#'don't be a fool and try to convince me that I'm the real issue when you're the root to every problem!!!'

[buckleyirondad]

Don't listen to "Running" by NF while thinking about Maddie's relationship with her parents. I shouldn't have made that mistake.

[kitkat-moon]

I'm tired

Of holding on to you, it's time to let

My pride

Go and learn to love myself again, yeah

I don't wanna wait another day, I've waited long enough

I'm ready I can see the sun, it's coming up

There's happiness on the horizon

I'm hopeful I can see the light, I've

Hesitated all my life but I'm all done

I'm done running from you

Spent my whole life in your shadow

Scared of who I'd be if I

Yeah

Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside

And watch you sabotage the two of us

I love you to death, but I can't spend the rest of my

Life in this darkness, I'm done

I'm done

I wish you the best, but I'm not interested

In giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much

I don't wanna lose ya

I don't wanna keep ya

I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need ya

Rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you, tell the truth

You know I'd be better without ya

Been in your shoes, don't be a fool

And try to convince me that I'm the

Real issue, when you're the root to every problem

I love you but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us, you're

Holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself, I

Don't wanna leave, but that's what I need, I ain't got a choice, I can't just

Let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved

I am not gonna stand aside

And watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage

What little faith I have left, yeah, haven't I sacrificed enough for you?

Hate seeing you cry, but I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes

Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, but I am not gonna spend the rest of my life running

From you

Spent my whole life in your shadow

Scared of who I'd be if I

Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside

And watch you sabotage the two of us

I love you to death, but I can't spent the rest of my

Life in this darkness, I'm done

I'm done

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Can I request a Chuuya X Fem!Reader with prompt 10 with the flower lilacs?

Author's Note: Hello again~! Thank you for requesting & I hope you enjoy this fluffy event!

Prompt 10: "Opposites attract when two characters pretend to be dating and fall in love!"

Chuuya x Fem! Reader + Lilacs

Word count: 1,338

The two of you somehow got roped into quite the mess. Mutual friends of yours were both dating someone and both of you were constantly invited on couples dates. Of course this wouldn't be an issue if the two of you had partners. But you didn't. So, to save yourselves face, you and Chuuya agreed to pretend to date.

He waited for her at the door after ringing the doorbell. She emerged in a sleek, elegant light purple dress. “What do you think, Chuuya?” Her hair was down in soft wavy curls that framed her face in a flattering way.

Chuuya had to clear his throat and fix his jacket. “Yeah, it's very convincing. Come on, we'll be late.” He didn't really give much response since they weren't really dating. This was all a front to just keep their friends from teasing them.

She was used to this of course. It didn't hurt her in the slightest the way he would give her short and cold answers.

They had dinner and it went perfect as planned. Chuuya was a completely different man when he was pretending to be in love with her. Stealing kisses from her lips and holding her close to him when they sat next to each other.

They had their friends completely fooled. “You two are so smitten, I must admit I'm a little jealous!” One of the friends would laugh and playfully nudge their partner.

It would all go back to normal when they parted ways. “How much longer do we really need to keep this going?” She sighed when Chuuya took her back home.

“Look, I'm still trying to find someone then we could go over the whole breakup phase. Are you sure you don't want to find another guy? It might look weird if you don't at least have someone to fall back on.”

She had the same reaction every time Chuuya would bring the subject up. “No way. I'm happy being single anyway. I just can't wait for this to end so I can focus on me again.”

Chuuya would shrug his shoulders and leave it at that. “If you say so.”

There would be times that Chuuya would gift her flowers, edible arrangements, and even doves holding love letters. They made it painfully obvious how much they doted on each other.

It was easy for them to play it up then walk away. Little did both of them know, that even if they were pretending to be in love, Chuuya was catching some feelings even when they weren't around their friends.

She didn't pick up on it at first. Chuuya would brush her hair behind her ear. She would look around, expecting their friends to be around to witness it but there was no one.

“I can fix my own hair you know,” She didn't understand why he was suddenly being so voluntarily soft around her.

“I saw a leaf in your hair, that's all. It was bothering me.” He turned away from her and his ears would feel hot. Even Chuuya was questioning his own choice of actions.

The two of you would walk the same route along the park and Chuuya's hand brushed against hers. Instinctively, he grasped her hand in his.

“Chuuya?” She turned her gaze toward him, confused. “No one is around. You don't have to hold my hand. We're just here to take photos to post on our social media, remember?”

He let go of her hand and brought it up to fix his hat. “Of course! I just thought you were trying to hold my hand, that's why I grabbed yours.” Again, he couldn't bring himself to look at her.

Though, she was thankful for him not looking at her since that interaction even made her blush a little. She shook her head trying to brush off her silly feelings for Chuuya. They weren't real.

The two of them took a photo on a bench with the trees and a small pond in the background. “Wow, your hair flowed flawlessly with the wind before you snapped the photo.” Then Chuuya coughed with a slight tut. “Cause you know, it's good for people to see you at your best if we're going to be a convincing couple.”

“Yeah, yeah.. because we're just pretending to date, right? This isn't serious or anything.” She would laugh and shrug it off. But something in her weighed heavily on her chest. A small part of her didn't really want it to be fake.

They ended up walking back together and she turned to say goodbye like usual when they parted ways. Except she wasn't really anticipating for Chuuya to embrace her out of the blue.

“Chuuya—” She tried to protest but Chuuya tightened his grip around her. “Shut up.. I just wanted a hug. You know. To just… reinforce our performance. It feels like you've been pulling away and I want to make sure they don't find out we're faking you know?”

It was a little odd, but she humored him anyway with the hug. Her heart was racing and it didn't help with Chuuya's body being flush to hers. It felt different from all the times they pretended in front of their friends. This felt… real.

When Chuuya finally pulled away, he quickly turned and walked away. “See you tomorrow.”

That night, as she lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, she couldn't get Chuuya out of her head. Was she actually starting to fall for him? Did he reciprocate those same feelings?

You asked to meet up with Chuuya early before the double date. When he showed up with a puzzled look, you took the initiative to grasp him by the collar of his shirt and pull him close. “Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth, Chuuya. Why have you been acting all out of sorts lately?”

It took him by surprise because, first of all, she wasn't typically assertive like this. Also, with her face being so close to his, it had him blushing furiously. He had to firmly pull away to take a moment to gather himself.

“It's nothing. I just wanted us to stay on the same page.” He tried to sweep it under the rug, but she wasn't having it.

“You're a terrible liar. Spit it out Chuuya.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you developing feelings for me?”

He felt like his heart was in his throat as he swallowed hard. “Well..” He trailed off then gritted his teeth. “Okay fine! So what if I am a little attracted to you? I even stopped looking for someone else because there's no one like you.”

This came to her as a big shock. Even if she had a hunch he developed feelings for her, she wasn't expecting her guess to be correct. And even more, he stopped looking for someone because of her?!

“Really..?” She felt her face heat up. It was so much to process that she just left Chuuya hanging there for her response.

“Well? Don't keep me waiting! Do you feel the same way? Or even just a little bit?” It was killing him on the inside. Deep down, Chuuya wasn't one to express emotions that made him vulnerable.

She bit her lip then opened her mouth to speak in a low voice. “Maybe.. a little.” Her cheeks were burning up and Chuuya could see it clear as day.

“Just a little? Your flushed cheeks tell me otherwise.” Chuuya approached her face to face. His hand cupped her cheek and it became too much for her to deny it anymore.

“O-okay yes. I do like you. But this was supposed to be temporary.. I mean..” She didn't really know what to say. He tilted her chin to look at him. “Is it so bad that our fake relationship is becoming a real one?”

She laughed with a smile and pressed her forehead to his. “I suppose not. Let's give it a try… for real this time.”

[boobblog]

My Dude

You know what I've been thinking about lately? Obviously not, that's dumb to say in this method... noted. Focus...

Tomorrow is my 4th anniversary with my best friend. I wanted to try to put into words how much love I have for him, but in order to do that I need to give y'all examples of the Luke only I get to see, because I need the world to know how amazing he is.

Yesterday I had to have emergency surgery. During my mastectomy I had tissue expanders placed. The purpose was to create a cavity for a breast to be created in it's place once I finish my treatment. Since that day, 11/13/24, I have not felt good. Imagine constant nausea, extreme fatigue and malaise. Bathing took me out! My incisions opened up fully and slowly exposed my expanders to air. Essentially my body was rejecting the expanders, so they had to go immediately. Hence surgery on a Sunday.

I've told you all explicitly about my body image issues especially how I feel about my boobs. I NEVER wanted to be flat. I have enough mental diagnoses to work on, I could not take that one as well. Guess what? I'm flat. I totally understand why the decision was made, I agreed to it, and I knew this would end up being the outcome. My surgeon is incredible, she was texting me while on vacation for picture updates and even came home early to operate on me. If you guys need a plastic surgeon please go to Dr. Chelsie Snider here in Dallas. She's brilliant and my friend now.

Whoopsie...Last night when we got home I took a deep breath, like box breathing deep, for this first time since my first surgery. My chest already felt better by 80%, and if it weren't for these devil drains, I would be much more comfortable. I honestly believe I will start to feel good soon, for real this time. I hate being referred to as sick, but that's what I am, and currently on pain medication, pardon my rambling, but I have lots to say because I have had an epiphany, or maybe a resurgence of admiration for the people in my life. Specifically Luke.

If I'm being honest, I have NEVER been made to feel so completely loved and safe by someone before. I don't think I would have been able to fully recognize or even accept all of the compassion, empathy, respect, and physical care that Luke effortlessly gives to me. Freely, because he wants to and he notices I need help before I do sometimes, if it weren't for cancer. How he makes me feel reminds me of when I would fake being sick and my mom would let me stay home, just me and her. That kind of cozy completeness. And I have that, in the man that asked me to be his wife. I realize just how sappy this is, but cancer...what if I never take the chance to try to tell him just how thankful I am for him.

I tried to tell him today that 'thank you' is never going to be enough. From day one after my diagnosis he became the wall between me and my trauma, he has allowed me to express every feeling, all of them, the really ugly ones. And he did it with loving eyes and the best hugs. I was convinced because of my trauma that I was undeserving of love, unconditionally. One of my fears was that this would be too much for him. I was going to be alone in the end, that's how my reality has proven. I thought he was putting on a show.

I know. I'm stupid. I do deserve someone to love me before during and after all the shit thrown at me and now a complicated journey to be cancer free.

While our anniversary looks different, I'm excited for the memories it will create, because while I'm absolutely exhausted and feel funky most days, I have never been happier with some of my decisions. :)

I love him, so much. Especially his eyes when he smiles, which I get to see so much more now. I think I jaded him early in our relationship because ,I used to tell him, OFTEN that 'we do not give gold stars for bare minimum behavior.'

This fool thinks that is what he has been doing for me. Isn't that ridiculous after hearing all of that mushy stuff??? While my body is breaking he has completely patched up my heart. Because he wanted to! I'm so incredibly lucky.

Lucky in other areas too, and since it's New Year's Eve eve, it's a good time to reflect. I can't see past my cancer right now, sorry if it's annoying. Not sorry.

When I decided to "announce" I had cancer and when Luke created the Go Fund Me, which by the way blew us completely away. There are no words for me to be able to even begin to explain how much that did for my ENTIRE family.

I was given a backstage pass to my obituary. I was given the opportunity to be alive and hear what the people I love the most in life truly think of me. That's not something most people are able to hear. I have been overwhelmed with gratitude and genuine peace.

Wild. I am in a bruised and broken body hurting more than I want to admit and absolutely terrified about chemo next month, but I feel lucky. I guess when death is the only other option the little things become the most important. So while 2024 was NOT it, I learned to slow down, to breathe intentionally, and love fiercely.

My parents came up for Christmas, I was recovering from my hysterectomy and bladder sling procedure and they just hung out, accepted my mood swings and held me while I cried and apologized profusely. Before my family sent so many packages I couldn't keep up and then my parents brought even more, we were able to have a real Christmas. My boy got to have a Christmas because of the generosity of them. I also learned to never build anything with Papo again. I'm still so sorry I yelled at you Daddy.

I scheduled my first chemo infusion for January 14th. I've known it was coming, I even helped my oncologist pick the day. But the second we hung up today, I burst into tears. I'm just so tired of not feeling good. To know that is what is expected for the next 6 months of my life is daunting. The closer it gets, the less excited I am about being bald, and "looking" sick. Just a trivial thing, I know, but that's where I'm at in this moment now.

Happy Anniversary to my dude. 4 years married 7 together is just a second compared to what we have to look forward to. I know things will get better eventually. And if they don't, I know we can make it through stronger, together.

[xluciifer]

His relationship with Lilith was like oil and water; as much as oil creates beautiful colors when intertwined with water in their silent dance - it contaminates the substance.

She was snake oil in all her beauty and he fell deeply for the toxifying aura she produced for his senses. She was his hellfire disguised as his saving grace: the epitome to his downfall towards insanity.

He was none the wiser - a now fallen angel. And she played him with his violin of impurity. She became a ghost, the blackness that now haunts and lives in the corners of his peripherals.

7 years is a long time, and he waited, patiently; like a fool, once again. And one day - he snapped. He prayed in vain, to Her, to God once again that wouldn't hear his prayers. But ... that was okay with him.

I'm tired of holding onto you. It's time to let my pride go and learn to love myself again. I don't want to wait another day, I've waited long enough. [ ... ] I've hesitated all my life but I'm all done. I'm done running from you. Spent my whole life in your shadow, scared of who I'd be if I said goodbye and didn't have you here. [ ... ] I love you to death but I can't spend the rest of my life in this darkness; I'm done. I wish you the best but I'm not interested in giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much. [ ... ] Rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you. Tell the truth, you know I'd be better without you. Been in your shoes, don't be a fool and try to convince me that I'm the real issue when you're the root to every problem. I love you but not enough to allow you to drown the both of us. You're holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself. I don't want to leave, but that's what I need. I ain't got a choice, I can't just let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved. I am not gonna stand aside and watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage what little faith I have left. Haven't I given you enough? [ ... ] But I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes. I'm gonna miss you but I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life running from you.

Running // NF

[xeroscribed]

So, uhhhh...

I broke

Just like that, huh (definitely not typing rn to try and hold myself together 🙃)

I

Hmm

Fuck

Yeah, there have been signs, and [I really should smoke more] it finally came to a head.

"You're making yourself upset?"

"If I'm hearing wrong, I must be senile/I should go and get my hearing checked."

"Oh, so I'm the reason your life is so bad, am I?"

Etc.

Etc.

Sigh

Well [breathes], I understand my tension, my stress, my inactivity

No, it is not all her.

No, I did not tell her this

I'm kinda just finally realising it

This voice I've been fighting, that's been slowly creeping it's way back into the drivers seat with me lacking awareness of how significant the impact

For a few nights running, early this week, I struggled to sleep. Jerking awake as I dozed off at the sudden incomprehensible rage I heard quietly blaring in the back of my mind, as if in real time.

And I've no idea what words were said, or when. Something like a disembodied voice. An echo of a memory of a moment lived so many times over they've blended to one passage of indistinguishable vitriol hurled over decades with reckless abandon. No words to be placed but the undeniable cadence of the maternal howl. [Gone the wonder of why I excel at recognising voices].

.

The agonising pleading with the girl in the mirror, only increasing; I know that you're in there, so why won't you listen?

The constant convincing still so unconvincing

.

The frustration at the name in the bubble of notification. The constant exhaustion. The tension. The waning of patience.

There, you see...

I'm feeling okay.

Breathing somewhat steadily

Declining heart rate.

I'm straight.

So there was a moment. And-

A less evolved version of me would think my ma did it on purpose to force interaction or just to be petty.

Because after days on end of getting it right, she somehow gets it wrong. And gets me. In a gesture way off.

But...

I'm above that line of thinking and it helps me not

Fuck it.

Either way, interaction was had. A question asked. A tone misperceived. A flame thrown back. Which, at this moment - too hot to handle. But I do. Unsteady-like until I catch myself and...

I calmly highlight, yet again, this problem I'm having [we're having, but i digress]

See

Ffs

It's so frustrating

Yes, this is gaslighting.

But being gaslit by a person who doesn't actually understand that they're doing it.

Who is so trauma bound that they would swear blind if anyone were doing the harm it is you.

For being tense like you are. For avoidance. For snapping sometimes. For addressing the issue.

Here. I have to lead with understanding first. I have to moderate her emotions and redirect her to the topic at hand and manage her way of thinking and reiterate my point and do it all calm, don't dare raise your voice and-

Fuck

I have been thinking and writing in this stupid lyrical manner. This sing-song nursery rhyme bullshit.

Last night, for some reason, recollections of past traumas. Of hygiene. Of solitude. Of lessons in abandon.

Things I am still ashamed of.

But wish to speak on. Because there are so many of us. Hidden. Getting by

Getting on. Battling our demons.

Some, like me, still living with them. At least... that's what she thinks. I don't share the opinion.

I said I broke. It was... incredibly emotional and vulnerable and-

You can't show your pain because it's seen as a tool to make them feel guilty and feel like the fool so they flip it back on you without a care what you've said coz it's easier to claim they'd be better of dead than to take a step back and to listen instead.

I heard you I heard you. Then exaggerates context. Exaggerates impact. Inflates the intent and warps it to suit their ego.

.

This is the matter at hand. This is the plainness of speech. This is the intent.

Do not take to heart the things you think that I meant.

Do not ruminate on your past wounds or fears of your failure [the ones I'm beginning to share].

Do not put on me all the harm of past aggressors. Of the attitudes I've shed. Of the fallacies in your head.

.

"Well, I can't help it, can I!?"

I ask you, who can?

If not you than who?

Not seeking apology. Don't want you to feel bad.

Just asking you to see me as I truly am.

See the work I've put in. See the intention within. See the years of the patience and commitment that's been repairing this ship, drawing us closer, trying to establish something vaguely familial.

.

Yet you see me. Villain. Who hates. And spits sin. Who lies and denies you your right to feeling.

.

Here am I sharing this ache in my chest, this knot in my gut, and this pit in my head.

"It's always about what I'm doing to you!".

I've had an ear worm lately: "I need you, too". Still don't know what it means. Don't think I'm meant to. Not ready yet.

.

You ever notice when one has just formed?

"You're upsetting yourself/You're getting yourself upset."

Because everything is always repeated. They want you convinced.

That's the moment I realised the futility of going further. I'd said what I'd said. Clarified. Reiterated. Took my time. Found my patience.

I stopped. Composed myself. Said goodnight.

Again: Please remember the words that I've said. Please do not focus on what you think I meant.

A final attempt to beg. To plead. That she'll hear me this time.

Coz its taking it's toll. On my soul.

Oh yeah, that's the revelation.

See

That voice is winning. My energy waning. My faith fading. My hope withered.

And instead of knowing I'm good and great, I'm trying repetition hoping the thought integrates.

Like it had before.

But I'm battling two voices.

Both equal in strength.

One cultivated by me, with unending resistance.

The other, nurtured and festered inside. The one I seek to hide.

I

Had manage to quell it, pushed it to the side.

I was golden. Confident. I'd finally found pride.

And now both the knowing and the fearing have taken up residence. Battling it out for the number one spot.

And as I look out, I see the crowd forming.

The faces of friends. Some clear as day. Some so distant.

Some I can hear. Some I just get a glimpse of. But what carries through; words of love and peer wisdom.

That's one side. With the sun. With the me fueled by loving.

.

The other. Barren. Cept for one figure.

One I try not to witness til she toes the line to the sunny side. A gift yet a rarity.

Typically, she resides in the shady seats but stays squinting. The most notable impression of the twisted expression.

Some days are more dreary. And I can't see her clearly. But her voice steady travels on the wind and whips through me.

.

I watch these two battle it out - the crowd cheering.

But that voice doesn't shout. It whispers so clearly.

And the wounded looks through you: I know you can hear me.

.

Those supporters, so loving, well their chants are drowned out. And the two are left standing in a haze of pure doubt.

Neither sure. Both uncertain. Of which one will win.

Sometimes I think it's a matter of time.

Eventually the clock runs out and the stands will be missing their most loyal voyeur.

All that will remain will be sunshine and well wishes.

But its not really so dire. I suppose.

I recognise now what has it's hand round my throat.

May I not amplify it.

May I stand by the sunny side and know that clouds pass and find my place in the rain.

Let it wash over and all that malarkey.

So much has been said. So much I will probably read again and find lacking sense.

But you cannot tame a beast you have not named and I've named it. I know it. And I'm bound to defeat it.

So fuck it.

In the meantime, keep it going.

Find peace. Things will improve. It's just trauma. Not you.

You're better for knowing.

[marinalor]

RUNNING

I'm tired Of holding on to you, it's time to let My pride Go and learn to love myself again, yeah

I don't wanna wait another day, I've waited long enough I'm ready I can see the sun, it's coming up

There's happiness on the horizon I'm hopeful I can see the light, I've Hesitated all my life but I'm all done

I'm done running from you Spent my whole life in your shadow Scared of who I'd be if I Yeah Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside And watch you sabotage the two of us I love you to death, but I can't spend the rest of my Life in this darkness, I'm done I'm done

I wish you the best, but I'm not interested In giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much I don't wanna lose ya I don't wanna keep ya I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need ya Rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you, tell the truth You know I'd be better without ya Been in your shoes, don't be a fool And try to convince me that I'm the Real issue, when you're the root to every problem

I love you but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us, you're Holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself, I Don't wanna leave, but that's what I need, I ain't got a choice, I can't just Let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved I am not gonna stand aside And watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage What little faith I have left, yeah, haven't I scarificed enough for you? Hate seeing you cry, but I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, but I am not gonna spend the rest of my life running

From you Spent my whole life in your shadow Scared of who I'd be if I Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside And watch you sabotage the two of us I love you to death, but I can't spent the rest of my Life in this darkness, I'm done I'm done

[madewithonerib]

Sometimes it gets heavy, and you just have to take a day to recover, it happens, don't deny it or let others brush it off as nothing. . they don't know what it's like, but GOD does - a strange rite of passage

NF: I'm Done Running & Lauren Daigle: YOU Say (Lyrics)

I'm tired Of holding on to you, it's time to let

My pride Go and learn to love myself again, yeah I don't wanna wait another day, I've waited long enough I'm ready I can see the sun, it's coming up

There's happiness on the horizon I'm hopeful I can see the light, I've Hesitated all my life but I'm all done

I'm done running from you Spent my whole life in your shadow Scared of who I'd be if I Yeah Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside And watch you sabotage the two of us I love you to death, but I can't spend the rest of my Life in this darkness, I'm done I'm done

I wish you the best, but I'm not interested In giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much I don't wanna lose ya I don't wanna keep ya I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need ya Rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you, tell the truth You know I'd be better without ya Been in your shoes, don't be a fool And try to convince me that I'm the Real issue, when you're the root to every problem

I love you but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us, you're Holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself, I Don't wanna leave, but that's what I need, I ain't got a choice, I can't just Let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved I am not gonna stand aside And watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage What little faith I have left, yeah, haven't I sacrificed enough for you? Hate seeing you cry, but I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, but I am not gonna spend the rest of my life running

From you Spent my whole life in your shadow Scared of who I'd be if I Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside And watch you sabotage the two of us I love you to death, but I can't spent the rest of my Life in this darkness, I'm done I'm done

Songwriters: David Arthur Garcia / Nate Feuerstein RUNNING lyrics © Capitol CMG Publishing, Spirit Music Group, Universal Music Publishing Group

Lauren Daigle: You Say

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up

Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know Ooh-oh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak And you say I am held when I am falling short And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours And I believe (I) Oh, I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity Ooh-oh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak And you say I am held when I am falling short When I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours And I believe (I) Oh, I believe (I) What You say of me (I) Oh, I believe

Taking all I have, and now I'm laying it at Your feet You have every failure, God, You have every victory Ooh-oh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak You say I am held when I am falling short When I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours And I believe (I) Oh, I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe

Oh, I believe (I) Yes, I believe (I) What You say of me (I) I believe

Songwriters: Bebo Norman / Jason Ingram / Mike Donehey / Lauren Ashley Daigle / Paul Brendon Mabury. You Say lyrics © Appstreet Music, Centricsongs, So Essential Tunes, See You At The Pub

[fellinyou]

I'm tired of holding on to you, it's time to let my pride go and learn to love myself again

I don't wanna wait another day, I've waited long enough. I'm ready and I can see the sun, it's coming up. There's happiness on the horizon, I'm hopeful I can see the light, I've hesitated all my life but I'm all done. I'm done running from you, spent my whole life in your shadow.

Scared of who I'd be if I said goodbye and I didn't have you here, I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside and watch you sabotage the two of us

I love you to death, but I can't spend the rest of my life in this darkness. I wish you the best, but I'm not interested in giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much

I don't wanna lose you

I don't wanna keep you

I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need you rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you, tell the truth. You know I'd be better without you

I’ve been in your shoes, don't be a fool and try to convince me that I'm the real issue, when you're the root to every problem. I love you but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us, you're holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself

I don’t wanna leave, but that's what I need, I don’t have a choice, I can't just let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved. I am not gonna stand aside and watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage, what little faith I have left, haven't I sacrificed enough for you?

I hate seeing you cry, but I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes, I'm gonna miss you but I am not gonna spend the rest of my life running from you

[endeavvor]

I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need you rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you. Tell the truth. You know I'd be better without you. Been in your shoes, don't be a fool, and try to convince me that I'm the real issue, when you're the root to every problem. I love you, but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us, you're holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself. I don't wanna leave, but that's what I need, I ain't got a choice. I can't just let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved. I am not gonna stand aside and watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage what little faith I have left. Haven't I sacrificed enough for you? Hate seeing you cry, but I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes. Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, but I am not gonna spend the rest of my life running from you.

[susenasunka]

POV: finally letting go of your toxic fp

[NF version]:

I don't wanna lose ya, I don't wanna keep ya

I know that you mean well, but when I fail, I don't need ya rubbin' my face in it and treatin' me like I'm less than you, tell the truth, you know I'll be better without ya

Been in your shoes, don't be a fool and try to convince me that I'm the real issue when you're the root to every problem, I love you but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us,

you're holdin' me back, you're pullin' me down, you're makin' me hate myself, I don't wanna leave, but that's what I need, I ain't got a choice, I can't just let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved,

I Am not gonna stand aside and watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage what little faith I have left, yeah, haven't I sacrificed enough for you?

[ruinedsoulsrp]

I'm tired Of holding on to you, it's time to let My pride Go and learn to love myself again, yeah

I don't wanna wait another day, I've waited long enough I'm ready I can see the sun, it's coming up

There's happiness on the horizon I'm hopeful I can see the light, I've Hesitated all my life but I'm all done

I'm done running from you Spent my whole life in your shadow Scared of who I'd be if I Yeah Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside And watch you sabotage the two of us I love you to death, but I can't spend the rest of my Life in this darkness, I'm done I'm done

I wish you the best, but I'm not interested In giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much I don't wanna lose ya I don't wanna keep ya I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need ya Rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you, tell the truth You know I'd be better without ya Been in your shoes, don't be a fool And try to convince me that I'm the Real issue, when you're the root to every problem

I love you but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us, you're Holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself, I Don't wanna leave, but that's what I need, I ain't got a choice, I can't just Let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved I am not gonna stand aside And watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage What little faith I have left, yeah, haven't I sacrificed enough for you? Hate seeing you cry, but I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, but I am not gonna spend the rest of my life running

From you Spent my whole life in your shadow Scared of who I'd be if I Said goodbye and I didn't have you here

I wish you well but I can no longer stand aside And watch you sabotage the two of us I love you to death, but I can't spent the rest of my Life in this darkness, I'm done I'm done

@ssvperboy

[mereallycan]

Fueled by my current energy, getting around to first impression of the last season of yr

Edvin G.O.A.T Ryding!

He's so refreshing, energizing, reinvigorating (and I swear that was so needed and necessary to watch through the season), addicting, captivating, mesmerizing to watch. He's able to tell a coherent story like everything is deserving and every moment is precious. There's something about the way he pays respect to and for every time he is on screen and accorded reverence for what he gets to do. There's also the fact that he stays with you. He sticks with you. He latches on to you and you're forced to just stay with him and when he's not there you're longing for him and only when he's with you again does it feel right and whole and sufficient. He's him. I swear, HE'S HIM.

I'll need them to take 99% of most of the male actors on that show and give it the female actors, especially Frida. She's so fresh and fantastic with her acting. Mwah mwah mwah she served every single time. Nikita/Felice shout-out because she's angel

The same actors carried over the same issues they already had. I already expected it and experienced them being woeful with their acting but I still got disappointed, just soulless and lifeless like a stone, and if they get any bit of push to give anything, they have to do it from their real life, tries to act out a character, forced to read lines out, (barely, if they can get to it. shout-out to my multi hyphenated actor director producer philanthropist Edvin for real. Speaking of, they should have listened to him when he said that new song was ass). I don't even know that was possible. I'm not even getting into all of that but pressing on the list of issues, is pursing their lips the only move they have cos you can just tell whenever they whip it out they're so sure they're in their bag? 😂 anyways....

oh and why did this fools bring up M****??? like I should have taken the fact that he never struck me or that I never paid attention or retention to him the whole time as a sign but then I made a note to see if there was any inkling of validity that they brought him up and tell me why the first thing that came out of my mouth after scrunching up my whole face and catching an ick in my chest was "is this?? your?? M****?! And then I tried for a few more scenes and just naturally went back to forgetting him on screen like the rest of them and he registered again to my eyes at the party scene because of course I was paying attention to Edvin and I equal parts start cringing out and equal parts laughing like sir what?? is?? you?? do??ing?? anyways for real now lmao

Long live Prince Wilhelm! Well live King Edvin!

The season didn't really do anything. It didn't say anything. It was nothing. It was empty. Nothing was served. It meant nothing.

How does one get obsessed with getting an obsession over a show that they forget to make a show?

She got too close to the people that took and mistook access and freedom of opinion to mean entitlement and ownership and ruined the integrity, purity and original voice and texture of the show. From its core, the season reeks of creative and mental fatigue and tiredness of the show for the most part. The other part was it was trying to be something it's not, something to everybody and ended up being nothing to itself.

I get the fact that for commercial creatives, the have to get input and feedback and consider factors to influence success and acceptance in commercial currency but to completely keep the creating part at the bottom of the list, or to keep it higher up the list but burden it with getting a specific reaction, creating a parallel, making specific people less mad or just all the cobwebs this season was buried under is just brutal to creators, creating and creativity. I tried to rationalize the hollowness and emptiness from it with the fact that I already knew where it was going and what was going to happen but I just couldn't convince myself to believe that cos my brain kept supplying the fact there are shows I have seen from start to finish and could recite for fun that would still be striking and elicit feelings or something at least but not these episodes.

The creators also encouraged their behavior and enabled them to fester and let their carcass gather flies. Those idiotic ingrates stifled and corrupted the direction of the whole series. Entitled empty head think they could control every element of the series as if it was theirs and should should cater to all of their individual personal stories or fantasies. She should have paid them for even more dust ngl. These people could have gotten a show and instead they got their show, kinda, because that wasn't even Wilmon endgame or romance or even drama. Nothing was on the plate. Not even air. Lmao. Like why did him telling his weird ass out of nowhere 180 degree mother he loved her move me more than whatever that last scene was? And that anticipatory, presumptive log of wood didn't even help at all. He held on to his rubbish till the last scene, and that was him actually feeling sad irl by the way. That still makes me laugh, method actors are one thing but non acting and reality documentary recitations?? Jail. I love when Edvin uses it to his advantage to elevate their scenes together as much as he can though.

ALL THAT SAID LMAO it's not that serious and I really don't consume entertainment to be intellectual or over analytical or over critical and I couldn't care too much and I usually don't even expect anything of people creating whatever they want to create I guess they just introduced me to a vibe they couldn't maintain so side eye and the irritation for those fAnS has to go somewhere.

[healingsnowy]

I wish you the best, but I'm not interested

In giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much

I don't wanna lose ya

I don't wanna keep ya

I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need ya

Rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you, tell the truth

You know I'd be better without ya

Been in your shoes, don't be a fool

And try to convince me that I'm the

Real issue, when you're the root to every problem

I love you but not enough to allow you to continue to drown the both of us, you're

Holding me back, you're pulling me down, you're making me hate myself, I

Don't wanna leave, but that's what I need, I ain't got a choice, I can't just

Let you deceive and make me believe that I don't deserve to be loved

I am not gonna stand aside

And watch you attempt to rob and steal and sabotage

What little faith I have left, yeah, haven't I sacrificed enough for you?

Hate seeing you cry, but I think it's time to let go and say our goodbyes

Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, but I am not gonna spend the rest of my life running

wish you well but I can no longer stand aside

And watch you sabotage the two of us

I love you to death, but I can't spent the rest of my

Life in this darkness, I'm done

I'm done

[smellslikenormality]

I wish you the best, but I'm not interested In giving you more of my life, I've already given you too much I don't wanna lose ya I don't wanna keep ya I know that you mean well but when I fail I don't need ya Rubbing my face in it and treating me like I'm less than you, tell the truth You know I'd be better without ya Been in your shoes, don't be a fool And try to convince me that I'm the Real issue, when you're the root to every problem

NF

[lucyglassesstuff]

Dealing with: Fears and Doubts.

Insecurities I think is a better fitting name for it.

I'm- scared. Ha ha.

Yeah, how surprising. I told you most of the thoughts I have start in a similar way.

Anyway, that's this post's topic.

I published a grand total of two things by the time I'm writing this and I'm already doubting it.

What's the point of doing any of it if no one ever reads it? What if no one ever reads it? What if I'm wasting time and effort on this? What if, what if, what if.

The answer is quite simple: You push through.

I'll be fine either way. I know I will.

It doesn't make much to stop the thoughts from coming, but makes enough to allow me to do it anyway.

I think- After many many little tiny baby steps that lead me here- I'm in the phase where I'm starting to quite literally kick myself off the edge of the cliff.

You go and triumph girl! Fly!

I picture myself falling and screaming knowing damn well I just jumped off that cliff because I know I'll fall into what I want.

And- don't let yourself be fooled. I'm not doing anything that's oh so out there and risky and bla bla.

I started to post.

That's it.

And for me, in my context and with my social anxiety and fear of rejection and all the issues that I can't remember to name, is a HUGE jump.

I'm aware there's people who do it without even blinking. Not even a second thought after publishing the thing.

Whatever the thing might be.

I love to pretend I'm confident.

Some people buy into it.

It's fun.

And I guess in some ways I am.

Because I'm not- Shy, per se. I'm actually quite loud and bold and unapologetic, but I do am insecure.

I doubt- a lot of what I do.

Wich doesn't make me stop doing it just- Gives me anxiety.

Is a constant war between "I'm not going to change because of what someone else may or may not think of me" and "What if everyone hates me and I'm super annoying?"

I want to be real and authentic and happy and free and etc etc but I also want to be liked.

Is that possible?

YES.

Yes it is.

And Mejor solo que mal acompañado, right?

Yeah.

Again, is a very contradicting way of thinking. But I suppose that's all of us. In some degree...

See? I just doubted myself there again.

Long story short my life is now basically an ongoing cycle of being scared of something and then convincing myself to do it anyway.

It's fun.

Keeps me on my toes.

What will I force myself to do next?

I'm kidding, I don't force myself, I softly persuade the hell out of myself.

Maybe it has something to do with how my family works...

Oh yeah, might I clarify, this is a- Well- How would you describe it...

Instead of presenting you any final ideas on a certain topic, I'm just rambling about how I deal with stuff.

I keep thinking about how to organize the whole thing. How do I separate this type of post from the other ones and honestly what is the main difference between them.

Should I put a small summary on the top of it so you know more about what I'll be covering?

Should I just format the titles differently? With the font or the titles themselves?

It's a whole thing.

But then again: I want to make a point of proving I can still do it even when I haven't figured it out yet.

In all honesty I'm just scared I'll freeze in planning mode if I don't push myself to just do it.

I want it to be cohesive and easy to go through once I've posted more things.

Oh I have big big plans.

And I'm still trying to figure how to lay them out.

And of course, they make me scared: What if I fail? What if they don't work? What if I change my mind? What if let myself down? What if my expectations are to high? What if the punch of harsh reality blows my inspiration and confidence away and I loose all the progress I made so far? What if-

Oh my God, girl stop.

You sound hysterical.

Inhale exhale, c'mon. One two.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. Once more.

It's gonna be fine.

Don't panic.

And I mean, it's okay to worry sometimes, it's inevitable. Fighting against it is exhausting too, so I opted to just let it happen and then I'll sit with myself to calm me down in the most loving and patient way I can master.

Loving and patient.

For a scared and panicked me.

It works better than it sounds, truly.

One of my most useful new tools.

Is not an easy tatic but is quite simple.

You should try it.