#'Celestial Dragons'? More like Petty Lizards

[blueseasblueeyes]

We're genuinely seeing the real world path to the Celestial Dragons

[kalmiaphlox]

If You Give a Vampire a Polymorph Scroll Pt 1

AO3 Link / Masterlist

If you give a vampire a polymorph scroll, he's going to sow a little chaos. When he creates that chaos, he'll probably want someone by his side. When he has that someone, they are going to be very, very naughty.

Alternatively: Astarion turns Kalmia into a little lizard. They commit crimes and have fun because Astarion likes some chaos, and Kalmia will never deny him.

Main Tags: Tiny Dragon, Astarion wants some chaos, petty theft, ruining a festival, fluff

How quaint.

It's just them, all alone in this big house for a few days. No one to disturb, no one to interrupt. That means it's playtime.

His darling lizard is cleaning away, righting whatever mess she made for dinner, leaving it just as-it-was so not even Gale can complain upon their return. 

Oh, how he loves her. 

And how she loves him. 

They need some spice tonight though. Astarion has been plotting this for ages, ever since that first time. 

Kalmia will forgive him, she always does.

With her back to him as she scrubs at the counter tops, he unfurls the scroll in his hand, reading off the words there. Hopefully she doesn't resist the magic too much, he won't be able to escape the punishment for a failed attempt. “Mutatio Forma! ” 

In a burst of purple magic, where once stood a very charming woman, now lies a tiny bronze dragon. The rag she had been holding flops down on her body and she wiggles out in confusion as she takes in her changed appearance with a shriek. “You- Astarion! What do you think you're doing?!”

He sits on a stool with a malicious grin, pulling his legs up to protect them - not that she can hurt him like this. “I just wanted a little fun tonight, is that too much to ask?”

“Henich! Change me back!” She hisses and spits a small stream of celestial fire into the air. Awe, his little wyrm is throwing a tantrum. 

“I shall do no such thing, lizard. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for this chance? Ah, ah! Watch the cabinets, you know Gale will notice any scuffs.”

The lizard is trying to reach him but the stool's legs aren't conducive to climbing, she just scrabbles fruitlessly at the wood.

Maybe he feels a little bad, Astarion won't torment his darling for too long when she can't fly. Of course, the second he picks her up around the midsection, the shrinking sickness kicks in and Kalmia is biting onto his wrist and arms like her life depends on it, but no harm comes to him. Funny as the scene is, he can't have her be mindless all night. 

Pulling a leather satchel from his pocket, he produces a small, round treat, “Your mother gave me these, she said it would help. Eat up.” And she does, barely even chewing as the treat goes down the gullet. Ravenous little freak.

Her emerald eyes blink up at him, some semblance of her lizard brain returning to normal. “You both are evil.”

“Yes, yes. You will have all night to remind me of said evilness. Now, shall we have some fun or would you rather pout?”

“Is it fun or trouble that we are having tonight?” 

He gives her a peck atop her snout. “Both, I hope. Let me change.” And with that, he deposits her on the countertop. Gale isn't here to shoo her away this time so she can have all the bread her lizard instincts command her to consume.

His clothes are already laid out in anticipation of this plan going well. And surprise, surprise, when Astarion returns back upstairs, Kalmia is gobbling up fruit left out in a bowl. He plucks her from her feast - is she already heavier? Gods below! - and places her around his shoulders where she cries for her lost meal. “Oh hush, I'll buy you more food at the market.”

“Why can't I enjoy it as myself , hmm? Think of how much nicer this could all be if we held hands , or I clung to your arm, or-”

Tempting… “Those can come later, little wyrm. Now be a good beastie for me and don't stray too far, I want to wander the festival stalls with a lizard on my shoulder.” 

She nibbles on his ear and this time he can actually feel the edges of her razor sharp teeth. Interesting. “Oh, so I don't even get to enjoy the festival? I'm stuck being a beast, like some- like shoulder-candy!”

“Hah! How right you are, darling. Off we go.” The portal sends them to Gale's tower in the Dock Ward, and their destination is the Sea Ward. The walk would be long on these crowded streets, but he spider-climbs up a roof, and hops to the next as Kalmia clings to his shoulder, grumbling constantly. 

She might not have said it in words, but clearly he's already been forgiven. The stubborn old wretch isn't one to go along with things lightly, but he doesn't doubt that she isn't already cooking up some just desserts . He'll enjoy what he can for the night until his retribution comes.

Finding an empty enough alley, they descend onto the streets, blending in with the rest of the crowd. Ahh, he should have left earlier to drop some orders off to Solixes’ and Leucian's stores, but his excitement at his little prank was too much, next time then.

Some magic festival is set up in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in Waterdeep. These travelers know where to find the coin, but he's surprised that they could open here to begin with. Maybe this group caters to a higher clientele in general. 

Lucky for Astarion, he's filthy rich no thanks to the teeny dragon perched upon his shoulder. Not that he will ever spend a pearl of what she gives him. They belong to him now. 

“So, my love, we have a goal in mind tonight. Would you like to assist, be the proverbial devil on my shoulder?”

Kalmia rubs her warm, scaly neck against his cheek. “Oh, yes please.”

“There is a vendor here with the most luxurious fabrics I have ever laid eyes on, but darling, I don't want to pay the extravagant prices they've marked them up with. Even if they come straight from Myratma.” The pleading lilt in his voice is useless, she would help him even if he asked to slaughter every person on this street.

“And you need a distraction to steal it all?”

“I do! What do you say?”

There's a vicious glint in her glittering eyes. “There's a cart holding pseudodragons and faerie dragons that way,” She points with her snout. “Take me there and I'll create a very grand distraction.”

“Gods, I'm falling in love all over again.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Before we begin though, the food you promised me - and it must be bought.” 

Astarion groans in distaste but relents. “Fine!” He'll steal back what he can when their simple plan plays out. 

Drifting from meat to dessert stalls, he buys up everything his lizard points out. It's a damned fortune when her eyes are a thousand times bigger than her stomach. His mistake was offering in the first place, but he needs to keep the lizard brain engaged. 

A giant's feast now shoved away into his bags of holding and his wyrm devouring a meat skewer, he meanders his way to the cart selling the caged beasts. The fabric vendor isn't too far from here, once Kalmia is attending to her task, he'll be slipping into the shadows.

The creatures are definitely stuffed in too tight cages, it will probably be a relief to free them - if that is Kalmia's intentions. 

“What a magnificent specimen you have there, saer. In all my days, I haven't seen one with such colors or scale patterns. Did you breed that beauty yourself?” The shop owner inquires.

Breed her? It takes all his power to not sneer in disgust at the man. She's not some run of the mill lizard, sold to ignorant parents! She's a full (half)- blooded dragon! His partner, who just so happens to be small at this moment…

Containing his snobbery, if only for this conversation, Astarion gives a tight smile. “No, I just found the beast wandering the woods and it took a liking to me.”

“Ay, amazing what bonds these little beings can form. Shame it lost its wings though. If you see one you like, or better yet, want to pass along that one's lineage, let m-”

Whipping around and stalking off to a secluded corner, he rips the skewer out of Kalmia's grubby claws, “Hey! I'm not-”

“Little wyrm, when you create your distraction, make sure that man can't recover any of his goods and services. You have plenty of food, hop to it.” 

She growls like a cat before throwing herself to the ground. “Ugh, fine. Once this is done, I want to go to the beach.”

“As you wish.” He watches as she scampers off, weaving between people's legs and diving under stalls. When her green-tipped tail has slipped under the beast seller, Astarion takes that as his cue to get into position. Who knows what chaos this feral dragon is about to unleash.

Finding a scroll of gust of wind , he stands at the ready. Even if the fabrics get a little dirty, this endeavor will still be well worth the sacrifice. He needs these for his projects.

A shout from behind gets his attention. The beast seller’s clothes are lit up in white flames while all the captive creatures are in the process of being freed by one tiny green dragon. Each beast that escapes its cage launches forward onto unsuspecting patrons and vendors, burning, magicking and attacking everything in sight.

Maybe next time, that man will learn not to cage such creatures.

Taking this chance in the ensuing disorder, Astarion casts gust of wind down the street, upending stalls and tables so all their contents go flying. 

People are cowering in terror and calling for the citywatch, he isn't going to wait for them to show up. Quickly locating the silks and patterned textiles that have scattered across the ground, Astarion begins the arduous task of shoving them into his bags of holding. He's not the only one looting though and he might have punched a random woman in the face when she reached for a bolt of his fabric. 

Alright, he's collected all his spoils, there's no way he can steal back his gold from the food stalls at this point, he needs to grab that damnably old lizard and run. 

Is he surprised to see that she sits on a pile of crates up high, breathing fire like the fiend that she is? No, of course not. He does also spot the beast vendor, trying to get to her. Now that won't do. 

Astarion shoves the man to the ground, cutting loose his very heavy coin purse and attaching it to his own belt, he places his dagger against the man's throat. “If I ever see you again, know that I will gut you. A word of advice though - animal handling isn't really your thing. ” He'd relish the meal right now, but there's too many people. It can wait. 

Flinging herself onto his shoulders, they make haste before the citywatch shows up. All it takes is one wrong person recognizing what he is and escape becomes that much more perilous, and he'd rather not break the polymorph spell yet. They're having so much fun! 

Returning back to the crowd, Astarion listens as Kalmia directs him to the beach. It's not one of his favorite locales, on account of him not being able to step foot in the ocean, but she indulged him, so it's time to return the favor.

There’s a bite to the wind as they near the beach and he shivers, wishing he would have brought a warming enchantment, but alas, he'll have to rely on his personal heater for comfort. 

Unfortunately, that won't pan out as the second his boots hit the sand, Kalmia dives to the ground, little legs kicking it up as she sprints towards the water. 

My puddle-loving weirdo.

He follows at a distance, watching as she splashes in the shallows and cackling when she's buffeted by large waves.

This night could not have gone better. 

Pulling two blankets out of a bag, he lays one on the ground to sit on while the other is wrapped around his shoulders, not that it does much, but it cuts the worst of the chill.

The beach is completely empty, so his frenzied love is making the most of it, barreling from one end to the other, flailing about tripping on grasses and rocks. 

“Little wyrm, I'm feeling quite neglected at this moment. Where's my love and affection?” He whines.

Her head pokes up from some bushes, cocking curiously at his words before racing his way, taking a giant leap and landing with a splat before him. 

Astarion frowns, unimpressed. Kalmia crawls towards him with excitement. “Irthiski, look! Look, look, look!” She wiggles vigorously, burying her body in the sand with just her head and tail kept above. Seems the pellet her mother provided is wearing off, her mind is regressing.

One wicked turn deserves another, hmm? “You performed well back there. Would you like one of your treats?” The tone is mocking, speaking to her the way one might a pet, but she takes no notice as she bursts forth from the sand, and runs in circles chasing her tail. 

Ugh, he doesn't have the energy to entertain these deranged dragon antics. 

A treat is proffered and she gnaws at it as if she's never eaten a day in her life. Her tail curls around his ankle and Astarion, against his better judgment, can't help but smile. Wild as she is, he wouldn't have it any other way.

But maybe it's time to return to normal, he'd like to be warm and-

“Evening! Rarely see anyone out here at this time of night.” A well-to-do young man approaches them from the beach entrance. Short blonde hair, soft features, an unmistakable innocence to him… Definitely the kind of man Astarion would have brought to Cazador once upon a time. 

And also the kind he might be attracted to in general, but well, his tastes have evolved to angry old women. Or really just the one in front of him that is giving more attention to a chunk of meat than him.

Woe is me.

He offers him a small acknowledgement in the hopes that he continues on quickly, but that is a mistake, the man takes that as interest. 

“I haven't seen you around, did you come in with the caravan?”

“No.” Does he look like some traveling carnie? These high born types, always expecting others to play into their mild interest… He knows it all too well.

The man has stepped closer, he's probably pleasant, Astarion doesn't care. He wants to spend time alone with his dragon, uninterrupted. They get bothered enough at home.

He's unsure what is running through that little lizard brain right now. She's frozen mid-bite on her meat, staring blankly, maybe she understands he's getting hit on right now or maybe she's just lost in a food haze.

Freak.