#🌸⸝⸝︵ Even if it means hurting myself. | declined

[foxyslide]

🦋DIARY🌸

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TW crappy Ed art, ramblings, cw, intake and cals burned

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(Old)

Update from yesterday. I feel like I’ve had this epiphany before??? About stopping smoking 🍃??? Have I??? I should probs go through all my rants to see the patterns. It’s 13:07 now having coffee, gonna go out cycling in a bit after our “brunch” I guess since it’s so late, we woke up at 11:30 lol, hubby is gonna eat something and have his tea. Feeling good, cw this morning 53.3kg. Gonna fast again today, and tm hubby said he wants to have sugar cane juice with me at the Indian neighbourhood. I looked up the cals for 100ml it’s 78kcal and it’s high in fibre apparently so it’s good for weight loss although it is of course high in sugar. We’re getting it straight from the sugar cane the guys gonna cut it up and prepare it for us which is really cool. 

“Guys. Guys. Guys… I managed to fast today without any problems. The trick? Stop smoking 🍃 🤦🏽‍♀️like, how did I not realise this before????? I completely forgot about munchies. I really thought the hunger was coming from within, that I had no self control, that I was spiralling. It’s crazy how much it changes the way you think. But today I was chill, I didn’t go out cycling on my own had a lot of social anxiety in the morning so couldn’t do it, but did a few crunches, drew, just chilled. And when hubby came home we went out cycling a little. I had decided to stop smoking and to do cleanse my body, do my seven year plan (yeah, looooooong arse plan, basically you know how your cells are all replaced every seven to ten years, i want every part of my being to be healthy with no junk within them at all. And since I’ve read your genes can turn on and off depending on your environment/what you consume - for example if you’re a smoker and you stop smoking, in time your smoking gene gets turned off - I can change myself in that level too. This might be extreme but I feel the need to be cleansed, start fresh.) Hubby came home and I declined smoking, he still smoked and ate (pizza again from the shops) and we chatted for a long time which was nice. I told him everything and now he also wants to change and do it with me. He told me he wished I’d told him before because then he wouldn’t have gotten more 🍃 to smoke, he would have stopped today. I said it’s alright he’s on holiday from next week he can start then. Made me feel good that he wants to join me but also made me feel like shit so if I hadn’t taken initiative he would have just continued on like this and not given any thought to it, which means I can’t rely on him to get my life sorted out I have to rely on myself :-/ which is all good honestly I think I am quite mature and I don’t mind taking the reins (in some aspects of life, he’s mature in his own way and takes charge of practical things so I think we balance each other very well). 

Anyway so I will be working long shifts next week, and apparently you can loose up to seven kg in a week if you restrict properly so let’s see if that actually happens. I’m so excited, I know I’ll be exhausted from work but just having my mind unclouded gives me optimism I haven’t had before. 

Anyway today I had: 

Coffee 15kcal

Some sips of orange concentrate I’m gonna say 1kcal

Cycled 12miles -720kcal  

Some stomach crunches didn’t count how many I’m gonna guess 25 so that’s only -6.25kcal, I wanna incorporate crunches into my daily routine I can easily do them in bed.

So yep. Good day.”

This morning my abs hurt, I didn’t even do that many cruches! I feel so unfit because of it lol. Just need to continue doing them

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