#'i watched this __' one day later 'omg ive been binge watching this'

[osarina]

watching someone get progressively bolder with mimicking u is actually crazy to watch😭

[kittyblushed]

HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO TUMBLR 💖💖❤️❤️

i just started getting back into steven universe in the past few days, last time i was in the fandom was like,,, 4 OR 5 YEARS AGO 😭 SO ITS SUPER WEIRD COMING BACK TO THE SHOW BEING OVER AND THE FANDOM BEING SORT OF DEAD ??!?!?!? (not really lol but its def not as active as it was years ago) ANYWAYS !!!!!! IVE BEEN WANTING TO READ LAPIDOT FANFIC SO DO U HAVE ANY RECS !!!! WHATS UR FAVOURITE FICS ?!??! :D

Omg!!! What is this :0? People can ask me questions that I can answer publicly O.o??

I watched Steven universe years ago but randomly decided to start watching it again :P

Then I got attached to Lapidot and that's how I ended up here :3 I love all the art here!!! And the community is still kinda active so I'm glad to have joined it (even tho a bit too late xd)

I've been binge reading fics XD I'm obsessed!! I love the fics that have characters from Germany in it or even play in Germany bc it's pretty funny to me xd so my rec rn would be that one fic with exchange students! I can try to find it again later! :33

[iamnmbr3]

Hi, i'm curious about how do you got into shakespeare and co. ? Can you recomment something to read for a starter? Furthermore i wish you have a nice day 😊

thanks for waiting for me to answer. I've been super busy. and this ask made me SO happy. So I actually read some Shakespeare in high school and while I found them interesting, Macbeth was the only one that strongly resonated with me (and still one of my favorites). Later I got to see it on stage and also saw a production of Julius Caesar on stage. And omg it was so much more vibrant. I got back into Shakespeare recently after watching the Donmar Warehouse production of Coriolanus (streaming free here https://www.schooltube.com/media/Coriolanus+%7C+Donmar+Warehouse+%7C+National+Theatre+at+Home/1_i4iwz5ix) and then basically binging a whole bunch of other plays and various adaptations of those plays. I highly highly recommend that production btw. 

I personally think the plays are more fun to watch than to read. I mean, reading them is basically like reading the script for a movie. Shakespeare never meant anyone to read his plays. They are much more engaging and also easier to understand when you see them performed. (That said of course you can get a lot out of reading them too).

I've found that understanding Shakespearean English is hard at first but your ear adjusts. Just like listening to a foreign language gets easier. And while the language in Shakespeare is challenging, if you already speak English then learning to understand it is WAYYYY easier than learning a new language. So instead of thinking of it like hard English think of it as a really easy foreign language. Sure there are some differences but you can pick it up relatively fast. Versus the years it would take to learn a new language well.

What plays you will like most really vary from person to person. I think the easiest stories to understand are the ones you can get engrossed in. I also think sometimes the comedies are harder to understand since sometimes the jokes reference things that you need to know a lot about the culture and history of the time they were written to get. (I mean. Think how specific to a certain context a lot of talk shows are).

The globe theater has a streaming service (https://www.shakespearesglobe.com/watch/) where you can watch a bunch of their plays online. I really love the henriad, which is a series of 4 plays that follow several generations of characters in the monarchy and it's kinda like game of thrones minus the dragons (I mean GoT was actually based on the same history so it's not surprising). The plays are Richard II, Henry IV pt 1, Henry IV pt 2 and Henry V. The Globe Theater productions (esp Henry IV pt 1 and Henry V) are amazing and their take on Prince Hal/Henry V is PERFECT. I also love their production of Macbeth. You always read a synopsis before watching so it makes more sense. 

(You do have to pay for the streaming service but the price is pretty reasonable compared to the cost of a theater ticket. Esp given you get access to a whole bunch of performances. So it’s a good way to get a flavor of the experience of performances for a lot less cost. and of course it’s much more accessible since you can watch from anywhere. and you can pause it etc if you need to)

The Digital Theater streaming service has Royal Shakespeare Company plays (https://www.digitaltheatre.com). The RSC production of Hamlet with Paapa Essiedu is THE version of Hamlet for me. It's just. SO good. There's also a FABULOUS RSC production of Caesar on there that is super good and which I highly recommend.

And of course, any of these plays can be read instead if you want. You can usually find the texts for free online. Or at your local library.

(You do have to pay for the streaming service but the price is pretty reasonable compared to the cost of a theater ticket. Esp given you get access to a whole bunch of performances. And it goes to support the theater which is a good cause.) 

[lordbib]

Hi lord, are you still accepting asks? If so, 7,22,25,30. Have a great day!

7. 3 fruits that you love the most

1. mango!! its my grandpas favorite and whenever i go to my grandparents house he still cuts it up for me. My favorite is mangga gedong which is more colourful and is the best manggo in general

2. Durian!! its good and its not stinky i love it. i also used to eat this with my grandpa on ramadan after we break the fast.

3. Longan! they're nice and sweet and i can eat a lot of them like rlly fast. i can finish a pack of them in an hour or less hdjsgf.

honorable mention (im too indesicive leave me alone): raspberries! best berry fight me

22. 3 movies/books/tv shows that made you cry

ok but disclaimer EVERYTHING makes me cry

1. Inside out. Bing Bong. Traumatic.

2. Banana Fish. Self explanatory i was sobbing by the second episode holy shit it was bad. 9th episode i had to take 2 days not continuing out of sadness.

3. A Silent Voice. this hit me HARD i was sobbing baddd. Just how symbolic and how it explains the two povs of bully and bullied is just amazing. Go watch it.

25. 3 people you’d never get tired of

i cant choose so this will be like 20 dif ppl

1. My cousins Adri, Nay, and Jin. (tbh especially Jin) jhsdf. We've been really close since we were babiess. Me and Jin are 6 months apart in age and went to school together for like 10 years so yaa we basically saw each other everyday. Adri and i are further apart in age so i dont share my secrets as much with her then i do with Nay and Jin. Nay and i are reallyy close but not as close as me and Jin. Also Nay is currently in boarding school so sadly i only talk to her every two weeks or so.

2. Irls! my friends from my old school who ive known for 8+ years, and also friends from my current school!! Me and the girls from my old school still talk everyday and vc sometimess we have weekly zoom game times. Also my closest friend Sha who isnt answering my dm rn smh (thats a joke shes in school hihi) she is the one who got me into kpop (suprise i like kpop i might post more abt it later on)

3. proceeds to tag all of the levihan server naur but i genuinely never get tired of them hdjfg. let me attempt this hollup. @gremlinelrics @immagoudaboi @callantry @solborealis @mello-jello my lovely parents <3 love u all. also @glassesandswords and @renrampant are technically also my parents but Rens also my sister. dont question it our family tree is a tumbleweed. @snudootchaikovsky my dear grandma <3 @thexanwillshine my dear mother <3 holy shit how will i do this @malunggaybe @lilnazx @mashedpotatoforhanjo @thehyscriptures my dear siblings <3 and also all of these ppl:

@chili-aux @oyzoe @bluesylveon2 @cherryhatesmaths @djmarinizelablog @clickerisha @agoldenheartedsnkfan @free-pancakes @fanmoose12 and so many others i absolutely love with my heart but im way too scared to tag them omg scer sorry for the tag love u all sm <3 i would never get tired of all of u the server is very dear to my heart and i love u all <33

30. 3 moments you could never forget

(ill leave the trauma out of this hsdhs)

1. moving from my school of 10 years and also my friends of 10 years (during a goddamned pandemic too) but it was genuinely a sad and memorable moment a lot of experiences at that school and with those people are also very memorable

2. eids at my grandparents with my family eating, talking, playing. The last 2 eids we havent been able to do that because of the pandemic so i miss it a lott.

3. holidays with my mom! Theyre always really fun

[creepywing]

that is so funny mcyt has really followed you everywhere and anywhere huh. i need to step up my game, maybe start watching streams in public more (i could never ) like the only cool thing ive done is run through a field listening to lovejoy a couple times (would recommend esp. when singing loudly)

oh god if you wanna talk about mcyt following me everywhere lets talk about WILBUR SOOT cause ive known wilbur since SOOTHOUSE. i literally started watching soothouse by accident cause i was talking to a new friend and i sent a screenshot of a soothouse video and she replied like "omg you watch soothouse?" and i didnt but i would be awkward to say no so i was like "YES I DO!" and binged every soothouse video

then a while later i was a bit of a jacksucksatlife enjoyer and he gets an email from some guy called wilbur SOOT and im like. i .. know him.. and ITS THE GUY FROM SOOTHOUSE?? so. thats how i watched the arg as it was happening.

i also saw him on an rtgame video a bit later during smplive but i never watched any of his stuff till i decided to binge watch a load of his videos a bit later.

AND then one day i watched a dream manhunt which led to me discovering sbi were a thing (even though i knew techno and vaguely phil before that. tommy wasnt sbi yet) and BAM watched first wilbur stream.

so yea this man has been FOLLOWING me lmao sorry for the proper ramble

[hajimine]

to the coolest person alive,

i think youre gonna see this in the morning or afternoon so good morning!! or afternoon idk ✋🏼 BESTIE IM WATCHING JJK ALREADY 😻 im on ep 14 now,, i started today 🚶🏻‍♀️ idk if im gonna watch it now or tomorrow tho. to keep the diary entry short, my day was very shitty bc of my toxic family 😻😻 but it was fine ig i had some ✨alone time✨ to straight up binge jjk and distract me 😼 lex please can you yell at me to not fall for every 3rd character i see I AM OBSESSED WITH SOME OF THEM ALREADY IT AINT HEALTHY 🏃🏻‍♀️ i lowkey saw that coming but still <3 lemme drink water real quick i sadly didnt drink much due to this whole ass day LMAO WHY DO I SOUND SO DEPRESSED PLSJDKDJ ✋🏼 MAYBE bc i am,, hey god, its me again 😻🚶🏻‍♀️ i hope i can finish it tomorrow or at least on friday, idk if im gonna try to watch banana fish in the holidays too 👁👁 i need to get my heart broken its been a while <3 actually its only been a few days- not the point tho. also, yes i do think people see our convos and shake their heads JSHSKD 🤝🏼 honestly who wouldn't if they saw our whole ass paragraphs every time BUT I AM HERE FOR THEM ❗ pls this whole essay this time is a EXTRA mess. also!! i hope you're gonna drink water and eat something!! 😌 other than that, do you have any plans for the day? // or if youre gonna answer this later, what did you do today bestie? 🤲🏻 the amount of times ive said "bestie i cant do this today" while talking to myself in the last 48h 😻 anyways, i think that was enough for today and for your sexy ass to read ugh 😫✋🏼 sending u hugs and kith rn, u deserve them!!! 😠 mwah, ilyvm <33

love,

🐉 anon <3

to my darling 🐉 anon,

hellurr good evening my love 😻 STOPPP im... still on ep 15 ☝️🥲 i haven’t had the time to pick it back up yet smh </3 but how are u liking it so far tho? oh bubs :( im sorry u had a shitty day, i hope tmr will be better for u babes <3 they suck ass and u deserve better 👿‼️ but hhhh we can talk abt sth else if you want,, who’s your fave so far?? or fave(s) i suppose 😯 ITS OK all of em are so pretty i feel ya!! bestie u better be drinking more water rn, ily kay? and cheers to using humor to cope lmao 🏃🏻‍♀️💨 wait omg i havent watched banana fish yet smh. is it good?? i also wanna watch that other sad one,, your lie in april?? im not sure what it’s called but i wanna binge all the heart wrenching animes on my sem break later 😁 and also jjk bc im so behind dammit 😞💔 well they can just sit back and observe while we pour our hearts out in long ass paragraphs,, it’s okay 😴 mm im doing good today hottie!! i tried doing manga colorings for the first time ever and i love them sm?? i wanna do it properly but i dont wanna have to use photoshop ghhh but look at lil kindaichi in my pfp omg (it looks kinda messy im ngl but u cant see it in the lil pic so we’re good 😋) i don’t have much plans for the weekend,, i’m probably gonna study some more later 😞 hbu tho!! how are u today? do u have anything fun planned for the long weekend? any events going on (if u do celebrate that is)? i hope you’re doing better today sexy 😠 don’t forget to eat lots of good food and drink lots of h2o,, also sidenote, aside from your jjk faves, who’s your fave in hq? :0 (also p.s. i have to actually sit down and formulate an essay back to u whenever we talk so im sorry for taking so long to reply help 😭😭) ily more angel you’re the coolest and the sexiest person in the universe 🤞🏼😫 lots of xo’s for u bebe mwah!! <33

from your beloved tumblr user,

lexus 😽

[luvdsc]

hi there!! its been such a long time since i’ve sent in an ask, but exams have finally finished and im freeeeeee 🥳 im also sorta taking a social media break rn, but since its been so long since my last ask, i thought id just pop in and see how you’re going 🌸 how are you?? how’s work been?? how did your peanut butter cookies turn out?? im sure they were great!! 🍪 been baking anymore goodies recently?? (1/5)

 i haven’t exactly started on my baking spree, so far I’ve been binge watching all the dramas i couldn’t watch during the semester and just basically sleeping ahaha 😅 if i do finally get round to baking that lemon loaf ill let you know how it goes!! 🍋 ooh my parents love fruitcake too, so i might start baking that before the other stuff ~ ive also gotten into making shortbread this year, so i might make them too, although sugar cookies do sound wonderful 🌹(2/5)

if you have a favourite recipe for them that you don’t mind sharing, please drop it 🙏🏻 and super late buuuut, i dont really celebrate halloween, but i did heavily consider getting a small pumpkin just to place in the house as a cute deco 🌼 also rather late, but how do you find the album for part 2?? and what’s your fav song?? 🍁 (3/5)

(i’m going to answer your 4th ask separately for tagging purposes 💞)

i hope you’re doing fantastic and looking after yourself, and the hols are coming soon too!! christmas is almost here ~~ 🎄 do you have any plans for this week? im probably going to continue my extremely unhealthy cycle of bingewatching shows, eating and sleeping hahaha, but at least i have time to chill a bit after this year :)) sending you loads of love and hugs 💞💞💞 - ✨ (5/5)

✿ ✿ ✿

omg hi, honey bee!! 💓 it’s so good to hear from you again 🌷 and congratulations on finishing your exams!!!! 🥳🥳 are you on winter break right now? ah yeah, i get that, i’m basically off of social media during the weekdays, and it’s very nice actually, but i miss seeing memes daily 🤧  thank you for taking the time to check in with me, lovebug 💗 i’m doing good! work has lightened up a bit since clients usually slow down during the holidays, so that means we also get to take a little breather too :’) and my cookies came out really well, thank you for asking! 💝 my parents both loved them 🥰 and i baked baklava earlier this week!! it came out nicely, so i was very happy :’) how have you been, sweetpea? 💞

ooo were you able to finish any of your dramas, honey bee? which ones are your favorite? 💘  and aaaa i’m so jealous!!! i wish i could sleep in now, too 😭 i’m counting down the days until christmas break, so i can catch up on sleep for 1 1/2 glorious weeks ✨  omg yes, pls keep me posted on all of your baking adventures!! 💕 i would love to know how your lemon loaf and/or fruitcake turns out if you do make them, sweetpea!! 💖  oooo shortbread sounds amazing :o perhaps, i’ll have to bake that someday too 🤔 

i use this old mrs. fields’ recipe book we have at home for all my cookies!! 🍪  so unfortunately, i don’t have a link to that, but i think this one is it? i’d have to double check with the book later! 💜  pumpkins are so cute!!! i used to always have one outside of my suite with my roomies at uni every year :’) the pt 2 album is really good 🤩🤩 i looove love work it and i.o.u, and i’m disappointed, but not surprised that winwin has like half a line, but what’s new ): also yuta is really coming for me in this album, like i bet he sensed that i dropped him as my ideal type this year rip but i’m going back to him because of the social distancing and my extroverted self is suffering askjdhfadskjf what about you, sweetpea? what do you think of the album? which songs are your favorite? 💚

and thank you sooo so so much, angel 🥺💟💟 i hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself and staying safe 🌸  and yesss, the holidays are coming up soon!!! 🥳 i still have to buy some presents omg and i wanna send out holiday letters to all my friends, too, so gotta get started 🤧  my plans for the week are just sleep, work, play with my sister’s cat, exercise, repeat :’) that sounds like a great cycle askldjfhaksjdl it’s self care!!! 💓💓 gotta relax and recuperate from all the work and stress! and thank you so much, honey bee, i’m sending you back even more love and hugs 💌💌💌

[literaetures]

omg ive never met anyone who likes the medici show!!!!! pls share ur thoughts

you must be new here bc i Love the show! it’s one of my all time fave period dramas (coming from someone who knows nothing about the actual history of the family other than the one (1) page history that was given in her high school history textbook and sporadic wikipedia diving when watching the show— i just love period dramas) and i often quote this post by @hotniatheron when talking about this show (because that’s literally. the whole show)

the cinnamon topography, the sets, the characters the costumes, the d r a m a, the storyline! i love it all! i’ve written a few posts on the show as well that i’ll link here if you want some memes (and usually gifsets i rb are filled with commentary) but if you really care about why i love the show, i’ll try to give you as much of a summary as i can (w o w so this got long because i have a lot of feelings so i’ll leave this under the cut but tl;dr i adore this show and i think about it more than once a week and have tons of half-written meta posts sitting in my drafts fjwkjfewn)

i watched s1 when it first came out and immediately fell in love, watched the whole thing in one day (avoiding a paper i had due lmao) and completely fell for it. i loved the morally ambiguous leanings of everyone in that season— no one was quite Good™️ or Bad™️, they all did things with their own ambitions and their own ideas of what a good future may look like in mind— i loved all the scenic shots and the duomo (the true protagonist), i loved the characterization of “the banker that wanted to be an artist”, the attack and murder of albizzi and his son! in the forest! in slow motion! while the duomo is being consecrated! the mist of the forest combining with the smoke from the lamps! still gives me chills! i hated every moment cosimo wasn’t respecting his amazing wife who rode in oh horseback! in the signoria! just to save his ass! and he completely shunned her for it! i loved lucrezia’s depth they gave her towards the end that was later extended in s2 (where you could Tell contessina took her under her wing and gave her the single braincell of the family) and even more, i loved the multi layered storyline of the season— the coming of age story of cosimo, the murder mystery of who killed his father, the PLOT TWIST of who killed his father!!! (i kept forgetting in my first and second rewatches of the season and every time i forgot it felt like i experienced it for the first time all over again!) but most importantly, i loved the narrative of not knowing what to do in life, that every decision you made is a gamble with outcomes that are both good and bad, but there will be people around you who support you and get you through it

and then. s2. by far the better written of the two three seasons with a more clear plotline and timeline that allows you to really take in the characters and the plotline at once while allowing for more nuance and depth in a way that we didn’t get in s1! here we have the distinct battle between Good and Bad which was shocking after the morally grey complexity that we saw in s1 but made for a fresh new season that i instantly enjoyed! b u t!!! it did not go! where i thought it was going to go! as someone who knows nothing about the history, i went into it completely in the dark and solely began crafting possible endings in my head. i thought. i had pictured. that lorenzo and francesco started off enemies, francesco realizes his uncle jacopo (sean bean) has been manipulating him, switches to the “good” side, hears the acts of betrayal, and instead of falling back into his uncle’s plotting and manipulation, i thought! i assumed! that francesco was playing him! i thought! that francesco would see through the manipulation and the abuse and was in a double agent scenario where he was plotting the “pazzi conspiracy” but he told lorenzo and giuliano about the plot and they’d catch jacopo in the act, give him a trial, and give him a prison sentence! i thought this WHOLE thing! even at the end of ep7! even after the hugs (i thought the extra squeezes was francesco signaling to lorenzo and giuliano that everything was going according to plan (because remember the whole Good and Bad clear divide? i thought this was going to be the grey zone of s1 to remind us of moral ambiguities)) and even when ep 3 “mass” was going. i was sitting there in my clown paint waiting for francesco to get! his! redemption arc! because i forgot! that this! was a historical period drama about real events! and it wasn’t until lucrezia’s scream that i realized “OH. it’s not going to get better” you can imagine. my pain. but i think that’s what made this season so good? anyone could have watched it and fallen in love with the storyline and good narrative they presented that allowed you to get lost in the characters and the story

and as for s3. i’m withholding as much of my thoughts as possible because i will be watching it when it finally airs on netflix and i want to properly give it the binge watch that i’ve given the past seasons to really sit with my thoughts to have fully formed thoughts and onions on it!

in any case, i love this show. so much! i cannot wait for the renaissance project to happen with seasons about all the artists, but g o d am i going to miss this disaster family so! much! (and all those scenic duomo shots) 

i love contessina and francesco (those are my two fave characters from the show) and there’s honestly so much more that i can say but honestly you can scroll through my series tags and see me cry about it because i’m rambling so much i know— if you give me a chance to tell you my thoughts on my obsessions! i’m so sorry in advance!

but i’m sure this is. not the length that you expected, but i hope it’s at least a bit entertaining! thanks for letting me talk about my obsessions for a bit!

[all-things-skam]

I don't know if you've seen the theories in which Ander could be sick It’s a little bit angsty hahaha (This is after what Guzman told him) Where Ander is in class and suddenly he starts feeling very sick and a lot of blood comes out of his nose, while the teacher calls an ambulance, Guzman calls Omar and warns him of the incident Omar immediately runs to him and idk HAHAHHA Sorry English is not my first language I LOVE HOW U WRITE

hi since ander and guzman didn’t really ended the season on good terms…(that moment was so fucking devastating omg) can you write something where ander is very sad and guilty but guzman doesn’t forgive him. but then something bad happens to ander and he gives in bc he still cares about him? or maybe ander is dealing badly with losing his best friend (drinking excessively,drugs etc) and omar is worried and he talks to Guzman about it and after seeing ander like that he forgives him?

aloo! Id like for u to write a fic about Omar bing worried for ander health! Thank youx

-

Title: It’s just a nosebleed

Ship: Ander Munoz + Omar Shanaa (Omander)

_______________

Next time you faint I hope you smash your head and bleed to death.

The words resonated in Ander's mind, Guzman's voice colder every single times. They haunted Ander's mind days and nights, the only way to shut them up being to drink until oblivion. Cert, alcohol wasn't the way to numb pain, but Ander didn't care. He just couldn't bare to hear them over and over again.

Although he deserved it, losing his best friend has caused so much more pain in Ander's heart than he was willing to admit. Guzman was so much more than a best friend; he was a brother to him. But, brothers don't stab each other's back. Brothers don't hide huge secrets like that. Especially when it concerns one's sister assassin's identity.

He couldn't imagine the pain he had caused Guzman by not telling him the truth. How he must feel knowing that, for months, he had partied, shared a bed and gone to class with his sister's assassin like nothing had happened.

Ander hated Polo for telling him that ugly secret. He had commit utter betrayal by killing Marina. And, forcing Ander to secrecy, forcing him to take his secret to the grave, was the most cruel thing he could possibly do. Ander didn't want to know, he didn't want to be forced to know about Polo's crime. Yet, Polo's selfish self decided he had enough of carrying this secret alone - along with Carla and Christian - and told Ander.

Ander also hated himself for not having the balls to tell his best friend that their other best friend had killed Marina. He had chosen to play safe, trying to not lose any of them, but learned the hard way that playing safe isn't always the best choice. Now, because he had kept that same ugly secret to himself, Guzman had crossed him out of his life and there was no hope for forgiveness.

''I think you should slow down on the alcohol, don't you think?'' Omar suggested as he brought his intoxicated boyfriend home after his shift at the club, praying that Mrs. de Munoz was sound asleep.

She didn't know about her son's drinking problem. It would break her to see that Ander had turned to alcohol to cope.

Ander wasn't heavy, but Omar wasn't Mr. Muscle. It didn't help that he was half conscious, making him, by consequent, heavier. He was hanging on Omar's neck as the latter struggled to make it up the stairs. If only he could help himself a bit...

Omar sighed as he deposed Ander on his bed and removed his shoes. He was tired of this. He was Ander's boyfriend, not his babysitter.

As much as he wanted to talk to Ander about his drinking habits, he knew the younger one would deny any alcohol problems. But, at the same time, Omar couldn't continue keeping things bottled for both his and Ander's sake.

He'd be lying if he said seeing his boyfriend drowning himself into alcohol didn't hurt him. It broke his heart knowing that Ander was hurting so much that he had to numb his pain with alcohol.

A bittersweet smile on his lips, Omar sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Ander was sleeping soundly.

.

Ander sat behind his desk in class, filling his exam sheet when he felt something wet dripping on his face. Instinctively, he wiped it with the back of his hand and realized it was blood. He sniffled, thinking it would go away and stop, but, seconds later, blood started dripping on his exam sheet, creating a couple red splatters. Shit.

He alerted Mrs. Cortez of the bloody - pun intended - issue and she gave him permission to go to the bathroom to get tissues and clean himself.

Left hand covering his bleeding nose, Ander rose from his seat, the chair screeching on the tiled floor as he pushed it back. Maybe he stood up too fast or maybe it was because of the previous nosebleeds he got that week and the loss of blood was catching on him, but he suddenly started feeling light headed and drowsy. By reflex, he gripped the edge of the desk, fingers trying to grab at something to gain steadiness.

In the row behind his, Guzman lifted his head, furrowing his eyebrows at his old best friend's behavior. ''Ander?'' said Guzman's voice worriedly, ignoring the silence during exams rule. ''You okay?''

At the moment, Guzman didn't care that he and Ander weren't on speaking terms. He still cared about him deep down and, although he meant his words back then, seeing Ander on the verge of fainting had terrified him. When he had fainted at the Christmas party back in December, it was because of alcohol. Now, given that they were at school during exam week, it couldn't be that which worried Guzman.  

Ander didn't have time to answer Guzman's concerns that the latter was reaching out for him, grabbing Ander before he could fall and hit his head.

.

As Mrs. de Munoz got in the ambulance with her son, Guzman did what felt right and called Omar, informing him of the incident. If something like that had happened to Nadia, he would've liked to know.

.

When Omar made it to the hospital, he saw Ander's mom in the hallway. She seemed surprised, but not shocked to see him. On the contrary, she would have been even more surprised if he hadn't showed up.

Omar had been living with them for six months now and Azucena had grown very fond of him. Unlike Ander, Omar was a better help to the house. He knew how to clean, do laundry and cook - with guidance. He also deeply cared about Ander and she could sense it. His presence at the hospital was a proof.

As soon as Omar saw her, he gave a her a tight hug, knowing that they both needed it right now. ''What happened? Is he okay?'' Omar demanded, a little in shock. He pulled back, trying to search in her eyes for reassurance.

''He gave us quite a scare.'' Azucena took a breath, trying to control her emotions. ''He got a nosebleed and fainted in class. The doctor said it's iron deficiency anemia. We'll know more when he gets back with the results.''

When he got the call from Guzman saying Ander had left in an ambulance, Omar hadn't been surprised. He knew that if Ander continued not taking care of himself, something would happen. And, it did.

''Is he okay?''

She nodded and smiled at him thinly. ''You can go see him.''

.

Hand on the handle, about to open the door, Omar paused. He didn't know what to expect. Hospitals were never good news. They always gave him an uneasy feelings in his stomach. The last time he came to the hospital, his father had a heart attack and, when he glanced at him in the bed, he didn't look well. He was attached to wires and tubes and Omar felt sick. Although Ander's situation was less dramatic, Omar couldn't help but imagine the worse.

Exhaling a breath, Omar pushed the door and walked in. The room was dimly lit, the curtains pulled to make it easier for Ander to rest.

Having heard the door open, the younger one turned his head and pulled his eyebrows. ''Omar?''

His face was pale and he looked exhausted. There was an IV attached to his arm, giving him nutrients he was lacking from his alcohol diet. A part of Omar wanted to scream at Ander 'I told you so', but another part just wanted to pull him in his arms and thank the sky that he was alive.

Ander wasn't expecting to see Omar here. He thought he could get off easy and somehow hide this trip to the hospital from him, pass it off as some stomach bug. But, now that he was here, there was no point in lying. Omar had enough shit going on, the last thing he wanted was to get his mind preoccupied with this.

''Who told you I was here?'' he asked. ''I thought you were working today.''

Omar approached his bedside, huffling a small laugh. ''You're gonna have difficulty believing me, it's Guzman.''

Ander frowned, having difficulty to believe him. ''What? Guzman? I...'' He shook his head, denying the information he wasn't capable to process. ''Why would Guzman do that? He doesn't even care about me anymore...'' The last words caused Ander's voice to frail a little.

There was no way that Guzman would've cared. He made that clear when he spoke those cruel words to him the day they arrested Polo. As cruel as they were, Ander knew that he deserved them. He didn't deserve his friendship, he didn't even deserve Omar. He was such a shitty person, a shitty son, a shitty friend, a shitty boyfriend-

The heart monitor was starting to act up, the line making rapid jumps as Ander was getting worked up. Seeing this, Omar sat on the edge of the bed and cupped Ander's face with the other, fingers grazing his curls. ''Ander? Ander, look at me.''

If he didn't calm him quickly, a nurse would come in.

The younger one's eyes finally looked up, gazing into Omar's. ''Ander, baby...'' Omar held his gaze, trying to prevent his mind from going back to what he was thinking, what got him worked up.

Once Omar felt like Ander had calmed down, he sat on the small chair beside the bed.

''Do you know when you're getting out?'' he asked, changing subject.

''Hopefully soon. It'll depends of the test results.''

Omar nodded. ''I talked with your mom. She said there's a high possibility you have iron-deficiency anemia. I knew those nosebleed were serious. Especially when happening so frequently...'' He pushed his face in his hands, blaming himself.

Ander reached out, putting his hand over his boyfriend's forearm. ''You couldn't have known, Omar-''

''I should've worried more! Fuck. I could've prevented this if I hadn't left you drink so much alcohol.''

''Anemia has nothing to do with the drinking. I have a high carence in iron.''

''Still. Alcohol mustn't be good for you. Especially at the pace and frequency you're drinking.''

Ander looked down, admitting defeat.

Omar had kept his mouth shut for so long, but he had enough. What happened today scared him and he felt partly responsible for the incident. Maybe if he had spoke up instead of carrying Ander to his room every nights, he wouldn't have fainted in class.

''I get that you're hurt and sad because you lost your best friend, but life doesn't end because a friendship is broken. You've got to take care of yourself, Ander. I get that you lost an important person, but I'm here, and your mom is too. Don't you think it's hurting us to see you destroy your health? I haven't told your mom about your drinking habits, and I'm not going to, but I think you should reflect on it. I don't think she'd like to find out that her son is turning into an alcoholic.''

Ander's features hardened, jaw clenching at the harsh word. ''I'm not an-''

''You are! Alcoholics drinks every day and, since Christmas, there's not a day I haven't seen you without a drink in hand.'' Omar sighed, gaining control of his emotions. He didn't want to scream at Ander, he just wanted to get his point across. ''I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I'm telling you this because I care about you. Because I love you and I wouldn't forgive myself if something were to happen to you because I didn't intervene when it was still time.''

Omar's words put Ander into deep thinking. He didn't realize what was happening - not to this extent. He knew he was drinking more than he should've, but not this much. Maybe Omar was right. Maybe he was an alcoholic. The possibility brought tears to his eyes. Fuck. He can't fall into that rabbit hole. His parents had just finished signing the divorce papers, he couldn't do that to his mom. She had been through enough.

''I...I'm sorry. I didn't realize what I was doing. I just kept drinking and didn't think of the side effects of alcohol binge. I just liked not thinking about anything, forgetting the shit happening in my life,'' Ander explained, ashamed of himself.

Omar reached out and grabbed his hand, showing support. ''I know, but don't you think it's time to try another solution? Instead of trying to numb your mind to forget the sad stuff, why don't you focus on the happier stuff? Do things that make you happy to forget about the sad stuff.''

Ander nodded, liking the idea. ''Like what, though? I don't know if you've noticed, I don't have friends anymore.'' He let out a dry laugh.

''You have me,'' Omar reminded, nudging him. ''I could take a night off every week and watch movies together instead of going out? Or we could get dinner, just the two of us?''

''Netflix and chill?''

Omar snorted, cheeks flushed. Of course, that's what he's thinking about. ''If you want.''

''I'd like that. But, I don't want you to take days off for me. You need the money-''

Rolling his eyes, Omar sighed. ''One night off won't cut me that much money, Ander. And, you've been there for me when my father kicked me out, it's my turn to be there for you.''

Fair.

For a relationship to be healthy, one can't just give, give, give and never take. You have to accept your partner's help and stop thinking you're a bother. Omar wouldn't have offered to take a day off to spend time with him if he hadn't genuinely wanted to.

The curly haired one sighed. ''Okay.''

''What movie do you want to watch first? Your body is still weak from the blood loss and fainting, you should take it chill tonight.''

Ander nodded. ''It's been so long since we spent a night just the two of us. I miss it.'' He bit his lip, glancing at his boyfriend.

''I miss it too.''

Omar stood from his chair, reading Ander's mind, and leaned for a kiss that quickly became inappropriate for hospitals. Hands slid on each other's body as tongues slipped in, almost forgetting where they were.

A squeal escaped Omar's lips when Ander's hand squeezed his ass through the denim fabric, taking him by surprise. He broke the kiss, narrowing his eyes. ''What are you doing?! We're at the hospital. Your mom is right on the other side of that door.''

Ander shrugged, laughing.

[many-gay-magpies]

JCKSNDKCSK THE PROGRESSION OF “oh this is cool- that’s not english- cHAN????” IS SO FUNNY TO ME IDK WHY. chan rly does have a distinctive voice though i love it. and yES i have heard of e’last and i’ve listened to some of their music i just never got into them for real yet </3 my to-stan list is so long. the epic orchestral sound is exactly what drew me to e’last in the first place though!! it’s so dramatic and royal and BRAIN GO BRRRRR. i’ve always been a Huge fan of very conceptual music and albums (again, vrvr, enha, and txt are Stellar at this) and being able to zone out to a song while writing a fantasy novel in your head about it is a Top Ten Experience

WAIT HELP I CAN SEE JAAN TRYING TO GET SHION TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP BUT SHION JUST WALKING UP THE WALL OF THE HELICOPTER AND BEING JUST OUT OF REACH FDJBWDH just screaming at the top of his lungs on the ceiling of a helicopter. at that point solon gives up trying to be cool and bursts out laughing meanwhile jino is cheering for solon while jaan contemplates jumping out of the helicopter himself

- vrvr anon

(p.s. i took a strawberry shortcake photoshoot out in my yard today and it was Great)

LMAO YEAH chan's voice really is super distinctive-- i went home and actually watched the mv later that day but i think thats the most interesting way ive ever experienced a comeback hsjfbfjfb

yesssss e'last!! they're like my favorite group both musically and choreography-wise, their choreos are literally SO cool-- the choreo for creature would probably be on my top ten coolest choreos list if i ever made one lmao. the dramatic orchestral sound REALLY makes the brain go brrrr i love it so much- im not super well-versed in their lore but i know there's some shit going on there with the amount of recurring symbols in their mvs. tears of chaos and dark dream are two of my favorite kpop tts ever, they seriously make me feel like i could become a powerful witch-queen and take over the world. songs that you can zone out and construct entire fantasy plots to are seriously the best (i have an entire spotify playlist labeled "songs that make me feel like a magical being with godlike powers being forced to relive my past life" it gives me such a confidence boost whenever i play it)!!

(ahhh the dreaded to-stan list... i used to have one of those but i lowkey stopped actually trying to stan new groups, i just listen to music that vibes and if it happens, it happens! vrvr was kind of accidental like that— i decided to rb some gyehyeon gifsets and listen to a couple of their tts and next thing you know im chronically simping, binging their entire discography on spotify, and picking every mv and song lyric dry for lore tidbits)

NO WAIT I LEGIT FORGOT SHION HAS THE ANTI-GRAVITY/STICKING TO WALLS POWER THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY IN THIS SCENARIO. hes just straight up hanging upside down from the bottom of the helicopter and jaan is just like "PLEASE DONT MAKE ME COME OUT THERE AND GET YOUR ASS I DONT HAVE ANTI-GRAV POWERS ID BE TERRIFIED. ILL DO IT THO IF YOU DONT GET YOUR ASS IN HERE, YOU COULD GET YOUR HEAD CUT OFF BY A TREE OR SOME SHIT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD."

(p.s. that sounds so fun!!! i bet the photos look so pretty and cute omg)

[sxtaep]

HELP WHATS HAPPENING??? MY EXAMS FINISHED A FEW DAYS AGO AND IT TOOK ME AT LEAST 3 DAYS TO RECOVER FROM THE TRAUMA (by eating and binge watching a bunch on yt vids i had saved to my watch later) BUT ANYWAYS HRU??? AND WHATS THIS AB AIRPORT YOONGI BC ???? man's hot

my whole life rn is ⁉️ ive been so disconnected from life i didn't even know ab taehyung and jennies dating rumors (smh ppl are so overdramatic)

can't wait to binge read all ur work love

HI BABE!2!!:!2 I HOPE YOUR EXAMS WENT WELL 🙏🏼🫶 BUT IM DOING OK!!! writers block is insane so i’m like DROWNING IN MY TEARS TRYING TO FINISH THIS ONE PIECE OFF 😭😭😭 but yeah, aside from that, i’m good!!

naw yk airport yoongi.. he had no right stepping out of the car looking like THAT I WAS DROOLING ALL OVER MY SCREEN GOING THROUGH THOSE PICS OMG 😫😫😫

and don’t even get me started on the taehyung/jennie rumours, i mean… let them do them innit BUT USING THAT TO COVER UP THE BIGGER MATTERS AT HAND? (i.e. g*ram…)

please, SOME PEOPLE NEED TO GET A GRIP 🙄

also i don’t think there’s anything to binge read, i haven’t posted anything since Torn Veil 😭 (yup, i am going through it) BUT LOOK FORWARD TO A NEW ONESHOT IN A COUPLE HOURS 💗💗💗

[mrlongkgraves]

Nicholas stands tall with Prader-Willi syndrome

Nicholas presents an award to his surgeon, Dr. Michael Glotzbecker. Nicholas wears headphones in public to protect himself from sensory overload. [PHOTO: MICHAEL GODERRE/BOSTON CHILDREN’S]

When he rose from his chair to shake his surgeon’s hand, 17-year-old Nicholas Peters stood 4 inches taller than he had just a few months before. “Thank you for making me feel better,” Nicholas said to Dr. Michael Glotzbecker, the surgeon from the Boston Children’s Hospital Spinal Program who had operated on his spine. With a little prompting from his parents, Nicholas added, “I can bend over to play with my jeep.”

Nicholas and his parents, Lisa and Jeff, made a special trip to Boston Children’s to thank the clinicians who worked together to stabilize his spine after years of progressive scoliosis and kyphosis. “Everyone worked so cooperatively,” says Lisa describing the team that also included specialists from anesthesia, intensive care, complex care, neurology, nephrology, pulmonology, gastroenterology and physical therapy. “They put their egos aside, they listened and they learned so they could give Nick the best possible care.”

Nicholas (left) and his brother Weston play with their beloved jeep in 2010. [PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE PETERS FAMILY UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED]

A rare and complicated condition

Born with Prader-Willi syndrome, Nicholas has been a medical puzzle since he was a baby. Prader-Willi syndrome is a rare genetic condition that affects the hypothalamus, a small organ at the base of the brain. In addition to neurological, endocrinological, behavioral and intellectual issues, people with the condition constantly feel hungry. Parents have to lock refrigerators and kitchen cabinets to prevent their children from uncontrollable binge eating.

Spinal problems are also common in children with Prader-Willi syndrome. Due to low muscle tone and low bone density, two common hallmarks of the condition, children’s spines lack strength to support their growing bodies.

Repairing Nicholas’ spine

Nicholas’ physical development was a series of fits and starts. When he was young, orthopedic surgeon Dr. Seymour Zimbler told Lisa and Jeff he would need spinal fusion surgery at some point, probably in his teens. Nicholas wore a brace for many years but as he matured, his spine became increasingly disfigured.

As Nicholas’ scoliosis grew more pronounced, one of his shoulders inched up higher than the other. As his kyphosis progressed, he developed a hunchback.

By the time he was 16, Nicholas was noticeably bent over, especially when he sat down. When he stood up, one of his shoulders was higher than the other. “It was clear he was in pain,” recalls Lisa. Eventually his curvature became so significant his lungs didn’t have room to take full breaths. His doctors and parents agreed, the time for surgery had come.

The surgery would involve fusing 15 of the vertebrae in Nicholas’ spine. Dr. Glotzbecker would realign the vertebrae by attaching two rods with screws to either side of the spine. Over time, the vertebrae would grow into a solid bone, providing the stability Nicholas needed to sit and stand upright.

Preparing for the OMG factor

Over the years, Lisa and Jeff have relied on humor to get them through the ups and downs of their son’s care. “The OMG factor” has become shorthand for the unpredictability of his health. “With Nick, there’s always that one thing from left field that no one expects,” explains Lisa. He might develop a mysterious symptom overnight or an offhand comment might trigger an emotional outburst. “You just have to be ready to deal with it.”

With the OMG factor in mind, as well as the complexity of the surgery, Dr. Glotzbecker assembled a diverse team to plan ahead for every possible aspect of Nicholas’ hospital experience. A behaviorist compiled a list of things that could cause him unnecessary stress. Well before the surgery, all of his caregivers received a copy, which included warnings like not telling Nicholas he had to wear a johnnie, not using the word “IV,” and making sure to have popsicles and jello ready when he came out of surgery.

Nicholas with his caregivers. From left Michael Felber, Dr. Glotzbecker and Dr. Mohammad.

A relaxing start

Because they knew Nicholas would be nervous going into surgery, the pre-operative team led him and his parents to a quiet room away from the other patients in the surgical waiting area. Soon, anesthesiologist, Dr. Shoaib Mohammad, entered the room and crouched down next to Nicholas. As Lisa and Jeff watched in silence, Dr. Mohammad held Nicholas’ hand and spoke softly to him about what was going to happen next. Nicholas drifted off. “Dr. Mohammad lulled him to sleep before giving him any medication — we couldn’t believe it,” says Lisa.

The surgery seemed to go well and Nicholas was in a room on the orthopedic unit by the next day. Here, the family met nurse Michael Felber who quickly became one of Nicholas’ favorite people at the hospital. “He knew exactly how to talk to Nick to keep him calm and relaxed,” says Lisa. The family nicknamed Felber “Mike the nurse.”

Nicholas with his father and physical therapist Maggie Anzalone after his second surgery.

The Peters were looking forward to going home, but a few days after the surgery, Nicholas gained an alarming amount of water weight. “His urine was the color of Coca-Cola,” says Lisa. Dr. Jane O’Brien from the Complex Care Service got involved, overseeing Nicholas’ treatment for this unexpected complication and ensuring his kidneys remained healthy. In total, Nicholas remained in the hospital for nine days but he came out walking tall. “He looked good, he felt good and he was not in pain.”

An unexpected setback

A month later, Nicholas’ posture had improved remarkably, but the pain had returned. At a follow-up appointment, Dr. Glotzbecker showed Lisa and Jeff an x-ray in which it was clear that two of the screws in Nicholas’ spine were coming loose. He would need another surgery.

For the second surgery, Dr. Glotzbecker would fuse two more vertebrae to further stabilize his spine. But first Nicholas needed time to recover, his parents needed time to break the news to him, and the clinical team needed to figure out what went wrong. “That’s when they started asking us, ‘how can we improve?’” says Lisa. She and Jeff suggested transferring Nicholas to the general floor earlier in the day and giving him more time before removing his breathing tube.

In addition, the team made sure Nicholas would be surrounded by caregivers he knew and liked when he returned to the hospital. This included Felber, Dr. Glotzbecker and Dr. Mohammad.

Lisa and Dr. William Dodgen, pediatric orthopedic fellow review an image of Nicholas’ spine. [PHOTO: MICHAEL GODERRE/BOSTON CHILDREN’S]

A second surgery and a superman scar

Nicholas had his second surgery on January 28. That morning, Dr. Mohammad once again crouched down next to him. This time he put his hand on Nicholas’ solar plexus, a gesture that helped the whole family relax. “Then Dr. Glotzbecker came in with his game face on,” says Lisa. “Seeing him, we felt confident he knew what he had to do and how to do it.”

Nicholas grew four inches after his first surgery. His pain improved after the second surgery. “The pain is gone,” says Lisa. “We are seeing the old Nick, the sweet, loving young man from years ago.” With trademark humor, the Peters have named Nick’s scars. “The first scar was his ��Man Scar.’ The second one is his ‘Superman Scar.’”

Heroes helping heroes

As they watched their son’s mobility improve and his sweet personality reemerge, Lisa and Jeff decided they wanted to recognize the team that cared for him. To this end, they created their own award, named the Nicholas Peters Guardian Angel Award, for Felber and Drs. Glotzbecker, Mohammad and O’Brien. Each plaque is engraved “Heroes Helping Heroes,” and features a photo of Nicholas and the caregiver.

From left, Dr. Michael Glotzbecker, Nicholas, Jeff and Lisa Peters, physician assistant Joe Tremmel and Dr. William Dodgen. [PHOTO: MICHAEL GODERRE/BOSTON CHILDREN’S]

“We cannot thank you enough,” said Lisa as the family presented Dr. Glotzbecker his award. Nicholas held the plaque and his father kissed his head as his mother continued, “For us, as parents, it was awful to have our child go through surgery. But you didn’t just use your heads, you used your hearts. Seeing all of you working together cooperatively as a team was so amazing, it was almost a spiritual experience.”

Learn more about the Spinal Program.

The post Nicholas stands tall with Prader-Willi syndrome appeared first on Thriving Blog.

from Thriving Blog https://on.bchil.org/2KsTLoM

[turquoisequiche]

BTS IN SYDNEY: MY EXPERIENCE

This is overdue but I desperately need to write about to get it out of my system. So on Friday, 26th May 2017, I went to my first ever concert, and a BTS concert at that (my second favorite kpop boy group). I was looking forward to that day for the longest time, because they FINALLY come to your country (and you’re there!), and getting to experience the rush of purchasing tickets, watching all their videos again and just listening to their songs non-stop up till their concert day.  I went with 2 friends from uni and all 3 of us got VIP seating tickets. (this was how the staged looked from where we were sitting: pic below). 

This might? get a lil cringy and long winded so bear with me or don’t read it lmao. SO LET ME CUT TO THE CHASE:

It was supposed to start at 7 but lights didn’t go out till 7:15. So prior to that there were projectors playing all their music videos and when time drew close to 7pm, all of us started singing along to the songs being played and cheering when we saw our biases on screen. Fast forward 10 mins later, lights dimmed, crowd was losing their shits and the CURTAIN FALLS REVEALING BTS (HOLY FUCKING SHIT). And they started off with Not Today which was absolutely LIT. Ok believe it or not but I fucking cried. I know it sounds ridiculous af but I was feeling really emotional lol. Just imagine seeing your favourite group right in front of your eyes and finally being convinced that this, THIS is REAL. They are real and they are performing LIVE. After years of watching kpop groups through my computer screen and countless fancams of them, they are there in flesh and blood. This isn’t a dream anymore. And what’s even greater is that you’re in a place filled with like-minded people and all of you share the same love and affection for these boys. It’s surreal. Just recalling the memory right now is giving me goosebumps omg. After they performed their first song they did their member introductions which was beyond cute I stg. I couldn’t record those because I was still shaking from all the excitement lmao. I did record after that tho, but I didn’t wanna focus too much on recording and losing out, I wanted to live in the moment. So I only recorded when I was sitting down or when slower/ less hyped songs were being played.

Now I’m going to talk about the members. Min Yoongi holy fucking shit man I still can’t believe I saw him tbh. If yall didn’t know Suga and Jhope are my BTS biases lmao (tho Suga a lil bit more). AND HE’S SO SMOL I FEEL SO SOFT. His solo stage JESUS CHRIST it was emotional af. Before he came out they were playing his VCR on the projector and the whole arena chanted “Min Yoongi” till he came out. That itself had me ShoOKed to the core. Needless to say I screamed like shit every time it was his part lmao. I stg my 2 other friends weren’t even as hyped as I was, in fact this Korean girl on my right was as turnt as me omg. Anyway, Cypher was groundbreaking. Fucking legendary. Rap line was slaying so so hard. ALSO HE THREW A SWEATY TOWEL TOWARDS THE MOSH PIT I STG WHOEVER GOT THAT IS THE LUCKIEST HUMAN BEING ON EARTH RN. When he spoke English I was crying In the CLUB it was so pure lord help my soul. He was tryna say “you guys were legit” but the first time he said it no one really understood lmao so he looked to rap mon for helped and he got all shy and rap mon shouted “YOU GUYS WERE LEGIT” LMAO.  If anything, this concert just intensified my love for Min Yoongi tbh.

Now my second bias JHope. Man he was LIVIN IT UP I swear his stage presence was no joke. NGL but he had the best stage presence that night and if it weren’t for him it wouldn’t be as hyped. Hobi was giving fanservice left right and centre and just running around the stage making sure he wouldn’t miss any of the audience. He was the one hyping the audience up as well with his gestures and everything. I really have the best biases :’)))))) im so glad people are woke asf to him and appreciating him more  (but shame on yall for needing a concert to wake yall up). OK BUT BLESS THE STYLIST THAT NIGHT BECAUSE HOBI WAS SERVING IN THE LOOKS DEPARTMENT WITH HIS BLACK HAIR AND FOREHEAD (ALSO RAP MON, JIN HAD THEIR FOREHEADS SHOWN TOO). I am really impressed because hobi was almost performing back to back. Right after he did his dance solo for Boy Meets Evil they performed BST immediately like damn RESPECT. His solo stage was the most fun because Mama is quite an upbeat song so the crowd was singing along the whole way and it was just a good time overall. I feel so blessed, because Hobi is an actual angel/eternal sunshine and just such a happy pill!!!!!!!! PURE!!!

Kim Namjoon said that this concert was special to them because its right after their billboard music awards (the crowd lost their shits, and ofc, me) and was talking bout how beautiful Australia is and he would like living here next time lmao bless u. Kim Seokjin was the most extra human being I have laid my eyes on omg. Everytime he had the mic he wouldn’t hesitate to mention “worldwide handsome” jfc. His visuals are stunning holy shit I was awake but now im woke even more. Prettiest solo stage tbh. I was also looking forward to Taehyungs’ solo the most because Stigma is my favorite song out of all the solos and boy he did not disappoint. That man was glowing omg. I love his skin so much?????? It’s a golden brown color and im ?????wow. HE’S A WHOLE MEAL. Also he needs to stop smirking that aint good for my heart man. JIMINNNNNNNNNNN. One word: SOFT. His “make some noise” was the CUTEST SHIT EVER DO NOT FIGHT ME ON THIS. IT WAS SO SOFT my hearteu is omg fr. I was swearing so much during “Lie” because I cannot believe he just did that!!!! Performing with a blindfold during the second verse and having a chandelier come down from the ceiling (albeit tiny but still). 11/10 vocals, and actual mochi. Also he touched a fans’ hand in the mosh pit and im :) not :) jealous :))) JJK god of singing and absolutely lethal with his looks and gestures how are kookie stans alive????? Overall I thought he was so shy throughout the whole concert???? His solo footwork had me shooked I ascended tbh (and he was really professional when some fan threw the Australian flag in his hands, he just chuckled and put it down nicely :’)))

One of the most memorable performances for me was Run. The transition from Danger to Run was beautiful, and before the chorus dropped in Run, the members were telling us to get ready to jump. And so we did and it was so so so lit/turnt/ALIVE. I cant even describe it tbh I felt like I was in this GIANT party with Armies and BTS fans (I say this cause not all bts fans are armies lmao). The Korean girl next to me (shes a stranger lmao) and I was jumping at it SO HARD. It was truly memorable and every time I think about it my heart feels fuzzy and warm im cry :’) ive never been to a party before and honestly I don’t feel the need to anymore after this concert because nothing could ever come close. Blood Sweat and Tears is my fave song and by the time they performed that they were already so tired but still gave it their best I FEEL SO BLESSED. And last but not least, was Spring Day. The crowd sang along, there was confetti everywhere,  the members were bowing and it felt so magical.

I really wanted to write this because no one irl would want to listen to what I say lmao and the two friends I went with I just felt like we weren’t on the same hype level??? Im having post concert depression rn and I just wanna binge watch all their videos but I have to catch up with uni u feel me ??? Overall, definitely the best experience/night of my life and I know that this is going to be so special to me (being the first concert and all). Im glad I went all out and payed for VIP cause in the end it was more than worth it. Pictures don’t do them justice, they really are statues irl. Their voices sound even more amazing irl and just being in the same place as them and with the fans… indescribable.

[glitteryhottubavenue]

hands

well last night I tried something different to see if it would work better for getting me to sleep and wrote in my journal. I only felt like my right hand was getting a workout though so I decided to come back to something that worked both of my hands.

That is all

The show seems to be progressing.

I think I keep thinking about other things and not able to fully tap into the idea. I dont know what my block is. But when people ask me to come up with ideas I sometimes dont know what to say or I second guess myself and then censor myself in a way that I do not like and would like to work on

plus I keep getting these headaches and had that really terrible bout of menses on the first day of rehearsal which was unfortunate but a little bit purging. I dont know what to make of it but its over with. Anyway and now I have headaches and its hard for me sometimes to make it through the day without feeling bad or needing to rest. But I have also started to do bikram yoga every day and needing to drink way more water as to stay hydrated.  

I have a call with J tomorrow. I wonder if J will come up in the conversation. if that happens I wonder what they’ll say. it is such a weird situation to me

I have never felt this drawn to someone before and yet they are literally drawn to someone else. not to mention the other relationships they have with people but different people mean different things and I think a huge part of this that makes it tough to let go is that I’m not there always to actually see what is going on and my mind makes up fantasies. However I never know where I stand with them and when in their presence I clam up like a freaking dolt. I just need to be myself around them but I’ve acted the exact opposite.

Why is it that when I want someone I always self sabotage

I think though with this situation I was shut down from the start ( and had a bit of a drinking binge happen) that I didn’t make a great first impression. but no actually because this person literally brought up making out to me, has pushed me up against a wall and kissed me, and has taken the initiative several other times and is still kind of responding to me despite the fact that I do all of the initial engaging to chat and its mostly positivity quotes and ok maybe they are going through one of the roughest times of their lives and I’m literally not there

but wait

where was I because this was about the feeling that this person gives me and it just takes my breath away. What is it in my brain that cannot move on from this. Who is this person to me. Are there such things as past lives and why don’t I feel this with anyone else. When will it stop and why can’t I be rational about it. Is there such a thing as rationality when it comes to this stuff. Why doesn’t it seem to happen to anyone else. Should I just go out and meet other people or should I settle. I am literally taking this all day by day and trying to figure out what it all means as well as design for a freaking show that has led all up to this moment.

Like Ru says, don’t fuck it up

Gurl.

This is going to be one hell of an endeavor though. I need to figure out how this sound system works. I think working with Martin is a blessing and will guide me through some of the harder parts and I think just working through and with the equipment over time and watching the rehearsals has been great because Ive been able to build my cue list. Now all I need to do is to play my instruments and play them well. I can do this, I can do this, I am a fucking beast at my job and I can do this.

And omg J is showing up to this too. I just found out today, wow what a coincidence (I hope in the future I remember that I;ve named everyone J but if not, here is a little reminder lol lol lol lol

ok I’m trying to get my right hand to be better at typing the way you are supposed to and use your pinkies and stuff. My ring finger needs a little more practice at it apparently though. see left hand you do so well now that you have something to do besides holding the pages of the notebook I’m writing in. And it feels good to be exercising my hands.

wow my life and thoughts are the most interesting right now. but hey its not about judgement’ is it, no its about writing

for a half hour

each day

like how you should be practicing your instrument

for a half hour or more each day

remember when you used to go skiing, what was it that makes you so shy around people just be yourself I think it may be because you think you’re a dork when you come off like a cool person. I think also there is a level of shyness that is from not being heard in your family. There is a lot to be mined there in the days to come for sure. I’m having a hard time connecting to this play but I think I’ll have to understand how the beats and the moments work as they stage it. There is a reason that the designers come in later after it has been on it’s feet but since I need to be present in the space I am present in the actual space of the rehearsal too. Though am I a designer or performer or both. ITS exciting!!!! I get so frustrated when I dont know something though

I have to realize that I know plenty of stuff but I am always going to be learning and that things are put in my path to lead me to the next spot. Life has my back. I need to trust it.

Though  then why is it that some people are out on the street or have things handed to them that are hugely unfair. I think it happens that we each receive the things when can handle. Thought it is super privileged for me to say that  and I am very lucky to have my station in life right now. I just hope that I am able to rise to the challenge of it all. Goddess give me strength

my friend published a book of poems today

my other friend published an article about the interior decorating of a tv show I believe

Both are fantastic accomplishments and I wish them well

I need to get on some grant writing if I want to make any kind of money at this artist thing. Or find a fellowship. I will find a fellowship because I want to be taken care of for a second and live in a cool spot. Can I get one in Berlin? How did my dancer friend get a job there. What an opportunity. I should have went into dancing. What was I thinking. I should have ..... ok no there is no point in thinking would have could have or should have because you can;t go back so use what you have now to take you confidently into the future and forward.

I can’t believe how hard this is to type with my right hand

its hard after awhile and is definetely causing some strain, though it is the only one of my hands that can write legibly.

I should see if J needs a house sitter maybe.

Or see if I could rent his room Hmm Send J an email tomorrow self. Thank you past self, thank you future self.

I manifest a bright and positive tomorrow to J J J J and all the J’s of the world. May you all have many blessings bestowed upon you

for life is like a fresh fire...

a rolling river,

A spare tire

tier

tier and pier and weir though weir is not pronounced wire

there is a skunk out side of my window I swear to jeebus. Ok right hand we are going to have to work on your dexterity. Could it be that the majority of the words that I type are on my left hand. Ah it’s so frustrating! I got this though!