#'there's no way i could ever have a family' FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE THEN ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[bixiaoshi]

fuck my stupid baka life.

[brainrotzora]

recent ffxiv livetweeting. spoilers through the end of arr patch quests btw.

[megu-meow]

Whose fault is that?! - Gojo Satoru

Inspired by this post from @vagabond-umlaut. Thank you for allowing me to use your post as inspiration!

gojo x fem. reader

Arguing with Gojo is terrible. Your arguments last for days, because he can never take them seriously and makes you laugh, making you forget about why you were mad at him in the first place only to remind you a few days later by doing the same stupid shit.

The only instance that he took one of your fights seriously was when Geto started going berserk and Satoru didn't know how to deal with the situation at hand. He started drifting away from you unintentionally, slowly pushing you away. You confronted him about it after a while, asking him to change his behaviour, otherwise you would have no choice but to break up with him. He observed silently as tears were rolling down your cheeks, realising how much trouble he was in, how much you were hurting from his idiocy. That day, you saw a side of him you never knew existed, his cerulean eyes were glossing with tears, begging you to give him another chance to prove you how important you were for him, how much he loved and cherished you. He was more serious than ever, he never showed that level of earnestness in his entire life, not for the elders of his clan, not for the jujutsu higher-ups. You learned that day that he was right: there was no use in taking fights and arguments too seriously, at the end of the day you were partners for life and as long as your relationship was alright no issues mattered enough to be sour about them.

But this one's a big one.

"Satoru, I understand that you have to work a lot. I understand, when you don't come home for days, because you have paperwork to do. I asked you once to fucking show up, to have dinner with my parents. But no, you had to go watch Boss Baby 2 with Yuji Itadori for the 5th time this week, bailing on me and my parents. Do you have any idea how furious my dad was, Baka?"

In reality, Gojo did not go to the cinema to watch that stupid animated movie, he had to go to Kyoto to pick up the ring he ordered a while ago, he wanted to show it to your dad so that he could ask for his permission to marry you. He ran into some trouble on his way back to Tokyo, a special grade humanoid curse wreaking havoc in the train station in Roppongi, close to your favorite flower shop, one he visited to get a blatantly oversized bouquet of peonies. If the curse didn't show up, he would have made it to dinner in time, giving you the flowers he had irritably lost while fighting, with a kiss to your lips. He would have waited for you to excuse yourself from the table to go to the bathroom, he would have gotten the velvet box out of the pockets of his fancy slacks, showing the diamond that mimicked the color of his unique eyes to your father, asking for his approval. However, by the time he got to the restaurant you were already done with dinner and were on your way home. He did catch your parents though, they were waiting for their car, he did explain the situation to your dad, your mom's eyes were full of tears as they both hugged him, gladly accepting him into your family.

"We had to go watch it again baby 'cause Sukuna kept showing up, making Yuji miss some of the best parts." he said nonchalantly, trying to make you smile.

"I don't care, Gojo!" you said furiously, flabbergasted by the audacity of the man in front of you "I'm done. You know what?! I want a fucking divorce!"

By the time you finished your sentence you voice was laced with laughter, not taking the fight too seriously always helped, you knew he was planning to atone for his wrongdoing with your parents, making a reservation at the world's best restaurant's convenient Tokyo pop-up. However, you still wanted to make him understand how annoying it was, being ignored for 5 night in a row for the same dumb movie.

"BABY, WE'RE NOT EVEN MARRIED!" he shouted back, smiling widely. He knew the argument was over, you were joyous, your smile intoxicating. He enjoyed how lighthearted these moments were, nothing seemed to be complicated or exhausting when it came to you, one of the main reasons why he wanted to marry you.

"AND WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THAT, 'TORU?!"

"Oh, you don't know what you've gotten yourself into, my mochi." he says, trowing finger guns at you with a mischievous wink. He sprints out of the living room, taking long strides with his chicken legs. You observe him with confusion and you are urged to follow after him. "Stay exactly where you are!" he shouts from what you assume your bedroom and you can hear shuffling, the sound of his sock drawer opening with a screech, you can also hear glass breaking, he probably knocked over the vase sitting on top of his dresser. You look down the hallway leading to your shared bedroom and he appears at the end of it, his smile reaches his pretty eyes as he sprints back to you, but the floor is slippery and he falls, landing in front of you with one of his arms lifted towards the sky, a velvet box sitting on top of his palm. Your eyes widen at the sight of the white gold band with the blatantly oversized diamond attached to it. He was groaning under his nose, whining about hitting his elbow, but he shows no effort of getting up.

"YES, SATORU, YES!" You shout in excitement, he didn't pop the question, but you knew your answer without hesitation. He smiles widely, looking up to meet your eyes, but you land on top of him with a huff, linking your arms around his neck, leaving a million kisses on his face. The whole situation is comical, but he wouldn't have it any other way. He takes pride in how excited you are, how you're laughing and giggling in eagerness. You're his everything, the diamond ring is the reminder that you will be his everything forever.

"I love you." he says quietly, getting up from the floor with you hanging around his body like a koala.

"I love you too, Satoru!" you whisper back gently, leaving a soft kiss on the spot behind his ear, which causes a shiver going through his body.

"Do you love me enough to marry me, mochi?" he asks timidly, afraid from rejection. It doesn't make a lot of sense, he knows you would say yes, you basically did already, but he feels the need to ask and with the question comes the possibility for rejection.

"Of course, silly! I would marry you today if I could." you answer, shuffling his soft hair gently. "But you will have to ask for my dad's permission and I'm not sure he would grant it to you after the shit you pulled, baby."

"I'm way ahead of you, pretty. I asked him yesterday after dinner. He even said he was excited fro me to become part of your family."

"But you weren't at dinner yesterday, 'toru..." you look at him questioningly, remembering your fight from earlier. "You didn't actually go to the movies, did you?"

"No, I didn't." he smiles widely.

"Then where were you?"

"Picking up a diamond ring in Kyoto so that I could propose mid-fight to my crazy little girlfriend." he says nonchalantly.

You want to be mad at him for lying to you. You want to scold him, for being secretive and always doing this dumb stuff. But you love him for his idiotic behaviour. You love him for his shenanigans. You are reminded about all the silly shit he pulls as he carefully slips the ring on your finger, the glimmering diamond matching the glint of his pretty eyes. You forget about your argument, you forget about all the other fights, because with Satoru around everything seems to be a bit silly and crazy.

[otasnox]

playlist masterlist: (mostly. i have private/personal ones but these r the ones i wanna talk abt here!!

all playlist titles have been tagged, i'm gonna tag the playlist name every time i talk abt it so you can see my musings on specific playlists

january sunset

"🏷️: minako arisato , kotone shiomi , hamuko , femc , aigis , minaigis , persona 3, p3 , p3fes | art by stuffbymail" (made february 21st, 2022)

smile like you mean it

"a charlotte "charlie" emily playlist || art by @/robertdenirowap" (made february 26th, 2022)

oh, anna

"anna yoshizaka from p2:is (persona 2: innocent sin) playlist" (made february 28th, 2022)

icosa

"an ena playlist || tags: enawave weirdcore webcore internetcore" (made april 5th, 2022)

therefore, you & me

"an asoryuu playlist || art: ayabit on tumblr" (made july 27th, 2022)

and you could have it all-- my empire of dirt

"i dont fucking know. i wanted a bosselot playlist. art by khvatka" (made september 24th, 2023)

it starts up in our bedroom after the war

"penis music aka the otasune playlist if it wasnt obvious" (made october 8th, 2023)

no such thing as an absolute enemy

"yeah it's the bbkaz playlist. art by mxgicdave on twitter" (made january 15th, 2024)

in memory of a patriot who saved the world

"(art by lucky-draws on tumblr) the boss / the joy, mgs. bits of strangeboss and sorrowjoy, just general boss stuff. i miss you, boss" (made january 17th, 2024)

tidings from an old flame

"bbeva playlist... the title is from a peace walker kaz quote, where big boss gets a tape from eva. kaz says, "ho ho hoooo, the plot thickens. tidings from an old flame?" // art by madscientistreaction on tumblr" (made january 17th, 2024)

i was born on the battlefield & i'll die on the battlefield

"gray fox (grey fox) mg/mgs playlist.... maybe a few hints of snox. art by puphound on tumblr" (made january 17th, 2024)

and then you and i will be enemies, too. one of us will have to kill the other. // fine by me.

"ocelhira... i think they had some twisted form of love, or at least respect, for each other at some point. i think it was always doomed to end the way it did (february 25h 2005, in alaska) // art by its-always-sunny-in-city17" (made january 18th, 2024)

i just wanted an excuse to kill as many people as i could

"the liquidmantis playlist || art by silvr on tumblr" (made january 18th, 2024)

have you ever enjoyed killing someone?

"diminished sense of reality, huh? vr training will do that. || art by varliona on tumblr" (made january 18th, 2024)

without a sound, and i wish you away

"emma emmerich & her brother... (platonic) || art by inhibishun" (made january 18th, 2024)

how we touched & went our separate ways

"venom snake & quiet (vquiet), plus the diamond dogs (a little bit) || art by zanzibar1and on tumblr" (made january 19th, 2024)

life is not the things that we do, it's who we're doing them with

"sunny emmerich (gurlukovich), with bits of jupiter family / otasune! || art by pixiv id 4192645 || this is mostly songs i think she would listen to as opposed to like songs that fit her u know" (made january 19th, 2024)

let me die, let me drown, lay my bones in the ground

"sniper wolf (mgs) playlist i guess. || art by berccccccc on tumblr" (made january 20th, 2024)

another page to our family's dark history

"fuck my stupid baka life (emmerich family playlist) || art by wizard0rb on tumblr" (made january 20th, 2024)

we're on a team together, silver! yay!

"hmph! the noisy one's already here. || soulsilvershipping (rival silver x trainer lyra) from pkmn (pokemon) bc i love them || art by lambylingames on tumblr !!" (made january 20th, 2024)

why was solid snake 33 and still fighting metal gear... he should've been at the club

"art by its-always-sunny-in-city17 on tumblr || solid snake (mgs) playlist and by that? i mean songs he would listen to. he has the music taste of a dad who was born in the 70s (which he is.) idk he listens to what my mom likes which means he likes 70s 80s 90s stuff but also the shrek soundtrack" (made january 21st, 2024)

[wingsporkhalo]

He’s Mine: A BakuDeku Fic Spork- Chapter 4

WOW I can’t believe this story only ran for 4 chapters! Or no, wait, I can absolutely believe that.

For those of you who are new, I read a terrible BakuDeku fanfiction and made funny commentary on it with the help of some good buddies!! Thanks again @kittykatz009​, @the-wizard-l​, @satsuneade​, and Phos!!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Support me on Patreon! I am poor!! https://www.patreon.com/WingSongHalo And check out my YouTube channel, where you can see video sporks!! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgTMFf7W6SyWoZdpqY9ZdPw/

Last time, Shoto made terrible jokes and lied to Izuku’s mother, Izuku and Shoto went on a date, and our helpless damsel protagonist got attacked by a villain!! Also, I provided several of my own takes on the pairing! When we left off, Izuku had received a note from Katsuki that had a love confession on it! In today’s installment, we see the fight between Lord Explosion Murder and Ice Ice Flamey from the beginning! Also, they stalk Izuku and hang around him creepily all night at his house!

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Me: Izuku would stare at that letter for ages and find a hidden message in it. Izuku, reading the note: "Hey, damn nerd... Even though I didn't get to tell you yesterday, I was trying to say that I'm in Love with you. I want to go out with you. Let me know what you think. PS- Tell anyone else and you're dead." [long pause] "...............oh my god... the first letter of each line... HE'S IN TROUBLE!! I HAVE TO SAVE HIM"

Wiz: 🦢 Me: First off, I think it's kind of telling that within the universe of this story, I'm kind of rooting for Bakugou over Todoroki. I mean, at least Bakugou beat a girl unconscious to save him. Todoroki just kidnapped him while he was dressed like a girl and then took him to a park for no reason and left him there. I like how this chapter is formatted like the shittiest poem I've ever seen. and yes THE DOOR SWAN OPEN Phos: I need to record myself reading bad fanfic like ee Cummings poetry Me: absolutely YOU COULDN'T SEE IZUKU ANYWHERE IN THE WHAT???? WHY WOULD HE--I--WHAT??? THE FUCK???? Jaz: did that say catheter?? Me: IT SAYS CATHETER Wiz: hvgjhgjhRTDYFYGIU Me: IM DYING OH MY GODDDDDD Jaz: that doesnt sound very sanitary Me: MAYBE LOOK IN SOME BETTER HIDING PLACES, TODOROKI

intill: It's all inside

Okay but where is Izuku sitting?? Jaz: he’s levitating Me: "About What?" "Right, about Western Heroes' Acting Theater. They're putting on a show and I want to know if I can make it" "............" And then it’s like "Gee, I have no idea if i should go out with this dangerous person who has always asserted his unquestionable dominance over me with violence if necessary!!" "[internally] oh my god, is Izuku... is the guy I like... dumb??" Jaz: afudshgoudshuigdsh

Me: Of course he doesn't know. Izuku isn't allowed to have a thought in his head in this story Suddenly, Bakugou just fucking Apparates there Jaz: What’s the dose? Me: I dunno, but if it's a Bakugou dose, I'm assuming it'll be -hard to handle -a little too spicy for comfort -really bad for my health Jaz: mhmmm spicy Me:

He must of herd

Surely you mean a Herd of Must? Majestic animals also who is Bakagou and when did he get here? At least we know one thing about him: He's an idiot (...because baka.) WAIT, maybe Bakagou was the author's idea of a pun?? Because he is now Todoroki's rival in love?? ...nah, that's giving the author way too much credit... Jaz: im just picturing Bakugou's head on a horse's body running through a pasture Me: LKAJF;LKSDJLK

Or--hot take, but hear me out--mayyyybe Izuku belongs to no one but himself?? DID YA EVER THINK OF THAT, AUTHOR??? Who is Intill allmight and why is only the first word of his name capitalized Where the fuck did he come from, anyway? Doesn't this take place after the school festival? If so, how is All Might in muscle form? Or did he just appear here in his Smol Might form?? Then he just... fucks the hell off with both of them in tow, I guess IZUKU, HON, GUESS WHAT: YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE EITHER OF THEM! THEY'RE BOTH BLAND PIECES OF DRYWALL Wiz: RIGHT Me: also I like how they both just stalk Izuku until he makes up his mind. Except NO I DON'T, THAT'S SUPER FUCKING WEIRD AND DISTURBING Wiz: IT REALLY IS Jaz: this is so painful

Wiz: this poor kid Me: Stay over to night? Does that mean they're going to leave at nightfall? sounds a'ight Jaz: the coach Me: "Eh yeah" WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. THIS IS SO STUPID I'M 😂 "Oh remember Izuku" "Yes mom I remember Izuku because that is me" "Oh, okay, just checking. I forget sometimes"

that poor coach

Izuku might as well be a stupid princess doll for all the agency he has in this fic

So the three of them just... sat there in uncomfortable silence while they slowly smushed Izuku between them? And then Izuku just gets up when he's done watching TV? DIDN'T ANYONE WANT TO TALK? THIS IS SO UNSETTLING INKO, COME BACK! WE NEED AN ADULT Wiz: PLEASE COME BACK Jaz: hfdsihgdsiugh

Me: "Don't ask me what vegetables. Just... nameless vegetables. Honestly I'm not convinced they were even vegetables, but that's what the large blue letters on them said, so I thought I'd take their word for it." Wiz: That last line is so creepy for some reason Jaz: it IS creepy Me: "Your going it wrong" They should have said that to Inko when she was leaving. "Your going and leaving us alone with your son? It wrong."

"I never knew that you were good with at cuting!"

I mean, yeah, he could definitely use a refresher course on cute-ing. He has forgotten how to cute.

So like, Shoto's just sitting in there staring brainlessly at the TV while Bakugou impresses his supposed love interest by being a culinary genius? Weak, Shoto. Step up your game.

I haven't spend this much with kacchan

Good lord, I wasn't aware you were spending anything!! How much did those "vegetables" cost??

I went through

WENT THROUGH WHAT?? IS IZUKU SO TWO-DIMENSIONAL NOW THAT HE CAN PASS THROUGH WALLS??

"You were cute when you were a kid weren't you"

Bitch!!! HE'S STILL CUTE AS FUCK!!! Wiz: It's paper mario :O kjwbejhbewfj Me: PFFFFFF Jaz: let this fic die plz

Me: His checks went red??? GOOD LORD, THOSE "VEGETABLES" HAVE BANKRUPTED HIS FAMILY Wiz: oH NOOOOO Me: I can only assume the dinning room is where his mother goes to cause a din by screaming MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Wiz: That’s it Me:

After dinner because author-chan is lazy

You only admit it after all this? You despicable coward. Wiz: gvhbjkhgjkuhilk mood Me: Should we be letting this expressionless cardboard cutout just silently look through all of Izuku's childhood photographs? Definitely not. Is anyone going to stop him? Definitely not!! Jaz: Izuku telling him to back off? GOOD Me: Why is this author writing both of them as these silent onlookers, hovering over Izuku's shoulder like the inevitability of death?? Also, jesus, why on EARTH would Bakugou just be like "welp I'm gonna shower with him derpdedoo!!" Okay Izuku doesn't feel safe in his own home now. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, AUTHOR. Wiz: THAT’S SO CREEPY JHB Me: so... you're writing one of his love interests as a silent but loyal protector who diligently waits for him and follows him everywhere like a dog? Author, are you... was your first crush a dog or something??? I'm???

(except with “man”) I mean his other choice was to fucking leave, but everyone forgets about that I guess

Jaz: god, i hope they were wearing gloves Me: Author, when you don't put A/N before your stupid pointless interruptions, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SEPARATE IT FROM ALL YOUR CHARACTERS' STUPID POINTLESS THOUGHTS Jaz: his waste Me: "You still cute Izuku!" the Southern Accent returns, this time with Shoto Okay Bakugou's growling when someone's getting close to his beloved now. It's official. Bakugou has become an actual dog Jaz: a smol doggie Me: WHAT SO IZUKU JUST GOES TO BED WITH TWO SUPERPOWERED STALKERS STILL IN HIS HOME?? I???

WHY ARE THEY INVADING HIS SPAAAACE OH MY GODDDD IZUKU HAS GIVEN ZERO INDICATION THAT THEM EVEN BEING IN THE HOUSE IS OKAY HHHHHH

Also yeah apparently someone pooped the bed Wiz: fdghjkhgjkl

Me: THE END??? And then it was never updated because nobody wanted any of that shit for poor Izuku Wiz: THE END WOW Jaz: the end jesus thank god Me: look... I don't usually say this, because it might seem hypocritical coming from someone who hoards fanart and writes character analyses and... does what I'm doing right now, but…

please get a life Jaz: maybe they are also sporking and want an update Me: I mean, fair? Wiz: What a journey Me: ANYWAY YEAH THAT WAS "HE'S MINE!" THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING ME, Y'ALL

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Hope you all enjoyed that!! Please let me know if you’ve found any terrible fanfictions you’d like me to spork! Right now I’m working on a Sailor Moon one that was submitted to the blog earlier, so I definitely take your suggestions! Thanks for reading <333

[askthedespairkids]

Family

Kyoji: doing a science

Karma: they fucking kick the door open YOU’RE ALIVE! 

Kyoji: AHgfsf! Last time I checked I was, yeah. Good to see you! 

Karma: they run to Kyoji and pull him into a tight hug

Kyoji: hugs How are you? 

Karma: their face is pressed against Kyoji, making their voice muffled Meh. 

Kyoji: I wish things would stay “meh” for once. Never seem to be. 

Karma: Meh is a nice break from the shitfest that is life. 

Kyoji: laughs Poetic. 

Karma: ……can you erase memories? 

Kyoji: Afraid not. I’m no neurologist. 

Karma: Do we have a neurologist? 

Kyoji: Yasuke was the only neurologist I knew with the skills for something like that, but nobody’s seen him for a while. I hope he’s still out there. 

Karma: Damn…. 

Kyoji: Anything else I can do you? 

Karma: Not sure. Was… was the mission safe? 

Kyoji: Well, considering we almost got nuked, it was safer than I imagined 

Karma: WH- THEY TRIED TO NUKE YOU?! WHO?! WHO DID IT?! I’LL KILL THEM! NO ONE NUKES MY DAD!! their eyes go wide and they quickly cover their mouth

Kyoji: Karma! Karma, calm down, please First off, none of us died. Sonia actually got the worst of it, but she managed to shrug most of it off. I still don’t know how she did it, but she did. Second, dad? 

Karma: ……..I don’t know what you’re talking about 

Kyoji: I’m not deaf, Karma. And if I was, I could fix it. He hugs them

Karma: they pull from his hug You may not be deaf but you may have misheard. 

Kyoji: Nobody mishears the phrase “No one nukes my dad,” especially not from someone yelling. 

Karma: Uh- aha. But I don’t HAVE a dad. So CLEARLY you misheard. 

Kyoji: …Are you being a tsundere right now? 

Karma: No. 

Kyoji: I-it’s not like I consider you my dad or anything! B-baka! 

Karma: I-I-I DON’T, YOU IDIOT! 

Kyoji: Hey, I’m just kidding. Trying to keep spirits up after that whole debacle. 

Karma: ………. 

Kyoji: Hey. Why did the scarecrow win an award? 

Karma: ….why? Scarecrows don’t get awards. 

Kyoji: Because he was outstanding in his field! 

Karma: they are very clearly trying to hold in a laugh

Kyoji: Why should you bring a bucket to music practice? To carry the tune! 

Karma: they’re covering their mouth now

Kyoji: Why is it so hard to explain jokes to Kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally! 

Karma: BAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHAAAAA 

Kyoji: Why do mummies always go on a rampage when you open their tombs? They’re just dying to get out of there! 

Karma: NO SHIT!!! PPPPPPHAAAAAHAHAHA!!!! 

Kyoji: Smiles I could just keep going. 

Karma: P-Please no. Haha. You’re killing me. 

Kyoji: Well, you know what they say! You can’t spell “slaughter” without “laughter!” 

Karma: HEY YOU JUST STOLE ONE OF MY LINES I LIKE TO USE! IT REALLY IS TRUE THAT YOU CAN’T! they’re rolling on the floor now

Kyoji: I have achieved a true rofl 

Karma: Oh fuck you Da- Kyoji 

Kyoji: Heheh. I don’t mind if you wanna call me that. 

Karma: Call you what? 

Kyoji: Karma, it’s fine, really I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but I think I’ve been more of a father to you than your biological father. 

Karma: Whaddya mean by that? 

Kyoji: For one thing, I actually care about you. 

Karma: ……… 

Kyoji: It’s true, you know. 

Karma: Of course it’s true. 

Kyoji: …I never had a father growing up. All I had was my mom. 

Karma: My mom died giving birth to me. 

Kyoji: Did you…ever learn what she was like? 

Karma: Nope. Dad wanted me to not know anything about her. 

Kyoji: Dick. 

Karma: I saw a picture of her once though. We had the same long brown hair and green eyes. 

Kyoji: I can see that. The eyes, at least. Even if you never got to know her, I think she loved you regardless.

Karma: She couldn’t love me if she never met me.

Kyoji: But she gave you a chance at life. 

Karma: I don’t think she would have if she knew what was going to happen. 

Kyoji: Well, that’s the territory that comes with being a parent. 

Karma: Whatever. 

Kyoji: Don’t you whatever me, child. 

Karma: !!! What? 

Kyoji: My mom took a risk in having me, but she gave me a chance. And I took a risk in creating Ryouko, but we gave her a chance too. 

Karma: Yeah. I guess. 

Kyoji: Really, I consider a lot of the people here family. Chuckles There was actually this one time when I actually called Chisa “Big sis." In front of many people. 

Karma: Pffft. 

Kyoji: Not my finest moment. 

Karma: ……..but apparently me calling you "Dad” isn’t that bad? 

Kyoji: Well, it depends. Do you want to call me that? 

Karma: ………… I- um… 

Kyoji: smiles

Karma: …….would you be okay with it? 

Kyoji: Of course. 

Karma: …..and you don’t feel weird that I… that I think of you as my dad? 

Kyoji: As long as you don’t consider it weird that your dad is a mutant 

Karma: I don’t mind. I myself am a parasite. 

Kyoji: Shhh. We already talked about that. 

Karma: I still consider myself a parasite. Nothing you can say will change that. Point is, I’m sure a mutant dad will be infinitely better than my biological one. 

Kyoji: Fair enough. Now, as your new mutant father, there is something I must do. 

Karma: Huh? 

Kyoji: He boops their nose Boop. 

Karma: they laugh before pulling Kyoji into a hug

Kyoji: hugs

Karma: ……. so I can consider you my Dad now? 

Kyoji: Absolutely.

Karma: they stand on their tiptoes and give Kyoji a peck on the cheek Thanks, Dad. 

Kyoji: He pats them on the head You’re welcome. 

Karma: ………does this make Ryouko my sister? And like…. Sly my kinda potential brother in law? 

Kyoji: For the former, I guess so. But the latter? Not in seven hundred million years. 

Karma: What? Sly’s a good guy. 

Kyoji: … You say these words and I understand they form a sentence, but it just…it doesn’t make sense. 

Karma: Why don’t you like him? 

Kyoji: Do you really want me to go into a dad lecture? Because I can go into two. One for that guy and another for Naomi. 

Karma: ……what? 

Kyoji: Protection is important, dammit! 

Karma: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH NAOMI?! 

Kyoji: NOTHING! I like her. I’m just saying, protection is key when you’re doing things with her. Or anyone, in fact. 

Karma: …..wait you meant- ohhhhhhhhh. Dude, I’m not fucking stupid of course we use protection. 

Kyoji: You better! And let’s not even get started on your diet! You need to eat properly, you know. Plenty of essential vitamins and minerals. And not a liter of coke every other day. 

Karma: I GET TO EAT WHATEVER I WANT. AT LEAST I’M NOT EATING MAPLE SUGAR CANDIES AND NANAIMO BARS EVERY DAY LIKE I WISH I COULD. 

Kyoji: Do not use that tone with me! You’ll earn yourself a time out! 

Karma: I’M ALMOST 18!!!! 

Kyoji: You signed on for dadness and so we’re starting at the beginning 

Karma: FUCK VEGETABLES!! 

Kyoji: After a moment of silence, he laughs

Karma: What’s so funny?

Kyoji: I’m sorry, I’m having way too much fun with this. 

Karma: You changed the subject is what you did. 

Kyoji: I went full-on dad mode. 

Karma: And changed the subject. 

Kyoji: I know, I’m sorry. But come on, as your dad, I shall treat you to some cake.

Karma: Really?! 

Kyoji: Of course! I’ll race you there too. 

Karma: FUCK YEAH!!

They run off towards the cafeteria.

[heyifyouseekae]

Better late than never.

January is almost over and I’m just writing my 2019 wrap up. Haha. I guess it’s not Kae if it’s not late. Lol. Maybe because feeling ko Chinese ako kaya ngayon pa lang ang New Year ko. Hahaha. So here it is...

All I thought in the first month of 2019, my year’s going to be plain fucked up ‘coz I lost my mom in the last month of 2018, so I already expected it to be the worst year of my life. But naaaah, God made sure that it’s going to be worth the pain. 

In the first half of 2019, it was indeed full of fucked up moments. I consider it the lowest state of my life so far. I lost everything that makes me steady. Quit my job, got cheated on, countless family drama, I was broke af, and I’m missing my mom every single day. I was really hit hard by challenges. But then July 2019 comes. That for me was the beginning of my year. I kept on waiting for the lovelife that I was really praying for. Haha. Little did I know God wasn’t really planning to give me my lovelife yet. Baka kasi kulang pa raw ang self-love ko kaya ‘wag muna. Hahaha. Totoo naman. Pero syempre may patikim naman sya saking landi at kilig. Hahahaha. Thanks for bringing Mcjo in my life. (Sige po thanks na din kay AJ kahit na messy yung ending, lol). Anyway, hindi yon yung importante dito, anubaaa. Haha. 

My 2019 is for conquering my fears.

1. Losing everything important to me.

As I’ve said above, I literally lost everything important to me. Lost my mom, quit my job, lose the boy I’ve fought for in 7 years (that’s 1/3 of my lifetime), didn’t have money after I quit my job, my application in public school was sabotaged, and I lost myself once again. Losing all of these in a month (except my mom’s death), literally hit me in the face. I was lost. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I was afraid that I might relapse and will go back to my poor emotional state. But hey, I remembered my family and my friends are still here. I prayed hard for guidance and answers. Then, Thailand happened.

2. Living and traveling alone.

For 21 years, I was living with my family. I must admit, living alone was really one of my greatest fear for some stupid reason-- I don’t know how to live alone. Haha. I’m really used to living in a house where a lot of people will do shit for me ‘coz they can’t stand my mess. Growing up, my mom was always there to tell me what I should do, when should I do it, and how to do it. So living alone in Thailand wasn’t really a piece of cake. It was full of “WHAT THE FUCK? PANO BA TO? TANGINANG YAN.” “ANONG GAGAWIN DITO? TANGINA NAMAN.” Thankful talaga ako nanjan si Aldrin, Ate Tads, Oppa and especially my Kuya Jay to guide me. It was hard but I adjusted quickly naman. I was back on my feet when August 2019 came. In my stay here in BKK, hindi naman ako masyadong na-homesick. BKK is almost the same in PH, just better. Hehe. I figured out how to do shit on my own. I create my own mess? I clean it. I want to get those shoes? That bag? That bedding? That furniture? I HAVE TO WORK AND SAVE UP FOR IT! So I did.

3. Teaching at the primary level.

Funny how I’m a teacher but I’m scared to teach kids. Haha. I know! Ever since I entered PNU, I know to myself that I won’t be teaching at the primary level. Like never! I’m really not good with kids at that age level. Hahaha. My humor is for teenagers. Actually for SHS students talaga. I don’t have enough patience to teach kids. But syempre, I came from PNU so dapat kayanin ko yon. Kinaya ko naman. Got promoted naman agad on the third month of teaching. My students love me naman at some point. Siguro talaga, if you really want to learn something, ikaw din mag eeffort para matutunan mo yung isang bagay ‘no? and eventually, magugustuhan mo na din yung ginagawa mo.

4. Jumping off a cliff, entering a dark cave, and rafting.

You see, I appear to be a strong woman. With this resting-bitch-face, it’s really hard to tell that I’m afraid to try extreme activities. Hahaha. Ganito lang itsura ko pero matatakutin talaga ako. I wasn’t born with strong power when it comes to extreme activities. I’m scared of heights, confined spaces, and unfortunately, swimming in deep waters. Sorry na. Sa totoo lang, overprotective din yung parents ko kaya hindi ako sanay na iniimmerse yung sarili ko sa ganyang activities. Nako, siguro nga kung hindi ko kasama yung ate ko at mga pinsan kong mas bata samin sa mga activities na yon, hindi pa rin ako papayagan ng tatay ko. Hahaha. Solid din ‘tong experience ko before I ended 2019 kasi I got to do it with my family. Catch nga lang no’n ang daming “sana andito din si Kuya N***.” Hahahahaha. Parang mga gago e. Alam mo kung pa’no ako napapayag ng pinsan kong 16 years old na tumalon sa cliff? Sinabi nya “Ate, pag ‘di ka tumalon jan, ibig sabihin mahal mo pa sya!” Siz, walang tatlong count, tumalon ako! Hahahaha. ‘Wag mo ko hinahamon ng ganon, Abby. Hahaha. 

5. Taking a risk in LDR.

If you knew me in person, you’d know that I would never try going in a long-distance relationship. Hahahahaha. I didn’t believe that it will work & it’s not worth the hassle. But of course, life has a funny way to show me that I shouldn’t be evaluating something that I have never tried before. So ayun. I tried it with AJ. It started shaky & shady na din naman but I ignored the red flags. Pero the red flags got harder to ignore. Hanggang sa ayoko na. Haha. Hindi na ko nagreply. Is it ghosting? Okay. Haha. But here comes Mcjo. Ughh. This guy. Grabe. Parang magic yung kwento namin or parang formula ng pagkuha ng distance. Distance= velocity x time. From an innocent birthday greeting, I didn’t know he’d mean this much to me. This man showed me that my ideal guy truly exists. That the traits I’m looking for in a man are not just a product of my imagination but there’s really someone that could check all the wants and needs that you dreamed of in a man. Hahahaha. Lol romanticized na naman yung frustrations ko kasi ang layo namin sa isa’t isa. Pero syempre hindi ko maamin na mahal ko na sya kasi hindi pa rin ako sigurado. Hahaha. Tsaka baka hindi ko talaga kaya yung LDR, baka macompromise naman yung work ko. Alam nyo naman ako. Medyo all out. Nakakatakot mag Full-Boyle mode. Hahahaha. Pero my heart is happy. Thank you, babe. 

The universe will only show us the plans it made for us when we’re ready for it. Kapag hindi pa, kailangan muna i-delay kasi baka mas may nauna pang lesson na kailangan mong matutunan. 2019 was not really my best year but it definitely made me grow just like I prayed for, and of course, the universe is always extra. It made me conquer my fears. Thank you everything, Lord. Pinatibay mo ko lalo. Wala akong hindi kaya. Jeremiah 29:11 hanggang mamatay! rAwStAr!

- K