#⌦Creative Freedom⚉V: Escaped⌫

[botanigeist]

What makes PaintedStars so compelling for you?

many many things! but i will keep it very broad and an overall summary, because trust there's more.

{mostly pertains to my chrysalis enigma au and it will be tagged as such} {also i will try not to keep this long sorry}

okay so for starters the whole supernatural being / human thing is something i do enjoy. it's an interesting dynamic, sue me. how it pertains to kit and stella- kit wants to be human! badly! and stella, while at first avoidant of the whole supernatural thing, comes to really be knowledgeable in daoist teachings and helping fight back demons, even on her own (like her various talisman). she sooo would find the supernatural world fascinating, like kit finds humans fascinating. it's also slightly different than paintedflame or paintedvisions as stella has no inherent powers. she's her own force.

stella is someone who has all her ducks in a neat row and does diligent research. she's incredibly intelligent and has planned years of her life in advance, even keeping tabs on her friends (michael, for example). and no she's not secretly under immense pressure, she's fine, thanks (/j)

kit is someone who is never sure of who he is or what he plans to do. he wants normalcy but can never obtain it, whether it be outside circumstances or nature v nurture. he is always adapting, but never given time to breathe and figure himself out.

they're so wildly different in those regards but that's what makes them work so well-they're what eachother needs. kit needs more stability, stella needs more freedom (which ties into my own personal headcanons that i need to speak on separately) but they're both willing to understand eachothers side (yes, even in kits case,) and they're two teens who act more mature than they should

kit would like how stella is so thorough when planning things, he would like how she's sweet but also isn't a pushover, he would like her interest in his world that he can't escape from. stella would like how creative kit is, how he's willing to try to be better and make up for all the shit he did, as well as letting her be more messy and immature without judgement.

they're really an opposites attract that also happen to have a lot in common!! they definitely take a while to work up to being anything more than somewhat friends, but when they do, they find one another completely fascinating, for lack of better term.

okayyyy i think that's like a good overall summary of them. i'll make a little stella hc post bc it's very relevant to how they play out (based on observations from the show, ofc) and while it's not like everything i enjoy about them i didn't really feel like my 700 little tidbits were worth putting here for the moment lmao

[mifiada]

MifiadaHome Starting a Brand | AI in Brand Marketing: Can AI Pave the Path to Social Media Millions? Episode 1

A current MSc Marketing student, I often find myself researching into the world of Digital Marketing more specifically overnight 'virilisation' and furthermore the 'social media millions' that so many millennials dream of. With the glamorous lives of social media influences further demonstrating how fame and fortune can be attained by generating a large audience through social media virilisation, the question arises: is it attainable for the average millennial like you or me, who is not famous, nor born of privilege, but armed with a mobile phone and big dreams?

The Allure of Virality: A Millennials Obsession?

Debunking the myth behind AI, particularly tools such as ChatGPT or Gemini, being the holy grail to attaining overnight success. With AI gurus filling our #fyp with heavy promises of achieving financial freedom and escaping from the controversial 9-to-5, every millennial's dream of monetising their passion. Unfortunately, the harsh reality is that viral moments are fleeting, unpredictable, and even when attained, to reach social media stardom and replicate said moment, this often becomes impossible. Initially, understanding being virality is more to do with luck and an intangible 'it' factor than any replicable strategy.

AI as the Navigator in the Viral Storm?

My perspective on AI begins to shift with the discovery of a specific software called Kling AI. The pursuit of 'virality', as I now understand it, isn't just about random chance; it's about optimising efforts for maximum shareability and resonance.

My previous reflection within the topic focused on AI's ability to understand audiences, and craft compelling narratives, and identify your inner influencer abilities. Now, I see how these capabilities directly feed into the virilisation equation. If Tuten & Solomon (2015) emphasised engagement and relationship, then 'Kling AI' takes that a step further by identifying the optimal points of engagement that trigger sharing. Imagine an AI that doesn't just tell you what your audience likes, but what they are most likely to share with their network. This isn't about creating a viral hit from scratch, but about increasing the probability of viral spread for well-crafted content.

Storytelling for Shareability: The AI Edge?

The power of a narrative, as Van Laer et al. (2014) articulated, lies in its ability to transport an audience. To go viral, you need to be more than just author; but rather transcend your audiences mind to a world which was previously unknown, a subtle but crucial distinction.

With cutting edge animation 'Kling AI's' ability to tell a story is unmatched. It also enables past performance analysis to better develop storylines, this is powerful for identifying stories that better resonates with the audience, which would propel people to share them this could be:

Addictive Content:

-Emotional hook

-Surprising twist

-Universal truth

A cheat code to knowing what design, colour scheme, theme has previous resulted in higher viewer count, moves past the guessing game or what others might deem luck but rather the ability to make data driven creative decisions.

The Conclusion: How do you amplify Organic Reach?

Rosenbaum's (2011) "Curation Nation" this concept demonstrates the active role users play in content creation. The need for community is seen in other words as an engine of virality. Through the play of consistency, this doesn't leave process of becoming viral to chance but rather through sawing seed via more than one social platform, it allows for the opportunity of it flourishes sparking a chair reaction for the creator to then replicate said moment.

Reference List:

Rosenbaum, S. (2011) Curation Nation: How to Win in a World Where Consumers are Creators. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Tuten, T.L. and Solomon, M.R. (2015) Social Media Marketing. 2nd edn. London: Sage Publications.

Van Laer, T., De Ruyter, K., Visconti, L.M. and Wetzels, M. (2014) ‘The Extended Transportation-Imagery Model: A Meta-Analysis of the Antecedents and Consequences of Consumers’ Narrative Transportation’, Journal of Consumer Research, 40(5), pp. 797–817. https://doi.org/10.1086/673383

[50books50movies]

Immaculate

It feels like the discourse about the movie threatens to subsume the movie itself.

1. Talking about Sydney Sweeney

Sweeney famously auditioned for this film in 2014, and the film escaped production hell because she purchased the rights to the screenplay and tapped Michael Mohan to direct. She then joined the cast as the lead and helped to produce the movie through her production company, Fifty-Fifty Films. 

This means that this film, part of the moment of films about women's bodily autonomy in a post-Roe v. Wade world (Immaculate and The First Omen, Apartment 7A [the unasked for Rosemary's Baby prequel], The Girl With The Needle, Cuckoo, The Devil's Bath, and even Alien: Romulus) runs right into the American right wing's attempt to co-opt Sydney Sweeney's image to use as their avatar of femininity. 

Coming up alongside these forces of discourse is Sweeney's attempt to control how she appears on screen. While Sweeney has stated that she's comfortable with appearing in nude scenes, she wants them to serve the work's story. Being a producer here has its perks, such as making the bathing scenes feel less exploitative here than a film as adjacent to old nun exploitation films as this would lead a viewer to expect. One could have imagined that the cold shower late in the film would have been filmed differently if Sweeney didn't exert control. 

As an actor, Sweeney tries her best, but she felt miscast during the early parts of the film. She feels flighty in scenes where she should feel mature and sure of her convictions. She gives Sister Cecilia a vivacity that made for a stark contrast with the setting, a convent that is the convalescent home for aging nuns. When we see the young nuns working, that contrast works. When we see Cecilia claim that she regrets drinking too much wine the night that she blacked out (and was likely impregnated without her consent), it makes for an odd tonal clash, as if the film invites us to blame Cecilia for what happened to her rather than pointing the spotlight at the priest/geneticist and the nuns responsible. 

Later in the film, when Sweeney is working against the priests and other nuns to gain her freedom, she shows fire and grit that do feel more aligned with the film's overall anger at how institutions deny women their rightful autonomy. Sweeney sells Cecilia's creative attempt to escape the convent really well, and she gives it her all in the climax. Those climactic 7 minutes make the film work. 

2. Sometimes, Blood, Other Times,��Not

Running for a quick 89 minutes, the film tries to keep things moving so you skip past things that you might pick apart in hindsight. (For example, if Father Tedeschi is able to get volunteers like Sister Isabelle, why do he, the cardinal, and the nuns feel the need to force their so-called miracle on unsuspecting women?) 

It also tries to keep things moving because the movie has few surprises other than an occasional interest in playing in genre brutality. If you've seen Rosemary's Baby, for example, there isn't much here (other than the ending) that might surprise you other than its propensity for gore and violence. The film will shock you here with Isabelle's destroyed face after she falls to her death, her likely punishment for trying to drown Cecilia in the bath, or there with an on-screen tongue mutilation of Sister Gwen, her punishment for speaking out against the convent and its schemes. 

Despite the film's willingness to play in the blood, the film intentionally pulls back at the end. Cecilia has escaped, and she gives birth on the hill outside of a cave. We only see Cecilia from the neck up, holding the blood of birth at a discreet distance and in our imagination. Cecilia brings the umbilical cord into view and severs it with her teeth. We hear animalistic grunting, not a baby's crying. The camera retreats to follow Cecilia as she picks up a rock (the newborn on the ground behind her, out of focus), and returns to focus on Cecilia as she decides to drop that rock on the newborn, a slam to credits as the film ends. Mohan and cinematographer Elisha Christian keep the ambiguity (is the baby demonic or just malformed; did Cecilia kill the newborn because the impregnation was against her will or because the newborn is diabolical) by focusing on Sweeney and keeping the grunting shape out of focus, and the mystery is what stays with the viewer, not the preceding film.

That is, except for one beautiful shot and one awkward interrogation scene. When the priests and nuns discover that Cecilia is pregnant, the priest and the cardinal who have arranged the conspiracy to assault Cecilia interrogate her about her chastity. As you watch the film, you're led to think that they're trying to confirm the veracity of the miracle. In hindsight, the scene becomes much more sinister. They know everything about Cecilia, including her gene sequencing. They don't need to interrogate her about her chastity, but they do it anyway to create the pretense and to try to break her will and convince her of their lie. 

Later in the film, Sweeney is clad in a golden gown and blue cloak and cries a single tear, evoking the Virgin Mary to bludgeon the viewer with subtlety. Nonetheless, it's beautifully framed and captured by Christian, and it's one of images that stayed with me after viewing. 

After it ended, I was asked if I would recommend the film to anyone. I think that I would because it has three good scenes (the interrogation, the escape attempt, the ending), and the film moves quickly enough to show you those sights. There is a bunch of cheap jump scares throughout, but that shouldn't be held too harshly against the film. Sweeney's performance becomes more convincing as the film progresses too. That's just enough to make it a recommendable film.

[blindrapture]

THURSDAY AUGUST 4TH, 2011 (Don't Speak Its True Name IV: Music)

a voice speaks to me, I Noise. Tones, scales, motifs. Song. The environment, white dotted line on black roads. I have left Sonic behind. I am walking on monotone. Barriers on all sides, guiding me towards what? Can't I just take Tiger Stripes and swing out? Cast away the old shapes? Go freeform and just dance? This world of numbers is the Musician's domain. They have total freedom, so long as they embrace creativity within structured restriction. But they are gods. They need the limits, as otherwise they grow bored. As a human, as a kid, I'm already living in fundamental limits. Cycles within wheels within cycles! Mortality! I think, within that, I'm allowed to breathe. Listening to the vibrant wind. I hear nothing but my patience as it writhes away from life's music. Old expectations, others' old favorites. I must craft my own

music, II By listening as hard as I can, I manage to unhear the eights and fives, and I can just about hear my own footsteps. (Dammit.) By trying as hard as I possibly can… wait, no, goddammit! Jordan, listen! Think of spoonman. No, not the chorus!!! Fuck!!!!! Walk in sevens. Sevens will save you. Step, two, three, f-- Step, two, three, f-- Step, two, three, f-- Step Well, Spoonman is more like 7/4, isn't it? I need 7/8. Or 11/8, or. 7/8 it is. 7/8 it is, then. Step, two, three, f-- Step, two, three… I can hear it. My own footsteps. I can feel it. Inside my body. Three of a Perfect Pair. Back in N.Y.C. Fuck! I'm overthinking this. Have to be. I've proven I can hear my footsteps. Now I just need to understand. It does well to understand. Sound is life of its own. Movement. Is movement life? Remember what Donnie said. Character is life after death. Story too. Make a story out of particles: Movement. At the very least? Annoy the gods. Isn't that the most living thing of

all, III I enter a colorless city, knowing that opening my other eye would take me elsewhere. I have no need for that. This city will do fine. I need no escapism now. I look down one alley, it's all monotone. Whack the brick wall with my guitar controller, bring vibration to the bricks. Vibrations cause an unexpected screech, bouncing from wall to wall-- a feedback loop. Colors fly in strands from my footsteps. So I run. Hitting every surface I

find, IV ..but what is this doing? Now colors fly through the air, now what? I'm making pretty pictures, in the Musicians' world. They will have made this possible to do anyway. And the rhythm, my gait-- so it's no longer fives and eight. So? I'm still limited, still playing in their world. In the end, I'm running from the truth: That I don't want to do this anymore. That I'm letting my friends down. I'm leading them into the gods' arms. Just because I'm reckless with my own safety. Because I'm.. suicidal. Not entirely, just enough. Fuck. How's that for my music? I don't want Fentzy here. I don't want Danny either. Did I even want Bones? I just want to find a place where Donnie can be safe, while I…

end, V All sound ceases. No environment. Even I darken. If I want a chance to fade out, the Musicians gave me plenty. … >_< I guess Sonic wasn't enough to carry me. When I was younger, yes. I'm sixteen now. Too old. What would he say, though? If I could manifest him. "If you have time to worry, then run." Here, I have all the time I need. There's nowhere to run to. "You have to try. Get up, and run!" I'm not a damn mascot. I get tired. "You don't understand. Just try!" I know, running creates color. Sound and motion. Like my thoughts spin their wheels, uplifting, downtrodden. But why? What am I doing? Do I deserve to feel I'm so special? "The Harlequin thought you were special. She's right." The Harlequin? She was a sad fucking mess. There are plenty of subs in the world. She'd have found one, one way or another. And anyway, after all that she did? Should I want to share her broken values? "You're asking 'should.' Do you not know, yourself?" After all that she did? "Yes. Do you not know?" ...there's a lot of things I don't know. One can have the best values in existence, and still we make choices. Who we are inside doesn't determine our actions. Not one to one, anyway. "You're saying it's balancing acts, one after another." A constant tightrope, facing walls and long drops. You'd think the walls'd help? Instead, they throw you off-balance. You get used to one way, then you're thrown into another language set. "You're mixing your metaphors here." Exactly. It's another language set. "So. If I'm understanding correctly. You're doing fine." Huh? "You've got some doubts, because you're human. You're in a mental prison that's limiting you. But you'll get out, because. You'll talk yourself out of it."

VI I blink, and I'm back in the city. All my talking has colored the sky. "Even when presented with nothing. Even when cut off. No way out. Your mind... self-perpetuates." Behind. Turn around. Facing me down. Two blurs, black suits. Is it time to talk? "We knew that you'd escaped before. You and Donnie together make a team. But if we put you alone, against your fears? We were surprised. Aren't you?" You were testing me? "Trying to kill you." "He was. I'm not." "We are one, Seppo." "One team. One test." "One mind." "Two minds. Two characters." "'Characters?' We are not characters." "There's a lot you don't realize in this. What did you hope to achieve here, now? Isolate him, drive him mad? Then what, Grimaldi?" "An obstacle would be removed." "An obstacle? You think he's much a threat?" "I think he's-- we!! We think he's tenacious. He gets in the way." "I don't understand you anymore." The left Musician's head has grown in size. I see now that they are not blurs: their bodies are always vibrating. Fast vibrations, distorting light around. Uh. Should I be here? "'Should!' 'Should!' Always a 'should!' Are you here, that is the question!" ..yes? "Then yes! Be here! Be!" u_u I see. "Grimaldi, let me speak. Let me do this." "…" head shrinks back to size. "Jordan. We know you, your mind. You wish to do some large things. You wish to stop Rapture. Your doubts are strong only because your ambitions are so great, earth-shaking, earth-shadowing." "Also because of your background." "Yes. I don't think you have quite realized. You run into trouble because others have plans for you, meanwhile you keep thinking, questioning, deciding. Your world had no place for your ideas." None for a better world? "None for a world where you have a place. No one had even considered that." "But there's something to that." "What?" "This kid is all that is not accepted. His mind is filled with rejected, mocked ideas. He is, somehow, Everybody Else. Too big for a seat at any table." ._.;; "Are you starting to understand, Grimaldi?" "Understand what?""Why he keeps coming up? Why the Archangel asked us to stop him?" "..I think the question is, does he?" Me? "Do you see?" "Do you want to see?"

VII The ground in front of me opens up, and out rises a fungal substance emitting every color of the neon rainbow. A specter with a terrifying face rises out of the smoke, and my ears are filled with a piercing shrill shriek, the darkest bark. A rumbling Donnie, a fragmented Fentzy, dead Anna at the end of strings that I hold. I am made of wood, with jagged smile. Eyes watch me. Faces judge. I try to move, but the wood restricts. Strings tighten on my friends. I can only move in limited, certain ways. Dragging the others with me. Is this character? Is this control? Responsibility? ..life? Voices cry out around me: "You arrogant little shit!” “You are the disease!” “Should have been an abortion.” "The worst kind of person." "You're doing everything that you claim to hate." "Smartass." "Asshole." "Kind of a dick, annoying piece of shit." "He's just a robot. He has no emotion." "Strangling would be too good for him." Memories. I have to let go of the strings. Donnie, Fentzy, and rising undead Anna approach me. Their hands around my throat. Rosa comes up behind them, wielding a knife. It goes in my ear. I'm hit. I'm hurt. I'm kicked. I'm down. My head is cracked open. I let it all happen. But when they're done, when I'm still alive… Scattered wood chips on the ground around me… They destroyed the wooden suit. It hurt. But it helped. I get the feeling... I'm going to have to get used to that. Life, my mind, is going to hurt me. But I've been through worse. I'm ready for the hurt, this time I will make it free me.

My Octavarium, VIII Here we are again, in a maze of mirrors, this time extending far into the horizon. All of my reflections are Musicians. "You can talk yourself out of anything, Rael." What, you're gonna call me that too now? "There is nothing that we can do to you that you haven't already done to yourself." I'm pretty sure you guys could kill me if both of you wanted to. "But we don't. We only wanted to talk." Then let's talk. Enough of the misdirection and the tests and the word restraints. Are you going to help me save the world? "The others will not be happy with us if they find out…" Yeah, I don't know if Donnie will be happy with me either. "But we must." "We know what Rapture will do to the world." "We know what is coming." "It is a reality check. We, like the others, have been toying with the power of fear. Rapture is a horror far greater than anything we have wanted." "We cannot compete. And there is no place for us if we choose to join it." "And here you are, human and stubborn and slipping through all the cracks." "Taking your gods at face value, because you know full well that they are better at being predators than you are at being prey. And you have already seen the short future that would await you if you had even approached other humans accepting that." "The world had no place for you." "Yet you would still try to save it." "Your character is compelling. That counts for something." "Your story has legs, because it is not just your story." Even with all my narcissism? I talk a lot about myself. "Everyone has an 'I,' Rael. It would be deceptive to put yours away. Anyone reading your journals has the opportunity to do some mental math, work on their side of the equation, and solve for X." "We would be fools if we, too, did not take this opportunity." Huh. Well, it's nice to formally make your acquaintance, Musicians. Where do we. Where do we go from here? "Your group has settled in a dangerous place. Your habits have backed you into a corner. You cannot stay, but you also cannot leave. You may have to ride this one out, and take the first chance you get to make your escape." Can you help us? "We will have to see." do you want to

(Attached is a detail from the book of Ptah: “Somewhere between the first star of the universe and the last meteor to be born (otherwise known as "the 7-11 of the Ceesverse"), I receive an unexpected phone call. I didn't even know I had a phone. Look in the mirror, what do I see, held up to my face cellular tranquility. I say "Hello," she says "Seppo?" I say "'Tis me," she says "Louhi." "Thought you were dead," says I, and she "Just put to bed." "Is that so? What can I do," says I, and she "You know what I ask of you. "I'll give you my daughter's key if you'll build me the axis mundi." "I don't make for power anymore, absolutely not for another hour of amore." "Oh, but don't you desire it? To create, shape, and pontificertificate?" "Your ambigunity," I affirm, "afflectious so it may be, betrays more than you know." "I'm rubber, love, and you are only glue." "Don't be childish." "I know I am; how about you?" "Admit to it, you wish." "Tell me again, hero: Don't you desire it? All that you may be. All that you may become. All that you may behold, yours always." "I cannot be beholden as a hero." "I know this more than any." "I feared that." "Or did many?" "I'm hanging up now." "Still your tongue, hold your finger and stay your thumb! Old and wise Seppo Ilmarinen, half-mortal and many-named man, you know my disposition, you're aware of how I act. I wouldn't come to you, first action back from the grave, my first thing done since escaping Tuonela if we can call it that among its names, epithets many-- be they as they are-- and nature eldritch-- a prism refracting desire into the unspeakable just as speech does to an idea ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, unless I had a reason, unless I had a face, unless I desiblue something intent something rael something not in finite. You know this, Seppo Ilmarinen; you know this, unstoppable smith. Hear my voice." Look around my empty head. Red star. Cellphone in reflected world, lend yourself my invisible ear. "I am here." "Build me the centre because you want to be the only one who knows how." Stars in my eyes, monomyth of the quarks born in my heart this night-- if one can even tell the difference between day and night when there's always stars out. The point, the abstract point, I'm trying to get to is that of creative passion. So I put that phone back to my head and I say, "I'll do it."")

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[travelthworld]

Discovering the Best Travel Destinations: Exploring the Best Places to Visit in Cape Town

When it comes to planning your next adventure, finding the best travel destinations is always at the top of every traveler’s mind. Among these dream spots, the best places to visit in Cape Town stand out for their unique blend of natural beauty, cultural diversity, and unforgettable experiences. Whether you are a seasoned globetrotter or a first-time explorer, Cape Town offers a range of attractions that make it one of the best travel destinations you can add to your bucket list.

Cape Town, located at the southern tip of Africa, is known for its dramatic scenery, iconic landmarks, and vibrant atmosphere. The city has long been celebrated for its breathtaking beaches, majestic mountains, and rich history that draws visitors from all corners of the globe. From the famous Table Mountain to the bustling V&A Waterfront, every corner of this city promises a new discovery.

One of the best places to visit in Cape Town is the world-renowned Table Mountain. This flat-topped mountain offers panoramic views of the city, the Atlantic Ocean, and the surrounding landscapes. Adventurous travelers can hike up the mountain through various trails, each offering a different perspective of Cape Town’s beauty. For those who prefer a more relaxed route, the cable car ride to the top is an experience in itself, giving you sweeping views that you won’t forget.

Another must-see in Cape Town is the Cape of Good Hope. This iconic spot is famous for its rugged cliffs and stunning ocean views. Many visitors enjoy exploring the nature reserve, which is home to a variety of wildlife including baboons, ostriches, and even antelope. Standing at the edge of the continent, with the waves crashing below, is an experience that truly captures the essence of adventure.

No visit to Cape Town would be complete without exploring its beautiful beaches. Camps Bay is a favorite among both locals and tourists. Its white sandy shores and clear blue waters make it the perfect spot for sunbathing, swimming, or simply relaxing with a view of the Twelve Apostles mountain range in the background. Clifton Beaches, divided into four secluded coves, offer a more intimate beach experience for those looking to escape the crowds.

For travelers interested in culture and history, Robben Island is one of the best places to visit in Cape Town. This UNESCO World Heritage Site was once the prison where Nelson Mandela spent 18 of his 27 years of imprisonment. Today, guided tours led by former inmates give visitors a powerful insight into South Africa’s struggle for freedom and democracy. The ferry ride to the island also provides stunning views of the city skyline and Table Mountain.

Cape Town’s neighborhoods each have their own charm and story to tell. The colorful Bo-Kaap area, with its bright houses and cobblestone streets, is a photographer’s dream and offers a glimpse into the city’s Cape Malay heritage. Meanwhile, the trendy streets of Woodstock are lined with art galleries, coffee shops, and street art, showcasing the city’s creative spirit.

Food lovers will find Cape Town to be a paradise of flavors. The city’s culinary scene is a mix of traditional South African dishes and international cuisine. From fresh seafood at the harbor to gourmet restaurants and bustling food markets, there’s something to satisfy every palate. Don’t miss trying local specialties like bobotie or enjoying a wine tasting in the nearby Cape Winelands.

When you think about the best travel destinations around the world, Cape Town deserves a spot at the top of your list. Its natural wonders, historical landmarks, and vibrant culture make it a place that travelers return to again and again. Whether you’re watching the sunset from Signal Hill, surfing at Muizenberg Beach, or exploring the Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens, Cape Town always has something new to offer.

With so many of the best places to visit in Cape Town waiting to be explored, it’s easy to see why this city continues to attract visitors year after year. From its stunning landscapes to its rich cultural experiences, Cape Town is truly one of the best travel destinations for anyone seeking adventure, relaxation, and unforgettable memories. So, pack your bags, grab your camera, and get ready to discover all the wonders this incredible city has to offer.

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[theblindmachine]

Listen: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4xQH3o5ue3oGaC0YBCU5m6 "### Delving into the Wild World of Japan’s V-Cinema In the vibrant realm of cinema, there's a genre that often goes unnoticed but packs a punch like no other. Welcome to the uncharted territory of Japan's V-Cinema, a term that emerged from the innovative minds at Toei, signaling the arrival of direct-to-video films. But make no mistake—what started as a label for home releases has morphed into an expansive universe of uncensored creativity, escapism, and sheer audacity, shaping a unique niche that transcends traditional cinematic boundaries. V-Cinema is your one-stop-shop for unabashed storytelling that revels in violence and sex, often pushing societal norms to their very limits. This genre thrives on raw energy, unfiltered narratives, and an array of talents, both emerging and seasoned. From young filmmakers eager to carve their niche to established veterans looking to make a quick buck, V-Cinema is a playground where ambition knows no bounds. One of the most fascinating aspects of V-Cinema is its ability to serve as a launchpad for filmmakers. Young directors, often dismissed by the theatrical circuit, find their voices and audiences here, exploring themes and styles free from the constraints of mainstream expectations. Every film in this category is a bold proclamation of creativity and courage—ready to challenge, provoke, and entertain. On the flip side, we have the seasoned pros who channel their vast experiences into these projects, providing flair and a sense of nostalgia to loyal fans. These veterans dive into the realm of V-Cinema, not just for the paycheck but also for the thrill of storytelling without the usual restrictions. It becomes less about the box office and more about the art—an exhilarating artistic freedom few genres can boast. As we peel back the layers of Japan’s V-Cinema in our latest episode, we invite you to join this exhilarating journey. Discover the undiscovered depths of this genre that thrives in the underground and often shocks the mainstream. Brace yourself for tales filled with unexpected twists, moral ambiguity, and gritty realism that extends beyond the screen. For those curious minds eager to dive deeper into the essence of V-Cinema, be sure to check out Tom Mes’ insightful articles tracing its evolution and impact. His analytical prowess sheds light on films that deserve your attention and showcases the raw talent that V-Cinema nurtures. Curious about exploring the V-Cinema scene? We want to hear from you! Send us your zines, movie-related books, and memorabilia, and we’ll feature them in our discussions! Mailing details can be found above, and we can’t wait to connect with fellow film enthusiasts. Support our podcast and subscribe to our exclusive Patreon community, where you can access an entire back catalogue, participate in engaging discussions, and witness the ever-growing world of cinema unfold before your eyes. In a world saturated with cinematic offerings, V-Cinema stands out—unapologetic, fearless, and undeniably thrilling. Subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple Podcasts, and follow our journey through the labyrinth of independent cinema on social media. Together, let’s reveal the untold stories waiting to be discovered."

[neuromycelic-blog]

**Enneagram Tri-Type Outline: Investigator (5), Enthusiast (7), Peacemaker (9)**

*Integrated in One Person*

---

### **I. Core Identity & Motivations**

- **Core Fears**:

- *Investigator (5)*: Feeling incapable, overwhelmed, or depleted.

- *Enthusiast (7)*: Missing out on joy, being trapped in pain or boredom.

- *Peacemaker (9)*: Loss of harmony, conflict, or disconnection.

- **Driving Motivations**:

- To understand the world (5), experience its fullness (7), and create unity/stability (9).

- Seeks *autonomy* (5), *freedom* (7), and *inner/outer peace* (9).

---

### **II. Strengths & Synergies**

1. **Intellectual Curiosity + Optimism + Mediation**:

- Combines 5’s analytical depth with 7’s adventurousness and 9’s diplomatic skills.

- Innovates solutions while fostering group cohesion.

2. **Adaptability**:

- Balances 5’s introspection with 7’s spontaneity and 9’s flexibility.

3. **Empathetic Visionary**:

- Envisions possibilities (7), grounds them in research (5), and communicates gently (9).

---

### **III. Internal Conflicts & Challenges**

- **Cognitive Dissonance**:

- *5’s need for solitude* vs. *7’s fear of missing out* vs. *9’s urge to merge with others*.

- *9’s inertia* conflicting with 5/7’s desire to act (learn/explore).

- **Avoidance Patterns**:

- Withdraws emotionally (5), distracts with novelty (7), or numbs out (9) under stress.

- **Decision-Making Struggles**:

- Overanalyzing (5), impulsivity (7), or indecision (9).

---

### **IV. Stress & Growth Pathways**

- **Stress Triggers**:

- Overstimulation (7), criticism (5), or confrontation (9).

- **Unhealthy Behaviors**:

- Isolating (5), reckless escapism (7), or passive aggression (9).

- **Growth Opportunities**:

- **Integration**:

- 5 ➔ 8 (Confidence): Assert needs without guilt.

- 7 ➔ 5 (Focus): Commit to depth over breadth.

- 9 ➔ 3 (Purpose): Prioritize self-expression over accommodation.

- **Mindfulness Practices**: Journaling (5), scheduled adventures (7), and meditation (9).

---

### **V. Relationships & Social Dynamics**

- **Desires in Relationships**:

- Intellectual intimacy (5), shared joy (7), and emotional safety (9).

- **Challenges**:

- Balancing alone time with social engagement; avoiding conflict to keep peace (9).

- **Communication Style**:

- Thoughtful (5), engaging (7), and non-confrontational (9).

---

### **VI. Work & Creativity**

- **Ideal Roles**:

- Researcher/innovator (5), entrepreneur/creative (7), mediator/team coordinator (9).

- **Challenges**:

- Overcommitting (7), perfectionism (5), or avoiding leadership (9).

- **Goal-Setting**:

- Framing projects as explorations (7) with structured milestones (5) and collaborative input (9).

---

### **VII. Self-Care & Integration**

- **Routine**:

- Scheduled learning (5), spontaneous adventures (7), and mindful rest (9).

- **Key Practices**:

- Boundary-setting (5), gratitude rituals (7), and conflict resolution skills (9).

- **Mantra**:

*“I am capable, joyful, and whole.”*

---

This tri-type individual thrives when they channel 5’s wisdom, 7’s zest, and 9’s calm into a balanced pursuit of meaningful, harmonious growth. 🌟

[tripnest]

South Africa’s Urban Experience: Cities That Inspire

Introduction

South Africa's urban centers reflect the country's rich cultural diversity, history, and modern development. From the vibrant streets of Cape Town to the bustling metropolis of Johannesburg, each city offers unique experiences, attractions, and a glimpse into the life of South Africans. This article will explore some of South Africa's most inspiring cities, highlighting their key attractions, cultural significance, and urban experiences.

1. Cape Town: A City of Beauty and Culture

Overview of Cape Town Cape Town, often referred to as the "Mother City," is famous for its stunning landscapes, vibrant culture, and rich history. Nestled between the ocean and Table Mountain, Cape Town is a must-visit destination. Key Attractions - Table Mountain: A defining feature of the city, Table Mountain offers breathtaking views and a variety of hiking trails suitable for both novice and experienced hikers. - V&A Waterfront: This bustling hub features shops, restaurants, and entertainment options, along with the Two Oceans Aquarium, where visitors can learn about marine life native to the region. Cultural Experiences Cape Town is home to numerous cultural experiences, including: - Robben Island Tours: Explore the historic island where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned, offering insights into South Africa’s struggle for freedom and the fight against apartheid. This tour is not just a visit; it’s an emotional journey that provides context to the nation’s history. - District Six Museum: This museum commemorates the vibrant community that was displaced during apartheid, showcasing the history and resilience of its people. Interactive exhibits and personal stories make this museum a poignant reminder of the past.

2. Johannesburg: The Heart of South Africa

Overview of Johannesburg Johannesburg, often called Jozi or Joburg, is the largest city in South Africa and the economic hub of the continent. It is a city of contrasts, where modernity meets history. Key Attractions - Apartheid Museum: A powerful museum that provides a comprehensive overview of South Africa's apartheid history. Visitors can walk through exhibits that detail the struggle against apartheid, making it an essential stop for understanding the country’s social dynamics. - Maboneng Precinct: A vibrant urban neighborhood filled with art galleries, eateries, and shops, representing the city's creative spirit. This area is a testament to Johannesburg’s revitalization, showcasing local talent and innovative design. Cultural Significance Johannesburg is a city of transformation, where communities come together to celebrate their heritage through art, music, and festivals. The city hosts events such as the Johannesburg Arts Alive Festival, which highlights local artists and performers.

3. Durban: A Cultural Melting Pot

Overview of Durban Durban is known for its warm climate, stunning beaches, and cultural diversity. It is a vibrant city that reflects the influences of various cultures, particularly Indian and Zulu. Key Attractions - uShaka Marine World: A world-class marine theme park featuring an aquarium, water park, and various entertainment options. This destination is perfect for families and those looking to explore marine life. - Durban Botanic Gardens: Home to a wide variety of plant species, these gardens offer a serene escape in the bustling city, making it an ideal spot for a picnic or a leisurely stroll. Cultural Experiences Durban's cultural diversity is showcased through its culinary scene, with influences from Indian, African, and colonial cuisines. Visitors can explore local markets and indulge in traditional dishes such as bunny chow and samoosas, immersing themselves in the local flavors.

4. Port Elizabeth: The Friendly City

Overview of Port Elizabeth Port Elizabeth, often referred to as the “Friendly City,” is known for its beautiful beaches, friendly locals, and rich history. Key Attractions - Addo Elephant National Park: Just a short drive from the city, Addo offers incredible wildlife experiences and conservation efforts. Here, visitors can see elephants, lions, and a variety of other wildlife in their natural habitat. - Donkin Reserve: This historical site features a lighthouse, monuments, and beautiful views of the city, providing a glimpse into the area’s colonial past and its transformation over the years. Cultural Significance Port Elizabeth is a city with a diverse cultural heritage, featuring various festivals and events that celebrate its history and community spirit. Events like the Port Elizabeth Carnival showcase local talent and cultural expressions through music, dance, and colorful parades.

5. Conclusion: Embrace the Urban Experience in South Africa

South Africa's cities offer a rich tapestry of experiences, reflecting the country's diverse cultures, histories, and modern developments. From the stunning landscapes of Cape Town to the vibrant streets of Johannesburg, each city has something unique to offer. Embrace the urban experience in South Africa and discover the stories, cultures, and adventures waiting to be explored. Whether you're drawn to the historical significance, the vibrant arts scene, or the culinary delights, South Africa's cities promise unforgettable memories and insights into this remarkable nation. Read the full article

[twin-smith]

V; Main - Takes place after graduation. Jesse is still figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but is traveling the world in the meantime. His parents and brother are all pressuring him to apply for a Ministry position, a notion which he vehemently despises. He'd much rather find something that allows him to pursue his passions. Staying cooped up in an office sounds like a fate worse than death to him, but he might have to resign himself to it if he can't find a career path soon.

V; Student - Takes place during his sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts.

V; Historian - Throughout his travels, Jesse has been researching the ancient tribes of the world, and how they practiced magic long before the wizarding world became what it is today. A series of landmark discoveries have rocketed him to stardom within global arcane academia, though they've brought just as much controversy as prestige. Pureblood wizarding families have been trying in vain to discredit his research, threatened by the notion that magic is an inherent part of the world at large rather than exclusive to wizards. Luckily, his university pays them no mind, and he's well on his way to a PhD in History of Magic. He already has Masters Degrees in History of Magic, Anthropology, and Geology, and is planning on going for PhD's in all three.

V; Professor - Given his monumentally successful academic career and penchant for helping others, Headmaster McGonagall has been chomping at the bit to hire Jesse on at Hogwarts, and after several years of correspondence, he's finally accepted the position of History of Magic professor. He tries hard not to show favoritism, given the fact that he's now partially responsible for these kids' education, but he can't help prodding Slytherin students toward excellence just a tiny bit more than the rest. House pride and all that. Really, he has high expectations for all of his students, but especially for those hailing from the house of ambition and cunning.

V; Musician - Instead of pursuing an academic career, Jesse has instead focused on his music, much to his family's chagrin. During his travels inspiration strikes him repeatedly, and he writes a series of songs about finding his freedom and discovering who he is as a person. A demo album follows as soon as he gets access to a recording studio. Getting someone to sign him, however, is easier said than done. London producers aren't overly enthusiastic about his folksy pop sound, so he tries his luck across the pond, where Nashville practically falls in love with him. It's not long before he lands a contract with Ghostwork Records, records his first real album, and tops the charts throughout wizarding America! His success is dampened by the disapproval of his father, who reveals that he'd bribed London producers to blacklist Jesse in hopes of getting the boy to pursue a more stable career, but this only strengthens Jesse's resolve. He's now a platinum recording artist living out in rural Tennessee when he's not on tour, though he's starting to wonder if fame, fortune, and freedom are worth the stress he's under.

Non-HP Verses

V; Modern - Jesse Smith is a university student hailing from a wealthy family who wishes to do more with his life than be a business man or aristocrat. He has a love of music, but his true passion lies in the study of geology, and figuring out how to use it to help people. Disaster relief and prevention are particular points of interest for him.

V; Royal/Fantasy - One of the Queen's nephews, Jesse has always been a bit more adventurous than his twin brother, following curiosity, creativity, and ambition beyond the safety of the palace. He's a bard, despite his family's disapproval, and used to regularly sneak out to play at taverns, which eventually led to him being kidnapped by pirates as a teenager. He managed to escape from them, however, taking advantage of a skirmish with a rival crew, and has been on many adventures since then, learning a great deal about the world outside his small kingdom. After several years, he's finally made it back home, but his open mind and wanderlust have put him at odds with his overprotective twin. He studies magic, of course, just as he did when he was younger, but now has a vested interest in learning all he can about the origins of said magic, and using it to defend those in need rather than just his family.

[splinterend]

"The Hand" (1965) - dir. Jiří Trnka

I write this as the 2024 election continues to unleash itself upon the American populace with both North Carolina and Georgia being called for Trump (it is 10:14p PT, November 4, 2024 as I begin feverishly typing this), my mind keeps wandering to Jiří Trnka’s 1965 film ‘The Hand’ which is a rather apt film about how totalitarianism and nationalism are absolutely crushing on the human soul and creative spirit. 

Trnka’s film mixes puppetry with an omnipresent live-action hand that. (Side note: if this hand imagery served as the inspiration for the main antagonist in the Super Smash Bros game series, I would not be surprised.) 

The main character, a simple Harlequin, seeks only to create flower pots for his plants – an autonomy that the hand violently rejects. The short film then revolves around the antagonistic relationship between harlequin and hand, artist and authoritarian, person and state as the two characters express their respective values and drastic differences in power dynamics. 

“The Hand” is not subtle about the oppressive and fascistic nature of authoritarianism, nor does it shy away from criticizing the dangers of extreme nationalism and sovereignty to the state over the creative freedom and rights of individuals simply trying to live their lives. The short’s symbology of hands, medals, accolades, and cages directly criticizes the very notion of extreme nationalism. 

Yet, in the face of this fascism, the harlequin courageously fights back at the hand, refusing to create what it demands except under the most extreme circumstances (read: coercion, torture, and imprisonment). Even under extreme circumstances, the harlequin finds a way to escape, eventually dying in the comfort of his home. 

When the hand discovers a deceased harlequin, it effectively rewrites the harlequin’s life story: instead of being remembered as a anarchic sculptor and botanist that fought and died against artistic censorship and forced labor, the hand creates a funeral procession that effectively whitewashes the harlequin’s anti-authoritarianism leanings, painting its face free of abuse with make-up and bejeweling its coffin with accolades, flowers, and a procession it deems fit and nationalistically appropriate. 

Gone are any signs of state-level abuse and torture of what it deemed a threat to national security, present now are the pretense of remembering and embracing an artist and plant enthusiast as ‘a good citizen’. 

I muse upon the inherent power dynamic of the hand versus harlequin because it extends not only between the heartbreaking difference between state- versus individual-level power, but also in how there is an inherent power differential and dynamic in how stories and histories are rewritten. In the current political context of America, we bear witness to the constant re-writing of political narratives and speeches by talking heads telling us ‘the real intent’ and ‘real story’ behind what something has been said or done before us. 

The power of narratives headed by political and capitalist leaders never ceases to impress with how many times they are rewritten to assure us that they have our best interests at hand when their legislative and business practices say otherwise. (See: Roe v. Wade, Citizens United, Twitter.) This is all to say that I fear “The Hand”, even as a nearly 60 year film, is still as relevant today. 

I now end this at 10:54 PT where a convicted felon is more than likely to win the White House again. 

No matter who the hand may be, I choose to be the harlequin. 

[myexplicittarotjournal]

I - What is the key message or insight the Full Moon in Aquarius has for me now?

Ace of Swords: You're in a moment that has the potential for enormous mental, cognitive, and psychological growth. Make the most of it.

II - How can I best tap into my creative potential and embrace the visionary energies of Aquarius during this lunar phase?

Two of Cups Reversed: Your relationships, though they have been an excellent tool for personal growth, must fall into place when planning your subsequent life experiences and path. You need to figure out how to escape from the hurt inner child patterns that led you to meet them, but in a thankful manner, not in a total break-up or fight dynamic. Still, it would be best to remember that relationships must positively contribute to your life and should not limit you.

III - What areas of my life are being illuminated by this Full Moon, and what changes or shifts do I need to make to align with its transformative energies?

Nine of Wands: You recently learned that your trauma did not break your inner child. That pessimistic way of seeing your past is not helpful. Your past experiences make up for the mosaic of personalities you must present to the world, contributing to it extraordinarily and uniquely. You are one step away from the final liberation that healing your soul will bring. Keep in contact with the bright, warm yellow light encapsulating you and your surroundings. As you envisioned in your last meditation, your trauma is nothing compared to that permanent and eternal sunshine that is your soul.

IV - What unexpected opportunities or breakthroughs are horizon for me during this time?

King of Pentacles: I finally understand that my business is a way of sustaining myself during this lifetime, and the primary purpose of my life is my soul growth. That gave me the confidence that the universe will always provide abundance. And I must not worry about it. Therefore, I must be open to whatever path my soul is yearning to go without feeling unprotected because I'm detaching from my current marriage configuration.

V - How can I navigate mental fatigue or overwhelming feelings during the Full Moon in Aquarius?

Page of Cups: Be mature in how you emotionally interpret these overwhelming fatigued moments. Do not push yourself too hard or get disheartened all the other way. Navigate your emotions non-reactively and with mature responses.

VI - What steps can I take to harness the grounding energy of the earth signs in this chart and manifest my dreams and visions into practical reality?

The High Priestess: When I get the High Priestess Card, I always remember a dream I had with a pomegranate and then flipping this card in the morning only to see this fruit drawn in the curtains the wise woman protects. Upon research, I found that this seedy fruit symbolizes prosperity but is also related to the myth of Persephone, whose Hades had kidnapped to live in the underworld with him but managed to escape once a year, bringing then the springtime season to the outer world, and enjoying her life even falling in love for Adonis while Hades also had other affairs. Still, Persephone owned her position as the Queen of the underworld and took it seriously while there. So, whenever I get this card, I always wonder if this is saying something about my marriage. Sometimes, I feel like my husband kidnapped me from whatever life I was supposed to have. And I accepted it because I felt protected in this underworld created for me. But I want to live on my terms and independently from him. Still, he has always given me grounding support in my darkest moments. So, having got this card in this exact question must mean I should never forget the role he plays in my life. Though I have the freedom and confidence to venture into the outer world as I desire, I shouldn't get so carried away that I completely break free from this nesting place of my life. So, this card is conversing with the King of Pentacles in a certain way. And they are both saying: Go for it; you have everything you need, but always keep a place called home.

Full Moon in Aquarius 2023 Tarot Spread 🌝 🏺

Unveiling the Cosmic Breakthroughs: Aquarius Full Moon Energies on August 1st, 2023

Aquarius, the sign of collective frequencies and visionary brilliance, invites you to delve into the mosaic of your identity within the bigger picture. As Leo illuminates the heart’s desires, Aquarius sets the course for the future, inspiring you to explore new dreams and opportunities.

In this transformative chart, creativity thrives as the Moon in open Aquarius brings new dream downloads, while the square to Jupiter in Taurus urges practical grounding and expansion. The dynamic trine between Jupiter and Mars in Virgo empowers you to take efficient, forward-moving actions.

Yet, as Mercury in Virgo opposes Saturn in Pisces retrograde, you might pause to analyze and think through your plans. Don’t be discouraged by mental fatigue; the grounding energies from Mercury, Mars, and Jupiter in earth signs provide a stable foundation.

The cosmic breakthroughs continue with Uranus in Taurus, another earth sign, slowing down before stationing retrograde later in August. Capture these downloads, embrace newfound possibilities, and document your inspirations.

As this Aquarius Full Moon energizes your cosmic vision, remain open to the unexpected, the avant-garde, and the extraordinary. Some moments seem bonkers but trust your excitement as you pave the way toward an exhilarating future.

With many planets in earth signs affecting it, prepare for a quieter full moon. However, heads up for the upcoming retrograde season, as seven planets will be in retrograde by the end of August, prompting you to slow down and prepare for new developments.

Get ready to bask in the bright lunar illumination and embrace the transformative energies of the Aquarius Full Moon. Take the chance to ponder your cosmic visions and embark on a path of personal and collective growth.

To further understand these cosmic insights refer to @MollyMcCord’s YouTube channel: youtu.be/XV7WZMGGvBE.

Author: McCord, M. [Molly McCord] Year: 2023 Title: [Aquarius Full Moon — Timeline Split Between Earthly Focus and Future Self Inspirations] Video URL: [https://youtu.be/XV7WZMGGvBE]

August 1st, 2023 | Full Moon in Aquarius Tarot Spread

Welcome to the transformative energies of the Full Moon in Aquarius Tarot Spread!

As the celestial skies illuminate with the brilliance of the Aquarius Full Moon on August 1st, 2023, we find ourselves at a potent juncture of self-discovery and visionary potential.

We designed this 6-Card Tarot Spread to help you delve into the depths of this unique lunar phase and gain profound insights into your journey ahead.

Drawing on the intuitive wisdom of the Tarot, you’ll unravel the hidden truths, navigate the airy Aquarian frequencies, and harness the grounding earth energies of the entire chart to embrace your dreams and manifest positive changes. Let the cards be your guiding stars as you embark on this cosmic journey of expansion and illumination.

What is the key message or insight that the Full Moon in Aquarius has for me now?

How can I best tap into my creative potential and embrace the visionary energies of Aquarius during this lunar phase?

What areas of my life are being illuminated by this Full Moon, and what changes or shifts do I need to make to align with its transformative energies?

What unexpected opportunities or breakthroughs are on the horizon for me during this time?

How can I navigate mental fatigue or overwhelming feelings during the Full Moon in Aquarius?

What steps can I take to harness the grounding energy of the earth signs in this chart and manifest my dreams and visions into practical reality?

As the Aquarius Full Moon fades from the skies, you have now navigated the depths of its transformative energies with the guidance of our specially designed Tarot Spread. Embrace the visionary brilliance of Aquarius as you reflect on the key insights it has brought forth.

The cards have revealed the path to creative expression and self-discovery, helping you align with your true purpose in the collective mosaic.

As you move forward, trust in the unexpected opportunities and cosmic downloads that may lead you to groundbreaking and exciting horizons.

Remember to ground yourself in the practicality of influencing earth energies, making your dreams tangible and real. The Tarot’s wisdom has provided you with the tools to embrace the magic of this Full Moon in Aquarius and embark on a journey of growth, expansion, and personal empowerment.

May your heart be filled with excitement as you step into the future with newfound clarity and vision. Happy exploring, and may the Tarot always be your celestial guide! 🌙🃏✨

[rockislandadultreads]

National Book Award Finalists: Fiction 

Have you read any of these National Book Award Finalists? These fiction selections were chosen out of 463 submissions! There are also finalists for nonfiction, poetry, translated literature, and young people's literature - be sure to check out the full list here. 

The Rabbit Hutch by Tess Gunty

The automobile industry has abandoned Vacca Vale, Indiana, leaving the residents behind, too. In a run-down apartment building on the edge of town, commonly known as the Rabbit Hutch, a number of people now reside quietly, looking for ways to live in a dying city. Apartment C2 is lonely and detached. C6 is aging and stuck. C8 harbors an extraordinary fear. But C4 is of particular interest. Here live four teenagers who have recently aged out of the state foster-care system: three boys and one girl, Blandine, who The Rabbit Hutch centers around. Hauntingly beautiful and unnervingly bright, Blandine is plagued by the structures, people, and places that not only failed her but actively harmed her. Now all Blandine wants is an escape, a true bodily escape like the mystics describe in the books she reads. Set across one week and culminating in a shocking act of violence, The Rabbit Hutch chronicles a town on the brink, desperate for rebirth. How far will its residents - especially Blandine - go to achieve it? Does one person’s gain always come at another’s expense? Tess Gunty’s The Rabbit Hutch is a gorgeous and provocative tale of loneliness and community, entrapment and freedom. It announces a major new voice in American fiction, one bristling with intelligence and vulnerability.

The Birdcatcher by Gayl Jones

Gayl Jones, the novelist Toni Morrison discovered decades ago and Tayari Jones recently called her favorite writer, has been described as one of the great literary writers of the 20th century. Now, for the first time in over 20 years, Jones is publishing again. In the wake of her long-awaited fifth novel, Palmares, The Birdcatcher is another singular achievement, a return to the circles of her National Book Award finalist, The Healing. Set primarily on the island of Ibiza, the story is narrated by the writer Amanda Wordlaw, whose closest friend, a gifted sculptor named Catherine Shuger, is repeatedly institutionalized for trying to kill a husband who never leaves her. The three form a quirky triangle on the white-washed island. A study in Black women's creative expression, and the intensity of their relationships, this work from Jones shows off her range and insight into the vicissitudes of all human nature - rewarding longtime fans and bringing her talent to a new generation of readers.

The Haunting of Hajji Hotak by Jamil Jan Kochai

Pen/Hemingway finalist Jamil Jan Kochai ​breathes life into his contemporary Afghan characters, exploring heritage and memory from the homeland to the diaspora in the United States, in the spiritual and physical lands ​these unforgettable characters inhabit. In “Playing Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain,” a young man’s video game experience turns into a surreal exploration on his own father’s memories of war and occupation. Set in Kabul, “Return to Sender” follows two married doctors driven by guilt to leave the US and care for their fellow Afghans, even when their own son disappears. A college student in the US in “Hungry Ricky Daddy” starves himself in protest of Israeli violence against Palestine. And in the title story, “The Haunting of Hajji Hotak,” we learn the story of a man codenamed Hajji, from the perspective of a government surveillance worker, who becomes entrenched in the immigrant family’s life. The Haunting of Hajji Hotak and Other Stories is a moving, exploration and narrative of heritage, the ghosts of war, and home - ​and one that speaks to the immediate political landscape we reckon with today.

All This Could Be Different by Sarah Thankam Matthews

Graduating into the long maw of an American recession, Sneha is one of the fortunate ones. She's moved to Milwaukee for an entry-level corporate job that, grueling as it may be, is the key that unlocks every door: she can pick up the tab at dinner with her new friend Tig, get her college buddy Thom hired alongside her, and send money to her parents back in India. She begins dating women - soon developing a burning crush on Marina, a beguiling and beautiful dancer who always seems just out of reach. But before long, trouble arrives. Painful secrets rear their heads; jobs go off the rails; evictions loom. Sneha struggles to be truly close and open with anybody, even as her friendships deepen, even as she throws herself headlong into a dizzying romance with Marina. It's then that Tig begins to draw up a radical solution to their problems, hoping to save them all.

The Town of Babylon by Alejandro Varela

In this contemporary debut novel - an intimate portrait of queer, racial, and class identity - Andrés, a gay Latinx professor, returns to his suburban hometown in the wake of his husband’s infidelity. There he finds himself with no excuse not to attend his twenty-year high school reunion, and hesitantly begins to reconnect with people he used to call friends. Over the next few weeks, while caring for his aging parents and navigating the neighborhood where he grew up, Andrés falls into old habits with friends he thought he’d left behind. Before long, he unexpectedly becomes entangled with his first love and is forced to tend to past wounds. Captivating and poignant; a modern coming-of-age story about the essential nature of community, The Town of Babylon is a page-turning novel about young love and a close examination of our social systems and the toll they take when they fail us.

[phoenixduelist]

𝓠𝓾𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓸𝓯 𝓗𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓪𝓻𝔂

The Hungarian Devil set the seas ablaze for nine years, appearing from the nowhere in 1721 and leaving a legend, a legacy behind in 1733. She spared almost no one her path, merchant, navy or even other pirate ships sunk after a few hours of sighting the Vihar. The Devil was an unapologetically talented swordfighter, incredible and borderline insane tactician; her losses would've been considered insignificant for any other captain. With every death she couldn't prevent, an another powder keg was thrown into the already raging inferno. There was no empire nor navy which hadn't experienced her creative, cunning cruelty, her actions often provoking other pirates' wrath. Hunted by both authorities and criminals yet she always managed to outmaneuver, sometimes barely, injured but alive and with a ship still capable of sailing.

Time was nearing for her last dance, for her official death, the last year on the loathed waters was spent to amass a fortune for her remaining crew, for her family, enough to leave this life behind and settle down somewhere after one last voyage to the European coasts.

Her feet on solid ground at last was calming, even the forever swirling storm in her chest settled as she watched her ship sail away until she couldn't hear the cries to change her mind mingling together with the wishes of finding her peace. She was almost home. Almost dead for good, but there was a last act which had to be done before the final rest. Rozália Véghváry, the R stood for reckoning, the V meant vendetta; and she was coming for it, heading straight to Vienna, to the Hofburg Palace.

She still knew the enormous building like the back of her hand from the time she spent there as a political prisoner; delighted to see the guard patterns still haven't changed. Charles VI had passed away and Joseph III was crowned king of her country. Like a vengeful ghost of the duelist who died in the dungeons below, she crept through grand halls, lavish bedrooms, finally finding the once arrogant crown prince.

The King unceremoniously dragged out of the bed at swordpoint, the Italian rapier blazing in her hand and forced to the balcony. The full moon's glow basked the Countess, the Duelist, the Devil in silver glow as they began their duel. He was skilled but out of practice, while she spent her whole life with a sword in hand; for the last time wielding it in her right. The King's movements grew more and more sluggish and desperate after every cut, none of them enough to take his life, but to make him suffer. Death came as a lightning fast, unseen and flawless riposte, the rapier sliding between ribs and resting above his heart, puncturing the arteries. Rozália watched life slowly drain from him, for a moment granting hers back. She stood frozen, the bleeding corpse of the Holy Roman Emperor at her feet, her rapier by her side as dawn's first light cracked across the horizon, and it was the most magnificent sunrise she had ever seen.

Nowhere to run, and no longer wanting to, Rozália waited for the guards to discover the victory and grant her death on spot. But one of them recognized her. The Duelist, the Hungarian Countess who happened to be adopted by Charles VI. Fate wasn't done with her yet, the death of Joseph III spread like wildfire, the presumed dead last Véghváry's return caused the nation to once again take up arms and wrench themselves free from the Habsburg chains. They needed a leader, an aim of what happens after the rebellion. Her nation was calling for her and she felt the obligation to answer.

Of course her crew returned, on the same route they escaped ten years ago, bringing the enormous cargo of gold they had amassed to support the freedom fight. The Austrian army had been weakened, but it still took three years for a victory enough to attempt a peace treaty in the Buda Castle. Rozália laid her claim to the throne by birthright, by the Pragmatic Sanction as the adopted daughter of Charles VI since she was older than Maria Theresa. She gave up her Holy Roman Empress title and expressed no desire to govern the Habsburg Empire by excluding all Austrian and Galician territories from the first official draft. In return she demanded independent rule over the Kingdom of Hungary, the Grand Duchy of Erdély, Bánság, Land of the Slovaks and Hungarian Ruthenia; along with undisturbed trade and diplomatic connections with Croatia, Slavonia, Bosnia and Hercegovina & Dalmatia.

The war had been taxing on both parties, not even two decades passed after the War of Spanish Succession, a few Austro-Turkish wars here and there; they saw in her eyes she would continue the fight as long as her terms were agreed to and people would march through Hell with & for her. Therefore, her claim was accepted.

In Székesfehérvár with the Holy Crown of Hungary, on 26th July 1736 at the age of 39, she was crowned Queen Rozália Klára Véghváry of Hungary.

She immediately started rebuilding her country, earning the nickname Queen of Roses and Swords; in a few years the wartorn land started to prosper, with one eye always on the Austo-Hungarian border, she brought peace, safety and freedom. Nobody knew the emptiness residing within the Queen, the hollow feeling that she had died as a Duelist never stopped haunting her, but now she had a true purpose she intended to fulfill to her utmost abilities.

[maidskeppy]

Skephalo + Astrology

Any astrology enthusiasts out there? If so, you might like this post. I entered Skeppy and BadBoyHalo into a few different compatibility measuring websites, and the results were... interesting.

If you go purely off sun sign, most sources will tell you that Capricorn (Skeppy’s sign) and Aries (BadBoyHalo’s sign) aren’t usually a great match. Horoscope.com says:

Aries and Capricorn, emotionally and temperamentally, are not compatible. Aries is restless and impulsive while Capricorn is more orderly and practical. Neither understands the other.

You might think that this doesn’t sound right. This is because if you want the full picture, you have to look at all the other factors!

The sign that deals the most directly with relationship compatibility is the Venus sign. Skeppy’s Venus sign is Sagittarius, and BadBoyHalo’s is Pisces, which gives us a very different dynamic:

Cafe Astrology has this to say about a Sagittarius-Pisces relationship:

Both of you are inclined to look for the best in your partner, and this idealism can strengthen your bond.

Your styles in love, however, can be radically different at times. While you (Skeppy) are generally very direct about your needs in love, your partner (BadBoyHalo) doesn’t always know what their needs are! Your partner is compassionate and intuitive and needs to “feel right” about issues in and surrounding love. Your emotions in love move much more quickly, and you may at times be impatient with your partner as a result. Your partner’s feelings in love are easily hurt, and you can have an attitude that truth and directness is the only way to go, and as a result, you want your partner to toughen up.

Both of you can be somewhat restless in love. This can express itself as a certain divine discontent on one end of the spectrum, or outright dissatisfaction on the other. Try to focus on the here and now with each other, and avoid the tendency to look beyond the partnership to fill up the holes in your relationship. Even better, accept that you cannot possibly fulfill each other’s every need, but at the same time, appreciate what each of you has to offer each other—and that is a lot!

Sounds a bit more like them, doesn’t it?

Their full compatibility charts say much more than that. Here’s some heavily abridged versions:

Cafe Astrology:

There is a level of forgiveness and mercy in the chemistry between you. You may share your dreams together with a sense of freedom. Tolerance exists between the two of you, which is a very soothing and settling quality. Few clouds in this couple's life, at least on an intellectual level. They have a good intellectual understanding, take pleasure in being together and in discussing and exchanging ideas. Together, they can come up with unique and creative ideas and solutions to problems. Good spiritual understanding. This is the kind of relationship in which they finish one another's sentences. The connection encourages imagination. This is a union that is particularly based on physical understanding, passionate love. There is a lot of affection between them, and they need to express it physically.

“HugBoyHalo” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYzC2IXB6ug

They sometimes encourage impracticality in one another. They often feel let down with one another, usually because each wants very much to please the other, but it is hard to fulfill all the promises that are made to one another.

They might make each other impatient and easily frustrate each other. Erratic responses to each other.

Astrology Library:

This is an ideal combination for harmonious communications in a relationship. Skeppy and BadBoyHalo are able to communicate with ease, understanding how the other person thinks and sharing many of the same opinions. On the occasions when Skeppy and BadBoyHalo do disagree, they do so with a respect for each other's point of view.

This is a relationship full of verve and romance. Skeppy and BadBoyHalo are attracted to each other from the moment that they first meet and continue to experience excitement and joy in each other's company. Life becomes more of an adventure when Skeppy and BadBoyHalo are together. Their relationship may run a somewhat erratic or unorthodox course, but Skeppy and BadBoyHalo are both happy in the knowledge that theirs is a unique union.

Skeppy and BadBoyHalo are likely to enjoy escaping from the harsher realities of life into a world of their own creation. Fantasy and creativity play a strong role in Skeppy and BadBoyHalo's union. They have compassion for each other, understanding the other person's nature. In particular Skeppy feels soothed by BadBoyHalo's presence. Skeppy feels that BadBoyHalo shares in his dreams, that here is a person who truly understands him and the meaning of their relationship. As a result Skeppy can relax in the presence of BadBoyHalo. On the other hand BadBoyHalo feels great love and compassion for Skeppy, knowing that Skeppy is willing to believe in him.

Both Skeppy and BadBoyHalo feel a powerful attraction for each other. It is as if they are both compelled to relate. Both Skeppy and BadBoyHalo are ardent in their pursuits enjoying intense and fulfilling pastimes, which are ultimately life changing. However, it is also possible that both Skeppy and BadBoyHalo experience the less attractive aspects of this relationship. They may become embroiled in a struggle for dominance, their relationship resembling a battleground from which neither emerges triumphant. They can be either intensely loyal friends or formidable opponents.

This is a life-changing relationship that results in both Skeppy and BadBoyHalo being presented with opportunities to heal past wounds in order that they may live fuller and richer lives. Together they enjoy a sense of liberation that comes from truly loving another person.

Skeppy and BadBoyHalo understand each other and feel at ease together, enjoying each other's company. Lively conversations and shared pastimes feature in this relationship. They are able to appreciate each other's sense of humor and make light of any difficult arguments, often finding a creative way of approaching problematic subjects. In other words this is a harmonious combination and augurs well for the relationship. It is likely that Skeppy and BadBoyHalo's communication takes the form of letter writing or the exchanging of notes, or perhaps even electronic mail. This is an ideal combination for a personal love relationship and friendship.

An intense relationship is the result of this combination of the planets Mercury and Pluto, with communication playing a key role. Consequently it is vital that both Skeppy and BadBoyHalo communicate honestly, keeping all emotions and thoughts out in the open. This helps them to keep the relationship dynamic rather than volcanic.

Kind and gentle communication is an essential ingredient for success in this relationship. Through considerate interaction Skeppy and BadBoyHalo can develop a warm and loving relationship.

Both Skeppy and BadBoyHalo feel at ease in each other's company, sharing a common sense of adventure and joy. The old hit song "You Light Up My Life" could be a good theme song for this relationship.

(Or perhaps “You Are My Sunshine”?)

This combination of the planet Venus and the asteroid Chiron indicates a significant but difficult relationship. Skeppy and BadBoyHalo love each other, either as friends or lovers, but have difficulty avoiding misunderstandings and upsets. If the difficulties can be overcome, this union can bring a sense of freedom and joy.

Skeppy and BadBoyHalo have difficulty maintaining equilibrium in this relationship. Skeppy has a tendency to force BadBoyHalo to do things his way. At times Skeppy can be quite aggressive in his communication. BadBoyHalo believes that he knows best. The result is tension and arguments. The challenge is for both Skeppy and BadBoyHalo to learn to co-operate, each using their own talents while respecting the skills of the other person.

BadBoyHalo and Skeppy take this relationship seriously. They are devoted to each other and joyful in making promises that they are both able to keep. They genuinely love each other and want to work towards a strong partnership. Mutual respect is a central theme to this union. There is also a strong feeling of fate in this relationship. BadBoyHalo and Skeppy may tell a story of how destiny meant for them to be together.

There’s a huge amount that I couldn’t include in this post, since that would make it thousands and thousands of words longer- way too much! I encourage you to go look at the charts yourself, especially if you have some knowledge in astrology (I pretty much have to rely on whatever the website says). Here are the birthdates I used to get these results, they’re accurate as far as I know:

Skeppy: 17 January 2000 BadBoyHalo: 2 April 1995

Cafe Astrology: https://astro.cafeastrology.com/astro.php?page=comp2f Astrology Library: https://astrolibrary.org/report/

If I had their exact times of birth, this would all be a bit more accurate, but I don’t really see any way of getting those. Hope it’s interesting anyway!

[bangtan]

BTS: “We’re eager to give comfort and joy through our music now more than ever”

The global superstars tell us about uplifting new single 'Dynamite', their upcoming album and how lockdown reinforced their love of music Pop music has long been a healing force in the world, reflecting the times that we’re living through – be that on a macro or micro scale – and offering comfort, support and a vehicle to process our experiences through. BTS are pros at this, and often hold a mirror up to the struggles facing young people in society and in their relationships with others and themselves in their songs. Their new single ‘Dynamite’ – their first entirely in English – might not reference our current state of global turmoil in its lyrics (instead focusing on the good times gone by in lines such as “Bring a friend / Join the crowd”), but it was borne out of the same desire to help soothe their fans. It achieves this in spades, and is a potent tonic from pandemic life that. In another time, the song would serve as a soundtrack to days spent endlessly lingering in the sun and “danc[ing] til the break of dawn”. This is a song that takes you on a ride into an alternate world of freedom and fun. BTS, like everyone, have felt the impact of the pandemic pressing pause on their plans this year. Instead of using this time to take a few months off, they’ve thrown themselves into making a new album (due for release later this year), taking on all duties from the music to visuals and marketing to choreography. As well as helping others, focusing on music has aided them in this time too. “At first, we were all lost,” rapper and leader RM said at the band’s online press conference last week (August 21) when NME asked how they’d all been getting on. “It was very hard the more time passed.” But the process of time and a forced break also gave them a renewed perspective: “Things that are suspended in water will settle to the bottom after a while and then you get clean water. This allowed us to settle down and allowed us to see more clearly in the future. Covid-19 put a halt to many of our activities, but it also gave us a chance to not just work on music, but to think really deeply about music.” The band describe coming across ‘Dynamite’, which was written by songwriters Jessica Agombar and David Stewart, as “destiny”, as well as a chance for them to try their hand at something new. “When things were difficult and frustrating for us, this was a sort of ray of light, a sip of sweet water,” RM said. “We call this our own recharge project and we hope that it will be able to recharge your own batteries, even if it’s only for a moment.” As ‘Dynamite’ fights for the Number One spot on the Official UK Singles Chart (and will almost certainly score them their highest charting UK debut to date), we caught up with BTS to talk about spreading joy, their upcoming VMAs performance and their next album.

Historically, disco music has served as a form of escapism, giving listeners reprieve from society’s hardships. There are many music genres that can give the positive energy you were after – why was disco the right route to go down in terms of ‘Dynamite’’s sound?

BTS: “We didn’t intend to choose disco for our digital single. We came across the song while working on our new album. When we first heard the demo, the upbeat sound and energy of the track instantly cheered us up. We wanted ‘Dynamite’ to deliver a message of hope to our fans in these difficult times, so this disco pop genre track felt like the perfect fit.”

The dance routines in your videos are usually highly choreographed but ‘Dynamite’ feels a lot looser and more spontaneous in places. How does that reflect what you want people to take from the song?

BTS: “The choreography is cheerful and crisp and goes well with the song. The gestures and moves not only bring out the unique personalities and vibes of each member, but it’s also really catchy and easy to learn. As much as we want people to be uplifted by this tune, we hope a lot of people will be able to pick up the dance moves easily and groove away!”

RM, in the ‘Dynamite’ press conference you said the coronavirus halting your planned activities gave you a chance to think really deeply about music too. Can you share what you meant by that?

RM: “It has been a difficult year for many. We have also had to face many surprises and changes. That naturally made us think profoundly about music. We can honestly say that we love it, and we are passionate about singing and dancing more than anyone. We realised, however, that no matter how passionate we are, we need our fans there to listen to our songs and watch us perform. It made us eager to comfort and give joy to people through our music and performance more than ever. That is how ‘Dynamite’ came to be. We decided to accept new challenges and be more flexible.”,

You’re performing at the VMAs on August 31, an awards ceremony that has seen many iconic performances over the years from the likes of Madonna, Nirvana, Beyoncé, and Eminem. What does it mean to you for BTS to be getting the chance to join that list?

BTS: “First and foremost, it’s an honour to perform ‘Dynamite’ for the very first time at the VMAs! Although we will be connecting from Seoul, we’re excited at the opportunity to perform alongside many incredible artists. We’d like to credit our ARMYs for their unbelievable support that allowed us to participate in amazing opportunities like this.”

Break The Silence: The Movie is out next month and follows you on your 2019 ‘Love Yourself: Speak Yourself’ world tour. What are your favourite memories or were the most important moments for each of you from that tour?

BTS: “Performing on stage with our fans is definitely the highlight of the tour. But we did enjoy some moments off stage as well and you can see all of those moments in the new movie too.”

June’s Bang Bang Con earned you the Guinness World Record for most-viewed livestream concert. What was the experience of holding your own virtual concert like for you?

BTS: “We never expected such a remarkable accomplishment. It was quite a memorable and valuable experience for us to perform for our ARMYs even in these hard times. The fact that we won’t stop navigating ways to stay connected with our fans means a lot to us.”

You’re currently working on a new album and have shared out different roles – e.g. Jimin as project manager and V in charge of visuals. How has undertaking these roles changed your perspective on the album-making process?

BTS: “This upcoming album really reaches new heights in terms of active participation from the members. We each take our share of responsibility for the team and act with initiative; increasing our responsibility from general participation to taking charge of more significant portions of the creative process allowed us to consider many more aspects of music.”

[the-darklings]

coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective. 

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part. 

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that. 

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing. 

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager. 

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now. 

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash. 

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But. 

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts. 

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed. 

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm. 

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received. 

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy. 

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely. 

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem. 

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself. 

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too. 

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.  

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020. 

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call. 

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind. 

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.  

So I didn’t.  

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest. 

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back. 

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either. 

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that. 

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited. 

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly. 

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you. 

Love,

- Kat.