#'dave. dave. alright i guess coffee and cigarettes for breakfast then.

[lemonsilly]

john crocker one chance please please (raising my hand pick me pick me i want to know more about him!!!!!)

YES YES YES HI HI HI HERES THE JOHN CROCKER DUMP!!! this is gonna be a long one bc im literally explaining his entire character, pls mind the autism

Jonathan "John" Crocker (lemonsilly ver)'s lore kind of follows the typical Alpha John structure with two critical exceptions!!

He stayed with the Crockercorp corporation

He's a bit younger here lol (I'd say 50s or maybe late 40s at the youngest, rather than the 86 y/o ver of Crocker we see in homestuck!)

To elaborate on point 1, I mean he kind of stayed tied to his mother and never really broke out of this familial tie. He's still an actor and comedian, however, he's also working under CrockerCorp (and thus, HIC). I've always imagined him being used for propaganda (and I get that HiC's rule was kinda more lowkey in HS proper but its not in my version!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc im insane abt the alpha guardians) and kind of seen as Hollywood's Darling.

His main reason for still sticking with Evil Troll Mom is a mix of obligation and a weird attachment to her. You know the experiment with monkeys with cloth mother and wire mother? She's John's wire mother.

Having been raised alone after Jade's escape, he grows to resent his sister (both from a combo of his own personal feelings and HIC's influence) and kind of clings to his mom like a baby koala. TLDR; big mama's boy in his late 40s-50s because trauma

Being a big time comedian and actor, John is probably the most charismatic man in Condywood (as I like to call it), next to David "Dave" Strider (more on that relationship later). He's very charming and quite silly too! In AUs where he's raising Jane (or any of the egbert/crockers for that matter, if you wanna get silly with it and include beta john), he's actually very good with her. Despite his erm .. everything! he is a doting father (which I guess is kind of OOC in terms of breath players and their massive fears of commitment, but we're already incredibly OOC for what any variation of John stands for so I kinda dont care)

His charisma is lethal, though. He doesn't use it for ill will very often! Because above all else, he's a pretty nice guy (usually). This unfortunately makes him HIC's biggest weapon in her arsenal.

This is where Dave Strider -- biggest anti-HIC fighter beside his sister, Rose Lalonde -- comes in.

Now, Dave and Rose's works are subtle. They're not too overt. This pushes them into stardom. Dave's movies are pretty pretentious, and even more pretentious if you actually pick up on the subliminal messaging. Bottom line is, HIC sends John to try to scrape as much information off of them (and possibly deal with them) as possible.

But the thing is, John kind of gets a weird fascination with Dave. Dave is kind of easy in terms of John's mission, as he's much more ... pliable ? (at least in my au JKGHHAGJK). Dave is a coked out, eccentric director who dances on the thin line of self-hatred and egocentricism. Dave is smart, don't get me wrong, and this is kind of what attracts John to Dave.

John kind of gets a desperate need to constantly one up this guy. It is always power and control to him. Once he somehow slithers into Dave's life, he holds what Dave wants just enough out of reach. Even outside of Condywood AU, I really like to portray them like this lololol. And being much more powerful than Dave, it is so easy to get one over him, even in the most subtle of ways. This need also stems from Dave also being able to get one over him (because Dave is smart). And Dave (rags to riches, new director) is a little guy -- in terms of society -- compared to John (born into wealth, famed comedian and actor). It's kind of a threat to John's ego, so he's kind of obsessed with catching Dave before he does anything.

Ok it's like 1 am and I've had a bit to drink and I need to wake up for work tomorrow SO I WILL END IT HERE but ohhhh i lvoe you john crocker. imagine that heart locket gif animation but with him

i imagine his voice to sound like Ian Bruce (The Correspondents) or Shayfer Jaymes... if this means anything ... i listen to Puppet Loosely Strung by The Correspondents and im like OMFG ITS HIM!!! (abt his feelings toward dave, bc he also kind of has this jealousy of how free dave is compared to him LOL)