#đ„PINKY NEWSđ„ đI'M NOT CRYING
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đ„PINKY NEWSđ„ đI'M NOT CRYING, YOU AREđ âFollow the author in twitter: dltngus0318 âïžManwha: Totem's Realm #totemsrealm #totemsrealmanhwa #shaka #shakatotemsrealm #shakaxsera #teamshaka #shakabestohusbando #manwha #josei #manga #pinkynews #pinkyedit
#đ„PINKY NEWSđ„ đI'M NOT CRYING#YOU AREđ âFollow the author in twitter: dltngus0318 âïžManwha: Totem's Realm totemsrealm totemsrealmanhwa shaka shakatotemsrealm shak
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it's okay, i'm okay : ÌÌâìŽíŹìč
i don't want him anyway, girl, take him..
â§heeseung x f!reader
genre/warnings: 3.8k, i donât want to give too much away :0 but angst, relationship, cheating, shouting, sex, fighting, mentions of wishing death. this in no way shape or form represents heeseung, it's purely fictional! italics are flashback scenes!!!
a/n: iâm obsessed with this song omg + i listened to white ferrari (itâs my cry song đ) at one point while writing this so theres a few references AND i was listening to the new tyler album so if itâs not sad enough itâs because i was so excited đđ ooo and the favourite song choice is from those playlists that enha made at the start of the romance untold era đ„đ„ for @sofsofenso my no.1 fan, mwah đœ i hope you like it !!
masterlist
"I. Love. You. So. Fucking. Much." he kissed you between each word.
Your chest was heavy as you held his weight on your stomach but you managed to laugh at his actions.
"We'll be together forever right?" you held your pinky out.
"Forever and ever!" he crossed his own with yours.
Heeseung Lee wasnât dead but you truly wished he was.
Your naive 11-year-old heart truly believed that you'd be with him forever. He was your first everything.
You were that cheesy couple in the group that everyone believed would get married and have kids and stay together till you were old and grey.
Too bad, considering your luck was always terrible and you had attracted the devil's spawn.
The fleeting moments of you sneaking him into your room, the lingering touches you shared and the overall thought of his existence skated around the interior of your brain.
You desperately wanted to get rid of them but they brought a sense of comfort that only he could fill.
flashback!-
"I think you might be my soulmate.." he trailed off.
"Hee!" you scolded him. "Wait until after we meet your parents."
You smoothed down your black skirt, checking your outfit in the mirror one last time.
He helped you into his red leather jacket before pulling you into his embrace.
"Heeseung!"
"Okay, okay baby." he pulled away. "Let me get a picture before we go,"
The flash of his polaroid camera captured your smitten expression as he kissed your cheek.
His parents loved you, they claimed that their son had a glow around him whenever he was with you.
"Oh my, sorry. I can't focus when I look into your eyes, pretty." Heeseung whispered.
You lightly hit his chest. "I was telling you to look at this."
"Wait, new lockscreen and it's still me!" he got up and did a little dance.
"Yeah, but that not what I- "
He picked you up and twirled you around before attacking you with tickles.
"Stop, stop!"
"Tell me how much you love me and I'll stop." he cackled.
"I love you, so much, Hee." you collapsed onto his bed in a fit of giggles.
He flopped down next to you and pulled you into his chest.
"You really are my soulmate."
What a bunch of crap.
"Yn.. don't look but she's.. over there." Winter glared in the direction of the girl who was partly responsible for the end of your relationship.
flashback!-
Keeho rested an arm around your shoulder as he showed you around the party.
"You're so drunk already." You laughed at him. âAgain.â
It was common for Keeho to get heavily drunk at preâs and every time he said he would stop but just didnât follow through.
"AM not." he pouted.
The two of you walked over to your friends.
"Where's your man?" Sungchan laughed behind his cup.
"We're not always together." you grumbled.
His comment did make you curious though as you had both made your way to the party separately.
Your grandfather was sick and you wanted to visit him in the hospital before making your way to Keeho's 19th, so you had told Heeseung he could meet you whenever he got there.
Chenle told you that he'd seen him in the kitchen earlier so they all followed you there.
"Heeseung! What the fuck!" you shouted.
Yunjin was pressed up against your boyfriend who had a hand in her hair. They were about an inch away from kissing but judging by the gloss on his lips, you could tell that they already had.
He gently pushed her away with a laugh.
"Baby, hey." he waved to your friends too.
"What is your problem?!"
You pushed him away as he got closer to you.
He grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the kitchen.
"Guys.." Winter called after you.
His feet stopped once you were inside a bathroom.
"I've never seen you that mad before, pretty." he laughed.
"Let me out."
"No way... you're actually jealous."
Your jaw dropped.
"I'm not jealous, I'm breaking up with you."
"No, you're not." His face dropped. âYour emotions are high right now because your grandfather is sick. Donât let that cloud your judgement.â
All you could do was look away because you believed his words.
"Come on, let's talk about this." he attempted to kiss you.
"Get off! You've clearly kissed someone else tonight and you expect me to want to stay with you despite you cheating."
This wasn't even the first time you'd caught him âcheatingâ on you.
He laughed in your face.
"This isn't Yunjin's lip combo." he joked.
"Well, it's someone's isn't it?" you frowned.
"So, you're gonna throw away 9 years because you don't trust me?" he calmed down.
Spolier! He'd convinced you to stay with him once again!
You remember the disappointed looks from all of your friends when you walked out with his arm around you.
They werenât the only people who began to warn you about Heeseung.
Every new person youâd interacted with told you that he was bad news but you reassured them that he was just getting used to university.
He seemed to switch as soon as youâd gotten to uni, badmouthing you to his friends, staying out late, missing dates, ignoring you and each time youâd take him back.
You even took him back when you walked into the lunch area and caught him kissing your seat-mate from Politics.
Your best friends didnât speak to you for a week after that one.
But youâd become desensitised to the feeling you got when youâd catch him. Taking him back immediately saved you from having to argue with him and you were tired.
Tired from the stress of your degree and having to deal with Heeseung.
Everywhere you went, you received looks of pity. No one envied you for being in a relationship with Heeseung, they all felt sorry for you.
You continued to defend him and every time heâd act out and chip off a piece of your heart, leaving you embarrassed and scared.
âHee is my soulmate.â you reiterated.
Heeseung was all you ever wanted.
He was all youâd ever known.
Hee was your first everything.
Letting him go, would be losing a part of yourself and you werenât quite sure if you were capable of doing that yet.
But four months later at the same house you'd been pushed to your limit.
flashback!-
âGreat to see that you arenât as drunk as last time.â Chenle poked at Keeho.
âIâm on lookout, Jiung smashed my dining room table last time.â He rolled his eyes.
âYn!â someone turned you around.
âHey, Yunjin.â you all sighed.
âWhereâs Heeseung?â she pouted.
You really didnât know and you were tired of people asking you that.
âI donât know, go find him if you want.â you shrugged.
You had every reason to be mad at him.
It was your 10-year anniversary and you hadnât done anything to celebrate together.
The party was his idea of âhaving a fun anniversaryâ.
âYunjin, donât come over to kill the vibe.â Sungchan groaned.
âFine.â she grumbled.
On her way past you, she pretended to trip in order to dump her drink down your front.
âShit.â you ran off to a bathroom in order to get the ice out of your bra, not even stopping to hear Winter scold Yunjin.
Most of them were locked so you opted for the one in Keehoâs bedroom.
On the verge of tears, you attempted to calm yourself down and get a shirt from his walk in wardrobe.
You threw on a jersey that matched with your jeans and were on your way out when someone came into the main area of the room.
âFinally, Iâve been looking for you for ages.â a girl giggled.
âWhat is Yunjin doing here?â
âWell, Iâm a busy man.â
âHeeseung?! What kind of a sick joke was this?â
âUgh donât remind me. I asked Yn where you were and she literally said she didnât care.â
âI didnât say that??â
âWhat?â Heeseung sounded confused.
âEnough about her, Iâm right here. And we have all the time in the world.â
You could hear her kiss him.
The same lips that had spent countless hours pressed against your own.
The same lips that spoke promises of fulfilment and expressed their gratitude towards you.
The same lips that whispered words of encouragement when it was just the two of you, late at night while you gave yourself to him.
You felt disgusted.
Heeseung Lee wasnât dead, but you truly wished he was. You wanted him to suffer an unspeakable fate for hurting you but every time you thought of him, you couldnât bear the thought of having to live without him.
The remaining fragments of your heart fell into the palm of your hand. There was nothing to fight for anymore.
You shouldâve moved long before the moans reached your ear but you were frozen in shock.
âIs this what people warned me of.â you panicked. âI shouldâve never let it get this far.â
Your feet didnât wait and moved involuntarily as you gave away your hiding spot.
You needed to see it for yourself.
The tears that youâd been holding in for months fell down your cheeks.
âI canât do this- not today.â
Pushing past them you ran downstairs and out the doors, attracting the attention of your friends.
âYn? What, wait!â Heeseung shouted, running after you as he slipped his clothes back on.
He grabbed your arm pulling you back into his embrace.
You shoved him away violently this time.
âBaby, Iâm sorry.â
âYou canât keep saying youâre sorry and then acting out and embarrassing me every. single. time. Iâm fed up Heeseung, I am done with you for good. The pain I feel just from loving you is a burden that I shouldnât have to face anymore. I love you so much, Hee- Heeseung.â You cried as you pushed him away again. âI care so much, but itâs clear that my best just wasnât enough for you. Iâm sure that- that in another life weâd be happy.. but in this one I just donât think thatâs possible.â
âYn, no. Iâll fix this.. Iâll fix us and I- Iâll change my ways. Just- please.â he trembled. âI wanted- I want to spend my life with you.. I canât lose you. You canât leave me. Youâre all Iâve ever known.â
âWell thatâs not true,â you sobbed. âI donât trust you anymore.â
âBaby, why.â he grabbed your hands. âWhy donât you trust me anymore? What do I have to do to get you to trust me again.. Iâll do anything for you. I love you..â
You could see your friends in your peripheral vision watching in concern. Waiting to intervene.
âCan I ask you something?â you stared him in the eye. âI need you to answer honestly.â
âAnything!â he pleaded, tears running down his face. âAsk me anything.â
âWhy did you do it time after time?â you watched him deny his acts.
âSieun told me. You were with Yunjin, Aya, Kate. You even tried it on my Winter and sheâs my best friend, Mia, Yeji, Aeri.. I canât.â The tears fell again.
âNone of them compare to you.. Baby, please donât leave.â he tried getting closer to you. âWhen I look at you all I see is my soulmate. I care for you still and I will, forever.â
âWell, I look at you⊠and I see nothing.â
For once, he didnât even try to fight back.
The rest of the night was a blur.
Sungchan punched him and Winter took you home as you cried for days to come.
You waited by the phone for a text or even a call with an apology but days passed then weeks which turned into months.
There was an odd sense of comfort in knowing that he knew he was in the wrong but all you wanted to do was have him hold you and tell you that everything would be alright.
Yunjin waited for her coffee to be made as she looked down at her phone.
"I.. You know what.. I don't care." you leaned back in your chair.
You didnât know if she was still dating him, and you didnât want to.
Chenle gasped.
"Are you being real right now?" He pressed. "This is new territory."
You nodded.
Winter suddenly began to look uncomfortable.
"Coming.. over.. here." she muttered out.
"Yn!" Yunjin screeched. âYouâre going to Keehoâs party tonight right?â
âYeah.. Surprised that you are too, you know.â
She pointed at herself confused.
âI didnât know you were friends with Keeho.â you pointed.
âOh, Iâm not. Iâm someoneâs plus one.â she looked away bashfully.
âThatâs not a problem.â you shrugged it off. âWeâre all there to get wasted anyway.â
She mistook your lack of anger as friendship.
âWell, hope I see you later.â she waved, taking off as her order was called up.
âI donât.â Chenle groaned.
You looked at the time on your phone.
âCute lockscreen.â Winter giggled.
It was a picture of you, her, Chenle, Sungchan and Keeho on holiday together.
That was the summer after you and Heeseung broke up.
flashback!-
âIt is so hot here.â Winter fanned herself.
âThatâs because youâre stood out on the balcony.â Sungchan laughed.
Everyone else lounged around your hotel room.
You were still a mess.
They were trying to distract you from anything and everything and while you appreciated the thought, you just wanted Heeseung back.
Your phone was connected to Keehoâs speaker, blasting some songs that you werenât paying attention to.
A familiar intro snapped you out of your trance and you immediately reached for your phone.
âNo- No, Yn give me that.â Chenle snatched the phone out of your hands.
Youâd pressed onto Heeseungâs contact and were in the process of typing out âI miss youâŠâ
You remembered what Heeseung told you the first time. âSincerity is scary by the 1975. Whenever I hear the song, I think of you.â he shrugged. âI guess thatâs why itâs my favourite.â
All it took was one song, his favourite song, and you fell back into the rhythm that they were trying to get you out of.
âCome on.â Keeho smiled as he helped you up. âLetâs go out, itâs not every day that you get to be in Hawaii!
Now two years had passed.
You were in the final year of your Bachelorâs degree, with employment lined up for you to work under a United Nations representative as you studied for your Masters.
Winter was going off to Paris to work as a designer for a luxury brand, Chenle was already earning 6 figures as an accountant while studying, Keeho and Sungchan were both planning a gap year before going into business and engineering respectively.
Your best friends, all going their separate ways. You couldnât bear the thought.
You loved them like no other and having to deal with lifeâs problems alone didnât seem too great.
Together youâd created a calendar to show whenever someone was free and had planned several group holidays to come.
Spending winter in Paris with Winter, spring break in the Philippines with Keeho and Sungchan and several mini trips in summer with Chenle.
âCheers!â Keeho shouted.
âWhat are we cheering to?â you laughed.
âUs⊠duh!â
Youâd all settled on the conservatory sofa, away from the noise and people at the party.
âWe have 5 months left, donât get sappy.â Sungchan smiled.
âWell if you think about it, itâll be over in no time.â Winter looked deep in thought. âWeâve been friends for 19 years now and those flew by.â
19 years..
It didnât take long for you all to realise that you really didnât have a lot of time left in your bubble.
Having to face the real world without your found family was difficult.
âI donât want to leave you guys.â Chenle cried into your side as you all hugged each other.
âPlease donât be a stranger guys,â Keeho sobbed. âWeekly group facetime calls, weekend trips..â
âI want postcards.â you wailed. âFrom your world trip.â
âYouâll all get them.â Sungchan bawled.
âRemember in nursery when- when Chenle started that paint fight and we all got scolded by the teacher.â Winter laughed with a sniffle.
Laughter broke out across the group.
You had the picture on your childhood bedroom wall. The four-year-old versions of yourselves covered head to toe and looking guilty.
Time really does fly by.
âI love you guys.â
The moment was cut short when Jiung stumbled into the room.
âHey!â
âNot me!â
Chenle dove out of the way and you ended up covered in Jiungâs drink.
âWhy does everyone put ice in their drinks!â you wined. âIâm going to steal a shirt, Keeho.â
You left the group as they arranged a ride home for Jiung and looked for a change of clothes in Keehoâs wardrobe.
Slipping a shirt on, you left his room but realised youâd wanted to use the bathroom.
There was another down the hall anyway.
You were in the process of washing your hands when you noticed the song seeping through the gap under the door.
âSincerity is scary by the 1975.â
But you didnât have an urge to text him.
The door flung open.
âWhy!â you groaned.
âBa- Yn..â he tilted his head. âYou look better.â
âPlease leave, Heeseung.â
You hated how he looked even better.
âWhy are you looking at me like that..â you whined.
You hated how your whole being shut down as soon as you were close to him. The past two years went out of the window.
âLike what?â he whispered.
âYou know we canât..â you trailed off.
He took several steps closer to you and you hesitated to breathe.
âWeâre not doing anything.â his eyes were very much focused on your lips.
Winterâs voice rang out in your head.
âDonât tell the guys.. but if you ever end up in the same place as him, I think you should get closure. Itâll help you move on.â
You let him kiss you.
When he pulled away you brought him back, kissing his lips with a hunger youâd never had before.
He pulled you up by the waist and placed you on the bathroom counter, fingers immediately making their way under your skirt.
âAre you sure?â he asked.
âOne last time.â you confirmed before kissing him again with even more passion.
âFuck, youâre so wet.â he pulled down your underwear and began to lap at your cunt.
Your hands grasped at his now red hair, as your head fell back against the mirror with a gasp.
He knew you like the back of his hand and you were ashamed to reach your climax so fast as he worked your insides with precision and memory.
âFuck.. Hee- Heeseung, Iâm gonna cum.â you moaned out.
âCum for me, pretty. You did so well,â he praised as he rubbed your clit.
The nickname and intensity of your orgasm did a number on you.
You felt lightheaded as he kissed you breathlessly before reaching into his pocket to pull out a condom.
âThank God, he got the message. One last time.â you thought. It felt too intimate to let him fuck you raw.
Your fingers made light work of discarding his belt and jeans so you could pull his boxers down teasingly slowly.
âBaby, please..â he whined.
You slid off the counter and onto your knees, immediately taking him into your mouth.
Your muscles moved like clockwork, memory working overtime as you pushed his buttons the way he always loved.
âNot yet..â he whimpered.
He pulled your head off his dick and helped you stand up then bent you over the counter.
You watched in the mirror as he rolled the condom on and then rubbed his length on the slick of your release.
âHeeseung,â you whined as he nudged your clit with his tip.
âAll in one?â he asked you.
You nodded.
He sheathed himself into you in one go.
Feeling as though you could cum then and there, you slumped onto the surface in front of you.
Heeseung grabbed your hair and forced you to watch him in the mirror.
Once you made eye contact, you became fully aware of the situation you were in.
You cried out as he slapped your ass before slamming into you from behind.
The moans leaving your lips and whines leaving his would be heard by everyone if the music wasnât so loud.
He knew exactly what to do and you didnât even have to tell him what pace to go at, he remembered.
âHee! Right there.â you cried out. âR- Right there.â
âIâm so close.â he cried. âShit..â
âMe too.â you held your hand out.
Heeseung grabbed your outstretched hand as you came together.
Silence overcame you both as he threw the condom into the bin and helped clean you up.
He tried to kiss you again.
You looked away.
It was clear that he had just cried but so had you.
The tension and emotion you had for each other was too strong.
âIâm sorry.â he croaked out. âIâm so sorry.â
Your arms pulled him into your embrace.
âItâs okay.â
He pulled back slightly and kissed you again.
This time it was light and if you werenât paying attention, it wouldâve felt as though he was never there.
You wiped his tears away before your own.
âDo you ever think about what life would be like for us, if things were different..?â he asked.
Someone burst into the room.
âYou bitch!â Yunjin shouted at you.
It wasnât hard to assume that youâd just had sex with the smell lingering in the room and the mirror fogged up.
âHuh?â you looked at Heeseung to explain.
âWait, Yn- â
You laughed in pain.
âYouâve got to be fucking kidding me.â
Youâd just helped him do what broke your heart in the first place.
Instead of sadness or anger you just felt done.
âWe were just talking.â you lied.
You werenât covering for him. You knew that he needed the closure as much as you did but ultimately you were trying to save your own skin.
Yunjin looked furious.
âYou can have him.â she seethed. âI shouldâve known that heâd never get over you. But I didnât think that youâd try to get at him.â
âGirl, take him. Heâs yours.â you put your hands up, signalling that you were finished with whatever was going on. âI had him in the first place, I donât want him anymore.â
You felt bad talking about Heeseung like he was an object while he was right in front of you but you pushed that aside.
âNo-!â she frowned.
âI donât want him anyway,â you turned to leave. âGirl take him.â
Yunjin didnât even try to fight it.
She seemed shocked that youâd given up so easily.
âHeeseung,â you started. âTo answer your question, I did. But I learned not to expect much from you.â
Heeseung Lee wasnât dead, but you no longer cared enough to wish he was.
THE END.
#heeseung angst#enhypen heeseung#heeseung smut#lee heeseung#enhypen hard hours#enhypen x reader#heeseung x reader#enhypen scenarios#heeseung scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen smut#enhypen x you#enhypen x female reader#enhypen hard thoughts#enha smut#enha x reader#enha scenarios#enha imagines#heeseung#heeseung hard hours#heeseung fanfic#heeseung imagines#enhypen angst
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Fireplace, Ice, Night Sky and Sled
Thank you for the questions autumnwander! :)
đ„ Fireplace: what type of scene are you most comfortable writing? Emotional, action, dialogue-heavy?
I gotta say, I do like writing action scenes! Dialogue is something that I feel comes easy to me (especially for Ice Age fics becos I can "hear" Manny and Diego "speaking" to me, so well, for instance) but I don't like dialogue in a vacuum so oftentimes dialogue will come to me, sort of "out of context" and then I build a scene around it.
An example of this is the little missing scene btwn Manny, Diego, and Roshan in L23 where Diego, baffled, asks Manny for clarification about why he's so protective of Pinky because I definitely feel Diego nosed into or had questions about Manny (especially wrt Pinky!) before the cave paintings reveal the depth of his great tragedy and this was also teased a bit as well in my first fic ever posted, Peekaboo!
đ„¶ Ice: whatâs been the most difficult scene for you to write?
Uh.... probably the death scenes of [redacted] and [redacted] in L21, or finally writing out the scene I had in my head for years of Diego dry sobbing at Half Peak as he loses everyone dear to him in Lacrimosa. Ngl those scenes made me actually and physically cry haha :'(
And yes, that WAS gonna be the original ending!! (Back when I thought that uncontrollable fic was only gonna be five chapters - I really wanted to write/get onto CI back in 2011 - but nooo it just had to be LONG. /grumble grumble).
Oh, and my fic, Tiger's Heart... the entire latter half of that fic were difficult scenes to write and writing that fic legitimately made me break down, and cry too, especially since I can see my CI-verse foreshadowing in it that I think is missed by most readers. đđđđ
đNight Sky: what are your writing goals for 2023? Or: how did you feel about your writing in 2022?
I'm going to answer this one first. Well, first of all, my writing goals for 2023 is officially and finally getting Cruel Intentions (bk 1) off the ground and getting it posted. Lacrimosa's L24 is halfway written atm (at 3k words :s) but I already have a good chunk of 20k material to alter and revise and chop it up into at least 1-4 (?) chapters for Cruel Intentions (1) for next year.
How I feel about my writing for this year? I am overall very happy! I am SO CLOSE to achieving my goal of reviving Lacrimosa - out of its 8 yr ffn hiatus - and completing it within 2022 like I planned when I revived it in Nov 2021. That alone makes me ecstatic! :D
đ· Sled: how has your writing process changed this year? Or: are you going to try anything new in your process in 2023?
My writing process hasn't changed all that much, this year, I feel. I did try a bit of "pantsing" (around L19 and onwards for Lacrimosa) and discovered that the pantsing method doesn't really work very well for me. I am definitely more of a "gardener" type writer and it's honestly preferable for me to have a synopsis/outline at the ready so I can build off scenes I've written down the essences of in the synop/outline and then flesh them out/bring them to life.
#autumnwander#Winter Writeblr Ask Game#asks#ficcing#my ficcing#CI musings#my Ice Age ficcing#fic: cruel intentions: lacrimosa#fic: cruel intentions#fic: peekaboo!#plans for CI-verse for next year#thanks again for the questions/interest! :)
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