#'i knew id get to u if i just kept calling u my boyfriend without permission and saying we're soulmates!'

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i posted abt this on my tiktok story but i need to rant more so im putting it here 😭😭 the way a lot of mikosai shippers (on tiktok, pinterest, reddit, etc) are is such a big reminder to me of why i hate the strictly romantic soulmates trope with every fiber of my being 😭😭😭 people who interpret soulmates as "that means theyre canonically together" regardless of how the characters actually feel about each other and if they ACTUALLY get together is so fucking gross to me oh my god its so fucking gross i hate forced romance so bad 😭😭 someone cant just say "hey, we're soulmates so you HAVE to date me and its literally weird and impossible for you to like anyone else because i said so!!" and also aiura WOULDNT do that anyway ???? HELLOOO???

you have no idea how many people ive seen call all saiki ships with anyone other than aiura "problematic ships" just because "theyre soulmates"

[wlwemilyprentiss]

promise

ship: drug dealer!spencer reid x gender neutral reader word count: 1.8k summary: your boyfriend’s drug habits are starting to worry you. warnings: implied/referenced drug abuse and dealing notes: the plug!spencer au belongs to @jemilys​ / @subspencer​ !! thank u for letting me use this idea 🥺🥺

read it on ao3!

I had never loved anyone in the way that I loved Spencer. I had only been in a few relationships, none of them serious, but I knew that what Spencer and I had was different. It was real and it was tangible. It was tangible in the way he kissed me, how he held my face like I was made of glass. It was in the way he looked at me, his big brown eyes wide and his smile glowing. It was in the sweaters he leant me, that still smelled like weed and cologne. Usually I might have been grossed out by the smell, but it was so very him.

If you had told me three years ago that I’d be dating a drug dealer, I probably would have laughed at you. I was so…good. That was the only way to describe it. I smoked, yeah, but rarely. I didn’t involve myself with people who did a lot of drugs. I didn’t have anything against them, it was just never my thing. 

I met Spencer through a friend. I remembered the way he had looked at me when I walked into his apartment. Like I was a godsend. My friend was dating one of his friends, so she had dragged me over to his place to hang out with them. It inevitably ended in her having sex in the next room while I awkwardly sat in the living room with Spencer, a man I had known for approximately ten minutes.

We could hear the clear noises of a bed frame hanging against the wall. We both glanced towards the room and I found myself trying to repress a laugh. Before I knew it, we were both falling into bursts of giggles. Once it died down, he looked down at his blunt and offered it to me.

“Do you, uh, do you smoke?” He asked. “It’s okay if not, I mean, obviously I won’t make you.”

“Sometimes,” I replied. “Not…Not a whole lot, but I have before, yeah.”

“Well, it would be rude of me not to offer to share,” he said with a lopsided grin. “After all, listening to your best friends have sex is quite a bonding experience.”

We’d been together for almost a year and a half now. Spencer was something special. He was kind and gentle and goofy and he loved me. I loved him just as much.

I loved him, but sometimes he scared me. Not with the way he acted towards me—oh, no, never. He was the furthest thing from scary I could think of. He never yelled or got angry. What scared me was his habits. I didn’t have any issues with him smoking weed, but the other things, the coke and xanax and the heroin, those fucking terrified me. The amount of times I had wiped blood from his nose after he did a line or held him as he came down was more than any girlfriend should have to do. It was hard.

All this time I had known Spencer, he had always been using and selling drugs. How could I ever ask him to change everything about his life just for my sake? Asking him to detox would be asking him to cut off all of his friends, quit his job, stop doing pretty much everything that he had been doing for years.

It had been bothering me a lot lately, and I was pretty sure that Spencer knew something was up. I didn’t think he knew what exactly, but he would have to be an idiot not to notice the way I had been acting lately. I really didn’t mean to be different towards him, it was just happening. I usually spent almost all of my time at his apartment, but for the past few days I had only been over there a few times, never for longer than an hour or two. I knew that it wasn’t fair to be doing this to him, but nowadays just looking at him hurt. 

I was in a dilemma. I couldn’t keep watching him hurt himself like this. I couldn’t spend every waking moment terrified that he would overdose and no one would be there. I could never ever leave him, I loved him too much for that. But I couldn’t ask him to uproot his life for my sake, a girl who he hadn’t even been with for two years.

Well, the time part didn’t matter so much to me. Just because we hadn’t been together for several years didn’t mean that we weren’t serious. We moved quickly in our relationship--we had said the “L-word” quickly and we basically lived together. But I didn’t know what he would say if I brought it up to him. Would he get angry? Offended? Upset? Would he leave me?

These were the questions that had been plaguing me for going on two weeks now.

I was lying on my couch, watching TV and trying to keep my mind off of the situation. My phone suddenly vibrated, and I grabbed it quickly without even looking at the caller ID. I was constantly worrying that any call that came in would be the one from the hospital or one of his friends, telling me that they found him in his bathroom after--

“Hello?”

“Hey, baby.”

Thank fuck.

“Oh, uh, hi Spence.” I inwardly winced at my tone. Could I be any more obvious that I was scared to see him? 

Not scared to see him because of anything he would do. I was scared to see him because I was terrified of my own feelings. I didn’t want to see him, have him high, and make myself spiral into an even deeper hole of anxiety. 

I didn’t want to fall even more in love with him when he was testing his own physical limits, when I didn’t feel like he was permanent.

I could hear his hesitation. My heart broke a little bit more. I was being unfair to him by closing myself off. I wasn’t just hurting myself, I was hurting him. I hoped he knew that I loved him and would never leave him, but if I were him the thoughts that I’d be thinking wouldn’t be of love and loyalty. 

“I’m outside,” he said, clearly trying to smile. “Come here!”

“Okay, one second.” I hung up and placed my phone aside. I bit my lip and got off my couch, walking over to my door. When I opened it, I found Spencer standing there, a lopsided grin on his face. To my relief, he looked perfectly fine. Well, as fine as he usually did. He didn’t look any more high than usual.

“Hi,” I said, a smile creeping its way to my features. He stepped in and wrapped his arms around my waist, lifting me up with ease as I wrapped my legs around his torso. Usually I would laugh and kiss him, but I couldn’t bring myself to. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell him to put me down, either. I just let him carry me to my bedroom and place me on the mattress.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmured, crawling on top of me. I forced a smile which I hoped looked genuine as he pressed his lips to mine. I awkwardly placed my hands on his face, forcing all of the motions that usually came to me as second nature. For once, I had to think about the things I did with Spencer. I knew that if I didn’t want to touch him he would never make me, so why wasn’t I pulling away? Why was I so fucking scared of hurting his feelings, when I knew he always put me above everyone else?

I could feel my chest tightening, but I once again made myself ignore it. It wasn’t until he was pulling off his sweatshirt and leaning back over me that I broke. I caught a quick glance of his arms. There were dark bruises on his forearms, track marks that littered his pale skin. I knew he wasn’t actively high -- this was not Spencer high on heroin, I had seen that before -- but the marks seemed fairly fresh. 

Before he could lean down to kiss me again, I was inhaling sharply and letting the dam that had been cracking for weeks finally break. He stopped immediately and his eyes widened, looking at me with a mixture of worry and confusion. I covered my face and sobbed, my chest heaving with every shaky breath.

“Shit,” he swore under his breath, still straddling my hips. “What’s wrong, baby? Hey, look at me, it’s okay…I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you didn’t want--”

I let him take my hands and move them from my face. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face against him, sobbing openly. He hushed me as he moved beside me, maneuvering us so we were both laying on our sides facing each other. I kept my face nuzzled against his chest as he rubbed my back, letting me cry it out.

Finally, I managed to steady out my breathing and the tears began to dry. 

“You need to tell me what’s wrong, princess,” he whispered. His words weren’t insistent or rude, he wasn’t trying to force me into anything I was unsure of, just calm and full of love and concern. “Why won’t you talk to me? I’ve barely seen you lately, and now I come over and you can barely touch me…if you want to break up, I--”

“No, no,” I said quickly, looking up at him. “No, Spence, I don’t want to break up, I just…”

“Please tell me.” He cupped my face gently, wiping a stray tear off of my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. He was so tender with me, his eyes full of nothing but adoration. “Let me help you.”

“I’m so scared,” I blurted out. He frowned as he tucked my hair behind my ears, listening to me speak. “I could never ever ask you to change your life for me, Spencer, but I’m so fucking scared all the time. I know you don’t see it but I have to sit and watch you hurt yourself, I’m the one that has to sit at home and hope to god you’re not overdosing in some bathroom somewhere all by yourself where no one would find you in time. I know it’s not fair, we haven’t been together for all that long but I’m so in love with you and I don’t know what I would do if I lost you--”

“Hey, shh,” he whispered. When I forced myself to look at him, I saw that he looked fucking heartbroken. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I don’t want to make you change your whole-whole life for me…”

“You aren’t making me do anything,” he said softly. “Look at me, (Y/N). I don’t care if we haven’t been together for years. I love you. I want you in my life. I want a future with you. I know it’ll be hard, but I’m willing to do it for you. I want you to feel safe with me. I don’t want you worrying over me like this, it’s killing you. It’s killing both of us.”

“R-Really?”

“Really.” He pressed his forehead against mine. I could tell that, even with the brave facade he was putting on, he was scared. I placed my hand over his, giving him all the reassurance he needed to let himself go. “You’ll stay with me, right? Through...withdrawals and stuff? They’ll be bad, I’ve seen people go through them before.”

“Of course I will.” I pressed a chaste kiss against his lips. “I’ll always stay with you.”

“Even if I relapse?”

“Of course.”

“...You promise?”

“I promise.”

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[elijah-hwcng]

𝒾'𝓂 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝑔𝑒𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 ｃｌｅａｒｅｒ/𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝓂𝓎 𝐻𝒜𝒩𝒟𝒮 ɴᴏᴡ

╰ ☀ ✧ ˖ jeon jungkook. cismale. he/him ‖ 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕒𝕦𝕝𝕥 (ɪ�� ɪꜱ) ‖ have you seen elijah hwang at the beach recently? i remember them being so free-spirited, but they seemed a little neglectful today. it must be tough going through such hard times at only 22. even then, they still remind me of aerosol paint, over-sized hoodies, lipsticks stains on coffee mugs, and open upright pianos.

basics

name: elijah hwang

nicknames: ellie, lijah, el

age: 22

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: he prefers not to label it, but pansexual and demiromantic is probably the best description

tldr

he’s a sweet boy, doesn’t hurt people’s feelings intentionally, but he’s a little flirty, a bit of a heartbreaker. he’s great at turning on the charm but gets flustered very easily when it’s turned back on him.

has a twin brother, daniel. his bio (and their family background!) can be found here

growing up in the shadow of his twin, elijah often acts out rebelliously for attention (and maybe just to spite his perfect police officer brother a little bit)

despite that, he does care very deeply for daniel - after all, they came from the same egg or whatever - and isn’t great at expressing it, but daniel is probably the most important person in his life

tw: drug abuse, gang violence, death

got involved with the wrong crowd shortly after high school - the whole gang, drugs, ‘bad guy, duh’ kinda shebang. he was with this gang for years, getting quite the reputation and a lot of illegal money, tangled with the wrong kind of people and relationships

he traveled a lot, but when he heard daniel and his boyfriend had been jumped, it was a little too coincidental with the gang initiation he knew was happening in the same area - the very initiation he, himself, had approved of

he has never told daniel that he feels responsible for justin’s passing, but he was so filled with guilt that he has since left the gang, lost all his assets, and now works as a stripper to pay off his debts. he has never told daniel about the gang, but he says the debts are from drugs - which isn’t a total lie

(also he’s in a band and plays the keyboard)

bio

alright buckle up lads here comes the details

like i said, family history can be found in daniel’s bio (bc i’m lazy) but - since daniel was obviously their mother, stephanie’s, favourite, elijah often felt inferior and would act out for attention. i’m talking graffiti, being noisy in class, the whole shebang

his other mother, michelle, was obviously his favourite. equally doting to both her sons, elijah adores her and was often glued to her side as a kid. the only time he would obey the rules was when she asked him to listen - if stephanie asked, he would only rebel further

growing up, he and daniel were quite close, even if he did resent his brother for being - well - perfect - but how could he begrudge him for being successful?

elijah didn’t work hard in school - it wasn’t that he couldn’t get good grades, but more that he chose not to, getting grades only good enough that he could stay on the cheerleading squad

NOW LET’S LAY DOWN THE LAW. my mans might be cismale, but he LOVES pretty things. skirts, red lipstick, DANGLY EARRINGS? fam u got it. he loves that pretty shit. cheerleading squad made him wear pants for competitions n stuff but by senior year you know my boy is strutting the hallways in that little cheerleader skirt and pretty pink lipstick. call him a girl tho? he’ll punch u. or his twin will punch u. he’s a boy, thank you very much, and he doesn’t see why boys can’t enjoy pretty skirts and make up too without having to identify as a different gender.

he loves music and art - can play many instruments, and has played the piano since he was little. music and visual arts were the only subjects in school that he excelled in because he enjoyed it so much. he wanted to go to college and study them further, but his grades just weren’t high enough

so, fresh out of high school and not really knowing what to do with his life, elijah could see his brother figuring things out and heading off to the police academy while he... still didn’t know what to do

tw: drug abuse, gang violence, death

had a party phase, hitting up every club he could with his fake ID. it was only inevitable that soon enough he’d get into drugs and - well - with drugs and beautiful men and women, it wasn’t long before elijah found himself involved in a gang with heart eyes for a woman named melanie who showed him the ropes

his role was pretty standard - using his looks and charisma, he quickly became one of their best drug dealers, did a great job swindling thousands of dollars out of other gang leaders and sugar daddies and mommies alike

elijah wasn’t big in the violence side of things, more on the deception and drugs side of it, but he knew that the gang he was in had a lot of that going on. melanie assured him he wouldn’t have to ever kill anyone and she kept to that - although whether or not she did something like that wasn’t something he ever knew. the two of them traveled a lot together with the money he’d gain from their deals, and while they were never exclusive, it was potentially the closest thing to a real relationship he’d ever had

he was in italy when he got the news from daniel, and the timing was too coincidental with the report he’d received from the newest members of the gang. melanie told him he was overreacting - “that’s life, baby boy. your brother is just fine.” - and, seeing her so flippant about it, barely caring that his own brother had been attacked, it finally clicked that his rebellious thing had gone too far, and that this life wasn’t the one for him.

elijah took the first plane back to new york because he knew daniel needed him. the guilt was driving him insane - he knew it was his fault

cradling his broken brother to his chest, elijah made a vow to himself that he could never indirectly cause this to anybody else, but more importantly, that daniel could never, ever find out his involvement with the gang that took so much from him

for the sake of his brother, who he loves so much despite his struggles to show it, he decided to drop the gang, drop the drugs, and do his best to turn it all around

falling for melanie was both a blessing and a curse - if he hadn’t fallen, he probably wouldn’t have been so heavily involved in the gang, but because she had a soft spot for him, she managed to pull some strings and let him leave the gang alive

it cost him all of the illegal fortune he’d made over the years, however, and plunged him into a heavy debt to melanie, which is now why....

𝒴𝒜 𝐵𝒪𝐼 𝐼𝒮 𝐼𝒩 𝒯𝐻𝐸 𝒮𝒯𝑅𝐼𝒫𝒫𝐸𝑅 𝒮𝒬𝒰𝒜𝒟

since college still wasn’t an option, and now he had experience with using his looks and charisma to swindle money, elijah figured stripping wasn’t all too different

he knows his twin would give him the money if he told him he was in debt and in need of it, but to tell him, he’d have to admit of all the illegal activity he’d been involved in and admit to his role in justin’s passing - not to mention he knows daniel would have to throw him in jail if he knew that he’d been doing more a lot more than just drug dealing

instead, he tells his brother he strips because it’s fun and to get enough money to do an entrance exam and try out the whole college thing one day and that he has a slight debt from the drugs but he’s “almost done paying it”

as well as this, elijah is the keyboardist in the band killer nuns, and is happy to at least still be doing music

he still likes to wear pretty things, although he tends to prefer jeans these days, but will still wear pretty crop tops, dangly jewelery, and make up. if he feels like dressing up, out comes the silky skirts and dresses!

(and he still graffitis his art all over buildings illegally, but he knows his twin will bail him out every time)

wanted connections

first of all, if you made it this far, congrats! let’s get to business B)

roommate; ya boy is ,, broke . he can’t always meet the rent but he doesn’t mind paying your character back in less conventional ways. he would ask his twin for money, but he doesn’t want daniel to know he’s struggling financially (taken: isaac lee)

good influence; your character knows elijah is only rebellious because he feels attention-starved - with patience and affirmation, they remind him of his favourite mother and can often convince him to tone things down

partner-in-crime; this person is a free spirit, and the two of them get into all kinds of mischief, whether it’s spray painting a building or dabbling in those drugs he decided to leave behind (taken: isaac lee) (but -- would be open to ONE more partner in crime if u rly liked the sound of it uwu)

regular client; your character knows elijah is only flirty for the money, yet finds themselves coming back every time for another taste

tutor; look... my mans out here tryna get into college. he won’t admit it but he wants to make his brother proud. help a brutha out. tutor him so he doesn’t fail his entrance exams. pls. (taken: yeri song)

gym buddy; lmao a stripper gotta stay in shape somehow man

dress up buddy/platonic wifey; note: this is a connection specifically for a female character! there is ZERO sexual desire here despite the constant “when we’re 30, we’re gonna get married and make some babies” jokes and ocassional ass-grabbing. they’re comfortable af w each other. she helps him with his make up and they go shopping together and give each other cute little fashion shows in their new pretty clothes. she’s affectionately named ‘wifey’ in his contacts list and it’s not uncommon for elijah to give her a chaste kiss in greeting and say ‘honey, i’m home’. they’ve probaly considered hooking up before but figured things would be weird and that they’re better off as friends.

hook-ups; he’s demiromantic, so he’s not gonna get a crush easily, but  he likes sex and he likes pretty people so . have at him ;)

[hamilton-one-shots]

Hamilton High School AU 33

John came upstairs soon after and scooped him up, holding him close and rocking him. "What happened?.. Are you okay?"

"I'm a jealous dirt bag.." he muttered. He didn't want him to think that Mary had done anything wrong, it was supposed to be all in good fun, but he had to tell him how he felt. "I'm just so used to you saying I'm the cute one. It's stupid and dumb and I.." He paused for a bit. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.."

John frowned and cupped Alexander's face. "Hey.. Breathe. It's okay, I'm right here for you. I didn't mean to hurt you, you are cute to me. You're my boyfriend and I love you so much." He kissed his forehead. "You have my complete attention right now."

"I just feel bitchy... Mary didn't do anything and I just.. I.. Stupid moments!"

"Hey, hey.. It's okay. Deep breaths, Alexander."

Alexander nodded and took deep breaths with John, feeling himself calming down. He sat up after a minute and kissed him, wrapping his arms around his neck and resting his forehead against John's as he pulled away. "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to have a moment like this.."

"I know. I understand." He pecked his lips. "Have you been taking your medicine?.."

Alexander frowned and grabbed the tube from his backpack, knocking back a pill with some water. "I think I forgot yesterday.. But not on purpose, I promise."

"I believe you. I was just asking. You're trying and that's all that matters."

Alexander smiled and put the tube back in his backpack. They'd done wonders for his usually erratic mood lately. "So.. What did your siblings say?..." He knew getting their approval was crucial.

"They were just worried and wanted to make sure you're okay." He kissed his forehead. "We can stay here as long as you need."

Alexander smiled and shook his head. "I think Mary would break my neck if I stole you for too long.."

John's phone buzzed and he checked to find messages from Hercules coming through.

[Herc: yo] [Herc: my parents are throwin a sort of 'welcome home ma' thing 2moro nite] [Herc: you guys in?] [Herc: wait im dumb] [ Herc added Alex to the chat ]

Alexander's phone began to buzz in sync with John's now.

[Herc: party @ mine 2moro] [Herc: bring booze :P] [Herc: also sorry in advance for my terrible, terrible parents]

[Laf: Ooh! Sounds like fun!]

[John: I'm down.]

John smiled. "I think it sounds fun. We can be here for the rest of the day and the day after or find something to do with all of my siblings."

[Laf: Can't wait to get drunk with my friends again 💗]

[John: You're such a sap.]

[Laf: You hush.] [Laf: Can I bring Rosie, please?]

[Herc: I'd be offended if you didn't bring her, kitten! <3]

[Alex: r u calin laf kiten or rosy?]

[Herc: I dont think I called anyone 'kiten' ]

[Alex: u suck] [Alex: OMG] [Alex: LAF] [Alex: bring moer of teh wine frm last tiem if u hve any 💗💗💗] [Alex: it was so goooood]

[Laf: I don't, but I can definitely find another good bottle.]

[Herc: Dad says he's got whiskey and cola if u guys want some]

[Alex: ew]

[Herc: ma's got prosecco?]

[Alex: i forgt how much i love ur mom]

[Laf: You can bring that vodka you were hiding in your room.] [Laf: Unless I wasn't supposed to mention it.] [Laf: Then nevermind.]

[John: Now its sounding like a party.] John chuckled and turned to Alexander with a devious grin. "Hiding vodka in your room? Such a rebel." He teased, repeating what Alexander had texted him during class. "If Laf wasn't supposed to tell me, I could keep it quiet for a kiss." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully and leaned in for a kiss.

[Alex: dam it laf] [Alex: sfine tho] [Alex: #canttameme]

[Herc: hah!] [Herc: Did you use fake id to get it? ;)]

[Alex: No, i told them i was ur son, buyin it 4 his old man]

[Herc: ...touche] [Herc: Jack's gonna be wrecked <3] Alexander laughed at the conversation before turning to John. "What are you gonna do? Tell the teacher?" He smirked back, mirroring John's response before granting him that sweet kiss. He lingered his lips lovingly over John's for a few seconds more than usual before grinning into them and pulling back. "Is my deep, dark secret safe?"

John smiled and kissed back, cupping Alexander's cheek gently. "Your secret's safe. For now. But you owe me more kisses later, once I don't have four kids waiting downstairs for me. Right now, what do you say to going downstairs with them and getting some food?"

[Laf: Glad you're not upset! : D] [Laf: I give it ten minutes before John will be wasted.]

[John: You guys need to fuck off.] .

[Herc: We did that last time and you guys complained ;D]

[ Alex has left the chat ]

[ Herc added Alex to the chat ]

[Alex: dnt traumaties me!] Alexander shoved his phone into his pocket before nodding to John's suggestion.

[Laf: : O] [Laf: Herc has no shame!] [Laf: And neither do I!] [Laf: I was the most sober one and I clearly remember John banging on the door and asking us to stop about halfway through.]

[John: I] [John: was] [John: drunk!] [John: So shut up!]

[Laf: Whats the fun in that? : P]

[John: We'll see you guys tomorrow.] He put his phone in his pocket and held Alexander's hand as he led him downstairs. "Pizza time!" He gave everyone a plate of pizza and they ate in the living room, the kids putting on Moana and John singing along to every song like a kid.

Mary sat up on the couch with Alexander, everyone else on the floor. "Are you okay?"

Alexander nodded. "Of course. John made me feel better." He smiled. "You've got the best big brother in the world."

"I know." She smiled proudly.

Alexander returned the smile and kept eating as he watched the movie, occasionally rubbing his leg against John's side to say 'I'm happy you're here' without being too mushy.

After another minute, Mary couldn't stop herself from asking, "Why does dad hate Johnny so much?.. All he did was like a boy.."

It took a lot of self-restraint for Alexander not to go on a rant about how much of a homophobic ass their father was, but it wasn't up to him to tell her. "Things are complicated.. They won't always be like that, but you have to be strong for him right now."

Mary nodded, accepting that answer. "Okay.. You'd better take care of him until then..."

Alexander smiled. "Of course. But.." He upped his volume since the movie was over. "Does that mean I can't kick his butt at Super Smash Bros?"

John grinned and turned around, the other boys already turning the game on. "I'm going to destroy you."

"We'll see about that," he shrugged as he stretched, smiling at the empty plate in his lap. He only ate one slice, but progress was progress.

John took the plates to the sink and put the pizza in the fridge before coming back and sitting beside Alexander, kissing his cheek.

The boys gave them both a controller and let them duke it out, wanting to watch before joining.

"Promise to love me after I destroy you?" Alexander teased as he chose Jigglypuff.

"I would if you had a chance," John shot back, choosing Kirby before starting the game. For the most part, he only attacked when he had a weapon, button mashing the fan seeming to be his favorite, or when Alexander was weak enough to just be thrown off the side, in which case he just spat his character off the edge of the stage. "So close, but so far." He grinned before leaning in for a kiss.

"Says Mr B-down Kirby," Alexander whined, refusing to give John a kiss in mock heartbreak. "Woe is me," he sighed dramatically. "I'm left so defeated, I can hardly look at you. Mary will have to be my new best friend."

"Yay!"

John pouted, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling as Alexander got along with his baby sister. "You're just going to replace me like that? If you're too tired to kiss, the least you can do is let me kiss you," he whined in response before draping himself over Alexander, covering his face in a flurry of kisses.

Alexander laughed before finally letting himself kiss John, smiling lovingly as he did. "Alright, I guess you can still be my best friend. Only because you buy me food." He glanced over at Mary. "You're a close second, though."

She, like the boys, pretended to be heartbroken, groaning. "I guess that's okay."

John chuckled and kissed Alexander again, catching him off guard.

And he was never going to stop loving when he did that. He knew it. But he was a bit embarrassed being around John's siblings. "We're going to gross out your brothers."

"They're all zoned out. They'll be fine." John smiled and kissed Alexander's cheek. "Besides, I've got you trapped." At some point, he had, in fact, trapped Alexander under his weight, though he was careful not to hurt him.

Alexander rolled his eyes playfully and let John be, taking his word for it.

Before long, at least, before what felt like long, all four kids were asleep on the floor and the two older guys were close behind.

"I'll get them up to bed. You go and wait for me." John pecked Alexander's lips one last time before letting him free. He got his siblings one-by-one and put them all in bed, making sure Alexander was upstairs resting as he did. He smiled when he saw him fast asleep in his bed and did one more check on his siblings, finding Martha sitting up, now wide awake.

"Hey.. You okay?.."

She shook her head, tears falling from her eyes.

John frowned and shut the door behind him, going towards her and sitting right in front of her. "What's wrong?.."

"You're going to have to go again.." she whimpered, leaning towards him. "I'm so tired..."

John held her close, cradling her like she was three years old again and he was seven, both adjusting to their new lives. "I'm so sorry.. You are so strong..."

"I'm not as strong as you.. Nothing bad even happens anymore and I can't take it sometimes.. I just want to be a kid.."

"I know.. I'm so sorry.. I promise things will get better. I promise you'll be able to be a kid. You don't have to burden yourself so much.. They're all older than we both know and you know that..."

"I miss mom.."

John held her closer, unable to stop a few tears from hitting her head. "So do I.."

The pair stayed like that, using each other's strength until they both ran out and fell asleep. Early the next morning, John woke up and kissed Martha's forehead before going back to his room and laying with Alexander, sleeping for another few, peaceful hours. Peaceful.. He'd have to take advantage of that.

Naturally, Alexander was the first to wake up after that. He smiled as he saw John's sleeping, peaceful face and took it in for a minute, kissing his forehead. He slowly sat up and got up, wincing lightly as his injured leg felt the pressure of his weight. He took a deep, silent breath and got to his feet, going to the bathroom and taking a quick shower before going downstairs and making breakfast. John did it for him so often, it was only fair. He smiled and made some eggs and bacon, then took the plate up to John's room. He sat beside him and kissed his cheek, gently waking him up. "Hey.. Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.."

John woke up easily and smiled at Alexander, kissing his cheek. "Is that for me?.."

"Yep. I wanted to make you breakfast."

"Thank you." He sat up and ate his breakfast, giving some to Alexander. When he finished, he kissed Alexander's cheek and got up. "Alright. I've had breakfast from my amazing boyfriend, now I'm back to being a spoiling older brother." He went downstairs with Alexander trailing behind him and began going around, making breakfast for the other four Laurens.

Alexander watched him dash expertly around the kitchen. It was as if he never left. And it was heartbreaking. How anyone could tear him away from that, he'd never know. No wonder he was so eager to keep things to himself. His siblings seemed happy as they came downstairs and ate and, to John, that must've been worth the world.

By the time he finished, Alexander began texting in the group chat again.

[oppatxtme]

Christian Yu: What’s On Sight (1)

CHRISTIAN YU x READER x JAY PARK

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7  // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9

WARNING: Just some curse words in some part. (sorry)

A/N: (Nhaks lakas maka-A/N HAHA!) Hello there ppl ~ This will be my first time posting my written scenario. I have lots on draft but it just stays there. Hahaha! But this is just my testing on posting it. I hope you liked it. Tell me what you think. I appreciate it really. 

Also, just keep in mind that English is not my native language so there might be some spelling and grammar error. Sorry for my lack of talent and I promise to work hard on this. Thank you and please enjoy. Any feedback is well loved. <3

             Ba?

                 BaaaaaaaaaRom!

                 Yaaaah! Christian!

  - yow! hahaha!

theres no need to yell

whats up? miss me?

                 Tsssk! Wat took u so long to reply?

               Wen u just tweet some trash when i msg u?

  - first of all its not trash, its called selfie. a selfie of a very handsome man who's supposed to be ur only best friend on earth. so show some love.

                FYI ur not the ONLY best friend i have. aaargh! watever!

  - ok fine. im just the best of the best u have. hahaha

                 k.

  - HAHAHAHA!

                 O_O

- so wats new? its rare that ur the one looking for me and flooding me msgs like that..

                 well..

  - well?

                its just that..

 - just that - you really miss me right?

                seriously Ian? If I were to miss someone, u already know who it was and its not you.

 - HAHAHA! I know. I know. Its Lori. Its always been Lori.

                 yea, always..

  - well Lori misses u too. we both do.

                 Loooori! Arrrgh! dont be like that Ian, if u keep saying and sending me that I might change my mind on renewing my contract here.

  - huh? ur planning on renewing there? but thats not what u said when u took ur vacation YN

                  yea, i know. but something came up and i cant afford to quit and stay in Seoul as planned

  - WHY??

                 change of plans? hehe

 - well obviously

                  wait. r u mad or something?

 - no. its just that its not like you. i mean ur not that type of person who just back out once u decide on something w/o even trying.

                 i know Ba.. u dont have any idea how stressful it is, but i cant affort to make a mistake now..

               i just cant Ba

 - where r u now? its already 6am here in Seoul so its already 1am there in Dubai right?

                 yea.. why?

 - answer my call.

  You’re hesitant to answer his call. But you answered anyway because you know him too well. He won’t stop calling until u answered.

 You cleared your throat.

 "Oh?"

  "Took you long enough."

 You can’t help but smile on how comfortable the two of you become. I guess that’s what four years of friendship can do to you.

  "Well, I miss you too Ba."

  "Whatever. So mind telling me what’s on your empty head that you decide to renew your freaking contract on that trashy company you're in."

  "Haha! The company is not trashy, just most of the people in it though."

  "Same thing. So why? Don’t you think you've been trolling me long enough? Long distance call is not cheap you know."

  You end up laughing at imagining how irritated he looks at the moment.

  "Stingy as always. But first, why are you mad?"

  "Wait a moment here YN, I'm the one who's calling so just answer my question and I might tell you why I'm mad."

  "Fine. Well, how do I start.."

 Honestly, you have plenty on your mind that you want to say to him. Because u know that out of all the people you know, you know that Christian is the right person who you can talk about it.

 But now that you've been keeping it for too long for yourself, you’re having a problem with putting it to words.

  "How about starting on since when are you having this issues and keeping it to yourself so now you're stressing yourself about it?"

 Again, you can’t help but laugh.

  "What’s funny YN? Are you gone crazy?"

  "Well, I think I am. Because just hearing you blabber makes my mind at ease. I don’t know how and why."

  You know that you said something cheesy so you're waiting for his lame joke in return, but it’s just silence.

  "Ba? Are you there?"

  You heard him clear his throat.

  "Damn YN, just answer my question will you?"

  "Fine. It happens right after my one week stay there in Seoul. When I went back home, I talked to Mom about the plan I talked you about. She agreed and more excited about it. But when she opened what I told her to Dad, he closes the idea and ends up making my return to Dubai much early as planned. And he wants me to either renew my contract here or find another company. He also said that before making any stupid decision, I have to make sure that my future is secure. And he brought again the topic of him finding a man for me to marry. What the heck right. I mean he's saying that before but I thought is all lame jokes but now he is serious with that arrange marriage thing? Aaargh!"

 You paused to breathe and try to stop the tears that I've been holding.

  "Did your Dad know that you went here in Seoul and met me before making that plan?"

  "I think so. I show the pictures to Mom that I took there and also with the crew. Why?"

  "I think it’s my entire fault YN. Sorry."

  "Huh? Sorry for what? How can it be your fault?"

  "Well, if what I think is correct then it’s really my fault. But I'm not sure."

  I heard his sight, a deep and long one. And I can’t stop wondering why.

  "How? Christian?"

  "You need to get some sleep YN. It’s already late there."

  "Oh no! Don’t give me that bull Christian. You need to tell me how it is your fault? And what’s the sorry for?"

  Silence.

  "I'm waitin Christian Yu. Or should I call you so you can just answer my question?"

  "God, YN. You and your impatience is really something."

  "Are you going to tell me or you're just going to tell me?"

  And it’s his turn to laugh at you.

  "Aigooo. Thanks for that very considerate choice YN."

  "I'm listening Ian."

  "So Bossy! Just like your father."

  "BAROM YU!"

  "Yes! First, I'm not sure if it’s really my fault. But given the fact that your Dad knew we met since your two years abroad, then I think it has something to do with the talk we had two years ago."

  "Two years ago? You and Dad talk? About what?"

  "Before your departure to Dubai. Remember the crew and I stayed 3 days in your home town to bond and decided to extend one more day just so we can send you off on the day of your flight?"

  You nod your head as if he can see you.

  "We stayed at your house that last day remember?"

  Again you nod. As if he can see you, stupid.

  "And that night, your boyfriend told you that he can’t come along to the airport with us. You told him it’s okay, but you cried like a water falls that night."

  "EX-BOYFRIEND now, yeah I remember. And now that I think about it, you stayed in my room just to console me and to make sure that I won’t stay up late. And that’s the last time I saw you because the next morning you're gone. They say that you had to go back to Seoul immediately due to some work issue. I keep calling you but I can’t get a hold of you."

  "Because right after I left your room, I saw your Dad drinking on the terrace and I don’t know what kind of spirit came to me that made me go and talk to him."

 He paused and I'm sure I can hear his hand touching either his hair or his cheeks.

  "What did the two you talked about Christian?"

  “Well, what do you think we can talk about on that time?”

  "Huh?"

  "Back then, I kind of told your Dad what I really feel. Well now, I don’t know if this will make any sense to you or if you will take this seriously but I told him three years ago. At first, I asked him if he believed in love at first sight. He said no.

But I told him that I do believe in such. Because there this girl that I met, and what I felt was extraordinary, it’s somewhat like "SPARK AT FIRST SIGHT".

And I tried to ignore what I felt towards that girl because I know if I entertain that feeling it will just go nowhere. But the second time I saw how pure and kind she is, I admit that it’s a "crush at second sight" for her.

And the third time I saw her, we got a chance to somehow get to know little but enough from each other, and that’s the day I surrender that it’s "LOVE AT THIRD SIGHT"."

  I think I know where this is going, but I still need to be sure so I keep all that I want to say for myself, for now.

  "After that, he told me that he admires my ways and ask if that girl is already my girl. But I said no because after that day I saw her with someone else and what I felt is one-sided and for that my heart got "BROKEN AT FOURTH SIGHT".

But I told him that I'll make sure that she will be my wife someday. It’s just that it’s not yet our time back then."

  "Barom-"

  "No YN, let me finish please."

  You didn’t say or more likely you can’t say anything. You think your mind is on a chaos mode.

  "Your dad figure who the girl I was talking about, he said that we're two different people and still young and for me who hasn't figured out my life while you're already on the path towards what he planned for you. But he got mad when I said that you need to live the life you want not what he planned. And I'm certain that you and I are for each other and there will be a day that I will tell you how I felt and you and I can make our own life to live happily.

 I know that it’s stupid of me that I'm saying this now and thru the phone but. I just don't know what to do YN. I'm confused and scared."

  You kept quiet for a while. Then you found yourself looking on the screen of your phone. Dumbfounded on what Christian Yu is saying. Your best friend that you treated like your big brother, rather than your own.

 You’re confused. The things running thru your mind is kept on filling up. And you just can handle it all at once. So you just press the end button on the screen without saying anything to him.

 You tried to breathe just to calm yourself.

 But not a minute pass and your phone rings.

 And it’s Christian.

 'Aaah! So it’s not a dream.'

 While looking at the caller ID on your phone, all that he said is slowly sinking in.

 'So he likes me back then? Does he still feel the same way till now? Nah, that’s impossible. But now that I think of it, it just makes things more clear. All the favors I asked of him, he never once he refuses and all I thought it’s because he thinks of me as a little sister that he never had.

 Aaargh! My head is aching because of this overthinking.'

  Your attention return to your phone that keeps on ringing, you decided to reject his calls and send him a message.

 'Sorry Christian, talk to you later once I figure things out.'

 It’s already late and in just 3hrs you need to go for your work. You stress yourself if you will sleep of just waiting for the time. But then you fell asleep and woke up to the sound of your alarm.

 'Another day but same old problems, please no more new ones. Let me settle my entire problem first and give me a rest! Please!'

TO BE CONTINUE...

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7  // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9  

A/N: what do you think about this chapter? Talk to me, don’t be shy. I won’t bite. Have a good day/night everyone!

Y/N Portrayer in collage is @Mari_jasmmn  ~ check her out in IG (GIRL CRUSH)

[yuichiroe]

So this is going to address everything i have been accused of by @yuichrio in the past. Some of this will be me debunking and some of this will be me blatantly admitting to stuff i have done wrong. Im going to be using screenshots from yuus post about me. 

Theres going to stalking mentions and suicide mentions and for a vrief moment there is a drug mention  so be wary of that. Here is the original post abouit me

Lets just start from the beginning of their post abt me

apparently this started in 2015 shortly after i had broken up with yuu. it was a very messy breakup that i dont want to get into.

he claims that after i had broken up with him, i started using his typing style and started iding as ciel out of no where (which he had ided as at the time)

He uses this as proof/context of me taking his format/style

i will not be commenting on this as i cannot really... remember much from 2015 and maybe i had an unearthly grudge against him back then but honestly i cant say much bc i cant remember.

then he fast fowards to 2017

like he says in the post, me and him were on ok terms by this time. he says he has no idea i had even been following him until one of his friends told him i was following him. i had been following yuu for a long time on vent and after a while i knew it was him but never directly approached him or really even interacted with him much because i had no ill feelings regarding him at the time and didnt care to start anything with him. 

anyways back in january, yuu attempted to commit suicide(im only bringing this up because he did). and a week later, i list yuichiro hyakuya on my me page. he’s ided as yuu for a very long time, and anyone whos been mutuals with him for a while will know that. He made a post abt it on ig and he has addressed my responses to the post.

Here, i say i have been hiding that id for about a month. which right here, that was a lie. i had just started iding as yuichiro.. probably a few days ago. But, under that where i say i had been questioning for a few months is very true. they get dms from their friend of a hidden account i made when i ided as not yuu but mika. 

so to explain, his friend showed him a secret account in which i ided as mika. i tagged myself in art of mika and my boyfriend at the time as yuichiro. Let me explain this in the best way possible since all the other times i had tried to explain, yuu either interrupted me or kept refuting with ‘LOL U HAVENT BEEN QUESTIONING FOR MONTHS’. i had. i had tried to get into owari no seraph many times before this happened. no one has to believe my word on this, and since i have no proof, this can totally be disregarded. i didnt want to id as yuu at first because i actually liked having yuu as a friend. he was a nice mutual. i also didnt want to start petty kin drama with him either. i knew he’d blow up on me. so, i ided as mika instead for a few days. i wanted to see if it would feel like an okay coping id as thats what i thought yuichiro would only be if i decided to id as him. i dont remember if i was planning on sbing him at the time because his boyfriend ids as mika and i knew he’d still be uncomf but i didnt know if he’d blow up. in turn, i made a secret kin account to try and see if iding as mika felt right. Obviously, seeing how most of my identity revolves around yuichiro, it didnt. i had to drop the id within two days because it never felt like me.

this is why it was posted on the same day. you can write this off as bullshit, but this is my explanation.

he now says despite me being white, i went by yuu. which is entirely my bad. i have since then used yuu as an alternate name which isnt something i ever should have done. Now here is where things get Messy.

so here i am, giving frustrated and annoyed responses. this is because he was so intent on me trying to steal his identity and be him. And by now ‘identity’ doesnt just mean me iding as yuichiro. he claims that i have stolen traces of his personality and maybe even his personality as a whole.  This whole situation here can be refuted with the above ‘questioning’ explanation. i had lied about me being yuu for a few months, but the questioning argument still stands as that was 100% the truth.

when he addressed this, i acted out of anger and annoyance and insulted him and just left my account because at the time, i was 99% sure he  wasnt going to listen to my explanations and were intent on him being right. i wasnt in the right for just abandoning my account without talking this out maturely and just giving sarcastic responses, but this is what happens when im called out on stuff, even if it was true or not. i apologize for sarcastic and aggressive behavior. this probably couldve been avoided if i had just tried to explain myself in a calm manner.

i had moved accounts after this. i would sometimes go back on it to see if yuu was talking shit about me, to which he had eventually found out about and sbed said account. now, he shows dms of me ‘cutting off’ people that do not agree with me and

i am going to shed light on these dms.

this person and i have a bad past in general, they have accused me of things i will not go into now, but to shed light on This situation here, they had been making me uncomfortable for a few week anyways. they said they would support me being mikaela when i admitted to them i was going to id as mika for the time being. then, they turned around on me and sent yuu some stuff that i had told them about me being mikaela as receipts on me. so not only had they made me very uncomfortable, but they had broken my trust in them and i didnt want contact with them anymore. to show why i was uncomfortable with this person, here is a screenshot of them vagueing me on their ig account after we had ‘made up’ for past situations. 

so yeah you can see why i was uneasy in the first place. they were jealous of my bf and i being closer than i was to them. they later apologized, but i didnt completely forgive them as it made me and my bf WILDLY uncomfortable about her. so yeah, them breaking was trust was the last straw and i cut her off. Here is another instance of mecutting someone off that they show

NOW THIS... .Ohhhh h hhhh hhm ygod this is a fucking. Okay. this was my qpp. i had recently broken off from being qpps with him because of his drug addiction. He knew drugs made me uncomfortable and yet he still posted about him being high as hell on sleep meds and texted me about whenever he was fucked up and would always crytype his was out of situations . i would frequently vent about him to my bf at the time and after a while, he got upset about me being closer to my bf than i was to him. (i had only been qpps with him for a few weeks, maybe even less and i had been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and had stronger feelings for him.) i have very little receipts on the shit hes said to me bc i have since blocked him on multiple accounts and do not have access to his vent accounts. him and i had cut ties Multiple times after i broke off being qpps with him, but he kept coming back to me and telling me he loved me which i didnt want to hear anymore. after the drama with yuu (even though he stated 3028534905840958 times that he couldnt hate anyone because it was ‘against his morals’) he posted some Very ugly shit about me.

this is all i can dig up because i think i had deleted most of the screenshots because i hated seeing them in my camera  roll. but there were Many posts like this of him wanting me to kill myself and for craig to leave me.

 he made up shortly after this drama but i didnt accept it or forgive him. 

now, back to the yuu drama.

what edna claimed i copied for the ‘clicky clicky’ thing was on my blog where the links where i put ‘clicky clicky!’ and yuu had that in his links. While it was a petty thing to accuse me of and i have to admit, i didnt copy it from his blog, he did have the same thing on his links.

at this point i was vaguing people on tumblr that were involved in this drama

and i had yuu blocked and i did try to unblock him multiple times at his request, but for some reason on mobile it will not let me unblock people.

heres a screenshot of me being immature and avoiding the problem yet again.

heres a half assed apology from me and after that i left it all alone and so did he.

skipping to march 2017

i requested him on vent out of paranoia and i wanted to know if he had any vent of him talking shit about me. at the time, i went by a different name and had different ids listed but i quickly changed everything back. he got uncomfortable with me very quickly out of paranoia of him thinking i was going to steal is bf from him just because i was friends with him. mika was a sweetheart but i am not a homewrecker + i am 99% sure i was dating someone at the time Lol.....

skip to april 2017

i send another apology to which i later admit it was only to follow them to see if yuu was talking shit... i will get into that later when it comes up again.

here is me ‘admitting’ to everything they have accused me of. this was mostly bs and to try to End this shit. i did get the idea to id as yuu from yuu bc? i wouldnt have really found out abt o////w////ari/// no se///ra///ph at the time if not because of yuu and his bf. i am not going to get into the iding outside of my race thing now. at the time. i had not been trying to separate myself from nonwhite ids as most of them had helped me cope with insecurities and whatnot. as for the abusive tendencies thing, i had showed abusive behavior in the past and will not make up excuses for that and for a long while now, i have been bettering myself in that sense

like i said, the apology was bullshit. but now, i am actually sorry to yuu for saying such nasty shit to him just because i was in the wrong for some things and didnt want to admit it.

tyeah like i said the mika thing was mostly paranoia on their part since i never had any intent on making mika hate yuu or to date them or whatever they thought i was attempting to do. so after that shit was pretty peaceful. until i started iding as ciel.so yuus bf dms me all, ‘i gotta sb you for rn’ and im all ‘ok’ and they both sb me at the same time and now i realize smth was wrong and apparently i did smth and that smth was iding as ciel.... Which let me be honest i forgot that yuu ever ided as ciel since the last time he brought up that id was probably around a few years back a little after we broke up as shown at the top of this. so that shit was left alone but iwas So confused as to why they both sbed me at the time + i was so scared they were spewing hate abt me to their followers so i made a spy account to try to figure out wth even happened. 

i, of course, made it seem like i didnt know what the fuck he was talking abt. but yeah this was me. fast forward to may 10th i had begun iding as yuichiro again as a main id and was gradually getting more and more attached to that id. on vent, i had changed my name to yuichrio and used yuus art as my icon. I had debunked the icon thing as i found it on google, but i knew very well that yuichrio was yuus url. i just wanted the next best thing to yuichiro in all honesty but it was still kinda gross of me to use his url and it kinda dug me into a deeper hole.

here the comparison that yuu made.   They asked me to take down that pfp which i did and then i deleted their comment and blocked them immediately.

now to may 11th

This still makes me uncomfortable that even now they keep up with my new blogs/users even though i have only interacted with them Once since this happened and it was a complete accident. (i followed him last night on accident).

like yuu said himself, this was his weakest argument in this entire thing. maybe i had gotten a few ideas from his links before, but generally, most people do use those things in their links. 

Now i do believe i was reincarnated and i have delusions as well so i  dont know if i am just ... delusional abt being reincarnated or if i am actually am but this is what i believe and like i said, i am not going to delve into spiritual beliefs and i certainly didnt get the idea from yuu. 

this was the only evidence that i had to give to yuu. but i did debunk the icon thing.

yeah things get out of hand again. they had receipts on me and knew i was lying about all this so as soon as they wouldnt believe what i was saying 100%, i was getting to be ... a bad sport lol.

i got passive aggressive towards yuu and 

in turn i started insulting him and blatantly lying again.

“so what sky was saying here is an obvious lie. i mean, theres the fact that i KNOW the request was accepted before this dm started, the 7 hour gap before i replied for them to drink that all in, and the fact that they literally SAID they are following me, right there. so obviously they were aware they were following me and had no reason to make up some random fake “apology”. i still have no clue what their motive was, but it says a lot about the kind of person they are.” yeah this is all vwery true i didnt have to actually apologize as i had already been accepted and i knew very well of that fact.

so here is where he tries to analyze me

heres with the questioning shit again so go back up for that explanation.

Hwre is where i get Angry again and start to just want this situation Over because hes brining up shit i could not refute at the time. 

so after all this, i block yuu once again. this is all that i have on this situation in the posts about me that yuu has made. i have followed yuus accounts many times and in a way you can call that stalking but my reasoning for doing that was to see if he was shit talking me 99.9% of the time. if i had picked up any of yuus personality traits im sorry.  adn i am sorry for being so immature and not admitting to my fault earlier. i want this drama to be 100% done and for this shit to Never happen again i am not going to add onto this post unless yuu himself asks for me to explain some more shit that i hasnt listed. i am sorry to yuu for copying your layouts and for repeatedly stalking your accounts. i want nothing to do with you or this situation anymore after this post.

[21yroldmeesh]

back again 7/20/17

iit’s been a year since i have written in this blog and dang it’s kind of heartbreaking to read the “ty” post. i mean ima just be open cause i’m sure as hell people don’t even know about this blog anymore L O L i have 0 followers L O L 

things on the agenda: dan, guy who drove me to va, my first and last hookup

me and dan actually broke up over a month ago (6/16/17... i have a particular thing for dates) and it’s been a weird experience.  i literally thought we were going to get married. you can talk to someone for 5 yrs almost everyday and it only takes a day to become strangers. actually you can get close to a stranger. we’re worse than strangers. with us, it’s best to spend some time apart because if we start talking, we don’t even know what we want from each other. like, we actually have such good chemistry but too much has happened too much pain too many lies. it’s one big clusterfuck. i don’t normally curse but i’m going to curse a lot in this post future michelle. i was willing to live in the boring ass town of ann arbor, michigan and i would have been perfectly happy for simply just being with you and being loved by you. i had so much love for you. your fungus feet, your crackly white tongue, you never brush your teeth, everything weird dumb annoying about you just stopped being that and it was “normal” anyways,

i decided to write again because for the past week, my mind has been all over the place and i think my friends are getting annoyed of hearing me out so here i am.

that night, i tried convincing him that id be able to forget about all that he has done. i was crying. i thought it was so fucking unfair man. whenever he lied to me and i’d try to break up with him, he always held on to me and i am a push over... i gave in every time. that day, we fought and yes, i said let’s break up but i told him i didn’t mean it. and then he just brought up how even though i didn’t mean it, everything i said was right and that we arent good for each other. he kept saying this was for us. we didn’t make each other happy. bull shit. i made u so happy. u were only “not happy” when i wanted u to be mature. i mean this is a memory i want to erase from my head so im not going to go into it. but i just felt so hopeless like you just tied up my arms and i couldnt do anything. i asked you to let me hold on to you ONE time because i let you do that with me. and you just wouldn’t budge. do u know how that made me feel? i felt like everything was my fault. if i didnt bring up anything, we would have still been together. we were doing amazing. you opened up to me for the first time literally the day before we broke up and damn everything just happened so fast. you made me feel like i was the type of person who didn’t let myself be happy.

well, the first night i was completely miserable and suicidal. i don’t even know how i survived but i did. for the first two weeks i cried my damn heart out. i let myself feel pain. i didn’t touch alcohol at all until i knew i was ready to not emotional vomit while drunk. i went in my car, blasted music as loud as i can, sobbed for thirty minutes until i was exhausted and came back home. once you hit rock bottom, you got to come up right? i couldnt be alone. i was always with friends. what the fuck was the MCAT right (ugh) i did this multiple times and i think by the third week, i was feeling pretty good and realized you and i weren’t good for each other. actually, correction, we weren’t good for each other because you weren’t willing to be. i guess i just wasn’t worth it to you anymore. well, correction, i didn’t give necessarily my all either. breakups are never on one person. you just lied to me way too much and i just couldn’t trust you 100%. i said i forgave u but i never really did, did i ? what is relationship without trust. it’s surprising how we even lasted this long. well, its because of our chemistry. whyd you have to go fuck it up dan. you and i had such a good connection LOL maybe u can have that connection with others but im just picky af LOL

actually, i haven’t thought about you dan for a very long time. i sound pretty hung up on you still up there but i’m not. something just happened recently which i will go into later 

but actually i have not thought about you at all. its funny because ive been telling haram “who the fuck is daniel am i rite” hahaha its been fine for me. ill be sad but now i can be alone and just deal with it. im doing really well. when i was dating you, for some crazy reason, i thought i couldn’t be without you. why the hell did i think that? like i went through my darkest times without you and survived every single bit of it. why did i ever think i ever NEEDED u in my life? i havent felt depressed since we broke up. isn’t that the craziest? i never have suicidal urges like i did while dating you. im never sad for too long. im just doing me. being with friends. being with awesome people. meeting new people. and yeah i miss you, but damn i think the emotional roller coaster and the clusterfuck of lies (like you telling susan in MAY THAT U LOVE HER?!!?!?!) just made me like dumb and made me believe i just couldn’t let u go. love is insane. and i am insane. michelle in love. there is no logic in it whatsoever. i’m just the type of person to just give it all she got u know? fucking cheat on me, i’ll be here. fucking take my money, i’ll be here. i think id peace the fuck out for animal abuse doe. but anything else is pretty much game.

but yeah i am no longer that person. i am so special and cool to deal with that LOL im actually not a bad catch. i realized i am going to run far far away from someone who lies to me. it’s just not worth it. i love you. i loved you but damn i just kind of miss u as a best friend. nothing romantic anymore. i just miss talking to u and talking shit with u but you can beg for me back, and it is a huge no from me. also i really respect u stepping up with coco while im not in ann arbor. ur just a bad boyfriend. i always knew that tho and i still went in for it. none of that anymore LOL fck that for real. like i wanna be friends with u just so we can hang out. im not the same person anymore LOL and i just think we would really get along now LOL 

when u said you couldn’t give me a ride i was upset but not really? i just understood. it wouldn’t have been good for us and last week, i don’t think i was ready to be in a car ride with u for that long even when i thought i was. looking back, i think it would have set me back a lot. thanks for making the best decision for us. you were always able to do that, i cant hahaha

but yeah anyways, this guy who i talked to for three days kind of offered to give me a ride. correction, we talked for two and then like he just decided to do that for me. very impulsive but i mean i get it, so am i

as we were talking, i realized we were way too similar to even have any romantic attraction. like, i know he did because i think he saw that as a good thing. but everyone else and me later on, realized, similarity for michelle kim is not the best. she needs excitement, passion, and just someone different for her fire. we were similar so we could have been good friends but i think i realized we couldn’t be more than that when he just started coming off too strong. idk, five days in of talking, he was just telling me don’t fool around with other guys and just like telling me to enjoy my single time while i can and it was very overwhelming. not to mention he dated a girl who actually became pretty closely to me recently and i actually really dig her so that was just a final like nope cause it wasnt worth it at that point. 

so i get to ny and im having all these realizations about the guy who drove me to va while im out with my friends. as im getting all these “boyfriendy” texts im like nope nope nope nd telling my friends i think i have 0 feelings for this guy now. 

next thing you know, my first and last hookup walks over to my friend asks her to smoke and he tells her he thinks im cute. i mean i didnt even know until like round 3 or even until he told me the next day. but yeah we just made quick eye contact and that was it. he joins us for round 2 and dang he is hot as fuck LOOL ok well maybe its cause i literally haven’t seen a guy that hot in a while. L O L like i always liked skinny tall guys. but he was like tall and fit?? like wtf?? LOL it just took me off guard and he was showing interest and i was just suuuuuupppppper drunk so we just went home to my airbnb. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I MADE OUT it was so crazy. like i dont think he believes me because he knew i wasnt a virgin but then i told him i never made out before so he was like so confused but didnt ask me questions cause i guess he just thought i was lying?? idk man. but ya we didn’t do anything except make out and when it got hot and heavy i was just like yo u want pjs and then told him lets just go to bed

l o l 

and hes like a super big gentleman 

he kind of didnt want to leave cause hed say stuff like ill leave when u go out. ill leave when u tell me to leave and i was like “ok u should leave now” and idk how but he just kind of stayed

and then he ordered food and idk we talked about his mom and my mom and we played this dumbass creepy game that we literally made up called black mirror black mirror idk man it was super fun and he even pretended like gdragon, hes a complete clown and i love clowns LOL but yeah he left and i went with my day, saw jane and joohee, came home and he texts me. hes like aksing to hang out and im like yeah if we dont get white girl wasted. 

we meet at one of my fave places beauty and essex. it was awk at first because i did not expect it to be like a bar bar since i came during dinner time last time. but we ended up having a lot of fun and it was good. we tried going to fat buddha but line was too long and one thing led to another, he came over my house and we just kind of made out and i d k what happened but i was suppppppppppper drunk LOL like more drunk than last night that i was dropping my phone in the uber and i was a mess but we ended up having “sex” it was just super fast and weird man. he just felt so diff from dan so i felt really out of it but the other guy finished and i think alc was also hindering his performance and it was just a clusterfuck. we just ended up going to bed. next morning, i know he got into super big trouble with his mom and i felt really bad about that. and then he left. i went to va. he texted me saying have a safe trip and that it was a super fun weekend and yeah that was that. 

im starting to realize i fucking like this guy LOL i mean i prob dont but i thought and think i do u know. im just not the type to do this and i feel like he got the worst image of me LOOL yeah my friends were like michelle ur not the type of person to just have one night stands cause one ima fall in love with them and two ur just not the type

idk i just lost myself from being in nyc

nyc is like the root of all probs 

love that place but still crazy

and ya i think hes kind of cute but i also know hes not really down since im in mich and all so ya ohwellz we’re only 21

[fanfic-factory]

Love at First Sight (Chapter 33)

P.o.v Rocky "i cant say" i said hoping she wouldn't go ape shit on me. t first she looked like she was going to yell at me and slap me but then her face soon went to emotionless and then from there she started to cry. after that i had just decided to hug her in the hopes that there wouldnt be any further questions. just when i thought i was right about that she spoke "Who is she?" she asked me with a voice that was barely audible. 'oh shit' i thought to myself without letting go of my sister. i could tell that she felt me tense up after she asked me who Ellington was cheating on her with. She then looked at me and i noticed she wasnt crying anymore now she just seems suspicious. "there is clearly something you something that you arent telling me and if you dont tell me i tell rachel about your big secret and i know that you dont want that" 'shit really shes blackmailing me? damn it now i have to tell her.' i thought to myself. "fine ill tell you" i told her with a shaky voice knowing that Ross and Ellington would probably kill me later but i also know that my sister deserves to know the truth after all the tears i just put her through. "k so did u happen to notice that Ross was out tonight too?" i started hoping she wouldnt catch on this soon but at the same time i ant to be done with this conversation because it is so awkward. "dont go changing the sub... oh" i can tell she figured it out on her own because of what she just said. p.o.v Rydel "dont go changing the sub... oh" i said just realizing what my brother was hiding from me. he seemed to realize that i figured it out because he was walking away. "here do you think you're going! im not done talking to you yet" he turned back around and started to walk back towards me. "so what you are telling me is that our little brother and my... i guess now ex boyfriend are dating?" i say sounding confused considering i am still trying to process all of this. after i said that rocky gave me a strange look and said "well i guess you could put it that way." i suddenly felt as if i was forgetting something but then i remembered. "we have to tell chelsie!" i yelled at him as if he had just told me no even though he didnt. "i know, but not yet" he replied. "why not?" i asked my brother while thinking about how upset chelsie is going to be when she finds out that Ross is cheating on her with Ellington. od thats weird to think about. after that i snapped back to reality and said "you can go now if you want" with that he said "ok" and left. p.o.v Ross i walked into the Baton Rouge where my first date with Ellington would take place. when i walked inside i decided i would wait for Ellington to get here so we could go to our table together. ides he probably isnt far behind. right after i have thought about that Ellington walked through the door and the moment we made eye contact my stomach tied itself in a knot. i then walked up to Ellington and gave him a peck on the cheek. i could tell he was blushing after i had done so which caused me to blush as well.ter we both stopped blushing we went to the table in which we had previously gotten reservations for. after we had walked to the table we both sat down and at first it was kind of awkward because i guess neither of us could think of anything to talk about until "so when exactly did you start hsving feelings for me?" i asked Ellington. "to be completely truthful i have liked you since the day we met at the rage. "same here!" he began "even though i also had feelings for your sister for a long time but i always loved you more than i loved her i just used her as a cover up and..." he rambled and rambled and i honestly thought he was never going to stop. i mean i love to sound of his voice but his lips were just calling my name so i kissed him mid sentence. it shocked him a bit at first but then calmed down. i knew that if someone didnt pull away soon we would be doing more than just kissing soon enough so i pulled away seeing that i was the one initiate the kiss and also knowing that lington had literally just gotten into it so he wouldnt want to stop quite yet after that we ordered our food and kept the conversation going. at times it got really random like at one point we started to talk about cats but it didnt matter because it was with Ellington. as long as i am with Ellington i am happy. p.o.v chelsie My plan of sitting at home alone watching movies all day failed almost instantly. i got reaslly bored after like the third movie so i decided i would text Rydel and ask if i could go over to her place so we could chill. i got a reply saying that i could so i grabbed my phone and headed over to her house. when i got there she was the only one to greet me because everyone else was minding their own business. We walked in the house and we headed to Rydel's room. We sat down and I instantly noticed the worried/sad look on her face. "I noticed you look a bit worried or sad. Is everything ok with you and Ellington?" P.o.v Rydel "I noticed you looked a bit worried or sad. Is everything ok with you and Ellington?" She asked me with a concerned look on her face. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell her. "No everything is not ok with me and Ellington!" I said almost yelling as tears filled my eyes. "Did Ellington break up with you?" She asked me now sounding as concerned as ever. "Worse!" I replied "then what happened?" She asked me. "He's cheating on me!" I sobbed. At this point we had decided to go sit in the tv room so it wouldn't seem so crammed. "With who?" She asked me impatiently. "With Ross" I just managed to choke out. Right as I finished saying this, Ross and Ellington walked through the door...

[rosa1528-blog]

I Love you (Flamingeo Fanfiction)

Part 3

“They are my friends Joey, Taylor, Charles, and Zach” Geo introduced. “What’s the dogs name ?” Charles I think asked. “Max but I call him Maxi” I said as my phone buzzed. I ignore it but then it rang I ignored it again but it rang again I was getting annoyed so I delinced the call hopping my Ex won’t call me anymore. It rang again I hung up again.

But it rang again and the boys were just talking until they heard my phone rang. I answered it just to tell him to fuck off tho.

Phone convo:

R: Roxie

E:Ex boyfriend

R: stop fucking calling me

By now all the boys were staring at me

E: no love you and I won’t stop until we get back together

R: you were the one who ducking told me I wasn’t good enough for you and you left me and I felt like shit

E: I know but now I regret it and guess what I’m in La right I so we can see each other

R: ya no te metas en mi pinche vida ok I don’t love you, pot tu culpa me centia mal

Call ended

By now I wanted to cry but I knew he wasn’t worth it so I sat in a corner and Maxi came to me and I hugged him. “Are you okay” someone asked. “Yea I fine just don’t tell my mom that what happened please” I said to all of them. They all said ok or yea.

“So y'all want to go swimming” Geo asked everyone. Yea they all said but I stayed quiet “Roxie do you want to go” he asked me I said “sure let me just change” I went out and told my mom we were going swimming she said “ok but don’t you want dinner” she said eating. " No thanks" I said as I left home to change into a bikini. Bikini: https://www.polyvore.com/m/set?.embedder=22756806&.svc=copypaste&id=220014903 Over the bikini: https://www.polyvore.com/m/set?.embedder=22756806&.svc=copypaste&id=220015109 I grabbed an apple and two sausages for Maxi and ran to Geos house. I went to his room since the door was open I went on and ther was joey and Taylor talking. "Hi am I late" I asked. "Nope Charles, Zach, and Geo are just changing" Taylor said. " I don't think you are supposed to go swimming in that" Joey said as he pointed to my outfit. "No this is just my cover up I ain't gonna swim in this ever it would ruin my reputation" pretend to be sassy and they laughed. "So where are we going swimming" I asked. "Geos back yard" Taylor said. "Oh so I can loose the cover up I guess" I said as almost I took my sweater off. Then the rest of the boys came in as I was about to take my sweater off but I just kept it on. "So can we go now" I whined and then Max started to whine to then the boys started to laugh. "Ok let's go" Geo said as me and Max ran out the room and down the stairs until Max tripped and started to whimper and I stopped and tried to carry him but failed and the boys laughed at my failure. "De que se rien, my baby is hurt and this is no fuckin joke okay" I said seriously then they all said yes mam. "Can someone help me pick him up" I said with puppy eyes "fine" Geo said as he picked Max up and went out to the pool. When Geo put Max down Max ran to the pool and jumped in. Pool:https://goo.gl/images/tyZIeb I was taking my sweater and shorts when I said " wait am I supposed to be the only girl" " well unless you want Geos mom here then I guess so" zach said. "You know what I'm just gonna tan" I said as l laid down on one of the chairs. "Girls and their tanning" Geo mumbled loud enough so I could hear it then rolled his eyes in a playful way. "Bitch shut the fuck up" I said standing back up to push him in the pool. Everyone was laughing "ok very funny" Geo said "I like your bathing suit" Joey said "thank ya" I told him with a smile. Then my phone rang I saw the caller Id and smiled when I saw "bae😘" I answered immediately. Phone convo: R:Roxie D:Daniel D: we need to talk Roxie "Roxie you gonna come in the pool or what" Geo said " pera me estoy en el telephono" I told him R: what about D: is it's just not gonna work out now that your gone R: but I love u and I can't imagine a life without u in it we've been dating for 8 months D: I know it's just that.....I.......i... like hailiey R: me Estas hablando de hailiey my bff well ex bff now D: look I love u more than hailiey but ur not here and I need someone I mean we can still be friends even best friends R: pinche culero I don't want to be your shitty friend sabes que me vale la madre so estas con hailiey nomas dile a esa cabeza de mierda que me de mi dinero Call ended To Be Continued...

[kissmeunderthestarlight]

Can’t See the End(Wonwoo-Seventeen)

Requested by: floatingSVT

~Can't see the end, the questions continue. I ask myself again and again if I can endure through these things. Then as if it's nothing, I say, why can't I? Actually, it's been really hard, the fact that there's not a single person who will listen to my secrets that I've been keeping makes me sad. This reality makes me cry~

You stared blankly in front of you as you sat on the couch your head filled with thoughts of events that had recently happened. Your older brother, Seungcheol, sat on the other side playing on his phone and not paying you any attention at all. Of course, you were actually thankful for that since you didn't know what you would do if he started asking you questions, especially questions that involved certain members of his group. Truth be told you shared a secret with one of the boys, one of his friends, that couldn't be told to anyone else.Yet that turned out to be extremely difficult seeing as how you shared everything with your brother and keeping a secret actually turned out to be hard. 

You've never kept a secret from Seungcheol and seeing as how this particular secret made you so happy you wanted to scream it from the rooftops, it was absolute torture to keep from telling him. Every time he sat beside you and asked about your day you found yourself having to physically stop yourself from letting it slip out.

"Yah, y/n!"

You flinched and turned to look at your brother with wide eyes, "W-Wae?!"

"I've been calling your name for the past five minutes. Something bothering you?"

"Oh, uhm, no. Nothing's wrong, just lost in thought I guess."

Seungcheol looked at me with suspicion and then shook his head, letting out a sigh. "Alright, but if something's wrong you'll tell me right?"

You smiled and nodded, "Of course.""Alright. bye kiddo I've gotta go meet up with the boys for practice." 

He patted your head and headed out the door to meet up with the boys, one of them being your secret boyfriend.

~Can't see the end. When I open my eyes in bed I still haven't come out of my gravity defying dream. Is it morning? Is it night? I don't even know. As I wash away the haziness at the sink, but everything stays the same, I see myself in the mirror with several days worth of makeup. My skin is ruined and I feel like I lost my goal. The dark circles underneath just get deeper. Feels like I'm floating in space, I don't know where to go but the stars far away pull me. I Can Feel It, I Can Feel It. I feel like I can be a light~

You sighed and jumped again when you heard your phone's notification tone go off suddenly. Grabbing your phone you turned it on and saw that it was a message from Wonwoo, the boy that is your now secret boyfriend. 

                           Hey babe. How's your day going so far? c:

                                                  -My Won♥

[A/n: oh my gosh that is so frikin stupid of me x'D I'm so cheesy. My 'One'X'D]

You let a small smile cover your face and hurriedly texted back, asking him about how his was and practically giggling through the whole conversation. Your attention was so focused on your phone and messaging Wonwoo that you hadn't heard the door unlock or hear someone coming up behind you. You jumped and turned around when your phone was pulled out of your hand and froze when your eyes landed on your brother, who's face was slowly hardening as he read your messages. 

"O-Oppa.

""What is this?"

"I-I can explain!"

"What is this? Why is Wonwoo calling you babe?! And why are you sending him heart emojis? Explain y/n, now."

"U-Uh, I, uhm."

You had known what you would say to Seungcheol when you and Wonwoo were ready but you hadn't expected something like this to happen so suddenly. You were so shocked you didn't know what to say. Luckily though, your phone started to ring saving you from having to explain and giving you a minute to think. Unluckily, it turned out to Wonwoo and when Seungcheol saw the ID his frown deepened then his face went completely blank.

"Hello?"

~Can't see the end. I ran all the way from the start without rest, but why. Where did my usual self go? What am I chasing after every day? I pray every day that it won't be a lie when I say I'm ok but why are the expectations so high? I wipe away the bursting tears. I think of my family and dream once again~

You swallowed nervously as you watched Seungcheol talk to Wonwoo quietly. Then your eyes widened when you heard him tell your boyfriend to start heading over here now. "O-Oppa, Wonwoo's coming?"

Seungcheol didn't look at you instead he set your phone in his pocket and headed around the couch to the chair in front of it. "Yes, I thought I'd understand everything better if you're both here."

"Oh," you said quietly as Seungcheol stared at you with nothing but calm on his face. 

It was quiet, neither of you speaking until you heard the doorbell and you both swung your heads toward the door. Seungcheol stood and headed to open the door, and you felt your nerves double. You were so scared of what Seungcheol would say, how he'd react, that you started to feel sick to your stomach. Hearing footsteps you glanced up at the two boys that were now entering the room and smiled slightly at Wonwoo, who softly smiled back and sat beside you taking you hand. 

"Hey," he said softly. "You okay?"

You nodded and looked over to your brother, who was sitting there watching your exchange. "Alright," he said as he relaxed back into the couch, "I'm listening."

Taking a breath, Wonwoo faced you and smiled as he squeezed your hand. He then turned to Seungcheol and swallowed nervously, "Hyung I know that you might not approve, but I really like y/n-ah. And I'm sorry we didn't tell you, that was all me, y/n wanted to tell you but I was scared of how everyone would react towards her." Wonwoo stood from the couch and kneeled on the floor making your eyes widen in shock, and he bent his head forward. "Forgive me for lying, hyung, but I want to continue dating y/n."

Seungcheol's eyes were widened in surprise as well and he quickly knelt in front of Wonwoo gently pushing his shoulder so the younger boy was looking at him. "Wonwoo, if she really means that much to you then I have no choice but to let you guys go out. But, don't keep any other secrets like this from me? Got it?"

~Can't see the end, leave me alone. Actually, I'm miserable, after I finish a packed schedule expectations from friends and family follow me into bed. I can't even close my eyes and sleep. I forgot how to go for it all now I have a habit of avoiding the little things. Can't see the end, typical words "have strength". It's not the same as before, why am I so desperate?~

Wonwoo and yourself nodded and smiled at each other. "Thank you oppa," you told Seungcheol after Wonwoo had left later.

"Hey, I'm sorry for freaking out and yelling earlier. I didn't know you both cared for each other so much."

You smiled up at your brother and then looked to your lap, thinking about your lovely boyfriend. "I'm glad you approve, and I am sorry for keeping it a secret from you. You don't know how hard it actually was."

"It was hard? What? Keeping the secret?"

"Mhm," you said as you looked up to him. "I'm not used to keeping secrets from you, we tell each other everything, so having to keep this from you was really hard. Especially since it made me so happy."

Seungcheol looked at his lap, his eyebrows drawn together. "Mianhae. I'm sorry that you guys felt too scared to tell me."

"Oppa, it's not your fault. Besides it all worked out now right?"

He smiled a little  before messing up your hair and standing from the couch, "Alright I'm going to head out. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night," you called out.

After Seungcheol left you realized that it had gotten late and decided to head to bed, this time your heart was completely at ease and you felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from your shoulders. Lying there in bed you stared up at your ceiling, the ghost of a smile on your face as you thought about the day. Overall, it had been a success and you couldn't have been happier.

~Feels like I'm floating in space, I don't know where to go but the stars far away pull me. I Can Feel It, I Can Feel It. I feel like I can be a light. Maybe what I want is over there at the end, getting what I want will be harder than just determination but I can't be impatient anymore. If I'm lost again, I need to find it again~

Bzzt Bzzt.

You reached out blindly and grabbed your phone from the bedside table, answering it without looking at the ID.

"Saranghae," a soft yet deep voice said from the other line making the smile grow on your face.

"Saranghae, oppa."

"I'm glad we were able to tell Coups-hyung, it was really hard with only the two of us knowing."

"Yeah, I'm glad too. I feel like I can actually breathe again."

"Mianhaeyo~" Wonwoo said, his voice becoming a regret-filled whisper. "I shouldn't have suggested we hide it. I just want you to know that I wasn't ashamed of yo-"

"Wonwoo-ah, I know. It's fine. We both agreed to it and I wouldn't have had it any other way, because that was our secret and no matter how much it hurt to keep it in it was nice to have something only the both of us knew."

"Yeah," he said softly. You could practically hear the smile growing on his face and couldn't help but let yours grow wider as well. "I guess we should go to sleep, huh?"

"Haha yeah I guess we should."

"Well," he paused, "Good night."

You bit your lip, fighting to keep from smiling wider. "Yeah, good night." 

You both were quiet, neither one of you wanting to hang up on the other one. Finally you let out a small chuckle and looked at the time, "Alright, we really should go to sleep. It's 2 in the morning."

"Jinja?! Wow, time really goes by fast doesn't it?"

"I guess so," you said chuckling.

"Goodnight, nae sarang."

"Goodnight, oppa."

~Feels like I'm floating in space, I don't know where to go but the stars far away pull me. I Can Feel It, I Can Feel It. I feel like I can be a light~