#'look at all these complete asshole famous libras!'

[ampleappleamble]

aaaaaand now i'm being told that because of Reasons i'll probably have to be induced at 38 or 39 weeks and i'm throwing a tantrum about it because if my kid is born at 38 weeks he'll be a libra and not a scorpio like i was expecting and my actual literal grown ass adult self is seriously legit upsetti spaghetti about that completely stupid irrelevant bullshit for some reason

i hate this

[red-elric]

The Sohma boys as boyfriends/husbands?

*cracks knuckles* okayyy this one is fun lets get down to it!

yuki sohma is! a fuck boy! yuki is the boy who sends machi/kakeru/whoever tf late night “you up?” texts, who lightens the mood by saying “noo dont do x youre so sexy aha,” who is always down to fuck. he and machi watch titanic together; yuki is crying halfway through the movie but hes also being a slutty slutty boy together with machi. he wants machi to draw him like a french girl. with kakeru its a little less obvious because yuki would Rather Die than be caught screwing around with kakeru, but hes still the type to shut him up with a kiss, to avoid serious conversations by doing sexy stuff lmao. that being said, he is still a very emotional boy, and rather open with his feelings; he tends to intellectualize emotions (abby would say its his libra moon) but overall he is very sweet. he believes the only way to respect women is through pleasure and tbh can you blame him??

ayame sohma is an absolute sweetheart omg, tbh discord and i hc that he and mine have the fewest fights of any of the couples; they just exude that “perfect communication, perfect for each other” energy yknow? anyway aya has plenty of flair to spare and he spends a lot of it complimenting mine and making her feel like the most perfect and beautiful princess in the world. they both wear the dress on their wedding day and its gorgeous; theyre beautiful and soulmates and aya is very sweet.

kureno sohma is head over heels in love w his girl uo (if youre gonna fight me over kurenuo dont plz :P)! he’s the type to always assume that uo is doing fine because “shes much more capable with most things than he is” which is true! uo will call him and be upset about something or other and he’ll ask her if shes okay; when she explains whats going on and how shes wondering if she can’t handle....... whatever it is (college uo college uo head canon that actually instead of them travelling together immediately kureno went on his own and uo went to college but they still stayed pen pals anyway shes worried about not doing well in classes) he says something incredibly sweet along the lines of “well, of course you can handle this! you’re capable of everything” and she can tell he really really means it and it doesnt solve the problem but it does make her feel better, and reminds her that she is loved

shigure sohma, once things settle after canon, finally has the chance to spoil the girl he loves, and he does; actually, i think it negatively impacts the rest of his relationships for a while. he becomes completely subservient to akito for a while because he’s found his “happy ending,” so it’s okay to give into those feelings of wanting to spoil her now, right? she’s the most important person in his life, after all. anyway, that mindset lasts for a bit until suddenly it breaks bc akki isnt suddenly perfect either, shes still naturally jealous and afraid that he will leave her, that he’ll cheat on her, so they have a fight at some point; they spend some time apart where shigure learns that it’s okay to love his family and himself, on top of akki, and that being in love isnt about doing everything for the other person; meanwhile akki gets some therapy about her anxiety and rage issues and settles down enough to trust shigure. from then on he’s still very loving and spoiling, but he spends more time teasing her than before, and spends time discussing pros and cons of various couple decisions that they have to make.

hatori sohma is super super cute and super super awkward oml. he spends the early days of his relationship with mayu trying to be cool and impress her because shes so cool (!); he buys aviator sunglasses bc he heard they make people look cool and mysterious and his lactose intolerant ass will go on ice cream dates with mayu which doesnt always.... end well lmaooo. hes very protective of her, perhaps a bit overbearing when she’s sick or injured especially, but it’s always very clear that his heart is full of love for his girl, that he loves her to bits.

hatsuharu sohma has big dick energy  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) now that thats out of the way: if anyone on this list was gonna tease his girl its haru, oml. haru spends 99% of his day finding new and exciting ways to annoy rin cause he thinks shes cute when she’s annoyed (she is) and because hes very confident that they’ll be together forever p much no matter what (they will be). the other 1% of the day is being the sweetest guy in the world bc thats just haru, he tells rin that shes beautiful, that she’s the only girl for him, that its just facts that they would be together, and then the 1% is up and hes explaining that its bc “who else has this goth energy” and “anyway i like your tits” but! its still sweet, even though he’s annoying.

momiji sohma is a cutie! but he’s also a little shit sometimes. he’d rather be a little shit to the rest of the world, with kimi, than to her specifically though; the two of them are dramatic little shits who stage fake arguments, uncomfortable couple dynamics, overly slutty relationships, etc for the specific purpose of the Drama TM of it all. they also like to play up traditional “male and female, husband and wife” roles to the point of satire, because they think it’s funny to point out how ridiculous it is to be such stilted characters together; unfortunately, however, no one around them pays enough attention socially to figure any of it out :( but! it doesnt matter bc for the most part theyre just starting drama and making each other laugh, so its good :).

hiro sohma is v v v sweet and protective; when he gets a little older he joins the “respect women at all costs” gang with kyo, hatori, kureno, and ayame (vs the “respect women through sex” gang with yuki, shigure, haru, and momiji); he’s a bit of a shit about it bc its hiro but its very sweet! anybody comes and bothers kisa and he’s on their ass about how you can’t treat girls that way blah blah blah hiros v talkative lmao. anyway he’s cute moving on.

kyo sohma (bc i like making kyo stans wait til the end to get their man >:P) is completely obsessed with doin right by his girl. he loves tohru to bits (he’s never ever loved anyone else either, man is a tohrusexual through and through) and honestly its a little overbearing sometimes here too lmao. hc that during the v stressful time when theyre planning their wedding (and tohru is pregnant haha) kyo does his whole “let me do everything for you are you sure you should be doing that in your condition? get some rest i can do this for you also fuck anybody coming to bother her with anything yall are assholes” thing--which, normally tohru thinks is cute n sweet tbh (cause it kinda is) but when shes stressed out of her mind, hormonal, and annoyed w herself for not being able to do as much as she normally can? she gets a little snippy with him sometimes :) however its just a learning experience for them kyo eventually gets better at reading the mood and they live happily ever after forever

thanks again for the ask anon! i love doing stuff like this, anyone can feel free to send me asks whenever! special thanks to the discord for making some of these headcanons in my mind, especially @machi-kuragi, @thewinterose, and @yunsoh, and also MANYA who is not on tumblr but should be tumblr famous  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) anyway yeah all we do on discord is talk about furuba headcanons and make fun of each other so a lot of this came from collaborative efforts with them! love yall

[dimpus]

FOR THE OC ASKS: Everything divisible by 10 for Chryss, Sibyl, and Philemon!

(500 years later I get my shit together and finish formatting this monster of a response. also fyi tumblr needs to step up its post game because jesus christ this took forever.)

Short Info: Gods and high-ranking demons can’t interact with the physical plane. The Gods use Paragons (extremely dedicated followers who fit the gods’ morals and beliefs to a t, they can possess them with little to no trouble), and the high-ranking demons use low-ranking demons to create halflings, which then do their bidding. Gods are not the polar opposite of demons - demons are subservient to the gods, and a lot of them are bitter about this. Gods also have control over this death entity called Mist, which has recently fallen been stolen by rebellious halflings. It’s been consuming towns and absorbing people for a while, but it’s now threatening the religious capital and the gods by extension, which ain’t good.

Characters:

Chryss: Short for Chrysanthe (which is feminine - demonic naming conventions are weird). Pansexual, he/him pronouns. A halfling (human mother, demon’s don’t have definite genders) who was raised by a group of thieves and rogues lead by his mother Lore. He’s pretty nice and extroverted, tries to be a cool dude. The kleptomania is a problem and so is his intense avarice, but he’s working on it - he gives Aggie (the MC) his old throwing knives to practice with. He’s my fuckin son and i love him.

Sibyl Chavez: Bisexual, more hetero. she/her pronouns. Born in a fishing town on the coast. A by-the-book sweetheart, she’s observant and critical. Her faith is unshakable, but she is a little scared to be a Paragon after what happened to the last ones. Works with Eleanor (another MC, gay for Aggie) to document her condition, and takes over when she is too tired. My nervous daughter, would give her a standing ovation at her cello recital.

Philemon Diot: Bisexual. he/him pronouns. Emotionally reserved empath. He’s from a pretty famous family, but he’s trying to identify himself as “Philemon the Paragon” and not “Philemon, from the Diot Family.” Well-mannered, intelligent, prideful, and just a little bit of a sadist. Friendly but not really close to Eleanor, until she comes to him for help with Aggie and then they gossip like nobody’s business. A borderline asshole.

Now that that’s over with, here’s the actual questions:

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

Chryss - He’s good with anything, but if he had a choice, he’d choose marinated deer loin. 

Sibyl - Her mother makes Bourride like no one’s business. 

Philemon - He comes from a wine-making family, so any good-quality wine is fine with him. As for actual food, he likes sweet things like fruits and tarts.

20. Fears?

Chryss - Abandonment, falling (esp. free-falling), unsanitary medical tools, bats, and dogs

Sibyl - Being caught off-guard, surprises, crowds, storms, strong winds, and flies/maggots

Philemon - Betrayal, the dark, children crying, anger from superiors (esp. directed at him), and solitude

30. Sunrise or sunset?

Chryss - sunset

Sibyl - sunrise

Philemon - sunset

40. Do they have any scars?

Chryss - Like all halflings, Chryss has burn scars on his hands and feet from his brief exposure to the underworld. But his are much more severe than average, with contracture scars up to his elbows and knees. He also has an old, nasty scar under his ribs from a fight as a kid. 

Sibyl - a small scar on the bottom of her foot from stepping on a fish hook, scars from Paragon-related sparring practice, and some acne scars on her face, back, and chest.

Philemon - a scar on his forehead when he passed out from heat exhaustion one time, and scars from Paragon-related sparring practice

50. When is their birthday?

Chryss - December 13th (Sagittarius)

Sibyl - July 1st (Cancer)

Philemon - October 14th (Libra)

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Chryss - long-winded stories about crimes gone wrong, most likely when they’re told by his mother. she usually ends up hanging off the back of a burning wagon, or with a jam-covered hand shoved in the face of a royal hostage. he also laughs at his SO’s ability to make the absolute craziest faces.

Sibyl - She works closely with Eleanor on medical books, and the latter will illustrate certain stories with poorly drawn stick figures. Sibyl thinks they’re cute.

Philemon - you know those annoying soccer mom stories you hear at your 10-year old cousin’s birthday party??? that’s what he laughs at, sincerely. he is also a sucker for mispronunciations and emphasizing the wrong syllable (“Sih-BEEHL,” “PhileMOON”)

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them? *Disclaimer: I don’t like using TV Tropes that much, as it really gets my ADHD kicking and I’ll be distracted for hours. Because of this, I don’t use the site too often. this is the best I got.

Chryss - http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheLancer , http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/KleptomaniacHero

Sibyl - http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OverlyPolitePals

Philemon - http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LovableAlphaBitch

80. Are they trustworthy?

Chryss - It depends on your definition. Chryss won’t give away your secrets and is incredibly loyal, but he is a bit of a kleptomaniac and has a problem with “borrowing” things. If you’re friends and ask politely, he’ll return it, but if you’re strangers you’ve lost your valuables forever.

Sibyl - She panics under stress and may blurt out secrets in an act of self preservation - not to divert blame, just to make sure that all information is readily available. For the most part, however, she is trustworthy.

Philemon - Not super trustworthy. He enjoys gossip and doesn’t have a good sense of “hey, maybe this person wants me to keep their secrets secret.” It’s nothing purposefully malevolent, but not super nice. He’s also got an incredible poker face - he doesn’t use it often, but when he does you’ll have no idea until it’s too late. Proceed with caution.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

Chryss - fairly self-conscious of his burn scars, but manages to feel better by covering them with high gloves and long pants/tall boots. Other than that, he’s fairly satisfied with his appearance.

Sibyl - considers herself average looking

Philemon - pretty vain, and takes great effort to make sure he looks decent (read: imposing). he thinks he’s hot shit.

100. Create your own! I didn’t want to create my own, so I asked Siri for a random number and got: 95. What is their greatest weakness?

Chryss - His mother taught him to appreciate the thrill of a robbery, and it’s become some sort of an obsession for him now. If he needs a pick-me-up - let’s steal some stuff! But worse than that is his underlying Greed that comes from his halfling status, his demonic parent’s main sin. At its peak, it overrules empathy and reason, and he can betray even those he loves the most. 

Sibyl - She fucking PANICS. When she was younger, she was rendered almost completely useless by her anxiety. Sibyl’s better with it now, especially with help from her friends and superiors, but if she were to go through emotional upheaval or some big reveal, she’d be out of commission for at least a few days.

Philemon - For the most part, Philemon is reasonable and knows his limits. But sometimes, he gets caught up in promises and lies and stretches himself too thin, and this gets him in serious trouble. He’s got a delicate web of friends and allies, and if one of those were to become an enemy, the whole thing could fall apart.