#'oh fuck off you're not my dad. how bad could it hurt anyway' (gets set on fire)

[i3utterflyeffect]

normally stoic victim is crying, panicking, a part of the rocket corp building has been destroyed, the employees are scattering

concurrently, alan is trying to figure out how to tell TDL not to touch firefox

GOD. YEAH....

[scarl3ttjpg]

Back to Square One (07)

I woke up in a slight panic as I rolled off the couch, hitting the floor hard with a thud. My head was pounding and my back ached as I looked around the living room. Clyde and Bebe were both still asleep on the floor, and Butters had presumably gone to his room to sleep in his own bed, which was understandable. I took a look at my phone and was surprised to see that it was already well past 10 am. I scrolled through my notifications, skimming over the several texts from my dad asking where we were and if we were coming home any time soon. I sent him a quick response, verifying that Clyde and I weren't dead as I pulled myself off the ground and sat properly on the couch.

I began scrolling through Twitter, and sighed at all of the back-and-forth subtweets from the previous night. Nobody at the party had any business going on social media last night, and I could already tell that this would only make people more upset with me.

I set my phone down next to me and rest my head in my hands, the mere thought of everything draining all of the energy from my body. I'd always been one to overthink and doubt myself, and my current reputation didn't help at all. Back in elementary school, they were all reluctant in include me in their game. They only even considered it because of Clyde, not because they had wanted me to be a friend. Then when all the rumors started spreading, they all dropped me without a second thought. They all made it abundantly clear that they never wanted me to be a part of their group, but Kyle especially had made the biggest deal of it. The moment he heard what I did, both actually and allegedly, he decided that I was the worst person to exist. He decided that I was some sort of monster.

The thing that I never could understand, though, is why he's still so upset about it. Over ten years later and he still berates me every chance he gets. He was the first to drop me and the last to move on.

Still lost in my thoughts, I hear quiet footsteps pad down the hall into the living room. I didn't think to look up until I heard Butters speak.

"Oh, hey Y/N! Glad to see you're awake," he smiled. I gave a thumbs up. My head hurt too badly to verbally respond. I watched Butters make his way into the kitchen and fix himself a bowl of cereal. He looked over to me and gestured, silently asking if I wanted anything to which I shook my head. Clyde and I would probably stop and get lunch before we get home at this rate.

"Are you doin' okay? I know you got pretty upset last night. Gosh, I'm sorry about all of that, I thought he'd have moved on by now..."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, I'm fine. I don't even remember a lot of what happened last night, I probably drank too much," I half-lied. If there's one thing I hate doing, it's making people worry about me. At school, I had gotten used to getting through things on my own. Hell, I never even bothered my roommate or my RA with anything.

Butters frowned at my answer but didn't continue pushing me. He took a seat next to me as he ate a spoonful of his breakfast in silence. We sat in quiet for a moment before Bebe slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes and letting out a groan.

"Who the fuck let me get that bad last night..." she whined, holding her head in her hands. One thing about Bebe is that she's a lightweight in denial. When she drinks, she always gets blackout drunk.

Bebe's whining was loud enough to wake up Clyde, who was just as whiny if not more so. He spent a few minutes ranting and mumbling about how bad his head and stomach hurt before I shot him a glare. I knew that he would still be whining about this the entire ride home, I wasn't going to listen to this longer than I had to.

"Hey, bozo, shut up please. My head already hurts without your bitching and I have to drive you home," I said coldly at my brother. He shut his mouth and frowned. I cleared my throat before looking at Butters and Bebe as I stood up.

"Anyways... We should probably get home," I started. "Our dad's been asking where we are all morning." I quickly gave Bebe and Butters hugs before making my way to the door, followed by Clyde.

"The party was fun. Y'know, aside from that... Hiccup."

We each said quick goodbyes before Clyde and I stepped out into the hall and made our way to the car. After what felt like an eternity of listening to Clyde complain about how hungover he was, we finally arrived at home. As fast as I could, I hopped out of the car and got inside the house.

"Dad, we're home!" I shouted into the house before I saw a note on the coffee table stating that he was out running errands. I sighed and sat down on the couch and leaned my head back. I smiled at the peace and quiet as Clyde shuffled his way up to his room until my phone vibrated. My smile shifted to a frown as I saw who had texted me.

prev || next

[libraryofloveletters]

prompts 8 + 9 for Buck omgggg 🥲🥲🥲

Can’t Lose Him

Evan Buckley x Reader 

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of hospitals and injuries, minimal swearing, mentions of pregnancy and Chim’s accident, big brother!Chim

Prompts: #8: “you promised me you wouldn't be reckless! You promised me!” #9: “Does he know about the baby?” 

Category: mix of angst and fluff

Word Count: 2.4k

Author’s Note: I loved writing this so thank you for requesting! :) 

---

Pacing the room, Hen reached out for your hand. “C’mon, your feet must hurt. Sit down” you sighed, once again you were in a hospital waiting room in the middle of the night with the team and Maddie because Buck’s idiotic self got himself hurt again. 

“I’m okay Hen, thank you” you gave her a slight smile. Bobby was talking to the doctors because you couldn't bring yourself to hear what he’s done this time. Bobby returned, Athena by his side now. “Oh honey,” she pulled you into a hug, you could feel yourself melting into her arms, she sat with you and her arm wrapped around your shoulder. Bobby sat to the other side of you. 

“The doctor said that the pressure of the block cracked a rib, which then punctured a lung. He also has a mild concussion but they say it shouldn't be too bad” 

“Is he out of surgery ?” 

“He is, but he’s in recovery now. It might be a little bit before we get to see him” Bobby gives your shoulder a squeeze, you nodded.

Taking a look around the waiting room, Chim held Maddie as she slept with her head on his shoulder. Eddie sat to the other side of them, on the phone with Carla and Christopher. Hen was now talking to Bobby about something. 

This wasn't an unusual scene but a familiar one. Regardless of what was going on or who it was, the 118 always shows for their own. 

A rather tall man came into the waiting room. “Buckley ?” he called out, everyone stood, the doctor seemed surprised to see so many people at 4 in the morning. Your hand was resting on your stomach, you could feel eyes burning into your side. Looking to the left, Chim’s eyes were fixed on your hand, you nodded in his direction with your brows furrowed. He shook his head, you didn’t think much of it. 

“We can take one person in if someone would like to go in now? He’s still asleep but he’s stable as of now” your heart sunk at the term “as of now”, shaking the feeling, you look over at Maddie. 

“Do you want to go in first ?” 

“You go ahead, I'll walk with you and then I'll see him after. I might take a lap, my back is killing me” she gave your hand a squeeze, the two of you followed the doctor to a room down the hall. 

She came in for a moment to kiss her brother’s head and then left you alone in the room with him. You sat at his bedside, your hand held onto his. His hand was cold, the monitor was still going and you could hear his heart beating through the deafening silence but it felt strange. 

Every time you found yourself back here, it felt odd. 

Buck was a warrior in every sense of the word, he pulled through, always. 

“Oh baby, what did you get yourself into” sighing and leaning back into the chair. Once again, your hand comes down to rest on your stomach, the other hand still holding Buck’s. His hand twitched slightly, he was starting to wake up. “Don’t move hun,” your hand rested on his chest softly, Buck’s brows furrowed. 

“Wh-who are you?” his head tilted slightly, your heart dropped. The panic started to set in but you knew better than to let him see it. 

He’ll come around, he’s just woozy from surgery. 

“Why are you here?” he asked once again, “I'm-” you started but was cut off by a little chuckle from Buck. “You ass!” you let out a breath, “god, you scared me”

“Sorry baby, I didn't mean to scare you” 

“Yeah? So why am I sitting in a hospital room while you’re all banged up” 

“We could bang if you wanted” he gave you one of his stupid wicked smiles

“Evan Buckley!” you scolded him, “now is not the time” your hand held onto his arm, your finger tracing over the tattoo on his bicep. “You really scared me, the whole punctured lung this isn't a cute look Buck” 

“Really ? And here I was thinking that I was pulling it off” 

Something flipped in you, you went from relief to anger in .2 of a second. “How could you?” hitting his shoulder, you stood up. “Ow! What did I do ? I'm just laying here” Buck whined, you know you didn't actually hurt him, he's just being dramatic. 

“I know it’s your job to run into burning buildings but would it kill you to be safe? You can't fucking save anyone if you’re dead Evan!” 

“Woah, calm down first of all, and why are you calling me Evan ?” 

“Is that not your frigging name ?!” 

You were starting to lose your patience. You loved Buck, any and everyone knew that but you couldn't deal with how stupid he could be sometimes. He’d run straight into danger to help others but not once would he stop to think of what could possibly happen to him. 

“Where is this coming from ?” he asked you, looking at you. He reached for your hand but you pulled away. You find yourself pacing again, trying to calm yourself before you strangle him with his IV line. “What do you mean ‘where is this coming from?’ you had a giant block of concrete on your chest Buck! If Eddie didn't find you, you'd be dead, you were on the verge of death as it is.” 

“You don-�� 

“I don't know that ? I know you’re dumb enough to run into a collapsing building, especially after Bobby told you not to go back inside” you gave him a look, your back up against the wall. Buck’s face went pale, he looked as if he saw a ghost. 

“What? You thought Eddie wouldn't tell me about your little stunt ? You should know better than that.”

“Y/n, baby, I didn’t think anything would happen to me” 

“You never think Buck, that's the problem! You promised me you wouldn't be reckless! You promised me! but you never listen, you never do. One of these days, you're going to walk in and not walk back out.” storming out of the room, Buck sat on the bed, his mouth hung open and confused as to what brought on the fit of rage you just had. 

Maddie walks into the room, “where’s y/n?” she sits beside him. Buck rubs his forehead, “um- she just went for some air” 

--

It was around 5:30 in the morning, you sat outside on the hood of Buck’s jeep. You had dropped him off at work and taken the jeep for the day, hence why you had it right now. 

Peaceful.

That’s how you’d describe your surroundings. There was no one in the parking lot, you laid back on the hood as your hand came down to your stomach once again, staring aimlessly up into the sky. It wasn't dark but the sun hadn't fully come up yet. It was right before dawn, the world felt like it paused, not completely, but just enough for you to take in these few moments of peace. 

The weight shifted on the jeep, you opened your eyes to see Chim climbing up to sit beside you. “Hey, everyone’s looking for you” he says, laying back onto the hood beside you. “Yeah, I just needed some air” lying through your teeth, you give him as best of a smile that you could muster up. Chim’s eyes fixated on your hand once again, you watched him, practically hearing the turning in his head. 

“What's going on in there? The rebar taking its effect now?” you joke, he rolls his eyes. 

“Does he know about the baby?” he asks, you sit up and turn towards him. You hadn't told a soul. 

“How did-” 

“Maddie does it to- the hand on the belly thing. She's been doing it since before there was a bump. Just a motherly reflex I suppose” 

You stared off into space, Chim sat beside you quietly. “Does he know?” he asks once again, you shake your head. “I know it’s not my place,” he rests his hand on your shoulder, “but I think you should tell him. It might keep him from running into buildings without thinking.” 

“Did that work for you ?” 

“What do you mean ?” 

“When Maddie told you that she was pregnant, did you think twice before running into a burning building ?” 

“Honestly, at first it didn't. It didn't seem real until I saw the bump and heard the heartbeat. Then it all made sense ya know ? I couldn't risk getting hurt because I had something to live for, they were waiting for me to come home” 

“That's the thing, I don't want to lose him, Chim. I can’t lose him. I love him and I need him here, the baby needs him. There’s no way I can do this by myself” 

“You can, I know you would be able to do it by yourself but you shouldn’t have too. Buck’s an idiot but he loves you.”

Chim sat with you for a few more minutes, you considered everything he told you. How Buck might not change right away nor did you expect him too but if there was even a chance of him changing, you’d want him too. “Ready to go back in?” Chim slides off the hood, holding his hand out to you. You hold his hand and he helps you off the hood.

“We have a stop to make first” you walk in the opposite direction of Buck’s room. Chim follows you down to the gift shop, which was closed as it doesn’t open until 7.“Are you kidding me?” you groan, leaning back against the door. “We’ll figure something out,” Chim looks around. Eddie comes around the corner, “what are you guys doing here?” he walks over. 

“I needed something for Buck” 

“What did you need? Can’t it wait until they open?” 

“Eddie, I'm pregnant” you just blurt out, Eddie’s jaw drops, literally. 

“Congratulations!” he pulls you into a hug, “wait, you’re happy about it right?” he checks, you nod. 

“I need one of those stupid “world’s best dad” shirts for Buck but it's closed” 

Eddie looks at Chim and then looks around. “Are we gonna?” Chim points towards the door, looking at Eddie. “Yup” Eddie looks around once more, “lean your head towards me y/n” your face screws into a weird expression but abides anyways. Eddie pulls a bobby pin out of your hair, turning to the door and jams into the lock. He wiggles the pin around until the lock clicks open. 

“Voila” he smiles as pushes the door open. The 3 of you walk in, Eddie stays by the door to make sure no one was coming. “Chim, find a pen and paper for me please ?” you walk away to find the shirt you were looking for. Picking up 4, you shove them into a bag form behind the counter. You toss $30 onto the counter and scribble a little note for the person that opens that read: 

Had an emergency, needed a few shirts. Hope this cash covers it. Thanks! :) 

Eddie relocked the door before heading to Buck’s room. Everyone was now in the room, scattered in different places. Bobby was leaned up against a wall, Athena stood beside him, leaning into his side. Hen sat on the little counter by the window and Maddie was still in the chair beside his bed. Eddie went over and joined Hen by the window, Chim stood behind Maddie, his hand coming up to her shoulder. 

“Y/n..” Buck whispers as you walk in, you take a seat on the end of the bed by his hips. “I’m sorry” he says, his hand reaching out for yours. 

“You’re an idiot but, I guess, I forgive you” you say and Buck smiles at you. “What’s in the bag ?” he asks, you rest the bag on your lap. “Something for you boys” The guys exchange looks, Eddie and Chim knew you needed something for Buck but what did you get for them? 

Pulling out the shirts, you handed one to Buck first. It was a plain blue t-shirt with big white bold letters that read��“world’s best dad”. Buck looked down at the shirt and then back at you, he repeated that process a few times and after a couple minutes he finally asked you. 

“Are you ?” he whispers, the room is silent. 

“Am I?” you ask.

“Pregnant ?” he finishes the question and you smile. 

“Yeah, I am” your hand rests on his, he pulls you into his side for a hug. You hug him, trying not to squish him and hurt him even more. 

“Okay,” you sit up and toss another shirt that said the same thing to Eddie. He caught it and smiled, “because Christopher couldn't have a better dad than you” Eddie gives you a smile and whispers a thank you. 

The next shirt gets tossed to Chim, he laughs. “You got one for me too?” he asks, pulling the shirt on over his sweater. “Yeah because baby girl Buckley is gonna be one lucky baby, despite your not-so-funny dad jokes” Maddie laughs at the comment, Chim does too. 

The last shirt goes over to Bobby. He gives you a look, “what’s this for ?” he asks, “Because not only have you been amazing with May and Harry but you’ve got a fire station full of ‘children’ that rely on you. Just a thanks for bringing them home in one piece, well for the most part” you pat Buck’s side.

The room is filled with happiness and love, the 118 was together once again, not just as firefighters but as a family. 

-- 

taglist: @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover

[sallyf4ce]

wolves

chapter III

-> sallyfacexf!reader

-> enemies? to lovers

-> previous | next

cw: drugs, cigarettes, abuse, violence

*does not follow original plot of sally face*

summary: (y/n) wakes up early to avoid sally. sally’s upset that he did something wrong yesterday. (y/n)’s first meeting with travis isn’t the nicest.

The incessant beeping of your alarm tugs you out of your dreamless sleep.

The sticky tears on the ground remind you of yesterday’s events, but you disregard them. All you want to do is take a shower, throw on your jacket and get out the door. You slowly clamber up off the ground and across the living room to turn off the alarm. After making sure it’s not on snooze, you drag your sore body to the shower. It smells like smoke and lots of cleaning supplies. This place is fucking gross. Is it even monday?’ you check the calendar. It is, in fact, monday. You strip and turn the shower handle.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

You're so glad that you chose to wake up early. Usually kids this far from school drive or get picked up by the bus, but you prefer to use your skateboard. That’s why you get up at 6:30, so you have enough time to get ready and get to school on time. Sanity’s fall quietly played as you washed your breakfast plate and cup, brushing grease residue off the greyish porcelain. You wonder if Sal is awake yet. Probably not. You know, waking up early ensures that you won't see him in the morning. The guy’s not that bad, his eyes just freak you out a little.

Pulling the pink glove off your prosthetic, you wipe your hands with a towel and move to the closet to put your shoes on.

“Jacket, jacket, jacket, jacket.” you mumble, eyebrows knitted. “Where are you?” oh, right, you left it in your room.. With poppy. Was that even her name? You kind of just decided it for her.

Alright, don't be a pussy. Just go in and grab the jacket. You sucked in a breath and opened the door to your room.

“Eeh! A teenager! What’s your name, little lady?” her blond ponytail bounced with every sentence. This was the first time you could get a good look at her. She didn't really have feet, just bloody stumps where they used to be.

“Holy fuck, you’re so loud!” your hands covered your ears.

“Ahh, so sorry! I haven't used my voice in years.” she coughs.

“S’ fine... Can I just- just grab my jacket?” you point at the green pile amidst the boxes all around the room. You didn't get a chance to set up.

“Go ahead!” she nods and smiles.

“Alright. uh, listen, lady. This-” you motion towards the whole room. “Is my room. I live here now. I get that you, like, can't leave this place and shit, but could you maybe sit quietly while i set up later? I really need to clean my room up. I’ll set up a little chair place for you or whatever, so you could sleep at night.” you mumble the last part, embarrassed about your hospitality.

“I can’t sleep.” she smiles, her teeth surprisingly shiny for a ghost’s. God, she’s so preppy that you forgot she’s dead.

“Pretend to then, i dont fucking know. Alright, i have to go. Just… don't cause trouble.” grabbing the jacket, you begin shutting the door. “My name’s (y/n), by the way.”

You can hear her squeals as you leave the apartment. You decide to take the elevator because you don't feel like running down the stairs with a heavy ass bag on your back.. Stepping in, you press the main floor button. It looks like there’s a bit of sticky stuff around it. gross. Syrup? You hoped so.

The elevator dings and you step out, heading out the front doors. It’s cloudy. Again. Not a surprise, really. Keeping your eyes on the gravel, you set down your skateboard and begin your journey to school.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sal’s point of view:

“She probably went on without us, man. Don’t know why you're worrying so much.'' Larry leaned back into the bus seat.

“It’s not that, Larry face. Yesterday, when we left…” was it my fault? Did i scare her? Did she see my face through the mask? Fuck.

“What is it? Spit it out, sally dude.” he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and puffed the smoke out the window.

“I think i scared her, larry. I think she saw my face.” i let out a shaky breath. God, everything was going good. Why the fuck does this stupid face ruin everything?

“Did you- did you take your mask off?” he sat up in the seat, eyes wide.

“No. She probably saw it through my mask.”

“I still dont get it. Explain more, dude.”

“She looked so scared. We made eye contact, and she, like, panicked. Her eyes widened and then she threw me out. It was definitely my eyes. We were fine the whole night, i dont know why she freaked out.”

Larry let out a long hum. He was probably trying to piece things together. Anyway, she definitely went to school earlier than us. I can ask her about it there.

“Woah, sally face. Calm down or you’ll go bald.” larry’s hands pulled mine off my pigtails. Huh, i didnt even notice.

“Thanks, dude. I think we’re here.”

Your point of view:

It was around eight o’clock by the time you arrived. Kids were already piling out of buses and cars, standing by the school’s entrance and conversing with their friends. You definitely felt some eyes on you. That was expected, though. They didnt recognize you, and nockfell didnt seem like a town with many new people. Thinking back to yesterday, sal and larry mentioned some bully kid. Probably wouldnt be hard to spot him.

“Watch it, goth freak!” a pair of hands gripped onto your shoulders.

Ah, what a coincidence.

“Get the fuck off me, fucking prick.” he twitched as you gripped onto his hands and pushed him away.

“Is that a metal hand? Ha, you’re a fucking cripple! How pathetic.” he chuckled. Blond hair draped itself across his forehead, definitely not complimenting the purple shade of his shirt and eye. School fight? or daddy issues? Who knows. I mean, you’re not one to speak, your dad’s literally dead.

“Let me guess, you’re that bully fucker they talked about. God, isnt there enough troubled kids in Nockfell?” you rolled your eyes, just wanting to get to school.

When you said you had bad luck, you really meant it, because all of a sudden, his fist landed on your face.

Are you fucking serious?

You just moved here yesterday and you’ve already been fucked up twice. You can’t keep taking hits, (y/n)! You gotta dish some out!

Sighing in disbelief, you reached out to your gushing nose.

“Mother.” you flicked the blood off your prosthetic hand. “Fucker.”

At this, travis bolts. You drop your bag and get back on your skateboard, weaving through the crowd to get to that shrimpy little fuck.

“I’m so fucking done with nockfell.” blood trails down the side of your face as you lock your eyes on the blond mop of hair in front of you.

Do you jump? Or let him get away?

Nah, you jump.

The skateboard shoots out beneath you as you kick off. He lets out a strangled cry as you land on his back and send him to the concrete. A few whoops can be heard from the kids far behind you.

“Fuck, i’m sorry! Get off me!” he scrambles beneath you.

“Now you’re fucking sorry?”

He doesnt say anything. You slowly climb off, keeping a hand on his neck.

“Pussy.” a snicker escapes you.

“What’d you just-” the hand on his neck squeezes tighter and shuts him up.

“What’s your name again?”

“Tr-travis, fuck.”

“Travis, huh? Well, travis-”

“(Y/n)? What are you doing on Travis?”

Sal’s point of view:

Me and larry were getting off the bus when we heard a bunch of cheering. Weird. I looked in the direction larry was staring. Hold on, that’s travis and some other kid on top of him.

“Sally face! I think that’s fucking (Y/n)! Holy shit!” larry shakes my shoulder. That’s actually her! What is she doing on travis?

“Larry, c’mon, we have to go get her off!” i try pulling him away, but he doesnt budge.

“No way, man! I wanna see her beat him up! She’s doing what you won’t let me do!” he smiles wide. Fuck, i guess i’ll just have to go alone. Larry frowns as i drop my bag and begin running towards them. I’m not letting her get in trouble on the first day. I hear her say something to him as i come closer.

“(Y/n)? What are you doing on travis?”

She looks up in surprise. Holy shit, she’s bleeding!

“I’ve gotten fucked up twice in the past 24 hours. I’m not letting this fuck get away with it.” She snarls. As bad as i feel, she’s kind of attractive, bloody and feral like that. God, what the fuck? Not time for this, sal.

“Oh my god, (y/n)! Here, uh, get up and i’ll take you to the office.”

Your point of view:

You look back at travis. There’s a visible blush on his face, and he’s staring straight at sally.

Oh.

OH.

A smirk forms on your face.

“No thanks, porcelain face. Me and blondie here will go by ourselves. Right?”

He growls, but you tighten your grip on his neck again and he nods.

“Uh, okay. Do you want me to take your skateboard or something?” Sal scratches his head and changes the topic. Just a sliver of jealousy can be found in him, but he is grateful for the nickname. It suits him.

Your expression darkens for a second, all of a sudden feeling possessive of your skateboard. He’s not touching it. It was your dad’s.

“No. Take my bag or something.” you nod towards it by the entrance of the school, where it sits. He obeys and gets up to pick up your bag. You pull travis up with you, blood dripping down your shirt and an arm around his shoulders. Sal’s quite a bit away at this point.

“You gay?” you hum. Travis’s back straightens and fear flashes through his eyes. How did you know? How the fuck did you know?

“No! Fuck you, you’re just a pussy who thinks she knows everything-” he starts yelling, trying to get away, but you interrupt him.

“God, shut up. You’re making my head hurt more. It’s okay, you know. I wont fucking tell anyone about your little self exploration journey.” you pat him on the back and he flushes.

“Fuck, you’re so sappy it’s disgusting.”

“I’m not gonna be a dick to someone because of their sexuality, fuckass. I’m not that low. Let’s get to the school.”

taglist: @dream-of-eros @potatochic2003 @mr-bombastic @purelydarling @ghostfacefricker6969 @deadpoetsandhoney

[spideyspeaches]

The Prince and the Archer ↬ t.h

EDIT: LOOK AT THIS AMAZING MOODBOARD @mischiefmanaged011​ MADE!!!!!!

A/N: So @blissfulparker and I wrote a fic on this prompt I sent to her. She already posted hers AND GO READ IT IT’S AMAZING OKAY?! ANYWAYS-

WC: 2.3k (EXACT HOLY SHIT)

Pairing: Prince!Tom Holland x Archer!Reader

Masterlist || Taglist

Thomas had been nineteen years old when he first saw You.

He had been coming back from the stable with his mentor after a session of horse riding, exhaustion evident in the young Prince’s face. It had been a tough ride, his horse- Jakie- had not been very compliant that day, and Harry had been poking fun at him all day. He loved his brother, but he could be annoying sometimes (most of the time.)

Walking towards the castle, his eyes fell around the sports fields, his vision zeroing onto the Archery range. He had always found the sport interesting. How a single shot from an arrow and a bow could do so much as slice a fruit or pierce an organ, he would never understand. It never ceased to amaze him though.

“You look a little lost there mate.” Harry smirked, eyes following his brother's. He startled when Harry laughed, punching his biceps playfully. 

He didn’t understand what Harry was talking about, until he saw You standing in the field, hands stretched out and legs apart, a perfect stance for a fight. A bow was held tight in your hands, stretching the arrow. He hadn’t even noticed that he had been staring at you, your hair flowing with the wind, a serious expression with your lips pursed as if you were ready for combat, the half of your face glowing with the sun.

The snap of Harry ’s fingers got him back, a blush raising his cheeks at being caught.

"She's pretty isn't she? She's the cook's daughter." He said. 

“Mr. (L/N)?” He asked absentmindedly.

Tom saw as the arrow went sailing in a perfect trajectory, hitting the centre of the eye. He watched in a sort of trance as arrows after arrows hit the various targets, your hands not wavering once even.

 “Uh- you, you go ahead. Tell mother I’ll be back in a minute.” He stuttered. 

“Okay. Her name’s Y/N, by the way.” Harry  retreated, patting his back and giving him a smile that he knew all too well. 

He gestured at his mentor to make his way back to the Castle, walking towards the field where you were practicing. 

You noticed him coming towards him, immediately bowing your head as he approached you. 

"It's alright darling, you don't need to do that." He smiled at You as you nodded feverently. He smiled at you, cooing at the way you shied and hid your face from him. 

“You’re Y/N right?” He asked slowly as you fiddled with your bow, nodding but not looking up for a long time.

“That's me, your majesty, to what do I owe you the pleasure of you visiting the archery range?” You finally said, looking up and stopped fiddling. 

Your heart sped up when you looked at the young prince, hair slicked back in a short mullet, horse riding clothes donned on. 

You had seen him quite a few times while practicing, and even admired him from afar like any other girl your age, but never had the guts to speak. You didn’t know how you would talk to the royalty without the intrusive thoughts of what he would possibly think of a poor girl talking to him. You felt giddy now that he was actually here, talking to you. 

"Oh no no! The pleasure's all mine sweetheart. I, uh, you're good at it."He said, clearing his throat when you raised an eyebrow, “Could you show me? Uhm, how to work a bow and an arrow? I’m actually really bad at it.” He chuckled as you smiled, eyes lighting up when he mentioned the sport.

“Only if you teach me how to ride a horse.” You said back. You couldn't hold back the grin that appeared on your face, neither did he, when you agreed. 

You couldn’t help but do an internal victory dance when he smiled, his soft brown eyes shining in the sunny day sending your mind into a frenzy.

"I could do that. So do we meet here tomorrow? Same time?" He asked, too giddy to notice anything around him. His heart was beating like crazy, feeling a pang of excitement in his tummy as you nodded shyly. 

"Uh yes. That would be great, Mister Holland." You nodded, packing your bow and arrows. Shuffling your feet, you stared at him before he moved out of your way, chuckling when you saw his cheeks flame in a blush. 

"Just Tom is fine!" He said, waving at you with a goofy expression on his young face. He chuckled, shaking his head as he felt an unearthed excitement at the thought of seeing you again.

The feeling felt foreign to the young prince. He had been offered services with other princess' before, danced with them in balls and even had fancy dinners with them, but the thought of spending time with you in the fields felt different, yet the excitement felt the same.

Skipping over to the main halls with a smile on his face that rivaled the brightness of the sun, Tom sighed. His heart was still fluttering from your previous encounter, stomach churning with an unknown feeling. 

It was a few days later, during dinner, that the others started noticing his absences and random visits to the royal grounds with his horse (or how he suddenly was interested in learning archery of all sports).

"What's got you so excited?" His mum smiled, snapping him from his stupor as he looked up from his plate. The steak from his fork nearly fell, the laughter of his brothers making him blush. 

"Is it the girl?" Harry smirked, eating his dinner innocently as he could.

"What girl?" Sam piped in. Everyone's eyes were on him now. Shuffling in his seat, he smiled, remembering your smile when he offered to learn archery from you in exchange of teaching you to horse ride.

"The girl in the archery fields. She's really beautiful. And her aim is impeccable. She's perfect, mum! I've never met a lady like her before." Tom said, looking at his mom with large eyes, anticipation making him sweat. He saw his mother nod, giving him a small smile. 

"An archer you say? Is she by any chance, our cook's daughter?" She asked, resting her fork on her plate. 

"I- I don't know, maybe? How does it matter though?" 

"Tom, you know the rules. There are so many other princesses waiting for you in a like, you can't go for a normal low-life girl." She said, eyes betraying the sadness missing in her stern expression. 

"Just because she's not as wealthy as us doesn't make her a bad person mum!" 

"Tom honey, it's not about that, you have to understand we have certain rules and regulations to follow. For all you know she's a gold digger!" 

Tom was used to the burden of being royalty, and he often felt guilty for feeling burdened with having all the wealth of London, when there were so many poor kids in the streets begging for food and a shelter. 

Sometimes he felt like he would break under all the pressure and rules. 

"How can you say that? You don't even know her! You know what? I don't care. I- You have to understand mum. She's different! She's not like those other snobby princesses who only want to marry me for my name! She's so much more better than those fucking pompous brats okay?-"

"Mind your language Thomas!" 

"You can't stop me!" He said, pushing away his chair angrily before storming away, walking towards the ballroom and ignoring the servants running behind him with apologies. 

Stomping his way to the ballroom, he opened the huge doors, slamming them as fast as he could with his strength. Locking them from the inside, he switched on the lights, sliding down the doors. 

Holding his head, his shoulders shook with silent sobs, tears falling free as he felt himself break. He felt weak, for having such variations of emotions over some girl he saw not long ago. 

Sniffing, he stood up, fixing himself as much as he could in his state, before looking at the small door behind one of the curtains. It was only noticeable if you were looking for it. He smiled, walking towards it. Touching the small latch, he opened the door, sneaking into a garden, the garden only he and his father knew about. 

Pushing aside the shrubbery growing around it, he finally found the rusted gates, slowly removing the rusty chains with his hands.

He smiled fondly, remembering the day his dad had brought him here. He had been sad that day for whatever reasons he didn't remember, sitting on the small swing set as his father pushed him higher and higher until his tummy hurt because of giggling so much. 

Sitting on the swing that was slightly too small for him, he idly pushed his feet back and forth, lost in his thoughts. 

"It's beautiful here isn't it? I didn't think anyone would know about this place, much less the Prince of England." 

His eyes widened, jaw dropping when he heard your voice.

"How do you know about this place?" He asked. 

"My grandfather built this place before you and I were even born. My father told me about this. Now, answer my question." You shrugged, picking the leaves of the bush you were leaning against. 

"That's nice. My father used to bring me here when I was a child. He doesn't do that anymore. I just, I wish he would spend more time with me." He said, biting his lips. 

“You come here often then?” You asked.

“Yes, whenever I feel like being left alone. I come here.” He bit his lip, nervous of the sudden silence.

"I'm sorry." You said, cutting off his wandering thoughts.

"What are you sorry for?" 

"Good childhood memories are sometimes more painful than the bad ones. At least you can deflect the bad ones, but the good ones are just a reminder of what you had and what you can't now." You said. 

"That's not entirely true, good memories can still be made you know? With the person you love." He said, getting up from the swing set. 

Walking towards You, he held his hand up, pushing a strand of your hair from your face as you ducked, shying away from his touch. 

Your breath hitched, your hands clenched behind you as he came closer. You were standing head to head now. You could feel his breath on You, your lips nearly touching. 

In the moment of courage, you leapt forward, capturing his lips in yours. 

You loved fairy tales, small stories that described kisses as magical that made sparks fly. You always thought they were exaggerations, but at this moment, when you were kissing the most beautiful boy, the Prince of England and the boy you had been crushing on since forever, you felt like you were a part of those fantasies. 

The kiss was indeed magical, albeit a little wet. You giggled when you broke apart, short of breath as you laid your hands on his chest, feeling the expensive fabric under your palm. 

"What will the others think?" You whispered. Your hair flew in whisps, the air around you whispering it's reassurance as you stood in front of him. 

"Let them think what they want to, darling. I've been the prey before, I'm ready to do it again." He smirked, pulling you by your waist for another kiss. 

"You're cheesy." You chuckled. 

"Yes, I'm melted cheese for you." 

"That was a terrible joke Holland." 

***

"Okay so you need to hold your stance, stiff but not too stiff. You will feel pressure in your shoulders the first day-" 

"- darling can't we just make out please?" 

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose as if his yapping was giving you a headache. 

You had gotten comfortable around him since your first encounter, and you felt special, seeing the goofy and happy side of the Prince. Didn't mean he didn't manage to make your heart stutter with his devilishly handsome grin (that made you want to pinch his cheeks and suck his dick).

"Thomas no." 

"Thomas yes! I don't know how you manage to do this, this bow is so heavy!" He whined, keeping down the bow and folding his hands on his chest. He looked adorable with his pout.

Smiling, you shook your head, heaving a sigh, "the bow isn't heavy, Tom. Here, how about this, I'll hold your elbow while you aim alright?" You offer.

"That would be great, princess." You blushed at the nickname, not quite used to being called that. 

"Alright drama queen, don't need to butter me." You muttered, moving closer so your chest touched his back, one hand on his elbow and the other on the string of the bow. 

He could feel your breath on his neck, shuddering as you leaned in, your hair tickling him, your rough but nimble hands featherlight on his skin.

"Now aim." You said, moving your hair from your face. 

He stuttered a response, holding himself straighter. You pushed his elbow up, right as he unleashed it, the arrow hitting the bullseye with a thud. 

"We did it! Oh god Y/N did you see that? We did it ! It hit the centre!" He laughed, turning around, the bow laying on the ground as he lifted you up.

You shrieked as he spun you in circles, laughter bubbling in your chest as you rested your head against his. 

"We did, your majesty." You smiled, leaning in to kiss him. 

You weren't afraid of being caught, you were way past that point. And you felt that you could live like that, if it meant living with the loveliest Prince of England.

[0tivez]

im a sucker for dad!everyone and I have no idea why

okay so tokyo revengers spoilers below

---------

when akkun jumped off the roof in like episode 4?? (I found a way to not say the word LMFAO) the sound the put when he makes contact with the ground is the sound a box filled with books makes when thrown off a window and it reminded me of the bread video bc its such a dry sound why would they do that

Literally just for the hot guys someone send help-

I wanna say thats kinda a meet cute and lowkey adorable that he mentioned meeting up but 'remind me and we'll arrange it' sounds like a business transaction im so sorry ✋ if you feel comfortable sharing the long story im all ears!! I love long stories 👀 feel free to go off topic more often I well I always do that anyway 😭

OKAY oh boy, where do I start. Its literally so simple to explain but im dramatic as fuck so let me indulge myself ANYWAY so basically we were talking through chat, we spent almost everyday talking and it was sweet and funny and stuff, ya know?? or maybe I was convincing myself he was lol so it was just a normal day after school and we were talking and I think at some point he got boring of just texting so he said "give me a sec im gonna go play with a flamethrower" mid convo and I think something inside of me died. kinda glad he gave me the ick tho, I don't think I liked him that much :/

much hatred for the "I watch real shows lol" >:( specially bc all of the people saying that watched dragon ball or pokemon 😭 when I was younger I usually responded like "haha yeah...ig :,)" but now im ready to smack a bitch; you know what they say, violence isn't the question its the answer 😌

You're gonna make me have a soft spot for eremika TT it sounds very bittersweet when you explain it, but it does make sense why romance wasn't a main plot (I dunno if this is the correct way to say it). AND JEAN! he grew on me so yes, he definitely deserves to be first choice>>>

I think im gonna watch the anime after it finished airing or something. I always say im gonna do so many things but then I get distracted by fanfics lol watch me scream

Aki and Megumi found family trope??? 👀 this is making me think of hurt/comfort followed by pure angst, hurt/no-comfort huh :)

KANEKI??? HE VOICES KANEKI???? I loved watching Tokyo ghoul (I watched two seasons!) :( I had the softest spot for Kaneki but I refused to accept it bc I was scared were gonna make fun of me LMFAO I did have a massive crush on Hide tho, and was very vocal about that lol

I remember watching a gif set of baby tanjiro and my heart melted; same thing with Yuuji I think

Hollywood only thinks of making money over hiring good vas and like random celebrities voicing characters isn't bad ig?? like quality wise, the movie is watchable and entertaining, but still I'd like to see vas recognised for their talent a lot more.

Chris pratt *massive sigh* I heard the only reason why he was taking so many va gigs was bc he didn't get the vaccine so he couldn't go to work or smth; I could be wrong tho.

wait, which dub were you talking about?? the jjk dub??

NO.

NOT GOJOGUMI OR WHATEVER IS CALLED 😭 why?? why with the kids?? 😭

ive seen monstrosities on ao3, I could name them but huh...

Gege I a sadist and I refuse to think to think otherwise LMFAO I little part of me thinks that he might see himself in gojo a bit too much and thats why he doesn't like him lmfao

I think my brain blocked the opinion bc I cant remember?? I think they talked about how the hidden inventory arc made no sense bc apparently gojo is constantly jumping dimensions or something?? and like fair ig bc I know shit about this series but?? I was so confused, I think it just short circuited. Its that a take on his character?? I think I worded it wrong now that I think about it, I love her so much she's the best of the best but I felt attacked, and thats on me 😔 she also hasn't read the manga so we're Ig in even common ground lol

YOU WILL GET IN!!! It sounds so fun :D im sending you as much positive vibes as I can <3 disabilities law sounds interesting! do you have any idea what you'd like to specialise in the future??

I'll be on the lookout for the honorary dilf 😌

right?? wtf 😭 ive only seen college aus in which the pairing is like teacher/student with nanami and like I don't mind but I want my student/student college aus LET ME INDULGE 😤 thanks for hyping me up :,) its gonna be more fluffy+suggestive id say?? def not angst bc I cant write angst for nanami; Shibuya already did that for me lmfao

tho if im honest, I think im stuck bc I keep comparing every sentence to the gojo fic I uploaded lmfao

<making you blush3

sending wet slurpy kisses right back 😌💕

I hope you have a good week! and sorry for the late reply, I was stuck using Tumblr mobile for a while 😅

OH AND IM WATCHING THE JJK MOVIE ON THURSDAY 🥳 think Im gonna put mascara solely on my lower lashes just bc 🤷‍♀️ I hope the song at the end doesn't hurt me too much tho lmfao it will

-🥳 anon

ps: I probably should've put this at the beginning but I feel like this wasn't the best response?? like I feel like the energy in my ask is a little down, and I think it might've been a bit venty as well?? I don't now if you can feel it TT I felt a bit like a poser after I finished writing this and I'm sorry if anything I wrote came off wrong :,)

STOP APOLOGISING

anyways lol there is a long ass story about a guy i liked in hs under the cut 👀 it's really long tina i'm so sorry 😭

OHH OKAY LMAOOOO YEAH HE JUST WENT plop

LMAOO YEAH that's what i thought too 😭 my friends got the ick when he said that

okay so!!

i met this dude in 10th grade and he was a senior (12th grade here). we had this jukebox kinda thing in the backyard of our school and we got the keys for it that year, which meant that we could play songs for everyone to hear during lunch breaks. so, that week, i went to watch bohemian rhapsody and OBVIOUSLY had queen brainrot and i was OBSESSED with killer queen. my phone had died so i had left it in my classroom. my friends weren't very fun, they all were doing their homeworks etc etc and i was just sooo bored. anyways, at the last 10 minutes or something, there were only like 4 of us left. my friends were begging to go upstairs and we almost did lol this group of older students came, which meant that they would annoy us and beg us to let them play something shitty (not in genre, they would purposefully open popular shitty songs- it's hard to explain lol it's kind of a turkish thing) so we were like okay :/

i was talking to my friend, this dude started playing killer queen LMAOO i looked at him and smiled, i was like "i love this song!" idk man i used to be so shy but something in my brain flipped off wlsakmdasmwed he looked straight into my eyes and was like "you know queen?" i said "yeah! i love them! i've been dying to play this song but my phone is dead" and he just looked at my eyes like 🧿👄🧿 his eyes were really pretty 😭 i went back to talking with my friends anyways the class was about to start, so we got up and packed. i was soooo nervous lmaoo i didn't even look at him LKMWALKDSMASWED IT GETS WORSE LATER HOLD ON he called behind me and asked which class i was in, NOT MY NAME anyways i told him and waved. my friend was teaaasinggggg me but i shook it off

i started gathering info about the dude. i found his class and stuff, nothing more. idk who sent follow request on instagram first, it was probably me lmaoo but turns out, he's pretty popular! everyone knows him too. i would sometimes share songs on my story and he would always respond. he asked me if i liked david bowie and i said never really listened to him so he shared his bowie playlist! anyways this went on. i would see him in the school garden lol i wouldn't say hi, because we never really met you know? this is a huge problem of mine lkwmsads people think i hate them or something to this day, i'm just too shy what if they don't recognize me NAYWAYS

i thought about the pros and cons. turns out, this dude was living in the dorms (our high school was the best in our city so people from other towns would live in dorms) which meant that he wasn't even from my city? he was also a senior so he probably wouldn't like to be involved with those kind of stuff so i didn't really bother. it was fun tho! so, the day before his uni entrance exam was our last day of school, so the teachers arranged this party stuff with cakes and shit (also! i found out that he was a pretty successful student and would score high on his tests klmsewdlmef this is kinda important cause i like academically successful people 😭my sapiosexuality only works that way) i built up the courage to go wish him well on his test. i could never get him alone, and since my friends didn't know we used to talk occasionally, i left. i waited to make eye contact with him, but i guess it was his time to avoid me. so, i sent my wishes that night, thinking he wouldn't respond. he did, like 2 minutes after i sent the message. he said "we never really got time to get to know each other" GOD I REMEMBER THIS NOW EKSAMDCDLSW i don't remember what i said, i remember i felt kinda embarrassed cause it felt too, out there obvious. it hit me then, that i would never see him again. NOT. we'll get to that >:) i felt sad, i liked having a lil crush. that lil heart skip. i'm not really sure if it WAS a crush, but it definitely was something. oh, he also added me to his close friends like the moment we started following each other and i did the same. WAIT FUCK kKLMWSADLKASEWF HE LOVED DONNIE DARKO??? WHICH IS MY FAVORITE FILM??? I HAVE AN ORIGINAL POSTER IN MY ROOM???????? WHAT THE FUCK???? anwyays i watched pulp fiction for him 😌 it was a win win. oh right, i was sad so i chugged down a whole beer, which was a lot for 16 year old me who went out with her parents lmaooo i was like "pour another one, we're drinking tonight" and they only let me drink 1 💀

what's crazy is

i used to be a scout right? we went to this camp. i got bored, and decided to check if he had a facebook 💀 he didn't, so i was like damn.

2 DAYS LATER HE POSTS A NEW FACEBOOK ACCOUNT ON HIS IG STORIES???? WHAT THE FUCK??? i ran laps i screamed i cried anyways i went to send him a friend request, he already sent me one. cool! i was 14 on my profile picture 💀 thankfully i had deleted everything ages ago

all summer, nothing. NO! results come in, HE'S 1ST IN OUR SCHOOL?? LIKE HE SCORED AN UNGODLY SCORE?? i was like holy shit he went to one of the best, if not the best, uni in our country

so, fast forward 11 grade, first day of school. we were talking in our class (our classes got mixed that year) dude walks in to greet our teacher with his friend and starts talking about the exam and shit. no eye contact? alright whatever lol. 2 or so months later, we go on a trip to visit the unis in that city and his uni is a famous student attraction. he has close friends from his dorm too, so he jumps in on our bus. it was raining so much so we had to stay inside the bus. anyways, we go down, no eye contact still. klsmwadslakwme whatever i say it really is time to stop thinking about him. he vanished off the surface of earth not too long after too lmaoo anyways he probably had a girlfriend back then. so, early pandemic, he deleted his twitter and stopped posting on ig and i hadn't even thought about him at all

he posted a pic on his story... uh,,, october this year? idk at least i knew he was still alive 💀

we went to ikea with my friends one day and got in the wrong bus, ended up in the most ridiculous place so i posted a selfie of us and added it in my close friends (mind that i post from new years to new years) and he responded! he said "you're in this city and didn't invite me?" and i jokingly responded with something. this was late at night, i didn't see him respond and went to bed. i woke up at 9 am and saw that he said "oh btw congrats on your uni! turns out we are really close (our unis are super super close), so we can sit down sometime if you'd like to" and i thought i should respond when im fully awake and went back to sleep. i woke up at 12 pm with my brain mushy and responded with some cringy fucking joke and just liked the message he talked about sitting down. he liked my respond. we were gonna go to a concert that night. i started getting ready, didn't think much of the message. as i was plucking my eyebrows, it occured to me, how DUMB i was. how much of an IDIOT i was. i texted my friends "i did something horrible". i got ready and hopped on the bus, thought about it the whole ride. i got out, met with my friends and told them, HOPING they would at least support me a lil. the first thing they say? "zee, you're such a fucking idiot" i was like "I KNOW" anyways it went on a little more. i said "if i drink enough tonight, i will text him"

2 beers in, mid concert, i sent him a message. "you know, i double tapped it or smth like that but i would really love to meet" sent it, pushed my phone in my pocket. 5 minutes in, i see a notification saying "we only talked on ig" CHILLS MAN I THOUGHT HOLY SHIT THIS DUDE IS SAYING wtf we only talked here KMDSLWKMSDWLKFR FUCKING IPHONE i opened it and he said "same! we only talked on here right? never met face to face" "yeah, guess it was meant to be in this city" "haha yeah. remind me of it and we'll plan something" "sure :)"

this was it omg this shit is so long for no reason, sorry for this lmaooo he's really pretty too lkwsmdaxlsamdwecf i can't i will probably never remind him lol

oh shit wait

my hs friend who goes to the same uni as me, when i told her about my past with the dude, she said she hated the guy bc he ghosted one of her friends. like, he wouldn't wave at her, respond to her texts and stuff. he didn't do any of that with me, so i'm wondering if he liked how i wouldn't really acknowledge him irl lol

yeah that was it lol

flamethrower?? yeah bestie you dodged a bullet there

that dude was also a huge naruto fan. like, he would sometimes wear that bandana and i was like "hmmm okay" i became a weeb literally one year after that 😭 karma is a bitch, death note is bitchier

kaneki was HOT. i liked it when he got violent >:) i could never warm up to tokyo ghoul and keep forgetting that i watched it lol. kaneki was hot tho. i want to read the manga so much, sui ishida is a legend

LKEMWSADCFLKWSDMF NOT THE VACCINE THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE THOO

dubs in general i guess? jjk dub is pretty meh imo. i liked the part where yuji calls nobara a bitch tho

i don't like the so clearly american accent in anime dubs, you know? the way they overdramatise the voices gives me the icks. thats why i loved the death note dub! it was so on point, no unnecessary dramatic moments, following the steps of the original vas. also light's monologue was sick, l's voice was sicker

wait, how does your friend find it bad if they haven't read the manga yet?

aah i didn't get in lol i didn't really expect to be picked anyways so it's cool. thanks for the vibes tho <3

i haven't picked anything yet, i still have very little law knowledge. i've always wanted to be a criminal lawyer (like higuruma hehe) but it looks like i would be more successful (money wise) in private law branches. i also don't know if i want to be connected to the government in any way. fuck the government. i probably wouldn't be picked too lol i'm super marginal for their conservative views. i would LOVE to be a da or prosecutor in usa, like new york lol i watched too much law and order. but yeah, for now, i'm focusing on exploring and seeking out anything involving foreign countries. i would love to study abroad for a master's degree too

ooh hell yeah! go for it!

i was writing the vibrator fic with nanami and realized how LITTLE fics with nanami eating reader out exists lmaoo sorry for the sudden nsfw topic but it was so weird! i don't think i've read it outside of fics specifically for eating out???

WATCH IT FOR ME TOO >:'''''')))) HOW WAS IT DON'T TELL ME BUT TELL ME HOW WAS IT??? HOW HOT WAS GETO

LOVE YOUUUU HAVE A GREAT WEEK <3 <3

[lordoffiction]

Two Souls, One Fate: chapter one.

☞: After spending two days trying to post this, here it is! Hooray!

I really hope you all enjoy this whilst I finish writing the fifth chapter for T.L, because god knows I spent too much time on this. I haven’t wrote in a few months, so please excuse any mistakes I made in this and if it’s shitty! It’ll get better, promise. 

Please give me feedback and let me know if you would like to get tagged in this series! 

Anyways, enjoy! 

WORD COUNT: 5,069

WARNINGS: swearing, mild violence, mentions of suicide.

gif isn’t mine, all credits to the owner. 

                              —————————

Your fingers combed through your hair, bundling it up into an untidy ponytail, pulling the long strands to make sure it was secure and tight enough. You had had long hair for around ten years, it's your pride and joy.

Growing up in an all-male family had made you that way, you grew up a tomboy with your five older brothers and always saw yourself as one of them.

But then that magical moment came when you were ripped from your carefree childhood and brutally slammed into the harsh society and expectations of women, you had begun to hate the idea of acting like a boy. People told you to act more like a “lady”. So you had put away the mud pies, the sword fights, and the wrestling. You began doing make-up, having long hair, and wearing pretty clothes.

But throughout everything, no matter what anyone said, society and snotty people couldn’t take this one thing from you.

Archery.

Your father had taught you from a young age, a sport that made you better even on your worst days. Something that not even the most powerful being in existence could take from you. The thrill of letting go of that arrow, watching it glide through the air before striking its target. It was something you would never get bored of.

You dressed in your normal sportswear, sliding on protective gloves made specially to stop your hands from getting sores as you held the arrow.

Where you lived was a small village, everybody knew everybody. News and gossip spread like wildfire here, so you only imagine that half the village had already heard about your date later tonight.

Reaching over to your bow and your arrow hanging pot, slinging it over your shoulder, you left your small apartment and headed towards the forest. You had a set up shooting range for archery at the corner of it, your dad would make targets for you and set you challenges every day when you were younger. Like swinging targets or shooting whilst you're running.

“G’ morning, dear. Going out to the woods again?”  

Your eyes turned to see your elderly neighbour smiling at you, her eyes crinkled at the corners. Her walking stick barely keeping her up properly and her woven hat kept the sunlight out of her eyes.

“Mrs. Genkins,” You smiled at her small frame. Such a fragile woman. “Don’t I spend all my time in those damn woods?”

“Just you be careful, you wouldn’t want to hurt yourself before your date tonight.” Mrs. Genkins waved her walking stick at you slightly in a teasing manner, barely putting it back in time before she loses her balance.

The comment made your eyes roll internally. Of course, people already knew about your date tonight.

“I see news hasn’t lost its way around this place.” Your hand automatically reaching out to her in case she falls, which she brushed away with her wrinkled hands. Though she may be pushing ninety, she sure is one tough little lady when it comes to receiving any help.

“You know people around here, other people's lives are their entertainment. Just make sure this one can handle you, you can’t be single forever, you know?” Mrs. Genkins squinted her eyes at you teasing you from the last man you had dated that went sour once he had realized how unfeminine you are.

“Is he really worth my time is he can’t handle a tough girl like me?” You teased back, giving her a small wink as she cackled at your comment.

“Well, I better be going if I want to miss the morning rush at the morning market. You be safe, dear. And be careful.”

You nodded at her, smiling as you waved her down the road and out of sight. You let your head fall back slightly, closing your eyes with an exasperating sigh. You really need to move somewhere where there isn’t anyone you know or where no-one knows you.

You set off towards the woods, it wasn’t a far walk, only about five minutes from your apartment complex.

You dug your earphones out from your pocket, plugging them into your phone, and playing your latest playlist you had made for when you go do your archery. You began stretching your arms on the way, hooking one arm around the other, and pulling on it to receive a satisfying 'pop'.

Just as you entered the woods, you began to hear faint drumming noises. You brushed it off, perhaps it was something for the song you were listening to, though you never remembered this when you last listened to it yesterday.

Your brows knotted together in confusion as the drumming began to get louder and louder as you went deeper into the forest. The noise became so loud that you ripped your earphones out of your ears, your eyes widening. It wasn’t coming from the music.

It was coming from around you.  

As soon as you realised, a small chanting sound echoed with the drumming, syncing with the beat of it.

A cult? You thought.

Your E/C hues quickly began searching around you to see who was doing it but found no one else in the woods with you.

Your fight or flight reflex suddenly kicked in, making you break out into a full-blown sprint into the woods, you tried to fumble with your bow, reaching for one of your arrows in it’s hanging pot behind your back, panting as your fingertips brushed the tip of it.

“C’mon!” You yelled at yourself in frustration.

Suddenly, you began to fall sideways, your ankle giving way beneath you in a twisted mess. The world began to spiral around you as you rolled into the ditch near the pathway you were once walking on.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

You felt yourself being thrashed around for a few seconds downhill before finally landing on the flat ground again. You gasped for air, the collision causing you to land onto your back, knocking all the air out of your lungs.

You laid there for a minute, breathing in deeply. Did you really just fucking fall?

Rolling onto your side and going onto your hands and knees once you regained your breath, you looked up at the large hill you just fell from, realising the only way you can get back to the track is if you climb back up again.

“Shit.” You grumbled under your breath, using the nearest tree to pull yourself up to your feet again. Your arrows were scattered around you from the fall, leaning down to pick them up one by one and placing them back in your hanging pot.

As you reached for the last one, but your eyes were caught on a small box under the root of a large tree, surely the largest tree you had seen in these woods before and in your entire life.

It must have been thousands of years old, you could wrap yourself around it at least six or seven times.

“Oh, my...” You gawked the tree up and down, taking it all in before looking back to the box that was intertwined with its roots.

“What’s this?” You wondered aloud, going onto your knees and tracing your fingers on the corners of the box that you could touch. It was covered in dirt and moss but your curiosity ate you alive, reaching for one of your arrows, you began to jab at the root to loosen it with the end of your arrow.

After a few moments of trying, you finally loosened the root enough to yank the box out from it with a hard tug, causing you to fall backward.

You brushed it with your fingers but the dirt and grime were so thickly coated on it for god knows how long.

“Curious cat, aren’t you?” You spoke to yourself, standing up again and forgetting completely about your training. “This could be a murder weapon or something and you want to take it home with you.” You tusked, tucking the box into your hanging pot.

The journey back home was filled with many emotions, the main one being self-pity for yourself on how you fell down the hill. The second was about the drums that caused you to fall.

                                 —————————

You ringed your hair out as you stepped out of the shower, letting it fall down your back, the water droplets dripping down your skin, and pooling around your feet.

You dried yourself off as you danced to the music playing from your speaker in your small apartment, grabbing the clothes you planned to wear to your date tonight.

What a weird day, huh. You thought back to the drumming and chanting.

You had chosen a pair of black jeans and a cute black top you had recently bought as a treat, the neckline dripping to show your cleavage. The outfit suited your figure beautifully, staring at yourself in the mirror as you tugged on your black, leather heeled Chelsea boots.

You’d only done concealer and mascara for your make-up. Nothing too fancy for a little date.

“Not bad, Y/N. Not bad at all.” You smiled at yourself. You had curled your long hair, tucking one side behind your ear.

You looked behind you, seeing the small box you discovered sitting on your kitchen counter. You glanced at the clock on the wall, seeing you still had some time to kill before your date got here.

After a few minutes of running around your apartment and gathering things like a toothbrush, washing up liquid, a small paintbrush, and paper towels; you set up your little workspace on the counter to clean the box.

You dipped the toothbrush in the soapy water, gently scrubbing the dirt from the box, using the paintbrush to brush any specks of dirt off it.

Some time had passed, and you could finally see the beauty beneath the dirt.

“What are these?” You mumbled to yourself, looking at the strange engraved marks on the box. The box looked silver, but you couldn’t be sure.

Carefully prying the box open with your fingertips, you revealed inside a stranger kind of necklace.

Your head tilted to the side and your brows furrowed together as the small spiral pendant looked almost familiar. Like you had owned one before but forgot about it. A very distant memory.

It was silver, in the shape of an upside-down hammer. The leather cord that was with it had deteriorated, falling apart as soon as you picked up the pendant.

You cleaned off the pendant in the soapy water, patting it dry with a paper towel. Quickly going back to your room and grabbing one of your necklaces, you took the chain from it. Going back to the kitchen where you carefully hooped the pendant onto the silver chain.

Should I...

You pondered for a moment, staring at the pendant in your hand. You raised the chain around your neck, clasping it together at the hooks as it hung on your chest. You stilled for a moment, almost expecting something to happen when you put it on.

“Idiot,” You laughed at yourself, going over to where a mirror was to see how it looked on. But as soon as you took a step forwards, it felt like you began falling. You could hear the chants again from the woods, the drums pounding around you, almost deafeningly loud. Your eyes widened in terror as you couldn’t move your body as you fell back, the floor of your apartment swallowing you in a rabbit hole.

Lights surrounded you in all different colors, seeing silhouettes in the corner of your eye. Were they the ones chanting?

Oh god, oh fuck, oh shit.

Your breathing became labored, struggling to get air as you tried desperately to move your limbs.

The drumming and chanting only growing louder the deeper you fell into this rabbit hole.

Silence.

Suddenly the chanting and drums stopped, looking up to see the disfigured sky. You attempted to move your limbs again, gasping when you found you could move.

You kicked your way up to the sky, gasping for air once you broke through.

The sound of lapping waves and squalling seagulls invaded your ears, a sudden chill going over your body.

You looked around you with wide eyes, astonished by your surroundings. You were in the fucking ocean.

“What the fuck?!” You shrieked out, panic set over you as you tried to stay afloat, legs kicking under the water furiously.

“You’re dreaming. You must have gotten a concussion,” you repeated to yourself. “Yeah, yeah. You’re concussed.”

“You there!”

You snapped your head to see a wooden boat sailing towards you, numerous men aboard it as they all peered down at you. One man, in particular, stood at the arch of the boat, big and with a long braided bear. He was bald, tattoos around his head in strange patterns.

“Did you get lost, woman?” He belly laughed, the other men joining in. You were too much in shock to try and even say anything back. “Frode, throw the poor woman a rope.”

One of the men, skinner than the one barking orders, threw a thick rope towards you, splashing into the water in front of you, the water spraying on your face.

You grabbed the rope, unsure whether or not being on a boat with strangers or being in the ocean alone was better. The men heaved you up to the boat, letting your body hit the deck of it like a wet fish.

You panted slightly, trying to calm your thundering heart before it jumped out your throat.

You weren’t facing the men, your eyes locked onto your hands that dug into the wooden deck, trying to desperately grasp onto some kind of reality.

“Holy fuck.” You gasped out.

“Someone get her something to cover herself with!” The bald, bearded man ordered. Someone came over and wrapped some kind of cloak on you, you quickly tied it on your neck, trying to get warm.

“What kind of clothing is she wearing?” Another man spoke.

“A whore, perhaps?” Another replied.

“Whore!?” You repeated, turning to look at the men for the first time. “Who do you think you're calling a whore?”

The expressions on the men’s faces changed as soon as you looked up at them. The sudden change in mood made you want to cower away. Are these cosplayers? Re-enactors? Why did they dress that way?

“Freyja.” The bald one spoke, barely a whisper.

“Freyja?” You repeated. Who?

You’d never heard such a name before, were they calling you that? The men exchanged a look, communicating with their eyes before turning back to you.

“What’s your name?” The bald one asks, his tone in voice changing.

“Y/N,” you reply, beginning to stand up. “Where is this? Where are we right now?”

“Kattegat.” Someone spoke, earning a quick shove by the person next to him.

Your brows frowned together. Kattegat? Maybe you should have paid more attention in geography class when you were in school.

“Tie her up. We must show the Princes, this is an imposter of Freyja.” The bald one spoke again before walking away, his face unreadable.

“Wait!” You exclaimed, looking around as the men closed in on you, starting to grab you. “Get your fucking hands off of me!”

You elbowed the man who grabbed your from behind, hearing a grunt from him as he doubled over, making you flick your long hair out of your face.

“If anyone touches me, I’ll rip your fucking limbs off.” You warned, getting into a fighting stance with your balled fists in the air. You were outnumbered, by many. Before you could even say another word, one of the men quickly backhanded you across the face, knocking you down to the floor where they all cornered you.

—————————

The bald man, whose name you had learned was Magnus, threw you onto the ground with force, causing you to land on your shoulder. A groan left your lips as pain tingled down your arm.

“Don’t fucking throw me, you bald bastard!” You shouted at him, your hands restrained behind your back and your ankles tied together also, restraining you of trying to run off. Your hair had fallen across your face, limiting your view of your surroundings.  

The whole hall of people turned to look at you, hearing small whispers about your clothing. The music had stopped playing and the cheers.

Who the fuck were these people?

You could barely make out four men sitting at a large table in front of you, maybe a few feet away, two with fair hair and two with dark.

“What’s the meaning of this, Magnus?” You heard one of them say, his accent making your ears perk up. “Did any of you ask for a thrall for the night?” He directed his question to the men beside him.

“My apologies, Prince Ubbe, but...” The bald man suddenly seemed nervous, unsure of what exactly to say. It made you scoff. A big guy like him was scared of these guys? “We found her in the sea--”

“Spit it out, before I rip your tongue out.” Another man at the table spoke, the threat taking you off guard. His accent was the same.

“We believe she’s an imposter and a volva.”

“An imposter and a volva?” another one of the men at the table snickered. “Sound’s interesting, Ubbe.”

“Who are you calling an imposter?” You sneered at the men. “I don’t even know you.”

“Watch your mouth, whore!” You heard, gasping as one of the men who tied you kicked you in your side.

“Enough.” You heard the first man say, hearing the chair he was sitting in move across the floor. “I asked you what the meaning of this was? You’re spoiling our celebration.”

The bald man grabbed the back of your head, gripping onto your hair as he roughly pulled you onto your knees, making you wince. Your hair moved from your face in the process and you could finally see around you. At the table sat the four men, the Princes, you had gathered.

All handsome— wait. Not the right time.

Their faces were twisted in an expression you had never seen before on someone as soon as they looked at you. The whole of the hall went deathly quiet as eyes were on you.

One of the men at the table stood up abruptly, his hands on the table. He had four twisted braids in his dark hair, his eyes a piercing blue as they stared at you. They were the bluest eyes you had ever seen.

Those eyes. You’d seen them before.

“Freyja.” He said to you. Again with the name.

Your head was tugged back, knocking you out of your trance and filling your chest with rage. Ripping your eye contact from him, you turned your attention to the man behind you.

“Get your hands off me before I break them.” You growled out.

Whispers broke out around you, you scowled at them all. What were they all wearing? Are these Vikings?

Your E/C eyes find their way to the blue ones again, he seemed to tense when you looked at him, his breath catching in his throat. It was like he was a statue.

The one with long brown hair with two braids going into one and green eyes stood up.

“Everybody leave.” Was all he said for everyone to leave the room. “You men can also leave. Get out.”

The men behind you began to leave, Magnus let your hair suddenly go from his grip, letting you land onto your face.

“Fuck.” You whimpered out, a tingling pain going up your nose. The only people left in the large hall were you and the four strange men, you strangely began to feel small.

The blonde man who was at the head of the table began to make his way towards you, his footsteps stopping once in front of you. Was this the one they called Ubbe?

“You,” He kneeled on one knee as he grabbed your jaw with his index finger and thumb. “What is your name?”

You hold your tongue, refusing to tell him. But this only made his grip on your jaw tighten.

“If you want to keep your tongue, I suggest you answer when spoken to.” He said lowly, his eyes just as blue as the man behind him. Were they brothers?

You stare into his eyes, trying to stare him down like a dog but his eyes never faltered. His stare was incredibly intimidating.

You gave an exasperating huff of breath, rolling your eyes to yourself.

“Y/N. My name is Y/N Y/L/N.”

He kept staring at you, his eyes studying your face. His eyes looked sad as if pained as he looked at you. His jaw clenched and unclenched before he spoke again. “Why were you in the sea?”

“I don’t know, one moment I was in my home and the next I was in the water.” You knew this had to do with the necklace and the drumming in the woods. It all has to link up somehow. You went to reach up to grab it but remembered your hands were tied.

His eyes moved from yours as he removed his hand from your jaw, turning to the other men at the table. Your eyes followed. Both the one with blue eyes and the blonde one with fluffy hair were frozen in place still. It’s like they’ve seen a ghost.

The one kneeling in front of you raised his eyebrows at the one with the braids as if asking him what to do. He walked over to the both of you, gawking down at you with his green eyes.

“It’s as if she’d risen from the dead, but how can that be? We saw her body that day.” He said, staring down at you.

“Can someone just explain to me what’s going on?” You pipped up. A loud bang caused you to jump, looking towards the cause of the noise. The blue-eyed man had gotten up, his chair fallen behind him and his hands pressed against the surface of the table. His chest was heaving under his leather armor. His face was twisted with anger and hurt, barely looking at you as he grabbed his crutch.

“I don’t care what you do with her," he looked over to you with eyes so intense, your lips parted as your breath hitched in your throat. You felt your heart dip into your stomach.

Holy shit. Those eyes... Where have you seen them before?

"She's not Freyja." He walked out the hall and passed you, his crutch stabbing into the wood beneath him in anger, he looked as if he was almost snarling as he walked through the doors.

“Ivar--” The one with the green eyes called after him, going to walk after him but the one who was knelt suddenly stood up, holding a hand against his chest.

“Leave him, this must be a shocking sight for him. He needs time.”

“Can you untie me so I can leave?” You cut in, the rope irritating the skin off your wrists. The men ignored you, the blonde fluffy-haired one finally speaking up after this whole time.

“You can’t let her leave.”

—————————

You sat awkwardly in the chair, fiddling with your fingers on your lap as the three men stared at you. The fluffy-haired one had untied you but sat you in the chair at the large table, the green-eyed one threatening that if you tried anything then you’d regret it.

Scary.

They spoke as if you weren’t even there too.

“What kind of clothes is she wearing? She's dressed like a prostitute.” The one with the two braids spoke, cutting an apple slowly with a knife before placing it in his mouth.

Your gaze turned to him, anger rising in your chest. What was with these guys? Do they have no respect?

“Say that again,” You pointed your finger towards him. “and I’ll spoon your eyes out. How can you say anything about what I'm wearing when you’re dressed like a rodent in all those furs?”

The man stared at you for a moment before smirking. Who are you smiling at, you bastard--

“With a mouth like hers, she certainly isn’t Freyja. She wouldn’t dare speak like that.” He said. "Even if she is identical to her."

“That’s because I’m not Freyja. And you do know that this is kidnapping, right? You can get put into jail because of this.”

The brothers exchanged a look.

“And where would you find one of those?” Asked the one with the long braid, Ubbe, you remembered. “We’re the sons of Ragnar, nobody can tell us what we can or cannot do.”

Your eyebrows frowned, looking at them sideways at you felt dumbfounded.

Who is Ragnar?

“As if I know, or care, who Ragnar is. Let me go.” You huffed, folding your arms over your chest. Shit, it was cold here. Even this cloak did nothing to help with your soaking clothes.

Their expressions only looked more confused, as if they were more confused than you are and couldn't understand how you didn't know who Ragnar is.

“Where are you from?” The one eating asked.

“Tell me your names and then I’ll tell you what you want to know.” You cocked an eyebrow at them. If they were stupid enough, they’d tell you so you can report them to the police once you find a way out of here.

God, the air here smells like constant shit. You want to go home already, to your scented candles to cleanse your nose of this stench.

“Curious thing, aren’t you? I’m Hvitserk,” Hvitserk pointed to the other men with the end of his knife. “these are my brothers, Ubbe and Sigurd.”

Ubbe smiled at you as Sigurd only stood still, unsure of what to say to you.

“And the blue-eyed one who walked out?” You asked.

“That was Ivar, our youngest brother.”

“What was his problem?” You quizzed again. Shut up, Y/N. This curiosity is the reason why you’re here in the first place.

Ubbe and Hvitserk looked at you before exchanging a look between them, Sigurd shifting on his feet as he cleared his throat. You noticed his jaw clench and his fists tighten at his sides.

“Well?” You repeated, waiting for an answer from one of them.

“The woman you resemble—” Ubbe began, getting cut off by a nudge from Hvitserk.

“Is it wise to tell her?” He asked his brother lowly, his green eyes looking at you.

“You do not think she deserves to know?”

“She could be deceiving us, a volva like the men said,” Hvitserk warned his brother.

You could only roll your eyes at them as you shifted in the chair, crossing your legs over.

“I don’t know what that is, but I can assure you I'm not deceiving you. I just want to know what’s going on.” You sighed, tucking your hair behind your ears.

“You resemble a woman called ‘Freyja’,” Sigurd spoke suddenly, looking into the bright flame that burned in the hall. His brothers turned to look at him with you. “No, you don’t resemble her. You are her.”

“Who is Freyja?” You asked.

“She was my first love.” He turned to look at you. “And Ivar's.”

Hvitserk and Ubbe sat back in the chairs, staying deadly quiet as their brother spoke to you. Their first love?

“What happened to her?” The question made your heart sink, taking you off guard. Why do you care?

“She died protecting us all. She was the most beautiful and loved woman in Kattegat, every man wanted her hand in marriage. Including all of us,” Sigurd suggested to his brothers, making Ubbe take a sip out of his cup and Hvitserk turn his gaze.

“A king came one day, wanting to trade. But once his eyes set on Freyja, demanding to marry her or risk causing a war between us. We all agreed to go to war, prepared, made an army. She refused to cause a war over her, Freyja had always hated violence.”

Sigurd took a shaky breath, his hands trembling in the light of the fire. The sight was enough to let you know how much he was affected by this.

“She... she was in love with Ivar. The thought of either losing him in battle or by marrying herself off was too much for her to ever bare. The day of the battle, Freyja stood between armies, in the middle of the battle field,” His eyes looked at yours, something flashing over them. “She drove a sword through herself in front of everyone. She did it for her love.”

The words made your breath hitch in your throat.

She killed herself... for him?

Your eyes tore away from Sigurd’s figure, looking anywhere but at the brothers.

No wonder Ivar left, you thought. Imagine seeing the woman you loved kill herself in front of you and then seeing her alive again...

“I’m sorry.” You said quietly, staring at your lap. “But I just want to go home. I have a family there, friends. They’re probably searching for me.”

“It’s dark out now,” Ubbe spoke, clearing his throat as he stood. “You should rest here for the night and begin searching for your way back in the morning. We'll help you.”

You nodded a 'thank you', standing from your chair. Hvitserk looked at your soaking clothes, turning to Sigurd.

"Tell one of the thralls to prepare some clothes for Y/N. She can't sleep in those."

Sigurd nodded, walking down a passageway and out of sight. You could see a grateful look on his face towards his brother for getting him out the room.

"You still haven't told me where you're from." Hvitserk turned his attention to you, leaning back against the table.

"Honestly, I don't think any of you will know where I'm from. But I can tell you I'm not from here. I come from a different time." You uttered, holding the necklace under your cloak, your thumb grazing the lines in it. "Someone or something brought me here, I want to know why."

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

[mellometal]

I know I said I don't associate myself with the Panic! fandom anymore, but this is something I have been ACHING to talk about. This is some bad timing, since it was Brent Wilson's birthday recently (yes, his birthday is July 20th, NOT August 20th; source: I've been following him on Twitter for five years and he's actually said this), but this is going to be about Brent and the whole situation with him.

Warning: What I'm about to say about the situation with Brent Wilson (original bassist) is heavily biased, since I do stan him. YEAH. I STAN BRENT MATTHEW WILSON, THE ORIGINAL BASSIST OF PANIC! AT THE DISCO. CRY ABOUT IT. STAY MAD. He's one of the ONLY members of Panic! At The Disco (past and present) who I give a fuck about, besides Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith, and Ian Crawford.

Trigger warning: This will be talking about arrest, jail, drugs (doing and selling), weapons (guns), childbirth, parenthood, and some other things. If these things are triggering for you or make you uncomfortable in any way, you do not have to read this post. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

Disclaimer: I don't know Brent in real life, I'm not in his circle of friends or people he's closest to (like his wife Taylor, his parents, his brother Blake, his in-laws, his irl friends, coworkers, etc.), and this is not me acting like I do. I don't know what his life is like outside of Twitter. The only contact I've ever had with him has been on Twitter, but it was pretty limited.

My thoughts on this situation are MY opinion, any possibilities in my thoughts are just theories and not proven to be true, and I'm not trying to excuse whatever he was allegedly charged with.

Just for the record, I am willing to have a civil conversation with anyone who hates Brent. The minute you attack me or anyone else who likes Brent, or a whole bunch of you start circle jerking about how much you hate him, you're getting blocked. If all you're going to bring up is the shit Brent did when he was in his late teens instead of adding anything useful to the discussion, you're getting blocked too. I already know about that. It happened back in 2004-2006. They were all still kids, to a point. Brent has changed quite a bit since then. The whole "Hate on Brent Wilson" bandwagon is stupid, toxic, and I refuse to jump on it. I've never jumped on it when I was in the Panic! fandom, so why would I do it now?

Remember, without Brent bringing Br3nd0n Ur!3 into Panic!, your precious Br3nd0n wouldn't be successful today. JUST SO YA KNOW. (I'm very salty right now, if you can't already tell.)

If you would like to know about what happened with Brent, a few months ago, he was arrested on (alleged) drug charges and illegal possession of a weapon, along with a traffic violation and something to do with a probation violation too. He was set to go to court back in March for his sentencing, but that's the most recent information I've found. I don't know what the fuck is going on at this point. I don't know if he's been sentenced, if he's doing anything alternative like rehabilitation, nothing. (The reason why I said they're alleged charges is because I don't know if he's even been to court for sentencing or anything like that.)

People's reactions were mixed. Some actually LAUGHED and made a whole bunch of jokes about him being arrested (that's fucking insensitive and cruel). Some felt bad for Brent because he just became a dad (yes, he's a dad, but I'm not posting any pictures of the kid out of respect for Brent and Taylor). Some were shocked. Some weren't surprised (how and why????).

My reaction? It was pretty mixed. I was shocked. I thought I was having a fever dream and what I was seeing was fake at first. When I realized it wasn't fake, I was crushed. I felt absolutely horrible for Brent, Taylor, their kid, and all their loved ones. Like, I care about the guy a lot. Obviously.

Ironically, the band members and/or group members I stan are either the black sheep or they're just not as popular. Or they're the fucking scapegoat almost EVERYONE attacks for the stupidest shit. Brent's the black sheep as well as the scapegoat of Panic!, for example....and I would say that Ian is another black sheep too. Not for any negative reasons. He's simply not as popular, due to the fact he was only in Panic! during the Vices era for a short time. He's underrated as FUCK. I'm one of the black sheep in a lot of places [except for friend groups], even in my own family, so it explains why I stan Brent still.

I just want to say that selling drugs and doing drugs aren't inherently bad things to do. This doesn't mean that I'm for kids doing drugs and selling them. Absolutely not. I want people who do drugs or sell drugs to be treated like human beings. I also want them to be able to seek help easier without the judgment or being treated like a criminal. Personally, I don't do any of that, but I understand why someone would. (This kind of thing hits home for me.)

As far as the whole weapon thing is concerned (it was a gun), I personally don't like them and we need better gun control in the United States. I don't think I'd trust anyone who owns a gun because of the possibility that they would hurt me or worse in an argument or something. I've seen my abuser threaten to pull a gun out on my dad when I was a kid. Thankfully it wasn't loaded, but still. It was scary. I wouldn't own a gun because I'm autistic, mentally ill, and I'm afraid of what I might do in certain situations. If someone wants to own a gun for protection, hunting, target practice, or to collect them, fine. BUT YOU DON'T NEED A HUGE ASS GUN THAT THE MILITARY USES TO GO HUNTING OR FOR TARGET PRACTICE. I don't like them, I don't want one, I don't trust myself with one, guns scare me, and I want better gun control in the United States. It terrifies me that people openly carry. I understand that's the Second Amendment and all, but it doesn't change the fact that it terrifies me. As long as you're responsible with that kind of thing, I don't really care.

I don't know what Brent's reason was for (allegedly) owning a weapon (maybe for protection or something?), but it's none of my business.

In my opinion, this is all stupid shit. There are people who have done horrible things and they're STILL free people, but oh, god forbid you do or sell drugs! THAT'S bad. /s

Here's my response below. I'll type out everything, except for the disclaimers and what he was arrested for. I will start from the fifth paragraph on the first screenshot and continue from there. This is so anyone who has a hard time reading any of the screenshots can read them easier.

(My response was from around the time it was announced that he was arrested. Just so you know.)

First screenshot, fifth paragraph:

First off, I just want to say that this situation is a fucked up one for anyone to be in. I would never wish this on anyone. Especially because now, there's a baby involved, so this makes the situation worse. This is pretty difficult for me to put into words without coming off as bitchy or anything like that, so if I get bitchy here, I apologize.

Second screenshot, fifth paragraph:

I don't know what caused this mess to begin with, but I do know that Brent and his wife Taylor just had a baby a couple months ago (when I was typing this out initially). While it's a good thing for them, it can be assumed that this is also a very stressful time for them.

Combination of third and fourth screenshots (These are pretty much only theories; not facts, and they will be broken up into paragraphs): 

The pandemic most likely isn’t helping their case. Las Vegas is a HUGE city and I’m sure A LOT of people there are REALLY struggling right now in all aspects. Maybe Brent and Taylor are struggling to pay off hospital bills or whatever (to put this into perspective, the average cost for hospital childbirth in Nevada is around $21,239, according to CBS News). The average salary for an accountant in Nevada is anywhere from $34k to $150k, and that all depends on education, experience (how long you’ve been in said career), certifications, and any additional skills. Take into account any other necessities they have to pay for, like their mortgage, bills, insurance, etc. 

Let’s say that they did manage to pay everything else off, but they’re struggling to pay the hospital bills from when they had their baby. (Having a baby is fucking expensive in the United States, regardless of whether there are complications or not, and regardless of whether you have insurance or not.) Let’s say they’ve tried every single option out there, but nothing seems to give still. Maybe the drug selling was a last resort on Brent’s part. (As I’ve said, I don’t know the full story.)

The whole subject of drug paraphernalia hits home for me. My parents both did drugs when I was a kid. I’ve seen it a lot growing up. My dad was, in the past, in and out of jail for drugs and other things that aren’t relevant here. I’m not sure if my mom was in and out of jail for the same shit, but I know for a fact my dad was. Y’know, because he told me. ANYWAYS. 

I get it. You gotta do what you gotta do. It’s not something I’d do personally, but I understand why somebody would do it. I wouldn’t treat them any differently. Maybe they’re selling drugs or whatever to keep themselves from losing their homes, put food on the table for their families, help pay their bills, pay for their education, whatever. It could be a number of things.

Fifth screenshot (people’s reactions to the news and my thoughts on them):

Now...let’s move on to how people are reacting to the news. There’s a lot of mixed reactions. A lot of people feel bad for Brent, especially since he and Taylor just had a baby a couple months ago (as I was typing this). Some people “aren’t surprised” because they were never fans of him in the first place. Others think this is amusing. I’ve seen some people who are solely involved in celebrity news (similar to TMZ) making jokes about the situation, which to me, is appalling.

Let me tell you something. It doesn’t matter if you’re a fan of Brent or not. This shit isn’t funny or cute in the slightest. It sure isn’t funny or cute to anyone who is being affected by the situation, which includes Brent himself, Taylor, their son, and all their loved ones. Like, full stop. Have some decency. Y’all are fucking gross. You can dislike Brent all you want, but he’s a real human being who fucked up. Personally, when I first heard the news, I couldn’t believe it at first. I thought I was having a fever dream. That is, until I looked it up and actually found that it was true. I was CRUSHED. Why? Because Brent is one of the last people I’d even expect to get into this whole mess. 

Sixth screenshot (my thoughts):

If I’m being honest here...like, BRUTALLY honest, Brent needs to be put in REHAB, not jail. For anyone who has been here (on my Instagram) from when I used to dedicate this account to vintage Panic!, you know how I’ve never said anything but kind things about Brent. From the few times I’ve interacted with him a little bit on Twitter and from how I’ve seen him interact with others on the site, Brent is one of the sweetest people ever. I’m being genuine here. He’s a good guy who fucked up and did some dumb shit. Does that make him bad? No. Then again, as far as I’ve read about the current situation at hand, it’s too early to really determine anything. None of us know what caused him to have drug paraphernalia or anything else that he was arrested for in the first place.

Seventh screenshot (wrap-up):

I’m gonna wrap this up here. My heart aches for Brent, Taylor, their son, and all their loved ones. I hope that everything gets straightened out, all sides of the story come out, and that Brent can get his shit together again. Like he had been doing since he was kicked out of Panic!. I wish everyone involved nothing but the absolute best right now, given how fucked up the whole situation is. (Just to clear up any confusion, when I was referring to Taylor, I’m NOT referring to Taylor Swift or any other celebrity with the name Taylor. I’m referring to Brent’s wife.) 

If you’ve read this far, thank you! If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I’ll try to answer as best as I can.

Have my thoughts on the situation changed since February - March of this year? No.

I think that Brent needs some kind of help. That's why I mentioned rehab. It's obvious to me that's the kind of help he needs. I don't believe jail is helpful in certain circumstances (like drug charges, traffic violations, and other nonviolent crimes)....at least in the United States. They treat people who do drugs and/or sell drugs like they're subhuman. Yet there are people who have committed violent, deplorable, horrific crimes, and they're still free people. Funny how that works. I'm not too educated about how the jail system works in other countries, so I can't exactly tell you how I feel about that system on an international standpoint.

Brent should be with his wife and child. I hope the guy gets his shit together again. I believe Brent WILL get his shit together. Genuinely. I would never wish anything bad on him.

I don't crucify Brent like a lot of people in the Panic! fandom do. The only reason I would hypothetically do so is if Brent actually committed violent, deplorable, horrific crimes (i.e., chomo bullshit, trafficking...like, extreme shit) that would warrant him being locked up and I'd drop him completely at that point. OBVIOUSLY I DON'T SEE HIM DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT. EVER. THAT'S JUST HYPOTHETICAL.

Anyways....have a good day, y'all.

[headshxtina]

Brave - Koishi Sugawara

Genre: Fluff, au

Warnings: Language! And that’s all hehe

Song of the day:

Hope you enjoy! I just wrote this out if nowhere since I’ve been in love with him so much,, forgive me for the cliché-ish plot djjdjd this is my first tumblr fic i’ve only written one-shots before all my fics are on wattpad 🥺

⊱ ──────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ────── ⊰

“Dealing with the kids is pretty hard, right?”

Sugawara asked, eyebrow slightly lifted as you were oblivious to his appearance again because of being too concentrated on the lists of teams Karasuno were about to have practice matches with in two weeks.

“Oh? Y- yeah...”

The boy leaned down to the notes, nonchalantly humming, but it seemed like he was focused on your expression more than the tough lists that could match the math revise papers you get.

“Are you tired of replacing Yachi? She’d be absent for pretty long. maybe for MONTHS...” Sugawara left out a soft sigh, being his considerate self as usual, or at least that what was you thought.

He was also known for being the gentle parental figure and the sweet, gentle setter of the team. He was training very hard with the team, even though he wasn’t usually the main setter.

But he seemed to not mind. He appreciated how his appearance helped his fellows practice more consistently and more focused, not to mention his calmness and skillful way of thinking during the matches. You liked that about him, but the recent thoughts about him have been... different from the past ones. Like an evolution. Like how his smile was like an efflorescent kind of spring, how the gentle color of his eyes was like clouds passing the clear afternoon skies, and his comforting smile that sometimes you couldn’t face, and how his iries sometimes were labyrinthe whenever he turned to yo-

“Hey? HEY...?”

Your thoughts stopped in a halt.

“HUH? HUH? WHAT THE FUC-“

“You accidentally kicked your coffee...”

“Oh my GOD... I’m so sorry, I- OH SHIT!”

His shirt was filled with the smell of cappuccino.

“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! I’M SO SORRY SUGA! DO- DO YOU-“

The latter lifted your frown up by caressing the corners of your lips and gently pulled them up, ended it with a soft cheeks pinch.

“Hey... I have extra shirts. I’m okay, you know how third years always know how to prepare.”

“Oh. Okay. I’m still so sorry though.”

“Remember to not kick your sprite next time.” He mocked you and went to grab an another shirt. “Do you need me to buy you an another coff-“

“NAH. NAH. ME GOOD AS FUCK. UH...”

“Okay then! Don’t worry about me. Poor you... so focused on work.”

His footsteps echoed around the practice room, as the team weren’t there yet. Suga went early because he said he “wanted fresh air and some time to talk to the new manager”, which is you.

The sun rays soared the clear sky, replacing the early aurora. It was somewhat idyllic, it reminded you of the halcyon ages, the early mornings when you and your ex-boyfriend would walk into the convenient stores on the way to school, how he would share his coffee with you. Cappuccino. Always cappuccino.

But that was before your break-up last year. Your heart has promised itself to create a barrier from any emotions from being hurt deep down from his getaway. but somehow, it has lost its composure.

Just because of some other boy.

═ ∘◦❦◦∘ ═

“Yes Daichi!”

Sugawara fist-bumped Daichi when they got an another point for the red team.

They were having a practice set, as always.

“Aye! Y/n, are you tired?”

Your thoughts stopped wandering when you felt a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Oh! Asahi! How’s the match going?”

“Oh! Yamaguchi asked me to let him replace me for a while. Homeboy’s doing good. Like look at him. Awww...”

“Proud dad you are, Asahi.”

You two left out a small chuckle as he could feel something going on instantly with his left and nimble instinct. And a compassionate soul.

“Y/n, you like Koushi-boy, right?”

Asahi saying that left a huff out of your lips.

“What? Who said that?”

“Nah, just feels like it. Sorry if i’m wrong. But man, the way you’ve been looking at him these past months since Yachi left means something.”

Your tongue was mixed in dirt and cut dry. Somehow, your saliva was nowhere to be found in the back of your throat.

“Uh... Yeah. Sugawara. I l-“

“SEE? HOMEBOY I WAS RIGHT BITCH! OKAY SO WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP YO-“

“SHHH BITCH!”

Your warning reminded Asahi that it was the practice room you guys were standing in, not in the supermarket.

“Okay. But uh...”

“Hm?” He asked as soon as the words left your lips again, like a reflex.

“Dude doesn’t even look at me. No chance. Still painful since my last break-up. No way. I don’t even think of-“

“So,” Asahi stopped you in a gentle manner and leaned in. “I know it hurts, but feelings can’t be stopped. We are human. Being hurt and showing how you feel isn’t bad at all... It’s called being brave. And after it, you can be even stronger. You have to take over your fears. You have me here advising and sharing everything with you. Don’t think of covering it up. It’s better if you just tell Koushi. And, to be honest, you are too focused on your papers you rarely observe how he looks at you.”

You punched Asahi in the stomach, which made he chuckle a little bit. “Ow!”

“Anyways... Yamaguchi’s going in again. You should get out there.”

“Okay.”

The way Asahi smiled at you told you to DO something. Do a thing you’d never thought of doing again.

═ ∘◦❦◦∘ ═

The night at the Karasuno rest house was a mess and rowdy as always, filled with the laughs of Tanaka, Nishinoya and Hinata in the halls, and the shouts from Daichi and Ukai telling them to shut up.

It was eerie as the clock hit twelve. Kageyama and Hinata weren’t practicing as always, they fell off asleep after the practice that day, since they had to do about ten laps of running around the school for having a fight and then forgetting about it again.

You were closing your eyes, but it stung. You couldn’t bare to sleep with your heart beating so fast in the middle of the quiet and calm night air.

Your head was full of Sugawara. No, you couldn’t push the heavy brick blocking your emotions out of your heart. It would be forgotten, as many other emotions.

But no. It had been there for months.

Refusing to continue that annoying phrase, you slipped into your slippers and walked out the hallways, out into the staircase in front of the house.

Everyone must’ve been asleep by then. Even Asahi, whom was in the same class as you and understood you the most. There was no one to talk to.

Your lips left out a sigh and as you were just about to close your eyes to meet with the sounds of the night wind, a figure passed by you in silence, a little observant as you realized it was a silhouette of someone.

“Y/n? Aren’t you supposed to be in your bed right now, idiot?”

It was no other than Suga.

“Should be you more, turd. It’s literally midnight, why the fuck are you still here?”

“Can’t sleep.” He replied. “Just thoughts...”

“Too many thoughts are up in my head, couldn’t sleep either.”

You earned nothing but a look down to the ground between both of you. The boy said nothing, as he diverted his pupils to the sky. Immediately, the sight of his face being illuminated by the carressing moonlight holding his face so firmly and softly made your heart fly out of your chest again. Something inside you was urging you to say just three words. Just. Three.

But the past memories triggered them away. You could not get yourself hurt again.

The voice of Asahi stuck inside your head.

“I know it hurts, but feelings can’t be stopped. We are human. Being hurt and showing how you feel isn’t bad at all... It’s called being brave.”

You opened your lips in a short second, which was noticed by Suga.

“You were about to say?”

“KOUSHI SUGAWARA! I-“

Your heart was competing with speed of your tongue. Competing with the tears about to fall right down your face. But just three words was the easiest thing you could say that time. No way back.

Your tears could drop at the moment. Your tongue could be cut at that moment. Your trust in love could be crushed again.

“I LIKE YOU!”

He stood there, looking at you, a little bit observant and calm.

“I like you. Ever since Yachi left for the business trip. I just... don’t believe after that stupid break-up, I could ever let my emotions happen again. I...” You choked on the tears beginning to fall from your lids. “I could be he- heartbroken- again- I’m so- sorry-“

Your hiccups were the sound of pain to him. He immediately walked in nearer to you when your tears started to fall. They kept on wetting your cheeks. They dropped. Fell. Wet the road. They were salty upon your lips and your soft hiccups.

“I’M SUCH AN IDIOT! I’M EMBARRASSING US TWO! I’M A FAILURE... I’m so sorry Suga...”

“Why? Why would you ever be one? Why would you be a failure? You just did the bravest thing." His voice was soft and was faded between your hiccups. You couldn't quite hear or see the caring look on his eyes when he touched your fingers and hesitated for a little before caressing them and molding them inbetween his.

You kept on crying loudly and sobbing. You didn't care about anything anymore. You knew it was a failure saying those words. And the feelings you've kept for so long. If Asahi broke the brick wall of Datekou, then you'd just broken the walls keeping your emotions flow out again.

Noticing you didn't reply, Koushi just quietly planted a soft kiss on your temple, and he kept on kissing when he turned to you and you nodded, he kissed all the way down to your cheeks, feelings your tears touching his lips, but he kept on kissing and stopped at your neck.

"Don't wanna do the licky licky thing over here-"

That left out a soft chuckle from you, which made him a little happy.

"Now... All you have to know is that you're the bravest you've ever been. You're always so brave..."

Before he could notice, your sobs quickly turned into lazy snores as your head bumped down onto his shoulders. The boy realized you had fell asleep and smiled, and there was a beautiful flower blooming inside of his heart as well. His love for you these past months have been opened up by you, not him. He felt like a wimp for not saying it first, but he finally felt happy you'd broken out of your tight shell.

So his hands went to caress your hair between pulling his fingers down your lucious locks. They were soft, opposite to the way his heart was beating for you.

“Sleep tight, sugar. I love you so much.” He whispered.

Asahi and Kiyoko were no other than the ones who brought you two up to your bunks, chuckling at each other, knowing everything by the way you two both fell asleep on each other on the staircase, Suga's hand still holding yours. Firmly. Like he wouldn't ever want to let it go.

═ ∘◦❦◦∘ ═

As the alarm clock rang through the eerie silence, you heard everyone groaning in tiredness as Tanaka shouted against Daichi that he wanted a little more sleep and quickly snored again against the soft blanket.

Everyone got ready with huffs and complains under their sleepy breaths, Hinata fixed his funny-looking disheveled hair while shouting at Kageyama for stealing his snacks.

When Karasuno got into the practice room, hyper and ready for an another day of practice, you immediately noticed that familiar silhoutte passing by and stopping right in front of you.

"So, here's a thing, Y/n."

His lips figured in about a few seconds.

"I also... like you back. I love everything about you."

"Hm."

You flashed a smile at him, your eyes still puffy from last night. He just went in and gently kissed the corner of your eye. "Don't cry because of me again, that was.... heartbreaking to see."

"Who would, idiot."

"Who ELSE would." He mocked you as you shyly looked down.

"So, be my girlfriend? As in girlfriend, not girl-friend... uh... like friend as a girl hsjssjshshdh- Alright, be my girlfriend?"

"Gladly, Koushi."

In a sudden, he caught everyone's attention intentionally when he called everyone to get ready and immediately turned to you, got a nod, and crashed his lips onto yours.

A sweet apple smell from his hair passed by your nose, your lips were perfectly molded together, and his soft breath made you feel even better, ecstasy was filling your body, your hands keeping on playing with his soft grey locks.

"OKAY SUGAWHATTHEFUCK?"

Nishinoya and Tanaka's squeals could be heard from afar as Tsukki smiled softly. "Well, Yamaguchi, looks like our setter has fallen in love."

The whole room was filled with squeals and excitement, especially Hinata continuously pulling Kageyama's shirt in surprise, and the latter couldn't care less but gasp and felt so happy for both of you and didn't give a single fuck about Hinata's stupid actions.

"Uh hum." Coach Ukai could be heard from a distance. "Well, looks like our setter has been having a little... makeout sessi-"

"OH SHIT SORRY COACH-" Both of you turned around and realized the whole team has surrounded you guys, including Coach Ukai and Takeda sensei.

"Okay! Suga has a lovey dovey girlfriend, but that doesn't mean we don't continue to practice, remember? You two do that lovey dovey shit at home, not here-"

"YES COACH! I FEEL SO MUCH MORE ENERGETIC AFTER SPEAKING UP MY THOUGHTS! LET ME DO A FUCKING TWO-ATTACK-"

Everyone laughed at Suga's excitement. In the corner of the room, you saw a smile upon Asahi's lips, his eyes gentle and his grin wide as he raised a thumbs up.

"Good job." The tall boy chuckled as he walked towards you.

"All bets on you, Asahi." You smiled back at him. "Thank you. For everything."

⊱ ──────ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ────── ⊰

[elusive---ivory]

The Woman In Velvet pt 10

Ooo!! Part 10 here!! The masterlist should be up later today. I've been lazy about it.

PAIRING: Arthur Fleck x Oc

WARNING: Mentions of sexual abuse.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Taglist:

@princessgeekface @mijachula @gloomyladyy @memory-mortis @moonstruck-witchy

The little girl laid there in the cell. She had been stranded without food or water for several days, until she was found by wandering hitchhikers.

"It seems that her parents were killed and she wandered off. We have no reason to believe that she did it, because she wasn't at the crime scene." A police officer stated.

The girl sat there, listening.

"Does she have any other family members she can stay with?" A female officer asked.

"It says here that she has an uncle. Let's see if he's available." The officer responded.

She heard keys unlocking her cell.

"Is mommy and daddy ok?" The little girl said.

"Oh, yes. They're just on little vacation, somewhere." The officer lied. "For now, meet your uncle Charlie."

A large man in a black suit loomed over the small girl.

"Hello, Sandra, I've missed you."

Sandy opened her eyes. Her uncle's wake was today. The dreaded thought of reuniting with family made Sandy's nerves go in a frenzy. She stared at the ceiling. Her nude body, from the night before, was covered by the bed's flowery blanket. Sandy got off the bed, searching for some clothes. She had found her old clothes from last night, and decided she didn't have any other choice.

Arthur was in the kitchen. The telephone was wrapped around his chest as he was feeling around himself, trying to stay in touch with reality.

Sandy walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey." Sandy smiled. "What was that all about?"

Arthur turned around to Sandy. "Murray wants me on the Murray Franklin show." He mumbled, partially to himself.

Sandy raised her eyebrow. "Did Murray have a change of heart after he saw your clips?" Sandy said, brewing some coffee.

Arthur shrugged. "I guess. I'm not so sure about it."

Sandy looked up at Arthur. "You should go. Murray would be so lucky to have you on his show." She threw her arms around his shoulders, pulling him against her. "You'd look so handsome up there on tv." Sandy giggled, kissing him sweetly on the lips.

Arthur smiled, pulling into the kiss.

Sandy broke the kiss, looking down at Arthur's tighty whities. His pecker seemed to be up and early this morning. "Is that gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Sandy joked.

"A gun." Arthur answered, as he picked up the gun on the corner.

"Woah, Artie. I was just kidding. Is that an actual gun?" Sandy questioned, greatly concerned.

"No, no. It's a prop, Sandy. I would never hurt you." Arthur smiled, placing the gun down.

She sighed in relief. "Okay, good." Sandy placed the now empty coffee cup in the sink, and headed towards the door.

Arthur turned around. "Where are you going?"

"I've got my uncle's funeral today." Sandy sighed, rubbing her temples. "Most of my clothes are upstairs, and I have to get ready before noon."

Arthur frowned.

"But, I'll be back before 6. So don't miss me too much." Sandy joked. "I'll see you in a little bit. I love you." Sandy kissed Arthur on the nose, before heading out of the apartment.

Arthur held his head down. "Bye." He said, softly. His eyes were glued to the door as Sandy left.

The train station was crowded. The smell of diesel fuel flooded the station as well as the thick black smoke arising from the trains.

Sandy coughed as she boarded the train. 30 miles out from Gotham was her old home. A secluded house in the middle of the woods. The house got closer and closer into view as the train came to a stop.

The house was much larger and held a much darker feeling, then when Sandy was once a child. She took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

A woman appeared through the open crack in the door. "Oh, look who it is. Sandy, long time no see." The woman said, dryly.

Sandy sighed already feeling the tension in the room. "Nice to see you too, Destiny."

Des, unlike Dee, was smart. She went to medical school to be a doctor, but ended up being a morgue director. Des was cold and mean. Her thin eyes glared at Sandy, as she sat down.

Dee sat down across from Des, turning around slightly to see Sandy.

"Sandy, you came!" Dee said, smiling at her. Dee was always the nicer one, despite being slightly rude or arrogant at times.

Sandy smiled back at her, sitting down next to her on a lavender couch.

"What took you so long?" Des asked, being as snarky as possible.

"Oh, I was helping my boyfriend with things." Sandy said, smirking.

Family meant competition to Des. No matter how sick and twisted her father was, Des was always jealous of Sandy. In her father's eyes, Sandy was the favorite. Des always was second best.

"Boyfriend, huh? He's not imaginary, is he?" Des laughed.

Dee looked confused. "Wait? You have a boyfriend."

Sandy chuckled. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do. No, he's not imaginary." She glared at Des.

Des glared back. "What does he look like?"

"Like a plain ol' regular guy. He's sweet, charming, and funny." Sandy smiled, thinking about her dear Arthur.

Dee broke the tension. "Wait. Wasn't he that guy on the Murray Franklin Show? I remember you told me the other night."

Sandy nodded. "Yup. That's my boyfriend." She proudly boasted.

Des scoffed. "Huh. Look at you all grown up. I'm sure this 'boyfriend' of yours is really happy that his girlfriend has the mass of a whale." Des laughed, cruelly.

Sandy gritted her teeth. "Ah, yes. So, we're really resorting to fat jokes. God, what is with you? For 25 years, you've been acting like I'm barely a person. You're so fucking rude. I didn't come here to get ridiculed. I came here to get closure."

Des got off her chair. She stared daggers at Sandy. "Tough talk, Sandy. Maybe if you acted like a person instead of crying all the time."

Sandy bit her lip. She tried to help, but soon, tears started falling down her face.

"See, you're crying. You should learn to act like an adult instead of sitting there like a crybaby." Des's words sunk into Sandy. "You should've even come here."

"How could you say that? Am I just awful for having emotions and a human being instead of being a stone cold bitch like you? You're my cousin, Des. We grew up together." Sandy's voice wavered.

"No, you're not. You never were. Our dad was never apart of your disgusting family. Our dad never even met your parents. The night we got you out of that cell was the night we resented you. I grew up with you because I had to. You were Daddy's little doll." Des sat back down.

Dee patted Sandy on the shoulder. "I never resented you, Sandy." Dee whispered.

Sandy broke down crying. "You mean to tell me that I was sexually assaulted by a stranger. A man who never knew my parents." She hissed.

Des scoffed. "No, he didn't. Now, you're making stuff up."

"Oh, you're right. What about the time he took me into his office and I came out with bruises all over my thighs. Or that time were I was screaming 'No' at the top of my lungs? It happened, Des." Sandy's body was shaking. Her face was a mess. She looked away from Des, trying not to break down crying.

"I think it's time for you to leave." She muttered, looking away from Sandy.

"But what about-" Dee was cut off.

"No, Dee, it's fine. I should go. Thanks for having me here anyway." Sandy got off the couch.

She took the bus home. Her tears were still running down her face, along with her smudged mascara. She took a deep sigh as she unlocked her apartment. Sandy walked over to the kitchen, setting her purse and keys down. She stood there, crying in her hands.

She heard the sound of her apartment door opening. Sandy took out a cigarette, and walked over to the door. She lit the cigarette, and took a deep breath.

Arthur dragged his feet into the apartment. His first instinct was to go into Sandy's apartment. He opened the door, slumping on the couch. His hair was still wet from the rain. He stared at the floor.

Sandy walked over to him, taking a drag of her cigarette.

"I had a bad day." Arthur mumbled, still staring at the floor.

Sandy sat next to Arthur. "Yeah, me too." She took another drag of her cigarette.

Arthur handed Sandy the stolen file from the hospital. "When Thomas Wayne told me I was adopted, I had to see for myself. So, I went to the hospital. I found her file."

She looked through the file carefully. Her heart ached as she looked at the pictures taken of young Arthur. She bit her lip, handing back the file. Sandy broke down crying, again.

Arthur put his hand on her shoulder. Sandy leaned in and cried into his shoulder. Arthur gently ran his fingers through her hair, listening to the rain fall outside.

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: 🙌 forced family time is cancelled 🙌 hallelujah Savannah: what are we doing? Jac: Celebrating that, obviously 😘 Jac: What excuse did you use and/or what's the sitch? Savannah: Give me a guest list because honestly does not need to turn into a downer as soon as Savannah: it was a great excuse though, taking a mental health moment Savannah: school has me INCREDIBLY stressed Jac: It should be ILLEGAL how hard they make us work, though, preach 👏 Jac: Is totally doesn't get it because she isn't in the top sets like us Jac: it 👏 is 👏 SO 👏 much 👏 more 👏 work 👏 Savannah: if her mother wasn't a teaching assistant, she'd be languishing in the bottom set Savannah: even she knows it Savannah: IMAGINE if she worked at ours Jac: Seriously, ugh, she's stressing me out rn actually Jac: some of us are trying to keep good skin over here, babe, please 😬😖 Jac: She would die, it'd be bad enough having your mum be a teacher, but a teaching assistant like... 🙈 I can't Savannah: you were GLOWING when I left you Savannah: what's she done now? Jac: ❤❤❤ Jac: this is why you CANNOT okay Jac: if we are partying, we need to have such a pamper sesh first, NO ONE but you can 👀 me like this, I swear Jac: it's so typical her Jac: like I love you but the drama, and she always makes it herself Jac: she's 💔 about that boy, the one that's friends with Xav? LIKE I'M SORRY, you didn't even LIKE him before but now he's NOT available to you, hmm 🤔 interesting 💅 Savannah: Baby girl I have got you, my auntie just got this shit imported that's like next level skincare Savannah: you'll look as beautiful to everyone else as you do to me Savannah: 🚫🚫 Is Savannah: I don't know what boy she means so he's obviously not all that important, my god Jac: 🙌 Come through Auntie!!! Jac: you are THE sweetest angel, like how did I even survive before you ??? Jac: 🙄 Serious! Jac: She's definitely mad I'm over it but like, we all have shit on our 🧠 and it's frankly way more important than this non-drama boy drama Jac: you weren't out there looking for sympathy and you're actually struggling, like, why can't she be more like you, and everyone else too, tbh 😘😘 Savannah: I'm religious about this one serum, you will be about ready to die seeing yourself afterwards Savannah: & so will everyone else we invite to this party Savannah: it's no wonder you're over it, she can't let a single thing go! The leggings incident being case in point, it happened such a long time ago Savannah: but she still has to be in my face about it Savannah: Like, sometimes depressed people are slightly thoughtless Savannah: let me live Jac: I'm SO here for this Jac: you wanna come over here? Jude is out and I can easily get rid of the others too Jac: FACTS Jac: you think she'd be more understanding Jac: someone who claims to have social anxiety, remember that too? Jac: WHERE THOUGH??? 😂 Jac: I'm so much quieter than her, like, it's such an excuse with her for when she embarrasses herself or doesn't want to do something Savannah: YES to everything! Savannah: & remember when she had too many shots at Laura's 15th Savannah: Say you think I'm faking it if that's what you think Savannah: I can't cry constantly, I don't look cute doing it Jac: You ALWAYS look cute and that's like all her issue Jac: it's really blatant Jac: babe, the insecurity, it's so sad 😥 Savannah: The last thing I want is for Ty to think that I'm upset because of him when he's the sweetest and the most understanding boo ever but that's clearly what she wants Savannah: he'd be so upset if he saw me cry Jac: ❤❤ such a good boy Jac: her jealousy is so out of control Jac: I wanna help her but how is lashing out at us, her ONLY friends, helpful? Jac: why should we, sometimes, honestly Savannah: every time I've suggested a work out, she shoots me down Savannah: I can't be any more helpful, it's really beneficial & you refuse to try Jac: it's pure laziness Jac: like you said, she'd be bottom everything if her mum didn't like DO her work for her Jac: 🙄 over it, like, lowkey don't even wanna invite her rn Savannah: we could have it at mine, you know what my family get like when there's too many people Savannah: it's not personal Isabelle, it's my mum's crazy acting up Jac: See if she's gonna pop off on your mum too, like Jac: Ugh, I dunno Jac: do we give her a chance to redeem herself? Savannah: The divorce hit hard, as well you know Is, that's why my auntie lives here Savannah: Ooh what kind of chance? Jac: She doesn't get anything about real life Jac: be lucky if her mammy and daddy let her come anyway 😏 Jac: I'm thinking, okay, don't judge me for this 🙊🙊🙊 Savannah: never Savannah: you're perfect Jac: love ❤❤ Jac: So, she's made her bed by acting all salty about this boy, yeah? So, for all this nonsense, I think she needs to invite Shane and let me have him Jac: because she can't POSSIBLY be into him really if she's still hung up on this other boy? Like, that's not fair Savannah: she would string him along but we're not letting her Savannah: There's no way Shane deserves that Savannah: he doesn't deserve you either because WHO could but if you want him Jac: and actually me and him have way better chats and so much more in common Savannah: he's told Ty endless amounts about how much he likes you, bear with, I'll show you Jac: He's really cute, right? Jac: 🤭 oh my god, babe Savannah: [a million screenshots that you don't deserve to have, get off your man's phone hoe] Jac: 1000% saving them Jac: she'll act so pressed but he wants me anyway, what are you gonna do? FORCE him? 🙄 girl, STOP 🛑 Savannah: ^^ 👏 Savannah: remember when she kept walking away from Aaron & he told her to stop & like TOUCHED her arm, she acted like he grabbed her or something Savannah: double standard there Jac: OMG yes Jac: like, I swear she wants to RUIN these boy's lives, who hurt her? 🤔 it's not cute, cannot deal with girls like that 🙅 Savannah: Let the boy speak Savannah: my dad left & I'm not taking it out on my boyfriend Jac: ^^ the immaturity Jac: we're out here trying to grow and heal and be the best versions of ourselves we can be Jac: and she just... 😑 I can't Savannah: she needs Jesus & we're closer to Buddhists 👌💅 Jac: Literally Jac: IMAGINE if I was still stuck with just her and Amelia Anderson, please Jac: actually saved me 🙏🙌😇❤ Savannah: Honey, NO I will not think about it Savannah: I swear you're my soulmate Jac: It's SO true Jac: no one else is on our level, I swear Jac: you just get it Savannah: who was I & what was I doing before I knew you? Savannah: it hurts my heart to even think about past me Jac: Me too 🥺 Jac: but no one is ever gonna fuck with you again, I swear Jac: least of all Is, that's that 👋 Savannah: now I am crying Savannah: I love you Jac: I love you too Jac: we're totally taking my dad's best 📷 and having a MOMENT Jac: the world has gotta see how good we look after our skincare vibes Savannah: everything I ordered during my midnight madness has arrived & there's a dress I'm giving to you Savannah: Shane will die Jac: You are the MOST generous, best best friend ever, I can't even Savannah: how do you want your make up because we can do barely there since you'll be 🌟✨ Savannah: or you can make a statement that you're ready to go all in for him and bring that effort Jac: What do you think? Savannah: You never have to go hard with your 😇 face Savannah: there's no flaws to hide Jac: 😚😚😚 okay then Jac: that's the mood Jac: like I'm not crazy 💕 on him, or anything but he's sweet, we could be cute Jac: not as cute as you and Ty, of course 😘 Savannah: You'll feel it when you feel it Savannah: if you forced it you'd be like Is Jac: 😱😱 NEVER Savannah: she's trying to start a conversation with me Savannah: I don't want this Jac: Oh my GOD Jac: and when does she ever Jac: bet she wants to bitch about me Savannah: Yeah totally Savannah: Who does she think I am? You're my everything Jac: You can see if she does though, play along Savannah: She's started unprompted! Savannah: 'What's Jac's problem with me? Why's she being like this' Savannah: Let me say hello Jac: Wow, like, where's the 'how are you?' but I'm the rude one 🤷 Savannah: Are you okay JJ? Savannah: this is so unnecessarily mean girl of her Jac: Like, I'm so unsurprised but Jac: what's my problem, why is it MY problem suddenly Savannah: ^^ Savannah: [screenshots screenshots screenshots lol] Savannah: she's the one with all the issues, look Jac: 🙄🙄 how much of this did you just say to my face, babe? Jac: if you can't then maybe you should keep it to yourself Savannah: I feel sad Jac: 😿 Jac: we can't let her ruin our night with whatever negativity she's trying to bring rn Savannah: if she's not bringing your boy to you I don't want her around me Savannah: she has to Jac: Like, seriously, do we even invite you? Jac: Ty knows Shane Jac: I was being a good friend and essentially asking for her blessing but why when it just gets thrown in my face like this Savannah: She doesn't deserve to be your friend Jac: It does feel that way 😟 Jac: just so glad I have you Savannah: It can be the 4 of us, you'll feel so much better Jac: I think so Jac: just not in that party mood now Savannah: I'm gonna pamper you & then Shane will too, that's the mood now Jac: 😍🙏 Jac: thank you so much Jac: that's what I need rn, forget her Savannah: She can cry all she wants, I'm not interested Savannah: we're gonna have the best time Jac: We always do Jac: especially when she's not there draining our energy Savannah: Come over whenever Savannah: Ty's got basketball & then he'll be standing in front of the mirror forever post shower taking selfies Savannah: if I wasn't so secure I'd be worried about the time he spends photographing his muscles Jac: his ❤ and 👀 are on 🔒 Jac: bless him Savannah: I can't imagine being with anyone else Savannah: if he leaves me I'll be joining my mum as a wreck who stays in bed constantly Jac: He never will Jac: he's not INSANE Savannah: am I too much? I feel like I have that gene Jac: Oh please Jac: he's rightly obsessed with you Jac: you're so gonna be together forever and get married and have all the cute babies Savannah: They would be the cutest Savannah: I hate not being from a big, close family like yours Savannah: I'm gonna make one Jac: Hey, you're my sister Jac: soulsisters, right, no matter what Savannah: Yes! Savannah: We're gonna be together forever too Savannah: & our babies will grow up as best friends Jac: That will be the best Jac: I wish we'd known each other from being babies too Jac: you were so sweet omg 🥺 Savannah: Shoutout to your dad for taking the perfect amount of pictures of how perfect you've always been Savannah: 👼🏻 Jac: Some of them are so cringe though 😒😂 Jac: thanks so much, dad 👌 Savannah: my dad's head has been ✂ out of all of ours Savannah: what could be more cringe? Savannah: my mum can literally never stop herself Jac: do you have any you managed to save? Savannah: I have some she didn't know were in my room Jac: that's good Jac: you could do something with them Jac: or, failing that ✂ her head out Savannah: Will you help me? Savannah: you're like the most artistic person I've ever met Jac: Of course I will Jac: we could make a frame out of 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 Savannah: OH Savannah: I love that Jac: Right? Kind of everything Jac: we could get one of those fake garlands to hang all our polaroids on too Savannah: 🥰 Savannah: this is why you're in top set for everything Jac: Awh, I just like beautiful things Jac: that's why we're best friends Savannah: you're SUCH a beautiful thing Savannah: I hope you know Jac: Thanks to you Jac: NEVER gonna let you forget ❤ Savannah: Do you need a lift? My auntie is asking because she loves you too Jac: 😭😭 family of 😇s Jac: yes please 😘 Savannah: 10 minutes, baby

[mittensmorgul]

I'm shook. Dean actually admitted that Chuck doesn't care, that Chuck just left and ignored all of his responsibilities. I thought Dean was pro-Chuck, I mean, he called Chuck a bestie, didn't he? I'm not sure if he really resents Chuck or he was just too depressed to think straight. I'm still shook though. (Oh, and if you're feeling unwell I hope you recover. I wish you luck. May October be kind to you.)

Aahhh, thank you. :P And yeah, I’ve been sick since Walker-Stalker Philly a few weeks ago, stupid con crud that turned into bronchitis because I am a weakling with no immune system. :D

I’ve also been debating whether I should write tonight (fic, which I have a deadline of december 2 on and I’m not even close to finished on), or if I should write a long meta on Fathers, or if I should just go to sleep and try again tomorrow. But this bit about Chuck, and how Dean feels about Chuck as an absent father figure, would factor into that meta.

I mean Dean’s always held a grudge against God since… ever probably, but at least in text as far back as 5.02 when Cas set out in search of God to help stop the apocalypse. Chuck never really grew into anything Dean could really respect any more than that, you know? Even the burden Chuck laid on him at the end of s11 wasn’t what Dean wanted. Dean had his ENTIRE LIFE ruined because of Chuck’s inability to clean up his own mess, and then suddenly Dean fixes it FOR him, and Chuck just sashays off into the sunset with Amara and again lays the entire burden for taking care of EVERYTHING at Dean’s feet… but Dean’s still just a guy doing a job. He doesn’t have Cosmic God Powers to just fix stuff when it goes wrong. How the hell is he meant to take care of the entire world?

He does try, though. Oh, how he tries. Until it crushes and breaks him.

(and whoopsie this is actually shaping up to BE that meta on fathers I’ve been thinking about, so guess how I’m gonna spend the next hour! WHEEE! *tosses fic writing plans out the window*)

I’ll start with the easiest one: Dean referring to Chuck as his bestie. In 12.04:

Gail: Do you know God, gentlemen?Dean: Oh yeah. Yeah, we’re- we’re besties.

Said with about 9 tons of sarcasm. I’d find a gif to demonstrate just how done Dean was in that scene, but he was pretty much done with EVERYTHING in 12.04. I think that nicely sums up his attitude going into that conversation.

But yes, I 100% do feel like Dean resents Chuck– for laying this burden on him and not giving him ANYTHING else. He laid this out to Chuck’s face in 11.21:

Dean: Here’s the thing, um…Chuck… And I mean no disrespect. Um… I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know – It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a – a… long, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?Chuck: I was aware, Dean.Dean: But you did nothing. And, again, I-I’m not trying to piss you off. You know, I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.Chuck: I actually… didn’t do that.Dean: Okay. People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.Chuck: You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created… would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It’s enabling.Dean: But it didn’t get better.Chuck: Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.Dean: Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.Chuck: I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

And that’s it, really. The crux of Dean’s feelings toward Chuck. And that never really changed. Dean still had to take the burden of sacrifice on HIMSELF (carrying the Soul Bomb to Amara) because Chuck didn’t or couldn’t or just wouldn’t. It wasn’t Chuck that saved the world there, it was Dean using his words with Amara, dragging Chuck kicking and screaming into the conversation.

Okay, not kicking and screaming, more like whimpering and huddling… whatever… :P

But Chuck told Dean not to confuse him with John, and mistake his own “complicated upbringing” for Chuck’s “parenting” of the entire universe. And yet… as above, so below. And Chuck himself “chose” Dean as his mirror.

Then we have Dean’s own complicated Father Issues, from how John raised him, to how he was forced to raise Sam. As he said in 12.22 to Mary, he was forced to not only be a father to Sam, but a mother as well. And it wasn’t fair to Dean, and he hated Mary for her deal that put him in that position in the first place. What was unsaid there, but plain as day anyway, was that he hated John for it, too.

Lizbob and I were talking earlier about how Jack was describing the fact that he WAS his mother for a while before he was born, and how the very act of his birth sucked the life out of Kelly, and how that was a horrifying metaphor for motherhood, but Dean has said it himself, of Sam. Back in 10.03, when Sam was curing him of being a demon:

DEAN: You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since … [Dean laughs.] Forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!SAM: This isn’t my brother talking.DEAN: You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit.SAM: No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!DEAN: Well, then, we got nothin’.SAM: Would you say that to Dad?DEAN: Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!

Sam’s “very existence sucked the life” out of Dean’s life, just like Jack literally did to his mother, just TWO EPISODES AFTER Dean broke through to Mary with his confession about the horrors of his life, and his anger over having to be both mother and father to Sam.

And this was about the point I hit my EUREKA! moment over why the idea of Dean being forced to be a parent to Jack just pushed every NOPE NOPE NOPE button in my entire body. Because he’s JUST NOW finally letting go of feeling like his entire life had been one long forced obligation to be a parent to Sam, and now here’s this new pseudo-manbaby with frightening and potentially Dangerous Magical Abilities who needs parenting and looking after that was foisted on him against his will AGAIN.

I mean, it’s like the ultimate in Cosmically Un-Fucking-Fair.

And even the notion that Cas should be responsible for “parenting” the giant nougat-loving nuke in lost-and-found clothes just… sits so wrong with me for the exact same reason. How long has Cas been a guardian to Dean? How big was the whole “You aren’t our babysitter” theme last season? That Cas never really had time to internalize before Jack hijacked Cas’s “babysitter” instincts for his own purposes?

Yes, it’s sweet and I can see that the parallels between Jack and Cas are being written really well so far, but the cutesy Cas-as-Jack’s-Daddy stuff just physically sickens me (which is saying something considering how physically sick I am as a baseline here…). I don’t think it’s “cute.” And I’m saying this as someone who LOVES Jack as a character.

Kelly (who was literally already “dead” at the point she met Cas, and was technically– according to Jack himself– already “Jack” at that point) had sized up Cas and decided that he would make a good guardian for Jack, and that Dagon would make a bad guardian for him, and took matters into her own hands in order to make that happen. Literally took Cas’s hand without his permission, after he’d declined to touch her stomach, and then forced his hand again after literally hijacking Baby and driving Cas to the scene of her “vision.” Then literally taking Cas’s hand again to force events to unfold as they had in the vision, without regard to any of the other horrors that played out as a result– such as Joshua having been killed by Dagon, the Colt being destroyed, Sam and Dean being hurt, Cas nearly getting killed, and then zapping enough power through Cas to kill Dagon, a being of a type we’ve only ever seen harmed by the Colt and the Lance of Michael. It was clear early on that Jack had Serious Power and yet we see he has practically NO CONTROL over it.

I am soooo tempted to apply a little bit of Miriam’s description of Becky to Jack… 

He sees something he wants and just takes it without a thought for who it might hurt. He took candy from the vending machine in 13.01, but… he kinda did that to Cas, too. Even before he was born, he saw the sort of devotion Cas had to the people he cared about and even if he didn’t understand WHY, he understood through Kelly that this was something he would need for himself. So he took it, even if it might hurt other people.

Just like he flung his power out at the sheriff when she touched him while he was being assaulted by angel radio. He didn’t intend to hurt her, but he was already in pain and frightened and that’s just how his power works for him right now… as if it’s “him but not him.” Almost like it’s an independent entity that’s in Extreme Self-Protection Mode.

That’s how Miriam described Dean, as someone who takes things and breaks things no matter who it hurts. But really… that’s not Dean, and that’s not Jack either– or at least not what Jack would CHOOSE to be. But from the outside, it kinda looks that way.

So, yeah, I LOVE the idea that Sam is finally getting a turn at forced parenthood from the other side of the equation. It fits beautifully with his own arc toward self-forgiveness and acceptance of his own powers and feelings of whether or not he was inherently evil because of what had been done to him as a baby. I LOVE the idea that Sam will get to experience being a father and mother to someone going through much the same things he did all his life (albeit as an adult, which was not a luxury Dean had when he was forced into a parental role at the age of almost five).

But for Dean? I’m horrified that this has been forced on him again. And for Cas? The fact it’s not something he chose of his own free will, nor gave informed consent to before he was sock-puppeted into becoming Jack’s babysitter… yeah, I find it moderately to seriously disturbing…

And for the sake little baby Jesus, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS EVIL. I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS NOT “GOOD.” Good and evil are entirely irrelevant to this conversation.

But Jack’s power did something to Kelly. And it did something to Cas. It wasn’t done with malicious intent, but IT WAS DONE TO THEM. And it’s something that severely limited their free will. We’ve seen how Jack’s power works, without his active CHOICE to make stuff happen. He’s on a fight or flight sort of level with it right now, and it just happens to be set to overkill, you know? I’m sure he’ll get a better handle on it eventually, but I think it’s also going to be a vulnerability that others may try to exploit (enter Asmodeus, or potentially AU Michael, and possibly eventually Lucifer… this isn’t going to be an easy journey for Jack).

Anyway I think I’ve wandered so far off topic of your original question, but congrats, you won the Which Question Will Result In Actual Meta award this week! :P

I think it’s been more than an hour. *checks clock* *what even is time anymore* It’s definitely been more than an hour.

[wreathedinscales]

Basically, Jessica gets an abortion and Matt’s there for her. Also there’s mentions of Defenders OT4, which is somehow @prouvairablehulk​‘s fault even though we’ve never discussed them

Trying a new thing! This story’s also under the cut.

She goes to Matt because the bastard probably knows. He's weird like that.

He knows she's following him. She knows he knows she's following him. But aside from a side look―as much a side look as Matt Murdock can give―he doesn't say anything.

He definitely knows.

When they reach his building, he holds the door for her. She grunts when she passes him, since he won't see her nod. (Maybe he'd hear the wind or something if she did, though. 'Cause he's weird.)

"So," he says when they're inside, "to what do I owe the pleasure, Jessica?"

Without really meaning to, Jessica crosses her arms and curls her shoulders in. Bending around her stomach.

"Cut the crap, Murdock. You know why I'm here."

Matt's sardonic smile fades. He's still for a second. Jessica almost reconsiders. When he finally nods, she blows out a long breath. Because this has made her weird too.

"Did you smell it or something?" she drawls.

The smile twitches back. She prefers that instead of―whatever else. "The way you walk changed too."

"But you still smelled it."

His smile grows. Asshole. "Yes."

Jessica scoffs. "Weirdo."

He tilts his head towards her. "I can't hear a heartbeat, though. Still early."

She didn't know she'd been worried about that until he said it and strings cut in her shoulders. 22 days until the heart beats. That's what she'd read. But to hear it confirmed―fuck.

"Yeah, well. Only been a few days."

Matt inclines his head. But he keeps his trap shut. Leaving it to Jessica to steer the conversation. Fuck him and his thoughtful bullshit.

Jessica purses her lips, fingers clenching on her arms. Then it comes out in a rush: "Claire gave me a list of abortion clinics. I made an appointment for tomorrow." As an afterthought, she murmurs, "And I―don't know which one of you's the dad."

Even though she knows him, she expects disappointment. Or, considering it's Matt, some kind of rage, if not now, then when some fuck in an alley makes a wrong move. But instead of going tight-lipped or white-knuckling his cane, he remains as relaxed as can be.

As if he'd expected this.

And is okay with it.

He even asks, "Do you want me to come with you?" all calm and sweet, like he fucking cares, and that shouldn't be a surprise but―but it really fucking is.

"This could be your kid!" Jessica snaps, uncrossing her arms at last.

"Technically, it's nothing but a batch of cells right now," Matt replies, "And it's not my decision to make."

"You say that like you're―like it doesn't matter!"

Matt takes a couple steps to her. "Of course it matters. It's your body, Jessica. I care more about your feelings and what you want. And to be honest," smiling wryly, "I don't think any of us are equipped to handle a child."

Fuck. Fucking―fuck.

Jessica swallows hard. "Are you really leaving this all to me? I―I can't even keep my damn phone on the charger."

"And I'm a blind lawyer with anger management issues. Like I said: not equipped. But if you decide when you get there that you want to keep it, then we'll try our best. I'm sure Luke and Danny will feel the same."

Jessica snorts, glancing at the ugly ass billboard outside. "Danny'll freak. He'll probably decorate a nursery and. Buy flowers or some shit."

Her insides mesh. She can almost feel―she takes a sharp breath and flexes her fingers. This whole thing's got her fucked up. Even more fucked up. Whatever.

Matt telegraphs his movements. She lets him touch her arm.

"Danny lets his emotions run away with him―"

"Look who's talking."

Matt huffs but doesn't deny it. "He just needs to talk it out. Luke and I can handle that if you want."

Jessica clenches her jaw. "No. I'll do it." She looks at his tie. Red, of course, the asshole.

"They've noticed something's been going on with you. But it's still your decision. I won't tell them if you don't want me to."

Why does her throat hurt? Fucking hormones. "How the fuck are you making this so easy?"

Matt briefly ducks his head. "I'm learning that when you have the right people in your life―when you let them, rely on them...things don't have to be as much of a mess."

Jessica rolls her eyes. "Still a mess, though."

Matt squeezes her shoulder. "But doable."

It's quiet for a second. Their city yammers outside.

"It's probably Luke's," Jessica mumbles, idly bouncing her hand on her side, "His jizz is probably superpowered too."

Matt chuckles. "Very likely. But it's yours too."

Jessica stares at his glasses. "Yeah."

"...do you want me to come with you?" he asks again.

Jessica braces her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She can handle this on her own. Was handling it until she realized five days after the damn test that her blind weirdo lawyer could sense shit like a whale. Doesn't matter though, 'cause she can still do this alone. It's what she does best, what she knows, and right now, she could do with some familiarity.

But Matt's also familiar. Somehow, she's let him, Danny, and Luke become familiar. Well, more like they've been so stubborn with trusting her that she's been worn down through sheer exposure. Still. Only Danny says the L word, but there's no expectation, there's no―it's just. It's good. Jessica doesn't just have good in her life. She wasn't built for it, literally. Her whole life's one ongoing earthquake and shitstorm at once.

Matt's tilting his head again. Is he listening to her heartbeat? Fucker.

Jessica inevitably looks at her stomach. She's amazed she hasn't done it yet, considering she's been doing it ever since a shithole convenience store bathroom gave her the worst news she's had in a while. Since she's her, that's saying something.

Matt's hand is still on her shoulder. He's not bad at his job, at least to the extent that he knows when to be patient. Let the case simmer. Though he doesn't see Jessica as a case, none of them do, and ain't that a fucking miracle.

Fuck. Just. For once in her damn lonely life, she―she just doesn't want to be alone. Sure, she shares a bed with three men and has her back covered in a fight, but in this. In this kinda stuff...

Jessica straightens her shoulders and gives Matt an address. Matt's smile warms, and for the first time in a really fucking long time, Jessica might be able to think it'll be okay.

Clinic's small and poor as shit, but Claire's nothing if not reliable, and the receptionist hands Jessica paperwork without a hint of judgment. Matt follows Jessica to a set of cracking plastic green chairs, faded like the off-white walls. A couple fake plants are shoved in corners, and two pictures of flowers make up the rest of the decorations. Classy.

Jessica fills out the paperwork and tries not to be sick. "Don't hold my hand."

Matt's lip quirks. "I've just recovered from broken bones."

Luke and Danny won't know until after. Not that Jessica could ever be swayed to keep it. It's just better this way.

"Your freaky ears listening in?"

"They're kind," Matt murmurs, "Professional, understanding. One woman is crying, and the doctor is tired with her. Brooklyn accent."

Jessica wants that doctor. She'd rather have that than kind and professional.

"Dr. Nunez," Matt says after a beat. "That's what the patient's calling her. Patient's apparently still on the fence."

Jessica scoffs, flipping to the next page. "Why did she come here then?"

"That's what Nunez is asking. Demanding, really."

Jessica definitely wants this doctor. In Other Comments/Concerns, she jots that down.

"The place next door is actually full of prostitutes," Matt remarks, "Very convenient, I suppose."

"Sex workers know what they're about. Shit, what is this, a novel?"

"From what I've seen of medical documents, yes."

"Don't be a smartass, Murdock."

Matt smiles.

A few minutes later, the crying woman hurries out. Jessica finally signs the form and hands it over. The receptionist reviews it, raises an eyebrow at the request, but shrugs under Jessica's own eyebrow.

"That the dad?" she asks instead.

Jessica jerks her chin at the forms. "When's the doc available?"

"Should be a couple minutes at most. With all the shit goin' on at the White House, this is a slow day."

Jessica nods curtly and returns to her seat. She sits a little closer to Matt. He doesn't comment.

She tells Matt to wait there when it's her turn.

"Good luck," he whispers.

"Shut up," she grumbles.

Afterwards, Jessica heads to the nearest bar to get shit-faced. If she doesn't, she might throw up. Better to vomit from alcohol.

She tells Matt to fuck off. He says, "I've never tried this bar."

"You're not trying it with me."

Then she sighs and mutters, "Thanks."

Matt smiles. "I was wrong. That is the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

Jessica flips him off. Makes sure to smack it against his chest so he can feel it. He grunts from the impact.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Jessica."

"Come between me and my drinks any longer, Murdock, and I'm gonna break the wall with your face."

"Thank you for letting me come with you."

Jessica nearly rears back. "What?"

Matt carefully holds his cane with two hands. "It must've been hard for you to accept me coming along. Thank you for letting me be there anyway. You deserved to have someone there." A small, self-deprecating smile crosses his face. "Even though you didn't have a choice in telling me."

Oh, fuck this guy.

"I could've ignored you," Jessica snaps, "I could've told somebody else." She probably wouldn't've. "I didn't. Cut the shit so I can get my booze."

Matt kisses her cheek like they're in a fucking movie. "Feel free to drunk call me. Chances are I'll be in the neighborhood."

Jessica rolls her eyes. "When are you not? I swear if you took a step outta Hell's Kitchen you'd combust."

He neither confirms nor denies.

She drags him into an alley and kisses him properly. He knows better than to put his hands on her neck the way he does for the others, opting to grasp her upper arm and keep his free hand on his cane. She digs her nails into his sleeves. The clinic still drenches them, but Matt feels the same, just shy of too hot with some maneuvering so his glasses don't slip between them.

She's torn his jacket.

"You've got a million others just like it," Jessica says as he takes it off.

Matt pats it on his elbow and says, "It's not as if I'm able to tell."

"Fuck. Off."

She feels. Okay? Something close to okay. And really, that's enough.

[likelyfantasywriterspsychic]

31 Day Angst Challenge

Day 4: Jealousy

So this idea is from my Riverdale fanfic but thanks to re-working some plot points I had to scrap it. But it really works for this challenge therefore I'm gonna use it.

Some backstory. Silver got shot and needed a heart transplant. There wasn't a viable donor, so her boyfriend Xander "Kuja" Maxwell (the nickname is a long story) says that if they can't find someone in time they can use his since he had the proper blood type and a girl getting a man's heart doesn't often cause too many problems, if the size difference isn't overly huge. (I did alot of research for this). A donor does come in but he doesn't tell them so everyone thinks that he died to save her. She is very obviously upset. Six months later she starts hooking up with Harley Sterling. Five months later she stops seeing him because it was becoming too serious. A month later Kuja comes back. Everyone is none to pleased with him. He explains himself and after a while Silver and Kuja are beginning to get close again. This is how Harley reacts.

Some swearing

****

So maybe I was moping. Maybe I deserved it.

Sylvia Nightengale was never someone I ever pictured myself with and not just because she was my little sister's best friend.

She had a boyfriend. She was in a gang. She was four years younger than me. She was loud. She was stubborn. She could take everything I threw at her and fire it all back.

And then she got shot. For a second time. And her boyfriend died so she could keep living. She had been so messed up. And then she went to that stupid party. She had said she needed a change. I wasn't sure that's what she got when she got with me.

We had gotten drunk, both of us. Then somehow we had ended up on a bed upstairs kissing with our clothes all the way off.

She was amazing in bed.

She was smart.

She was funny.

She didn't take any of my crap.

I had been falling in love.

She had been having a distraction.

She realized it. Of course she did. The girl was insane, not an idiot. She knew I had started falling for her and she broke it off. I tried to act cool, after all I wasn't called the king of one nighters for nothing.

But damn it had hurt.

She used me and threw me away and yeah, I saw the damn irony. I had done the same to all the girls I had slept with. Maybe it was Karma. Maybe it was just bad damn luck that I feel in love with the only girl in Riverdale that would never love anyone more than her first boyfriend.

Then the bastard came back from the dead. Maybe I had a shot at winning her back, but now it was hopeless. You could see it. Whenever they were in the same room it was like someone a flipped a switch in her and she'd just start glowing. They didn't even have to look at each other or be touching in anyway. They just had to be in the same room and they glowed.

It set my damn teeth on edge.

And now they were over at the house and they were together again, and she was happy, and smiling in a way that I hadn't seen for a full year. She was happy. And it should have been good. I should have been glad that she was back to herself and that she was content again and not sad and bleeding.

But.

But I wanted her to smile like that for me. I wanted her to look at me with those big adoring eyes.

Every time she brushed her hand against him, every time she leaned into him, every time she touched him, my vision went red. Every time Kuja smiled at her and gave her a little innocent kiss on the cheek or forehead, everytime he looked her way, as if she was the only thing that mattered to him?

I wanted to take one of dad's deadly kitchen knives and slit his throat.

He had no idea what Sylvia had been like after he had "died". He knew her past, he knew all the shit she had been through and he still did it.

And they he came back and expected her to fall back into his arms as if nothing happened?!

My only bright side was that it had taken Sylvia a damn long time to forgive him. And even longer to get back with him. But everyone knew it would happen. They were just so damn obvious. People would have to be completely oblivious, deaf and blind not to realize how much they loved each other.

I never had a chance.

I knew that and yet--

"Harley, you're attacking those potatoes like they killed one of the dogs." Louis said blandly.

"Something on you're mind, oh king of migraines?" Jessie questioned.

"Shut up Queen Jessie or I'll dump all your skin care products down the sink." I snapped at my brother. Jessie and his boyfriend, Luke, I think that was his name, looked at me in horror.

"Come on Harles, don't be a mister frowny pants." Sylvia teased me gently, "everyone knows that's Louis' job."

Come on play like we used too.

That's what she was saying to me. But you know what? I sooo was not up for a verbal sparring match with my ex.

Louis frowned. "You know what kid--"

"Oh my goooood." Frankie rolled her eyes. "You all can't go one dinner without doing this can you?"

"Admit it baby sis," Jessie said giving her a winning smile. "If we didn't you'd think we were dying."

"Can we not say the D-word, please?" Sylvia asked and I just knew that have had grabbed her boyfriends hand under the table.

"Defenestration?" Louis asked.

"Dapocaginous?" Frankie chimed in.

"Dendrochronology?" Luke asked.

"Dentiloquent?" Frankie's boyfriend added.

"Dicks?" Jessie smiled.

Everyone groaned. I looked around the table, with a pit in my stomach. I pushed the plate away. "May I be excused?" I asked.

"You've barely touched your food," my mom said.

"I had a big lunch." I threw my napkin on my plate.

"Well alright I'll package it up for later in case you do get hungry."

Not bloody likely. I thought. I stomped up to my room and slammed the door collapsing onto my bed.

Everyone has some. Frankie has Aaron. Louis has Indiana. Jessie has Luke. Mom has dad. Will's got Bailey. Charlie has Maya. Sylvia has Xander back. Me and Sebastian were the only ones with out someone. And at least Sebastian has Kero, who is an actual good friend. But me?

I'm alone. That used to be fine. It wasn't until Sylvia had crashed into my orbit and thrown everything off kilter that I had realised just how lonely I really was.

I wanted it. I wanted what my brothers had. I wanted Sylvia goddammit!

I sighed and threw an arm over my eyes blocking out the light.

Time to admit it. I was jealous. I was so very jealous.

I picked up my phone and scrolled threw the numbers. I needed a good fuck to clear my head that's all. It had been what? Four months since I'd had a good screw?

God for me that was more like ten years. No wonder I was going insane.

I looked through their pictures. Finally I settled on one with hair so light it was almost white and light blue eyes. Her name was... Cynthia.

Right?

Yes, Cynthia. I remembered now.

She was in my auto tech class, and damn did the girl know her way around a wrench.

I tried not to think too much about why Cynthia appealed to me tonight more than any of my other girls.

It couldn't be because she was a blonde haired, blue eyed, car junkie who just happened to ride a motorcycle and wore a leather jacket most of the time.

Sonofabitch.

I must really have it bad.

I shook my head, trying to clear those thoughts away. The only thing that was important right now was that I was getting laid tonight. Anything else was redundant.

I shrugged on my own leather coat, slicked back my hair and grabbed my keys.

...It was a coincidence.

I shoved my fist through the wall of my room as I walked out.

One big, damn, coincidence.

[unqueenlybiscuits]

K-pop hates your nasally tone.

fuck you and your cow

You Don't Mess With The Zohan Script

   You don't mess with the Zohan!  Come disco.  No, no, no.I no disco, I make the fish.  Danny, come on, go disco.  Oh, okay. Disco!  Danny, that looks good. You're gonnabe a hit at your bar mitzvah.  So okay, Mr. Big Penachim,I no see you disco.  No, no, no. I making dagim.I no disco.  A real man, he can discoand cooking dagim.  So let's go.  Go, go.  I get the hummus for you.  And for you.  Little for me, eh!  No.  No.  Kapara, what is going on!  Just some bullshit-uchen.  Let's go!  Hey, I'm on vacation here.Can't you see this!  You promised me time off.Get someone else to do it.  Are they gonna hurt him!  No one can hurt the Zohan.  - Bye, Zohan.- Take care, man.  The terrorist known as Phantom...  ...was spotted yesterday at aHacky Sack tournament in Beirut.  He may be have been trying tobait us by surfacing briefly.  We believe he's being kept in a safehouse on the Lebanon border.  How is we lose Phantom!  Didn't I capture Phantomthree months ago!  What, you didn't hearabout the trade!  What trade!  Zohan, we gave back the Phantom.  No!  What do you mean,we give back the Phantom!  Zohan, relax.  It was a good trade.We got back Etan and David.  That's all we gotfor a veteran terrorist!  Come on, we got hosed here.  They threw in a spyto be named later.  Come on, Zohan,you have to like that deal.  Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev.  Ze'ev.Come on, he's not even a good spy.  He got caught, for God's sake.He's a stupid.  Our plan is to enter the building fromthe front with a team of eight men...  ...with an additional 12 menat perimeter positions.  Unfortunately, there is a highprobability of collateral damage...  ...including property and loss of life,on both sides.  Okay, here we go.  Excuse me!  Come on, is it not saferto send one man into building...  ...with minimal coverageto take out the target...  ...instead of blowing uphalf the neighborhood!  Well, who would do that!  Oh, "who would do that!"  You know you weregoing to ask the Zohan.  Zohan, why you say this!  I just laid out an entire planwhich didn't rely on you.  Come on, Yaron,you're setting me up.  All this talk of civilian casualties,then of course I end up doing it.  - But I'm not even asking you to do it.- All right, I'll do it.  Give me Avi and Koby as watch,I'll get it done without the mess.  Well, thank you. You didn't have to.  Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah.  Have some Fizzy Bubblech.  "Kiwi watermelon"! Yeah, is good.  "Avalon."  Chunky cuts.  Zohan, what are you doing!The girls are here.  I know, I was watching television.  Well, if you want to have fun with us,we're right next door.  - Good with the sticky, you should do it.- No, no, no.  I am going to dinner with my parents.Just leave me alone.  - All right, all right.- It is all right!  You don't giggle at the Zohan.  You hear me!No giggling at the Zohan.  You never giggle at the Zohan.  What's the matter, tatele?  You haven't touchedyour baba ganoush.  What would you think if I tell you...  ...I want to leaving the army,start a new life!  Why would you do that!You are good at it. It's steady pay.  You can't leave,you're one of their best.  Besides, you are too oldto take a risk.  Stay in the army, play it safe.  There's other things I can dobesides war.  You don't war.  - I was in the real war.- I know, I know the story.  1967.  We were surrounded on all sides,outnumbered.  - And in six days, we...- And in six days, we won.  You won. I'm sorry,I don't have a big, fancy war...  ...that lasted all of six days...  Six days and five hours.Your generation likes to forget that.  Dad, I've done so muchfor the country. When does it end!  They've been fighting for 2000 years.It can't be much longer.  All of my friends servedthe minimum three years.  Why can't I move on!Do something else.  Something more creative.  Creative, what!  You've caught so many terrorists,it's an art.  You're like Rembrandtwith a grenade.  What will you do!  Maybe go to America.  What, and haggle overstereo equipment!  Wait a minute, Ya'acov.  Uncle Levi will set you upat electronic store.  You make money, sow yourcreative oats, you come back.  No, I don't want to doelectronics store.  Then how will you make money!  I don't want to say.  Zohan, if you can't tell your parents,who can you tell!  Come, Zohanele.  I want to cut...  ...and style hair.  You... You fagala?  He's fag... Faga...  I like hair. It's pleasant,it's peaceful, no one gets hurt.  Well, you're only diggingthat fagala hole deeper and deeper.  Hello, down there!Hello, in the fagala hole.  Maybe he wants Vaseline.  Yes, it's so funny.  I just want to make peoplesilky smooth.  You know the Phantom will try to run,so be ready for this.  - Zohan, now!- So let's go.  The Zohan.  Freeze!  I get it, I get it,you guys don't like our country.  So we are the bad ones.  I'd love to sit and discuss thiswith you, but I'm short on time.  I'm just saying.It's not so cut-and-dry.  We settled herefor hundreds of years!  Good point.  None of my ancestors ever steppedfoot in this land. No, you're right.  Hey, don't walk away!  Come out, come out,wherever you are.  Hello, jackass.  You think you can oppress my people,landgrabber!  But I will never disappear.  No one can catch Phantom!  So let's go.  Very good.  Sorry. It's for the cause.  Zohan.  Zohan, bring it.  Why you do this! I feel no pain.  No, no, no. I feel no pain.  - I feel no pain. This is too much...- No, no, no. I feel no pain.  I have told you in other fights.  No, no, no. I kill you right now.  Look, look, look.  The piranha,it looks very painful for you.  Is good, is good.  Is very nice. Yes, yes.  Fizzy Bubblech for me.  You like what you see!  Time to die.  So let's go.  Okay, game over.  Yeah!  I kill!  I kill the Zohan!  Zohan is dead.  The Phantom!  Cutting the hair,this makes something beautiful.  Instead of shooting it.  That's why I had to fake to die.  I could have captured Phantom again,but for what! They trade him.  I love my country,but the fighting, it never ends.  It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco.  Coco, you bite him back.  Soon you are both having worms,eating your own poopech...  I understand. The pills.  Your parents thinkthey know what's best for you.  Sleep.  It's all about not getting recognized.  I know how great I lookedin the beard...  but I'll make this work for me,you'll see.  Rise and shine, guys.Good morning.  Is nice, huh!  It's the Avalon.  It says I care about the way I look,but I'm still approachable.  Oh, you like this!  Who wants to go next, guys!Who wants to look silky smooth!  Yes. Yes.  Oh, where are my two little babies!Oh, come on.  Come on out, Scrappy, come on out.Come to Mama, Mr. Coco.  Mr. Scrappy. Coco.What happened!  Who gave you permissionto do this, huh!  Who did! Answer me.  Scrappy, was it you!It was you, wasn't it!  You're always the instigator.  Bad dog. You are a very bad dog.Never again are you gonna travel.  Take me to the Paul Mitchellhair salon.  - First time in New York!- Yes, my friend.  So, what brings you here!  I have a dream.  I had a dream too.  What dream you have!  My dream was to come to America...  ...and make enough moneyto send for me brothers and sisters...  ...so that we all could enjoyfreedom together.  - This is good dream.- Oh, yes, it is.  - Is dream come true!- No, man.  Me brothers and sisterswere hacked to death.  But I love the Chinese food here.It's incredible.  - Hey, you forgot these.- Those are for you, my friend.  Good morning for you.I am here to meet Mr. Paul Mitchell.  And who are you!  Scrappy Coco.I am here to take a job from him.  He isn't in right now.  That's good. So I will wait, then.  You know what! I'll takeone Fizzy Bubblech, a raspberry.  You know,he actually doesn't come in too often.  Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this,so let's go.  - I am the best.- The best at what!  All of this. The cutting, the styling,the making it silky smooth.  I wanna know who cuts your hair.  Oh, you like this, eh!  This is the Avalon,straight from the Paul Mitchell book.  I haven't seen that stylesince Luke married Laura.  Sister, are you this Laura!  You tell Paul Mitchell,Scrappy Coco was here to see him.  If I find out he was here...  ...or you are keeping himhidden from me...  ...I will destroy you.  Believe me this.  What the hell was this, champ!I'm not paying for that!  This asshole cut me off,made me swerve into you!  With all due respect,I was in the bicycle lane.  You came like a madman.Be glad nobody was hurt.  I mean, somebody could've died.I mean, you came...  Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature.  You do not want to bethrowing bicycles.  Look, stay out of my business,Mustafa.  "Mustafa"! This is not my name.Who tells you this is my name!  Whatever.Salami, bologna, apple sauce.  Apple who!  My friend, if I were you,I would change the tone.  Avoid the pain.  Listen, go back to your goddamnedpretzel stand. We got it...  - Look what I've got. It's right here.- Please!  - I've got it.- Please, let me go.  I never work at pretzel stand.You like to insult people!  Was that your feet!  Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut.  Here comes the double foot.  This is good.  Smell it, smell it, smell it.Now take it.  - That's for you.- All right, let me go!  You said you wanted pretzel!  Okay, I'm good.  Beautiful.  You want some chickens!  No, no, no. I fix for you.  It's all b'seder.  What are you, bionic!  No, no, no. I only like the girls.  Thanks, anyways.  This is ridiculous traffic.  Anyway, George insistedwe have the party.  - I always get midnight shift.- Could you keep it down, please!  I no sleep,I no see World Series Poker.  Are you even watching the road!  Be nice. He could be a terrorist.  - Why Hamdi no get no midnight!- Could you at least change the station!  - Hey, that was amazing.- Oh, yes.  Where are you from, anyway!  Where am I from!  Australia.  Really!Because you sound Middle Eastern.  No, no, no. Similar accents.  - Kangaroo. You see!- Sure.  This is ridiculous. We're getting out.  - Come on, dear.- I've been working longer than Hamdi.  - You want me to get you home!- No, I'll grab a cab.  You've done enough.That was crazy.  Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?  Oh, you know you're boning me.I don't know that.  It's you.  - What is happening!- What's happening!  It's bullshaklaga.  - We have to go.- Go where!  - I'll run you.- What are you doing!  This is legal!  Scrappy, have another kneidlach.Come on.  You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman.  It reminds me of my mother's cookingin Australia.  Really!It's funny, you don't sound Australian.  Yes, no, no, no.This is because I am half Australian...  ...half Mount Everest.  So this is what you're hearing.  Well, Australia,it must be really nice there...  ...since they got rid of the apartheid.  Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler.  So, Scrappy,I understand you cut hair.  I will be workingwith Mr. Paul Mitchell...  ...as soon as I find outwhere they are hiding him.  Oh, Mom, Scrappydoesn't have a place to stay yet.  - Really!- Not yet.  Well, actually,there's a nice one-bedroom...  ...that just opened up upstairs.  Nice light, not huge.  And they redid the kitchen very well.  - This could be good.- Could be good.  Could be good.  Hey, Mom,do you know where the detergent is!  - That's very good.- Oh, my God!  What! What's the matter!  What's the matter! That's my mom.  - It's okay, Michael.- I know it's your mother.  She's very beautiful.  Michael, I haven't made stickyin two days.  - What do you want from me!- Couldn't you wait till I was asleep!  - Or dead!- No, Michael.  You do... What's he doing now!  Why'd that happen!Why'd that happen!  It's okay. Let me talk to him.  Oh, I can't get up.  No, no. You'll feel your legs againin two hours.  Michael.  Come on, this is nothingto feel bad about.  Me sexing your mother.  It's beautiful. It's natural.  No, I didn't bring you hometo do it with my mother.  Why not, huh!You don't want her to be happy!  Did you see her! Did you look at her!  I don't thinkI can ever look at her again.  Michael, her faceduring the big bang-boom!  You did not see!  She was glowing.  Patches. What are you...!  Michael, come on.  They'll be plenty of timefor you and me.  Tonight, I take you to disco, huh!How's this!  No, why would I wanna goto a disco tonight!  Michael, you should go. It'd be fun!  You could use a little stank.  Yes, you need your penachimto take a swim.  Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.It wouldn't hurt.  Disco, disco.Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no!  Come on, you get to disco.  - All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.- Okay.  I do your mother one more time,and then we go.  - Wha...!- Seconds already!  Oh, yes.  Hey. Look at this.  This is what you need, man,to let off a little steam, huh!  How many times a day do youmake sticky! Two! Five! Twelve!  How many times a day!I've had sex once in my life.  It was at tennis camp.It was awful.  You're too picky, Michael.Maybe that's the problem.  Every weed in the desertis still a flower.  Look at this. This a big one, eh!  But look at the tits.These will bounce nice for you.  Your mother, she has huge poopeh.  I mean, very wide.  But what I see are two big, strong legswrapped around my head, squeezing.  So who wants to get somepoontachen?  - I wanna get some poontachen?- Well, let's get some. Yes.  It's good for you. Nice spinning.  This is what I'm talking about.You play this.  - I ain't playing this corny shit.- No, no.  I need to set themood for my friend.  Get out,you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf...  - Disco, disco.- Good, good!  - Disco, disco.- Good, good!  Yes, hello. Hello.  Hey, Zohan.  Who you looking for!  It's okay, no one can hear mein disco, Zohan.  Can you believe the poontachatin this place!  I'm not Zohan.My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend.  What!Of course you are Zohan Dvir.  They all think you dead in Israel.I'm not going to tell.  Tell what!I don't know what you're talking about.  Zohan, it's okay.Don't worry, I'm a huge fan.  The way you took outAbdullah Meda in '94.  And when you made Melami Benazireat his own shit in '97.  I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.  So, what the fachmaare you doing here!  Come with me.  Look, I couldn't takeall the fighting anymore.  - What's it all for!- Are you crazy!  If I could blow a terroristinside out like you...  ...this is all I would do.I'd never sleep.  - This is exaggeration.- No, it's not.  You made Palami Habdallah's poodlesit on a live grenade.  - You gotta show me how you did that.- I don't remember. I was young.  So tell me the truth.Why are you in America!  I no want to tell you.  What! What! Come on.  You are the best, Zohan.Whatever you say is good.  I want to be hairdresser.  You a fagala?  I can't believe it.  A great warrior, but also a fagalawith the penachim.  No, no, no. I like hair.  Come on, man, I get you real job.  You come by my shop tomorrow.  Israeli electronics. Are you crazy!  - Everyone will recognize me.- No, you don't look like same Zohan.  You have silly haircut now.  - I have what haircut!- What!  - You say I look silly!- No, no. Who said this!  - You said this.- No, no. Nobody say nothing.  I don't need your job.  I get my own job on my ownat a big salon. You will see.  You ever cut a sister's hair before!  Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,grandpa, the whole family.  I'm good at this.  Have you ever workedwith dreads before!  This is what you do.  No more. This creature slayed.  It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.He's got me. He's got me. Okay.  Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.We got you.  And we finish him.  You back away, I take hold of him.Go! Go! Go out! Go now!  Go!  This is hair. This is hair.  Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh!  A big part of our job hereis making this a fun experience.  Of course, of course.  For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,and it can be very frightening.  - I can imagine.- I don't want a haircut.  Get away from me.  Let me go.  Young man, look what I found here.  A nice balloon.  Do you want it! It's right here.  You shouldn't jump around...  ...when this nice woman'sholding a sharp pair of scissors.  If you move, she could slip andslice your jugular vein on accident.  There's no way to stitch the jugular.  All of your blood will be on the floorin four minutes.  I've seen this. I've done this.You don't want this.  Well, then, at least it's a good time toshave his neck. I would get him quick.  When I was your ageI already killed seven men.  Maybe you should grow up.  I promise you you won't regret.  And come back.  "Fujigawa"! I don't know that brand.It really isn't...  It's not really Fujigawa.It's Sony guts.  - Wouldn't it be better with the Sony...- Oh, no, no, no. This is what you want.  - Four-hundred fifty.- But the ad says "Sony," and "300."  No, no, no. What you going to believe,me or the ad! Four-fifty.  Hello, Going Out of Business.Can I help you!  Sony, yes. Three hundred.  Come in, yes. Very good, very good.  Hi. I represent the new ownerof this building.  Good for you. Want a birthday cake!What do you want!  Yamaha is very good.  Did you receive our letterregarding your rent!  - This I don't know.- It's being raised to 20,000 a month.  No, no, no. This is too much.  Eighty-five hundredis all we'll give you.  - This isn't negotiable. We can get...- Ten thousand, that's all.  We both go home happy.  - I'm sorry. We can't settle for less.- Okay, no deal.  You come back when youwant to deal.  - Sir, you don't understand.- Go.  What you still here for! You like me!I have girlfriend. Go.  Thank you very much.  Hey, look who's here.  Come on, not so loud.  Don't worry, Zohan.I tell you, they don't recognize you.  Yosi. This is good man.This Chocolaté Coco.  - Scrappy Coco.- Scrappy Coco.  Cooking Who-co!  Yes, yes.  So you're going out of business!  No, no, no, no. Is just a sign.Is good for business.  Yeah, so you look me up, man.That's cool.  I come for job.  Job. So you not big hairstyle!  It's not really happening for meso far.  So I am here. So let's go.  No. No job.  What do you mean!You tell me to come here.  I can no let you do this.You want to be hair homo.  No, so I do this for now.It's all yofi tofi.  Is no now.  Once you start in electronics store,you never get out.  Look at Ephraim. You see!  I don't see nothing wrong with that.It's perfect.  Ephraim came to America...  ...to be racing car driver.  But he let slip away.  I can hear it. Look. Check your ear.  Pinchas wanted to bethe next Bill Cosby.  No. Is resistant, no proof.You don't understand!  But the store kept pulling him back.  Maybe you swimming with the watch.  - I'm not swimming...- Is resistant.  Yosi wanted to be a hand model.  What, you don't like this! Look at this.This is most beautiful.  But he got too comfortable here.  Press this button, it's free HBO.  The electronics storeis a dream killer.  And I won't let the Zohankill his dream.  You are a real mensch, Oori.  You the mensch.  Come.  What! What's this!  You may not go for this,but this place cross the street...  - Yes!- They maybe take you.  - Is good place!- No, is dump, but they take you.  Is on Palestinian side of street.  Palestinian!  No, no, no.Look, nobody kill you there.  Here nobody care.  First off, no one kill me anywhere.  But Palestinian, no.  I've done enoughto my parents already.  I just want job for the Zohan.  And it kills methe way Phantom bastard...  ...getting his buttochim kissedin Palestine now.  Buttochim kissed! What's this!  He have business.  He buy wives.  Him!  They say his ugly face everywhere.  Everyone is runningTo Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen  For the food the heroes eat  Kubeh, sambouesk,Delicious muchentuchen  You never know who you'll meet  You are going to get spoiled.  Phantom Muchentuchen!  Oh, yeah!  This month,order Muchentuchen Happy Lunch...  ... and get action figures fromPhantom Presents: Death to Zohan.  Unbelievable.  This animal gets to live his dream.But, me, l...  I can no work Palestinian, no.It's like... I can't do this.  Yes, you can.  Is your dream to cut hair.You want fight, or you want hair!  I want hair. But I'm scared.  Is America.You can do anything here.  You never done somethingpeople thought was impossible!  So you don't want to talk, huh!I'll make you talk.  I can do this.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  So you have never cut hair before.  I have cut my own hairand several dogs.  I have the Paul Mitchell book,I have the stamina, the desire...  But you have no trainingor experience.  Would you hire someonewith experience in something else!  In what!  Can anyone here do this!  Okay. I have never seen that.  That is very nice,but that is not going to help me.  No hands.  Besides, I have no openings.  If anything, I need to scale back...  ...since they just raised my rentthrough the roof.  Out of nowhere, some guy with a tiecomes in and tells me I need to pay.  Stop it!  I only wish to learn.  I will do whatever it takes.  Fine. You can sweep up haira few shifts a week.  - You won't be...- No pay.  No, no, no.But then, I will become stylist, yes!  That could be a while.  I will wait turn. You will see.  I will get nighttime job for money.  Soon the whole worldwill be silky smooth.  Zohan.  - Carmen Electra has the best tits now.- Oh, please.  Oh, my God.I wonder how much she paid for them.  They're so perky.  You know, leave it to herto buy the best tits.  It's always first class with that one.  You know you don't have to catchevery piece of hair as it falls.  Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor.One single hair is unacceptable.  As you were.  Yes. I got this.  "Did you seethe new Kate Hudson movie!  I think she is even more vivaciousthan her mother."  Scrappeleh, that's wonderful.Now, let's practice on Michael.  Michael!Could you come in here, please!  What! What is...!  Oh, Scrappy needs to practicesmall-talking.  Can we do this another time! I havea shot at keeping my food down.  Michael, I want to practice now.  I'm afraid I'm terrible at this.Why won't you help me!  Oh, honey.You are good at everything you do.  - Got it.- Thanks.  So you're making her silky smooth,huh, Claude!  - Framing her face!- Yeah, Scrappy. I'm framing her face.  This is smart.  A nice layered stylewith the soft bangs...  ...is good for a bigger womanlike this.  - Coco.- Takes the eyes off the moon face...  ...and brings it toward the titzim.  Coco.  I need to speak to you.  In private.  Private. A secret!  They will never get it out of me,I promise you.  Coco, Claude is trying to work.  Yes. He's very good.  So I am ready to cut hair today.So let's go, let's get it on.  No. Let's not go.  But I am the best.  Don't tell me you're the best.  - I have the desire, the stamina.- You've been here two days.  I run this place for five years.  I think I know when you are readyto cut hair.  Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two.  No, no, no.  I do not touch thiswith your penachim.  Out of respect for the working.  No, you don't eat where you shit.  Or shit where you eat.Whatever the...  The smell is bad.  This is called a comb.  - With the fingers!- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.  - Scrappy.- I'm sorry. Here, I take your leg up.  I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry.  - Okay. All right.- I apologize.  - Take him where he wants to go.- Thank you. Okay.  - Good luck.- It will be fine.  - Your limousine has arrived, sir.- You're observant, Tyler.  Thank you, Big Mac.  I am really late for a hotel openingdowntown. The Walbridge Hotel.  I understand, sir. I know theneighborhoods inside and backwards.  - We will not let them stop us.- What!  I'm not in much of a hurry.  Oh, no.  You want some coffee back there!  No!  I will lose them.  Nobody is following us.  Oh, shit!  Have a good time, sir.  Debbie, you did a good job.  You look very bangable,Mrs. Rosen.  Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you...  ...when you first came in,you looked hideous.  There was nothing attractive.  But now, I must say,my schtitzel, it's about to burst.  - It could break these any...- What are you doing!  We are talking shop.  No. No.  - Look, Coco...- What!  You need to calm down now, okay!  I don't think these customerslike the way you talk shop.  Nobody say this.  Coco, remember,respect for the workplace.  I have betrayed my salon.  He's trying to kill himself.  - Scrappy.- I deserve this.  No, no. Just... Just...  Easy on the ladies.  I didn't mind.  Take care, Mrs. Paulson.  She did not mind.  Let me disinfect the scissors...  ...so someone elsecan make someone else silky smooth.  I'll just clean up.  Rafaela's Salon.  What! No.  Debbie, she quit.  - What!- Sorry.  Claude, did you know about this!  I should have told you.  She's been looking for a new jobsince those rent guys came around.  Then why you no say nothing,little bitch!  Don't worry,I'm not giving up on this place.  You're a good guy, habibi.I just... I don't know what to do.  So let's go.  Scrappy, I have enough problemsright now.  I not the problem. I the solution. I fix.  But if you screw up...  I can't afford a screwup right now.  No, no, no. I no screw up.I am the best for the job.  Yeah, but you push and push."When is my turn"!  I have to care about salon.  - No, no, no.- No, no, no.  You care about you. And don't fightin front of the customer.  Mrs. Skitzer,I am afraid our stylist is out today.  Would you care to wait for Claude!  Does he do hair!  He's not a regular.  Well, that's fine.  She say...I mean, only if it's okay with Dalia.  Okay.  You will not regret this decision.  Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair.  Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer.I'll take care of everything.  - Oh, thank you.- Thank you.  Sexy woman like youdeserves to be pampered.  Me, sexy! Sure.  Don't be humble.  You've got the ass and titsof a schoolgirl and you know it.  And everyone else knows this too,believe me.  Yes.  Let me get your earring off.  I love it.  Of course you do.I make you silky smooth. I tell you this.  All right, Scrappy.You can cut Debbie's clients today.  If they want you.  Thank you.  I'll get to you all soon as I'mall the way done with Mrs. Skitzer.  That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer!  Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes.  So who's next!  Come on, Scrappy!  Thank you, dear.  - It's a lot of speakers.- Yes. Yes.  It's orgasmic.  Oh, my God.  Oh, yes!  Grab it, Scrappy!  For you. Yes.  I give this to you.  - No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell.- Hear me out, Scrappy, please.  I'll give you stock options.I'll name a shampoo after you.  No, my loyalty is to here.I will destroy you.  I heard about this placefrom Joanne.  You have to ask for Scrappy.  Yes, is the primarycardholder present!  Excuse me!  Hello, I am callingfrom Spiegel catalogue.  Are you between the agesof 18 and 39!  We're trying to talk here.  Have you ordered from cataloguein past six months!  Could you get off the phonewhile you drive!  Hey, what's the matter!I trying to make a living, do my job.  This is your job.  This is job also.  This is not Iraq.  I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq.  And you're not getting a tip.  And you are a stupid cow.  Jeez.  - And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle.- Thanks so much.  - I'll see you later.- All right.  I like this, the red hair.  I bet she has a pumpkin patchdown below, yes!  I don't know.  - Did you tap her tuchus?- No.  Why don't you go afterthe snatchacheem in this place!  They all want you, believe me.  Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure.  I'm telling you,you're not picking up the signs.  Come with me.I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful.  Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you!You want the cut and color today!  Yes, please. Thanks.  Watch.  You see! She's going with it.It's good.  Yep.  - She has a free shoulder. Come join.- I'm good.  Mrs. Haynes,you're getting cold here.  Claude, come. Keep her warm.  Go ahead. Yes.  And gently move.Gently move the shoulder.  All you want to do is let her knowyou're here for her.  Now look awaylike you're not even doing it.  We're not doing this.  - Same rhythm.- Okay.  Push. Push. Push.  Oh, you're pushing harder.It's starting to feel good on my end.  I am trying to make moneyto start my own business, huh.  Would you say you read Spiegelonce a month, twice...  Would you just get usto the hair salon!  We're gonna miss our appointment.  I curse you, and I curse your hair.  What is big dealabout this hair place anyway!  They get worse every year.  Okay, we'll take them to the truck.We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a...  Did you throw this shoe at me,my friend!  No!  Sure looks like it was you.  Then who threw it!  Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.I'll let you off the hook.  Nobody spits on me.  Thank you for the goat, my friend.  Yes.  Goat!  Goat.  Goat!  Goat!  Goat.  I said, "Can we have the receipt!"  Yes. Die in hell.  Welcome.  We'll color your hair Bling-BlingBlond. This is what you need.  You know what else they go for!  The... I don't know what you have,but mine is the biggest.  This...It does not get bigger than this.  It's enormous. Scary. I mean:  What!  I have the biggest. It's the biggest.  Take a look at this.  Look.  - It's not that big.- It's not that...!  No, no, no. The bush.  The bush is the biggest.  And the girls like thisbecause it's cushion.  It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.I never forget a face.  So, what do you want I do!  Wait. I conference you.  Hello!  Nasi, emergency meeting.You're on with Hamdi as well.  - Hello, Nasi.- Hello, Hamdi.  Can you believehow much they pay Delgado!  Yes. Why Mets do this!  This is serious. We meet!  I explain why is emergency.  This is not just manwho take my goat.  - Zohan Dvir.- Yes.  Everyone think Phantom kill him.  Phantom not kill him.  We will capture,then make trade with Israel.  We will be heroes.  But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. Wedon't know for sure that this is him.  Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.Let them handle this.  - Leave it to the pros.- No.  Hezbollah shmezbollah.  Hezbollah will take all the credit.This is our shot.  Why not let Phantom capture him!  Screw Phantom. He hero already.  Where's my chainof muchentuchen restaurants!  Salim, don't make thisabout yourself.  This is about me.  And about him.  And about my goat!  Come on, let's go!  This is nice,the walking inside the outside.  The park, the people,the horses, the kid.  Well, you're always downtown.  You should seea little more of New York.  Yes, yes, this is good.  The talking is good...  ...to get to know each otherbefore the bang-boom. I like.  Oh, no, no, no.There will be no bang-booming.  I just wanted to thank youfor saving my business.  - This isn't a date.- No, no, no.  I feel you have helped me so much...  The right thing to dois to tap you so hard...  ...my schtitzel will come outyour poopech. That's what I think.  Look, why don't wejust enjoy the park!  No, no, no. This is what we do.  Hey, look, softball.  - You like softball!- Of course, I love softball.  What is softball! Teach me how to.  I learned softballwhen I came to the States.  When you're Arab, it helps to fit in.  Yeah, how long you move here ago!  Just a few years ago.  I couldn't take it there anymore.All the hate, on both sides.  Yes, especially yours.  Why you say this! You don't know.  No, no, I don't. I read this.  The Australian-Tibet mediais very biased.  Look, both sides crazy.  My own family...  My brother...  ...if he knew I work cross streetfrom Israelis, he would lose it.  - Really!- You have the hardcores on both sides.  They just want to fight and fight.  Nobody will win this way.It has to stop.  When will it end, eh! Yes.  Okay, so you must be thirsty, no!  Here.  Where you get this!  This! From specialty shopon West Side.  This Middle Eastern drink.You know this! Fizzy Bubblech!  No, no, no. It looks pretty good.  Oh, try, try. It's very good.Try, have a sip.  It's not for me.  No! Really!  This is his shop.  Here is photo for compare.  For how long this take!I close the newsstand.  Make sure you ask himif he ever hit by shoe.  And about the prize goatthat can fetch a bowl of onion soup.  Look in his eyes when youask him this, for they will be suffering.  - You know, I just got haircut.- Go.  Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefnerwith all you little bunnies around here.  Okay, okay,let's see who is going next.  "Jorge Posada," where are you!  That's me.  Okay, good-looking guy,you take a seat there. You're next.  You know, you look likeyou already just got haircut.  No, no.  So I guessing you're looking forsomething in the silky smooth area!  - Well...- Because I see you have nice curls.  You don't want tocut into those curls.  We will talk about this over there.  Okay, Scrappy, I wait.  Is not like I have a shoe to throw.  Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever.  I don't have time to go watcha goat fetch soap.  - What!- What! I don't know.  Listen, my friend...  ...you want to talk, it's good,but you have to wait your turn.  First I have to cut and bangMrs. Greenhouse.  - That's right.- Okay.  Well, I'm ready for it.  Oh, dear.  I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.I am not man enough for you today.  Oh, Scrappy, it's fine.  I don't know what the problem is.I am going to lose business.  Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable.  The screwingwas really just a bonus.  You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse.  An angel with a magic throat.  Oh, Scrappy!  No, that could work.One more, please.  Let's see what we got.  And we're still nothing.  Well!  He was very cool.  Idiot. What did he say!  He think I have nice curlsthat go well with a full face.  - But was it him!- Well, it looked like him.  But hard to know.  I tell you this: he didn't seem to carewhen I talk about goat fetching soap.  Soup. The goat fetched soup.You ruin everything.  Soup! This makes no sense.  Screw you. It's him. I know it's him.  The goat fetched soup!This is unbelievable.  Go to hell.  You said it was urgent!  It's an emergency.Please, take a look.  Yes, yes.  Well, that's not a real problem.You can always shave it.  No, not the bush.  No, inside the bush.Look deeper. Him.  - I see.- He lays in there all day long.  Maybe it needs some more oxygen.It looks like it's being strangled.  So the Palestinian says to the priest:  "Okay, but let's skip the bath."  Why, are they not clean!  No, is good joke.  Honey, are you all right!You've been in there for over an hour.  What is this stuff! I mean, I took onesip and I repainted the whole toilet.  Is Fizzy Bubblech.You'll get used to it, relax.  I don't wanna get used to it.My car couldn't.  - All right, that's it for me. I'm done.- What! What!  Is everything all right!  - Is it about the pee-pee!- Stop it.  - The pee-pee!- He can't do with his peepeechosetz.  Really!He's usually as hard as trigonometry.  - Mom. What...!- When did this happen!  The last few days.  Of course. It's ever sinceyou went out with that Dalia.  Your hog is telling you something.She must be the one.  The one!  Is this possible!  Of course it's possible, man.  All the beaverim in the worldand he falls for Palestinian muffich.  Why should Scrappy careif she's Palestinian!  He's from Australia and Tibet.He's not Israeli.  - No, no, no.- Oh, no, no, no.  Exactly.  What was that, a motor boat!  You know, Scrappy...  ...a special woman is specialno matter where she's from.  Listen to your hog.  Someone special.  Maybe is good.  It's good! It's terrific!  I mean, you know,you guys won't be together anymore...  ...but Scrappy is in love.That's great, awesome.  Thank you for your support.  - Is a good boy.- Good boy.  This is fun. Let's celebrate.Where's the cat!  Let's cat-sack, huh! Throw it to me.  - Got you.- Let's play, man.  Take it, Michael.  Look at you.  I wanna try it.  Is good.  Welcome to Hezbollah phone line.  For membership information,press one.  For negotiation update, press two.  For bonus mile information,press three.  For terrorist supplies, press four.  We have currently suspendedour terrorist supply service...  ... as we are engagedin negotiations with Israel.  We will resume service as soon asnegotiations break down. Thank you.  Great.  Come on. Just think of a bomb.  They say you can make bomb fromeveryday's material. You combine.  Yes, okay.But what we combination!  Just think of chemicals.  Chemicals, like in science class.  Yes.  Who remembers this stuff!  Hello.  Well, can I help you fellasfind anything!  Yes, do you have...  ..."liquid nitrogen."  You need what!  Liquid nitrogen.  Yeah. Well, I supposewe have some of that.  Now, just a moment.  - This is it!- Yes, and that's the large container.  This works!  Oh, it works quite well. Yes.  You use!  From time to time. Sure.  We'll take 12.  Look, you can turn off the water...  ...but we will find a wayto keep on going.  Oh, you like when I spray you,Mrs. Skitzer!  Where's the $ 14,000!  I have your rent right here.There is no getting rid of me.  We don't wanna get rid of you.  Mr. Walbridge would actually like torelocate your salon in our new mall.  You mean the one you want to destroythis community to build!  It is not our intentto destroy this community.  I'll take the community, Pancake.  My name is Gray, and I'll be back.  Nice to meet you, Pancake.  Why Pancake!  Just for fun.  You were amazing right there.  Oh, my God.  What!  I have one.  What!  I have zikpah.  Look at it.  It is you.  Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this.I cannot make sticky with anyone else.  You are the special one.  I will only be stiff for you.  Who is Steve!  Stiff, with an F.  - Stiff. Stiff.- Yes.  Okay...  ...I know you meant thatin a good way...  The best of ways.  - so thank you.  Thank you.  Is crazy.  This has never happened.  One woman...  ...one zikpah...  ...one life.  You see his face!Scared Israeli son of bitch.  Salim, this is not bomb.  What you mean "not bomb"!  It's grade A liquid nitrogen.  Guys, I really need to go home.  Inaz have a soccer matchin the morning.  - I am hero.- Salim, this not bomb. It just go:  Well, just go with it.  I scraped some off the window.  Maybe you know what is!  It's Neosporin, it's nothing.I use it for cuts and genital sores.  We're beginning to thinkmaybe someone out to get the Zo...  The Scrappy.  You mean like a competing salon!That's heavy.  Don't be afraid, honey.Don't be afraid.  Well, I...  Yeah, lick this.No, she likes the tongue in the ear.  Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that.  Close with the brenski.  Come on, get some salivaon those bad boys.  - She likes it, huh!- Of course she likes it.  Okay.  I could look for clues. It's my shiftfor community night watch.  The what!The communism tight crotch!  Oh, it's the communitynight watch program.  You know, people in the neighborhoodpatrolling it, keeping it safe.  We kick some ass.  Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Cocotake your shift tonight!  - I bet he'd be good at this.- Oori.  What! For clues.  I know it sounds scary, Scrappy,but you are gonna be just fine.  Maybe I can manage one night.  Maybe you can pretzel some people.  - Thank you for getting the hummus.- The hummus.  Where's Patches!  Patches.  I'm terrified right now.I'm totally terrified.  "Shitting my pants"doesn't come close.  I wish I was shitting my pants.  It's just a patrol.  What if something goes down!  I don't know if I'd have the courage.  What if something goes downand someone got killed!  I would have to live with that.I'd be happier shitting my pants.  Much happier.  - Let's go.- We're supposed to call the police.  No. No time.  No, no. No. It's good.  Drop the paint.  Get out of here, Ahab,or I'll cut your eyes out.  - Maybe we should let him finish.- No, no, no.  What you cut my eyes out with!The Neosporin!  My blade, camel jockey.  My friend, the beating I give youif you stop the spraying...  ...is much less than the beatingI give you if you try to cut me.  What are you laughing at!  That was just with everyone.  They had it coming to them, right!  Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah.  - Okay, you take it from here.- I got it.  Everything's gonna be okay.  What you gotta say about that, huh!  You're telling meour guys can't handle...  ...some neighborhoodnight-watching losers!  We can't even put a scareinto these people!  The main guy who got in the way...  ...is the same one who's bringingold biddies into Rafaela Salon.  My aunt goes there.  She says besides the sex,the guy gives a pretty good haircut.  Don't talk to me about that dump.  I've got a huge,classy hotel standing there...  ...and it's staringat that cheap garbage.  I want it staring at the Supercuts.  Now, has anyone made any headwaywith any of these foreign people!  I spoke to the manager of GoingOut Of Business again yesterday.  I stated our priceand the urgency of the matter...  ...and he offered me two-thirds lessand a Toshiba DVD player.  The people at Everything Must Gowere just as difficult.  They offered me a Blu-ray discand a jar of hummus.  What's hummus!  It's a very tasty...  ...diarrhea-like substance.  Grant Walbridge has a vision.  A vision for Lower Manhattanto have the first indoor mall...  ...with its own 300-footroller coaster.  You know, you're lucky I havea world-class superhot girlfriend...  ...with a perfectly proportionedass-to-breast ratio...  ...or I'd be furious.  She is smoking, sir.  I'd payto spend an hour with her, sir.  Let me in on that.  Well, thank you.  But if you bitchescan't get those people out...  ...I will find other peoplewho will get the job done.  However, whenever.  Walbridge!  This is where I find them.  But I don't know if it's same peoplewho try to Neosporin salon.  But you caught them writing this crap,so, what do you do!  - You don't mess with the Zohan.- Check it.  - Disco.- Disco.  - Good.- Good.  Why did you do thisto Naseef's store, huh!  Why you blame the Israelis!  We come to work,go out of business.  No, no, no.Is not Israeli who do this.  I do community watch.Don't worry, it's all taken care of.  Not Israeli! Who else would write"Arab go home"!  Oh, I don't know,just maybe 99 percent of the world.  - You see what he says!- That was joke.  Come on, come on.You guys get along here, stop this.  Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there,the war is never going to end.  You know, we were so close to peacebefore the asshole shot Rabin.  Bush, he see the big picture.  Bush no want peace,he set it all back.  What about Bush's wife!This is a wife I would get sticky with.  I would do this. I would do this.  - Yes, yes.- What about Clinton! I would do Hillary.  The big legs.  Yeah, she look strict,like she's going to teach me a lesson.  - Yes, discipline.- You know what's funny!  I like Chelsea.  You're crazy.  She has beautiful legs.  If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife.She has legs.  This is what happenswhen they talk politics.  No, no, no, wife of McCain!  She has the ass,and you know she's not getting any.