#'a quark is a really really small thing and i was really really small too' FUUUUCK MY ENTIRE LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[sholmeser]

anyone else feeling soooooo awesome and normal

[pyrrhiccomedy]

If you have the time, I have a physics question that has been breaking my brain. What exactly is energy?

I've tried so hard to wrap my head around it but even all the engineering dads of youtube can't make me understand.

The thing with physics is that the simpler something is, the harder it is to put it into words. Energy is almost as simple as it gets. The textbook definition of energy is just "the capacity for something to move against a force," but that's not satisfying, because it's too simple. So let's try something else.

Think back to the Big Bang. What was the Big Bang made of?

Particles, right? Just a lot of particles. We didn't even have hydrogen yet, that would take about 400,000 years. In fact for the first few microseconds, we didn't even have protons and neutrons and electrons, we just had quarks and gluons. The stuff of the Big Bang - the stuff you could touch - was just particles.

Where did those particles go?

You know: into stuff. Everything around you is made of those particles. I mean, by weight, less than 1% of all matter in the universe is solid stuff, but you get it, right? The planets and the stars and dark matter and black holes and penguins and sunflowers and you and me are all made out of those particles.

But the Big Bang wasn't just "a bunch of particles." "A bunch of particles" would just...sit there. If the singularity behind the Big Bang was just a bunch of particles, it would just be, like, a marble, or a block of tofu. It wouldn't have done anything.

Part of the difficulty of understanding energy is that we thought it was a substance for so long. Like, from the time when fire was put into the same category as earth, wind, and and water as one of the classical elements, up until, like, the 1850s. And talking about it like it's a substance and thinking about it like it's a substance is a tough habit to break. But it's not a substance. The Big Bang WAS only "made of" those particles. There wasn't anything else there. Physically it was just particles.

Those particles just had personal qualities. Like having a charming personality, and a good sense of humor. Intangible qualities. Two of them, specifically.

Their qualities were hot and fast. And hot is just fast but small! So really they only had one quality: an absolutely fucking stupid amount of FAST.

We've already covered where the particles went. That's all the stuff you see when you look around.

So where did the fast go?

That's energy. The single personal intangible quality possessed by the particles at the moment of the Big Bang. And energy can never be created or destroyed, right? So the fast isn't gone. All of the particles had fast, and so when they spread out, they took the fast with them, as they turned into atoms and chemicals and stuff.

All of the energy in the universe is just the fastness from that single moment of ignition, transforming and transforming into different expressions of motion.

Hope this helps.

[justmeinadaze]

Aftercare (Steddie Ask)

A/N: This an ask by @corrodedcorpses <3. She wanted something where the reader didn't know what aftercare was so the boys showed her after an instance with her boyfriend or a partner. It intrigued me! You always give me interesting ones, mama, that I can connect with! Lol I seriously didn't know what aftercare was until I started reading smut. All my exes never did it and I always felt like ugh after they would leave.

I hope I did you proud!

Warnings: Light smut (she said I could :D ), more so Steddie looking after her, there are mentions of the aftermath when her boyfriend leaves (bruised wrists, welts from a belt), Steve mentions her bleeding and Eddie gets protective, reader is stuck in a little/submissive headspace

Word Count: 2555

Steve tossed Eddie some movies on the couch as he shuffles off his Family Video vest and slams his body exhaustedly onto the adjacent sofa.

“You’re films you requested, my liege.”

“Cool, man. Thank you.”

“No problem. Where is Y/N?”

Eddie’s eyes shift towards the closed door of your bedroom. “With her idiot.”

“I thought they broke up.”

“Yeah, well, I guess not.”

The door suddenly opens, your boyfriend adorning a huge grin. “I’ll see you later, Y/N! Have a good night, boys.”

They both respond with an aggressive hm as Steve gets up to follow him out and lock the door behind him. “Fucking prick.”

“I can hear you; you know!”

“Good because I wasn’t hiding it!” 

“Hey, sweetheart. You want to watch a movie?!”

“Not tonight, Eds! I don’t… feel so hot.”

They glance at each other at your change of tone. They had known you since high school and since you guys had agreed to move in together, you all had learned each other’s little quarks. You always seemed to have a smile on your face especially around them but in every one of your relationships, you appeared to become more and more lethargic. 

You confided in them once that you felt like there was something wrong with you. 

“Maybe I’m not meant to be happy in a relationship.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Of course, you are, honey.” Steve couldn’t believe what he had heard. 

“Any man would be lucky to have you, princess.”

“Please, you have to say that because you’re my friends.”, you giggle.

Eddie rose from the couch as both boys headed to your room. It was oddly darker than normal and Steve flipped the switch to turn on your white Christmas lights you usually had on above your bed. Your clothes they remembered you wearing that day were tossed around on the floor but you appeared to be clothed insomething since they could see the light reflecting off the silk against your skin. You were laying on your side as the blanket covered you up to your waist. You seemed incredibly small and it scared them a bit. 

“What’s wrong, Y/N? You’re feeling sick?”

“No, Stevie. Just… tired.”

“Y/N, did that fucking asshole hurt you?” You both turned to look at Eddie as Steve followed his eyeline. Your wrists were starting to swell where you had pulled at the handcuffs that were currently hidden in your dresser. “I’m gonna fucking kill him.”

“No! No, no, no.” You quickly got up, running after him as he started heading for the front door. “No. It’s… it’s not what you think.”

“Honey, you’re bleeding.” 

You try to look at your behind, wincing as you sigh. “He hit me a bit too hard. NO!” Eddie starts to head for the door again as you grab his arm. “I…I wanted this. Fuck.” The metalhead’s arms shoot out to catch you as your knees buckle. “I feel really heavy and…”

“A little clingy?” As you found yourself still stuck in your little girl headspace, Eddie’s protective grasp around you had you feeling safe. You couldn’t help but nuzzle your face into his chest as you nodded. Both men look at each other with a mutual understanding of what’s going on.

“What fucking prick doesn’t do aftercare after something like this?”, Steve asks.

“What’s that? After care?”

Both sets of eyes widen at your question. “Y/N, you’re telling us, you want to do things like this but no one has ever taken care of you after?”

“Well, that stops today.” Eddie lifted you into his arms and carried you towards your bathroom. “Harrington, take over really quick, I have some first aid stuff in my room. I’ll be right back.”

Steve sits on the edge of your tub as he looks up at you with admiration. “Do you think you can stand for a shower or do you want to take a bath?” He sees something flash through your eyes that seems like trepidation. “Hey. You’re still in that headspace?” You gently nod your head. 

“That’s ok, sweet girl. That’s perfectly alright. Did you want to ask me something?”

“If…if I take a bath, will you sit with me?”

He tenderly smiles as he pulls you into his embrace. “Yeah, honey, I can do that. You can ask me and Eddie anything you want to, okay? We love you.” You grin with giddy pride at his last sentence. “This is gorgeous by the way. Did you buy it?”

Your hands fly down to run along the silk nightie you had forgotten you were wearing. “I did. It came with these cute panties and stockings. I don’t like those though. The mesh feels weird on my feet.”

“Hm, I bet. What do you like?”

You shrug as he lifts the garment over your head. “What do you like?”

“Honestly, I’m not a big fan of extras like stockings.” The pads of his fingers glid up your leg to the middle of your thigh. “I like to be able to feel my girl’s skin.” He grinned as you blushed. 

After turning off the water, he held your hand as he guided you into the tub. You flinched as you slowly lowered your behind into the warmth, your eyes darting to his after you were seated, waiting patiently for him to join. 

A pleasure filled sigh left your lips as he gradually removed every item of clothing he was wearing. You had seen both of them without a shirt numerous times but seeing him now was sending a different kind of electricity through your body. When he removed his boxers, your breath caught in your throat. He was much bigger than you expected him to be.

“Wow. Didn’t take you long to get naked, huh, Harrington?”, Eddie grinned as he entered the bathroom. Steve made a face at the boy before climbing in behind you, pulling your shoulders back so you could lean against his chest. “I got my first aid kit laid out on your bed with some comfy clothes. I was thinking after we take care of you here, if you’re feeling up to it, we could order a pizza and watch a movie.”

You smile up at him as he takes a seat on the corner of the tub so he can face you both. 

“Is it ok if I ask you some questions?” You nod your head to the metalhead’s question as Steve delicately runs his palms over your arms. 

“You said you wanted this. Wanted what exactly?”

“I like…being controlled.”, your eyes look down in shame.

“Princess, look at me. There’s no judgement here. You’re safe with us, ok? Can you repeat my last sentence back to me?”

“I’m safe with you.”

“Good. Good girl, baby.” His words with the proceeding smile made your body shiver. 

“Now you like to be controlled but it seems like the idiots you’ve been with haven’t been doing it right if you don’t know what aftercare is. It’s extremely important after playing like that.”

Your eyes meet his as your bottom lip trembles. “I just thought there was something wrong with me. That’s why…I feel like this after…like I’m broken or something.” 

Steve’s arms wrap around you as he pulls you closer to him, kissing the top of your head. Your gaze shifts between them as you feel the love they have for you radiating off them. You ARE safe.

“He hits me too hard sometimes. It makes me feel like trash especially when he just leaves after.”

“You’re not trash and you’re NOT broken.”, Eddie growls. “I fucking hate that guy. Fucking every guy you date is a fucking imbecile. I swear—”

“Can I kiss you?” His head straightens up as his brown eyes look at yours in confusion. “I’m sorry. Was that…to much? I just… seeing and hearing you both be so protective and caring…watching your lips move…I just wanted to kiss you.”

The metalhead smiles as he all but jumps into the bath making you laugh as he carefully straddles his knees on either side of both your legs. His palms grip your cheeks as he brings his lips to yours. It was a delicate kiss; careful to not cross a line but you desperately wanted more as soon as he pulled away. 

“How are you feeling now, Y/N? Starting to feel a little better?”, Steve asks, smiling as you nod your head. You were feeling so much better in fact that you grew bolder, leaning back to place your lips on his. When you pulled away, his kisses trailed up your jawline and down to your shoulder.

“How…how do you guys know about this stuff?”

“Aftercare? Because we’re fucking gentlemen.” You laughed at Eddie’s statement making them both grin seeing the personality they were used to slowly pushing through. “Sweetheart, even if you weren’t into the rougher stuff, who wouldn’t want to hold you and spend time with you after?”

He kisses your forehead before rising to his feet, water cascading from his now soaked attire. 

“Really? At least take off your clothes before stepping out so you don’t trench her floor.”

“I think you just want to see me naked, Harrington.” Eddie winks as he slides his shirt over his head and yanks down his shorts with his boxers, tossing them to the far corner of your tub. 

Jesus. How could both your friends be so well endowed and you have no idea. The metalhead reaches for your hands but pauses before you can reach up for them. 

“Is this okay? Do you feel comfortable touching me while I’m naked? I can go grab boxers or here! Maybe Steve’s will fit—”

Your palms grip his as you pull yourself up. “Eddie, it’s fine. I trust you.”

The man smiles as he reaches for a towel and dries you first before himself, tossing it to his friend to utilize as he guided you back to your bedroom. He sat on the bed as he placed you in front of him, turning you around so he can see the wounds on your behind.

You hear his breathing stutter as you feel the pads of his fingers trace down your sides. “I’m sorry. I just…you’re really fucking beautiful. I mean…I always thought you were…gorgeous…I just—”

Turning back to face him, you kiss his lips again, this time with much more vigor than before. 

“Wait, wait. F-fuck.” Eddie pants as his tongue runs along his lips. “I can’t…we can’t…not right now, Y/N. Let us…let us look after you tonight and then tomorrow…we’ll see how you feel.”

You nod as you adjust your body back to the way he had set it, finding Steve leaning against the bathroom doorframe. 

“What do you think, Ed? Maybe, we can at least reward her for being so honest with us.”

“I don’t see how that would be a problem. Just don’t move her to much so I can finish cleaning and bandaging these cuts here. Baby, what did he hit you with?”

“Belt.”

Eddie grumbled under his breath as Steve fell to his knees in front of you. You hiss as the man behind you starts his task, your hands promptly shooting out to grip the other boy’s shoulders. 

“Hey, whoa. It’s ok. I got you.”, he coos as his own palms grip your waist. “I got you, honey. Is it alright if I touch you while Munson does his thing? I can wait if you want me to.”

You adamantly shake your head as you run your hands through his hair. “Please, touch me.” Grabbing one of his huge palms off your hip, you take his fingers and guide them through your folds. “Here.”

Steve sucks in his bottom lip as he feels how wet you are, bringing his fingers to his mouth.

“Fuck me…you taste so fucking good. Eddie, you have to taste her.”

They gently shuffle you forward so the metalhead can kneel down behind you, opening your legs a bit wider as his face presses between you to push his tongue into your entrance.

“Eddie…”, you moan before the other boy follows his lead; mouth wrapping around your clit. 

The metalhead leans back as reaches for the bandages to cover your cuts on your ass. “Y/N, princess, seriously… fuck those other guys. Fuck… I’ve never tasted anything so sweet before.” He hurriedly finished what he was doing before sliding his own fingers between your puffy lips into your entrance. 

His forehead leans against your back as you whimper at the feeling of his massive digits stretching you open. You turned to look down at him when you heard him spit, wetting his hand as he stroked his length. 

“Is…is this ok?” Eddie slightly smiles when you nod, your fingers tangling in Steve’s hair as tongue flicks against your much more aggressively. “You’re so fucking tight, pretty girl. Jesus.”

Steve’s head suddenly leans against your tummy as you watch him fold into himself.

“Fuck me…”, he pants as you notice the sheen of his cum on his belly. 

He glances up at you for a brief moment before diving back into your cunt with much more determination. You groan their names, your legs giving in as you cum. Steve catches you, slowly guiding you to your knees as Eddie keeps fingering you through your orgasm. The man reaches for tissue on your bedside table, cleaning himself as the metalhead grunts and spirts of his seed land on his thigh. 

He thanks him as his friend hands him the extra tissue he pulled for him. It takes them a few moments before they realize you’re lying on your side against the floor. You feel your body lightly jostle as panties are slide up your legs. Steve lifts you by your arms to a sitting position so Eddie can throw his shirt over your head. 

“How are you feeling now, sweetheart?”, he whispers as you lean your cheek against his shoulder. 

“Safe…calm…” You nuzzle your nose into his neck. “Loved.”

Steve grins, his eyes shifting between you both as he leans up on his elbow. “Good. Because we love you. Now…you can tell that prick that he needs to do this with you every time.”

“What? What prick?”, you ask genuinely confused. 

“Your boyfriend.”, Eddie answers in sullen tone.

“Oh. I… I thought that… was this just a one-time thing? I don’t want it to be.”

“Honey, I don’t want it to be either.”

“Me either and, baby, trust me. We can give you want you want without making you feel the way you’ve been feeling.” You giggle at him as he winks, pulling your head to his lips. “Now, again, I know Harrington just wanted to see me naked but I would like to at least put on some pants so we can watch some spooky movies and eat some food.”

Steve whines as he rises to his feet and lifts you off the floor as Eddie follows. “Does it have to be scary? Can’t we watch like Sixteen Candles or some shit?”

“I like how you asked that like you didn’t bring me those movies from your store.”

“Stevie brought me Fatal Attraction a few days ago. I still haven’t watched it.”, you grin.

“Oooo… sex mixed in with a thriller. Everyone wins!”

[nebulouscoffee]

The thing about Kai Winn's storyline ultimately being a tragedy is, it's not only a tragedy because her fate (in the eyes of the non-linear Prophets) was already known and nothing she did or said was ever going to make them acknowledge her- not only because she wanted so badly to have a big role to play in the grand, historic story of the newly independent Bajor and just couldn't handle the fact that she was never meant to- not only because the Prophets spoke to Sisko and Bareil and Kira and literally even Quark but not her- not only because she was deceived and raped and killed in the end- but most of all because, it was partly her love of Bajor that killed her.

Think about it- her whole regression during that final arc with Dukat is so tragic precisely because she was THIS close to redemption! Throughout the show, we see that her brain processes information in very rigid, binary ways: if you are not my ally, then you are my enemy. If you disagree with even one of my opinions, you are my enemy. If you refuse to endorse and support me in this mission, you are my enemy. That's part of why she's so easily swayed by fascist rhetoric, I think- she's just unable to cope with nuance. (This is foreshadowed in 'Shakaar', where she puts the whole of Bajor under martial law just because Shakaar disagreed with her over how she was handling soil reclamators.) Her personal narrative is I am the one who will save Bajor -> anyone who gets in my way is my enemy and therefore an enemy of Bajor -> I must stop them using any force necessary for the good of Bajor because I am after all the one who will save Bajor.

But when Sisko discovers the city of B'hala in 'Rapture', she is for the first time forced to accept the truth that he really hasn't been faking this whole "talks to the Prophets" thing- he's the real deal. We learn later on (when she tells "Anjohl" about how she honestly felt nothing the first time she saw the wormhole open) that a small, small part of her actually always doubted the existence of the Prophets. Now, she is faced with definitive proof that they are not only very real, but they also really do have a bond with Sisko. And for a while, she even comes to terms with this! In fact, at the end of the episode, she and Kira have possibly their first completely honest exchange:

KIRA: Maybe we're the ones who need to trust the Prophets. For all we know, this is part of their plan. Maybe they've told Captain Sisko everything they want him to know.  WINN: Perhaps. I suppose you heard that Bajor will not join the Federation today. The Council of Ministers has voted to delay acceptance of Federation membership.  KIRA: You must be very pleased.  WINN: I wish I were. But things are not that simple. Not anymore. Before Captain Sisko found B'hala, my path was clear. I knew who my enemies were. But now? Now nothing is certain.  KIRA: Makes life interesting, doesn't it?

Like, YASS babygirl- you too can learn to handle nuance!! I believe in you!!💪💪

And later on, at the onset of the Dominion War, she comes to Sisko for advice herself. She doesn't want to see her planet colonised again, and she's even willing to put aside her desire to be the main character to ensure it doesn't happen. Driven by pride and the need for power as she is, she is also driven by the desire save Bajor (and preferably be the one saving Bajor, which is the subsection of this desire that ultimately ends up being her downfall) - and she does briefly decide that cooperating with the Emissary is the best way to do this! I think about this scene from 'In The Cards' so much:

WINN: ... I have asked the Prophets to guide me, but they have not answered my prayers. I even consulted the Orb of Wisdom before coming here and it has told me nothing. So I come to you, Emissary. You have heard the voice of the Prophets. You were sent here to guide us through troubled times. Tell me what to do and I will do it. How can I save Bajor?  SISKO: You want my advice? Then this is it. Stall. Tell Weyoun you have to consult with the Council of Ministers, or that you have to meditate on your response. Anything you want, but you have to stall for time.  WINN: Time for what?  SISKO: I don't know. But I do know the moment of crisis isn't here yet, and until that moment arrives we have to keep Bajor's options open. I'm aware that this is difficult for you, given our past, but this time you have to trust me.  (Winn holds Sisko's left ear.)  WINN: Very well, Emissary. We put ourselves in your hands. May we all walk with the Prophets.

In the earlier seasons, Winn would often casually make claims that the Prophets had "told her" something, or that she was just "doing what the Prophets asked"- and her political position as Kai always allowed her to just lie about being in contact with them all the time. Now, you can see the sheer humility- the embarrassment, even- on her face as she (for the first time) openly admits to Sisko that she has never actually heard them speak before; and that they clearly "prefer" him. Yes, there's some (understandable imo) bitterness here- but not at him, at THEM. And when she tries to read his pagh at the end- something she probably does to dozens of people every day, most of whom would unquestioningly believe anything she declares afterwards- she doesn't even try to pretend she felt anything there. It's one of her most genuine moments in the whole show, you can just SEE the redemption arc in reach and it's so heartbreaking!!

I think 'The Reckoning' is a huge episode for her too, for many reasons- but let's talk about how it sets up this fascinating parallel between her and Kira (who Odo describes in this episode as having "both faith and humility"). The Prophets choose Kira as their "vessel" because she was "willing"- meanwhile, Winn was right there just begging to be a part of this! Here she is, with a Prophet right in front of her face- and she prays and postures and begs and prays some more, all just to get ignored. Kira's brand of faith is very, "I am ultimately insignificant and I surrender my power and my body and pagh to the Prophets"- Winn's is more, "if I do all the right things, then I will be able to prove to the Prophets that I am worthy of their attention, worthier than everyone else, and maybe then they'll appoint me the saviour of Bajor! It's My Destiny, You See!! (Why Isn't This Happening For Me??)" And the events of this episode are kind of a big slap in the face to her honestly, because they sort of prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Prophets have no interest in her. Maybe stopping the battle was also an attempt at regaining some kind of agency with them- I DID THIS, I pulled a switch and it had a direct effect on the Prophets, so there!! (Whatever that effect entails). She does care about Bajor. Of course she does. But her ideal configuration of Bajor involves her being a major player in its salvation, which she was just never meant to be. And this is why she's so tragically susceptible to Dukat's manipulation- he was the first person ever to tell her everything she always wanted to hear.

And the intriguing thing about Dukat's deception is, it doesn't all fall apart at one go. It falls apart in layers. And this makes for some excellent, excellent Winn characterisation imo.

First, she thinks the pah wraiths are the Prophets- and they tell her, hey, The Sisko has faltered, Bajor needs you, and only you can fix this. Good lord, imagine finally getting to hear those words after a lifetime of silence! And it's very telling that her first reaction isn't to gloat like she would've in the earlier seasons, but instead to humbly- even anxiously- pray. Bajor needs her, the "Prophets" have asked her to do something, this is her moment! Then, this random lovely Bajoran farmer comes in and tells her even more things she has always wanted to hear- that her activism during the Occupation (ignored by Kira and Sisko alike) saved lives, that he always wondered why the Prophets would choose an alien as their Emissary, that surely Sisko and his followers were mistaken- and finally, "our world will be reborn- with YOU as its leader". Sounds good, right? But THEN she finds out she's been speaking to the pah wraiths and the lovely farmer is a devil worshipper actually. And she tries the "wash away my sins" approach- she wants some kind of quick fix ritual that will "purify" her, so she can continue to be Kai the right way. She even admits to Kira that she's always been power hungry and she wants to change- and I believe her! Unfortunately, Kira then tells her something she doesn't want to hear- that she has to step down as Kai. And surely that can't be, right? She's the saviour of Bajor! She's so complex... it's not simply her love of power that this scene reveals imo, but more significantly, her inability to see herself as not a vital part of Bajor's history; of this whole larger narrative. Like-

WINN: I'm a patient woman. But I have run out of patience. I will no longer serve gods who give me nothing in return. "GIVE ME"!! ADAMI MY BESTIE MY GIRL MY BUDDY THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM!!!

So, okay, fine, now she's swayed over to the side that maybe the Prophets aren't that great, and maybe the pah wraiths are the true gods of Bajor (because they were willing to talk to her), and maybe she's okay working with the devil worshipper. But then it turns out he's DUKAT- and at this point, she's literally murdered someone, she's ready to stop this, to go back to Sisko and set things right- but then the book of the Kosst Amojan lights up because of the blood she spilled. She did that. It happened as a direct result of her actions. She's just so desperate to be acknowledged... to have a role to play in all this, no matter who offers it to her. So the pah wraiths actually giving her a reaction isn't something she can resist. And here's where things get even more tragic.

WINN: But the prophecies! They warn that the release of the Pah wraiths will mean the end of Bajor.  DUKAT: The old Bajor, perhaps. But from its ashes a new Bajor will arise and the Restoration will begin.  WINN: Who will be left to see it?  DUKAT: Those the gods find worthy. It will be the dawn of paradise. And you, Adami, are destined to rule it.  WINN: You're sure of that?  DUKAT: It is meant to be.

Again with the ease at which she's swayed by fascist rhetoric! Let's be clear, she was (and is) absolutely against the Cardassian Occupation. But her worldview is built on the pursuit of being "worthier" than everyone else, of being "closer to god" than everyone else- her expectation of faith is that it's some sort of determiner of who's doing it The Most Effectively, rather than it being a practice- and she just completely misses that any sort of plan that executes masses and spares whoever is deemed "worthy" is... literally exactly what people like Dukat did to her planet. Something something faith as competition, faith as determiner of inherent superiority, faith as a way to gain power via proximity to god… never faith as submission. And the worst part is she’s self-aware. It’s heartbreaking.

And it's about to get even more heartbreaking, because she truly believes she has arrived at her girlboss moment in the finale (I think the tragedy of her being a rape victim and knowing this and having to hide the body of the one (1) person who was looking out for her while being stuck with her rapist speaks for itself.) After kicking Dukat out on the street (lol), she studies the eeevil texts and realises that to set the pah wraiths free, you need to make a sacrifice. So now she gets to deceive him in return. And she does! The look of shock on his face when he discovers she poisoned him is priceless imo, and her triumph as she taunts his dead body, the sheer joy on her face as she casts off her Kai robes, when she recites those incantations and something actually happens- and that too such a large pyrotechnic spectacle- is so sad knowing what's coming. Because ultimately, the pah wraiths want to destroy Bajor, right? And Winn just doesn't. Of course they don't choose her. Of course they choose Dukat over her! She really thought that by tricking and murdering him, she'd made him the unimportant piece of the puzzle, that she was stealing back his thunder- but tragically, it turns out even the pah wraiths see her as disposable. Of course they resurrect Dukat (a man who's proved time and time again that he wants to see Bajor & Bajorans destroyed) and turn her into the sacrifice. The way she screams "NO!" here breaks my heart- she's betrayed her planet, and it was all for nothing. (Dukat's "are you still here?" is particularly devastating.) I think it's very significant that her final words are "Emissary, the book!"- it shows that in her last moments, she's owning her mistakes- she's stepping away from power and putting Bajor first, and leaving her own fate in the hands of the Prophets. Who, of course, once again ignore her, and choose to save Sisko instead. God.

The utter tragedy that even in the pah wraiths' plan, she was just a pawn. That she died at the hands of the gods she thought chose her, but used her, all while the gods she'd coveted her whole life stood by and did nothing. The Prophets chose Sisko because they believed he would put Bajor's interests over even his own- and now they ensure he will be back one day to see the new Bajor. She never will.

Yes, it was her pride that got her here. Her mean streak. Her inability to cope with nuance. Her inability to see herself as ultimately insignificant. Her inability to surrender to a higher power in any way that didn't involve becoming more powerful herself; more relevant, more "close to god". But it was also her love of Bajor. Because if she'd cared about Bajor less, then maybe the pah wraiths might have chosen her- or at least spared her, or taken her to their realm after she burned, the way they did with Dukat. Now, she ends up being the one thing she never wanted to be: insignificant.

Honestly if I had to summarise the tragedy of her arc in one sentence, it would probably be Kai Winn: Too Evil For The Prophets, Not Evil Enough For The Pah Wraiths. She and Dukat are not the same! She is a perfectly pathetic, sad and wet blorbo and I am holding her gently in my hands while apologising for her crimes <3

[andyoullhearitagain]

Every Quarkfit Ranked From Worst to Best Part 3

Part 1

10. Terok Nor Quark:

It's alright. I can see why he stopped wearing it. 

9. Niners Uniform:

I love the Niners uniforms SO MUCH. The logo? *chef's kiss*. The Ferengi baseball caps freak me out though, they enter some sort of strange baseball cap Uncanny Valley.

8. Stained Glass:

This one is SO busy but in a way I really dig. I love all the different shapes in the costume and the way all the prints are very square and striped but the lines of the jacket and the brooch are very round? And I love how the line of the yoke goes into the sleeve and then goes into the princess seam of the side back.

Ultimately something about the color palate just doesn't quite sing for me though. Also the vest is a weird shape.

7. Pink and Blue:

The great thing about this costume is that the color palette is like bananas, but it still all comes together somehow (in a strange tacky Space Fashion way). And I love that it's bright enough that we can, like, see him. My quibbles with this are 1. I don't like the trim at all tbh, and 2. I like Quark's costumes best when they seem like a part of a strange menswear tradition that we're not familiar with, and the cut of this is just a regular jacket, really. I DO like the funny little shape of the tails, but other than the fabrics that's the only Space Fashion detail we really have. 

Without the jacket it's a little too brown (and also giving Flintstones a little bit?) but I do like the stripes.

6. Season 1 Quark:

Ok in the first season Quark has two of the same jacket and two of the same shirt in different fabrics, to make it look like he doesn't have just one outfit. But the fabrics are SO similar that I'm counting them as one look. A lot of Quarks collars and lapel stand away from the body to balance out the size of the head and this jacket is one of the most effective ones imo. It looks like intentional Space Fashion and not like a fit issue. I prefer the plain wool jacket over the patterned one. The patterned jacket is a bit to dark and looks a bit small for him, it's always riding up on him. The plain one has such pretty texture, and the shirt has this pretty bias detailing. 

Part 4

[gay-witches-are-the-best]

So I had this AU idea a while ago and today I finally got around to writing it in class :D

So um. Read. Cry. Enjoy.

*TW implied suicide* read with caution

Gone

By Cricket

Keefe wished Havenfield had normal windows. He figured having floor-to-ceiling windows was nice, but it was making it really hard to break in, especially while levitating. Keefe cursed under his breath, painstakingly removing the panes of glass. When they finally gave way, he rolled inside, the flower petals in Sophie’s rug crushed beneath him. Iggy rattled his cage, reaching tiny hands through the bars. 

“Hey, little guy,” he whispered, tickling Iggy’s chin. “I’ve got something for you.” Keefe pulled a vial of dye out of his pocket. After popping the quark, he opened the cage and poured the elixir into Iggy’s water bowl. The imp gulped down the elixir and released a loud burp. A moment later, his fur turned shades of green-pink-blue-purple with stripes. He looked like a mermaid with wings, and Keefe released a chuckle.

Iggy seemed very pleased and started licking his new fur. Keefe walked over to Sophie’s desk, digging through the drawers until he found a scrap of paper and a pen. He wrote his note quickly, not wanting to leave time to reconsider what he was about to do. When he was finished, he scanned over his work.

To the Mysterious Miss F,

Ugh, I’m already regretting saying this. But this is serious.

 I know that a lot has been happening lately, with your abilities, and my crazy mother. And I’m sorry. But I figured out a way to control myself. I hope you won’t hate me for it. 

This is for the best. 

Love, Keefe.

P.S. I love you, Sophie. Always have. Always will.

Goodbye.

Keefe tucked the note next to Iggy’s cage and then headed to her bathroom. He knew that the Ruewens had a large supply of medicine, and knowing Foster, he could find what he was looking for in her cabinets. 

Bingo. He tucked the vial into his cape pocket and pulled out his Pathfinder, spinning it to a random facet and raising it to the light streaming through the windows. Before he stepped into the shimmering beam, Iggy fluttered to the top of his cage and grabbed his hand, gazing up at Keefe. Iggy’s small hands wrapped around his finger. 

Tears filled Keefe’s eyes, but he blinked them back and said, “Take care of Foster for me, okay?”

Iggy seemed to nod and reluctantly let go of his finger. The last thing Keefe saw as he stepped into the light was Grady opening the door to Sophie's bedroom, eyes widening in surprise. “Keefe? What are you doing here?”

But Keefe was gone. 

He glittered back into existence in a small wheat field in the Forbidden Cities. Keefe glanced around, but he saw no other humans. Good. This would work. 

He pulled out the medicine, reading the small label that said to take a sip every three hours. Ha. Keefe ripped off the label, shoving it in his pocket before opening the bottle. 

He downed the whole vial, collapsing onto the tall yellow grass. 

“Sleep,” was all he was able to croak out as his vision rapidly darkened.

Then everything faded to black.

And he was silent.

Forever.

Ok I know I know I know please don't yell at me. There might be an alternate ending to this, so don't hate me yet :/ (It hurt me to kill off my boy too, jsyk)

Tag list because...why not. @myfairkatiecat because we were going to write this together and I think you'll want to read it. @ham-cheese-toastie because COGNATEEE <33333 @alaydabug2 @permanently-stressed because other fic writers. And my brain is blanking on me, so that's all.

[fast-moon]

DS9 Season 2 Thoughts

I've made it through the second season of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine after missing out on it during its original run due to being too young to understand it at the time. Let's see how it holds up now!

1. The Homecoming: Kira goes to rescue a Bajoran prisoner who she hopes can unify the planet, but it turns out all the legends about him are just that, and he's just some guy who's not up to the task. But Sisko knows how religious people work, and insists he play the part anyway, since they won't be bothered about whether any claims about him are real or not.

2. The Circle: The plot continues to be too real as a government official conspires with the leader of a small but vocal conservative religious sect to use terrorism to overthrow the government and install themselves. Even the more liberal religious leader still has naughty fantasies.

3. The Siege: The three-parter misses the landing by naively believing that religious extremists attempting to overthrow the government would actually reconsider if shown proof that they're secretly being funded by an enemy power who wants to use them to destabilize the country.

4. Invasive Procedures: Okay, seriously, is Dax just utterly emotionally dissociated from her current body? She shrugs off constant sexual harassment and objectification, she was indifferent about being executed for a crime she didn't commit, she didn't treat Bashir's sexualized replica of her as any kind of violation, and now she's like, "Welp, this guy wants my liver squid. Oh well, bye, guys." Also, I get that Quark's an entertaining POS, but there are certain things he's done that he really should be facing consequences for.

5. Cardassians: Our fabulous Cardassian tailor returns! I'm not sure how I feel about sending the kid back with his bio dad, but if it had ended with him staying with his adoptive family, I'm not sure how I would have felt about that, either. It was a crap situation for that poor kid either way.

6. Melora: The station crew trip over themselves trying to improve the accessibility of the station for a new special needs crew member. Gosh, if only they were that worried about its accessibility for their permanent crew member who still has to contort himself into unnatural shapes on a daily basis in order to utilize its systems. #JusticeForOdo

7. Rules of Acquisition: Quark's new business partner starts hitting on him. His partner then turns out to be a woman, which actually ends up making it even more scandalous.

8. Necessary Evil: Oh, cool, a film noir episode that shows what the station was like under Cardassian rule. Quark finally gets some comeuppance but is saved by plot armor. Odo explores his inner Columbo. He was also apparently a lab subject and then a sideshow attraction before Gul Dukat hired him as security, so good lord, someone give this poor slime a break.

9. Second Sight: A woman in an unhappy marriage literally dreams up a self-insert OC to pair with Sisko.

10. Sanctuary: An entire nation of refugees comes through the wormhole and demands to settle on Bajor because it's their holy promised land. They get denied, then get pissy because one deeply religious group annexing territory from another deeply religious group and then having to live side-by-side has historically worked out so well in the past.

11. Rivals: Prince Humperdinck brings aboard a gatcha game that breaks the universe's RNG.

12. The Alternate: It's finally Odo's turn to get infected with the crazypox that he usually has to save everyone else from. Although, even without the crazypox as an excuse, I think he's earned the right to throw a violent temper tantrum after all the bullshit he's had to put up with. Also, "Wasn't that pillar over here before?" "It was in my way; I had it moved." is living rent-free in my brain due to how deliberate the inclusion of this exchange was yet how utterly pointless it ended up being. A red herring is one thing, but the entire pillar subplot simply vanished entirely following this scene and it left me so confused.

13. Armageddon Game: Aliens gift Sisko a deepfake video of how they would have killed O'Brien and Bashir if they were actually halfway competent about it.

14. Whispers: O'Brien becomes paranoid that everyone is conspiring against him, and it turns out he's right. Nice subtle touch to having him repeatedly order coffee throughout the episode, since his coffee habits in the previous episode were what initially clued them in that he was a fake.

15. Paradise: Sisko: "Excuse me, are y'all with the cult?" Alixus: "We're not a cult, we're an isolated commune that rejects technology and--" Sisko: "Yeah, this is it."

16. Shadowplay: Odo and Dax figure out everyone in the village is a hologram because the episode title gave it away. Also, I really hope that Odo remains aro-ace and the rest of the crew come to respect that, instead of constantly teasing him about his lack of a sex life and ultimately forcing him into thinking he needs a relationship to be happy. He already has to contort himself into uncomfortable shapes to conform. Don't force him to contort into conformity any further. #JusticeForOdo

17. Playing God: Huh. So there are rats on space stations. Also, Dax discovers a potentially universe-destroying proto-universe and decides to dump it in the Gamma Quadrant for them to deal with.

18. Profit and Loss: Quark teaches us that when a woman says "no", she really means "yes" if you hound and threaten her long enough.

19. Blood Oath: Curzon Dax continues to posthumously make me question Sisko's choice in friends, as Jadzia Dax now feels obligated to attend a Klingon murder party that Curzon RSVP'd to.

20-21. The Maquis: Humans set up colonies next to a known bear cave, whine that the Federation won't protect them from the bears, start an anti-bear movement.

22. The Wire: Bashir goes into a panic after his boyfriend ODs. Honestly, Bashir really needs to stop chasing women and recognize he has way more chemistry with Garak. He's always been annoyingly shallow and self-serving to the point that I wouldn't trust him as a doctor no matter how skilled he was. But this episode actually let him give a damn about someone without objectifying them, which is good progress. Hopefully it sticks. Also, Sisko's proclamation to keep Quark locked up "forever" in the previous episode didn't seem to last very long. But at least now I know where the "Especially the lies" meme comes from!

23. Crossover: Bashir learned nothing from the previous episode and goes right back to womanizing and talking incessantly about himself. Damn. Kira's meets her mirror universe counterpart who instantly falls in love with her, which... same.

24. The Collaborator: The liberals lose the election because they're more concerned with their candidate being 100% unproblematic than preventing the entire planet from falling under the rule of a goddamn religious tyrant. (throws table in a fit of "this is too real")

25. Tribunal: O'Brien goes on vacation to Planet Kangaroo Court, which is actually a bit more relaxing than what he usually has to put up with.

26. The Jem'Hadar: are truly truly truly outrageous. And really want to meet a Klingon, and I know we're getting Worf eventually because he's on the series splash screen. But until then, bring on the Dominion!

I found Season 2 generally a bit better than Season 1. I was really uncomfortable with Bashir in Season 1, and he was a bit more tolerable in Season 2. Downright redeemed in "The Wire", then he regressed immediately in the next episode, so I still have a fairly low opinion of him. Dax is another character I'm having trouble caring about since even after two seasons I still have no clear idea of "What would Dax do?" in any hypothetical situation.

Like, if a bunch of monkeys got loose on the station, I can imagine that Sisko would order a containment field and then go monkey-hunting with Kira, who would spend the whole time exasperated like, "Really?! Monkeys?!" O'Brien would technobabble together a monkey trap while grumbling about how this sort of thing always happens to him, Bashir would tell a long-winded story about how there was a similar incident with Emus back at the academy and how much of an adventure it was and he ended up saving the day and then a bunch of women were swooning all over him, Quark would stash a couple of monkeys away to sell later, and Odo would have grumpily already rounded them all up because he's the only competent crew member (and relieving Quark of his monkey stash). And Dax would just... kind of stand there I guess. Maybe quip about how one of her previous incarnations had a monkey. But she just doesn't have enough of a notable personality for me to go, "Yep, that's a Dax thing to do, all right." So far she still feels uncomfortably like a fetish character with little actual substance.

Also, the depiction of the Universal Translator analyzing a new language in "Sanctuary" made me even more perplexed as to how it even works. So, they started out speaking an unknown language, and over the course of the episode, the UT learned it and started translating it. Okay, cool. Except that implies that the aliens -- and probably everyone on the station -- are all actually still speaking their native languages and the UT is just real-time translating them all. But how does this work in a conversation? If Sisko speaks to Kira and Quark, how do they both hear something they can understand? Where even is the UT? They'll beam down to a planet and lose all their equipment but can still communicate with everyone fine. And how does the UT know to stop translating, like when someone will yell in Klingon for one sentence and then switch back to English?

I wonder if there's ever an episode where the Universal Translator malfunctions and everyone has to figure out how to communicate with each other. Heck, might be an opportunity for Dax to actually do something since she's the one most likely to be a polyglot.

Anyway, on to Season 3!

[bijoumikhawal]

En Tremblant

The night before Garak leaves to handle the Cardassian resistance, he meets with Dr. Bashir for a late night drink. Part of a series of Daemon AU fics I've done, suggestive but not really sexual content?

---

He hadn't planned it, really. It would've been easier if he'd just gone to bed, woken up in the morning, and gone.

Among the many lies of Shakespeare was this: parting was such sweet sorrow. There wasn't a sweet thing to be had. Last meetings coil low in your stomach, bitter and flaking, like something burnt. Garak would not be convinced they were alone in this. Through their limited bond, he always felt Itzik's regrets at such times.

They were more tolerable if in the moment, they didn't feel like a last meeting.

His mistake had been going out for a last drink. He was, after all, an indulgent man, and no good insurgent spent too much of his time with a bottle.

As he sat at the bar with his drink, he felt the heat at his back. Only one person dared to get so close to him in such a casual setting.

"Having a late night out, doctor?"

"Something like that." Julian slid into sight next to him, taking another bar stool. Kukalaka leapt onto the counter with a skitter- until an angered croak from Quark's daemon sent her into Julian's lap.

"No hairballs where drinks are served, doctor!" Quark called over his shoulder from where he was engaged in conversation with Morn.

"Hairball..." Kukalaka muttered to herself in an annoyed undertone. "Better hairy than bald."

Julian snorted, running a soothing finger behind her ear, then shifting to more involved scritching.

Julian had already had a few drinks. Loose inhibitions, sloppy jump- Garak thought he could see a slight flush on his face too, and at this distance he certainly smelled the sting of alcohol.

"You know..." Julian looked at him with a slight smile as he rubbed Kukalaka's cheek. "I don't believe I ever took you up on that offer to have a drink in your quarters."

Garak blinked at him, and then the memory stumbled in. His trembling hands, determinedly corking a bottle. Itzik, perched on the doctors shoulder, rubbing his maw against his uniform turtleneck, while the doctor looked at him through his lashes, lips parted in a mask of seductive naivete.

"If this is some strange attempt to get me into the infirmary again, you never will."

Julian's eyes narrowed, deepening his smile. "Why, Garak- I can't believe you'd doubt a student of yours so deeply. Never tell the same lie twice, isn't that right?"

Garak hadn't seen him smile with such pleasure in months.

Naturally, he let Julian lead him out, Itzik gliding along behind. He might've even let himself be led to the infirmary, but that truly wasn't on the doctor's mind tonight.

He poured them each a small amount of floral kanar once they were back in his quarters. It was a sweeter variety than he personally liked, with a soft pink color.

"I've been thinking about something quite a lot lately." Julian said, making Garak pause before setting down the bottle.

"What a delightfully ambiguous statement." Garak said as he turned around, depositing the glass in Dr. Bashir's hand. He took his own seat quickly.

"I've known you had to have touched her since I woke up in the infirmary with that tube down my throat." Julian was lounging, a mirrored posture to what Kukalaka usually adopted.

Garak felt his stomach roil.

He should have stayed in tonight.

"Oh?" He kept his voice casual. "It was necessary to save you both. I didn't think anything of it at the time." That incident- of all things, why that one? He'd rather have Empok Nor brought up.

Julian tilted his head slightly, lifting his glass to his lips.

Garak felt his heartbeat pounding in his temples, his eardrums.

"And after?"

Garak laughed. "I hadn't thought about until you brought it up now." He downed some of his own drink before setting it down. Itzik's feathers rustled behind him.

Julian didn't believe him. Did he think this was his last chance for redress?

Julian's legs shifted, one crossing over the other. "Well, even so. Do you recall the phrase, turnabout is fair play?"

Garak stared. Heart beating louder, louder. Could Julian's enhanced hearing detect it? There was a yard of space between their feet, but he didn't feel it.

Itzik settled down on the armrest. Julian laid his free hand out flat, expectant.

A moment's hesitation, and Itzik hopped into his palm. Julian cupped his hand, fingertips brushing up against the downy feathers of his chest.

Garak gripped the armrests of his own chair tightly. Phantom sensations ghosted under his clothes.

In the low light, Itzik glimmered as though he was a fine ladies comb set with sapphires and rubies.

He'd never been able to disentangle this feeling.

Julian stroked over his feathers reverently, and brought Itzik up to kiss the back of his head.

"You're so beautiful." Julian spoke softly into the feathers, with his eyes fixed on Garak.

In dreams, Garak had seen this. Letting Julian hold Itzik. The gentleness of reality was more frightening than the surreal promises of vivisection.

Both made him feel utterly ruined, the blood thrumming through his ridges. They were surely darkening and flushing blue.

Julian pushed his finger underneath Itzik's closed wing, feeling the underside. Any moment, any moment Garak expected things to turn. But Julian's grip was loose, and Itzik stayed still.

He had never stayed still in Tain's hands.

Garak lurched out of his stillness at the brush of fur against his hand. He looked down to see Kukalaka looking up at him expectantly.

"Touch me." Julian said as his fingers stroked the black collar of feathers on Itzik's neck. He'd set his glass down at some point.

Garak slowly let go of the armrest.

Kukalaka's fur was as soft as he remembered, as hot as he remembered, but, naturally, she was not limp this time. She pushed into his touch, flicking her tail slightly.

He remembered, now, the softness of Julian's voice as he asked where the trigger for his implant was. The way he simply, immediately, told him. The way he had, before that moment, thought about placing it in the doctor's hands, letting him control it; whether everything was sharp or softened, whether he was languidly sprawled out or writhing before him.

He thought now, of Julian holding the trigger in one hand and Itzik in the other.

Kukalaka pressed into his touch more, and, unsatisfied, climbed up into his lap. Garak instinctively pressed against the back of the chair before making himself relax.

Sex was easy. Garak could- and happily did, at one point- fuck a wide variety of people on a regular basis. The coils of emotions churning low in his stomach included arousal, but there were others- others, and memories of course, that made him tremble as though he suddenly were a warm blooded creature, capable of shivering in the cold.

He closed his eyes, hands running over warm fur. Felt Kukalaka purr- a strange echo of something he himself did, though still quite different. Felt her muscles shift under his hands and she rolled to her side.

Garak gasped at a sudden shock in the sensations he felt from his and Itzik's bond.

"Good." Julian said abruptly. Garak opened his eyes just a little, seeing the darkening of the doctor's cheeks. "I want to hear you. Let me hear you."

Itzik in his hands looked utterly dazed.

If this was intense for the two of them, one with a stretched bond and another with a whittled down one, how did it feel for other people?

Was it even as intense for Julian as it was for him?

Dr. Bashir knew he was leaving tomorrow-

"Why now?" Garak's hand stilled, resting on Kukalaka's ribcage.

"Why not?" Dr. Bashir stared at him for a long moment, before leaving his seat. He gently took Garak's chin in hand.

Garak's daemon was still in his hand.

"I will see you again." Dr. Bashir promised. "I will!" he repeated, off Garak's expression. Kukalaka rolled to sit up. The doctor said, in a softer tone, "Think of it like the chocolates."

"A bribe?"

"A good memory. Something to savor while you're away. And yes, I suppose, a bribe." Julian dropped his forehead to touch Garak's, hand tucking Itzik to his chest, to around where his heart was.

Garak rested one hand on the back of Julian's neck. The other settled in Kukalaka's fur once more. He felt Julian's mouth fall open slightly.

This was going to be better than a good memory.

[dragontamerno3]

DS9 S3 E25 - Facets

Another good one and one that was a lot of fun to watch, too.

The whole time I kept thinking how the IRL cast must of had some fun playing different people for a minute. Their mannerisms, their speech, all of it was so different for who they normally are and it was interesting from a character standpoint, fun from a break in character place, and intriguing to see the small ways each previous life changed Jadzia.

Obviously seeing Quark femme it up for a while was a silly twist but I think I really enjoyed seeing Miles as Tobin and Kira as Lela the most. With Lela it honestly felt like she was a sweet but powerful old grandma that would give the best hugs before she stormed some political stage. With Tobin, he was a shy, anxious man that I just wanted to hug and tell him that he was going to be okay.

Sisko as Joran was one I was looking forward to and it was pretty much everything I expected. I'm glad she put her Klingon fighting skills to use, in a way proving him wrong about how 'weak' she is.

I liked Curzon the least. I'm not sure if that was the intended read on him but I know I wouldn't be able to spend two minutes alone in a room with him. Him as Odo was probably doubly bad cause I'm still not Odo's biggest fan. But then they went and made it weird with the whole love storyline. If they had made it love like granddaughter or something I would have accepted it but this was too icky for me.

That aside, I did get a little teary eyed when he saw Sisko for the first time. The way Sisko's face lit up at the idea of talking to his best friend again? Such a good moment. And then there was the Quark kiss, that was fun too.

I am happy that Jadzia got some closure there and that Odo and her now how a deeper understanding of each other because of their bonding. Odo is probably my least favorite person on the show but I think he deserves someone who actually understands him to an extent.

But the B plot!!!

Nog passed his test! He's going to Starfleet Academy!

And Rom buying a cadets uniform from Garak?! Best dad ever!

My very favorite moment, though, was Rom cornering Quark in a hallway and threatening to burn the bar down in Quark ruined it for Nog again. The fact that he admitted that he loves his son more than latinum had me literally punching the sky in cheers. Best moment and best dad.

7/10 - I want to give this an 8 but honestly the whole Curzon thing really icked me out, like a lot.

[thrashkink-coven]

Last night I had a dream about Lord Lucifer. I was sitting beside him in his realm, which to me looks like a thorny, flowery field of rose bushes and laurel. I sat beside him as he poured us both some coffee and lost ourselves looking up into the stars.

Looking up into the massive expanse of night, I altogether became aware of how magnificently gargantuan space is, how every glowing spec is not only an alien planet or massive burning star but also galaxies and nebulae so many times larger than earth that we would not even occupy a pixel in the grand scale of the image. As I continued to look up I almost became sickened by it, nauseated by the mere scale of it. How the painting in the sky seemed to go on forever and ever, so incredibly massive that my own two eyes could not capture the entire image in my sight. Every time I looked another direction I became aware of how much more space there was, how little of it we have even considered. How of the roughly 10,000 stars visible to the naked eye, only a few hundred have been given proper names in the history of astronomy. And if every one of those stars looks down on us silently, are they as oblivious to us as we are of our blood cells and atoms? They are as many times bigger than I as I am to a spec of bacteria, even more so, a proton, a quark. In the scale of all of these things, what am I? How do I fit in the middle? What is the intelligence of humanity that allows us to understand how little we understand?

Then I looked back at Lucifer, in his radiant beauty and brilliance, and understood that he too is gargantuan. Though Venus is slightly smaller than Earth, she is still roughly 7521 miles across. She stands 178.34 million km away from us, it takes light around 4 minutes to reach Earth (depending). Then I thought about Jupiter, the Sun, the siblings of the sun, the siblings of our galaxy,

to them, even Lord Lucifer is small. In fact, I’ve no idea how small he really is. How tiny, and yet how massive. Our human minds just don’t do well imagining such scales. All understanding of size is lost here.

…and I again began to feel almost disgustingly small. Minuscule. Nothing. Hardly even nothing.

And yet…

Here we are, sitting beside each-other, taking to each other, sharing coffee and company. Seemingly, against all odds. In this universe so incomprehensibly massive that even light itself cannot overcome it, we still see light. We look up at the stars with such admiration that we wrote them poems and sang them songs, we wrote them love letters and told them our deepest secrets on lonely nights- and they witnessed every year, every atrocity and delight, every tear and sorrow, every smile and laugh. We are minuscule, less than tiny, less than lesser, and yet, we still pray and they still respond.

How wonderful is it then, that these giants still hear us, that they have kept us well on this vulnerable naked planet for all these centuries? How, in their massive gravities, they have protected us from objects and radiation that would destroy us in an instant.

They hear us and listen, perhaps for the exact same reason why we pray to them.

Perhaps we are Gods in high and low places conversing with each other to understand ourselves.

How am I so lucky to be born into such a volatile and monstrous cosmic thing, and still be cherished and cradled in my Mother Earth’s chest? How, in a universe so chaotic, do I know the tenderness of a God’s love?

I don’t know, but I’m pleased. This is a good place, a very very good place, more than I even understand.

Thank you Lucifer, and thank you to all those who surround him as well. Thank you for listening and thank you for existing.

[azazelsazaleas]

I finished watching through DS9 a few weeks ago and I’ve been meaning to do a rundown of my thoughts on it. Here goes:

- Oh my god that was fantastic. I really wish it’s given it a fair shake back when it was on the air; I was a dumb teenager who resented it for not being TNG and was going through a weird self-loathing phase where I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was the massive nerd that I am. This seriously lived up to the hype. I may have to do a TNG rewatch because this might just have upstaged it as my favorite 90s Trek.

- Andrew Robinson should’ve been made a full cast member. Ditto Max Grodenchik and Aaron Eisenberg.

- Damar’s transmission at the end of The Changing Face of Evil lives rent-free in my head. I cheered out loud at that.

- One thing the show did fantastically that a lot of other SF/fantasy properties don’t quite get right is that it lands a pitch-perfect balance of “these characters are major, important figures in the larger multinational conflict” and “this conflict is absolutely massive and not everything revolves around the same small group of people.” The fact that Sisko, Worf, Kira, Odo, et al are so important is entirely plausible and it never feels like the writers are trying to gratuitously bring everything back to them.

- That said, I kind of love that Admiral Ross’s leadership approach during the Dominion War eventually consists of doing whatever the hell Sisko tells him to do.

- God, the acting was incredible. Andrew Robinson, Armin Shimerman, Nana Visitor, Marc Alaimo, and Louise Fletcher were real standouts, but everyone was just so damned good.

- Actually, I really need to give special mention to Shimerman. The man went above and beyond to make Quark be something more than a joke character, despite how obvious it was that basically the entire production team wanted him to just be cartoonish comic relief. He worked harder to flesh out his character and show his race as a race of *people* (not just caricatures) than just about any actor playing an alien on Star Trek before him except for maybe Nimoy. Give the man a goddamn Emmy. Don’t believe me? Go rewatch the iconic root beer scene from The Way of the Warrior.

That said: I do have a few criticisms:

- Pretty much all of the (canon) romantic subplots were just…yikes. The only major exception I can think of Sisko/Yates, where they actually seemed to have a healthy dynamic, fall legitimately in love with each other, and generally treat each other like adults in a serious relationship, not bickering teenagers.

- Seriously, Worf/Jadzia got so hard to watch and then the fallout with Ezri was just ugggghhhhhhhhh stop please for the love of god

- Why did the writers need to try to romantically pair off all the female characters? Just, why?

- Kira had more sexual tension with that Romulan lady in half an episode than she did with any of her bucket-of-paint boyfriends over the course of seven years.

- I totally get the behind-the-seasons reasons why things panned out the way they did, but (hot take) I think Dax’s whole arc would’ve worked better if they had killed Jadzia off after the first season or two and brought in Ezri earlier. Jadzia was fun, but she was just too perfect to get many interesting stories and her relationship with Worf felt too much like manufactured drama. Having a trill who didn’t want to be joined, agreed to in a life or death emergency situation, and now has to reckon not only with taking on this symbiotic relationship with no preparation whatsoever but also succeeding this beloved person in the eyes of her loved ones is such a better setup for a character and it’s a pity we didn’t get to see that play out properly.

- Sisko deserved a better conclusion to his story. Give the man his damned house on Bajor and let him raise his kid with Kasidy. He’s more than earned it.

- Next time I rewatch the series, I’m skipping the mirror universe episodes and the ones with the genetically enhanced walking-90s-neurodivergent-stereotypes.

Other random thoughts:

- Dukat’s storyline should’ve ended with him getting killed at the end of Waltz. Either by Sisko, or by deluding himself so thoroughly that he does something suicidal. The pah-wraiths subplot felt like a lazy afterthought (except for the episode where he pretends to be Bajoran and starts fucking Kai Winn) and as much as I liked watching Marc Alaimo act, his story arc was basically over at the end of Sacrifice of Angels….which, incidentally is when Damar actually starts to get interesting.

- I loved the O’Brien must suffer episodes but I thought Hard Time was kind of overrated. Mostly for the plot line with the cellmate; I think I’m a little burned out on seeing stories that have a moral of “deep inside us is a line between humanity and savagery and when pushed to the limit, even the best of us would turn to murder.” It’s been done to death, and it’s really not truthful, at least for many people.

- I think I may have a little bit of a crush on Major Kira. It would never work out if I met someone like that in real life, though. I’m a laid-back, atheist, creative type; she’s a deeply devout former insurgent. Given certain real-life crushes I’ve had recently; maybe I’m just into strong women with big, expressive eyes who wear their hearts on their sleeve and have a spine made of fuckin’ steel. I have no idea what this says about me.

- MORN

- Favorite Episodes: In the Pale Moonlight, The Visitor, Improbable Cause/The Die is Cast, In Purgatory’s Shadow/By Inferno’s Light, In the Cards, Duet, The Wire, Civil Defense, The Magnificent Ferengi, basically the entire Dominion War arc.

[theradicalscrivener]

I know your stories are written to be hot and not realistic and practical (I mean, you have so many characters with 13 inches of cock that are somehow having sex with a lot of people without issues, and in real life a 13 inches cock would be a terrifyingly hot thing to behold, yet probably impossible to take without hurting oneself). But I cannot stop thinking about something very mundane... How does Elroy (from Coupon: Littlest) pee now? Like his dick is smaller than his shaved pubes. Peeing must either take a long time... Or... I don't know.

It's such a hot story, but at the end I always wondered about that.

A similar concern I have with stories where the characters shrink to impossibly small levels, because... Like... How do they survive? Don't get me wrong, being shrunk to subatomic level is such a hot idea... But you would end up dying from being unable to breath.

Do you think about these things? I understand we are meant to just ignore them. And I normally do. But sometimes I just can't help it and contemplate how these characters live their lives after their respective transformations.

I do think about these things somewhat, but at a certain point, it's best to just suspend disbelief. Like, with the shrunken characters, I know that at a certain size they wouldn't even be able to breathe. Like, air molecules would be bigger than their airways. It's fun to bounce around ideas to explain these things, but if I spend too much time on something, or if I decide that the act of answering it would detract too much from the fun of the scenario it's best to just kind of do a "It's fine. Don't worry about it. *wink*" The whole point of these "what if scenarios" and such when I answer questions of this nature is to add more fun to the situation, not to pick it apart.

Like I had mentioned a few times in the past the the Trevor guys had some physical changes (other than just their actual size) when they shrunk. Not only are they more durable, but their actual organs would be inoperable if they literally were just the same as before but smaller. The answer I kinda gave was "It Just Works" because I would have to completely rewrite the laws of biology and physics to make it work, and to a certain degree that's what happens in each scenario. Like yeah, it's not physically possible for someone's dick to get that large/small, but if it was, we'd have to assume we're already in a world where it's possible, so what does that say about the laws of that reality?

So for example, in the Trevor stories. It shouldn't be possible for a dude to get shrunk down so small that he could use bacteria as a teddy bear, but it happened, so what do we make of it? Is he really breathing? Is there some sort of respiration that science is not totally aware of that functions in these smaller sizes? Maybe studying Mitch will help scientists understand microscopic life more. Do viruses breathe? Do they need oxygen? Or maybe some other gas. They're mostly carbon based, right? Currently, science sees viruses as clusters of protein with only the barest of computing powers. These things couldn't even run DOOM. They're not Alive in the traditional sense... at least not in a way that we can determine. Maybe there's matter between the gaps of what we currently understand. Maybe they breathe quarks as easily as we breathe air.

I do like to play with the rules of the real world and stick to the fringes of what is plausible, but at the end of the day, the answer to "how does it work" is always "what makes the scenario more fun". If it detracts from the story to think too hard on it, I just wave my hands and say "it just works."

As for El... I feel like I've joked in the past that with a dick that size, he'd need a catheter or he'd be in a constant state of dribbling. It's too small to get an actual stream going and the amount he squeezes out is too small to really make a stain. Just stick a pad down there and let it ride.

[thegeminisage]

IT is time for. a ds9 update. last night* we did "babel." *time changed because i typed it up p late lol

babel:

i see now why everyone says o'brien suffers more than jesus. i mean, i'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg, but the first section of this episode was just o'brien's terrible horrible no good very bad day

dax like damn i love being a hot woman i get so much attention. good for you queen but also i did roll my eyes a little. this and the crack about human women doing teaching in the last episode...still, it's WAAAYYYY better than tng, and even better than tos, so i can't complain too much

there was a LITTLE technobabble in this episode but again, i forgive them - it was otherwise strong so i'm quite willing to extend the benefit of the doubt for small sins lol

this episode being about an airborne virus really did me in. we had both the guy responsible for being a superspreader because he wanted people to eat at his restaurant and the guy who HAS to break quarantine he NEEDS to even if it means blowing up the whole space station. life imitates art. this show is thirty fucking years old

SO much pressure on kira this episode sisko was like you have 12 hours to figure this out or people start dying and then she just. did. she also continues to smile when angry which i think means i have to marry her. however, to Me, she and dax look identical...........if it weren't for dax's face markings and uniform differences i wouldn't be able to tell them apart lol

i really really really REALLY liked whatever odo and quark had going on in this episode. i feel like odo visited his little bar to kick him while he was down and then quark showed up to ops to kick ODO while HE was down and then the beaming thing where he's never beamed anybody before and would probably be thrilled if he vaporized odo AND YET counted down the second in increasing alarm. really good. i really really REALLY like odo

i love also that he was SO GRUMPY while saving that guy's life. like he coulda just left him in there and given himself more time, it was all his fault anyway, but he saved him, and then he complained about it the entire time. absolute king. that's true bones energy if you ask me

[mystrixstory]

My 4 am ramblings of space and stuff

Cosmis background radiation: CBR is radiation that is an after effect of the Big Bang. In the immediate seconds folllowing the Big bang the now (infinitely) growing space wasn’t really “Space” at first at all, as everything being made was too hot to have just about anything be created, only small particles such as quarks could survive this Cosmic Goop. This is because mainly in part the atoms that were created were too hot and unstable for the electrons surrounding them to, well, actually curround them and they couldn’t stay around for long, thus plasma was created and the universe was essentially this plasma for the next couplse hundred thousand years. Then, finally, once things did start to cool down as space as we know now it started to expand increasingly far and fast, we started to get gas! Hooray!

This gas was made up of the more known particles like protons and neutrons and other happy go lucky ones. And ever so slowly this gas began to combine and shrink due to gravity, and that’s how stars are born! 

   But what about the Cosmic Background Radiation mentioned in the beginning? Well we don’t see much of it today as it’s been stretched and pulled through quite literally, millions of lightyears of space and time. But that doesn’t mean it’s all gone because we can actually see it in none other than TV static! That old staticky, and quite frankly loud as shit, stuff that appeared when the channels ran out is in fact an artifact of ancient space. How cool is that?

Though it may not be the only left over remnant of historical space, it is mainly the only one we can see with the naked eye via television becaue our eyes can only pick up that kind of radiation. 

Ok not only is that all fascinating and cool, but I’d like to talk about infinity a bit more too.

Most people hear about infinity and how it’s forever and forever and they go “Oh ok, that’s all I need to know about it!” And then they just move on. But it’s so insane when you actually think about it. Because while time and space may be infinite, PARTICLES AREN’T. At least as far as I know and heard they’re not, but still! If particles aren’t infinitely made, or at least their blueprint for what  they make isn’t. Multiple world theory? Multiple world theory.

See, there was thing one thing this one person said in a documentary I watched about infinity, and it basically goes: if you put an apple in a air sealed box and then don’t touch that box ever again, that apple will first decay, then turn to dust, and after millions of years that dust will turn into something else (supposedly) and then that object will form into something else and so on and so forth. The point of this is to show that particles just don’t fade away, they create and will continue to create until the theorized end of time itself. So, if the universe is infinitely expanding, but not the particles, this very well could mean that there are copies of worlds extremely similar to ours, enough so that it could contain life, and if they can contain lifet who is to say that that life isn’t like us humans. If there’s multiple versions of earths like ours, this (in my opinion) could explain why we may sometimes get feelings like deja vu, because ourselves on another earth in this plane of existence are going through that same moment. This also could explain things like the Mendela effect, though from what I understand that’s just a big social mishap of everyone’s brains getting things mized up as they quite often do, and humans being the social beings we are tend to group together the moment we don’t understand something. 

This was supposed to be just notes of CBR but I got distracted by infinity and theories and stuff but ANYWAY

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 3x22 Explorers thoughts (I'm re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!)

(26/05/2023)

Leeta! She walks so confidently

That cough XD 

He's so gentle! 

Actually I'm in love with this, it's so cute. I think the first time I thought it was one of those random women Julian always flirts with - but he and Leeta are sweet and I appreciate seeing their meet-cute

Julian's annoyed "Hi." to Jadzia when she approaches XD 

"I'm Jadzia." "Leeta." On a second rewatch I'm totally reading this as he's worried Jadzia will now start flirting with Leeta :P

Haha, his "GO AWAY" Padd is hilarious XD

His realisation Jadzia had something he actually wanted to hear 😅 oh he's so awkward "Stay there", no, Juliannn

The amusement on Jadzia's face as he chased after her.

I love watching Jadzia tease Julian, this conversation is great

"I... would have been valedictorian." Oh, you

HOW IS HE SO CUTE I LOVE HIM

Nah, I'm not vibing with Sisko's moustache I'm afraid, it's still a strange change

I love how excited sisko is about history and artefacts <3 He's like me!!!

"That's why I'm going to build one." This is why I love you Sisko, you go and do that!

Jake's head shake, you can just tell he's thinking "That's mad but sure I'll never be able to talk you out of it."

M: "A sabre saw?" S: "Y'know, to cut wood?" Sisko's having so much fun

K: "Oh,you sound just like a Cardassian." M: "I beg your pardon?" The most offensive thing you could say to Miles XD

"Why? Because it will be fun." Yes, Sisko, you take a break to enjoy yourself! Kira's little smile at that too, she's a fan <3

Siskos disappointed voice when Jake turns him down. I'm so excited for Jake to change his mind and Sisko be over the moon (and not to bring along Nog and Quark this time!)

How long did it take for Sisko to make this boat??? 

The way Dax's face softens when she mentions Jennifer <3

Aw Jake, growing up.

"Maybe a bit small for two people but I think I could get used to it. That is, if you still want me along." What a great way to say you do want to come after all. And the way Sisko pauses and looks before laughing and hugging Jake 

Hah! Jadzia looking her head round the corner then positively sneaking up on Julian xD

"Including you?" "No? This is the assignment I wanted." He looks so serious, and completely puzzled how Jadzia could say that when she knows he wanted to be here

"No matter what I accomplish while I'm here, somehow that'll always make me feel... second best." Especially if you feel you had to be second best to hide yourself. Or that your accomplishments aren't as good as anyone else's because you're "cheating" with your enhancements. 

For all that it's bad CGI, the sails are very pretty.

"Is this the bathroom?" "Yes. It was designed for a zero-gravity environment." "How am I suppose to? How are you supposed to, er?" XD Jake's so awkward

"Imagine how the ancient Bajorans must have felt-" This is really where Sisko changes from caring for to being excited about Bajor isn't it? (Edit: no, but it's a step in the journey.)

Jake's so vulnerable <3 Talking to parents is hard, even when they're as loving as Sisko, when it's about feelings and who you are.

Oh, Julian's so precious, moving everything around so they're all in an exact precise position :3

He's so worried, as much as he's trying to play it cool. Oh, bless him. 

You can see Quark and Morn betting on this upstairs!

"I'm betting that your charm will take you further." The scowl Julian gives Quark!

Okay without the context that she doesn't know him from Adam, that did seem cold XD But also the fact he's assuming she'd recognise him when it's been three years!

"I liked it." "You're not just saying that?" It is hard when you feel your dad might feel they had to say that.

"I don't think that he'd confront him with it, not right away." "Yeah, I guess he could wait until he gets back from the Demilitarised zone." I love how Jake is able take Sisko's feedback on board, he is getting up and maturing <3

"Unless you've joined the Maquis without telling me." "I can't talk about it. (pause) I had you going there!" I love love love these twoooo.

"I think you should keep writing." Oh, he is planning to, Sisko!

A writing fellowship? Does that have a different meaning to what I know? I thought Fellows at uni were senior members of staff!

"I don't think we'll be able to get to the Denorias Belt like this." "The ancient Bajorans probably ran into these kinds of problems." "I suppose they did." "Well, did they give up and go home?" I love Jake, and this turnaround of him being the optimistic one.

After their drunken 'Jerusalem' - "That was really beautiful chief." XD 

Miles finding "unless she really ignored you because she can't stand you" so funny is great XD

It's the love you or hate you conversation!

Julian's lil head peeping over the cushions. "And now?"

"Well... now I don't." Because you can't say "I love you". 

"I really do... Not hate you anymore!" Oh, Miles.

Miles and Julian's friendship makes me so happy 

Jake immediately falling off the hammock XD

"I can always eat dinner with Dax, or Doctor Bashir, or even Quark." Dinner with Dax is very believable - Julian and Quark far less so!

"I cannot believe that I'm getting advice about women from my son." "Don't think of me as your son right now. Just think of me as... another guy." Jake's so young, aww, he has no idea how funny he sounds. Bless <3

"Excuse me. We were at medical school together." Your social skills sure are something, my love <3

"I thought you were Andorian!" Well that's a good twist!

"With my friend, Erit." That's why that name crops up so much in fanfic!

"If it hasn't been for that preganglionic fibre..." Surely they'd have been neck and neck without that mistake? I don't get how one question was such a big deal.

"Phew - a freighter captain." Love how he already sounds impressed.

"I've already decided to wait at least a year." "Why?" "Well, I've heard that you can only write about what you've experienced." Hah, quoting his dad back at him, excellent!

Dukat's distaste at reading the Cardassian Government's message. xD

I was so certain the first time round the Cardassians were just gonna shoot them out the sky at this point. But no! Fireworks!

This might just be my favourite episode so far: I love Sisko and Jake, I love Julian being this stupid anxious bean, I love Dax and Leeta and Miles and how Elizabeth turns out to be so nice too, and how Dukat is miserable and everything is just so wholesome in this episode. Truly lovely.

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s 29 Sept 2024, and I’m having a bunch of realizations, probably because I’ve been suppressing them over the last few days. I only heard a solid, deep idea, a furtherance of my understanding of the nature of you, for a short period each day. I had a modicum of anxiety but I thought that was useful because I was working to understand that sense of gap, that conception which we label Pairing because it is the inherent connection of 2 Things. Those 2 Things must be connected to something, to a 3rd End.

That models short-term needs, and thus how we value decisions over time, both coming to the decision and after.

I’m lying in front of a TV that is, to me, gigantic. The images are hypnotizing, but I’m so close I see the slight blurring effect, meaning it’s too noticeable how they shift focus. Motion appears more, meaning it shows up in places and I’m close enough to see them. One of the hazards of a clearer image is that you can see the flaws. And learn to accept them, because this is the TV I have now.

I’ve been working on acceptance. I remember when that started. It was when I was filling notebooks, and I went back to when I was making pictures in college and I would write words in different colors and shapes, so nervous might look nervous. I was also making universe pictures, from calm to turbulent. Always working on this even when I didn’t think I was working on this. T’aint I a clown.

Deborah Kerr. Almost got there before. Saw it now.

The 3rd End’s attractive power, inherent attractive power flows into this 0Space in a variety of ways. Quarks are now clearer.

Took a break to have a favorite snack: bread and mustard. The 2nd was smoky sweet, the first a whole but small grain Dijon, on dark bread. Not toasted. Mmmmmmm.

I’m watching Back to the Future, and a more twisted version would be that Marty is cool and with it because he has sex with his mother in the past and is his own father. It’s incest with the twist that it’s her genes doubled. I can see Marty working with his dad but also realizing the dude just won’t cut it. It’s sci-fi already, right? Add some moral dilemma solved in a sci-fi manner. It can have any realization: he can be in a time loop, maybe imaginary because he died at the beginning, maybe hinted at so you don’t know, maybe he’s dislocated in time from the reality he used to be in.

I would love to translate that idea process into maths. I try to say maths because math is taken to mean symbolic manipulation. That is within maths.

I ate a lot of raw garlic today. What a great festival. And I had a terrific kielbasy with sauerkraut. Tasted homemade. Added mustard and yum. Bought some mild garlic from Russia. Begins with a B.

So the perspective shift enabled new views. I went through a process of seeing equivalencies: incest exists, read an article a month or so ago, which is why it stuck with me, and seeing those created an SBE2 loop which identified to the 7, which is also the other SBE2 loop, in the +1 Attachment, which I’m really glad now we dubbed Attachment Theory based then on the ‘intuition’ it would become one.

Need to make a note: mount TV off center so it can be tilted toward a couch along the room dividing knee wall, and thus toward the kitchen, so it can be seen better from the stools, and while pointing away from the light sources along the windows.

My body hurts from hunching over on the floor. It was easier to write on my stomach. Oh, right: since he returned to the future, he knows he doesn’t have genetic defects. Ironic, that.

So, let’s see if I can remember what just occurred. Or otherwise get it out. Crunchiness distracts. I think that distraction effect is what people crave because that forms a pairing. It’s true the population shows signs of addiction through the need for new tastes; the newness is a dislocation. But then, that’s true of fine dining or really good comfortable food because most restaurants aren’t that good and most home cooks aren’t either.

Dislocation. I was thinking about how N’s character came to life in you. It’s hitting me what that means because there are thus pairings across based on allocations of attributes and to what degrees, which locate as Pathways over the 1-0Segment, but what I really mean to say is they connect at either End and thus over and back, etc., in the various patterns.

I know I forgot some stuff here, but I’m really tired.