#'i dont think i want to be around you because you're probably neurodivergent' way. when i would have ppl ask me if I'm autisic

[robotpussy]

"you're just quiet because you have poor social skills"... no I'm quiet because I've been made to feel alienated my whole life hope this helps 👍

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[flandrepudding]

doll collection post

Hi guyz!! so somebody asked me to post my doll collection a while back and I put it off because i'm trying to rearrange my setup but its taking much longer than expected due to irl stuff.

But I dont wanna wait anymore! Feel free to just scroll through the pictures, you don't have to read the commentary if you don't want to. In fact you don't have to scroll through any of this at all. I wrote a lot because I am severely neurodivergent. Having a genuine blogging moment rn.

I have been waiting forever for an excuse to post my collection!! I was so happy someone suggested I do so.

I don't have a lot of room for everybody! Everyone is scattered around my room, but I try my best to display them nicely...

My G1 collection is moderately sized, these dolls are expensive and difficult to find. There are so many more I want, like Dead Tired Lagoona or Sweet 1600 Draculaura to go with my Sweet 1600 Clawdeen...sigh. But it just keeps getting harder! I am actually content with stopping my G1 collecting hunt for now and instead focusing on G3... Many of these dolls are from my dear friends, especially Leo and Raven (hi guyz!). Without my friends, I would only have three of these dolls... I am so lucky to be so loved!!!

I don't have many bratz that are in good enough shape to be on display. I really grew up on bratz rather than monster high... but again...these dolls get expensive! Roxxi was always a favorite of mine and a crush! Growing up, I was the type of kid who almost exclusively wanted one brat though. Yasmin. Not Cloe, Jade, or Sasha. I was devoted to collecting Yasmin because she looked similar to me. In retrospect, I really wish I had gotten more of the other girls...I do have some...though their numbers pale in comparison to the Yasmin army.

The ball-jointed doll is my most expensive doll and my largest doll (she is fucking ginormous). Even when buying her at half the original price (great deal from a great friend) she was hardly affordable.

I bought her because I plan on customizing her to be Flandre Scarlet, my ultimate comfort character! I've always dreamed of having a doll of Flan. SO why not make one myself? I've had her for months but am still too scared to cut that beautiful hair off...I'm no good at cutting wigs/hair in general. I did install her red eyes myself which I've never done before as this is my first and probably last bjd! She is gorgeous but I would consider these dolls luxury items... VERY EXPENSIVE.

(idk why the exposure is so high on these, sorry!! >_<;)

I am so happy to have the coffin bean playset!! I think it was a really good idea to get it. but I am so sad because I have hardly any room for it! So It's sitting on my dresser in front of a giant mirror so please excuse the poor editing I did to obscure the reflection of me and my living space lol...

I gave my Twyla low pigtails, though they aren't very visible, and my Clawdeen braids! I think Clawdeen looks super cute this way tbh I tried curling her hair again and again and again but the curls always fell out (I dont have much experience)...but honestly... I think I like this look even better ^_^. You can see her ears so well this way.

This Clawdeen is basically my holy grail and it was gifted to me by Leo, Leo if you're reading this I hope you know you are basically Jesus.

not to get deep but the OMG doll next to her is special to me because it is one of the last gifts I got from my late Grandpa. He took me to target and when I said I liked the doll, no questions asked, he bought her for me. Didn't give me shit for liking dolls at my big age. He simply got her for me because she made me happy, and he wants me to be happy. Dolls can mean so much. Again, I am so lucky to be so loved!!! >:D

I have this gorgeous Draculaura just chilling next to my jewelry cuz I have nowhere else to put her and honestly she is gorgeous and should stand alone.

Here I have the pride Bratz next to my bed!!! They mean so much to me, as I said earlier I had a crush on Roxxi. To see she's a canon lesbian now is so incredible!! And Nevra, her girlfriend, is beautiful! They are so cute together... they are never leaving that box though. This was actually the first doll/set of dolls where I fully understood why people are content leaving dolls in their boxes. I love to play with my dolls so much... but I could never play with these two!! If anything happened to them I would lose my mind.

Now... you're probably thinking......where the hell is Lagoona?!?! Do you not have one despite loving her this much? Of course I have a Lagoona. I AM GROWING AN ARMY!!!!!!

I really, really love Lagoona...I want to get every Lagoona doll I possibly can. Isn't she so cute! I relate to her character in the cartoon a lot too... her life at home, her difficulties speaking up when she is sad or angry, her sporty personality, etc etc... She has quickly claimed her spot as biggest comfort character #2. I included many pictures because I simply cannot pick one, she is flawless. You might recognize the Lagoona on the left, I drew her in that exact pose recently!!

I have her army on my desk, giving me the strength I need to get through my work... like Homer Simpson with his pictures of baby Maggie at his work. I get endless inspiration and motivation from Lagoona!!!

And here is the Flandre shrine bonus... I adore her!! I also have finally ordered a fumo flan that should arrive in august around my birthday eeek!!!

Anyways that is my collection. It's been many years in the making, though it's almost doubled since monster high G3 released... Mattel truly has me by the balls right now. If you read any of this, thank you. I put a lot of time into making this post, and it was really fun. I feel like a real blogger right now.

I really really enjoy dolls and talking about them. So I will happily do so anytime I get the chance!!! Will probably do an update once I finally install some more shelves and move stuff around <3

[pageofheartdj]

Thanks for explaining!! I appreciate the insight and help!! And below is more thoughts and kinda questions? I dunno, feel free to ignore :)

And yeah I get it, I'm aroace too and everything relationship-wise just confuses me a lot tbh. It's like there's this whole other dimension to what others experience and I'm just sitting there outside of it and cant ever really understand haha. It just feels really odd sometimes, though unless I'm reminded about it I dont think about it.

Yeah you're probably right about the out of sight out of mind thing. I dunno if its adhd or ptsd or whatever, I just really really suck at thinking about people. I still care about them and all, but unless they're there my brain is more like "wow, they're a great person and I hope theyre doing well. Anyways!" and that's it.

And like, I dont know if this is weird or not but I can sometimes struggle with veiwing fictional characters as not fully real (the ones I really attach to anyways) because theres like. You know when your a kid and you dont want to treat your plush animals bad because you dont want to hurt their feelings (worry about them being lonely or excluded if they all weren't on your bed, that sort of stuff)? Like to me the characters start falling into that category and it feels awkward and stuff. I've never really been able to draw people because of it actually, because my brain is like "wow you are really out here creating the world and experience of someone against their will".

Anyways is that kinda what they were talking about when some people mentioned that some people struggle with separating fictional characters from real people (or vise versa)?

No problem! Hope my explanations are okay and all xD

Oh yeah I totatlly get it! I am aego so for me it's a bit easier, but still real people mostly aren't perceived that way and I don't like thinking about any of it xD

Yeeeah definetely look into neurodivergency, just in case, it's suprising how many things it can explain in you!:)

I won't say I understand the concept(I didn't treat my plushies that way but I am treating my plush pillows now similarly due to comfort from my anxieties xD) and I definetely treat fictional characters as 100% not real, just toys to play with. Although I get getting very attached to characters(I get obsessively attached but act in the opposite direction xD).

I guess some people are getting attached to the point of treating them as real(although it is VERY important to still be self-aware) while others are attached to the point of projection(again self-awareness) or playing with the most crazy things your brain can offer to process it and roll around to see your fave from all the angles(this is why many people like to torture their favourites I think)).

But like I said in the previous answer, it's all very personalised. People interact with fiction differently and often will not meet eye to eye. And that's okay! As long as we are respectful and avoid what we don't like and let others express themselves in the way they like)

[movietonight]

Hi! I saw your reblog of that meme I made about me, Radar, and Henry. And like. I came here to say: Yes.

Now that you mention it, Hawkeye does act/have mannerisms similar to my brother who is also ADHD and bipolar. It just didn't click with me until someone said that because I dont have bipolar. Meaning it's a little tougher to make that connection since it isn't to myself.

We both agree that Radar and Henry are autistic, which is nice to see. It makes me feel good knowing that I'm not the only one that saw those mannerisms in them. As for Charles: yeah, I can also somewhat see him being autistic. And like. Your descriptions of the kind of autism the three of them have is perfect. Because, honestly? My autism is a mixture of all three of them.

This might be the most random thing to throw out there but. Could I offer a suggestion that BJ might have Borderline Personality Disorder? I also have BPD aside from the autism and he acts fairly in line with those characteristics. He craves intimacy but is scared to seek it out for fear he'll hurt the people around him. From what I've seen, he has been known to have mood swings that are gone rather quickly. He only has a one or two close relationships because he tends to get nervous when people get to close. He has been known to have a hairpin temper. He drinks a lot (probably to fill some sort of emotional void he's feeling). And yeah. There's my best assessment for why I feel like BJ had BPD. I hope any of what I tried to explain made sense.

As for Margaret, I feel like she could be autistic but she could as easily be acting the way she is from constant stress of being the most important woman in the outfit. It's so hard to tell because a lot of autism portrayal in the media, whether intended or not, is male-centric. Meaning it's really hard to decipher whether something has autistic undertones when it's portrayed in a female light.

Anyways. Sorry for sending this rambling ask. I just thought I should share my thoughts since you were ever so kind to share yours!! Have a good day and thank you for interacting with my M*A*S*H content!!

The 4077 is just the most neurodivergent unit out there! Thanks for the ask! I love talking to people! Thanks for making Content to share thoughts to!

BJ having BPD actually does make sense from what you're saying (I don't have it so my only exposure is Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) and I am absolutely adopting that into my neurodivergent mash belief system!

The autism gender gap is so frustrating and I could probably write an entire essay about it but I just. Decided. Margaret is also autistic now. She just is in my brain.

We should just neurodiversify all of them if we want I think that's our Right.

[bellwitchfaggot]

[image description: tags on a reblog of this post that read "#literally yeah I dont have a single neurotypical friend and ive still got 5 friend groups on rotation please don't be intimidated #we're out there and there's a lot of us let's go" /end id]

yea literally this its just genuinely untrue that neurodivergent and even specifically autistic people are somehow like less naturally social creatures than neurotypical and allistic people, its more like ... nd/autistic people specifically just like operate with an entirely different social ruleset than nt/allistic people (a social ruleset, which, btw, in my personal opinion is WAY healthier and more effective and makes way more intuitive sense than the social rules set by allistic society. But that may just be because im autistic lol). I know this is like.. never what anyone who struggles to make friends WANTS to hear (I know because thats an experience i do personally have and in the past being told this has felt supremely unhelpful so like. I get it.) But if you're autistic or otherwise neurodivergent and you struggle to make social connections with people who you feel understand and like the real you chances are you're not actually incapable of having friendships but rather youve only ever attempted socialization with ppl whose neurotypes are incompatible with yours, or you're trying to play by social rules that WERE NOT created with your neurotype or the neurotype of ppl you WOULD be compatible in mind

I cannot stress enough that genuinely the thing that has helped me overcome my autistic (and did/c-ptsd!) social issues the most is specifically finding people who are similarly neurodivergent and building connections with those people. If you DO interact with people who are similarly neurodivergent who you want to have real connections with but you STILL feel like its not something you can like foster/maintain you may need to try to work on being more comfortable unmasking around them. It sounds counterintuitive but unmasking around people is truly the key to forming and maintaining good and healthy and wonderful connections with others. So long as you feel the need to be constantly masking in social situations you will probably always feel a disconnect between yourself and others, even other neurodivergent people who you think you SHOULD feel more comfortable around and close with, because you are not meeting them with the version of yourself that exists under the mask, you're meeting them with a version of yourself you had to create in order to survive a society that benefits from the oppression and ostracization of autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people. You aren't succeeding at socializing with other human beings when you mask around people, you're exhibiting a learned trauma response. So long as you're masking around people you want to be close friends with you're always on some level gonna feel like the friendship is ingenuine, but that's because YOU'RE being ingenuine in your friendships

Even unmasking around people who seem to then like you less for it is a valuable action, because if people seem to like you less when you unmask around them thats probably a sign that you are better off trying to form different connections and continuing trying to seek out people who will meet your neurodivergent social needs, simply because they WANT to and also because in doing so their own neurodivergent social needs are also being met (and, again, these people DO exist for you, no matter how socially inept you may feel you are due to your neurodivergency. It may take some time and effort and working through internalized shit for you to find them, but you CAN find them if thats something you desire)

If ur autistic and don't have a ton of close friendships irl and feel like you're incapable of socialization my biggest piece of advice is to specifically seek out other autistic ppl irl. Making irl friends who are also autistic is literally a game changer

[gostaks]

Stupid question: if you're not autistic is stimming bad? And I don't mean bad as in stimming is bad, but bad as in I don't need to do this so... I dont know how to word. Is it insulting or rude or... I don't know something? Its just there's certain things that are really soothing and help but I dont want to make people mad or think I'm mocking it or doing something "trendy" or for attention or... I dont know.

First off, it’s not a stupid question! (or at the very least this is a great place to ask stupid questions)

There’s nothing wrong with stimming, whether you’re autistic or not. Stimming is something that literally everyone does, we just ascribe stigma to certain stims over others. Listening to music, pacing (within certain bounds), humming, chewing gum, etc. are all forms of stimming that we consider ‘normal’ because the allistic (non-autistic) majority does them. 

Also lots of other neurodivergences cause folks to stim more visibly or need to stim more, like ADHD, anxiety disorders, and body-focused repetitive behaviors (like hair-pulling or skin-picking disorders). 

Stimming is a healthy and safe (usually, headbanging isn’t great) way to self-regulate for a lot of people. As long as you’re not hurting yourself, you’re engaging in a healthy coping skill. Plus, you can actually help autistic people by stimming.

There’s a concept in disability advocacy called the curb cut effect. Essentially, it’s the idea that nondisabled people also benefit from a lot of the things that are essential for disabled people to live our lives. For instance, curb cuts don’t just help wheelchair users, they also help people with strollers, kids on bikes, and other people who enjoy using sidewalks for one reason or another. [Here’s a longer explanation of the curb cut effect that, incidentally, also discusses how it’s okay for allistic people to stim]

When allistic people buy fidget spinners, they help autistic people learn about stim toys and drive down the cost so we can afford them. When you stim, you help reduce the stigma around stimming so that it’s safer for us to stim. 

That’s not to say that it’s impossible to mock autistic people while stimming, but as long as you’re not putting a bowl on your head and making grunting noises because you think it’s funny, you’re probably good.

TL;DR There’s nothing wrong with stimming. Stimming is a normal human behavior and a healthy way to self-regulate. By stimming, you also help to normalize stimming for other people, so I promise it’s not only okay, it’s great.

I hope you’re having a nice day! Keep on stimming :D