too.

Otherwise Mycroft wouldn’t need to tell his little brother that caring is not an advantage and Sherlock wouldn’t meet those words like an old friend.

On top of it, the writers never code Sherlock and John as gay. No, they don’t. To be fair, they also don’t say he’s straight. However, they do make him canonically fall for Irene Adler (FYI: if him going ALL THE WAY to Karachi for her sake wasn’t a big enough clue, then MP!Sherlock keeping a picture of her in his pocket watch should have been).

And while we do see Sherlock invested in plenty of typical male stuff (he fights, he wins, he plays the rude smart arse, the hero, the brilliant detective) at the same time he also accepts it when in TEH John decides he wants to keep his distance, and Sherlock leaves the matter in Mary’s capable hands, John’s love interest, the woman who should be traditionally the mortal enemy of male friendships.

We had a whole episode which was basically Sherlock helping Mary with wedding preparations and not (just) having a bad time.

The next episode has him do his best to save his friends’ marriage. It also has him fake a relationship with a woman (who ends up owning a cottage in Sussex that comes with bees). But he never takes advantage of her even though she wouldn’t mind being taken advantage of. And when she gets her well deserved revenge he admires her for her agency. That boy is so smitten by Janine Hawkins that the original shooting script for His Last Vow  had them agreeing to marry each other should they end up without anyone else by the time they are old end grey (page 72, you’re welcome).

Sherlock gets his support system and it doesn’t ask for anything in return. He is allowed to struggle, to become emotional, to not deserve his victories and still be the hero of the show. Those 13 episodes have Sherlock stumble from one failure to the next but every single time we learn it doesn’t matter. He gets to learn from his mistakes, he gets to grow.

Yes, he has his ghosts and demons but he never needs to face them on his own, which is something I’ve only ever seen on this stupid show

_____ * If anyone wants to point out the masterpiece that’s George from the Jungle then yes, I’m aware of it (also, surprise surprise another film that was pretty popular with the LGBTQ+ folks). However, generally speaking it never became mainstream. Which is what I’m talking about here. And while Marvel’s Loki is mainstream, he is not the main character in The Avengers.

[theemptybloggercometh]

You’re Stronger than You Think

Fandom: The Bright Sessions

Characters: Chloe Turner and Sam Barnes

Summary: Just two friends talking about asexual representation and mental health over a couple of drinks

Triggers: Description of an anxiety attack

Word Count: 2265

The right sleeve of Chloe Turner’s purple hoddie brushed against the records she had already flicked past as she got to an Ella Fitzgerald album. Taking it off the shelf she carried it over to the record player and slid the vinyl out of the outer cover before placing it on the turntable and gently placing the needle onto the outmost groove. As the sound of the Queen of Jazz started to quietly come through the sound system Sam Barnes came through from her kitchen carrying two wine glasses.

“Good choice” Sam remarked as she sat the glasses down next to the waiting bottle of wine on the low table in front of the couch,

“Well you’ve got an impressive collection; it was so hard to pick as everything’s so great” Chloe replied.

Chloe sat down on the couch sliding her jean-clad legs underneath herself. She looked at Sam unscrewing the cap off the bottle of wine and admired the fit of the knee length green plaid dress with a white peter pan collar that her best friend was wearing. Sam handed one of the glasses to Chloe as she too sat down on the couch and took a sip of wine.

“I was thinking” Sam said “The college is doing a production of Rent, right? Well perhaps we could go and see it sometime next week?”

“Oh I would love to go” Chloe exclaimed. However the smile faded as she remembered how money was a bit tight that month “except I don’t think I’ll be able to afford it; I’m so much of a struggling artist that I can’t see a musical about struggling artists”

(I’ll treat her to it)

Hearing Sam think this Chloe wrapped her arms around her which nearly caused both women to spill their wine.

“You heard that, right”? Sam asked as Chloe resumed her original position

“Yeah, thanks so much” Chloe replied, blushing

“That’s okay” Sam said “Just to check you’ll be okay with the audience? I didn’t know if them thinking about the songs and the props and the costumes and the set would be overwhelming?

“It’ll be there, yes, but I’m sure it will be negated by my own thoughts about seeing one of my favourite musicals and one of my ace headcannons”

“Oh, that’s Mark Cohen, right? The narrator and filmmaker?”

“Yeah, seeing him completely content about dancing alone in the middle of all the couples in the movie version really helped me to accept my asexuality”

She stopped and sighed

“But it would be so good though not to have to headcannon characters as ace and instead have actual asexual characters in actual media”

“Because it would give you reassurance” Sam said

“Exactly. When you can’t see other queer people, either on the big screen or in real life, you question if you’re faking it or if you’re a freak”

(That’s what I felt like before finding out there were other a-typicals)

“Is this what it felt like also not seeing introverted characters?” asked Chloe

“I suppose, you hardly see anything but the extrovert ideal and yet some estimates put introverts as being half of the population. But I know the challenges quiet people face are different and not as serious as what gay people encounter”

(Damn it, should I have said LGBTQA people? Or queer people? But what if isn’t appropriate for me to use that term?)

“I wouldn’t say that” Chloe said “both queer people and introverts experience the world differently and seeing other people being successful because of not despite that different could be so empowering, I know it gives me hope”

Chloe paused, raised the glass up to her lips and took a sip of wine

“And it’s not just the ‘us’s’ who this can change but the ‘them’s’ as well.

“Is that like how people are more likely to support equal marriage if they know someone LGBTQA, so could it be someone like a celebrity, for example?” Sam asked but then after considering what she had just said she added “Although if you’re a problematic conservative type you’re not very likely to voluntarily watch something that contradicts everything you believe in, are you?”

“No” agreed Chloe

“But” continued Sam “the more LGBTQA people and realistic LGBTQA characters are visible in the mainstream the less they will be able stay in their own bubble ignoring the real world”

“Exactly” Chloe said and then leaned back on the couch and sighed  

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked

“It’s just that you get it however people at college don’t” Chloe replied

“But it’s an art school” Sam exclaimed “I would have thought they of all people would be right behind this”

“Oh, they are and that the problem, they need representation to be perfect, they want characters, actors and content creators to be faultless and if they fail to match up to the extraordinarily high expectations they’ll disown them”

“That’s ridiculous, we all make mistakes or aren’t as socially aware as we could be. It makes you wonder how many script writers have avoided doing proper and accurate depictions because of this.”

“You’re absolutely right and I’ve tried to point that out but it get so tiring having to be that person” Chloe agreed “that person who has to put her head above the parapet, that person who has to ‘controversial’ and say oh, I don’t know, perhaps we should give people a break once in a while, perhaps we should give people a chance learn through from the things they get wrong instead of automatically assuming that they’re going to continue making mistakes, not that they think it’s a mistake at all; they think it’s a deliberate act of violence”

Chloe took another sip of wine

“And then there’s my ability” she continued “I say all this and they give the impression that their listening but I can hear what their thinking behind the smiles and nodding heads”

“Which is?” Sam tentatively asked

“That their only listening to be polite or that they think I’m boring or, and this is my personal favourite, that I’m too nice”  

“Oh no they didn’t” Sam cried “there’s nothing like being too nice, in fact, the world could do with a few more too nice people at the moment.”

“That’s what I try and remember; whenever I begin to wonder what’s the point, when all I seem to hear is negativity, I think back to how my ability has helped others”

(See, that’s what I like about her: she always sees the upside)

Like when I met this girl in her first year at this exhibit on campus, which actually wasn’t that good, but anyway we got talking and I kept hearing all these thoughts of how she was thinking of quitting because her parents opposed her studying art instead of something ‘useful’ so I asked her why she had originally loved painting, that was her favourite type of art, well, she told me all these reasons and ended up being more enthusiastic than she had been in a long time. She recently got a prize for a piece she entered into the Winter Showcase. I saw what she did; it was amazing. I’m so glad she didn’t chuck that talent away”

“Wow” Sam looked impressed but then started to shake her head “You know, that attitude that art is somehow a waste of time really annoys me. Being able to maintain my mental health by colouring things in is as useful to me as keeping my heart healthy enough to pump 2000 litters of blood around my body a day”

Chloe threw a perplexed look at her friend

“Oh, sorry, a throwback to traveling to South Africa in the 1960’s and seeing the first heart transplant being discussed” Sam explained and then added as an afterthought “although I am glad I didn’t arrive in the Operating Room”

(and thanks for telling me about the adult colouring books)

“You’re welcome” Chloe responded

“For what?”

“Introducing you to art therapy”

“Was I thinking that? Not that I’m not grateful, of course I am”

(Great Sam, that didn’t sound obnoxious at all…Just hope you haven’t upset her, oh please let it be okay)

“Sam it didn’t…”Chloe started to say before stopping to ensure she picked her next words with the greatest care

(See what you’ve done now! She doesn’t want to talk you, you stupid girl, why didn’t you just shut up? This is why you don’t deserve friends)

Sam’s chest was raising and falling at decreasing intervals and her breaths were turning more and more shallow

“Hey, Sam, its okay” Chloe reassuringly said “take some deep breaths with me. Feel the air enter your nose and fill your lungs and then feel it pass over your lips as you breathe out”

(Breath in 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11 and breath out 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. Breath in 1,2,3,4…)

Sam continued repeating this until the two friends were mirrored in their slow breathing patterns

“Sorry about that” Sam murmured

“Nothing to be sorry about” said Chloe

“I know…but…I’m so used to apologising that…”

Chloe reached across and laid her hand onto Sam’s shoulder

“Its okay” she said and then after a minute she asked “why don’t I make us a herbal tea or something?”

“That sounds good” Sam replied with a weak smile

Letting go of Sam Chloe got up from the couch and crossed the living room to the kitchen where she busied herself with switching on the kettle and finding a couple of mugs. As she put a bag of camomile into each of the cups Sam came into the kitchen and sat down on one of the stools by the breakfast bar.

“That thing you were going to say…it was my anxious thoughts wasn’t it?” she asked

“Yes it was” Chloe replied “I didn’t want to make you self-conscious or embarrassed so I didn’t want to mention it but I did anyway. I’m sorry”

“As you said nothing to be sorry about, I think I would have got like that no matter what…my mind would have latched onto something”

Chloe took the kettle which had just finished boiling over to the cups and poured the water into them. Then she brought the mugs over to where Sam sat and put them down onto the counter before drawing up a stool and sitting across from Sam.

“Thanks Chloe” Sam said as she reached for a mug and clasped it in her hands “It’s so annoying when I think that it’s never going to totally be gone. I think I’m making progress and taking a step forward but then it comes back. Every time”

“Recovery might not be absence of a feeling but getting better at dealing with it” suggested Chloe

“Hmm, that’s a good point” considered Sam. She then lifted her mug to her lips and took a sip of tea “Like when I get anxious I try to ignore how tense I get but recently I’ve been saying to myself ‘Sam, you’re anxious and that’s okay’ and you know what, the feeling of tension lessens considerably”

“That’s really good” Chloe said with an encouraging smile

(Wow, look at her, I’m so lucky to have her as my best friend)

Sam sat down her mug and sighed

“But every time I do get anxious I think all the progress is going to dissolve under my feet and I’ll be back to where I was a few short years ago; travelling so many times in a day that I lose count”

“And if it does me, Mark, Dr Bright, everybody will be there to support you” promised Chloe “But I don’t think you’ll need to because you’re stronger than you think, Sam”

Sam turned her head to the side and looked down at the floor, blinking to clear her eyes

“Gee, Chloe, thanks, that means a lot, it really does”

The two best friends drank their tea in companionable silence until Sam remembered the start of their evening.

“Say, we never discussed what we’re actually going to be doing next week with seeing Rent”

“Yeah that’s right” agreed Chloe “I was thinking perhaps either the Wednesday or the Friday showing…”

Later on after making plans and Chloe had washed up the mugs and wine glasses, despite Sam’s insistence that she was her guest and guests weren’t supposed to do that, the two friends stood in the hall. Chloe had just finished putting on her cream coloured Converse’s and was picking up her rucksack

“I’m really looking forward to next week”

“So am I” Sam said. Then she reached over and hugged Chloe “Thanks for your help with you know…”

“I meant what I said, you can do it, Sam, I believe in you”

The pair broke up. Sam then opened the door and Chloe passed over the threshold.

“Just to check: next Friday, meeting at yours at 6?” queried Sam

“Yeah, next Friday, meeting at mine at 6” Chloe concurred

“Message me when I get home” Sam said

“Will do” Chloe replied

She then walked across the driveway and opened the door to the waiting taxi and got in. As it started to reverse out of the drive way Sam waved her goodbye and Chloe returned the gesture. Sam watched the car make its way down to the end of the street and then disappear before closing the door. For the most part it had been an enjoyable day but all the same it had also been a long day and now her warm bed and a chapter of her book were calling out to her.