#♰ ・゚: * ANSWERED ↳ ι тooĸ тнe poιѕon prayιng yoυ'd ғeel ιт тoo
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@tornsavior asked : ❛ we should be honest with each other , don’t you think ? ❜
◤ ♰ 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚢 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗 ♰ ◢ honesty ? did that even matter anymore ? with the world crumbled around them and nothing left to lose ... what did honesty matter ? it had never seemed to matter to anyone but her in the before times ... in the days before the collapse . but now ? oh now she wasn’t sure she cared for it . she was tired . of believing , of hoping , of having faith , of wishing ... of everything . ❝ does it really make a difference ? world’s over and i’m not sure fact checking really exists anymore , does it ? ❞
#♰ ・゚: * AU 001 ↳ тнe pυll on мy ғleѕн waѕ jυѕт тoo ѕтrong ѕтιғled тнe cнoιce and тнe aιr ιn мy lυngѕ#♰ ・゚: * ANSWERED ↳ ι тooĸ тнe poιѕon prayιng yoυ'd ғeel ιт тoo#tornsavior#have apoc lenore!#hopefully you see this it wouldn't let me @ tag you
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@whiskydeputy asked : ❛ you’re not lying to me ? ❜
a frown graces her lips as arms cross over her chest , hip leaned into the corner of her desk as she eyes the deputy . there’s offense clearly written across her face and if she weren’t hiding her hands the other would be able to see knuckles gone ghost white with the grip she had on her own arms . the past week had been one damn thing after another and she’s not sure where she stands on anything , not even sure she wants to be here . but where the hell else is she gonna go ? she can’t call the company back up and tell them she wants to go back to texas , can’t just drop everything and run because she won’t get another chance like this . and if she packs up and flies back to london ? well she’s sure just the reminder of lylah would be enough to send her back to whatever high she could chase .
a heavy sigh , brows pinched as she shifts her weight . ❝ what the hell would i lie about ? i’ve been here less than a month and the whole town is crawling up my ass about one thing or another . one group of you wants me�� to go to some garden of eden , another group wants me to exercise my god given rights as a red blooded american even though i’m clearly not from here , and then i’ve got you and the sheriff knocking on my door every few days asking if i’ve been thinking of leaving . when does the new girl get a chance to breathe ? or does everyone generally harass new people in town ? ❞ a raise of her brows and another huff of breath . ❝ i told you . a couple of those bible thumpers showed up asking for information about the company . i gave them our portfolio . that’s it . do you want one , too ? ❞
#♰ ・゚: * ARC 003 ↳ ιт ιѕ ғaιтн тнaт нoldѕ υѕ тogeтнer and wιтнoυт ιт we are loѕт#♰ ・゚: * ANSWERED ↳ ι тooĸ тнe poιѕon prayιng yoυ'd ғeel ιт тoo#whiskeydeputy
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@maleficarisms ( shi ) asked : "i wouldnt be able to live with myself if i didnt make things as right as they can be."
she lets the quiet settle between them , arms looped around her knees as she pulls them to her chest . there’s a bunker tucked into the far north of holland valley , hidden away in the mountains just before crossing into jacob seed’s territory . a bunker that she’s managed to keep secret for months so she could keep meeting him , but she isn’t sure how much longer she can manage . things have kicked up . lenore hasn’t been allowed to leave hope county for business in six months and she’s barely been allowed outside of john’s territory . she’s told that she’s doing wonderfully , that she is an integral part of the family ... more than just a member . more than just a sister to the others . she’s an asset they can’t function with out . and she knows it’s because of the company , knows that they need the material . but some part of her thinks they mean it . with whispers of sending her to faith’s region ... of having her train under the siren herself to become a priestess ... of course she’d believe some of the words they’ve been feeding her . but kiyoshi reminds her that it’s all part of their plan . all part of some scheme that she doesn’t quite understand .
so the silence is deafening .
a sniffle as she ducks her head , trying to hide eyes red from fighting tears because she can’t help but question everything . even when he sounds so sincere , sounds like she means more than just a pice of a larger puzzle . but if the seeds could curse her with rose colored glasses ... what about shi ? he’s kind and soft spoken , easy to believe . and questioning him ... oh god questioning him makes her realize just how far gone she is . how much everything’s turned upside down because he’s done nothing to make her think that his intentions are anything but pure . ❝ i’m not sure things are ever going to be right around here . just when it seems like something’s changing , it’s like the wool is pulled over my eyes and there’s something new to handle . ❞ her voice is spat in a frantic whisper , worry clear in her tone as she unfurls her arms and runs fingers through dark hair . ❝ they’re talking about sending me to faith . joseph’s suggestion . john doesn’t like it but i don’t know how long he’ll be able to disagree with the father . and if i go there ? nothing is ever going to be right for me again . don’t you see ? ❞
#♰ ・゚: * MALEFICARISMS + SHI 001 ↳ ι'll rυn away wιтн yoυr ғooтѕтepѕ ι'll вυιld a cιтy тнaт dreaмѕ ғor тwo#♰ ・゚: * ANSWERED ↳ ι тooĸ тнe poιѕon prayιng yoυ'd ғeel ιт тoo#maleficarisms
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@baptizor asked : “ tell me, how did you keep your heart? ”
◤ ♰ 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚢 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗 ♰ ◢ it’s a difficult question to answer , one that requires more than just a quick explanation . when she’d come to hope county , it had been her LAST CHANCE at a new life . how many times had she started over at that point ? texas had been meant to be a fresh start and that had turned to hell in a hand basket . her whole life had been built around a LIE , a forsaken purpose that had never existed . SOULMATES . how could she have believed something so stupid ? it had all seemed so real at the time , worth her time . worth it enough that when she realized she would never have it that she was willing to take people to their death so that they could have some SEMBLANCE of a happy ending .
even if she was NEVER ALLOWED her own .
she thought that maybe the purpose she’d been given was to help others find THEIR HAPPINESS . but even father samson had been disappointed in her efforts . even he had given up on her because she was beyond saving . and even that purpose had turned into nothing but a FUCKING JOKE when the news about how fake the program had been , how soulmates weren’t real , how they never had been real . with a pretty particular dig at twins . funny ... her dna was THE PROBLEM . she was screwed up on a MOLECULAR LEVEL . she’s sure she’s known that from the moment she could breathe . but having it confirmed ... some sort of cosmic connection that said she was MEANT FOR NOTHING .
lenore had thrown herself into vices she’d BROKEN . if life had no meaning why should her SOBRIETY ? why should she save herself for anyone ? if nothing mattered , shouldn’t she be enjoying life to its fullest ? pills graduated to harder but she always took care to keep from getting too strung out to know up from down . but she DIDN’T TAKE CARE with the men whose beds she fell into . couldn’t remember their names , barely their faces . but it didn’t matter . they were ONLY a distraction . something to fill the time and EMPTINESS in her soul . but it never worked . not really . and it had been so CLEAR to everyone around her .
she hadn’t had much of a choice in going to HOPE COUNTY . a new office needed someone to run it . she needed a change of scenery , away from prying eyes who wanted to know MORE about the church of righteous transition . those who wanted to blame her for their sons and daughters disappearing into mass graves . and she couldn’t blame them . but it was taking a toll on the company so it was either move or BE MOVED . they hadn’t known she’d fall into ANOTHER church .
this one had MEANING .
she had been given to john like a gift . wrapped in TRAUMA and broken , pieces of her soul grasped in her hands with eyes begging for him to help put her TOGETHER AGAIN . all of the father’s horses and all of the father’s men couldn’t make her whole again . but john seed ... he was DIFFERENT . he understood . she had known that the moment he’d spoken , the moment he’d held out his hand . it had taken one smile for her to KNOW she’d found where she was supposed to be .
complicated . the question is COMPLICATED . had she kept her heart ? she can’t be sure . she remembers having a heart . she remembers caring so much her chest ached . when she and lylah had been children ... even the slightest hint of upset had made her CRY because she wanted her sister to be happy . she remembers a trip to london ... where she watched a little boy drop his ice cream on the ground and cry louder than she had ever heard anyone cry . and she had spent the last dollar of her allowance to buy him a new one . her mother had told her she had the BIGGEST heart she’d ever seen .
but hadn’t she lost that ? in the midst of losing her sister , hadn’t she lost the heart she’d once had ? or had it just been DORMANT ? she remembers when the world slipped to black , to dark , to nothing . she remembers that there was nothing but cold when SHE’D DIED TWICE in the ambulance . she remembers feeling as though the world had abandoned her , that god had forsaken her . and she remembers shutting down and hiding every bit of emotion she could .
but she also remembers saving lylah’s last voicemail , running it through a program to get the sound waves and SMILING for the first time since her sister’s death when she got the sound of the last time she said I LOVE YOU tattooed onto her right wrist . and every time the world felt against her ... that one little reminder always seemed to keep her head above water . ❝ i don’t think i ever kept it . not really . i DEFINITELY lost it . ❞ a sad smile pulls to her lips and fingers move to tuck brown hair behind her ears as eyes find his . ❝ when my sister died . kind of said screw everything . ❞ she holds her hand out towards him , wrist upturned so that he could see the tattoo . ❝ and then i got this . if you have a FANCY app that reads sound waves ... you can hold it over it and you’ll hear lylah say i love you . i think that’s what’s kept me going . knowing i can HEAR her voice . ❞
#♰ ・゚: * BAPTIZOR 001 ↳ yoυ ѕpιn мe нιgн ѕo waтcн мe aѕ ι glιde вeғore ι тυмвle нoмeward#♰ ・゚: * ANSWERED ↳ ι тooĸ тнe poιѕon prayιng yoυ'd ғeel ιт тoo#baptizor#drug use //#i hope this is okay! it kind of got away from me
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@serenitysought asked : ❛ remember what you are , and what you’re not . ❜
◤ ♰ 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚢 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗 ♰ ◢ there had been something that had drawn her to cascade hills from the moment she set foot in HOPE COUNTY . lost and alone , her entire world turned on its head ... the beauty had been indescribable . the calm that settled over a soul within the region was the most comfortable thing she had felt since lylah was alive . she wasn’t sure how he managed , but paul seed made a strange land feel like home in a way she couldn’t explain . there were moments she felt as though she could FIND HERSELF within the world of paul seed . a hope that she’d long since lost and has now found reignited in the eyes of a stranger . perhaps she had found her path , the way towards purpose and meaning .
but still ... some part of her felt as if she was an abandoned sheep . the prodigal DAUGHTER . she’d never have a home to return to would she ? not until she created her own and she’d spent so long following another , she wasn’t sure HOW . ❝ i don’t even know WHO i am ... much less WHAT . ❞ a bitter laugh and fingers pull nervously through dark strands of hair before blue eyes find his . ❝ the only thing i remember is pain . is that all i am ? i can’t remember the time before it . i can’t remember what it was like to smile without being afraid of losing the joy . ❞ a beat of silence , voice falling softer , etched with a distant sadness . ❝ i’m a twin ... a twin who’s missing her other half . i’m lost . but i’m not HOPELESS . i found my way here and that HAS to mean something . ❞
#♰ ・゚: * ARC 003 ↳ ιт ιѕ ғaιтн тнaт нoldѕ υѕ тogeтнer and wιтнoυт ιт we are loѕт#♰ ・゚: * ANSWERED ↳ ι тooĸ тнe poιѕon prayιng yoυ'd ғeel ιт тoo#serenitysought
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@cordysep asked : i don’t need, or want help - what i want is for you to get the fuck away from me.
◤ ♰ 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚢 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗 ♰ ◢ she’d wandered out for a breath of fresh air . as fresh as a girl could find . the bunker she’d found herself in the middle of the woods would treat her well for the time being but after years underground ... she needed to breathe . needed to know that the world was still real ... even if it wasn’t the world she knew anymore . it never would be . but there was still the old world lingering in her heart ... a bit of the world that made her too kind for her own good . she’d only offered a stick of jerky when she found the younger . just a snack between two girls because there was so little kindness left . but the response left her bristling , legs locking and hand dropping slowly . ❝ i ... sorry ? you looked lost . ❞
#♰ ・゚: * AU 001 ↳ тнe pυll on мy ғleѕн waѕ jυѕт тoo ѕтrong ѕтιғled тнe cнoιce and тнe aιr ιn мy lυngѕ#♰ ・゚: * ANSWERED ↳ ι тooĸ тнe poιѕon prayιng yoυ'd ғeel ιт тoo#cordysep
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@liftedrelics ( sharky ) asked : "I'm not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example."
◤ ♰ 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚢 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗 ♰ ◢ wherever sharky went , fire followed . and lenore wasn’t sure it was worth the risk . yeah , she needed workers who could interact with the locals , reassure them that maybe the company was neutral . but if he decided he was bored or if he got called out to one of the seed’s projects ? she could only imagine the chaos that would ensue . and the last thing she wanted to do was upset joseph seed . at least if her office burned down she could replace it . if joseph thought she’d sent sharky out on purpose ? she was almost sure that her body’d be found after it had been at least partially digested . ❝ hiring a bad example is asking for trouble . how can i trust that one of our projects won’t burn down in the middle of the night ? what happens if we still have workers onsite ? you’re a wild card , an unknown variable . a risk . ❞
#♰ ・゚: * ARC 003 ↳ ιт ιѕ ғaιтн тнaт нoldѕ υѕ тogeтнer and wιтнoυт ιт we are loѕт#♰ ・゚: * ANSWERED ↳ ι тooĸ тнe poιѕon prayιng yoυ'd ғeel ιт тoo#liftedrelics
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