#'oh i just murdered some zombies no biggie'

[themyscirah]

@vampirehal asked me the ask game but for Jess, so I'm putting that in a separate post here : )

First impression:

Read Green Lanterns first and was like "oh she's AWESOME"

Impression now:

I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS WOMAN. sorry she's just SOOOOOO interesting to me. So cool so strong so BRAVE. I have so many feelings abt Jess I could talk about her for hourssssss

Favorite moment:

Hgggg okay so like Green Lanterns was one of the first comics I read like 3 years ago so I love it but my memory is starting to get kind of fuzzy. I'm doing a character read rn of both Simon and Jess and I'm up to Green Lanterns with Jess but need like 10 more Simon issues to get there with him (so early warning I'm about to get REALLY insufferable abt them) so of her moments before that I'd probably say her big moments resisting Volthoom as Power Ring? I'm insane for the whole Power Ring stuff in general tbh. Like OH MY GOD?!?!?!?!

This is more of a simonjess moment that a Jess character moment but the whole "Just breathe, Jess"/God thing in Green Lanterns is INSANE to me actually. Like what the hell oh my god THEY REALLY WROTE THAT????? wild.

Idea for a story:

On god I have SO many. So many. For one more specific to just Jess and her character arc I have an idea about her time as a Yellow Lantern and exploring that and working that in as a step in her arc and connecting it back to past moments as both GL and PR. (This eventually ends with her going back to GL) This idea is a biggie for me and one of my favorites but probably won't see a ton of progress for a while because I'm just starting rebirth on her character read and so won't get there for a while.

That's just one but I have lots of ideas, including those during her time as Power Ring which is a CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED era of Jess. Her mental state and struggles there are so insane to me and yet nobody takes what's written to their logical conclusion and it just !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know Justice League is a team book and they did some stuff with it but that actually drives me so nuts they didn't focus on Jess more during that era.

Also also have an idea that functions as a combo of Blackest Night (haven't read yet 💀) and the Star Wars zombie au novel Red Harvest that inserts Jess (and Simon too lol but we're not talking abt him rn) into Blackest Night (likely as an au, possibly canon compliant if it works once i read BN) and has Jess on Mogo alone protecting his ring from a group of zombies. It plays a lot on her origin and hunting abilities as she is tracked through the forest by the reanimated corpses of her murdered friends.

Unpopular opinion:

Hmm... I feel like she's a character with less popular opinions and more just opinions. Anyways here are some Jess opinions I disagree with.

"Simon and her should just be friends, men and women don't have to date etc." I mean yes i definitely agree in the importance of close platonic relationships between men and women but like... that's just not simonjess to me. They've also 100% got a hetbait thing going on so it's not like it isn't present in canon. Also like Jess does have close important relationships with men she isn't dating? Take her and Vic for instance (or in my ignoring canon lalala world her and Barry). Just very much disagree on this point.

Also ppl who think that Jess being a Yellow Lantern for a bit is like ruining her character or whatever I disagree? I think it had the potential to be done absolutely terribly (anxiety disorder = yellow ring type bs) but from what I've seen I don't think it has? I haven't gotten to this bit either yet but I think it's a concept with potential that could be beneficial to her character growth if done properly

Favorite relationship:

SIMONJESS!!!!!!!!! (To absolutely no one's surprise) they are like actually everything to me, basically the thesis of this blog at this point I just love them sooooo much. I feel like I talk about them a lot and yet still don't do it anywhere near enough. I can get hesitant to post bc I haven't read every single comic they're in yet or whatever but like I'm going through character reads right now and they're right about to meet so trust that situation WILL change and you will wish I'd shut up abt them : )

Also mentioned this earlier but Jess's friendships with Vic and Barry are very important to her character-wise in my mind.

Favorite headcanon:

Was about to say that I don't make a lot of headcanons but that is a LIE. anyways this is more of a future desired timeline thing so not canon but I think that when her and Simon get together, when one of them has to go out to space alone for a decent amount of time they swap rings and Jess talks to Simon's ring

[lizhly-writes]

nanowrimo: day 8&9

November 9th, 2020: 8810/50000

Honestly I have been both very tired and lacking inspiration.  Which has led me to writing random scenes of other projects and starting other projects, because it’s a lot easier to write 1k of random scenes instead of sitting down and plotting out a proper trajectory for my actual project.  It’s hard!  I ran into a confusing scene in canon in which the mc got rid of some zombies, but I can’t tell if this was because he was being surrounded by zombies or if it was because he calmly walked toward some nearby zombies like a dumbass or how he even got rid of them to begin with.  I mean look at this.

Right now, I needed to remain calm. There were still a few usable methods, but the important thing was to handle matters in front of me. 

I controlled my breathing and walked to the demonic people. 

 “Kuweeok?” 

 Fortunately, it wasn’t difficult to make the fall down the bridge using inertia. Kyaaaack – kwajijik!

 I reduced the numbers by making them fall steadily. The dokkaebi’s stopwatch floating in the air was blinking.

alright, kim dokja.  you're making demonic people fall.  how are you doing that.  you can't just say inertia.  does the sheer gravity of your presence push demonic people off bridges?

i actually need to know, because if he was surrounded by zombies in canon, then he’ll be surrounded by zombies in my fanfic, and that affects what i have to write, urgh.  I’m going to need to see what he did in the webtoon. I have to research by reading a webtoon.  Now, I like webtoons, but do you know how much joy I lose out on by having to do it for research?

Excerpt:

The sponsor selection finishes up, and then Kim Dokja calls everyone over for a hello, nice to meet you, my name is so-and-so, please take care of me during the apocalypse.  Kim Namwoon collects glares and wary looks and half-remembered names, and none of it is interesting at all.  

Ha, except for that one guy who thinks he’s such bigshot and tried ordering around hyung.  For that guy, Kim Namwoon makes sure to grin extra-wide, showing off all his teeth, and that’s enough to scare the shit out of this loudmouthed bastard.  Man, it’s so much easier to intimidate people when everyone knows you were the first person out of them all to be okay with murder.

[mieohmy]

𝖲𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖾𝖽𝗒 𝖢𝖺𝗍 𝖶𝗁𝗈? | 𝖫𝖾𝖾 𝖧𝖺𝖾𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇

PAIRING: lee haechan x reader

GENRE: humor, fluff, haunted house au, friends-to-maybe-more?

WC: 1.2k

NOTES: cursing,  horror/scary things 🤡 boo maybe a Halloween drabble in January 🤠?

↳ “Don’t let go. If you do, I think I’ll die.”

✧

You weren’t going. No way. So what if you have to be stuck at home ignoring annoying doorbells from candy deprived kids who just rampaged from door to door? It was way better than going to the highest-rated horror house in the city... right? 

“Listen, I’m staying here. I’m not going to scream my brains out and get killed by a clown alright? End of discussion.”

“Come onnn, it’ll be so much fun. The fear is the best part,” Renjun tries to convince you for the nth time. “Who wants to be alone on Halloween?” 

You reply with no hesitation. ‘’Me.”

“Y/n,” he groans in frustration, “you’re not gonna die. You can just stick by Haechan’s side, no biggie.”

Renjun’s response causes you to furrow your eyebrows. “Why Haechan?” 

“Well, he won’t stop bragging about how fearless he is, so he can protect you... I guess?”

You snort, “Haechan protecting me? Why would he want to do that?” 

His eye suddenly twitches, specifically the left one, you note. “Uh- no reason. Hey guys, you ready?” he calls out to the other guys.

“Yeah, did y/n finally change their mind?” Chenle asks. 

“Of course. They’re gonna change, and then we’re leaving.” Renjun glares at you with such ferocity that you simply turn and walk to your room to get ready.

✧

You regretted going. Waiting in line was literally torture. The never-ending screams were torture. Everything was torture. 

“Guys, I don’t think I can do this anymore. Didn’t you just hear those kids screaming? It literally sounded like they were actually getting murdered.” 

“Oh don’t be a baby, it’s gonna be great getting chased by clowns,” Renjun states. 

Haechan puffs up his chest. “Or the clowns are gonna be chased by me.” There’s a moment of silence before you speak up again. 

“Seriously, how come Jisung wasn’t forced to come and I was?” 

“Cause,” Jaemin replies, “He’s a baby. Mine, specifically.” 

You roll your eyes, bottom lip jutted out in frustration. “What about me? Am I not a baby?” 

“Nah- oh heck no,” Chenle says, head shaking from side to side.

Haechan mutters under his breath, “you can be mine..” 

“Ughhhh I’m gonna die, and it’s gonna be all your guys’ fault.” You might’ve tried to escape the line and run away as fast as your legs can take you but there’s always that one person who stops you.

“No, you won’t.” Renjun shoves you toward Haechan, making you stumble into his arms. “Since you think you’re all so strong and mighty, you can take care of them.” You’re too busy grumbling to notice Haechan’s flustered expression. 

The line moves up and the horrible feeling in your stomach grows every step closer. 

When the group in front of you enters the death house, you tightly clench whoever’s arm is right next to you. “Oh my god, we’re almost in.”

Haechan lets out a strained laugh, weakly attempting to remove your iron grip from his arm. 

 And then the door opens. You feel the cool air flow out and shiver. Chenle lets out an excited woohoo! and dashes in. 

You’re frozen, staring at the darkness emitting from the door until a voice cuts in. 

“Come on, y/n. We can do it.” You look up at Haechan, a hand offered in front of you. 

And so you take it, entering the haunted house with the rest of the boys. 

It isn’t too bad -is what you thought for the first five steps into the house. 

It helped that everyone was giggling at all the lame props that didn’t seem so horrifying after all.

Horribly fake decorations? Okay. Bloodied corpse? Ehhh... 

Is that a murder chainsaw guy? Goodbye. 

You swear it was some weird vase decoration or whatever, but when it stands up and that roaring engine sound comes to life, everyone erupts in screams and scatters throughout the place.

You're not sure where you are, where everyone else is. The house feels so much scarier alone. In total, you’ve been jump scared by three zombies, one skeleton, and a coat hanger. 

You’re not even sure how you’ve been moving through this maze of a house. For real, how many doors and hallways have you walked through? 

After a creepy girl pops up right in your face, you wail, almost on the verge of tears. There’s no choice but to run away, maybe find someone else or an exit. Where is everyone? 

Turning a corner, you bump into something, immediately falling to the ground and shrieking. Wait a second. You may be hearing things, but it sounded like another scream? One was yours for sure, and you’re pretty confident that your voice didn’t suddenly become deeper...?

“Fuck- wait a sec... Oh thank goodness, y/n !!”

Whimpering, you peek an eye open to see a relieved Haechan. It was hard to recognize him, the house being so dark and all. 

“W-where’s everyone else?” 

He helps you up, not letting go of your hand afterward. “I don’t know... We all lost each other after that creepy chainsaw man.” 

You pause. “You know, for someone saying that they were so good at these horror things, you were sure scared to bump into me.” 

“W-whatever. I can barely see anything. Come on, let’s stick together. I don’t think I can handle this anymore.”

Slowly, the two of you continue through the house. You never loosen your grip on his hand. you don’t think you physically can.

After a weird clown guy literally comes out the wall(??), the two of you barely make it past, Haechan babbling random useless threats.

You bury your head into his shoulder, eyes squeezed shut. “Don’t let go. If you do, I think I’ll die.” 

If you keep saying things like that, I think I’ll be the one to die, Haechan bitterly thinks in his head. 

“Haechan... I-I think I see it!” “See what?” “Maybe my eyes are deluding me, but I think that’s the exit? Right?”

You both glance up at the giant EXIT sign in neon green positioned above a door. 

It takes a few seconds of studying and squinting before you two share a glance and vigorously push through, tumbling outside back into the normal world. 

  The sight of the black sky never seemed so reassuring before. 

“Y-y/n, we did it!! We escaped that rotten house!!” 

Laughing in joy, Haechan picks you up, spinning in circles until you can’t breathe. Maybe it was being in his arms or staring into his sparkling eyes that caused your heart to beat faster.

“GUYS!” Haechan finally sets you down at the outburst. How convenient, the rest of your group basically collapses outside the exit. 

“Please- let’s just get the hell outta here. That skeleton seriously moved, I swear. But...how did you guys escape so fast?” Renjun asks, a suspicious glint in his eyes. 

You share a smile with Haechan, growing when his hand sneaks around to fit with yours. 

“Cause we had the guts to do so.” 

“.........was that supposed to be a p-” 

“No, y/n. Don’t say anything. Don’t even give him a response.” 

Maybe haunted houses were pretty fun. With the right people, of course. 

[braincoins]

Unusual Halloween Movies

Tired of Jason, Freddy, and Michael? Want something new this year? Boy, do I have some treats lined up for you! I’ve used JustWatch to list the streaming options (though these are US streaming options; I maaaaay be up for some streaming fun on Halloween...). I’ll tell you right now, this list can almost perfectly be broken into three categories: Horror-Comedy, Sci-Fi Horror, or International Horror.

American Mary -  A medical student drowning under tuition debt finds a lucrative practice when she enters the world of body modification. ngl, I remember liking this movie but it’s been a bit since I saw it, so for the CONTENT WARNINGS I’m going to straight up rip the MPAA here: Rated R for strong aberrant violent content including disturbing images, torture, a rape, sexual content, graphic nudity, language and brief drug use

Ava’s Possessions - Ever wonder what life is like once all your demons have been exorcised - literally? Now that Ava is free of the demon that once possessed her, she’s out of a job, down a few friends, and facing charges for the acts of violence her demon did. The only way to get out of trouble is to go to the demon-equivalent of AA. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly blood and bad language; some mild sexual content 

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - A journalism grad student interviews a young man in training to be the next slasher killer, ala Jason/Freddy/Michael. An absolute treat of a movie for anyone who loves slasher films; it’s about 3/4 mockumentary, 1/4 actual horror film when she realizes that, no, really, he’s going to go kill all those co-eds. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, naked boobs (”Ugh. Is that REALLY necessary?” “Now, Taylor, who’s telling this story?”), sex, occasional panty shots (because, again, slasher films). 

Bubba Ho-Tep - OH MAN another one I had to go back and add in ‘cause REALLY NOW. Elvis is in a nursing home (at least, he says he’s the real Elvis) and he and JFK (who is played by Ossie Davis - who you will note is NOT white) have to fight off a resurrected mummy who sucks the souls of the living out of their assholes. Bruce Campbell stars. HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME ENOUGH FOR YOU?! CONTENT WARNING: Um... look, I think you kinda already know what sort of content to expect given what I just told you about the story.

Bulbbul (Netflix Original) -  (Hindi Language) During the 19th century Bengali Presidency, something - or someone? - is haunting the woods around a lord’s estate, killing men in gruesome ways. The lord has left his estate in charge of his young wife, while his younger brother, who’d been away studying in London, returns to hunt down whatever is causing these mysterious deaths. CONTENT WARNINGS: child bride, blood, and what Netflix calls “sexual violence”, meaning a rape scene so graphic (despite not showing any nudity or genitalia) that it is GUARANTEED to make you uncomfortable. The movie was written and directed by a woman, so there is nothing intended to be “sexy” about this at all. If you can make it through that scene, though, there is a definite payoff for it. (Or should I say “payback”?)

Eli (Netflix Original) - A young, incredibly sick boy with a fragile immune system is brought by his parents to a clinic for an experimental treatment that may be their last hope. But all is not as it seems within the walls of this place... perhaps literally. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly just language, a few mild jump scares. People get set on fire at one point. No biggie. 

Errementari: the Blacksmith and the Devil (Netflix Original) - (Basque Language) Based on a Basque folk tale. Eight years after the First Carlist War, a government official comes to a small, impoverished Basque town asking after the blacksmith. Everyone tries to warn him away; the blacksmith is an evil, evil man. But he is on the trail of some Carlist gold that might be in the smithy, and the prospect of the gold wins him some helpers. And while everyone is distracted by that, a young orphan girl manages to get onto the blacksmith’s property. And what she finds there, no one could have expected... CONTENT WARNINGS: I took a screenshot of Netflix’s list of warnings just because it amuses me:

[sings “One of these things is not like the others...”]

Europa Report - Look, I really can’t recommend this enough for fans of found-footage features and people who can stand slower-paced, constantly-building terror. An international mission is sent to investigate Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter. (Those of you who are fans of real-world space exploration know that Europa is considered a prime target for extraterrestrial life within our solar system.) Contact was lost with the mission for a long time, until the data streams came flooding into Earth all at once. And what they showed... CONTENT WARNINGS: Like I said: slower pace than most horror/thriller movies. It builds slow and steady. There’s really not much in the way of blood and gore, though; an excellent example of terror without resorting to buckets of red corn syrup.

Event Horizon - Hellraiser in Space? Hellraiser in Space. Except the Lamentation Configuration is a fucking SPACE SHIP. Also, props for genre-savvy cast. CONTENT WARNINGS: EYE SCREAM. Blood, gore, and, no really, THE EYE THING. Did I mention the gore and the blood? Oh, and language. And blink-and-you-miss it nudity & sex.

Grabbers - Strange creatures are attacking a small Irish coastal town and the only way to protect yourself is... to be drunk? CONTENT WARNINGS: I mean, it’s Irish and everyone’s drunk, so bad language (by American standards) is a given. That’s... really about it, unless you have a tentacle phobia.

Green Room -  An up-and-coming punk band show up to play a gig and realize too late that they’re playing at a Neo-Nazi club. And when they happen to see something they... really shouldn’t have, it becomes an all-out fight for survival. Same director as Murder Party, though this movie was made later with a much better budget. CONTENT WARNINGS: Violence, blood, gore, and yes, some dogs die because they were trained to be vicious attack dogs by Neo-Nazis. :( Also, the most important content warning of all? PATRICK STEWART PLAYS A NEO-NAZI. (You think I’m joking, but for someone who grew up with him as Jean-Luc Picard, it is downright unsettling to see, okay?)

Life - Think Alien meets Europa Report (above). The six-member crew of the International Space Station are given a sample from Mars that might contain actual extraterrestrial life.  CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood. No, let me say that again: BLOOD. Sounds of bones breaking. Alien creature entering someone’s mouth and killing them from the inside (probably through a combination of choking them/asphyxiating them on their own blood/devouring their blood? It’s not clear, it’s just UNSETTLING).

Murder Party - This is what happens when snobby art school brats try to kill someone. (Read: it doesn’t go well.) Fuckin’ bop of a Halloween song over the end credits, too. Also, at least two characters are canonically bisexual. Same director as Green Room, though this movie was made first (with a much lower budget). CONTENT WARNINGS: bad language, blood, gore, nudity, mild sexual content (the nudity is supposed to be “artistic”). The dog probably DOES die, given the circumstances, but it doesn’t happen on screen, at least? And the dog gets some pretty decent comeuppance first... Also, 1000000% accurate cat representation. 

The Perfection (Netflix Original) - A former cello virtuoso (virtuosa?) gets in touch with her former teacher and meets his new star pupil. An instant connection is formed between the two women... or is it? (Yes, there are lesbians!) CONTENT WARNINGS: oh chaos, where do I start? Bugs under the skin, hacking off body parts, blood, gore, mild sexual content, sexual abuse, and the movie itself is complete and utter MINDFUCKERY. Did you like “Tales from the Crypt” as a kid? You’ll probably dig this. 

Ravenous - With apologies to all Native Americans, but at least they did get actual Native American actors for those parts (George is played by a Pueblo actor; his sister Martha is played by an actress of Menominee and Stockbridge-Munsee descent). A soldier who won a questionable victory during the Mexican-American war is given a hero’s status and then an exile to a remote fort in the Sierra Nevadas. Not long after he arrives, a would-be settler arrives with a harrowing tale, calling for help for what few survivors there are of his wagon train. The two friendly Native Americans at the fort issue warnings that go unheeded, of course. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, cannibalism, PTSD.

Slither - James Gunn’s 2006 Feature Movie Directorial Debut! He wrote it, too. An homage to B-movie gore flicks like you’d see at the drive-in. I am just copying and pasting the IMDB summary ‘cause I love this movie too much to be concise about it: A small town is taken over by an alien plague, turning residents into zombies and all forms of mutant monsters. (Oh, but don’t forget the nasty, slithery blood worm things!) CONTENT WARNINGS: Nasty, slithery blood worm things. GORE, BLOOD, GORE, GORE. A very uncomfortable sex scene. Michael Rooker.

They’re Watching - An American TV crew filming what is essentially “House Hunters: Eastern Europe” stumble into superstitions, folklore, and... TERROR!! MWAHAHAHAHA. No, seriously, I LOVE how it’s basically “What if some HGTV crew wound up waaaaaaaay in over their heads, in a horrible and bloody way?” CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, and NO WI-FI.

[thecloserkin]

book review: Mira Grant, Deadline (2011)

Genre: Sci-Fi

Is it the main pairing: Yes

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: No

Is it endgame: Yes

Is it shippable: Yes

Bottom line: how is it possible that the book where one half of OTP is dead is shippier than the first one where they’re both alive

Book 2 of the Newsflash trilogy picks up with our boy Shaun, who’s turned desk jockey since he lost George, riding to the rescue of some buddies beset by a zombie swarm. Everyone makes it out alive and Shaun tries to play it like it’s no biggie but the truth is,

I’ve lost one of the integral traits of a good Irwin: I’m not having fun. When I wind up in the field, it’s a chore to be survived, not an adventure to be relished. Without that little spark of gosh-golly-wow to drive me on, I’m essentially a dead person walking … George is the one who stopped breathing, but I’m the one who gave up on living.

Without George he has nothing to live for and so he’s sensibly withdrawn from fieldwork. The one thing that keeps him going is George’s voice in his head, chiding him for (among other things) picking up a coffee instead of a can of Coke. He’s started drinking Coke to appease her. He says it himself: “I am a haunted house pretending to be a man.” As for whether she’s real or just a figment of his imagination, this is Shaun’s take:

Screw sane. I don’t want anything that makes her stop talking to me.

Buckle up for an angst rollercoaster, kids:

One apartment for me and George, who didn’t take up any physical space but was so much a part of every room that sometimes I could fool myself into thinking she had just stepped out for some fresh air.

Several people have said it doesn’t really feel like anybody lives there, and what they don’t seem to understand is I like it that way. As long as I’m not really living there, I never have to think about the fact that I’m living there alone.

Outwardly he’s functional i guess but this is not the behavior of a person who has Moved On.

Sometimes I think this series is a how-to manual for small business owners masquerading as science fiction. For Shaun and George, the work used to be everything. Now George is gone Shaun is in the unenviable position of having to make all the tough calls, and second-guessing every last one because maybe George would have done it better. Oy vey. Offhand he informs us that their parents are also suing Shaun for ownership of her intellectual property. I always knew they were vultures but seriously???

So Shaun’s raison d’être right now is to bring down the person or people who murdered George. Obviously this does not mean the ones who pulled the trigger, it means the ones who gave the order & plotted to remove her. In the process of doing this he uncovers an even bigger conspiracy—although maybe it’s merely the same conspiracy from Book 1, only expanded in scope. I’m not sure. What I’m mainly interested in is how bad absolutely clueless Shaun is at signaling or perceiving romantic interest. Like, there’s a co-worker/employee of his, and they’re thrown together rather a lot, and she’s clearly crushing on him hard only Shaun’s too dense to see it. After the whole affair ends disastrously (he sleeps with the poor girl then calls her by George’s name) he ruminates:

”Why would I know what the signs were? I never had to read them before.”

It’s obvious why Shaun, a not-unattractive grown ass man whose other social skills appear to fall well within the range of “normal,” has such atrophied skills when it comes to this one thing. He’s never had to use them. Here’s Maggie the relationship guru:

”Have you ever had a girlfriend?” “Not as such, no.” ”Have you ever been in love?” There’s never been a good answer to that question. I didn’t even try. I just shrugged.

I can’t find the tweet anymore but Seanan Maguire has confirmed that Shaun and George first got together the night after junior prom���they went with other people as a sort of experiment. (@JKRowling see, this is the sort of authorial headcanon that the fans actually clamor for.) The two of them just skipped right over the tentative fumbling awkward initial stages of dating, of getting to know each other, because they already know each other inside out. Shaun says:

Sometimes I’m even arrogant enough to think the Rising happened so we could be together.

Colloquially we use the term two people “being together” to mean they enter into an exclusive romantic relationship. But it’s intentionally ambiguous here whether he means that, or just the two of them finding each other, because what would have been the chances of their being raised together absent a global catastrophe like a zombie apocalypse. Shaun finds it impossible to separate the romantic aspect of their relationship from the familial bond, and that’s why I love incest thanks for coming to my ted talk. Oh, here’s Mahir the relationship guru:

”I mean, I didn’t know…” “What, that I loved your sister? Of course you didn’t, just like you had no idea Rebecca fancied you. You never had to go searching like the rest of us.”

Can I just say, on an unrelated note, I feel SO BAD for Mahir’s wife who’s not even a proper character? She doesn't get any screentime. But this is a small business how-to manual, remember, and the way Shaun is always ringing Mahir at 2 in the morning and Mahir feels obligated to pick up because it’s his boss? Mahir’s wife is a saint, canonize her immediately. Back to my earlier point about how Shaun has less experience with flirting/dating than your average fourteen-year-old:

This sort of thing was easier to handle when George was around. She was always the one who noticed when girls started crushing on me, and she made them go away. One way or another. I’ve never tried to deal with this sort of situation on my own before.

What’s fascinating is that it’s not just romantic entanglements that he’s at a loss to deal with:

I’d never driven any real distance with a passenger—not unless you counted George, who didn’t actually change the way the bike was balanced, or make it necessary for me to compensate for additional weight.

WHEN GEORGE RODE PILLION ON HIS MOTORCYCLE IT DIDN’T EVEN THROW OFF HIS BALANCE!!! He’s not used to having to think about compensating for a passenger’s weight bc with George everything came naturally!!! If this isn’t a metaphor for their entire relationship idk what the hell it is.

She didn’t like touching people, so I touched them for her. She didn’t like emotional displays, so I took up the slack.

She was the yin to his yang, they were a team etc etc. Here is how Shaun reacts when the book’s antagonist gives his Evil Villain Spiel:

”I never gave you much credit for brains, Shaun—that was your sister’s department, God rest her soul, and if she made any errors in judgment, it was in trusting you to watch her back—but I still thought you were smarter than this.” “You take that back,” I whispered.

Shaun couldn’t care less that this fool gives him zero credit in the brains department, but let him impugn George’s judgment even slightly and our boy is ready to throw hands. We stan.

These are my two favorite passages from the book:

George and I shared a lot of rooms exactly like this one, one of us dozing while the other kept working, the staccato click of keys providing the white noise that meant it was safe to sleep.

It’s a work partnership! It’s a sibling bond! It’s a romantic pairing! It’s us-against-the-world, it’s everything! Also this:

George and I used to have shower races. Who could get in and clean and out again in the shortest amount of time. All the guys we went to school with insisted that their girlfriends and sisters took forever in the bathroom, but George always beat me … once a month or so, she’d take over the bathroom for an afternoon to dye her hair back to its original color, which inevitably resulted in her shouting for me to come in and help her dye her roots. The sink on our old bathroom was stained a permanent brown by the time we were sixteen, and we ruined so many towels.

Lol the implied contrast between “other guys who complained about their gfs/sisters” and Shaun who’s been President of the Georgia Mason Fan Club for over two decades.

ANYWAY the twist at the end of this novel is that George is alive. She’s being held at some scary, sterile government facility, and it’s clear from a minor early plot point involving clones that this isn’t George, it’s got to be a George-clone. Because George 1.0 died in Shaun’s arms. But George 2.0 has got all George’s memories so we’re going to go ahead and treat her just like George, which sets us up nicely for alternating Shaun-and-George POVs when we return for the final installment of the “Newsflesh” trilogy.

[vesperione]

Your Godfather: Ending

In conclusion, my best mate got really pissed at the first part and rioted so basically, they’ve driven me to write an ending. So here it is:

FIRST PERSON VIEWS. I know last time was third but ngggg

“I had this cooky biology professor back in high school, yes! Professor Hidgens! I’m his favourite student because I bought him groceries once.” Wow. Nice cover story hey Emma. ‘Favourite student’ are you joking? He’s your godfather! He’s important to you! Right....get in the car, we can stand being in the house we grew up in for a few days. Fuck it. No we can’t. Death. Everybody’s dead. And it’s reminding me of Jane. Of course I miss Jane; now I know Henry never usually got along well with Jane but he knew how badly stuff like this effected me. He’d better let me in or-

“WHO IS IT?” He shouted through the intercom.  “Professor Hidgens!” I sighed, relieved. “Don’t lie to me! I’m Professor Hidgens!” Paul had a weird look on his face whereas my smile kept widening. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.  “No...professor. It’s me...Emma Perkins...” There was a minute (Mine-yute) silence. “Everyone downtowns gone crazy I didn’t know where else to go!”  “Emma?!” His voice questioned, with a hint of eagerness. “You’ve come to the right place. Alexa! Open the gates!” Who’s Alexa? His wife? Why would he have a wife he’s gay as fuck jesus christ Emma grow up!  The door slid open. Since when did he install all this high tech shit? She ran inside and beckoned everyone else inside. She pushed the door open. It was...bizarre. He stood up. Tan jeans? Brown jacket? Black turtleneck? When did he get so....old? He moved his now silver hair out of his eyes. Wow. He smiled at me. He smiled at me! “Oh um...professor this is Paul and...them.” I’m great with names I just could not give a fuck about the others. Except Charlotte. She deserves none of this. I zoned out. Helllllla hard. And then we were in the bar and Bill’s phone rang. I moved closer towards Paul. Paul...

Came back from Guatamala to here at the age of 20. Just turned 19 before my study trip. Soon got my own apartment and a job. Beanies. My first manager was incredible! She helped me find my footing. Then just as I thought I was getting a promotion to manager, she hired Zoey. Now Zoey wasn’t a problem...until she became manager. Nora turned into this massive asshole, but then again so did I. We hate each other but so does every other coworker around here. There’s only like two places where every coworker gets on with each other, that’s the fucking starbucks across the street and the teachers at Hatchetfield High. Around 3 years ago, this guy started coming in. He was tall, he was a brunette, his round eyes stood out to me they were almost anime like. Yes I went there. But God I never felt this way towards a guy before. Every day he came in asking for a black coffee off me...on my days off, however, he didn’t seem to notice me as I tapped out some extra college work on my laptop. He ordered a caramel frappucino then. But why? “Caramel frap nothing better” BOY what are you playing at? Only found out his name yesterday. Paul. Paul Matthews. And I said “Hi Paul, I’m Emma.” And managed to not blush this time. But here we are, in a world full of zombies that apparently sing musical theatre. 

“And I know Bill doesn’t know the shortcut.” Don’t leave Paul. “And that’s why I’m going to go with him.” Dammit. Just as he was leaving, I grabbed his shoulders and looked into his eyes for the first time. They were a soft blue. “So don’t you let em.”  “Emma, there comes a time in every mans life where he has to draw a line in the sand. And I, will never be in a fucking musical.” Shook free of my grasp and left the place. So it was me and Ted and, Henry. Ted seemed drunk out of his mind. Half an hour passed and the silence was agonising. Then the door went. “I’m gonna get it!” And I ran up the stairs. “YOU GO YOU FUNKY LIL LESIBAN!” Ted shouted, words slurred. Then it went silent. I opened the door. “Paul! You made it-” but it wasn’t Paul. “Hello, Emma dear. We speculated you’d be here.” The British accent. They had a british accent now did they? The hive...they’d gotten to them. Her teal eyes were now a menacing yellow, same with his. Her blue blazer was ripped and blue goo was oozing out, a similar one was on her leg hiding behind her torn jeans. Her heels were now flats. His navy suit was torn to shreds and the same blue shit was dripping out of his mouth. Her brown hair was a mess. “Your not my parents. You never were and you never had been.” I could feel my heart hammering. My parents...they were right in front of me. Anna Vera Perkins and Lee James Perkins. I shut the door immediately. “HENRY! EMERGENCY!” I shouted downstairs.  “What’s going on up there? Are Paul and Bill back?” He called.  “NO! BUT MOM AND DAD ARE! AND THEY’RE INFECTED!” There was the sound of a gun loading and footsteps running up the stairs. (bet on it from High School Musical 2 played on my Alexa as soon as that sentence was finished. That’s the perfect mood to write a murder scene.) “Emma step back.” He instructed. “What are you going to do to them...” “Making sure they’re not laying another hand on you!” He pushed me to the floor. The door unlocked. A song was forming outside, and Anna and Lee were the centre. “Join us, you know you wanna, join us, there’s nothing better.” Two gunshots and the shutting of the door. I stood back up and saw Henry slip something in his pocket. I opened the door. Mom lay with her neck bent at a funny angle, a chunk of her face missing form the impact. Dad’s consequences weren’t as noticeable. “They’re dead...” tears filled my eyes. Jesus, Emma! They were assholes to you! Stop trying to relate to them! “They’re not coming near us again. Now Emma-” But I didn’t pay attention. Something about the hive mind being the meteor that came down last night. “Exactly Emma, that’s a sound theory. And that’s why it should never leave this room...” And he approached me with a syringe. I felt the liquid being inserted into the side of my neck but nothing else. 

Everything else was hazy but today I watched not only my parents die...again, but Henry willingly give himself away to the apotheosis. If I could have stopped him I would have. Paul figured out the connection between us soon enough. And now I’m in Clivesdale, dead. Dead as can be. I’m just messing with you! Paul destroyed the meteor. He still has a cut from when a fragment hit him in the chest. But I now work at another coffee chain part time, my full time job on weekdays is as Professor Emma Perkins. Yeah I got a degree to become a scientist it’s fine no biggie hahah. I’m doing it to try and find a reverse. I know the meteor killed the spores. Now everyone is presumed dead. I’m trying to figure out an antidote. But I love my kids and I hope I can be as good a mentor to them as Henry was to me.