#'i have to feed my meat caterpillar hold on a minute'

[venomgaia]

prosper you stupid prawnbeast

[paechwrites]

Here's a gift fic @caruleanfox in apology for practically bombarding you with commishes _(:з」∠)_ tbh I just wanted to write something for your fankid so I whipped this up!!

~~

"Dude, you're holding her the wrong way-"

"I'm holding her just fine, dumb ass, I've had more experience with grubs than your whole time frolicking on Earth C."

"Yeah but, look at her face, she's obviously agitated 'bout something."

Karkat frowned, piquing a caterpillar brow at Dave's direction. He cradled the day old hybrid grub a tad more urgently, scoffing at his husband's statement. 

"We've only had Maydae for barely 24 hours, and you've already developed human father instincts?" Karkat tossed him a look from behind his shoulder, sinking his posture down into the velvety cushions of the couch. 

"Some kinda damn instincts that alert me our daughter is fussed up to the max," Dave huffed, resting his elbows on the frame of the couch. "Maydae is lookin' like she might explode from how irritated she is, aboutta turn into a ticking time grub and only her Papa Dave can defuse this shit, but Karkat is acting like he knows his stuff and doesn't let the obvious guy that knows how to calm down a crying baby."

Karkat rolled his eyes, softly brushing back his daughter's bleach hair, claws clanking against nubby horns that were completely shadowed by the puff of hair. Maydae wriggled in his arms, soft chirrups echoing the room as her face scrunched up in a fussy manner. Karkat stared aimlessly at her, humming quietly as theories ran about in his head as to why Maydae could possibly be angry about. 

Karkat huffed, slumping down on the couch more, seemingly in defeat. 

"Maybe we should just call Rose and Kanaya for this, they have more knowledge on this topic more than us combined." Karkat suggested, causing Dave to purse his lips in thought. 

He considered the suggestion for a mere second, before depositing it with a shrug. "We can't depend on Rose and Kanaya for every step on this, they have their own shit wrapped up in their hands too." 

"But Dave-" Karkat tried protesting, but Dave shushed him quickly with a sole finger pressed to his mouth. 

"We phoned them up like twice yesterday and Maydae only existed for six hours," Dave pointed out, a deflated look crossing on Karkat's face. "The second time was embarrassing as shit too, I'm pretty sure we interrupted Rose and Kanaya from a heated make-out session and our asses just barged in because Maydae coughed once."

Dave turned around to look at the clear window, moonlight bouncing off his shades. "It was around this time too, Karkat, do you wanna disrupt the Marylondes' canoodling again?"

Karkat gagged, his tongue flopping out in disgust. "Okay, no, we'll just deal with this ourselves - now shut your idiotic, filthy mouth before any other indescribable words come flooding out that belong in the privacy of Rose and Kanaya only, we have a child present."

Maydae emitted out a loud 'meep' at this, as if reminding Dave herself as well. Dave chuckled, leaning closely to Karkat's shoulder and perching his chin there. Maydae focused her completely red pigmented eyes on Dave, cheeks puffing up as she gave three more wiggles in Karkat's grasp, each stronger than the last. 

Karkat breathed out a profanity, carefully grazing his claws into Maydae's chubby red body, not wanting to cause an injury to her but also to effectively keep her locked in his arms. Maydae scratched at her father's cotton turtleneck, leaving slight indents. 

"Christ!" Karkat held her up, the bleach haired grub now flailing around in the air. A soft giggle escaped Dave, earning an offended glare from the mutant. 

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what', your daughter is upset, you whimsical shit." Karkat huffed, shifting on the couch and cautiously passing the grub into Dave's arms. 

A grin curled on Dave's face, holding Maydae close to his chest as she nuzzled into the disc logo printed on his shirt. 

"Aw hell yeah, my turn," Dave cheered, caressing the side of Maydae's head. 

Karkat crossed his arms, gruffly looking at his husband with an awaiting expression. "So, you claimed you knew how to 'defuse the ticking time grub', huh?"

Dave's face popped like a bubble suddenly, staring blankly behind his shades with an unmoving muscle for a moment. 

"Uhh," Dave drawled, glancing down at his daughter to come into contact with a curious look of her own. "Honestly, I was just saying that for like, showbiz. I just wanted to hold her."

Karkat gawked for a second, groaning loudly before jutting his arms out towards Dave. 

"Then give her back, Strider."

"Nah, man, I've got this," Dave assured, turning on his heel and trekking over to the kitchen, Karkat heaving off the couch and following in his tracks. 

"Maydae is my kid too, I wouldn't wanna be some kinda deadbeat dad, she's probably just hungry." Dave said, opening up the cabinets of something to feed to her, before lowering down to the fridge and pulling out a container. 

Karkat leaned against the counter, observing as Dave placed Maydae on the surface and unsealing the lid, the smell of meat wafting in the air. 

Dave leisurely picked up a cube, proceeding to hover it near to Maydae's mouth. Though, the hybrid grub immediately rejected it, squirming away from the piece of meat as ear piercing scratches emitted from the action of her little claws scraping against the marbled counter. 

Karkat and Dave cringed, the meat cube revving back and plopped back down inside the plastic container. Dave rested his elbow on the counter, his chin sitting in the palm of his hand as he looked on cluelessly at his daughter. 

"Well, she's not hungry, I suppose," Dave uttered, mulling around in his thoughts until a huff from beside him lassoed him out. 

"That's because she never was, Dave." Karkat criticized, reaching for Maydae and pulling her away from the corner, coddling her once more. 

Dave tossed the container back into the fridge, thinning his lips in thought then turning towards Karkat. "Should we try human baby food instead?"

"She's not hungry, Dave." Karkat asserted, raising an eyebrow a tad.

"I'm zeroed out of ideas then." Dave shrugged casually, walking behind the mutant troll as he started walking out of the kitchen, then down the hall. "You think she's coming down with something? It's been pretty chilly lately."

Karkat hummed thoughtfully, clasping around the silver knob and pushing the door open, shaking his head at the proposition. He relaxed Maydae's head onto his hand, strings of tiny trills filling the bedroom. 

"It's nine o' clock in the night," Karkat mentioned, his tone sounding dumbfounded. "She should've been tucked under her snuggleplanes hours ago. The answer was right in front of us this whole fucking time." 

Dave's lips shifted into an 'o' shape, sliding his hands into his pockets. "I thought she already took a nap before her tantrum started?"

Karkat shook his head, beginning to separate himself from the grub, then abruptly getting her claws entangled into his charcoal turtleneck. Her cheeks were puffed back up again, refusing to detach her tiny claws from Karkat's clothes as many attempts he tried. 

Karkat's eyebrows furrowed at this, a deep sigh trickling from him. 

"Looks like May wants to be with you still." Dave pointed out, sauntering to the opposite side of the neatly cleaned bed. Karkat hesitated momentarily, already feeling heavy weighted bags forming under his eyes and adding to his dark circles. 

Maydae made it very clear she wasn't planning to cease her hold on Karkat's sweater any minute, and the mutant troll's sleeping pattern had already dived down into disoriented and he was willing to do anything to get at least an hour's sleep; if letting Maydae snooze with him was the epitome of him getting just that, so be it. 

Karkat plopped down on the bed, while Dave sprawled on the mattress as soon as his back made contact. 

Kicking off his shoes, Karkat laid back, positioning Maydae comfortably on his stomach. Dave slipped an arm under Karkat's head, scooting closer to him and removing his shades, lazily placing them at the side of his pillow only to give it potential of clattering onto the ground. 

Karkat combed his daughter's hair lightly, the grub seemingly taking a liking to the ministration because she wasted no time in concealing her eyes shut and her breathing falling into a steady rhythm. 

Karkat let out a content sigh, relieved at Maydae hastily falling asleep and ending their problem for the night. Dave nestled his nose into Karkat's tangled, flared hair, sliding his own eyes shut.

"She's done for the night." Dave murmured, his voice sounding a bit slurred and obviously drowsy. Karkat opted to make a noise in agreement, drifting off albeit slower paced than Dave, who was already beginning to snore lightly. His eyelids gradually began weighing down, his wakening grip loosing up and then -

Tiny claws dug into his stomach, the owner of said claws effortlessly shuffling her way up to Karkat, making him groan and expecting a sudden intrusive interruption. Though instead, he was met with Maydae snuggling her head beneath his chin, resuming to nodding off just as quickly before.