#'i just worked out all my shit with joey. now i'm gonna throw a tree at him'

[in-death-we-fall]

The Ultimate Rockstar Test

This week: Wednesday 13

Bands like to think they’re badass, but who’s truly the most rock’n’roll of them all? We test them and find out who’s top of the class for chaos!

Words: Dan Slessor

(drive link)(Joey's Rockstar Test)

What’s the worst condition you’ve left a hotel room in? “I was 17 when a venue I was playing first offered up a hotel room to stay in after the show. Having read up on all the excesses of classic bands, I was excited. So, we took all the towels in the room, soaked them in water, jammed them in the fridge, and whacked it to its coldest so they all froze into a block of ice. We also glued the Bible to the table – dumb shit like that. The owners were so pissed, and luckily we got away before they could sue us!” Frozen towels? Well, that’s a surprisingly inventive pass ✔

Have you ever shed blood in the name of rock’n’roll? “Oh yeah, teeth, too, and there have been a couple of broken bones along the way. I have a fake front tooth and half of one, too, and I must have broken those 10 or 15 times on microphones and guitars. I busted my head on a monitor once and bled through a show, and I also fractured my ankle on the first night of a tour and spent the next two months dancing and wiggling away on it.” Have you ever thought about investing in a gumshield? Pass ✔

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen a bandmate do? “It used to ve strange seeing your bandmate taking a shit in public, but it’s funny how you get used to that. On Murderdolls’ first tour, Kerrang! Came out and were taunting us, saying we should be more crazy. The next thing you know, Joey [Jordison, Murderdolls guitarist] is taking a shit right there in the street. Later on, we were making tonnes of noise in the parking lot, and this old lady came out of her house and yelled at us, and I ended up throwing a bottle at the wall by her and she called the cops. Shitting in the street may actually have been the nicest thing to happen that night…” When public defecation is the nicest part, you know it’s bad. Pass ✔

Have you ever thrown a diva-esque tantrum? “There was one time on tour with Murderdolls when a local band who were opening one of the shows kept coming into our dressing room uninvited. It wasn’t just that they were coming in all the time, they were drinking our booze as well! After it happened the first time I was like, ‘Alright, okay, whatever.’ But then they came back and did it again, just coming into our dressing room and helping themselves to our booze. So I ended up losing it at them. I actually think it was kind of justified – you don’t touch my alcohol, man!” You yelled at the support band. But it was sort of reasonable. And divas aren’t reasonable. Fail ✘

Have you ever broken an instrument in anger? “Not actually in anger, but I’ve broken stuff in the spirit of rock’n’roll. At a London show, I had a guitar I’d been playing for four or five years, and in the last song I threw it as high as I could while it was still plugged in. When it finally hit the stage, it made one of the coolest sounds I’ve ever heard!” You intended to do it = more rock’n’roll = pass ✔

What’s been you craziest rider request? “In Germany, we sent this runner out to get us a (sic) McDonald’s. I wrote down everyone’s order, and at the bottom I added 25 vanilla ice cream cones. He gets to McDonald’s and calls our tour manager and says, ‘I can’t carry all the ice cream cones, I’m going to have to make two trips!’ I kinda laughed at that…” Ice cream is a rubbish rider request. However, you did make some poor lackey go and get it like a proper diva, so pass ✔

What’s the strangest place you’ve ever woken up? “In the woods, in Germany. We’d played Rock Am Ring the same day as Slipknot headlined, and it was the first time I’d seen Joey in years. Having played at 1pm, I got completely hammered, sprayed a fire extinguisher at Randy Blythe [Lamb Of God] and trashed Slipknot’s dressing room with a tree. It was in a pot in the corridor, and I thought it was artificial, so I picked it up, walked in, and called, ‘Hey Joey!’ I threw it at him, and I may as well have thrown a giant bucket of dirt in there. So, I fled before Slipknot killed me, and some hours later I woke up in the woods…” …and that was the last time Slipknot threw you a surprise party. Pass ✔

Wednesday scored 82% Wednesday’s always seemed like a pretty good rockstar to us. So we expected good things from his turn at The Test. But it was his imagination more than his antics that did him well here – frozen towels, glued Bibles and the cunning use of a tree. Even the ice cream request was amusing, although, next time, maybe ask for something a little bit more glamorous. Like, we dunno, peacocks. Or Kinder Surprise.

2013 Leaderboard ↑Perry Farrell, Jane’s Addiction - 98% Nikki Sixx, Mötley Crüe - 91% Mike Shinoda, Linkin Park - 81% ↓Winston McCall, Parkway Drive - 58%

[ana-deaky]

It’s The Little Things || Joe Mazzello x Reader

What started out as a discussion between me and @amethyst-serenade on how cute Joe is, blown out into this story/HC, I honestly don’t know what this is. It’s definitely fluffy, now that I’m sure. Hope you guys enjoy our work!!

Words: 2393

No warnings whatsoever

HERE WE GO!!

Oh without a doubt! He's gonna be an amazing father and his kids will be adorable and lovable just like him.

Imagine him with his firstborn (especially if it's a girl) holding them in his arms and the absolute adoration on his face ♥️

It would start when you tell him you're pregnant. He'd be beside you (crying a little), kissing and hugging you, and your belly and telling "I'm gonna be a dad. We're gonna be parents."

Even when before you start showing, his hands will be on the belly, secretly protecting his kid. Involuntarily yelling "excuse me" and "coming through" when the two of you walk through crowds. And randomly talking to the baby, reading to the baby at night. And when he goes on a shoot while you're pregnant and he calls and he says "put the phone on speaker, I wanna talk to the baby" and talks about the day.

And he'd be showing everyone the ultrasound pic! And when you're having a movie night, he'd either have his hand or his head on your belly, constantly snuggling into you. And he'll tell anyone who'll listen that his beautiful wife is expecting your first child. And during the movie, if anybody cusses, Joe would put his hands on the sides of the belly and he'd say "too early for that" jokingly.

Oh Joe won't be able to hold it in for the first trimester. The day the second trimester hits, the ultrasound will be on his page and he'll share an entire paragraph about the baby and his incredible wife.

And obviously help throw the best damn dramatic Baby Gender Reveal Party ever!! YES! It's a girl!!

The moment he feels the baby kick over your belly, god, here comes the water works AGAIN!! His hands will be literally glued to your belly until he feels her kick again.

And the day comes when little Ms. Mazzello is ready to make her grand entrance into the world and you bet your ass, Mr. Mazzello has had the hospital bag and ready to go right after the baby shower.

And there she was, Ella Virginia Mazzello, the absolute adoration in his face as he watched his little girl in a tiny bundle on her mom's chest.

His face would be all lit up when he finally holds his baby girl, he's looking at his baby girl, all teary eyed and you could see his love for the baby in his eyes. And he'll literally worship the mother of his more than adorable baby, the love of his life and love her like anything.

He'd be loving and considerate, and would make sure his wife is happy and comfortable. And he tries his best to for you to let him dress the baby in the Yankees onesie he got for her. Well he knows how that's gonna end up.

Let us assume the fact that Ben has a baby boy around that time and Gwil makes a joke "that's your future boyfriend" when the boys visit the new mother and baby at Joe's home and Joe whispers to the baby, pretty audibly, "No dating for you until 16, young lady"

And on one day when the Yankees are playing, he'll be wearing a Yankees tshirt and dresses the baby in the Yankees onesie that he specifically got for her, and seats her on his lap, he'll post that picture captioned "Just two Yankees fans hangin' out"

His phone memory will be filled up with all of Ella's pictures, videos of her bouncing up and down on her father's lap to one of those Beatles songs from her dad's collection and obviously in her Halloween costume, that's right, Joe dresses up his little girl in a baby Raptor costume.

And all the boys would give him shit for it but Lucy would think it's the most adorable thing ever and tell you how lucky you are to have a husband like that.

As his little girl grows up, he'll help her host tea parties and he'd take her on daddy-daughter dates so he can show her how a REAL man should treat her.

Joe would make sure his little girl don't take no crap!

Second time along, during their second gender reveal, they find they're having a baby boy and he'll go crazy raising his hands and jumping up and down "we're having a boy, our lil baseball player is here."

He'd be going on and on and ON about having a firstborn son to carry on the family name.

He'd DEFINITELY get him a raptor onesie first and practically beg to organise play dates with Gwil & Dana's little girl and Rami and Lucy's twins (we haven't forgotten Ben's kids)

And Joe's baby girl, he'll definitely be by her side when his baby boy is too little so that she don't feel left out or anything.

********

And Mother's Day,

The boys would all get together and plan something special for the ladies so they don't have to lift a finger. Starting with breakfast in bed (that Joe made with help from the kids), well you woke up to your little girl's giggles from outside the door and in comes your lovely husband with your baby boy in the baby carrier and Ella.

The boys would have booked the girls in for a spa day and he'll organise daddy-daycare with the boys. Then you'd all go to Rami & Lucy's place for dinner, which of course, the dads are making while the girls hangout with the kids. And then comes a bab(ies)y-mommy photoshoot and everything.

But Joe would find you when the baby's hungry because 'that's the one thing I can't do, sorry!' He'll be so dramatic saying "My nipples are useless."

Under the starry skies, the boys and their wives and babies, pictures perfect.

Ooh and the kids, well the boys will set up tents for them to camp in the backyard. And they'll sit around and tell stories of dragons and pirates and wizards; and let their imaginations run wild.

Imagine Gwil telling all these amazing stories with his soothing accent, doing all the voices and making the kids laugh while the rest of you are enjoying a beer or a glass of wine under the fairy lights hanging in the trees. And later, when he gets an acoustic guitar and break into a song and all the boys sing along.

And after the kids are down, all of you reminisce about the time when they did BoRhap and all the fun you guys had during press tours and birthdays and holidays.

And Joe tells about the adventures in Japan for the press tour when the translators were finding it hard to keep up with the boys. And Ben's like "Sorry I missed it!"

"But Cardboard Ben did" and that's when they remember Ben Cardy after an awful long time

Then Gwil and Joe explain the terrible night that Cardy B was in jail. Meanwhile you and the girls look at each other like "Boys!" 🙄

And Lucy takes out Joe's YouTube page and shows all the videos. And they all give him shit for doing 'Milk' and you be like "He still got the occasional screams."

Then Rami says "so THAT'S your bedroom secret, Joe?" And Joe's like "Well, we've got two kids so it must be working!" And you shove at his arm to keep him quiet saying "Joseph!"

"That's nothing",  Lucy says with a grin "Rami sings to me". And Rami covers his face with his hands and Ben shoves his arm. "Gwil goes "Huzzah" everytime he's done", says Dana from a corner. Ben gives Olivia a warning look, and Olivia says "Ben tells me to call him Skywalker to get him in the mood" and Joe laughs.

"So we all have weird quirks, cheers to that", says Joe and takes a drink and you go like eww

"That's why were friends", says Gwil. "Joe and I are more like brothers' says Rami, "We've seen each other shirtless in The Pacific". "And other things" says Ben. Lucy rolls her eyes and you two give each other a look.

"Here we go again" says Gwil and turns to you to ask "Has he tried to make the kids watch The Pacific yet?"

"Well it's not my fault. That the scene was TOO GOOD, y'know", says Joe winking, "besides you enjoy it as much as I do" says Joe to you.

"Several times. Barely made it halfway through the first episode before Ella said she was bored. He then tried with Joey until I reminded him that the baby is, in fact, still a baby. But when WE watch it, Joe always seems really interested in THAT sex scene", you said. "Joseph!" Lucy gasps

"Attaboy!" Rami chuckles and pats Joe on his back.

"How come you guys never watched it with me?", Ben asks. "We should do a "The Pacific" watch party one day", Rami announces and Joe toasts, "To the watchparty!"

"Oh she hesitated! That means it's true!" says Ben. "No wonder you've got two kids" Gwil grins.

"You watched it too!" says Dana. "Only because Rami and Joe wouldn't shut up about it and brought it up in EVERY interview we did!" says Gwil.

Just as Joe does the toast, your daughter comes out in her favourite unicorn pyjamas. "Daddy, I need to pee". Joe looks over at you. Rami and Lucy giggle. "She did call Daddy, didn't she?", you gave a look to Joe and he says "Come here" he says and picks up his daughter and off he goes. "She walks right?", Dana asks. "Don't even get me started with that.", you told.

"Always knew he'd go all gooey over his little girl." Ben says, lighting a cigarette. "She's definitely daddy's princess", you sigh. "Does he have tea parties with her?" Olivia asks. "He does, but uh" you hesitate just as Joe comes back, "Liv wants to know about your latest tea party"

"Oh what can I say Ella loves tea parties as much as I do. It's incredible and so much fun, you know" he says. "And this one here", he gestures to you, "is kinda jealous of us spending all the time together."

"You pinky promised me that you wouldn't show it to anyone" says Joe trying to grab your phone. "Oh its them", you said. "Yes it's us. Also pinky promise? How old are you guys?", Gwil asked.

"Yeah, Joe left me for a younger woman", you grin, sipping your wine. "You bastard!" Gwil gasps.

"And yet I have photographic evidence of you wearing a flower crown" you add. "Show us!", says Ben.

"That's just the start of it, Gwil", you wink, "so we have a choice between the flower crown, the fairy wings or the unicorn headband". Ben chokes on his cigarette and the girls laugh.

"You're a man of many hidden talents, Joe", Rami smirks.

"In my defense, I take pinky promises very very seriously", Joe said as the group passed the phone around, "Also I looked good in every one of those pictures"

"Y/N, tell them", Joe said. You roll your eyes. "He looks good in every one of those pictures", you said, adding to Dana "otherwise he'll sulk for the rest of the night." Dana giggles.

"Speaking of onesies, Joe wanted to get BoRhap themed outfits for the kids.", you said. "Thats so thoughtful, Joe", Lucy said. "Hold on, next time?", Ben grinned, "You guys wanna have more kids?"

"Did you get that onesie that we sent you for the baby?" Ben asked. "We did", you confirm "and it fits perfectly. Though El almost threw a tantrum when she saw her baby brother dressed as a raptor."

"Well Joe has already bought a Yankees one, so Ben had to compromise", said Rami. "Joe made me pinky promise that we HAD to buy the Yankees onesie first", you grin. "I wanted that for the baby's "homecoming" outfit, but she didn't allow it. Both times. Better luck next time, right?" Joe said.

'It's Joey's first Christmas. They're growing up so fast. I remember like it was yesterday that I told Joe that I was pregnant with El. Now here we are", and you were interrupted by a baby crying through one of the monitors. All of you scramble around to check which one was active. And found out it was yours, "Is he hearing all this? I'm gonna go check on him", you said and walked away.

"Oh he's already advised me of this, on the wedding night", you shrugged. "Pretty sure we conceived lil Joey at your place, Gwil", Joe grins, making Gwil sputter on his beer. You swatted his arm, "Joe!!".

"And I assume you've already found these outfits for the kids?" Olivia asked.

"It's a work in progress. It should be ready by the time of our Disney trip, hopefully", Joe said.

You sat in the rocking chair with Joey in your arms, singing to him softly, looking deep into his hazel eyes, stroking his cheek with your finger.

"I remember when you told us that Y/N was pregnant again", said Lucy, "You couldn't wait give give El a baby brother or sister."

"That's what you meant when you said you were busy, huh"' Rami winked. "We thought it was time, you know, El became a big sister."

******

"Gosh, I feel bad for not saying goodnight to everyone", you yawned "I didn't realise how tired I was.". You watched as the baby snuggled into the pastel green blanket, sound asleep.

You felt the baby lifted off your arms and opened your eyes, your fingers tightening on the baby "Shhhh its okay, it's me. I got him.", said Joe as he took the baby in his arm and laid him down on the bassinet right by the bedside. "Aren't you supposed to be downstairs?", you asked sleepy

"I knew you'd have dozed off with the baby when you didn't show up and everybody was tired after the long night. Probably asleep by now", Joe said, "Come let's go to sleep."

'C'mon now, in you get', Joe said pulling the duvet aside and you got in and he behind you. His strong arms wrapped around you after he pulled the blanket over the both of you. You nuzzled into his neck. Joe kissed the top of your head. As the two of you dozed off.

......

Tags: @amethyst-serenade @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @mazzell-ro @thosequeenboys @detectivecutiepantsandhisbabyfox @brinteylovesaliens @hellysthings