#'aren't you glad your parents had sex right then instead of waiting an hour?'

[tyrannosaurus-trainwreck]

The number of people who seem to think literal children exist to serve as big cartoon mallets with which to bludgeon people into being more responsible is genuinely amazing.

Like, y’all are really going to be out here bleating, “It’s a child not a choice!” and then turn around and act like whatever shit happens to those kids once they’re born to some irresponsible dickwad who didn’t want them is just fine?

You’re really going to look at someone you wouldn’t trust to watch your dog and come down on the side of handing over a newborn with the explicit understanding that the baby is a punishment for their personal failings? Really?

Everyone I knew who oopsed their way into needing an abortion would have been a goddamned nightmare as a parent.  Recognizing that they weren’t in any shape to be a parent and choosing abortion was probably the most responsible thing they’d done that year.

Life isn't some heartwarming lowbrow comedy where a perennial fuckup can just montage their way into adulthood once they're forced into the right predicament.  Children aren’t there to teach their parents valuable life-lessons about planning ahead, and they’re not there to serve as a consequence to their parents’ bad decisions.

They’re definitely not props in a fucking morality play that some stranger likes to imagine being played out by sexually-active people whose precautionary measures don’t meet their approval.

Their well-being matters.  Their quality of life matters.  Them being raised in a loving and welcoming environment matters.  Them being raised by people who were prepared to have them, who wanted them, who went into it willing to sacrifice for them, matters.

Why the everloving fuck does this need to be pointed out?

A quick note on adoption, since that’s a favorite hobbyhorse:

It’s currently pretty easy for white infants to get adopted into a good home.  But children are very expensive, especially as more and more holes get slashed in the social safety net.  As the “domestic supply of infants” increases due to forced-birth measures, we’re likely to hit a saturation point pretty quickly. 

After we do, we’re going to see that list of criteria for an easy and fast adoption get longer and longer and longer.  Since housing the children waiting for adoption is expensive, we’ll probably also see the criteria for “good home” get lower and lower.  We’ll probably see the institutions housing the children who still don’t make the adoptability cut treat them about how you’d expect children to be treated in a capitalist hellscape society that has very clearly demonstrated that no one in power wants them for anything.

We know this, because we’ve been here before during the Great Depression, and we’ve seen it happen elsewhere under similar circumstances.

Those kids? Those children who don’t make it over all the “healthy, white, blond, etc. etc. etc. etc. infant” hurdles, those children who adoptive parents can’t be persuaded with “they look just like you, no one will ever know they’re not your bio kid!”, those children whose social workers can’t hard-sell someone into taking them like a hard-luck shelter dog? 

Their well-being still matters.  They’re still not an abstract consequence, they’re still not a tool to make their parents repent of *checks notes* not using a condom every time, they’re still not a mechanism to teach someone else a lesson.

They’re still not expendable cannon-fodder in some jackhole’s little War on Someone Else’s Perceived Irresponsibility.

Again, why the everloving fuck does this need to be pointed out?

[existentialstatesofmind]

Moving In

Clare: made a face. “That’s nasty. I’m glad you told them no. I can’t believe you haven’t been up there, Drew, you should’ve checked it out when you bought the house. What if there’s rodents? Or there could be neat stuff from previous owners. I read about people discovering something valuable in their new homes all the time because people leave what they think is old junk behind and it turns out to be worth a lot of money.” Her mouth formed an o of surprise when he told her what was down in the basement. “I see how it is, Torres, trying to keep your man cave a secret huh?” Clare teased. “That one. I wanna christen the basement now that I know how nice it is. As for the rest, we’ll see.” Clare kissed Drew back. Her lips lingered on his longer this time before she pulled back. She had a feeling they’d probably end up having sex almost everywhere in their house sooner or later. “Oh my god. I know all about that excuse not shave. Don’t forget I lived in New York. The guys at Columbia and NYU enjoyed looking like the homeless people in Central Park, and I don’t think most of them were really doing it for charity. I have got to see that picture.” She said excitedly. “Please. I need a sneak peak of the future. If you looked good, I might even encourage you to participate in No Shave November sometime again before we’re old and gray.” Clare smiled back. “Fine. I’ll do it. When I’m Grandma.” She kissed him lovingly. “Now about this Allison. If I really like the picture, we can take it to a photo place and crop her out right?” Clare lightly smacked his arm, and started laughing too hard to talk for a couple of minutes. “Okay I know I can be intense and overdramatic but no, I wouldn’t rip your head off.” She said once she could speak again. “I’d be worried because we aren’t ready and because I don’t know how to handle it when things don’t go according to plan. Admit it, you would be freaking out too Andrew.” Clare chuckled. “That’s what I want. I’m glad we’re on the same page. Soon as we stop using protection, we’ll have to be prepared to become parents though. Honeymoon babies are pretty common. Of course if I continue to take the pill that might give us more time.” Clare wasn’t sure if Drew wanted to start trying soon as they got married or just leave it up to fate. It probably depended on how far off the wedding was. She knew if they’d stuck to ‘the plan’ they would be getting engaged by now but Clare wasn’t going to bring that up. Once she’d finally admitted everything was real it had been necessary to slow down. “I just told them we weren’t starting a family yet and left it at that. Only Darcy and Alli were nosy enough to really question me anyway. I did remind both of them I’m on the pill.” When she finished her explanation of the nightmares that had been haunting her and how little sleep she’d been getting, Clare snuggled against Drew again after he kissed her. She still felt shaky but being closer to him helped. “I feel safe when I’m with you.” She said softly. “That first night when you were in the hospital before anything happened with us, I realized it when I was able to get the best night‘s sleep I‘d had in ages.“ She listened to Drew’s babysitting story. She appreciated him trying to distract her. Clare smiled as she looked at the picture. “They have a beautiful baby girl and this has to be the cutest picture of you yet. You’re good with kids that’s why you get asked to babysit. I love you too. More than anything.” She whispered back. Clare pecked his lips a few times. Her mind was still on her troubles though. “I’m so stressed out that it’s causing me problems at work.” She admitted.

Drew: looked at Clare when she mentioned the attic. "I would've found out if there were rodents up there by now. I was babysitting a ferret for a few weeks and he ran into the attic a few times as I was cleaning the cage. Once I let him run around my mom's house since she swore she heard noises of some sort and I figured I'd be mean and let the ferret hide her stuff since he hid mine. Instead, he ran somewhere up stairs and we heard small thuds coming down the stairs every so often so I thought he was bringing one of her shoes to hide, turns out there was a mouse in my mom's house and he killed it and bought it to us as a gift or something. I know he killed it because the mouse was dying as he had it between his teeth. After that I took him to the vet to get checked out. I wasn't charged for the check up because the vet told me ferrets are smart animals and wouldn't have killed the mouse if it was sick, he would've just let it die." he said. "Plus the mouse would've been dead withing a few hours." he added, then looked at her. "The only thing in my attic are squirrels. There's a hole in the roof that they go into during the winter to keep warm. They mainly stay in the roof though since my friends told me they aren't in the house. There aren't any holes in the walls." he shrugged. Plus I've banged on the walls and nothing, but when I climbed on the roof and jumped a few times, they ran out." he shrugged. "So I'm not worried about them since they go in and out on a daily basis, my guess is that they're house broken or something, it's obvious that they were hiding in there for years based on small hole I found that was plastered over and gnawed open more than once and the attic doesn't smell at all based on what my friends told me." he shrugged letting her know there wasn't anything for them to worry about. A soft chuckle fell from his lips when she mentioned his man cave and looked at her. "I want to keep my man cave, yes, but I don't want to keep it a secret from you. I want you to feel that you're able to go down there whenever you want to or that it's just mine because nothing is just mine anymore. It's now ours." he assured and let their lips linger as they kissed. A soft chuckle fell from Drew's lips as she mentioned people in her college looking like homeless men and pulled out the picture of him and Allison. "There you go. I don't really look homeless though." he shrugged and looked at her to see her reaction to his picture. "Thank you. We can let people think we're the real Mr. and Mrs. Clause." he smiled. "You know, give other kids hope that Santa is real." he added and smiled at her. "Yes if you want to we can crop Allison out of it." he assured and kissed her more. He liked that Clare wouldn't rip his head off if she had gotten pregnant and listened to her. "I don't think I'd freak out that much, I mean I'd be terrified especially with work, but the restaurant right now basically runs itself which happened faster than expected so I'd stay home when needed and bring the baby with me when I check up on it." he shrugged. "But I would like to wait as you've said." he agreed and listened to her mention being prepared. "Clare, we are prepared. I have enough money saved off to buy you an engagement ring, get married, go on our honeymoon and maybe have some left over. I make about $60 an hour on my own just by how much the restaurant brings in counting food, taxes, staff, insurance on it in case something happens, and the rest left over gets put into my safe here in our room." he said pointing to it. "I just leave that there because you never know when something will break or how much it will cost to replace it." he added. "I kind of want to leave when we have a baby up to fate so if you want to, when we get married you can stop taking the pill." he suggested and listened to her mention Alli and Darcy, he didn't say anything since it was only natural for them to guess that since they were close to Clare and protective of her. "Baby, you need to relax and unstress, while I'm glad that you feel safe in my arms because you are, I don't like when you're over stressed." he stated and moved out of their bed. "Come on, lets move down to my man cave, relax on the couch and watch a movie or something. The TV down there has surround sound." he held out his hand for her.