#���� i'd show you my halo if only i knew where i had put it

[actuallyfallen]

> Looking for fictionfolk space

> Ask the admin if their group is for actual fictionfolk or KFF

> They don’t understand

> Pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is fictionfolk and what is KFF

> They laugh and say “it’s a good community space, sir”

> Join the community

> It’s KFF

[ageless-aislynn]

Title: “15 Minutes” (11/15) Author:  @ageless-aislynn​ Characters/fandom: Master Chief John-117/Reader, Halo the series Summary: John has learned something new that he'd like to show you… Series: How to date a Spartan (without even trying) Rating:  T (PG13) Length: 2,630 (this chapter, 27,487 total so far) Spoilers: Set in the Silver Timeline of Halo the series, not the games or novels. Though we began with the events of Halo 1x06, there will be no more show spoilers. We are still firmly seated in the AU Warthog, merrily driving out to places where there’s only a passing nod to canon. 😉 Disclaimer: Definitely not mine but I do enjoy borrowing them just for a bit! 😉 A/N:  Text is both here in this post or available at AO3, however you like to read. It's, yet again, been awhile since the last update, sad to say. I've been slogging through writer's block, health issues and some kinda awful real life stress but I'm not giving up on this fic (or its sibling, "Recreation"). I'd like to say that the final chapters will be here very soon but, well… I've learned to not call my shots, lol. I will, however, do my best to get them here as soon as I can. If you read, I hope you enjoy! ⭐💖⭐

Taglist: @pinheadbanger​ @mysardencut​ @laurenstacy610​ @sporadicbelievernightmare​ @ultrablackwidower​ @bxmxtx​ @jellotherelol @mirandastuckinthe80s

If you would like to be tagged in my John/Reader fics, just let me know! I also write John/Kai, John/Cortana and Kai/male Reader, so I’m glad to tag you for whatever you’d like. If you would like to be removed from the taglist, also feel free to let me know, no harm, no foul. 😉 💖

Halo fic masterlist ⭐

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10

PT arrived bright and early and, while you continued to bring out every expletive in every language you knew, ultimately it seemed your left side was improving: more range of motion in your shoulder and more strength in your leg, though the healing fractures still ached. All together, though, it was a win, no matter that it left you sweating and shaking like you'd wrestled an Elite and lost spectacularly.

You'd just come out of the shower and put on a fresh set of clothes when the door chimed. To your surprise, you found Riz and Vannak in their civvies standing there. You knew Silver Team had been on stand-by for the past few days – John hadn't been able to join you for every meal, understandably, but he had been there every night. Sleeping curled up in his arms was a luxury you weren't sure how you were going to give up when the time came. Kai and her friend had visited but this was the first time the other two Spartans had.

"Please, come in," you said and they did.

"You need new curse words," Riz said seriously.

"We got here while you were doing your therapy," Vannak explained. "Didn't want to interrupt."

"You could hear me cussing out in the hall?" you asked.

"Superior Spartan hearing," she said, matter-of-fact. "I doubt anyone else could."

"Teach her the one," he urged in as animated a tone as you'd ever heard from him before. "You know, the good one."

Which is how you ended up getting a tongue-twisting word in Sangheili added to your arsenal.

"You say that to any Covenant species and it's guaranteed to send them into a rage," Riz said with a confident nod.

"Except the Unggoy," Vannak added with a sneer. "Little bastards couldn't give a shit. They'll try to kill you on principle."

"I'll make sure I'm on a bullhorn from far away, then," you said, biting the inside of your lip to keep from grinning. "Don't want to be in striking distance if I'm going to send them into a rage."

They thought that over.

"Chief won't appreciate us telling her to pick a fight with a Sangheili," she pointed out.

"Just use it on somebody you're pretty sure you can take in a fight," he told you.

"I'll keep that in mind," you said.

They made slightly stilted small talk for about 15 more minutes, then took their leave.

A rest seemed in order, so you propped up on the bed and checked the news. They were in the middle of reporting that they had yet to apprehend the man who had tried to smuggle the bomb back to FLEETCOM in the Warthog. It showed some stock images of the Pit before being damaged by the explosion and that got you to thinking…

There should be some sort of footage of the explosion, right?

But, after poking around on your padd for a little while, you hadn't found much beyond what apparently had been approved for public viewing.

"Would you like some help with that?"

Cortana's voice startled you.

"Oh, hey there," you said, thinking, Poor thing, she's got the most boring job in the world keeping an eye on me. I hope I get the chance to buy her a coffee or something after all is said and done. Then your brain tardily caught up with her words. "You mean you have footage from the explosion?"

"Yes, I do."

"And it's something I have clearance to see?"

"I have footage from the explosion," she repeated, her tone supremely innocent.

Before you could decide whether to ask to see it or not, the holo on the wall lit up. The security cams had caught the explosion from multiple angles. You winced as you saw a body – your body – fly out of the crane operator seat to disappear into a sea of smoke and debris.

A moment later, the view changed, the quality severely degrading. You squinted through the pixilation and haze and realized you were seeing from the point of view of the holo-emiter Cortana had contacted you from.

"Oh, shit," you muttered. The massive beam that had pinned you down should've killed you outright but you'd gotten supremely lucky in the way the rest of the building had fallen, providing just enough support to give you a tiny open space. But even without the sudden, helpful overlay that detailed out the edges of the debris through the smoke, you could see how quickly that respite was vanishing as the beam's weight bore it inexorably lower and lower.

You found yourself gasping for breath, cast back into that moment. The image changed abruptly. Trying to figure out where you were now viewing from helped to break you free of the encroaching panic attack.

Then it all made sense: you were looking at several officers, so covered in dirt and dust that you couldn't recognize their rank, much less determine their names. They also looked extremely short.

Before you even skimmed over the information feeding out in rapid-fire bursts, you knew that this was John's HUD after Silver Team had arrived back on site.

"John, get here now. The support beam is failing!"

Cortana's voice came through his helmet's comm. "There's no time," he said, interrupting the man as he was saying that they would have to wait for an excavation crew to arrive to safely dig you out.

He was running before the man could object. The feed cut back and forth from his HUD to the holo-emiter. This gave you an unexpected perspective on how efficiently Silver Team worked. They needed almost no words as they homed in on your location, grabbing, lifting, moving and supporting each part of the perilous structure as needed.

It was Vannak who caught the beam before it crushed you but it was John who lifted it off of you.

The holo-emiter's feed abruptly ended and you were back in John's HUD. Vannak and Kai caught another part of the crumbling wreckage, creating an opening for Riz to dig you out by hand.

You noted almost absently how steady John's vitals were. He was holding a building off of you as if it were nothing at all.

"Out," Riz announced and John carefully lowered the weight he'd been supporting.

When he turned, you saw Riz clearing the way for Kai, who was now the one carrying you. Vannak and John followed.

They emerged out of the wreckage and Kai went into the Spartan run, taking you directly into a Pelican where she turned you over to a team of medics. The Spartans were waved back and the ship launched.

"We'll catch the next one," Riz said.

"She'll be all right, Chief," Kai told him. "She's strong."

He nodded curtly, tracking the Pelican that was carrying you away.

And once it went out of sight, that was when his vitals spiked and his heart began to pound.

You were still thinking about what all you'd seen when the door chimed again. A glance at the chrono proved it was lunchtime. You opened the door and, indeed, the first thing you saw was a massive, covered tray that no doubt contained your meal. But it was John who was carrying it.

"Silver's on stand-by," he warned, "but I thought we might get a chance to eat together."

Since you weren't yet cleared to make the long walk down to the Mess, a table and pair of chairs had been set up across from the couch a few days ago. As soon as he'd placed the tray down, you practically tackled him.

"Permission to hug the Master Chief?" you asked well after the fact, your voice muffled into his chest.

He gently returned the embrace. "Always granted."

You found yourself holding onto him a little bit longer than usual.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I saw the footage from the Pit," you said, resting your cheek against him. "I already knew I was lucky to get out of there but really seeing it? I… It makes me appreciate being here."

He paused for long enough that you looked up at him, finding him gazing over your head as if hearing something over a comm. Then he turned his attention back down to you, brow furrowing. "She shouldn't have shown you that footage and upset you."

"Cortana? No, I'm glad she did. It happened to me, after all." You put your face against him again and squeezed him once more around his waist. "You held a building off of me, John."

He made a move as if about to pick you up, then thought better of it and knelt instead to bring you more on a level together. "I'd hold a million buildings off of you, don't you know that?" he said, cupping your face. "Just… try not to be under any more falling buildings, hm?"

"I'll certainly do my best," you swore and kissed his palm.

The look in his eyes altered, grew both darker and softer at the same time. When you leaned towards him, he met you halfway.

He started carefully, like he did everything with you, but soon the kiss intensified, deepened, and his hands skimmed from the crown of your head down your back as if he wanted to map every line, curve and angle you possessed.

And then your stomach growled, loudly and unmistakably, and you muttered your newly-learned curse word.

He leaned back to look at you, amusement tugging insistently at his mouth. "That one's Vannak's favorite. He and Riz talked about coming to see you today. I'm assuming they did?"

"They did," you said, then winced as your stomach grumbled something awfully close to a repeat of the Sangheili curse word.

"Why don't we eat," he said, completely surrendering to the smile, "and you can tell me all about it."

Happily, he didn't get called away and you were able to finish your meal together in peace.

"Could I show you something I recently learned?" he asked as you stood from the table.

"As long as it doesn't involve throwing me around the room," you teased.

"Oh, I'll save that until you're all healed up," he murmured, then winked.

You'd like to think you laughed but no, that was a full-fledged giggle. "So, what did you learn?"

"Therapeutic massage," he said, flexing his fingers. "It's supposed to promote healing and relaxation. Want to give it a try?"

"Absolutely," you said. "Where do you want me at?"

"On the footstool, if that's okay?"

"Sure."

The wide, plush, rainbow-colored bit of furniture was another recent addition to the room, added because John wanted you to have the option to put your feet up. Kai had told you that, as soon as you were healthy again, she was going to high-five you for the color choice.

While his back was turned as he adjusted the stool the way he wanted it in front of the couch, you took your shirt off and tossed it haphazardly towards the bed.

He sat, a leg on either side of the stool, and looked up at you, clearly about to say something. But then his expression went thunderstruck and the words never emerged.

You had the same UNSC sports bra that he had to have seen other marines wearing in the gym a thousand times. You'd spotted Kai and Riz in them before, so it shouldn't have been that shocking.

"This all right?" you asked.

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Yes." Every affirmative had its own completely separate inflection, from stunned to wonderment to Wait, don't put the shirt back on.

You turned away, hiding your grin as you sat down where directed. Considering that you were hardly in top fighting form at the moment, his reaction was a very nice little ego boost.

His hands settled gently against your back, fingers curling over your shoulders. "If I use too much pressure or there's pain, tell me right away. Is there anything I should definitely avoid?"

"Can't raise the arm like I should" –you gave a roll of your left shoulder– "but it's already much better than it was."

"Copy that, no raising the arm. Anything else?"

No matter how battered and bruised you felt, there was no way you were going to miss this. "I'll let you know," you promised.

"Okay," he said and his hands glided up to your neck, then out, following the lines of the trapezius on both sides. The heels of his palms followed your spine down in a feathery touch, then spread out along your lats like he was smoothing wrinkles out of them before skimming down your obliques to your hips.

He returned to your shoulders again and very, very carefully kneaded into the tightness there. You did your best not to flinch when he hit a particularly sore spot but he jerked back as if you'd screamed.

"It's fine," you said quickly, afraid he was about to end up perched on the back of the couch like a very large, traumatized cat. "This is the only way to get rid of it. Just got to work it out."

His hands settled cautiously on your shoulders once more.

"You're doing great," you assured him, patting his knees on either side of you encouragingly, and his thumbs drew circles over the painful places as if he were trying not to fracture a thin sheet of glass.

The knots relaxed and you exhaled in the closest thing to sheer bliss you'd experienced in a long while. The warmth and gentle pressure had you melting back into him, your head lolling a bit, your eyelids fluttering shut and—

The next thing you knew, you were waking up. "Oh come on, I didn't want to sleep through all the good parts," you mumbled.

John's chuckle rumbled beneath your ear. He had pulled you back onto his lap on your right side, cradled comfortably against his chest. One hand was gently rubbing your back while the other covered the hand you had fisted into his shirt.

"I'm going to take this as a compliment to my therapeutic massage skills," he said.

"And you absolutely should." You raised your head to look at him. "Maybe next time I can even stay conscious long enough to really appreciate said skills. If there is, you know, a next time."

"There will most definitely be a next time," he swore and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I still owe you a proper back scratching."

"And I am absolutely going to collect on that," he returned, his tone unexpectedly husky.

You smiled, straightening up to kiss him. He pulled you closer, then paused and sighed against your mouth.

"I've got to go," he said resolutely right before his wristband chirped.

You looked for a way to roll off of him that wouldn't aggravate your shoulder – or potentially crush any of his, ahem, important Spartan equipment – but he scooped you up bridal style and stood as if you weighed nothing at all.

"I'll meet you for dinner if we're back soon enough," he promised and gave you one more tender kiss then placed you onto the couch. Before he went through the door, he paused, looking back like he was memorizing this moment, then he took a breath and was gone.

It was nearly dinner time when the door chime rang and you went to answer it with as much of a hopeful spring in your step as you could manage. However, this time, it wasn't John holding a tray with your evening meal on it.

"Dr. Keyes," you said in surprise, snapping a salute.

She said your rank and last name. "May I come in? We need to talk."

[chaosgremlinmunson]

STWG 03/24/2024

Prompt: Last Friday night

The days had been blurring together and Steve was lost as to what had happened. He decided to call Robin over and they talked about the weekend party that had started Friday and went well into Sunday afternoon. He'd remembered being invited by Chrissy to her friend's birthday bash and he went along as support for Robin as she spent time with her crush and a house full of people they didn't know. The last thing he remembered was putting down shot after shot with Robin and Chrissy and a halo of dark hair grabbing him by the hips on the dance floor. He barely remembered deep brown eyes gazing at him, dimples and a melodic laugh as he slurred pick up lines at the attractive stranger.

“I just don't remember what happened Robs! I swear I remember an angel and dancing, rough calloused fingers trailing down my skin and seeing the galaxies as they formed. What happened Last Friday night?” Steve was desperate to know if he'd hallucinated this god of a stranger who he's pretty sure took him apart piece by piece and put him back together. The only proof he had of that night was an aching between his legs and love bites, bruises, and a smudged number still on his upper thigh.

“You danced with Eddie.” She replied finally, and pulled out her laptop to show pictures from the party where sure enough Steve was draped over a gorgeous metal head man with a tiara that exclaimed Birthday Bitch on his head with bats. As the pictures went on he saw his hands fisted in Eddie's hair, clearly making out with the man.

“Call Chrissy!!” He yelped, “Call Chrissy and ask her for Eddie's number!”

Robin ran over to the phone and dialed Chrissy who laughed when she explained what happened and told her Eddie had been hyperventilating thinking he'd messed up. Maybe Steve had regretted letting him in, he knew Steve being trans might make things weird, and maybe he'd just been on a whim that night.

Robin asked, looked over at Steve and told Chrissy they were on their way.

When they pulled up Chrissy was standing outside with a nervous Eddie who was staring at Steve like he thought he may be ready to curse him out, or worse punch him in his face.

Steve beamed at him, “you're really real.” He whispered as he got closer and pulled him into a kiss, “I thought I'd dreamt you up.”

[hlficlibrary]

umm hello, i need your help... i havent read a fanfic in a few months and it's starting to feel weird coz i'm literally always reading but now whenever i open a new fanfic i end up skim-reading it and it feels like a dishonest thing to do

so could you please recommend me some angsty fanfic under 20k which are very gripping....

THANKYOU

Hello, anon! You're very welcome! This was an interesting challenge because I wanted to get you closer to 20k than super short ones. And for some reason the angsty ones I could think of are either short or over 20k. That being said, I knew I'd be able to find you some. (ALSO, I promise you that just skim-reading something is a perfectly fine thing to do and there's nothing dishonest or bad about it. Sometimes, we just find ourselves in a place where it's harder than other times to get into a story. That's no one's fault! I do understand the feeling of wanting to really get into a story though, so I hope these fics will do that for you!) I'll put the word count with these so you know how long these are and also I fudged the first one because I think it's JUST what you're looking for and it's just a little over 20k.

what's left of my halo's black by LiveLaughLoveLarry / @loveislarryislove (E, 22k)

As Harry sucks lovebites into Louis’ neck, Louis hopes that one day those marks will cover the way he can still feel Alex’s handprints burned into his flesh.

As Harry’s nails drag scratches along Louis’ back, Louis hopes that one day the scabs on his heart will heal and drop away just like the scabs on his skin.

As Harry fucks him down into the mattress, the bed shaking with every thrust, Louis hopes that one day his mouth will forget the shape of Alex’s name, won’t trace it over and over as the heat builds inside him, won’t want to scream it when he comes. Maybe one day he’ll open his eyes, as he slowly floats down from his post-orgasm haze, and won’t expect to see Alex’s face smiling back at him.

But today is not that day.

A year after a devastating breakup, Louis is still trying to put himself back together - but getting over a breakup is hard when you work as a wedding planner. Thankfully, his coworker Harry is the most supportive friend Louis could ask for. But Harry has some secrets of his own, and they send Louis' world spinning off its axis all over again.

bonded by @juliusschmidt (M, 20k)

Louis cannot remember his life before Harry. He had one- Harry is, after all, two years younger than he is- but he cannot pull up even one memory that is not somehow intertwined with Harry.

the one where they are bonded, but it's not like that and they have to pretend like it is

No Easy Love (Could Make Me Feel This Way) by @allwaswell16 (E, 17k)

There’s never been anyone for Harry but Louis. He had always thought their love would last forever, despite society’s pressures on an alpha/alpha relationship. When Louis breaks up with him and moves to Chicago, he’s suddenly left behind to pick up the pieces of the life they once shared. Instead of moving on, he finds reasons to keep Louis in his life and in the process begins to piece together what went wrong.

Or an Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry au where they get a second chance to make things right with the love of their life.

You're A Universe by Jiksa / @jiksax (E, 15k)

Harry doesn’t ever mean to hurt him; Louis doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s the only thing he ever does anymore.

Or, Louis’s a stay-at-home dad in London and Harry’s a business expat in Qatar. Louis doesn’t know how much longer their marriage can survive the distance.

give me things to stay awake by embodied (E, 10k)

It’s shitty and it’s counterproductive and it’s self-indulgent, but he lets it become a thing. On Saturday nights Harry goes out and gets so pissed he can’t stand, and when the bartender cuts him off he rings Louis and is in his car within an hour. It’s not a cycle he’s proud of, but it’s also something he can’t resist, and he keeps doing it as long as Louis keeps showing up.   AU. It's been a year since Louis broke up with Harry.

[lfm-writes]

Excerpt from Ch. 2

_____________________

Orrin involuntarily let out a small "oof" and looked down to find a cloaked woman pinwheeling her arms to remain upright. He reached out on impulse and gripped one arm to steady her on her feet. She let out a faint yelp as a shiny silver medallion bounced at their feet, the sound of it echoing off the nearby buildings. 

"In a hurry?" he asked her.

"I -- yes, I apologize if I startled you," she murmured. She took a step back from him, and he let his arm fall away from her. She was a head shorter than he, and she wore her hood so far forward it had to be blocking much of her vision. 

He regarded her in silence for several moments. She was peculiar. He couldn't see much beneath her hood, just a few wayward strands of dyed red hair and plump lips framed by an angular chin. She smelled strange. A mix of citrus and smoke, but tainted by vomit and sweat, which he supposed wasn't entirely abnormal for the people of this city. Underneath it all, though, there was something he didn't recognize -- something he could only describe as -- well, old. She had a dark, ancient smell to her that he couldn't place, but it was as if it sat deep within her -- far away from the surface. He didn't know what to make of it, but she appeared to be waiting for him to say something back to her. 

"Apology not necessary," he said finally. "You didn't." 

She pressed her lips together to form a limp smile and her chin darted quickly from side-to-side. He frowned and watched as her right hand trailed discreetly down her thigh, shrouded slightly by the folds of her cloak. She had a knife, if he had to guess. It would ultimately be useless against him but, regardless, he didn't feel like getting stabbed. He decided to try and put her at ease. 

"Truly -- it was my fault. I wasn't watching where I was walking. I mean you no harm."

The woman only scoffed and said, "That's kind of you to say, but I've never had any luck trusting random strangers at their word. Forgive me if I choose not to believe you."

Orrin smiled, letting his canines show. "Fair enough," he said with a shrug. "I'd be naive to challenge such sound logic." 

She gave him an upside-down smirk, but didn't move her hand from her thigh. She took another half step back and in one swift movement, bent to pick up the silver ornament that had fallen to the ground and dropped it into her cloak pocket. Her eyes never left his feet, which he found amusing. She was scrappy. The medallion made a small squelching noise as it landed in her cloak pocket. He thought again of her scent and frowned.

"Well, you have a good night, then," she said. She made to skirt past him but the sound of screeching metal behind him stopped her in her tracks. Orrin turned to see that the quintet of husky Propers from the club had somehow followed him down here. They piled out of a chrome hunk of scraps and stood shoulder-to-shoulder in the middle of the street, their gargantuan forms haloed by headlights. Their faces were dark but Orrin could make out the faint glint of a gold tooth in one of them. He stifled a snort. 

"Friends of yours?" the woman murmured.

"How could you tell?" he replied. 

She laughed, a light tinkling sound that awakened something in him he wasn't aware had been dormant. 

She spoke again. "I'll tell you what, I will help you cut them down and you can pretend our little encounter never happened. Deal?"

Orrin's brows jumped at that. "Keeping secrets?"

As she looked up at him, her hood slipped back a little and he caught her gaze. Eyes so gloomy, Orrin could swear an overcast sky looked back at him. She had an old Auror epithet tattooed underneath one of them. He wondered if she knew what it meant. She broke his gaze as a scrape of metal screamed past him and lodged itself in one of the Proper's legs. The man let out a yell that could topple buildings and he fell to the ground, clutching his bleeding limb as though it might detach itself and hop away. 

One by one, the other Proper men realized what she had done and whirled on the pair of them. Even with guns, they were still too slow. This woman was deadly. Efficient, brutal swings with a moon-shaped blade in each hand took down three men before Orrin could even draw energy from the sky. The last man backed away slowly before taking off down the street on foot, leaving the car running, doors ajar. 

Orrin let the aether crackling in his hands fizzle out as he took in the four Proper men groaning on the ground before him. One gurgled in agony, his throat slit. 

He turned to say something to the woman but was met with darkness. She had already gone. 

[livewireprojects]

The 12 Pains of Baconmas(I'm sorry for the mess)

So my first online friend after the ones I made on YouTube started to do their own things & I started to be active on old DA was someone that currently goes by Halotherebuddy.(Links to their carrd & BlueSky pages) They're not on DA anymore & some of their other accounts are abandoned or deleted.

I use to draw stuff based on things they were into with characters I had interacting with their's. One of the shows they liked was Monster & Robot about two characters of the same names in a world of monsters & robots were everyone likes bacon. Well they have a holiday called Baconmas that thanks to having not seen stuff in years I dunno if this replaces Christmas or if it's another holiday similar to it.

We thought it'd be funny to make a parody of the "12 Pains of Christmas" by Bob Rivers with Baconmas. Here are the images I made for the thing since I decided to post my old Sonic related ones.

I want to mention that this was back when I made crazy crossover shit. This went from only Monster and Robot characters & OCs to adding Homestuck & semi unrelated OCs.

I was originally going to give random info here & there but I realized the pictures are really confusing so I tried to describe what was going on. I'm going to repeat this but this is old, I don't remember the context of some of these nor some OCs(that belong to Halo) this is due to the fact while I'm in contact with Halo we don't talk on a daily basis & we don't talk about Monster & Robot anymore. I only saw like one or two episodes & Halo knew more than me.

I tried to scrap together context & info from my DA posts for these but they don't help much cause they seem to act like I'd still remember everything or something.(Also some laziness & tiredness was involved)

I'm sorry if this confuses anyone trying to look at this, this is just a post showing off past memories. A lot of the mess comes from younger me not fully being able to handle working on this but wanting to finish it up & the fact younger me thought it'd be funny to add in crossover stuff & my weird amalgamation things which adds to confusion.

These were all originally posted to DA in December of 2012(Apparently posted December 20th & December 21st)

For some context Mecha(the person you see at the top in the first two pics & rigging the lights) is Halo's OC, she's suppose to be married to Gart(Robot's older brother). Snow(the person holding a stick in the first pic) was my OC that for some reason I imagined being Mecha & Gart's adopted kid. The character in the third pic that has no idea where they are is a troll version(apparently named Allien) of Snow that was my one of Homestuck OCs. At some point I stopped using them & they became my OCs Kiku & Sammy.

I used semi gijinka Gart(he's at the top of the third pic) because I think I got tired of drawing him & drew him in human style. I made a comic that made context to it were an explosion while saving Snow led to Snow going blind & Gart having to be put in a new body.(This incident made him care about Snow as he only cared about Mecha in the past)

Page 1:

Mecha giving the day

Snow & some fankids looking for fireworks. According to the description it's a fankid named Izzy & her friends. Going off a later pic Izzy is likely one of Mecha & Gart's kids.

Page 2:

Troll Mecha & Mecha annoyed at rigging the lights for the factory

Still having trouble with lights, Snow is messing with a stick with a pet marf

Page 3:

Humanoid Gart listing the third thing

A drunk cop, Mecha still pissed along with a confused troll

Still looking for the firewood, Alucart(who in the middle pic below I misspelled as Al'cart) climbed a tree

The guy at the bottom of the middle pic's name is Wrent, I think he's meant to be Mecha & Gart's kid. Also I messed up the guy being mentioned's name his name is Alucart not Al'cart.

Allen is another OC that got a mix of things I was interested in at the time & is technically Snow as well. Like Snow & the HS ver he later became Kiku & Sammy. I think he might have been meant to be the "human" version of the troll OC cause there was meant to be a human ver & troll ver.

I got really tired at some point while working on all of this so things got lazy over time.

Page 1:

John(from Homestuck did the bucket prank on Gart & I'm near by

Monster & Alucart dealing with Baconmas cards, Alucart is I think messaging Snow. I dunno why but I kind of liked him & sometimes drew Snow being interested in him.

Mecha is getting even more pissed, the cop is still drunk & Izzy had to get one of her siblings(Wrent) to get Alucart out of a tree. Snow knows this won't end well.

Page 2:

Gart getting hit with a bucket, guessing I did that

For some reason light bulbs at Robot's work(a bulb factory) are exploding

Snow was asked to help & ended up drawing a certain game symbol that Alucart recognizes. Not sure how Snow managed to draw this since he can't see.

Mecha decided to call it a night, drunk cop & I dunno why Jane & Roxy from Homestuck are here

Wrent & Allen mention that the scene for searching for firewood is on standby due to Alucart breaking his leg

Page 3:

I don't know what the context for the character that has a "G" instead of "g" is about, I want to guess another fankid or chibi/kid Gart.

Halo's OC Tiki distressed about seeing her family

Normal Gart dealing with explosions in front of Robot. Robot dealing with Gart's Christmas cards, I dunno who is helping him with them I think she might be Aris but I dunno.

I gave up drawing the bar for the day

Mecha getting Snow prepared to go out into the cold instead of working on the lights

I ran out of space & decided to make a joke about it

Snow, Alucart, Wrent & some others helping with cards along within the middle at the bottom right Alucart losing at rock, paper, sissors.

Also the static is connected to Allen, I was complaining about Firework CS3 in the DA description cause it was hard to work on compared to when I use to use ImageReady CS.

Page 1:

Gart getting tired

Perry dealing with cybernetic charities

Tiki distressed, Robot & Gart(humanoid again) hiding from the exploding bulbs

Snow, Alucart, Izzy & others helping with cards. Drunk cop again

I think Gart showed up to either take Mecha home or see how she was doing & she's pissed. Meanwhile the kids decided to look elsewhere for firewood after Alucart recovered.

Page 2:

Gart wondering why he hears a radio(god teir mode Allen appearing) & then spit taking at Izzy wanting shit

Gijinka Perry & Tiki still scared, also more lights exploding

Alucart helping with cards again & I have no idea who this cop is, the DA description(which isn't helping) says he's a cop which is the only thing I know about him

Mecha is getting pissed again. Izzy, Emma(no idea who that is, haven't interacted with these characters in years) & Alucart are doing rock, paper, sissors & Alucart lost.

Page 3:

Gart having a bad feeling about something(or someone behind him he hasn't noticed yet)

Snow & Alucart trying to find a parking spot to go get firewood, for the decription on DA I apparently forgot he had a broken leg.(Also for anyone confused hot air balloons or at least air ships are common ways to travel in this show)

I apparently made a flashback scene for an excuse for the annoying kid, I also realized Izzy isn't a Gart x Mecha fankid after all.(The kid annoying him is Izzy as a kid)

I got really lazy at this point. Perry, Tiki & more lights.

Robot is helping Monster with the cards, Mecha learns Gart left her blinking lights & Alucart has no idea what aisle to go down. This was also during a time were I didn't fully understand heghts so Snow despite being Alucart's age is shorter than he should be.

I think at this point there was so much the only way to put everything in was by circle panels

Page 1:

Gart running for his life cause Allen scared him

I make a joke about Baconmas traditions, more charity stuff, Alucart got something that should come with batteries but doesn't, Snow got a new hat & more parking issues.

Younger Izzy panicking, Tiki wrapped up at home panicking, drunk needs toilet paper & more exploding lights. Also Gart gets forced to do the rest of the Christmas cards.(Apparently they're not all his they're his family's list & I guess Robot got stuck with one half & Monster helped him)

A past version of my self-insert Sonicsona & a kind of familiar running off to get Knuckles supplies for rigging the lights. For context I use to sometimes go by Izzy cause I thought it was interesting.

Karkat is here for some reason.

Page 2:(Final page)

For some reason Allen was able to disguise himself by going into an older form.(This was oddly inspired by Hana from Ojamajo Doremi, I stopped using this idea at some point)

I don't remember the context(at this point any context I use to know is long gone along with knowing who most of the OCs are), I got lazy again & for some reason John from Homestuck is here.

Monster & Mecha notice the drunk cop, this is the only reason I know he's a cop. Gart dealing with younger Izzy on a sugar rush. Perry got forced to help with donations.

Blaze worried about her in-laws, Eggman & Sonic hiding from exploding lights & Gart gives up on the cards.

Italy(from Hetalia) can't find a parking spot & Japan(also from Hetalia) wishes he hadn't been riding with Italy. Also I know this is out of order.

Anime Kirby with Lololo & Lalala needing help with rigging the lights while Mecha gave up on rigging the lights so is getting for some reason sought after firewood while telling Gart to stop bothering her.

For some reason I added Keroro into this.

Sorry for making everyone that decided to read this train wreck. As fun as it was to draw at the time & as nice as it was to go down memory lane this is a confusing mess without context/inside jokes

[askthefivefallen]

A: *she can hear, distantly, the conversation and smiles slightly*

May I ask a question?

Go ahead.

That first night... it was never your intention to fall in love with Emily?

Of course not.

But you took her on a date?

It wasn't meant to be a date. I just- bringing Emily down to Hell was enough to piss Righty and Sera off. Once we were down there, though, I thought... fuck, when was the last time she'd had a night off? Just had fun? So, I figured I'd show her some places I knew of that were safe, where she could learn a bit about Hell and Hellborn. She'd never met an imp before.

Why did you care?

I don't know- I was flying by the seat of my pants, doing my best to just... give her a night she'd remember. Something to bring a bit of joy to the Joy Bringer.

You're teasing me to deflect. You're embarrassed.

A: *she pauses while shrugging into the silver jacket, a frown touching her lips*

Yeah, of course I'm embarrassed. Emily is the best person I've ever met, the sweetest being in creation- she's amazing and she loves me and I... only met her because I was trying to be an absolute asshole. Shouldn't that embarrass me?

A: *she finishes putting on the jacket and sighs*

When she tells the story from the beginning... well, I was selfish. I put her in a position to get in trouble all because I wanted to be an asshole. Sera might not have even found out about it if I'd just... told the others what I was doing in the first place. But, no, I wanted there to be a dramatic reveal after they couldn't do anything about it! Junior was rightly worried about me and I just... kinda betrayed everyone...

Setting aside the fact that Emily's told you it was Sera's decision to punish her, that she enjoyed herself, and the obvious fact she kept returning to spend time with you- I suppose I'm the least sympathetic person you could explain this to. If Sera never discovered Emily went to Hell, if she never suspected you two were seeing each other... I wouldn't exist.

A: *she gives herself a once over in the mirror and smirks*

Well... the ends don't justify the means but... I'm kinda cool with how things have turned out. I still feel like it's not a bad thing for me to be embarrassed that my own reasoning for meeting Emily was 'oh yeah, this'll piss Sera and Righty off!' because, yeah, that's kinda fucked up in hindsight?

A bit, I suppose.

A: *she steps out and allows herself to be appraised, and she's liking Anderson more and more by the minute, especially when he advocates for showing off her goods*

Since when have you been invested in displaying your... assets.

Nice pun.

Wasn't my intention!

Also, since the moment I realized I have two pockets and two cheeks, so you both could have a handful if you wanted.

I- why would- stop that!

Sugar, I am crowbarring that sexual repression Sera installed outta you before you get your body, just watch!

A: "Can we make sure I've got some deep pockets on the backside?" *she throws a wink over her shoulder* "What's the point of having the goods on display if you can't cop a feel on a whim?"

A: *once Anderson allows her, she steps back into the dressing room and goes for the red suit, eager to be back in a color she'd come to love since relinquishing her halo* "Time to turn up the fuckin' heat."

A: *she sits on the bed and slides closer to Emily, gently guiding her to lay down- and chuckling at the immediate correct guess*

This seems... sexual.

It's intimate, not sexual. There's a difference.

What's the difference?

A: *rather than reply, she puts a hand on Emily's upper arm, rubbing her thumb in a wide arc, and smiles when the seraph guesses correctly again* "You're good at this."

Okay, now you try.

I don't know...

Listen, you were encased in armor so you'd never touch another person. That little hand hold is the only physical, skin-to-skin contact you've initiated in your entire existence because I don't count fingertip brushes against a forehead. So, try now. Get used to it.

Shamira steps forward and takes control, faltering for a moment before running the backs of her knuckles along Emily's cheek.

((@askthefivefallen))

“Shamira?” *She grins when Shamira confirms her guess, her wings ruffling with pride*

*Not being able to see enhances her other senses and Emily uses both the feel and the location of each touch to figure out who’s got their hands on her*

*A finger firmly drags up her side, making her squirm* “Ass!” *finger tips lightly brush over her forearm, leaving goosebumps in their wake* “Shamira!” *A light, almost tentative brush on her lower stomach and she hesitates* “Ass?” *A kiss is pressed to her lips as a reward and she chases it as Ass pulls away, a whine in the back of her throat when she gets out of range*

*She lays back again. Two fingers press firmly against her neck, right against her pulse point and she takes a deep breath and turns her head away to give better access to whoever had control*

*She was sure that whoever it was could feel how her heart was thundering in her chest. She thought about answering but she doesn’t know the answer and honestly this is a strangely nice position to be in, held down in a way she could escape if she wanted. Her pulse probably giving away her emotions*

*She answers, even though she doesn’t really want to*

“Ass?”

[violetarks]

Just A Game: Ex's

Anime: My Hero Academia (SMAU)

LEVEL DOWN | MENU | LEVEL UP

"Did you use to date Kirishima?"

The question knocked Y/N out of her thoughts as she looked away from her phone. She glanced up at Shinso, eyes only half-interested in the conversation. She placed her phone down and her hands on her lap.

The waitress serving them was the same one from the last time Y/N were here, by herself because Shinso slept in after drinking so much coffee the night before. The waitress obviously recognised her because as soon as they placed their orders, she took out her phone hurriedly with a smile. But Y/N didn't mind, she just ate her shortcake quietly.

Shinso felt out of place here. In front of Y/N. Where they were supposed to have their date. But he was forced to come here, to make things better.

But he had questions.

"Excuse me?" Y/N hummed, tilting her head to the side.

"It's just..." Shinso started, staring at the fabric of his jeans. He couldn't meet her gaze. "You said you'd talk to me about this in person. So I wanted to ask. Were you and Kirishima a thing?"

Y/N blinked at him before picking up her mug again. She held the warmth in her palms to keep out the cold, glancing at the way the steam rolled off the surface.

"We started dating in high school, second year." She stated, making Shinso's heart beat faster at her words, "It was pretty fun and we were already friends before that. I started my channel a few months after we started dating too. So I had the support of my friends, family and some of my fans."

Shinso finally looked up at her. But this time, her eyes were frozen on her warm coffee. She kept it like that for a while.

"Eiji and I ended our relationship a year, maybe two years ago." She admitted to Shinso, fingers running on the rim of the cup, "It was for the best, really. So none of us really held any hard feelings against each other. We agreed that we were better off as best friends, and at the time we had just finished moving in with Katsuki so we decided that we wouldn't kick each other out."

She tore her gaze away from the drink, now looking up at Shinso, who stared wide eyed. "So to answer your question, yes. I did date Kirishima. But we're over now." She sighed out, "Anything else you want to know?"

Shinso cleared his throat, stabbing his fork into the shortcake in front of him, "Do you mind talking about why you broke up?"

Y/N chuckled, biting the piece of cake on her own fork, "Well, mainly because we had drifted off from being lovers back to just friends. I suppose we were kind of ignoring it until we went on stream together and someone asked if we were still dating."

Shinso mentally cringed. He hated it when fans did that sometimes. Y/N went on, "We avoided the question on stream, but they kept pressing on about it until I kind of just... broke down, I guess. I started crying on stream because I didn't know either. Eiji turned it off and we just sat in my room crying for a bit."

She shook her head at herself with a sad smile. "From that point on, we ended things and just continued being friends and roommates. Katsuki didn't mind, since we were all best friends anyway." She told Shinso, "And they still care about me in the same way they always have."

She then hardened her glare at her food and turned to the window. "Turns out, that 'fan' was apart of that gossip group on Twitter. The one that talks about us sometime too." She scowled, annoyed look on her face, "They basically said Eiji and I weren't dating and we were doing this for clout or whatever. So, the last time we talked about our relationship was on a live stream where we got some fans to ask us questions. Eiji said it would put the drama to rest and it did, everyone believed the truth."

Shinso huffed out, clenching the fabric of his jeans beneath the table, "I would too. I can't believe someone would say that about you."

He's hated that gossip account for years now. He once collaborated with someone who had a bad reputation on that channel and the video was filled with hate comments about the person. Needless to say, he understood why she didn't want to bring it up again.

"I'm sorry, again, for all the lying and... stuff." He said, drawing on the rim of his plate as he finished his food, "And for saying that you only hung out with me because you thought I was hot. I know that isn't true."

Y/N blinked, feeling a wave of wind pass over her as the door swung open and a few people filed into the cafe. She replied, "You asked me what I knew about you, that time."

Shinso shivered at the memory.

"Do you want to know what I would've said if I weren't so mad?" She mumbled out.

Shinso nodded his head.

"You're a caring guy who actually just wants to keep his heart intact." She spoke, a little louder to show confidence in what she was saying to him. Shinso found no traces of doubt. "You try very hard to keep up with your friends even though you can be tired sometime. You like sweets, much more than I'd ever guess."

Shinso chuckled along with her.

She then stared at the table they sat at. "And you lie." She said, "You lie because you don't want people to know the real you. You're afraid that if you tell them the truth, that they won't be as invested in you as you are to them. But when they find out, it all goes to Hell. You start to think that maybe it wasn't a good idea to lie, to cover up your mistakes that make you seem 'weak' or 'petty'. You regret a lot of things."

By that time, he had shrunken into his chair, wanting to hide away from the world. He hated confrontation, where it was especially needed.

Y/N reached out and pat his hand lightly. "It sounds pretty bad, but I'm sure we can do something about that." She told him, wearing a warm grin, "I'm not gonna' let you not learn from your mistakes."

"Thanks, Y/N. That means a lot." He spoke to her, shaky breath.

She didn't say anything back, taking her hand off of his and onto the table.

"Are you okay?" He clears his throat, gesturing to her phone, which was lighting up the table beneath it. He was glad to change the subject. "Looks like they're going crazy."

Y/N picked up her phone, taking a quick glance before putting it down. "It's—It's just Eijiro and Katsuki. They want to know when I'm coming back." She sighed out, taking hold of her drink again.

Shinso looked out the window. "Do you need to leave?" He asked quietly.

She stared at him for a moment. Then hummed out, holding up her mug "Do you want me to?"

He took no time thinking over his answer.

"No."

She smiled softly.

"Then I guess I can stay for a little longer."

TAGS: @just-some-stars @freyafolkvangr @headfirst-halo @wotsitgirl @falling4fandoms @katsuki-bakuhoee @adorable-punk-superheroes @firecet @ouijaeater15 @swoonhui @thegalxe @caitff @camry-orphanaccount @angelofdarkness1020 @someweirdshitman @jazzylove @cathy8taffy @doggonudezz

[hes-writer]

I'm the anon who wrote about the reality-AU ask.

And I have a different view from what you wrote, because for me there where 2 major things:

1. Reader wasn't a strong woman

2. Harry was definitely an arrogant, selfish prick to reader.

I will start with 1.

So, what moral and values? I honestly don't understand that part because for me moral and values mean one thing and I don't see they fitting the situation.

Regardless, MC wasn't a strong woman for several reasons.

She allowed her pain get in the way of her child's life several times, she literally got with the first guy that showed her love when she wasn't ready nor emotionally stable, if we take in mind that she met him at halfway through her pregnancy and in 2 years ish she was already living with him and allowing her child to call him "dad". So she clinged to Connor as a substitute and staple to the family she had planned having with Harry, just like Harry clinged to Camille's offer as a way to have what he dreamed having with Y/N. None of them put their child's best interest first, otherwise she would have found a way to deal with her pain while allowing him to be part of Halo's life and he would have found a way to accept that he would never have what he wanted bc of his mistakes in the past.

And the clearest sign of that is her conversation with Harry in the last chapter. She did love Connor, but he was only there because Harry blocked her. If he hadn't, he'd have seen the text and be involved in his kids life. So, I know you said something about being emotionally available as a parent and that's my argument for that. Harry wasn't emotionally a dad bc that chance was taken from him out of spitefulness and he still tried to be there, he made a mistake but he never gave up. He was robbed of it countless times bc MC was never healed properly to let go of her personal feelings and focus on Halo, bc I can guarantee you that if given the chance, Halo would forget it and choose to have a relationship with Harry.

Which brings me to my previous point... He wasn't Halos dad, MC made him her dad because she didn't want to deal with Harry when she knew that he had a right to at least be informed about the baby, regardless of her relationship with him. In the story you make it known that he blocked her and that's how she couldn't tell him, but she kept in touch with his family + he contacted her at some point. So, she uses her own actions against him and he let's her out of guilty, showing a bit of manipulation from her side. Both of them were toxic and manipulative. Just bc you were hurt, doesn't give you a right to act as you please, speacially when a child is involved. That shouldn't even be put to argument and I'd have agreed with you more if you hadn't tried to classify MC as a victim at all costs, even when she was the wrong one.

If this was real life, a girl behaving like her would be concerning, so why in a fanfic she's considered strong? Because she standed up for herself and for her daughter? I mean, did she truly stand up for her child? Can we truly say that? Or did she allow her own barriers and insecurities surround them and keep Harry distant? Wouldn't a healed and strong woman be capable of dealing with her ex for their's daughter sake, speacially when she's in a happy and healthy relationship?

Parents are allowed mistakes. None of them know what they're doing and the greatest majority of the world is filled with people who weren't mature enough to be parents, yet somehow were allowed to.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry for all the pain he caused her.

He left her, so she didn't tell him about their baby, then when he found out she monopolised his entire relationship with his daughter and did some pretty illegal stuff, and when he committed his first mistake with the child she cut him off completely without taking in account what her daughter wanted.

Have you watched the show The Duchess on Netflix? I think its a great example of my point here, in case you don't understand it.

Also, forgot to say that she was toxic again when she kept threatening him over wanting to be with his kid. Like, we spend tons of times telling people to be responsible with their art, as it can be a door into introducing kids to things. We also spend a ton of time telling boys that they should care about their babies and be there for them. Then you come and write a fic where the guy gets threatened and manipulated when trying to be with his 🤷🏻‍♀️

MC definitely had her right to commit her own mistakes, as I said, parents will do it countless times. But I think that's a bit unfair that she gets as many as she wants bc she got hurt previous to baby being born, yet Harry barely gets one when trying to figure himself out after finding out about his kid. You mentioned that a judge would never give Harry any custody bc of what he did and that was a bit dumb, sorry. Law is based on justice, balance and protecting the victim with fairness and justice, therefore Harry would have been granted at least the benefit of the doubt as his mistakes were minor and the victim in this story is Halo, not MC✌🏽

This is a long one.

Morals and values are not fitting in the situation.

Morals are personal beliefs that a person upholds and values are something that are regarded as important. I think that everybody uses them in most of the things they do so they definitely fit the situation.

She literally got with the first guy that showed her love...

I wouldn’t say that MC clung unto Connor and got into a relationship with him right away. The first couple of instances—they were just friends and weren’t officially together until Reign.

None of them put their child’s best interest first // Reader wasn’t a strong woman

I agree that both parties didn’t act on the best interest of their child but that doesn’t necessarily mean that MC wasn’t a strong woman. Sure, she wasn’t ideal in the context of being a mother—but she mended herself enough to give Harry a chance when he found out, even setting up limits while she was at it.

Wouldn’t you think that that takes courage? Besides the preceding fact that it is courteous to tell someone that you’re having their baby (no argument there), especially to someone who has cheated and betrayed your trust, you are sweeping the pain away. MC was letting Harry back in even if she personally didn’t want to. Harry was a huge part of her life so I think reminiscing on their relationship would never cease; they have a kid together. All the good and bad of their time together will always be present in her mind.

Harry was robbed [of being a dad]

You think that Harry was robbed of being a Dad, I can’t convince you otherwise. You said it yourself though, ‘if Harry hadn’t blocked MC, he would’ve seen the text and he would’ve been a dad to Halo’.

But he did—and the following points of your argument are, in a sense, irrelevant because what you’re pointing out is what could’ve happened if Harry didn’t do what he did. These are the consequences of his actions. “He blearily remembered bitterly blocking her number just as she texted “I need to tell you something,” <- That scene was the turning point of MC’s decision and frankly, a showcase of Harry’s immaturity. MC said she had something to tell him and he retaliated by blocking her.

As well, you mention, ‘if given the chance, Halo would forget about it’—there’s a lot of assumptions in your argument because these aren’t part of the original story. These are what you think should’ve happened.

He blocked her [...] but she kept in touch with his family

MC kept in touch with his family on the pretext that they wouldn't inform harry that the baby was his. This was because of a misunderstanding due to a post on Camille's IG page. H seemed happy with his new relationship. MC didn't NOT tell him out of SPITE—it was because she didn't want to ruin his relationship with Camille.

Harry contacted her at some point // Just because you’re hurt doesn’t give you the right to act as you please

Yes, Harry did contact her—to call her a ‘whore’ and stated that she ‘probably slept around’ during their relationship. [ie. Harry: Why not? Scared that y’gonna have to admit that everything you put on was an act? How can y’move on so fast and give me shit about it?”] I’m guessing that’s probably not the best way for H to ask about MC’s pregnancy and I can imagine that the sheer rudeness and projection will deter most people.

His dialogues were an attack on her personality (that she was a liar and disloyal), on the validity of her emotions (that she was faking them), and on her identity as woman solely because he was crumbling under the truth that he was the one who messed up. I mentioned before that Harry’s insults were a projection as a result of his defence mechanism. Meaning that he was—to some extent—aware that MC hadn’t cheated but convinced himself otherwise to feel less guilty. Therefore, at the end of Halo, he judged the credibility of their child.

If this was real life...

And this is a fanfiction.

Once again, MC might not have been the ideal representation of a strong woman, but she stepped up when Halo was introduced.

Imagine going through a break-up with your SO of two years while you’re pregnant because he went behind your back FOR A YEAR, amidst hormonal changes, still going to work, and trying to find yourself when someone has taken so much of you—that’s traumatizing. Healing isn’t linear. Just because you’re wounded doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry

MC was honest but she wasn’t truthful. Her intentions were human nature yet keeping Halo away from Harry wasn’t very truthful of her—in legalities and such.

I don’t think MC monopolized H/H’s relationship. She gave Harry a chance to bond with Halo, and they did. As mentioned, MC had set limits and boundaries when discussing Harry’s presence in their daughters’ life. It was a legally binding, word-of-mouth, agreement that Harry assented to.

[he was] threatened and manipulated

In that sense, Harry’s hostility towards MC in Reign was threatening her decision to have him around [ie. You’re not something I would take the time to handle,” // You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’]

I understand your concern and I apologize for that. I’m not explicitly saying that this one piece of fiction is satirical in the sense that it’s the opposite of what society chants because that would be vile of me to do. Every circumstance is different though—it really is a choice of preference, validation and weighing out the subject matter.

You mentioned that a ‘judge would never give Harry custody’ and that was a bit dumb...

That line was never part of the story.

"Take it up legally if you'd like. Want to have a custody battle? Bring it on. Let's see whose side the judge is on after they find out that you cheated on me while I was pregnant with Halo."

Suggesting that the conclusion can be one of shared-custody wherein MC has more time with Halo (80/20 visitation schedule).

[supernaturalismyreligion666]

Drowning - Billy Hargrove x Reader

DOESN’T FOLLOW ANY STORYLINE

(Aka no spoilers)

WARNING: Major Character Death, Drowning, Swearing

     I had never put much thought into how I'd die. I had hoped for a peaceful death--- or at least a quick one. I never thought it'd turn out like this.

~~~~~

     "Y/N you can't possibly be thinking about wearing THAT!" Y/N smirked as her boyfriend stood in the doorway to her room, flabbergasted. She turned towards him, doing a little spin to show off her new swimsuit. It was a slim black monokini that hugged her body and extenuated her curves. Y/N had to admit, she looked pretty damn good. Billy thought so too. In fact, he thought she looked so good, he had the sudden urge to stay back from Tina's pool party and show her what he thought.

     Billy's thoughts were interrupted when Y/N turned back around to grab her towel and sandals off the bed, "Billy, I just got this! What other chance will I get to wear it?"

     He sighed and held open the door for her. She ducked under his arm, giggling as she felt his gaze follow her every move. Billy rolled his eyes and snatched his car keys off her nightstand before following her.

~~~~~

     The party was absolutely packed. Almost everybody was there. Steve... Nancy... Tommy... Carol. Even Jonathan was there! Granted, he was standing awkwardly in a corner, pretending that he wasn't staring at Nancy. Billy parked his Camaro and turned hesitantly to Y/N, "You sure you want to go? I thought you didn't even like Tina."

     Y/N scoffed, "I don't. I just want to go because I haven't been to many parties, and I think a pool party is a great place to join the fun! Also, I get to see you shirtless."

     She had rushed the last part but Billy had heard it. He grinned and pulled off his white sleeveless shirt. He flexed his muscles a couple of times, watching Y/N's reaction. Her eyes widened as she ran her eyes up and down his body. "Enjoy the view?"

     Y/N blushed and torn her eyes away from his body. 'God, I am so lucky that he is my boyfriend!'  She unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car. Billy glanced back toward the house. He could already see people checking out his girlfriend. This is gonna be a LONG day.

~~~~~

     He had been right. All-day Billy had been chasing off the jocks, geeks, freaks, and sluts who had gotten too close to Y/N. Nancy and Y/N immediately found each other and had been chatting and laughing while Steve and Billy came to a silent agreement not to fight. As much as Steve didn't like him, Billy was pretty good at intimidating the horny, drunk teens that surrounded them. Billy put up with Steve since Y/N had refused to speak to him for a week the last time he had started a fight with the guy.

     Billy had just chased off another curious teen when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Y/N standing behind him. "Billy, I'm going to go get some water. I'm starting to get a little bit light-headed."

     "Babe, are you alright? Do you want to go home?" Y/N shook her head, cutting off his worried rambling, "I just need something to drink. I'll be right back."

     Billy made as to come with her but she put her hand on his chest, stopping him. She smiled up at him before walking towards the porch, where a crowd of people was dancing with their plastic red solo cups.

     "Excuse me... sorry... I'm just going to sneak in between the two of you... Whoops! Sorry!" Y/N awkwardly made her way through the crowd. She ducked under arms, around legs, through groups. It was as if she was doing her own little dance through the tangle of limbs. However, her dance was interrupted by a jock who had had a little too much to drink. He bumped into her, causing her to stumble back into a cheerleader, who stepped away before she could hit her again and possibly ruin her perfect hair.

     Maybe things would have turned out differently if the cheerleader hadn't moved out of Y/N's way, or if Y/N had simply let Billy go instead. Unfortunately, Y/N decided to go by herself, and the cheerleader had stepped out of Y/N's path.

     Y/N's dizziness came back full-force and she took a couple more steps forward as the world spun around her. She closed her eyes to stop the spinning. Suddenly, she felt as if she was falling from a great height; just tumbling down and down and down and down until she hit the ground. But the ground was not real. It was not even a visible thing. It was noise. The faint sounds of water and music and screaming. Screaming about what? Y/N did not know. The only thing Y/N knew was the pain in her chest that was rapidly growing worse and worse. She felt an intense need to breathe. Her body contracted, forcing her to inhale a salty substance. Y/N snapped out of her daze as she realized what was happening. She was drowning. Her eyes flew open, lungs burning as she attempted to move. Y/N felt frozen. She tried to wave her arms and legs furiously but it was as if she had been turned into a statue. Her body forced her to breathe again, causing more water to splash into her lungs. The noises she heard felt far away now. She could distantly hear the sound of a splash. The feeling of being lifted up and out of this watery hell was all that she felt before the world went black.

~~~~~

     Billy had been listening to Nancy and Steve's conversation when he heard a loud splash followed closely by screams. His head whipped toward the pool. The crowd of people had stopped dancing and the people in the pool had moved away from something in the water. He stood and began to walk to the group of frozen teens. He tried to see what happened, but the crowd was too thick. How in the hell did Y/N get through this mess? Wait... where is Y/N?

     "Oh SHIT!" Billy began shoving his way through the crowd, trying to find his girlfriend. He spotted Jonathan (who had been standing near the pool throughout the entire party) and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, "Where is Y/N?! Have you seen her?!"

     Jonathan looked shocked for a moment before glancing at the pool. Billy's eyes flashed with horror. Y/N got dizzy often, and she had told him of the few times her dizziness led to fainting. There was one unfortunate circumstance in which she hit her head and earned a pretty nasty concussion. He should have realized the danger she was in when she told him about being light-headed. He let go of Jonathan and pushed his way to the edge of the pool, where he dove in.

     He spotted Y/N immediately. Her hair created a halo around her face that would've made Billy's jaw drop in awe under normal circumstances. He quickly swam over to her and pulled her out of the water. She was unconscious and, worse, not breathing. He laid her on her back and began running through the rescue steps that he had been taught as a lifeguard. He pinched her nose and breathed into her mouth a couple of times before starting CPR.

     Steve and Nancy saw what was going on and ran over. Steve ran to call 911 while Nancy kneeled next to Billy. He was crying. He could tell that she had been underwater for too long. Nancy began crying as she also realized the severity of the situation. Billy felt the slightest movement beneath his fingers. Y/N had moved. He gasped and kept up the CPR until Y/N began to cough and choke. Billy quickly turned her onto her side as water flooded out of her mouth. The flow of water stopped as soon as it started and Y/N's eyes fluttered open. She looked up at Billy and coughed a couple more times before gently smiling at him. She was still in a lot of pain and had a feeling things weren't over just yet, but she wanted to spend what could very well be her last moments, wisely. Y/N's mouth opened and her voice came out in merely a whisper, "B-billy?"

     Billy lifted her off the ground and cradled her head in his lap, "Yes, Y/N?"

     "Neh-next time wh-wh-we go swimming, leh-let's not hah-hah-have another near-death experi-experience," Y/N's voice shook, causing her to stutter.

     "Of course, babe." A tear fell from Billy's face, landing on Y/N's cheek, where it was washed away by one of her own tears.

     "It's ge-getting cold. Did th-the suh-suh-sun disappear or som-something?"

     Billy froze. It was hot as hell outside but Y/N's skin was growing colder and colder, "You're... It's probably just... shock."

     Even he didn't believe his own words. Y/N gazed into his eyes, as if in a daze, "Were yo-your eyes always th-this blue?"

     Billy couldn't reply. He could hear the ambulance sirens growing nearer, but he wasn't sure they'd make it in time. Y/N drew in a shaky breath and managed to speak without stumbling, "Billy you know I love you, right?"

     Another tear fell from his eyes as Billy leaned over and planted a kiss on Y/N's forehead, "I know, babe. But you're going to be fine. The ambulance is almost here."

     Y/N seemed to not hear him, "I love you more than... anything in the world... I'm so, so happy to have been your girlfriend... Please, don't... don't forget about me."

     "You're going to be fine! The police are here! Please don't leave me Y/N! I need you! I can't... I can't imagine a world without you. I don't think I'm strong enough without you..." Billy's tears ran furiously down his face. The whites of his eyes had turned a slight shade of pink from his crying, which made his irises look jade-blue. Y/N reached a trembling hand to his cheek, "I'll never be far from you. I'll be--"

     She was cut off by a sudden fit of coughing. Her calm expression was replaced with fear. Her hand slipped slightly but Billy grabbed it before it could leave his cheek. Her eyes were wide as she glanced over at Nancy, who was trying to keep the gawking crowd away. She softly called her best friend's name. Nancy heard and called Steve over to replace her as she ran back over to Y/N and Billy.

     "Nancy, you will always be my best friend... Please just take care of Billy," Y/N laughed weakly, "Knowing him, this idiot will go do something stupid and get himself killed."

     Nancy smiled as Billy feigned outrage. Droplets of water flew from Y/N's mouth as her laughter turned into coughing. She struggled to lift her head as she cried out through the coughing, "I don't wanna go... I don't wanna go, Billy, please!... I'm sorry."

     Nancy turned away as Y/N took a final, shaky breath. Her head fell back onto Billy's lap, rolling to the side. Her eyes became glassy and unseeing as they fluttered shut. Her mouth fell open slightly, more water dripping from her pale lips. Her arm became heavy in Billy's grasp. He stared at her body in shock, "Babe? Babe, wake up."

     He began shaking her shoulders, "Y/N, please wake up! Wake up! Y/N PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES!"

     Billy realized she wasn't going to come back. He raised his head to the sky and screamed. The sky was too perfect for the oh-so-unperfect event that had taken place. It was bright blue without a cloud in sight. Billy saw this and it made him furious. He felt taunted by the appearance of the perfect day. After all, Billy's life before Y/N was shit. She helped him during tough times. She let him stay with her whenever his father was a jackass. He would turn up on her doorstep with cuts and bruises everywhere, but she wouldn't ask questions. They would cuddle on her couch and watch movies on weekends. He would give her all the attention she wanted. He wouldn't hesitate to beat up people who looked just a little too long in her direction. He would make sure everyone knew she was his, as much as it annoyed her.

She was his entire world. Nothing mattered more than her, and now she was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2?

[actuallyfallen]

Archetropy and Personal Choice

I had heard the word "archetrope" around the alterhuman community before the OtherCon (the biggest convention for alterhumans) 2023. Although in vague terms, I had heard of it. I sort of got the vibe from the word, so I never felt the need to look into it. A vague sort of, "Identifying with an archetype, or a trope from media," vibe. What came to mind for me was tropes like the knight, the prince, the rogue. Classic roles. The stuff you'd see on tarot cards or such. The alterhuman community is known to look down on "newer" sources of identity, after all (see the long-standing hesitancy to accept fictionkin).

So, when I joined the panel being hosted by someone named Vyt (who can be found on tumblr, as @thelightfluxtastic) all about archetropy, I thought I knew what to expect.

Vyt described their archetype as "the right-hand man".

Well, Vyt mostly talked about "the paladin" as their main tropetype. But that was the sort of archetype I expected. "The right-hand man" may not be considered a "modern" archetype, but the specific phrase of "right-hand man" for it feels rather new in comparison to how I viewed archetropy before.

My mom was a pastor.

She was in charge of a very large building, which acted as a place for church services on Sundays, and as a kindergarten during the day. I remember watching my mom being up on the church's stage. I didn't learn until I was an adult that she actually had stage fright. I remember stalling whenever I went to the principal's office, because, of course I went to my mom's school for kindergarten. And going to the principal's office when your mom is the principal is certainly… a time, of sorts.

I was a good little Christian kid, though. I was a trouble child due to my undiagnosed autism making me seem "rude" to everyone around me, but I followed what my parents taught me to believe. One could hardly say I was doing so on purpose, though. I didn't even know there was any other option, after all.

Vyt went on to define archetropy as looking at an archetype or trope or such, and saying either, "I am that," "That's want I want to be," or both. Though Vyt also makes a point to say that "archetropy", as a term, was coined specifically to be both linguistically flexible and very broad in definition. It can be involuntary, voluntary, intrinsic, extrinsic, 'identify-as', 'identify-with'…

Vyt also discussed connections to kintypes for archetropal reasons. For example, being dragonkin because one identifies with how the trope of dragons are shown in media.

I can trace multiple kintypes of mine straight down to the same root. This Christian upbringing of mine. Surrounded by it. Suffocated by it.

My mom would often work late, so, as she locked herself in her office, I would be left alone in this huge building. I often stayed in the auditorium during those times. I didn't like the big, open area, so I'd often hunker down in one of the two more closed-off areas. Those two areas were surrounded by walls, but were very small and had no doors, thus, considered a part of the auditorium. One was decorated in green and black. It had beanbags, a step to sit on, and a chalkboard that covered the entirety of one of the walls. The other was pink. It had two chairs and a whiteboard. Covered with sparkly materials, it was hard to leave without some of it sticking to you.

I hated the pink room. Specifically, I hated the texture of everything. Almost everything had this god-awful fuzzy texture that was almost feather-like. The chairs, the rug, the walls. Even the pens there had a grip made of this texture. I couldn't stand it.

But every time the church children my age were there, the boys would go to the green area, and the girls to the pink. The teachers and other officials would call them "the girl room" and "the boy room". The boys and girls would often have one person standing guard near, or in, the door, just to make sure nobody of the opposite gender even got close to their room.

Even when I was alone, in that huge auditorium, I couldn't bear to enter the boy's room. It was wrong. But the first time I did, and I layed down on the beanbag, I exclaimed to my little brother, "It's no fair that you guys get these!" I was so much more comfortable there.

But, still, I rarely came in, even after the barrier was breached. I stayed away on purpose. I made my brother promise to not tell anyone I was there.

I was supposed to be a good girl. Never mind my intersex condition – a good GIRL. One who likes pink, who likes my church dress, and who likes the fuzzy, feathery textures with a smile, for the sake of how others see her. For the sake of fulfilling my God-given role.

As Vyt talked more and more about archetropy, it became clearer to me that modern tropes and archetypes were absolutely included. "The mad scientist" was named as an example. TV Tropes was named as a place to find a list of tropes and archetypes in media.

The TV Tropes page for "The Pastor's Queer Kid", describes the trope like this: "[The pastor's] kids seem to be every bit as perfect as they are, and have the perfect relationship with them. Well, except for one. You see, this one has a secret they're not sure about admitting to their parent. The secret being… Well, this kid isn't heterosexual (and/or cisgender, etc., as the case may be)."

I remember finding the page for this trope and lighting up. Scrolling right down to the "media" section, to see if there were any pieces of media with this trope that I would be interested in. Seeing one of my already-present kintypes there and giggling a little bit to myself. Oh, I'm so predictable! Of course I'd already have a character like this as a kintype.

I realized I was queer very young. Too naive to think better of it, I came out to my parents too soon. Not even a teenager yet, I had to comfort my mother as she cried over me being queer. One of the biggest God-fearers around, I was struck silent when my mom expressed that she feared me going to Hell, and her going to Heaven.

She phrased it as, "What will I do without my child in Heaven? You have scared me so much. I have given you a role to fulfill, and you have failed. Now, I must watch the one I love be punished."

She told her child that they would go to Hell, and be separated from everyone they love for eternity. Poor her.

(Pay no attention to the child, parentified and afraid. Do not look at the way its breath hitches when she says this. The look of disbelief on its face. She really thinks I'm going to Hell…?)

(Look at her, now. She is the victim. This is her spotlight.)

It took me years of purposeful work to undo the toxic mentality that I was taught. About purity, about martyrdom, about the flames of Hell licking every queer's feet. And I still get nightmares sometimes, but I'm proud of how far I've come. When I feel a surge of queer joy, when I see a queer person's smile, when I experience gender euphoria, I know this is it. This is what I've been fighting for. And I know that it's worth it.

I searched TV Tropes for other tropes that fit me, halfheartedly picking up a few more. I wanted an excuse to list "my tropes" on my website's 'about' page, just to add "The Pastor's Queer Kid" on it. I didn't care about the other ones I listed – I just wanted them to be there so I could feel like I had a reason to put that one in particular.

When the archetrope panel was coming to a close, and taking questions, I typed into the chat, "If people are certain archetypes or tropes in real life, would someone like that be able to identify as an archetype? Even if they technically just are it?"

I am my mom's child. I am queer. I struggled against the religion I was suffocated by, and came out the other side damaged, but alive. I try to let people know the sort of harm this upbringing can cause. I am purposefully open about this aspect of myself.

Vyt answered my question. "My default answer is gonna be, ‘Sure.' Like… I think there's something powerful in embracing something, on purpose."

On purpose, I am The Pastor's Queer Kid.

[punkscowardschampions]

James & Ava

James: [let's say he puts up an insta of those bubs playing with those torts for her to see] Ava: 🥰 So happy they like 'em, I would've tried to get a real one but they were not fitting in the hand-luggage and apparently that's illegal 🤷 James: [ages later like] James: picking you up from A&E is one thing, a holding cell is quite another Ava: I understand, there's fast and then there's that Ava: thank GOD my Dad will front my bail 😏 James: & your brother's practically a lawyer so there's that Ava: If it weren't him I'd raise questions about having a 'basically' lawyer take my case but yeah Ava: do the torts have names yet? Ava: keep me posted tah James: they do James: Clover & Dandy Ava: 👏 Ava: very creative, very cute Ava: must take after you James: Matty's suggestions were all rejected for being too confusing, which in my opinion was slightly brutal of Jay, but I do also see her point Ava: 😂 Ava: They can have some confusing but adorable nicknames Ava: I couldn't say either my brother or sister's names for the longest time Ava: stuck being 'Uster and 'Ancy James: & yet if the roles were reversed they'd have had such an easy time James: yet more evidence you're a 😇 Ava: and very easy to spell when I got to School, thanks mum and dad Ava: you were alright, 'til it gets to your surname, bit unfair that James: I used to just do a J James: ironic now but I didn't like writing much when I was younger James: added the a & y later when everyone started calling me it Ava: It must've been something, to get to pass that on James: she did it without asking me James: but I know she could have fared a lot worse Ava: Oh, really Ava: I guess that's a thoughtful gesture on her part James: from an outsiders perspective, yes, but I understand why she actually did it Ava: Why? James: because she wanted me to step up & it was the most obvious way there is to say that she's mine & I had to Ava: Ah, that makes sense Ava: in that case, thoughtful as in well thought out but not beyond that Ava: she took your name from you that's James: I'm happy for Jay to have it now though, she'd hate a 'girly' name James: I would have had to find a nickname she could bear to be called in that instance Ava: Yes, at least she's the one who actually has the name, that's never gonna feel bad James: I don't remember where Matilda's came from, we were barely speaking then James: so that does feel worse Ava: at least there's an excellent book and character waiting James: very true James: & she had terrible parents Ava: You won't be getting a hat glued to your head any time soon James: today I won't, we've all learned so many 🐢 facts Ava: Go for esio trot first James: I will, I haven't read it before James: thank you, Ava Ava: You'll like it, and for Roald Dahl, it's pretty sweet Ava: no bad ideas before bed time, like James: does it have a happy ending? Ava: It does Ava: for humans and 🐢 alike James: I've missed you Ava: I've missed you Ava: Obviously couldn't commit the cliche of meeting me off the plane, but when can I see you? James: what are you doing tomorrow? Ava: Avoiding unpacking Ava: I think I've got a brunch date but beyond that, I'm free James: my dad is out of the office all day if you'd like to come & visit me Ava: I'd like that a lot Ava: I definitely will Ava: that'll be okay, right James: she's not going to also decide to visit me James: or talk to anyone that could see you doing so Ava: okay good Ava: Obviously you've thought it through but got a 😇 rep to protect James: I'll never be reckless when your halo is at stake, I assure you James: it's very important to me Ava: What about my 😈 Ava: You can do something about them too, yeah? James: absolutely James: those horns need to stay sharp, of course Ava: God you're hot James Ava: I've missed you so much you have no idea because I lack the words to explain it in any way that would convey just how hard it's been being so far away from you Ava: but I am very much ready to show you tomorrow Ava: and I'm not just talking about the holiday snaps that were not suitable for public display James: It's vital that the protagonist of my 1st novel is very multifaceted 😇 & 😈 which is why I wouldn't write it about just anyone James: I'll show you tomorrow, why it has to be you Ava: I'm so glad that it's me Ava: fuck James: I've lost hours thinking about the tan lines you potentially do or don't have, I'm very invested Ava: I have a strict no spoilers policy Ava: all will be revealed James: but I need to know Ava: 😏 Ava: It does seem cruel and unusual to make you wait when you've already been waiting so long Ava: too 😈 perhaps James: but sending gifts was very 😇 James: what decision are you going to make? Ava: It was just a little something Ava: if I had to get something every time I thought about you, we're talking grains of sand on the beach level Ava: I can't send you pictures, can I James: no, she has an app that restores any pictures I delete Ava: Hmm James: that said, you don't have any tattoos or anything clearly identifying Ava: that's true Ava: can she see the account of who's sent the pictures Ava: because it doesn't have to be me who sends them, or anyone else that actually exists to hunt down James: how many times are you going to go above & beyond to prove to me that you're too smart for King's? James: I believed you on the 1st tour Ava: I can be smart as long as we need to be smart Ava: and I had to make sure you wanted to talk to me after the 1st tour, of course James: I wanted to talk to you before the 1st tour, you know that Ava: I know Ava: Can I ask you something, if you promise to be honest James: yes Ava: Did you think badly of me for trying to pursue you when I knew you were married Ava: or what did you think of me, I guess James: I was too busy being glad that you wanted to James: but of course I wondered why James: I still wonder what it is that you could ever be interested in about me Ava: I can't profess to giving it particular or cohesive prior thought myself Ava: we both allowed some recklessness that day, clearly Ava: and I know you do, I'll write you a book one day Ava: but it'll take me a while to get down everything I find interesting and worthwhile about you James: I can wait Ava: Good Ava: One job at a time Ava: and this profile is looking pretty realistic and is as close to untraceable as is possible Ava: but I'm assuming she doesn't moonlight for MI5 James: do you? James: because you perhaps should Ava: 😏 Ava: Only to write my award-winning, world-changing exposé James: you're going to be a spectacular journalist Ava: Thank you 😊 Ava: I'll spare waxing lyrical about the vitality of a free press, don't think the readers will be about it when we could be talking more about my tan lines James: please do continue James: on whatever subject you feel the most passionate Ava: [a message request from this fake profile moment] James: [immediately accepts and immediately dies] James: oh Ava: you said passionate James: I did Ava: You're a subject I can get really worked up about, like James: I can see that James: & feel it Ava: Good Ava: Are you allowed to send photos to a fake girl or no? James: I don't care if the fake girl gets discovered James: she means nothing to me Ava: Poor fake girl Ava: still, can't be all bad James: it's not James: because now I can show you how much you mean James: [and does because FINALLY can send each other whatever they want] Ava: [what a glorious moment also over here like don't say ily don't say ily] Ava: OH James: Thrilled as I am to be behind a locked door, I'd be even gladder if you were here too Ava: yeah I Ava: feel that Ava: really feel it James: it's my turn to ask you a question James: do you want to hear the story of what would happen if we currently had all the time we could possibly want to really delve into 2 weeks of thoughts, dreams & wish fulfilment or do you want a narrative that's more realistically framed, so unfortunately there's not much opportunity for description or dialogue but instead every second is intensely action driven because we don't have a single one to waste? Ava: The latter Ava: I know the story, as the protagonist I've been living it with you Ava: Call mystery girl, she'll be as quiet as she can James: [does of course] Ava: Well James: I'm speechless James: but still here Ava: Please stay Ava: I hope you can stay James: I'll try Ava: Remember I told you this is different James: yes Ava: I really haven't felt like this before Ava: is what I'm saying Ava: I'm even more sure this is entirely new now James: understood James: I know you understand that it's the same for me Ava: I do James: Ava James: please stay too Ava: I will Ava: Literally nowhere else I'd rather be Ava: or no one else James: I'll try to understand that Ava: I'll try to make it clearer Ava: long as that may take Ava: not a quitter James: you've also never been unclear Ava: But you should know by now Ava: you know James: that's my error, not yours Ava: Shh James: I can't because Ava: Why? James: none of the blame for what I don't know rests on you Ava: but Ava: yeah, that's true Ava: but there's more ways I could show you Ava: tell you James: are there? Ava: yeah Ava: but you know Ava: scary James: that I do know for definite Ava: You don't think I'm 🙀 James: I think you're brave James: but you recognise when to be cautious Ava: I recognize it Ava: I rarely want to be cautious though James: we wouldn't have a story if you did Ava: 😏 okay Ava: I feel less bad James: don't feel bad at all James: please Ava: okay Ava: I'll try Ava: if you do James: you shake Frank's paw & I'll shake a 🐢's James: arm? whatever they have Ava: 🥰 you are so fucking cute Ava: and it's a deal James: [sends her a pic of him doing it because he can now #nerd] Ava: [send a video of Frank mugging her off like get away from me mother] James: 😂 Ava: I still agree to the terms and conditions Ava: he's just a diva and thinks I'm trying to give him an unwanted manipedi James: I can relate to the dread of an unwanted makeover James: tell him I apologise for laughing Ava: Dad duties? James: the reality of a very controlling wife Ava: 😑 Ava: Well we'll go shopping, one day James: only if Jay can come too, nobody hates having no influence over their own wardrobe more than she does Ava: Of course Ava: she's got to meet Frank James: she would love to, you honestly have no idea Ava: One day soon Ava: I can handle bumping into you at the park without being too 😍 James: I don't know whether to be happy or sad that you can apparently handle that Ava: I'm nothing if not over-ambitious Ava: and over-confident James: I like both of those things about you Ava: There's nothing I don't like about you James: I got it really wrong, you're not trying to age me, you're trying to kill me Ava: Never Ava: What would I do without you? James: you'd survive, as you're always saying Ava: 🥺 Ava: no James: it's okay, we don't have to find out James: I want you with me, not without me Ava: I need you James: Ava James: I haven't got in it me to walk away again, I mean it Ava: Then don't Ava: it isn't what I want Ava: but as well, I really don't think it's right, for you or for anyone, me included Ava: It wouldn't be easy, at all, but if I thought this was wrong, I wouldn't do it, I'd have to stop, somehow James: I know Ava: I'm not a bad person Ava: and neither are you James: you're a good person James: & being with you isn't what makes me a bad one Ava: You're a good one Ava: one of my favourites James: no, but you make me want to be better at being a person James: because you're one of my favourites too Ava: We're all just trying to get better at being people, yeah James: most of us Ava: The rest are gonna wake up and realize they wasted a lot of time pretending they had it all figured out, too late James: I'm so happy I met you Ava: That is definitely very mutual James: even if this all goes wrong again tomorrow or any time before how long we want it to last, I want you to know I won't be sorry about the start or the middle Ava: That means more than that phrase can convey James: & I want to emphasise I'm not only saying so because everything else in my life is going horribly James: if I was happy I'd want to share that with you too Ava: I love you James: Ava Ava: I couldn't not say it anymore, I'm sorry James: I don't want you to be sorry if you're not Ava: I'm not sorry that I mean it, or feel it Ava: but I am if I crossed a boundary James: you can say anything to me Ava: Well Ava: there it is James: what are we going to do about it? Ava: Up to you really Ava: we don't have to do anything Ava: do we? James: but that wouldn't be right James: things shouldn't go on as they are Ava: Sometimes they have to though Ava: anyway, does it even count as a declaration of love if I don't run to your house in the pouring rain in something made of white silk, like James: it counts that you're the 1st adult who has honestly said that to me Ava: Then I'll say it again Ava: I love you, James James: Then we need to find a way to be together properly Ava: Yeah? James: yes James: you can't be this important & the other most important person in my life not know that you exist James: or never have woken up next to me James: I still have no idea how beautiful you look when you're asleep Ava: We'll work it out Ava: be together properly James: I promise James: because I have no intention of breaking it Ava: I'm thinking maybe you want me dead too James: not even hypothetically James: I need you too much Ava: My legs feel like they ache from not being allowed to come run and find you right now James: I keep accidentally hurting you, don't I? James: Frank has no skills as a masseur I assume? James: IOU Ava: I'm holding you to that one like it's a bonafide promise too James: good James: because while I don't technically have any skills of my own, I'm confident you'll let me know if you like my attempts or not Ava: fake girl might be quiet as a mouse but that's not my style unless absolutely necessary James: that's why you're my favourite & she's my scapegoat Ava: 🥰😏 I can only be so sorry James: well, it's fine because apologies aren't what I wanna hear Ava: All I wanna hear is my alarm so it means I get to see you today James: almost looking forward to going to the office myself James: how unusual Ava: They're so welcome for the boost in morale, like James: if I could keep you on my desk all day, I would Ava: When the novel is ready and you're ready to be fired, then we can do that James: okay James: I'll pull a few more all-nighters James: see if I can't get these chapters finished Ava: I'll nap beside you Ava: at my most inspiring when I 😴 James: I find it hard to believe you'd be anything other than distracting Ava: Who, me? 😇 James: yes, you James: you're very beautiful, you know Ava: 😊 Ava: You're lovely James: it's true, you make me wish I knew how to paint Ava: You make me wish a lot of things, I get that James: tell me one day Ava: Every wish? James: yes Ava: Okay Ava: we can count how many have come true James: until they all have Ava: Happily ever after James: it would be over ambitious & over confident of me to suggest I'm capable of giving you anything close & I'm not anything close to being either Ava: You're just less talk, more make it happen Ava: you've shown that plenty already Ava: I believe in you, I always tell you James: I can always feel how sincere you're being when you do Ava: Good 'cos I don't lie Ava: even to be nice James: I like that about you most of all Ava: If I wasn't conceited before 😂 James: you weren't, it's fine Ava: Well Ava: 🤏 Ava: but it is fine Ava: not not fine enough to warrant stopping you complimenting me James: you couldn't stop me, darling Ava: is that so? James: of course James: even if you made me speechless again, compliments don't have to be spoken Ava: 🤤 Ava: can we put that to the test James: give me a minute James: [a dramatic pause that's longer than either of them would like] Ava: James? James: okay, test me Ava: How though? James: how do you think you can 😶? Ava: Oh, that's easy Ava: I just need the help of a friend James: it's easy to give you compliments Ava: I know, that's why I've gotta go hard over here Ava: bear with James: take all the time you need Ava: I won't need that long Ava: don't like wasting time with you ever James: are you saying you think you've already lost? Ava: Um, no Ava: I'm saying it won't be long until you can see the finished product and be 😶 Ava: how rude of you 😏 James: then it couldn't possibly be a waste of time Ava: [sends him a video on the fake profile] Ava: might wanna turn your sound way down James: well, now I want to turn it up Ava: do so at your own risk Ava: I'm very much alone rn so I could be as loud as is necessary James: [sends her a pic so she knows how into that video he was because worth a thousand words] Ava: Now that is a compliment James: like I said, it's easy to be complimentary towards you Ava: I can see that 🤭 James: I need to see you James: why the fuck isn't it tomorrow yet? Ava: It's actually so unfair Ava: dunno if we can claim starcrossed but you know James: it'll feel less tragic once I get in the shower & can actually turn the volume up Ava: You're really gonna inspire a sequel that easily, huh James: a saga James: longer than Twilight Ava: would just about see us through 'til morning Ava: me @ brunch 🥴 James: I'm wide awake if you are Ava: Of course Ava: new challenge Ava: make you speechless and get you to 💤 pass out, like James: I'm not sure if it's an advantage or disadvantage that I haven't slept well for the last 6 years Ava: We'll work that out together Ava: but wait Ava: say night now so I don't miss it later James: it'll definitely prove helpful in the morning since we have a habit of leaving cups of coffee untouched when we're together James: Oh Ava, you're so sweet James: goodnight for later, my darling Ava: True Ava: and Edward is so jealous Ava: you can't help being more interesting Ava: or better at sweet talk James: we'll make everyone jealous, one day James: when you're my girlfriend Ava: I can't wait Ava: legitimately James: me either Ava: Did you have many girlfriends before Ava: or just do hookups James: I didn't have any girlfriends before Ava: suppose you didn't have much time, nah Ava: not for serious ones James: I didn't want a serious one in school & my parents absolutely didn't want me to have one either, for all the good that did Ava: Makes sense Ava: parents rarely get what they want though, like you said James: I was having too much fun not being serious about anything, until I wasn't any more Ava: That's a lot of people Ava: if there's a time for it James: that's everyone I knew then & a lot of different people I also know now Ava: Yeah, it is a bit like they typecast this entire area most of the time James: I'll make every attempt to avoid it when I set the scene in my novel Ava: like you said too, fun 'til it ain't Ava: I always leave before then James: I always did too, until I got to rehab & leaving was no longer an option James: kind of its unique selling point Ava: How long ago was that? James: it's been years Ava: What did you go in for, if you don't mind me asking James: do you remember that expensive drug habit I mentioned as being one of the only things I used to care about? it honestly was Ava: I was just worried you were meant to be sober Ava: 'cos that would've been really awkward Ava: that's amazing though Ava: well done James: I'm mostly sober but sometimes I fuck that up, which is awkward, you're right Ava: I'm sorry Ava: that night was totally my idea, I steamrolled you so hard James: it was my bad idea to get drunk, that's not your fault James: it's also not your fault that I did something I shouldn't to try & stop myself from doing something else that I'd convinced myself that I shouldn't James: because I'm well aware of how well that doesn't work Ava: Alright Ava: but I'll be more supportive now I know, for the record Ava: though I see your logic there, even if it didn't exactly go to plan James: it went according to an even better plan James: because here we are James: & I don't want to spoil your fun, Ava Ava: I can't even claim it as my plan, sadly Ava: 'cos I couldn't even imagine we'd get here Ava: and you won't, you don't Ava: there's more than one way to have fun Ava: every time I've met up with you has been fun and I was only drinking one of those times so safe to say it isn't required, like James: tomorrow won't be any different, I promise James: despite the fact my office has never been fun before Ava: yeah but I've never been there before Ava: obviously the issue James: the main issue, absolutely Ava: having your dad as a co-worker is probably a fair 2nd James: technically he's my boss & how often he likes to make that known is the 3rd Ava: ick Ava: 🙄 Ava: he's not getting in the book James: I'll put him in the acknowledgements for spurring me on in getting the chapters done quickly Ava: 😂 A subtle dig is the best kind James: 🖋 vs ⚔ Ava: your 🤓 brain is sexy James: I'll happily say again that everything about you is Ava: I'll be even happier when I can hear you actually say it tomorrow James: you can hear me say it now James: I'll bring you into the 🚿 with me Ava: I love you James: [okay we skipping to tomorrow for my evil cockblocking deeds] James: Teddy's here Ava: Oh Ava: to visit or put in hours? James: the latter apparently, which he has wisely decided to do when my dad isn't here to supervise him Ava: Well, good for him Ava: right, what's the plan then James: I'm gonna go get Matty, she might as well here too since you can't be James: maybe she'll annoy him enough that he'll leave earlier than he's currently planning to Ava: Cross my fingers, like Ava: she's pretty sweet overall though James: Teddy really doesn't like children though Ava: I can't imagine him interacting with one tbf Ava: keep me posted then, I guess James: he dropped Jay when she was a bit older than Matty, it can't have helped matters James: if nothing else I'll try & leave earlier than I actually need to when I go to pick her up James: it won't give us long but it's the best I can do Ava: Kids are made of sturdy stuff, if my fam has taught me anything Ava: bless him Ava: that's cool Ava: the girls were going on to the shops so I'll just join them James: okay Ava: can't be helped, can it James: not yet James: but I'm still sorry Ava: not your fault James: [sends her all the deets because he's booked her a massage since he can't give her one & she's now got loads of spare time, like ILY babe] Ava: You didn't have to do that Ava: but as far as 2nd best options go Ava: I've lucked out there, thank you James: I'm aware how frustrating all of this is, in every possible aspect of the word James: so hopefully this will help Ava: It is Ava: but you're worth it to me so I'm in if you are Ava: though probably warn me beforehand if it's that kind of massage, otherwise it could get awkward James: 😂 I have heard she's very good but I can't personally vouch for whether or not that's why she's as highly recommended as she is James: you'll have to let me know Ava: 😏 I'll let you know if your friends are shameless perverts or not, yeah James: thank you James: it would be useful information to have because both my parents have separately been there Ava: 😬 Ava: do you reckon that's ever happened Ava: having an affair with the same person by accident James: it must have at some point Ava: I mean, a thruple is the last resort of every middle-aged couple wanting to reignite things so give it a go James: thank god I'm not yet middle aged & my marriage is dead in the water James: it was strange enough when a friend made a pass at me at a party who I know had slept with her previously without seeking us it out Ava: as much as it pains me you aren't, babe Ava: she's not my type either sorry James: understandable, he wasn't mine Ava: you straight? James: shocking, I know Ava: Again, tragically not but I thought I better check 😉 James: as much as she'd probably love that to be the reason I want to leave her, it's not Ava: That cliche really is played out though James: agreed, it's not one of my preferred cliches Ava: Fine, fine, I WON'T sleep with the masseuse, you don't have to beg James: if you could not sleep with anyone else, regardless of their profession, that'd be a relief Ava: 'Course I won't Ava: I love you, there'd be no point James: I miss you so much Ava: I know, I miss you too Ava: not just because all my friends seem to have got new boyfriends at once that they all had to talk about James: two fake profiles would be a step too far, right? Ava: 🤏 just Ava: anyway, fake girl means nothing Ava: I don't wanna claim fake boy either, just you James: maybe you should come to the office & let Teddy see you, it would get everything out in the open Ava: I don't think you're ready for that, are you James: there is no way to ready myself for it though, is there? Ava: There's some ways Ava: even if you know your wife is obviously gonna be a nightmare regardless Ava: can ease everyone else in Ava: maybe mention you've met someone to him? see how he is with that first James: I don't really want to involve him to such a dramatic degree, yours is a much better idea Ava: Believe me, I wanna be there as much as you want me there Ava: but I don't wanna fuck it up James: me either, it's gotten so bad with her James: as bad as it's ever been Ava: What are you going to do? James: I don't know, I tried to leave when...after I left you & James: well, I'm still there, aren't I? Ava: It's really fucking complicated Ava: and that's an understatement Ava: it will probably be worse after, when you do leave Ava: but then, when she can't follow through with her threats, 'cos it's all bullshit, what can she do, you know what I mean James: she's said things that mean I can't risk leaving her alone with the children at all now James: not that I particularly did before but there were things I believed she'd do then & things I didn't actually Ava: You'd have to take them with you Ava: so that means you need to keep your place Ava: but I assume the chances of her leaving are slim to none Ava: unless Ava: hmm James: she's said she wants to go, start over, but that means nothing James: I know she'd refuse to just to spite me Ava: Appearance is everything with her, yeah? James: it is Ava: you need to do something that will make her leave then, feel like she's made the decision Ava: like if you were gay, something that she can't make go away on the socials James: we can't have a baby just so she'll fuck off Ava: No, I can't even have news of a fake baby getting back to my parents Ava: but seriously Ava: if we did out us, show people we were Ava: would she find a way to hack that or no? James: she'd find a way to destroy your entire life Ava: No she wouldn't Ava: she's doing that to yours, has been for too long James: she would, Ava James: she's done it before, to your sister, to any other girls she's found out about James: & I didn't even care about them the way I do about you Ava: What could she possibly say about me? Ava: I'm a homewrecker? If she wants everyone to know how unhappily married she is Ava: Everyone knows all about my weird family, I've dealt with that for years Ava: Anything she could say, I'd own up to or I'd prove wrong, she doesn't control my narrative James: even if you are right, she still controls mine James: my children's James: I'm not allowed to just take them, am I? She'll have me arrested or something Ava: Only mentally Ava: you can break that, you will Ava: 'cos she doesn't provide any finances, she doesn't look after the kids, what does she offer, like Ava: there is no hold over you but her mental one Ava: Your name is on their birth certificates too, you're as entitled to be with them Ava: anyway, you don't have to go anywhere, who owns your flat, like? James: my dad owns everything Ava: Yeah, your dad Ava: He's not going to put his grandkids out, even if he doesn't side with you Ava: and if it comes to it, he'll have to have you both out whilst you sort out the divorce Ava: there's no way she's automatically entitled to that flat, it isn't either of yours Ava: and she's not automatically entitled to the kids, especially with all the worrying things she's said, yeah James: but I'm not either, I'm an addict Ava: Recovered, literally went to rehab Ava: and let's be honest, half this town is on it to that degree but they're not owning up and calling it a problem Ava: you did that and you sorted it out James: what if they aren't actually mine? James: she's cheated as much as I have Ava: Oh, James Ava: I don't know Ava: you could find out Ava: if you were ready for that but Ava: I see the appeal of not knowing Ava: she probably does though, if she's thought to use it against you before, it's at least crossed her mind too James: as much as she's said it, I've never actually believed her James: but what if I find out that they aren't, it'll be the end, nothing else that we've just said would even have any relevance James: I can't lose them, Ava, I'd rather stay with her forever than let that happen Ava: Of course Ava: they're yours, you raised them Ava: does she Ava: stupid question but does she actually want them? James: no James: she told me she never did, either of them Ava: I don't Ava: as spiteful as she is Ava: would she keep two kids she doesn't love or want Ava: what about her parents, what do they think? James: they're both at their wits end Ava: They'd back you, then James: they know they can't back her James: too much has happened that her mum knows about Ava: If you have proof and people backing you that she's unfit to be the sole provider, then she'd have to sort out visitation and work with you Ava: and I can't see her bothering, if she means all she's said Ava: but Ava: I don't know Ava: it's scary James: if she knows it's you I'm with, I honestly couldn't guarantee anything with regards to what she would or wouldn't do James: her strange obsession with your siblings is something I've never quite understood Ava: None of this is about me, or my wellbeing Ava: I don't care, there's nothing she can do to me Ava: if that was all we were worried about I'd move myself in today but it ain't James: but what I'm saying is, she could go further than we're thinking she would with regards to the children because she doesn't want me to be happy with you specifically James: not just because she doesn't want me to be happy ever Ava: Okay, I get it Ava: So you'll either stay, forever Ava: or she'll take the kids and you'll have to battle in the courts to see them James: that's how it appears James: & if they aren't mine, she just takes them if I don't stay forever Ava: That's why if you do decide to leave Ava: you need to know that first James: I'm scared to know it Ava: That's understandable Ava: there's few things scarier that I can think of James: Matty wouldn't remember if I disappeared from her life now but Jay needs me Ava: You aren't going to just disappear Ava: whatever you decide, whatever happens, we won't let it be that James: can you forget everything I said about trying to be sober, please, I really need a drink James: lots of drinks actually Ava: Tell whoever you need to that you need to go home, okay Ava: then come meet me Ava: I shouldn't have started this conversation right now, I'm so sorry Ava: come be with me James: I can't, you've got a massage to get to & that's the least of what's expected of me James: not leaving Ava: Okay, have you got Matty? Ava: Because go do that then, spend some time with her James: I don't think I should, she'll pick up on how I feel & then nobody'll get any work done Ava: Alright, are you sure you want to stay, you'll be alright? James: I'll be fine Ava: I'll leave you to it then Ava: try to distract yourself, sure Teddy will help you James: I'll talk to you later Ava: Sure, no worries James: [later] James: I'm sorry Ava: I totally get it Ava: well, I don't, but I totally get that too Ava: I'm sorry as well James: everything is indescribably terrible Ava: Yeah Ava: it's bad James: I'm so sorry, Ava Ava: You don't have to say sorry to me Ava: I chose what I chose Ava: you didn't know what you were signing up for, how could you James: now you know what you're signing up for, if you don't want to be any more, I understand Ava: Don't say that James: I have to say it Ava: Now you have then but I'm ignoring you James: please don't Ava: I could never, you know how I feel Ava: that's not changing, it can't James: I know & you know I don't want it to Ava: I just wish there was something I could do Ava: to actually help James: you do help James: more than I can find words to express Ava: I'm not gonna bring it all up again but Ava: all I can think is we have two spare rooms at mine, alright Ava: if you ever need them James: what about your parents? Ava: I could talk to them Ava: and both rooms have bathrooms, and it's only me on that floor as well so the girls wouldn't have to feel like they've got to meet loads of new people James: but what could you possibly say? Ava: As much of the truth as they need to know Ava: Don't worry about that, they're easier to sort than any of the rest of this, yeah James: I'm fairly certain that'd be the whole truth & that wouldn't be easy Ava: They're big rooms, the girls could share or you could have one with Matty Ava: I'm saying, we don't have to say you could as easily share mine James: I wouldn't want someone as fucked up as me going out with either of my daughters Ava: You aren't Ava: it'll just be the age gap but they'll get over that Ava: anyway, the space is there, that's about all I've come up with since earlier James: thank you James: for even trying to come up with anything while I've just been James: again, I don't know what the word is, or could be Ava: You needed to stop Ava: as much as you ever can James: & now I need to see you but it can never just be that simple Ava: Does Jay have anything on tonight, like a club or a lesson or? James: ballet, so I have to stay because she hates it Ava: Fair enough Ava: Is lunch tomorrow an option or? James: I'll make sure it is Ava: Okay, I'll see you then Ava: could you do a phonecall during ballet, even for five minutes Ava: just so I can hear your voice, tell you all the things I wanna James: no promises Ava: of course James: aren't you glad you came back from holiday to all this Ava: I wasn't planning to stay there forever regardless Ava: you know how much I missed you Ava: still do James: tell me about it, or the massage, or your friends' boyfriends, anything that isn't the subject of my misery Ava: It was a good massage Ava: though the way my shoulders killed, you wouldn't think I'd just been on holiday Ava: you definitely need to try it yourself James: I'll book us in together next time Ava: That'll be perfect James: but before I do, did she try & seduce you? Ava: 😂 Ava: not enough to convince me I need to go back every fortnight 💔 James: did you not tell her I've got a best selling novel to write? Ava: Of course Ava: doing the hard sell on everyone for you, babe James: I appreciate it, very much Ava: I appreciate you Ava: What time will you be back, I'll uber eats you something for dinner Ava: you must be exhausted James: only if you order the same thing, it'll almost be like having dinner together Ava: You have the best ideas James: [a time that he'll be back] Ava: It's a date James: I'll dress up for you James: get out of these work clothes Ava: 😳 'scuse you Ava: warn me before you're gonna be that hot please James: if you were warned, you'd be less likely to 😳 Ava: I'll always blush for you Ava: like it or not James: you know how much I like it Ava: I seriously wish you were here Ava: such a waste of pink James: I wish you were here Ava: Gutted my ballet days are behind me James: she doesn't want to go, is there anywhere we actually could meet? Ava: With the kids? Ava: I hear that new soft play does a good coffee James: okay Ava: It's one place adults are actually encouraged to chat to each other so it won't be weird to Jay James: as soon as I tell her she doesn't have to put her tutu on, that's all she'll care about Ava: Bless her James: not to mention the bun, that's a war I'm happy to call a ceasefire on Ava: I'll put my hair down Ava: not trigger her 😂 James: just me then 😍 Ava: it's still a date, like Ava: got to keep you on your toes James: can we draw the line at a pirouette though please? I'm very tired Ava: alright, another time 😏 James: tomorrow maybe Ava: you'll feel up to it then? Ava: planning on a 💤 night of sleep James: you said the coffee's good James: if I actually manage to drink it, who knows Ava: Don't you know you're too big for the ball pit? James: that's an outrageous thing to say! after the day I've had, I couldn't deserve a ball pit more James: you've really devastated me there Ava: Okay, okay, I'm sorry Ava: sneaky hold my hand under the balls? Ava: please James: regardless of your apology, I'm gonna have to throw you in James: so yes Ava: 😱 Ava: now that's actually outrageous James: 😏 Ava: 😈 Ava: how you play James: with you Ava: so inappropriate to make me 😳 in soft play James: oh, so you want best behaviour? James: I can do that too Ava: No Ava: never said that Ava: I might like inappropriate James: I also think you might, let's find out Ava: 🥰 Ava: Let's James: Ava James: I seriously don't know what I would do without you James: no, that's wrong actually, I do. I'd be in such a state right now, really drunk or worse James: because it's not talking about it that's the problem James: we have to keep talking about it, okay? James: I have to figure out what I'm going to do Ava: I love you, James Ava: of course we can keep talking, I'm not going to leave you Ava: whatever you need means just that Ava: you will figure it out Ava: You will not lose them, okay, whatever that takes James: but what you need is just as important & if that's ever taking a step back, not talking about it or whatever else, do it Ava: Of course Ava: I will, I'll try James: good, I've already dragged you into this & I refuse to also drag you down Ava: You'll see how hard it is to do that in the ball pit James: 😂 Ava: Not without a fight, ever James: if they don't use that as the film tagline, such a waste Ava: They might want you as lead for that Ava: negotiations are ongoing James: you're the face, it's non-negotiable Ava: 🥺 I wanna kiss your face James: I want to press my lips against every single bit of your skin, all the time Ava: Oh James: there's never enough hours for everything I want to do with you Ava: Making up for all that lost time should be very, very good James: we're going to need days, weeks, months James: I want to give you that Ava: You can promise James: can I? Ava: Yeah Ava: we'll find a way, right? James: I promise you Ava: 💙 Ava: I promise you it'll get better James: of course, there's no crying in the ballpit Ava: not even when I beat you James: hypothetically not even then, but you won't so it's no problem Ava: 😏 that's fighting talk James: yes, it very much is Ava: Don't try to swoon your way to victory Ava: I'm definitely not that easy, nope James: I'm not Mr Darcy James: we can both do better than that James: that said, I am wearing a white shirt Ava: Shame there's not a good lake around James: but we should still go swimming some time Ava: Only if you pick the bikini Ava: tradition now James: of course, I'd hate to break tradition Ava: take you off the alumnus James: & then how would I meet girls Ava: 😲 Ava: Cheek James: that's all it is, I assure you Ava: not a threat then? James: no James: I'm not planning to lose you in the ball pit Ava: Good luck Ava: take more than a subtle hint to get rid of me, babe James: it'd be very bad luck Ava: 🍀 James: how soon can you be there? Ava: it isn't far, is it Ava: 15-20 minutes James: okay Ava: You better show up first so I can tell 'em I'm meeting you Ava: convincing a not-bothered 6-year-old I have an imaginary child is one thing Ava: reception will just be getting 🚨 James: I'll let you know when we do Ava: 👍 Ava: I'm looking forward to it Ava: even if it'll be odd to leave it at a kiss on the cheek James: & very odd for you & Jay to finally be in the same place Ava: Yeah, you sure you're alright with it? Ava: No doubt she'll totally blank me, who wouldn't when faced with the joy of soft play James: obviously it's far from ideal for me or you but Ava: I just wanna see you Ava: I'm fine with it James: I know I should probably care more but I swear, if this day ends without seeing you James: I will actually lose my mind Ava: We're not doing anything wrong Ava: you can't help it if random women talk to you at soft play Ava: have to keep you literally locked up to avoid that so James: It does happen a lot & yet I've so far avoided being chained to the wall Ava: Exactly Ava: not even anything noteworthy Ava: and I'm not gonna like Ava: overstep or be too much with either of the girls, you don't need to worry Ava: I wouldn't do that, or anything you weren't comfortable with James: I'm not worried about that James: I'd never have brought Matty over to your house if I thought it was going to make either of us feel uncomfortable Ava: 'Course Ava: you're a good dad James: but if you do feel anything close to it, with Jay or with anything, just tell me Ava: I will Ava: You're doing this well, you know James: I'm trying to Ava: And if she ever says, you know Ava: she doesn't like me or whatever Ava: then you can tell me and we won't meet when you have to be with them Ava: take it slower Ava: I know it would make it harder but I know they come first and I'm totally cool with that James: you're doing this really well too Ava: I hope so Ava: it's new territory for both of us, all of us Ava: we'll work this out too James: I trust you, Ava Ava: Thank you Ava: you can Ava: I'm not gonna let you down James: but you can, like you said, we're all just trying to get better at being people, aren't we Ava: Yeah, okay Ava: Too cocky? Ava: I'll try really, really hard not to let you down, but no promises Ava: How's that? James: I don't want you to think that me thinking you're perfect means you have to be James: 😇 & 😈 remember, mistakes are what rewrites exist for & I already made mine in trying to let you go James: you're allowed to get it wrong too Ava: I just really don't want to hurt you James: I don't want to hurt you either Ava: as long as we know that, even if we do by accident or whatever Ava: that's better, isn't it Ava: than me leaving you alone James: anything would be better than that James: but yes, especially if we know what we want & don't want James: I'd let you hurt me over & over again if it meant you didn't leave but I know that isn't what you want Ava: Never ever Ava: even thinking about it is making me hurt James: so we're not going to let it happen even hypothetically Ava: only fun hypotheticals James: like the traffic not being horrendous so I get to soft play before the children start a riot James: because we're finally ready to go Ava: That's so hypothetical it borders on a pipe dream but maybe the universe will play fair after the day you've had 🙏🤞 James: so much so that I'm hypothetically considering walking Ava: how many hypothetical stops would you have to make 'cos she wants to look at something or pick something up she shouldn't Ava: Frank can make a ten minute walk take a good thirty, easy James: enough that I could hypothetically catch my breath after all the cigarette breaks I've had today & I might not hypothetically pass out Ava: Just thinking of your health, clearly James: I should quit, again Ava: How long did you manage? James: which time? Ava: 😏 most successful time then James: 6 months maybe Ava: Not to be sniffed at Ava: longer than I've gone and I'm a shameless 'social' smoker as if that's alright James: how long have you managed? Ava: However long between whenever I've been offered one Ava: I've not tried really James: do you want me to not offer you any? Ava: Sounds like you need to catch your breath Ava: take that as you will James: okay Ava: 😊 Ava: Tell me when I need to leave James: [a long enough pause] James: you can leave now, if you'd like Ava: On my way Ava: how strict is your sweet policy? James: arguably not as strict as it should be, but I don't share that hypothetical opinion Ava: I'll stop in the shop on the way Ava: now, do I guess and see how my choice rates or do I cheat and ask you what the faves are Ava: 🤔 James: you heard me say I trust you, right? Ava: Okay, I got this James: I believe it & in you, darling Ava: 😍 you could say that again Ava: if you liked James: I've got no end of faith in you, Ava Ava: Ugh, bye Ava: I've melted James: what I'm hearing is that I'm going to have to pour you into the ball pit? Ava: If you can pick me up off the floor, yes Ava: also what I'm hearing is you want a treat too, noted James: of course I'll pick you up Ava: Actually trying to kill me Ava: I'm trying to walk, like James: if I could carry you over the threshold of this soft play centre, I would Ava: Babe 😩 James: not the time nor the place, understood Ava: Sadly not James: when the filmmaker takes certain liberties with the source material, we'll attempt it then Ava: Directors cut, yeah James: yes Ava: right, 'scuse me whilst I focus Ava: 🍭🍫🍬 important decisions to be made James: you're sweeter than any of it Ava: James James: sorry, you need to concentrate 😶 Ava: 😈 you Ava: but 😇 at the same time Ava: how do you do it? James: how do you? Ava: Touche Ava: maybe we're a good match James: I think we are Ava: What a coincidence Ava: Me too James: 🍀 Ava: [do we wanna end it here and just work out how it goes?] James: [yeah we can do] Ava: [I'm saying she went animal-themed and got her like percy pigs and an animal bar and the animal biscuits etc and got Matty some rusks or something soz baby snacks aren't as fun and then got him some candy cigarettes] James: [we all know that'd go down amazingly well done babe & I'm saying the baby made the loudest sound when she saw her again like oh hey girl] Ava: [that would be so cute] James: [we all know they already like each other] Ava: [lbr you haven't got any competition in Chloe, all you need to do is not be a massive bitch] James: [mhhmmm I'm also saying he let Jay decide what she wanted to wear because she deserves that thank you] Ava: [when you're busy living your best life so I assume you'll be alright even if you're like hello stranger?] James: [she'd be in such a good mood thankfully] Ava: [we all deserve this to be a moment, lads] James: [even if it can't be as much of a moment as you'd both like, keep it sneaky lads] Ava: [🐍[ James: [the self control required after the day they've had and how highkey their emotions are rn] Ava: [truly, at least no adults are there to pick up on what is way more than the vibe] James: [the receptionist been knew but who's she telling] Ava: [lmao imagine the amount of people conducting sneaky affairs she stay in her lane] James: [I bet they would cos their kids could not be more distracted] Ava: [its perfect tbh] James: [100% am throwing her in the ballpit excuse us children] Ava: [must be done] James: [let him be young goddamn it, he was robbed] Ava: [be young and have fun] James: [Jau just talking about soft play constantly for the foreseeable but Chloe none the wiser lol] Ava: [gonna steal your kids and your man 'cos you don't want 'em James: [they gotta come back because not only is it a great cover it'd be a really swag soft play like better than the one Louise always goes to even because posh people] Ava: [remember on scummymummies they said that one did booze lol they've got so fancy] James: [you're missing out Chlo, soz not soz] Ava: [literally no one is soz, not even your baby] James: [the baby should have her tort with her because feels] Ava: [awh yas] James: [no other kids steal it thank you] Ava: [baby fight lmao] James: [I hope not because the mum would be so judgey cos he's young & Ava's even younger] James: [not sorry we all serving looks & living our best lives at this soft play] Ava: [no one shall bring them down rn or I'll brawl] James: [but I do hope Jay's hair is the messiest it's ever been because fuck you chloe] Ava: [i always wonder what chloe is actually doing 'cos like, nothing ever is the tea] James: [truly how much shopping can you do girl] Ava: [waiting for your fairytale in your sham of a life, like] James: [ooh Ava should do something with Jay's hair that she actually likes cos maybe she's getting annoyed at it while she's trying to play & live her best life and James is like pikachu meme what is this witchcraft but she thinks he's like 😧 how dare you for the hottest of secs] Ava: [a mood just like lowkey how dare you but also how teach me lmao] James: [just falling more in love with the bae by the second over here] Ava: [queen of understated and simple shoutout to your mother for that one] James: [yas I've always loved that about Bea] Ava: [the levels of fuss Chloe is is not a mood for anyone] James: [one of many reasons Jay hates you babe] Ava: [those poor kids she ends up having like rip] James: [I hope she only dresses James now when they are going out because lord] Ava: [poor boy not a mood] James: [especially now you got the hottest bae ever] Ava: [nothing you can do to cockblock this honey] James: [she should obvs find the fake profile like immediately though] Ava: [we can do that next] James: [& if she messages it Ava will be able to see what she's like] Ava: [the delight that is, okay letgo]

[utsus]

Hi! I stumbled upon your NaruHina fics through matchaball and just wanted to say that your writing always keeps me on the edge if my seat. I don't know if you take any requests but if so then I'd like to ask for the following NaruHina Prompt: "True love is one soul residing in two bodies." Thanks again for your amazing soul that so easily spills out into your writing!

(AO3)

An angel spoke to her once.It didn’t descend from the sky, clouds parting around anethereal existence unimaginable and unfathomable to human eyes. It didn’t havewings, or a halo, or a face.

A sword pierced through her and her scream got caught in abreath, a gasp; at that time, before her body had fallen to the dirt, she’dthought for a moment that it was funny. Iron in her side, iron on her lips. Sheremembered distinctly the way her body bounced on the cold dirt, the solidground. A moment later and her opponent fell, too. A stream of chakra nogreater than a strand of her hair had extended from her fingertip, slicingthrough air and flesh and chakra and bone. Her chakra flickered and waned as shelay there, and even with her Byakugan fading she could see the way the lifeleft him in a rattle and a shake.

It was then that it happened. She worked on breathing lessraggedly and pushed her palms to the earth, forced her weight onto her wrists.She got a single knee under her when she felt the chill on her skin, the babyhairs on her nape rising.

Later, Ino would ask her what she had expected; being theless spiritual of the two, Ino had her doubts and was more a blank canvas. Curious,but not expecting. Hinata had had expectations. Something to see, namely. Anything to hear. A figureor a note, moving through the air, hovering before her. She expected a certainkind of grandeur.

Instead it rose from the earth beneath her feet, a lowlything, incandescent and glistening. More monster than messenger, she wouldlater remember, when she still had memory of it.

There were no horns, no trumpets, no strings. There was nosound at all, except for this: a breeze like a song over her skin, the notessinking into her veins, a chorus tucked away behind layers of cardiac muscle.Was it there for her?

She couldn’t see—couldn’t hear. The world narrowed to apinhole in existence and all Hinata knew was that it was moving. She didn’tknow how she knew, but that she was certain. And it was coming closer.

For her, then.

She felt something softer than feathers, lighter than air,right there under her chin. She looked up and warmth flowed through her.

Benot afraid, it said, and Hinata wanted to laugh. She hurt too badly todo so, and time was moving differently in this creature’s company. She feltlifted, floating while still on the ground. She reached out and curled herfingers in the dirt to ground herself; a reminder that this was real.

Whoare you, she thought.

But there was only this: the breeze, warm as the first dayof summer, somehow finding a way inside of her; it circled her spine.

She could hear it again, the muted chorus, unspoken butfelt.

(A message, she thought, trying to make sense of theimpossible—planted like a seed in the folds of her heart—)

Movement; a shifting of reality; Hinata heard only this:

Truelove is one soul residing in two bodies.

When her eyes slipped shut she expected the honest black ofunconsciousness. Instead there was only the burning light of gold and white, athousand times more harrowing than shadows for how cognizant of her own fadingconsciousness she was. Her eyes slipped shut, her periorbital veinsconstricted, and her world only continued to brighten, to brighten, to brighten.

Later, she would lose it all. The warmth. The blindinglight. A chorus absent of voices, composing a new melody. Each more astonishingand indescribable than the last, and each forgotten.

But—miraculously—she remembered the words.

And it was the words she kept.

✧

He spoke to an angel, once.

He couldn’t tell you how he knew it was an angel, or why itwas so important for him to say the words. His heart had been a rattle in thecage of his chest, clattering hopelessly, trying desperately to keep him alive.The back of his shirt had been soaked with blood, iron grit between his teeth.

It came to him from the trees.

Naruto remembered the stellar image it cast against thewaning sky; that stark evergreen whispering through the breeze, trembling againsta lavender sky. He remembered forcing his hand into the air, trying to captureit, to reach out and touch it. He had always been a physical person—learned hislessons best when they were beat into him first, even at the hands of friends.

He knew love through his fingertips, the palms of his hands.Him, reaching. Always. There were stories of love and rejection in thoseravines between swathes of his skin, so many whispered uncertainties—theirs andhis own and his own and his own.

So it wasn’t unusual for him to be the one reaching out,even to an empty sky. In this he had no uncertainties; he merely reached,extending his arm with his heart on his sleeve as he always had. It was theonly way he knew how to love. Honestly, and without holding back.

When he was little, he had learned to expect rejection.Then, as he grew, he taught himself and learned from friends, from family, thathe was worth more than expecting rejection. So he taught himself to reach withhope, instead. His arm was straight and strong and unwavering, he closed hisfingers into a fist, once, around the overhead image of the branches and theirbeautiful leaves. He opened his hand again and let the lines of his palmswhisper their secrets to the skies, and it was then that he felt the warmthagainst his skin.

He didn’t question it, wasn’t suspicious or wary. He let theheat play between his fingers, like a gold coin travelling over and under hisknuckles. He felt the way it wound around his wrist, his forearm, the tremblingmuscle of his bicep. The heat sunk into his skin, a subtle burn down his spine.

And then the lavender sky fractured above him, and a faintlight trickled towards him.

He blinked as he felt it reach his palm, settle into thegrooves of his skin. It trembled there, so unbelievably fragile even as thelight of it showed straight through his skin. He felt the power of it in hishand, contrasted with the way it rested their—and for one unthinkable momentNaruto wondered if all it wanted was to be held.

The thought washed away and the heat in his hand grew untilhe bent his arm, rested his elbow in the dirt at his side. Looking directly atit burned his eyes, the same kind of feeling as looking into the sun, but witha thousand times the brightness and a total absence of pain. Naruto wondered ifthere would be any color left to his eyes, after this, and pictured instead thecurious beauty of colorless irises. Familiar to him, since—

The light flickered, a single charge, and Naruto watched itsink into the skin of his wrist. This, he felt. Of all the fire jutsu he hadnot been able to escape in his lifetime, this was worse, this was a milliontimes worse. But he didn’t scream;there was no air left in the world for him to scream with. The light movedinside of him until he was totally, completely breathless. He watched it like atrail of pale liquid lavender move through the veins in his arm until itdisappeared over his chest. He felt the warmth around his heart.

The tears he felt on his cheeks were almost more surprising.He couldn’t remember the last time he’d let himself cry. He did so, now, notbecause it hurt—and it did—but because there was a calm to the way it wascircling his heart that he had never felt before. The pain faded from a burningto an aching and Naruto felt carved out, hollow. He felt Kurama in his mind andsaw bars and shadows, as if the beast had cornered himself. As if he feared thelight.

Naruto wondered about monsters and madness and felt starklythe way that the light—no larger than a dandelion seed—was unraveling him.

But this, he thought, was a pain he could tolerate. It wasfamiliar to him. A childhood friend. Emptiness.

Suddenly the light flared and Naruto caught his breath,found himself gasping. The light gave one final burst, a flare of warmth aroundhis heart, and then he felt it get caught in his throat. Naruto coughed andcoughed until the light burst through, and when he gazed upon it once more,this incredible, unthinkable anomaly, he could think only of a sudden kind ofmusic it had left behind.

He could only feel it, smoothing through him, somehowincomplete. Just beginning.

“Wait,” he said, brave as the light which began to rise. Hecould see it clearer now, his eyes seeing more and more the longer he looked upat it. The light was only a piece, he realized, a fragment a shattered jaggededge of something magnificent something magicaland unbelievable and his mind began to throw images of great and mighty beastshe’d learned about in history class at him one after another until—

Sudden, all-consuming silence. This time, of Naruto’s ownmaking. He put a name to the being in front of him and new it angel. It was there in his heart wherethe leftover warmth still radiated freely. It was there in the multifacetedintergalactic mass of its creation, looming over him with utter gentleness. Hehad so many questions he wanted to ask, and he struggled to prioritize them intime. How much time did he have left, he wondered. Was there enough?

This was the kind of fear that rose unbidden when yourealized that time didn’t bend for anyone; that you only had so much controlover the life you were given. Naruto didn’t want to waste time voicing it.Instead, he looked straight into the heart of an angel and he said, “I don’tget it. I don’t know why you chose me, but I hope I can make something of it,you know? I hope I don’t let you down. And…thank you, I think. For, well. Forreaching back.”

The docile light continued to rise, high up into the sky,losing color and luminosity the closer it got to the trees. Naruto hoped for aresponse, anything at all, even after the lavender sky swallowed the lightwhole and seemed to glow at the edges. He waited and waited, his blood coolingbeneath him, and at last he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. He neededto get home, he needed medical attention, but he was exhausted. He was so, soexhausted.

As unconsciousness claimed him, he began to dream oflavender skies, of eyes drained of color, of hearts freed of uncertainty andfear.

Of a single flickering light in the darkness telling himthis, and only this: Be not afraid.

✧

Hinata recovered from her wounds with the aid of expertmedical care and her own dogged resilience. She went through rehabilitationwith Kiba and Shino at her side during the days, and Hanabi at nights. Kurenai-senseiwas a constant figure at her hospital bedside. She was healthy and strong andshe took excellent care of herself, so she healed quickly. Within a week shewas back to her normal training regimen, though Hokage-sama had given her asingle crinkle-eyed smile and told her she wouldn’t be getting a mission for atleast another week. That was fine with her; beyond the fact that she had beenin mortal danger, there was something otherwise…bizarre, about the experience. She couldn’t remember much—she knewwhat concussions could do to a person—but for some reason she couldn’t get thatsimple phrase out of her head.

Truelove is one soul residing in two bodies.

What did it mean that she’d come away from alife-threatening mission with that particular phrase cemented into her memory?It was an anomaly; detached from all other identifying factors from the event,it floated above her, untethered. Where had it come from? She had not been thinkingof love when that sound-nin had stuck her through with a sword the length ofher arm.

“Lost in your thoughts again?” Ino asked amusedly, lightlybumping their hips together. “Tonight’ll fix that for sure.”

Hinata sighed. “Are you sure this is a good idea? I’ve onlyjust recovered.”

Ino rolled her eyes. “You’ve been fully recovered for daysand we both know it. And besides, going out tonight is not going to undo your recovery. Well, depending onhow much you drink, I guess.”

“I won’t be,” she answered easily, grinning up at the faceIno made in response. “So that kind of settles that.”

“You’ll be the safest one around, then. You and Chouji,both.”

“He’s good company.”

“True,” Ino agreed, before something dangerous sharpened hersmile. “But I know whose company you’d like even more.”

It was Hinata’s turn to roll her eyes. “You and everyoneelse in our generation,” she muttered, kicking idly at a rock as they headedfurther west.

“Just our generation? Hinata, please.”

Pink-cheeked as they turned the last corner before theirdestination, Hinata glanced up and spotted Chouji first, chatting with Tenten away to the side of the front entrance. On second glance, Hinata noticedShikamaru just beyond them, leaning against the front wall, gazing skyward. Thecloser she and Ino got, the more of their generation she recognized. There werepeople from previous generations there, too; many of whom she had gotten toknow after becoming a Jounin. She’d been on missions with many of them, andrecognized more than she expected the closer she and Ino got.

There were those from newer generations, too. Many of which,Hinata thought wryly, looked too young to gain entrance to such anestablishment.

As they got closer, Hinata felt herself edging towardsChouji, a comforting and conversant presence.

“Hinata-san,” he called, glancing up from a customary bag ofchips. “You two made good time.”

“Chouji-san,” she greeted in return, smiling comfortably.Ino reached out and brushed a few crumbs from Chouji’s cheek, amusinglymaternal, before going in for a quick hug.

“Glad you made it,” she said amiably, her eyes crinkling upin a way that Hinata had long since attributed solely to Ino’s boys. Ino wasn’tsoft on many people, but her boys had a special place in her heart that seemedto melt her sharpest edges with just a glance. She moved past Chouji and cast awry grin over her shoulder before turning back to punch Shikamaru lightly inthe shoulder.

Hinata turned to Chouji and asked after him as usual; he wascalm and receptive to her, his eyes shining when he laughed. He was such a kindperson; Hinata felt totally at ease in his presence.

Some ways into their conversation, however, Hinata realizedthat she was distracted. It was abrupt, and jarring, the way she felt suddenlydrawn towards the fading skyline. She glanced over Chouji’s shoulder andshivered, watching the way the sky bled down from the molten core of amultitude of golds, to the brightest, most eye-catching shades of crimson. Shewas drawn to the golds, the deep ambers and the fading traces of light. Hershivering abated and she felt a surge of warmth, just beneath her skin, sinkingthrough her.

She wondered at it, as anyone would. What an inexplicablefeeling, she thought, as Chouji explained how to properly season a roast. Hereyes flicked over his shoulder again, watching the brightest star sink behindthe mountains. The golds remained even as the red grew, and when Hinata’s eyescame back down to earth they caught on ocean blue.

Naruto blinked, and Hinata realized she’d begun to stare;lost entirely in his wide eyes. Before she could glance away embarrassedly, helifted a hand in greeting and she could do nothing more but to lift her ownhand in response. She shrugged shyly, abashed, and watched the way he respondedwith a genuine smile. He peeled away from Sakura, Sai, and Rock Lee and beganto head towards them, and Hinata felt her heart respond instantly.

“Hey,” he greeted easily, eyes trailing over her. He gazedat her with an air that was almost cautious, the trail of his eyes careful andintent, as though seeking out rather than simply exploring. Hinata flushedunder his study and felt herself smiling, lips pursed but unable to hold back.

“Naruto-kun,” she offered, instantly embarrassed with howbreathless she sounded. She cast a quick glance up at Chouji and felt hercheeks gain heat at his knowing, amused expression as he looked back and forthbetween them. Hinata didn’t know when he’d stopped talking about his culinaryartistry, or if she had been so distracted as to be rude. She surely hoped not, and from the amusement spread over hisexpression, she doubted he took much offense, if any at all.

Chouji turned to Naruto with a smirk of his own. “Good tosee you.”

Hinata watched as Naruto clapped a hand on Chouji’s shoulderaffably, grinning crookedly. “You too, man. Glad you could make it out.”

“I’m happy so many of us were able to make it,” Choujiagreed, letting his eyes trail around them before settling back quite purposelyon Hinata. She wondered idly if there was anyone left in the entire village whodidn’t know about her feelings for Naruto.

“I’m pleasantly surprised Sai-san decided to come.”

“You might be the only one,” Naruto huffed, turning over hisshoulder as the three of them watched Sai reach out and pull lightly onSakura’s hair. Sakura turned to him with a stilted slowness, danger signsglaring, but he only smiled wider and let his shoulders bob up and down beforeoffering an explanation—the picture of innocence.

“He’s a weird dude,” a new voice added, and Hinatarecognized their new party without having to look. She reached out and felt ahand slide into hers for a moment, offering a cursory squeeze, and turned justin time to see Chouji and Shino silently bump knuckles as Kiba’s hand fell awayfrom hers and he settled at her side with a yawn. “I don’t get him.”

“Maybe we should spend more time with him,” Hinata wonderedaloud, eyeing the man in question. “Get to know him better.”

“Like go out with him?” Kiba asked, eyebrows jumping. “Ortrain?”

Hinata felt herself smiling. “Either, I supposed. But I hadtraining in mind.”

“Let me just say right now,” Naruto began, lifting a finger.“He’s a strange fucking bird. But he’s a good guy. He’s an asshole,” he added, much to their amusement, “But he’s a good guy.”

“Do with that what we will, huh?” Chouji laughed, and Hinatafelt the warmth of joy rising under her skin. She was naturally introverted,but she enjoyed social situations when she was with people she knew and feltcomfortable with. She could be perfectly social without them, of course—she’dgrown up in a clan that prized propriety after all—but she preferred andresponded better, as so many would, to the company of friends.

Hinata’s eyes fell heavy with admiration as she allowedherself to relish the reality of having so many friends. She felt intensely andprivately lucky to be able to have somany people in her life that she could rely on; people that could rely on her. Though they were spaced out inseveral slivered groups, she knew that should they come together as a wholethat they would not want for comfort, amusement, or joy.

Her unit fell into idle conversation just as the others had,and Hinata listened with half an ear as the warmth around her heart rekindled,drawing her attention. She kept finding her gaze on Naruto, which was neithersurprising nor unsettling, though it wasembarrassing. She did have someself-control. She was not unused to this behavior of hers. She couldn’tremember the first time she’d realized she was drawn to Naruto in a way that amoth was drawn to a flame—that total, all-encompassing pull; a path that was asbeautiful as it was dangerous. He was strong of heart and body and soul andshe’d seen all of that even before she’d developed her Byakugan. She’d lookedat him and seen the heart of him, and ever since then she’d been his. So easy,she thought. And lasting.

But this time felt different, somehow. She wasn’t justlooking to look, or drawn to him idly because she thought him the mostinteresting and beautiful person near her, though that was true. It was morethan an idle attention; it was an affixed curiosity. A curiousness that shedidn’t have an answer for, that reminded her of the golden flare of his hairand the way his smile shined so brightly it seemed to cast everyone around himin lesser light.

Why did that kind of luminosity feel nostalgic? What gap inher memory held such a marvel, but was still hidden to her present mind?

She could hear Shino’s low timbre, his textbook explanationof some kind of plant that could be used to spice a meal (and Chouji’s avid andverbal interest) as she glanced up once more to study Naruto’s profile. The sunhad set behind him, the sky dulling down from vibrancy to romantic hues.Outlined in waning vermilion, Hinata fell in love with Naruto all over again;his idle grin; the way his eyes—bright and shining, ensnaring of every sourceof light outside of his own—danced from person to person; the bob of his throatwhen he laughed; the pink lines his nails left behind when he absentmindedlyscratched his nape.

Hinata missed none of it. She looked too closely and feltall the chaos of being burned without any of the actual pain; only the heat,the flickering of light, and the absence of control. She took a careful deepbreath, veiling it behind a smile at something Kiba added to Shino’s retellingof the garden tools that were so old he thought them cursed and imagined they’dfought back.

Hinata breathed around the warmth in her chest and waitedseveral purposeful moments before glancing back to Naruto, as she had beensince he’d joined their circle. Only this time, instead of catching on thesharp planes of his profile, she met his oceanic stare head-on.

She was so startled by his sudden attention she almostresponded verbally, her silent gasp only justfalling short of an audible “Oh!” Sheswallowed and blinked up at him, and it took her a moment to realize he’d askedher a question. She turned towards the elbow Kiba gently introduced to her sideand the amused tilt of Shino’s sunglasses, and only just missed the curious,inquisitive trail of Naruto’s eyes over her skin.

“I’m sorry—What?”

“He said,” Kibareiterated, “That it’s time for us to head in. Our tables are ready and thegang’s all here, apparently.”

Hinata tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear to giveher something to do with her hands and nodded, embarrassed and unable to meetNaruto’s eyes again. “Sorry,” she offered quietly, laughing a little. Sheglanced up quickly, needing to see his response for only a moment beforelooking away. His amusement was muted and clear, as though charmed but notwanting to embarrass her further.

“It’s okay,” Naruto said, and she felt the heat of his handsuddenly pressed between her shoulder blades. He didn’t push, only guided; theywalked side-by-side and followed the rest of their friends up to the secondstory and into the bar. Sakura held the door open for everyone and they filedinto the boisterous chatter and smoke of their frequented tavern. They liked itbecause it was huge—two stories and largeenough to easily house the lot of them and countless other patrons, too,without the irritation of crowding one another. Still, the tables were closetogether and there was no doing away with rubbing elbows with strangers, but itwas the best lot out of several they’d tried in their earlier years.

Everything inside was deep, polished wood and theoverwhelming smell of smoke and alcohol. Glasses clanked and people laughed,and on the far eastern side of the greatest room was a crowded dancefloor.Hinata caught a glimpse of startlingly fashioned gray hair sitting at the barand frowned. Either her eyes were deceiving her or their Hokage was disguisedand enjoying himself a whiskey. Neat.

Somewhere along the journey from front entrance to theirtable in the back room, Hinata found herself separated from her team and Narutoboth. She ended up between Sakura and Chouji, with Ino and Kiba across fromher. Naruto was seated just beside Ino, with Neji on his other side. Nejioffered Hinata fond grin that she mirrored exactly before turning back to whatlooked to be an involved conversation with Tenten. They ordered their firstround of drinks—Hinata with her iced tea and Chouji with his water andlemons—before smoothly breaking off into separate conversations once more.

It never ceased to amaze Hinata how easily it came to hergeneration to check in on each other. There were bonds here that wereunbreakable, enduring. There was a fair share of introverts and extroverts,both, and yet somehow they all managed to find a peaceful inquisitiveness thatkept everyone up to date with everyone else’s latest business. Hinata was aprivate person by nature and upbringing, but wasn’t opposed to joining in onthe sharing. Kiba already knew what was happening in her life, considering he’dbeen there with her every step of her recovery. Shino, too, but he was at thefar end of the table sandwiched between Sasuke and Sai, which nearly had Hinatalaughing out loud. She could only wonder what kind of conversations were goingto be had over there, if any at all.

Hinata turned back to her section, still smiling from the thought,and caught on to the tail end of something her tablemates were discussing.

“It’s been rough for a while, right? It’s not just methinking this. Right? Someone validate me.”

Hinata felt herself smiling, charmed with Kiba’s mannerisms.She heard Ino laugh and when she glanced over to gauge Naruto’s expression, shefound his eyebrows raised, his lips pursed. He nodded his head, an easyaffirmation.

“For once, I agree with you.” Ino said smoothly, tossing herlong tail of hair back over her shoulder. She leaned back as the server broughttheir drinks, then made quick work of tasting her own to measure it against herpalate. With a curiously quirked eyebrow, she seemed to accept it. Hinatawatched her trail her fingertip around the rim of the glass almostcontemplatively as another waiter set her iced tea down in front of her. Sheglanced up with a gracious smile and a quiet thank you, before turning back to Ino’s chatter.

“I had a mission last week that was so not worth the pay,” Ino continued, and Sakura huffed inagreement.

Chouji frowned. “What was the cost?”

Ino sniffed. “Nearly an arm and a leg.”

Chouji straightened, protective even so long after the fact,but Ino waved her hand to shush him. Sakura was gazing at her girlfriend withstern pride, a steady kind of unwavering admiration.

Ino added, “Obviously, they sent amateurs to collect. Istill have all my amenities.”

“But it was close,” Hinata said quietly, sympathetic.

“Too close.” Sakura starkly added. Ino reached across thetable for a moment and squeezed one of Sakura’s hands, a shared look offeredbetween them. When she straightened back up and their hands slid away, Hinataglanced away from the heat in Sakura’s cheeks. Ino’s smile, intimate one momentand wry the next, led her into further explanation.

Hinata listened to Ino recount her mission from hell, invivid detail, even as she canvassed the room. It was ingrained in her, as ashinobi of Konoha, as a Jounin with responsibilities. She could not, would not be careless. Her father hadtold her at a very young age that she would have to be stronger, faster,smarter than others. That the blood in her veins made her special, anddangerous, and different. That it made her hunted.

She had a lifetime of sunrise training sessions, endless simulations,and a few scars to remind her that though it was peacetime and her village wasone of, if not the strongest villagein the shinobi system, that she was still not safe. That she would never besafe. Not in this line of work. Not with this blood coursing through her veins.Not with these eyes.

So she canvassed the room, took note of every possible exitand entrance, of blind spots and safe spaces for civilians to be guided shouldthey need it. She took in the high beams in the ceiling, the fragility of the tintedwindows up front, the flammability of the curtains. Solid wood under her feet. Maybefifty more patrons beneath them, on the first floor, taking to their meals on aweekday. She could’ve activated her Byakugan to get an exact count of bothstories, but Hinata wasn’t about to cause a fuss just because she’d been raisedto be overly prepared, even in the most unassuming of situations.

So she looked without the aid of her bloodline, and stillshe saw so much more than anyone else around her. She looked at the people,gauged their expressions, looked deeper for intentions. There was theboisterous group to the back left, just having a good time, beers sloshing andlaughs bellowing. All around there were business peoples, studiously drinkingand engaging in conversation. To the far right two women pressed closetogether, not obscenely so but enough to catch a few glances.

Hinata saw them all and took note of them. Hers wasn’t theonly safety she was concerned with in this place. She was surrounded by peopleshe would risk her life to save.

Her eyes flickered back to Naruto, as though called to him.She found his profile, strong and beautiful and engaging. His eyes were dim,studying Ino’s expression as she spoke. Kiba was shaking his head and Sakurawas joining into Ino’s telling every so often. Hinata found herself entirelydistracted with the angle of Naruto’s jaw, and the heat that image called upwithin her. She watched him as he watched others, noticed the way he seemeddistracted himself, something heavy pressing on his mind. He licked his lips,once, a slow and idle gesture. She watched his brow furrow, consternationspreading subtly over his expression. His lips moved, and it took Hinata longerthan it should have to realize he was speaking, joining his own story withIno’s because Kiba was right, he said, that their missions had beenuncharacteristically rough lately.

“I was…somewhere I can’t talk about but I got my ass handedto me. This massive group of Sound nin, showed up and just came at me immediately, no hesitation—”

“Weird, because you’re so hard to identify.”

Naruto turned to Sakura and pointed as if to shush her,obviously withholding a laugh.  

“So anyways, thereI was just minding my own damn business—”

“In enemy territory,” Ino sang.

“Close enough, clearly, to stir the patrolling guard.” Kibaadded playfully, cleaning his sharp nails out in the open without any sense ofshame.

Naruto ignored them both, as Hinata and Sakura both muffledtheir laughter behind their hands.

“Whatever. So I’m cloning myself like crazy because there’s so freakin’ many of them, right? There’sgotta be a hundred of me and we’re all like, ‘Rasengan!’ ‘Rasen-Shuriken!’‘Kyah!’ And just like totally dominating at first, you should’ve seen it.”

Hinata felt laughter bubbling up into her throat again,amused and so totally charmed with Naruto’s mannerisms, his way of speaking.They were all in their twenties by now, but he still retained such a pure anduntainted kind of childlike innocence when it came to conversation. He didn’tseem to care that they were laughing along with his story, and at his ownpassionate enthusiasm. Hinata felt her heart pounding as she watched with heavyeyes the way he used his hands to help tell the story.

“So I get down to like three of these dudes, really uglyones, and it’s like they’d been playing the whole time. Like they were toyingwith me, or something.” Naruto’s enthusiasm muted in shaded hues, untileveryone’s amusement died down and the realization that Naruto had been ingrave danger became apparent. “They really kicked my ass. I mean, I held my ownfor sure, believe it! But when I got down to the last guy I wasn’t doing sohot. Which is crazy, right? That I’d just so happen to come across some guythat’s buff enough to exhaust me?”

It wasn’t arrogance that Naruto spoke with, and everyone atthe table knew it. It was experience, and knowledge of his own limits—or lackthereof. Naruto’s harrowing amount of chakra was a well-known fact among them,so hearing him tell them himself that he’d been exhausted was more than worrying.Hinata sat up straighter, attention held. Beside her, Sakura’s hand fisted inthe material of her skirt.

“Okay, then what happened?” Kiba asked, leaning forward inhis seat. Naruto’s met his eyes evenly, his smile wry.

“He wiped the floor with me. You all know about my arm—can’treally hide these bandages. Thanks again, Sakura-chan.”

“It was a mean break,” Sakura said. “I don’t want to see ithappen again, Naruto.”

Naruto quirked his lips, innocent but duly chastised.

“There was some internal stuff, too. Don’t really wanna talkabout it. Just—by the end of it, I don’t know how I got him, but I did. We wereboth lying there and—and he took his last breath first. I kinda for realthought I would take mine, too.”

“It was that bad?” Ino asked, and for the first time Hinataheard real concern in her voice. She watched her eyes flick to Sakura, almostunconsciously, then back to Naruto. “Geez, Naruto.”

Naruto scratched at the back of his head, eyes crinkling.“Yeah, it was rough times.”

“Slightly,” Kibagroused, sighing. “I didn’t know you’d almost died.”

“You’re healing well now?” Hinata found her voice, at last,and held Naruto’s eyes when he looked over to her. His smile was lopsided,adorably perched, and his eyes grew heavy the longer he gazed at her.

“Yeah,” he said, voice somehow gentled, “Yeah I’m healingnow. No worries.”

Hinata smiled, relief flooding through her. “Ah, that’s good.”

“So,” Kiba cleared his throat, his voice purposely poised tolighten the mood. He somehow managed to portray both an amused kind ofcuriosity that still managed to seem carelessly blasé. “Did you see a light atthe end of the tunnel, and all that?”

Hinata noticed that it took Naruto a moment longer thanordinary to look away from her, and found herself looking away first. Sheglanced to Kiba and made a face when he smirked knowingly, lifting a hand tocover his visible incisors. He was laughing at her. Typical.

Naruto’s eyes left her and Hinata felt like she couldbreathe again—and when had she begun to feel breathless? She held off onbringing a hand up to her chest, though the image was there in her mind. Ahabit.

“No light,” he explained, and Hinata couldn’t help but toturn back to him just to gauge his expression. It was clear he was rememberingthe fight, the terrifying moment, but Hinata was surprised to find that hedidn’t look fearful in the slightest. If anything, he looked confused. His brow pursed, his lipsfrowning; Hinata watched the way he worked on the words.

“Not at first. Not how you’d think.”

“What?” That was Sakura, speaking at last to something sheapparently didn’t already know. This, then, was news to her; just as it was forthe rest of them sitting around him. The constant haze of tavern noise rose andfell around them as Hinata found herself leaning forward slightly in her seat,curious and captivated. Naruto looked a man frustrated and confused, hisapparent lack of answers gnawing at him. He drew his fingers across his mouthonce, an idle gesture, needing the movement.

“So you did see alight?” Ino, that time.

“Well, yeah. But there wasn’t a tunnel. It’s weird, but it’skind of hard to remember? There was the sky, this great shade of purple.”

“Purple?” Ino asked, voice full of disbelief. Naruto pursedhis lips, trying to conjure something into words.

“Light purple, like—like those flowers! By the hot springs,just east of the Tower. What are those things called—”

“I’m assuming you mean lavender.The ones hanging in arches overhead?”

“Yes!”

Sakura laughed. “Naruto, that’s the flower and the color you’re looking for.Probably.”

Naruto pointed at her, grinning. “Right! Lavender. Totallyknew that. That’s the color the sky was, believe it! And I just remember lyingthere thinking it was all over, and that sucked, truly, because I had—have somuch left I want to do.”

Hinata felt her heart beat like a punch in her chest, aheavy thud. They’d all assumed Naruto’s mission had been bad; his injuries hadbeen awful and debilitating and what proved it all worse, even Naruto’sunshakeable resolve had been temporarily rocked. His first few days of recoveryhad been…difficult. But even then, helping to rehabilitate him, they hadn’tknown it had been this: something soclose to death he’d already had a taste of the shadows after the initial light.He spoke of it almost intimately. He rubbed idly at his nape once more, anervous gesture Hinata had picked up on years back.

“It’s kinda fuzzy still, real hard to remember for somereason. But there was this little ball of light that came down from the sky,and I reached out for it and—it landed in my hand.” Naruto was in full swingnow, enthusiastically recounting his experience with wide eyes still slightlydowncast, and his hands moving with his words. Hinata glanced around their tableto see the amused faces of their friends, and realized they didn’t believe him.They were looking at him with charmed amusement, as though he was deliberatelyor accidentally hilarious, and they didn’t care which it was. Only that theydidn’t believe him. And Hinata understood; it was a fantastical story.

But there was something about his eyes, and the way heseemed so vividly stuck in that past moment; something about the way he spokewith a sense of—wonder.

She believed him.

And there was something more,too. Hinata felt a curious pull towards his words and the recollection of akind of ethereal light. The more he spoke of it, the more breathless Hinatabegan to feel. His explanation, the details he offered of heat and random,inexplicable lyricism pounding along with his pulse had her beginning tounravel. He talked about a warmth he had never before experienced, one thatradiated from within but originated outside of him, and Hinata felt the curioussensation of her body slowly seeping into adrenaline-laced waters, her heartbeginning to race. The more he spoke, the more he explained of his near-deathexperience, the more alarmed Hinata grew.

She remembered this. She couldn’t explain it—could barelywrap her mind around the possibility, and what it could mean, but she remembered this.

Everything he was explaining, she had once felt, too.

“You’re laughing,” Naruto said suddenly, his grin muted,wry. Hinata blinked, startled back into sudden presence, and saw that theirfriends were in fact laughing at him. Not outright, in a gregarious manner. Butthe smiles on their faces and the amused glints in their eyes were enough of atell. Naruto didn’t seem entirely bothered by this, though. Hinata studied hisexpression with sharp eyes, now far more prying than before. She watched theway he shrugged, almost self-consciously, as one corner of his lips curled.There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in his voice when he spoke, even after theirobvious disillusionment with his retelling. He said, “But I could hear them.The music and the voices, somehow. They came from the light, and the lightmoved through me. Man, you can laugh, I don’t care. I know what I saw. What Ifelt.”

The expression on his face matched exactly the suddenunderstanding coursing through Hinata’s body. She could hear his unspokenwords. What I can still feel. What I canstill hear.

She remembered, so very suddenly, the words. The way thatshe had come home from a near-death experience herself and felt that samewarmth, that same mystical musical revelation in her veins. The words, as clearas they were indecipherable in origin, spoken unto her:

Truelove is one soul residing in two bodies.

“Naruto, you were concussed,” Sakura said, not withoutkindness. “I’m sure you believe you saw those things, but they were products oftraumatic brain injury.”

“It happens to all of us,” Chouji attempted to soothe, asIno’s own humor gave way to support.

“We all see different shit, sure, but we see it.” Sheshrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

Hinata watched carefully the way Naruto’s expression tensed,and how he wrestled with his words, trying to find the proper way to iteratehis feelings.

“No,” he said, after a moment of pause, “No that’s not it. Iknow it was real. It wasn’t—yeah I took a few blows to the head, concussed orwhatever, but I know the difference between what’s real and what’s not.”

Sakura’s voice was gentler, this time. Soothing. “We get it,Naruto. We’re not saying you’re lying, or faking it.”

“Yeah man,” Kiba added, reaching out to clap a hand on hisshoulder as somehow stumbled behind him, nearly spilling their drink on him.Kiba didn’t even flinch at the droplets on his own shoulder. “It’s cool. We getit.”

Naruto glanced up and met Hinata’s eyes, the last voice yetto be offered on the subject. He studied her in the same way she studied him,though his was with a calm and steady gaze whereas she felt nearly tangiblyundone. She couldn’t find a response, couldn’t taste the words. They justwouldn’t come, no matter how hard she drew on them. She swallowed and neveronce looked away from him, and saw that his frustration, while potent, wasbrief. He glanced away and his expression shifted, and though he didn’t shrughis heavy shoulders again, the feeling of the gesture was there. Hinata couldsee the conviction in his eyes, the complete and total lack of doubt in hiswords. He didn’t need them to believe him. He’d only just been sharing withthem the experience he’d had.

It seemed that after that everyone was ready for new topicsand new ventures. Some were on their third drinks, while others had moved offto the dancefloor. Hinata was surprised to see Neji out there, swaying inplace, while Tenten laughed and laughed and taught him how to move his body inanything other than harsh angles. She smoothed out his shoulders with adelicate flick of her wrist, a soothing swipe of fingertips, and Hinata,distracted as she was, felt herself smiling at the expression that rose uponNeji’s face. He was blushing.

When Hinata turned back to her table she was surprised to findit nearly empty of its previous patrons. She distinctly remembered Choujimumbling something about going downstairs to get more food, with Shikamarushadowing him along the way. Rock Lee was on the dance floor doing what Hinatacould only describe as the “pool noodle,” and Kiba had rescued Shino from hiscompany and was dragging him over to the bar. Sasuke and Sai had movedsomewhere into the shadows, presumably, and Ino had come around the table tostand by her girlfriend, one hand reaching out to run through Hinata’s hair.

“Well,” Ino sighed. “That was something.”

Sakura turned in her seat and pushed her face against Ino’sside, nuzzling and comforted.

“I worry about him,” Hinata could just barely make the wordsout, muffled as they were against Ino’s side. Ino ran her fingers throughSakura’s hair and only nodded, offering a quiet, “I know.”

Hinata turned her gaze back to the man in question and foundseveral people around him, only a few of which she actually recognized. From anoutsider’s perspective, everything was once again right with the universe. Theplanets orbited the sun, and every light in the room paled in comparison to hisradiance.

They were clearly fans of his, eager and joyful to share hisspace and attention. Hinata felt herself smiling crookedly, admiration spillingheat in her cheeks. But then her expression shifted as sudden intrusivethoughts began to arise. There were so many people looking for his attention,and more, his interest. She watched for a moment the way a young woman movedcloser, reaching out to touch his shoulder. She smiled, batted her eyelashes,and laughed at something Naruto offered haphazardly to the conversation. Hinatawondered, not for the first time, what it was like to be so confident. She’dbeen wondering such a thing nearly all her life, though most especially whenshe went out with Ino and Sakura, who were each their own separate force ofnature.

But there was no use to those lines of thought. She wasgrowing at her own pace, far more confident than she had ever been before, andthat was okay. Hinata was unique, too, and though she was reticent andself-conscious and so often embarrassed, she was honest and sincere and strong,too. Still, it was difficult to silence a voice as loud as self-doubt. The peoplearound Naruto were beautiful, too, and they were probably strong, and wonderfuland everything Naruto would want. Many of them were younger than her, too, newgenerations that knew of Uzumaki Naruto, the hero of Konoha, the legend of theleaf. They hadn’t grown up beside him, seeing his faults, his flaws, hissetbacks. They hadn’t helped him fight to secure his bonds. They hadn’t beenthere with him through the Chuunin exams; Akatsuki; Pain. The Jounin trials.

And though her presence beside him in those momentscertainly did not mean nothing,neither were they singularly great enough to secure her a spot in his heartthat none of those other undeniably incredible Konoha shinobi might also share.You could be someone’s best and closest friend, someone’s most loyal supporterand admirer, and still fall short of the kind of love that called on the soul.

That was the root of the importance of free will; it was allabout choice. And no matter how muchHinata grew or matured or changed with the times, all at Naruto’s side as adear friend and fellow shinobi, the only deciding factor on who he would loveenough to give his whole heart to was of his own choosing.

And there were so many incredible, beautiful candidates.

Hinata turned away with the sour taste of envy on hertongue, and forced herself to shake it off. You don’t feed the monsters youdon’t want to grow. She drank some of her iced tea and focused on the cleansingcoolness that swam through her, the tinge of lemon, the clinking of the icecubes. She turned and heard Ino and Sakura’s chatter, far-shifted from anytopic relative to Naruto, and still found that her mind was singularly focusedon him. On his words, and his experiences, and how they measured up to her own.

The similarities were uncanny, alarmingly so. The intimateyet nearly indescribable way he’d spoke of that warmth was so familiar to herthat she could feel it. It had beenweeks since her own incident; weeks since she’d been left with only a message;weeks since she’d felt the warmth she’d only later been able to faintlyremember. But now, with Naruto so close and his words so incredibly familiar,the feeling was ineffably present.

It wasn’t unusual for Hinata to feel drawn to Naruto, butthis feeling was somehow new. This was more than the usual magnetic pull thatdrew her eyes to him. This was something deeper, at her core, speaking to him.

✧

Naruto had grown up surrounded by people who doubted him; itwas no longer as jarring as it had once been. He knew by now to trust himself. Andbesides, he thought with a slight smile, his story did sound farfetched. Had he really expected them to believe him?

Someone tapped his shoulder, a gentle one-two, and he turnedto see a young woman gazing down at him. Her smile was crooked and her eyesbright, and when he turned completely he saw that she was one of many crowdingaround him. He blinked, lips parting in surprise, showing teeth.

“Hey,” He greeted uncertainly, resisting the urge to lifthis hand and rub at his nape. He leaned his tailbone against the table andtried to meet each of their eyes. He still felt overwhelmed when things likethis happened. That out of all the people in this place, they would seek him out. Just because he’d done his job,and helped save lives. Many lives, sure, a village full of them—but his friendsand his teachers had all done the same, too. He didn’t understand what made himstand out, when before he’d tried everything in the book and remainedoverlooked.

It was a…bizarre change.

“Hi!” She said, and Naruto forgot every one of their namesafter they introduced themselves, even when he tried to repeat them in his headand actively remember them. There were just too many of them, and there wasbarely any room for him to think. Already the girl who’d tapped him—Hana—was askinghim about his evening and what kind of plans he had later on and Naruto reallyjust couldn’t focus.

He kept coming back to his story and how it still felt soreal; even now, in this crowded tavern, safe and surrounded by so manypeople—the complete opposite of the original scene—he felt the warmth under hisskin. It made his heart skip every now and again, the simple reminder of howclose he’d come to something so otherworldly.

“Uh,” he said, when a gap of silence hung between them andhe realized belatedly he was supposed to offer something here. He laughed athimself. “Sorry, I’m not sure. I’m here with a bunch of good friends.”

“Oh,” she said easily, “That’s cool!”

“Yeah,” he said, for lack of anything else. He glancedaround at their group and asked, “Are you all together?”

“No,” a young man said, inching slightly closer.

“No?” Naruto asked, newly baffled. He flicked his eyesaround the semi-circle of strangers once more and found himself laughing, outof his league. “Well, how did that happen?”

“We wanted to talk to you,” Ann (?) said eagerly, pressingforward. She and Hana were close enough that he could feel Hana’s sleeveagainst his elbow, and if Ann had reached out, she would’ve been able to touchhis jaw. He didn’t feel claustrophobic or uncomfortable with their closeness—hewas a physical person himself, often overstepping into other peoples’ personalspace. But he did feel a certain kindof discomfort simply because he didn’t know what these people expected of him.He didn’t know how to act, so he didn’t. He stayed true to form and just didwas Naruto would do.

“That’s weird,” he said, though not without kindness. “Whatdid you all wanna talk about?”

“Well,” Ann stuttered, startled at the question. Her eyesflicked to one of the women at her side and then back to Naruto, uncertain.“Well, anything really.”

“Yeah,” Hana added, not one to be outdone. “What’s new withyou?”

Naruto thought instantly of the light, the warmth, the blooddraining out of his body. For reasons he couldn’t put into words, he lookedover his left shoulder at the spot where just minutes prior Hinata had beensitting, quiet and attentive and as graceful as always. He couldn’t help but togaze at her, often, even when it would’ve been polite to glance around. Theirfriends had been around them and still he hadn’t cared. His eyes were drawn toher, magnetic and electric, both. She was beautiful and kind, gentle andstrong. And she was the only person at the table who had not denied his claim.Maybe, he thought absently, just maybe she believed him.

But she wasn’t sitting there any longer. Her space wasempty, her chair tucked in. Her iced tea was empty and when he glanced around alast time he didn’t see her nearby. He turned back and smiled weakly. For somereason, his recent brush with death and the resulting glimpse ofsomething—something other wasn’t atopic he felt comfortable broaching with strangers. It wasn’t that he wasafraid they’d doubt him too, or that they’d judge him, think of him differentlybecause of it.

It just felt too…intimate.

“It’s been kinda boring for me lately, ya know? Missionsain’t always fun. And outside of that, well, I guess I’ve been spendin’ a lotof time with Iruka-sensei lately. Especially now that I have time off—uh, yeah.Just, more time lately. He likes to go down to the vendors and bargain withthem, though I don’t really get why, because even when he gets the numbers downhe buys more than he told me he would and they end up getting more than theyoriginally asked for. He’s weird like that, sometimes.”

A young woman several inches taller than everyone elsesmiled, adding, “I hear Iruka-sensei is as strict as ever at the Academy.”

Naruto smiled. “I wouldn’t doubt it!”

“Is he still strict with you, Naruto-san?”

Laughing, Naruto asserted, “He’s the strictest with me, believe it!”

“That’s kind of hard to believe,” Hana laughed, bringing herfist up to cover her lips.

“You should hear the lectures he gives me!” Naruto appealed,before going into a brief but detailed reiteration of his most recent trip tothe hot springs with Iruka-sensei. Iruka was the only father Naruto had everknown, and he loved him dotingly. Naruto knew that his stern nature,exemplified in Naruto’s presence, was one of the ways that Iruka showedaffection. He wanted those he loved to do well, to constantly chase their bestselves. It was a strict road to follow, but he offered encouragement andsupport throughout the entire journey. Naruto was the man he was today becauseIruka had been there for him—when no one else was.

When the people around him began to join in, offering theirown stories to blend in with his, he found his attention once again pulledaside. It began in his fingertips, a tingling heat that brushed up against hisveins. It trailed up his arms and corded around his ribcage. The warmthsurrounded his heart and he felt an all-consuming calm, his heartbeat slowing,relaxing. He turned against and his eyes cast over the room, searching. Thewarmth pulsed; bright, colorless eyes across the room. Was that—

“Is that Uchiha Sasuke?” One of the women interruptedanother, and Naruto’s attention returned to her with avid amusement. Hecould’ve laughed for the familiar tone and the expression on her face, bothsuch common occurrences when they were kids.

When Naruto turned back to them, most were looking somewhereover his shoulder, though several continued to gaze wonderingly at him. Heblinked at them, his eyes falling on Hana’s direct gaze. She smiled, and he hadno idea what to do with that.

“Speaking of stern,” someone said, not without humor.“That’s definitely him.”

“What, really?”

“I can’t believe he’d come here, of all places.”

“Doesn’t seem the type, right?”

“It’s a fair place to brood, though,” Hana offered at last,though her eyes never shifted. It had been a long time since someone haddescribed Sasuke as brooding, thoughhe had never not been so. As such, nostalgia coiled through Naruto and he didlaugh, a little, as he nodded and pointed over his shoulder where Sasuke undoubtedlywilted against the shadowed wallpaper, uncomfortable and out of place. Narutodidn’t even have to look to know he was there, right where he’d targeted. Heknew him too well. It was a good reminder, though, that he should probablyrescue him soon. At least for a moment, so he wasn’t so uncomfortable.

“Sure is,” Naruto said, a little belatedly. “This type ofmeet-up isn’t really his thing, ya know?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” someone added, sounding glib. “He looksplenty comfortable to me.”

Naruto blinked, and the woman beside Hana—what was her name?Ann?—snorted.

She said, “I didn’t know he was so close to the Hyuugaprincess.”

It was the strangest sensation of breathlessness that cameover Naruto in that moment, as he turned over his shoulder to see what theywere accurately describing. His eyes searched for a fleeting moment beforefinding them, tucked close by necessity of space in the shadowed alcove awayfrom the dancefloor and the tables, both. Hinata was there at Sasuke’sshoulder, discussing something Naruto couldn’t even pretend to guess, her handsadding detail to the words. Sasuke leaned towards her, strangely receptive toher body language and whatever it was she was discussing. Naruto felt his heartin his throat.

Before there was suspicion, there was simple joy: that twoof his best friends were getting along well with one another. And of all hisfriends, it was Sasuke, no less! He was the most stubborn person Naruto knew,and though countless fawned over him and chased after him, he was notoriously fastidiousabout who he allowed to get close to him. Pickier even with who he sought outhimself.

Had he gone to Hinata? Or had Hinata gone to him? And whydid the answer to those questions hold such weight in Naruto’s heart?

He felt a raw, uncomfortable kind of ache in his throat andswallowed, pushing himself away from the table. He turned back to the peoplearound him and offered them his most winning smile, at last succumbing to hishabit of idly scratching at his hair.

“I guess you’re right!” He said lightly, his eyes crinkling.“I’m gonna head over and ask Hinata what her secret is. Sasuke-bastard sorarely socializes at these things!”

“Oh, uh, okay then.” Hana seemed startled by his dawningretreat, and tried for a moment to stall. Ultimately, though, Naruto turned awayand she said only, “Well, talk to you soon, Naruto-san.”

She held his eyes, and he thought for a moment that maybethere was something significant to the way she looked at him before he shruggedhis shoulders and lifted a hand in passing.

“Sure. Bye then!”

He missed entirely the way her expression fell, and wasalready turning back to Hinata when one of Hana’s friends reached out to herconsolingly. He moved through the crowded room with renewed purpose, offeringSakura a transitory, distracted smirk when she raised her eyebrows at hispassing before heading straight towards that alcove. The closer he got theclearer he could see Hinata’s expression, and the way Sasuke blinked down ather in a way that wasn’t totally apathetic. Whatever she was talking about hadher animated, her hands coming up to show a certain kind of sign before a burstof quiet laughter that had even Sasuke cracking a smile.

Naruto’s strides broadened and by the time he made it closeenough to garner their attention, he heard the last bits of Hinata explainingsome trip with Mirai involving chakra control.

“She’s quite wonderful,” she said, as Naruto came to standbeside them. Hinata glanced over and again with more surprise, lifting to tucka strand of hair behind her ear. She bowed her head slightly to greet him, andSasuke merely flicked his eyes over him and away in acknowledgement.

“Hey,” he offered, nodding to Sasuke but turning to Hinata.She smiled at him, a warm greeting.

“Naruto-kun,” she explained, with an open gesture to includeSasuke. “We were just discussing Mirai—Kurenai’s daughter. She’s quite thefireball.”

“I’ve heard, yeah,” he nodded, seamlessly moving into theirconversation. He shoved his fisted hands in his pockets and leaned back on hisheels, thinking back to what he’d heard from Iruka about his most outstandingstudents. “Iruka’s mentioned her before.”

Hinata smiled. “I was just telling Uchiha-san that he wouldlike her. She’s quick.”

“She won’t be quick enough.” Sasuke said blandly, and Hinatalaughed.

“I don’t just mean in physically, Uchiha-san.”

Naruto snorted, shaking his head when Sasuke turned to himwith that look he sometimes got.

“Typical competitive bastard,” Naruto laughed, and Sasukeclicked his tongue.

“As if you’re any less competitive, dumbass.”

“Maybe not,” Naruto admitted easily, rocking back onto hisheels again, fluid and at ease in their company. He turned to Hinata andwinked, playful and drawn to the way her cheeks gained color in response. “Butat least I know better than to challenge a kid.”

“I wasn’t challenging her—” Sasuke began, before Hinatalaughed lowly and quickly added, “Sorry to contradict, Naruto-kun, but wasn’tit you who recently had a run-in with Academy students that resulted in aformal reprimand?”

Sasuke choked on his beverage of choice and Hinata laughedbehind her palm as Naruto sputtered, hands coming out to wave in the way.

“Wait, wait,” he pleaded, “That’s so not fair!”

“What did you do? Fight them?” One delicate black eyebrowlifted and the humor in Sasuke’s eyes made Naruto stand taller. Hinata shookher head and before Naruto could explain the situation, she spoke.

“He didn’t fight them,” she explained easily. “He merelytaught them to gamble.”

“I made a wager,”Naruto said exasperatedly. “Big deal!”

“Naruto-kun,” Hinata smiled, “They were ten year olds.”

“Old enough to carry around chump change,” Naruto grumbled,and Hinata’s shocked amusement pulled at his heartstrings, even as she began tolaugh at him in outright exasperation. Sasuke continued to shake his head, armscoming up to cross over his chest as his expression seemed to document everyfacet of this for future recollection and black mail.

“Dumbass,” he said with a smirk. “Did you even win?”

Naruto’s temperature rose into his cheeks and he turneddeliberately to Hinata, his eyes pleading as he changed the subject.

“So!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “How aboutthat crazy mission I had recently, right? The one where I almost died, but totally took down the bad guysin the coolest way possible?”

Sasuke sighed, rolling his eyes and peeling himself awayfrom the wall. He turned to Hinata with a nod and said, “I’m not listening tothis story again. See you.” Andwithout another word he moved out of the shadows and somewhere into the crowdedroom. Naruto turned to Hinata with a careless shrug, as if to say, what can you do?

She offered him a kind smile, turning to face himcompletely. She leaned back against the wall slightly, and Naruto instinctivelydropped his eyes to take in her street clothes. She dressed modestly, not muchskin showing, but her shirt clung to her curves and when she leaned slightlyoff-center he could see a glimpse of skin at her waist. She was beautiful. He’dalways known that, seen it. But for the past few months she’d begun to look differentto him, somehow. He had trouble understanding it; all he knew was that onemoment she was there, the most beautiful girl in the classroom and so out ofhis league he didn’t even realize there was potential for anything more thanfriendship between them, and then—

And then she was everywhere. He saw her everywhere and hedidn’t shy away from looking. And when she was gone, away on mission or simplysomewhere else, he found her in his thoughts. She was everywhere.

And with her, a warmth.

“Naruto-kun,” she said, her quiet voice almost drowned outunder the sea of voices around them. He moved closer to hear her better, andhad the fleeting thought that if he reached out to her, he’d be able to touchher cheek. But would she reach back? “About your mission,” She began, andNaruto waved his hands again, ushering the topic aside. He rubbed at the napeof his neck just for something else to do with his hands and laughed, just thisside of self-deprecating.

“It’s okay, we don’t really have to talk about it again. Ionly really said it to change the subject, and I knew the bastard would getpissy.”

Hinata’s smile was gentle, and kind. “I understand. But, um,if it’s okay I did actually want to talk to you about it. Alone.”

Naruto felt himself perking up, standing taller and leaning towardsher engagingly. He couldn’t imagine what she had to say about his most recentand bizarre mission, but he was curious beyond belief and fully open to listening.He smiled, curling his fingers at her encouragingly.

“Of course. What d’ya wanna talk about?”

“Well,” and here Naruto’s eyes flickered over her expression,and the way blush spread through her cheeks. Naruto felt his heart in histhroat and a curious kind of warmth spreading, and spreading, and was nearly onhis toes waiting for her to explain her reaction. He watched her fidget for amoment, twisting her fingers and biting her lip, before turning to him with hershoulders drawn back, resolute and unafraid. She lifted her chin slightly andsaid, “I believe you.”

Naruto’s smile was crooked and lazy, his eyes growingheavy-lidded with warmth. It was such a simple thing, she believed him, but it felt significant and as though he’d neededit. It felt redeeming, somehow, even though he’d thought his was the onlyconviction he’d needed. Hers felt like a warming balm on his skin, soothing andhealing.

“You do,” he grinned, watching her nod.

“I do,” she agreed, and right when he felt himself reveling inher faith in him, she ducked her head and said, “There’s something else, too.”

Naruto tilted his head, curious and encouraging.

Hinata seemed nervous to explain, her gaze still downcastfor several moments before she met his eyes again. Her expression seemed toplead with him, as at last she finally said, “It might sound even crazier, Iknow it, but I had a similar experience on my last mission.”

Naruto’s heart hammered in his chest, thud-thud-thuddingaway as he tried to make sense of her words. A similar experience? She couldn’tmean the light—the warmth; so did that mean—

“Hinata,” he breathed, moving closer. He reached out at lastand rested his hand on her shoulder, studying her expression for fear oranything else that might paint him a clearer picture.

“Did you almost—was it so bad that you—”

“I had lethal wounds, yes.”

Naruto felt knocked over, turned to ash. That somewhere inthe world Hinata had laid nearly lifeless on the ground with no one there tocomfort her or assist her, broke his heart. Ishould’ve been there, he thought irrationally. I could’ve protected her when she actually needed protecting. Butthere was no use thinking like that now, with her alive and safe and withinreach, here and now. He had his hand on her shoulder, felt the warmth of her inthe palm of his hand. She was safe.

But at one point, she had been in such danger her life hadbeen at risk.

“I didn’t know it was that bad—I mean, you were covered inwounds and you had to rehabilitate but you healed so fast. You never said—youcould have died.”

“It was bad,” Hinata said easily, and then shrugged. “But Igot through it.” She grinned and almost amusedly added, “That’s not thesimilarity I was talking about, though.”

Naruto’s words stopped dead and his mind whirredincessantly, coming up with nothing certain. She’d had a near-death experience,just like he had, but that wasn’t thesimilarity she was focusing on?

Hinata hesitantly reached up and rested her fingers over hison her shoulder, glancing down as she carefully pulled his hand away. He benttowards her slightly and watched the way she watched him, flicking her eyes upto gauge his expression even as some people jostled them nearby. Her eyes fellonce more to his hand, turning it over so that his palm faced the sky. Shetrailed her fingertips over the lines of his palm and he felt tantalizing chillsrace down his spine. She curled his fingertips in towards his palm, as if to helphim keep his hold on something precious there beneath the cracks. She looked upat him in baffled wonder.

“A light,” she said slowly, as if just now remembering andfeeling nothing more than reverence. “A warmth.”

Naruto shot upright immediately, startled and amazed at her admission.

“You said, ‘a similar experience,’” he said.

She nodded. “Yes. A near-death experience, and I hadn’tremembered anything but the words for so long, until just—just now. Thepresence of a light that shone brighter than anything I’d ever seen. And awarmth that was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. And together, there was this…”

“Music,” Naruto answered.

His heart raced in his chest, in his ears, blood rushing untilhe could just barely hear that fleeting symphony—the mystery he had yet tosolve since the moment of his awakening from that mission. What were the wordsthat sang through his veins? Why did they feel so incredibly important, and howcould Hinata have experienced something so incredibly bizarre in just the sameway that he had? He found himself marveling over her, seeing her with new eyes,noticing more than just her luminous nature and her gentle, beautiful kindness.He reached out and trailed his fingertips over her cheekbones, watching hergasp, and he remembered lavender skies. He felt the heat of her cheek and knewa similar warmth in the very heart of him. He looked into her beautiful,bizarre, colorless eyes and he remembered the way the light had engulfed him ina heat that didn’t burn but ached.

And it was sudden and novel and incredible when he realized, oh.

He loved her.

“I know that light,” he said, even as he moved closer toher, staring down at her in furrowed wonder. There was no hesitation in him. Hedidn’t take the time to wonder over his own feelings or question them. He merelyacted on them. He loved her. And suddenlythe most important thing in the world to him was this: if she loved him inreturn.

His voice quieted but he knew that she would hear him: “Iknow the warmth of that touch.”

With apparent uncertainty, she reached out and hesitatedbefore placing her palm over his heart. She glanced up at him, probably to makesure she wasn’t overstepping any boundaries, and when she met his eyes he madesure that she couldn’t look away. His eyes felt wet, filled with a stunningkind of affection as they trailed over her face, noted every beautiful feature.He couldn’t quite rap his head around the fact that Hyuuga Hinata, renowned asone of the strongest kunoichi in Konoha’s history, heiress of her clan, and thekindest, gentlest, most striking woman he’d ever seen had shared aonce-in-a-lifetime near-death experience with him.

What in all creation could that possibly mean?

The moment he thought it was the moment he knew the answer.He didn’t need to hear the words in the song of his veins to know it, but hecraved them. He looked at Hinata and in the sometimes mystical way thatintuition can be dead-on, even before she spoke the words into the spacebetween them, he knew it.

“The music isn’t like normal music, though. I know thissounds bizarre—it is—but it feels like it’s…in my veins. Coursing through me. Iknow the words and I remember the light and the warmth but I couldn’t feel themuntil—”

She looked at him and the love he felt in his heart wasreflected back at him through her timeless eyes. He loved her. It was so muchmore than that. It was the most brilliant of lights shone on the two of them,and a warm and kindling fire set beneath them; incentives to show them theobvious they’d somehow missed or overlooked.

Naruto said, “I know the music. But I don’t know themessage.”

Hinata’s lips parted to speak the missing words and Narutothought of homecomings.

“The light,” she said quietly, and Naruto watched the wayhis warmth reached her. “It spoke to me.”

Naruto reached out and gave her the option to step into thewarmth of his chest or remain against the wall, and folded joyously around herwhen she chose the former. He felt her lips against his collarbone, and heardthe words as if in a stupor.

It felt to him like they were floating, completely andtotally separate from that plane of existence. Had he looked down beneath theirfeet, maybe he would’ve seen the Earth, a blanket of charcoal space wrappedaround them, with holes bleeding light into existence. They paled, somehow, incomparison to the light that shone from Naruto and Hinata pressed heart toheart in a crowded room.

Her words were a long-awaited revelation against his skin.

“True love is one soulresiding in two bodies.”

Naruto breathed out, and in, and together their hearts beatas one.

[actuallyfallen]

I know a lot of alterhumans who don’t want to associate themselves with the KFF crowd, which is understandable and fine. But sometimes, I get sad when I see people saying that they won’t let themselves do certain things JUST because KFF also do it.

I’m talking about stuff like:

“Carrd is super convenient, but it’s filled with KFF types.”

“I know it’s more of a KFF thing, but kinsonas are pretty fun.”

“I don’t request from any kin blogs, but some of them edit really cool.”

MY FRIENDS! Allow me to reveal to you a secret.

You can do whatever you want, forever.

Don’t limit yourself and how you interact with your alterhumanity be limited by what the KFF crowd does! If you think something is fun, or convenient, or you just think it’s cool, then you should do it! Just because something is a genuine and serious part of you doesn’t mean that you can’t do fun things with it! Free yourself from the shackles of cringe culture!

[actuallyfallen]

When Your Source is Currently-Ongoing (and How To Deal)

I’ve spoken to many fictionkin over the years who hate having ongoing sources. Why? Well, to put it simply, it’s stressful. A lot of folks feel that, when they are a character in a piece of media, they feel every bump in the story’s road as an earthquake. It’s terrifying, it’s enraging, but most of all, it’s exhausting.

I have my own method for coping with new releases of my source. I have shared this advice with a few others, and they tend to find these tips useful, as well, so I thought I might share how I cope.

1. Get your friends to consume the thing first

Assuming that you don’t care about spoilers, and you have friends also consuming the media in question, wait until your friend has consumed the new media. Then, have them give you any needed warnings before going in.

Spoilers are avoided for a reason; being spoiled often lessens your emotional reaction to a piece of media. But, remember, that’s what we’re going for here.

2. Set yourself up with pre-prepared methods of self-care while consuming the media

The way which I do this is have a calming playlist opened, comfort food prepared, and all sorts of coping methods available within arm’s reach (such as my gaming system). However, this can look different for everyone. Others who I have spoken to have practiced meditation and cuddled up under a blanket, for example.

3. Have plans in case it goes bad

I know we don’t wanna think about it, but let’s be honest here: shit happens. Sometimes, your worst fears come true, characters are fridged, or things you hate become canon. You need not expect this outcome, but you do need to be prepared for it.

Your needs for this may vary. You might want to lean away from the bad feelings and distract yourself. You may want to sit with how you feel for a bit and write it out. This is a very personal part of the whole process. Whether your needs when under emotional distress be soft and cozy, filled with punching bags, or creative, plan for it. Anything goes.

Basically, planning and prepping before consuming the media is key. Find out what you can about the new release, set up what you need, and hold space for yourself.

For further reading, please see “What To Do When Your Source Upsets You” by The Dragonheart Collective.

[actuallyfallen]

Watching Strange Æons’ latest video has me thinking. As hilarious as tumblr’s Main Character of the Week is, I’m starting to wonder when, exactly, people will stop making these elaborate trolls to mock alterhumans (specifically fictionkin).

Does it not get boring to use the same old target? We’ve been tumblr’s laughing stock for over a decade. Our community has long since been cut down in size due to the constant mockery and misinformation, to the point that people believe that the goddamn Muppet Joker (someone kin with both Kermit the Frog and The Joker, where the two are also in a romantic relationship, which the being in question writes extremely explicit smut about where Kermit is described as a puppet) is totally, 100% plausible.

Is that not enough? Must everyone continue to stomp on our community’s grave? It’s been over a decade of this. The joke has long gotten old.