#'the sordidness of you and him is easier to swallow with the night shielding you both from any scrutiny.' WHAT A LINE

[seiwas]

@soumies

something’s got to give ; john price

pairing john price x f!reader  word count 2.9k  synopsis a relationship bound to fail from the start. content contains creampie, slight breeding kink, age gap (reader is ~21/price is mid30s), slight angst, hurt/no comfort

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[floralseokjin]

— off limits | 05 (m)

you've been lusting after your brother’s best friend for a while now, ever since you met him at a house party, flirting it up a storm as you failed to realise who the other was. That was months ago now and things are still awkward, but you can't ignore the sexual tension that's simmers between the two of you…and it keeps getting worse…

pairing | kim seokjin x reader genre/warnings | smut, angst words | 9,221 

» 01 :: 02 :: 03 :: 04 :: 05 :: 06 :: 07 :: 08  ✓

The days continued to blur into each other, stretching into weeks of quick hook ups and late-night sexting. You and Seokjin used every chance you could to see each other but that was a task proved difficult most of the time. That’s why your cell turned into your best friend. Seokjin was just at the other end, a quick message away. Amidst the risky texts you sent each other in the dead of night, horny and annoyed that you couldn’t have each other for real, you also grew closer. That “date night” had proven beneficial in getting to know each other and it felt weird now, when you realised you and Seokjin were maybe as close as him and your brother. Okay, maybe not that close, but you knew him well enough, you liked to think. You got on extremely well, which surprised you still. Who would have thought your older brother’s cocky friend would turn out to be the compatible dork you couldn’t stop thinking about…? It was dangerous, but staying away from him wasn’t an option anymore. It was addictive and you’d both hit the point of no return. So they only other option was to keep sneaking around and to keep lying…

Sneaking around wasn’t too hard; going over Jin’s apartment when Yoongi was out, maybe stealing sly kisses and gropes while at a party (sometimes more, but you knew that was dangerous…). You’d even gone as far to hooking up in his car somewhere quiet. You had to jump at these opportunities, but sometimes your schedules didn’t match up and your only way of communicating was through your phones… Looking back, you knew you should have kept a closer grasp of it; there were texts and images saved on your device, the same said for Seokjin’s…

You most definitely shouldn’t have let Sunmi scroll through Facebook trying to find the posts to show you what Brian did on the weekend. You just forgot yourself, both on your bed as she grew tired of watching you study. Even the chime of bells, signalling you had received a message—two in a row, didn’t make you realise. You had your head in a book, trying to make last minute notes before tomorrow. You were distracted and that proved disastrous.

It was Sunmi’s gasp of “Oh, my god!” that stirred your curiosity, wondering what had happened to cause such a reaction. Had she seen something else on Brian’s page? That’s what she got for being nosey! As you looked up, you had about enough time to see her expression, mouth agape as she eyed your screen before she was screaming dramatically, throwing your cell on the bed. It landed face up and your eyes travelled to it, just as your stomach dropped. Dread and disbelief filling you, the colour draining from your face. On the screen was a dick. Seokjin’s dick.

“Shit,” you hissed, scurrying to grab the device and shield it against your chest.

You were clammy, cold sweat sticking to the back of your neck, your heart pounding inside your chest. Maybe there was a chance she didn’t know it was him. Maybe she hadn’t seen his name…but one look at your best friend’s face and you knew, she knew! Her eyes were narrowed in accusation, shock still muddled on her features as she tried to make sense or whatever was happening.

“Did he mean to send you that?” She asked slowly, trying to find a plausible answer.

Sadly, there wasn’t one. It was exactly what it looked like. A dick pic from Jin at just gone midday on a Sunday. He must have been very bored…and very stupid. Although, you guessed you were the stupid one for giving Sunmi your phone.

“Oh my god,” she uttered, realising by the look on your face that in fact, yes, he did mean to send you a picture of his dick in all its glory. “How did this happen?!”

You stumbled, not sure of what to say. You couldn’t believe this was happening… Swallowing once, you took a deep breath, changing tactics and turning it on her. “Why did you open my text?!”

“It was a reflex,” she gasped. “I wasn’t expecting your brother’s best friend’s dick on the screen, was I?!”

You groaned, dropping your head into your hands. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“So, what?” She prodded, curiosity in her tone. “You guys are hooking up?”

You sighed loudly, realising that you’d have to explain to her. You couldn’t get out of this, so you lifted your head, a meek, “something like that,” falling from your mouth.

“Why? When? How?” She questioned immediately, desperate for every detail.

“It just sort of happened,” you shrugged. In all fairness, you were telling the truth…

“But how? Were you guys drunk or something?” Sunmi pressed on, sounding confused with the jump.

“It happened in my kitchen…the first time…” You were mumbling now.

“Kitchen?!” She burst, looking floored.  “With your mom and brother home?” She asked and all you could do was nod, not wanting to get into details, so it was just easier to agree. “You hoe!” She teased, a jubilant grin on her face. She was loving this.

“Sunmi,” you scolded. Kyuho may not be home right now, but your mother was only downstairs. “Shush.”

She apologised silently, looking at your bedroom door before dropping her voice to normal volume. “Wait, you said the first time… How many times have there been?”

“A lot,” you nodded your head, great emphasis.

Dare you say you were loosening up now. It actually felt good that someone else knew, like a weight of your chest.

“Holy shit,” she breathed. “This is something else…does anybody else know?”

“No, it’s a secret,” you shook your head, already knowing it was safe with her.

“I’m highly offended that you didn’t tell me, your best friend who would die for you a million times over, sacrifice herself if it meant you lived—

“Quit being dramatic,” you interrupted, rolling your eyes at her display.

“Hm,” she hummed, shooting you a pointed look. “As long as Sujee doesn’t know.”

“She doesn’t,” you chuckled, wondering how you had become friends with two people who disliked each other so much.

“Good” she nodded tartly. “So…one question…”

Your ears pricked up again, curiosity colouring her tone once again. “How the fuck does his dick fit up your vag—

“SUNMI,” you exclaimed loudly, not believing what was coming out of her mouth.

“What,” she deadpanned. “It looks humongous! Horse dick or something!”

She went to reach for your phone that was still clutched to your chest, but you pulled it back. “Quit it,” you chided.

Your own interest peaked, wanting to know what the message entailed and you unlocked the screen, Jin’s dick making your eyes pop out of your head as it filled the screen. You scrolled up a little, letting yourself read his messages.

12:25pm [Seokjin] 

— I miss you — my dick misses u more…

You instantly rolled your eyes, locking your cell again and leaving him on read for even longer now. Whatever. He was a big boy, he’d be fine. He had hands last time you checked.

“He knows how to get a good angle, that’s all,” you retorted, looking back up at her.

“I bet he does…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You frowned at her joke of a euphemism.

Sunmi shrugged. “All I’m saying is he must be amazing in the sack for you to keep going back—Well, who am I kidding? He’s drop dead gorgeous too!”

You dismissed her with a shake of your head, chuckling at her dramatics. She paused, an unnerving grin plastering across her face as she leant in and prodded your sides.

“Ooooh, he and my best friend are going to have such pretty babies!” She teased, a squeal leaving her.

“We’re fucking not getting married,” you shook her off, rolling your eyes once again.

“So, you sure it’s just fucking?” She asked, shooting a pointed look in your direction. “No hidden feelings, awkward predicaments?” You went to butt in, but she spoke over you. “I’m just saying, it must be something worth while if you’re sneaking around your brother’s back, banging in the kitchen—

“There’s just an attraction there, we couldn’t ignore it any longer,” you finally got in, unease looming over you for some reason as she skirted around a subject you knew you weren’t entirely comfortable discussing. “We have become friendly though, since, y’know…”

She raised her eyebrows, as if she was unsure you were telling the truth, checking every move your face made for signs of fibs. “Just make sure you don’t get hurt, okay?” She told you, crossing her arms. “Jin is a handsome guy, he could break hearts just by staring directly at his face—like being blinded when you look at the sun—”

You scoffed, wanting the subject to be changed but in a way that didn’t make her suspicious.

“I can imagine being that intimate with him messes with your head…”

It was her last line that made you feel nervous, because you knew deep down that’s what had began happening. Each time you had sex with Seokjin, something grew in your chest. Your heart felt warm, sometimes like it was on fire—especially when he smiled at you or hugged you. When he held you as you both slept, something that seemed way too intimate for two people hooking up. It was times like that you knew deep down you had fallen for him, hook, line and sinker. But here you were still, ignoring it. The feelings festering inside of you as you tried to keep them hidden.

“So come on then!” Sunmi exclaimed, physically nudging you out of your thoughts and you looked at her, confused by her sudden change in tone. “I want to know all the sordid details, each hook up in smut extreme detail, please,” she ordered. Her please doing nothing to soften it.

“What’s his orgasm face like? I bet it’s ugly—there has to be something wrong with him!”

Telling Seokjin that Sunmi knew was a scary task. You didn’t know why. Maybe a part of you thought maybe he’d end things straight away if your secret was violated. You didn’t know why you were so worried. So scared of him breaking things off. Deep down the realisation hit. It was because you knew it would never, never be you to end things. Or course, you’d done it the one time when you’d felt guilty sneaking behind your brother’s back. But now you were in too deep. If things were ever going to be over between he and you, it would be because it was Seokjin’s decision.

As luck would have it, he didn’t mind. He even took full responsibility for it. He was the one who sent you a picture of his dick in the middle of the day, after all. It wasn’t like you could have prevented Sunmi from seeing it, not really, unless you forbade her to go on your cell. Which would have been highly suspicious in the first place.

“Why do you look so worried?” He asked, his hand reaching to stroke your shoulder.

You had managed to get an hour or two away in his car after class one day. You couldn’t keep it in any longer, so you had to tell him.

“Did you think I’d be mad?” He continued.  

You shrugged, but you both knew the answer was a yes. That, and you’d tell me it’s over, you’d thought too, but decided against saying that.

“Awh, come here!” He cooed, pulling you towards his body for a mismatched hug, awkward because of the hand brake between the two of you, his hands cupping your face as you gripped at his shirt with yours.

“If I’m going to be mad, it should be at myself for sending you dick pics in the middle of the day,” he reasoned with a small smile, and you chortled a little, bowing your head to burrow it into his neck, but he stopped you, resuming eye contact, his expression uncharacteristically serious.

“And for making you keep secrets from your best friend…and brother—and mom…”

“Jin—” you began, but he stopped you, placing a kiss on your forehead, right between your eyebrows.

Your heart stopped then from the sheer sweetness of such a small action. Serious was not his style—or at least you had never seen it. It was nice to know that under all the joking and teasing behaviour, sometimes cocky too, there was another layer—another side to him. The realisation was great, but the swell in your chest grew hard to ignore. A bad omen.

“You have to keep the secrets too,” you reasoned, not wanting him to take all the blame. It was on the both of you.

He nodded slowly, one hand sliding some stray hairs behind your ear. “But I can’t stay away from you.”

Your heart stopped this time, his words making heat rush up to your face. He’d said such things before, but that was always when he was having sex with you. This time was different. You had never seen him be so honest. And your heart began to wonder, what if…

That was the first time you didn’t sleep with each other. Just opting to hang out and listen to music instead, laughing and joking before you had to go home.

That was the first time you really let yourself think, what if this could be something more…

Time carried on like that. Something small would happen that made you realise the fluttering in your heart wasn’t normal behaviour for a series of hook ups with Seokjin. You thought you had it under control, but lately it had become harder and harder to ignore. You found yourself filled with joy when you got to see him, even a rush of happiness shooting through your body when he messaged you. Whatever it was; a look, a touch, a smile, it made you stop breathing for a second. You were caught up in everything he brought to your life and tonight was no exception. Although granted, it wasn’t anything to do with him personally, more like something you overheard…

You were actually heading off to meet Seokjin, under the guise of staying over Sunmi’s. You were in the kitchen grabbing a snack when you overheard your brother and Yoongi in the living room. They were heading out tonight and he was staying over your house, Seokjin had taken the opportunity to forge work, sneaking you over instead. You were making your sandwich hurriedly, desperate to get out the house as soon as possible, because looking in Kyuho’s eyes was hard enough already. He and Yoongi weren’t exactly being quiet, so you were more or less forced to listen as you buttered the bread, even though half of your mind was occupied with thoughts of when Seokjin had first fucked you in this very kitchen. It seemed so long ago now, but in reality, just over a couple of months. So much had changed since then, it was almost comical.

“I think I’m in love.”

Yoongi’s dramatic confession from the living room pulled you out of your thoughts, the irony painfully apparent.

“Oh please, dude,” your brother sighed. “She’s let you fuck her once and now you’re in love?”

You grimaced at your brother’s tone. You didn’t know where he got off telling you all men around here were the same, as if he was some saint, when he was just as bad.

“It’s not even about that,” Yoongi insisted. “She’s just amazing.”

There was a slight awe to his tone and you couldn’t help but smile a little as you made your sandwich. It was instantly wiped off your face when your brother spoke again.

“You’re whipped. You waited all this time to sleep with her, I thought the novelty would wear off once you did…maybe it will take more goes.”

Wow. So respectful, Kyuho.

“Dude,” Yoongi shot, warning in his tone before he carried on. “You don’t even understand, she said I was great.”

You rolled your eyes. Men were so easily pleased. She was probably just saying that to be nice. You tried to block them out again, not wanting to hear about Yoongi’s antics in the bedroom, but they were so loud it was hard not to.

“She even let me cum inside of her.”

Your eyes widened at what you heard. Was it possible that boys were this open around each other? Kyuho’s next line made you realise that, yes—yes, they were.

“Beats that melon you microwaved last Christmas.”

You pulled a face, the words pulling up a mental image you’d rather not see considering you didn’t know the guy well. Honestly, what the fuck. Why were guys so weird?

“Besides, that was probably a bad idea…”

Kyuho was back, voices wavering in and out of volume as Yoongi questioned why.

“What was?”

They had turned the television on, voices blending into one another which was a sign to probably stop eavesdropping. Nothing ever good came from it, even if you weren’t doing it on purpose. You quickly cut the sandwich, shoving everything you’d pulled out back in the refrigerator.

“Coming inside of Eunji,” Kyuho carried on, “don’t you remember what Jin always preaches?”

Your ears pricked up at his name, taking back everything you’d previously thought. Eavesdropping was bad, but you couldn’t help it now. Your rules were out the window. You concentrated really hard to hear your brother, cursing them for flicking the tv on at the most vital moment. You didn’t give a fuck about what fruits Yoongi liked fucking at parties, you just wanted to know what Jin “always preached.”

“His number one rule is NOT to come inside anyone he’s fucking. It’s a trap. A woman’s vagina is like a snare—once you come inside, that’s it, you’re done for. Feelings emerge and then you’re fucked.”

Your heart stopped, arm stiff, unable to close the fridge door. You were frozen in the spot, your brother’s words flying around your head.

“Well fucking chain me up and throw away the key because I’m here for it. I’d be Eunji’s slave any day of the week,” Yoongi’s voice bellowed from the living room, but now you weren’t even listening, too busy piecing together every bit of information you had.

Your eyes glazed over the fridge, remembering how Seokjin had fucked you against it that first time and how he had come on your face as you kneeled on the floor. You remembered how he had been adamant to come anywhere but inside of you the first couple of times you’d had sex, despite you being on the pill.

You finally felt movement in your hand as you managed to drop your arm, refrigerator door closing slowly, clicking shut as you remembered the last detail to the puzzle. The first time you’d had sex in his bed. You’d asked him to come inside of you, desperate in the heat of the moment and you had felt him hesitate for the slightest of seconds before he had rolled you over and done just that—came inside of you. You remembered everything that came with it, the sensations, the emotions—that was when you had began questioning everything about your hook ups with him. Feelings. He had acted strangely as well that night, and if you were being honest, every time since had felt different—closer almost, very different to the first few times you had fucked…

So, Jin’s rule was was not to come inside anyone he was having sex with... You think he’d broken that a while ago…

Your feelings for him began to look not so stupid anymore…

❁❁❁❁

That night Seokjin came inside of you twice.

You didn’t say anything, mostly because you didn’t know how to bring up the subject. The rule he set for himself seemed childish and like something from a movie, added with the fact you had overheard it from your brother’s mouth of all places… No, you couldn’t tell him, let alone ask about what you’d heard. Instead, you just super analysed everything he did.

It was when he was kissing your neck, the soft hairs of his head tickling you chin as he pressed his body against yours, you decided to bring something up, if not just to lighten the mood, because each peck of his lips was sending you deeper and deeper into a tailspin… Crude or not, you were sure you could feel his seed inside you, a constant reminder of the feelings he may or may not share for you… The feelings you both may or may not share together…

“Did you know Yoongi fucked a melon?”

Seokjin paused instantly, lifting his head up to watch you quizzically, one eyebrow cocked as a bemused smirk spread on his face, wondering how you knew such a thing.

“Christmas last year,” he recalled, straightening his back and rolling off you to lay down. “Way to ruin the moment.”

You exhaled in relief, thankful that he’d stopped all the kissing. You didn’t think you had it in you for round three before you confessed everything…. Instead, you carried on, joking your forte in such a desperate hour.

“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever fucked?”

He tilted his head to look at you, shooting you a look that screamed ‘really’ and then he said, 100% serious, “you.”

You gasped, affronted by his reply, ready to shoot back a remark you hadn’t thought of yet, before he was chuckling, wrapping his arms around you and turning you over, chest pressed against your back as he nuzzled his face into your shoulder.

“Now, turn around so I can have something comfy to sleep against tonight!”

The action was small, but enough to make you belly do that flipping inside out thing it did every time Seokjin touched you. You hadn’t been in many serious relationships, so you wondered if this was what it felt like. Joking about, feeling comfortable with that special someone, feeling content when you were around them… It was hard to imagine doing this with someone other than Seokjin. You’d never felt like this, not even with your two past boyfriends. It was getting harder and harder to ignore these feelings and now with the newest revelation, you were wondering if there was any point in pushing them away anymore….

More days past and you had begun to psych yourself up. You couldn’t push this to the side any longer. It was either end this with Seokjin right now, or tell him how you were feeling. You couldn’t leave it as it was because it would end up getting worse. Your feelings were growing stronger for him as each day past. You didn’t even have to see him anymore for the swell in your chest to keep on flourishing.

You couldn’t know for sure if it was a stupid thing to do, but you had taken Kyuho’s words as a sign. It made sense, right? How long would you and Jin keep this up if it was just casual? It had already gone on long enough and it didn’t seem like it was going to end any time soon. You’d even convinced yourself that Kyuho would be okay with it if he realised how much Seokjin and you liked each other. It would be official and your brother couldn’t have a problem with that. You could tell him and everything would work out. Just imagining calling Seokjin your boyfriend made you feel giddy a little, the smile on your face wide.

You hadn’t told Sunmi about any of this, still biding your time as you tried to find the perfect moment to tell him. Instead, you spent your free time reading back old messages Jin had sent you, looking for signs that he was for sure 100% into this like you were, reading between the lines. Why else would he tell you he missed you, or that he couldn’t wait to see you…? Everything made sense…

These thoughts kept you up at night. You didn’t know when you and he would be alone together next, but you had told yourself, it would be the time. The opportunity to tell him how you felt for sure. In the meantime, you decided you needed to let your hair down and have some fun. The thought of not knowing was making you anxious and you needed to let lose for one night. Sujee had invited you to the new bar that had opened across town and you had jumped at the chance.

You were lying on your bed waiting to get ready when someone knocked the door. It couldn’t be your mom because she’d left for work moments before and your brother was already in work, due back in just over an hour… The door opened slowly, a head popping around the corner.

“Jin!” You exclaimed in surprise, sitting up on the edge of your bed.

“Surprise!” He sang, walking inside.

“What are you doing here?”

“Supposed to be meeting your brother when he comes home from work but I ‘accidentally’ got the times muddled up,” he grinned.

You rolled your eyes. He was unbelievable. But there was your belly doing flips again, because he wanted to spend some time with you. You realised now would be a good time to talk, but for some reason you were too nervous. You hadn’t planned enough and you couldn’t do it off the top of your head.

“How did you get in?” You asked, picking at your comforter, trying to ease your nerves.

“Key under the flower pot,” he shrugged, taking a seat next to you. “You should probably be careful about that y’know, you don’t know what weirdos could come inside.”

“What, like you?” You retorted before giggling as he poked under your ribs, reflexes fast.

“Hey, that’s mean. I just wanted to hang out with you some.” He pouted.

“Fair enough,” you shrugged, before adding “…stalker…”

“WHAT,” he shouted dramatically, incredulous.

“Nothing, it’s just pretty creepy that you know when my mom’s in work, that’s all,” you shrugged, unable to hide the amused smirk on your face.

“Fine, I’ll just go then,” he retorted, making motions to get up.

“No,” you whined, quick to drag him back and go in for a kiss.

His lips were warm and soft like always, moulding perfectly against yours. You were losing yourself as he continued to peck at your mouth, nibbling the supple flesh of your bottom lip as you slid down the bed, laying down now as he hovered over you.

“Mm,” he hummed, pulling away to nuzzle your neck, inhaling loudly. “You smell nice.”

“I just had a shower that’s why,” you explained. “Sujee and I are going out tonight.”

“Oh?” He wondered, raising an eyebrow. “Where you off? Maybe me and Kyuho will go…”

“No can do,” you dismissed, sitting back up. “It’s a girl’s night.”

“Girls night always means there will be boys lurking around,” he grumbled, rolling off you to lean on his elbow and look at your comforter, the tiniest of pouts on his mouth.

“What, like you and my brother,” you quipped.

“No,” he frowned, shaking his head. “Like other guys trying to take you away from me.”

“Since when am I your property?” You questioned, trying to lace your tone with attitude, but deep down you were vibrating with joy. Little things like this just further fuelled your inklings. They made you want to confess right there and then.

Lying beside him on your bed right now was heaven. The little things in life you didn’t know you needed, but made you eternally happy. It could be like this permanently if you both wanted…

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he insisted, pushing his hair away from his face, and you started giggling, pout more visible now. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” you got out between chuckles. “It’s just cute you’re jealous.”

Your heart began to pound when he didn’t deny it, watching him sidle up to you and wrap his arm around your chest.

“Men are weak when it comes to the female species,” he muttered, nuzzling his cheek against your yours.

“Ew, shut up,” you cringed.

“What,” he balked, kissing your cheek now…further and further until he reached the side of your mouth.

“Nothi—

You were cut off by his mouth on yours again. He wasted no time in deepening the kiss this time, grazing the flesh with his teeth, desperate for you to part them and when you did, he slipped his tongue inside, breaths merging together, his hands entangling in your hair. You were drowning in bliss, wanting Seokjin to never leave your room or your side. Even as he pulled away to catch a moment, you dragged him back.

“Mm,” he hummed, pecking you back each time. “Mm, okay, so I think we have—” he spoke, holding his arm above his head to look at his watch, the other lowering dangerously close to the waistband of your leggings. “—enough time to…”

“You came here to get your dick wet? Charming,” you interrupted.

It wasn’t like you were that offended, but it would have been nice if you could’ve talked some more. You would need to be eased in if you wanted to have a serious talk with him and sex would just distract you. As well as how stupid and dangerous it would be to do so when your brother was back from work soon.

“I’m a giving man,” Seokjin reasoned. “I’ll be happy to just eat you out.”

“You know that always ends in sex,” you rolled your eyes, even though the tingling sensation was traveling between your legs at the thought. You were putty in his hands, already turned on from the slightest of words.

“Is that a bad thing?” He questioned, eyeing you pleadingly. “C’mon,” he urged, “don’t deprive a guy of his sexual fantasy!”

You scoffed a laugh. “What fantasy is that?”

He leaned into you more, voice breathy and thick, going straight to your core, but you bit down on your lip, trying your best to ignore it. “Fucking you in your room, hard and fast—we have to be quick and you have to be quiet in case we got caught.”

If he carried on like this you wouldn’t need much persuading, that was for sure. But then he spoke again and ruined it…

“Granted, it would probably be hotter if your mom and brother were downstairs or something, but I’ll settle for the role play.”

“You really are a freak, you know that,” you groaned. “What’s hot about us risking getting caught? Me being humiliated for the rest of my life and you being beaten to a pulp—so hot!” You exclaimed sarcastically.

“I am a freak,” he agreed almost instantly. “A twisted deviant that deserves to be punished.”

Wow. Okay. Dramatics now too? He was that horny? Silly question, because that’s when you felt him rub his erection against your hip. Secretly, it was kind of pleasing to have such a reaction on him, but you stayed tight lipped.

“I didn’t realise you were into being submissive now….”

“No!” He half-shouted. “I’m not, it’s just right now I’d do just about anything to get you to fuck me.”

“Wow, desperate much,” you judged.

But secretly you were about two seconds from giving in. You could never turn him down. You wanted him just as much as he wanted you. Sexually, and hopefully otherwise…

“Fine, how does this fantasy start?” You sighed.

Seokjin sat up immediately, his eyes bulging, mouth open in surprise. “Fuck, yeah?” He asked and you nodded, watching him fumble around as he tried to collect his thoughts. “O-okay, fuck—

“We have like half an hour, so hurry! Otherwise you’re stuck with a hand job!” You cut in.

If you were going to do this, it needed to be quick to eliminate any risks.

“On your knees,” he ordered finally, a clearer mind once again.

You went to climb up the bed, but he stopped you, “no, on the side so I can stand behind you.”

Your stomach was fizzing with pleasure already, core heavy with need as you crawled on all fours and faced the wall, feet hanging over the edge. You felt his presence stood behind you after a moment, not touching you at all, and you were desperate. Nimble fingers pried at the edges of your vest top, but he stopped you, hands cupping over yours.

“Clothes kept on because that’s really hot,” he said, running through his fantasy inside his head you guessed.

He let go of you and you took the chance to prop yourself up by the elbows, wiggling your ass a bit so he could fuck you sooner. It was always like this, as soon as you lost yourself to Seokjin, you didn’t care about the rest of the world. You didn’t think about the possible dangers this stupid situation could bring—you weren’t even thinking about everything you wanted to tell him… When it came down to it, sex with him turned you drunk. You couldn’t think straight, you just craved him inside of you. And you never wanted it to stop.

Fresh excitement danced in the pit of your abdomen when you felt his long fingers pry at the waistband of your leggings, pushing them slowly over the curve of your ass, revealing the soft, supple flesh to his eyes. You twitched when the pads of his fingers delicately brush against your folds, getting coated in your arousal. It still surprised you how pliant to his actions you still were. But you guessed that would always be so. The more he got to know your body, the better he was at making you go wild.

“Already wet, I see,” he noted, a bragging in his tone. “Fuck, so inviting—you really like testing me, huh?”

He was furiously whispering, slowly losing himself as you felt him move, crouching down, and you jumped in surprise when you felt him kiss quick, wet kisses down an ass cheek, growls of pleasure leaning the back of his throat as he made his way down to your core.

“Seokjin,” you whined a little, fidgeting under his touch.

“Just one taste,” he muttered against your skin and then his mouth was against your opening, tongue flickering against the moist flesh.

“Ah, fuck,” you moaned and he hummed against you, pulling away with a slap to your ass that had you yelping.

He gripped the flesh with one hand, holding you in place as you painfully tried to jut your hips into his, but he kept the distance, instead, using his other hand to rub at your folds once more. You sighed in relief then, making sure to hold your breath and steady yourself as you felt his fingers push at your entrance. You groaned when you felt him insert both his forefinger and middle finger, the stretch toe-curlingly good as he curled them inside you, pressing against your walls.

“Two straight away,” he hummed, impressed. “I’ve trained you well.”

You could only moan a response, gripping the sheets under you in a bid to exert some self control. Especially when he began pumping them deeply inside of you, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes, back trying to arch but he kept it bent, palm of his free hand now pressing down on your spine, gently yet firmly.

“Fuck, J-Jin,” you got out, trying your best to formulate words, teeth chattering. “K-keep going.”

You were rocking back into his hand now, positive if you hit him back with as much force you’d come soon, but it seemed like he had other ideas, and he slid out of you slowly, making sure to smear your arousal across your ass lewdly.

“Shush, baby girl,” he whispered. “You have to keep quiet otherwise we’ll be caught.”

You paused for moment, realising he was really into this ruse of getting caught and staying silent. Fresh waves of pleasure washed over you as you heard him undo his pants, pulling them down enough to reveal his dick. Your walls were clenching around nothing, desperate to feel him inside you. You heard the rub of skin as he jerked himself off slightly and then you whimpered when he pressed the head of his cock against your entrance.

“Do you think you can take it?” He asked, pushing against you, his breathing laboured. “My cock stretching you out?”

You nodded madly, beyond desperate right now. You wanted him inside of you, stretching you out as far as you could go, even if it stung, you’d take it because it would Seokjin’s dick buried deep inside you.

“Yeah?” He whispered, groaning a little as he got too excited. “Shit, fuu-ckk,” he cursed as he pushed inside you slowly, drawing out his words as he felt you stretch around him, your walls contracting around his hard, hot flesh as your body tried to get used to him.

The burn traveled all around your pelvis, but it was worth it, because with that came the painful-pleasure as he rocked his hips slowly inside of you, warming you up and relaxing your muscles. You concentrated on the feel of the fabric of his pants against your ass, letting him steadily pick up the pace as he spread you further.

Soon enough you were moaning quietly, jutting your hips out to meet his as you begged him to go faster. He complied instantly, pumping into you hard and fast and griping your hips tightly. His breathing was loud, guttural moans leaving him each time he pushed deeply inside of you. You kept your head down, concentrating on the feeling of each stroke of his dick as it rubbed against your walls.

“Shit, I can’t believe I’m fucking you on your bed,” he managed to get out, disbelief in his voice. “Yo-you like it it?”

You nodded again, choked yeses falling from you, tears pricking at your eyes again. You lowered your back slightly, pressing down on your forearms, desperate for him to hit your g-spot directly, because the continuous teasing and brushing across it was too much. He got the message and pressed one of his knees on the bed, his chest directed at your body, pelvis flat against your ass, large hands palming at your back now, ruching up your vest. His motions seemed to slow down for a moment, your orgasm floating away, out of your touch.

“Seokjin,” you begged, your whole-body craving release. “Fuck me h-harder—I promise to keep quiet.”

He groaned and sped up, pistoning his hips into yours as he leant back, gaining more leverage, panting under his breath. You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth, looking up at the ceiling as you desperately tried to stay quiet. You had to admit, it was really hot to do it hard and fast, under pressure—forbidden one again.

“Fuck,” Seokjin hissed, clattering your hips into his, your body weightless to you as he continued pounding. “I can’t wait to cum inside of you,” he told you. “Tell me how much you you want i-it.”

Did you catch a slight begging in his tone? Or were you imagining things? Either way it was hot and you groaned, flinging your head back, hair like a mane down your back.

“I want it so bad,” you rasped. “Please, just cum inside me and fill me up.”

“No cleaning up afterwards, okay?” He continued. “When you go out tonight, I want everyone to be able to smell me on you—so they k-know—” he stopped to groan, snapping his hips into you so hard you gasped “—that you’re mine.”

“Yes, yes,” you panted, his words sending you into a tailspin.

Before you knew it, your hand was between your legs, rubbing your clit furiously. The urge to come was too much and you were so close. You pushed against each thrust of his, the slapping of flesh ringing in your ears, your head bent as you watched between your legs, concentrating on the sensation and each grunt that Seokjin made as he buried himself into your wet, tight mound, both your bodies trembling with pleasure. He was close too, you could tell by the stiffness of his actions, but he was eager to get you off first. That thought alone was enough to work.

“Oh God,” you cried, clit pulsing against your sticky fingers. “I’m c-coming—

“Me too,” Seokjin cut in, pressing himself deep inside you one last time as you burst, walls clamping down on his cock and milking him of everything he had as he shot his seed inside of you.

He held your hips tightly, letting his dick pulse inside you as he made sure his come was situated safely and as deep as he could get it. The feeling made your head dizzy, even more so than the orgasm that had just filled your body, and you gripped onto the bed sheets once more, trying to clear your mind.

“F-fuck, you always feel so good,” he groaned, finally slipping out of you.

The warmth left you and you couldn’t explain your sadness. You heard him zip his pants back up and then he helped you pull your leggings up, shaky fingers getting the job done slowly. Once complete he collapsed, back first on the bed next to you, hands running through his hair.

“Fuck,” he chuckled breathlessly.

The sound was beautiful and you turned on your side, propping your head up with your hand, breath still laboured as you smiled and watched him—he looked so beautiful too, enough to make your heart ache a little. You wondered if he thought the same about you? You shook your head, banishing the thoughts and opened your mouth instead.

“Better than you’re imagination?”

“Of course,” he grinned. “Fuck, my heart’s still going like crazy.”

You watched him grip his chest, taking in every ounce of him as your eyes ran over his body, and as you were distracted he leant up for a kiss, soft and deep, making your heart flutter. When he pulled away, smile still on his face, eyes dark and blown out, it really felt like he wanted to read your mind. You felt vulnerable and exposed. It was always like this after sex. You were weak, and this time you acted on it. It was now or never. So you asked the dreaded question, fingers tracing lightly down his chest as you kept your eyes on him.

“When do you think we should tell Kyuho?”

“What?” He balked, smile instantly falling off his face.

You turned cold, all courage leaving you at his stony reaction, but you willed yourself on.

“T-tell Kyuho—

“Never,” he cut you off, sitting up abruptly, your hand falling to the bed. He watched you with bemusement, laughing slightly. “Are you crazy?”

He thought this was a joke? Why would you joke about such a thing?

“We can’t keep this up forever,” you replied, deadly serious, sitting up too.

He eyed you as if he was missing something, waiting for the ending line of the joke you were so obviously telling him right now, but when he realised there wasn’t one, he sighed, expression turning serious. He sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from you before he spoke again.

“What would we tell him?—What would I tell him?—Sorry, bro, I’m just fucking your kid sister, you don’t mind do you?” He mocked, and his tone made you wince.

“Not quite like that,” you mumbled, feeling stupid.

“Then how?” He exclaimed, shaking his head as he dropped it in his hands. “There’s no perfect way to tell him I’m hooking up with you.”

“It doesn’t have to be just a hook up though.”

The words were out before you could think to keep them in. Your conscience having enough as you needed to confess. But something told you it was a bad idea now… Maybe you should have brought the subject up a bit differently…

Seokjin froze for a moment, but you couldn’t see his face, so you watched on nervous, waiting for his reply. He fidgeted, looking at his watch instead. “Maybe we should go downstairs and watch some tv for a bit, before Kyuho comes back.”

His voice was quiet, a tone you had never heard before and your heart dropped. Something told you this wasn’t going to end how you imagined. For one, his posture was closed off, defensive and for another, he was totally disregarding what you had just told him. Ignoring you and pushing you away. Maybe you’d had it all wrong…

“We don’t want to look suss,” he continued, standing up, back still to you.

“Seokjin,” you spoke, your own disbelief loud in your voice. “Did you just hear what I said?”

He froze again and for a split second you thought he was going to leave and go downstairs, but then he turned around to face you, his expression worn out. “I did.”

“Well,” you pressed on bravely, ignoring the quiver.

“Well, what?” He deadpanned, almost sounding angry. You were taken aback. “Look, Y/N,” he paused himself, as if he was wondering if he should just say what he wanted. He shook his head and continued.

“What we have is just sex, right? It can’t be anything more…”

He was speaking to you as if you were kid who had missed the point entirely.

“Why? Because of Kyuho? It won’t be that bad if we tell him how much we like each other.”

You could tell by the way he sighed and looked away from you, that you were wrong.

Maybe you had missed the point…

“No,” he shook his head. “Not just because of Kyuho, there’s a variety of things….like…like—

“Like?” You urged, angry now, but you knew deep down it was at yourself more than anything.

How stupid were you?

“I don’t know, okay?” He shot, sounding equally as mad. “Like, I don’t want it to happen.”

The silence that followed was deafening, and you had enough courage to look at him for a split second to see that he was just as surprised at himself. He shook his head again, tone turning softer—apologetic, as he edged closer to you, hands out as he pointed at himself.

“Look…this has nothing to do with you, it’s me. I don’t do serious, okay? I thought we both understood that? Hell—I thought you didn’t want serious either,” he explained, and you felt humiliation wash over you. “This was just a bit of fun, to get it out of our systems…?”

You couldn’t disagree with that. That was what it had started out as, but somewhere along the line you had fallen for him. You thought he’d fallen for you too… Or maybe you had just convinced yourself that… It hadn’t been true. You were fucking stupid, and now you looked like a fool. You didn’t reply, just continued to sit on your bed, Seokjin’s standing figure making you feel small and feeble.

He tried again.

“Look, I know sex can mess with a girl’s head more than a guy’s, but I really thought we were on the same page? I’m sorry—

“You’re a pig,” you spat, not believing your ears. He was really blaming this on you? Because you were female?

“T-That’s unfair,” he told you, shocked by your strong words.

“I’m not asking for you to marry me, Jin!” You shouted. “You’re just going to blame all this on my stupid female hormones?! You dick!”

You didn’t care if you sounded childish right now. You didn’t care if you looked stupid—you were stupid, so it didn’t matter. Stupid to think Seokjin wasn’t like the rest, but here you were…your heart heavy in your chest as you looked up at your mistake.

“Y/N—

“What about all the things you’ve said to me? I’m supposed to not read anything into them, right? Because you’re just saying them for the effect?” You continued, not wanting to hear whatever it is he had to say to you. He couldn’t make it better. He had turned you down already.

“I don’t know what things you’ve misunderstood.”

You scoffed loudly, too mad to burst into tears even though it felt like you would any moment now.

“Other guys trying to take me away from you,” you mocked in the most obnoxious voice you could pass of as his own.

There were other things too, many more examples. Numerous just minutes prior when he had been inside you. The thought now only made you nauseous. You felt like your skin was crawling, remembering you had let him touch you, say all that stupid shit to you, only to throw it back in your face.

He stayed silent as you threw the accusations his way, like a coward, so you continued, voice shrill as he shrunk further out your room. He was nearly at the door by now…

“Or is that just you thinking you have dibs because you’re fucking me?”

“It’s not like that at all,” he insisted, although his voice had fallen flat by now. He was defeated, because you were correct.

“I like you, Y/N—I really do, but—

“But not like that?” You finished for him, picking at your comforter again to distract you from the tears that wanted to fall.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised after a short pause.

You looked up to see him with his back to you and fresh anger surged through you.

“You can’t even look me in the eye,” you shot. “Coward!”

There was more silence before he spoke again, as if he was battling with himself for the right thing to say. In the end he chose the weak way out.

“I-I think I should just go…”

“Yeah,” you scoffed.

“I’m sorry for leading you on.”

There it was. More words to make you feel idiotic. It was all on you. You watched him open the door, pausing to look at you, his face sombre, but you didn’t feel sorry for him, you just stared straight through him.

“It’s probably best if we end this th-thing now…”

“Don’t worry, already forgotten,” you replied instantly, it taking everything you had to stay strong and keep you voice even.

His eyes widened, but he left it at that. He could probably see straight through you anyway. He knew it was façade, but he still left…

You heard him echo down the stairs and then the porch door opened and closed, signalling that you were alone. He hadn’t even bothered to wait for your brother. Oh well, that was his problem, not yours.

You didn’t even have the energy to distract yourself, staying at the same spot where Seokjin had fucked you not fifteen minutes before. You felt like you were in a dream. That couldn’t have actually happened, could it? You were so sure if you had spoken to him things would have worked out… You would have both told Kyuho and he would have been fine with it and everything would have been perfect… But you forgot one detail, you weren’t living in a Disney movie… You were an idiot, festering in your own humiliation as you replayed everything over in your mind.

How stupid were you to think that Seokjin liked you back? That the information you had pieced together over the weeks had been a figment of your overactive imagination… You had been so deluded you had even taken a lewd rule that he had when it came to sex with girls and turned into some sort of love confession. Reminding yourself of what you had overheard your brother say just made you feel even more dirty.

Why you? Why did he choose to mess with your head like that? Did he just give you what you wanted because it was easier to humour you? Did he find it funny? Had he even noticed you were falling for him? Imagining that he knew already and had just continued to use you because it was easy sex just made you feel sick. Was that all you were worth? Even today he had only come around early so he could get with you. There was no substance to your relationship. You were stupid to think there was…

However, maybe it was your fault…  You had after all, agreed for this to be casual because you both enjoyed having sex with each other. But you should have known something wasn’t right when once wasn’t enough. That deal back in your kitchen all those weeks ago had been for just one night. But you couldn’t stay away, even when you had tried… He hadn’t been able to either. That’s where wires had been crossed. Each look, each kiss, each touch, you had seen something more, while he hadn’t. Everything he’d said to you had just been part of the excitement. He had only chased you for the adrenaline rush. The biggest turn on, the forbidden fruit—you. You weren’t supposed to read into it. But you had anyway.

And now you felt stupid.

You’d fallen for him while he didn’t want you. Not like how you wanted him anyway.

“Just make sure you don’t get hurt, okay?”

Sunmi’s words came back to bite you on the ass. It was too late now. You were hurt, and the worst thing about it was that you’d have to continue to see Seokjin around and pretend like nothing had happened. You had to live a lie and hide your emotions. Each time you would see him a bitter reminder of what had happened.

It was a while before you realised you were crying, thick, hot tears running down your cheeks as you sat there feeling pathetic. Just the thought of never being around Seokjin like you had been for the past couple of months made your heart throb painfully and you didn’t know how you were going to cope.

Your phone screen lit up, signalling you had a text. Your heart dropped when you saw it wasn’t who you wanted it to be. How pathetic. Instead, it was your mom, telling you there were leftovers in the fridge ready to be heated up before you went out tonight. You groaned, throwing your phone face down on the bed. You’d forgotten about that and now you were positive you didn’t want to leave the house tonight—or any other night for that matter.

If you were anyone else, you would have thought fuck him, and gone. Gotten drunk, had fun, maybe hooked up with a cute guy you’d see there, but that wasn’t you. At all. And not after today. It hurt you to imagine Seokjin would do exactly that, most probably. Kyuho watching him and jeering him along because he’d have no clue his best friend had just broken his sister’s heart…

Fresh tears fell at the thought.

[wttcsms]

something’s got to give ; john price

pairing john price x f!reader  word count 2.9k  synopsis a relationship bound to fail from the start. content contains creampie, slight breeding kink, age gap (reader is ~21/price is mid30s), slight angst, hurt/no comfort

Ruination is the act of ruining someone.

Ruination is the smell of cigar smoke clinging to his jacket, the same one that he wrapped around your shoulders a year ago when you were shivering in the rain after your father’s funeral. Ruination is him offering you the spare bedroom in his safe house; he’s barely there, anyway, so you can feel free to take care of things when he’s away. Ruination is how sometimes he comes back from missions with a defeated slump in his shoulders and a new scar, and suddenly you find yourself wanting to pay him back for his kindness.

Ruination is John Price.

John ruins you, and you think you do the same to him, but neither of you dare to admit this truth out loud. Instead, the two of you continue to play house together because the other truth of the matter is the fact that within the comfort of these four walls, it’s practically reality.

You cook for him and keep the house clean; you wash the blood off his uniform and keep his bed warm. In return, he strips you of your clothes and him, his morals, and he fucks you so good, maybe it’s making love.

The house the two of you accidentally make a home is located in a quiet neighborhood in the suburbs. Each house is surrounded by a white picket fence and the laughter of children and happily married couples. Rarely do the neighbors ever see you and John together, and as you grip the sheets underneath you, you angle your head to realize he left the blinds open.

It’s the middle of the night because John refuses to come home earlier than seven in the evening, even though sometimes you know he can make it home earlier. You have a sneaking suspicion that the reason behind his nighttime arrivals has to do with the fact that the sordidness of you and him is easier to swallow with the night shielding you both from any scrutiny.

There’s a sick pleasure you get out of having the blinds to the bedroom open. You know that he must have left them like that on purpose because careful, cautious Captain Price would never make such a careless mistake. There’s a different sort of pleasure that you would much rather focus on right now, though, and it’s the kind that derives from having John forcing you to stay down as he repeatedly thrusts into your sopping wet heat.

He fucks the shape of himself into you every night he comes home; it’s no wonder why you feel like a part of him is with you, even when he’s gone, even when he’s in an entirely different continent.

One of his large hands is pressing down on the small of your back, the other gripping one side of your hips as he continues to ram into you like he owns you. (For the most part, it feels like he already does, but you don’t tell him and he pretends not to know how you feel.)

“Missed you, sweetheart.” He grunts out, and you know he must mean it because no man’s dick has ever been harder than one who’s spent weeks pent up and daydreaming about the pretty little thing waiting up for him at home.

Your face is pressed down in the sheets, and you’re already struggling to breathe because you’re no match for his insane stamina nor is conversation possible when he’s balls deep and leaving you gasping for air and for more. Words don’t need to be exchanged, though, because he can tell you missed him just as much. Why else would you be so wet that you’ve left a tiny puddle of your juices on the sheets? The feeling of your tight heat enveloping his cock, the way your slick makes the inside of your thighs shine in the moonlight, the constant wet smacks of him colliding against you — all of it proves how empty you were feeling with him gone. Poor girl.

At least he’s here now to make you feel whole again.

And you do. You feel so complete every time he thrusts into you, cock hitting you in all the pleasure points you didn’t even know existed. You whine out for him, every sound you make muffled by the sheets but he hears you, sweetheart, loud and clear. He knows you so well. He knows the feel of your walls spasming, tightening up on him, suffocating his cock and making him exert himself some more just so he can continue properly thrusting into you. You’re acting as if you don’t ever want him to leave, and as you come crashing down, crying and sobbing into the mattress as your orgasm leaves you too sensitive, John only quickens his ministrations.

He fucks you face down, ass up. It helps him hit you deeper, reach those spots that make you sing and sob so prettily for him, but really, it helps in making things less personal. If you were really his lover, truly someone important to him, he would fuck you in missionary. He would take things soft and slow for you, wring out so many orgasms because bringing you pleasure brings him pleasure, and he’d kiss you on the lips as he finishes inside of you.

The only thing he does that he wants to do is the finishing inside of you part.

He knows it’s a dangerous game. He knows the constant charges for emergency contraceptives must have his credit card company raising an eyebrow. He also knows that you love the feeling of warm cum in your pussy and the danger of his seed taking root.

He’s always on the frontlines of danger; for men like him, there is no difference between a safe house and a battlefield.

That is to say, love and war really is the same concept to him, and he treats it as such.

“Sometimes I think this house is haunted,” you tell him the morning after. Lately, John has been prolonging his stays, even daring to stay for breakfast and sometimes, when he’s feeling bolder and more selfish, he’ll even stick around for lunch.  

He sips his tea, before humoring you and asking, “You saw a ghost?” What he actually means is, he’s seen far too many ghosts of fallen comrades that linger by his side when he’s fighting, and he can never tell if they’re there for support or to haunt him. The last thing he needs is more phantoms shadowing him in the comfort of this makeshift home. At this point, it feels like he’s never leaving the battlefield.

“It just makes weird noises at night when I’m alone.” You pout at him, showing your age. You were barely nineteen when your father died — the bullet marked with Pierce’s name ended up lodged in your father’s heart instead — and so maybe John taking you in was done out of pity and a sense of duty. It has since, in the last two years, spiraled into a sick sort of infidelity. He walks around toting a gun, acting as if he has the moral high ground every time he kicks an enemy into the dirt, yet he has the audacity to come back here to cheat on his code of conduct and do the most depraved things to a young woman nearly a decade his junior.

“Well, you’re not going to be alone for a while, sweetheart.”

And he leaves it at that in favor of bending you over the kitchen counter and making you cum twice before breakfast. Because your back is to him, he can’t see the blissed out smile on your face, happiness from the feel of his cum trickling down your thighs and the fact that he’s staying for once.

Falling for John might be the dumbest thing you’ve ever decided to do, but in your defense, it was never your original plan to begin with. Besides, you’re nearly twenty-two now, and your dad is dead, and you think you deserve a little grace and some room to make stupid decisions.

The truth is, you already knew moving in with John would ultimately leave you here (staying up every night, wishing for a man who simply can’t stay, even if he lies to you and himself when he says he’s trying to). Your dad has been buried long enough for him to be nothing but bones and a good memory, and you’ve been playing dumb for far too long.

There’s a thrill to being his little secret. A sick sense of pride that flutters in your tummy and your heart every time you know that he’s avoiding sharing you with his team. And it shouldn’t mean so much to you, but it does, because you don’t have a lot in the first place, so just simply taking space in someone else’s life automatically brings meaning into yours.

In his own way, you know he cares more than he wants you to know. You know that when you’re too exhausted to move your body after he’s fucked you so throughly, he tucks you into bed and makes sure you’re all nice and comfortable. He washes your body for you in the shower, running the soap over every centimeter of skin that’s exposed to him, handling you with such gentle care that there has to be love behind every motion. He cums in you.

That’s usually the only thing the two of you argue about.

In your young, pea-sized mind, having a baby with him is the key to solving all your problems. If you can’t be enough for him to stick around, maybe a child that takes after the both of you can help. It’s a sick line of thinking, and even you know that that reasoning for wanting a child is maybe the specific reason why he doesn’t want to have one with you. The fact of the matter is you’re hungering for a real life, one that isn’t just reduced to stolen moments in the middle of the night, and you think a family will give you the missing pieces you’re searching for. And John entertains the idea of having a baby with you, envisions a daughter with your bright eyes and kind smile, but he can’t bring it to reality because he’s certainly not the right man to build a family with.

“This is stupid,” you tell him, frowning at the pill in the palm of your hand. John is smart enough to watch you take down the Plan B; if he was smarter, he’d have the self-preservation to stop cumming inside you as if he wants to breed you, but he is a man, after all. He has his faults, and the trigger for them just unfortunately happens to be you.

John at least has the decency to pretend like his supervision of you taking the pill is just a coincidence rather than surveillance. Sometimes, it feels like this is what the entirety of your relationship with each other is: hiding behind flimsy lies and pretending that neither of you know the truth. If lying means staying together, though, it’s a price that both of you are far too willing to pay.

“What’s so stupid?”

“I don’t take birth control because I don’t want to, and you clearly don’t want to have a baby with me yet you keep fucking me like you do.” The bluntness of your words cut as sharp as a knife. It’s the most honest observation you two have ever shared together, and it’s this brutal honesty that catches him off guard.

He’s smart enough to read in between the lines, and he knows it’s a dig at him — that what you’re actually saying is that he’s stupid. You're right about that, at least.

He just makes a small noise from the back of his throat, and you don’t have anything else to say on the matter. Instead, you take the pill like the obedient girl you are, and you swallow it dry because you want the acrid taste of it to linger on your tongue and scratch against your throat. You want it to serve as a reminder and an unpleasant punishment for allowing yourself to be strung along by John (and for wanting to be strung along). Besides, you think to yourself, there are worse pills to swallow, like the bitter truth that this relationship between you and John isn’t going to last much longer.

John knows he’s down bad whenever Gaz has something to say about it. Gaz, who is a jokester by nature, but surprisingly more keen and observant than he would like to let on.

“Lady problems?” Gaz says, in that teasing manner of his that hides the fact that he notices his captain has been walking around with a heartbroken expression.

Gaz knows about you. Well, he has suspicions that you exist, and for him, that’s enough proof. His intuition is usually right, and judging by the look Price gives him, he knows he’s right.

“What makes you say that?” John should really be telling him to rest up because it’s been a long night, but he knows Gaz won’t listen, and he also knows that maybe he does need some help on figuring out whatever the fuck is going on with you two.

“You look like my dad every time mum makes him sleep on the couch.” The look Gaz is describing is a man in immense pain paired with a freshly-kicked puppy dog’s eyes and pout. John feels like he’s been banished to the proverbial couch; after the whole entire Plan B fiasco, you haven’t been speaking to him. The cold shoulder treatment has been a long time coming, but it hurts more than he expected.

“Whatever happened,” Gaz continues. “You should probably just apologize.”

Gaz doesn’t ask about you. He doesn’t even get confirmation that it really is lady problems that are troubling Price, but John thinks he’s losing his touch if both you and Gaz — two young people reckless enough to get caught up in Hurricane Price — are able to see through him so easily.

“It’s not that simple.” John tells him, and Gaz shrugs.

“It never is, sir.”

A small part of you gets off on ignoring John. It gives you a tiny semblance of power, as if you have some sort of control in this relationship of yours, but you know this reasoning and this feeling only stems from anger.

You’re angry that he hides you away, and angry that he feels like you’re something that needs to be a secret. You’re angry that you allow yourself to be treated like the other woman even when there is no woman for you to fight for his affections with, and you’re angry that you love him, even during the moments where you swear you’re going to leave him but never follow through.

The reason why his arrivals back home are always a surprise is because he doesn’t bother calling you when he’s on his way back, even though you know there’s a secure line for him to do so. You asked him, once, why he doesn’t let you know that he’s on the way — that he’s safe.

It’ll be too dangerous. Someone might tap the line and find you.

It’s a very smart answer. Sweet enough to make you swoon, convincing enough to save you both from the truth: he wants to keep a good enough distance between you two.

Love is never the answer, you decide. Every moral of the story is how love perseveres, how it saves all, how it’s the ultimate route to happily ever after.

Love is never looking each other in the eyes during sex because you know the truth of your feelings for each other will be exposed, and it’ll hurt, just like an open wound. Love is the way he smiles at you when he thinks you’re not looking, all soft and crooked, gentle and warm. It’s a side of him you don’t get often because he thinks his love is dangerous, and maybe he’s right about that. Love is the silence that stretches between the two of you when you ask him when he’s coming back, and he tells you he doesn’t know, and you’re okay because you think you can survive long enough with just the memory of him and his hands on you.

Love is a kind of warfare, and you’re tired of fighting.

In the end, something’s got to give. He supposes he deserves this. He really did mean to apologize, but he got sent out on a mission and the timing had never been right (when has it ever?), and it’s just the fact that life seems to wear him down the older he gets.

He knows something is wrong when he steps through the door and the house is cold. There’s an emptiness that makes fear fester in his gut, and he knows better than to call out for you because no matter what, every time he comes home, he knows you’re already waiting for him.

(That’s the type of love that can’t be forced, the type of love he’s spent too much time pretending he doesn’t need, doesn’t crave.)

The note you’ve left him says enough, even though he keeps rereading it over and over again, as if more lines will appear. He wants there to be a secret code hidden in the message, but you’ve made yourself clear:

John,

I can’t do this anymore. Please don’t come looking for me.