#'those crazy environmentalist freaks' ���

[bunnihearted]

the earth is getting hotter and hotter and nobody's doing anything about it but im misanthropic and depressive because i can see nothing that inspires hope 🤙

[loveunbreakable-blog1]

Chapter 6

I went home. I wasn’t hungry anymore not after that. I was feeling the worst person in the planet but at the same time I felt free I was feeling free cause I knew that it was over. Maybe not for so long. But it was over for now. I could breathe easily. I could see things clearing up. Maybe there really was a light at the end of the tunnel.

When I got home I saw something I really didn’t expect. Today was being a day full of surprises. Thais was sited next to the door of my apartment she was probably waiting for me. But there was something different. I couldn’t see what it was until I got closer. She was crying. Her eyes were swollen and covered in tears. I couldn’t think about something else I just ran there and held her.

-          OMG. Are you okay? What happened to you?

-          I… I…

-          Shiiiu. Come on let’s go inside. – I said. I saw she wasn’t ready to talk yet and I wouldn’t be the one to push her. – I’m gonna make you some tea. Everything is gonna be fine.

Thais wasn’t like me. She was strong all the time or at least she was pretending to be. She was decided. She never kept feelings to herself cause she was afraid of hurting people. That was one of the things I admired in her. I simply couldn’t do it. If something shows up in her mind she just says it. She doesn’t care about what people think. And sometimes that’s good cause you don’t have to carry with you all those terrible words people throw at you. You don’t have to analyze every freaking second. That was the difference between the two of us.

-          Alright. Just stay here. I’m going to the kitchen I’ll be right back, okay? – I said while she was sitting in the couch.

I was preparing the tea in the kitchen when I hear a noise. It was my cellphone’s alarm. That means I had to shower to go to work. Work I’ve just forgotten about that. Today was Monday what meant that both me and Thais had to work. But she couldn’t. Not that way. So I dialed my boss’ number.

-          Hey Geremy, that’s Jackie. I need to talk to you.

-          Hi Jackie. Did something happened? – He said on the other side.

-          Yeah. Something happened with Thais I can’t explain what it was yet but we won’t be able to show up today.

-          Is she okay? So you’re just not coming to work today?

-          I don’t know yet. But don’t worry I’m taking care of her. Of course it’s not that. I thought we could maybe work from here today. I mean. We have some projects to finish and we wouldn’t be able to get any new ones today cause the deadline is close so today we were planning on finish these projects in the company and let Tiffany handle the new clients. We really need to see if she’s ready for that. Anyway, we could finish the projects here and Tiffany could handle the rest. I think she can do it. It’s just get the clients cellphones and the basic ideas they have. What do you think?

-          You proved to me that you’re not a lazy person last time you asked to project at home so I’ll let you do it again. I hope you don’t let me down. Tell Thais I am here if she needs me.

-          I will. Thank you. I see you tomorrow.

-          See you

I called him knowing that he wouldn’t say no. He knew that we were the base of the company without us he is lost. I mean Thais won Three international awards of best designer of the year. One award for best project in the United States. I just have been working in this for one year and already got the best environmentalist project in Europe. Also got an international award for best designer of the year. That was just crazy. We didn’t live in US or in Europe so that was huge for everyone. People kind of new us. But it wasn’t like we were superstars. We were famous for people in our area. People that care about architecture and design. That’s why we always had a lot of projects to finish. That’s also why Tiffany was a lucky bastard. She was working with the two most admired designers in the world. And she was still trying to take advantage of us.

People look at us and think we’re perfect. We’re super happy cause we got these awards. People think we have the perfect life. I would think that too If I weren’t me. Being the best in something doesn’t mean you wanna do that for the rest of your life. It doesn’t mean you found yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re happy. That’s what people can’t see. People care about money. Having a job that can give you lots of money. But there’s much more than that. Thais and I were similar when it comes to our jobs not just because we work together but because when were into something we tend to do the best we can. We tend to make it perfect. That’s why we got all these award.

Geremy tend to treat us like any other normal employ in the company. He didn’t want our awards to give us any privileges there. But he knew that it would. I was happy he wasn’t a scrapper. I never wanted that. If I got those awards it was because he gave me the opportunity to work and learn in his company. And I was thankful for that.

When I finished the tea I went back to the living room. She was still there in the couch. But know she looked peaceful.

-          There you go – I said giving her the mug

-          Thank you.

-          Do you wanna talk about what happened?

-          It was my dad… I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t keep doing this.

Thais always had a complicated relationship with her father. He was never there for her and when he was it was just to criticize her. He never gave her any support. And it would just break her even more. She couldn’t do the things she wanted to. She couldn’t be herself. She could barely breathe when he was around.

As you can see I’m not very good with relationships. I didn’t have a father. My mom was away. A lot of guys had hurt me. I wasn’t even doing good with myself. So I knew how she was feeling. I had been in her place so many times. But my problem wasn’t my father it was myself.

I didn’t want her to go through all that pain. The last thing I wanted was see my best friend suffer.

-          You know what? You don’t need to do this. You really don’t.

-          What do you mean? I don’t get it

-          Why don’t you come live with me? I mean, this is a good apartment. I have two extra rooms upstairs. You could move in. I admit it would be good for both of us. I know why you never wanted to live alone. Why you chose to stay with your parents. But I’m here now. I would never let anything happen to you. You can trust me. – She kept looking at her hands. She seemed to be analyzing the situation. It was a really big thing. It’s not like you could just look at the sky in a sunny day and say “I am moving in with my best friend today” I knew that and I wasn’t expecting her to accept the offer. I knew it would be hard.

-          I guess it’s time, hun? Birds must fly.

-          Wait. So you’re saying yes? – I said surprised

-          Yeah. I am. But I have some rules.

-          Okay so what are they?

-          We have to divide all expenses. I don’t want to depend on you.

-          I never thought about that – I said smiling. I knew she would say that. She didn’t like to depend on people.

-          So I guess that’s it. I have a roomie now. This is gonna be fun. So I think you should figure out how to break the news to your parents.

-          I guess I just did. When I left home I said I was gonna get out of there. I don’t think they believed even I didn’t but it’s happening.

-          Yeah. You have to be prepared cause this won’t be easy for both sides you know?

-          I know. I don’t wanna hurt them. It’s just I can’t do this anymore.

Her cellphone rang

-          Crap

-          What?

-          It’s Geremy. We should be there at this time. – She said standing up and checking her outfit.

-          Hey, don’t worry I talked to him. We’re working here today.

-          Really?

-          Yep. I told him you weren’t okay. And he allowed us to finish the projects here.

 The phone stopped. She still had it in her hands.

 -          But what the hell he wanted if you told him we were gonna work here today?

-          I have no idea

 My phone started to ring on my pocket

-          Let’s find out – I said answering the call

-          Geremy hi. What happened?

-          I just wanted to call you to give you the good news! I wanted to be the first one to break out this to you girls!

-          What?

-          You’ve been nominated to best design project in London. And Thais have been nominated for best sustainable project in Paris! I guess you girls are going to Europe next week!

-          Omg I can’t believe that – Thais looked at me still trying to figure out what was going on.

-          Congratulations girls. Tell Thais I am very happy for her too. As a reward from the company you can take the rest of the week to prepare your speeches in case you win the awards! The best of luck girls!

-          Thank you! I See you in two weeks then.

-          See you.

I was still shocked. Another award. And I wasn’t even expecting that. Geremy was being really generous giving us the week off. And the thought of going to Europe again was making my day. There was just one little problem. The university.

-          So? – Thais broke me out of my bubble

-          We were nominated for award in Europe

-          Whaaaaaaat? Omg

-          Yeah. You have been nominated in Paris for best sustainable project. And I was nominated for Best design project in London. So we’re going to Europe next week.

-          I can’t believe that! Really.

-          Crazy right?

-          Yeah. You said see you next week in the phone. Are we working here all the week?

-          No. Even better. He gave us the week off to prepare our speeches.

-          Seriously?

-          Yep.

-          So who’s gonna take care of things there?

-          Alex is there. And there’s also Tiffany. – Thais’ cellphone started to ring

-          Talking about the devil – She said looking at the phone

She picked the call  

-          Hi

-          Hey Thais I am calling you to congratulate you for your new nomination!

-          Oh. Thank you.

-          So you already knew about it?

-          Yeah. Geremy called us.

-          Oh. I thought I was the first one. Anyway, congratulation boss you deserve it. You’re the best designer in the whole planet you are…

-          Ah.. Tiffany I gotta go now – Thais said interrupting an expected endless speech.

-          Oh. Okay. Congrats again.

-          Thanks

She hangs up

-          She just texted me – I said looking at my phone

-          Argh. She’s no annoying.

-          Yep. She’s asking us out again.

-          That wouldn’t be a bad thing.

-          What? Go out with her? – I asked confused

-          No. Definitely not. But we should really go out and celebrate it.

-          Yeah. That’s not a bad idea. What do you have in mind?

-          I don’t know yet. But we can figure it out. I have to go home now and start packing. I will probably be here with everything before 7 pm.

-          Do you want help?

-          No my parents won’t probably want to see you for a couple of months hahahaha

-          Oh yeah I’m stealing their baby girl – I said laughing – Alright so I see you in a few hours. I need to fix somethings at the university too.

-          Alright. See ya. – She said opening the door and leaving.  

[geniusthelabel]

Sunscreen — the damage it does to coral reefs and our bodies

Just recently, FDA issued a warning about sunscreen and seven chemicals that can be absorbed by most sunscreen products. These chemicals exceed safety standards and require further testing to draw more detailed conclusions.

Also in recent news, Florida’s state senate is expected to vote on a measure that would prevent cities in the state from prohibiting the sale of certain kinds of sunscreen containing chemicals that environmentalists say are harmful to the state’s prized coral reefs. Studies have found that the chemicals oxybenzone and octinoxate, can contribute to coral bleaching.

The most common sunscreens contain chemical filters. These products typically include a combination of two to six of the following active ingredients: oxybenzone, avobenzone, octisalate, octocrylene, homosalate and octinoxate. Mineral sunscreens use zinc oxide and/or titanium dioxide.

In general, when choosing a sunscreen I would definitely avoid oxybenzone, a synthetic estrogen that penetrates the skin and can disrupt the hormone system. Some studies have also shown that this chemical could affect the fetus, when a pregnant woman is exposed to it. So, it is both damaging to the environment and to our bodies.

I like to use sunscreen, especially on my face, as it prevents skin from premature aging. Too much sun is obviously not good for you, however, I must admit that I do love getting a tan and being in the sun as much as I can (without getting a sunburn). Sunshine and natural glowing tan feels good for my skin, when exposed in moderation. It definitely can improve your skin health! I am not one of those crazy sunscreen freaks that will not leave the house without putting it on, however I do appreciate a good, environmentally friendly sunscreen that works. One of my favorite sunscreens that is also environmentally friendly is the sunscreen mist by Supergoop. I have been really loving the texture and how lightweight it is. It is also an amazing product as it is octinoxate-free, hence, it is reef-safe and not harmful to our oceans! I also really love the After Sun Care by @Cannuka — for a post tanning treatment. All Cannuka’s products are free of harsh chemicals, non-toxic and sustainably sourced.

We know sunscreen’s purpose is to help prevent cancer, but that’s where the paradox kicks in — some sunscreens literally use ingredients with links to cancer. This is how I’m wrapping my brain around it: There are two main types of sunscreen, mineral, which creates a physical barrier between your skin and the sun (good), and chemical, which penetrates your skin to filter and absorb UV rays (generally not so good).

From my research, mineral sunscreens are safer, even though some claim they are less effective at blocking UV rays than their chemical counterparts. Mineral sunscreens also have a reputation for leaving white residue, but that’s not the case with Hampton Sun SPF 50 Age Defying Mineral Creme ($52). It absorbs right away and is free of parabens, chemicals, fragrance, and the notorious oxybenzone. For touch-ups, I also love Ilia Radiant Translucent Powder SPF 20 ($34).

[krissysbookshelf]

Enjoy An Exclusive Sneek Peek Of: They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera!

  On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They're going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they're both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There's an app for that. It's called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day.  

LEARN MORE

  PART ONE Death-Cast To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that’s all. —Oscar Wilde

  September 5, 2017 MATEO TORREZ 12:22 a.m.

Death-Cast is calling with the warning of a lifetime—I’m going to die today. Forget that, “warning” is too strong a word since warnings suggest something can be avoided, like a car honking at someone who’s crossing the street when it isn’t their light, giving them the chance to step back; this is more of a heads-up. The alert, a distinctive and endless gong, like a church bell one block away, is blasting from my phone on the other side of the room. I’m freaking out already, a hundred thoughts immediately drowning out everything around me. I bet this chaos is what a first-time skydiver feels as she’s plummeting out of a plane, or a pianist playing his first concert. Not that I will ever know for sure.

It’s crazy. One minute ago I was reading yesterday’s blog entry from CountDowners—where Deckers chronicle their final hours through statuses and photos via live feeds, this particular one about a college junior trying to find a home for his golden retriever—and now I’m going to die.

I’m going to . . . no . . . yes. Yes.

My chest tightens. I’m dying today.

I’ve always been afraid of dying. I don’t know why I thought this would jinx it from actually happening. Not forever, obviously, but long enough so I could grow up. Dad has even been drilling it into my head that I should pretend I’m the main character of a story that nothing bad ever happens to, most especially death, because the hero has to be around to save the day. But the noise in my head is quieting down and there’s a Death-Cast herald on the other end of the phone waiting to tell me I’m going to die today at eighteen years old.

Wow, I’m actually . . .

I don’t want to pick up the phone. I’d rather run into Dad’s bedroom and curse into a pillow because he chose the wrong time to land himself in intensive care, or punch a wall because my mom marked me for an early death when she died giving birth to me. The phone rings for what’s got to be the thirtieth time, and I can’t avoid it any more than I can avoid what’s going down sometime today.

I slide my laptop off my crossed legs and get up from my bed, swaying to the side, feeling really faint. I’m like a zombie moving toward my desk, slow and walking-dead.

The caller ID reads DEATH-CAST, of course.

I’m shaking but manage to press Talk. I don’t say anything.

I’m not sure what to say. I just breathe because I have fewer than twenty-eight thousand breaths left in me—the average number of breaths a nondying person takes per day—and I might as well use them up while I can.

“Hello, I’m calling from Death-Cast. I’m Andrea. You there, Timothy?”

Timothy.

My name isn’t Timothy.

“You’ve got the wrong person,” I tell Andrea. My heart settles down, even though I feel for this Timothy person. I truly do. “My name is Mateo.” I got the name from my father and he wants me to pass it down eventually. Now I can, if having a kid is a thing that happens for me.

Computer keys are tapping on her end, probably correcting the entry or something in her database. “Oh, apologies. Timothy is the gentleman I just got off the phone with; he didn’t take the news very well, poor thing. You’re Mateo Torrez, right?”

And just like that, my last hope is obliterated.

“Mateo, kindly confirm this is indeed you. I’m afraid I have many other calls to make tonight.”

I always imagined my herald—their official name, not mine—would sound sympathetic and ease me into this news, maybe even harp on how it’s especially tragic because I’m so young. To be honest, I would’ve been okay with her being chipper, telling me how I should have fun and make the most of the day since I at least know what’s going to happen. That way I’m not stuck at home starting one-thousand-piece puzzles I’ll never finish or masturbating because sex with an actual person scares me. But this herald makes me feel like I should stop wasting her time because, unlike me, she has so much of it.

“Okay. Mateo’s me. I’m Mateo.”

“Mateo, I regret to inform you that sometime in the next twenty-four hours you’ll be meeting an untimely death. And while there isn’t anything we can do to suspend that, you still have a chance to live.” The herald goes on about how life isn’t always fair, then lists some events I could participate in today. I shouldn’t be mad at her, but it’s obvious she’s bored reciting these lines that have been burned into memory from telling hundreds, maybe thousands, about how they’ll soon be dead. She has no sympathy to offer me. She’s probably filing her nails or playing tic-tac-toe against herself as she talks to me.

On CountDowners, Deckers post entries about everything from their phone call to how they’re spending their End Day. It’s basically Twitter for Deckers. I’ve read tons of feeds where Deckers admitted to asking their heralds how they would die, but it’s basic knowledge that those specifics aren’t available to anyone, not even former President Reynolds, who tried to hide from Death in an underground bunker four years ago and was assassinated by one of his own secret service agents. Death-Cast can only provide a date for when someone is going to die, but not the exact minute or how it’ll happen.

“. . . Do you understand all of this?”

“Yeah.”

“Log on to death-cast.com and fill out any special requests you may have for your funeral in addition to the inscription you’d like engraved on your headstone. Or perhaps you would like to be cremated, in which case . . .”

I’ve only ever been to one funeral. My grandmother died when I was seven, and at her funeral I threw a tantrum because she wasn’t waking up. Fast-forward five years when Death-Cast came into the picture and suddenly everyone was awake at their own funerals. Having the chance to say goodbye before you die is an incredible opportunity, but isn’t that time better spent actually living? Maybe I would feel differently if I could count on people showing up to my funeral. If I had more friends than I do fingers.

“And Timothy, on behalf of everyone here at Death-Cast, we are so sorry to lose you. Live this day to the fullest, okay?”

“I’m Mateo.”

“Sorry about that, Mateo. I’m mortified. It’s been a long day and these calls can be so stressful and—”

I hang up, which is rude, I know. I know. But I can’t listen to someone tell me what a stressful day she’s been having when I might drop dead in the next hour, or even the next ten minutes: I could choke on a cough drop; I could leave my apartment to do something with myself and fall down the stairs and snap my neck before I even make it outside; someone could break in and murder me. The only thing I can confidently rule out is dying of old age.

I sink to the floor, on my knees. It’s all ending today and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I can’t journey across dragon-infested lands to retrieve scepters that can halt death. I can’t hop onto a flying carpet in search of a genie to grant my wish for a full and simple life. I could maybe find some mad scientist to cryogenically freeze me, but chances are I’d die in the middle of that wacky experiment. Death is inevitable for everyone and it’s absolute for me today.

The list of people I will miss, if the dead can miss anyone, is so short I shouldn’t even call it a list: there’s Dad, for doing his best; my best friend, Lidia, not only for not ignoring me in the hallways, but for actually sitting down across from me in lunch, partnering with me in earth science, and talking to me about how she wants to become an environmentalist who will save the world and I can repay her by living in it. And that’s it.

If someone were interested in my list of people I won’t miss, I’d have nothing for them. No one has ever wronged me. And I even get why some people didn’t take a shot on me. Really, I do. I’m such a paranoid mess. The few times I was invited to do something fun with classmates, like roller-skating in the park or going for a drive late at night, I bowed out because we might be setting ourselves up for death, maybe. I guess what I’ll miss most are the wasted opportunities to live my life and the lost potential to make great friends with everyone I sat next to for four years. I’ll miss how we never got to bond over sleepovers where everyone stayed up and played Xbox Infinity and board games all night, all because I was too scared.

The number one person I’ll miss the most is Future Mateo, who maybe loosened up and lived. It’s hard to picture him clearly, but I imagine Future Mateo trying out new things, like smoking pot with friends, getting a driver’s license, and hopping on a plane to Puerto Rico to learn more about his roots. Maybe he’s dating someone, and maybe he likes that company. He probably plays piano for his friends, sings in front of them, and he would definitely have a crowded funeral service, one that would stretch over an entire weekend after he’s gone—one where the room is packed with new people who didn’t get a chance to hug him one last time.

Future Mateo would have a longer list of friends he’ll miss.

But I will never grow up to be Future Mateo. No one will ever get high with me, no one will be my audience as I play piano, and no one will sit shotgun in my dad’s car after I get my license. I’ll never fight with friends over who gets the better bowling shoes or who gets to be Wolverine when we play video games.

I collapse back onto the floor, thinking about how it’s do or die now. Not even that.

Do, and then die.

12:42 a.m.

Dad takes hot showers to cool down whenever he’s upset or disappointed in himself. I copied him around the time I turned thirteen because confusing Mateo Thoughts surfaced and I needed tons of Mateo Time to sort through them. I’m showering now because I feel guilty for hoping the world, or some part of it beyond Lidia and my dad, will be sad to see me go. Because I refused to live invincibly on all the days I didn’t get an alert, I wasted all those yesterdays and am completely out of tomorrows.

I’m not going to tell anyone. Except Dad, but he’s not even awake so it doesn’t really count. I don’t want to spend my last day wondering if people are being genuine when they throw sad words at me. No one should spend their last hours second-guessing people.

I’ve got to get out into the world, though, trick myself into thinking it is any other day. I’ve got to see Dad at the hospital and hold his hand for the first time since I was a kid and for what will be the last . . . wow, the last time ever.

I’ll be gone before I can adjust to my mortality.

I also have to see Lidia and her one-year-old, Penny. Lidia named me Penny’s godfather when the baby was born, and it sucks how I’m the person expected to take care of her in case Lidia passes away since Lidia’s boyfriend, Christian, died a little over a year ago. Sure, how is an eighteen-year-old with no income going to take care of a baby? Short answer: He isn’t. But I was supposed to get older and tell Penny stories of her world-saving mother and chill father and welcome her into my home when I was financially secure and emotionally prepared to do so. Now I’m being whisked out of her life before I can become more than some guy in a photo album who Lidia may tell stories about, during which Penny will nod her head, maybe make fun of my glasses, and then flip the page to family she actually knows and cares about. I won’t even be a ghost to her. But that’s no reason to not go tickle her one more time or wipe squash and green peas off her face, or give Lidia a little break so she can focus on studying for her GED or brush her teeth or comb her hair or take a nap.

After that, I will somehow pull myself away from my best friend and her daughter, and I will have to go and live.

I turn off the faucet and the water stops raining down on me; today isn’t the day for an hour shower. I grab my glasses off the sink and put them on. I step out of the tub, slipping on a puddle of water, and while falling backward I’m expecting to see if that theory of your life flashing before your eyes carries any truth to it when I grab hold of the towel rack and catch myself. I breathe in and out, in and out, because dying this way would just be an extremely unfortunate way to go; someone would add me to the “Shower KO” feed on the DumbDeaths blog, a high-traffic site that grosses me out on so many levels.

I need to get out of here and live—but first I have to make it out of this apartment alive.

12:56 a.m.

I write thank-you notes for my neighbors in 4F and 4A, telling them it’s my End Day. With Dad in the hospital, Elliot in 4F has been checking in on me, bringing me dinner, especially since our stove has been busted for the past week after I tried making Dad’s empanadas. Sean in 4A was planning on stopping by on Saturday to fix the stove’s burner, but it’s not necessary anymore. Dad will know how to fix it and might need a distraction when I’m gone.

I go into my closet and pull out the blue-and-gray flannel shirt Lidia got me for my eighteenth birthday, then put it on over my white T-shirt. I haven’t worn it outside yet. The shirt is how I get to keep Lidia close today.

I check my watch—an old one of Dad’s he gave me after buying a digital one that could glow, for his bad eyes—and it’s close to 1:00 a.m. On a regular day, I would be playing video games until late at night, even if it meant going to school exhausted. At least I could fall asleep during my free periods. I shouldn’t have taken those frees for granted. I should’ve taken up another class, like art, even though I can’t draw to save my life. (Or do anything to save my life, obviously, and I want to say that’s neither here nor there, but it pretty much is everything, isn’t it?) Maybe I should’ve joined band and played piano, gotten some recognition before working my way up to singing in the chorus, then maybe a duet with someone cool, and then maybe braving a solo. Heck, even theater could’ve been fun if I’d gotten to play a role that forced me to break out. But no, I elected for another free period where I could shut down and nap.

It’s 12:58 a.m. When it hits 1:00 I am forcing myself out of this apartment. It has been both my sanctuary and my prison and for once I need to go breathe in the outside air instead of tearing through it to get from Point A to Point B. I have to count trees, maybe sing a favorite song while dipping my feet in the Hudson, and just do my best to be remembered as the young man who died too early.

It’s 1:00 a.m.

I can’t believe I’m never returning to my bedroom.

I unlock the front door, turn the knob, and pull the door open.

I shake my head and slam the door shut.

I’m not walking out into a world that will kill me before my time.

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