#'Here's the answer to your question; by the way emojis aren't really good form so try not to use them in official communications'

[medicinemane]

All I'll say, is that college professor who bitch about "professionalism" in students forgets that it cuts both ways

You're a professor, this is a student. You are in theory at least and educator, and so when someone behaves in a way you find unbecoming it's your duty to say "in future please do ___ because that's the polite way to do things" rather than just tearing into them and complaining... to do other wise... well it lacks professionalism

Because it's never a reaction to the student being like "Yo what up skank?", it's always something minor that's not even a universal faux pas

Which cuts to to the core of what it's really about, it's never the language used, or that handing in an assignment only x minutes before the due date is an issue, it's a pure power trip

I don't know about you, but I find power tripping pretty unprofessional

These professors will act like the sun shines out their ass while throwing bigger tantrum over nothing than a toddler would, while citing that the student isn't behaving properly and it's just... you're a disgrace to education, you make academia worse with your presence, you have the emotional stability of a child, and for all your pomp and airs you lack even basic manners which is the foundation of being a professional

Just get tired of that kind of professor and wanted to complain about them

(Bonus complaint, professors who brag that only a small % of students pass their class. Oh... so you're a bad teacher... you're not good at your job. You fail at the one thing you're paid to do with a large % of your students)

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

For the fanfic meme:

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

And %% which is not an emoji but shall stand in for "whichever emoji no one ever picks but you have an answer for you want to share"!! (Because I mostly picked the ghost one because I don't actually know how one would answer that. XD)

Fanfic writer ask game

So I honestly thought I'd posted this a few days ago, until I opened my drafts just now and saw it there!! DX<

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

Not really, but I did reach one as of last year (or maybe even the year before) and that was...I've written over 100,000 words worth of Hitsuhina fanfic O_O It blew my mind when I added up the numbers. There are novel that aren't even that long!!

If I had to pick a milestone (well, it's more like a goal, but anyway), I guess, as cheesy as it is, it's to make fans happy. I know when I go to read others' work in any fandom I'm in, I feel like I've found somewhere I can relax for a while before I have to go on with my day. I want my fics to be like that, a place where fans can just relax for a little while and hopefully enjoy what they're reading.

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

I did answer this one before, but another wild headcanon I have is prior to the main story, Toshio and Gin have spoken several times. It started when Toshiro became one of the higher seats, and one day while with Rangiku, Gin came by with paperwork. Toshiro didnt get a good vibe from him, and Gin sensed there was more Toshiro than met the eye. The two didn't exchange much words whenever they saw each other; at most Gin would make a arcastic or teasing comment, and Toshiro would respond in his brattish way. When Gin became a captain, Toshiro showed him a bit more respect, but kept his answers short and to the point whenever Gin spoke with him. They may have had one meaningful conversation once, in a moment where Gin was waiting for Rangiku. Gin spoke of prodigies and the weight on their shoulders to live up to expectations, and perhaps even reveals that he himself is considered one. Toshiro brushes off the comments, saying he's doing just fine, but he can't help but ponder on Gin's words for the next week.

It's from these interactions and seeing Gin with Rangiku that he's able to glean that they're close, though he doesn't understand the exact nature of their relationship - are they just old friends, distant friends, or something more?

And a question I'd like to answer...ugh, it feels so self indulgent but: 🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Any fic! Any at all! It astounds me to this day that a few people have drawn pieces for scenes in my fics (admitted, a few have been requests from me, but still! ^^; ) If I have to narrow it down to one fic though...Amongst the Ruins is the first to come to mind. Anyone who has been with me all these years knows that the number oen scenario I wish had happened in canon was Momo seeing Tosiro in his completed form, and it shows in the number of fics I've written about it. This fic hold s a special place in my heart, as not only is it one of the first I posted on here and I got some beautiful feedback on it, but writing it got me through a tough time in my life. If a fanartist decided to adapt any moment form this one, I'd just...

Thank you for sending this in (and sorry again for the lateness)! :D

[morgemuffel]

MALEC. ➰ DON'T LET ME GO.

This story takes place between episode 3Bx15 & 3Bx16.

I adapted the story and put my own thoughts & ideas into to it. What are MALEC up to when you don’t see them on screen?

*(Part 2 of my series: our heart beats like one)

Mmm... I love to feel his warm bare chest underneath me. His fine and soft dark chest hair like a fluffy pillow on my cheek, which tickles my nose every now and then when I move my head, to cuddle up to him. The familiar aroma of... of what exactly? It's hard to describe, but it's my favorite fragrance. Not like shampoo, perfume or laundry detergent, no. It is his own body odor. The scent, you only get to smell on your partner in the mornings, before he makes himself fresh and tidy for the rest of the world. Magnus loved this fragrance. It's a scent that evokes the memory  of a cool sunrise in spring season. The feeling of love and secureness.

As Magnus lies there half asleep, he slowly noticed that something wasn't right anymore. The warmth and the fragrance he loved so much, slowly faded away. He reluctantly opened his eyes and winked the sleep away as he looked around without moving. He was in Alec's room at the New York Institute. He remembered falling asleep in Alec's arms, one more thing he loved. He slept so well in Alec's arms, as he hadn't for years. Carefree and happy. But where was Alec? Magnus lay across the bed, taking up the whole space and his head was carefully draped on a pillow. Alec didn't want to wake him up and exchanged his warm muscular chest with his pillow. Also very cuddly Magnus had to admit, but no comparison to Alec's soft fragrant skin. As he raised his head, he looked up directly into Alec's already freshly washed face. "You sleep ok?" Alec asked worried. Magnus stretched as he answered "like a rock." Alec looked at him in a mix of nervousness and expectation so that Magnus wondered what he had overlooked, until his eyes moved over the bed and he noticed the romantic gesture of his boyfriend. A smile crossed his face. How was it possible that this man could always surprise him over and over again? In front of him was a tray with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and a small bouquet of flowers. The glass was filled to the top, not like Magnus' attempt from last week. When he could only squeeze enough juice from two oranges to reach the middle of the glass. "Oh. Freshly squeezed orange juice and a full glass. "He grinned at the memory. Alec blushed a little red but tried to suppress it. "One of the perks of living at the institute," he said with a smile. Magnus nodded impressed, but his attention was yet on the forced question, forming  itself in bold capital letters, inside of his head . It was by law not allowed for Warlocks to be in the institute. Nor to live there. Although he welcomed the loving offer to stay here until he had found a new home as well as the confident manner his boyfriend showed, but they both knew that this, also if only a temporary situation, was pretty tricky. Magnus didn't want to get Alec into trouble by staying here longer than necessary. Alec tore him out of his thoughts. "Come on, get out of bed. Breakfast stops serving at 9am." Theatrically, Magnus let himself fall back into the bed. Why did shadowhunters have to get up so early? No wonder most of them were always in such a bad mood. And walking into a warlock in this early hour must be the icing on the cake. So he started a half-hearted attempt to convince Alec that they didn't necessarily had to have breakfast with the others in the community hall. “Alexander, I appreciate the hospitality, but doesn't the clave have rules against downworlders living here?“ His boyfriend looked at him with that peevish smile as he hesitated “oh they‘re not rules, they‘re suggestions.“ Magnus sighed, his Alexander, who interpreted his life according to the rules is now only looking at them as a recommendation? He didn't want Alec to bend himself completely because of him. That just wasn't right, and yet his statement triggered a comforting feeling in Magnus. Alec went on to say, "You're not living at the institute, you're just visiting for an extended period of time." his arguments weren't bad, Magnus thought, but he hated to be the outsider. Not that he cared what others thought, but what if Alec suddenly felt uncomfortable? Magnus asked him "and what would your fellow shadowshunters think of a warlock wandering the halls?" "They'd be fine with it Alec clarified in a calm tone. "Let's go." With these last challenging words he turned around and disappeared through the door to brush his teeth in the bathroom. Magnus sat undecided on the bed for a moment. He urgently needed another apartment, but his  real estate agent had died years ago. But his good friend Cat has recently moved, so Madzie could have her own room. He took out his phone and wrote her a short text message:

Wanna have lunch today? I could need your help... Do you know a good real estate agent in New York? 🏠

Cat answered almost immediately. Magnus was looking at his phone while it indicated that Cat was about to formulate a message.

Yes sure, I have break at 12.30am. You can wait outside the hospital. Are you and Alec already taking the next step? 🐾

Magnus read the message and rolled his eyes in amusement.

He had told her that Alec had asked him a few weeks ago to move in with him and that he had refused his request. She agreed with Magnus that it was too early. But in the meantime, Magnus himself wasn't so sure about his decision anymore. With Alec everything felt so good and right. He had never dared to take that step before, but if he did, he could only imagine this scenario with Alec. Since losing his loft, he'd thought about asking Alec several times. Ask him if they wanted to look at apartments together and maybe even wanted to move in together. But he was too unsure, what if Alec didn't wanted that anymore? He still remembers how hurt his shadowhunter had looked at him, when he said it would be a nice idea for the future. Magnus had considered his decision as the best in that moment. But now he wasn't so sure anymore, so he didn't ask. He answered Cat with a maybe..., two thumbs up and a steak emoji, then he got up to get dressed.

Alec had just brushed his teeth when he started searching for Underhill. As he knew Magnus, getting dressed, styling his hair and putting on his make up would take a while even with his regained magic. When thinking of his boyfriend, who couldn't decide what to wear and what mood he wanted to present the world today, he had to smile. There was no one like him, and he belonged to Alec. He hoped to catch Underhill before breakfast, since he was Alec's only friend next to his siblings, he wanted to hear his opinion about Magnus' new living situation. He himself knew that his decision to let Magnus live in the institute went into the grey area, a real dark grey zone and that not all of his companions would be enthusiastic about it. But he didn't care he had a plan. Well it was more of an idea than a plan, but before he could enforced this plan, he had to go through the shadowhunters protocol again. If someone could help him with that then it was his friend Underhill, the head of security. Alec walked down the hall and knocked on Underhill's room. Nothing stirred. He was about to leave, as the door swung open and Underhill stood in front of him, dripping wet and only wrapped in a white towel around his waist. Small  water drops trickled down his trained torso like glistening pearls. "Uhm ... hey boss ... uh ... Alec?" He said clearly confused about meeting his buddy so early in the morning. "Does your head hum as much as mine?" He asked laughing as he grimaced. The two men hadn't been friends for a long time, and Alec hadn't even seen him in swimming trunks before. They were out for a beer the first time yesterday having a spontaneous men's night after work. Alec had told him about his fears and relationship issues after being Underhill's wingman. But a drunk soul striptease and checking out other men together was something completely different than this. Their friendship wasn't on the I can see you without your shirt level yet. Rather more on the I kinda trust you and we can talk about deep stuff basis. It was therefore an unprecedented situation for both of them. "Alec is enough, we're friends now right... aren't we?" Alec found himself wandering over Underhill's upper body. Well, yesterday they've talked about attractive men and they were all reasonably passable but he haven't really realized that Underhill himself was actually pretty attractive. No comparison to Magnus, Nobody is able to hold a candle to him, but he couldn't deny that Underhill was good looking and handsome. Stop look at him so closely Alec! He realized that he had been staring at his friend for quite a long time now and blushed. Thus, the situation was now officially a bit awkward. Is looking at others, even if in that harmless way, allowed in a relationship? Or oh God had he just cheated on Magnus? No, no, no calm down Alec. Magnus once said that it's natural that you want to look at beautiful things. Not that Underhill was an object. "Yes sure...we are friends", Underhill nodded slowly and became a little red himself. Oh damn it, pull yourself together Alec. Just open your mouth and before you even notice you'll be speaking. The warm steam escaping out of the room and into Alec's face finally brought him back from his thoughts. "Nah no, I'm feeling pretty good." He cleared his throat and asked, "Could you prepare the keys for Magnus, so he can come into the institute by himself?" Underhill frowned as he slowly asked: "So your boyfriend is suddenly living here now? What about the rules?" But Alec wanted to get out of this somehow embarrassing situation, as quick as possible so he answered curtly. "Just the keys Jack okey? Thank you." And walked in the direction of his own room. The protocol could wait.

Magnus felt the breakfast was... very weird, as expected. He was in the training room of the institute now and completed his morning Tai Chi exercises. These slow flowing movements and the meditation calmed him. He had spiced up the routine with his own flair and let a magic ball circulate between his hands. However, it was difficult for him to concentrate, because his thoughts repeatedly wandered somewhere else. - Everyone had stared at Magnus as if it was the first time they've ever saw a warlock. He had mumbled to Alec, "you know it's not too late to go out for breakfast, right?"But Alec ignored the others and asked in shock: “And miss pancake day? No way“. How could Magnus have denied him his favorite breakfast day at the institute? Nevertheless, Magnus would rather have sinked into the ground, preferably right through to Edom. But Alec stood proudly next to him and would have probably beat up everyone's ass or sent them to Wrangel Island for character-building, if they had dared to say something mean against Magnus. They had sat down with Izzy, Jace and Clary and explained them his current living situation. They all seemed genuinely enthusiastic and happy about him living here, which calmed him down a bit. Even though Alec was a huge fan of pancake day at the institute, Magnus preferred a fruit salad and a Mimosa cocktail, somewhere was definitely happy hour already. When he snapped his finger and his new breakfast had appeared, he heard a loud,  glaring and high ringing in his ears. It hurt it was getting harder and harder to repress and ignore the symptoms. He decided to talk to Cat about it later. Magnus was glad when Biscuit's cell phone rang and replaced the ringing in his ear. It was Luke who briefed her about the vampire attack at Jade Wulf. Soon after, everyone dedicated back to daily-shadowhunter-businesses. He returned to an upright position and stretched. He felt ready for the next hurdle now. He looked at his phone to reads the time 11:42, time to get his keys and get ready for lunch with Cat. Alec had told him where to find Underhill, who provided the new keys for him. So he made his way there.

After Magnus recovered from the let's call it a slightly unpleasant dining which topped any previous encounter with Maryse Lightwood (before she became nice) by lengths, he went to the security department. He wondered for the second time today if he should ask Alec to move in with him. He was torn between his feelings. And all of these high-tech machines and huge screens were giving him migraines. How did his Alexander endure that? He was looking for the big blond shadowhunter which he should get in touch with. Jack Underhill, Magnus thought. Alec went out for a drink with him yesterday, right? His heart suddenly felt heavy and an unfamiliar feeling spread throughout him. Well, it was more like several emotions at the same time and he couldn't exactly assign them. It was a mixture of fear, suspicion, and a bit of anger. Magnus didn't like these feelings, especially because he didn't understand them. He had only met Underhill once and he made a sympathetic impression. He was also good-looking, tall and muscular, bright blue eyes and well-haired blond hair. He was quite handsome Magnus thought. Underhill nodded to Magnus as he approached him. "You're here for the keys?" He asked curtly. "Yes, is this the reception to check in at the Shadowhunters Inn?" Magnus tried to lighten the mood with a joke. But the joke was bad so they just looked at each other silently. Underhill cleared his throat and instructed: "Please stand here and don't move. This is a retinal scan. If you move, we have to start all over again."Quite the soldier Magnus thought to himself, with these monitors all day long he would probably have a bad mood too. As he stood there so motionless, he wondered if Underhill thinks Alec is attractive. What a stupid question Magnus your boyfriend is a walking sex bomb! Everyone with eyes in their heads could see that Alec was attractive. And the most attractive thing about him was that he wasn't even aware of it. Hmm on the other hand... does Alec think Underhill is attractive? Before Magnus, Alec had no relationships, but his almost wife - Lydia was blond, Underhill is also blonde So maybe... Damn it, Magnus what's up with you today? You have no reason for such thoughts. He takes a deep breath and concentrates on the monitor with the built-in scan. After less than a minute - RETINAL SCAN COMPLETE - appeared in green on the screen.

"That'll do it" Underhill growled. "I'm finished?" Magnus asked in surprise, he had expected to have to stand there for hours. "Yeah," Underhill said curtly and gave him a bunch of keys. “These are your keys. I‘d explained what doors the open, but to be honest, I‘m not totally sure. Most of the shadowhunters just use the unlock rune. So good luck.“ Magnus at first thought that Underhill was just in a bad mood like all the other shadowhunters, because Magnus was around. But somehow he had the feeling that he had annoyed the man in a different way maybe with something he didn't noticed. He felt the urge to ignore his thought just like the ringing sound in his ear earlier at the breakfast table. That's why he just answered "Hmm" and turned to go. But then it occurred to him that Alec had just made friends with Underhill and he didn't want anything to stand between the two men. So he stopped and turned back to him. "I'm sorry, have I done something to offend you?" He looked questioningly at Underhill. "No, of course not." Underhill said but hesitated and crossed his arms over his chest before continuing. “I guess I‘m not sure having you moving in here is such a great idea.“ And here we go Magnus thought. He's one of them... as he said, “hmm because I‘m a warlock?“ Underhill interrupted him immediately. “No. No, no, no. Personally, I don‘t mind, but we‘ve got protocols against this sort of things.“  Magnus was surprisingly relieved to hear that it wasn't about him being a warlock. He should have known, Alec had a good sense for people, most shadowhunters were just poled to follow the rules. That someone like Alec suddenly starts to break the rules can be quite disconcerting. “Don‘t worry. I don‘t plan on living here longer than I have to. I love Alec but, these screens are giving me migraines" Magnus said and hoped to soothe Underhill a bit. Behind this serious expression seemed to be a nice guy, who actually meant well. He looked at Magnus with a honest expression and said something quite unusual for shadowhunters. “I‘m sorry. I didn‘t realize this was a temporary thing“ Magnus had already forgiven him and raised his hand to a let's forget it gesture and nodded smiling. Jack continues visibly relaxed,“and hey, for what it‘s wort, I‘m glad that you and Alec managed to work everything out“ Now Magnus was confused. What was he talking about? "Excuse me?" He asked perplexed. “Yeah, he... uh, told me you were having some differences.“ Underhill said. There it was again. slight anger, fear, suspicion and a light sting in his chest. These feelings were annoying. What was it about this blonde Shadowhunter, that Magnus suddenly felt so vulnerable? It somehow bothered him that Alec had discussed private matters with someone else, had discussed them with him. “Oh, he did, didn‘t he?“  was everything he managed to say. "Yeah," said Underhill again short tailed as in the beginning. He had noticed that, his statement somehow came across a bit strange. “Excuse me.“ Magnus said and made his way to the exit. He needed to talk to his best friend now.

45 minutes later, Magnus stood in front of the Beth Israel Hospital in New York and waited for his good old friend Catarina Loss. The young dark-skinned and black-haired woman came out and smiled at her friend. "There's my favorite seriously-in-love warlock," she said, pulling him into a heartfelt hug. Magnus had to grin. He loved this woman, he had already experienced so much with her and she was one of the few people whom he practically trusted blindly. "Hello my dear old house," Magnus teased back. They walked for a while until they came to a small alley and Cat opened a portal to Zurich. Magnus was glad that she took the initiative and opened the portal, he still didn't know how to confess to her about the unpleasant symptoms he was having lately. But Cat had a totally different taste in food than him. "Don't you just only eat cheese in Switzerland?", he thought. Cat rolled her eyes as she noticed his hesitation. "Come on, I know a great hip brasserie at Zurich Hardbrücke, they serve the best tapas and seashells believe me." Magnus frowned, seashells weren't really his cup of tea either. He was more kinda the old-fashioned guy always ready for a good piece of meat, medium rare. And he's just barely escaped, the tasteless cardboard which the Institute calls pancake, today. "If you don't like it I'll pay", Cat tried again. So, Magnus gave himself a jolt, today wasn't really his day. Arriving at the restaurant, Cat ordered, in her fluent Swiss German, two portions of Moules et Frites and two cocktails, with hers being non-alcoholic, as she had to work quite long this evening. 20 minutes later they sat at a table outside on the terrace, laughing, smacking, reveling in memories and enjoying the sun. Magnus had to admit that the seashells were really excellent and that his wise friend could still introduce him to new things after so many years. Yes, she knew him so well, as almost nobody else does. "Cat because of the real estate agent, can you recommend me someone?" he asked. She nodded eagerly "Yes, I know the perfect man for you, he is from Brooklyn and knows the area, as I know you, this is very important to you. I've wrote him already and made an appointment for tomorrow, I assumed you would like to move out of the institute as soon as possible?" she looked at Magnus amused "It's not that terrible," Magnus said sheepishly. "Alec is trying so hard...and..." Cat interrupted him "speaking of Alec... I didn't know what to tell the agent about the apartment your looking for, I mean I know you and your expensive taste, but if you two are really about to take the next step...? she blurted out. "How many rooms would it need ... are we about to expect some small mini Alec's any time soon, I mean I know how good he is with kids?" Magnus' eyes widened and he blushed slightly. The two broke out in laughter. Magnus loved the direct nature of his friend. He valued her opinion and knew that he could always expect an honest answer from her. "Don't you no longer think that's it a bit too fast?" Magnus asked uncertainly.

She thought for a moment before answering, "Magnus you deserve to be happy and if it makes you happy to move in with him, then do it." You've never dared to take this step with anyone else before and I haven't seen you so happy, as with Alec, for a long time now. You're good for each other and if you don't try it, you'll never know how it could have been. After her speech, Magnus couldn't stop smiling. There's something else I wanted to ask you about, he started hesitantly. usually he has got the gift of the gab, but what he wanted to ask her next was a little embarrassing. "Do you think .. um... well... that I'm a jealous person...?" Cat looked at him pleasant as she spoke,"well, well, well, a jealous Magnus Bane, never thought that I'd live so long to ever experience that. Hmm...the fact that you have to ask me that answers everything, don't you agree? " Magnus rolled his eyes, knowing she was right. He had wondered the whole morning, what was it about these new curious feelings? and then it finally fell from his eyes like scales. Jealousy. He, Magnus bane was slightly jealous of Underhill. He didn't want to admit it at first, because he was embarrassed and he thinks Underhill is actually really nice. But here he sat in front of his best friend who could read him like an open book and knew she was right. "Magnus Alec adores you, how comes you feel threatened by someone?" She asked in surprise. Magnus sighed heavily, "Oh, Catarina, it's all me, my self-doubts are coming back. I feel that everything is going too good, that I don't deserve it and I'm just kinda waiting for something or someone to come across and take that happiness away from me...you understand?" She understood him all too well, all these dramas with Camille in the passt have left their marks. Cat reached for his hand on the table and looked at him seriously. "Stop sabotaging yourself. You deserve this ok?" She looked at him so intensive, he didn't dare to turn away his head from her. "You are worth it Magnus and don't let someone else tell you otherwise,...talk to Alec about your fears, but don't let those feelings get the upper hand. A little jealousy is okey just don't overdo it okey?" Magnus was reassured, Cat always knew what she had to say to cheer him up. He didn't want to destroy the moment by telling her that his body was rejecting Lorenzo's magic. Even as she looked at him questioningly with her tell me about the last thing that's bothering you expression, he just shrugged. "Thanks, Cat, I needed that, let's head back, I should probably talk to Alec." She nodded knowingly, he would tell her when he was ready she thought and the two made their way back to New York.

Back at the institute, Magnus went straight to Alec's office. Alec once told him he doesn't always have to knock, he rarely had someone really important visiting and the big meetings were mostly held in Alicante. So, Magnus just enterd. Alec wasn't sitting at his desk as usually, he was chilling in a comfortable armchair beside his little table and studied some reports. He looked up as Magnus entered the room and asked: “how was your first day? You all set up?“ Sitting down on the armchair next to him, Magnus resolved to begin this conversation rationally. “Hmm. Good to go.“ he started before failing miserably as he continued to speak,“Your handsome friend took care of everything“ Alec frowned and thought about what Magnus just said before asking hesitantly “Underhill?“ Magnus after that quick like a shot and curiously wide-eyed,“you think he‘s handsome? The second the question left his mouth, he regretted it. Damn it Magnus, he thought, we already had this topic. Now stop with this jealousy game. You don't need this. Alec looked at him sheepishly, as the awkward bath towel situation of this morning came back to his mind, when he answered uncertainly,“I guess?“ Magnus took in the new information and tried to find the right words to tell Alec what was on his mind. Alec got a bit nervous and added,“Is that a problem?“ Magnus saw that Alec was afraid he had done something wrong and said soothingly  “No.“ Alec wasn't sure if that was true, but still devoted himself back to his reports. “Yes“ Magnus corrected and decided to be honest. Cat had advised him to talk honestly about his feelings, so he did. “I just don‘t know if I feel comfortable with you airing out our dirty laundry to the entire Institute...“ Now Alec was quite confused for a second he had thought Magnus was jealous, but it sounded quite as if something else had happened between him and Underhill.“What are you talking about?“ he asked. Magnus sighed: now or never Magnus, come on. “You told him we were having relationship issues.“ Alec wasn't sure were Magnus was going with this conversation. “So I‘m not allowed to talk to people about my problems?“ he asked in confusion. Magnus realized how childish this sounded, of course Alec was allowed to talk with his friends about his problems. It was just... what was it that disturbed him? “Well, sure. But him? You barely even know him.“ Magnus was right Alec thought and he was sorry, not about him in principle talking to others about his problems, but that Magnus was feeling uncomfortable and he somehow understood him. He hardly knew Underhill that was true, but that's how friendships start. You get to know each other and Alec trusted Underhill. He would have thought Magnus would understand that.  “I just didn‘t think it was a big deal.“ Alec finally said. Magnus had a guilty conscience, he didn't want Alec to feel bad just because he couldn't control his feelings. After all, it wasn't Alec's fault that he felt that way. He tried to choose his words carefully when he started: “I know. I just feel... Sometimes, I...“ All at once Alec could see it very clearly. he hadn't been wrong before. Magnus was jealous! His boyfriend was truly jealous.

Alec was neither hurt nor angry at this newfound fact. He had asked Magnus last night already, after he went out for a beer with Underhill at Hunter's Moon and Magnus denied it. Weak denied, but still. Alec haven't been thinking about it afterwards. And he couldn't imagine, that Magnus the most beautiful and confident man Alec knew could be jealous. He smiled from ear to ear as he finally said it,“wait. You‘re jealous.“ Magnus contradicted slightly offended when he realized that he had just been caught,“I don‘t get jealous.“ Alec kinda liked the idea of a jealous Magnus, because from his perspective there was no one who could ever compete with Magnus. He couldn't stop grinning. No one has ever been jealous of another person because of Alec. Magnus was kind of sweet when he was jealous so Alec wanted to savor the moment and tease his boyfriend a bit.“You‘re jealous. You‘re actually jealous.“ Alec stated. Magnus had no chance, the cat was out of the bag now. But he still acted a little pouted when he said: “I‘ve never gotten jealous. This is not...“ Alec's phone rang and Magnus took the opportunity to pull himself out of the affair. “Answer it.“ Magnus command and Alec just kept grinning to himself as he answered the call.

After Heidi's death and turning in Rafael to the Clave, Alec became painfully aware again of how important rules are. He loved having Magnus in the institute, but he would prefer to live with him. Having a joint home, their Home. He had asked Magnus once back then, and he didn't want to. It was too early he said. Not much time had passed since then and yet it felt like an eternity. And Alec was a stubborn person so he decided to ask one more time. He wanted to ask Underhill for advice this morning and then didn't do it cause of sheer shame. He took deep breath and went to visit his friend again. He needed a bit of courage and assurances before launching his plan. That's why he asked Underhill for the official shadowhunter-regulations when he arrived the security compartment. Alec: "Jack, are you sure the head of the institute doesn't have to live in the institute?" Jack was still rummaging in a few other documents as he spoke, "pretty sure... aha here it is!" He pulled out the thick, brown-inlaid, rather dusty book and looked for the corresponding page with the inscription."So here it is," said Underhill, reading aloud:

RULES FOR THE HEAD OF A SHADOWHUNTER INSTITUTES

RESIDENCE AND ACCOMMODATION

Art. 23 para. 7 - the head of the institute receives a suitable room in the institute, where he/she can retire and plan his/her further steps if needed.

"Hmm ... yes you're right it's not written that you have to actually live in the institute. Only that you'll get a room to use, as a place to think." Alec said slowly. "So could I help you?" Underhill asked, smiling. "I think so, thanks for everything," Alec responds, lost in his thought and already turned to leave. Should he ask Magnus again or would that be too intrusive? He didn't want to force himself on Magnus but he could see their future clearly in mind. He knew that he was ready and wanted make all these new experiences with him. No matter how scared he was of another rejection, he would try it again.

"Magnus had realized that he had acted very irrational previously and he should apologize to Alec. Full of anticipation he opened the door to Alec's office and entered. "You where looking for me?" he asked, willing to admit his mistake. Alec looked down in distress and nodded "Yeah." Magnus, now ready  to stand the ground started his apology, which he had practiced in his head for the last half a hour, because that's the way to do it in a healthy relationship. Communication is everything. "Alexander if this is about what we were talking about earlier, I was wrong. You have every right to talk out your problems with your friends, no matter how good-looking they are."he started frantically. But Alec interrupted him gently,"this isn't about that. This is about you living at the Institute. "Oh." was the only thing Magnus could answer, he hadn't expected the conversation to lead into that direction. Alec spoke slowly, choosing each word carefully. "Believe me I want to live with you, but you were right. Having a outsider live at the Institute that is against the protocol. And how can I expect everyone else to follow the rules, if I don't follow them myself?" Magnus didn't blame Alec, he knew it was a logical conclusion. He was more than thankful that they had even tried. "I understand. I'll move out first thing in the morning "Magnus replied understanding. But Alec wasn't finished yet, something important to him, still seemed to be on his mind. "However, there is no protocol that says the head of the Institute has to actually live at the Institute. So when you find a place, I was hoping that we could...both move in...together." Magnus heart was racing, yes Alec had milled his plan to ask him to move in with him this time, but Magnus couldn't care less about that now. This time, Magnus didn't have to think about it, it made him so unbelievably happy that Alec really had the courage to ask him again. He had played with this thought all day long and having Alec ask him again made his self-doubt disappear. You deserve to be happy he heard Cat's voice in his head. He didn't expect Alec to bring up back this sensitive topic but his Alexander never ceased to amaze him. This time he was ready. He wanted Alec and he wanted everything with him.  At once, that throbbing pain in his head started off again and slowly but surely he couldn't ignore it anymore. But he pulled himself together cause he needed to answer this. He needed this, he needs to  make this promise before it's too late. "Only if I get my own walk-in closet."he answered while smiling full of love and Alec could hardly believe it. He was so nervous and surprised at the same time because he had already suspected a NO in the back of his head. "You mean that?" he asked in disbelief. "Of course. I love you." Magnus said and took a step towards him to kiss him. But in that moment, the ringing in his head began again harder and louder and everything around him began to turn. My body, what's going on with my body? His body cramped and blood shot out of his nose and then out of his mouth.

"Magnus?" Alec asked worriedly. Magnus coughed and turned away. Even now he tried to hide the pain from Alec. His stomach turned and he felt the warm blood in his mouth. "Magnus?" Alec asked worriedly. "I'm fine." He could just say before spewing huge amounts of blood on the floor and collapsing. I can't speak, I can't think straight, Magnus thoughts were a wild mess. Alec is holding me I'm not falling anymore, stay with me Alec, please don't leave me. Words, where are the words? I can't speak I can't invoke the right language."Magnus?" Alec is  calling me and I hear myself speaking. Why am I talking Indosnesian. "Magnus?" I hear him scream again. Pain, more pain. My head is pulsing. It's getting worse. Oh no my head is going to explode. "Magnus?" Alec yells. I can hear his fear and desperation."Medic! Somebody get help!" he screams. I feel like everything is slipping away. "Magnus!" Alec's voice is so far away now and even the pain feels dull. "Someone get help!" I hear him say and suddenly everything is dark.

[punkscowardschampions]

Caleb & Janis

Caleb: quantos dos meus telefonemas você não vai responder? Janis: 🤔 Caleb: me diga que você está segura e eu vou parar de ligar para você, é fácil Janis: you think if I was in mild peril, I'd find the time to send you an emoji Caleb: knowing you, yeah Janis: proving once again how little you know me, father Caleb: none of this is funny or clever, do you know that? Janis: 💔 Janis: as long as it is, that was the deal was it Janis: try harder from here on out, I assure you Caleb: you are breaking your mother's heart so I wish you would Janis: 🙄 Caleb: this is what I mean Caleb: how is that a response to what I just said Janis: how's, 'even if that were true, I don't care', work for you then Caleb: it doesn't work Caleb: none of this works Janis: that's unfortunate for you Janis: probably should've listened before hitting 10 though Caleb: we aren't talking about my failings we're talking about you running away again Janis: same diff, eh padre Caleb: no Caleb: you chose to do this Caleb: & every response you've given me since then Janis: what we all choose, in the end Janis: better than what you're offering Caleb: what would you like me to do differently? Caleb: I could listen to your grandmother & send you to Brazil or you could give me an answer to a question Janis: ha, go on then Janis: why not form a panel of failed parents Janis: maybe you'll get it down for your grandkids, eh Caleb: I've made mistakes and I'm trying to learn from them Caleb: that's all I'm trying to get you to do Janis: fat lot of good that does her Janis: or any of us Janis: so no, you're alright Caleb: I did everything I could for her Caleb: & all of you Janis: well it's not good enough Janis: is it Caleb: I know that Janis: then fuck off Janis: I don't need or want your failed attempts Janis: or hers Caleb: I'm still your dad Caleb: so I can't Caleb: & I didn't when she wanted me to either Janis: yeah that pat on the back is well deserved Caleb: this anger isn't going to fuel you forever Caleb: it also can't Janis: watch me Janis: you reckon either of you is owed any forgiveness Janis: nah Janis: not from me Caleb: I'm not asking for your forgiveness Caleb: I'm asking you to stop putting yourself into unsafe situations Janis: send me Brazil then Janis: how long 'fore I'm dead in some favela Janis: 👍 class parenting, send 'em off, let them be fucked up out of sight Caleb: I'm doing my best Caleb: that's all I've ever done Janis: and what Janis: I don't owe you shit in return Janis: that's bare minimum and you fucked that up Caleb: I'm sorry Caleb: but you being right about what a bad dad I am doesn't mean you know everything or you can do as you please Caleb: the bare minimum you're meant to do is tell us where you are Janis: why, so you can do fuck all about it Janis: in a crack house be home when I need funds Caleb: because you're a child Caleb: maybe when you aren't you'll be bothered that your words have consequences Janis: never concerned you before Janis: 🤞 for you Caleb: it concerns me constantly Janis: what a drag Janis: probably shouldn't have had the kids Caleb: it's what I signed up for when I did have you all Janis: stop complaining to me then? Janis: love that new approach though Janis: guilt your kids for being born Caleb: you believe this is me complaining? Caleb: if you feel guilty because I care about you, you shouldn't Janis: I believe it annoys me all the same Janis: whatever this Janis: new failed attempt is Caleb: everything I do annoys you Caleb: you want me to hold onto that? Janis: whatever works for you Janis: I couldn't care less Caleb: the more you say it, the less power it has Janis: 💔 Janis: backatcha, man Caleb: just tell me or your ma where you are Janis: why Caleb: I've told you why Janis: no you haven't Janis: as per Janis: lots of chatting, saying fuck all Caleb: you're a child & it's the least we ask of you Janis: ha Janis: no then Caleb: so be it Caleb: I'll come looking for you then Janis: your idea of a hobby, not mine Janis: not like you're any good at it so excuse me for not trembling in my boots Caleb: that isn't the reaction I want Caleb: so it's all good with me when you don't Janis: well isn't that lovely Janis: so chill and so cool, phased by nothing Janis: amazed you could muster the energy to cry at her funeral Caleb: she was my daughter & I miss her every day Caleb: I hope being deliberately hurtful makes you feel better about things Janis: 👍 Janis: convincing Janis: so easy to miss, isn't it Janis: much easier than parenting Caleb: I did everything I could for her Caleb: I've already told you that Caleb: I'm sorry that isn't convincing you but it's the truth Janis: I'm sure you did Janis: like I said, fat lot of good it was Janis: doesn't matter how hard you tried, you failed Janis: get over it Caleb: yeah, I did fail Caleb: I'll never get over that Janis: yeah, again Janis: easy this bit Caleb: no, it isn't Janis: that's fucking tragic Janis: 😂 Caleb: You know where I am when you're ready to come home Caleb: Unless I find you before then Caleb: Please let your boyfriend know his dad has been to ours looking for him Janis: Whatever Janis: I don't plan on talking to you when I have to come back Caleb: you never plan on talking to me Caleb: talk to your mother Janis: ha, fuck off Janis: I'd sooner die Caleb: She'd love to hear you say that Janis: pass the message on if you're so inclined Caleb: I won't Janis: she'll have to stay 💔 then won't she Caleb: it appears so, yeah Caleb: that much is true of all of us Janis: awh, sad times Janis: sure there's someone 'round who don't know enough about you all yet Janis: get that last dose of sympathy Caleb: how little you think of me Caleb: I obviously should send you to spend some time with your grandmother, you'd be in good company Janis: glad you're catching on Janis: 'cept you lack the ability to send me anywhere Caleb: it isn't an illusive thread, Janis Caleb: you speak up loud & clear Caleb: I lack the ability to keep you here either, so what do I have to lose Janis: someone has to Janis: and only another kid Janis: not like that seems to bother you Janis: plenty more, oh wait, not really these days Caleb: if only you were educated on what you were speaking so loudly about Caleb: it doesn't seem to bother me because you don't wish to see that Janis: you're not the failed child prodigy, that shit ain't gonna fly Janis: but go off if you wanna bring up this families inability to communicate as if that ain't on you too 😂 Caleb: I'm here now trying to communicate with you Janis: where? Caleb: all you want to do is discuss how much of a failure I am as if it's never possible to do better Janis: and all you're doing is trying to tell me what to do Janis: too late, on both counts Janis: you're only doing that because school and Jimmys's dad are onto you Caleb: I'm doing it because I care about you & I'm worried Caleb: It hasn't been that long since the last time you left Caleb: I'm telling you to come home because it's not too late for you Caleb: nothing bad has happened Caleb: but you can't keep doing this & expecting that it won't Janis: oh so 'cos I'm not on hard drugs, I've got nothing to complain about Janis: ha Janis: A+ as usual Caleb: You can complain about anything you want, running away isn't the way to lodge it Caleb: It won't solve anything Janis: neither will you Janis: I have no interest telling you anything Janis: you've said it yourself and I knew it before you did Janis: you're useless Caleb: you don't have to tell me Caleb: there's plenty of people you can talk to Janis: no, there isn't Janis: the only person I can talk to is here Janis: so you see, I don't need you Janis: any of you Caleb: we still need you Caleb: you're still a part of this family Caleb: you always will be Caleb: you can't run from that Janis: life's unfair, ain't it Janis: give her more to cry about Caleb: life is what you make it Caleb: & we'll all be with you wherever you go Janis: sure, hippie Janis: then why'd you choose to make such a mess of yours? Caleb: I made mistakes Caleb: your dad is human, sorry you ever had to learn that, but that's the way it is Janis: I've never thought of you as anything more, don't flatter yourself Janis: 9 of 'em, right Janis: 10 if you count ma, 11 if you count getting back with her Janis: how much bad karma is that 🤔 Caleb: none of those things are what I'm counting as my mistakes Caleb: & I know what you think of me Caleb: like I said, you make yourself very clear Janis: you should try it Janis: people might respect you more Caleb: I've got enough bad karma coming my way without being hurtful for the sake of it Janis: 💔 Caleb: my heart's already broken so I won't worry about who may or may not respect me Janis: if you were worried, about anything, but respect specifically, then we wouldn't be here Caleb: if we're going to talk about possible what ifs that could have avoided us being here, I'll need to sit down & get more comfortable Janis: hardly Janis: it's simple Janis: if Edie had respected you as any kind of a father figure, she wouldn't have had to do what she did Janis: or, even easier, if Drew had of respected you as a person, he wouldn't have knocked up your missus Janis: crisis truly adverted Janis: but no Caleb: and now you don't & you're going to keep doing this Janis: this has nothing to do with you Janis: again, don't flatter yourself Caleb: if you say so Caleb: I love you Caleb: be safe Janis: are you serious Janis: you think you're remotely on my radar Caleb: apparently not Janis: you're so Janis: passive Janis: you may as well not be there Caleb: we can't both be aggressive Janis: you're incapable Caleb: no, I not Caleb: I choose not Janis: it's pathetic Janis: do you know what it's like to have a dad who you know couldn't stand up for you Caleb: I didn't have a dad so yeah Janis: better than a useless one Caleb: that's what you think Caleb: I would have preferred one who tried & was there Janis: well, this isn't about you Janis: shocking, I know Janis: if you weren't here, then she wouldn't have anything to complain about Janis: and you wouldn't get to harp on about how hard you tried as if you're fooling any of us Janis: we were there Janis: you did fuck all Caleb: you were there so you know that's not true Caleb: it's what you want to believe so you can blame me for what happened Janis: it is your fault Janis: and hers Janis: you don't get to exempt yourself 'cos he looks worse on paper Janis: you did nothing, nothing of use, you never have Caleb: it was an accident, it wasn't anyone's fault that she died Caleb: & everything can came before, what does blame even matter, it's not going to change anything or fix it Caleb: you can put it on me or your mother or Drew or Edie herself Caleb: it's not that simple & it's not going to make you feel any better Janis: oh that's nice for you Janis: who cares who's to blame Janis: she's only dead Janis: we'll all live and let live, can't change the past Janis: bullshit Janis: you're the one without a fucking clue Janis: it's not about me feeling better, it's about all of you feeling as bad as you should Janis: but you never fucking will so fuck the lot of you Caleb: nothing you've said or done can make me feel any worse Caleb: there's no worse pain than this, her death Caleb: you don't have a clue if you think otherwise Caleb: but we do all still have to live, somehow Caleb: so holding onto all of this is what's bullshit Caleb: you have to let it go, one day, you'll need to Janis: wow, great inspirational speech Janis: what parenting book did you rip that from Janis: you let go before she was gone Janis: that's facts Janis: I don't have to do jackshit you say Caleb: I never let go for a second Caleb: & I won't of you Caleb: so like I said, I love you, be safe Caleb: there's nothing more to say Janis: drop dead Caleb: one day Janis: helpful as always Caleb: I can only help you if you let me Janis: no, you can help me by dropping dead Caleb: that wouldn't help Janis: it would Caleb: how? Janis: wouldn't have to deal with you Janis: and what use are you alive Janis: we've already established you ain't Janis: mean of income, at best Caleb: there'd be someone to take my place though Caleb: you're not free simply because you're free of me Caleb: people still care Janis: know she's got history but bit low Janis: give yourself some credit Janis: she lasted this long without cheating on you Janis: again Caleb: don't talk about your ma like that Caleb: you weren't there for any of that & since you only believe what you want to for the things you witnessed Caleb: there's no room for you to speak on this Janis: say what I want Janis: especially as it's true Janis: know what they say, how you get 'em is how you'll lose 'em Caleb: I don't have to be here to listen to you Janis: ha Janis: then fuck off Janis: go on Janis: you can pretend you've been a parent Caleb: tchau 💚 Caleb: come home soon for your own sake Caleb: you should be in school Janis: tell me, how many of your children finished school? Janis: 😂 Janis: you're a fucking joke Caleb: have a good laugh & I'll see you soon Janis: no, you won't Caleb: how many times have I heard that from you? Caleb: as many as you've done this Caleb: if this is the exception, I'll believe it when it happens Janis: wow, so mature Janis: mock me for not ending up dead Janis: A++ Janis: this is why we all come to you Caleb: I'm acknowledging that you're a child with no means of supporting yourself & nowhere to go Caleb: that's what I mean when I say I know you'll be back home Caleb: everything is life or death with you Janis: love that Janis: hold that over us with the guilt of being born Janis: real old school Janis: because it is, and don't fucking challenge me, you'll be the only one to regret it Caleb: I'm holding nothing over you, you're weighing yourself down because you want to believe that's what I'm doing or saying Caleb: there's no challenge being issued either, I have no desire to see you prove anything of the sort Janis: no, what I want, is for you to fuck off Janis: you're a cunt, regardless of what I want or need Caleb: so let me go Caleb: I've said goodbye twice Janis: who's stopping you Janis: not me Janis: you're the one out here trying to best a 'child' by your own admission Janis: you self-righteous loser Caleb: you keep talking Caleb: so it is you Janis: to tell you to die Janis: it's not an invitation for conversation Janis: you are that desperate but come on Caleb: yeah it is Caleb: if you didn't want to keep this going, you'd stop Janis: no, I want you to know how much I hate you Janis: you're under the illusion you deserve sympathy Janis: and you need to know you deserve this, and everything else you've got Caleb: I knew all of that before this conversation began Janis: bye then Janis: ✌ Caleb: 💚