#ℒ ༺ ☾ ༻ ⋆* headcanon. ✧. ┊ 🇸​​🇺​​🇨​​🇭​ ​🇦​ ​🇷​​🇮​​🇫​​🇹​ ​��​​🇪​​🇹​​🇼​​🇪​​🇪​​🇳​ ​🇹​​🇭​​🇪​​🇲 ◞

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random yearnings I have to write but mostly muse about and drabble about one day when my brain does the thing I enjoy; work:

survey corps pre-series is always a brainrot so that gets to be jotted down here.

I really want Laura to talk about Rickard and Norman but it's so hard with her she won't do it. But I need her to finally talk about it. I want her to confide. Have the strong urge for her to voice how she feels. How the stories of mothers protecting their children during the catastrophe is bittersweet. Let her break, for being a terrible would-be mother. And that it haunts her in a way she wouldn't have once imagined.

I am still brainrotted about muses meeting as children. I don't know how, or why, because Laura is locked away in her room most her days, but I crave. I want childhood and even pre-teen, any age setting before fifteen. Because she is so different.

I waaant misunderstood conflict that gets too personal and out of control and they are saying things that end up getting harsh, because Laura can be so vicious. But you say things that manage to get to her and she is beyond offended, pierced through the stomach, and will overstep. And I love that. I love the aftermath of things like that where everything is tense and everyone around them is uncomfortable by the energy they are bringing.

I do want to re-add and go into modern verses, because honestly, she be giving Caitlyn (arcane) energy in one specific verse.

I blame the Farlan obsession for wanting more underground setting, and my love for high-class prissy fucker to be in that setting because she is a danger to herself by opening her mouth at any instance. More so during her survey corps days, that specific age she is /worse/, but any age, any setting. It fuels me.

AU! setting for Laura who doesn't ever join the military. Not the training corps. Not the survey corps. None. Who never breaks free. She is so, so broken inside, she is the doll her mother wanted, and she is well versed in the game they play. She is fake. Her eyes are sad, but she will smile and say all the right things. Is so empty, that she doesn't care for all the men she attracts, because none can have her. She feels like a phantom. And it's the noble and military gatherings of this setting that also rot my brain. It takes a certain type to see through her mask, because her mother is a natural, and she learnt from the best. Tell Laura her smile is fake and she just smiles wider.

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The Laura balance of being so grown and still so underdeveloped in many ways. After the fall of Maria, she definitely acts more grown up; she starts having the 'I'm the adult you're the child, shut it' mentality with younger soliders. So insufferable behaviour. But honestly, the stages of having a child and the hormones and what followed after / huge change in her personality going forward. But she never grew up being able to feel her emotions, so it's a spiral that she can't truly grasp. It's why she gets so defensive and mean. Her behaviour really flip flops depending on the circumstances, so it's always 50/50 between maturity and being a brat. Even if she knows how she feels about /something/ how she acts might differ. She might be fully understanding inside, but push back and critisize because her heart and mind aren't in sync anymore. Before she tried to settle down, it was a 90/10, because she is a prissy brat without the maturity of proper adulthood.

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Laura doesn't lust and honestly, in her perspective, she doesn't find people attractive. Can't comment on their physical beauty because she doesn't ponder on it. Very demi of her. Unattractive until proven pretty. It takes her awhile, or, in very specific moments where their inner beauty speaks, that she might stand there and think. Oh. They are actually, very beautiful. She may slowly fall for the sound of your heartbeat, and the lightest changes in your eyes when viewing the world, it might be a point of view that challenges hers in a way that inspires her rather than irritates. Then, she will notice physical features she hadn't paid mind to; and it takes her by surprise because, did they always look this way. It's also why she doesn't find herself pretty; she knows she is attractive in looks, that was drilled in her mind since childhood, but she knows she's an ugly person.

So, when she actually does feel attraction, she is a bit of a mess with it. You could stand nose to nose with her before and she'd be ready for a challenge / she may recoil because she's offended, but not flustered. But otherwise, she may be motionless, deer in headlights, before finding an appropriate excuse to storm off, because her face is about to burn up, and she's mad about it.

Even drunk Laura, who doesn't ever drink, and I need to find situations when she WOULD, doesn't really change in that aspect. Unless you've gotten to that stage. Then she is stupid. And touchy. I say that like her version isn't just, hand on your cheek.

Anyway, I love Laura who slowly starts to find everything about you ridiculously attractive after getting to this stage and slowly noticing more and more, being mad about how distracting it is, until she finally just succumbs to it and accepts. Even people who aren't conventionally attractive? That's now the prettiest person in the room, and no one else catches her eyes.

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Reminded myself that Laura's home is still waiting there inside Wall Maria and is still filled with all their belongings. Not a house she used to live in like in Stohess, but a home she was trying to make. Nothing of Laura's from her childhood / everything was new, most things belonging to Rickard, most hand made, things for their child to be ━ she can't even visit his grave, I don't think she can physically force herself near that house when Wall Maria is recovered.

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what are you the patron saint of?

patron saint of houses

but NOT of homes. only the shells of what keeps us enclosed. houses can be decorated or well-built or crumbling or haunted but only a home can truly be warm; you are the patron saint of that LACK.

tagged by @naitfall (smooch!)

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The most accurate image of Laura I can muster up to edit.

edit:

fuck it we trying to edit these icons-

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The Grand Game dictates much of both the nobility's lives. Every social and political move is carefully calculated in order to achieve more power and better standing. There is a degree of permissiveness towards immoral or illegal acts, provided the unspoken rule is followed: don't get caught. Even the law can turn a benevolent if not blind eye. Appearance is everything iand society reflects this through fashion, makeup, art, architecture, food, and the social scene. It is more important to have the appearance of wealth and power than to necessarily be wealthy and powerful. Aristocratic society is vicious and marked by fawning envy to the powerful. Bards often entertain nobles in their courts despite their roles as spies, assassins and saboteurs for their employers who are usually other nobles. Nobles welcome such entertainers with full knowledge that any could be a bard; the thrill of outwitting a spy is a notion the aristocracy can hardly resist.

I love incorporating dragon age's Orlais society and culture into the inner walls. I love the aspect of the grand game. That they wear elaborate masks (though in this setting, it's a metaphorical mask). That high society is just as cutthroat and ruthless in their own way. That they live in such peace and privilege that they get bored, that their game is just as dangerous to people's lives / livelihood. That the Military Police get paid off to turn a blind eye to so many heinous crimes. That they might have extravagant events knowing it's the perfect place for assassination attempts by fellow peers, and that they all secretly marvel in the entertainment. I just think it's way more interesting, and I will make that my ongoing canon.

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Things that make me sad is someone asking Laura to hold their baby for a moment while they do something and god does she freak out, what do you want her to do with it? Ask someone else- this is awkward, she is holding the baby awkwardly, she's trying to play it off but she's so panicked that she looks at the baby in discomfort. But all it takes is a few seconds of actually looking down at them for her to be captivated, with so much heartbreak. That she's holding a baby who stares up at her with curiosity and the most innocent eyes, and it takes the mother a few tries to get her attention. She'd watch them leave and even after they are gone just, stare in that direction. If it's her first time holding a baby, she'd be on the brink of tears, and if you witness that, no you don't, she's already storming away because if she says anything she knows she'll break, little by little.

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Laura's mother loved her voice ; so, she'd sing a lot when instructed to. For gatherings, she'd sing when advised. If she was off-pitch, her mother would grow frustrated and tell her to sort it for next time. So Laura used to sing a lot. It lacked soul, but it was beautiful to those who listened. She never understood that. Perfect, yet heartless. She never smiled, they found it more elegantly presented that she kept it soft, purposed, it was a bitter-sweet tone, and they loved it. Laura kept her love for dancing, mixing the style for combative purposes in her later years, but singing is strictly off the table. She won't bring it up, you won't catch her singing ever, and if you find out and ask her about it, she will look at you in absolute disgust.

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The only people Laura would freeze up over (excluding her mother) is Rickard's family; primarily his sister. Prominent in her five months living inside Wall Maria, Rickard had a close relationship with his family. His father died later in his life, but eldest sister, who had a family of her own, had visited them more than once. Unlike the letters Laura received from her own family, Rickard would always write to his mother and sister. They'd lived closer to Wall Rose then where Laura and Rickard settled, so they'd taken quick refuge when the wall was breached. His sister's husband would be sent to reclaim the land and, ultimately, die along with the rest. They'd reside in Trost District and manage escape unharmed during the breach. His sister despises Laura, not for her brother's death, but for discarding him away and brushing that life under the rug. All documentation, all knowledge, her parent's bribery to anyone who knew anything of that time; Laura can not see her, or his mother, because truthfully she'd have nothing she could say. She never had to worry much because she kept to the inner walls, but traversing through Trost is a stressful occasion.

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Since I write 2/4 of the original Levi Squad I can say with 50% certainty that Petra and Oruo (at least) would absolutely despise Laura's attitude. Petra would hold herself together for like, one hour of meeting her and then she just joins Oruo's bickering. It's the comment she makes about their captain that gets them a bit feral and she just, does not bat an eye ... superior, snobby head tilt, looking down at them with a tut. Oruo from across the other side of the room is losing his mind because everything Laura's eyes wander over to him she immediately just looks in disgust and belittlement and he's ready to throw words- if she was around during that month, if she mentioned anything about Eren and them not doing enough, she's on the receiving end of immediate defence and she just stares ... loser girl has no friends because she can't shut her mouth or bad personality. Her MP status does not help things, and she gets ticked off when they think she isn't capable of fighting outside the wall / her pride is struck. Bless them for never having to deal with her in the Survey Corps timeframe.

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I ENJOY the subtle change of Laura's eyes getting brighter as the timeline progresses. Not exactly happier, but becoming more inline with herself / grounding that there's noticeable slack in her tense demeanour. Defensive but ultimately more huffy then 'I'm going to bring up everything that will strike a nerve in you because you offended my pride'. Everyone suffering and barely coping during and after the war, and she's managing to keep it together without it being an act. She had her time. Can't believe this fucker is thriving ( barely, but in damn comparison to the others ) while everyone else has to slowly come to terms with the end and everything they did to get there, and the emptiness that comes with it. She didn't have much of a future as a kid, she doesn't have the luxury of really settling down again ( did it once, didn't end well - can't have kids of her own anymore either ) and was always suffocated by the lingering elements of her family. The purpose she strived for died awhile ago, perfection / being stronger then anything she's put against. She renounces any motherly aspects, but all she wanted going forward from that was to protect the younger generation. Even if she never put that into words ; she couldn't put it into words. Laura ran for a long time that the idea of ever stopping was unlikely, but she does and it doesn't feel so bad. Rebuilding outside of Paradis is her peaceful era. No she doesn't quite stop her high-strung ways, but there's a start.

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CHARACTER FEARS ( bold any which apply to your muse. italicize what makes them uncomfortable. )

tagged: @naitfall (my heart for you)

tagging: I don't follow many people but everyone who sees it I am tagging you by law

the dark. fire. open water. deep water. being alone. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. intimacy. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. not being good enough (only at her own standards). scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched. sex. chains. inner demons. hallucinations. staring. going berserk. betrayal.

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Understand the Laura fashion.

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Laura had very thin and very straight hair / long, but not much volume. Very much like caitlyn hair in arcane, which I based it closely too, just much longer. She mostly keeps it up in a ponytail, and her hair is all one length so it all goes back. straight ends, no fringe ... she doesn't like it getting in her face.

reference photos.

I'm tempted to change her hair style for season 3 because I want that hair of hers to get cut- and she grows it back again for around the timeskip / season 4 but she wears it different. Do I want to give her three (3) different hair styles during the timeline. maybe so. But this is her default from the start up until the middle of season 3.

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┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . 𝓬𝓸𝓵𝓭-𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓸𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓮 ◞ . ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ⤸ @naitfall In modern au, what kind of profession/job would Laura choose?

Watch me get so hyped about this ask because there are so many options and different ways to go about it that I'd have to separate them into more then one verse-

modern verse (main) - heir of the Alexander enterprise, a large conglomerate involved in various industries, including technology, manufacturing, real estate, automobiles, telecommunications, etc. her father wants her to marry and have a son to inherit the company, but she is more inclined to run it herself. While in her early 20s, and because as a daughter (in her fathers eyes) he doesn't want to give her the responsibility of the company, she is more easily overlooked by him, which she uses that leeway of freedom by abandoning bodyguards, never saying where she is (they have to track her down) and spending a lot of her time traversing the streets. She has a few friends who live in the more dangerous areas (which would be her former comrades in the survey corps in the snk universe). She ice-skates and that for her is a passion.

modern verse (teacher - school / college) - I wondered if she'd be a teacher but honestly Laura would work in Administration, and god do the teachers dislike her, because she will enforce them rules and regulations to a detriment. She acts like she owns the school because of how strict she can be, and how she speaks to the teachers and students. She was engaged (still to Rickard Albrecht) but it ended due to her family influence, so she still goes by the family name Alexander, but she's cut off ties with her family.

modern verse (MP version - patrol inquiry officer) - and the final version is Laura, similar to main, joining the police force to start a career path of her own. She wanted to jump right into being a detective or forensic investigator, but she's still early on in her career and starts off as a patrol officer. She's the insufferable rookie who acts like she is in charge, and even though she follows the rules she often gets too involved and goes beyond her job role.