#''not gonna write anything for 3 months lol'' she said. well. 🤡

[theflyingfeeling]

because I couldn't possibly create yet another AU in which Olli and Allu are cheating assholes, here's a sequel to this standalone, just as devastating but this time at New Year's Eve (or a few hours after it), because I felt like writing an angsty NYE fic to balance out all the fluff I wrote for the most of this month 🎆

~*~

The minus twenty degrees felt like twenty tiny daggers stabbing Aleksi's face when he stepped outside the cottage. His hands trembled and he almost dropped the lighter on the snowy porch before he could lit up his cigarette with icy fingers; it didn't feel apporpriate to wear the handmade fingerless gloves he had gotten for Christmas while sneaking out for a smoke, although Aleksi supposed the gift-giver must have picked up on his little secret by now. He couldn't help but wonder how much longer it would take for her to discover all the other skeletons in his closet.

The first drag did nothing but hurt his already aching lungs, but at least it was a pain he could handle. He puffed out smoke which disappeared in the darkness before him, with the moon hiding behind a thick blanket of clouds. At least it's still there, though, Aleksi thought as he took a nother drag, unlike the sun who wouldn't show his yellow ass up this north for a couple of more weeks. In a way it was comforting, to know he wasn't as alone as he felt, even if the celestial bodies were hiding from him.

And yet, even the polar night wasn't as black as his mind.

He brought the cigarette back to his lips and tried not to imagine the way Olli had stolen his smoke off his mouth just a few days ago to replace it with his own lips. It had been risky, dangerous, stupid, but Aleksi couldn't blame Olli; he should've known better than to agree to her idea to invite Olli and his partner to keep them company during the days between Christmas and New Year at their rental Lapland cottage. He should've known better than to stay behind with Olli and a half-empty bottle of Shiraz when their girlfriends disappeared upstairs to make their beds. He should've known better than to let Olli follow him outside when he desperately needed a smoke to release the unwanted tension (a habit he had picked up from Olli, who else). He should've known better than to push Olli against the kitchen counter until he could feel Olli's hard-on through the front of his jeans, but by then he had been far too lost in his desire to care, of course.

His useless, wine-tipsy brain already betraying him as it had betrayed him then, Aleksi dropped the cigarette stub by his feet to put it out, only to light up another a second later. He justified it by telling himself it would make it easier for him to forget, knowing very well it would only have the opposite effect; the nicotine was but another drug that would fail to give him the fix he needed, the one only Olli could give him.

Because yes, Aleksi hated to admit, the adrenaline he got from it all was almost as addictive as everything else about Olli was. As twisted as it sounded, and as ashamed as he was to even consider it, in a way Aleksi had hoped the two women would come back downstairs to witness Olli bending him over the dining table, pounding into him, panting obscenities in his ear.

That would've brought an end to it all, at least. They all deserved better than this endless web of lies Aleksi was too cowardly to handle like a man, too weak to stop before it would rush over them all like an avalanche and suffocate them underneath it.

He hadn't even realised he had taken out his phone until he was staring at Olli's contact open on the screen. His fingers had gone numb by then, so maybe that was why.

He was already sniffling when the ringback tone filled his ear. During the seconds before Olli picked up, Aleksi hoped Olli would already be asleep (and prayed to the moon behind the clouds he wouldn't be).

"Hey Ale," a quiet voice eventually said. Had Aleksi not been as overtaken by his despair, hearing it would've felt like summer in the depths of winter. Now, it only made him exhale a shaky breath and take another drag of his cigarette.

Olli's end of the line fell silent, as if to wait for Aleksi to free up his lungs for speaking. When Aleksi coulnd't force a single word out from between his quivering lips, Olli sighed.

"It's late."

"I know."

"What do you want, then?"

The question wasn't hostile; Aleksi doubted if Olli could ever be.

"I just..." Aleksi started. He knew what he wanted, knew he couldn't have it, knew he shouldn't say it. (He begged the moon for his forgiveness.) "I want you, Olli. Just you."

There was another sigh in Olli's end, then a short, dry laugh. "Fuck you, Aleksi."

Aleksi wiped his cheeks dry before the frost would get to them and listened to Olli's cussing.

"Honestly, Aleksi, fuck you. You don't get to do this right now, not when... not when I had just made a resolution to fucking get over you."

"I'm... sorry." The sleeve of Aleksi's fleece was getting too wet and too cold and his cigarette too small for comfort.

The tone of Olli's sobs revealed Aleksi wasn't the only one who had tried to find solace in a glass of wine that evening.

"Fucking hell, Aleksi, I've spent two bloody days thinking about..." he paused to draw in a breath, then continued with a lower voice, "about us fucking on that tacky fake bearskin. Seriously, Aleksi, we were visiting her parents yesterday and all I could think about as we sat by their fireplace was how... was how fucking lovely you had looked."

Another helpless lump rose to Aleksi's throat as he thought back to it as well: making desperate love in front of the fireplace at three in the morning on the second night on Olli's stay at the cottage, too out of breath to kiss but unable to stop in fear their moans might wake up the sleepers upstairs. The glow of the slowly dying fire had exposed the sheen of sweat on Olli's skin and had coloured his eyes with gold and red and lust. The crack of the firewood had matched perfectly the cracks sounding from inside Aleksi's chest when he had seen the look on Olli's face as he had come down from his high, back to their shameful reality, realising what they had done.

The bearskin that had served as their mattress was now thrown on the rail of the porch in front of Aleksi, covered in snow. The day after Olli and his partner had left, Aleksi had claimed Rilla had made a mess on it and taken it out; the truth was that he just couldn't stand the sight of their crime scene, not with her curling up next to him on the couch in front of the fire.

"I'm sorry," Aleksi repeated, because what else was there left for him to say to defend himself?

"Sorry for wanting me or for calling me to say it?"

Neither.

"I don't know."

Neither, because loving you and wanting you is what gets me up from bed most days; because it's not my fault that I can't sleep, that I feel like I can't breathe lying next to her when it should be you, because how the fuck was I supposed to know at 17 that I'd meet you at 22; because falling for you was the best thing that's ever happened to me as much as it has been the worst, something I never asked for but which I would never give up again if I had my way.

Both, because it's not your fault either.

"Fuck..." Breaking the silence between them, Olli's whisper sounded louder than it probably was. "Two hours into the new year and I've already failed my resolution," he chuckled.

"Didn't take you for a resolution kinda guy, to be honest."

More joyless laughter sounded from Olli's end of the line. "I'm not. That's what's so funny about it. That, or me thinking I could actually make it."

The cigarette stub had slipped from Aleksi's fingers, its orange glow staring up at him from the snow. Even if his fingers weren't icicles by then, he wouldn't have bothered lighting up a new one; it would've been no use, when all his entire body craved was the man speaking softly into his ear.

"Because I want you too, Aleksi. I want you so much it makes no sense anymore."

"Did it ever?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know. In the beginning, I guess, when I felt like I could still control it. Or... convinced myself I could."

"Yeah," Aleksi could only agree, "maybe."

"And you?" Olli sniffled. "Did you make any pointless New Year's resolutions you broke the second you were given the chance?"

A weak smile trembled on Aleksi's lips.

"Thought I'd give up smoking."

Olli laughed. (Aleksi wanted to cry again.)

"Any luck with that so far?"

"No."

"Thought as much. Couldn't think of anything else you'd be shivering about at this hour, if not..." Olli traced off, leaving Aleksi to wonder if he, too, had been reminded of the smoky kiss they had shared right where Aleksi was now standing.

"You should go back inside, Aleksi. Before you freeze your balls off."

"And you should go back to bed, Olli." Before she wakes up and hears your tone of voice.

"Yeah. I will."

Aleksi knew he couldn't be the first to hang up, not least because he could no longer feel any of his fingers. He would've stood there all night, though, listening to Olli's silence if only he'd let him, if only that way he could keep pretending they wouldn't wake up next to different people in the morning.

"Can you... can we make a new resolution together?"

The request was quiet and hesitant, shy almost, although by now Aleksi knew Olli was anything but.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I was thinking... if we could promise to be happy this year."

Ice-cold air filled Aleksi's lungs as he gasped softly, ignoring the mild pain it caused – and a second later hoping Olli would offer him the relief for it.

"What do you mean?"

There was another silence that filled Aleksi with equal amounts of hope and hopelessness.

"I'm not sure."

"I see." It wasn't the answer Aleksi had wished for. He knew, however, that it wasn't fair on Olli to expect anything else.

"But how's that sound to you?"

Aleksi shurgged and shook his head, until he realised Olli couldn't see him. Perhaps he really should go back inside, or else his brain would ice up as well as his balls.

"Sounds good, actually."

"Good," Olli whispered.

There were a million things Aleksi would've still wanted to say to Olli, but only one of them felt appropriate in that moment. He had a whole year to try and say the rest, he supposed.

"Happy new year, Olli."

"Happy new year, Aleksi."

[aquagustd]

Okur gurl so I have been really busy these last few months because of exams BUT NOW I'M FREEE(kinda Now I'm studying for the driving license🤡🤡) ANYWAYS, the drama that's going on rn damnnn. I seriously don't know what to say oc has one of the worst lucks lol.

First of all seojoon, that man was sus and scary right from the beginning, the audacity he had to go to her own house and assault her 🤡. AND OC GOING HOME ALONE KNOWING THAT CREEP COULD COME, ARE YOU DUMB ?

And honestly I kinda understand but don't understand taehyung's anger, he's probably pissed because he saw oc and jungkook in a compromising position and then saw that jungkook knew of seojoon while he didn't. But at the same time he should be a bit more patient and understanding, it's not easy to open up about any type of assault. Oh and how is it possible that whenever we get two minutes of peace with tae there's gonna be 10 chaps of them being awkward and not talking 😭😭😭😭.

AND SORA THIS WOMAN, I mean she still hasn't done anything but I just hate her and can't stand her. You know it just came to my mind... Is there a possibility sora hired those men? I mean we still don't know what type of person she is and how she acts so idkkk.

This ask came longer than I expected, sorryy but I seriously love your stories, you're so talented and you can make the characters so real, it feels as if you're telling us a true story, the backstory, the way they act it's so well thought. We can see how much effort you put in your books and how much you like it. LOVE YOUU✨💖💖

-🧞‍♀️🌺

AHHH finally !! i missed you <3 exactly !! she went there knowing seojoon could be possibly waiting for her to be alone again 😒

yeah tae was probably mad after he saw oc & jk in a compromising position definitely 🫣 but he said he’s gonna come back to deal with seojoon so ig he still cares…no they always have petty arguments and then make up 😭

it could be a possibility…like we’re getting oc’s pov and she knows nothing about sora apart from the fact that she’s jungkooks fiancée & she works with him :/

AHH thank you so much bb. i truly work hard on this fic and when my effort is appreciated it really motivates me to keep writing & putting it out there for you guys to read <33 thank you and love you too 🥺