#'I just meant idk if they'd be considered Foreign! that's all!'

[aethersea]

stoker was irish, i know americans can't see much difference but boy do we have a huge difference. btw dracula was originally austrian

hey what do you mean about dracula being originally austrian? that's intriguing

[illegiblehandwriting1]

YO GUYS. GUYS I DID IT. I had my last final today and it wasn't fun, but at least it's over!!

AND it's Wednesday! so, i've never done this before, BUT! i feel the need to celebrate w/ a small snippet of s&a ch 16, so here ya go :3 idk if this is a lot for a sneak peek, but in terms of this chapter, it is absolutely nothing, so, eh! fuck it, ya know?

----

Hyrule had always loved caves. 

Where other heroes had proper towns and stables and inns, Hyrule had the caverns and cave systems that spiderwebbed beneath the surface of his home in every direction. Overworld monsters liked all the pale sunlight they could get. Dungeon-crawling monsters always preferred to stick to a certain room, and that was their turf; their home. 

An empty cave meant a safe spot, a rest stop, a moment to breathe. He didn't get very many of those. 

So when Hyrule had said he had been exploring that cave under the tree roots, he hadn’t lied. 

Technically. 

He had explored it. He had searched each crack and crevice with a distinct curiosity, wondering why it was here, who had made it, how convenient it would be to get to if he was in terrible shape: all the questions that he usually wondered. With each second spent in the darkness, he felt his heartbeat slow down from its thunderous pace. 

Okay, so contrary to what he told the heroes, his focus on the cave beneath the tree roots was more than just a habit or an interest. 

It was almost like a home. 

And maybe that was a little unhealthy, when he considered any enclosed, underground space to be safer than being surrounded by allies — comrades, friends, brothers — but at least he could breathe, in a cave. At least he could know that when he huddled himself up in the corner of the dark room, the hard rock pressed against his back and told him that nothing else was behind him. There would be no knives in his shoulder blades, no hands pushing him away or pulling him too close. There would be no claws ripping into his flesh and pouring his blood onto the earth. At least he could see the only entryway to the darkened alcove and know with full certainty that if anyone tried to come in, he would see them first. 

And it wasn’t that he didn’t trust any of the other heroes: that was just wrong. He trusted them with his life, and coming from the teenager with the blood curse, that was saying quite a bit. 

But there was a certain tension in the air around the group of travellers that had been there for weeks now. It wasn't exactly a secret as to why — they all knew why. 

Sky was gone. They needed him back. 

And they didn't know how to get him. 

But Hyrule found himself worrying his lip until it bled. He noticed his shoulders rising up to his ears. The tension in his frame. His locked jaw and the sudden snappiness that he kept swallowing. 

So the moment they stopped, he ran and hid in the safest place he could think of. Hiding was what he was best at, after all. 

It was what he had always done to escape. 

But it was quiet, down there in the dark. It was still and silent and maybe even peaceful. He was alone, if only for a moment, and that was what he was used to. Maybe he liked being around other people — well, that was a lie. He craved their presence like a bee craves nectar. It was soothing in a way that nothing else could be, when you had a comrade at your side in battle and a friend next to you at dinnertime. 

But the lonesome cave was familiar, despite the completely foreign territory they had all been treading since they'd first entered the Breach of Demise. 

It was familiar to sit, back pressed against the rough cave rocks, and just breathe. 

He imagined that he was home again. He was alone in his travels. He had no one to look after and no one to look after him. 

He didn’t have a missing brother. 

The bittersweetness of the illusion tasted wrong. It wasn’t something he could just magically go back to. Not after everything. But it was close enough, and that was all he needed. Just for a moment. Just until he had to turn on the lights again. 

Someone called his name. Not his birth name, not the name that everyone in his world connected with a curse and a bloodstained future reminiscent of a bloodstained past. No. That wasn’t what he heard. 

“Hyrule!” someone yelled. 

His allies — friends, brothers, family — were looking for him. 

He’d never had much of a family before. 

He couldn’t let this one fall apart.

---

also, um. so.

i am. not done yet. so.

[eroaneki]

I always found it really fucking odd how Joe's bday is June 14th and Ryan's is June 15th. The two biggest guys to ever be involved in my life have birthdays a day apart from one another.

I still think about Ryan from time to time. Idk why because I'm 99% convinced at this point I meant little to nothing to him. Or maybe I did mean something and he just always knew I was on a much better path than he was and did me a favor by being a complete ass to me so I'd eventually hate him. He was the first guy I ever cared to try and figure out. Idk if it's true but the second night I ever spoke to him he told me how his dad died and had said "I've known people for literal years and have never told anyone that."

A large part of me makes me wanna believe it's BS. I have an actual feeling it is. He was the kind of person who was so desperate for love and affection that he threw it at anyone who'd offer it to him even if it meant sacrificing himself and whatever current relationship he had at the time. He was horrified of being left and replaced, so he'd do it before anyone had a chance to do it to him. He constantly betrayed everyone he considered dear to him before they had an opportunity to do it to him. He lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety and covered it up by being smooth talking and flirting his way out of situations. He was so interesting. I'd never met anyone quite like him. Aside from his catastrophic love life, he wasn't that bad of a person. We actually got along personality wise, but he had no idea how to treat another person romantically. He did assault me (technically sexually) and basically kept me fucking hidden the couple times I went to visit him, but I don't hate him for it at all. If anything I pity him, because he had a near identical fucked up father-figure situation.

I remember talking to him over the summers when we were kids and listening to him vent about his shitty stepdad being an abusive asshole to him. Supposedly his stepdad ran a lumber yard and Ryan would work there over the summers when school would let out. There was one night he was super frustrated by something that had happened and was talking about taking a shovel and bashing his stepdad to death with it as a way to escape his influence. I empathized because that was the peak of my father's abuse.

But Ryan was incredibly controlling and insecure. He almost bricked my phone because I wouldn't let him search through it to see if I was talking to other guys. He never proposed to me, but on more than a few occasions he'd move in and propose to girls as a means of assuring they'd never leave him. He also fucked with reproduction; hated condoms and I remember him telling me I wouldn't need plan b because he drank so much Mountain dew his sperm wouldn't be viable. He did take me to the store to get it though despite that.

He had so many problems and in a way I felt like I had to fix him. I blame that on being young and naive and not knowing any better, but my entire 7ish year interaction/relations with him taught me so much about respecting myself in love and never letting someone blindsided me ever again.

I'm often incredibly cold and distant to Joe due to this, but he's so used to me being "alone" he usually doesn't say anything about it. Lately he's been more vocal because he's pushing for us to get serious about saving up money together and moving out together within the next 1-2 years. He wants to open a bank account with me and such. And it's so... Foreign to me that someone wants to do that with me? I was usually always pushing to be closer to someone and not having it be reciprocated. For someone to actually want to do that is a bit overwhelming.

I don't wish Ryan bad. I kind of wonder what he's up to. Last I heard he moved to Florida and his grandpa wasn't doing too well. He loved his grandpa dearly; his grandfather was more like a father to him. I hope he's okay. Last I spoke to him I told him to lose my number and block me on everything as I would do the same. He got pissy that I got with Joe and wrote this passive aggressive text post about people using him as stepping stones in their lives. He didn't mention anyone exclusively but he mentioned one person motivating him to be a better person, which is one thing he'd always told me I did for him and I do still believe he was telling the truth in that. Supposedly one reason he went back to school was because of me. I mean a large part was for himself and his future, but I remember having a few conversations with him about college and what he might want to go back for. He'd also keep me updated on when he filled out applications and the schools he'd been accepted to, when he started, how his classes were, etc.

He lived and acted entirely out of fear of being hurt by those he cared about, because he cared way too much about everyone. He let everyone into his heart and let them in way too close and would suffocate the fuck out of it with abusive, manipulative, controlling behavior out of fear. I hope he's grown out of that by now. And I hope he's happy wherever he is, whatever it is he's doing.

I forgive him for all he's done, because he was fucked up. Did he hurt me, yes, multiple times. But he was young and fucked up and hardly knew himself. I hardly knew myself, too. So, I forgive him, and I wish him the best. I've struggled with shame regarding that entire aspect of my life, but I think I can finally get proper closure.