#'Giving others what I myself was denied - I nailed myself to the roots of the tree'

[munson-blurbs]

Rockstar!Eddie x Childhood Best Friend!Reader

Summary: Eddie's got a new girlfriend, which means you get put on the back burner indefinitely. But there's only so much you can take.

WC: 2.1k

Warnings: hurt/no comfort, rockstar!Eddie, takes place around 1989, drinking/tipsiness, Eddie is an idiot, kinda insecure!Reader

--

Lena was beautiful. 

There was no denying that. You’d seen how beautiful she was the night Eddie had picked her from the crowd, dark makeup and denim miniskirt that ended mid-thigh. She walked backstage like she owned the place, with a confidence you could only envy from afar. 

You were used to it: Eddie would find a groupie, they’d hook up for the night, and then she was all but forgotten as Corroded Coffin moved to their next tour destination.

But not Lena. She’d been around for the last six months. Always touching Eddie, kissing him, drawing him in with her gorgeous eyes. She was everything he wanted, and she knew it.

You tried to get along with her and get to know her; after all, she was your best friend’s girlfriend. You asked her to grab a cup of coffee, to hang out at the mall, to get your nails done at the salon. All three times, she’d turned you down with some half-hearted excuse. 

And now she was here, at your birthday party. Her legs were draped over Eddie’s as they sat on the couch, his arm around her and her fingers in his hair. All you could focus on was his smile, that same dopey grin he used to give to Chrissy Cunningham whenever she’d give him an iota of attention back in high school. 

Eddie Munson was smitten, and he had no intention of hiding his feelings.

You downed your drink, the harsh taste of vodka burning your throat, and quickly poured yourself another one. What was the saying? It’s my party, and I’ll drink myself into a stupor if I want to? Something like that.

“Hey, Birthday Girl. You okay?” Gareth spoke up, yanking you from your thoughts. You hadn’t even realized he was beside you. “I haven’t seen you drink this much since the Grammys afterparty.”

You nodded, your head heavy with tears and liquor and lies. “Fine. Just…tired.”

Gareth scoffed. “Tired of watching Eddie and Lena tonguing each other, you mean?” Your wince betrayed your indifferent facade, and Gareth laughed softly. “Yeah, me, too.” He took a swig of his own drink and continued. “I mean, I get it. She’s hot as hell, but she’s also kinda–”

“Bitchy?” The word escaped you before you could stop it, another effect of the booze.

“You said it, not me.” Gareth raised his cup in a pseudo-toast. “But, yeah. Tour went from being about the band to being the Lena Show. And if you try to push back even a little, she just pouts and whines to Eddie that we’re being mean to her.”

You rolled your eyes. There was a freedom that came with confiding in Gareth, with no longer having to keep your feelings to yourself. “He used to call me at least once a week,” you say of Eddie, “and I figured that would change once he got a girlfriend. But the last time he called me was…two months ago.”

Could you even count that? It was just Eddie saying that the tour was good and that he’d be at your party–with Lena, of course. No silly stories from the road, no play-by-play of the shows, no begging for you to come see them again soon. It was as if you’d been a temporary placeholder until a better option came along.

And now, here she was, leaving red lipstick marks on his cheek. Staking her claim.

Eddie was never yours–not like that. Not in the way you wanted him to be yours. You’d been best friends since high school, and your crush had only blossomed from there. You were drawn to him the moment you saw him command the room during Hellfire, crafting and weaving a tale of a fantastical world with magnificent and terrifying creatures. It was as though you could see it right in front of you.

That storytelling talent extended to his songwriting. Sure, some of the songs were about the heartbreak that comes with being a teenager, but so many others were rooted in big problems: war, poverty, and the general injustices of the world. You were in awe of the way his eyes saw beyond the tiny borders of Hawkins.

Gareth slung an arm around you and pulled you close. Though you’d never told him about your crush on Eddie, he knew. All of Corroded Coffin knew—and probably all of the old Hellfire crew, too. Everyone but Eddie. 

“It’ll be okay,” Gareth murmured. “He’s an idiot. He’s always been an idiot, but with her, it’s amped up. Stupidity on steroids.”

You laughed at that despite the sadness brewing within you.

“Go enjoy your party. You deserve it.”

Heeding his advice, you pried yourself from the kitchen counter and over to some of the other guests. You managed to have fun, pushing away the nagging reminder of heartbreak just feet away. It got easier as the night went on—until it didn’t. 

“Baby,” you heard Lena whine. “This party sucks. I wanna go back to the hotel.”

Say no, you silently willed Eddie. Tell her that you want to stay. Tell her that she can leave, but you’re going to stick around and—

“Yeah, babe. We can go.”

Five words that anchored a pit in your stomach. He didn’t even consider an alternative option. Lena was his only priority. 

You blinked back the tears in your eyes as he said his half-hearted goodbye. Lena stood behind him, arms crossed over her chest. 

“Super fun party,” she drawled, donning a saccharine smile. “So sorry we have to leave early.” With that, she grabbed Eddie’s hand and led him out of your apartment. 

The rest of the night was a blur. Even as you ate birthday cake and talked with other guests, your focus stayed on the remnants of your friendship with Eddie. Of course dynamics changed when friends got partners. But to be completely iced out? That couldn’t be normal. It shouldn’t be normal.

You decided that night that you were done. The friendship was already beyond repair. It wasn’t Lena’s fault, though it would be much easier to blame her and keep pretending that Eddie was still the same thoughtful guy from Hawkins High. No, Eddie was the problem, and the solution was letting him go.

Weeks went by, then months, with no word from Eddie. The first few days hurt, your heart still convinced that he’d call and apologize for bailing on the rest of your party. A simple ‘I’m sorry’ that might spark a flicker of hope.

It got easier after a while. You filled your days with work and friends. When you heard a Corroded Coffin song on the radio, you simply changed the station without tears falling. And when Entertainment Tonight declared that “a young woman previously linked to Corroded Coffin frontman Eddie Munson was spotting cozying up to a more popular band’s lead singer,” you only chuckled and snapped off the TV.

The first call came a week later when you were at work. Your answering machine button flashed red, and you pressed play to hear the new message.

Hey, um, it’s me.

You froze, your blood icing over in your veins.

I know it’s been a while, but…a lot has happened. And I’ve been thinking, and I really wanna see you. Talk to you. I miss you. Um, the tour just finished, so I’ll be back in Hawkins. Let me know when you’re around.

Absolutely not. There was no way you’d talk to him again, and you finalized that decision by erasing the message.

But two days later, there was another one.

Hey, it’s me again. I was talking to Gareth, and he told me that I royally fucked up. Which I kinda knew, but hearing it from him…yeah.

Anyway, um, I don’t wanna just hang out–I mean, I do, but I wanna apologize first. In person, i-if that’s okay. I think my first message made it sound like, ‘Hey, let’s go grab a drink and bullshit around,’ but I want to say that I’m sorry. Shit, I’m rambling. Okay, I’m gonna go now. Bye.

And then another the day after that.

Okay, so, you don’t wanna meet up in person, and I get that. But I still want you to know how sorry I am, so I’ll just say it here, I guess. I never should have pushed you aside like that. I got caught up in everything with the band and the tour and…and her, and…y’know. That’s not an excuse or anything, just…explaining my series of fuck-ups. I miss you so much, and I wish we could just be friends again. I know it’s not that easy, but…fuck, I fucked this up. I’m really sorry, and you don’t have to forgive me–shit, Wayne’s home. I’ll talk to you later. Or, um, talk to your voicemail, I guess.

Wayne was home. That meant that Eddie was twenty minutes away from you, leaving voicemails from his uncle’s trailer. You grabbed your jacket, willing yourself to stay focused on the road as you drove to Forest Hills. That asshole wanted to talk to you in person, but couldn’t even stammer out a genuine apology over the phone?

You knocked on the trailer door so hard that your knuckles ached by the time Eddie opened it.

“Wha–did you get my messages?” His eyes widened as he took in the sight of you standing before him.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. “You mean the ones with your half-assed apologies? Yeah, I got ‘em.”

Eddie took a step back. “No, no, I meant them. I really am sorry.”

“Convenient how you found time to be sorry once your girlfriend started fucking someone else,” you seethed. “Couldn’t squeeze out a minute to call after you ditched me on my birthday, but you’ve got plenty of time to grovel now.”

“That’s not–she wasn’t good for me,” he supplied lamely.

You couldn’t help the snort you let out. “What, did she hold the phone hostage? Did she pick you up and carry you out of my party? You,” you jabbed your forefinger into his chest, “are the reason we don’t talk. Not her.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” You snapped. “Because I have a feeling that you think this is on Lena. And maybe she didn’t help, but she certainly didn’t force you to be a shitty friend.”

Eddie rubbed his palm over his eyes. “I know,” he repeated, the frustration evident in his tone. “I…I was a shitty friend. I never should have left your party early, and I should’ve stayed in touch with you. I should’ve listened to the guys when they warned me that you wouldn’t keep putting up with my bullshit for much longer.”

You felt a spark of reassurance that the other band members had stood up for you, but you kept your attention on what you needed to say. What you needed him to hear.

“And now what? You’re back in Hawkins, no groupies around to keep you company, so you figure it’s a good time to reach out to me?” You stepped closer to him as you spoke. “I’m not your back-up plan when your life comes crashing down. I’m a goddamn person, Eddie! And you just threw me away like our friendship meant nothing to you.”

He was silent for a few moments, his sweat sock-covered foot grinding into the carpet. His hair fell in front of his face, but you could still see him chewing on the inside of his cheek as he considered his next words.

“Gareth told me…he told me that you liked me,” Eddie said softly. “Like…more than just a friend.” With trepidation, he looked into your eyes, tears forming in his own. “And he said I’m an idiot for not seeing what was in front of my face the whole time. A really beautiful woman who has always been there for me. Who never gave up on me, whether I was playing to five drunks at the Hideout or to sold-out stadium crowds.”

“Right. All of the things I’ve done for you. But what have you done for me? How have you been my friend?” You waited for him to respond, but he said nothing. “Exactly. I was just a groupie you never fucked.”

Eddie’s jaw dropped, and you couldn’t help but feel a wave of pride wash over you at his utter shock. “I’m–”

“I know you’re sorry. I got it.” You pivoted on one heel and turned your back to him, starting towards your car. Before you got there, you called out over your shoulder. “And if you leave me another pathetic voicemail, I’ll throw my answering machine through your window.”

Then you drove off, leaving him standing where you left him, just as alone as you’d felt all this time.

--

[rickmymanrick]

rick’s POV(ch 6 | one rule)

here's a little look at what's going through rick's mind after the lori/shane bombshell. this should give more background to rick and daphne's 'relationship' before the fall.

also take it easy. this was written very quickly without much revision. just a fun little dive into rick's thought process during this scene

"Oh, really? Does a brother fuck your wife?"

I didn't understand what Daryl had said at first. The shock kept me rooted in my spot as he scoffed and then stormed off into the trees.

Does a brother fuck your wife?

A rage crept in as Shane began to shuffle uncomfortably, mere feet away from me. He wasn't even trying to deny it.

"She... Lori... she thought you were dead, man."

I suddenly knew this wasn't just sex. The first thing he'd done was defend her honor rather than his own. Was he in love with her?

My jaw clicked as I clenched my teeth together angrily. The betrayal was almost enough to blind me in rage. Our marriage was on the rocks for almost a year before my coma, but we were still married. Someone I'd trusted with everything knew the mother of my children intimately.

"Did you?" I bit out. After all, he was the one who had last seen me at the hospital.

"You heard 'em. I—I tried, Rick! I saw you every chance I got—"

His words flew into one ear and out the other. I couldn't think of anything but how much I wanted to knock his teeth out.

"—we were comforting each other the only way we knew how—"

Holding onto my sanity was surprisingly difficult. I always had a feeling Lori had her affections directed elsewhere. All our arguments and fighting, the things she'd say in front of Carl— the thought of infidelity wasn't out of reach. I'd even come to accept the possibility of it, because outside of my house, I wasn't doing much better. Could I even be upset with her? I never cheated on my wife, but my attention had been fixed on another for quite some time.

"I thought you were gone." It was the only thing I could manage to say, if I wasn't going to send my fist flying into his face, at the very least I could try to express the hurt. He needed to know that this broke everything we had.

"After I woke up in that hospital bed, when I saw what the world had become. The first thing I thought about was Carl and Lori. And then you. Our unit. For a moment, I thought you were all dead—" The words got stuck in my throat as I recalled the horrible thoughts that plagued my mind when I woke. How I mourned my best friend.

I could barely stand to look at his face. My eyes stung and I forced myself to look him squarely. He did this to me. He did.

"Our marriage... fell apart a long time ago," I shook his head and clenched my jaw. "But that doesn't make this okay."

He knew this already. Hell, if I recalled correctly, it was the grand topic of our final conversation before the world went to shit.

Shane was normally so outspoken, always had a goddamn thing to say. A quip. A disagreement. Always something.

But now he was deadly silent, guilt must be brewing in him. Good.

I was only able to push the murderous thoughts out of my mind when I remembered that my son was only alive because of him and Daphne. It was the only thing sparing him. From what? I wasn't too sure.

"I appreciate what you did. Saving 'em. I owe you everythin' but—" I forced through my teeth, digging my nails into my palms.

In this moment, I realized I couldn't confront Lori. I couldn't destroy whatever semblance of family we had left. It's a miracle we were still alive and that we found each other. That I found my boy.

We're still out in the woods, unprotected and exposed. Tomorrow was not promised. And until it was, until I could guarantee my family would live to see more sunrises, I couldn't destroy what they had built here. Otherwise, we would not survive.

"I get it, man. I'll go back to camp."

"Uh— yeah, yeah," I said dismissively. My anger could only hold off for so long.

As soon as he stomped away, I allowed myself to glance at his retreating back, confirming what I suspected since yesterday afternoon. The look on his face— the shock of seeing me— it wasn't happy. Maybe, just maybe, part of him wanted me gone for good.

The thought sent my fist barreling into the nearest tree trunk, a frustrated yell tried to escape but I kept my lips firmly shut. I didn't need Shane coming back, if he cared at all that is.

Somewhere in the jumbled thoughts that were fighting to make some sense of anything in my mind, I remembered the one thing that had brought me any type of comfort when Lori and I would argue. Which was practically everyday.

"How long you been there?" I asked softly. I knew she would hear me. I'd seen her brown eyes through the bush as Daryl led us farther from camp.

The branches rustled a bit.

"I was here first," her voice was defensive. I couldn't blame her. Witnessing what she just witnessed.

I tried to spot her curls through the bush but she seemed to have camouflaged herself within the leaves.

"You were. I saw you just before Daryl left."

And out she finally came, her cheeks flushed and her hair in a bit of a disarray, but the sight of her brought back memories from the station. At work, she usually had her hair pulled back, two curls framing her face while she sipped a steaming hot coffee. She was always there before me so I would choose the long way to my assigned desk, which was in a completely different wing, just to catch a glimpse at her. The sight of her was a breath of fresh air after rough nights of arguing with Lori. Daphne had an aura to her that made just about everyone gravitate to her. Bitterly, I also remembered that Shane tainted most of my memories of Daphne Ayala.

Always lingering around her desk, conveniently posed right in front of her whenever I would walk in. It wasn't odd for her to be busy with another officer, most of the department had a crush on her as grown as we all were. But Shane's appearances always seemed deliberate.

"I was picking berries. Found the patch a few weeks ago," she explained, showing me her pouch of fruit.

How odd it was to see her outside the precinct. Her hair was down, curls reaching her lower back as she brushed them away from her eyes. Eyes that weren't framed by her usual eyeliner style.

She looked so jarringly beautiful in a world so terribly gruesome.

I hoped my anger would mask how unsettled I was that we were actually speaking, after years of observing her from afar. Did she know I was as hopelessly attracted to her as nearly everyone else in the KCPD?

"I can leave you alone."

I realized with a jolt I've spent so much time staring that I'd forgotten to speak.

"I'll go back to camp—"

"No." I said more assertively than I meant to. I didn't want her to slip away again. She was always a mystery I wanted to solve but I forced myself to stay away. Despite the problems at home, I was still married. And now? Well, it was all in shambles.

"Oh, um, okay."

"Do you..." What am I trying to say? My mind went blank. But I looked at Daphne's eyes obscured by her curls and her work updo came to mind. And then her shadow, Shane. "Did you know?"

"No," she said looking rather uncomfortable.

"I keep wondering... if I have the right to even be upset. I wasn't a good husband to her, I know this, and you're the last person I should be telling this to but—" I cut myself short, the words slipping past my lips before I could think them through. I practically gave myself away and it was wishful thinking to hope that it had flown over her head. Daphne was a detective for crying out loud.

"It's fine. I know this can't be easy for you. To wake up to... this."

I scoffed. It wasn't easy to see the world flipped upside down sure, but the most selfless person was standing right in front of me. The one who had saved my family's lives at the risk of her own. She was keeping them and the rest of the camp alive. People she didn't even know.

"I woke up and the hardest part was done. Seeing the world change— changing with it— becoming the leader of a group you had no responsibilities or ties to. You, you did the hard part."

She seemed taken aback. "Oh— did Shane—?"

"Shane didn't hafta tell me nothin'. Lori and I talked last night. She told me everything that happened since the day I got shot." Saying their names left a bad taste in my mouth. "I guess I have a lot to be thankin' you for. You saved my family. That is something I will never be able to repay."

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "You have my gratitude."

"Carl's a great kid. And Lori's my friend. I would do it a million times over."

She's a goddamn angel. I studied her face in awe, something I'd never been able to do in the years I admired her from afar. There was just something about her.

Her nose crinkled awkwardly as her brown eyes struggled to look into mine. Her lips turned up into a tiny smile. I had to remind myself that I'm married and step away respectfully before it got weird.

I brought myself to the ground, legs feeling weak from everything I'd endured in the past 48 hours. Daphne sat next to me.

"What... what do I do?" I asked her quietly.

She's a detective. She's light years smarter than I'd ever be.

"You're asking me," she said carefully.

I shrugged and looked at our surroundings obnoxiously.

"I can't really tell you what to do, Rick."

I rolled my eyes as I thought of Shane's guilty expression. "What I really want to do is break his jaw in. Watch him choke on his teeth."

"He deserves it," she agreed with an irritated tone.

Now that I thought of it, I hadn't seen Shane and Daphne interact once. A stark contrast to his relentless pursuing day in and day out at work. Maybe they had a falling out.

I sighed. "I don't know how to go on. How to look him in the face. We were brothers," I got angrier as I went on. "He was my best friend. He knew."

"He knew?"

"He was the one person I confided in. I told him about Lori and I. I told him when things started going south. I never thought in a million years I'd have to worry."

"We never do. They fill our heads with all these stupid promises and reassurances just to stab you right in the back anyway," she said.

I would've paid more mind to her comment but I was too wrapped up imagining how Lori and Shane would sneak off. How she'd leave Carl alone with people she barely knew.

Carl.

He's wrapped up in the middle of this. I'm sure he noticed all the fights between us. Lori never bothered to keep our discussions private. But even if I entertained the thought of just destroying whatever was left of our marriage, I couldn't do it now. Not while he needed his parents more than ever.

"Carl... he's so young," I expressed. I felt guilty that I was rambling so that's all I said. I wasn't sure why I was telling her so much— I'm not a particularly open person— but it's easy to talk to her. Natural even.

"Rick, the world isn't the same anymore. It doesn't excuse Lori's actions or Shane's, but all of that doesn't matter so much when you're trying to keep yourself from getting eaten by dead cannibals. I can't tell you what to do but in the grand scheme of things, I think Carl will learn to understand."

She's right, I thought. But things were too unstable, we were living life one day to the next... it had to wait until we weren't constantly looking over our shoulders.

I stared at the blueberries, willing myself to think of anything else.

"I've been thinking about the man we left behind," was the first thing I could think of. The guilt kept me up half the night.

Daphne looked over at me with a shocked expression. "You can't be serious."

Her reaction made me frown. "It isn't right. Leaving him up there to die."

"He would do the same to any of us. You just escaped the city. Survived alone against all odds. You're willing to risk that for a douchebag like Merle?"

I was confused, more shocked than anything. It didn't sit right with me— it was practically murder. She must know this. Douchebag or not, it would stain us forever if we left the man to cook in the sun.

"This— what we have here— this is what we focus on. It's unfortunate but Merle dug his own grave. It isn't worth risking your life, Rick."

No, I wouldn't accept that. And I didn't think she could live with that either. My face twisted uncomfortably as I tried to rationalize. She's right that it would be putting my life on the line, but it would kill not only me, but her, if I don't go. All those years of watching from a distance, I knew she had a big heart.

Her callousness and the iciness in her tone was so different from her usual behavior. I didn't like it, but I could see she was looking out for me—

"MOM! DAD!"

The words disappeared from the tip of my tongue. We both shot up with only one thought in mind— Carl.

[human-antithesis]

Where I Leave

I'll be a lonely child forever Nurtured in a broken house. sin

Giving others what I myself was denied I was nailed to the roots of my tree A feeling growing in my dazed mind There's nothing in my heart left to offer I'll be a lonely child forever Ill-suited to breed. sin

My mind runs in circles dripping in the stream Lines dissolve as I go Drink me, make me feel something

Running through the old fields of dreams Until there is nowhere left to run

When it all comes down Like the walls of your eyes collapsing I cave in to primal fears Lay to rest my escapism and bury the past again

[specialagentsergio]

hands to myself

summary: You and Spencer have just confessed your feelings for each other. And now, he simply can’t keep his hands off of you.

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader

category: smut, 18+ (minors DNI)

content warnings: swearing, dirty talk, making out, heavy petting, fingering, hand job, lil bit of overstimulation, penetrative sex, protected sex (no glove no love y’all), lmk if i missed anything.

a/n: this is a companion to my fic side effects may vary, but can be read as a standalone. enjoy!

a/n 2: just a quick reminder, in case you missed it above—the original fic is gender neutral reader, but this is female reader.

word count: 2.3k

song: hands to myself by selena gomez

masterlist

You lift your head from his chest and look him in the eyes. “Kiss me again.”

Spencer does. He can hardly believe this is real. Yesterday he was waking up in his own bed, alone and grumpy about having to get up. Today he’s in your bed after spending the night with you. You confessed your feelings to him just moments ago, feelings that he was thrilled to inform you that he shared. And now, he’s kissing you.

You pull back eventually, and he’s about to complain, but then notices how loose the shirt you’ve slept in is. With the way you’re leaning over him, it gives him a great view right down it. He quickly looks away, but it’s already burned into his mind.

You adjust positions slightly, pulling your legs up under you to kneel at his side, then lean back down to resume kissing him. He keeps one hand on the back of your neck, but the other wanders; it eventually comes to a stop right under your breast.

You tilt your head, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “You can touch, Spencer,” you murmur.

He doesn’t need to be told twice. He immediately starts feeling you up through your shirt, then thinks better of it and moves his hand underneath the fabric. He’s so caught up in exploring what may possibly be the best pair of tits he’s ever had the privilege of touching that he doesn’t notice your hand descending his body until it’s at the waistband of his underwear.

Your eyes flick up to his, asking for permission; the way your pupils are dilated makes his heart skip a beat. There’s no denying he’d love your hand on his cock, but he still says, “Wait.”

You slide your hand away and to his waist. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing’s wrong,” he says breathlessly. “I’m enjoying this. But I realize there’s a sort of… societal expectation for women to…”

“Put out?” you offer.

He wrinkles his nose. “I hate that phrase. But yes.” He pushes a strand of hair out of your face. “I just want to tell you that it’s okay if you don’t want to, you know… go all the way right now.”  

“Oh, I want to,” you answer right away. Your nails dig into his side a little. “You have no idea how much I’ve been fantasizing about you lately.”

Spencer inhales sharply. “Christ, (Y/N).”

“But likewise,” you continue, as if you didn’t just cause his brain to explode with one sentence. “If you don’t want to do this right now, we can wait.”

He doesn’t answer with words; instead, he pulls you back down into a passionate kiss.

“I’ll take that as a yes to me touching your cock,” you murmur against his lips.

“God, yes,” he corrects.

He had taken off his pants to sleep last night, so you have easy access to his dick. You push his briefs down his hips and take him in your hand. He can’t stop the groan that leaves his mouth. You take a moment to glance down and run your hand every which way across it, getting familiar with it.

“Your cock looks even better than I imagined,” you mutter as you begin to jerk him off.

Spencer throws his head back against the pillows. “Well, I definitely feel a lot less guilty for jacking off to thoughts of you now.”

You smile. “You got yourself off thinking of me?”

“More often than I’d like to say,” he admits. “But from the sound of it, I wasn’t the only one.”

“No, not at all. What would you think about?”

It’s then that he notices you grinding down on the heel of your foot. He’s had a hand on your ass, and slides it forward now, replacing your heel with his hand. “I thought about doing this,” he says, rubbing his hand up and down over your clothed pussy. “More than this, too.”

“Tell me. No, wait,” you correct. “Show me.”

He doesn’t oblige right away; instead he latches his lips to the skin right above your collarbone and sucks hard enough to leave a mark. The corners of his mouth turn up when he feels you squirm against his hand. “I’d love to,” he finally says.

Deftly, his hand moves past the waistband of your panties, past fabric, skin and hair. “Lovely,” he murmurs when he feels the wetness gathering at your entrance. The pace you’re rubbing his cock at falters a bit when he slides a finger inside. A second finger quickly follows, then he matches your movements, thrusting his fingers into you when your hand moves down his cock; pulling them out when you stroke up. He relishes in the moan you let out when he crooks his fingers to hit that spot.

“Oh, fuck, that’s so good,” you breathe out.

With his free hand, he pulls down your panties so he can watch his fingers glide in and out of you. “Contrary to what my coworkers think, I have done this before,” he murmurs.

“Doesn’t surprise me at all.” You pause in your strokes to play with the head of his cock, prompting a moan of his own. “You’re so pretty. I’m surprised more people don’t throw themselves at you.”

He shrugs. “It’s the social ineptitude, I believe.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re—oh shit,” you gasp. He’s just adjusted so the heel of his hand is grinding against your clit on each thrust of his fingers into you.

This goes on for a few more minutes, the room filled with the sound of heavy breathing, gasps, and moans. Suddenly, you stop stroking his cock. He pulls back from kissing you and looks at you questioningly.

“I want you,” you whisper.

Spencer frowns a little. “You have me? My fingers are literally inside of you.”

“I meant I want your cock,” you laugh. “I’d really like to fuck you.”

He didn’t think it was possible for his dick to get any harder, and yet…. “I’d really like that, too.”

He removes his fingers from you rather reluctantly. You cup his face in your hands, giving him a passionate kiss before moving away from him, and he wonders briefly what to do with himself as you root around in the bedside table, but the answer quickly occurs to him. When you turn back to him with a condom in hand, he’s popped his fingers into his mouth and is sucking on them.

“Oh, Jesus,” you murmur. He just smiles around his fingers, holding out his other hand for the condom. But he does, unfortunately, need two hands to open it. After taking his underwear off all the way, he uses his wet fingers to stroke his cock a few times, then rolls the condom on.

He’s about to ask what position you’d prefer, but you answer it for him, moving to straddle his hips after tossing your panties aside. You pull his shirt off of him, then take off your own. He immediately fixates on your breasts again, placing his hands on your waist and tugging your closer so he can take one into his mouth.

“You really like my boobs, huh?” you ask.

He hums an agreement against your skin. “I mean, I really like all of you. But I’m particularly fond of these.”

He keeps at it until you let out a little whine, rolling your hips against his erection. “Spencer, please.”

“Alright, alright,” he relents. He places one kiss on each breast, then leans back.

You smile in excitement, wiggling your hips a little. You take his cock in your hand and run the tip through your folds. “You ready?”

He nods. “I’m ready.”

You line him up, then sink down onto him. He’s done a good job getting you ready; his cock slides in easily. You both let out sighs of relief and pleasure when he’s fully inside you. You lean forward slightly, gripping the headboard. “God, you feel so good,” you say breathlessly.

All he can do is make an affirmative noise, overcome with the pleasure of being inside of you. You feel perfect. “Y—yeah, you… you too,” he manages to get out.

It makes you laugh. “And they say romance is dead.”

After some deliberation, he settles on putting his hands on your hips. “Who says that?”

“It’s just a figure of speech.” You press a few soft kisses on his lips, then begin to move. You take it slow at first, lifting yourself up, then dropping back down. It takes him a moment to get accustomed to it, but when he does, he adjusts his legs so he can lift his hips up to meet yours on each stroke.

“I realize I didn’t express my thoughts very well,” he says, pulling your chest down against his so he can whisper into your ear. “So just to be clear, your pussy feels fucking amazing.”

“Fuck,” you gasp. You press your forehead against his and he follows your gaze to between your legs. The sight of his cock sliding in and out of you makes him groan.

“Yeah,” you agree. “It’s a good view.”

Some of your hair has fallen into his face; his pushes it to the side so he can see better. It’s an intoxicating sight, even more so when he starts fucking up into you faster.

You brace yourself with a hand on his chest. “Your cock… it feels like it was made just for me,” you pant.

“Mmhmm,” he agrees. “It’s… oh, I’m close.”

The side of your mouth turns up. “Already?” you tease.

“It’s the first time I’ve fucked you,” he protests. “I’ve been thinking about this for months. Of course I’m not going to last as long as usual.”

He may be feeling his orgasm approach, but Spencer hasn’t forgotten about you. He slides a hand down to where your bodies are joined, gathers some of the wetness there, and uses it to rub your clit.

“Oh, Spencer, yes,” you praise, and start bouncing on his dick faster.

In general, Spencer prefers for his partner to come before he does, but he doesn’t think he’s going to make it this time. Your skin is covered in a light sweat and your hair is messy, and it’s so… charming. Naked on top of him, he doesn’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful.

“I’m gonna cum, baby.” The pet name slips out of his mouth on its own.

Your hand finds its way to his hair—you tug—and he’s gone. He thrusts up into you sloppily as he cums, moaning your name loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

“Your ‘o’ face is so hot,” you say when he’s come down and is able to look into your eyes again.

“My what?”

“The ‘o face’ refers to the expression someone has when they orgasm,” you explain. “Yours is really hot.” Then your bottom lip drops out in a little pout, a clear contrast to your words. You grind down on him just a little and it clicks into place. His thumb had stopped moving on your clit when he came, and now you’re left without release.

He goes back to it rubbing your clit immediately, so suddenly that it startles you. “Spencer!” you yelp.

His free hand slides up the expanse of your back. “I’ve got you. Gonna make sure you cum, too.”

“Please,” you whimper. His dick is still inside you, and the little rocking movements you’re making cause a little overstimulation, but the condom helps and the way you clench around him every few seconds… he couldn’t pull out even if he wanted to.

Your hand grasps his; you move his fingers around a little, showing him exactly how you like it. And when he gets it right--

“Oh, shit. That’s it, Spence. That’s it. Don’t stop.”

He kisses your neck as he does just what you say—he doesn’t stop.

Shortly you’re gasping out against the skin of his shoulder. “I’m gonna—I’m gonna--”

You throw your head back as you cum. The rhythmic contractions of your pussy around his cock makes it twitch inside of you. If he wasn’t still in his refractory period, that alone could make him hard.

“There you go,” he murmurs. “Told you I’d take care of you.”

You settle down completely against him, chest to chest, and he listens as you catch your breath. “Thank you. Not everyone… well, every man, will do that.”

“I’ll always finish you off,” he promises, and presses a kiss to your cheek.

You lay there together for five blissful minutes, running fingers across each other’s bodies and whispering sweet nothings. But then you push yourself up with a huff. Naturally, Spencer immediately protests. “Where are you going?”

“Gotta go pee,” you say with a shrug. “The chance of a UTI trumps cuddling with you right now. Sorry.”

“Well. Understandable,” he concedes. He watches his now-soft dick slide out of you as you get up; it’s rather captivating. He starts cleaning himself up as you walk off towards the bathroom, carefully rolling the condom off and tying it off.

“Spencer.”

He looks up. You’re standing in the bathroom doorway. “Yes?”

“You know how earlier I said I had been trying to get you into my bed for weeks?” you ask. “And I said that I didn’t mean it that way?”  

“I do.”

“Well, that was only half true.”

The side of his mouth turns up. “Clearly.”

Your little bashful smile makes his heart flutter. But then you say, “You should thank your psychiatrist the next time you see her. You know, for prescribing you a medication that made you fall asleep, and subsequently led to you getting laid.”

Heat rises to his cheeks. He clears his throat before speaking. “You know, I think I’ll keep that to myself.”

---------------

tell me what you thought here!

[chyrstis]

WIP Friday!

I’ve had some tags throughout the week, so I’m going to cash them all in here, since Friday’s the day and I might’ve been hoping to get this posted last night too, whoops! And I want to thank you all for tagging me even if I don’t always respond quickly! <3 I definitely intend to, but there’s never enough time in a day or a week, is there? 

Tagged by @redroci @tommymillers @jackiesarch @ma-sulevin and @amistrio and @adelaidedrubman !

Tagging: @writerofblocks @twistedsinews @painterofhorizons @hunnybadgerv @cobb-vanthss @shallow-gravy @nightwingshero @ma-sulevin @shellibisshe @jackalopestride @unlikelynick @geronimo-11 @fluttyseed @fadedjacket @weekend-writer @starsandskies @faithchel @belorage @tomexraider @consumedkings @vasiktomis @chazz-anova @aceghosts @ofravensandgenesis @scarlettkat86 (and if you’re already posted WIPs, don’t mind me one bit! no obligation or pressure’s ever intended)

First, a snippet from Lighting the Fuse’s Ch. 2 which I’d love to edit up and post this weekend, so here’s hoping I can kick myself in the butt hard enough to pull it off? *crosses fingers*

---

“Not tonight, hon. Not tonight.” Propping herself back up on her elbows, she gave him a smile. “You’re here now, though. So…how about it?”

“How about what?”

“You ask,” she replied, giving him a lazy smile. “Since I’m clearly on the cusp of benching you if you don’t.”

Sharky clapped his mouth shut. Stood there, rooted to the ground and didn’t let out a single peep. 

That boggled her completely. “Seriously, hon? Nothing?”

It was dark, but Hana could almost swear he was a shade of red darker than her hair right now. “You uh…. See I didn’t think it was-maybe you being asleep kinda threw off my groove a bit.”

Hana blinked at him. Watched a crooked smile settle onto his face as he let a nervous chuckle out.

“Like, like I mean I was gonna-was thinking of maybe doing this sorta-” His words trailed off as he clenched his teeth, swallowed hard, and let out a long exhale.  “Okay, so maybe this shit isn’t exactly-”

A loud sigh came from her left directly from the radio, and the sound filled the entire room.

“…Wait, what the fuck?” Sharky asked, his eyes darting everywhere as he tried to pinpoint where it was coming from. “You hear that?”

Clenching her fists, Hana slowly let her hands relax as she let the tension out. “Unfortunately.”

“Deputy, Deputy, Deputy. I know you’re listening. But I’m starting to think you’re doing this on purpose. I thought you wanted my attention. Would’ve been glad to finally have it undivided, and yet you deny me the pleasure of hearing a single response in turn. How…cruel.”

---

And a bit more of the Hana/Sharky one-shot I’ve been chipping away at, that’s actually getting really close to being finished too. I just need to jot down a few more moments for it and see if these two can actually clam up long enough to let me finish

---

“Yo, it’s not like I’ve been there any longer than a few days at a time, and half of the shit they’ve dragged me down to the jail for’s legal, just not in any of the spots I ended up doing it.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, which is just fucking stupid seeing as lighting a fire by my house’s fine, but if it gets out to the street and catches on the trees ‘cause it’s extra dry out and the wind’s blowing, suddenly I gotta go in ‘cause I’m negligent or some shit. Then the po-po’s claiming I gotta have a permit to burn in the drier seasons, but it rains fucking plenty here.”

He’d draped his arm over her shoulders by this point, the motion coming so easily from him she hadn’t even noticed at first. Just nestled right into that warmth almost on reflex as Sharky kept on talking, and didn’t want to budge an inch if she could help it.

“Man, it’ll be the driest stretch of the year, and the sky’ll just open up and drop a bucket-load on us ‘cause it’s feeling it, but even if it don’t, anything I start’ll get put out. Just ‘cause I’m around doesn’t mean shit’s gonna go down, or nothing. ‘Cause then phone calls are made, people start looking at me funny, and I’m getting pulled out of my car for jack and shit when maybe I just wanted to take a breather there. Maybe get in a few Zs, take five to ten to jerk it, and they don’t gotta watch that too closely if I’m doing it either.”

She’d been nodding along with him, then stopped. Let that statement sink in as her eyebrows drew together before they rose high on her face.

“…Hon, that’s not legal.”

“Aw, come on, Dep! Don’t tell me there’s some kinda permit for parking out-“

“No, not that. You’d probably get slapped with a ticket or fine, sure, but it’s more about the fact that you were  beating it there.”

“It’s indoors.”

That response came quick enough for her to tilt her head back to look at him. To side-eye him heavily as he shrugged, and damn. She’d curled up to him a lot closer than she’d initially thought. Close enough to-

She cleared her throat.

---

And a little more of the No Cult AU, maybe? ...I may have watched Speed again last night entirely due to this. and it might also be up to almost 8K in length as well, pre-edits, so... Help 

---

But that didn’t solve the other problem. Towing it.

A truck would’ve been their best bet, but with him already there it didn’t make sense to try and scrape together cash for a tow truck, or to fire off a call to anyone down at the compound. His car had been used to drag Sr’s truck out of more than a few ditches without tearing the frame up, so this wasn’t a stretch to consider, and leaving them hanging now would’ve just been a shit thing to do when they didn’t even have a working phone or forty bucks between them. 

And while he’d never been able to get a tow bar to last more than a few months max, he had a few solid workarounds that could still get the job done. One of which he’d seen in a commercial a while back. 

He knew it almost by heart at this point, and cool as it’d be to fix their problem by just whipping his pants off and tying their vehicles together with them to help tow them to the compound, he’d gone down that road before. Hell, not just once, but twice now, and considering he’d been left between getting pepper sprayed and arrested, or having a busted set of jeans and his ass hanging out for the rest of the day, he wasn’t sure he liked where that left him on round number three.

Besides these were a well-worn pair, and they seriously didn’t make them like they used to. Long as he tried not to get too creative with them, they had more than a few good years in them yet. So after some sifting and digging through the trunk of his car, Sharky kept his fingers crossed that he’d find an actual tow strap back there. He and Hurk had been through this dance enough times before that he knew he had one, and crossed his fingers that he hadn’t left it over at Sr.’s place. 

Sure enough, there it was. Fucking majestic, and almost crumpled in the back, Sharky withdrew one perfect tow strap and broke out a few moves to celebrate it before hitching the two together. 

Once it was secure, he told them all to hop in, and while trying to cram one extra person into his car was tough three other people might’ve been pushing it. John regularly had the best seat in the house and still hardly made it more than a few miles before fussing at him, and here they were double - and triple stacking themselves in any spare space in order to take a seat. Man, he was already thinking up ways to relay this story to Hurk later on, but with them semi-settled and packed safe as they could be, he fired the engine up and got them all back on the road. 

It wasn’t a far drive out to Joseph’s but he took his time with it. Drove the slowest he’d ever attempted short of being twelve and behind the wheel for the first time, trying to be extra gentle with it all as the van lumbered behind them.

If he went too fast, they’d tear the back of his car off and lose it. If they hit the brakes too hard, they’d get rammed, so he needed to nail that sweet spot. Keep from tipping from one end over into the other as he played his very own version of Speed out on this stretch of road, watching that needle dance back and forth over that perfect point as he started to sweat a little under his cap.

But he had this. Pressed his foot down on the gas and let up when he needed to, exercising the kind of control that even John would give a silent nod of approval to - which would almost make him the Keanu to his Sandra, except John wasn’t there and currently trying to crawl under any of this shit to keep a bomb from going off - but whatever, it was close enough.

So he watched the mile markers fly by as they got closer and closer to the island, and by the time they rolled through the gate and came to a stop, Sharky let out whatever breath he’d started holding, and didn’t even care when the van nearly smashed into them on the home stretch anyway.  

[obscureamor]

butterflies

❥ sugawara koushi x fem! reader

❥ TW// nsfw w/ keishin, stalking, blackmail

» request// “hi!! okay so seeing as you know i now love the coach ukai stuff imagine a really creepy scenario (or thirst i don’t mind!) where y/n and ukai are doing their stuff as they do and y/n thinks she sees suga bc he’s stalking her but she doesn’t want to believe it but it keeps happening, and other weird stuff like she comes home to things in her room moved, underwear missing, creepy feeling of being watched- i love you and your work so much!!!💗” — @sugawara-sweetheart

» A/N ahh neems bby <3!! ily!! i feel like i tell you this all the time, but your mind? out of this world dude. also, thank you for having patience with me on this.

“I think... I think we should try and make more friends this year.”

You bring it up absentmindedly on your way to the store. It’s the hottest it’s been all summer, the heat making you say whatever comes to mind. 

“What?”

If you were looking at him, you’d be able to see the fear in his eyes. Instead, you took to viewing a stray butterfly fluttering about. 

“Yeah, my brother has a lot of friends and it’s cool. What do you say, Koushi?”

“I-I don’t know...” he mutters out. 

“Huh?” you turn to look at him, pouting. “Do you not think it’s cool?”

“No! I just— I think we’re fine with just the two of us.”

“Oh... okay. I think so too.”

You’ve known him since you were kids. 

He was your only friend for years, way before Karasuno, way before volleyball. You’ve become accustomed to each other, learning each other’s quirks and pet peeves. You know what topics to avoid talking about and he knows the same. You remember when you first met him and when you first cried in front of him… everything.

You’ve been there for each other no matter what. Koushi is your confidant and you’re his.

Two peas in a pod, your mother said.

You would always eat lunch together. He would talk about everything and anything while you would talk about how difficult your studies were, but here’s the thing... that hasn’t happened recently. Eating lunch with him isn’t a thing anymore. He always wanted to know what you were doing on your phone and you couldn’t exactly keep your relationship with Keishin a secret if he found out. 

It was days after you stopped seeing him when things started happening. 

It’s outside the gym long after hours when you first see it. There’s a sliver of gray that you catch in the corner of your eye as Keishin fucks you against the wall. You don’t think much of it. You were too fucked out and tears were clouding your vision, is what you say to try and convince yourself.

But it’s been gnawing at you. It can’t be him. It has to be anyone but him. 

Your panties are going missing and you don’t know what to make of it. They disappear only to be back in their respective places, almost like they were never gone. It can’t be Keishin. All the ones you have at his place are the same ones you left there. None are gone like the ones at home.

Keishin tries to be there for you, but what can he do? He’s not much help when he feels as if someone is watching his every move, so he tries to take some tension off the both of you by inviting you over. Keishin made a decent dinner for a man who barely knows how to cook. You both sit at the table talking about anything that comes to mind, though you can’t help but let your mind wander off. 

“Calm down, baby,” his voice brings you back. He can see the visible worry on your face. “Honestly… I think we’re just scaring ourselves at this point.”

“Keishin…”

“I’m serious!” he sighs out and takes your hand from across the table. “I know you’re scared that we’re going to get caught, but I promise you no one knows. No one suspects a thing, pretty girl.”

The nickname makes your face heat up, causing you to look off to the side bashfully. There’s a grin on Keishin’s face that you can see from the corner of your eye. You stand up, snatching your hand from his as you grumble, “Cut it out.”

He scoffs and gets out his chair, arms coming to wrap around you. He’s speaking right into your ear in that voice he knows you like all too well, “I’m just telling the truth, y/n. You’re my pretty baby… my pretty girl.” You can feel his hand drift down to your ass before he gives it a firm squeeze. “You’re mine.” 

It doesn’t long for you to make it to his bed, clothes astray and scattered along the hall. You can’t help but feel like someone’s watching. It's a feeling you’ve grown all too familiar with recently, but it fades away as Keishin enters you. His prick is being sucked in by your gummy walls and he wastes no time in setting a pace, furiously thrusting into your little cunny. One hand moves to hold yours while the other stays rooted to your hip. 

“No matter what happens— fuck!” he cuts himself off, hitting a deep spot within you that has you mewling. “—we’ll always be together, right?”

Those last words... it felt like deja vu. You’ve heard them before.

“Yes! Yes, Keishin!”

You nod your head adamantly, locking lips with him, spit being swapped and wet smacking making its way through the room. He shoves his face into your neck, sucking deep bruises into the skin as his hand trails down to circle your clit. 

You can’t remember when this started to turn into something entirely new. When did it stop being lust for him? When did you start looking over how this all began? You don’t get too much time to dwell on it as the sensations become overwhelming.

“Has it really been this long? Because— shit!” he groans out.

His grip on your hand tightens as your walls clamp down around him. It’s been so long since you two have done this, your bodies desperate for release. It’s almost sad how soon it ends. 

The pain mixed in with the pleasure makes you scream out, “Cum in me Keishin, please!” 

There’s a string of ‘please’s and ‘I love you’s that leave your mouth as you hold onto him tightly, nails scratching down his back. It feels like you’re bruising with the way he’s slamming into you, making your back arch. He stills not too long after, flooding your insides with his seed. Keishin is panting as he places his forehead on yours. 

“No matter who catches us, I’ll always be with you. No one can take us away from each other, y/n.”

Hearing him say those words made the butterflies go crazy in your stomach. 

“Obviously... we’re meant to be, Keishin,” you whisper against his lips. 

You kiss him once more before falling asleep in each other’s arms. It’s in the early hours of the morning when you wake up, leaving a note for him and then making your way back home. The walk is filled with contemplation. Would you still be in this mess if you never met Keishin? What would have happened if you never agreed to his ultimatum? Would whoever it is that’s doing this still be around?

You enter your room, sighing as you close the door and lean against it. You’re just about to pull off your shirt when you hear something, switching on the lights quickly. You swear you’d rather die. He’s sitting on your bed, a pair of panties that went missing in his hands.

“Sugawara? W-What are you—?” you stammer out only to stop.

It’s him. It’s been him the whole time and you know it. He doesn’t need to say anything. You don’t know if you wish it wasn’t him or if you wish you never caught him. Your head feels like it’s going to explode with how fast it’s running. How long has he been waiting here? Why would he want to do this? What’s the point?

You shake your head in a horrible attempt to stop yourself from crying before speaking out, “Kou—”

“Where have you been?”

The look on his face lets you know he’s far from playing around. Sugawara has always been like this, wanting to know your whereabouts. He was just a worrisome friend is all, but now you think there’s a deeper meaning to it. 

“I was— I was just out with a friend.”

“Really?” he laughs out, a sheepish smile on his face. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were getting your whore hole pounded by the coaches cock.”

He’s never spoken to you like that and the words sink deep coming from someone you’ve known for so long, coming from someone you trust the most. 

Tears are falling as you try and defend yourself, “That’s not true!” 

“Coach Ukai and you are in a relationship.” You open your mouth to try and respond but he cuts you off. “Don’t deny it. I’ve seen it, but I’ve been wondering,” he pauses, looking straight into your eyes. A humorless laugh leaves his mouth before he continues, “Do you just fuck anywhere? Is that how easy you are? You just let guys fuck you out in the open?”

He moves off your bed, walking towards you. You know you should move. You know you should leave, run back to Keishin’s house and tell him. Just something, anything... but you can’t. 

“You don’t get to talk to me like that, not when... not when you’ve been stalking me! Not when you’ve been breaking in and stealing my clothes, Sugawara!”

He stops right in front of you. You’re shaking, voice sounding so meek and small, “Why? Why would you do this?”

He doesn’t say anything. His hands are on your face, forehead resting against yours as he stares deep into your eyes. He’d do this to calm you down when you were kids, panicking over something that happened. The only difference is this time his fingernails are biting into your skin and he’s the one causing the panic to rise within you. 

“If I have to tell everyone about you and the coach just so I can keep you to myself, I will. No one will want you when they find out about how much of a slut you are.”

Your eyes are wide. 

This isn’t your Koushi. 

“I love you, y/n. No one can take us away from each other. Not now, not ever.”

When Koushi says it, the butterflies in your stomach die.

“We’ll always be together, right?” he speaks out into the summer air. 

Both of your legs swing off your backyard porch, not tall enough to reach the bottom yet. You have a blue twin popsicle this time, you fought with him at the store due to you wanting to diverge from your usual red. 

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean... hm, no one can take us away from each other. No one can come in between us, right y/n?”

You think this has something to do with your talk about making more friends this next school year. The thought disappears as quickly as it came. It made your face heat up, Koushi only wanting to hang out with you.

There’s a big smile on your face.

“Yeah! No one can come between us because we’re meant to be, Koushi!”

The butterfly wings stop fluttering and instead they get caught in intricate spider webs. They’re blind to it. They don’t see it coming, but if they weren’t so careless maybe just maybe they would have survived… if only they paid attention to the signs.

[aphrodites-law]

A Bit of Clarity - Update

In honor of Clexmas20, Day 5: The Naughty List. We all know who’s on it.

A Bit of Clarity 🍂 (13/?) / (AO3) The visions had started last autumn, a year ago now. It had caused a bit of chaos for some, a bit of clarity for others. Two days ago, Clarke Griffin had been perfectly fine managing both her Café and her stress. But now she was curious - so deeply curious about the vision of herself entwined with the aloof Lexa Woods that it was leading her to complete distraction. 

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8] [part 9] [part 10] [part 11] [part 12]

Though hope could be dangerous, Clarke had felt it bloom when Lexa had turned around to look up at her. She still couldn't chase it away while she waited for Lexa to reach the top of the stairs, and even less when Lexa finally appeared, breathing fast, with cheeks already slightly red from the chill of the night. Clarke wanted nothing more than to run to her, but something had her rooted in place.

Now barefoot and without her coat, she should have felt the cold floor and the chill in the corridor. Instead, all she could feel was her heart racing. Lexa seemed stunned to be back here, but in awe rather than shock. Her mouth opened and closed twice, like she was thinking too fast and reconsidering each one of her words.

Finally, Clarke couldn't take the silence any longer: "If you come any closer-"

"I know," Lexa replied immediately. "Believe me, I know."

Lexa said the last part with such yearning that Clarke had to clutch the side of her door, as if it digging her nails into it might somehow smother the fire inside her. Conscious of how desire could override good sense, at least in their shared history, she knew honesty was the only way forward:

"I don't want just tonight," she said, voice cracking at the end.

This couldn't be an impulse. It couldn't be an itch to scratch. Clarke had always known she wanted more. That if regret entered their thoughts in the morning, her heart would break. It was what her vision had told her all along: that avoiding vulnerability had kept her from a more meaningful connection. That she'd quieted a part of herself out of fear it would crush her. And she hoped Lexa was thinking the same; that she'd turn away if deep down she knew it wasn't right just yet. After all, it may have felt like an eternity since they'd decided to take their time, but the reality was quite a bit shorter.

As if answering those fears, Lexa shook her head. "When I was down there I remembered what I told you earlier: that I'm certain about us. And… I am. I am, Clarke. I want every minute you'd give me." She started walking then, her hand brushing against the wall to steady herself. "I want mornings in your kitchen; afternoons in your café." She stopped and swallowed. "And I want nights in your arms."

There was a beat - an agreement between them - that felt so similar to the one before their first kiss that Clarke knew nothing else could follow it but just that. She shot off, and Lexa did too, until they met each other in the middle of the corridor. Clarke pulled Lexa into her, and Lexa's hands went to her waist, both of them moaning in relief when they finally kissed, warm lips meeting cold ones with such force that Lexa stumbled and her back thudded against the wall.

"Sorry!" Clarke said.

Lexa smiled just then, deliriously happy, before kissing her again. She had Clarke pressed against the opposite wall in a second.

"Don't be," she said. "I like it."

Their next kiss held nothing back - not after Clarke heard such an admission - and ended only when Lexa pressed her lips against her jawline.

"I've played this out in my head so many times," Lexa breathed out shakily. "At the café I'd look at you and I'd remember how it felt to kiss you - to finally kiss you."

Clarke moaned as Lexa continued claiming her neck.

"I'd wish I could press you up against the display again and never make the mistake of pulling away. Take you right there." Her hands tightened on Clarke's waist and then inched up with a hunger written on her face. "You feel so right, Clarke. You always have. I can't even think straight when you're in the room. It's all you, all the time."

Clarke felt dizzy, unable to think coherently herself let alone form words with her mouth. She reached for Lexa's hand and brought it to her breast over her sweater, breathing hotly in the small space that separated their lips. "Then take me now," she managed to plead.

Lexa groaned before reclaiming her lips, cupping her breast at the same time their kiss deepened. Her tongue was silky soft, but her hands had a roughness to them that made Clarke throb with want. There was nothing rough or careless about Lexa herself, but weeks of thinking instead of acting had both of them on edge.

In the back of her mind, Clarke vaguely remembered they had yet to cross into her apartment, but at the forefront was Lexa's body pressed tightly against hers, Lexa's tongue in her mouth, and Lexa's hands on her breasts. She moaned loudly, and maybe it was that that spurred Lexa on. She guided Clarke toward the door, both of them clumsily trying to kiss at the same time, lips stretching into smiles when they bumped into each other.

Clarke finally opened Lexa's coat, and Lexa finally had her bra unsnapped, the move so swift that Clarke was only aware of it when Lexa slipped a hand beneath her sweater and cupped her bare breast. Her knees went weak and she stifled a cry against Lexa's neck. She was pressed against the wall again, the ache between her legs growing stronger.

"Lexa, baby, wait- inside."

Lexa nodded but made no move in that direction, instead crouching down to kiss her cleavage. She licked and nipped the exposed skin while she palmed her breast, until she couldn't help herself and ran a thumb over the stiff peak. Clarke gasped and threaded her fingers through Lexa's thick hair, so close to forgetting all about common courtesy. She had neighbors she liked. Neighbors who were also customers. Neighbors she'd want to introduce to Lexa, one day.

She searched for the door next to her and pushed it wide open, then pulled Lexa inside by the lapels of her coat. Though miffed at the interruption, Lexa recovered spectacularly well when Clarke shut the door behind them and resumed their kissing. She had Lexa pinned next to the coat rack, which rattled against the wall. Lexa's hands found her ass and squeezed.

"Fuck," Clarke breathed out. "I never thought it could be like this."

Lexa licked her bottom lip. "Like what?"

"Like…" Clarke's eyes darkened and she promptly pulled down Lexa's coat. "Wanting you so much it's painful."

In full agreement, Lexa pushed off the wall to kiss her. They moved further inside, blindly finding their way. Lexa mapped every inch of Clarke's skin she could reach, craving more. It was almost overwhelming, and perhaps the best indicator of how long it had been since she'd let passion overtake her.

"I want- I want-"

"Tell me," Clarke coaxed, desperate to get it out of her. Lexa had such a way with the written word, but Clarke needed her voice tonight.

"I feel like I'm going to starve if I don't have you now," she finally admitted as Clarke bumped into the kitchen table.

Clarke sat on it and felt a jolt of pleasure shoot through her when Lexa immediately stepped between her thighs. It was familiar and yet different from the cramped room of the café, where the thrill had been in the stolen moment. Clarke had known nothing further than kissing would happen then.

This time, Lexa cupped her cheek; and it was tender, because tenderness underlined everything Lexa did, even something as mundane as typing on her keyboard, but it was possessive too. Not possessive in a way Clarke had ever known, or at least not the kind that stemmed from dominance and jealousy. It was from something else that Clarke had felt too; this deep-seated hope that only she could satisfy Lexa. It was arrogant, she couldn't deny it, but it was true of Lexa too. No one else had ever had such a hold on her body, and no one else could satisfy her tonight - it seemed like Lexa was perhaps proudly aware of it.

"Tell me how you want me," Clarke rasped.

Lexa pressed her forehead against hers, her breathing fast and warm. Her hand slid down from her cheek to her neck, as if wanting to touch her everywhere and unsure where to finally settle.

"I want what you said before I left: my body against yours; my mouth on your thighs… my tongue inside you." Clarke shivered as Lexa looked down at her heaving chest. "Do you have any idea how many times I tormented myself with glimpses of you touching yourself? Knowing you'd seen me; us?" 

Lexa tugged at the bottom of Clarke's sweater and pulled it up, letting Clarke lift her arms before she took it off completely, her bra coming with it. Clarke's hair fell back messily and Lexa seemed to enjoy the sight, exhaling sharply before she had to crush their lips together again. The coarse fabric of Lexa's sweater rubbed against her nipples in the most pleasurable way.

"And I can't stand not knowing anymore," Lexa groaned.

While Clarke lost herself to the glorious feeling of Lexa's mouth against hers, with no end in sight for the first time, she faintly felt hands work on the buttons of her pants. Lexa grew more frenzied after they came off, hooking her fingers in her underwear to pull them down her legs.

Before she even realized it, Clarke was naked on the table while Lexa stood fully clothed, almost insufferably smug when she pinned Clarke’s wrists down. There was something about being completely at Lexa’s mercy in this moment, so utterly vulnerable and safe at the same time, that made Clarke dizzy with need.

While Lexa drank her in with a darkened stare, Clarke tried and failed to steady her breathing. Past her awkward teenage years she'd been comfortable with her body; with her full breasts and her curves, but Lexa’s noticeable desire has her feeling like a work of art. It was emboldening.

“Are you just going to stare...?” She husked.

Pulled out of her lustful reverie, Lexa let go of her hands to trail up her thighs. She felt cool against her skin, but was quickly warming up now. She kissed her throat sensually and licked over her pulse as she had after their date on the mountain.

“Now I’ve seen all of you too,” she whispered, sending a shiver down Clarke's spine.

Clarke cupped the back of her neck and kissed her desperately, squirming on the table for relief. But Lexa clearly intended to provide it, her hand inching so close to Clarke's entrance that she could feel its heat.

"I want to be inside you," she said, only pressing closer after Clarke had nodded.

Lexa's fingers were coated with her arousal as soon as they parted her folds. Clarke had wanted this for so long, and so strongly, that it was no surprise how wet she was. She'd felt her own desire for Lexa multiple times before, and it was fierce.

"I think you want that too," Lexa noted as her thumb reached up to brush over her clit.

"Don't tease me," Clarke whined, arching into Lexa's touch. "Fuck, I can't take it anymore. I can't."

Lexa hummed against her neck, two of her fingers barely dipping inside. "You can…"

The words had Clarke on the verge of tears. "No, baby, please-"

"But not tonight," Lexa said before penetrating her. 

"Oh, fuck!" Clarke moaned loudly, throwing her arm around Lexa's neck as she lied her down on the table.

"I've got you," Lexa said.

She pumped inside her, her eyes mesmerized by Clarke's face and the pleasure written on it. Clarke's mouth remained agape as she took her in, finally full. Lexa felt so good; unlike any dream or vision she could’ve conjured for herself again.

"More, Lexa- fuck-" she panted, acutely aware how close she already was.

Lexa barely waited a beat before she picked up the pace, taking her deep and hard. There would be a time for slow and sensuous, where she would caress and worship every inch of the gorgeous woman beneath her, but neither of them had the patience for it now. In this moment Clarke needed release and Lexa needed the thrill of giving it to her.

The feet of the table thumped against the floor and something fell, but the windows could have shattered and Clarke would have still pulled Lexa closer. She'd never imagined their sex like this, but god did it feel good. It was dirty and frenzied, but it was them. It wasn't something she could have done with anyone else; that she'd ever needed with anyone else.

She gasped against Lexa's neck, tasting salt when her tongue peeked out. Lexa still had her clothes on, but she was breathing so hard that Clarke knew she was starting to sweat too. The apartment felt so much hotter already; the air already smelling like them.

Lexa took a nipple in her mouth, licking and sucking while Clarke rocked her hips against her hand, chasing her release. This is what she'd missed out on, she vaguely thought. The urge to share all of herself, to give and be taken so fucking thoroughly she could barely even remember her own name. She only had Lexa on her mind; Lexa lavishing attention on her chest and curling her fingers inside her.

"Oh god, don't stop!" She cried out, her nails scratching down Lexa's back beneath her top, not hard enough to pierce skin but hard enough to hurt good.

Lexa's hips jerked forward and Clarke realized she was moving them against the table, following the in and out rhythm of her fingers to give herself some relief. It must've been only a few minutes since Clarke had finally felt Lexa inside her, but the thought of her so wound up paired with her small moans pushed Clarke over the edge. She tensed and came with a sharp cry, her orgasm crashing throughout her body in waves. Her ankles locked around Lexa's waist and she realized her fingers were still in that thick hair of hers, now wild and messy.

Lexa hummed in between kisses to her breasts and throat, anywhere she could reach as Clarke slowly unwound beneath her. She pulled out of her and drew lazy circles against her clit, not ready to pull away entirely. The smell of their mixed arousal was heady, and all she could think about was finally tasting Clarke. It was a surprise when she heard a small laugh and then saw Clarke cover her face with her hands.

"I knew I'd be fast, but…"

Lexa pressed her nose against the back of her hand. "Hm, I guess I have time to go home." 

Clarke immediately reached for her collar. "No jokes. Besides, that was a warm-up." She kissed her and then licked her bottom lip. "Just to clear my head."

"Yes, of course," Lexa played along. "A practice round?"

"Exactly."

They laughed before kissing again, laughter soon changing to moans. Clarke got off the table to pull Lexa toward the bedroom, eager for a softer surface. There'd been some truth to what she said: the orgasm did make her a little less useless, though she was rapidly feeling hot all over again.

They kissed between the quick shedding of Lexa's clothes, hands working fast to pull up her sweater and undo her shirt. The more skin was exposed, the tighter they held each other, desperate to feel skin on skin.

Clarke felt so hungry for Lexa that when their tongues met again she stuttered in her movements. Lexa's hands on her waist steadied her, but the brief halt slowed nothing down. 

By the time the back of Clarke's knees hit her bed, she was pulling an equally naked Lexa atop her. The weight of her felt like finding what she had been missing for months, for years, and when Lexa pulled back and looked at her, making sure her renewed ardor was welcome, Clarke felt like nothing could compare to being looked at like this, with so much desire she couldn't even comprehend it.

Their next kiss made Clarke's toes curl. Lexa's tongue wasn't timid against hers. Lexa's hands weren’t hesitant when they kneaded her breasts, her thumbs sweeping over her nipples to tease the hard peaks. She took one in her mouth and Clarke gasped helplessly, not sure she would ever get used to the heat of Lexa's mouth. As wound up as she was, Lexa still seemed more interested in exploring Clarke's body. She fondled and licked, checking for signs of what made Clarke tick the most - a teasing suck, a gentle bite, or a rough squeeze.

Their bodies moved together toward one common goal, yet in no rush to reach the finish line once more. Clarke's moans surprised her. She wasn't usually quiet but she wasn't extraordinarily loud either. But Lexa had awakened something inside her. She craved her so much it was almost frightening.

"Come here," Clarke pleaded as she tried tugging Lexa back up. Her thoughts filled with Lexa coming apart beneath her, but Lexa had other plans.

"I need to taste you," she breathed out while she left gentle pecks down Clarke's stomach.

When Lexa parted her thighs and finally kissed her clit, Clarke looked down and gasped. Suddenly, she thought of her vision. She saw it so clearly now that she wondered how she could've ever thought it wasn't Lexa. And yet she felt indescribable happiness when she realized it wasn't quite what she had seen either. The air was different, the smell, even the way they moved together. Her vision wasn't a one-off - she knew that clearly now. One day perhaps they would be back in her bed, and Lexa would be breathing her in, and Clarke would know she was living what she had once seen. But tonight was still wonderfully unknown. It was theirs to discover together.

Needing to feel Lexa above all, Clarke reached for her head and moaned out her name. Lexa looked up and smiled, not once looking away while she lowered her mouth and slid her tongue through her.

"Lexa - oh god - make me come…" she pleaded, the fire inside her all-consuming.

Lexa's nose pressed against her as she drew closer, finally licking inside her. Clarke's eyes squeezed shut and she writhed beneath her, hips rocking against her mouth.

Oh she was good at this, but what struck Clarke the most was how intense she was, almost to the point of greed, like Clarke was hers to please. Like she took her pleasure from giving it, spurred on the messier it was and so eager to lap it all up. And it was messy - almost to an embarrassing point, Clarke briefly thought, to be this wet and this eager to be devoured.

Lexa worked her hard and long, maddening, never once tiring. She knew where she wanted to go but she took direction too, with Clarke's hands in her hair, sometimes guiding closer, sometimes slightly to the side and oh-

"Lexa!" Clarke gasped when she felt two fingers inside her again. A third finger quickly joined and started the delicious torture of building her up.

The air around them was almost stifling, but Clarke never wanted to leave this room. She'd lost all inhibition in Lexa's arms, in this bed, and it was the most freeing feeling in the world. She'd known they had a connection - that they brought out something exhilarating and new in each other - but she hadn't dreamed of something like this. Of understanding each other so utterly fast.

"You taste so good," Lexa said before she flicked her tongue over her clit, smiling proudly when Clarke's fingers pressed against her scalp again. 

"I'm so close - so close-" Clarke's back arched and she spread her thighs wider, offering herself fully, crying out when Lexa's fingers stroked a deep spot inside her. "Right there, right there," she moaned, but any other plea was swiftly cut off.

Her orgasm had her clawing at the sheets, gripping until her knuckles went white; her heart pounding. She called out for Lexa followed by a string of expletives, her thoughts completely wiped out. For a few seconds, there was nothing else existing in this world but this very feeling.

"Oh god, fuck," she said as she regained some sense of space. "Come here, baby, please."

Lexa licked her lips before moving up her body, her senses so attuned to Clarke's taste and smell; the very feel of her beneath her fingertips.

Clarke kissed her deeply once her breathing had calmed down. It was wet and filthy, a kiss that specifically aimed to further Lexa's arousal. Once Clarke had recovered, it was no surprise that she pushed Lexa on her back and straddled her.

And while Lexa had successfully kept her mind off of her own needs so far, it was impossible now. Clarke entwined their fingers together and pinned them on each side of Lexa's head, grinning when Lexa's attention immediately went to her hanging breasts, too far for her mouth to reach.

"You want something?" Clarke coyly asked as she started grinding against her, her breasts now swaying gently with her body.

Lexa squeezed her hands in frustration. "Clarke…"

Clarke leaned down and grinned cockily when Lexa tried kissing her.

"I think you like this," she said, her mouth so close she could feel Lexa's warm breath. She could smell herself too, and even in the poor lighting from the hallway, she could see her essence on Lexa's chin.

"I think you've liked it for a long time. How we'd touch but barely; kiss but never long enough. It's how you drove me crazy for weeks. But I know I liked it, deep down." She rubbed herself against Lexa's thighs and watched her reaction closely. "How it pushed me toward the edge. How much more intense it made touching myself every night, wondering how much closer we were to a night like this."

Lexa's eyes squeezed shut for a second. "Fuck," she breathed out, to Clarke's wicked delight.

"Hmm, I know you like picturing that." She kissed her throat and then finally kissed her breasts. "Let me take care of you." She let go of her hands to palm one breast while she teased the other with her tongue, sighing when Lexa moaned lowly.

Lexa slung an arm around her middle, fingers stretched out on her back, just to feel her closer. Just to be selfish for a moment and keep this woman - this bold, extraordinary woman - all to herself. She had wanted to give so much tonight, to push Clarke over the edge and bring her back, over and over again, but beneath Clarke's mouth and hands she was unable to ignore her own desire any longer.

Her breathing stuttered as she watched her leave open-mouthed kisses down her stomach, adoring every freckle.

Maybe Clarke had seen Lexa's body before even truly knowing her, but it couldn't compare to actually feeling her. Feeling the warmth of her skin and how her muscles tensed; watching the dim light bounce on her tattoo when she flexed her arm; how her eyes darkened the more time passed. Her vision had been about her own pleasure, but Clarke found Lexa's pleasure much more exhilarating.

"What do you want?" She asked this time, stroking the inside of Lexa's thigh.

Lexa looked so taken aback for a second that Clarke wondered if she still wasn't used to being asked that. The first time Clarke had ever asked her, at night in the café, Lexa had kissed her. The second, she had implied it didn't matter. But it did, and Clarke would make sure Lexa always knew it.

Lexa gripped her hip, pulling her closer. Then, she cupped the back of her neck to kiss her, maybe as a way of stalling. Clarke couldn't imagine why she would do it, until Lexa nudged her higher up on her body again. Clarke laughed when her breasts were at eye level and Lexa licked her bottom lip.

"Well I know what to give you for Christmas now," she said.

Lexa smiled before lifting her head to nuzzle one breast. "I could stay here forever."

"Hmm, I'll see what I can do about that." Clarke reached between her legs and touched her, her knees almost buckling when she felt how wet Lexa was.

Lexa's breathing quickened and she pressed her face against Clarke's cleavage, her arm still tight around her.

"Clarke, fuck," she exhaled sharply.

It was distracting enough to have Lexa's mouth so close to her breasts again, but when she lifted her thigh ever so slightly, Clarke felt it against her center and briefly wavered. Knowing she'd be a lost cause if she started grinding down on it, she slid two fingers inside Lexa and watched as she tipped her head back.

Clarke had always known Lexa to be hard to pinpoint; reserved at times and yet so passionate at others. Detached some days and sociable on others. The vision had captured just how intense she could be, like a switch she turned on. For a long time Clarke had thought of her as a walking contradiction, but as she looked at her face now, she saw none of that. Lexa had trusted her with so much; and asked for so little in return. And while Clarke had yearned for the intimacy in her vision, she realized then they'd shared that long before shedding their clothes. Touching Lexa - finally touching Lexa - was just the culmination of it.

"You feel amazing," she whispered as she pressed inside her, amazed by Lexa's small moans and how she held her. They couldn't possibly be closer, their sweaty bodies sliding against each other, and yet it still felt like there was too much between them.

Clarke felt Lexa's thigh tense and moaned, not expecting it to feel so good against her clit. When Lexa nudged her hips and encouraged her to grind down, Clarke gave into the urge.

"Don't stop," Lexa panted, tongue flicking against Clarke's breast again.

Clarke would've never dared, the thought of pulling out almost laughable. Every cell in her body was focused on Lexa; on the sound of her fingers thrusting inside her and the quick rise and fall of her chest. She couldn't get enough of her; couldn't wait to watch her come undone.

Lexa writhed beneath her, hips rising to meet the rhythm she had set. Her eyes were closed now and there was a slight crease between her brows. It made Clarke smile, remembering too fondly how wound up Lexa had been when they had first met. It had been apparent then and it was apparent now, differently of course, only Clarke intended to make sure she found her release.

"I've got you," she echoed Lexa's earlier sentiment, remembering how it had made her feel.

While Clarke hadn't been able to quiet her moans, Lexa's impeding orgasm seemed to have the opposite effect. Her lips were parted and her hold on Clarke had tightened, but she seemed to have retreated into herself.

"Baby, look at me," Clarke gently coxed as her thrusts quickened.

Lexa looked up with shining eyes, and for a moment Clarke lost herself in them. She couldn't really explain what happened then, if their arousal was heightening everything, but she felt every bit of Lexa's trust in her, and it made her heart swell. She bent down to kiss her, and even if it was sloppy it felt like she might cry from it.

Now desperate for Lexa to feel the same way she'd made her, Clarke pulled out of her and focused on her clit, rubbing it until Lexa's fingers dug into her back and she gasped.

"Clarke- fuck, oh-" She came with a soft cry, trying to keep her eyes open until she couldn't any longer. She reached for Clarke's hand and interlaced their fingers, her way of showing she was still here, in the moment, and had no intention of leaving.

Clarke drank in every change in her expression, from her brow finally relaxing to the little twitch in her nose she could only describe as so fucking cute. Lexa was breathtaking. It felt like her chest had exploded with happiness. She couldn't put it into words yet, but she would one day - that much she knew.

With that thought, Clarke rested her head on Lexa's shoulder and grinned, just because it felt exactly like the thing to do.

* * *

Clarke woke up on her stomach to the feeling of Lexa's lips on the back of her neck and her knuckles brushing down her spine. She kept her eyes shut, the light of the morning sun already filtering through the thin drapes. Lexa must've gotten up at some point to shut them, because it certainly hadn't been a priority last night. It'd been a while since Clarke had woken up after dawn, but the café was the furthest thing from her mind today, interviews be damned.

"Hmm feels nice," she mumbled into her pillow. She stretched her arms and legs, nearly purring when she realized Lexa's naked body was pressed against her back.

"Good morning," Lexa murmured.

Clarke faced her with a shy grin. Lexa looked so stunning with her tousled hair and the soft light on her face.

"Hi," she said, her voice still scratchy. 

"How do you feel?"

Clarke snorted. "How do you think?"

Lexa smiled and bent down to kiss her, but the initial gentle press of lips soon turned into something deeper when Clarke reached out for her cheek and opened her mouth. Lexa sighed into it, her hand now resting on her ass and squeezing it when Clarke grew bolder.

"Don't start what you can't finish…" Clarke pulled away, the pulse between her legs throbbing familiarly.

"I wouldn't dare," Lexa replied confidently before straddling Clarke's legs and bending down again to kiss her shoulder blades.

"Lexa…" Clarke's breathing picked up as she guessed her intentions. She was wet, maybe wetter than she'd expected just a few minutes after waking up, but Lexa had this effect on her. She felt her shuffle back before cupping her ass with both hands.

"Raise your hips for me, baby," Lexa gently said.

Clarke did as requested, her hands gripping the sheets beneath her when she suddenly felt Lexa's tongue flat against her slit. The pillow muffled her moan. She buried her face in it, picturing Lexa positioned behind her so clearly it made her stomach tighten even more. Not seeing her made it all the more intense; a sign she trusted Lexa wholly, even at her most exposed.

Lexa tongued her clit and then dipped inside her, teasing her slowly, unlike the frantic pace they had set last night. It was purposeful though, building on the pressure Clarke already felt so strongly.

"Oh my god," she gave a low moan, helpless to do anything but hope Lexa would take pity on her fast.

She didn't. Lexa alternated between slow drags of her tongue against her entrance and gentle suction on her clit, as if exploring her anew in the morning light. Clarke groaned, thinking this might be how she would go insane. She needed so much more - Lexa deep inside her, taking her roughly until she was finally rid of the pulsing ache between her legs.

"Lexa, please-" she said, her fingers digging into the mattress.

Lexa shifted and Clarke suddenly shivered in anticipation. Yesterday had been heated and impatient, but this morning was a different kind of yearning. How far could they push and pull each other? How much could they give and take?

Taking her cue, Lexa drew unhurried circles around her clit before repositioning herself. She leaned down, her breasts against Clarke's back, though not so heavily that Clarke would crumple completely beneath her weight. Then, she pushed two fingers inside her.

"Fuck," Clarke moaned, knees pressed into the mattress.

Flashes of herself getting off like this the first time filled her mind. It had been the first time she'd thought of Lexa - at least consciously. The first time she'd needed to get off so badly that only picturing Lexa would satisfy her. And it had been enough then, but it had never been this good. If Lexa kept this going, she couldn't imagine leaving her room today.

"Like this?" Lexa asked as she filled her.

God, Lexa sure picked her moments. Clarke couldn't think straight, let alone speak!

"Faster," she managed to whimper.

Lexa hummed in acknowledgment and then sucked on her neck, moving her hips in such a way that it matched the movement of her fingers. Clarke felt like she was being mounted; taken so hard and good that she'd walk funny for days. She parted her thighs wider, lewdly, just to feel Lexa deeper.

"Harder… More…"

Lexa knew how to tease but she wasn't cruel at it, at least not this morning. She obeyed Clarke's commands smoothly, as if nothing could please her more than pleasing Clarke.

"I thought about you too," Lexa admitted quietly, like it was a dirty secret of hers. "Just like this."

Clarke's foggy mind processed the words slowly, her heart jolting when she realized what Lexa meant. Lexa shifted behind her and Clarke felt her grind against her ass, like she needed to alleviate the ache she was feeling herself before continuing.

"Thought about you spread out for me." Lexa shifted slightly to change the angle. "Hearing you say my name."

"Lexa-"

"Just like that. I thought about taking you with my tongue first - soft and gentle."

"Oh, oh," Clarke panted into the pillow.

Lexa picked up the pace. "With my fingers - hard and fast."

Clarke's mouth opened but no sound came out as her body hurtled toward release, the delicious pressure tightening with each word.

"And when I was about to come I'd think about taking you with my strap - in deep, long strokes." Lexa finally added a third finger and watched as Clarke's back arched in pleasure.

"Oh my- God, Lex- Don't stop, don't stop!" 

"Never," Lexa breathed out.

Their bodies moved together as one again, and soon Lexa found it harder to keep herself from collapsing on Clarke. She chased her own release, grinding against her, spurred on each time Clarke said her name. 

Finally Clarke's whole body tensed before she moaned loudly into the pillow, pleasure bursting within her as she reached her peak. Her toes curled and her mind went blank, wiped out by Lexa's thorough fucking. One, two, three thrusts of her hips against her ass and Lexa was crying out her name in the crook of her neck, her voice a soft rasp until all Clarke heard was their ragged breathing.

Lexa lied on her for a minute, the weight of her so warm and pleasant that Clarke wished she'd just stay there and they could fall asleep like this. Lexa reached for her hand and held it, mumbling something Clarke couldn't quite make out at first.

"You're amazing," Lexa said more clearly as she moved to the side, lying next to Clarke. "So fucking amazing."

Clarke quickly realized something. "Oh Lex…" she started giggling.

"What is it?" Lexa asked with amusement, propping herself up on her elbow and adoring Clarke's contagious laughter. "Was it too much?"

Clarke shook her head and pulled back. "Not at all. I was just thinking… we lasted about a week."

"Oh." Lexa smiled. "Well, God made the world in a week. A whole world. So I'd argue a week is an honorable amount of time to wait."

Clarke pushed Lexa on her back so she could rest her head on her chest, wanting to bask in the warmth of their bodies as her heart settled down.

"True, but I'm not sure the Bible would approve of this."

Lexa shrugged. "We just did our part fulfilling a different prophecy. Which reminds me... How did I compare?"

Clarke laughed tiredly. "No, this wasn't it."

"Really?"

"It was different."

Lexa thought about this for a beat. "How so?"

Clarke kissed the side of her breast. "Just… realer. Looking back, the vision was almost like… like I wasn't fully in my body. It's hard to explain. It can't be compared."

"Hm. Interesting."

Clarke looked up. "You're not going to include this in the Gazette, are you?"

"Well of course I am, this was all just a ploy to further my research."

Clarke moved to playfully nip her earlobe. "In that case I'll have to keep you in this room forever."

Lexa grinned while Clarke peppered her neck with kisses. "I'll agree to those terms in the name of research." She capture her lips and sighed into their sweet kiss, her arms right where she had wanted them for so long, around Clarke's waist.

Staying here forever had a nice ring to it.

[tonguetiedvalentine]

request: 

word count: 2,4k

warnings: swearing and a looot of smut

a/n: i had a lot of fun writing this!! thanks for your request <3

"No look, you gotta add 4 and then- " "Cal, can we just take a break please? We've been doing this all day and I just can't wrap my head around it anymore." Calum sighed before placing my pen in between the pages of my math book to use it as a bookmark before he shut it.

"Fine, I'm starving anyway. But you have to promise me to continue later, your exam is on thursday and you know you have to get at least 60% to pass." I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for reminding me, daddy." He smirked. "Shut up, you know you're only allowed to call me that in the bedroom." I hit his arm playfully, feeling my face heat up.

He stood up from the bar stool making his way into the kitchen. When I was about to follow him, he yelled "Go set up a movie, I'II prepare snacks." My lips curled into a smile, feeling relieved about finally being able to get my mind off numbers and equations.

While Netflix was getting ready I went to the bedroom to get some blankets and comfortable clothes, craving the feeling of my body getting lost in one of Calums oversized sweaters. When I returned to the living room, he was already scrolling through the options that the streaming website had to offer.

"What mood are we in today, ma'am?" He didn't take his eyes off the screen while talking to me, hoping to find something before I suggest a chick flick he's been trying to avoid watching.

"I don't care, you choose. Something funny, maybe." When I finished setting up the blankets, I found him looking at me questioningly, waiting for my reaction to Men in Black showing up on the TV screen. I nodded, literally not giving a fuck about what we're watching since I'm gonna end up falling asleep anyway. Calum hit play while I got under one of the blankets propping my feet up on the coffee table in front of the couch. He joined me a second later taking the bowl of popcorn with him and offering some to me which I accepted with a thankful smile.

Days like these were one of the reasons I loved staying at Calums place. He was always trying to help me out with school, listening to whats on my mind and being there for me, no matter what I was going through. Dancing and yelling along to our favorite bands songs was a daily must and movie nights were just as important.

Lately our friendship gained another beautiful aspect when we started sleeping with each other.

Neither of us had planned to be friends with benefits but when I crashed at his place after a party we went to and the sexual tension was way to prominent to ignore it, it just sort of happened. First we were agreeing on it being a one time thing because we wouldn't let sex ruin our friendship but when it happened again a few days later, we knew there was no going back.

Calum moved up to the backrest and put his arm around my shoulders, allowing me to rest my head against him. I never noticed he put down the bowl of popcorn until I felt his other hand trace circles on my thigh over the blanket. I grinned and grabbed it to play with his fingers which he seemed to enjoy as he chuckled slightly.

A few minutes later he let go off my hand to move his under the blanket, back onto my thigh. He turned his head towards me and I felt his lips brush my ear. "Have I ever told you that you look great in my shirts?" I smiled as I knew where this was going. "I'm not sure, why?" Calum lowered his head even more, kissing my neck right below my ear, knowing damn well it would drive me crazy. "Because you look fucking fantastic right now." My smirk grew even wider when he continued moving his hand towards my heat as his lips were exploring the sensitive skin of my neck. At this point I was craving them on mine and when I turned my head it only took him a split second to kiss me intensely.

Our tongues started dancing and I could taste every bit of him which I could never get enough of. By now his hand reached my hip where he slid it underneath the sweater, holding onto my waist. I moved my body so I was straddling him, allowing Calum to pull me even closer. My hands found their way to the back of his head, slightly pulling on the roots of his hair, causing him to moan into the kiss. He couldn't let that slide so he took my lower lip in between his teeth and moved both his hands into my shorts, grabbing my ass which made me gasp.

"As much as I love this on you", he pulled on the hem of the shirt "it needs to go now." I pulled away to yank it off my body, exposing my bare chest since I never put on a bra after showering in the morning. While I threw the sweater across the room I saw Calums lust filled eyes examine my naked body. I was never really confident about myself but moments like these, where he was looking at me as if I was the most beautiful piece of art he had ever seen in his entire life, made me feel like I was the only woman to ever exist.

Once the article of clothing hit the floor I went back to connect our lips again, already missing the feeling after only being parted from him for a few seconds. Calums hands were now roaming all over my back, pulling me closer against his chest even though I already didn't think there was any space left between us. Now it was me tugging on his shirt mumbling "off" as it was the only thing I was able to say in between our heated kisses. Calum got rid of it quickly before flipping us over and making me squeal. He was now on top of me, moving his hungry lips down my neck leaving a few marks before going further down until he reached my nipples which he sucked on intensely.

I threw my head back as my hands found their way back into his hair, tugging on it which only made him work even harder on my boobs. "God, Calum!" My sigh made him look up at me. "What, already enjoying yourself princess? Wait and see how good I'm gonna make you feel once I'm inside of you babygirl."

His hands continued playing with my tits while he pressed kisses all the way down my belly. Once he reached my shorts he let go of me to remove them in a swift motion, impatiently taking my panties with them. Instinctively I spread my legs even wider, inviting him to get a taste.

It didn't take him long to place his tongue on my clit and lick it sensually. I bucked my hips craving more pleasure but Calums hands quickly pushed them back down. He looked up at me with a smirk on his lips. "Patience, babygirl."

I lifted my head to look back at him. His lustful eyes analized mine before he went back to licking my heat, not breaking the stare while doing so. When he sucked on my clit harshly I threw my head back moaning loudly. Calums grip on my hips got tighter, his tongue moved faster and my voice got louder. By now his neighbours knew what was going on.

The knot in my stomach tightened and I was about to let go when Calum moved away. My head snapped up and my eyes searched for his face. He grinned back at me while letting a finger run through my folds. "We don't want you to cum already, do we?" My head fell back down in frustration. "Calum, please do something, anything!"

"Anything?"

"Uh-huh"

Suddenly I felt Calum push a finger inside me. I cried out and arched my back off the couch. He sat up and held onto my knee, making sure my legs stayed spread while he continued thrusting into me at a quick pace. Once more I felt my orgasm approaching and so did he, which made him stop his actions once more.

Not wanting to keep up with Calums games anymore, I sat up tugged on his hair so his face aligned with mine. I smashed my lips against his and pushed him against the backrest, climbing back onto his lap. I heard him raise his deep voice while I sucked on his neck.

"Feeling dominant, princess?"

"No, just no longer interested in you playing with me."

"Tell me what you want."

"I want you to fuck me, Cal."

"Then beg for it."

I smirked. Cal loved to hear me plead to get the touch I'm craving and I was willing to do just that any day. I raised my head to look into his dark eyes, giving him what he asked for.

"Cal please, I need you deep inside of me now. I need to feel you, I need you to wreck me entirely, please baby."

The smirk on his lips showed off perfectly how much he enjoyed being in charge. "Normally I'd want to hear more of that but I want you just as much so get up." I listened, no longer able to tease him, longing to feel him filling me up.

As soon his pants and boxers joined the other discarded clothes on the floor he pulled me back onto his lap, immediately lining his member up with my entrance and pushing my hips down to slam inside of me. Both of us cried out at the sudden sensation and it took us a few seconds to adjust but when his hands slowly started guiding me I rocked against him. In a matter of a few minutes we were panting while holding on to each other tightly. Calums hands were tangled in my hair while my nails scratched over his tanned arms. My hips continued to rock against his in a steady rhythm, even when he thrusted against them, making me see stars. I was already sensitive from the two denied orgasms before so it didn't take me long to build up another one.

"Cal I'm- I'm about to-"

That was all he needed to hear to let go of my hair and bring his hand down to rub figure eights on my clit. "Go on babygirl, cum for me. You've earned it."

The combination of his dick buried deep inside off me, his thumb working on my clit and his deep voice groaning into my ear pushed me over the edge. I threw my head back and yelled his name while he continued to move my hips against him. Once I came down from my high I collapsed against Calums chest. He stopped his movements and held me until I regained my strength.

"Good job babygirl." He held my head and pressed a kiss against my forehead. "Do you think you can handle another one for me?" I nodded even though I wasn't sure about it but I desperately wanted to pleasure Calum as well as he pleasured me.

"Good girl. Now get on your hands and knees for me, will you?" I pressed my lips against him before nodding once more and doing what he requested me to.

I felt Calum come up behind me and slap my ass harshly before pushing back inside of me. I cried out and grasped the pillow, biting into my hand to not be too loud. When he noticed, Calum removed one of his hands from my hips to grab my hair and yank it back which caused me to moan loudly.

"Don't be shy princess, let everybody know how good I'm making you feel."

With every thrust the sensation of my hair being pulled made me moan louder and louder. Occasionally Calum slapped my ass which added to the pleasure that was flowing through my body. By now Calums movements were getting sloppier and he moaned more frequently. "God babygirl you're so tight I'm not gonna last much longer." I tried shaking my head but Calums grip on my hair made it impossible for me. "I'm close too, keep going."

That made him let go of my hair to bring his hand around my body to rub my clit. My moans got louder and I felt myself clench around him. Calum sped up his thrusts and started groaning loudly which meant he was close but desperately trying to make me cum before he does. To be fair, his actions made it hard for me to hold on any longer and when he hit a specific spot by pulling me closer to him, I hit my second high, collapsing onto the couch. My screams were concealed from pressing my face into the pillows but they were loud enough to push Calum over the edge . He stayed inside of me for a moment before pulling out and sitting back down on the couch, carefully caressing my hips until I calmed down. When I did I sat up and moved back next to him, cuddling into his chest.

"God damn Calum, that was amazing."

He nodded while holding my head against him with one hand, the other one tracing patterns on my thigh just like he did earlier. "Fuck yeah it was, possibly the best sex we ever had." I nodded to agree with him.

After we finished watching the movie we forgot about entirely,we stood up to put our clothes back on and clean the mess we made by unintentionally knocking several pillows off the couch. I excused myself to go to the bathroom to fix my hair and look at the marks Calum left on my neck. After I was looking decent again, I made my way back to the living room where Calum was already sitting in front of my math book again, patting the chair next to him. "Come on now babygirl, we gotta get back to your studies." I groaned but obeyed, knowing I had no other choice.

"Who knows" he began saying while leaning closer to me "maybe I'll reward you with round two once you get the hang of it."

[ardent-musings]

Attention and Atonement

A Murphy McNully Smut 

For my girl @kc-needs-coffee. I hope you enjoy this bb. 

Warnings: NSFW. 18+. Sexual Activity, Lap Dance, Hair Pulling, Oral (f receiving), Riding

+ Murphy was stressed out from working all day and you do what you can to help him unwind.

           You were absolutely losing your mind as you walked back and forth in your kitchen. Murphy was sitting in the next room working and scribbling in his spread sheets and books that were filled with every Quidditch maneuver one could imagine; and he had no idea how tempting he was as he did so. It was dreadfully sinful how the blonde so good; he was hunched over at his desk, his skillful fingers twirled a quill with ease as he bit down at his lower lip in concentration. His current expression was far more intense than it usually was and it began to affect you in more ways in one.

           The first part of you, the part that adored the boy with your whole heart worried for him. He had been working himself to the bone trying to come up with solutions and strategy, eventually finding problems in everything he devised. He needed to take a break but with deadlines creeping up on him, you knew there was no way he was going to allow himself the luxury. But the second, and perhaps the stronger part of you, needed him. And you needed all of him. You couldn’t stop staring at him as he crumpled a piece of parchment and tossed it to the ground into an already existing pile of trash.

           “Babe,” you quietly approached him, sensing how much tension he was holding in his strong shoulders. God, if he wasn’t a commentator, he would have been a perfect beater; his body was molded for it. “What’s wrong?”

           He tilted his head back, exposing his neck to the girl as he groaned in frustration, “Everything is wrong. I thought I had devised a perfect schedule for myself that would allow me enough time to get all my work done. There was a 97.3% chance that I would get everything done days in advance but I was off. My numbers were wrong. And now, not only do I have to draw up new plays and techniques for the team to test out but I also have to rush to get it all done.

           “I’m losing my patience, darling. Truly I am beginning to panic and I don’t know if I can stay on track. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cannot leave this desk until I am done.”

           He let all of that out in a single breath almost making himself pass out from the stress. It hurt you to see him so overwhelmed, “Everything will work out, love,” You draped your arms over his strong shoulders and gave his a kiss to the shell of his ear which notably made the boy shiver. “How about I go make you a lavender tea?”

           Murphy nodded enthusiastically as he brought all of his attention back to his work. You pulled away and noticed him running his hands through his usually perfectly styled hair, the messy look only reminded you of how ruined it looked in the morning after a long night of fun.

           He needed a break, you needed him. So you turned to the kitchen and began making him some tea, but once that was done you ran to your room and pulled out a stunning strappy cobalt bra with matching panties. It looked gorgeous against your skin and from past experience, you knew it was Murphy’s favorite. You hid the gorgeous set beneath a robe while you grabbed your boy’s tea and shuffled to him.

           “Here you go, sweetie.”

           Murphy hummed, not only from the smell of the calming tea but from the way your nails were slowly playing with his hair. He was adoring the feeling of you grabbing at the roots followed by a gentle scratch of his scalp.

           “Fuck, darling, you’re distracting me,” Murphy stared at you desperately.

           “Well good, baby boy, that was the plan,” your hand trailed from his hair to his neck and rested at the base of his neck.

           “I told you I can’t leave this desk, I have too much to do,” he whined.

           “Who said anything about leaving the desk, baby,” you undid your robe to expose your lingerie to the strategist whose eyes rolled back at the sight of you. “Just pay attention to your papers. I’ll just be here.”

           You patted his lap as you slowly seated yourself on top of him, finding his strong thighs the perfect chair for you. “In my humble opinion, I feel like it’s a smart strategy to give yourself a break, yeah?”

           Murphy groaned as you rested your head against his shoulder, slowly gyrating your hips on top of his, “Darling, god do I want you but I don’t have enough time to stop working,”

           “Then let me do the work,” you smirked as you continued to rock against his lap, and playing with your hair. The boy behind you started breathing more heavily at the friction you caused against him, you were glorious.

           “Goddamn, baby you look good,” his hands placed themselves on your hips, encouraging you to sit down on him fully. That did nothing to help your need for him, the trousers that he was wearing rubbed against you perfectly. “You been missing me, sweetie?”

           “Well you have been ignoring me,” you stood up momentarily just to sit back down, this time to face the flushed boy. His lips looked slightly swollen from all the lip biting and it sent a rush of energy straight through you. “I almost had to take matters into my own hands.”

           You kissed at his neck and he gulped as your teeth grazed his throat, “Fuck, you know, I think if I take a break there will be a 76% chance that-“

           His rant was caught off by you pulling at his hair again, the burn only made Murphy want you more.

           “There will be a 100% chance of you fucking me if you just stop talking, baby boy,” you warned him with a sweet smile.

           His eyes widened at your filthy admission, his stare was suddenly animalistic as he effortlessly lifted you by your hips and placing you in front of him. You were surprised by the sudden change in location, but when Murphy started placing hungry kisses at the inside of your thighs, all you could do was stare. Nothing looked more beautiful than the sight of your baby boy between your legs.

           “Gonna put your mouth to work?”

           Murphy shook his head, caught off guard by your cheekiness. But your jaw dropped when he rolled closer to you and locked his chair so he could get as close to you as he could. He looked up at you with a smirk and lowered his mouth onto you. Nothing could make this moment any better; and then he pulled your legs and placed them over his wide shoulders.

           “Well, darling you and I know how fast I can move my mouth,” he joked as he placed a teasing kissed to your lace-covered clit. Your heart pounded at his grazing tongue that traced the pattern in your panties. God, he was always so fucking good at that you thought as you fell back on his desk. He grabbed at your hips and pulled your pussy closer to him, effectively caging you in his toned arms. “Fuck, I’m gonna make you feel so damn good.”

           You loved when he got like this, so incredibly desperate that he couldn’t help but want to get a taste. And he was certainly starving tonight. He pulled your panties to the side as he finally began to run his tongue along the expanse of your pussy, making you grab at his hair once more. As his tongue teased you, his other hand held you open for him, giving him all the access he needed to your aching clit.

           “Fuck, baby,” you cried at him, which made the boy chuckle into you making you arch your back beneath him. He loved hearing your pretty moans; despite his love for talking, he would go silent just to be able to hear you beg for him.

           “Yeah, gorgeous? You like that?” He smiled as he dug his tongue deeper in you, drinking every drop of you. Murphy took one hand and began rubbing his thumb slowly on your clit, smirking at the way it made you shake on his desk. You gasped in surprise, grinding yourself into the new touch that made you catch your breath.

           “God, fuck, you know I like that, baby. I love that.”

           You began to grab at your breasts through your blue bra, your nipples were already hard just from him teasing your clit. This was going to be a long night considering how tortuous he was with you. He would go from fast kitten licks to your clit and pulling away entirely to kiss your thighs. Nothing was sexier than you being denied your release, he thought as your breasts were heaving beneath your grabby hands.

           “Pinch those nipples for me, honey pot,” he moaned, licking a wet finger and sucking it into his mouth. He hummed lowly at your taste as he placed that same finger and dipped it into you, rubbing at you as he began licking your clit.

           You followed orders, grabbing at your boobs as he continued to fuck you with one goal in mind, to get you to cum on his face. He now held you down as he worked his tongue firmly against your clit as her finger fucked you. Your cries sounded like music to him as he added another finger and pounded into you perfectly. It was so overwhelming how good he was at eating you, and Murphy knew your body from his extensive hours of getting to play with it.

           “Fuck, I can feel you squeezing my fingers, love,” he said as continued to fuck you with the most satisfied smile on his face. “Does baby need to come?”  

           “God, yes,” you cried as his tongue went back to suck at your clit, “Baby, please baby.”

           Murphy smirked against you, thoroughly enjoying the taste of you on his lips. You held yourself up to watch him play with you. He looked so engaged with that part of you, devouring you like he couldn’t get enough.

           “You better cum for me,” he taunted. “I want you to be a good girl and cum for me.”

           His movements were relentless, pressing and rubbing at you which made you jerk against his tongue. Murphy held your hips down on his tongue, making it impossible for you to squirm away. It was overwhelming you; you knew you wouldn’t last long as he pressed down on your swollen clit. Your hips jerked towards him, racing towards your high.

           You were trying to hold it off, wanting to prolong the moment, but your attempts were fruitless as he relentlessly fucked you. He just craved you, moaning after every lick. Your breathing was labored, every part of your body feeling hot to Murphy’s teasing. It just felt too good. He felt so good.

           You cried out, holding his beautiful hair in a tight grip as you finally fell over the edge. He didn’t let you go; Murphy continued to lick at you, working you down from your high. He rubbed at your thigh, calming you until you sat up and pulled him up for a sloppy kiss. You were still trying to gain focus, but after kissing you, the thought of fucking him brought you back down.

           “You look so hot when you cum, darling,” he chuckled against your lips as he rolled away a bit.

           All you could do was lazily smile as you kissed up his jaw to the side of his neck. You weren’t done with him, and from how tight his pants were, you knew that the night wasn’t over.

           “As do you, baby boy,” you wiggled off of his desk to begin unbuckling his belt. “That’s why I’m gonna ride you.”

           He smirked at you, placing his arms behind his head, giving you all the room to undo his pants. You hated how cocky he looked at the moment, but god, it made you want to fuck the smirk off his face.

           You pulled him out of his pants and boxers, rubbing your hand over him. The slight touches made the boy groan in delight, you loved how sensitive he was.

           “Fuck,” he growled quietly to himself, the sound making you sigh. You loved when he vocalized how good he was feeling. Everything that came out of that man’s mouth was perfection.

           “Wanna get fucked, sweetie?” You asked as you sat on his lap, continuing to stroke him. He grinned at you, knowing that no matter what he said, the night would end with you sitting on him. He knew how much you loved getting fucked by him.

           “Come on, baby,” he cooed at you as he unclasped your bra, kissing and sucking on your chest. “Show me how good you ride. Prove yourself, Rising Star.”

           God he was perfect. He knew exactly what to say to get you to lose your mind. Without hesitation you placed a condom on him, rubbing his dick teasingly, which shut him right up. He gripped your hips tightly as you sat up in order to maneuver him. Both of you were desperate for each other, staring into your glowing eyes as you kissed roughly. You just had to be as close as possible.

           Once you sunk yourself down onto him, Murphy let out a whine; you squeezing him was almost too much for him. He had been hard since he saw you in your lingerie. You looked so perfect as you bounced on top of him. Your hair cascaded behind you as you tipped your head back, getting overwhelmed by how good he felt. Murphy loved how your mouth was wide open, gasping as he began massaging your ass and rocking you harder against him.

           “Look at me, baby,” he said as he grabbed you by the back of your neck and directing your eyes to him. It was so intense like this, staring into his eyes with your chests pressed against each other, his dick perfectly filling you. You loved him. Everything about him. He was so beautiful to you, everything about him made you feel drunk of Amortentia; his voice, his body, his heart was gorgeous. “I love you so much darling.”

           You moaned against him, smiling at his declaration and holding his face in your hands. “I love you, Murphy. I love you.”

           The both of you were huffing, with him groaning swears under his breath every time you swiveled on top of him. You could feel yourself tensing on him, every time he slammed up into you brought you that much closer to getting off again.

           “Are you getting there?” He asked as he kissed at the base of your neck. God he was everywhere.

           “Yes,” you whined on top of him, increasing the speed of your hips as he timed his thrusts with you.

           “Well then let’s get you there, beautiful,” he began to firmly rub at your clit, enjoying the way it made you scream his name. “I wanna see you cum again.”

           Your body was moving on instinct, knowing exactly what to do as you fucked in tandem with him. Once again, his attention to your clit left you breathless as you rocked carelessly on his lap, fucking him into his seat. From his position he could smell the lovely floral perfume you always wore. It smelled glorious. But all you could focus on was how you were gonna get off.

           “I can feel you getting close,” he moaned. “I’m right there, too, honey.”

           You could tell; he was jutting into you sporadically, it was all becoming too much for him too. He held onto your hips tightly as he began to nibbling at your neck. Your body was on fire, chasing your high. After moaning his name you came around him as he continued to rock into you. It was painfully blissful, your body shaking at the relentless fucking.

           Murphy was right behind you, gasping at how damn good you felt on him. His hard chest heaved at the feeling and he groaned out your name as he finally came. It felt like every worry he had that day just disappeared and all he could focus on was you. He loved feeling you pressed up against him, he loved how your hearts started beating in time with one another. You kissed his cheek tiredly as he placed kisses on your neck. Times like this with him meant the world; just happily existing in time with each other.

           “Feel less stressed?” You asked as you popped a tiny kiss to the tip of his nose.

           Murphy nodded. He could barely function; he felt so relaxed and could only offer you a soft smile.

           He just held her as she hugged him back, “Thank you for that, love. I needed a break.”

           “I’m just glad to have helped,” you giggled at him.

           Murphy’s eyes grew wide as he rolled closer to his desk, with you still on his lap. He began scratching at his sheet with a hopeful smile. Once again he was back at it, but after a minute he dropped his quill and threw his fists up in victory.

           “I got it baby! I figured out the flaw in my strategy,” he cheered as he finally solved what had been bugging him all day.

           “Really? Post-nut clarity was all you needed?” You laughed at Murphy who dug his face into your neck at the teasing. He nodded with blushy cheeks once he pulled away to stare at you lovingly.  

           “God, that was good,” he began to tickle your side which made you jump off of him and run into the adjacent room. Murphy laughed at your reaction and rolled right after you. Now that he fixed his issue, he could possibly play with you for longer. And you were about to find out.

[kylorengarbagedump]

Little Bird: Chapter 42

Read on AO3. Part 41 here. Part 43 here.

Summary: It turns out that what most men discuss behind closed doors is the same as what they discuss when the doors are open.

Words: 3750

Warnings: men being gross

Characters: Kylo Ren x Handmaid!Reader

A/N: Hi! This is an early chapter because I will likely need 2ish weeks to write these last three each! Maybe I'll surprise myself and crank them out, but they need to be perfect, and I won't compromise, lmao.

I hope you enjoyed this. If you're suffering, please hang in there. We can get through this together!! I promise.

I love all of you very much, am grateful to everyone forever. Stay safe with COVID. <3

When the Council Chamber doors opened, your humanity fled the room, leaving a husk, a red dress scrutinized by a dozen strange men. 

Your Commander sat next to you at the head of the table, clad in an all-black suit, glossy hair sweeping his shoulders and pink lips pursed in thought. His greeting of the Council members  was as generous as a brief flicker of focus, watching them and their expressions as they filed in. One by one, they were seated, and you stared at your hands, sneaking glances at Kylo, avoiding the temptation to be rapt in his beauty. Despite it all, his perfection stirred you--but you couldn’t decide if that stirring was from admiration or irritation. 

With the Knights slated to be dismissed post-meeting, he’d requested you accompany him (come), given that the meeting’s purpose involved you, anyway. It was interesting, this new level of dashed intimacy between you and Kylo Ren--his desire to control you fettered by the shared knowledge that he would inevitably fail to do so. Under any other circumstance, you would have declined his request, but in the end, you’d agreed to come out of sheer determination to find something for the Resistance to use. 

After all, the switchblade was back in your possession, stowed in your dresser, awaiting its own destiny.

“You expect us to have a meeting with a Handmaid present?”

The mention of you snapped you to reality, plunged now into a chamber where your only sanctuary was a man from whom you would refuse any refuge.

Kylo was unfazed. “The meeting concerns her.”

“Does it?” one of them--older, balding--asked. “You’ve become so interested in Handmaids lately.”

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Another older man, a full head of white hair. Most of them were older, really. “Don’t you remember all those years ago? He hated the idea.”

A third man laughed. “He did!” 

“What did he say to Snoke that one meeting?” the balding one asked. “Something like, how we need to build resources, something something, rather than spend… Spend our time with a harem, or something, was it?”

“No, no, Quinn,” said the white-haired man. “It was, we need a foundation before wasting our time designing a fantasy harem.”

“God Almighty, that’s it! Fantasy harem!” the bald man--Quinn, apparently--replied. “You do have a way with words, don’t you, Ren?”

Kylo said nothing. Deep, deep inside of your chest, a twinge of affection, of hope. That seed of doubt inside of him, the one he’d claimed to have shorn free, had never quite lost its root. You imagined him--younger, less exhausted, the words rolling from his mouth in droll disdain--and fought the urge to smile.

Quinn looked at Kylo. “What finally sold you?” Even with your gaze aimed at your lap, you felt his focus rest on you for a heart-sinking second. “I guess some of them are like good pets. Some are even nice to look at.”

“Like little parakeets.”

“Yes, like those. Or canaries.”

Your stomach churned, and you glimpsed Kylo. His eye twitched.

Quinn nodded. “Anyway. You brought a Handmaid here. Into the Council Chambers.” A pause. “Slightly inappropriate. We’re hoping to get a decent explanation.”

“She’s pregnant,” Kylo said, as if this was a perfectly obvious and thorough answer.

A pause, and a handful of men chattered in congratulations, another couple clapping their hands. Kylo stiffened next to you, like he was shocked by the reality of it, like it hadn’t been his cock cumming inside your pussy that had landed you both in this position. Heat crept up your neck as the semi-celebration peaked and died in murmurs of assurance that, of course, your child would be a boy. It seemed as if no matter where you went, there were groups of strangers hoping to claim your pregnancy and invest its future with their own delusions.

“I get it now.” Quinn shook his head knowingly. “Now that you know how it feels to stake your claim, you’re like a proud owner. You want to show off.” He slapped the table. “Good on you.”

“I don’t know about that,” said the white-haired man. “Pregnant Handmaids should stay at home.”

“Oh, please, Peavey.” Quinn waved him off. “As if you wouldn’t want to do the same thing with yours.”

A man in the back snorted. “He’d have to get her pregnant, first.”

“That goes for all of us!”

Laughter resonated into the high ceilings of the chamber. Spindly spines of disgust crawled down your back.

Quinn sighed in relief. “At least Ren and I have something in common, now.” The smug slug of a man looked at your Commander. “Can’t blame you for wanting to brag.”

A younger Council member, speckled with a short beard, sighed. “I’m jealous,” he said. “I’ve had mine for six months now, and nothing.”

“Ren’s just more of a man than you are, Gideon,” Quinn said.

“No!” Gideon scoffed. “I just need a new one.” His beady eyes raked over you. “Ren, once you’re done with her, I need a chance.” 

Your heart fluttered in your fingertips, and you peered at your Commander from the corner of your wings. His brow quirked. He swallowed. But still said nothing. 

“Yes!” Peavy stared at you now, too, like this was a meat market, and you were the only flesh for sale. “We know she must be a good one. She’s only been there, what, three months? And already pregnant?”

The man in the back clapped. “We need something to show off to God, too!”

Kylo shifted next to you, his nails scraping across the frame of his chair.

“My Handmaid isn’t pregnant either, can I have a shot?”

“Gideon called it first.”

“It’s fine!” Gideon chuckled, smile evident in his voice. “She’ll come to all of our homes.”

“No.”  

The giddy static between the Council members crackled and died, excitement sliced to ribbons by Kylo’s tone.

He cleared his throat. “She won’t.”

In silence, a humming crescendo of confusion. Blood burned your face as you peered from under your wings across the table. A few sputtered, demanding Kylo repeat himself, others settling for blatant disbelief.

“What?” asked Peavey.

Gideon scowled. “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, now.” Quinn sighed, tapping the table with his palm. “I know you’ve grown a little attached to your Handmaid, but you have to realize how selfish that is.”

Shaking his head, Gideon inched forward in his seat. “We need children, Ren. The birthrate is--”

Peavey shushed him, gesturing to you. “Not in front of the Handmaid!”

“Well,” he grumbled, chewing his lip. “Whatever. You can’t deny us the opportunity to use--”

Kylo’s jaw tightened. “She’s not for your use.” 

“That’s her purpose!” Gideon replied. “What else is she there for?”

Quinn held up a hand, quieting the ruckus. The other men settled, furious focus switching between him and your Commander. Your heart roared in your ears as silence descended in the chambers. Kylo blinked softly, observing his own reflection in the lacquered table.  

“I see what’s happening.” There was no friendly tinge to his voice, now. “She’s not here because she’s pregnant. She’s here because you have some plan for the future with her.”

The other Commanders muttered to each other, sniping you with side-eye.

Gideon shook his head. “You’re serious? I know you were having fun with your little Handmaid project, but really? A future? With that?” 

Dread thickened in your throat.

“Give it up, Ren.” Peavey sighed. “Even if we ignore the implications of a possible affair--”

“An affair!” Gideon gasped in realization. “Imagine that. Righteous Ren, sleeping with his Handmaid.” He chuckled, leaning back in his seat. “I just can’t imagine a woman wanting to spend time with you.”

“Gideon,” Quinn growled.

“What?” he protested. “I’m not being disrespectful.” He sat forward, hands held up in deference. “Please, believe me, sir, I’m just saying. You don’t have the sunniest disposition.”

Peavey cleared his throat. “Even if! We ignore the implications, Ren. She’s still not your Wife. She never will be.”

Kylo exhaled, straightened in his seat. “There’s nothing stopping me from making it so.”

The other men glanced at each other in disbelief, remained silent.

“All due respect, sir, but laws aren't for you to decide. They're ruled by God, and we’re bound to uphold them.” Quinn placed his elbows on the table, folded his fingers together. “And I don't know if any of us are going to agree with you, here. You're married to Johana, not... this,” he said, gesturing to you. “Your marriage is a sacred bond gifted to you by God.”

“The marriage is irrelevant.”

Another rumble of disagreement throughout the room, like the clinking of cracked glass. 

From the back, an anonymous mutter. “Dear God, he’s lost his mind.”

Kylo grit his teeth, his fists balling in his lap.

“Ren.” This was Peavey, holding out a pacifying palm. “I know you can’t be serious. You remember, right? The roles we created. God’s design. Separate and equal?”

Quinn nodded. “We have different roles for a reason. Wives. Handmaids. Even the Marthas all serve their specific purposes.” He smiled--sycophantic and shit-eating. “It’s not personal. A Handmaid simply isn’t meant to be a Wife.”

Gideon slapped the table in agreement, like this was a jovial discussion, and not a debate about the course of your future--a future which, for the record, was still being decided for you, rather than by you. 

“Exactly. And, I mean, really. Let’s just say we could make her your Wife, after, of course, she’s gotten too old and is infertile.” Gideon laughed. “Would you really want to be married to that? After she’s been used up by so many other men?”

“And who knows how many men she was with before that!” interjected some random member. 

The room erupted into laughter. Fire coursed through your veins, words tingling on your tongue. You glanced at your Commander, who was currently unable to conceal the rapid flutter of muscle under his eye. The knot in his throat bobbed, his voice a hidden dagger.

“Interesting,” he said. A pause. “You sound like Pryde.”

Quinn flicked his wrist, dismissing the insinuation as ridiculous. “Come, now. Pryde was a loose canon with converts.” He looked to Kylo, shaking his head. “You're not foolish enough to murder your entire government without reason. The Eyes would take you before you even got started.”

“If the Angels didn’t get to you first,” Peavey added gravely.

The room fell silent again, all attention aimed on your Commander, awaiting his response. But, characteristically, he said nothing. 

Quinn sighed. “I’m sorry, Ren,” he said. “We’re just not going to approve this.”

 A murmured agreement washed over the room, the dozen men nodding to themselves and to each other. Of course, you’d known this to be the outcome--predicted it the moment you’d sat in his study and he’d asked you to be his advisor. And you knew that there was a part of Kylo that had known it, too, despite his reckless insistence. Nothing else would explain the collection of cadavers he’d cast in his footsteps, all slaughtered to strangle his subjects into subservience.

And it still hadn’t been enough.

Gideon rubbed his stubbly chin, glanced around the room. “It’s just how it’s going to be,” he said. “We’re not afraid, here.”

“You can’t intimidate God’s message,” said Peavey.

Kylo spoke through clenched teeth. “His message.”

“You are meant to serve Him,” Gideon replied. “Just like she is.” 

Peavey nodded. “We all are,” he said. “We all know Snoke trained you well, but even he understood God had final say.”

“Your role isn't to create, Ren. That belongs to no one on this planet.” Quinn leveled your Commander with a solemn stare. “You're just His tool. “

Gideon chuckled. “A weapon, right?” he said, looking around the table. “That’s what Snoke always called him?” 

Another wave of laughter. Underneath the table, like a shadow, Kylo’s hand grasped your knee. You almost choked, stuffing the urge to gawk, chancing a glimpse instead. His lips trembled from the war within his mind, the battle between the side that had its claws in Gilead and the side that was in Gilead’s claws. But it wouldn’t matter if he sharpened his talons to raptor-points; in comparison, Gilead’s were crushing bear paws, pulverizing him in their grizzly grip. In his eyes, behind the churning storm, you saw him, the vulnerable reality of Kylo Ren--the lost, empty, desperate man, starved of love, fed with fury. 

His nails bit into your flesh. Holding your breath, you enveloped his hand with your own. 

“I just… wonder.” It was seconds before you recognized the voice echoing in the empty air as yours. “If we're really meant to serve anybody.”

The Council was silent, speechless in realization of what you’d just done. Beside you, your Commander was equally quiet, staring into the table, his body tense. But he swallowed.

And his fingers curled around yours.

“That’s…” Peavey cleared his throat, face flustered pink as he glanced around the table. “That’s… ridiculous. God decides our destinies.”

“Well,” you replied, “what if we’re destined to make choices? About who we are. And what we want.”

Quinn shook his head, smiling, as if you’d said the dumbest thing he’d ever heard. “No, no. God doesn’t want for us to make the wrong choices.” He looked to your Commander, imploring him to interrupt you. “That’s the purpose of Gilead.”

“God gave us the ability to decide, though. The ability to grow.” You squeezed Kylo’s hand. He squeezed back. “Why would he give all of this to us, but then put us on track to be just one thing for the rest of our lives?”

“Because we create chaos without guidance,” replied Quinn, lip curling in ire.

You knew it was stupid. That the words shouldn’t leave your mouth. But to feel Kylo’s fingers in yours, his strength pulsing through your palm, to wallow in his broken gaze--you couldn’t resist. No matter how deeply you hated him, you could not suppress your desire to save him.

You snorted. “What part of Gilead isn’t chaos?”

Gideon rolled his eyes. “Shut her up.” 

“There’s constant war, constant upheaval, constant danger and death--”

“Ren?” Peavey glared at your Commander, gestured toward you.

“--your population is failing, your people are disappearing, your women kill themselves and your men are miserable--”

Quinn snarled. “Ren, what are you doing?”

“--you're all liars! To yourselves and everyone else. Your government is founded on sanctimony and hypocrisy!”

Quinn shot from his seat. Kylo lunged, snatched the back of your chair and yanked it behind him, throwing his body between you and the Council. You were breathless, staring into his heaving back as you spied the other men rising to their feet in confusion. They peered around his broad frame, seeking your gaze, curious to understand. Curious to understand what it was about you that had fractured Kylo Ren’s facade.  

“Back down, Ren.” Quinn’s voice slid like a spear through the thick air. “You’re making a mistake.”

Kylo was still. “No.”

The room was quiet again--your fingers found purchase under your chair, your heart bounding in your throat. Heat radiated in violent ripples from Kylo’s shoulders, like smoke signaling the fire in his blood. Around the table, the Council tensed, and Quinn released a long, slow breath.

“Look,” he said. “I get it. I do. But whatever you think you feel for her, you’re wrong.” His tone was placating. “We all know someone who thought they had some sort of bond with their Handmaid. But once that Handmaid was gone, they realized how foolish they’d been.” 

He received no reply. 

“Because she’s pregnant with your child,” Quinn continued, “we’ll overlook this obvious, flagrant disregard for the law. After she gives birth, she’ll go for re-education, or she’ll head to the Colonies.” He paused. “Either way, you won’t keep her. Not if she endangers Gilead.”

An extended silence as the Council waited for your Commander to respond--a foolish venture which earned them nothing. Kylo’s knuckles were white, quaking with restraint imperceptible to anyone but you. His back swelled, and he drew in a breath through his nose, exhaling as he surveyed the other men in the room. All of them hunched into their invisible shells, terrified to be plucked free and gobbled whole. Fascinating, his power, that even in admonishment, he still inspired dormant fear.

“Another incident like this, and we’ll overlook her pregnancy, next,” said Peavey. “I’m sure the Eyes would be interested to hear your take on your relationship.”

“We are servants of God, first,” Gideon added. “Gilead second. And you third. Remember that.”

Quinn held out a hand, extinguishing the hidden threat in Gideon’s words. “Relax. I’m not interested in starting a mess.” He nodded. “But. This will be your only warning. We don’t want to see or hear about this--” he gestured to you, “--again.” He smiled. “I think that’s enough for today. Let’s meet again in a week. See how you’re feeling then.”

The tiniest puff of air left Kylo’s nose. “Yes.”

“Good.” He straightened his jacket, nodded in farewell. “Under His Eye.”

You sat, shielded by your Commander, as the Council members turned from the table and shuffled out, muttering to each other as they took their exit. Quinn was the last to leave, knowing stare darting between you and Kylo before the massive doors creaked and slammed shut behind him. With his departure, Kylo’s shoulders fell, a black volcano collapsing onto the table, and he ran a hand through his hair. Muffling a sigh in his chest, he turned to look at you--his jaw rigid, his eyes exhausted. He swallowed.

“Come.” He beckoned you forward with his hand.

Blinking, you stood--and Kylo tugged you against his chest, shifting you around so your side was flush with his, his palm steady at the small of your back. Your mind went blank; you gazed up at him, baffled as he shuffled you forward, keeping his strides in pace with yours. There were no real words that would come to you, but you suppose it didn’t matter. He didn’t seem intent on talking, anyway; his attention was trained forward, head on a swivel when he opened the chamber doors and ushered you into the halls.

It was strange, to be this close in public, to feel his solid, strong body like a barricade along your own, to feel his warmth against you, heating your bones free of fear. And despite the electricity in the air, he did not urge you in haste, but sought the rhythm of your heels on the hardwood. It was if he was wanting your guidance. As if you were leading him to the exit. 

But that couldn’t be right, you thought--not this man, not Kylo Ren, the one who had spent the past two nights detailing his desire to possess you in perpetuity. Then again, there was also the man in the chambers just minutes ago: this man, this Kylo Ren, the one who had held your hand, allowed you to shield your dignity.

Your tongue was stone in your mouth. For once, you were grateful for it. Especially when you turned the corner and saw Finn, dressed in a Commander’s suit, walking down the hall.

Thoughts like a blaze--there would be little time to explain to anyone your position, let alone a member of the Resistance, but you knew three things: Finn was in front of you. You had the switchblade. And no matter what your Commander’s hand at your back looked like to you or anyone else, there was no happy ending the two of you could ever have.

Pulse pounding, you caught Finn’s eyes, widened your own, an unseen signal to Kylo Ren while he held you close. Finn held your gaze for a split-second, questioning, confirming--you coughed, giving the slightest nod, and broke away. Without a word or acknowledgement, he passed you, face aimed ahead, and you marched forth, the firm reminder of your enslavement at your spine. The distance grew in seconds, the click of his shoes ricocheting in the silence, a meeting time and place decided even in its presence. Sweat tickled the back of your neck, and with every new step, you released another portion of trapped breath.

The sun screamed into your sight when you walked outside--you expected Kylo to abandon you there, but he maintained his position, fingers inching toward your waist to stabilize you as you walked down the stairs. Despite the undeniable and regrettable comfort of his presence, the skipping of your heart hadn’t slowed, the dry scrape of your mouth unrelieved. 

If what you’d just done worked out, the Resistance would meet you at Kylo’s home in the night, and you’d give them everything that you had.

You and Kylo reached the Audi in the parking lot, tucked under the shade of a tree. He left you in the approach, as you expected, but what you hadn’t expected was for him to pop open the passenger door. Confused, you almost paused, met his gaze--crystal amber shimmering in the hot summer air, memorizing like you’d evaporate if you baked too long. More sweat--you weren’t sure of its origin, this time--and you scurried into the car, seated by the time Kylo eased the door closed.

He stood there, for a moment, meandering around the front of the vehicle with long strides--and like a whip, he snapped, whirled and slammed his fist into the hood of his car, denting the steel. You yelped, clapping your hands over your mouth, watching as he remained there for one, two seconds before jerking back his arm. Kylo wagged off the burn, crossing to the driver’s door, throwing it open and tumbling inside.

Gulping, you observed him, quivering chin, red knuckles, tight jaw. He was wound, taut like copper wire coiled over lightning. A shaky break leaked from his nose, and he wrapped his hand around the steering wheel, his eyes drifting to yours. You stared at each other, everything unsaid, words worthless in this reality where the both of you had lived too long in your bonds to erase their scars. 

For some reason, you wanted to apologize. But then Kylo turned away, pushed the key into the ignition, and cranked the engine.

[cowboysluts]

this isn’t love - arthur morgan x fem!reader (m)

Title: this isn't love (but maybe one day it will be?)

Summary: While on the run, you get caught... Only to be shoved into what is very much not jail, and is just a cellar with one Arthur Morgan under the full moon. While, the guards leave you there to be mauled by the werewolf... He finds a "way" around killing you.

Tags: Smut (18+), Arthur Morgan x fem!Reader, Dub-Con, Werewolf!Arthur Morgan, Dom!Arthur, Possessive behavior(??), Pretty much PWP, Rough-ish sex, Dirty talk, all that good werewolf fic type stuff.

A/N: I’m clearly great at titles... /s... There is a ‘keep reading’ link here, you may not be able to see it... But it’s there. Enjoy(:

"You're making a mistake!" you hiss. You wrap your hands around the bars of the cell. You could feel your face growing hot, with each second that passed. The stagecoach robbery was a massive fucking bust. You had gotten too greedy, and your luck ran out.

Week after week, you had been hitting stagecoach after stagecoach.

You might have been set up, but you weren't entirely sure yet. You made quick work of the driver, taking him out before he even knew what was happening. The first part was done, stopping the stagecoach from moving. The two guards at the front of the stagecoach whip their heads in the direction of the gunshot. They each lift their weapons, surveying the area.

You find your forehead creasing when the guards begin shouting. You take aim once more, unable to comprehend what is being said.

It was needless to say, a surprise when various armed men jumped out of the back of the stagecoach. What was even more shocking, was when several men on horses appeared from your flank.

Before you knew it, the law had you surrounded.

You don't recall the next part too well. You did remember the sound of gunfire coming from every direction. When the dust settled, you were in ropes, and only two men were left standing. So much for it being only two men and two guards.

One of them transported you to the nearest cell with bars that could keep you contain you. Which, much to your disappointment, was in the middle of fucking nowhere. The other lawman remained behind to clean up the massacre that had occurred outside of Saint Denis.

It seemed he had purposely taken you from the city, knowing of your many roots there. Which was a great call on his part, because you would've escaped the moment he rode into town with you.

You had attempted to take in your surroundings, trying to make sense of where you were. The pounding in your head and the jolting of the horse kept you from figuring that much out. He kept riding for what felt like hours until he came across a little cellar.

"Get comfortable with your new roommate, Miss! It'll be a while before more men arrive to get you," the lawman smirks, sending a wink your way. He slams the door of the cellar shut, deserting you with the daylight from the gaps in the door, and a sole torch that they've lit.

You scoff, a sour taste creeping into your mouth.

You twist your head around, trying to peer at the man who is sitting quietly in the corner.

He almost recoils as you make eye contact. You glance over him, taking note of how his cerulean eyes glimmer in the dim lighting. You clasp your hands in front of you, stepping towards the man carefully.

"Keep your distance," he snarls.

You hope the way you jump isn't too noticeable. He had more than startled you.

"Pardon me," you mumble, lifting your palms into the air. You feign innocence and bring a gentle smile to your lips. "Just wanted to introduce myself to my new bunkmate."

He resides in silence, eyes never leaving your form. You take a step back, heaving a sigh. He was not the friendly type, it seemed. You take note of your surroundings, noticing how some of the bars of the tiny window have been bent. You feel your eyebrow twitch upwards at the sight of the chains on the wall. Blood cakes the floor surrounding the chains, and you can't help but wonder what had happened.

"You're going to die tonight."

The words have you craning your head towards him in alarm. "Excuse me?" you ask, raising your eyebrows. Was he threatening you?  

He draws his lips backward, exposing his fangs.

A werewolf, you were trapped in a cellar with a werewolf.

Blankly, you stare, wondering what your next course of action is.

"I've read about your kind, but only very little... Why do you say I'm going to die? Are you planning something?" you ask, inhaling softly. You want to shout and yell for help. Instead, you refrain. He simply shakes his head and points his finger towards the cellar doors.

"Full moon," he states.

That was correct, he was affected by the cycles of the moon.

You hear the rustling of his clothes, and you see him stand out of the corner of your eye. You fully turn then, taking in his appearance. You bite the corner of your lip, glancing between him and the doors.

Had they left you here to die? They weren't going to get more men for transportation, they were leaving you. They had left you to be torn to shreds.

"Is there some terms we can agree on?" you prod, watching as he strikes a match and lights his cigarette. He leans against the wall, crossing one arm over his chest.

"Shoot," he says, taking a deep drag from his cigarette.

"Make it quick, when you do it," you sigh, wrapping your arms around yourself. You knew that in this line of work, you would leave this world quicker than most. There was no happy ending, and your life would be cut short. You had just thought that maybe you would go out in a blaze of glory, pockets full of cash.

It may seem odd, but you desired to have that spark of hope in your chest when you went. That little hope that maybe you'd make it out alive. In this case, you couldn't evade death. You would have to face it. There would be no thrilling chase here.

"Sure," he nods, letting out a chuckle. "They may come back before then, though."

You shake your head in doubt, "I'm not even certain how far they would have to ride to get help for transportation, where are we?"

The corner of his mouth quirks upwards, and he takes a final pull of his cigarette. He drops it, snuffing it out with the bottom of his boot. "The outskirts of Valentine, the lawmen like to keep it real quiet. Considering that I'm here to rot, they don't want me to be freed or anyone to notice."

Part of you wants to ask, but you decide against it. That wasn't your business and you were not here to pry. Finally, you absorb the words and you give him a firm nod. They should make it back before night, but who was to say that they were even planning on returning?

"Worst comes to worst, I'll let you shackle me up. Don't fret, darling."

"Those will hold you?" you question, tilting your head to the side. You glance over at the shackles, taking note of how rusted they looked. You plop down on the bench with a heavy sigh.

When you turn to face him, his smirk has bloomed into a full-blown grin.

"For your sake, I hope so."

When night falls, you give up glancing at the cellar door.

You've made small talk through the day, and you've learned that Arthur Morgan is a very funny man. Each story he told had you rolling, and before you knew it he was opening himself up to you. As it grew darker and darker, he began talking less and less.

You hear Arthur groan, and you tear your eyes away from the exit.

"You need to chain me up," he hisses with urgency. "Now!"

You scramble upwards, and he begins making his way towards the shackles. He spreads his arms, and you shackle his left hand first. At this angle, you can see just how tall Arthur is. You follow suit with his right hand, and then his ankles.

You take a step back, making sure each limb is locked properly in the shackles.

A piece of his hair falls in front of his eyes, and you brush it back without thinking. You almost instantly flush, and you move away from him with an apology.

If he cares, he doesn't show it.

With rosy cheeks, you withdraw to the other side of the cell, unsure of what you should do.

You press your back against the wall and begin to let yourself slip down to the floor. You sit, patiently waiting for something to happen.

The fear begins to creep up your spine as you wait. You shiver at the feeling of the freezing floor beneath you. If you made it out, those officers would pay.

You peer over at Arthur, and you can see a tiny bit of strain behind his eyes. His shoulders are tense, and his fingers are balled into a fist. He was already fighting with himself. The night had only just begun. Arthur's lips are clamped shut, and he simply stares.

You glance around the cellar, looking for anything to help you escape. If you could find something like a hairpin, maybe you could shimmy open the lock. After you were out, you could lock it once more, and he wouldn't be able to claw you to death.

Much to your disappointment, you weren't able to locate anything of the sorts. This is why you should always keep pins hidden in your hair.

As each moment passes, Arthur beings to look less and less lucid.

You hear various pops and crackles coming from him, it seemed that he was shifting.

A low growl sounds from the back of Arthur's throat, and you feel your hair begin to stand up.

This was it, you were going to die.

The tips of his fingers shift, and you see massive nails begin to grow. You make eye contact with him, taking note of his blood-red eyes. His lips curl backward, and he snarls at you. His canines were longer than they were earlier, and you were certain he could kill you instantly.

Something told you that Arthur would want to play with his food, first though.

You search your pockets, frantically. You needed something, anything to escape.

The first chain to snap is the one on his left ankle. To be fair, that was probably the most rusted of the four chains. You gasp at the sight, and you scramble back into the corner of the cell. He was going to break free at any moment, and you would be his only target.

Think, think, think!-

"Arthur- if you're in there, resist! Please, resist it!" you call out, chest rapidly rising up and down. You were going to faint... You couldn't do this.

The next shackle to snap is the one that's attached to his right wrist.

You gulp as the chain clinks loudly against the concrete floor. You slip back down onto the floor, and you bring your knees to your chest. You focus on your breathing, trying to calm down.

There would be no point in running, he would only catch you. Besides, there was nowhere to run. You just needed to accept it.

Arthur growls, presumably in pain, as his muscles shift.

It was almost hilarious to see yourself like this. You, the big bad thief, shaking like a leaf in the corner of a cellar. Your guts twisted when the third one didn't snap, but instead was pulled from off of the wall. He was so strong... You wouldn't stand a chance.

Fighting him would only piss him off.

You lock eyes with Arthur, and you can't see any remnants of the Arthur you met earlier. It was just you and the wolf, now.

You wrench your eyes closed when the fourth chain smacks the ground.

Before you can even let out a scream, you're being yanked from off the ground.

You stumble into his arms, cringing as his nails dig into the back of your arms. His hands feel calloused but warm. You keep your eyes shut, not wanting to face him. You feel his hot breath near your neck, and you lift your chin upwards.

It's entirely against your instincts, you want to shrink away from him. Maybe the wolf would recognize that you weren't a threat if you submitted yourself to him.

You wait, expecting for his canines to sink into your skin and rip you apart. When it doesn't come, you peek up at him. A tear slips down your cheek, and you feel embarrassed.

Of course, crying is what any rational person would do. For some reason, it brought you to shame... Is this how the stagecoach driver felt before you put the bullet between his eyes? You deserved this, you deserved to die.

"Got an idea, be good and you'll survive tonight-"

You blink, the strained words not registering.

One moment, you're standing. The next moment, you're being shoved onto the ground of the cellar. The wind gets knocked out of you as you land on your back, and another tear slips down your cheek. You gawk at Arthur's form, trying to see what he's doing.

He appears in front of you, but you don't have time to react to him.

You can only let out a strangled sob as your work pants are stripped from your waist. What was he?-

Oh...

Oh!

Your mind reels back to the passages you had read.

Werewolves wouldn't kill their mates, under any circumstance.

That's what he was doing, he was going to-

You gasp as the rest of your clothes are torn off of you. You let him do as he pleases. You wanted to live, you needed to live. Things... you needed to tie up loose ends, you needed to change. You couldn't die, not now. Not yet.

Arthur flips you with ease, forcing you onto your hands and knees. Every inch of you is on display for him. Your face flushes as his hands meet the curve of your ass. He brings his hand down on your left cheek, and you're positive it will leave a mark.

You can't stop the whimper that leaves your throat.

You feel his coarse thumbs pull your center apart, and you clench your eyes shut. Fuck, this was the definition of embarrassing.

Arthur's tongue against your core is soft, but firm - and has your toes curling.

A wave of guilt washes over you. Hidden beneath the stress and fear, you were enjoying this. Arthur was doing you a favor, he was permanently linking himself to you. He was sabotaging his future for you, and you dared to enjoy it.  

Another broad lick against your core has your fingers reaching out for something to grasp. Arthur would be stuck to you until one of you died. Was this worth it?

He has you panting, and desperately searching for something to hold yourself up with. It's when his tongue dips inside of you that you let your head drop to the cold floor of the cellar.

"Such a precious little bitch, aren't you?" he chuckles darkly against your core. You feel one of his hands creep up your inner thigh, and make it's way to the center of your core. "Giving up my right for some little human. It's pathetic. If I didn't think you'd make a good bitch, I wouldn't bother with you."

Your eyebrows go up in surprise, this couldn't be Arthur. This had to be the other side of him speaking... This was the wolf. You don't reply, knowing if you tried to speak only whimpers would tumble out. Arthur brushes a finger against your core, and you clench upon instinct.

"None of that, sweetheart. You're being such a good girl. It'd be a shame if you ruined that now, wouldn't it?" he sneers.

You bite your lip, feeling the pressure of his finger against your entrance. Much to your surprise, it is no longer clawed. He delves the digit into you, and you have to stop yourself from whining. You had never felt something this intense, and you were beginning to wonder if you would survive this.

You're not sure how long or how many fingers he presses into you before you hear his belt buckle clank to the ground.

Your arms had long since given out, and the left side of your face was smushed down. You hear more rustling from behind you, and you know what's next.

You shut your eyes with a deep inhale.

Two massive clawed hands find your waist, and flip you onto your back.

You want to scream at the sight of Arthur.

He had fully turned.  

It's then that you notice, he can't seem to keep himself away from you. He's shoving your knees apart with his own, and his face nears yours dangerously. It's without warning that he enters you, and you nearly scream.

It wasn't nearly as painful as the time you had been stabbed, no... It was the factor of surprise that had you wailing out. Tears prick the corner of your eyes, and you almost thank him when he stops moving. He is completely seated within you.

You can't stop yourself from trying to claw away from him, but his grip on your hips keeps you from escaping.

It takes everything within you not to sob when he presses a kiss to your lips. A growl rumbles from behind Arthur's teeth, and you know that he is only waiting on you.

The wolf was being nice and you weren't cooperating.

After a moment, you give him the 'go-ahead' nod.

You can't say you're expecting him to be gentle, but you're certainly not expecting him to pull entirely out of you to slam back into you. Finally, a tear slips out and rolls down your cheek. It only seems to spur the wolf into taking you harder than before.

The sound of skin against skin echos in the cellar. He brings his hips down and down again. There was still a gentle hint of Arthur beneath the tough exterior. You felt it because of the way he couldn't seem to keep his mouth off of you.

When the tears stopped, he moved on to bruising your lips with his own. You were going to suffocate if he kept this up. He breaks free of your lips, nudging his face between your shoulder and neck. Your ear tingles at the feeling of his soft huffs of air.

He lets out a groan, pressing wet kisses into the side of your neck.

"Say you're only mine," he demands from behind clenched teeth. His chest was brushing against your breasts with every rock of his hips. "Say it!"

"I'm yours, only yours," you chant. "I want only want you."

You had been convinced he was going to tear you in half, not five minutes earlier... Now, you were beginning to think you were made for Arthur.

He drags his tongue against the shell of your ear, giving you an affectionate lick. The words seemed to had pleased him, and you almost swore his guard came down for just a split second. He settles back to marking your neck, and you glance downwards. His body was glistening with sweat, and his nails were digging into your sides.

He had you captured, almost like you were his prey.

Arthur's thrusts never weaken, never slow. He fucks you with abandon, and you can only try to roll your hips upwards to match his pace. If it wasn't for his grip on your sides, you might've flown to the other side of the cell already. Your hands are helplessly grasping onto him, one hand is against his shoulder and the other is tangled into his locks.

"That's right," he hisses between thrusts. "You love this, don't you? After this, you're going to spend every minute you can wrapped around my cock, aren't you?"

You moan, feeling the coil inside of you begin to spark.

Arthur snaps his hips into you a little harder, demanding a response.

It takes a moment for you to shake yourself out of your daze, but when you do, you're crying his name. "Yes! Arthur, always. If you want it, I'll give it to yo-"

You squeak in pleasure, the sentence gets cut off. Arthur's fingers have found your clit, and he's rolling the tight nub in circles. Your head lolls backward, and you feel your muscles begin to seize up. You swear he feels bigger now than he did when he began fucking you.

You wanted this, you wanted to be his. There was no going back after this.

It takes only a few more rolls of your clit beneath his fingers for you to come. Your legs tighten around him, locking him to you. You swear you hear him giggle at the action, but you could be imagining it. Your eyes nearly bug out of your head as his canines sink into your neck.

You have to stop yourself from wiggling out of his grasp. You feel the tears from earlier build back up, and you bite your bottom lip hard enough to break the skin.

When he finally pulls away from your neck, it feels like venom is shooting into your veins. You wince as he drags his tongue over the wound, carefully. Arthur finally groans, his thrusting turning into grinding. You were like a ragdoll in his grip, trying to catch your breath.

You're so focused on the burning of your neck, you don't notice what's happening below. When you do, you're clambering upwards.

Arthur lifts his head from your neck, trying to see what you're doing. He notices your eyes of horror and his hands find your wrists. "Stop!" he commands.

You try to listen, eyes darting between him and your lower half.

"What is-" you try to ask, voice raspy and torn.

He shakes his head, using a hand to brush back your hair. "It's normal for werewolves, I should've warned you," he finally says. He grips your chin, forcing you to lock eyes with him.

"It'll be okay," he states.

His eyes are watering and he keeps blinking slowly.

For some reason, you trust him. You trust his words, even after what had just happened. He presses a kiss against your lips, and you let your lips meld to his. Arthur's eyes are unfocused, and his expression makes him appear blissed out. It's clear that he's still not thinking clearly, and is gliding within the edge of his release.

He was filling you up to your brim, locking himself to you.

He lazily kisses you again, but you break away with a wince. He keeps dragging your attention away from your lower half, distracting you with kisses. It feels like forever before he slides out of you...

He cleans the two of you up, with the little that he did have.

"What now?" you mumble, not sure how to voice your concern.

"The nights not over with yet. Depending on my wolf, we'll fit in one more round. Then we're going to escape, and we'll go our separate ways," he replies, looking at you blankly.

Your heart almost stops when the last part comes out... After all this... No.

"You want to go separate ways?" you dumbly ask.

"Only if that's what you want," he says and peers at you. A spark of hope in his eyes betrays him, though. He was giving you an exit, he was giving you the option to leave him... Even though he would always be chained to you.

"I guess when we get out of here, we can go on a proper date. Does that sound okay with you?" you ask, a smile blooming on your lips.

You already knew his answer, but the way he smiles back confirmed it.

A/N: Thank you for reading! This is only my second RDR2 fanfic. I’m sorry if Arthur seemed very ooc in this. The MC of this story also kinda flipped personalities. I wrote this roughly two months ago, but just finished it tonight. It’s 4am. So, ignore the errors if you can. Thank you <3

Send in requests! My ask box is open!

[laequiem]

She kills my self control - Chapter 13

/ Includes dialogue from The Cruel Prince Chapter 29

“Prince Cardan,” Jude says stoically, “This is for you.”

Under normal circumstances, I probably would have caught on to the implication, but I didn't. I fought all my life for the people of Elfhame to look up to me, worship me, fear me, and they finally do. I am the villain in Balekin's story and everyone is waiting to see my next move. This high is greater than any powder ever gave me.

cw: unhealthy coping mechanisms (alcohol, sex); physical abuse; nsfw

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Balekin gets up from his seat at the head of the table. He raises his glass for a toast and I brace myself. I know this is the signal. Yet, I still yelp as the explosives go off.

Jude immediately gets up. I force myself to stay still, knowing the Roach is aiming at me. Still I flinch when the first bolt lands in front of me—at least I am making it look real.

Before the second bolt can find its way to me, my world tilts and I am on the floor. Not part of the plan.

It is then I see who is standing over me, shielding my body with his own. My oldest brother, my abuser, my only living sibling, the only person who ever cared for me. I am too stunned to do anything, to say anything. Just like this, I am transported back to the stables I used to sleep in, exiled from the palace for a crime I did not commit. A scared, angry princeling whose oldest brother sheltered, saving him from spending more nights sleeping through the grunts of animals and swatting at flies.

When Balekin gets up, I push myself up as well. Taryn is holding the crown and I understand someone mistook her for Jude. With fear written all over her face, I wonder how anyone could make that mistake. Jude would keep her chin up even when faced with the most vicious of monsters.

“Child, if you do not give that to me, I will cut you in half,” Balekin threatens, hand tightening over the pommel of his sword, “I will be the High King, and when I am, I will punish any who inconvenienced me.”

The word punish sends a chill down my spine. Will I be the first punished, for hiding from him? If I crown him, would he spare me?

I can see Taryn looking between my brother and Vivienne. Her hands are tightly gripping the crown, obviously trembling.

“Give me my crown," Balekin growls.

He takes a step towards her, but someone puts a hand to his chest to stop him.

"Wait," Lord Roiben of the Court of Termites orders.

Balekin tries to push Roiben, in vain, and I see The Ghost's crossbow follow his movements, ready to shoot if he tries to hurt the lower Lord. Off to the side, Queen Orlagh is watching. Thankfully, Nicasia seems to have followed my advice and is nowhere to be seen.

“She’s only a mortal girl," Balekin says, as if the excuse would turn any faerie to his side.

Roiben does not budge.

“This is a lovely banquet, Balekin, son of Eldred. But sadly lacking in amusements before now," Queen Orlagh drawls, "Let this be our entertainment. After all, the crown is secure in this room, is it not? And you or your younger brother are the only ones who can wear it. Let the girl choose whom she will give it to. What does it matter, if neither of you will crown the other?"

“This is ridiculous. What of the explosion? Didn’t that entertain you sufficiently?”

"It certainly piqued my interest," Roiben replies, arching a pale brow, "You seem to have lost your general somewhere as well. Your rule hasn’t even formally begun, but it certainly appears chaotic."

Jude walks to her twin and reaches out, but Taryn is holding tight to the crown. I cast a glance towards Locke and I see the familiar glint of amusement in his stare. The same glint I saw when I caught him in bed with Nicasia, when he teased me about Jude. I want to punch it off his face.

When Taryn finally lets go and Jude moves towards Oak and Vivi, I know I am to go to them as well.

“Prince Cardan,” Jude says stoically, “This is for you.”

Under normal circumstances, I probably would have caught on to the implication, but I didn't. I fought all my life for the people of Elfhame to look up to me, worship me, fear me, and they finally do. I am the villain in Balekin's story and everyone is waiting to see my next move. This high is greater than any powder ever gave me. 

“Stop!” Balekin shouts, then begins a symphony of blades unsheathing, “Stop them immediately.”

The Ghost shoots and I am afraid he killed my brother. When he calls my name, I turn to him and see that his hand is bolted to the table. 

“I know you. I know that you’d prefer I did the difficult work of ruling while you enjoyed the power,” my brother tells me, as if we were the only people in the room, “I know that you despise mortals and ruffians and fools. Come, I have not always danced to your piping, but you haven’t the stomach to truly cross me. Bring me the crown.”

The little speech does not even scratch my stony heart. He knows nothing. He has never known me. 

“Bring me the crown, Cardan.”

I turn away. I school my face in a mask of indifference.

“No, brother. I do not think that I will," I check my nails, admiring the way the light glints off the iridescent polish, then grin at my brother, "I think that if I did not have another reason to cross you, I would do it for spite.”

I reach Oak and Jude. The little guy is holding the crown. They trust me so little that they would give it to him instead of me? Did they really think I would crown Balekin? Oak looks so docile that he could be mistaken for a human child. None of that rage I had at his age, yet we are both the unwanted offspring of cruel fathers. He survived his father's attempt at killing him, then he was adopted by a bloodthirsty warlord. I suppose a warmongering general is a better father than none at all. I clench my jaw at the thought, at all these things the lucky kid does not realize he has. Perhaps Jude's plan will turn him into a great ruler. More tolerant than Balekin would ever be.

“Show Oak,” Jude whispers to me, “Show him what he’s supposed to do. Kneel down.”

I raise a brow, “They’re going to think—”

They're going to think that he will crown me. 

How laughable.

“Just do it,” she shoots back.

Not a command, yet I kneel anyway. The irony of kneeling next to Jude, whom I have always wanted to see on her knees, is not lost on me.

Oak does not move, nor give me the crown. I gesture to myself, as if trying to show him how to  kneel .

“See?” I ask harshly, “Now the crown.”

I want for this to be over, I want to crown the kid and get on with my life. Whatever they do afterwards is none of my concern. Madoc will rule until Oak is old enough, with Jude to keep him in check. I can finally leave Elfhame. Perhaps even leave Faerieland altogether. I doubt the solitary fey would be glad to have one of the Gentry in their midst, but I can stay away from them. How hard could it be to live in the Mortal realm, pretend to be one of them?

Oak walks tentatively towards me. I look up at Jude, but all her attention is on Oak. I could almost think she is ignoring me. 

“Phase four,” I whisper to her. 

She bends down towards me and whispers in my ear, “For the next full minute, I command you not to move.”

The realization hit me. This was her plan all along. Gain control of me so I cannot deny her. I curse myself for a fool—of course she would not put Oak on the throne right away. That would give too much power to the General, and she does not trust him. She doesn't trust me either, I don't think, but she now has me under her control, so she does not need to.

I try to move, but my limbs do not cooperate. Instead, there is a prickling all over my body, a growing numbness.

"Go ahead," Vivienne coaxes her foster brother, "Just like we practiced."

The kid is looking down at me. I can tell he is unsure, his eyes glossy and his eyebrows ever so slightly narrowed. He reaches towards me, crown in hand.

“I crown you… King," he says as he puts the crown on my head, "High King of Faerie.”

I feel a jolt of energy going through my body. The air suddenly feels… richer. I can hear the wind rustling branches outside. My palms are braced on the soft ground and I feel the shift of the earth as worms burrow their way through, the gentle pulse of roots feeding the trees. The land was asleep, and now it is slowly coming to life again, symbiotic with my own body. 

I flex my fingers when I realize the prickling of Jude's command has vanished. Slowly, I push myself up to my feet. Immediately, my gaze goes to her. I can feel the power rising in response to my temper, this boiling anger inside me that wants to be freed, but I shove it down. I look around to the Folk gathered around me until I see Lord Roiben, Lord of the Court of Termites, kneeling.

"My King," he says.

Had he known that I was the one Jude wanted to crown? Surely he would not have agreed to help if he did. Ruthless Roiben, who killed his way to the head of his court. I doubt The Black Knight thinks me deserving of the Blood Crown.

One by one, the remaining guests kneel. As I look down on them, the words that have dictated my life come to mind.

He will be destruction of the crown and the ruination of the throne

Perhaps the prophecy was wrong? The crown is on my head, unbroken. The throne is not here, but with this new power in me, I just  know  that it is whole. I can feel the roots connecting all the land to it, keeping it alive.

The only people left standing are me and Balekin, locked in a staredown. He sees right through me, to all my insecurities and fear, and I let him. I refuse to cower, not anymore, never again.

"Rise," I command with more authority than I feel.

I can tell the people of Elfhame are waiting for me to give some kind of speech, but I have more pressing matters.

The guests get up and the silence is deafening. No music, no drinking, no cheering. I put a hand on my hip.

"Get all this rubble cleaned," I order the nearest servant, "the celebration has only begun. Bring the cellar's best wine."

I gesture the guards towards Balekin, "Take him away. I will speak with him after the revel. Until then, he is to be watched every moment. Do give him plenty to indulge while he waits, he is no prisoner."

I turn away from them, not waiting to see if they obey. I grab a goblet of wine from a passing servant and raise it.

"Let us toast to wine, for without its effect, my head would have rolled alongside my siblings'," the folk laugh and cheer, "Here's to all of you, who traveled far and wide to witness this feast of fools. I vow to have a reign worthy of this coronation, depraved and unpredictable."

I turn towards Jude and take in this mortal girl whose trickery is on par with the Fae, this mortal girl who poisoned my life. My one rival who tricked and cheated me. Yet I am in awe of her. Her knife-sharp gaze dares me to fight her, I grin at her instead.

"And to Jude, who gave me a gift tonight. One that I plan to repay in kind."

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

I See You

Summary: Alex hasn’t been feeling quite herself, Dean is there to listen. 

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Alex, aka me (platonic)

Word Count: 1.5K+

Warnings: Language, angst, talks of anxiety 

THIS ONE COULD BE LEGIT TRIGGERING, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE AT ALL CONCERNED THAT IT MAY NOT BE SAFE FOR YOU.

Author’s Note: Hey guys, I’ve had a really rough couple of days, some of the darkest I have ever seen in myself, so I spit out these words to try and make some sense of my own feelings. It was cathartic and I feel like I’m getting to a place where I can be alright. This is a love letter to myself, so enjoy, or don’t, it is for me ultimately. I figured I would share to remind everyone that we are not alone in our struggles. Special thanks to @waywardbeanie​ without whom I would not have made it through this hump. Thanks for always being my champion, and of course the gratuitous Jensen photos. Also, this is completely unedited, just rough and raw feelings. xo Alex

The sounds of Dean’s boots hitting the tile of the bunker echoed down the hall as he made his way inside. The hunter wiped the grease from his hands as he stepped into the war room, his eyes going straight to his little brother in front of a computer in the library. 

“Hey, Sammy.” Sam hummed a noncommittal reply as Dean came up next to the table. “Still looking for another hunt.” 

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. “Nothing out there right now. It’s almost eerily silent.” 

Dean nodded to himself. Times like these were rare, but he enjoyed them all the same. Sometimes it was nice to enjoy the silence for a little while. Only there was one thing nagging him today, or rather not nagging him. 

“Have you talked to Alex today?” Dean continued to work the oil out from his nails beds, his tongue peeking out between his lips in concentration. 

Sam furrowed his brow as he thought, his head cocking as the realization hit him. “No actually, now that you mention it. I haven’t even heard her rummaging around in the kitchen.” 

“She was weird when she went to bed last night. Quiet.” Dean commented. 

“Alex, quiet?”

“Yeah, when she’s upset.” Dean chewed on his bottom lip. “Except I figured she would just sleep it off. She usually does.” Which was true, Alex was rarely ever in a mood and when she was, like almost every girl he had ever met, all he had to do was feed her or put her to bed. The woman was basically a gremlin but with more complex thoughts. 

“Just because we haven’t seen her doesn’t mean anything. You know how much she loves getting lost in all these books.” Sam countered. The younger Winchester ran his fingers through his long brown locks and shrugged off Dean’s obvious worry. 

“Nope.” Dean shook his head. “Alex always brings me lunch when I’m working on Baby.” 

“Dude, she is not your mother.”

“I know that, Sammy.” Dean wasn’t sure what exactly Sam was trying to insinuate. Dean loved her cooking and if she wanted to make him food, why should he deny her that. Besides, Dean always made sure she ate with him, no matter how much she would insist that she had some other thing to do. “But come on, you said it yourself. This is not like her.” 

Dean turned on his heel and hopped down the steps towards their bedrooms. He took a pit stop in the kitchen to wash his hands before continuing down the hall to room twelve. He raised a fist and rapped his knuckles against the heavy wooden door. 

“Al,” he called, squinting his eyes as he listened for a response. After a moment of no response, he gritted his teeth. “Okay, I’m coming in.” The hunter turned the knob to the door and let himself in, pushing the door in hesitantly. 

Only one of her bedside lamps was on, casting a small orange glow in the corner of the room. There was an Alex sized lump in the center of the bed where she was mostly hidden under the covers. Dean could see the glow of her phone falling over her pillows. She didn’t even stir when the door creaked. 

“Really, no sarcastic remark about entering your room?” 

The woman who had lain hiding away in her room all day, sighed and locked her phone before sitting up. The covers fell to her waist and the chill of the bunker caused a shiver to run through her. She ran her fingers through her burgundy locks in an attempt to straighten out the rat’s nest that had settled there. 

Alex rubbed her eyes, “What’s up Dean?” 

He couldn’t help the frown on his face as he took in the distance look in her eye. “Al, are you okay?” 

She looked away from his gaze, and off towards the opposite corner of the room as she pulled her knees into her chest. Dean watched her for a moment, her hands rubbing up and down her bare arms. Even in the low light of the bedroom, Dean noticed the way her eyes began to water. 

“Oh, sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it?” Dean sat down on the end of her bed, angling his body to face her. Alex shook her head, holding back the full-blown tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. “Okay, well can I just sit with you then?” 

The pair of them sat in silence before she could no longer take it. Dean had proved to her that he had no intention of leaving without getting her to talk. As much as she hated sharing the deepest secrets running around in her brain, she also knew talking some of it out would help the anxiety churning in her stomach. 

“I don’t know, Dean. I mean half the time I don’t even understand my triggers myself. I just get this… this anxiety bubble that settles in the pit of my stomach.” She gestured about with her hands. “And then my mind just tells me everything wrong with my life.” 

“Like?” 

The woman scoffed, “Oh you know the usual. You aren’t good enough, your friends only tolerate you, why do you even try.” Alex gripped her hair and tugged at the roots. “And you know what that’s not even the part that gets me. I can work around that.” 

“Then what has got you holed up in your room all day?” Dean gripped her wrist and forced her to let go of her hair. He could see her chewing on the inside of her cheek, contemplating her answer. 

“It’s just that I had gotten so used to being alone that it had become my new normal. And to be honest, I was okay with that, I had reconciled being alone forever. That’s the type of life we live as hunters.” Her voice had risen as her frustration had. Never before had she ever been this down, and it scared her more than anything. Before she could have at least pretended that she had everything under control, but now things were spiraling and she had nothing to grasp onto to keep from floating away. 

“I love you and Sam. You are my family. But being around people is draining me. You two bicker at every given opportunity and not mention are just loud men in general. Then there is Jack who is literally an infant, which you know I can not handle as I have told you multiple times I do not want kids. This place has become...like sensory overload, even on my best days. At the end of the day, I feel like I have no battery left and I can’t recharge overnight. I’ve been running on empty for too long and that has forced me to put up a mask for you two because I didn’t want to lose you. But I can’t do it anymore.” She took a shuddering breath as the tears were breaking free. “I’m just tired, Dean.”

He nodded as he absorbed everything that she was telling him. If Dean knew one thing about Alex, it was that she didn’t let people into that dark side of her. She was always the first person to be there for everyone else in their moment of need and had the tendency to downplay her own struggles if it meant that the attention was not on her. There was nothing that made her more uncomfortable than the attention on her. He had to choose his words carefully. 

“Okay, first off, I know you think that you are this pro at putting up a front to hide the person you are inside, but I hate to break it to you, you aren’t. I can see right through that facade. I see when you are hurting and when you are genuinely happy. I see when you want to cry and when you are playful. I see you sweetheart, don’t ever doubt that.”

“Second, don’t ever believe you are better off alone. Just because you had gotten used to it doesn’t mean it is what you deserve. You are a strong, beautiful, and empathetic woman. The world deserves to have you out there. I know for me and Sam, our world has never been brighter than when you came crashing into our lives, literally.” They both chuckled at his reference to her being thrown into Dean at the hunt that brought them into each other’s lives. 

“And lastly, all you had to do was tell me. Take a car from the garage and go for a drive if that’s what you need. Spend all day in here mindlessly scrolling through the internet, or dissociating while watching the office for the millionth time. And if you just need me to sit quietly with you, I’ll be there. I know you only have so much in you, but sweetheart, having even only a little of you is worth so much more than none of you.” 

“Dean-” 

“You don’t have to say anything. Take your time, we will be here when you are ready. Just come back to us, okay?” Alex nodded, the tears flowing freely now. Dean reached over and brushed away a tear with his thumb. 

“Now that we have established that, I know you haven’t eaten all day. Are you hungry?” Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. 

“Mmm, I guess I could eat,” she sniffled. 

“That's what I thought. But what should we have…” Dean trailed off before leaning over the edge of the bed and plucking an orange box from underneath. “How about your not-so-secret stash of cheez-its?” 

Alex’s jaw dropped, having truly thought the boys had no clue about her stash under the bed. The boys always went through a box far too fast and she never got any so now she had learned to buy her own box for safekeeping. “Dean Winchester, you give me those back!” She squealed, the infectious grin on the hunter’s face enough to lighten her heart at that moment for a genuine smile to crack on her tear-stained face. She reached out to snatch the box away from him, only for Dean to pull it out of her reach. 

“I don’t think so, we are all out in the pantry and you’ve got my favorite flavor.” 

[kodzumie-archived]

Kokichi Kinnies are so interesting to me. They have such strong trust issues that they lie as a reflex, and at first they didn’t know how to handle it, and got caught up in their web of lies. However as time went on they got more proficient at lying, so good, that they have learned to convince themselves of their own lies too. I’m willing to bet that most Kokichi Kinnies now are at the stage where they’re ridiculously good at lying, and they’re having trouble decifering their own lies from the truth. Also, Kokichi Kinnies have intense impostor syndrome, and I’m also willing to bet half of them Kin The Untimate Impostor as well because of it. To add on, how’s them mommy issues been going? And I’m assuming your dad is either very prominent in your life or they went to get milk from the store once you were born. Most Kokichi Kinnies have issues with derealization as well I’m willing to bet, which makes them so obsessed with logical types of people, because of their ability to cut through lies and draw out a clear picture. Also, why are they so obsessed with either purple or checkerboard print? And they have one consistent obsession among their ever shifting 5000 others. (I’ll give you a hint as to why. They crave stability and truth.)

Do I kin him? That’s somethign I’m still figuring out myself.

~ 🍁 Anon

YOU ARE BLOWING MY MIND RIGHT NOW, HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON—

Woah.

This is..! Waah, I’m not really a Kokichi kinnie so I can neither confirm nor deny, but this is incredibly specific. I wonder if this is tailored to depict a certain type of Kokichi kin, hmm...

That specific section, let me quote it because that was quite eye-opening to read, to be honest;

“... which makes them so obsessed with logical types of people, because of their ability to cut through lies and draw out a clear picture.”

oKAY THAT MADE MY JAW DROP BECAUSE... IDK THAT SEEMS STRANGELY ACCURATE??

It feels as though that one, of everything, really hit the nail. It makes sense, being muddled and unable to decipher between one’s own lies and reality, it’s probable they’d tether onto what is able to vividly depict the truth. (But, of course, this isn’t always applicable to everyone and that’s okay!)

Y’know, 🍁 anon, you’ve got quite a bit of analysis on kins and I find that so interesting! It’s intruiging to see the way you’re able to root people’s struggles through who they kin!

[the-fiction-witch]

Girls! P17 Two Queens in the Kings Bed

TV SHOW: THE QUEENS GAMBIT COUPLE: BETH X READER RATING: SMUT

I smirked as I sat on a puffy plush cushion I had placed on the floor or Benny's apartment watching Benny and Beth play speed chess as usual. Not that I minded I find them both fascinating when they play and I couldn't deny whenever the two had a chess board between them the tension and energy made my stomach bubble with impure thoughts.

Of getting destroyed by Benny Watts Cock.

Of hearing Beth moan under me.

The troubles if being a bisexual woman I suppose.

"Again?" She asked him clocking her eyebrow in a cocky way to him as he handed her ten dollars from his wallet

"No" he glared back from under his loose dirty blonde hair "you girls will be the death of me one of these days" he sighed forcing himself up tugging up his jeans as he did which made me put my fingers to my lips and wolf whistle at him "ooh fuck off y/n" he told me as he made himself a coffee "anyone else?"

"I'm good" I answered

"Me too" beth smiled to me fixing a curl of her fiery hair back into the tie again as it often wanted to fall

"Shit! I'm out of milk..." he says digging around his fridge that looked as if it hasn't been cleaned in seven years "nope nothing for it I have to go to the shop" he sighed "either of you girls wanna come?' he asked

"No thanks Benny, we'll stay" beth told him quickly before I could even answer

"Alright what do you girls fancy for dinner?'

"I don't know... never been too good at deciding what I fancy" I smirked

"You pick Benny" she smiled

"Alright, you girls sure you'll be okay all alone?'

"Pretty sure" I smiled

"Alright, don't break anything, don't set fire to anything" he earned getting his jacket and keys "and don't go rooting through my stuff!"

"Really you don't trust us Benny?" Beth smirked

"Not as far as I could throw you girls" he says "see you later" he says heading out the door to go do shopping.

For a second there was silence with Benny gone, nothing but the sound of the dripping tap on the shower, and the ticking of one of the chess clocks that was still running from there speed chess which beths gracefully hand suddenly came to silence.

"So Bennys gone" she says

"He is" I answered

"I thought he'd never leave" she smirked leaning back in the pillow she sat on her elbows on the floor her knees up playfully as she smiled to me in her little blue skirt

"Well to be fair beth it is his house' I laughed

"I know, but he should give us more alone time them he does" she smirked

"Ummm I assumed there would be more to separate us then just one wall with a window" I laughed moving closer to her

"Maybe we should just ignore him and fuck on the airbed?" She offered

"Maybe we should," I smirked, "something you wanted elizabeth?"

"You know what I want" she answered in a hush tone her eyes flickering up and down my body and more importantly at my lips as she licked her own and opened her legs

"As you wish my queen" I smirked moving my pillow so I could rest my knees on it moving to press soft kisses to her swan like neck leaving a trail of my lipsticks kiss marks as I reached the crook of her neck I began to suck hard making her gasp grabbing my hair as I pulled back leaving a dark red mark on her pale skin I gave her lips a little kiss tasting the coffee she had drank earlier on her lips still before I moved tugging up her skirt and pressing tender kisses to her pink lace panties

"Uuhh" she gasped starting to relax I moved her panties to the side and kissed her sweet wet skin of her outer lips and then pressing small kisses and clockwise licks to her stimulated clit "ughhh!" She moaned leaning back to almost lay on the floor her moans and gasps echoing off the empty walls of benny's apartment "uughhh! Uuhh! Uuuuuummm uuughhhhh!" Each moan left her red lips so desperately as each one only made her more hungry "y/n!" He gasped grabbing my hair to pull me closer so I began to suck and lick more almost making out with her "uughhh y/n!!" She squealed her thighs tightening around my head "uhh fuck!" She groans pushing my head gently away

"Happy now?'

"Very happy" she smiled "your turn" she giggled sitting up grabbing my ankle and forcing me to lay down with her as she climbed over my hips and gently moved herself against me making me gasp grabbing her arm "what's wrong?" She asked

"I have a better idea" I smirked, getting up tugging her hand so she stood with me both of us barefoot on the cold floor. She kicked her panties off her legs and I smirked undoing my dress to reveal my bare breasts. I held her hand tugging her through the glass door and into Benny's bedroom, the floor messy with his laundry all over the floor, the grey sheets half falling off the bed where he didn't make it this morning, his clothes hanging out of draws and such all his things in odd little places. I tugged her with me to lay on the bed and we both giggled nuzzling with a pillow each as we laughed as she laid there I looked at her.

With her fiery red curls, tired back by that little fabric, her eyes staring at me as much as I was at her, the winged eyeliner so sharp it could stab you. Her perfect red lips sitting open as if silently asking to be kissed I put my hand on her waist and pulled her close kissing her beautiful lips, she kissed me back slowly and softly as we tucked ourselves up in the sheets it was odd to say the least to kiss beth inhaling her scent of medicine, wine, hairspray and her luxurious rose perfume while also smelling the overwhelming scent of Benny as we where in his bed the smell of man, coffee, mahogany and dust surrounded us in that way a boys bed always does when you lay in it I pulled away licking my lips as I stated back at her "Cherry?" I smirked and she nodded

"Strawberry?" She smiled, licking her own lips and I nodded. She pulled me quickly back to kissing her grasping at my breast aggressively. I moved my hands down to hold her arse giving it a gentle slap as I did "doesn't y/n wanna cum?" She asked

"I do, but I don't want your pretty mouth" I told her as she kissed my neck and jaw

"What did you want then?" She Asks

"Your sweet hands" I smirked intertwining my fingers with her own

"Yes my queen" she smiled kissing my hand before her hand under my dress and petticoats moving my panties to the side as she moved to gently touch my clit with her soft fingers gently moving in clockwise circles as we kissed slipping her tongue into my mouth to turn or desperate kisses into a lustfully make out I kissed back toying with her tongue she got faster and faster making me bite her lip a little she moved a finger inside me gently moving it and before I knew it I hit my wall and moaned into her mouth she pulled away and licked her fingers clean we both sat up a little more and grabbed each other making out desperately as she forced off my dress and I took off her shirt and skirt leaving her in her bra and myself in my panties as we kissed over and over for hours she had her hands on my arse gently squeezing and groping I had my own on her breasts giving them a little fondle too she moved her hands back to unclip her bra throwing it off somewhere else I smirked slipping off my panties throwing them off in the direction she threw her bra leaving us both completely naked as she looked at me playing with my hair

"So beautiful my queen" she smirked

"Your even more glamorous my queen" I smirked back pushing her down on the bed, she smiled to me and looked excited so I pushed three fingers inside her

"Uuughhh!" She moans as I did her hand moving to the back of my own to force three fingers inside me too

"Uhh Elizabeth!" I moaned feeling myself clench around her it didn't take either of us long to begin to move our fingers and our hips gently

"Uuahh!! Y/n!" She moans closing her eyes in pleasure so I kissed down her chest between her breasts getting faster and faster but she did too moving her hips back and her finger mercilessly

"Auuuhh beth!" I squealed already feeling close again I began rubbing hard on her clit with my thumb making her squeal arching her back

"Uuuuuuuuuhhhh!!! Y/n!! You can be a bitch when you wanna be" she smirked

"And so can you" I smirked moving my hips faster for more pleasure and soon enough "Aaaaahhhhhh!!! Elizabeth!" I screamed squirting in her hand and on her moving my hips like crazy desperate to ride it out as

"UUUUuuuuuuuuhhhhh!! Y/n!" She groaned it throaty and desperate throwing her head as she squirted on my hand too a forming wet patch on benny's mattress and sheets due to both of us cumming so hard and squirting so much "your turn" she smirked flipping us over so I was laid on the bed she kissed me hard and I kissed back grabbing her breast gently moving my fingers as fast as I could feeling how wet she already was and how overstimulated her clit was she moaned into my mouth moving her hips as she moved her fingers too her movements so unstoppable our hot and heavy make out getting more desperate as we went on her other hand coming to grab my arse digging in her nails as she got close too and after what felt like hours of unstoppable pleasure I hit my wall again screaming into her mouth squirting somehow more which got her there too tightening around my fingers and collapsing on me. We both smirked laying in bed a while as she lit a cigarette and I shared it with her

"What the fuckl do we need men for?" She asked

"Financial security? Driving?" I suggest

"Nope not any of those..."

"Chess?"

"Yeah we need them for chess"

"And for on the rare occasion one of us actually wants a dick inside them"

"We can by plastic dicks?"

"That's true..." I laughed "I don't know Beth, what do we need men for?"

"Fucked if I know" she smiled.