#'so what exactly was wrong?' excellent question i have near-chronic migraines a dodgy hip that is probably muscular but no one really knows | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

commander-damneron · 3 years ago

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You'd think working in a hospital would mean not having to explain how chronic illness works, but then again, half the doctors in this place don't understand how it works, I don't know why I expected managers to be any better

#'youve been ill a lot' yes i have and also no its all one illness and i have it all the time and sometimes i cant just push through it #'you didnt tell so and so you'd be off' should i have? i phoned the office and if they didnt pick up i sent an email #telling anyone else isnt my job and also i physically cant if im off its because i literally can't function that day #'so what exactly was wrong?' excellent question i have near-chronic migraines a dodgy hip that is probably muscular but no one really knows #a whole list of mental health things almost all of which come with some form of executive dysfunction #and i occasionally have to adjust my meds for those which means 2 weeks of gross side effects and light withdrawal #and right now my entire hormone profile is shifting so my endocrine system is a little fucky while it gets used to that #and tes they are all relevant because i dont know what exactly was wrong or if it was a combination i just know i couldn't move #oh and on top of all of that i have crippling anxiety so every call/email is anxiety inducing and every day missed is anxiety inducing #and having this conversation is anxiety inducing to the point im almost crying #but i wont because crying in public? also anxiety inducing #and now all of it is feeding into the 'they dont believe you they think youre just being lazy #by arguing back and being okay some days you're just proving them right you're well ebough you just dont wabt to' anxiety #ao now all of that is spilling out into a fucking tumblr post bc i dont want to be that person who needs to vent to someone #bc sure i know sometimes people are fine with being vented to but what if they're not right now but don't want to say #this got too intense and im gonna take an extra break bc i spent all my actual brrak writing this and also i need to fuckin cry #might use my hep b vaccine this morning as i reason to leave early bc if im here til 7 im not gonna have tome for a good proper break down

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