#'my man you have too much testosterone' My Sister In Christ No The Fuck I Don't LMAO if i hear one more 'sorry ma'am' i just might lose it

[todayisafridaynight]

theres no better place for my ichi ringtone to go off than during my exam tbh

[sadachmesarthim]

yes this is a rewrite, feel free to fry my ass on anon about it.

content: starker being mean to each other, peter parker has Supportive Friends™, tony has daddy and mommy issues, quentin beck is a Mean Boss™, smoking, secondhand smoke.

word count: 3.0k

square filled: coffee shop au  -> link to playlist here

part two is here!

a little vocab lesson before continuing: mobster = really high up in the chain of command for this group of coffee shops. they go around training new hirees, and often decide who gets to move up the line of command. they get to travel on company money, and are very well respected in the workplace. mobsters usually come in groups - siblings, hires from the same groups, etc. 

Tony didn't like Richland.

Sure, okay, it was a serious step up from Federal Way. He was free from his parents, he could do whatever he wanted in a house all to himself, no one knew who he was - it was a refreshing change, one he definitely needed now that he was graduated, all grown up.

He'd moved back east about two months ago. He'd wanted to get as far away from home as possible, stretch his legs - he went under the guise of missing his grandma, wanting to go to school. He wasn't a terrible liar, either. Howard and Maria'd eaten it up, encouraging him to go as soon as he could.

"If you go now, you could get there in time for summer classes. Maybe even get a job before they stop hiring seasonally. You never know, but you might as well try!"

So here he was. Still jobless, still not yet enrolled in school. Enjoying his time in the (now autumn) sunshine, biding his time before he ran out of money. He'd planned well - he had enough cash to keep him covered for a while, as long as he didn't go blowing it.

He'd blown it.

He was a sucker for good coffee, though, and he missed Outback. He'd worked at one back home for almost a year before he left, and now... now, it was like an itch he couldn't scratch - he needed the interaction, needed to go make friends. He was too much of a social butterfly.

Yet again, he found himself in his truck, on the way to the nearest stand. He was pathetic, really. Here he was, wasting more money on coffee, when he could be out hiking or climbing or... literally doing anything else.

He knew it was worth it the second he pulled in. The cutest kid was running lines that day - shorts hugging his tight ass deliciously, in a way Tony knew his operator would get in trouble for if a Mobster or Coach saw.  Christ, they lettin' just anyone work here now, that it?

He had to keep his thoughts to himself, though - the kid had just finished the cars in front of him, and was headed straight for Tony, iPad in hand. He took a breath, putting on his best poker face. He needed a fucking cigarette.

"Hey handsome! Welcome to Outback, what're we drinkin' today?" Shit, he's cute. All bright and cheery - it might be fake, sure, customer service voice and all - but boy, did he play the part well. All big eyes and wide smile. He looked up at Tony expectantly, right hand hovering over the screen of the runner iPad. Shit, he still has to order something.

"Hi, just a small iced white vanilla breve please." Tony watched as the kid pressed a few spaces on the tablet, shocked at how fluidly he moved. Tony'd never seen him at this location before, but he obviously knew what he was doing. Location transfer, maybe? Mobster? He wasn't sure.

"Perfect! I've got you in - anything else, love?" God, he was too much. There's no way this was just the sickly facade Outback enforced - no, this was all him. "Nah, I'm okay. I'm paying card today, too." He reached his hand out for the tablet, wanting to tip this kid specifically.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, this card reader's broken. The one up at the window's working though! My girl Maia'll be up there waiting for you!" He turned with a smile, skipping off to the next car.

Jesus, who was this kid? And what did Tony have to do to see him again?

•|||•

Return an application, apparently.

Maia, the girl at the window, had let him know that they were hiring. He didn't have to feign interest - he had relevant experience, could work his way up if he needed to - and he'd get to see the mystery boy again. She'd ran and grabbed a small stack of papers for him, which he dutifully filled out and brought back a couple of hours later.

The closing shift lead had briefly interviewed him, practically giving him the job on the spot. Apparently she'd met his sister on a Mob trip, before - it paid to have connections, but damn... someone in town already knew who he was. Oh well. Not a big deal. These were still new people, fresh faces - he could make a clean reputation for himself, a fresh start...

It was exactly what he needed. And if he needed to use a bit of his influence with his sister to get it... so be it.

•|||•

"Emma, please, just... don't be a dick when he calls you. I need this job, it'll be good for m-"

"Save it, Tony. I don't want your excuses. If I say I'll do it, will you leave me alone?" She was being unusually short with him. Fuck. She and Rhodey were fighting again.

"Yes, yes, anything. Thank you so much." He was met with a bored sigh.

"Whatever, dude. I'll put in a good word. Talk to you later." She hung up before he could say anything else. Whatever - it wasn't the worst conversation he'd had with his sister, but it left a lot to be desired.

They hadn't been doing well since she & Rhodey got together. It was on-again-off-again... and they were honestly both to blame. Neither one of them was good at commitment, and it showed.

It put strain on both of their relationships with Tony, and didn't do much to help keep him in Federal Way. He sought comfort in the isolation of a new town, but it didn't seem to be helping anything.

Leaving never did, but it was really all he knew how to do.

•|||•

Peter hadn’t been at Outback long, but he’d enjoyed every minute of it.

He’d gotten hired almost immediately after graduation, not wanting to waste a second of his summer not making money. It was a bit of a difficult transition - he wasn’t a big fan of Beck, his boss, and training was really overwhelming. But after he’d hit that twelve week mark... it’s like something just clicked.

He was a whiz on bar, he was making friends right and left. He and Maia’d even gone to get tattoos together a couple weeks ago during a flash sale. He was getting faster and faster at running cars, he knew almost all of his regular customers. He genuinely felt like part of the family.

That didn’t really change when Beck hired a new group, either. There weren’t too many of them, helping keep their group small. They’d been spending a bit of time in the stand here and there, going over the rules, the ins and outs of making coffee, taking their menu test.

The three he was introducing today seemed okay enough. He just barely caught the tail end of Beck's “congrats on becoming a full employee” monologue before the man set the fresh meat loose. Not that they could really go far - it was maybe a good spit's distance from corner to corner. But, if it helped them get their bearings...

He was pulled from his thoughts before they could take off too far. “Hey, Parker! Come say hi to the green beans!”

•|||•

The red haired girl was nice enough. They'd introduced themselves, exchanged snap usernames, gushed over Peter's tattoos, and bonded over the typical new job anxiety. He'd forged a sweet new friendship with Bri, and was hopeful she'd stick around. He'd seen people like her get chewed up and spit out in this industry, and he liked her.

The tall guy... was pretty boring, actually. He stayed on his phone for the majority of the introduction, opting to ignore Peter entirely. It was fine - he'd probably be gone by the end of the month. Not like they’d miss him - he barely passed his menu test, from what Peter’d overheard.

Then came Mr. Short, Dark, and Brooding - Tony, apparently - Peter remembered him from a few weeks ago. He’d given Peter a poorly concealed once-over, tried to take the runner iPad from right out of his hands... if he wasn’t so attractive, Peter’d pin him for a fuckboy.

Despite how much he looked like he’d wanted to back then, when given the opportunity, he didn’t really engage with Peter. He apparently wasn’t the type to keep eye contact, go in for a hug, make small talk. 0 for 2. Disappointing. Oh well. That’s fine - Peter was perfectly content as the only guy at this location (sans Beck, of couse). Too much testosterone didn’t foster a healthy working environment, and they all knew it.

The girls, especially. They all gushed over Peter - apparently being the token gay guy in the stand somehow made him exempt from the targetted harassment. Nearly every guy they’d hired had left within 9 months - coffee was definitely a female-dominated field.

Peter was excited to see how these two fared.

•|||•

The tall guy was gone within a week. Didn’t even leave notice, just up and stopped showing up to his shifts. Not that it was the end of the world - he was still in his probationary period, so he wasn’t even making tips. No sweat off Peter’s back.

Bri did really well, in comparison. Beck was unusually strict with her - lashing out during her initial first shifts, generally being a hardass. It was unnecessary, and everyone knew it - Peter often found himself having fridge or bathroom meetings with her to help calm her down. But she kept showing up, kept trying, and after a few weeks she was doing just as well as Peter and the rest of them.

Tony was even better. Peter’d heard through the grapevine that he’d worked at a different location when he was still in school. Why he had to go through training again was lost on Peter - Beck tended to be thorough when it came to these kinds of things, but Tony was arguably more experienced than some of Peter’s coworkers...

Apparently, it’s because he wasn’t one to play nice.

•|||•

It took them quite a while to work together. Peter’d found himself getting the shit end of the schedule, working 7-1s religiously. It was by far his least favorite shift - dealing with the morning and lunch rushes were nothing, if not exhausting. But he pushed through, and finally got a say in what he worked - a very comfortable 5 - close.

Tony seemed to fill the between-shift gap - 2-8 was his jam. He liked working later, but still getting home before dark. Apparently being a newbie meant drawing the short straw sometimes -

And the short straw just so happened to be barring with the twink from a few weeks ago.

He hadn’t been... avoiding him. Tony just... didn’t like the way he worked. Peter was flighty, always moving. It irked him... he was just so much, it made Tony’s head hurt. If he wasn’t so engaging he might actually piss Tony off - but he knew the kid had nothing but good intentions, and that made it bearable.

It didn’t translate to the bar, though.

It seemed nearly impossible for them to work well together. Tony’d been assigned the milk station for the last three hours of his shift - a long stretch, but nothing he hadn’t done before. Peter was on shots almost the entire time. Poor kid.

Tony’s sympathy ran dry when they actually began working. They were almost always on top of each other - Peter crowding his space and trying to do too much. It grated on Tony’s every nerve, made it difficult to function. Peter didn’t seem to notice at all - or if he did, he didn’t care.

It came to a head when Peter went for the fridge. 

It was a pretty well-known rule that the person on shots doesn’t reach for the fridge. Not only was it too far away from their position on machine, it requires them to go behind their bar partner, which is dangerous in a shop this small. Hot liquids, ice, sugar... they can cause spills, burns, falls... 

So of course this dumbass goes for the fridge. Opens the door. Grabs a can of cold brew with his bare hands before turning back around. 

And running into Tony face first. 

This would have been fine if it were literally anything other than a cold brew. This would have been fine if Tony wasn’t holding a fresh drink! But no - the universe lined things up just right, laid out the most well-planned disaster. 

As they made contact, Peter’s hands flew up in shock, dropping the very pressurized can. It exploded as it hit the concrete, spraying nitrogen and foam-y coffee all over them. This caused Tony to let go of the drink in his hand, coating both of their lower halves in hot, sticky milk. 

It was picturesque, the mess they made. 

Tony looked up at Peter in absolute shock. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Why were you in the fridge?!” 

“I was just trying to help! You were busy, I figured I could-” Tony cut him off before he filled the stand with more hot air. Not in the mood for his bullshit excuses. 

“I don’t care how busy you think I am - you ask before doing something outside of your station. Do you understand me?” The look in his eye was one Peter’d never seen before - it probably should have scared him, but frankly, it just made him angrier. 

“Who do you think you are to be giving me orders?” He was huffy, he could feel his cheeks burning red. He was an angry crier, and knew he was struggling to control his face. 

“My sister’s a Mobster. I think I know what I’m doing.” Oh. That explained it - his experience, his proficiency on bar... why he was such a dick. Peter’d never met a Mobster he liked, and if this guy was related to one... shit just made sense. 

•|||•

He spent the remaining few hours of Tony’s shift hiding in the back. They were better off separated, and neither complained. Tony could handle himself up front, and Peter was productive enough. He had chores to do, dishes to finish, the closing list to start... Getting an early start benefitted everyone. 

By the time 8 rolled around, the atmosphere in the stand had relaxed. They’d both had a chance to clean up, the girls on window had helped ease the tension with casual conversation. Bri had been running, and Peter spent plenty of time in the back with her, hushed enough to avoid the ears a few feet away. 

“I don’t see why he gets to walk all over us. You’ve been here longer, and the attitude isn’t necessary.” She was sitting on the edge of the sink, goldfish making their way to her mouth between words. “You know I don’t like him. I don’t see why you keep trying to be nice.”

Peter sighed. He knew she was right. “I just... I don’t want anyone here to feel left out, or like I did at the beginning. Beck can be mean... I want all of you to feel welcome.” It wasn’t a lie, either - he’d made a point to make everyone feel at home, to make this stand a family. Until Tony showed up, he’d been doing a great job. 

“I know buttercup. Just... don’t go bending over backward for someone that won’t even look you in the eye.” With that she hopped down, ready to clock out. 

Tony shuffled past them both, excited to do the same. Maia’d taken over the bar for him, alleviating him just before the four minute window was up. He didn’t even excuse himself, just inserting himself in their personal space without concern. 

Bri shot Peter a look before she left. Talk to him! 

He opted for bravery. He deserved an apology for Tony’s harsh words earlier today, and he was going to get it. 

He checked the cameras before walking back, making sure Maia wasn’t gonna wind up swamped if this took longer than necessary. Tony was collecting his things - he had to do this fast. 

“Hey, listen.” Tony looked up, unamused. “I know we didn’t exactly have a good shift, and yeah I’m partly to blame for that... but Beck doesn’t really vibe with hostility, and the girls...” 

Tony cut him off halfway through. “What, it makes them uncomfortable? They don’t like it when a man takes charge, has a little outburst? Sheesh, y’all really are a mess.” What the fuck?

“Okay, seriously. I tried to be nice. You owe me, and the rest of us, a serious apology for today, or I’m going to Quentin about it. It’s not that hard to say you’re sorry, Tony.” Good job Parker, firm boundaries. 

“I’m sorry? Sorry for what, doing my job? Fuck that, man. I’m out of here.” He opened the door and left, skipping past an oncoming car and heading toward his own. 

Peter followed him. It was stupid, sure - but he needed to assert himself here. This was his stand, his home - and he was damned if he was going to let some... some asshole trample all over his home like this.

He caught up to Tony quickly, stopping him before he could open the driver’s door. “Why are you such an asshole? The girls are obsessed with you, you clearly have a leg up against everyone else in your group. There’s no reason for you to be acting like this, dude. You’ve been here all of what, a month?” 

Tony took a long drag from his cigarette before answering. “I don’t have to explain myself to you. Now be a good little closer, and run inside. Finish your shift.” He exhaled the smoke into Peter’s face, getting into his car and driving away without another word. 

What a douchebag. 

[gaycrouton]

Value

Words of Love 22/27 [Mulder gets in a fight in defense of Scully.] (Also, similar to the one shot I posted last week, oops.)

Value: (verb) consider (someone or something) to be important; have a high opinion of.

If Mulder was being honest with himself, there are really only a few things in life he cherishes; Scully, his life’s work, and his sister’s memory. The order of importance has shifted over time, but in the last few years Scully has consistently been at the top of the list. He didn’t want it to come across in the sappy ‘she’s what keeps me going’ way, but in all actuality, she was what kept him going. He couldn’t have done this, couldn’t have come this far, without her dedication and sacrifice. His work maybe hasn’t necessarily gotten him closer to finding out the truth, but it brought Scully into his life and for that he would be eternally  grateful. She was his confidant, the only person he trusted, the woman he loves, and so much more.

Which is probably why he didn’t take kindly to people who didn’t treat her with respect.

Mulder was not a violent man, he never had been. Fighting just wasn’t something he enjoyed doing, but that’s not to say he never raised a fist. Today was just the first time in years.

It had been raining, so he figured instead of dealing with soggy clothes and shoes, he would use the track at the Hoover Building. He got a few odd stares, many people were simply surprised to see him emerge from the basement. He had been an enigma in the mind of many, actually seeing him must have been a shock. However, the problem didn’t occur until he was in the locker room.

“Did you see Spooky’s here? ” A taunting voice echoed in the room. Mulder was in the restroom, so he had the luxury of being a voyager. He was getting a first hand glimpse into what people actually said about him. He presumed it was going to be what he’d been hearing for years. He hadn’t expected them to take a turn so fast.

“Spooky Mulder? His hot piece of ass partner here too?”

“Do you think I’d be in here with your ugly ass if I had an opportunity to watch Dana Scully prance around in all hot and sweaty in skin tight clothes? Get a grip.”

Mulder had been taken by surprise at the vulgarity of the men’s words, but he had been in enough locker rooms to know how men could be. However, that didn’t stop his jaw from clenching in irritation.

“How the hell does that alien obsessed freak get a partner like that? No wonder he’s never been promoted, probably too busy getting hard over his partner to get any work done.”

“You think they’re fucking?”

“Hell, if he’s not fucking her, I will. She’s so tiny, I bet you could just throw her around.”

Mulder was on edge before, but now he was just plain pissed off. He knew the rumors, and he knew, much to his chagrin, that rumors were all they were. It didn’t bother Scully and it certainly didn’t bother him. This was just the first time he had ever heard anyone talk about Scully in this way. He knew others regarded her as attractive, anyone with eyes would, but the imagery of these men, who didn’t know a thing about her, throwing her around like a ragdoll just for their sexual pleasure absolutely infuriated him.

“Do you think she’s a screamer, or do you think she just whines and pants?”

“If you can hear the sounds she’s making, you’re obviously not taking advantage of those full fledged blow job lips. One time I was in a meeting with her, and I swear to god I didn’t hear a word that came out of her mouth. All I could focus on was the thought of ramming my dick down her throat.”

Mulder reveled in the sound of Scully’s voice. Her laugh, her scientific theories, her words of reassurance, her words of affection, he hung off of every syllable as if she was revealing the secrets of the world. Sometimes he would call her just to hear the sound. These men didn’t even care.

He couldn’t sit through anymore.

He stood up from the stall he had been in and barged out, greeted with the sight of three random men he had seen periodically around the Hoover Building over the years. Men who had probably never even had a conversation with Scully, let alone any other female. He moved over to his locker, glaring at them as he passed, but it didn’t perturb them.

“Well, speak of the devil.”

“Mulder, we were having a debate, maybe you would know the answer.”

He glared at the one who asked the question, a tech geek he saw in the lab occasionally, “Excuse me?”

“Come on,” he said, making a grandiose gesture with his hands, playing bold to his audience of misfit men, “What’s Scully like in bed?”

“Christ, have some respect. You sound pathetic,” Mulder sneered as he entered his locker combination, getting out his bag and setting it on the bench.

“Lighten up Spooky, I was just curious. I personally am under the belief that she’d do whatever she’s asked. Usually when someone’s an uptight bitch on the streets, she’s a freak in the sh-” His sentence was cut off by Mulder’s fist connecting with his jaw.

To be honest, the rest was a testosterone fueled blur. Retrospectively, Mulder realized that going three against one probably wasn’t the best plan. He remembered a lot of hitting and kicking happening, but he was pretty proud with how he fared. After a couple moments, someone must have heard the scuffle because some other men barged in and broke it up.

When they were asked what happened, neither party spoke up. Mulder had started it, but the men didn’t want to face the possibility of having a sexual harassment violation on their records, which they knew would happen if they spoke up. Mulder wasn’t going to instigate it though because, as much as he wanted them to get reprimanded, he didn’t want what was said about Scully to be immortalized in an FBI report. She deserved better than that. In the end they were penalized for fighting on the property and asked to leave for the rest of the day. Mulder just went home, but he heard the other men talk about getting checked out at the hospital.

He figured he would be able to hide this, but heaven knows gossip spreads like wildfire, and after thirty minutes of being home, there was a frantic knock at the door. He didn’t even need to look through the peephole to know the whirlwind he was unleashing into his home.

“Mulder, I swear to god I can’t leave you alone for a second! A fight? What are you, a teenager? Since when did you even use the track there?” He knew she had probably prepared more when she practiced her rant on the way here, but her eyes widened and her tone shifted when she saw his face, “Oh my god, Mulder.”

She took a few steps across the room so she was standing right in front of him, delicately running her fingers over the bruises he hadn’t even looked at yet but could sure as hell feel. Staring down at her, he saw pure concern in her eyes and it warmed his heart. “Mulder, did you go to a hospital?” He shook his head and saw Scully morph into doctor mode in front of his eyes. “Of course not. Why did I even ask,” she muttered under her breath.

She pulled out a chair for him and motioned for him to sit down and he readily complied. Mulder never played sick or got injured on purpose, but any excuse to be doctored up by Scully was an opportunity he was more than eager to take.

She shimmied out of her jacket before disappearing into his bathroom, reemerging a few moments later with his five dollar first aid kit he bought at Walgreens. The fact she didn’t even have to ask amused him to no end.

She set the supplies down on the table next to him and started working her magic. “Are you going to tell me?” She asked while she was cleaning a cut that had apparently been on his forehead.

“Huh?”

“Are you going to let me know why I came into work, only to be met with an empty room and rumors you were in a brawl?” She spoke softly and he could hear her displeasure seeping through her words. She never liked being out of the loop. Especially when it came to him.

He didn’t know what to say though. He wanted to be honest with her, but he didn’t want to repeat those words back to her. He had paused too long because he would feel her normally gentle hands becoming a little rougher on his wound. “I just got in a fight in the locker room after my run.”

“I can see that,” she sighed sarcastically, “Why?”

“I just got pissed off.” The words sounded timid coming out of his mouth and he knew he was just adding to her burning curiosity.

“Wait, you were the one that started it?”

“No. Well-I threw the first punch, but I didn’t start it.” She threw him a speculative glance before putting neosporin on a band aid.

“Did they say something that upset you?” He let her hold his head still with a gentle hand as she placed the band-aid over the cut. Once free, he simply shrugged in response, hoping that was enough.

“Were they making fun of you, or teasing you in some way?” Her voice was laced with the nurturing concern that he had only ever received from her. She moved so that she was crouched in front of him, her hands resting on his knees. It was a power move so he would have to look at her. It worked.

She was relentlessly understanding and infinitely patient. He never questioned his love for her, but moments like these solidified it even more for him. He didn’t deserve the love and attention of this exquisite woman. “No-no. Not really.”

He saw the glimmer in her eyes as the lightbulb went off, her mouth dropping down into a small ‘o’. “They were talking about me, weren’t they.”

He couldn’t lie to her, so he just lightly nodded. She didn’t say anything, but he felt shame flushing his cheeks and the guilt residing in the pit of his stomach. Scully was a grown woman, she didn’t need barbaric displays of masculinity on her behalf. “And that’s why you started the fight, because they were talking about me?”

She hadn’t moved her position or her gaze, so she wasn’t too pissed yet. “Pretty much, yeah.”

“Mulder, you’re not a violent man. What could they have possibly been saying to set you off that much?”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, he started picking at the skin around his nail to give him something to focus on, “They were being crude. Talking about you like a piece of meat, and completely disregarding you as a person. They brought up the rumor, you know, the normal one, and acted like I was to just join in . Like after this many years of working with you, all I can focus on is how attractive you are. As if I didn’t value our relationship or you as a woman, a scientist, a doctor, or an agent. You mean the absolute world to me. It just infuriated me and one of them called you a bitch and I lost it and went off.”

The silence after his rant was deafening as he waited for a reaction. He felt his heart hammering in his chest and his blood pounding in his ears. I said too much, I said too much, I went too far, I made her uncomfortable.

He froze when he felt her stand up, afraid she was going to walk out the door and leave. He was shocked when he felt her place a tender kiss to the crown of his head before wrapping her arms around his head in a sweet hug. His head was cushioned by her chest and he could hear her heart was beating in time with his own. After a moment, he tentatively raised his arms and wrapped them around her, hands meeting at the small of her back, pressing her closer to him.

He felt her words tickle his head more than he heard them, “I adore you, Mulder. Thank you.”

He didn’t know what she was thanking him for, standing up for her or the expression of his sentiments; but what he did know, was that he could never find the words to express how grateful he was for this moment. If he could be in her arms for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t give it a second though. It was like being home.