#'he is an emotional manipulator' that
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This is probably just me starved for Solomon content, but I kept on wondering if the reason for Solomon's absence in the main story is intentional? In lesson 18 normal side story, Barbatos questions why Solomon suggested MC to go to the House of Lamentation when it's pretty obvious he's not taking their absence so well, and he said, it's the "mature thing" to do, causing the demon who is supposed to hate his guts to even worry about him.
In Lesson 11, we don't even have a choice to listen to him or side with him. MC was just given the option to give the book to Lucifer. In the later lessons, you don't get any options to decline the brothers when "it's about time to go back to Cocytus Hall".
The daily chats in NB have at least an explanation for this since you live together with him, but in the OG, he texts you the least amongst the other dateable characters. Which kinda contradicts what is explained on the daily chats in the first place because if you are away in Cocytus Hall for long periods of time because the brothers insist for you to stay with them longer, wouldn't that give him a reason to text you more?
I'm starting to think that Solomon is intentionally keeping his distance after all that happened in the main story. He loves you with all his heart, and trusts you enough to share a bit of his past with you, but after the past lessons, he may be at the stage where he's trying to...go back to his old self again. Where he doesn't rely on anyone as much. Where he can be depended on and be your most trusted ally and your dearest friend, but he must, at all circumstances, not show a portion of his heart again, no matter how much he loves the other person. That isn't to say he wouldn't reciprocate the same way, but he can only take what is given and should NOT expect anything more.
Because he's been proven right and right again when he finds out the hard way that people would only accept the "him" that would fit their narrative. That he was born unlike any other, so he must walk his path alone, even if it seems like the small intersection he found with you was the solace he needed to colour his jadedness. But that's all there is to it. You are just a small intersection. A short-lived dream containing his ideals and expectations. You would always be your own person, and he would rather have that because he loves you and he wants you to be happy.
Because you had a choice. And he knew you would never choose him. So he must silence the small part of himself that told him "He will never be alone again."
#the moment this man expresses even an ounce of weakness and vulnerability the fandom goes crazy#'oh he must be plotting something!' this#'he is an emotional manipulator' that#my brother in christ have you ever heard of trauma#please don't start discourse on this post I'm just sharing my thoughts im tired#unless you want to kiss solomon on the cheeks too be my guest#obey me#obey me nightbringer#spoilers#obey me solomon
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sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
#the locked tomb#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gaius#harrow the ninth#this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL#this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships#(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think#the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real#but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed)#there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone?#yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't)#the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god#when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care#(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)#and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on#it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there#while john is -- well he sure is being john huh#this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end#(with john slam dunked right into hell that is)#it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up#john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too
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sometimes i think about toriel in that first run when flowey finds her in the RUINs, having her dead son return to her for comfort, broken and helpless, and being unable to provide for him in the one impossible way he desperately needed, "fixing him" "making it okay" the way only his mom should've been able to do.
flowey kills himself after she fails. you ever think about that? cause i think about that. you're gonna tell me she didn't notice? that she was cheerfully oblivious as things failed to get better and he grew more desperate and more hurt and more hopeless, as she failed him like she once did and always will fail him? you're gonna tell me that didn't eat her alive? didn't keep her up at night? didn't break her back into all those tiny little shards of herself she'd glued back together and swept under the carpet by sheer force of will?
do you think she gets nightmares about it, still?
#i think she does. i know it does. give her nightmares that is. even across timelines#flowey is tremendously disillusioned about his parents by the time we meet him but he is CRUEL to toriel#he is the dull blade she twists inside herself every day but BOY does he love helping her twist it#it borders on sadistic it. it borders on revenge#they are both so alike and different that her method of grieving is illegible to him.#his mom tried to replace him. and when he came back she couldn't fix him. he needed her to fix him so bad and she failed#it just know it's something he tore into her about after he started killing. with asgore he could play it off as utilitarian.#emotional manipulation to try to force his hand and get to the SOULs#but not with her.#undertale#toriel#flowey
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sometimes I hate how casually this fandom treats the idea of nightmare filling killers soul with negativity.
#utmv#sans au#sans aus#utmv fandom#killer sans#killer!sans#nightmare sans#nightmare!sans#I’ve read so many fanfics where nightmare casually abuses & emotionally conditions killer#and yet the readers and author don’t seem to realize that’s what they’re doing#especially during fics where ppl seem to think nightmare takes and gives away killer’s emotions#and he needs nightmare for that.#cw abuse#cw conditioning#cw manipulation#cw emotional abuse#cw emotional manipulation
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we may watch the same show but i watch it gayer
#i'm a hater i don't care#liking cobra kai is a red flag for Certain People#if i hear nerfed or the word prime again i'll lose my mind#this could turn into a whole rant about their Hawk Prime#aka eli when he's being manipulated and becomes violent and suppresses his emotions and is overall pretty shitty and hella insecure#or prime miguel when miguel turned into an alpha jerk and took johnnys teachings too far#like that's not his nature he's at his core A GOOD KID#don't get me started on their hate for FEMALE CHARACTERS FOR NO REASON#like my girl sam has her problems throughout the show but she GROWS and doesn't deserve the hate#OR DEMETRI#like ???? demetri was the third person to join miyagi do in s2#he's not naturally athletic but why is a wild concept that he could be good at karate???#i just can't#cobra kai#ck#binary boyfriends#hawkmetri#miguel diaz#tory nichols#sam larusso#demetri alexopoulos#robby keene#eli moskowitz#hawk cobra kai#samtory#keenry#lawrusso
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crying over the fact that from my current husband rotation (scara, gojo, chrollo, and blade), blade of all people is the healthiest person to be in a romantic relationship with 😭
#scara is well. Scaramouche.#gojo is the type to monopolize your attention and be kinda creepy at times#even in a non yandere scenario chrollo's still lying to you/doing a lil emotional manipulation as a treat#then there's blade.#is he an intergalactically wanted criminal who has slaughtered masses? Perhaps#however#he's very up front with you about everything and the most likely to respect a breakup request unlike the other three wackos#(he'd brood for a long time but at least he isn't gaslight gatekeep girlbossing you from ending the relationship)#lock.txt
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Yes actually, I do want something off the menu.
That would be moon, please.
Moon: no no no!! i can’t! i-i-it’s too soon! i’m not ready! t-take me to dinner first! n-not yet tho! i need to prepare! i--
Eclipse: (pushes the flustered Moon to the side) Looks like our little mooncake isn’t ready to be served yet, might I interest you in one of our other offerings? I make an unforgettable amuse-bouche.
Sun: (calls from the kitchen) Please refrain from eating the employees.
#ask the crab#fnaf moon#Moon Have You Eaten? AU#Have You Eaten? AU#crab art#digital art#bright colours#moon's flattered tho#he's a hopeless romantic#just yknow not well-versed in real life romance#Eclipse on the other hand is a flirt#and Sun#Sun doesn't believe he has the capacity for emotion#he just thinks Moon is a fool and Eclipse is manipulative
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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god, armand as a character is giving me serious brainrot. he's such a control freak because he desperately needs to derive meaning from something—anything. whether it's god, rituals, or coven life, he needs to give a purpose to his existence. this is why he upholds these stringent laws and regulations in both of his covens, which are ultimately destroyed by someone he loves who stands outside it all. and he kind of just allows that destruction, despite all of his power, because he is also... bored? it's like he's on autopilot, going through life in this meticulously constructed routine until he meets lestat and later louis, who both refuse to adhere to his carefully crafted structures and disrupt the status quo. this is attractive to armand because deep down, underneath his all masked emotions, he is very lonely and desperate for connection! which is just awfully human for such an ancient powerful being
imagine being this old and alone, how do you endure? armand tries to find value in these rigid structures because otherwise, his life feels empty. "he needs rules to give him purpose" but in the end, this doesn't fulfill him completely because, despite his feigned confidence and stoicism, he is insecure, needy, and traumatized. this is why he seeks out chaos despite having spent all this time trying to control everything and everyone around him. he lets it happen—for love, but also, i think, because unconsciously he desires that total loss of control, which allows him to actually feel something real. every few decades, he almost intentionally lets his entire world, the world he worked so hard to manipulate into his will, be ruined. yet, when he tells daniel he "let it happen," he is lying, too (at least about lestat) because he presents himself as more passive, composed, and reasonable than he really was when his way of life was threatened. he just tells himself that he wanted it that way all along so he remains the one in control. i need to see him crack
#it's just such a fun contrast with the relationship louis has with lestat#armand seems detached but he also shows just enough vulnerability to make him seem like a more stable tender option for louis#like he almost seems more “open” than lestat who masks his insecurity with bravado and acts on emotion and impulse and pushes people away#but armand is just as much hiding his real self from louis because he is always trying to manipulate#because he has carefully constructed his entire personality around protecting louis and serving him#he just fascinates me so much and i love assad's subtle performance#interview with the vampire#iwtv#armand#assad zaman#loumand
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SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS,
BUT HE HATES WHEN I ACT CRAZY,
IT TAKES TWO TO TOXIC!
FINALLY!!! Finished these pics of jinx I’ve been working on!!!!! HOLY SHIT, these took so long…. But finally… they’re done… pls enjoy this art of my beautiful princess w a disorder. Featuring alternate colors for the big pic and also a closeup! Cuz I rlly like how both the lines and coloring on her face turned out… like the pink gradients w her eye… her deer in headlights expression,, like uve just startled a raccoon digging thru ur trashcan and r two seconds away from getting mauled.. m proud of it!
#arcane#league of legends#jinx#jinx arcane#arcane jinx#doodles#hate and love how hardcore I relate to jinx…#little sisters w dependency issues.. + a whole lot of other issues#anyway the ‘he’ in the ‘crazy girl’ lyrics is in my mind referring to both vi and silco lol#I’m sORRY! I keep seeing ppl hardcore pitting these 2 bad bitches against each other#and it’s like… silco is objectively. morally worse than vi.. vi is not like. a ruthless crime lord#vi IS 100% trying her best and loves her sister. but she still screwed up w jinx#and silco ALSO truly loves jinx. but also screwed up by fucking. trauma bonding w her ghgh-#like.. silco is too close. he’s like. yes go apeshit jinx I support and love you and understand u no matter what fucked up shit u do.#were the same. and that’s beautiful!!! I love how supportive he is…#but its like.. silcos too close. he just became a new person for jinx to glomp onto and base her self esteem around after vi left#and he doesn’t manipulate that on purpose but. he DOES effect that girls mental state. cuz he needs her too#meanwhile vi is too far away… she thinks she knows who jinx is. but jinx has changed… time marches forward. she’s not that little girl#anymore#and nOW! after the finale jinx has NOBODY TO BE CODEPENDENT W..#her mental state has always been so tied up in how the ppl she puts on pedestals view her#and now there’s no pedestal anymore. she knocked down the statues. she’s alone…#it’s interesting….#anyway I’m not trying to say vi is as bad as silco at ALL. just that she’s an equally important building block in jinx’s mind#that has made her into the fucked up lil person she is today. and I think that’s neat.#lol anyway! I’m hyped for season 2….#aLSO GOD DAMN THIS GIRLS OUTFIT IS COMPLICATED. WHY DO U GOT SO MANY BITS N BOBS JINX??? I mean I get it accessories rock.#but u take so much time to draw ghfhg- require so much brainpower#aLSO ADDENDUM. while silco is objectively morally worse than vi his relationship w jinx is genuinely. like. makes me emotional ghgh-#its not perfect. or healthy. but… it’s. the both of them. being seen. and accepted. and loved and understood.. and I love that shit.
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What are you doing?
#mary & george#mary and george#maryandgeorgeedit#george villiers#robert carr#perioddramaedit#nicholas galitzine#laurie davidson#userninz#chrissiewatts#usergayppl#usersteen#mine*#and he did!#small pox and all!#anyway whatever. im still here. i never left#idc if any of this was emotional manipulation#they fcked nasty by the fire and everyone had a great time#THE ANGST... GIVE ME IT#the tears in his eyes oh it was so over for me the first time i saw this scene#something so doe eyed about how george looks here#also his lips. woah. okay#finally clearing out my m&g sets
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will theo ever be happy
Maybe in another life.
#theo#jack#confusing and alienating everyone who only followed me after i started drawing furries by referencing my old nonfurry character dynamics#but this got me thinking about theo's only happy endings and how they all involve jack...#who i'm not drawing right now. oops. sorry fella#oh theo... see what happens when you're separated from your emotional support tramp#you start committing crimes against nature and people get worried about you#real answer: probably not in amaranthine but who knows WE'RE NO WHERE NEAR FIGURING OUT AN ENDING HAHA#i could ramble for another thousand paragraphs about why he probably won't be happy in amaranthine but to summarize:#1. trying to do crimes against nature for insane reasons#2. only “positive” relationship is an evil parasite who is using and manipulating him#3. only person he talks to about his problems is a dead body#4. no jack to keep him stable... so far. i want to add him to the story but that's a long way off#but if you want to make A version of theo happy you can play our game Wishbone (once it's done...). he's in it because of course he is.#my draws#asks
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Armin: *smart enough to immediately understand the female titan is intelligent in 0.2 second*
Also Armin:
#WHY IS HE SO TERRIBLE AT GETTING JOKES AND SARCASM#ahahahaa#ITS SO FUNNY#I love armin#bros this genius ahh manipulative emotional blackmailing pro#but then he doesn't understands jokes#armin#armin arlert#aot#snk
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Do you think Saix' emotional co-dependence started as a Nobody or did it start as human Isa and just grew to an unhealthy degree?
#i like to think it started as a human partially bc that would make the most sense to me#(as xemnas/org xiii likes to use its members established weaknesses against them and saix/isas attatchment to axel/lea would be very easy to#manipulate him)#but also it furthers the parallels between saix' jealousy and rikus arc in kh1#which i think is fun#obviously it wouldnt have been nearly as big a problem back then as it ended up being later on#partially bc isa wouldnt have been manipulated and gaslit so much but also#bc he wouldnt really have any fuel for it like saix got#no super-important super-secret mission they have to do#no forced emotional distance#and the idea of being 'replaced' would have been much more fueled purely by anxiety than any actual possibility of happening#oh and he also would have at least one other friend (subject x)#even if its one he wouldnt be able to talk to all the time#anyway im rambling. saix/isa got fucked up bad and i hope he gets loads of therapy bc god does he need it#isa#saix#lea#axel#leaisa#akusai#it feels kinda wrong to tag their noboy names when its them as a kids#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts birth by sleep#kh#kh bbs#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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hermit horror week day 4: season 7 or taken over
Xisuma slowly blinks at the console logs for the server again. He's very tired; he's been collecting blackstone again, and it's very tiring, collecting blackstone. He's been building a lot of pretty houses, and stocking a lot of shops, and he hasn't had time to look at the console much recently. He probably shouldn't be now, because he's tired, and tired people make mistakes.
He makes a lot of mistakes; he's silly like that. A big derp. It's why he has to be careful, since he's been tired so much lately. He definitely shouldn't have the console open.
It's just, earlier Impulse had a question, since his moss farm kept lagging, and Xisuma thought it would be easy enough to try to find the root cause of. And he did find the root cause of it--Impulse's farm is too fast and his storage simply doesn't keep up with the amount of moss--but there's... some other things...
He blinks again at the dates on the server files. The last edited dates. Slowly, he clicks again on his own player data, and tries to make sense of what he's reading. Files like this, they aren't really meant to be that human-readable. It's--well, it is mostly json, so it's mostly human-readable, actually, but a lot of it is still encrypted, for player safety, which would. Maybe explain what he's looking at? He thinks? He's--well, he does have root access, is the thing, because he's the admin, but he still shouldn't be able to look at any player willy-nilly.
He's a little too much of a derp to be trusted with that. He probably shouldn't even be looking at his data! It's just. That last edited date. Xisuma doesn't edit his own player data. That way lies madness. He's, uh, pretty sure he knows some people who went a little mad doing that. So the fact of the matter is--well, it's not the only file that's been edited recently, he tells himself. Just because it's a lot of memory files that seem to have been edited, as well as access permissions--that's... normal enough for a new season, right?
He's...
He doesn't notice his other self walk up behind him.
"Oh, hey Xisuma. You finished gathering materials for our next build, then?" Evil Xisuma says. All of Xisuma's hairs stand on end.
"I mean, I've gathered enough to get started," Xisuma says.
"Pity. I was really hoping you'd manage to get everything. I thought maybe we'd finish today, but I guess we can't now."
"I--you're right. I'm really sorry."
"No, no, don't worry, don't worry, my friend," Evil Xisuma says. "We probably couldn't have finished today anyway, even if you said you'd try for it."
Xisuma's heart is in his throat. "Sorry, my head's just been. You know how I am. Silly me, forgetting things."
Evil Xisuma shakes his head. "It's awfully lucky I came back this season. Think of all the important things you'd be forgetting without reminders!"
Xisuma looks down and away.
"Gosh, and now you're... playing around in the admin console?"
"Oh!" Xisuma says. "It's, er, nothing really big..."
"Can I see it?"
He barely resists the urge to close out of his player data and hide that's what he'd been looking at. He doesn't know why he wants to hide it. It's not like--well, if Evil Xisuma got mad about it, it would be... right, wouldn't it? Because, well, Xisuma knows full well he shouldn't be looking at or editing his own player data. Editing your own data is the way to madness, and Xisuma, well, he's been so tired lately. He could easily accidentally hit a button. He could easily accidentally hit delete. He has root access, after all.
His heart is in his throat again. He shuffles his feet. "Sure," he says, finally. "I, er, I promise, I wasn't doing anything. I just noticed the last edited date on, uh, files that aren't automatically created by the system? And I thought, gosh, that's weird. I'd only been in there to check on Impulse, really, after he'd had some lag issues. I was just finishing up. It's nothing--the date's weird, though, right? That's all I was noticing."
He watches Evil Xisuma's fingers scroll through all of Xisuma's data. It's not quite fast enough that Xisuma isn't sure he's reading it, and suddenly, Xisuma feels very small.
Finally, Evil Xisuma hands Xisuma's tablet with the admin console open back to him. Xisuma looks down, and Evil Xisuma has closed out of the player data again.
"You just forgot the last maintenance date," Evil Xisuma says.
"Really?" Xisuma says.
"Oh, yeah, for sure. You're so tired lately. You silly derp. You've just been forgetting things easily. You should really get more rest!"
"Oh, but then we won't finish our projects," Xisuma says.
"I guess we wouldn't," Evil Xisuma says back.
"It's just--it's. Most of the time, access permission for player memories isn't edited during maintenance, and I just--I don't remember putting your name down?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
Xisuma tries to think.
"I don't know," he says finally, small, unable to meaningfully articulate anything about what's wrong with it. "I guess it only makes sense, if I'm forgetting things so easily."
"Exactly! Gosh, we make a good team," Evil Xisuma says, and he smiles at Xisuma. Xisuma crookedly smiles back.
"Yeah, we do," Xisuma agrees.
"Don't pull that out again unless I say so, okay?"
"Okay," Xisuma agrees automatically, and then he knows he will not. It makes sense. If he was upsetting himself over nothing like this, why, imagine what he'd do if he could open it whenever? He'd just constantly be upsetting himself!
"Now, my friend, let's return to building the Evil Empire."
"Let's!" agrees Xisuma, and just like that, the entire encounter slips from his mind.
#hermithorrorweek2023#a bee fic#hermitcraft#xisuma#evil xisuma#emotional abuse#mind manipulation#(like genuine warning for emotional abuse here albeit like. somewhat subtle manipulation type.)#if this fic is late in my time zone. no it isn't.#anyway. i will never stop thinking about. whatever was going on between xisuma and evil xisuma in season 8.#anyway. ANYWAY. god one day i'll write the Very Dead Serious Take on that plotline. maybe this is one piece of it.#anyway the horror here is only barely the implied possession it's more the implied. emotional abuse.#GOD i will not stop thinking about the implications of that storyline whether intended or not#like. i'm forever like. did he INTEND to imply the abuse that so many of those cutscenes imply#or was he just trying to write evil xisuma acting like a villain?#anyway this isn't how i'd write evil x for any season that isn't season eight specifically btw you can blame it on jeff if needed
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i feel like the boys’ representation in “it’s a terrible life” is a really accurate and insightful look into how they work on an Instinctual level.
at first it seems like just a funny bit for dean to be the one dismissing the ghost thing, but dean wesson actually fits perfectly into dean’s personality. i mean, think about it. hunter dean is OBSESSED with the job. he lives breathes and sleeps hunting. he’s proud of who he is and what he does, and he enjoys being a part of something. this episode shows how that’s part of dean’s intrinsic personality. he needs order. structure. discipline.
sam is mischaracterized as ‘the emotional one’, but i think dean’s a lot more of a romantic than him. he likes the idea of a stable life, whether that’s hunting or a cushy corporate job. he wakes up at 6am everyday, has a distinct routine and a circle of friends. he does herbal detoxes and drinks frothy rice milk lattes.
life is a package for him. dean likes fitting in. he doesn’t like breaking status quo. he instinctively looks to blend in, whether that’s in a corporate environment or with his father and other hunters. dean likes the idea of family. connection. he needs people, people who are familiar and trustworthy. he’s very community/family oriented. he’s not a lone wolf.
but sam on the other hand, he’s intrinsically in tune with weird frequencies. he’s strange and he picks up strange things. he cares about people and appreciates connection but he values himself and his gut instinct more. he loves sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong. he doesn’t give a fuck about blending in. he didn’t as a hunter so he sure as hell doesn’t in a goddamn tech support cubicle.
sam straight up tells dean that everything about this feels wrong. and you can TELL that dean feels it as well. sam tells him that he thinks he should be doing more, it’s in his blood, he hates everything about this fake life. but dean deflects. no matter how uncomfortable he seems he pushes it down in favour of predictably and routine. even if deep down, he knows its wrong, it takes him a lot more time than sam to admit it.
this shows that sam is more than ‘hunting bad’ and dean is more than ‘hunting good’. it was never about hunting. sam refuses to turn a blind eye. he WANTS to rebel. it’s his nature. he instinctively looks for things that don’t line up and he calls that out. he doesn’t care about the backlash. dean needs stability. he needs people. he needs to feel like he’s a part of something. it’s why he brushes off that feeling of wrongness so quickly at the beginning of the episode, because he’s willing to overlook some of the bad for the benefits.
it’s just like how hunter dean is willing to defend john, defend the grisly violence of hunting, and convince himself into thinking this is his only choice. sam refuses to do that. he instead latches onto that feeling of otherness and rebels even though it costs him family and familiarity.
#oc#supernatural#spn#spn meta#sam winchester#dean winchester#4x17 it’s a terrible life#sam wesson#dean smith#ok u could argue that sam was getting those visions so he had more evidence of it#but honestly i’m not completely convinced dean wasn’t getting weird vibes too#like he must’ve felt this underlying sense of Wrong the entire time#but he seems so well adjusted and happy in the opening#just shows how good he is at pushing down his negative emotions#really makes u think… how much of his Zeal for hunting is actually excitement#and how much is forced out of necessity#and the most painful part is that i fully believe dean doesn’t even register that he’s doing this#he’s so used to manipulating himself that he doesn’t pick up on it anymore
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